It took me 7 months of ups and downs to get where I am with my ex gf today. We're closer than we've been in a while and falling in love all over again. Even though she gave me hell when we broke up , she also knew I was very irreplaceable and stayed in touch. It took me falling back and becoming more self respecting and building my career and finances. We've been spending time together and her and her daughters came over for Father's day with a card and gift cards. Learn early from your mistakes. If you don't , you dig a deeper hole for yourself. I've added a playful dash of cockiness and although it irritates her , it's attractive and she knows I mean well. Look good , smell good , and stay in a space of indifference all while being respectful. Good luck to all those hurting. It gets better in time.
@@depressing_reap969 We're back together and although not perfect, we're in a better space and learning more about one another. So it took a rough patch to get me to open my eyes. We're discussing marriage and etc. I appreciate the check in.
My ex has gone through all the phases of a dumpee during no contact. It’s been two months of no contact:never underestimate the power of time during no contact. He used to check on me and I responded respectfully but I never reciprocated . So last week he called again And confessed how good he feels talking to me again and added that he really really messed up . He’s asked to see me but I’m a bit busy with exams. So I’ll see him after the exam . I’m just slow and indifferent with the whole thing , but I never forget to remain beautiful &smell good . Let’s see how it goes . All thanks to you my amiable coach You’re the best 🎉❤
Last time I heard from my ex was last saturday, she wish me a happy fathers day, I just replay thank you, I was dumped a year ago after a 10 years relationship. Im in NC , working on my self. Reading great book, dont know if she Will come back or not, but I know that if she does I will be in a better place. Thanks coach blac
Fathers day was sunday 😂 but same here she reach out and said happy father day even do i dont have a kid with her i been in no contact but she reaches on holidas but wont make effort to reconect i try 2 times ask her to meet but she didnt do it so now is up to her compleately i dont ask no more.
Stay in no contact and show your progress in life and positive changes, try and use social media to showcase your success, not photos of drinking and other women, just my suggestion. Take out one hour a day alone to mourn the absence of love, no cellphone no TV and tell yourself that you were the better half in the relationship, it does not matter how long the no contact takes its about winning self belief and how amazing of a human being you are.
3 weeks no contact. I left my gold name tag chain at his house a while ago, but he never gave it back. He just left me after us fighting. havent heard a thing from him since the beginning of June. he even ignored me when i asked for my chain back it was a gift from my best friend.. I deserve better. The bitterness of him leaving me turned into self-love and respect. I will never devalue myself again for a man. onto better things 🎉
@Wildanimal864. that was 8 months ago. I'm now healing well and she has made no effort to contact me. She is an avoidant so it's probably for the best.
I dont think my ex will come back. She never went back to her exs, so I do not want to have false hope. NC is for me to be able to move on. If she does come back, I do not think I'll take her back because I do not trust her to stay really and I'd rather not get the same pain from the same person.
Chances are she's arrogant. Only humble people realise their folly and humble themselves. She'll wake up when her relationships are failing the same way yours failed.
Her birthday passed 2 weeks ago and I didn't say a single thing to her after 2 months of no contact. My birthday was yesterday and sure enough she reached out with a picture of us and a long message saying happy bday wishing the best. My reaction? Is no reaction. Not responding at all. Work on yourself fellas and you will conquer the world. They will regret leaving u just hold strong and better yourself as much as u can.
Been about 60 days no contact, hard to tell if she’s really missing what we had. Guess that’s the hard part about all of this is the uncertainty. Appreciate this video tho as it does provide some hope
@@danilaroche1156 lol no we didn’t date super long. About 6 months. Not sure why exactly but I’ve done lots to improve myself. Besides after 60 days they don’t come back. Been like 130+ and nothing so 🤷🏾♂️
All of this is so on point. I have done the work and he sees me in a new light and happy and successful. I am pacing him so he understands where I am coming from. He has never seen me in my own power and now more attracted to me. Ty so much!
It's been 4 months of no contact. Finally on Saturday morning he sent me a message on messenger about my grandson. I thanked him but haven't heard from him since.
Hey mahn. In this video you just summarized what i went through for the past months.. I wish I'd seen your videos months back when my relationship fell apart, i wouldn't have done the begging i went through for months. I learned to let go, i learned to take a closer look at myself and picked up from where i found myself and learn to live life, it took alot from me but I'm glad i was able to pickup myself. Today she is the one looking to fix things with me. At this point, i don't know if to give a chance or continue with my peace of mind.
I hear you. It’s longest breakup in my history too, 7 months, & I too went through a ‘begging’ stage, and although my mind cringes a little, I honour that stage, cause I had a strong conditioning to an image of self, that wouldn’t been seen as a chaser, desperate or weak, so it feels like I had to meet those conditions within myself, to dissolve self judgement & free myself from the limitations of conditional love. The inner work I’ve done during this separation is a blessing. Those moments I reached out, and felt the ‘girl yearning to be seen & loved by another’, I called ‘her’ back into my heart & energy back to source of love in my heart, to know that we are, at our core, this love that the mind wants ‘out there’. I needed to move through heart of every experience I held a condition on myself & by moving through the excruciating pain, I learnt how to be compassionately understanding of myself, journey of living all of myself, even the shadows esp while walking the shadow of love. That journey allowed me to dissolve the ‘attachment’ to love, that once entering relationship with another for love. Now I am more aware through direct experience that I am love, & can reach out with heart of pure love, to celebrate, & express love together rather than relying on ‘other’ to generate that love. I first needed to experience despair, hopelessness, bleakness & not feel I had control to escape these feelings but turn towards the parts of self I once rejected or abandoned. His rejection was a mirror of all I rejected within myself. ❤ I wish for you & all of us, enduring deepest pain, to know our loving being, is inclusive of all the feelings that come & go & don’t have to fix or get rid of anything ☺️
My ex end of married his rebound he was talking to her before me . We were in a relationship for 2 years, and we broke up. I was in no contact for 4 months . He tried to reach out to me . But God knows best everything happens for a reason.. I did congratulate him and his wife on social media... 👏👏 I'm working on myself and deserve better..
What happens when you don’t mess up and you’re ex decides to pursue someone else but wants you to be a backup plan… and you’re not willing??? But doesn’t want you to move forward with your life
Don't be their backup... Ever... Because even if they came back to you they will leave you on the spot when they will find a better person then you.. So better be priority or nothing at all...
I told my now recent ex goodbye and thank you for her reply on happy new years. 5 hours later she’s trying to tell me when wants to go to the gym and ask if I’m ready for my classes 😕I told her goodbye, I really want to move not and not be hurt anymore
Extremely greatful to you Coach Blac. After the break up of my 13 year old relationship with a son, I was destroyed. Your videos have brought me much inner peace. But I am still unclear on the difference between, "breadcrumbing" and genuine interest.
12 months and he still didn't contact me. Rebounds are very common so I am accepting he is not coming back. It's hard but I have no choice and starting to think this ex coming back or reaching out is BS.
I was discarded 2 yrs ago. I have been working on me. I was stupid and tried to chase. But finally went nocontact properly in Jan so been 6 mos now. I'd be very surprised if he reached out because I don't think he's done any reflecting on himself or what he lost.
Coach!..my ex messaged me yesterday after 10 weeks of no contact with the most random message,I'm normally great with replying but she's stumped me with this one. I don't even want her back but I'm so curious as to why she's randomly messaged😅 No Contact works for sure,even with the most stubborn avoidance! Keep up the great work bro!
@Loanwolf2018 I replied to her,basically dismissing her dream she had about me as just a dream and she said sorry for bothering me lol I didn't reply after that. Then tonight I get a missed call from her at 10pm.. was expecting a message afterwards but nothing. Who knows what she's thinking and feeling,but the no contact has definitley had some sort of effect I just don't know in what way yet
@jerescot a few weeks,I did the whole begging for her back,then after watching coach's videos and realising I'm worth more than that I decided to just go for no contact,and it was the best thing I could have done!
@ashley5420 at least she reached out, comfort in knowing that she was thinking about you and misses you. My ex of 10 months ghosted me, I sent 2 or 2 messages spread over a month since her last message to me. I gave up and went into to NC, been a month now and still nothing from her. Bare in mind we last physically saw each other beginning of May..I've started dating again now and accepted she won't ever reach out again.
Broke up 4months ago, I was constantly chasing for like 2 weeks. We made up then she broke it right back off. I went nc for a month 3x. I reached out never got a reply. I’m tired of not getting a response. I’m still hurt from the break up. I still love her and she’s always in my mind.
Does this work even when u have recently started dating someone..like couple of weeks...everything is genuinely going great.. like met them 2 3 times and suddenly they stop talking and ur freaking clueless ? And believe me when I say that whatever we shared felt so pure.. so real and God sent.
Does anyone has experiences with exes who have commitment issues and broke it off because they "couldn't give you what you deserve"? and don't have as strong of feelings as you (anymore)? I'm applying NC right now because I know that I was very needy and that he needs his time alone...I hope that NC either helps me heal or makes him realise his true feelings or get his feelings back (bc he does already know what he lost and that I'm a great gf etc.)
Like I'm afraid he will realize all of this but still won't get back with me because he thinks I'm better off without him and that he's doing it for me
@@Babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy He IS and he has attachment issues....but it's still so so so hard to let go especially since I know how he can be and how it used to be between us.
Ohh yes... me, I asked her to treat me better and respect me and she gaved me the silent treatment for a day and last saturday I texted "hey common we better work this, lets have a talk..." and after 6 hrs she replyed "I've been thinking and this isn't working..." then dropped the "you deserve better" phrase and I knew in that moment the thing was over, still applying NC just to see what happen next, going ghost from social media, I'm taking all this as a vacation to care the most valuable person, me, started running again, lifting, going to the cafe, I've had bought some tickets to see the WW a month ago because she loves it and I'm still going but with someone who cares for me, heck she even called me 3 days after she dump me to ask for money, and I'm like "maybe I did dodge a cannonball", I'm taking the 60 DAYS NC challenge to improve my life and get some one who treats me like I deserve.
I know he misses me.. but now he don’t want to be in a committed relationship.. the NC definitely works.. however.. now he don’t want to commit but claim he’s still in love but need to work on himself
I have some urges to reach out talk things out. But I begged and pleaded for 9 months. Now it’s time to stay strong. Divorce is almost done. With a 2 y.o. daughter, we bought a house everything. None of it mattered anymore because I was checking her phone and acted jaleous, acted suspicious. I didn’t even want that, I went to therapy because of my anxious behavior, none of it worked. So now it’s time to move forward and stay in no contact. I did everything right apart from my defaults. Supported her in every way. Financially, emotionally, physically. Stay strong!
The anxious attachment style is my downfall too. It's like you are always scared of being abandoned by your partner, and the feeling of uncertainty for no apparent reason. You then start going through their phones, location on timeline just to see what they are up to. It doesn't matter how much reassurance they give you, you still have that feeling something is not right, and this is caused by the anxiety. I'm working on myself now, and hoping that he will come back, and hopefully things will be different. It just hurts so much knowing you have no control over the anxiety! How are you now? Are you guys back together?
@@furahayamoyo9193 thanks for your message. We haven’t. We are in normal contact about our daughter. She wishes me a good night and stuff like that. So communication is better. But we are still seperate. And I have to move on and focus on my own life.
This a Break-up?OR break THROUGH! The best is yet to come - I truly believe that. NoContact works. I like the analogy of when we experience the pain of putting our hand on the stove, we quickly remove it. We Gift our body with the time it takes to heal . If we keep touching the flame or element on the stove, we keep re-injuring it and experience more and more pain and it never heals. 🥹🙏 removing hand from thing causing pain is STAY *no contact*.
My partner of 7years ended our relationship without discussing the issues he had me. He checked out of our relationship two years ago without me knowing. I told him i can't be his friend and please to not contact me unless it has to do with sorting out an asset we have together. I just started my no contact, it's very hard and painful.
@@furahayamoyo9193 at the moment it doesn't feel that way. It's hard, extremely. People keep telling me it will get better but honestly I don't know. 7years was a long time. The pain is deep because I never expected him to give up on our relationship without us working on US TOGETHER, after 7 years.
I literally crying while watching this video thinking about my bf...i really don't know why this caste system is more important than the happiness of the child .he took stand for me from last two year and fighting with there family but we both from different caste his family is not agree...they really dont know that on daily early morning i cried alot
If he marries his so called rebound, she is not a rebound....he didnt see a future with you and he weighed the pros and cons....accept it and find someone for you
My ex was in a whole relationship with a guy in the same community i didnt knw when i asked she lied even when i had proof. Funny thing she still needs .e cause the grass not greener over there been in no contact saw her calling 2 times yesterday and i have not answered
Hey, My ex ended the relationship on Easter this year and after that I did a no contact but she reached out , I talked to her, then after that was silent again , she did call after two weeks and we had a lengthy talk and then I went silent and then after 2 weeks again she reached out and asked me to pray for her mom she was really sick and then I fell for it and I kept on calling after that to check on how her mom was doing ,little did I know I was setting my self up , I fell for it only for her after alking two weeks to start the same behaviour she had before we let and even being rude, I blocked her calls and went to seek help from My pastor who insisted its wrong to block her that I should be able to reach out and ask if she is okay with the pastor meeting her and when I reached out she was super rude, I know I messed up a perfect no contact and a perfect break up , left messed up now I start all over again and trying to go beyond this relationship. is there a way to fix this. Nick from Kenya
What if cheated on me with his ex girlfriend with whom he was for 5years? I was with him for 2.5years but we lived together..and they never did. Wpuld he still come back, possibly?
Mr Blac I have done the no contact since May 9th still nothing but that's ok I am a better person and a more classy women I have my health bought a house and a car I feel like am in the right direction to succeed! Thus is rhe reason he walk away if he doesn't understand me ! Oh well his lost my gain Saleena
Coach, I've been in NC for 3 months and she's been blocked on social media. The reason I blocked her was because she kept blocking and unblocking me so it was fucking with my head. If I want her to contact me back, should I unblock her? I'm pretty sure she knows her number isn't blocked.
I think many coaches have this altitude: if you want them to reach out and get back together - mute them, don't block them. If you dont wanna see them posting, mute their accounts but once you block them, they can't reach out even if they want to
What if your the dumper and wanted to get her back. I dumped her and then had a change of mind as i reacred out of anger and changes in life but she dosnt want me back for now. What shall I do?
@Coachblac I could use your response to this. How will going no contact help me? If my person is a strong avoidant. Love him very much. Just fearful he will not return. Being that avoidants withdraw in the worst way. Literally sabotaging and detaching from people. Would no contact be beneficial? With my situation.
@@blacademic I reach out here and there.He does respond back. Not as much as I like. But it’s some progress.I notice he is slightly.Coming out of isolation. So I am taking baby steps. Or should I result back into no contact?
If she dumped me then got with a guy who has the same name… she claimed to not like children or at least have any of her own. The new guy is going thru a divorce with two daughters. Am I going crazy or is something off here? Lol
What if I told him not to ever reach out to me again after he cut things off with me? I know it was an emotional decision on his part, I’ve been through the no contact phase once with him already, he came back. But decided to end things again. I told him don’t ever try reach out again because at this point it just feel like he’s not emotionally mature enough. I know he regrets his decision but I still deep down wish things were different !
No contact for at least two months. Went to my friends gender reveal for the baby and she was there because her cousin dates my friend. There was no eye contact and no contact at all. She got another man. But she left really quick after a lot of females gathered around my table , could she be jealous? Mind you she left way before the reveal happened.
Coach I’ve been doing a great job of NC. However, my ex of 7 years married together is coming soon and I am having a hard time of knowing if I should break NC and wish her a happy birthday. Your thoughts?
Does NC work when it is not 100% clear who is the dumper? I initiated the breakup but he was the one who said that there is no hope, while I said that I was hoping a different answer
Really i wan to thank you for the good work. I have been in no contact for two week, and since them she has been call and text me but am totally silent. What should i do next.
What if she and her friends didn’t block me but unfollowed and unadded me on social media after we ended the relationship on good terms and she even said I deserve the world. This is in a long distance relationship where the last time we saw each other face to face we said we love each other for the first time. I also said that if we can’t get through this then we can never be together. But now I regret saying that because what if she never reaches out because I said that?
U do nothing you improve your self my dear. Lets be honest do no contact and at the same time belive that you dont need this man in your life and focus on something you wanted to do gym maybe new hobbies thats how you start to reatract them even if he dosent see any social media hes going to realise your not chasing and it hurt their ego and they get curious just make him work for it from here on dont act exited or nothing if he start to reach out. Be short with your answers and dont give them anything about your self let them get curious or you can just go out with me 😉 god bless you good luck some times is best to be with some one who really have intrest in you remember that.
@@giparamore am in the same spot i have 0 social media and she cant contact my friends and she was obligated to contact me acouple times because there no other way to see what am doing. So yeah they do get curious but she is not trying to fix things so am just short with my answers dont worrie dear focus on your career and what you need at this time work on inproving. Check what is your attachment style and see what can you do to get better and try to find wish attachment style he got so if he comes back you will know how to handle things. 👍
@@giparamore oh shit she just reach out this time we are going out 😂 like 3 month of this shit radio silent i have no hope but fuck it let see what happens. She sound drepress as f do.
I feel like I wanna beat up my ex sometimes, but yet I also feel sorry for him and don't truly want to hurt him?! Oh boy what cognitive dissonance lol.
Oh and yeah I think my very last current ex hates me. He's blocked several of my accounts I made when I insulted him on social media indirectly lol. So what like I really care anymore. If he didn't care then why should I?! I mean I am not as cruel as him but he forced me!
I don't feel like i fall in the usual breakup scenario. Mostly because i am 69 yrs old, was in "relationship" for 7 years, tho we never posted it thst way on social media. Out of the blue he broke up with me, started seeing a wonan he knew as a kid, and immediately posted they were in a relationship. I am in such an awful state. Didnt kniw about no contact so probably messed that up and it is really hard as we are neighbors, he has cattle on my property & comes to feed nearly everyday. So i try to Hide when i know he will be here. But sonetimes get ' caught ' because he comes at an unexpected time. We never fought, shared families and events...the only thing that was not good was sex had waned. And i tried to talk to him about that , to which he said his drive has dropped too. Then when ge broke up ge said there was no romance! I was so angry i really didnt say anything then. And of course i regret that. Very early on he left twice and came back begging but i am so afraid ge won't this tine and i feel like i deserve a second chance. I gave him that. Help!
I've watched other coaches say you do "smart contact" then... meaning you only contact when you have to regarding the kids or bills etc, but nothing more. Be polite, but that's it. Don't say anything about getting back together, wait for them to initiate that sort of contact. Any unessential contact from them like asking about your life is a good sign. But you don't initiate that sort of unessential contact.
I wound up in a 3 way relationship. I decided to end the relationship she went to the other guy. They are arguing. Is there any chance she will come back
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It took me 7 months of ups and downs to get where I am with my ex gf today. We're closer than we've been in a while and falling in love all over again. Even though she gave me hell when we broke up , she also knew I was very irreplaceable and stayed in touch. It took me falling back and becoming more self respecting and building my career and finances. We've been spending time together and her and her daughters came over for Father's day with a card and gift cards. Learn early from your mistakes. If you don't , you dig a deeper hole for yourself. I've added a playful dash of cockiness and although it irritates her , it's attractive and she knows I mean well. Look good , smell good , and stay in a space of indifference all while being respectful. Good luck to all those hurting. It gets better in time.
happy for you
Man this message gives me hope to getting there! Happy for you my guy, hopefully I’ll be following suit
Update please?
@@depressing_reap969 We're back together and although not perfect, we're in a better space and learning more about one another. So it took a rough patch to get me to open my eyes. We're discussing marriage and etc. I appreciate the check in.
Did she get with anyone else during the break up.
My ex has gone through all the phases of a dumpee during no contact. It’s been two months of no contact:never underestimate the power of time during no contact. He used to check on me and I responded respectfully but I never reciprocated . So last week he called again And confessed how good he feels talking to me again and added that he really really messed up . He’s asked to see me but I’m a bit busy with exams. So I’ll see him after the exam . I’m just slow and indifferent with the whole thing , but I never forget to remain beautiful &smell good . Let’s see how it goes . All thanks to you my amiable coach You’re the best 🎉❤
What if you want to keep no contact but you’re close to his mum will you still call her
👑👏
Last time I heard from my ex was last saturday, she wish me a happy fathers day, I just replay thank you, I was dumped a year ago after a 10 years relationship. Im in NC , working on my self. Reading great book, dont know if she Will come back or not, but I know that if she does I will be in a better place. Thanks coach blac
If she's contacting you assume she wants to see you and make a date.
Did she want to get married?
Fathers day was sunday 😂 but same here she reach out and said happy father day even do i dont have a kid with her i been in no contact but she reaches on holidas but wont make effort to reconect i try 2 times ask her to meet but she didnt do it so now is up to her compleately i dont ask no more.
Stay in no contact and show your progress in life and positive changes, try and use social media to showcase your success, not photos of drinking and other women, just my suggestion. Take out one hour a day alone to mourn the absence of love, no cellphone no TV and tell yourself that you were the better half in the relationship, it does not matter how long the no contact takes its about winning self belief and how amazing of a human being you are.
@@cateyes2103 yes she did
U R NOT THE KIND OF PERSON THAT MATCHES THE NEW PERSON I AM, BEST STATEMENT EVER. U r fantastic, u are truly good at what u do on this channel👍
So now I have to walk away.. I know my worth.. like I told him I’m not for him seeing others.. I deserve so much more
3 weeks no contact. I left my gold name tag chain at his house a while ago, but he never gave it back. He just left me after us fighting. havent heard a thing from him since the beginning of June. he even ignored me when i asked for my chain back it was a gift from my best friend.. I deserve better. The bitterness of him leaving me turned into self-love and respect. I will never devalue myself again for a man. onto better things 🎉
I just don't know how people do months of this and are still in hope. I'm sad for these people and I'm also terrified it will be me.
@Wildanimal864. that was 8 months ago. I'm now healing well and she has made no effort to contact me. She is an avoidant so it's probably for the best.
Grass is always greener on the other side and thats because there is sh*t fertilizing it! They will be back....but do you want them?
What makes you very sure , sir!
I dont think my ex will come back. She never went back to her exs, so I do not want to have false hope. NC is for me to be able to move on. If she does come back, I do not think I'll take her back because I do not trust her to stay really and I'd rather not get the same pain from the same person.
Chances are she's arrogant. Only humble people realise their folly and humble themselves.
She'll wake up when her relationships are failing the same way yours failed.
Her birthday passed 2 weeks ago and I didn't say a single thing to her after 2 months of no contact. My birthday was yesterday and sure enough she reached out with a picture of us and a long message saying happy bday wishing the best. My reaction? Is no reaction. Not responding at all. Work on yourself fellas and you will conquer the world. They will regret leaving u just hold strong and better yourself as much as u can.
Dude.. that’s not how you should react if you want her back.
If she reaches out, fucking return it! Wtf!!
@@kiddytube3915 don't want her back 😉
@arthurbecerra9726 you are so heartless
Been about 60 days no contact, hard to tell if she’s really missing what we had. Guess that’s the hard part about all of this is the uncertainty. Appreciate this video tho as it does provide some hope
@@danilaroche1156 lol no we didn’t date super long. About 6 months. Not sure why exactly but I’ve done lots to improve myself. Besides after 60 days they don’t come back. Been like 130+ and nothing so 🤷🏾♂️
All of this is so on point. I have done the work and he sees me in a new light and happy and successful. I am pacing him so he understands where I am coming from. He has never seen me in my own power and now more attracted to me. Ty so much!
It's been 4 months of no contact. Finally on Saturday morning he sent me a message on messenger about my grandson. I thanked him but haven't heard from him since.
Hey mahn. In this video you just summarized what i went through for the past months.. I wish I'd seen your videos months back when my relationship fell apart, i wouldn't have done the begging i went through for months. I learned to let go, i learned to take a closer look at myself and picked up from where i found myself and learn to live life, it took alot from me but I'm glad i was able to pickup myself. Today she is the one looking to fix things with me. At this point, i don't know if to give a chance or continue with my peace of mind.
I hear you. It’s longest breakup in my history too, 7 months, & I too went through a ‘begging’ stage, and although my mind cringes a little, I honour that stage, cause I had a strong conditioning to an image of self, that wouldn’t been seen as a chaser, desperate or weak, so it feels like I had to meet those conditions within myself, to dissolve self judgement & free myself from the limitations of conditional love. The inner work I’ve done during this separation is a blessing. Those moments I reached out, and felt the ‘girl yearning to be seen & loved by another’, I called ‘her’ back into my heart & energy back to source of love in my heart, to know that we are, at our core, this love that the mind wants ‘out there’. I needed to move through heart of every experience I held a condition on myself & by moving through the excruciating pain, I learnt how to be compassionately understanding of myself, journey of living all of myself, even the shadows esp while walking the shadow of love. That journey allowed me to dissolve the ‘attachment’ to love, that once entering relationship with another for love. Now I am more aware through direct experience that I am love, & can reach out with heart of pure love, to celebrate, & express love together rather than relying on ‘other’ to generate that love. I first needed to experience despair, hopelessness, bleakness & not feel I had control to escape these feelings but turn towards the parts of self I once rejected or abandoned. His rejection was a mirror of all I rejected within myself. ❤ I wish for you & all of us, enduring deepest pain, to know our loving being, is inclusive of all the feelings that come & go & don’t have to fix or get rid of anything ☺️
My ex end of married his rebound he was talking to her before me . We were in a relationship for 2 years, and we broke up. I was in no contact for 4 months . He tried to reach out to me . But God knows best everything happens for a reason.. I did congratulate him and his wife on social media... 👏👏 I'm working on myself and deserve better..
11 mins of piece and learning thank you coach! You help out so much even though my ex hasn’t came back yet!
Because I'm legit a good person with some flaws. But I'm working on it! I'm not perfect and I know it but my intentions are always good.
Same here!! 100%
Your videos have been immensely helpful Coach. Either way, we’re broken up. At least your way I keep my self dignity.
What happens when you don’t mess up and you’re ex decides to pursue someone else but wants you to be a backup plan… and you’re not willing??? But doesn’t want you to move forward with your life
Don't be their backup... Ever... Because even if they came back to you they will leave you on the spot when they will find a better person then you.. So better be priority or nothing at all...
Resonating more with each passing day
I want her to feel the pain I feel
Realest shit ever
that's a really good analogy with the car
Hoy! Move on!!!! Move on!!! Don’t chase me anymore!!! Move on!!!
I told my now recent ex goodbye and thank you for her reply on happy new years. 5 hours later she’s trying to tell me when wants to go to the gym and ask if I’m ready for my classes 😕I told her goodbye, I really want to move not and not be hurt anymore
Extremely greatful to you Coach Blac. After the break up of my 13 year old relationship with a son, I was destroyed. Your videos have brought me much inner peace. But I am still unclear on the difference between, "breadcrumbing" and genuine interest.
Genuine interest has escalation, bread crumbing is little affection here and there
12 months and he still didn't contact me. Rebounds are very common so I am accepting he is not coming back. It's hard but I have no choice and starting to think this ex coming back or reaching out is BS.
How long were you together for?
I was discarded 2 yrs ago. I have been working on me. I was stupid and tried to chase. But finally went nocontact properly in Jan so been 6 mos now. I'd be very surprised if he reached out because I don't think he's done any reflecting on himself or what he lost.
You had to know we needed some perspective this Monday morning Coach !!!!!
Hi mate, just a quick update to let you know this amazing thing. My exe came back to me, after 45 years. How amazing is that? ? ?
Beware! STD might be on the cards. Think 10000 times before accepting him/her ! Nothing is amazing about this.
45
I am not waiting that long!
Wait what? 😭😅😅
Coach!..my ex messaged me yesterday after 10 weeks of no contact with the most random message,I'm normally great with replying but she's stumped me with this one. I don't even want her back but I'm so curious as to why she's randomly messaged😅
No Contact works for sure,even with the most stubborn avoidance!
Keep up the great work bro!
Any updates bro ?
@Loanwolf2018 I replied to her,basically dismissing her dream she had about me as just a dream and she said sorry for bothering me lol
I didn't reply after that.
Then tonight I get a missed call from her at 10pm.. was expecting a message afterwards but nothing. Who knows what she's thinking and feeling,but the no contact has definitley had some sort of effect I just don't know in what way yet
How long after the break up did you start NC?
@jerescot a few weeks,I did the whole begging for her back,then after watching coach's videos and realising I'm worth more than that I decided to just go for no contact,and it was the best thing I could have done!
@ashley5420 at least she reached out, comfort in knowing that she was thinking about you and misses you.
My ex of 10 months ghosted me, I sent 2 or 2 messages spread over a month since her last message to me. I gave up and went into to NC, been a month now and still nothing from her. Bare in mind we last physically saw each other beginning of May..I've started dating again now and accepted she won't ever reach out again.
What if I was the one that broke it up & she starting dating someone else within a short period of time? Im debating on do I even want her back ..
Someone needs to tell Tyrese about No Contact, especially when it comes to social media.
Broke up 4months ago, I was constantly chasing for like 2 weeks. We made up then she broke it right back off. I went nc for a month 3x. I reached out never got a reply. I’m tired of not getting a response. I’m still hurt from the break up. I still love her and she’s always in my mind.
Time heals
Does this work even when u have recently started dating someone..like couple of weeks...everything is genuinely going great.. like met them 2 3 times and suddenly they stop talking and ur freaking clueless ? And believe me when I say that whatever we shared felt so pure.. so real and God sent.
How do you do no contact with kid and he comes back to the house every other week to stay with kiddos. He has a girlfriend after 24 years of marriage.
Does anyone has experiences with exes who have commitment issues and broke it off because they "couldn't give you what you deserve"? and don't have as strong of feelings as you (anymore)? I'm applying NC right now because I know that I was very needy and that he needs his time alone...I hope that NC either helps me heal or makes him realise his true feelings or get his feelings back (bc he does already know what he lost and that I'm a great gf etc.)
Like I'm afraid he will realize all of this but still won't get back with me because he thinks I'm better off without him and that he's doing it for me
Sounds like dismissive Avoidant attachment… girl RUN. So painful
@@Babyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy He IS and he has attachment issues....but it's still so so so hard to let go especially since I know how he can be and how it used to be between us.
Ohh yes... me, I asked her to treat me better and respect me and she gaved me the silent treatment for a day and last saturday I texted "hey common we better work this, lets have a talk..." and after 6 hrs she replyed "I've been thinking and this isn't working..." then dropped the "you deserve better" phrase and I knew in that moment the thing was over, still applying NC just to see what happen next, going ghost from social media, I'm taking all this as a vacation to care the most valuable person, me, started running again, lifting, going to the cafe, I've had bought some tickets to see the WW a month ago because she loves it and I'm still going but with someone who cares for me, heck she even called me 3 days after she dump me to ask for money, and I'm like "maybe I did dodge a cannonball", I'm taking the 60 DAYS NC challenge to improve my life and get some one who treats me like I deserve.
@faustofimbres3912 how has the NC gone?
BU a year and half ago. Got pregnant when he was my ex. 8 months pregnant. I have been blocked for 2 months on every platform including number 😢
You are to pretty to be putting up with that!!!
Coach Blac! Stay up brotha! Thanks for the advice💯💯
Thanks my friend 🤞🏿
Please listen.....this is real....no contact builds your character...5🎤
I know he misses me.. but now he don’t want to be in a committed relationship.. the NC definitely works.. however.. now he don’t want to commit but claim he’s still in love but need to work on himself
Let him work on himself from a distance
Thank you I feel better 😌 ✌️
Coach when is the next live stream, i dont have to money for a 1on 1 yet and i need help.
Tonight at 930 pm CST. Join early so you can ask your questions in the beginning
I have some urges to reach out talk things out. But I begged and pleaded for 9 months. Now it’s time to stay strong. Divorce is almost done. With a 2 y.o. daughter, we bought a house everything. None of it mattered anymore because I was checking her phone and acted jaleous, acted suspicious. I didn’t even want that, I went to therapy because of my anxious behavior, none of it worked. So now it’s time to move forward and stay in no contact. I did everything right apart from my defaults. Supported her in every way. Financially, emotionally, physically. Stay strong!
I feel for you you are not alone we are with you
The anxious attachment style is my downfall too. It's like you are always scared of being abandoned by your partner, and the feeling of uncertainty for no apparent reason. You then start going through their phones, location on timeline just to see what they are up to. It doesn't matter how much reassurance they give you, you still have that feeling something is not right, and this is caused by the anxiety. I'm working on myself now, and hoping that he will come back, and hopefully things will be different.
It just hurts so much knowing you have no control over the anxiety! How are you now? Are you guys back together?
@@furahayamoyo9193 thanks for your message. We haven’t. We are in normal contact about our daughter. She wishes me a good night and stuff like that. So communication is better. But we are still seperate. And I have to move on and focus on my own life.
This a Break-up?OR break THROUGH!
The best is yet to come - I truly believe that. NoContact works. I like the analogy of when we experience the pain of putting our hand on the stove, we quickly remove it. We Gift our body with the time it takes to heal .
If we keep touching the flame or element on the stove, we keep re-injuring it and experience more and more pain and it never heals. 🥹🙏 removing hand from thing causing pain is STAY *no contact*.
My partner of 7years ended our relationship without discussing the issues he had me. He checked out of our relationship two years ago without me knowing. I told him i can't be his friend and please to not contact me unless it has to do with sorting out an asset we have together. I just started my no contact, it's very hard and painful.
Hang in there!!
Sorry to hear that. How's it going? Does it get better?
@@furahayamoyo9193 at the moment it doesn't feel that way. It's hard, extremely. People keep telling me it will get better but honestly I don't know. 7years was a long time. The pain is deep because I never expected him to give up on our relationship without us working on US TOGETHER, after 7 years.
And how much 6months now and nothing am going out trying to sort my life out and still feel the pain everyday doesn't get any easier
Same here! It’s been 6months.. 😢
I literally crying while watching this video thinking about my bf...i really don't know why this caste system is more important than the happiness of the child .he took stand for me from last two year and fighting with there family but we both from different caste his family is not agree...they really dont know that on daily early morning i cried alot
Thanks your videos are really soothing!
Coach, I'm 3 weeks into NC and her birthday is this week. Should I send the happy birthday text? Or just remain in NC?
If he marries his so called rebound, she is not a rebound....he didnt see a future with you and he weighed the pros and cons....accept it and find someone for you
You are the best Coach Blac!
My ex was in a whole relationship with a guy in the same community i didnt knw when i asked she lied even when i had proof. Funny thing she still needs .e cause the grass not greener over there been in no contact saw her calling 2 times yesterday and i have not answered
So what happens if you do not have social media and was in a LDR? My ex can only know about my growth or changes if he reaches out
Great video! Inspires me to continue to work on myself!! P.S. he's contacted me 3 times 😊 I'm just choosing to be happy & live life!
Wow awesome speech
Hey, My ex ended the relationship on Easter this year and after that I did a no contact but she reached out , I talked to her, then after that was silent again , she did call after two weeks and we had a lengthy talk and then I went silent and then after 2 weeks again she reached out and asked me to pray for her mom she was really sick and then I fell for it and I kept on calling after that to check on how her mom was doing ,little did I know I was setting my self up , I fell for it only for her after alking two weeks to start the same behaviour she had before we let and even being rude, I blocked her calls and went to seek help from My pastor who insisted its wrong to block her that I should be able to reach out and ask if she is okay with the pastor meeting her and when I reached out she was super rude, I know I messed up a perfect no contact and a perfect break up , left messed up now I start all over again and trying to go beyond this relationship. is there a way to fix this. Nick from Kenya
Did it work out?
What if cheated on me with his ex girlfriend with whom he was for 5years? I was with him for 2.5years but we lived together..and they never did. Wpuld he still come back, possibly?
CB ! 🎉 realignment as always ! 🙏🏽
💯
Mr Blac I have done the no contact since May 9th still nothing but that's ok I am a better person and a more classy women I have my health bought a house and a car I feel like am in the right direction to succeed!
Thus is rhe reason he walk away if he doesn't understand me ! Oh well his lost my gain Saleena
Why should I take her back? I still love her but after leaving me ,I'm not taking her cos I do not know where she has been .
Did it work out?
Coach why do some ex will spy after the breakup?
Coach, I've been in NC for 3 months and she's been blocked on social media. The reason I blocked her was because she kept blocking and unblocking me so it was fucking with my head. If I want her to contact me back, should I unblock her? I'm pretty sure she knows her number isn't blocked.
I think many coaches have this altitude: if you want them to reach out and get back together - mute them, don't block them. If you dont wanna see them posting, mute their accounts but once you block them, they can't reach out even if they want to
You played a game that you are not good at
@@leratoseretsi5603 you need to learn to read, what games did I play? I had to block because she was messing with my head.
What if your the dumper and wanted to get her back. I dumped her and then had a change of mind as i reacred out of anger and changes in life but she dosnt want me back for now. What shall I do?
You messed up
Can we pls get videos on no contact as the dumper ? My ex did not leave me I left him
Why did you leave?
@love7loyalty-MHA you don't communicate your needs by dumping someone when you still love them😂
@Coachblac I could use your response to this. How will going no contact help me? If my person is a strong avoidant. Love him very much. Just fearful he will not return. Being that avoidants withdraw in the worst way. Literally sabotaging and detaching from people. Would no contact be beneficial? With my situation.
As opposed to contacting them when they are pushing you away?
@@blacademic I reach out here and there.He does respond back. Not as much as I like. But it’s some progress.I notice he is slightly.Coming out of isolation. So I am taking baby steps. Or should I result back into no contact?
@lovelycnoneya8885 what ended up happening?
@@chrisarmstrong3727 There has been some improvement. Tons of patience and baby steps.
This is very powerful!
If she dumped me then got with a guy who has the same name… she claimed to not like children or at least have any of her own. The new guy is going thru a divorce with two daughters. Am I going crazy or is something off here? Lol
THANK YOU!
Coach Blac, how can I talk to you personally?
Check the pinned comment or the first link in description
I hear everything you are saying, but will it work if your ex uses liquor and weed to block problems or feelings ????
That is crazy that’s what my ex girl is doing now . I’m Still trying to do no contact but it’s not easy .
What if I told him not to ever reach out to me again after he cut things off with me? I know it was an emotional decision on his part, I’ve been through the no contact phase once with him already, he came back. But decided to end things again. I told him don’t ever try reach out again because at this point it just feel like he’s not emotionally mature enough. I know he regrets his decision but I still deep down wish things were different !
No contact for at least two months.
Went to my friends gender reveal for the baby and she was there because her cousin dates my friend.
There was no eye contact and no contact at all. She got another man. But she left really quick after a lot of females gathered around my table , could she be jealous? Mind you she left way before the reveal happened.
It doesn't matter, move on
Coach I’ve been doing a great job of NC. However, my ex of 7 years married together is coming soon and I am having a hard time of knowing if I should break NC and wish her a happy birthday. Your thoughts?
Does NC work when it is not 100% clear who is the dumper? I initiated the breakup but he was the one who said that there is no hope, while I said that I was hoping a different answer
Same
Really i wan to thank you for the good work.
I have been in no contact for two week, and since them she has been call and text me but am totally silent.
What should i do next.
Thank you
My ex texted and apologized, I texted I forgive you and haven’t heard from him since ,what do I do now!
He is not serious yet
hope this will work for me 🙏
What if she and her friends didn’t block me but unfollowed and unadded me on social media after we ended the relationship on good terms and she even said I deserve the world. This is in a long distance relationship where the last time we saw each other face to face we said we love each other for the first time. I also said that if we can’t get through this then we can never be together. But now I regret saying that because what if she never reaches out because I said that?
And what to do if my ex don’t follow me on social media and we don’t have friends in common?
U do nothing you improve your self my dear. Lets be honest do no contact and at the same time belive that you dont need this man in your life and focus on something you wanted to do gym maybe new hobbies thats how you start to reatract them even if he dosent see any social media hes going to realise your not chasing and it hurt their ego and they get curious just make him work for it from here on dont act exited or nothing if he start to reach out. Be short with your answers and dont give them anything about your self let them get curious or you can just go out with me 😉 god bless you good luck some times is best to be with some one who really have intrest in you remember that.
We have the same situation. We don’t have any friends in common and I don’t follow him anymore because I didn’t want to see anything that hurts me.
@@user-sz6hk1nv3o thanks for your words. I just hope I never contact him and just find someone that deserve me even if I still love him.
@@giparamore am in the same spot i have 0 social media and she cant contact my friends and she was obligated to contact me acouple times because there no other way to see what am doing. So yeah they do get curious but she is not trying to fix things so am just short with my answers dont worrie dear focus on your career and what you need at this time work on inproving. Check what is your attachment style and see what can you do to get better and try to find wish attachment style he got so if he comes back you will know how to handle things. 👍
@@giparamore oh shit she just reach out this time we are going out 😂 like 3 month of this shit radio silent i have no hope but fuck it let see what happens. She sound drepress as f do.
What if my ex works in the same company as I do, we do cross ways sometimes we just say hi each other and that’s it no conversations, is that ok?
I feel like I wanna beat up my ex sometimes, but yet I also feel sorry for him and don't truly want to hurt him?! Oh boy what cognitive dissonance lol.
Oh and yeah I think my very last current ex hates me. He's blocked several of my accounts I made when I insulted him on social media indirectly lol. So what like I really care anymore. If he didn't care then why should I?! I mean I am not as cruel as him but he forced me!
does it apply to dismissive avoidants as well???
Right? Add stubborn narcissist!
I would like to know that, too. What if the dismissive avoidant discarded 2 yrs ago?
I don't feel like i fall in the usual breakup scenario. Mostly because i am 69 yrs old, was in "relationship" for 7 years, tho we never posted it thst way on social media. Out of the blue he broke up with me, started seeing a wonan he knew as a kid, and immediately posted they were in a relationship. I am in such an awful state. Didnt kniw about no contact so probably messed that up and it is really hard as we are neighbors, he has cattle on my property & comes to feed nearly everyday. So i try to Hide when i know he will be here. But sonetimes get ' caught ' because he comes at an unexpected time. We never fought, shared families and events...the only thing that was not good was sex had waned. And i tried to talk to him about that , to which he said his drive has dropped too. Then when ge broke up ge said there was no romance! I was so angry i really didnt say anything then. And of course i regret that. Very early on he left twice and came back begging but i am so afraid ge won't this tine and i feel like i deserve a second chance. I gave him that. Help!
How make NC properly?
What if I meet her around w/ her friends?
How do you do no contact if you have children you have to see each other when picking kids up and dropping off
I've watched other coaches say you do "smart contact" then... meaning you only contact when you have to regarding the kids or bills etc, but nothing more. Be polite, but that's it. Don't say anything about getting back together, wait for them to initiate that sort of contact. Any unessential contact from them like asking about your life is a good sign. But you don't initiate that sort of unessential contact.
She left for someone else.. this is def a different situation
Where is the link? I need to talk to you. I really need some help...need ut advice
It’s the first pinned comment as well as the first link in description
I wound up in a 3 way relationship. I decided to end the relationship she went to the other guy. They are arguing. Is there any chance she will come back
Hi
5 months nc how much longer...im not needy or in a rush but...
What if he blocks you completely
Wat if u have kids its bit hard to have no contact
I have a question: what if my ex messages me about a trip they went on? Should I just reply in short responses?
How can You do this successfully if the both of you work together??
Can I do no contact even if I've been chasing her for 3 months?
Yes but start from today and leave them alone. Do not reach out any more
I absolutely agree that this probably works, but I don’t feel good about it.
Best advice always!!
Done