Totally related. It hurts even more when outsiders especially your relatives think that too and start to put the blame on you for 'being spoiled' and 'misbehaving' when having such 'caring' and 'kind-hearted' parents. They even allege that I am a burden to my parents, that I don't deserve the love I am given. Aren't they even aware that they are judging a book by its cover?? Well, glad that they don't put themselves in my shoes because if they did, they would certainly flee from it immediately. Just a bunch of arrogant and irresponsible adults protecting each other.
Open-minded Skeptic yeah that's so true, my father went to a lot of troubles as a kid, he had a violent father who was an alcoholic, he grew up with hatred he had me at a young age, and instead if trying to break that cycle, he treated me like his father, I grew up with a bad childhood, although I hated my father for my childhoods I understand it wasn't his fault, being an immature father with a bad childhood Des that to you, I forgave him for that, and instead of keeping the cycle of hatred, I'm trying to be a better person, and maybe in the future a Betty father
It's hard to know when you should talk to someone about your problems, and how. I personally grew up keeping all my problems to myself because I didn't have people who I could talk to. But now I have a lot of people I can talk to about my problems, but I don't in fear that I come across as a whiny bitch, or an attention whore, or overly angsty. I'm constantly afraid of others judging me, even if they are very close friends and understand my problems, i just can't help it.
Abhilash S It's actually what people with a bad childhood should try doing. Comfort their inner child. Accept what happened and start a happier life based on this acceptance that some things can't be changed or reversed, but that happier memories can always be created.
Most important activity one can participate in this country. No training or license required. I have a license for my dog to shit in the dog park, but I can have as many kids as like.
+HazaQuiroz So what if they teach it poorly or what if you just have a really bad teacher? Anyway I don't really like the idea of the government telling kids how they should parent in the future.
Bentley Roams The same thing happens when they teach sex poorly. Does that mean sex shouldn't be taught in schools? No. If you have a problem with "the government" teaching your kids stuff, then homeschool would be you preferential option.
***** At ~16 i had to fight my step dad when he was drunk (alcoholic and agressive) to stop beating me and mother, something snapped in me one day, i took the wrench from his hands and i broke one of his legs, he was weak, pathetic and never saw him since... and if i do, i'l break the other. Family always dragged me down, i have no brothers or sisters but i've made friends (mostly met from volunteer work), had girls that really cared (mostly met from volunteer work again) and i've learned how to impose respect to anyone, which helps a great deal now in my career. I accept no people without essence in my life unless it's temporary and just for business.
Well I'm having it now getting crying every day ignored shouted on and also my parents are divorced so that's a really hard part I get bullied at school by being ugly my mom tells me I'm a mistake she wants me to die and she say I'm stupid and Will get no life cause I'm horrible at math she says I'm a dissapointment and will get not longer in life my sister pushes me when she gets mad or not right I barely eat no food cause my mom called me fat before so im really skinny now I think ... And evry day my head hurts cause i dont got enough food people with disperssion or a hard awful life want to get attention cause they don't get enough in reality so they want to get heard someplace not for the attention and weivs they just want people to know..
thetiny floof You could call a helpline if you want someone to talk to. There's also me. My Instagram is girl_of_many_oddities if you want to talk. I love talking to people. Is there anything I could do to help?
Grayspectrum s I was like maybe I'm being dramatic I didn't have such a bad childhood... and then the portion about the bad childhood came up and I was like fuck... DX
+Monica Ganja I had a pretty bad one, so I bawled like a baby.Terrible things happen and can traumatize someone. It doesn't make you less of a person, but it still tends to hurt from time to time. It's not wrong to feel something every once in a while.
Monica Burchell I cried too. And one of the things that they mentioned like "anxiety" my mom doesn't think that it exists and it's just a thing that I made up...
My parents made me not want to have kids. I don't need that much power to harm someone's life like they did to me. I don't need a child more prone to depression and other illnesses because I have them. I'm also not successful at all in life from always expecting that I'd commit suicide by this point and I rather have more than enough money for my family.
Selena Flores Have faith, if not in God, at least have it in yourself. You've made far in this life to give up, pain builds character, you gonna find happiness and inner peace eventually.
And if you had a rough childhood, make sure you do it differently for your kids. On the arrival of your first child you may think you have no parenting experience, but actually you have - all your life! You experienced how you were parented. Learn from that and aim to do a better job with your own offspring. (unless you had awesome parents, in which case follow their lead, and see if you can make it even better. Through better parenting we can change society for the better. The quicker we all get onboard, the faster we evolve as a species ;¬)
I agree. Exactly. I'm glad that I experienced some bad childhoods. It helped me to learn so that I can improve for raising children. Feeling sorry someone is a terrible thing. Someone should accept, understand and love you for who you are, not to pity. Sympathy and apathy are terrible. But empathy can be terrible too since it can enable crappy behaviors. Try to balance empathy to have healthy relationships. :)
Very well said. To try and break the legacy you were given and do better for your own children is an ongoing battle in its self that one can not quit on.
Cameron Reed Yes, if we don't consider ourselves 'grown up', we are more likely to be of a mindset that allows us to continue to grow and evolve, as opposed to thinking we've learnt all there is to know and can't get any better. I know many folk in the generation above me that don't like having their paradigm questioned because they thought they knew it all, and are resistant to new information/change. As long as we accept change and, our ability to adopt change for the better, we shall continue to evolve at an accelerating rate, and hopefully will set a platform on which our future generations can change society for the better.
This is the first talk I've seen that encourages people with traumatic pasts to feel "a bit sorry" for themselves. The "a bit" part is crucial, as wallowing in self-pity isn't good, either. But with "a bit", you show kindness to yourself, acknowledge yourself and what you've been through, realize it wasn't your fault, and ultimately realize that your parents weren't at fault, either. With most of them victims of traumatic pasts themselves, the truth is they just did the best they could. Thank you for this!
So when my dad used to routinely hit me, kick me, slap me, spit at me, knock me to the ground, pummel me, curse me out, make me feel like I was worthless, etc. -- you're saying they did the best they could? BULL-FUCKING-SHIT!!! If that's the best they could, I would fucking hate to see the worst! The fact is he's a fucking animal who took his frustrations out on an innocent child, and no child deserves to be treated like some disposable piece of shit! I refuse to forgive him, and I hope the hottest place in hell is reserved for him!
@@rjc7289 Unfortunately, yes, that's all he knew to do. You don't have to forgive him, if you don't want to; I can't forgive mine, either. Although I understand why he was the way he was, the wounds are still there, affecting my everyday Ife. But I choose to believe there is a lesson in it (a greater scheme), otherwise how could I keep on going in a world where such people just randomly exist?
I think a key to this is being aware how a bad childhood can make our thought process different from others so we are quicker to recognize when we are sabotaging ourselves.
My parents constantly compare themselves to me when they were my age. They go, “When I was nineteen (perfect thing they did goes here).” It feels very berating and annoying. It feels like I’m wrong since I haven’t achieved what they had. But, they did grow up in different situations than me. They both didn’t have fathers, and were in poverty, basically, and they had to rebuild their lives from the ground up, but that doesn’t mean or does it give you the excuse to berate me. Like, I don’t care what you did at nineteen unless I ask. They won’t stop, so I’d rather move out. I don’t have a job, so I’m going to have to find one.
You'd better think about it very well before making a decision you could regret later Nevertheless, I suggest you try to leave that abusive environment you'll grow personally when you leave home
Girl of Many Vloggities My parents grew up on different sides of the track. My mom was was considered upper middle class while my dad was considered poor. When they would compare and exchange attempts at encouraging us to appreciate family value or use guilt as a teaching tool, sometimes it was priceless. My dad would go, “when I was nineteen I would pick a bale (of cotton), and sleep on top.” I didn’t get the comparison, because I thought “now what part of that is suppose to be encouraging?” Because when I was nineteen I was , like Girl of Many, I’m moving out without a job, b/c my parents are driving me crazy.” To me that made perfect sense. Good luck, as I hope you have plenty of kids that will say same. 😉
One thing I want you to remember is that there's no way to confirm that what they say is true. When they idealize their younger selves to make you feel bad that isn't ok. I've heard of other parents doing this and it turned out what they said wasn't actually true anyway.
I did not realize it for long but parents who often nag you, shame you, criticize you for being yourself lead you to form a very distorted self-image where you constantly feel like you're a bad person and deserve everything bad that's happening to you. You never change for good because you feel like you don't deserve good. "Why be happy when you could be normal" by Jeanette Winterson is a novel that touches these themes and really helped me identify my own issues. Even if you had a great childhood, it's a great read!
Kids are great, but it's also important for us to remember that there really are far more humans on this planet than our natural resources can sustain.
That's actually the best advice. I was abused so much in my childhood, by many adults. If I couldn't just put all that crap behind me and get over it, I would *never* have peace, ever. All of my life would be hell because of my past. I have seen people going through less abuse and turning out worse, because they wouldn't just get over it. I hope you have the courage and strength to "just get over it."
This makes me sad. My parents are emotionally abusive which has caused me to grow up with many problems including eating disorders, depression and anxiety. I'm not confident like my classmates or know how to handle situations well. I'm 14 and I can't wait till I'm 18 so that I can move away from them and live on my own happily.
TheQueenAriel Hi. If you live in the states, (I don’t know how it is elsewhere), there’s a thing called emancipation. How I’ve heard it’s described as, “being divorced from your parents.” I think there’s a age in each state where you can be free of your parents and live independently. Often times, I think it is 16/17. Then again, this is a bundle of, “i don’t know,” so your going to have to check it out yourself if you think it’ll work.
Everything you just said, I’ve been there. And don’t take this the wrong way please, but don’t be naive and think that just because you move away and start your own life that things will magically get better because they won’t. You have to care for yourself at all times, and sometimes that means seeking help when you know you need it. I’m 25 now and still am having trouble with all of the stuff that was forced into my head from an early age. It’s very hard to break the cycle. But I’m trying. I have a child of my own now and swore to myself I’d never put her through the stuff I went through as a kid.
Cest La Vie Actually, according to child abuse statistics from the FBI, child neglect is the most common form of abuse and leads to the most child deaths.
In my case i was abandoned by my father. I never understood what he did, but now I project the same rejection and confusion i felt with him in the people around me, mostly my "friends". That's the root of my social anxiety.
This video spoke to my heart. I experienced a "bad childhood", which I will define as lack of attachment to my mother. Constant criticism when I was growing up ruined my confidence. I became a mother a few years ago and by watching my daughter flourish and comparing to my own childhood made me miserable. I was diagnosed with depression. I'm doing much better now. In therapy we investigated many childhood traumas and I worked hard to know that I deserve to be happy, as everyone does. Tip: focusing in other people's happiness can really take the focus away from your ego and negative feelings. I love School of Life. Keep up the good job!
Just keep in mind that your parents probably had similar childhoods and their parents and so on. Be happy giving your daughter a good childhood because then she will focus in doing the same for her kids, and theirs theirs, and so on. Break the cycle.
Just keep in mind that your parents probably had similar childhoods and their parents and so on. Be happy giving your daughter a good childhood because then she will focus in doing the same for her kids, and theirs theirs, and so on. Break the cycle.
I also experience a bad childhood. In fact I'm still in it. My mom cheated on my dad a few years ago and I'm very depressed. I can't look at her the same way. My dad doesn't keep in touch anymore. I am broken. I don't know what to do any more. My friends think I'm weird. Please help me. My boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. The only friend I could actually talk to. Please help me
+Teresa Nguyen Hi girl, please understand that what your mom did is not your fault and nothing you can change. Your dad has a right to take some time to himself, but you should still try to talk to him if you can. What your boyfriend did is shitty, but thankfully you're young and he was never gonna be that important to you later in your life anyway. Trust me you'll find someone much better. And that "best friend". She doesn't deserve your friendship. Please be better than them and move on and make new friends and ignore them because they don't deserve your time. You're worth more than that. Keep your head up, you're worth it.
I feel so depressed, when in a group everyone tells some of his childhood stories. and I just sit there having no tale to tell, because I don't really have any fun childhood memories, just boring everyday the same one, it doesn't surprise me that I'm a boring guy who still sits alone in school, I'm trying to fix it, but it won't be easy like the gifted people.
I think its probably because you're overthinking it. I used to think like that and thought i had nothing interesting to say. But really you just have to increase your confidence- then you realise you can really say whatever. Try doing things outside your comfort zone like talking to new people and joining activities where you meet new people. Its scary, but thats what works! You are good enough and things will definitely improve. Keep going, you got this!
It is extremely possible that something happened to you that you just dont remember because you were so young. Like molestation or some kind physical or emotional abuse. There's a possibility that you faced some kind of early childhood trauma that shaped you in a way you weren't aware of. Im crazy, depressed, antisocial with terrible relationship issues. As a young adult i finally found out that I was molested by an uncle as a toddler. It shaped my whole life and relationships but I didn't even know.
I really want to be a better parent than my parents were, cause I know that knowing how to properly guide your own children can make them a better person, I stead j had a really bad childhood, a violent father who always pursued in myself the great grades, and whenever I failed he yelled at me, make me feel bad and not loved, he tried to make me how he wanted denied my own personality and emotion, in Consequence I have low self-esteem, don't have a defined identity, I'm always pushed by him without even knowing what I want to my life, contantlg pushing me to be someone without asking me who I want to be or at least letting me discover that, on the other hand, there was my mother she was the opposite she was extremely kind but never Stood up for me when my father was being too harsh on me, she is the kind of submissive woman who takes the abuse of his husband and never tries to fight back. I really want to fix my own childhood, and if the chance comes I want to be a better parent than my parents were
You can train to be a better parent. For some reason people think once they have kids parenting will come naturally, like an instinct, but its something that takes practice. Put yourself in a position of being responsible for, and interacting with children on a regular basis. Volunteer at a school, childrens camp, daycare, or church group. Those places are always happy to have an extra person around to supervise or help organize. You may also find that helping children solve their problems can help you solve your own.
just get rid of anything you are doing. and set yourself upon a rigorous spiritual journey for atleast 1-2 year, write diaries, meditate, question the very nature of mind self etc. And in the end you will find yourself the freedom taken away from you. And after it your life would be much better
"Invite them to feel sorry for you." That's where you lost me. It sucks growing up with bad experiences, I've had many and I know people who've had it even worse than me, but your problems should not be pushed on others and made to be their problems. Allow people to help you, and allow you to help yourself, but going through life constantly seeking pity from people is not a healthy way to live.
I agree. A few of those points were just way wrong. I had a "less than desirable" childhood and would never do some of the things suggested. I guess the creator of the video had a perfect childhood because they know nothing of the other side of the coin.
The whole point of what he was saying, which you seemed to miss, is that the person needs to understand that they're a little damaged, and don't want to have negative traits, but it's part of the upbringing/conditions. It's the difference between hating somebody for what they do, and trying to understand it. Like I could be mad at you for missing the point and call you an idiot, or I could talk to you sympathetically like a child, try to be understanding, and try to explain it to you.
"Invite them to feel sorry for you" is the worst advice I've ever heard. It's like saying "have a victim mentality" and let people know you are a victim of your bad childhood. What Joseph said is much better "allow people to help you and allow you to help yourself".
Both of the points are correct. I think the wording in the video is a bit wrong. Empathise is much better one. The creator is trying to pass along the idea that people need to understand the bad upbringing and work with it, and continue to make you better than it, rather than condemning the person with a bad upbringing to continuously be a bad person. Even at the end, he uses the phrase "feel a little sorry for yourself". It isn't self-pity or hiding behind it, you just need to understand that you did have a bad childhood, say "that sucks, I need to be better than that." and move on.
For friends who had a very bad childhood, here is an idea that could be helpful: Some time ago, a very beloved friend of mine told me that he has this " autoimmune disease" that has no cure. It won't kill him but it won't go away either. I felt so sad for him. But he told me that it isn't that bad indeed. And he explained it this way: Because he has this illness, he knows that he has to take care himself very well. He exercises regularly, he eats only healthy stuff, he doesn't smoke, he avoids too much stress, he sleeps enough, he drinks moderately. He says if he didn't have the illness he would live very differently. But now he is forced to follow the right path, in order to have everything under control. It sounds paradoxical, but he probably has a more healthier life style now, than he would have had, if he was born healthy. I think having had a horrible childhood is also like having an " auto immune disease". There is no cure. You always have that " destructive force" within you, working "against" your best interests: You choose the wrong partners, because they make you feel " at home", you have low self esteem no matter what you achieve, you feel guilty for things for which you have no responsibility at all, you avoid all sorts of conflicts because you find it unbearable to go through all that again... But knowing about this condition, just like my friend with his disease, can be a force to keep you always on the right path: surrounding yourself with beauty and wisdom all the time. With literature, with music, with art, with nature, with curious and kind people. You will constantly need consolation. But if you look for it in the right places, everything you do that helps you, will also be helpful to everyone around you. Since there is no greater joy than sharing. Friends from Greece, do you remember these wonderful verses by Ritsos? Άλλη χαρά δεν είναι πιο μεγάλη απ’ τη χαρά που δίνεις. Να το θυμάσαι, κοριτσάκι.
This is me right now I always get mad at myself for not living life as others I always have to give my full attention to myself bcz I always keep slipping, unknowingly hurt others, and make big mistakes. Now though, knowing all of it makes me feel like "I can blame the world forerver for making me this way and yet the asnwers will always be just there in my hands." I gotta to accept of who I am today and accept that others life does not suit for me. It's a bit hard sometimes but this is what I need to stay in the right path. I guess sometimes we just really have to sacrfice todays happiness for tomorrows.
It's not whining it's just a statement. Other may feel the same, give an advice. Guess your're trying to protect vulnerability from trolls by bieng one?? Just say recognise mental diarrhea from real. I'm currently in the manager of dysfunction stage.
It's not pathetic or weird and the person isn't whining. TheGerogero is merely stating the facts as he experiences them underneath a video about this very subject. Presumably you (Marius-Adrian Zoltan) are here because you are interested in the subject. Many people turn to the internet because they are isolated and seeking help. I wonder what would prompt you to write such a potentially destructive response?
My father left before I was born. My mother married an abusive step dad. They focused on my little brother. Spoiled him all the way. Well, as anyone can imagine I had depression/anxiety and I didn’t even know it. I don’t hate them, but I don’t wanna say I love them either. I have forgiven them. And even I fake sometimes when I say that I love them (mainly my mom). I wish I could travel in time and give myself a big ol Hug and tell myself “It’ll be alright kid”.
My father left me when i was 3 and my mom remarried 2 times because the other one died by murder. We kinda have the same child hood hated by my parents and siblings
you are going to do well if you just keep going and working through it. there is a light at the end. I have worked on myself for years & I'm telling you that it's worth every step when you finally get to where you're going.
icantw8 I felt hated hated a lot growing up and still sometimes do. One of the things I decided to do was realise I am important to me, develop my talents, try to never look for positive affirmations (I still struggle with that one particulary) try not never try to impress them (also an ongoing struggle) I thought a lot about self acceptance, which I think in some ways means I switched some feelings off until much later in my life, it was self preservation. It makes it sound like I had a ghastly family, they aren't, but I still felt the way I did. I hope this doesn't sound glib. If you can find a good friend, or a counselor (as they're not going to get sick of hearing you reoeat yourself and tell you to get a grip) that can help put things into a more managable set of pieces. I was really lucky, I found a fab husband (I waited a long time and knew what I was looking for) who listens and is usually objective and supports my rantings about unfairness etc... the other thibg I would suggest is finding a way to serve others. It's when I have served others that I can forget a lot of my own problems and feel much better. I've asked my parents lots of questions and my dad is pretty easy to explain, my mum is not. As I've got older lots of things make more sense that didn't before. Work on your talents and be proud of your achievements, anything you learn, or do is something that cannot be taken away and you can be proud of yourself. I think lots of people don't realise how many people suffer with low self esteem and just need a bit of validation to blossom! 😊 I hope I didn't sound patronising xxx
Ow I only have like 70% while my friends (not really parents but sometimes?) be nice, I can list all bad 4-horrible parents 3-brother/sister 2-kids at school (most of all for me) 1-social media
I was abused by my father. As an adult, it is a hard struggle. There is a lot of negativity in me, and I don't know where it comes from, as I'm usually happy and grinning from ear to ear... or is it... that I can feel this perfect bliss and joyful glee because I have known such horror, such wreched despair from a childhood wraught with alienation and pain? Perhaps. I do know that my past has made me stronger. I am unbreakable. I went through hell, and I'm still here. smiling. I am kind. I am resilient. I am quiet and social situations make me nervous, but I have friends and family who love me. I still mess up sometimes, and you will too, but don't worry. Tomorrow is a whole new chance to start taking the steps to become who you want to be. Do not hold yourself hostage to the image of the person you used to be. You are capable of growth and beauty. Believe in the me that believes in you. ♡♡♡
I feel the need to point out the obvious. Most people are probably not in one of these 2 categories, but they will be somewhere in between. For example, a kid can have one of the parents be bad and one good. Or he could have good parents but have difficulties because of uther people in there childhood.
My mum is my saviour she's kind caring loving and she provides me with everything I need. However my father is horrible he shouts at me and my mum he smokes he drinks he treats my little sisters atrociously he is a vile person but my mum is to blinded to see that I ask for years why she still stays with him after he shouts at her and she cries it's the same answer every time I don't know.
Same here, just the result of good-intentioned parents who don't always know how to handle difficult situations. I don't think good and bad childhoods are a black and white issue. Instead, those cases described in the video refer to the extremes of a spectrum. Most people just lie somewhere in between.
Good video. I’ve suffered from a bad childhood. The bad childhood mentioned in this video is literally nothing compared to mine. I would have swapped to this version any day, at least you don’t get physically abused constantly, to the point that you had a black eye and was told to lie about it to your teachers and if you told the truth they will beat you up even more. I had so many traumatic physical abuses as a child from both parents and I always fault it was my fault I made mistakes, just simplest mistakes like losing a key made my parents beat me without mercy. I am 22 now and still recovering, people with healthy childhoods are so lucky you guys don’t even realise.
Masyaf. Please stay strong please I have a not so great childhood too but it only makes me want to become a hero just no matter the pain dont end your life
Sorry for commenting years later, you have probably forgotten about this video Happy New Year, i guess, i hope it's better than it used to be As a person who had a good childhood, people with good childhood don't deserve one and usually grow up dumb and lazy freaks If that's any better for your situation. Because i assume you must be some incredibly good and resilient person if you were able to go through that
@@K4Jistice6021 that's why we should also control our intensity of love. Exactly, balancing. Not just forcing them with disciplin and forgiving their "bad" behavior, but also; give our hand to sooth them, handle them calmly, be there for them, be care to explain, and be one of those to resist shaming them. This video is accurate in a general level, don't expect a content from a stranger to fit perfectly with your reality.
I don't think I had a inherently bad childhood but I had quite a lonely one. I guess, in a way, led to the same place that TSL's video showed. The statements in 1:17 are things that I say to myself sometimes. And even further. And it's hard to get out of that mindset and move on.
It's kind of depressing when you think about the ratio of how many people had good child hoods to bad. I would bet 80% of people had bad childhoods... probably more when u factor in children in third world countries. Maybe that is why the world is so damn messed up. Or maybe I just think it's so high because most of my friends have shit for parents. What do other people think the percent would be?
Yes, I though the same, around 70 - 80%. It seems like the unconsciousness and ignorance of the majority, have no idea of children's emotional and developmental needs. Let's face it, kids can be very frustrating and if you don't have the coping skills, or had a bad childhood yourself, how do you parent effectively?
I actually think a lot of children in developing countries have good childhoods because often they have a strong sense of community, some of the happiest looking childrec can be ones playing with a tyre. I think poverty does definitely make life harder but if love and support are present you can definitely still be content. Look at all the troubled child stars who never wanted for anything material but are beset with problems, many probably always felt like a commodity to their parents rather than truly loved
if this is true, we should sign a petition for mandatory&free parenting school for people expecting children. at the end there should be a test, and if someone's an extremely abusive/aggressive/no self control etc he/she should be further counselled or periodly monitored in raising his/her child.
I find ideas like this interesting, but I get stuck on the logistics. Where do step-parents or later marriages come in? How can we possibly convince congress to put that much money into social work? Who lays down where the threshold is between a high-risk and low-risk/non-risk parenting philosophy, and based on what research, and who gets to decide if that body of research is robust enough to be conclusive, and oh please dear god let's just base this on research at all in the first place, etc. Like, I'm not saying it would be completely impossible, just that it would be a freaking massive undertaking that would possibly require most of society on board.
"you" (or the governments ) should check out Norway's child protection system ( Barnevernet). they are famous for extreme confiscating children from bad parents. these countries also have an interest in growing their population, and bottom line is if there is will then it can be done. i'm amazed at these nordic country societies. the swedish lagom and their virtue for moderation. by contrast in a capitalist society where people try to be millionaires, of course they will barely pay employees/make unhealthy food products/ruin the enviroment/move their business/etc. society has to evolve and spirituality also.
I know that my father had a terrible and tough childhood, but that does not help sooth the hurt and undo damages I've received. I do not deserve any of this. I've been physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by him all my life yet he still believes that he is the best father ever lol. He forced my mom to abort my little sister saying that she would be born retarded or mentally ill although there was no evidence at all. He just didn't want to spend money raising her. He doesn't want to spend money on anyone but himself! He acts like I'm supposed to feel lucky having a parent like him while sucking the life out of me, taking away my peace, crushing my self-esteem on a daily basis, controlling almost every aspect of my life, and imposing his ridiculous ideas on me (Mind you, he recently told me that it is ok to have multiple boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time so you can find and marry the one that is the most beneficial to you. Being the cheater he is, I'm not even surprised anymore). He is now trying to take away my right to pursue my dream, which is the only thing that is keeping me alive and hoping for a better future. The worst part about it is that almost everyone knows the kind of father and husband he is yet he still thinks that he is doing a good job. I want to cry every time thinking that someone that toxic still exists in my life and ruins it in every way possible. Kill me pls cause it is becoming more than I can bear.
Tell someone pls do. Ik this sounds so dumb and ridiculous and it really depends A LOT from which country you are from, but he is a fucking asshole und you deserve better. I too had a dad that is a sociopath (not diagnosed but he fits the description on one ( I made proper research so I am very sure of it)) as you can think a manipulative asshole that denies his problems, physically and mentally abused his family, doesn’t go to work simply because he doesn’t want a healthy family, doesn’t make a great father. I told my school and after that he got thrown out and I haven’t seen him in a year. Pls don’t leave, you deserve to live.
+Einhorn Banane We live in the USA now but parents abusing children is kind of the norm in the country I'm from. I wasn't (and am still not) sure what to do because I kind of grew up accepting the abuse until it's become fucking clear that he is not letting me go to have a damn life the way I can truly live. He is just a selfish person who wants to control whoever he can and wants me to be the way he wants to construct me to be. I am legally an adult now so I'm not sure if throwing him out using his crime of child abuse would be an option? I'm trying to claim my independence and hopefully one day I'll get to leave this dark place with some pieces of me remained unshattered. I'm not going to kill myself because I really can't. Even the thought of self-harm terrifies me. I just sometimes wish someone can do the job for me. On accident or whatever...just end it for me cause I'm so fucking tired...
+ Steven Lee Thanks....I am still fighting my way out. Hopefully, I get to the phase where I can actually move on from all these pains instead of suffering from them.
I'm pretty sure it's called domestic abuse when an adult physically abuses another adult in the household. I've lived through some nasty abuse from my father for a very long time. Last year I had the courage to reach out and call the police when he hurt my mum. I am so much happier now. No more constant worrying about getting hurt. Please, do not accept what he does as the 'norm'. You deserve so much better.
I had a really good childhood personally but if you're someone who had a terrible childhood, hold on to the image at the end of the video. You're grown now so look at your childhood and smile at your child self. You have the power now to love yourself and treat yourself with the kindness and appreciation you deserved back then.
That was my childhood. Aunt died when I was young then my mother took me far away from the rest of my family. She was always at work so I just stayed alone day-after-day. I never thought about making friends so I was alone during and after school. I just existed in the corners of life. I find that to be the most depressing thing when someone is stuck in this situation. Having grown up, I'm now dealing with the consequences of being socially incompetent. Being unable to get out when you want nothing but to get out. Very frustrating.
Childhood is a spectrum and mixed bag of M&Ms. Its tough to figure out everything yourself, especially when you thing its everyone else and you're regular one
This was my childhood. Parents either had to work, or they just ignored me. Luckily, primary and secondary school was easy for me, but it sucks that I hardly ever socialized with anyone.
Grady C3 Dude it took me like 4 years to realize my dad is two different people. He'll be relaxed and open and loving, and then a little thing will set him off, like my brother not taking out the trash. Then, he takes the anger out on EVERYONE no matter if they caused it or not. He won't listen to reason either. He'll make me cry and then go "oh baby I'm sorry I didn't mean it"
Krista Miller damn that's rough... my dad gets mad over petty reasons also but also plays the guilt card. Must've been hard man...things always get better.
Stay strong Sarah! My father left when I was 7, and my mom is a narcissist who only thinks of herself and wants everyone to feel sorry for her. She barely acted happy for me when I got engaged or when I graduated from college. All she could comment on was how jealous she was that she didn't have those things (and I fought back rolling my eyes cuz why does she think she doesn't have those things??) But anyways, luckily my fiancé helped me escape my shitty family and now I'm healing. But I'm still nowhere near perfect. I still have zero confidence which is why I'm stuck in a dead end job instead of getting a career I deserve, so I'm just wasting my degree. Still, I am finally at a stage in my life where I can be hopeful for a happy future (and really believe it's possible). It's a long road, but the journey is worth it. Take care. ❤️
I can relate man.. My father was abusive af and left without paying child support, and during that time in my life he didn't allow my mom to have a job so when we got out of that situation my mom had to support 4 kids (including me) on her own and... It wasn't the best life... But now she has a boyfriend and despite working, he pays for 80% of our bills but he is so sexist and a lil a-hole and i just don't like the way he treats my mom but she is so blinded by her "romantic" relationship with him she doesn't see the bad side of him, she genuinely cares about him more than her children's emotional/mental being :/ The way he just tells her to do stuff for him drives me sick! He has hands and legs he can do it himself 😡😡😡😡 he's lucky that he pays the bills or I would have punched him by now
I know this is really old, but as somebody who isn't even an adult yet, the best thing to do is be patient and wait until they're calm to explain any mistakes, very calmly.
When you realize you have a bad childhood, and wasted so many potential you have. 24 years has gone and I'm going nowhere in life because they don't allow me to work hard at something I want to, instead they want me to do something I don't care about. I wish reincarnation is real so I have another chance in life.
Don`t allow them to not-allow you do the things you love. At the end of the day, hard work is a very valluable thing. Don`t let it be wasted on something, that has such a bitter taste.
Hun, ive been physically abused by my brother and mom. It hurts, badly. Im emotionally abused and verbally abused by my brother also and i just hate both of them. My mom once said i was ungrateful for food, when i really was. She always spends her money on cigarettes. Im so stressed by everything thats happened over the past 3 years of life (Dad in prison, taken into aunts custody 2 times, mom sent to jail, brother being an ass) that animals have become my calmer and nothing else can calm me down when im angry or sad. I only have 6 but their being fostered so i dont get to see them. Sometimes i emotionally need it but when i ask my mom says no. She knows animals are a destresser for me but she says no probably because she fucking hates me.
I feel bad lots of people get treated bad but you way worse I wonder why the kids who act really bad sometimes get a parent that supports them and does love them while the kids who are better than them get the horrible parents while getting pushed around by other brothers like my brothers first got my iPad deleted some my apps not to mean then beats me up kicking on the wall and punching me on the wall then making fun of me for crying sometimes and that was a VACATION so annoying and they just laugh when I cry every time they see me cry they smile and laugh so hard and tell there friends and my friends one time my brother told the entire school I was gay and believed him and I had no friends for a entire year but you have a tough life I’m sorry you had to go through this and I kinda got a little side track while typing this
Everybody read this. I know we are all going through tough things right now, so am I. But let me just say, SUICIDE IS NEVER THE ANSWER. Things WILL get better. Talk to someone. Tell the police. Find a way to get out of you situation. But do not hurt yourself. Even if you think it will make things better it won’t. You may think no one loves you,but everyone has someone that cares about them. Think about how they would feel if you killed yourself. Everyone has struggles. Some worse than others, but just remember that there is someone out there going through the same thing as you. You are loved❤️
Doesnt get better. Small fix. Never better. I am not loved. I'm serious. I want you to legit come to my fucking house and look me straight in the fucking eyes and say that someone loves me bcuz that's just not true
I'm not having kids, I'm not continuing the cycle of abuse and mental illness. My mom had BPD and so do I, which makes for pretty bad parenting at times. Don't get me wrong, she was very loving and caring, but it falls apart when you're crazy. Don't do it. Just don't have kids if you have mental illness, especially when you pass it down to your child. I loved my mom (still do but she's dead) but she should have never had kids, neither should I.
I was diagnosed with an illness but I think that by having kids I can help make things better for the next generation (since I've been able to support myself). But at the same time I don't like kids :/
Belle C. It's about her beliefs about what her parenting will be like. Although it seems as though an element of it is passing on the illness, she also worries about possible incompetence due to her disorder.
Ok I know this probably doesn't make sense but whatever. So my family, has enough money and is in no economic problems, but we are far from perfect. My parents always send me to nice camps, let me play sports and feed me properly so you'd think I'd have a good childhood.... wrong. My father is physically abusive and once dragged me up the stairs by my neck. My mother is manipulative and verbally abuses me. She is never happy about my accomplishments and always finds something wrong. I have an eating disorder and many mental disorders but they don't give a shit. They hate me and I bet would love if I was never born. There is so much more but that would be too long. I know none of you care about my life but I need to write something, so thanks for reading I guess.
It's okay. I don't know you, and I don't know how to console you in any way, but if you're still alive, then I'm pretty sure they love you at least a little bit.
Get some help. You can't stay alone. Someone needs to help you (shrink, police, ...). You went through a lot and it's the time for you to be happy now in your life. You deserve a life of happiness and love and I can't wait for you to realize how precious and worthy of love you are.
Every life is precious. Doesn't matter if you're religious or secular or athiest or however you look at it, a human life isn't something to treat like a commodity whose quality can be judged like stuff in a garage sale. Just know that anyone, family or a regular guy on the street, who talks to you like that is undeserving of your time, love or respect. You don't have to make them proud, just because they're your parents doesn't mean you have to make them proud of what your accomplishments. Move out of there and don't ever talk to them again as soon as you can (If you haven't already). Don't know if that helped, but hey, we don't know until we try.
I've seen many stories on this topic, so I've decided to share mine, too. So, I was born in the middle of the good and bad childhood. Sometimes my parents would praise me, but other times, they would yell at me and mainly call me "stupid". They couldn't help me with homework because they didn't understand English. This means that I would have to bother my sister to help me, which is hard because she's mostly in a bad mood when I ask her. One memory of sadness was when my mom grabbed my arm and pulled me out the door. I remember pulling myself the opposite way and falling on the floor, while she kept screaming at me "Leave! LEAVE!" She would also punch me a lot. Later, I grabbed my jacket and locked the door behind me as I left. I remember walking in circles, staying within a 5-meter range of the house. Soon, my sister came out, and we silently walked around the block before coming back inside the house. (It turns out my mom told my sister to make sure I didn't actually run away.) One memory of happiness, is, in short, when my family and I went to a waterpark. We had a blast. Still, I seemed to focus on the bad things more than the good things. I think I have a bit of low self-esteem, but I'm not completely sure. I am currently 11 years old, and I try to look at the good things of life. Still, thanks for making this video, The School of Life. And thanks to you, for reading my dumb comment of my childhood. xD
Your comment is not dumb. You matter very much. I'm so sorry you are having these significantly bad experiences at such a young age. Hold onto the positive, but know that it will take many more positive experiences to begin to undo the damage of the negative ones; bad experiences are hard not to "focus" on because they hurt so badly. It is not your fault you are being treated so poorly. I'm glad you are seeking to educate yourself with these videos at such a young age, I hope these videos and others like them will help.
My friend is exactly the opposite of good kind which you described in the video. He gets screamed at 50000 times a day for everything small, he is beaten alot, his parents never actually help him, he never gets anything even 1€ candy he rarely gets. his parents think he has to worship them and be a slave, has to eat all the food or gets screamed at and forced. I hate his parents, theyre such egoistic fucks who are too strict, never understand jokes. They beat their children and dont buy anything for them even though theyre wealthy, they expect the kids to pay for their parents lives when they grow up. It's not the childs responsibility to pay their parents when they grow up, the CHILD DID NOT DECIDE TO BE BORN, if you want 3 children YOU NEED TO BE READY TO TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITIES AND WEALTHY ENOUGH TO GIVE THEM EACH EQUAL AND GOOD LIVES. YES THEYRE NOT TREATED EQUALLY WHICH DISGUSTS ME. If you decide to have children you have to be ready to pay for them. They think beating children is good for them, children are slaves, do you know which kind of childhoods most criminals had? Yup, childhoods with no love.
Eminemfan 8mile lmao I looked at your channel and you look like you’re ten. Have your parents taught you not swear? And also I think you’ll change your mind about not wanting to have kids...
I had a very bad childhood where I had to witness terrible violence and fear everyday. It s still affecting me now even in adulthood. No child should have to experience a bad childhood.
bad childhood left a deep scar and mental burden which i still bring until now. it is so exhausting. i know i cant change my past, but how i accept my past and doing a radical forgiveness for everything and everyone., give me a little spark of light and serenity. its surely hard. but doesnt mean impossible to heal from bad childhood.
I had a mix of both. I've always been a VERY emotional/sensitive person, so I would always cry a lot. Everyone around me would always get mad and say that I cry too much for everything and walk away. Maybe i was a crybaby (and still am), but the feelings that i experience are important to me, and it hurt that no one bothered to care about then. I feel like that's why I'm so reserved now, especially towards my family. They've never been the type to try and understand other people's feelings or why a person may be feeling a certain way. And they get upset when I don't want to share anything with them, because I already know that they're going to judge. As for the generation of younger kids (my cousins in elementary school), I try to be more attentive to their emotions. Their parents don't even bother trying to listen, and I don't want them to feel alone like i did. I let them to know that if they need to talk about something that I am there to listen. And not just with them, but with other people as well. I feel that the thing that a lot of humans lack is compassion and inderstanding. If there were more of that, the world would be a better place. But anyway, that's just my own personal thoughts and experience 😅
Me too. Feelings my family doesn't understand are immediatly called 'ridiculous'. By now I'm used to it but especially as a child and teen it hurt a lot. To my shame I envy my cousin's daughters because I feel like they experience much more love (my father wasn't the nicest) and sympathy also from people I don't feel I got much sympathy from as a child. I hope they will grow up to be way happier and more self confident than I am. Ella, I am 21 if you want to know my age as well.
i think that the best way to cope with your bad childhood is to try to make another child's life better, if you found a struggling child who reminds u of urself, you can be his helping hand even by just making him smile every now and then, it could make a big difference.
I'm 11 and I think that I thought I had a good childhood. When I was a baby until I turned 8, I was praised, I was the favored child, I get whatever I want, I have a perfect family. Yet since my sister got a brain disease, they told me that she was my mom and my father was unknown. Then I turned 9, I went to a less prestigious school, my brother basically replaced me. My grandparents now threaten to kill me. Like one time, I didn't want to drink my medicine my grandma came with a knife on hand and almost stabbed me to death. My grandpa, who used to tell me interesting stories and we would challenge each other on who is the most intellectual one, now barely talks to me and tell me interesting stories. None of them would go to at least pick me up from school or tell me that I'm great and I deserve more than what I would always get from school. I tell them about my bullies but then they ignore it a day or so. Whenever I get abnormal aches they would call me 'retarded'. It's like I don't feel anything from them. It's like they don't care that much about me now. I'm only 11 and I think I deserve more than what I'm receiving, I'm always dwelling all night long and cry. This Christmas, I don't even see a single garment hanging on our house. No gifts, love, and I'm still choosing on which side should I go and spend Christmas with.
wow! this sounds like a volatile situation. I think you may need to get help from others. to begin with, preferential treatment of other children is unfair, and you shouldn't be lied to... but being threatened with knives... it's just not safe. I am going to assume that your situation is delicate, and maybe your grandparents would not like it, but I'd REALLY like to encourage you to reach out to a guidance counselor at your school or find a church and talk to a youth leader or some other church official about what you are going through. your safety matters and I don't know how easy it would be for you to simply communicate your unhappiness, but depending on the situation, they may not react well to solve your problems.
Joyita Darling Thanks for the help, someone finally understands what I'm going through. I might want to go to the guidance counselor now and talk about it, not minding to tell my friends or they'll spread it around the whole school. Once again Thank you so much :)
LeBunny Meow Meow I'm glad I could help. And you should be mindful of who you told in terms of friends, because they might twist the story in a way that would be to shame you and of course that would be ridiculous. I hope for the best for you and your family and I hope that they give their love to you in kinder ways in the future.
it's important to also have adversities&be exposed to both good&bad. Children may become spoiled or be easily discouraged if life is too easy. they may not have the emotional strength to persevere through difficult times. variety < positivity.
I had a terrible childhood ,but i found myself stronger and better prepared for life than my peers mainly because i wasn't given a false sense of reality and had already dealt with some of the hardest challenges life gives whilst you live it.
+gafeht hahahha same we most likely wont see it but in 10 years or when you go back to your high school reunion the people who were handed everything will fail so badly and theyll be the ones who are working shitty hours for ok wages
Unlike other stories here, I have a pretty amazing childhood. For instance, my mum told me to watch a programme about ocd (obsessive compulsive disorder) and then told me that I have characteristics that could lead to ocd. She's helped me all my life so I don't develop ocd, anxiety, depression, or any other mental stuff. If I ever make a mistake they point it out in a kind way that doesn't hurt my feelings or damage my self esteem and/or confidence. They've brought me up in a brilliant way that has helped me strive in school and become the confident, self-loving person I am today 😃
Sorry for commenting five years later, you have probably forgotten about this video, but it sounds so unbelievable to me 0_0 I had better parents than i have ever deserved and grew up dumb and lazy, whereas my friend who had it worse turned out a much better person Idk i think your parents are very lucky to have such a child who turned out a great person when they grew up.
I think they oversimpliflied good and bad childhoods and their consequenses. I belive most of us have a mix good-bad childhood that can give us a mix behavior. I never like when something is portrayed as either totally white-perfect or totally dark-disastrous. Two persons can go trought exactly the same experience and then yet have two totally oposite reactions to it. We can erase our personal responsability in our choises just blaming it all the time in society. On another side I think that most of teenagers behave on a difficult way no matter good or bad childhood.
I had very caring parents and I still had a miserable childhood. By age 10 I thought about suicide every day and how I could end myself at school, home or grandma's house, if ever life became too unbearable. That was the worst time of my life though, high school was better, college was better yet and now I'm married and thriving.
same. My parents made mistakes when I was a kid (of course) but as I grew up they also grew kinder and more tolerant, and were always great parents in general, yet I had a shitty childhood (or so I was told, I don't remember anything before turning 12) because of school, other relatives and my own personality (was so shy sometimes I couldn't even speak, so I creeped everyone out). So shitty childhood does not always equal shitty parents
Me too. I think the problem is not my parents, but myself. I've always had a roof over my head, warm food in my belly, an education, pets, my parents are still together, I never had someone close to me die, I was never sexually abused or anything. The only things that could have been better are my parents' ways of raising me and the number of my friends. My parents hit and yelled at me and I never had any friends; I've always been a loner and still am to this day. However, he first time I lied in bed, crying and wishing for death, I was only 5 years old. Now I'm 14 and last summer I was pretty close to jumping off the roof of our house. I'm just so negative. My glass is half empty. Every time I try to see it as half full, negative and destructive thoughts creep up in me. I can't sleep at night because I overthink _everything_. Did I breathe to loudly on the bus today? Better think about it until 2am. And I don't why I do that. Like I said, I don't have a single friend, and I couldn't be further away from a relationship. I only speak when spoken too. I'm the "good kid". I'm polite and good in school and helping, but it's never good enough. Overall, I feel horrible right now, and part of that is probably hormones, you know, puberty and everything, but I still don't have any reason or right to feel that way. I had a wonderful childhood compared to many other people. Then why have I always been so negative?
I understand what you feel. Really. I've been through something similar, I was always so negative until I was 14-15 something. Now it's been almost 2 years and I'm seeing the world around me much differently. I just want to say that, keep in mind that everything changes and all bad things (good ones too) pass. Nothing stays the same. (If you would like to read, let me tell you something about friends that would maybe cheer you up a little. When I was in middle school, I had no friends, either because I wouldn't like anyone or noone would like me. Latter mostly. I still don't know why, maybe because I was a bit aggressive at the time. Anyway, in the first year of high school, nothing changed really. Of course the people around me were different but their attitudes towards me stayed the same. I tried to be friends with some people but they would cast me off constantly. So a year passed and we moved to another city. It was the second year of high school and I managed to become friends with someone that I didn't really like. (yeah, I had one friend.) I was still not behaving quite friendly towards others. Now I'm in the third year and somehow I have become friends with everyone in my class, I have friends from other classes too and outside of school. I think I've become more friendly, who knows. Anyway, so what I want to tell is that everything changes and probably this situation won't stay the same either.)
Well this helps me understand a lot.. granted i knew i had a bad childhood. My mother was absent always high off cocaine or some other substance.. my happiest memories of my mother was crying at Christmas... I was always bullied at school when i was little up until i was in 10th grade when i decided fuck it and beat the shit out of two kids that threw rocks at me. I lived with my father my life and only visited my mother when she was well around.. my father worked 12 hours a day to support me and my sister.. he is a good man hard worker but he had it downfalls as much as the rest he was a drunk.. one night he got so drunk and he wouldn't leave me alone so i pushed him back and he fell broke his finger and just got back up and laughed it off while bending his finger back into place. I managed to keep myself away from getting into drugs or anything like that my only real addiction is playing online video games and that was my escape from the reality i was living it. i am 24 now and i don't have a drivers license never had the opportunity to learn to drive and am single still.. never have had a relationship with anyone and franking i am lonely.. all i have going for me is my crappy job that barely pays my rent. I could go on and on about my problems in life but i don't see a point.. it just makes me more depressed and lonely. i am hoping to get past it and become a better person. I want to find a relationship with someone that understands me and can help me when times are darkest.
I can personally relate to your experiences. There are a few good books that can help us understand and heal from our bad childhoods. Two books that I like are "Children of Trauma"by Jane Middleton-Moz and "After the Tears:Helping Adult Children of Alcoholics Heal Their Childhood Trauma" by Jane Middleton-Moz and Lorie Dwinell. Many libraries carry these and they are about $10 each on Amazon. Really worth the read and really do help our self healing.
I feel you dude, itll be ok man, you can talk to me. Ive also stayed away from all drugs.. apart from sertraline, an anti anxiety and depression medication, I recomend it, you should visit a doctor and suggest this, it really helps. best of luck dude.
Spend the next years writing everything down if you have to, but mainly write about what you value in life, write about what happened, or talk about it with some one, even a therapist. But basically, don't look for someone to depend on. That will be one fucking nasty relationship my friend, trust me. You need to seek self value, seek truth, enlightenment, God, find a purpose within yourself to exist and figure out the things you want to change and start working on them one by one. Goals are hard to accomplish when you have too many. So focus on one for 30 days straight, even if it is just "writing down my values in life" or something like that, then go another 30 days from there. You want to find yourself within yourself. No matter how much someone can be there for you, ONLY YOU will be the ultimate determining factor of whether you have reconciled with your past, your thoughts of yourself and others, and your own willingness to achieve the greatness that is within you. Everyone has greatness within themselves, it's simply a matter of deciding to be great. But great at what? Well, you have some thinking and searching to do, and that will be the beginning of your life journey. From the hell you have experienced, as well as the joys, write down your top 20 values and also write why if you can. Then, look at all the abilities you have as a person, and see if you have any abilities, jobs or connections that can help you fulfill and live out those values that you hold dearly in life. Next, if you don't' have any attributes, for atleast 3 or 4 days, write down 10-20 ideas a day on what you think you could do to fulfill and live out your daily values. Really if you want solid progress, do this for 30 days, even if you're writing the same things down, and only come up with 1 or 2 new ideas. Out of the 100 values or more a week that you write, there are bound to be at least 1, if not more, ideas that will help you seek greatness within yourself. There is greatness within all of us, and you have the potential, with all that you have experienced in your life, to change the world. And so you need to get to it, you can do it, think about that, you can do it if you really literally tried, stopped everything you're doing and went out to change the world, you will find a way somehow and would be able to do it. When you have figured out your values, capabilities, etc. Figure out 1 ultimate life goal/purpose, which you are going to pursue from here on out. This goal will be the goal that you will never give up on so long as you are alive, no matter what any woman, potential lover, family member, or friends say. You cannot give up on the greatness within you. Naturally when you realize your goal, you will have a lot of other smaller obstacles that will also become goals. I recommend downloading the app called "Correct Goal Setting," this will help so much with prioritizing your life and inspiring you to get going. I am saying all of this because you mentioned you wanted to find someone who understands you and can be there for you, which can be nice, but ultimately, it is up to you. Dependency on a person to fill the hole inside you is just like depending on drugs, or "Video Games" to fill that hole. External objects and things will not ever satisfy us in this world. And it is when you come to realize that all you have and need to change yourself and realize the greatness within you is Right here, in the present moment. Here and Now is the beginning at which you can change your life, and make the next choice that will change everything, because there will never be another day like to day, and so it is time to get it together. In the end, when you have your goal set, and you are set out, determined, you will naturally meet people, and women, but you must not ever give up on that ultimate goal which is your purpose because without that purpose, you will not have any destination or purpose, and if you're really looking for a woman, a woman needs a man that knows who he is and is going somewhere. But first, you need to spend some years of personal development working on that. If you can trust me on this, it will happen. There's even a Bible quote, "Seek first the kingdom of God, and all else will be added unto you." God has a plan for you, and a purpose for everyone in this world, and if you seek Him first, God provides everything else for you. The only way to be with God, is to be in the present moment. I hope you see the correlations I am making, and that you are realizing something here because it is not a joke. God loves you, and He always seeks relationship with us, we simply just need to open our hearts to Him. Ask if He's real, and challenge Him. He will prove to you what you need to know, and will help you realize your purpose on this planet. I have incorporated many ideas and perspectives for you to take from. Make the best of it as you can. I only give you an opportunity to explore and begin to seek the greatness that lies within you already. It is up to you to take hold of that ring, and to begin to stand up in triumph, no longer will you be controlled by your mind, but you will be in control of those thoughts, and you will tap into the present moment, and be open to the expansive love that God has for you always and forever, and you will be able to get somewhere my friend. You may be inspired now, but do not give up because each day is a new day, unique and never the same. Make it be that you will not give up. Good Luck to you my friend, and I pray, hope and wish for you that you never give up and pursue the greatness within you. Much Love. -Lawrence Abbott
Am I the only one who sees the dowsides of the "good" childhood? I'd say that if the childhood is too "good", you get to expect, that everything is always gonna go well no matter what and everybody will always understand you. That can result in you being overly confident and reckless and having exaggerated expectations from the other people. I think neither kind of childhood described in this video is really the best; I think the right way is somewhere in the middle.
bnfgh123 totallt agree,i know people on my school who are spoiled at fuck and didn't seen anythink else,and by the way that guy is a fucking psycopath,and there is me who got an worse childhood than the average,i'm not gona complain it's my fault,well not completely but still,and i am and was really bad,i already thought about suicide and self harmed twice I know i should search for some help,but i'm 15 not gona get any treatment anyway.
I don’t think being a good parent to your kid means you’re spoiling them. Giving them everything they want and not teaching them about responsibility is sure spoiling. But encouraging your kid to learn from mistakes and not making them feel like they’re walking on eggshells are examples of good parenting
You can get a good childhood like that, as long as it doesn't come to being spoiled. It just depends how it's done. Spoiling a child is actually in a way, abusing that child. It's not that the person's childhood is "too good", it's that they were sabotaged, whether intentionally or not. They were set up for failure due to having everything given to them, and not being allowed to face challenges. These children aren't told that "you did something wrong, so lets improve and grow from this, and not repeat our mistakes", they're told "everything's fine, you did nothing wrong, or it's somebody else's fault, or that it's nothing to worry about". They aren't allowed to experience difficulties that allow them to adapt and grow, they are shielded from them, leaving them crippled in the long run.
I had bad parents but good friends ^^ happy that I still have those friends today and don't talk to my parents anymore :) my childhood was both and this video is only letting me accept it more so thank you :)
wopwopkross I don't quite believe in family bonds. I believe I could grow old not seeing my siblings again, why is that sadder than me not talking to my best friend anymore, who has improven my life much more, for instance? It's so annoying that I have to feel forced to talk to people I don't care about just because of....blood? Why?
AngieGandalf6 I choose who deserves my respect and time. In my earlier days literally some of my family forced their respect sorry but that is not how it works you need to earn it.
I haven't always had the greatest people in my life as a child but luckily I have great empathy skills and can see they're just damaged people and I shouldn't let it get the best of me because I'm smarter then that
As soon as I try to they just start laughing at what Im doing even though I just started, i cant because they just start laughing "so this is why your parents say youre a disappointment" and I think about is life even worth it at this point...
I appreciate you acknowledging that there are different childhoods. I remember being surprised that people took mother's day and father's day. I was in grade 4, and perplexed by classmates talking about their parents in positive ways. It was surreal that they may have been not disliked at home (I couldn't fathom the idea of children actually being loved by their parents).
Yes, if it wasn't for death we would most certainly be living in hell. Gosh... just imagine an eternity of this same story over and over again... we would become mad.
....."parents didn't choose you?" parents are the ones who have the choice. they conusciousley chosse to have children. children are the ones born in to a place without choice
Dude..... U will be a parent soon, but remember everything in life is based of your parents listen to them and u will be blessed everyone's life will be hard but get through it and remember there will always be something good as a result
We love this so much. Growing up is hard enough for kids, we need to show acceptance and unconditional love at all costs. We've got to start from the ground up and be responsible for the well being of our community.
I teared up at the end. Love the idea of feeling a bit sorry for yourself - I’m always busy improving my issues nonstop, nice reminder that these issues aren’t my fault for having.
I read of a study that showed your character is developed mostly from the interaction between mother and child within the first two years of the child's life Good parenting when the child is 0-2 is the essential part and I think that is what society needs to learn how to do. All these people in the comment section saying 'if only all parents watched this' it seems like they fail to recognise the most important part of raising a child
Im confused by your comment... Why does it seem like those people fail to recognize the most important part of raising a child just for wanting other parents to watch this video?
Maybe they do recognise it, they just need to acknowledge it and stop putting so much weight on the good and bad times people remember for it to seem otherwise to me
As a person who had a "bad childhood," and now helps others with those same struggles, I can say that therapy can make a world of difference. However, for most of us who carry our issues into adulthood through unhealthy or unsafe coping strategies, traditional therapy isn't always effective. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a type of treatment that pairs acceptance and learning the skills our parents should have taught us. Because of neuroplasticity, we have the ability unlearn old habits (self-loathing, overly feeling guilty and/or ashamed, self-destructive behavior, etc.) and learn new one (effectively communicating our needs and boundaries, experiencing our emotions without impulsively acting on them, etc.). I would not have survived without these skills and I have had dozens of patients over the years who wouldn't have, either. No one has a perfect life and, with a lot of work and support, our childhoods don't have to determine the outcome of our adulthood. 😊
This video provides the tools that saved my life: reflect about own situation and be a bit sorry for yourself (just a bit is about being kind to yourself and excuse you for having a past that was not your choice and therefore it is not your fault). Just these two things gave me so much maturity, helped me knowing and love myself better, and free me from the past a little more.
I believe that there needs to be an equilibrium between tenderness and toughness when it comes to parenting. If you are too nice and accommodating then children become spoiled, delusional, or sheltered. If you are too mean then they become depressed, self-doubting, and pessimistic. I wish there was a perfect parenting method that teaches children to be realistic with their skills or demands in life without ruining their confidence. I know my parents care about me since they always make sure I'm safe and fund my education, but I don't think they handle my feelings well. Sometimes when I call my mom while crying at college, she would just say crying doesn't fix anything and send me on my way. My parents were never good at emotional support.
My "bad" kind of childhood was enough to leave me with incurable mental illness, yay... ("bad" because the word is not awful enough to describe what was done). At least I survived, I am dysfunctional, need assisted living and constant trauma therapy, am on disability. But I survived..and i have a simple goal, that one day I'll finally be able to study and getting a university degree, that I may one day be functional enough to do something more with my life than just surviving
It’s a shame, too. I am still going through it so I feel like I could fix it but I know in my heart and mind that I can’t - my parents don’t listen to reason and so now I’m stuck knowing that my life is going to suck because of present events, but there is nothing I can do to change that.
My parents were emotionally and physically abusive as well as strict and constantly struggling financially. Ontop of having little to nothing ,we were still called spoiled and underserving. Their was regular daily abuse and some nights were worse then others like being dragged by my hair through rooms like serial killers drag their victims in horror movies and being slammed against walls ,having objects thrown at me,getting slapped and hit a lot . I’d shower some nights and clumps of hair would be coming out from it being pulled so much . When I got to highschool I was never even allowed to get a license or job and was never allowed to party or even do any sports bc we couldn’t afford it . I finally saved up enough by the time I turned 21 and moved over 1200 miles away from them and I’m living my dream life in Las Vegas ;where everyone is a free spirit and life is as laid back as it gets. I’ll never recover,fully heal, and I won’t ever forgive them either bc they don’t deserve it but I know that I’ll never have to be put through that again and when I have full faith and my own child ,I WILL break the cycle .
The worst is a bad parent who thinks they're doing a good job.
Totally related. It hurts even more when outsiders especially your relatives think that too and start to put the blame on you for 'being spoiled' and 'misbehaving' when having such 'caring' and 'kind-hearted' parents. They even allege that I am a burden to my parents, that I don't deserve the love I am given. Aren't they even aware that they are judging a book by its cover?? Well, glad that they don't put themselves in my shoes because if they did, they would certainly flee from it immediately. Just a bunch of arrogant and irresponsible adults protecting each other.
Or worse still the bad parent who knows they are doing a bad job but try to gaslight you into believing they are perfection incarnate
Ice Gathalion my dad
Ice Gathalion lol it's true! 😔And there's a spectacularly staggering number of them! It's crazy! 😀
yes!
The majority of adults simply aren't emotionally healthy enough to be good, loving, emotionally supportive parents.
And that's so so true.
Open-minded Skeptic yeah that's so true, my father went to a lot of troubles as a kid, he had a violent father who was an alcoholic, he grew up with hatred he had me at a young age, and instead if trying to break that cycle, he treated me like his father, I grew up with a bad childhood, although I hated my father for my childhoods I understand it wasn't his fault, being an immature father with a bad childhood Des that to you, I forgave him for that, and instead of keeping the cycle of hatred, I'm trying to be a better person, and maybe in the future a Betty father
Good for you! As a father, myself, I've tried hard to break the cycle, as well. It can be difficult, but we owe it to out kids to try! All the best.
They are still smart and mature so they could if they really wanted to
Your father probably lied about being abused. Some children are just born bad and need to be locked up.
You forgot one of the points in a bad childhood is that you are taught/ forced no to feel sorry for yourself and if you do, you should be ashamed.
Or you're just taught to be ashamed for near anything you feel.
:l
And the beatings you can't forget the beatings.
Definitely.
To the top of the comment section you go
It's hard to know when you should talk to someone about your problems, and how. I personally grew up keeping all my problems to myself because I didn't have people who I could talk to. But now I have a lot of people I can talk to about my problems, but I don't in fear that I come across as a whiny bitch, or an attention whore, or overly angsty. I'm constantly afraid of others judging me, even if they are very close friends and understand my problems, i just can't help it.
“When you try to be strong, they’re threatened” ohhh I felt that one deep in my soul
If what you do is not very good, you're a disappointing kid. But if what you do is good, they're suddenly afraid you could do better than them.
For sure,learn martial arts & pump the body up into a machine & see them quieten down,to whisper,s,do y fall tho,they'll quickly come kicking.
@@qu14torze82 Narc parents...
At the end of the video, wherein he holds the younger version of himself by the hand, is so touching.
Abhilash S It's actually what people with a bad childhood should try doing. Comfort their inner child. Accept what happened and start a happier life based on this acceptance that some things can't be changed or reversed, but that happier memories can always be created.
It's Dxpe IKR XD LMAO!!!
It's Dxpe ohhhh dear
So "touching"?
Ziyad Azaini quite literally.
This is why they should teach everyone how to parent, in school.
Most important activity one can participate in this country. No training or license required. I have a license for my dog to shit in the dog park, but I can have as many kids as like.
*****
I forget how different things can be in my own country. What even results from a class like that?
gafeht And Jesus buried the dinosaur bones. The end..
+HazaQuiroz So what if they teach it poorly or what if you just have a really bad teacher? Anyway I don't really like the idea of the government telling kids how they should parent in the future.
Bentley Roams The same thing happens when they teach sex poorly. Does that mean sex shouldn't be taught in schools? No.
If you have a problem with "the government" teaching your kids stuff, then homeschool would be you preferential option.
As someone with a terrible childhood you'll never get rid of it, keep around people that understand you and learn to enjoy life.
Yes..
thanks :)
***** At ~16 i had to fight my step dad when he was drunk (alcoholic and agressive) to stop beating me and mother, something snapped in me one day, i took the wrench from his hands and i broke one of his legs, he was weak, pathetic and never saw him since... and if i do, i'l break the other. Family always dragged me down, i have no brothers or sisters but i've made friends (mostly met from volunteer work), had girls that really cared (mostly met from volunteer work again) and i've learned how to impose respect to anyone, which helps a great deal now in my career. I accept no people without essence in my life unless it's temporary and just for business.
WUBALUBADUBDUB!
+Necris I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You sound like a very strong individual :)
I guess most of us in the comments have had bad childhoods, even by parents who think they’re doing it right, myself included.
Girl of Many Vloggities I don't think so. Some of them had a good childhood but seeks attention for likes and such.
Well I'm having it now getting crying every day ignored shouted on and also my parents are divorced so that's a really hard part I get bullied at school by being ugly my mom tells me I'm a mistake she wants me to die and she say I'm stupid and Will get no life cause I'm horrible at math she says I'm a dissapointment and will get not longer in life my sister pushes me when she gets mad or not right I barely eat no food cause my mom called me fat before so im really skinny now I think ... And evry day my head hurts cause i dont got enough food people with disperssion or a hard awful life want to get attention cause they don't get enough in reality so they want to get heard someplace not for the attention and weivs they just want people to know..
thetiny floof
You could call a helpline if you want someone to talk to. There's also me. My Instagram is girl_of_many_oddities if you want to talk. I love talking to people. Is there anything I could do to help?
Girl of Many Vloggities no I'll just let it by none would care thought but thanks for asking
Girl of Many Vloggities i know how that feels....
I literally started tearing up at the bad childhood portions...
Me too.
Grayspectrum s I was like maybe I'm being dramatic I didn't have such a bad childhood... and then the portion about the bad childhood came up and I was like fuck... DX
+Monica Ganja I had a pretty bad one, so I bawled like a baby.Terrible things happen and can traumatize someone. It doesn't make you less of a person, but it still tends to hurt from time to time. It's not wrong to feel something every once in a while.
same
Monica Burchell I cried too. And one of the things that they mentioned like "anxiety" my mom doesn't think that it exists and it's just a thing that I made up...
My parents made me not want to have kids. I don't need that much power to harm someone's life like they did to me. I don't need a child more prone to depression and other illnesses because I have them. I'm also not successful at all in life from always expecting that I'd commit suicide by this point and I rather have more than enough money for my family.
Selena Flores Have faith, if not in God, at least have it in yourself. You've made far in this life to give up, pain builds character, you gonna find happiness and inner peace eventually.
Though selfless people like you might be the best parents
I got you! You can do It!
Just what i use to think these days.
Selena Flores I want to be your friend. We should talk.
And if you had a rough childhood, make sure you do it differently for your kids. On the arrival of your first child you may think you have no parenting experience, but actually you have - all your life! You experienced how you were parented. Learn from that and aim to do a better job with your own offspring. (unless you had awesome parents, in which case follow their lead, and see if you can make it even better. Through better parenting we can change society for the better. The quicker we all get onboard, the faster we evolve as a species ;¬)
I agree. Exactly. I'm glad that I experienced some bad childhoods. It helped me to learn so that I can improve for raising children. Feeling sorry someone is a terrible thing. Someone should accept, understand and love you for who you are, not to pity. Sympathy and apathy are terrible. But empathy can be terrible too since it can enable crappy behaviors. Try to balance empathy to have healthy relationships. :)
+streetmuggedbypolice lol you just made my day
Very well said. To try and break the legacy you were given and do better for your own children is an ongoing battle in its self that one can not quit on.
Too bad that there's parents that wants their kids to suffer the same pain they did from their parents...
Cameron Reed
Yes, if we don't consider ourselves 'grown up', we are more likely to be of a mindset that allows us to continue to grow and evolve, as opposed to thinking we've learnt all there is to know and can't get any better. I know many folk in the generation above me that don't like having their paradigm questioned because they thought they knew it all, and are resistant to new information/change. As long as we accept change and, our ability to adopt change for the better, we shall continue to evolve at an accelerating rate, and hopefully will set a platform on which our future generations can change society for the better.
This is the first talk I've seen that encourages people with traumatic pasts to feel "a bit sorry" for themselves. The "a bit" part is crucial, as wallowing in self-pity isn't good, either. But with "a bit", you show kindness to yourself, acknowledge yourself and what you've been through, realize it wasn't your fault, and ultimately realize that your parents weren't at fault, either. With most of them victims of traumatic pasts themselves, the truth is they just did the best they could. Thank you for this!
So when my dad used to routinely hit me, kick me, slap me, spit at me, knock me to the ground, pummel me, curse me out, make me feel like I was worthless, etc. -- you're saying they did the best they could? BULL-FUCKING-SHIT!!! If that's the best they could, I would fucking hate to see the worst! The fact is he's a fucking animal who took his frustrations out on an innocent child, and no child deserves to be treated like some disposable piece of shit! I refuse to forgive him, and I hope the hottest place in hell is reserved for him!
@@rjc7289 Unfortunately, yes, that's all he knew to do. You don't have to forgive him, if you don't want to; I can't forgive mine, either. Although I understand why he was the way he was, the wounds are still there, affecting my everyday Ife. But I choose to believe there is a lesson in it (a greater scheme), otherwise how could I keep on going in a world where such people just randomly exist?
Well said. I posted a similar thought before reading this.
I think a key to this is being aware how a bad childhood can make our thought process different from others so we are quicker to recognize when we are sabotaging ourselves.
I can't help but just be in pity all the time.
I lived in a mentally and physically abusive household, I don't live in it anymore. But, sometimes I wake up and want to die because of what happened.
Isn't a parent abusing/assaulting a child child abuse? Isn't that a crime?? Call the cops if you can ( Assuming you live in Western World )
The Titan Destroyer I have already gone to court with my parents everything is fine now.
thank god your still alive
Same... Except I'm still going through it
Andrew Taylor please reach out to someone and get help I know what it’s like and you need to get out
Every time I watch these videos I realize more and more how fucked up my life is lol
It's unfortunate but everyone has a significant problem in their life, some more than others, and it's only a matter until you realize what's wrong.
What's significant to one is trivial to another; the magnitude of the shittiness can vary drastically. Some people were truly fucked from the start.
Even when you realize what's wrong oftentimes it is hard or nigh impossible to fix them.
Some lives are easier than others, but it's not a contest lol
Kind of true lol
Well now I'm just sitting here crying.
Well now I'm just sitting here typing.
+Paul Garcia lmao
+Paul Garcia well I'm just sitting here reading
Well I'm just sitting here trying be helpful instead. That's great, let it out and go easy on yourself.
jimbo111589 Same.
My parents constantly compare themselves to me when they were my age. They go, “When I was nineteen (perfect thing they did goes here).” It feels very berating and annoying. It feels like I’m wrong since I haven’t achieved what they had. But, they did grow up in different situations than me. They both didn’t have fathers, and were in poverty, basically, and they had to rebuild their lives from the ground up, but that doesn’t mean or does it give you the excuse to berate me. Like, I don’t care what you did at nineteen unless I ask. They won’t stop, so I’d rather move out. I don’t have a job, so I’m going to have to find one.
You'd better think about it very well before making a decision you could regret later
Nevertheless, I suggest you try to leave that abusive environment you'll grow personally when you leave home
Let me guess:Asian parents
Girl of Many Vloggities
My parents grew up on different sides of the track. My mom was was considered upper middle class while my dad was considered poor. When they would compare and exchange attempts at encouraging us to appreciate family value or use guilt as a teaching tool, sometimes it was priceless. My dad would go, “when I was nineteen I would pick a bale (of cotton), and sleep on top.” I didn’t get the comparison, because I thought “now what part of that is suppose to be encouraging?”
Because when I was nineteen I was , like Girl of Many, I’m moving out without a job, b/c my parents are driving me crazy.” To me that made perfect sense.
Good luck, as I hope you have plenty of kids that will say same. 😉
One thing I want you to remember is that there's no way to confirm that what they say is true. When they idealize their younger selves to make you feel bad that isn't ok. I've heard of other parents doing this and it turned out what they said wasn't actually true anyway.
Trust me ''The times were better with USSR on OUR side''
i think at least half of us have had the bad kind and we turned out fine....well time to smoke this crack.
lmao
hahahaha good one!
😂
hahahaha
The kids are rotting
I did not realize it for long but parents who often nag you, shame you, criticize you for being yourself lead you to form a very distorted self-image where you constantly feel like you're a bad person and deserve everything bad that's happening to you. You never change for good because you feel like you don't deserve good. "Why be happy when you could be normal" by Jeanette Winterson is a novel that touches these themes and really helped me identify my own issues. Even if you had a great childhood, it's a great read!
thank u i shall check it out
Stopped the cycle. No kids for me.
not really a cycle... just the end of the rope
The cycle of violence. It is a psychological term.
Oh boy, here the spam bots go.
Kids are great, but it's also important for us to remember that there really are far more humans on this planet than our natural resources can sustain.
Same here! Had awful parents and I'm pretty sure I'd be a terrible mother myself so no children for me
The worst part of bad parents is when they finally admit they were ruff on you they just tell you
*"Gett over it"* and *"Its in the past"*
That's actually the best advice.
I was abused so much in my childhood, by many adults.
If I couldn't just put all that crap behind me and get over it, I would *never* have peace, ever.
All of my life would be hell because of my past.
I have seen people going through less abuse and turning out worse, because they wouldn't just get over it.
I hope you have the courage and strength to "just get over it."
Remember, the past is the only time nothing can actually hurt you, so let it go.
This makes me sad. My parents are emotionally abusive which has caused me to grow up with many problems including eating disorders, depression and anxiety. I'm not confident like my classmates or know how to handle situations well. I'm 14 and I can't wait till I'm 18 so that I can move away from them and live on my own happily.
.. Eventually
PiscesNeptune
Girl. Don’t. You don’t know her, you don’t know if it’s true or not. Don’t say that, it’s incredibly rude.
TheQueenAriel
Hi. If you live in the states, (I don’t know how it is elsewhere), there’s a thing called emancipation. How I’ve heard it’s described as, “being divorced from your parents.” I think there’s a age in each state where you can be free of your parents and live independently. Often times, I think it is 16/17. Then again, this is a bundle of, “i don’t know,” so your going to have to check it out yourself if you think it’ll work.
Everything you just said, I’ve been there. And don’t take this the wrong way please, but don’t be naive and think that just because you move away and start your own life that things will magically get better because they won’t. You have to care for yourself at all times, and sometimes that means seeking help when you know you need it. I’m 25 now and still am having trouble with all of the stuff that was forced into my head from an early age. It’s very hard to break the cycle. But I’m trying. I have a child of my own now and swore to myself I’d never put her through the stuff I went through as a kid.
SAME
what about the kids that are practically abandoned by their parents? they are never around so the kids don't get yelled at but neither loved...
Cest La Vie i was thinking that too
Cest La Vie Actually, according to child abuse statistics from the FBI, child neglect is the most common form of abuse and leads to the most child deaths.
In my case i was abandoned by my father. I never understood what he did, but now I project the same rejection and confusion i felt with him in the people around me, mostly my "friends". That's the root of my social anxiety.
its incomparably worse to be left by your parents than be yelled at by them... Come on
As one of those kids who were raised by non-related people ..
Were not so good
This video spoke to my heart. I experienced a "bad childhood", which I will define as lack of attachment to my mother. Constant criticism when I was growing up ruined my confidence. I became a mother a few years ago and by watching my daughter flourish and comparing to my own childhood made me miserable. I was diagnosed with depression. I'm doing much better now. In therapy we investigated many childhood traumas and I worked hard to know that I deserve to be happy, as everyone does. Tip: focusing in other people's happiness can really take the focus away from your ego and negative feelings. I love School of Life. Keep up the good job!
Just be with your daughter with no mental noise (memories) of your childhood once u let go of that there's your happiness.
Just keep in mind that your parents probably had similar childhoods and their parents and so on. Be happy giving your daughter a good childhood because then she will focus in doing the same for her kids, and theirs theirs, and so on. Break the cycle.
Just keep in mind that your parents probably had similar childhoods and their parents and so on. Be happy giving your daughter a good childhood because then she will focus in doing the same for her kids, and theirs theirs, and so on. Break the cycle.
I also experience a bad childhood. In fact I'm still in it. My mom cheated on my dad a few years ago and I'm very depressed. I can't look at her the same way. My dad doesn't keep in touch anymore. I am broken. I don't know what to do any more. My friends think I'm weird. Please help me. My boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. The only friend I could actually talk to. Please help me
+Teresa Nguyen Hi girl, please understand that what your mom did is not your fault and nothing you can change. Your dad has a right to take some time to himself, but you should still try to talk to him if you can. What your boyfriend did is shitty, but thankfully you're young and he was never gonna be that important to you later in your life anyway. Trust me you'll find someone much better. And that "best friend". She doesn't deserve your friendship. Please be better than them and move on and make new friends and ignore them because they don't deserve your time. You're worth more than that. Keep your head up, you're worth it.
There is this thing called reparenting yourself. You don´t have to remain a victim for the rest of your life - be a hero instead.
This! Wish some realize this, pity party will push people away
I feel so depressed, when in a group everyone tells some of his childhood stories. and I just sit there having no tale to tell, because I don't really have any fun childhood memories, just boring everyday the same one, it doesn't surprise me that I'm a boring guy who still sits alone in school, I'm trying to fix it, but it won't be easy like the gifted people.
BENACHOUR Abdou same over here. I have lots of social anxiety when I want tell about how I really feel. I have too much self-pity.
I think its probably because you're overthinking it. I used to think like that and thought i had nothing interesting to say. But really you just have to increase your confidence- then you realise you can really say whatever. Try doing things outside your comfort zone like talking to new people and joining activities where you meet new people. Its scary, but thats what works! You are good enough and things will definitely improve. Keep going, you got this!
When i tell my stories they just tell "i'm sorry" and they all happy life full of joy i feel like broken inside 🙃
It is extremely possible that something happened to you that you just dont remember because you were so young. Like molestation or some kind physical or emotional abuse. There's a possibility that you faced some kind of early childhood trauma that shaped you in a way you weren't aware of. Im crazy, depressed, antisocial with terrible relationship issues. As a young adult i finally found out that I was molested by an uncle as a toddler. It shaped my whole life and relationships but I didn't even know.
Eminemfan 8mile I found out something about you. You're hostile and you probably had a bad childhood.
I really want to be a better parent than my parents were, cause I know that knowing how to properly guide your own children can make them a better person, I stead j had a really bad childhood, a violent father who always pursued in myself the great grades, and whenever I failed he yelled at me, make me feel bad and not loved, he tried to make me how he wanted denied my own personality and emotion, in Consequence I have low self-esteem, don't have a defined identity, I'm always pushed by him without even knowing what I want to my life, contantlg pushing me to be someone without asking me who I want to be or at least letting me discover that, on the other hand, there was my mother she was the opposite she was extremely kind but never Stood up for me when my father was being too harsh on me, she is the kind of submissive woman who takes the abuse of his husband and never tries to fight back.
I really want to fix my own childhood, and if the chance comes I want to be a better parent than my parents were
Arkman 22 I have bad childhood too... 😧😩😔
You can train to be a better parent. For some reason people think once they have kids parenting will come naturally, like an instinct, but its something that takes practice. Put yourself in a position of being responsible for, and interacting with children on a regular basis. Volunteer at a school, childrens camp, daycare, or church group. Those places are always happy to have an extra person around to supervise or help organize. You may also find that helping children solve their problems can help you solve your own.
i feel you
Arkman 22 you will be
just get rid of anything you are doing. and set yourself upon a rigorous spiritual journey for atleast 1-2 year, write diaries, meditate, question the very nature of mind self etc. And in the end you will find yourself the freedom taken away from you. And after it your life would be much better
"Invite them to feel sorry for you."
That's where you lost me. It sucks growing up with bad experiences, I've had many and I know people who've had it even worse than me, but your problems should not be pushed on others and made to be their problems. Allow people to help you, and allow you to help yourself, but going through life constantly seeking pity from people is not a healthy way to live.
I agree. A few of those points were just way wrong. I had a "less than desirable" childhood and would never do some of the things suggested. I guess the creator of the video had a perfect childhood because they know nothing of the other side of the coin.
The whole point of what he was saying, which you seemed to miss, is that the person needs to understand that they're a little damaged, and don't want to have negative traits, but it's part of the upbringing/conditions.
It's the difference between hating somebody for what they do, and trying to understand it.
Like I could be mad at you for missing the point and call you an idiot, or I could talk to you sympathetically like a child, try to be understanding, and try to explain it to you.
"Invite them to feel sorry for you" is the worst advice I've ever heard. It's like saying "have a victim mentality" and let people know you are a victim of your bad childhood. What Joseph said is much better "allow people to help you and allow you to help yourself".
Both of the points are correct. I think the wording in the video is a bit wrong. Empathise is much better one. The creator is trying to pass along the idea that people need to understand the bad upbringing and work with it, and continue to make you better than it, rather than condemning the person with a bad upbringing to continuously be a bad person. Even at the end, he uses the phrase "feel a little sorry for yourself". It isn't self-pity or hiding behind it, you just need to understand that you did have a bad childhood, say "that sucks, I need to be better than that." and move on.
MsJapanino same thing.
Just worded differently.
It's hard to heal emotionally when you can't get away from the situation.
I feel you
I can’t get away from it either but only 6 years left until I can leave
For friends who had a very bad childhood, here is an idea that could be helpful:
Some time ago, a very beloved friend of mine told me that he has this " autoimmune disease" that has no cure. It won't kill him but it won't go away either. I felt so sad for him. But he told me that it isn't that bad indeed. And he explained it this way:
Because he has this illness, he knows that he has to take care himself very well. He exercises regularly, he eats only healthy stuff, he doesn't smoke, he avoids too much stress, he sleeps enough, he drinks moderately. He says if he didn't have the illness he would live very differently. But now he is forced to follow the right path, in order to have everything under control. It sounds paradoxical, but he probably has a more healthier life style now, than he would have had, if he was born healthy.
I think having had a horrible childhood is also like having an " auto immune disease". There is no cure. You always have that " destructive force" within you, working "against" your best interests: You choose the wrong partners, because they make you feel " at home", you have low self esteem no matter what you achieve, you feel guilty for things for which you have no responsibility at all, you avoid all sorts of conflicts because you find it unbearable to go through all that again...
But knowing about this condition, just like my friend with his disease, can be a force to keep you always on the right path: surrounding yourself with beauty and wisdom all the time. With literature, with music, with art, with nature, with curious and kind people. You will constantly need consolation. But if you look for it in the right places, everything you do that helps you, will also be helpful to everyone around you. Since there is no greater joy than sharing.
Friends from Greece, do you remember these wonderful verses by Ritsos?
Άλλη χαρά δεν είναι πιο μεγάλη
απ’ τη χαρά που δίνεις.
Να το θυμάσαι, κοριτσάκι.
That's a beautiful way to look at this situation. I've hever thought like that.
This is do helpful. Thank you so much for sharing, It's a great change of perspective
Thank you for sharing. This is helpful to me.
"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you."
-Ovid
This is me right now
I always get mad at myself for not living life as others
I always have to give my full attention to myself bcz I always keep slipping, unknowingly hurt others, and make big mistakes.
Now though, knowing all of it makes me feel like "I can blame the world forerver for making me this way and yet the asnwers will always be just there in my hands."
I gotta to accept of who I am today and accept that others life does not suit for me.
It's a bit hard sometimes but this is what I need to stay in the right path. I guess sometimes we just really have to sacrfice todays happiness for tomorrows.
Lets just say I'm going to be upset at mom's funeral but will dance for joy at dad's funeral.
you will become your dad
mberezh
Ive already out done him as a father by light years.
+Rob N so have i, but you will understand why he is who he is/was and the angst towards him will subside.
Honestly same, maybe not jump but even though my dad lives with me he was never there much.
Same
My father is in denial about how distant he was as a parent. It's infuriating and pitiful.
Same man
Marius-Adrian Zoltan fuck off man
Marius-Adrian Zoltan lol loser
It's not whining it's just a statement. Other may feel the same, give an advice.
Guess your're trying to protect vulnerability from trolls by bieng one?? Just say recognise mental diarrhea from real.
I'm currently in the manager of dysfunction stage.
It's not pathetic or weird and the person isn't whining.
TheGerogero is merely stating the facts as he experiences them underneath a video about this very subject.
Presumably you (Marius-Adrian Zoltan) are here because you are interested in the subject.
Many people turn to the internet because they are isolated and seeking help.
I wonder what would prompt you to write such a potentially destructive response?
My father left before I was born. My mother married an abusive step dad. They focused on my little brother. Spoiled him all the way. Well, as anyone can imagine I had depression/anxiety and I didn’t even know it. I don’t hate them, but I don’t wanna say I love them either. I have forgiven them. And even I fake sometimes when I say that I love them (mainly my mom). I wish I could travel in time and give myself a big ol Hug and tell myself “It’ll be alright kid”.
My father left me when i was 3 and my mom remarried 2 times because the other one died by murder. We kinda have the same child hood hated by my parents and siblings
Tell your parents that I said go fuck off...
Clorox Bleach Can you tell that too my parents too?
Frosted Winter I can tell them that.
you are going to do well if you just keep going and working through it. there is a light at the end. I have worked on myself for years & I'm telling you that it's worth every step when you finally get to where you're going.
There's good childhood, there's bad childhood, then there's my childhood where 90% of the people in my life hated me.
Stay strong.
Ouch.
icantw8 I felt hated hated a lot growing up and still sometimes do. One of the things I decided to do was realise I am important to me, develop my talents, try to never look for positive affirmations (I still struggle with that one particulary) try not never try to impress them (also an ongoing struggle) I thought a lot about self acceptance, which I think in some ways means I switched some feelings off until much later in my life, it was self preservation. It makes it sound like I had a ghastly family, they aren't, but I still felt the way I did. I hope this doesn't sound glib. If you can find a good friend, or a counselor (as they're not going to get sick of hearing you reoeat yourself and tell you to get a grip) that can help put things into a more managable set of pieces. I was really lucky, I found a fab husband (I waited a long time and knew what I was looking for) who listens and is usually objective and supports my rantings about unfairness etc... the other thibg I would suggest is finding a way to serve others. It's when I have served others that I can forget a lot of my own problems and feel much better. I've asked my parents lots of questions and my dad is pretty easy to explain, my mum is not. As I've got older lots of things make more sense that didn't before. Work on your talents and be proud of your achievements, anything you learn, or do is something that cannot be taken away and you can be proud of yourself. I think lots of people don't realise how many people suffer with low self esteem and just need a bit of validation to blossom! 😊 I hope I didn't sound patronising xxx
+
Ow I only have like 70% while my friends (not really parents but sometimes?) be nice, I can list all bad
4-horrible parents
3-brother/sister
2-kids at school (most of all for me)
1-social media
I was abused by my father. As an adult, it is a hard struggle. There is a lot of negativity in me, and I don't know where it comes from, as I'm usually happy and grinning from ear to ear... or is it... that I can feel this perfect bliss and joyful glee because I have known such horror, such wreched despair from a childhood wraught with alienation and pain? Perhaps. I do know that my past has made me stronger. I am unbreakable. I went through hell, and I'm still here. smiling. I am kind. I am resilient. I am quiet and social situations make me nervous, but I have friends and family who love me. I still mess up sometimes, and you will too, but don't worry. Tomorrow is a whole new chance to start taking the steps to become who you want to be. Do not hold yourself hostage to the image of the person you used to be. You are capable of growth and beauty. Believe in the me that believes in you. ♡♡♡
Cool story bro
I just wish it didnt happen to me too.
Natsu Dragneel same but I’m still pretty young.. :(
Lps xDerpy_Opalx Which way are you abused?
"Believe in the me that believes in you. ♡♡♡"
Now that's rich! I'm going to have to remember that!
I feel the need to point out the obvious.
Most people are probably not in one of these 2 categories, but they will be somewhere in between.
For example, a kid can have one of the parents be bad and one good.
Or he could have good parents but have difficulties because of uther people in there childhood.
TheRBGamer agreed
Like having a good childhood but being bullied at a young age. I got bullied in preschool but my childhood wasn't that bad.
My parents were both bad to me as a child. They're also dead ;(
Pretty much everything sucked for me
My mum is my saviour she's kind caring loving and she provides me with everything I need. However my father is horrible he shouts at me and my mum he smokes he drinks he treats my little sisters atrociously he is a vile person but my mum is to blinded to see that I ask for years why she still stays with him after he shouts at her and she cries it's the same answer every time I don't know.
Hearing “you’re difficult to love” has to be the most painful thing I’ve ever gone through. After trusting someone with my darkest past.
I think the most appropriate quote I can think of right now would be, "You're gonna carry that weight."
hey ! this is a Beatle song ! :D
Really now? I was thinking Cowboy Bebop. But given Bebop's love of music they're probably related.
Cowboy Bebop's phrase is derived form that Beatles song.
+gaurav gothwal Not surprising. lol.
i'm carrying it :(
I had a mixture of both
I think most of us did
Same here, just the result of good-intentioned parents who don't always know how to handle difficult situations.
I don't think good and bad childhoods are a black and white issue. Instead, those cases described in the video refer to the extremes of a spectrum. Most people just lie somewhere in between.
+jaggo84 spot on
+hajer tounsi not "most"
+jaggo84 spot on.
I really want my kids to have a good childhood unlike mine
Green Arrow yea i want to give my kids stuff i never had
me too
i want to be the complete opposite of my parents. actually treating their child like a person!
steve same we learn from our parents mistakes
steve me too
My bad childhood has made me a fearful person, but also a strong person, determined to keep fighting through my fears.
this is a really nice message to start a day.
sweet pepe!
yep
dumb frogposter
CUTEST PEPE EVER
Spaghetti elephant on a tricycle PEPE LOOKS SO KAWAII
Good video. I’ve suffered from a bad childhood. The bad childhood mentioned in this video is literally nothing compared to mine. I would have swapped to this version any day, at least you don’t get physically abused constantly, to the point that you had a black eye and was told to lie about it to your teachers and if you told the truth they will beat you up even more. I had so many traumatic physical abuses as a child from both parents and I always fault it was my fault I made mistakes, just simplest mistakes like losing a key made my parents beat me without mercy. I am 22 now and still recovering, people with healthy childhoods are so lucky you guys don’t even realise.
Masyaf. Please stay strong please I have a not so great childhood too but it only makes me want to become a hero just no matter the pain dont end your life
Skill issue lmao
Sorry for commenting years later, you have probably forgotten about this video
Happy New Year, i guess, i hope it's better than it used to be
As a person who had a good childhood, people with good childhood don't deserve one and usually grow up dumb and lazy freaks If that's any better for your situation. Because i assume you must be some incredibly good and resilient person if you were able to go through that
HOW IS THIS A GOOD CHILDHOOD HE IS IN A FIRE ALONE 0:29
He learned how to solve and overcome problems.
Fire extinguisher
It would be better than mine at least.
Ana Mitreva oh
I showed this to my parents and told them witch one I had and they got really mad of this video and said it was a lie and I was just being crazy
That’s minpulation I don’t think that’s ok
@@K4Jistice6021 that's why we should also control our intensity of love. Exactly, balancing. Not just forcing them with disciplin and forgiving their "bad" behavior, but also; give our hand to sooth them, handle them calmly, be there for them, be care to explain, and be one of those to resist shaming them. This video is accurate in a general level, don't expect a content from a stranger to fit perfectly with your reality.
I wouldn’t dare show this to my parents. They do not accept their errors most of the time.
I don't think I had a inherently bad childhood but I had quite a lonely one. I guess, in a way, led to the same place that TSL's video showed. The statements in 1:17 are things that I say to myself sometimes. And even further. And it's hard to get out of that mindset and move on.
Fogo It will be worth it though.
Chavakno_ Same here mine was pretty boring and non eventful
@@DogWick same
It's kind of depressing when you think about the ratio of how many people had good child hoods to bad. I would bet 80% of people had bad childhoods... probably more when u factor in children in third world countries. Maybe that is why the world is so damn messed up. Or maybe I just think it's so high because most of my friends have shit for parents. What do other people think the percent would be?
Yes, I though the same, around 70 - 80%. It seems like the unconsciousness and ignorance of the majority, have no idea of children's emotional and developmental needs. Let's face it, kids can be very frustrating and if you don't have the coping skills, or had a bad childhood yourself, how do you parent effectively?
Rebecca Herman the way to find the answer is first to ask yourself, how many "good" people are out there with children, really
I think that too
I actually think a lot of children in developing countries have good childhoods because often they have a strong sense of community, some of the happiest looking childrec can be ones playing with a tyre. I think poverty does definitely make life harder but if love and support are present you can definitely still be content. Look at all the troubled child stars who never wanted for anything material but are beset with problems, many probably always felt like a commodity to their parents rather than truly loved
if this is true, we should sign a petition for mandatory&free parenting school for people expecting children. at the end there should be a test, and if someone's an extremely abusive/aggressive/no self control etc he/she should be further counselled or periodly monitored in raising his/her child.
I find ideas like this interesting, but I get stuck on the logistics. Where do step-parents or later marriages come in? How can we possibly convince congress to put that much money into social work? Who lays down where the threshold is between a high-risk and low-risk/non-risk parenting philosophy, and based on what research, and who gets to decide if that body of research is robust enough to be conclusive, and oh please dear god let's just base this on research at all in the first place, etc.
Like, I'm not saying it would be completely impossible, just that it would be a freaking massive undertaking that would possibly require most of society on board.
"you" (or the governments ) should check out Norway's child protection system ( Barnevernet). they are famous for extreme confiscating children from bad parents. these countries also have an interest in growing their population, and bottom line is if there is will then it can be done.
i'm amazed at these nordic country societies. the swedish lagom and their virtue for moderation. by contrast in a capitalist society where people try to be millionaires, of course they will barely pay employees/make unhealthy food products/ruin the enviroment/move their business/etc. society has to evolve and spirituality also.
*ubuntuposix* If only Scandinavia weren't so damn far north that the weather was intolerable (to my tastes) I'd already live there.
that's a real good idea
*I was crying throughout the video*
😥
I feel you
we need to do that. to me, crying should be as acceptable as laughing. I do both in equal measure.
I understand you.
ATIS
Exactly!!!!
I know that my father had a terrible and tough childhood, but that does not help sooth the hurt and undo damages I've received. I do not deserve any of this. I've been physically, mentally, and emotionally abused by him all my life yet he still believes that he is the best father ever lol. He forced my mom to abort my little sister saying that she would be born retarded or mentally ill although there was no evidence at all. He just didn't want to spend money raising her. He doesn't want to spend money on anyone but himself! He acts like I'm supposed to feel lucky having a parent like him while sucking the life out of me, taking away my peace, crushing my self-esteem on a daily basis, controlling almost every aspect of my life, and imposing his ridiculous ideas on me (Mind you, he recently told me that it is ok to have multiple boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time so you can find and marry the one that is the most beneficial to you. Being the cheater he is, I'm not even surprised anymore). He is now trying to take away my right to pursue my dream, which is the only thing that is keeping me alive and hoping for a better future. The worst part about it is that almost everyone knows the kind of father and husband he is yet he still thinks that he is doing a good job. I want to cry every time thinking that someone that toxic still exists in my life and ruins it in every way possible. Kill me pls cause it is becoming more than I can bear.
Tell someone pls do. Ik this sounds so dumb and ridiculous and it really depends A LOT from which country you are from, but he is a fucking asshole und you deserve better. I too had a dad that is a sociopath (not diagnosed but he fits the description on one ( I made proper research so I am very sure of it)) as you can think a manipulative asshole that denies his problems, physically and mentally abused his family, doesn’t go to work simply because he doesn’t want a healthy family, doesn’t make a great father. I told my school and after that he got thrown out and I haven’t seen him in a year. Pls don’t leave, you deserve to live.
+Einhorn Banane We live in the USA now but parents abusing children is kind of the norm in the country I'm from. I wasn't (and am still not) sure what to do because I kind of grew up accepting the abuse until it's become fucking clear that he is not letting me go to have a damn life the way I can truly live. He is just a selfish person who wants to control whoever he can and wants me to be the way he wants to construct me to be. I am legally an adult now so I'm not sure if throwing him out using his crime of child abuse would be an option? I'm trying to claim my independence and hopefully one day I'll get to leave this dark place with some pieces of me remained unshattered. I'm not going to kill myself because I really can't. Even the thought of self-harm terrifies me. I just sometimes wish someone can do the job for me. On accident or whatever...just end it for me cause I'm so fucking tired...
+ Steven Lee Thanks....I am still fighting my way out. Hopefully, I get to the phase where I can actually move on from all these pains instead of suffering from them.
I'm pretty sure it's called domestic abuse when an adult physically abuses another adult in the household. I've lived through some nasty abuse from my father for a very long time. Last year I had the courage to reach out and call the police when he hurt my mum. I am so much happier now. No more constant worrying about getting hurt. Please, do not accept what he does as the 'norm'. You deserve so much better.
Jade Nguyen OMG you are going through what I'm EXACTLY going through.
I had a really good childhood personally but if you're someone who had a terrible childhood, hold on to the image at the end of the video.
You're grown now so look at your childhood and smile at your child self. You have the power now to love yourself and treat yourself with the kindness and appreciation you deserved back then.
Nyanna Ross it's kinda of hard to do that when you never seen an example of it but, I'm trying my best to do so especially for my daughter
How easily said lmaoo oh wow.
How do you smile at your child self if your child self was depressed?
Nyanna Ross great comment.
Nyanna Ross yeah it's kinda shit watching this video still being in your "childhood" though
what about the childhood where nobody talks to you and your alone all the time? No negative or positive
That was my childhood.
Aunt died when I was young then my mother took me far away from the rest of my family. She was always at work so I just stayed alone day-after-day.
I never thought about making friends so I was alone during and after school. I just existed in the corners of life.
I find that to be the most depressing thing when someone is stuck in this situation.
Having grown up, I'm now dealing with the consequences of being socially incompetent. Being unable to get out when you want nothing but to get out. Very frustrating.
Childhood is a spectrum and mixed bag of M&Ms. Its tough to figure out everything yourself, especially when you thing its everyone else and you're regular one
That's called no childhood. gg :(
This was my childhood. Parents either had to work, or they just ignored me. Luckily, primary and secondary school was easy for me, but it sucks that I hardly ever socialized with anyone.
That's neglect.
46 seconds into this and I'm already thinking
"Damn, I really did had a crappy childhood"
i feel you
Bruh when it's 1 am and you realize that your dad threatening to kill you is not normal.
Grady C3 Dude it took me like 4 years to realize my dad is two different people. He'll be relaxed and open and loving, and then a little thing will set him off, like my brother not taking out the trash. Then, he takes the anger out on EVERYONE no matter if they caused it or not. He won't listen to reason either. He'll make me cry and then go "oh baby I'm sorry I didn't mean it"
It sounds bad, but if you can get him to hit you, you have probable cause for him to go to jail.
Krista Miller damn that's rough... my dad gets mad over petty reasons also but also plays the guilt card. Must've been hard man...things always get better.
Krista Miller my dad is just like that. I feel terrible for you and hope everything gets better
Krista Miller wait if your parents hit you it's illegal?
My fathers abusive and my mother is emotionally absent and wants pity all the time. i hate both of them i cant wait till i move out.
Stay strong Sarah! My father left when I was 7, and my mom is a narcissist who only thinks of herself and wants everyone to feel sorry for her. She barely acted happy for me when I got engaged or when I graduated from college. All she could comment on was how jealous she was that she didn't have those things (and I fought back rolling my eyes cuz why does she think she doesn't have those things??) But anyways, luckily my fiancé helped me escape my shitty family and now I'm healing. But I'm still nowhere near perfect. I still have zero confidence which is why I'm stuck in a dead end job instead of getting a career I deserve, so I'm just wasting my degree. Still, I am finally at a stage in my life where I can be hopeful for a happy future (and really believe it's possible). It's a long road, but the journey is worth it. Take care. ❤️
ThatXoneXguy its not attention seeking i just wanted to get it off my chest in a place no one knows who i am.
***** aww so sweet good luck :)
Be happy friend :)
I can relate man.. My father was abusive af and left without paying child support, and during that time in my life he didn't allow my mom to have a job so when we got out of that situation my mom had to support 4 kids (including me) on her own and... It wasn't the best life... But now she has a boyfriend and despite working, he pays for 80% of our bills but he is so sexist and a lil a-hole and i just don't like the way he treats my mom but she is so blinded by her "romantic" relationship with him she doesn't see the bad side of him, she genuinely cares about him more than her children's emotional/mental being :/ The way he just tells her to do stuff for him drives me sick! He has hands and legs he can do it himself 😡😡😡😡 he's lucky that he pays the bills or I would have punched him by now
I really needed to hear this... I think that I'm doing parenting right. Damn, is it hard sometimes though.
Same! :) Good luck! You can do it. Try your hardest and when you fail, pick up the pieces and take responsibility! That's what I tell myself.
Thanks! It means a lot to me. =) You keep up the good work too.
:)
Also, let your kid(s) know (Not like LET THEM KNOW) how hard it is to do all these things so that they they grow up with that in mind.
I know this is really old, but as somebody who isn't even an adult yet, the best thing to do is be patient and wait until they're calm to explain any mistakes, very calmly.
Amongst many hundreds of valuable videos, this one hit the hardest. And it’s the most beautiful one
I agree!
When you realize you have a bad childhood, and wasted so many potential you have.
24 years has gone and I'm going nowhere in life because they don't allow me to work hard at something I want to, instead they want me to do something I don't care about.
I wish reincarnation is real so I have another chance in life.
Don`t allow them to not-allow you do the things you love. At the end of the day, hard work is a very valluable thing. Don`t let it be wasted on something, that has such a bitter taste.
You always have another chance.
Oh boo hoo, look at me I still don't think I can learn and attach labels to myself, this is why your are a waste of space
You can change that, start today, small steps at a time. Be who you want to be.
+Sci-Twi I like that...
"There is no such thing as a child brought up right."-Jimmy Stewart.
Matt K well said. Everyone's got something bad about their childhoods. No one is really spared.
I had the first childhood till I was about 10
now I'm 14 and I can relate to the 2nd on completely
I am verbally abused, it's horrible
I was verbally abused at 4 and 11 by my teachers but things always get better. Sometimes, the best thing that you can do is exist.
Hun, ive been physically abused by my brother and mom. It hurts, badly. Im emotionally abused and verbally abused by my brother also and i just hate both of them. My mom once said i was ungrateful for food, when i really was. She always spends her money on cigarettes. Im so stressed by everything thats happened over the past 3 years of life (Dad in prison, taken into aunts custody 2 times, mom sent to jail, brother being an ass) that animals have become my calmer and nothing else can calm me down when im angry or sad. I only have 6 but their being fostered so i dont get to see them. Sometimes i emotionally need it but when i ask my mom says no. She knows animals are a destresser for me but she says no probably because she fucking hates me.
I get treated horrible and I’m 10 I get treated bad more than good and sometimes I do feel depressed about life
I feel bad lots of people get treated bad but you way worse I wonder why the kids who act really bad sometimes get a parent that supports them and does love them while the kids who are better than them get the horrible parents while getting pushed around by other brothers like my brothers first got my iPad deleted some my apps not to mean then beats me up kicking on the wall and punching me on the wall then making fun of me for crying sometimes and that was a VACATION so annoying and they just laugh when I cry every time they see me cry they smile and laugh so hard and tell there friends and my friends one time my brother told the entire school I was gay and believed him and I had no friends for a entire year but you have a tough life I’m sorry you had to go through this and I kinda got a little side track while typing this
yeah, right. I was sexually and physically abused. fuck off
Everybody read this. I know we are all going through tough things right now, so am I. But let me just say, SUICIDE IS NEVER THE ANSWER. Things WILL get better. Talk to someone. Tell the police. Find a way to get out of you situation. But do not hurt yourself. Even if you think it will make things better it won’t. You may think no one loves you,but everyone has someone that cares about them. Think about how they would feel if you killed yourself. Everyone has struggles. Some worse than others, but just remember that there is someone out there going through the same thing as you. You are loved❤️
Ava B yes, leaving them alone isn’t revenge, it’s giving up,
Sad thing is, not everyone has someone that cares but yeah hang on, life will always surprise you, you'll never find out if you don't hang on
Doesnt get better. Small fix. Never better. I am not loved. I'm serious. I want you to legit come to my fucking house and look me straight in the fucking eyes and say that someone loves me bcuz that's just not true
Ava B NO THINGS WILL NOT GET BETTER I HAVE 1M BAD DAYS AND HAVE ONLY 1 GOOD DAY
Suicide is never the answer. It's the golden path to better
I'm not having kids, I'm not continuing the cycle of abuse and mental illness. My mom had BPD and so do I, which makes for pretty bad parenting at times. Don't get me wrong, she was very loving and caring, but it falls apart when you're crazy. Don't do it. Just don't have kids if you have mental illness, especially when you pass it down to your child. I loved my mom (still do but she's dead) but she should have never had kids, neither should I.
I was diagnosed with an illness but I think that by having kids I can help make things better for the next generation (since I've been able to support myself). But at the same time I don't like kids :/
Lilith Scyther Just adopt instead
Belle C. It's about her beliefs about what her parenting will be like. Although it seems as though an element of it is passing on the illness, she also worries about possible incompetence due to her disorder.
Davina Pops Ah I'm sorry for misunderstanding.
I feel the same way.
Ok I know this probably doesn't make sense but whatever. So my family, has enough money and is in no economic problems, but we are far from perfect. My parents always send me to nice camps, let me play sports and feed me properly so you'd think I'd have a good childhood.... wrong. My father is physically abusive and once dragged me up the stairs by my neck. My mother is manipulative and verbally abuses me. She is never happy about my accomplishments and always finds something wrong. I have an eating disorder and many mental disorders but they don't give a shit. They hate me and I bet would love if I was never born. There is so much more but that would be too long. I know none of you care about my life but I need to write something, so thanks for reading I guess.
It's okay. I don't know you, and I don't know how to console you in any way, but if you're still alive, then I'm pretty sure they love you at least a little bit.
Get some help. You can't stay alone. Someone needs to help you (shrink, police, ...). You went through a lot and it's the time for you to be happy now in your life. You deserve a life of happiness and love and I can't wait for you to realize how precious and worthy of love you are.
'It is not a big deal'
That's what I tell myself when something bad happens.
Every life is precious. Doesn't matter if you're religious or secular or athiest or however you look at it, a human life isn't something to treat like a commodity whose quality can be judged like stuff in a garage sale. Just know that anyone, family or a regular guy on the street, who talks to you like that is undeserving of your time, love or respect. You don't have to make them proud, just because they're your parents doesn't mean you have to make them proud of what your accomplishments. Move out of there and don't ever talk to them again as soon as you can (If you haven't already).
Don't know if that helped, but hey, we don't know until we try.
Same here
I've seen many stories on this topic, so I've decided to share mine, too.
So, I was born in the middle of the good and bad childhood. Sometimes my parents would praise me, but other times, they would yell at me and mainly call me "stupid". They couldn't help me with homework because they didn't understand English. This means that I would have to bother my sister to help me, which is hard because she's mostly in a bad mood when I ask her.
One memory of sadness was when my mom grabbed my arm and pulled me out the door. I remember pulling myself the opposite way and falling on the floor, while she kept screaming at me "Leave! LEAVE!" She would also punch me a lot. Later, I grabbed my jacket and locked the door behind me as I left. I remember walking in circles, staying within a 5-meter range of the house. Soon, my sister came out, and we silently walked around the block before coming back inside the house. (It turns out my mom told my sister to make sure I didn't actually run away.)
One memory of happiness, is, in short, when my family and I went to a waterpark. We had a blast. Still, I seemed to focus on the bad things more than the good things. I think I have a bit of low self-esteem, but I'm not completely sure. I am currently 11 years old, and I try to look at the good things of life. Still, thanks for making this video, The School of Life. And thanks to you, for reading my dumb comment of my childhood. xD
That's good that you're battling through this
Your comment is not dumb. You matter very much. I'm so sorry you are having these significantly bad experiences at such a young age. Hold onto the positive, but know that it will take many more positive experiences to begin to undo the damage of the negative ones; bad experiences are hard not to "focus" on because they hurt so badly. It is not your fault you are being treated so poorly. I'm glad you are seeking to educate yourself with these videos at such a young age, I hope these videos and others like them will help.
At least ur mom cares ur not running away
Mxyx I didn’t finish my sentence it was personal that I don’t have parents anymore but I won’t get in to detail cause I won’t speak up
What the hell could you have done to make your mom want you to leave?
And too many people think corporal punishment is a good thing even though its proven to have no positive affects.
I had a genuinely bad childhood then. This explains a lot.
My friend is exactly the opposite of good kind which you described in the video. He gets screamed at 50000 times a day for everything small, he is beaten alot, his parents never actually help him, he never gets anything even 1€ candy he rarely gets. his parents think he has to worship them and be a slave, has to eat all the food or gets screamed at and forced. I hate his parents, theyre such egoistic fucks who are too strict, never understand jokes. They beat their children and dont buy anything for them even though theyre wealthy, they expect the kids to pay for their parents lives when they grow up. It's not the childs responsibility to pay their parents when they grow up, the CHILD DID NOT DECIDE TO BE BORN, if you want 3 children YOU NEED TO BE READY TO TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITIES AND WEALTHY ENOUGH TO GIVE THEM EACH EQUAL AND GOOD LIVES. YES THEYRE NOT TREATED EQUALLY WHICH DISGUSTS ME. If you decide to have children you have to be ready to pay for them. They think beating children is good for them, children are slaves, do you know which kind of childhoods most criminals had? Yup, childhoods with no love.
Red swimmer28 Child Protective Services have some terrible cons. The government does it for cash not help...
Eminemfan 8mile lmao I looked at your channel and you look like you’re ten. Have your parents taught you not swear? And also I think you’ll change your mind about not wanting to have kids...
i agree with you
True
I had a very bad childhood where I had to witness terrible violence and fear everyday. It s still affecting me now even in adulthood. No child should have to experience a bad childhood.
bad childhood left a deep scar and mental burden which i still bring until now. it is so exhausting.
i know i cant change my past, but how i accept my past and doing a radical forgiveness for everything and everyone., give me a little spark of light and serenity. its surely hard. but doesnt mean impossible to heal from bad childhood.
I had a mix of both. I've always been a VERY emotional/sensitive person, so I would always cry a lot. Everyone around me would always get mad and say that I cry too much for everything and walk away. Maybe i was a crybaby (and still am), but the feelings that i experience are important to me, and it hurt that no one bothered to care about then. I feel like that's why I'm so reserved now, especially towards my family. They've never been the type to try and understand other people's feelings or why a person may be feeling a certain way. And they get upset when I don't want to share anything with them, because I already know that they're going to judge. As for the generation of younger kids (my cousins in elementary school), I try to be more attentive to their emotions. Their parents don't even bother trying to listen, and I don't want them to feel alone like i did. I let them to know that if they need to talk about something that I am there to listen. And not just with them, but with other people as well. I feel that the thing that a lot of humans lack is compassion and inderstanding. If there were more of that, the world would be a better place. But anyway, that's just my own personal thoughts and experience 😅
I know I'm late but damn.... Same... How old are you?
Me too. Feelings my family doesn't understand are immediatly called 'ridiculous'. By now I'm used to it but especially as a child and teen it hurt a lot.
To my shame I envy my cousin's daughters because I feel like they experience much more love (my father wasn't the nicest) and sympathy also from people I don't feel I got much sympathy from as a child. I hope they will grow up to be way happier and more self confident than I am.
Ella, I am 21 if you want to know my age as well.
quiche lorraine cry
I just cry 😢 i do have the same situation with you.
I relate. Im sensitive aswell.I never say whats wrong with me when I cry, unless its with my mom 😣😓😗
i think that the best way to cope with your bad childhood is to try to make another child's life better, if you found a struggling child who reminds u of urself, you can be his helping hand even by just making him smile every now and then, it could make a big difference.
ok woahhhh i should be treating my little sister a little more responsibly now
Annalise Scott One day, when she needs your help just ignore her.
maham meher Holy shit me too !
Yeah you should unless you want your sister to be depressed wtf who does this to their own sister
No u should not
Tell that to my brother
This made me cry. All trauma that I’ve swallowed, and all the undigested sorrows and wounds. There is still hope nonetheless and I’m still standing.
I'm 11 and I think that I thought I had a good childhood. When I was a baby until I turned 8, I was praised, I was the favored child, I get whatever I want, I have a perfect family. Yet since my sister got a brain disease, they told me that she was my mom and my father was unknown. Then I turned 9, I went to a less prestigious school, my brother basically replaced me. My grandparents now threaten to kill me. Like one time, I didn't want to drink my medicine my grandma came with a knife on hand and almost stabbed me to death. My grandpa, who used to tell me interesting stories and we would challenge each other on who is the most intellectual one, now barely talks to me and tell me interesting stories. None of them would go to at least pick me up from school or tell me that I'm great and I deserve more than what I would always get from school. I tell them about my bullies but then they ignore it a day or so. Whenever I get abnormal aches they would call me 'retarded'. It's like I don't feel anything from them. It's like they don't care that much about me now. I'm only 11 and I think I deserve more than what I'm receiving, I'm always dwelling all night long and cry. This Christmas, I don't even see a single garment hanging on our house. No gifts, love, and I'm still choosing on which side should I go and spend Christmas with.
wow! this sounds like a volatile situation. I think you may need to get help from others. to begin with, preferential treatment of other children is unfair, and you shouldn't be lied to... but being threatened with knives... it's just not safe. I am going to assume that your situation is delicate, and maybe your grandparents would not like it, but I'd REALLY like to encourage you to reach out to a guidance counselor at your school or find a church and talk to a youth leader or some other church official about what you are going through. your safety matters and I don't know how easy it would be for you to simply communicate your unhappiness, but depending on the situation, they may not react well to solve your problems.
Joyita Darling Thanks for the help, someone finally understands what I'm going through. I might want to go to the guidance counselor now and talk about it, not minding to tell my friends or they'll spread it around the whole school. Once again Thank you so much :)
LeBunny Meow Meow I'm glad I could help. And you should be mindful of who you told in terms of friends, because they might twist the story in a way that would be to shame you and of course that would be ridiculous. I hope for the best for you and your family and I hope that they give their love to you in kinder ways in the future.
You remind me of myself when I was 11. 👍
So much fandoms so little time
Don't ever tell your friends about that, even less at your age they'll use it against you
it's important to also have adversities&be exposed to both good&bad. Children may become spoiled or be easily discouraged if life is too easy. they may not have the emotional strength to persevere through difficult times. variety < positivity.
(correction) variety over positivity.
DickonSowerby007 you act as though it's black&white, but it's so clearly not.
I had a terrible childhood ,but i found myself stronger and better prepared for life than my peers mainly because i wasn't given a false sense of reality and had already dealt with some of the hardest challenges life gives whilst you live it.
but its still better to have a good childhood than having a bad childhood mainly because it plagued me with mental issues growing up.
I'm still quietly hoping for the spoiled people in my life to get their rude awakenings. (Don't tell anyone I said that.)
+gafeht hahahha same we most likely wont see it but in 10 years or when you go back to your high school reunion the people who were handed everything will fail so badly and theyll be the ones who are working shitty hours for ok wages
Unlike other stories here, I have a pretty amazing childhood. For instance, my mum told me to watch a programme about ocd (obsessive compulsive disorder) and then told me that I have characteristics that could lead to ocd. She's helped me all my life so I don't develop ocd, anxiety, depression, or any other mental stuff. If I ever make a mistake they point it out in a kind way that doesn't hurt my feelings or damage my self esteem and/or confidence. They've brought me up in a brilliant way that has helped me strive in school and become the confident, self-loving person I am today 😃
Sorry for commenting five years later, you have probably forgotten about this video, but it sounds so unbelievable to me 0_0
I had better parents than i have ever deserved and grew up dumb and lazy, whereas my friend who had it worse turned out a much better person
Idk i think your parents are very lucky to have such a child who turned out a great person when they grew up.
I generally had a good childhood. So why the hell I'm acting like the dude from the bad one?
hahahaha
I think they oversimpliflied good and bad childhoods and their consequenses. I belive most of us have a mix good-bad childhood that can give us a mix behavior. I never like when something is portrayed as either totally white-perfect or totally dark-disastrous. Two persons can go trought exactly the same experience and then yet have two totally oposite reactions to it. We can erase our personal responsability in our choises just blaming it all the time in society. On another side I think that most of teenagers behave on a difficult way no matter good or bad childhood.
Probably not everything was bad but there were some key things that happened to you which caused you to act like the bad one.
Lol I'm the opposite I had a bad childhood yet I act like a goody two shoe 😂
spoiled thats it
I had very caring parents and I still had a miserable childhood. By age 10 I thought about suicide every day and how I could end myself at school, home or grandma's house, if ever life became too unbearable. That was the worst time of my life though, high school was better, college was better yet and now I'm married and thriving.
same. My parents made mistakes when I was a kid (of course) but as I grew up they also grew kinder and more tolerant, and were always great parents in general, yet I had a shitty childhood (or so I was told, I don't remember anything before turning 12) because of school, other relatives and my own personality (was so shy sometimes I couldn't even speak, so I creeped everyone out). So shitty childhood does not always equal shitty parents
Me too. I think the problem is not my parents, but myself. I've always had a roof over my head, warm food in my belly, an education, pets, my parents are still together, I never had someone close to me die, I was never sexually abused or anything. The only things that could have been better are my parents' ways of raising me and the number of my friends. My parents hit and yelled at me and I never had any friends; I've always been a loner and still am to this day. However, he first time I lied in bed, crying and wishing for death, I was only 5 years old. Now I'm 14 and last summer I was pretty close to jumping off the roof of our house. I'm just so negative. My glass is half empty. Every time I try to see it as half full, negative and destructive thoughts creep up in me. I can't sleep at night because I overthink _everything_. Did I breathe to loudly on the bus today? Better think about it until 2am. And I don't why I do that. Like I said, I don't have a single friend, and I couldn't be further away from a relationship. I only speak when spoken too. I'm the "good kid". I'm polite and good in school and helping, but it's never good enough. Overall, I feel horrible right now, and part of that is probably hormones, you know, puberty and everything, but I still don't have any reason or right to feel that way. I had a wonderful childhood compared to many other people. Then why have I always been so negative?
Woah sorry for the novel I typed out there. Got carried away a bit.
I understand what you feel. Really. I've been through something similar, I was always so negative until I was 14-15 something. Now it's been almost 2 years and I'm seeing the world around me much differently. I just want to say that, keep in mind that everything changes and all bad things (good ones too) pass. Nothing stays the same.
(If you would like to read, let me tell you something about friends that would maybe cheer you up a little. When I was in middle school, I had no friends, either because I wouldn't like anyone or noone would like me. Latter mostly. I still don't know why, maybe because I was a bit aggressive at the time. Anyway, in the first year of high school, nothing changed really. Of course the people around me were different but their attitudes towards me stayed the same. I tried to be friends with some people but they would cast me off constantly. So a year passed and we moved to another city. It was the second year of high school and I managed to become friends with someone that I didn't really like. (yeah, I had one friend.) I was still not behaving quite friendly towards others. Now I'm in the third year and somehow I have become friends with everyone in my class, I have friends from other classes too and outside of school. I think I've become more friendly, who knows. Anyway, so what I want to tell is that everything changes and probably this situation won't stay the same either.)
Suzu Yamakawa Thank you very much for cheering me up. I'm glad that things got better for you.
This channel is so brutally honest sometimes, it's quite beautiful
The bad childhood is basically how my parents raised me, but I stayed strong and now im a PROGAMER HAHAHAHAH
BAGELS ik I’m late but if u are famous, do not give them any money and also tell everyone they are bad parentd
Did you alienate them
Well this helps me understand a lot.. granted i knew i had a bad childhood. My mother was absent always high off cocaine or some other substance.. my happiest memories of my mother was crying at Christmas... I was always bullied at school when i was little up until i was in 10th grade when i decided fuck it and beat the shit out of two kids that threw rocks at me.
I lived with my father my life and only visited my mother when she was well around.. my father worked 12 hours a day to support me and my sister.. he is a good man hard worker but he had it downfalls as much as the rest he was a drunk.. one night he got so drunk and he wouldn't leave me alone so i pushed him back and he fell broke his finger and just got back up and laughed it off while bending his finger back into place.
I managed to keep myself away from getting into drugs or anything like that my only real addiction is playing online video games and that was my escape from the reality i was living it. i am 24 now and i don't have a drivers license never had the opportunity to learn to drive and am single still.. never have had a relationship with anyone and franking i am lonely.. all i have going for me is my crappy job that barely pays my rent.
I could go on and on about my problems in life but i don't see a point.. it just makes me more depressed and lonely. i am hoping to get past it and become a better person. I want to find a relationship with someone that understands me and can help me when times are darkest.
i wish the best for you my friend. you are not alone!
I can personally relate to your experiences. There are a few good books that can help us understand and heal from our bad childhoods. Two books that I like are "Children of Trauma"by Jane Middleton-Moz and "After the Tears:Helping Adult Children of Alcoholics Heal Their Childhood Trauma" by Jane Middleton-Moz and Lorie Dwinell. Many libraries carry these and they are about $10 each on Amazon. Really worth the read and really do help our self healing.
I feel you dude, itll be ok man, you can talk to me. Ive also stayed away from all drugs.. apart from sertraline, an anti anxiety and depression medication, I recomend it, you should visit a doctor and suggest this, it really helps.
best of luck dude.
Spend the next years writing everything down if you have to, but mainly write about what you value in life, write about what happened, or talk about it with some one, even a therapist. But basically, don't look for someone to depend on. That will be one fucking nasty relationship my friend, trust me. You need to seek self value, seek truth, enlightenment, God, find a purpose within yourself to exist and figure out the things you want to change and start working on them one by one. Goals are hard to accomplish when you have too many. So focus on one for 30 days straight, even if it is just "writing down my values in life" or something like that, then go another 30 days from there. You want to find yourself within yourself. No matter how much someone can be there for you, ONLY YOU will be the ultimate determining factor of whether you have reconciled with your past, your thoughts of yourself and others, and your own willingness to achieve the greatness that is within you. Everyone has greatness within themselves, it's simply a matter of deciding to be great. But great at what? Well, you have some thinking and searching to do, and that will be the beginning of your life journey. From the hell you have experienced, as well as the joys, write down your top 20 values and also write why if you can. Then, look at all the abilities you have as a person, and see if you have any abilities, jobs or connections that can help you fulfill and live out those values that you hold dearly in life. Next, if you don't' have any attributes, for atleast 3 or 4 days, write down 10-20 ideas a day on what you think you could do to fulfill and live out your daily values. Really if you want solid progress, do this for 30 days, even if you're writing the same things down, and only come up with 1 or 2 new ideas. Out of the 100 values or more a week that you write, there are bound to be at least 1, if not more, ideas that will help you seek greatness within yourself. There is greatness within all of us, and you have the potential, with all that you have experienced in your life, to change the world. And so you need to get to it, you can do it, think about that, you can do it if you really literally tried, stopped everything you're doing and went out to change the world, you will find a way somehow and would be able to do it.
When you have figured out your values, capabilities, etc. Figure out 1 ultimate life goal/purpose, which you are going to pursue from here on out. This goal will be the goal that you will never give up on so long as you are alive, no matter what any woman, potential lover, family member, or friends say. You cannot give up on the greatness within you.
Naturally when you realize your goal, you will have a lot of other smaller obstacles that will also become goals. I recommend downloading the app called "Correct Goal Setting," this will help so much with prioritizing your life and inspiring you to get going.
I am saying all of this because you mentioned you wanted to find someone who understands you and can be there for you, which can be nice, but ultimately, it is up to you. Dependency on a person to fill the hole inside you is just like depending on drugs, or "Video Games" to fill that hole. External objects and things will not ever satisfy us in this world. And it is when you come to realize that all you have and need to change yourself and realize the greatness within you is Right here, in the present moment. Here and Now is the beginning at which you can change your life, and make the next choice that will change everything, because there will never be another day like to day, and so it is time to get it together.
In the end, when you have your goal set, and you are set out, determined, you will naturally meet people, and women, but you must not ever give up on that ultimate goal which is your purpose because without that purpose, you will not have any destination or purpose, and if you're really looking for a woman, a woman needs a man that knows who he is and is going somewhere. But first, you need to spend some years of personal development working on that. If you can trust me on this, it will happen. There's even a Bible quote, "Seek first the kingdom of God, and all else will be added unto you." God has a plan for you, and a purpose for everyone in this world, and if you seek Him first, God provides everything else for you. The only way to be with God, is to be in the present moment.
I hope you see the correlations I am making, and that you are realizing something here because it is not a joke.
God loves you, and He always seeks relationship with us, we simply just need to open our hearts to Him. Ask if He's real, and challenge Him. He will prove to you what you need to know, and will help you realize your purpose on this planet.
I have incorporated many ideas and perspectives for you to take from. Make the best of it as you can.
I only give you an opportunity to explore and begin to seek the greatness that lies within you already. It is up to you to take hold of that ring, and to begin to stand up in triumph, no longer will you be controlled by your mind, but you will be in control of those thoughts, and you will tap into the present moment, and be open to the expansive love that God has for you always and forever, and you will be able to get somewhere my friend.
You may be inspired now, but do not give up because each day is a new day, unique and never the same. Make it be that you will not give up. Good Luck to you my friend, and I pray, hope and wish for you that you never give up and pursue the greatness within you. Much Love.
-Lawrence Abbott
+Lawrence Abbott we cannot like comments anymore with RUclips? well if i had the option i would give you a thumb up!
Am I the only one who sees the dowsides of the "good" childhood? I'd say that if the childhood is too "good", you get to expect, that everything is always gonna go well no matter what and everybody will always understand you. That can result in you being overly confident and reckless and having exaggerated expectations from the other people. I think neither kind of childhood described in this video is really the best; I think the right way is somewhere in the middle.
bnfgh123 totallt agree,i know people on my school who are spoiled at fuck and didn't seen anythink else,and by the way that guy is a fucking psycopath,and there is me who got an worse childhood than the average,i'm not gona complain it's my fault,well not completely but still,and i am and was really bad,i already thought about suicide and self harmed twice
I know i should search for some help,but i'm 15 not gona get any treatment anyway.
David M. Good for you i cpuld have a therapy but my parents need to be aware of it and btw they don't really have the money :(
I don’t think being a good parent to your kid means you’re spoiling them. Giving them everything they want and not teaching them about responsibility is sure spoiling. But encouraging your kid to learn from mistakes and not making them feel like they’re walking on eggshells are examples of good parenting
bnfgh123 id rather be overly confident and reckless than hate myself and want to die. The "good" childhood is miles better than the bad one.
You can get a good childhood like that, as long as it doesn't come to being spoiled. It just depends how it's done. Spoiling a child is actually in a way, abusing that child. It's not that the person's childhood is "too good", it's that they were sabotaged, whether intentionally or not. They were set up for failure due to having everything given to them, and not being allowed to face challenges. These children aren't told that "you did something wrong, so lets improve and grow from this, and not repeat our mistakes", they're told "everything's fine, you did nothing wrong, or it's somebody else's fault, or that it's nothing to worry about". They aren't allowed to experience difficulties that allow them to adapt and grow, they are shielded from them, leaving them crippled in the long run.
I had bad parents but good friends ^^ happy that I still have those friends today and don't talk to my parents anymore :) my childhood was both and this video is only letting me accept it more so thank you :)
You don't need parents to have a family~
AngieGandalf6 Yea I learnt that. Sadly allot of people don't accept you when you don't love your parents :/
wopwopkross I don't quite believe in family bonds. I believe I could grow old not seeing my siblings again, why is that sadder than me not talking to my best friend anymore, who has improven my life much more, for instance? It's so annoying that I have to feel forced to talk to people I don't care about just because of....blood? Why?
AngieGandalf6 Exactly!
AngieGandalf6 I choose who deserves my respect and time. In my earlier days literally some of my family forced their respect sorry but that is not how it works you need to earn it.
And this is how my childhood messed up my whole life.
Bubu 13 mine to 💯
Mine too
Oh this is the real deal
up to present is a mess
I haven't always had the greatest people in my life as a child but luckily I have great empathy skills and can see they're just damaged people and I shouldn't let it get the best of me because I'm smarter then that
*Spells than wrong when talking about being smart
The easiest way to overcome someone is to prove em wrong
firstname lastname how about school and government? :)
As soon as I try to they just start laughing at what Im doing even though I just started, i cant because they just start laughing "so this is why your parents say youre a disappointment" and I think about is life even worth it at this point...
Whenever I try to prove my mum wrong, she makes an amazing comeback and roasts me.
Meggsy Vlogs the same goes to my ex-teacher
firstname lastname The thought you were me...
I am going to die alone and no one shall mourn for my grave
Perfect Imperfections I feel the some way
Perfect Imperfections that’s sad
Perfect Imperfections i will give you some flowers
I feel the same way too I'm so sad right now my life is like living hell
Y'all need a therapist, you know what, I'll be your therapist.
I appreciate you acknowledging that there are different childhoods. I remember being surprised that people took mother's day and father's day. I was in grade 4, and perplexed by classmates talking about their parents in positive ways. It was surreal that they may have been not disliked at home (I couldn't fathom the idea of children actually being loved by their parents).
Almost put me in tears.. what a shit life
at least we don't live forever
Yes, if it wasn't for death we would most certainly be living in hell. Gosh... just imagine an eternity of this same story over and over again... we would become mad.
parents suck....why is just anybody allowed to be a parent but everything else in life requires so much more.
....."parents didn't choose you?" parents are the ones who have the choice. they conusciousley chosse to have children. children are the ones born in to a place without choice
Haha, I know right.
More like the other way around.
My family is garbage, and it could be worse, but it could be a lot better.
***** who?
Dude..... U will be a parent soon, but remember everything in life is based of your parents listen to them and u will be blessed everyone's life will be hard but get through it and remember there will always be something good as a result
Joseph Ang mine were rubbish.
We love this so much. Growing up is hard enough for kids, we need to show acceptance and unconditional love at all costs. We've got to start from the ground up and be responsible for the well being of our community.
I teared up at the end. Love the idea of feeling a bit sorry for yourself - I’m always busy improving my issues nonstop, nice reminder that these issues aren’t my fault for having.
I read of a study that showed your character is developed mostly from the interaction between mother and child within the first two years of the child's life
Good parenting when the child is 0-2 is the essential part and I think that is what society needs to learn how to do. All these people in the comment section saying 'if only all parents watched this' it seems like they fail to recognise the most important part of raising a child
Im confused by your comment... Why does it seem like those people fail to recognize the most important part of raising a child just for wanting other parents to watch this video?
Maybe they do recognise it, they just need to acknowledge it and stop putting so much weight on the good and bad times people remember for it to seem otherwise to me
Simon Banks I guess Im still confused. Eh.
As a person who had a "bad childhood," and now helps others with those same struggles, I can say that therapy can make a world of difference. However, for most of us who carry our issues into adulthood through unhealthy or unsafe coping strategies, traditional therapy isn't always effective. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a type of treatment that pairs acceptance and learning the skills our parents should have taught us. Because of neuroplasticity, we have the ability unlearn old habits (self-loathing, overly feeling guilty and/or ashamed, self-destructive behavior, etc.) and learn new one (effectively communicating our needs and boundaries, experiencing our emotions without impulsively acting on them, etc.). I would not have survived without these skills and I have had dozens of patients over the years who wouldn't have, either. No one has a perfect life and, with a lot of work and support, our childhoods don't have to determine the outcome of our adulthood. 😊
Another solution for people who had a bad childhood: Stick your parents in the cheapest retirement home you can find.
+Marius-Adrian Zoltan lol!
8==✊=Đ
8==✊=Đ
Or kill them. Make sure your heritage is in order.
This video provides the tools that saved my life: reflect about own situation and be a bit sorry for yourself (just a bit is about being kind to yourself and excuse you for having a past that was not your choice and therefore it is not your fault). Just these two things gave me so much maturity, helped me knowing and love myself better, and free me from the past a little more.
I believe that there needs to be an equilibrium between tenderness and toughness when it comes to parenting. If you are too nice and accommodating then children become spoiled, delusional, or sheltered. If you are too mean then they become depressed, self-doubting, and pessimistic. I wish there was a perfect parenting method that teaches children to be realistic with their skills or demands in life without ruining their confidence. I know my parents care about me since they always make sure I'm safe and fund my education, but I don't think they handle my feelings well. Sometimes when I call my mom while crying at college, she would just say crying doesn't fix anything and send me on my way. My parents were never good at emotional support.
silentArtist00 Authoritative I believe is the best parenting method in my opinion
My "bad" kind of childhood was enough to leave me with incurable mental illness, yay... ("bad" because the word is not awful enough to describe what was done). At least I survived, I am dysfunctional, need assisted living and constant trauma therapy, am on disability. But I survived..and i have a simple goal, that one day I'll finally be able to study and getting a university degree, that I may one day be functional enough to do something more with my life than just surviving
I have bad childhood...and deppression
Same........
It’s a shame, too. I am still going through it so I feel like I could fix it but I know in my heart and mind that I can’t - my parents don’t listen to reason and so now I’m stuck knowing that my life is going to suck because of present events, but there is nothing I can do to change that.
Me too, I'm going to slit my wrists
Lizzie pop Me too...
same any tips for me cause my life is fuck up right now
My parents were emotionally and physically abusive as well as strict and constantly struggling financially. Ontop of having little to nothing ,we were still called spoiled and underserving. Their was regular daily abuse and some nights were worse then others like being dragged by my hair through rooms like serial killers drag their victims in horror movies and being slammed against walls ,having objects thrown at me,getting slapped and hit a lot . I’d shower some nights and clumps of hair would be coming out from it being pulled so much . When I got to highschool I was never even allowed to get a license or job and was never allowed to party or even do any sports bc we couldn’t afford it . I finally saved up enough by the time I turned 21 and moved over 1200 miles away from them and I’m living my dream life in Las Vegas ;where everyone is a free spirit and life is as laid back as it gets. I’ll never recover,fully heal, and I won’t ever forgive them either bc they don’t deserve it but I know that I’ll never have to be put through that again and when I have full faith and my own child ,I WILL break the cycle .