the main thing is that in germany we dont go on "dates". like what i hear from americans. coming up with an activity or dinner and a movie. we just meet. and if it works out we keep spending time together. like you just stay at the other person's place for a week or so. things just happen organically and everyone says what they want. if you wanna spend all your free time with the other person in the beginning then you do that. you just join each other's lives. there is no waiting for the next date. or playing games. or making special plans. its not about impressing someone, it is about getting to know each other. american dating culture seems like a show to me. its ridiculous. when an american friend tells me "this guy is taking me to xyz", i am like "wtf, he is taking you?" it just sounds wrong. i am not going to be "taken" anywhere. if i go somewhere with a guy then it is "we are going to xyz." i dont see that its changing. its kind of the same whether you meet someone in a club/bar and connect to meet again or meet someone from online. there might be german people who like the approach of having a checklist for the other person or wanting to be impressed by them. but i guess that might be people with families from more conservative cultures.
You summed that up so perfectly. I'm German and I lived in Italy through most of my 20ies and have been living in Greece for 20 years now. In all 3 countries every couple I know is together without a dating app being involved. People meet the way you described and behave as you described. I'm 49 years old, have had 2 significant, long term relationships, have been married for 19 years and have had a few other, shorter relationships and have never been on a date.
I agree! Also the concepts of 'seeing someone' or 'dating someone' in the way Americans use these terms don't really align with how relationships typically develop in Germany. Here, it’s less structured and more organic-there’s no formal 'dating phase' where people go on planned activities to impress each other. Instead, it’s more about spending time together naturally and seeing where it leads
Well, here in Germany I only know a few younger colleagues (a few years younger than our children) who have looked for someone on Tinder and the like. My spouse and I, as well as our children and their partners, found each other through friends and acquaintances during group activities(sports, private celebrations, work, etc.). This applies to almost everyone in our family and circle of friends. I have only heard a few second-hand reports about people who actually met and fell in love via an app.
As a single hetero man living in FL, I find dating extremely stressful and difficult. It's definitely more of a hook up culture than real dating. I've grown out of the hook up culture so I've stopped dating apps and now I rely on my friends and family to match me.
I decided that after my current relationship ends either with death or a breakup I'm done. Hopefully I go first 😊 As an Ace I don't want to search for another Ace that has shared interests.
hello sherlockwho, what's sort of person is an "Ace"? I'm not familiar with the expression. When seeing your comment, I remembered my grand uncle, Koko, sitting in front of me when I was a young girl. He was way over 80 at the time and had been married two times, but sadly lost both wifes to cancer. He actually said to my disbelieve at the time, that if he were ten years younger (still ancient to me), he would marry again.😂 He had such a pleasant character and seen so much in life, that I didn't doubt it for a minute, that he would found a new lady to share his life in no time. He lived to 96, and it was always lovely to have him around. I share the opinion in the video: For a lasting relarionship I don't need Mr Perfect aka "Big". Instead I want a partnership with a man that is reliable, trustworthy, authentic, and shares my personal credo regarding good society, and how to live a good life in general. You might have guessed it, I'm German...😉
A successful relationship is based on values. I sometimes reject my partner’s decor preferences, and many other bad taste things. But our political and social values are very much aligned. And we allow privacy, we don’t need to know everything. Trust is exceptionally important. Without trust, you have dust.
(German woman here:) I think you described German culture pretty well and yes, dating apps are quite often used for casual sex encounters. But I have dated via Tinder and 'tradionally without apps' both. In my experience, there are both kind and cool people looking for a committed relationships on dating apps as there are people merely looking for casual sex offline (without apps). The difference in my opinion is that if you use dating apps, people expect you to take a decision wether you want to continue seeing that person much sooner ( let's say after meeting number 3) whereas if you date without an app the whole process is automatically slower because you need to find out first, if they are even looking for a partner and you often can observe them in more realistic everyday life settings rather than the somewhat artificial dating setting, where everyone is on their best behaviour. So I prefer the traditional way of meeting someone e.g. on a birthday party etc. much more as well. ;-)
In my oppinion dating culture has the same problem than "normal" culture. A relationship is always a compromise between 2 people. not only me and myself, but we 2 together. And that seems a problem with Americans, it had to be perferct. Very good together isn't enough, but perfect is nearby impossible
The best relationship I ever had was the one where I felt that there was an openness to whatever I bring to the table - leaving a lot of personal space. The interesting thing for me is that when I am together with this person, I feel it is very easy to have a similar approach. So, we both grow together in acceptance. Fascinatingly: this is not a classical "dating" relationship at this moment. But I feel it very well could be - or become that.
My view is that what you are describing as American dating culture is actually 'English language dating culture', as Canadians and Brits behave similarly to Americans in this regard. I personally find the US or 'English language' dating culture toxic and juvenile with all the game playing. English is my first language and I have lived in the US, Canada, and UK. German is my second language and I much prefer the direct communication style of Germans.
In Brazil you can hang out with someone you like a lot of times, kiss and have $3x and it doesn't mean you are dating this person. Both of you are still single.
Thank you for your opinion! I am currently dating again and I consume a lot of American media. I thought the dating culture is the same, turns out it’s not even though there is a big influence.
the main thing is that in germany we dont go on "dates". like what i hear from americans. coming up with an activity or dinner and a movie. we just meet. and if it works out we keep spending time together. like you just stay at the other person's place for a week or so. things just happen organically and everyone says what they want. if you wanna spend all your free time with the other person in the beginning then you do that. you just join each other's lives. there is no waiting for the next date. or playing games. or making special plans. its not about impressing someone, it is about getting to know each other. american dating culture seems like a show to me. its ridiculous. when an american friend tells me "this guy is taking me to xyz", i am like "wtf, he is taking you?" it just sounds wrong. i am not going to be "taken" anywhere. if i go somewhere with a guy then it is "we are going to xyz."
i dont see that its changing. its kind of the same whether you meet someone in a club/bar and connect to meet again or meet someone from online.
there might be german people who like the approach of having a checklist for the other person or wanting to be impressed by them. but i guess that might be people with families from more conservative cultures.
You summed that up so perfectly. I'm German and I lived in Italy through most of my 20ies and have been living in Greece for 20 years now. In all 3 countries every couple I know is together without a dating app being involved. People meet the way you described and behave as you described.
I'm 49 years old, have had 2 significant, long term relationships, have been married for 19 years and have had a few other, shorter relationships and have never been on a date.
I agree! Also the concepts of 'seeing someone' or 'dating someone' in the way Americans use these terms don't really align with how relationships typically develop in Germany. Here, it’s less structured and more organic-there’s no formal 'dating phase' where people go on planned activities to impress each other. Instead, it’s more about spending time together naturally and seeing where it leads
Well, here in Germany I only know a few younger colleagues (a few years younger than our children) who have looked for someone on Tinder and the like. My spouse and I, as well as our children and their partners, found each other through friends and acquaintances during group activities(sports, private celebrations, work, etc.). This applies to almost everyone in our family and circle of friends.
I have only heard a few second-hand reports about people who actually met and fell in love via an app.
As a single hetero man living in FL, I find dating extremely stressful and difficult. It's definitely more of a hook up culture than real dating. I've grown out of the hook up culture so I've stopped dating apps and now I rely on my friends and family to match me.
I decided that after my current relationship ends either with death or a breakup I'm done. Hopefully I go first 😊
As an Ace I don't want to search for another Ace that has shared interests.
hello sherlockwho, what's sort of person is an "Ace"? I'm not familiar with the expression.
When seeing your comment, I remembered my grand uncle, Koko, sitting in front of me when I was a young girl.
He was way over 80 at the time and had been married two times, but sadly lost both wifes to cancer. He actually said to my disbelieve at the time, that if he were ten years younger (still ancient to me), he would marry again.😂
He had such a pleasant character and seen so much in life, that I didn't doubt it for a minute, that he would found a new lady to share his life in no time.
He lived to 96, and it was always lovely to have him around.
I share the opinion in the video: For a lasting relarionship I don't need Mr Perfect aka "Big". Instead I want a partnership with a man that is reliable, trustworthy, authentic, and shares my personal credo regarding good society, and how to live a good life in general.
You might have guessed it, I'm German...😉
Is this a thing all over FL or in the bigger citys?
A successful relationship is based on values. I sometimes reject my partner’s decor preferences, and many other bad taste things. But our political and social values are very much aligned. And we allow privacy, we don’t need to know everything. Trust is exceptionally important. Without trust, you have dust.
(German woman here:) I think you described German culture pretty well and yes, dating apps are quite often used for casual sex encounters. But I have dated via Tinder and 'tradionally without apps' both. In my experience, there are both kind and cool people looking for a committed relationships on dating apps as there are people merely looking for casual sex offline (without apps). The difference in my opinion is that if you use dating apps, people expect you to take a decision wether you want to continue seeing that person much sooner ( let's say after meeting number 3) whereas if you date without an app the whole process is automatically slower because you need to find out first, if they are even looking for a partner and you often can observe them in more realistic everyday life settings rather than the somewhat artificial dating setting, where everyone is on their best behaviour. So I prefer the traditional way of meeting someone e.g. on a birthday party etc. much more as well. ;-)
In my oppinion dating culture has the same problem than "normal" culture. A relationship is always a compromise between 2 people. not only me and myself, but we 2 together.
And that seems a problem with Americans, it had to be perferct. Very good together isn't enough, but perfect is nearby impossible
The best relationship I ever had was the one where I felt that there was an openness to whatever I bring to the table - leaving a lot of personal space.
The interesting thing for me is that when I am together with this person, I feel it is very easy to have a similar approach. So, we both grow together in acceptance.
Fascinatingly: this is not a classical "dating" relationship at this moment. But I feel it very well could be - or become that.
My view is that what you are describing as American dating culture is actually 'English language dating culture', as Canadians and Brits behave similarly to Americans in this regard. I personally find the US or 'English language' dating culture toxic and juvenile with all the game playing. English is my first language and I have lived in the US, Canada, and UK. German is my second language and I much prefer the direct communication style of Germans.
That is not my experience as a Brit. British people tend to be a bit more cautious.
I have been on them as there was a lack of friend apps for Aces. It's nice that Facebook dating has an option for friends.
In Brazil you can hang out with someone you like a lot of times, kiss and have $3x and it doesn't mean you are dating this person. Both of you are still single.
Thank you for your opinion! I am currently dating again and I consume a lot of American media. I thought the dating culture is the same, turns out it’s not even though there is a big influence.
There is no such thing as dating culture! There is just a sub-culture.
That’s a very nice, good quality 'Unterhemd'. Looking good Jay!
I love your background.
😀😂