@@AdrianMunch I only used for connection to my community but then I realized we weren’t giving each other the best versions of ourselves even though at the start meth gave me that delusion of confidence that I thought I needed to meet men.
@@GaryTornado-zy2mz My dance card was already overflowing when I got exposed to Meth, but there was a group of gay men around where I lived and I wanted into their sphere and it wasn’t until I got introduced to a man that I had been chatting with for awhile but there was never any talk about drugs. Just great sex chat, I became good friends to this day with all those same guys although we’ve all moved on to different states and locations. I honestly enjoyed myself but never let it get carried away on me, and I eventually got into distribution a was suing the postal service for delivery. I should write a book and maybe recoup some of thousands of dollars I spent over a decade using. $10 grand a year at one point, Why I got into the business to save my own money and get free meth, dealt with GHB also, I had one dealer for 6 years, we became very good friends.
@@jonnyfendi2003 im sorry you have a depressing life. but there are people out here who enjoy the spirirtual aspect of life , so dont be a winger please its not nice
Been down that dark road before. I thank God everyday I’m no longer involved in Chemsex. It’s a sad lonely trip. I have been clean for 2 years now. I have the upmost respect and appreciation for this video. A sincere Thank you!
Praise people like this man who are the glue and foundation to our community. What a hero and inspiration. Thank you to all the volunteers that help us!! 🙏🫶
While worked in gay sauna, by the time, I had big moral issues with working in that kind of place where lots of lives are changed or destroyed because of that hedonistic and destructive way of life. I felt bad to see people detached from reality, lost for hours or even days in darkness with same kind of people around them. They looked like caged hamsters in the wheel, running but not going anywhere. Unprotected sex, drugs, alcohol all around looked sometimes like a madhouse... Severe depression was final thing where I decided to quit even if I had a lots of money there. I think lots of those guys think they can do whatever and how long they want, but that's not true. I think personal responsibility, commitment, monogamous relationship and hard work are things that makes our lives easier and better. Greetings from Eastern European guy. Love you all
I agree. The gay community is just too fluid and they jeopardize their mental health, ability to connect , build relationships because the availability of sex and drugs is too easy. It’s just a sad road to go down
Wow.. I got goosebumps - This was like looking into the mirror - His story was mine at the beginning as he entered the scene and crashed. What saved me in the end was going monk mode which i still live on today.
I never knew it as chemsex, instead as PNP. Tina and coke were the entree. It was amazing until it was awful. So awful. I wish I had respected myself, cared for myself, thought I was worth more than that…..people, don’t do it if you can prevent it.
Ben Kaye for Prime Minister!! Oh how I adore this man and his beautiful soul. Thank you Ben for all the incredible work you're doing and the light you're shining.
Such a brave man... Thank you 😊 for sharing Such a deep issue... you should be so proud of yourself for opening up and getting through your recovery... God bless you 🙏 ❤ xx
He has done an exceptional job explaining the myriad of issues and the very complicated issues and feelings surrounding sex and the fallout from using the drug. It really is an experience that feels so liberating and sexually fulfilling but the truth is it’s nothing but empty hook ups, a mentally crippling drug that can steal away your humanity, honor and sense of who you are. It takes years of hard work with good therapy and friends and hopefully a forgiving experience that heals your family relations and allows you to heal from all the PTSD and anxiety that come with long term meth use. We can beat this addiction but it’s not easy one tiny bit. Hopefully after 10 years or more you come out on the other side and realize it was the greatest and most incredible accomplishment of your life to break that ball and chain and then you can share your story to help others heal and start anew.
I spent a decade using meth with sex. I had ethics about it though, I had friends who cared about me and we would do meth together sometimes. I always had my own and loved sharing. Meet mostly at my place so I’m not caught in a bad situation. It happened before. But I never got any complaints or trouble from anyone over it. I’m a decade clean and I’m good.
It's weird because when people have good/better sex is actually because electricity in all guys dicks # apparently someone stepped on ants bums and went in the ocean and now he has only got 1 leg because the shark took his leg off is crazy
I entered thr lgbtq community in October 1999, the bars, clubs were fantastic, I joined the drag scene which helped me in ways I can't even explain but I did go down the path of drugs, I no longer do any chemo but I smoked pot for years and recently I'm trying to not smoke pot because it no longer serves a purpose. My actions, words and behavior has ruined many friendships, I miss the lgbt community but not any of the bad influences. My mother is an addict and I believe I have a drug and sex addiction and I need help. I am now 45 and feel lost and forgotten and that makes me sad. I've recently been navigating several health issues unrelated to drugs and each day is a challenge but I believe I can mend things but I do need help starting ...
Sorry to hear your struggles and I hope you are getting the help you deserve. We have all made mistakes, we are humans, but you still have you life with that the possibility to find peace and happiness someday. Wishing you best of luck in your recovery and healing.
Ben is an amazing guy. I remember the great time at some parties and clubs we have met and enjoyed. unfortunately everything changed after Crystal meth in our community!
I'm that hole now and the post code issue is real. I am working with the local recovery centre but they don't have a clue about chemsex and the type of drugs used. And no chemsex support in my city at all (Portsmouth). I'm treated as a typical drug and alcohol user but it's so much more complicated than that.
As a LGBTTQ person I relate to this. Before the pandemic I was in his shoes and it was very satisfying when you have a partner that’s open to this. It’s very good when you have someone that enjoys it. The person being interviewed is very lucky to have support and knew when he needed to stop and ask for help.
Listening to U was amazing!!!! I have so many stories about being gay in L.A. and seeing the insanity that is Hollowood. The hard part is to have these kids understand the insanity (drugs, sex,) in the scene is fun now……. Then Ur stuck w reality. I’m so glad I stepped away. Now my old friends are either dead or addicted.
The 1st 15 seconds of this video really spoke to me because that's what really happened in my situation. I know I'm going to fully respect myself, my body and make proper judgment. Massive respect to him and this video
I got into Chemsex and it almost killed me and gave me herpes. I don’t like most people in the lgbt community ( can you blame me ) but I like this person. I believe he is truly genuine.
Well two upsides from the last 5 years Herpers both 1 and 2 and now Hiv is on upcoming chopping block and mostly will be cured in the next decade or 2.
Very honest, and totally agree as another gay male. It's never an ideal choice , a lot of gays bring on their own problems and then milk the sympathy or attention, totally self indulgent. However the creator of this vid is honest, seems genuine too.
He seems like a truly great person who has a lot of love to share with the world. I can relate deeply to his story, having been reliant of drugs and chemsex in the past myself. It’s a shame that so many queer people turn to substance abuse and toxic environments as a way of coping with trauma but seeing people like Ben come out the other side of it is so encouraging. ❤️
It is truly a epitome of hedonism in a capitalistic society. It is hard when you are too in tuned with pleasure. I’m thankful this is being talked about Edit: I think a big part of the issue is the superficiality and acceptance of drugs in the club scene
Lot of recognition here but I numbed my self with alcohol and poppers and let myself be abused, for over 10 years, out of selfloathing and feeling abuse was the only thing I deserved (hate from home, internalized homophobia). I got out of it almost 10 years ago but it took many years for me to grasp what I done to myself and how that has effected me. Its all very sad but happy I am out of it.
Instead of taking drugs to compensate you inability to connect with other people you really should take action and visit a therapist. I´m proud of him to get away from this toxic environment and helping others to get their life on track.
RIP to my friend.18 04 he passed away because of this s.....t.40 years old, beautiful life and careere, many friends around him but addiction to chem was too strong. Loneliness, lacque of acceptance in his family, hos father never wanted to hear that he is gay :-( Hope he is happy in heaven
I used for 12 years before I started my sobriety journey. I remember in group sessions when I was still using this idea of wanting connection at first I didn't get it but I do now, I would meet people I normally wouldn't meet just to feel that sexual connection then after I would feel really shit about it. Since going sober the loneliness is still there my bf of 10years who never used decided to move on 2 years after going sober. What keeps me going now is staying true to myself!
Awe ben, bless you. I think most gays have been through this, we all want to be loved and to love. It takes the experience to gain understanding and empathy to help others! Sal x
So many people go down this road because they lack maturity. I have a cousin who is over 60 who still acts like he is in his late 20s. To keep up his desirability in his gay world he spends hours in the gym every night and consumes all kinds of supplements. I have never seen him cook a proper meal. He does not do chemsex, as far as I know. But he is into risky behavior.
@@rossco5409 Fortunately my cousin has acquired more maturity and he understands how his earlier life (with superficial fixations) only brought disappointment and unnecessary danger. He is in a committed relationship and is taking much better care of himself. He is much happier now.
I remember back in 2010 when someone I went on a few dates criticised me smoking but he would happily take drugs on the weekend then be moody all week. Needles to say that didn't work out 🤢🤮
I had just about the best calamity with PNP you could possibly imagine. I did it three times and the third time I had a small heart attack that landed me in the hospital for two days of abject humiliation. My heart is fine, no damage, but I looked at my life and immediately knew I couldn’t go down that path. Struggle with alcohol, but thank God my heart isn’t strong enough to handle a three day bender without landing me in the hospital.
What he describes is universal to men no matter their orientation. All of us know sex has gotten us into trouble more than once, then regretting it. Much like an addiction, we often _want_ to have nothing to do with sex, but then it takes over leading us to do stupid things. Kudos to any man who is able to abstain for a year. 👍🏻
the biggest problems with discussing these issues is that the discourse can be so easily shifted to homophobia. Suddenly you have people blaming the LGBT community and their own queerness for their troubles.
This is very true 👍 Thank you for pointing that out. But alas, being brave and tackling issues head-on is really the only way to help individuals in our community and the next Gen. This is why what he's doing is so valuable/meaningful. Some will inevitably try to twist it into homophobia. But simultaneously actually gaining more respect from the larger community for addressing issues and being deep instead of shallow. On the whole, makes us look better than denial. All communities, various demographics of all kinds, have problems.
No its not as simple as just hate tho or blaming isit, you can say that all you like but the straight community doesnt have people taking ghb for a laugh does it
@@Andrei-un1cl of course they do. And the same pr0 * miss * cuity too, but straight men have to pay to experience it. If you visit a cabaret or a str* eep club, you will find the same experiences there, but our society is built in such a way that when straight men give in to their lasciviousness, we blame the women who sell their bodies, and never the men who buy it.
@@Andrei-un1cl of course they do. And the same pr0 * miss *c too, but straight men have to pay to experience it. If you visit a caba* or a str* club, you will find the same experiences there, but our society is built in such a way that when straight men give in to their desires, we blame the women who sell their bodies, and never the men who buy it.
@@Andrei-un1cl of course they do. Have you ever heard of selling your body? men have to pay but they will find the same experiences like that. However our society is built in such a way that when men consume these services, we blame the women who are selling it, and never the man who bought it.
Ok this will be insensitive and missing the point of the video, I know I know, but...why the lesbian community doesn't have anything like that? We don't have lesbian saunas, big sex parties, chemsex scene, grindr etc. Everything around hedonistic sexual experimentation is just either not there or just very miniscule. Of course overdoing it is a big problem and can destroy lives, but perhaps it is not a bad thing to sprinkle an ounce of naughtiness. I feel that our community is just...more boring tbh. The stereotype around us is that we move in on the third date, which is not even a lie. Anyways, I hope you are doing well and find peace, sounds you've been thought a lot. Brave guy with great energy.
The "chem" part is only part of the problem. The obsessive way some gay men pursue sex, see the world as being all about sex, being "unique, special, etc..." I mean, that's a shallow puddle to live in. But, no shame, each to their own!
I think specifically this issue is well explained in Velvet Rage (book). I really suggest gay men read it to break their hurtful habits and have a better chance at finding love (if that's what you want)
It's a great book, I read it a long LONG time ago. And, yes, it's great, but reading a book doesn't always help. What's the point of "looking for love" if the majority just want sex? It's really disappointing and isolating. Hookups are not for me but that really is all that's on offer (as well as just not meeting ENOUGH men outside of that culture to experience connection and chemistry. I feel like what I want, who I am, is just too much to expect. So there's no point in even identifying, etc, etc.
@@michaelvagg9505 well obviously reading isn't automatically a fix, but if you can start a continuous practice of learning and trying to grow, books can really help. My holy trinity is Velvet Rage, Attached (about attachment theory in romantic relationships) and Mating in captivity (about the expectations we put on relationships and how sex works). Or State of affairs, same writer but focuses on cheating. It has really helped me find someone as I was better at stepping away early from guys that werent going to offer me what I wanted in terms of a relationship.
Hey thanks for the recomendations though I'm not really interested anymore. There's a false hope I entertain, but I realise that is a survival thing. I haven't met, dated or had sex in a long time and the memories I have of how dysregulating the pursuit of those things were for me is really what keeps me from continuing or re-engaging. The brutality of bars and the frustration and pointlessness of online "dating" was painful for me. I've had partners when I was younger (lol) but after a while I just ran out of the energy required for someone like me to keep meeting people, keep dating, keep updating my profile. Sometimes, the work we put into growing and developing doesn't always pay off.
I like that he doesn't use the "internalized homophobia" excuse to justify the chemsex addiction. It is as he says about feeling lost in life and not finding a real purpose. Bravo!
“ All I wanted was connection because I was lonely” and yet he continued to behave in a way that fed his loneliness. The human condition is sad sometimes
I was wondering… does anyone have any childhood traumas and how do you think that affected you sexually. I understand this is not so talked about subject but I would love to meet people like me.
The chemsex scene is dark as hell. Once you start mixing T with sex its hard to go back. Sober sex becomes too dull and vanilla and you begin to use the drugs outside of sex to cope with trauma and the stresses of life, quickly leading to dependency. It is a slippery dangerous road. Kudos to people who can control thier use but it should be heavily discouraged and gay/bi men need to be educated on the dangers from a young age.
I can understand why they edited out the details about his trauma. Because that's often the root of the homosexual condition. And some truths just can't be said because they'll open the Pandora's box. Listen to Joseph Nicolosi's empirical findings on homosexuals. It's eye opening and honest.
Wow great comment. Yes, I agree. Due to fear of non homosexual society getting bashed by gays there are no serious study in this condition which is Sad. I empirically have some cloncusions as well but few people will be open and empathic 100% (this applies to heterosexual) to hear what I have to say. You fnpm must understand al ready what I might be talking about. I will read the author you suggested.
The American Psychological Association does not* have homosexuality listed on the DSM right? :-) You are also conflating this PNP or Chemsex thing with being gay. This is a subset of the gay community and not representative of the larger demographic. Why would there be successful gay people if the so-called "condition" of being gay is so inhibitive. The APA removed this out of the DSM because, by itself, being gay doesn't inhibit leading a happy life. Which isn't say that one "has to" follow the dictates of orientation. Totally okay with opposite orientation couples too. Just let the person decide what they want to do and don't judge either way. Also don't pigeonhole. Let people be fluid and do what they want.
so youre ignoring the mental rates of dv in gay communities compared to straight, the clear difference in depression levels, theres alot more, dont be disingenuous.
The entire LGBTQ+ community is struggling with loneliness, but we often think it's a fruit of our problems and not a root. Based on my experience, I didn't form strong attachments at a young age (and coupled with my sexual interests) it's truly a recipe for disaster. If you don't form strong attachments and your sexuality deviates for the heterosexual variety it's like two gigantic road blocks on the road towards building a stable life. Just my opinion based on personal experience!
“All I wanted was connection because I was lonely “ hit hard bro thanks for this ❤
As I got older I got lonely, I eventually quit meth because I no longer wanted to be around the people not the drug.
@@AdrianMunch I only used for connection to my community but then I realized we weren’t giving each other the best versions of ourselves even though at the start meth gave me that delusion of confidence that I thought I needed to meet men.
@@GaryTornado-zy2mz My dance card was already overflowing when I got exposed to Meth, but there was a group of gay men around where I lived and I wanted into their sphere and it wasn’t until I got introduced to a man that I had been chatting with for awhile but there was never any talk about drugs. Just great sex chat, I became good friends to this day with all those same guys although we’ve all moved on to different states and locations. I honestly enjoyed myself but never let it get carried away on me, and I eventually got into distribution a was suing the postal service for delivery. I should write a book and maybe recoup some of thousands of dollars I spent over a decade using. $10 grand a year at one point, Why I got into the business to save my own money and get free meth, dealt with GHB also, I had one dealer for 6 years, we became very good friends.
He is a high vibrating soul. His eyes and smile are magic.
Most people that are indulging unfortunately go down some dark Rd at some point
“High vibrating” i mean really?
@@jonnyfendi2003 im sorry you have a depressing life. but there are people out here who enjoy the spirirtual aspect of life , so dont be a winger please its not nice
He’s very fuckable is what he’s trying to say.
Been down that dark road before. I thank God everyday I’m no longer involved in Chemsex. It’s a sad lonely trip. I have been clean for 2 years now. I have the upmost respect and appreciation for this video. A sincere Thank you!
A sincere thanks for your disclosure and bravery, Dan. Keep your magnificence flowing.
i remember you ben.. so great to see you doing so well
What infectious energy he has. Very charismatic and lovely man.
Praise people like this man who are the glue and foundation to our community. What a hero and inspiration. Thank you to all the volunteers that help us!! 🙏🫶
Ben is one of the loveliest people I have ever met, clued up, professional yet personable, all rounder.
Great human 🙌
3 Years for me. It's great seeing others get well and stay well.
While worked in gay sauna, by the time, I had big moral issues with working in that kind of place where lots of lives are changed or destroyed because of that hedonistic and destructive way of life. I felt bad to see people detached from reality, lost for hours or even days in darkness with same kind of people around them. They looked like caged hamsters in the wheel, running but not going anywhere. Unprotected sex, drugs, alcohol all around looked sometimes like a madhouse... Severe depression was final thing where I decided to quit even if I had a lots of money there.
I think lots of those guys think they can do whatever and how long they want, but that's not true. I think personal responsibility, commitment, monogamous relationship and hard work are things that makes our lives easier and better. Greetings from Eastern European guy. Love you all
Well, said ❤
I agree. The gay community is just too fluid and they jeopardize their mental health, ability to connect , build relationships because the availability of sex and drugs is too easy. It’s just a sad road to go down
Very well put! I wonder if a lot of LGBTQ think the same way or if most are part of the darkness you talked about.
That was me for a few years
💙
Wow.. I got goosebumps - This was like looking into the mirror - His story was mine at the beginning as he entered the scene and crashed.
What saved me in the end was going monk mode which i still live on today.
Sex addiction is the darkest thing ever
That might be heroin addiction; can't die from too much shagging.
add chemicals to the equation and it truly is hell on earth
I never knew it as chemsex, instead as PNP. Tina and coke were the entree. It was amazing until it was awful. So awful. I wish I had respected myself, cared for myself, thought I was worth more than that…..people, don’t do it if you can prevent it.
💙
Ben Kaye for Prime Minister!! Oh how I adore this man and his beautiful soul. Thank you Ben for all the incredible work you're doing and the light you're shining.
I've been there and it's a dark and lonely road. And I've found myself in some really difficult situations because of it.
I understand this guy so much. I feel empathy and compassion.
I wish this guy was my sponsor. Our experiences are so similar!
Such a brave man... Thank you 😊 for sharing Such a deep issue... you should be so proud of yourself for opening up and getting through your recovery... God bless you 🙏 ❤ xx
He has done an exceptional job explaining the myriad of issues and the very complicated issues and feelings surrounding sex and the fallout from using the drug. It really is an experience that feels so liberating and sexually fulfilling but the truth is it’s nothing but empty hook ups, a mentally crippling drug that can steal away your humanity, honor and sense of who you are. It takes years of hard work with good therapy and friends and hopefully a forgiving experience that heals your family relations and allows you to heal from all the PTSD and anxiety that come with long term meth use. We can beat this addiction but it’s not easy one tiny bit. Hopefully after 10 years or more you come out on the other side and realize it was the greatest and most incredible accomplishment of your life to break that ball and chain and then you can share your story to help others heal and start anew.
💜
Thank you for advocating recovery, and giving a voice to people who feel they don't have one.
So many people need this video.
Thank you a lot for your contribution! That was a very important lesson to me! What a gorgeous man! ❤
All I can say is thankyou for saying all this, I’m going though this at the moment and I wish I could articulate as well as you could but it’s so hard
very inspiring and speaks with such clarity on this issue thanks!
I spent a decade using meth with sex. I had ethics about it though, I had friends who cared about me and we would do meth together sometimes. I always had my own and loved sharing. Meet mostly at my place so I’m not caught in a bad situation. It happened before. But I never got any complaints or trouble from anyone over it. I’m a decade clean and I’m good.
This video is so moving, thanks for the upload and the honesty, we can all recognise ourselves in this video..
It's weird because when people have good/better sex is actually because electricity in all guys dicks # apparently someone stepped on ants bums and went in the ocean and now he has only got 1 leg because the shark took his leg off is crazy
I entered thr lgbtq community in October 1999, the bars, clubs were fantastic, I joined the drag scene which helped me in ways I can't even explain but I did go down the path of drugs, I no longer do any chemo but I smoked pot for years and recently I'm trying to not smoke pot because it no longer serves a purpose. My actions, words and behavior has ruined many friendships, I miss the lgbt community but not any of the bad influences. My mother is an addict and I believe I have a drug and sex addiction and I need help. I am now 45 and feel lost and forgotten and that makes me sad. I've recently been navigating several health issues unrelated to drugs and each day is a challenge but I believe I can mend things but I do need help starting ...
💜
Sending you lots of love!!! ❤️
Turn to GOD
Sorry to hear your struggles and I hope you are getting the help you deserve. We have all made mistakes, we are humans, but you still have you life with that the possibility to find peace and happiness someday. Wishing you best of luck in your recovery and healing.
Ben is an amazing guy. I remember the great time at some parties and clubs we have met and enjoyed. unfortunately everything changed after Crystal meth in our community!
I'm that hole now and the post code issue is real. I am working with the local recovery centre but they don't have a clue about chemsex and the type of drugs used. And no chemsex support in my city at all (Portsmouth). I'm treated as a typical drug and alcohol user but it's so much more complicated than that.
Have you tried NA lgbt specific zoom meetings ? They talk about drugs and chemsex
A guy said that to me once " im just a hole"
Im seeking help. Is there anyway to get in touch with Ben? Or his foundation? Looking for lgbtq help
how are you now justin
As a LGBTTQ person I relate to this. Before the pandemic I was in his shoes and it was very satisfying when you have a partner that’s open to this. It’s very good when you have someone that enjoys it. The person being interviewed is very lucky to have support and knew when he needed to stop and ask for help.
My reality is different now. I want a guy to share life with as healthy as possible.
Listening to U was amazing!!!!
I have so many stories about being gay in L.A. and seeing the insanity that is Hollowood.
The hard part is to have these kids understand the insanity (drugs, sex,) in the scene is fun now……. Then Ur stuck w reality.
I’m so glad I stepped away.
Now my old friends are either dead or addicted.
The 1st 15 seconds of this video really spoke to me because that's what really happened in my situation.
I know I'm going to fully respect myself, my body and make proper judgment.
Massive respect to him and this video
I got into Chemsex and it almost killed me and gave me herpes. I don’t like most people in the lgbt community ( can you blame me ) but I like this person. I believe he is truly genuine.
I don't blame you one bit.
Yes, yes I can.
Well two upsides from the last 5 years Herpers both 1 and 2 and now Hiv is on upcoming chopping block and mostly will be cured in the next decade or 2.
Very honest, and totally agree as another gay male. It's never an ideal choice , a lot of gays bring on their own problems and then milk the sympathy or attention, totally self indulgent.
However the creator of this vid is honest, seems genuine too.
That's a narrow-minded conclusion to make about an entire community
He seems like a truly great person who has a lot of love to share with the world. I can relate deeply to his story, having been reliant of drugs and chemsex in the past myself. It’s a shame that so many queer people turn to substance abuse and toxic environments as a way of coping with trauma but seeing people like Ben come out the other side of it is so encouraging. ❤️
I met Ben in London when I lived there years ago. He is lovely friendly guy.
I remember this guy from the London scene. Seems like he's come a long way since
I really appreciate your honesty and openness. Sex is a special experience which is important to preserve. Alot of us learn the hard way.
Hi Ben, thanks for your honesty.
It is truly a epitome of hedonism in a capitalistic society. It is hard when you are too in tuned with pleasure. I’m thankful this is being talked about
Edit: I think a big part of the issue is the superficiality and acceptance of drugs in the club scene
Sending love from a fellow Bournemouth ex londoner ex addict❤
Lot of recognition here but I numbed my self with alcohol and poppers and let myself be abused, for over 10 years, out of selfloathing and feeling abuse was the only thing I deserved (hate from home, internalized homophobia). I got out of it almost 10 years ago but it took many years for me to grasp what I done to myself and how that has effected me. Its all very sad but happy I am out of it.
Instead of taking drugs to compensate you inability to connect with other people you really should take action and visit a therapist. I´m proud of him to get away from this toxic environment and helping others to get their life on track.
RIP to my friend.18 04 he passed away because of this s.....t.40 years old, beautiful life and careere, many friends around him but addiction to chem was too strong. Loneliness, lacque of acceptance in his family, hos father never wanted to hear that he is gay :-( Hope he is happy in heaven
I used for 12 years before I started my sobriety journey. I remember in group sessions when I was still using this idea of wanting connection at first I didn't get it but I do now, I would meet people I normally wouldn't meet just to feel that sexual connection then after I would feel really shit about it. Since going sober the loneliness is still there my bf of 10years who never used decided to move on 2 years after going sober. What keeps me going now is staying true to myself!
What a fantastic watch , bravo 👏🏽 an thank you 🙏
Awe ben, bless you. I think most gays have been through this, we all want to be loved and to love. It takes the experience to gain understanding and empathy to help others! Sal x
Thank you for letting us know
So many people go down this road because they lack maturity. I have a cousin who is over 60 who still acts like he is in his late 20s. To keep up his desirability in his gay world he spends hours in the gym every night and consumes all kinds of supplements. I have never seen him cook a proper meal. He does not do chemsex, as far as I know. But he is into risky behavior.
Let him live his life and stop being so judgemental
@@rossco5409 Fortunately my cousin has acquired more maturity and he understands how his earlier life (with superficial fixations) only brought disappointment and unnecessary danger. He is in a committed relationship and is taking much better care of himself. He is much happier now.
@@rossco5409stfu enabling someone isnt always the answer
I remember back in 2010 when someone I went on a few dates criticised me smoking but he would happily take drugs on the weekend then be moody all week. Needles to say that didn't work out 🤢🤮
Magnificent. Gives me hope for me and my community.
I had just about the best calamity with PNP you could possibly imagine. I did it three times and the third time I had a small heart attack that landed me in the hospital for two days of abject humiliation. My heart is fine, no damage, but I looked at my life and immediately knew I couldn’t go down that path. Struggle with alcohol, but thank God my heart isn’t strong enough to handle a three day bender without landing me in the hospital.
Very brave of you. I think you're doing a great job! 👍
Omg been through this, really got me watching this
your are so lovely . keep up the good work .
Very educational thank you
He is really inspiring ❤
Very intelligent and good description of this topic. x
Be yourself and then the right person for you will appear
Perfect advice
After watching this video , i think i really need help. I would say that im addicted to any substance, but can't enjoy sober sex anymore
What he describes is universal to men no matter their orientation. All of us know sex has gotten us into trouble more than once, then regretting it.
Much like an addiction, we often _want_ to have nothing to do with sex, but then it takes over leading us to do stupid things.
Kudos to any man who is able to abstain for a year. 👍🏻
Extraordinary person....💗
Beautiful testimony ❤
My brother is deep into this carry on.
Please can you tell me who your councillor was? I want to get help for my friend.
Chemsex is all about keeping your lovers at an emotional distance. You deal with your sexual intimacy issues, the addiction disappears.
I dont agree with this.
No, maybe some but alot of it is just simply it feels good to get high an bang
8 years clean
What a nice man!
the biggest problems with discussing these issues is that the discourse can be so easily shifted to homophobia.
Suddenly you have people blaming the LGBT community and their own queerness for their troubles.
This is very true 👍
Thank you for pointing that out.
But alas, being brave and tackling issues head-on is really the only way to help individuals in our community and the next Gen. This is why what he's doing is so valuable/meaningful.
Some will inevitably try to twist it into homophobia. But simultaneously actually gaining more respect from the larger community for addressing issues and being deep instead of shallow. On the whole, makes us look better than denial. All communities, various demographics of all kinds, have problems.
No its not as simple as just hate tho or blaming isit, you can say that all you like but the straight community doesnt have people taking ghb for a laugh does it
@@Andrei-un1cl of course they do. And the same pr0 * miss * cuity too, but straight men have to pay to experience it. If you visit a cabaret or a str* eep club, you will find the same experiences there, but our society is built in such a way that when straight men give in to their lasciviousness, we blame the women who sell their bodies, and never the men who buy it.
@@Andrei-un1cl of course they do. And the same pr0 * miss *c too, but straight men have to pay to experience it. If you visit a caba* or a str* club, you will find the same experiences there, but our society is built in such a way that when straight men give in to their desires, we blame the women who sell their bodies, and never the men who buy it.
@@Andrei-un1cl of course they do. Have you ever heard of selling your body? men have to pay but they will find the same experiences like that. However our society is built in such a way that when men consume these services, we blame the women who are selling it, and never the man who bought it.
Man… he dropped some bars in this video.
He definitely did.
It's been a month since I started. Luckily I'm not addicted .... Yet. I can see how it destroys lives.
I'm quitting cold turkey
Thank you for this.
Ok this will be insensitive and missing the point of the video, I know I know, but...why the lesbian community doesn't have anything like that? We don't have lesbian saunas, big sex parties, chemsex scene, grindr etc. Everything around hedonistic sexual experimentation is just either not there or just very miniscule. Of course overdoing it is a big problem and can destroy lives, but perhaps it is not a bad thing to sprinkle an ounce of naughtiness. I feel that our community is just...more boring tbh. The stereotype around us is that we move in on the third date, which is not even a lie.
Anyways, I hope you are doing well and find peace, sounds you've been thought a lot. Brave guy with great energy.
GOD Bless!!!!
Gods blessings ❤
🙏🏿
The "chem" part is only part of the problem. The obsessive way some gay men pursue sex, see the world as being all about sex, being "unique, special, etc..." I mean, that's a shallow puddle to live in. But, no shame, each to their own!
Completely agree, and they aid it with chems. It’s a bad mix
I think specifically this issue is well explained in Velvet Rage (book). I really suggest gay men read it to break their hurtful habits and have a better chance at finding love (if that's what you want)
It's a great book, I read it a long LONG time ago. And, yes, it's great, but reading a book doesn't always help. What's the point of "looking for love" if the majority just want sex? It's really disappointing and isolating. Hookups are not for me but that really is all that's on offer (as well as just not meeting ENOUGH men outside of that culture to experience connection and chemistry. I feel like what I want, who I am, is just too much to expect. So there's no point in even identifying, etc, etc.
@@michaelvagg9505 well obviously reading isn't automatically a fix, but if you can start a continuous practice of learning and trying to grow, books can really help. My holy trinity is Velvet Rage, Attached (about attachment theory in romantic relationships) and Mating in captivity (about the expectations we put on relationships and how sex works). Or State of affairs, same writer but focuses on cheating. It has really helped me find someone as I was better at stepping away early from guys that werent going to offer me what I wanted in terms of a relationship.
Hey thanks for the recomendations though I'm not really interested anymore. There's a false hope I entertain, but I realise that is a survival thing. I haven't met, dated or had sex in a long time and the memories I have of how dysregulating the pursuit of those things were for me is really what keeps me from continuing or re-engaging. The brutality of bars and the frustration and pointlessness of online "dating" was painful for me. I've had partners when I was younger (lol) but after a while I just ran out of the energy required for someone like me to keep meeting people, keep dating, keep updating my profile. Sometimes, the work we put into growing and developing doesn't always pay off.
I like that he doesn't use the "internalized homophobia" excuse to justify the chemsex addiction. It is as he says about feeling lost in life and not finding a real purpose. Bravo!
“ All I wanted was connection because I was lonely” and yet he continued to behave in a way that fed his loneliness. The human condition is sad sometimes
Well done mate....
Thank you
I was wondering… does anyone have any childhood traumas and how do you think that affected you sexually. I understand this is not so talked about subject but I would love to meet people like me.
The chemsex scene is dark as hell. Once you start mixing T with sex its hard to go back. Sober sex becomes too dull and vanilla and you begin to use the drugs outside of sex to cope with trauma and the stresses of life, quickly leading to dependency. It is a slippery dangerous road. Kudos to people who can control thier use but it should be heavily discouraged and gay/bi men need to be educated on the dangers from a young age.
*with or without drugs, people are afraid of talking about sex, let alone porn*
Good bloke.
Sex on drugs is awful when you mature.
Gives me the creeps
I can understand why they edited out the details about his trauma. Because that's often the root of the homosexual condition. And some truths just can't be said because they'll open the Pandora's box.
Listen to Joseph Nicolosi's empirical findings on homosexuals. It's eye opening and honest.
Wow great comment. Yes, I agree. Due to fear of non homosexual society getting bashed by gays there are no serious study in this condition which is Sad.
I empirically have some cloncusions as well but few people will be open and empathic 100% (this applies to heterosexual) to hear what I have to say. You fnpm must understand al ready what I might be talking about.
I will read the author you suggested.
The American Psychological Association does not* have homosexuality listed on the DSM right? :-)
You are also conflating this PNP or Chemsex thing with being gay. This is a subset of the gay community and not representative of the larger demographic. Why would there be successful gay people if the so-called "condition" of being gay is so inhibitive. The APA removed this out of the DSM because, by itself, being gay doesn't inhibit leading a happy life. Which isn't say that one "has to" follow the dictates of orientation. Totally okay with opposite orientation couples too. Just let the person decide what they want to do and don't judge either way. Also don't pigeonhole. Let people be fluid and do what they want.
@@TwinFalls88 No
@@FERDI-f6n
?
so youre ignoring the mental rates of dv in gay communities compared to straight, the clear difference in depression levels, theres alot more, dont be disingenuous.
I love Ben!
Just so glad to be away from "the community". I thank God every day that Im no longer near it.
Seems like a lovely guy
The way humanity puts lables on their behavior is interesting.. always something new wirh this species.. so desperate to feel alive
Bless his soul he had to endure a whole year without sex…. Some of us haven’t had any in haalf a decade…
Golden Hearted
so inspiring
San Jose California
Guerreros de California
Recovery in spanish
Inspiring x
The entire LGBTQ+ community is struggling with loneliness, but we often think it's a fruit of our problems and not a root. Based on my experience, I didn't form strong attachments at a young age (and coupled with my sexual interests) it's truly a recipe for disaster. If you don't form strong attachments and your sexuality deviates for the heterosexual variety it's like two gigantic road blocks on the road towards building a stable life. Just my opinion based on personal experience!
we need to think more with the brain and not with the weenie
OMG, SAME!
People just need to git gud at being on their own.
It is only unwelcome if you have not practiced.
Substance & Sex Addictions. Recovery is worth your Health. 💙
Gay and never done drugs. I still go out most weekends and a bottle of wine is enough. I feel bad for gay people who fall down the drugs route.
Agree. Never taken anything stronger than an aspirin. Most gay people I know have not. Maybe this is just a western thing?