Tori Amos Commencement Speech - Johns Hopkins Peabody Conservatory 2019

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  • Опубликовано: 22 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 117

  • @sergioogamboa
    @sergioogamboa 5 лет назад +51

    Every single breathing artist needs to listen to this speech. She is not only a paragon of musical genius and integrity, but a shining force of light and clarity in this dark era we presently live in. There is no artist I love more than Tori Amos.

    • @jennifermcfadin5251
      @jennifermcfadin5251 2 года назад +2

      Totally totally agree and she's the most badass woman in rock and roll music period

  • @janknuckey
    @janknuckey 5 лет назад +34

    God, where do I sign up to hear Tori do a TED talk on literally any subject? Such clever, gifted and articulate communicator.

  • @brandonlim7186
    @brandonlim7186 5 лет назад +52

    I wish she would have a masterclass, I can listen to her all day long. She's is such an amazing woman. Well deserved Tori.

    • @MelanieDarnall
      @MelanieDarnall 4 года назад +4

      You should look up the creativity class she recorded at UCLA back in the day, it's amazing

    • @brandonlim7186
      @brandonlim7186 4 года назад +3

      @@MelanieDarnall She is amazing! Have you got her latest book? The audio book is good. The way she read her lyrics, is golden.

    • @MelanieDarnall
      @MelanieDarnall 4 года назад +1

      @@brandonlim7186 yes I keep reading it over and over because it gives me hope, I like to sit with her words and savor them like trying to stay in a really incredible dream without accidentally waking yourself up 💜💜

    • @MelanieDarnall
      @MelanieDarnall 4 года назад +1

      @@brandonlim7186 I need to get the audiobook.

    • @aryankyler7453
      @aryankyler7453 3 года назад

      Sorry to be so off topic but does any of you know a method to log back into an Instagram account?
      I was dumb lost my account password. I would love any assistance you can give me

  • @anahata42
    @anahata42 5 лет назад +31

    💕💕💕💕Standing Ovation for one of my biggest muses, from since I was 17!!!! I'm now 39. 👏👏👏👏

    • @audreymarblue1581
      @audreymarblue1581 4 года назад

      Same. I guess u hav been in that forum zforum or smth where we would talk about her non stop in the late 90s and early 00s. 😋

    • @agent_ninety9
      @agent_ninety9 4 года назад

      Same!

  • @hammun6
    @hammun6 5 лет назад +14

    This is an incredibly lucid and hands-on speech. And oh so generous. Apart from her obvious genius, Tori's generosity is clearly what sets her apart from any other artist in the musical landscape.

  • @FCignelli
    @FCignelli 5 лет назад +64

    Her mother and best friend died within days of each other just a week ago. Good for her for honouring her commitment to this address.

    • @reanolan
      @reanolan 5 лет назад +6

      Ouff.... not to be nosy but what is her friend's name.
      Here's to Tori, to Mary, to Tori's friend. And to the creative fires from which we all are sourced.

    • @FCignelli
      @FCignelli 5 лет назад +9

      Rea Nolan Nancy Shanks aka Beenie, who she sang about in many of her songs.

    • @reanolan
      @reanolan 5 лет назад +2

      @@FCignelli Oh my soul. That must have been such a shock. Life is precious. Thank you for letting us know. xo

    • @shannonkringen
      @shannonkringen 5 лет назад +4

      yes i admire tori's strength. she must be very grief stricken

    • @reanolan
      @reanolan 5 лет назад +7

      I have the sense that Tori Amos has an evolved, profound understanding of the through-lines between life & death. From the beginning her work has sprung from that existential inquiry.

  • @duchesspodcast
    @duchesspodcast 5 лет назад +7

    She never ceases to amaze me. Such profundity in her speech. She's like anointed or something.

  • @thezuh1398
    @thezuh1398 5 лет назад +18

    "Not another goddamn man..."
    I love Tori Amos. Great speech. A well deserved honor.

  • @teabones9109
    @teabones9109 5 лет назад +20

    So proud of Tori.
    Under the pink became such an amazing record.
    Congratulations to all

  • @PianoWithBeth
    @PianoWithBeth 5 лет назад +18

    Yessss. I knew while she was standing there with her head down that she was about to do some ball busting. Epic. So inspiring too. Love her!

  • @woozlit
    @woozlit 5 лет назад +4

    Have followed Tori Amos for over 20 years. Have seen shows in London Royal Albert Hall and flown to Las Vegas in the early days. Haven't really connected since the posse album but I've loved what I'm loved from her music and will continue to listen.

  • @GalvanizedStrategies
    @GalvanizedStrategies 5 лет назад +26

    Tori + f-bombs + Peabody #heaven ❤️

  • @Grillcrasher
    @Grillcrasher 5 лет назад +13

    What an inspiration. She is phenomenal.

  • @NoName-yb1iv
    @NoName-yb1iv 3 года назад +4

    Look at her as he's reading her citation - such humility, always looking down...words cannot express how much I admire and respect this brilliant, brilliant artist and human being.

  • @michelleperry7774
    @michelleperry7774 5 лет назад +12

    My queen! She is so humble & brave to admit she has made mistakes. Love you Tori. Ears with Feet forever 🎵💕🎹💕

  • @mizzmaria5215
    @mizzmaria5215 5 лет назад +19

    The speech was more of a warning than anything else.

  • @Mklockhart
    @Mklockhart 5 лет назад +12

    I just adore this woman!

  • @katiearpino1142
    @katiearpino1142 4 года назад +4

    Tori deserves every award available to musical artists, she is an icon!!!! Such an amazing human being, lives her truth! !!!!RESPECT and LOVE always thank you for being inspirational in a hard world

  • @brentleonards1735
    @brentleonards1735 5 лет назад +11

    You deserve everything good, Tori

  • @LoneAries77
    @LoneAries77 3 года назад +3

    She's just brilliant

  • @shannonkringen
    @shannonkringen 5 лет назад +12

    so happy to listen to this wisdom of tori!

  • @alisonferrara8025
    @alisonferrara8025 5 лет назад +9

    So proud to hear this ! Tori you deserve all of this and more , your music has helped me more than you can ever know!

  • @jacoboleary9076
    @jacoboleary9076 5 лет назад +8

    and this is why she's my favorite

  • @nateburger1918
    @nateburger1918 5 лет назад +19

    She's incredible. Thank you for sharing this!

  • @indy1972
    @indy1972 5 лет назад +7

    Love her so much, such a proud EWF.... Congrats Tori!

  • @thegildedpagestudio6485
    @thegildedpagestudio6485 4 месяца назад

    THIS is the most wonderful and well-deserved tribute I have seen in a long time - congratulations, DarlingHeart Tori for this award, and your speech was equally humble but amazing. I love you with all of my Heart and you have always given me and all who love you so much - we ADORE you

  • @nadineday6814
    @nadineday6814 5 лет назад +6

    I love you Tori. Congratulations

  • @anna-taniatransylove5762
    @anna-taniatransylove5762 5 лет назад +4

    what a talent...I love Toris music ♥

  • @saseattlesa
    @saseattlesa 5 лет назад +4

    What a speech!!!

  • @soundrew
    @soundrew 5 лет назад +11

    Alert: truth speaker.

  • @stephenmc123456
    @stephenmc123456 5 лет назад +4

    Congratulations Tori , you have inspired so many.

  • @euler2589
    @euler2589 5 лет назад +4

    Yes Tori, Yes

  • @ircreg8639
    @ircreg8639 2 года назад +1

    Nominated for a Grammy eight times and never won. None of those winners have a Peabody. Well deserved Tori.

  • @mariefitzsimon4679
    @mariefitzsimon4679 5 лет назад +5

    Absolutley Wonderful!!

  • @WigglesandwhimsyLLC
    @WigglesandwhimsyLLC 5 лет назад +4

    Well deserved! We love her so! I love this!

  • @chaunceye9063
    @chaunceye9063 5 лет назад +5

    The Queen. We don't deserve her. ❤

  • @consciouscoma85
    @consciouscoma85 2 года назад +1

    yes you can never give up creative control of your own work.

  • @pedrotejada4556
    @pedrotejada4556 5 лет назад +2

    Aaaaaaand this just further confirms my undying love for her

  • @precioustori1
    @precioustori1 5 лет назад +3

    de France.
    Tous les pianos de la terre rêveraient d'être joués et chantés par et avec Tori Amos !!!!!!!!!!!
    Écouter et apprécier Tori Amos, c'est aller vers la recherche de soi même et avoir les chances de se trouver, non seulement pour tout artiste ( quelque soit sa discipline ) désireux de se singulariser dans sa recherche créative, mais aussi pour tout mélomane exigeant désireux de s'affranchir de la soupe musicale industrielle qui nous est servit tout le temps.
    Quand Tori dit " L'enfant de 5 ans à l'intérieur de moi saute de joie et de gratitude" à l'occasion de sa future remise de la médaille par l'Institut Peabody le 22mai 2019
    Si j'avais la chance d'être à Baltimore le 22 mai et de rencontrer Tori, je l'inviterai à venir manger une barquette de frites accompagnée de moutarde dans le fast food qu'elle préfère (lol).
    Comme un retour en arrière de 50 ans, on mesure la quantité de frustrations et d'incompréhension après le bannissement, quant elle avait 11 ans en 1974, qu'a du subir et endurer Tori et ses parents de ne pas avoir été comprise dans son jeune âge.
    Je remercie l'institut Peabody de faire amende honorable (rétroactivement ) et d'enfin reconnaitre, après un demi siècle, la potentialité que possédait Tori à 5ans pour enfin reconnaitre son exceptionnel talent et parcours aujourd'hui.
    Manifestement, Tori très jeune avait compris que la musique ne devait pas être compartimentée ou mise en boite de conserve
    ( Conservatoire ) mais plutôt être à la fois un conservatoire et un laboratoire de recherche même temps.
    Manifestement, en 1974, les institutions d'enseignement musicales classiques n'avaient pas compris ou n'étaient pas prêtes à faire le pas de participer à l'élaboration d'une musique témoin de son temps.
    Une phrase dit " nul n'est prophète en son pays"; tel devait être le destin ( finalement positif ) de cette pianiste chanteuse unique qui n'a pas eut un début de carrière facile et qui selon moi, n'est pas encore aujourd'hui reconnue à sa juste valeur.
    Tori Amos est l'Artiste que j' adule le plus au monde. Vous les états-uniens et les habitants de Baltimore vous pouvez être très fière de celle qui mériterait qu'on lui érige une statue pour la richesse , l'originalité et la diversité de ses compositions, ses exigences et ses engagements, sa sensibilité vocale et son jeu au piano singulier, en parfaite symbiose à donner la sensation que son 'instrument vit et est devenu organique.
    Certains pourraient se poser la question de savoir si je suis objectif dans mes analyses en tant qu'oreilles avec pieds ( fan ) de tori ?.
    Je leur répondrai que :
    1- la perception de la musique est subjective et que tous les goûts sont dans la nature.
    2- Parce que je crois sincère la phrase de Kathia Buniatishvili , lors des Echo Award Cérémony 2012 , qui dit :
    "Tori, you can't even imagine how happy and honoured I feel to be presented today by you" .
    Par la remise de cette médaille, je remercie l'Institut Peabody pour la reconnaissance du talent de Tori qui lui permettra maintenant de refermer et cicatriser une ancienne blessure d'amertume qui a laissé des traces, mais qui a aussi participé à forger son caractère et sa personnalité.
    Pour finir , je dirai :
    L' INSTINCT CREATIF !!!! PRESERVE ET CULTIVE LE !!!!!!! TORI L'A FAIT ET CONTINU A LE FAIRE !!!! C'EST POUR CELA QU'ON L' AIME !!!!!!!!!!

  • @AB-bt9eb
    @AB-bt9eb 5 лет назад +1

    Love you Tori! You are magnificent. You have contributed so much to your fans. I adore you. :)

  • @jessicadubois9945
    @jessicadubois9945 3 года назад +1

    I so love this. I believe they kicked her out when she was a child. She deserved this. ❤️

  • @Mayabee321
    @Mayabee321 5 лет назад +1

    I love her so much! 🥰

  • @geminidreamatl26
    @geminidreamatl26 5 лет назад +3

    the Indian man in the front row looks THRILLED to be there *rolls eyes*. I have never heard her be this candid before and I loved the insights she shared making a record. Though i would of like to of known what songs she said sucked with the arraignments lol.

  • @slivertoe
    @slivertoe 5 лет назад +10

    "Night of THE Hunters"... God, if I had a nickel for every time someone presenting/interviewing Tori has gotten a song or album title wrong. Do your damn homework! But Tori's speech was brilliant. Not only entertaining but instructive and helpful. I'm glad she dispensed with the platitudes and pleasantries we usually hear at these types of occasions and actually offered something of value. And the F bombs made me laugh out loud.

    • @briw3385
      @briw3385 5 лет назад +1

      Yes but those graduates didn't seem to know who she was.

    • @slivertoe
      @slivertoe 5 лет назад +3

      @@briw3385 Agreed. Either that or they just don't listen to her music. I mean, you'd think going to Peabody, they've at least heard of her.

    • @briw3385
      @briw3385 5 лет назад +4

      @@slivertoe Especially since she was kicked out of there for not playing by their rules and playing the classics lol

  • @bobwerber2984
    @bobwerber2984 Год назад

    Wow that was good.

  • @precioustori1
    @precioustori1 5 лет назад +3

    Of France.
    All the pianos of the earth(ground) would dream to be played and sung by and with Tori Amos!!!!!!!!!!!
    To listen to and to appreciate(estimate) Tori Amos, it is to go towards the search(research) for one even and to have the chances to be, not only for every artist (about is his(her,its) discipline) avid to distinguish itself in its creative search(research), but also for every requiring(demanding) music lover avid to free(frank) itself from some industrial musical soup which is us served all the time.
    When Tori says " The 5-year-old child inside me jumps for joy and of gratitude " on the occasion of his(her,its) future discount(delivery) of the medal by the Institute Peabody the 22mai 2019
    If I was lucky enough(had the opportunity) to be in Baltimore on May 22nd and to meet Tori, I shall invite him(it) to come to eat a punnet of French fries accompanied with mustard in the fast food which she prefers (lol).
    As a step backward of 50 years, we measure the quantity of frustrations and incomprehension after the banishment, quant she was 11 years old in 1974, when have of to undergo and to endure Tori and her parents(relatives) not to have been understood(included) in his(her,its) young age.
    I thank the Peabody institute for making amends (retroactively) and for recognizing finally, after half a century, the potentiality which possessed Tori in 5ans to recognize finally its exceptional talent and travel(browse) today.
    Obviously, very young Tori had understood that the music must not be divided or put in conjoint box
    (Academy) but rather to be at the same time an academy and the same research laboratory time(weather).
    Obviously, in 1974, the classic musical institutions of education(teaching) had not included or were not ready of making the step participate in the elaboration of a music witness(baton) of his(her,its) time(weather).
    A sentence says "no man is a prophet" "in his own country"; such had to be the fate (finally positive) of this pianist unique(only) singer who does not have had the beginning of easy career(quarry) and who according to me, is not recognized even today by her just value.
    Tori Amos is the Artist that j ' adulate most to the world. You the people from the United States and the inhabitants of Baltimore you can be very proud of the one who would deserve that we set up to him(her) a statue for the wealth, the originality and the diversity of its compositions, its requirements and its commitments, its vocal sensibility and its game(set,play) in the singular piano, as perfect symbiosis to give the sensation which its ' instrument lives and became organic.
    Some might ask whether I am objective in my analyses as Tori’s feet ( fan ) ears?. I will answer them that:
    1- the perception of music is subjective and that all tastes are in nature.
    2- Because I believe sincerely the sentence of Kathia Buniatishvili , at the Echo Award Ceremony 2012 , which says:
    "Tori, you can’t even imagine how and honoured I feel to be presented today by you".
    By awarding this medal, I thank the Peabody Institute for the recognition of Tori’s talent which will now allow him to close and heal an old wound of bitterness that has left traces, but who also helped to shape his character and personality.
    To finish, I will say: THE CREATIVE INSTINCT!!!!! PRESERVE AND CULTIVE THE!!!! THAT’S WHY WE LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • @crisbrackett2067
      @crisbrackett2067 5 лет назад

      francis delbe enough already.
      Your attempts at being politically correct are nauseating. Love Tori so much and i even use her name in my email name.

    • @precioustori1
      @precioustori1 5 лет назад

      @@crisbrackett2067 .Bonjour, nous sommes des adultes et nous ne sommes pas là pour faire un concours de celui qui aime le plus Tori. Vous écrivez " francis delbe enough already. Your attempts at being politically correct are nauseating " d’où la question suivante :
      d'après vous, Tori aurait elle du accepter ou refuser cette médaille ?.
      Je remercie Tori pour son intelligence et sa sagesse d'esprit d'avoir accepté cette médaille sans esprit basiquement revanchard et d'utiliser cette tribune pour véhiculer son message avec ses mots directs et pleins de bon sens Artistique.
      Je vous adresse mon respect et mes amitiés pour l'amour que vous portez à Tori Amos.
      Hello, we are adults and we are not here to do a contest for the one who loves Tori the most. You write "Francis delbe enough already. Your Attempts at being politically correct are nauseating" hence the following question:
      In your opinion, should Tori have accepted or refused this medal?
      I thank Tori for his intellect and wisdom of mind for accepting this medal without a generally vengeful spirit and for using this platform to convey his message with his direct and common sense artistic words.
      I extend my respect and friendships to you for your love of Tori Amos.

    • @crisbrackett2067
      @crisbrackett2067 5 лет назад

      francis delbe would someone explain calling her a he? i really dont get it.

    • @precioustori1
      @precioustori1 5 лет назад

      @@crisbrackett2067 Ne parlant pas et n'écrivant pas l'anglais, je me sers de Réverso pour traduire le français à l'anglais. Il se peut que les traductions ne soient pas exactes. J'aimerai que vous me disiez ce que vous avez compris dans mon dernier commentaire s'il vous plait Merci.
      Not speaking and not writing English, I use Réverso to translate French into English. The translations may not be accurate. I would like you to tell me what you understood in my last comment please thank you.

    • @crisbrackett2067
      @crisbrackett2067 5 лет назад

      francis delbe should she have accepted is your question. me not knowing what a peabody award is about, i think she would accept an award. sorry for my ignorance. and thank you for clearifying about gender specification. the

  • @crisbrackett2067
    @crisbrackett2067 5 лет назад +3

    love seeing her perform in san fransisco many years ago, seeing her rithe on the pianno chair singing her heart out.I use her name in my email tag.

  • @Tuie1956
    @Tuie1956 5 лет назад +1

    14:10 Not another God Dam Man. Your priceless Tori. Good for you!

  • @Jim1971a
    @Jim1971a 5 лет назад

    Thanks for uploading!

  • @StevenForditude
    @StevenForditude 5 лет назад

    Thanks for the upload

  • @josegardea1385
    @josegardea1385 2 года назад

    Wow!

  • @nikwasi2065
    @nikwasi2065 5 лет назад +2

    Maestro.

  • @lindsay556
    @lindsay556 4 года назад +1

    *Tori* : not another god damn man
    *Women* : 😂😄😏
    *Men* : 😒😐😕

  • @followyourbliss101
    @followyourbliss101 Год назад

    they say the music biz is worse than hollywood - and that's a low low bar

  • @geminikb
    @geminikb 5 лет назад +3

    I love how unapologetic she is about “the muses” giving her a protocol. And her songs are “girls.” I have loved Tori from the beginning.... but I don’t know which songs/album she is talking about. Does anyone know?
    Also I completely agree with her that the best art is collaborative, and a good artist HAS to be able to take critique and feedback. Being able to take it equals growth!

  • @JonathonDenson
    @JonathonDenson 5 лет назад

    "Chart-topping singles"? When did Tori ever have one of those? She's avant garde!

    • @384kiwi
      @384kiwi 5 лет назад +5

      all over the place back in the 90's

    • @queenmagentafox
      @queenmagentafox 5 лет назад +3

      Cornflake girl and professional widow definitely charted in Oz

    • @rumblefish9
      @rumblefish9 5 лет назад +1

      She has a few chart topping singles even in the dance charts

    • @tkkcali
      @tkkcali 4 года назад

      Don’t think they topped the chart though. Maybe number 8 or 9. Not number ones

  • @briw3385
    @briw3385 5 лет назад +5

    Is it just me or are the graduates behind her not very congratula-TORI of her? Some of them seem oblivious of her.🤔

    • @tayshaquay
      @tayshaquay 5 лет назад +3

      Those aren't the graduates. They are the faculty.

  • @toriless
    @toriless Год назад

    Video looks weird! Was is shot at 10 FPS??

  • @mskillo81
    @mskillo81 5 лет назад +4

    Is it wrong of me to feel like this whole medal thing is a bit askew? First of all, the way it is given to her after that man so blandly spoke of her statistics (his delivery tasted to me like powder cardboard with a consistency just as boxy) but I feel he missed the more important and intimate nature of Tori's substance. Anyway, I am aware that they broke her heart fifty years ago (and I know that wound helped create what she gave us) but still... Couldn't he fucking publicly apologize? Im sure that man wasn't responsible for ripping her heart out, but he IS responsible for failing that OBVIOUS moment when he could have been a more evolved human. See? That cookie-cutter establishment takes so much humanity out of humanity... And for what? I swear places like that are so archaic and they're just as damaging as Catholicism. One difference I can see, however, is Peabody Conservatory could evolve and find a balance with tolerance and exploration... There is room in there for positive growth (or rather it seems to me like there SHOULD be such space). I think the Catholic animal is slowly inching towards an endangered list, maybe someday it will finally rest in exquisite extinction. Anyway... omg Tori I am so deeply sorry for your losses. I too have lost, so much, so many.... Both of my parents before I was 21 (one at 7 and one just before my 21st) my whole family has passed (except my brother) and so so so many of my friends.... Im only 38 but my longest standing relationship has been with grief and loss... If love can displace the ballast of cargo-sized pain, then I wish your feet never touch bottom without your permission... Your mother and your friend will both find you again, or you them... You might not be you, and they wont be them, but I believe in the best on the "B" side of the next... In keeping with the here and now though, quite honestly and as a matter of fact, right now in this very moment at a specific distance away from Earth wayyy out in space with a strong enough telescope if someone was there looking back at our world right now they can see you having your best moments with mom, or friend, or both... There is a place in space where observers can see the real time bliss in all things most missed on our top 5 list... So... really... What was, is, and what has been will be. All the pieces of them you've collected and made a part of you, and all those shades of you, in scarlet or in blue, they've taken too, but be sure they have also taken two, whenever there was an extra bite to be had... That exchange, that amalgamation IS the map leading you all back to each other... And seriously, I just have to add, even in the next plane of existence whatever shape consciousness takes your music there will still be a staple a core food group... Just sayin...

  • @distanttwinkle3508
    @distanttwinkle3508 5 лет назад +8

    Thank you for posting this, She made a great speech 🎶 I wonder what recording she was talking about in regards to her “mistake”

    • @spwhitephotoshop
      @spwhitephotoshop 5 лет назад +3

      Great expectations possibly

    • @briw3385
      @briw3385 5 лет назад +2

      @@spwhitephotoshop What's wrong with the song "Siren"?

    • @briw3385
      @briw3385 5 лет назад

      @@vanessaunkeless-perez6410 Umm how about no? Seeing how the more memorable singles came from UTP.

    • @HB-xf2xl
      @HB-xf2xl 5 лет назад +13

      She's told this story a few times before, and it was about the UTP sessions, Yes, Anastasia in particular. It's when she found John Philip Shenale, who she has worked with since.

    • @distanttwinkle3508
      @distanttwinkle3508 5 лет назад +1

      Bri W that’s one of my favorite songs that makes me wanna run away 🏃‍♀️ 😂 😍

  • @manicamptrimalet184
    @manicamptrimalet184 5 лет назад +1

    Anyone knows which album she is talking about? I assume it's Under the Pink or Little Earthquake but I am not sure. Of course she is not allowed to tell which song and which album to avoid any legal issue. Now I'm so curious to hear how sound these crappy arrangements that cost her a house and that she threw to the garbage to keep musical respect.

    • @beatnickblanket
      @beatnickblanket 3 года назад +2

      It can't be LE because she says at the time of the story she had sold a couple million records already. I suspect it's UTP because that album features heavy full orchestral arrangements.

  • @avoiceinthedark2028
    @avoiceinthedark2028 5 лет назад

    Only 1000 shows? That had to be a mistake

    • @bigtimetorifan
      @bigtimetorifan 5 лет назад

      A Voice In The Dark i dont think so though. If you figure lets just say she did 10 major tours and played 100 shows for each of those tours that would get you to 1000. But I actually don’t think she plays 100 shows per tour. My guess it would be less than half of that.

  • @timothycornell3032
    @timothycornell3032 5 лет назад

    I wronged her I am so sorry I hope she ignores me!