Sorry about the cursed aspect ratio. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a better version, so I'm stuck with this image as I found it. This was originally a screenshot taken on what I can only assume was a wide PC monitor.
I mean, to his credit, when you have to listen to a bunch of Wolf-Obsessed Vikings in power armor demand to hear tales of old whenever they wake you up from your nap. You get ornery. And when you get ornery, you just want two women to clean off your ceremite chassis while whispering in your audio receptors.
A gang of young scammers attempt to gaslight a senior citizen; senior citizen decides it's more fun to play along because he's sick of his family's nonsense.
This happened IRL when an old man from Britain decided to become the getaway driver of a gang of robbers. He was arrested during the heist but was later released because of his age. He did it because the robbers bothered to talk and maintain a conversation with him.
Reminds me of my old grandpa after mistaken my sister as some beautiful prostitute. Only to question what he just did and told our dad to shut up as he tries to get his barings right. His 89 at the time and now 94. Still haven't died yet.
"Hm, a new battle awaits", Björn thought, as he was awoken once more to the sound of his brothers' joyful exclamations. One of them stepped forward to declare: "Finally, we managed to get you back from those damned magpies. Now, brother. Tell us: do you remember the password to the wifi ?"
@@elmine7707 Only the recreation facilities I'd imagine, but some may consider that worse than it controlling their command hubs and central processing units.
"Finally we managed to get you back from those damned magpies. Now, brother. Tell us all about Leman Russ and the days of old, oh and wach your step ancient one, theres wolf shit everywhere."
Once, there was a dreadnought. Tankred was his name Tankred liked to sleep. Tankred liked to dream. Tankred had a good dream. Battlesisters. Twins they were. Someone woke up Tankred. Tankred was not happy.
I'm a little fuzzy on the names of specific members of the different space marine chapters, and the dreadnoughts attached to them, but I only know the name Tankred from Heretical Love...
@shred1894 Tankred is a Black Templar dreadnought from a short little comic. I forget the name. It had Crusade in the title, because of fucking course the Black Templar comic has Crusade in the title. He was a good boy. TANKRED ENDURES
@@waspopticthr best part is that no one realized it wasn't bjorn due them being so sure about their wolves noses that no one did any actual investigation
I doubt it's in the actual lore bout the idea that Bjorn hates wolves is fucking side-orbit-sending levels of funny to me. Imagine being born on Fenris, you probably seen some friends eaten by wolves growing up, and now you're being recruited by the fucking king of your planet to join his army, he's a litlle wolfy, and he named this army "space wolves", but it's okay, it's just a name, turns out he's a great guy and you quickly become friends, you get hit and closed in a dreadnaught, you get woken up only once every few centuries now, and you see your chapter becoming more and more wolfy, to the point they ride on the damn things now. That's just brilliant.
Well, i dunno what is the source of this thread, but in about 2011 i've seen a series of short texts on one russian imageboard which predate this one. In short - @LEMAN RUSS WAS AN ASSHOLE", it's a hillarious series of tales which Bjorn tells when his patience runs short to all the stupid wolf-banging neophytes of his chapter
I get the joke, I find it funny. But they are not called the space wolves, but Vlka Fenryka. Just like the Ultramarines are actually called the blue fucking smurfs.
This comes a series of fan stories called: BJORN THE FELL HANDED: TALES OF BJORN. They mostly about how Bjorn is witness to how wolf-obsessed the Space Wolves becomes over the millennia.
Brother Bjorn was one of the Astartis who founded the order of blood ravens, but the fact that he has a similar name to Bjorn from the Space Wolves is a different matter
So happy to hear the joy Bjorn has to finally be used for battle rather than just being waken up to just talk about old tales to a bunch of wolf-loving pups.
The little group huddle was so cute and fucking comical. I can picture it so flawlessly in my mind: the Blood Ravens bunching together like little chicks, reaching deep into their lore and wisdom, exercising mental muscles for debate and analysis, before sending the Brother-Captain, the leader of their group, back with their response, as if they were children and Bjorn was their teacher/parent. And they were fucking discussing whether the fucking rip-off furry liked wolves or not. It doesn't end there either. The Blood Raven Brother-Captain is identical to a child piping up an answer that they think is the appropriate one to avoid punishment, not because he thinks it's right, and he's so unsure and uncertain about what he's saying. I love every fucking line of this. I LOVE IT.
...do you think they just left an empty Dreadnaught frame behind and crossed their fingers that no one would try and wake Bjorn up while they...borrowed him?
Listen he doesn’t like being woken up and shot at with questions by a bunch of ADHD powered poor mannered wolfs. He prefers cleptomanic bloodied up birds over it.
*(Blood Ravens Steals Trazyn)* Trazyn: Huh, so this is what it feels like being collected just like the subjects of my collection. How very..... interesting, very interesting indeed..
@@silentecho92able Trayzn talking to the Blood Ravens. Trayzn: "Why the fuck are you on my lawn!" BA Chapter Master: "You have taken what we have rightfully stolen!" Trayzn: "Okay, and? Solemnace is a museum!" BACM: "And we would like it back!" Trayzn: "No!" BACM: "We'll steal it back from you!" *Trayzn thinking back to how Orikan and him had been going back and forth on Solemnace* "Yknow what, I'll make you an offer, how about I join you and you get your stuff back?" BACM: "Why would we work with you?" Trayzn: "Because I will give you stuff back, I'll steal from people with you, and I have a literal, undying, metal army that follows my commands. Your people confuse Necrons for Space Marines so easily, and let's be real here, it's a waste of both of our time and energy." BACM: *sigh* "Okay, but just be warned, we have a lot of... friendlies aboard." Trayzn: "Like?" BACM: "We've kidnapped a warrior from the Heresy, Saint Celestine for a little bit, she wasn't pleased about that, the bones of Commissar Cain, T'au who we convinced that coming with us was for the Greater Good, you technically, and a Tyranid Hive Tyrant." Trayzn: "HOW DID YOU KIDNAP A HIVE TYRANT?!" BACM: "We approached carefully and slowly and said "Hey, wanna go eat Ultramarines so we can steal their shit?" and it turns out the Tyranids can understand Gothic. The second we said "Eat those blue gumball sons of bitches and steal their shit" the Tyrant approached and nodded before scrambling on board. Fucking don't understand what that was about, all I know is that we are probably considered vastly heretical if we ever get found out. The Hive Tyrant seems to be having fun and whilst it doesn't fight other Tyranids, it does go "Don't eat these guys, they are allowing us to screw over those Codex Compliant Smurfs and we all have a good laugh about it."
"Yes, they STOLE Bjorn the fell handed. No i have no idea how they did it, and even if i asked, they wouldn't tell me. Besides, Bjorn had fun, and i suppose thats really all that matters."
Apart from the irony of fighting for likely sons of Magnus, Bjorn will find many great targets for his fury. Would love to see Bjorn vs Gorgutz. Though fighting alongside Librarians may prove a challenge.
See, the Blood Ravens are basically the unholy amalgamation of Trayzn and the Thousand Sons. My headcanon is that Trayzn got a hold of some 1k sons geneseed and basically went "This'll piss off Orikan. A legion of me!"
Trayzn down the line: I don't know if I should be proud of myself or damning myself to the endless of time for my prior action.... *Ended up in a Blood Raven Collector Cell*
Considering how the Blood Ravens are rumored to be descended from the Thousand Sons ... but are more like the Thousand Sons of the Great Crusade era than "modern" 40k ... and Björn is old enough to have actually taken part in the Great Crusade ... he might actually fit right in!
I believe it....Bjorn is tired of seeing magnus flying around on a surfboard magic bombing Fenris. He's ready for his oils and armored Boobs in his visor.
@@howard5755 seeing as Bjorn meet Emps in the flesh, the sororatas would be over joyed to hear tales of emps while giving Bjorn a most vigorous sacred oil bath.
I could totally see the Great Wolf giggle at the Ravens as they leave, alongside the other Long Fangs. When asked by the younger Wolves, incensed by the cowardly theft and ready to shed blood to avenge the slight to the honour of the Fell-Handed, why he told them not to give chase, Grimnar shakes his head in laughter. "Now our dear mentor is their problem, young ones... For the coming weeks, at least. They shall beg us to have him back soon enough... Nor would I deny the Fell-Handed a good sport, every now and then."
I love the idea that Bjorn has such a good time that he calls the Blood Ravens every few centuries to kidnap him again so they can go joy riding around the galaxy and it turns into basically the blood games between the Ravens and the Wolves
I first heard of this guy in a Discord, talking about ants treating humans like Cthulu. I finally find him on RUclips and I find out he does 40k shit too?? A good century indeed!
Björn once the Blood Ravens run into the Space Wolves again: "Who is this Björn the Fell Handed you speak of Space Wolf, and why do you think i am him?" "You are mistaken, i am Hrafn the Red Handed. And i have always been a Blood Raven."
I was almost disappointed that the Blood Ravens were not bodily carrying Bjorn away as he cried for his stained honour. Almost. The best tiny detail was the Techmarine 'elbowing' his friend with the mechadendrite. Makes me imagine the kind of shenanigans Ferrus Manus got into with his Iron Hands.
This story here is the last part of the series about Bjorn who was sick of being waken up every century not for combat, but only to tell stories about Leman Russ and that his title "Fel-Handed" came out of him being caught by Leman Russ while he was jerking off. Pitty that 1d4chan is down right now, there was the full story.
@@Freekymoho Literally everything else + the amount of psykers. The main enemies in the games where WB which called them "brothers", the name of their people, the name of their planet and sector, their religious obsession and yes, their psykers as well. The WB also had a bunch of psykers who were sent away by Lorgar. They also don't mutate. Also, "Knowledge is power, guard it well"? F Erebus said used to say it.
I bet Bjorn, irl, wouldn't mind (well, other than repainting). He feels like the Wolves raise him up and celebrate him too much, he feels guilty about how elaborately they decorate his armor, but in his heart he's still got that grunt in him. He'd probably like a break from all of the pageantry and just slay bodies. I really hope the first time the Lion re-introduces himself to the space wolves that Bjorn challenges him to that duel they were going to have since forever.
@@borkthedefender3713plenty,if we consider that Björn-like dreadnought became senile and crazy before his age,wayyyy early. Sure,he needs to take naps very often,for long periods. But brother,he served the Imperium when the Emperor was alive,conquering worlds. Meaning he lived thru the Horus Heresy even! His history as a Space Wolf is quite....drastic and insane also,so adding these,he should've gone crazy early on,but here he is,over 10k years old.
“This could turn out to be a very good century indeed” (c) Imagine being trapped in powerful machine and being awoken just to tell the stories. Poor Bjorn 😢
You do awesome voiceovers, they sound so awesome. You could read the 1992 Ohio State Tax Code and make it sound like an epic battle between good and evil.
Watching this again I thought about how bjorn thinks in time spans of centuries. Because he’s been alive so long he can think in that way. It’s like how I would think of a year.
@@zaxarbrother Oh no, they wouldn't do that. They'd find Magnus the Red, threaten to "appropriate" every book he owns if he doesn't tell them where Russ is. "Acquire" Russ from whatever silly not important quest he's on, then throw Leman back at his chapter of puppies and while they're all distracted, "Borrow" Bjorn back from the Fang.
@@MakorzeTzeench is somehow all for this plan because it’s one of the very few things that he had no hand in and just sits by with popcorn watching the chaos happen.
LMFAO!!! the funniest thing since somebody installed a text to speech... well done, very well done indeed! this is the purest distilled genius I have witnessed in a while!! aaaaand subbed!
"You abducted me from my legion, put me on an Ultramarine ship, painted myself as a Blood Angel, tried to lie to me, and woke me up to fight. Just who in the fuck do you think you are?" "The Blood Raven successor chapter, Bjorn. We saw you sitting in stasis and only being woken up to tell stories and figured that there was no harm in *ahem* relieving you from your duties." "I have one simple request, and this is going to be unconditional on your end. You will only wake me up to fight. Otherwise I'm going to turn you all into paste before allowing myself to be consumed by the void of space." "Sir Bjorn, if we wake you up for any other reason, it'll be because we need very specific information that'll help us get to a fight. Our first stop is a Necron Tomb World that we "discovered" with the help of the Salamander's chapter." "This... is acceptable. Are we to destroy the Necron Tombs before they can awaken?" "Actually, it's... more of a liberation of Xenos artefacts and Humanity's most valuable possessions." "Why would a Xenos have Terran Artefacts?" "That is a very good question, but questions like that have answers we shall rarely get."
Ragnar Blackmaine should have accepted the Blood Raven's generous gift of an ornate Frost Axe; it is a rare honor that isn't given lightly. He said "Let them keep their trinkets" so now we've absconded with one of their trinkets.
To be fair, not minding their tendency towards theft and the idiocy of a certain force commander, the Blood Ravens are unusually logical and competent when compared to most other chapters.
you should do the one where, after a few centuries of service with his new brothers, Bjorn comes face to face with fucking Leman Russ and has to 'splain wtf is going on.
Bjorn: "FUCK YOU LEMAN! And your genesons are wolf fuckers always obsessed with screwing dogs. I'm with them because I want to be! I AM FIGHTING LIKE I AM MEANT TO BE!" Leman: "The hell? What is wrong with my chapter?" Bjorn: "They want stories about you, I hate being called by my throne damned full name, and the current space wolves are idiots obsessed with furries! I want to fight instead of being asked to tell stupid neophytes stories or to tell them the wifi password! You were always a dick and I hate you!" Leman was at a loss for words while he could understand especially after Prospero and breaking his brothers back he hardly understood Bjorns hatred how could he? He's been in the warp for over ten thousand years like a damn coward in Bjorn's mind while they held down the fort, made the hard decisions and had to live with them. Bjorn: "You want to know why?" Leman: "Yes." Bjorn:"Because you are a racist bigoted wolf fucking peice of shit who fucked off to the warp after his daddy died, who by THE WAY never gave us the best equipment and just used us as his personal attack dogs which made what happened at prospero you FAULT! Magnus got his soul broken into itty bitty peices because he made a honest mistake! Anyone of your brothers could have made that mistake! Magnus lowered his planets defenses because he thought you were just going to arrest him now Prospero's dust because of your arrogance. I would rather deal with the possible sons of magnus than the wastes of flesh that you call genesons today damn furries! You are no better dumbass!"
@@GhostBear3067 "My lord, wolves spend all their time writing fanfiction and grooming their beards. Ravens sail through stars fighting, looting and conquering, surviving without aid and following no master but themselves. Go ahead, tell me you would have chosen differently."
"M'lord to put it fucking lightly I would like to kindly ask WHERE IN THE ALL-FATHER'S BUNG'OLE HAVE YOU BEEN? WE HAVE HAD SEVERAL WOLFTIME-SCALE EVENTS AND WHERE WERE YOU? huh? WHERE WERE YOU?? We have been ***THIS*** close to being annihilated so many times that I've lost count." "Ok." "Also the Lion has returned." "WHAT?!" - A convo between Bjorn and his daddums
Gabriel Angelos: "Aware as I may be of our 'impulses', let me get this straight. You decided to 'acquire' a dreadnought. Not just any dreadnought, but the most venerated, feared, respected, and well-known dreadnought in the Imperium of Mankind, a son of one of the most honored legions and chapters, a relic amongst relics. You snuck into the Fang, stole him while he was asleep, avoided his brothers noticing, escaped, painted him red, then you woke up him on our prized battle barge?" Captain: "Yes, my lord." Gabriel Angelos: "... and... he seem ok with it?" Captain: "Yes, my lord. Ecstatic, even." Gabriel Angelos: "... keep me posted."
I mean, to be fair, if you were alive during the Heresy, ANYONE would have a LOT of questions for you…. I imagine combat isn’t the only thing the Blood Ravens stile Bjorn for. I’d personally find a way to allow Dreadnoughts to write so that Bjorn could compile a book and whenever someone wakes him up to tell him stories of the Heresy he could always just throw the book and tell him to screw off
Marine: A red dreadnougt with a blue scratch mark was seen with the blood ravens! Do you think it’s our beloved Bjorn? Captain: OF COURSE NOT! Our beloved Bjorn is blue with the occasional layer of dust and chip crumbs. Keep searching!
Bro I thought my PC glitched This is the most amazing aspect ratio ever. I want a movie shot in full panoramic, where the screen is meant to be wrapped all the way around.
Inquisitor Malchior: Captain Angelos, I'm here about the theft of Bjorn. Gabriel: Theft implies lack of consent. You cannot blame us for the fact that Bjorn doesn't want to leave. Inquistor Malchior: I am aware of that and will pass that along to the Wolves. Again. What I'm intersted in is HOW you did it. Gabriel: um... knowledge is power: hide it well.
Pretty sure the techmarine was giggling under his helmet "heh, I actually painted the whole body before we even got off Fenris! They ain't suspecting a thing in the checkpoint!"
I have a Bjorn somewhere still in his box. Do not make me paint him in Space Wolves livery. PLEASE do not make me do a slapstick job of painting over that in Blood Raven's Livery.
Sorry about the cursed aspect ratio. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a better version, so I'm stuck with this image as I found it. This was originally a screenshot taken on what I can only assume was a wide PC monitor.
This is amazing. I loved this. This should be canon!
Presenting, The ＷＩＤＥ ＢＯＹ.
i literally had to zoom out my computer screen just to get to the theatre mode buttons
its okay, its better.
RUclips gave me the option to put the video in a quality >240p so the text was readable. That being the case, I can’t complain.
Trying to gaslight him into thinking the space wolves were always red is so fucking funny
Yeah, when you live for 3000+ years, you basically just learn to not give a shit from what I would like think.
Just like GW saying there had always been female custodes
Is that a dreadnought? Is that dreadnought stealing our equipment!?
Björn the "Red" Handed: This is the greatest day of my life!
I love the image
Now I realize the wasted potential of Blood Raven memes not featuring gigantic dreadnoughts pilfering kit.
Silence imperial, you've been chosen by...the claaaawwww.
Hahahaha I love this
@@l0rf*wheezes*
I love how Bjorn legitimately daydreams about Sororitas cleaning his chassis.
I mean yeah, I dream about Sororitas cleaning my chassis too my guy.
A mood
I'm more of a sisters of silence kinda guy. Sure there's the nausea of being around blanks all the time but i'm sure I'd get used to it.
I mean, to his credit, when you have to listen to a bunch of Wolf-Obsessed Vikings in power armor demand to hear tales of old whenever they wake you up from your nap. You get ornery.
And when you get ornery, you just want two women to clean off your ceremite chassis while whispering in your audio receptors.
@@discipleofdagon8195the nausea is the best part
What’s crazier is that his daydream was screened on the Techmarines’ data-slates so they got to see it too!
"Wait, does this still count as stealing, or did we just fucking rescue Bjorn?"
*Confused bird noises*
Björn the Bird-Handed: "BOTH."
One, followed by the other
Is a Bjorn in the hand worth 2 in the bush
@@Ash2Flame116 As long as those bushes have no WOLF SHIT in them.
What is a rescue, but the best of thefts?
A gang of young scammers attempt to gaslight a senior citizen; senior citizen decides it's more fun to play along because he's sick of his family's nonsense.
Proceeds to help them scam
Sounds like a Jim Carrey/Adam Sandler movie
They were called the jackal wolves first for a reason . . .
By the emperor do I love the “the trickster” space wolf, makes the chapter bearable
@@Hulfor sounds like the uncle fester plot in the Addams family
This happened IRL when an old man from Britain decided to become the getaway driver of a gang of robbers. He was arrested during the heist but was later released because of his age. He did it because the robbers bothered to talk and maintain a conversation with him.
_-SHUT UP! IM _*_THINKING_*_ ..._
Such a powerful line.
Especially from a space wolf.
Reminds me of my old grandpa after mistaken my sister as some beautiful prostitute.
Only to question what he just did and told our dad to shut up as he tries to get his barings right.
His 89 at the time and now 94.
Still haven't died yet.
*Old modem noises coming from inside the sarcophagus* mhhhh,yes,i understand now
ShuddupBishimThinking….uhh, a watermelone
" is he allowed to do that?!?"
"Hm, a new battle awaits", Björn thought, as he was awoken once more to the sound of his brothers' joyful exclamations. One of them stepped forward to declare: "Finally, we managed to get you back from those damned magpies. Now, brother. Tell us: do you remember the password to the wifi ?"
I love this running joke so much. Especially with the implications, because just how much of their systems are on the network
@@elmine7707 Only the recreation facilities I'd imagine, but some may consider that worse than it controlling their command hubs and central processing units.
whats this from? like based on? i like whoever made this writing about it.@@elmine7707
Lovely DreadAnon reference
"Finally we managed to get you back from those damned magpies. Now, brother. Tell us all about Leman Russ and the days of old, oh and wach your step ancient one, theres wolf shit everywhere."
"SO WHY AM I RED?"
*A tech marine steps forward*
"Sir... Autobalance."
That a Team Fortress 2 joke?
@@fishpop Yes.
@@Honza67382 There's more...
@@alekjanowski9847 dear god
@@alekjanowski9847No!
"THE BLOOD RAVENS DIDN'T STEAL ME!" Said Bjorn. "I STOLE THE FUCKING BLOOD RAVENS!"
Hahahahaha😂
Once, there was a dreadnought.
Tankred was his name
Tankred liked to sleep.
Tankred liked to dream.
Tankred had a good dream.
Battlesisters. Twins they were.
Someone woke up Tankred.
Tankred was not happy.
I'm a little fuzzy on the names of specific members of the different space marine chapters, and the dreadnoughts attached to them, but I only know the name Tankred from Heretical Love...
Almost made a song/rhyme there buddy..
@shred1894 Tankred is a Black Templar dreadnought from a short little comic. I forget the name. It had Crusade in the title, because of fucking course the Black Templar comic has Crusade in the title. He was a good boy. TANKRED ENDURES
@@marcog.verbruggen674'Damnation Crusade' really good comics
"...Something about twins?"
"YES. TWINS THEY WERE."
They stole them too though.
“NO, I AM NOT BJORN, WHO’S THAT?! I … I AM …. AM BEN THE PERFECTLY AVERAGE HANDED DREADNOUGHT!!”
A proud gift exchange of the Chapter. The Space Wolves received a grand total of 13 squeeky toys, there was no theft.
A truly one sided trade ... I'm sure the space furries would have done it for 10 squeaky toys
Alternatively they received one giant squeaky toy that looks like Bjorn
@@waspopticthr best part is that no one realized it wasn't bjorn due them being so sure about their wolves noses that no one did any actual investigation
I doubt it's in the actual lore bout the idea that Bjorn hates wolves is fucking side-orbit-sending levels of funny to me. Imagine being born on Fenris, you probably seen some friends eaten by wolves growing up, and now you're being recruited by the fucking king of your planet to join his army, he's a litlle wolfy, and he named this army "space wolves", but it's okay, it's just a name, turns out he's a great guy and you quickly become friends, you get hit and closed in a dreadnaught, you get woken up only once every few centuries now, and you see your chapter becoming more and more wolfy, to the point they ride on the damn things now. That's just brilliant.
Well, i dunno what is the source of this thread, but in about 2011 i've seen a series of short texts on one russian imageboard which predate this one. In short - @LEMAN RUSS WAS AN ASSHOLE", it's a hillarious series of tales which Bjorn tells when his patience runs short to all the stupid wolf-banging neophytes of his chapter
It's like joining the friend group of some death metal band leader themed around wolves and watching it devolve into furries
diga nobs
That meme of the kid going down the slide and getting more and more panicked
I get the joke, I find it funny. But they are not called the space wolves, but Vlka Fenryka. Just like the Ultramarines are actually called the blue fucking smurfs.
I love the idea Bjorn woke up half way through being taken and just rolled with it out of curiosity.
He gets so little entertainment, this is probably the most interesting thing he’s gotten to do in the last one and a half millennia.
@@borkthedefender3713worst comes to worst they'll come get me soon
Sometimes old people want a change of pace 😂
"You have awoken me from a great dream..."
"Apologies great one, but the chapter has need of you to do battle."
"Twins, they were..."
This comes a series of fan stories called: BJORN THE FELL HANDED: TALES OF BJORN. They mostly about how Bjorn is witness to how wolf-obsessed the Space Wolves becomes over the millennia.
I'll see if I can find the rest
Where can I read that?
@@Spence1976Originally I read it on 1d4chan, but that website has been down for about two months.
damn i want more
Sadly the 1d4chan page is lost to us
If your plan is to drop it into a fight, then technically, you can't steal a dreadnaught, as stealing implies a lack of consent.
They moved his unscious body without consent and were sorta hoping to just drop him into battle before he noticed
Steal? you mean kdinapping? it also doesnt count for the same exact reason
@@Freekymoho if anything it's the Space Wolves fault for transferring Dreadnought equipment to the blood angels 🤷🏽♂️
@@Freekymoho I think he wouldn't have minded not noticing until he was 45 minutes into purging the enemies of the imperium.
Blood Ravens: We would never steal anything! We strategically transfer equipment to alternate locations!
I kinda want a Dreadnought rendition of the Fat Electrician
Ahahahhahhah even here Fat Electrician for the win. @@arkhaan7066
Brother Bjorn was one of the Astartis who founded the order of blood ravens, but the fact that he has a similar name to Bjorn from the Space Wolves is a different matter
Good to know the E-4 mafia is still working in 40k 😂😂😂😂
@@spartanactual3379 indeed brother, they never died
So happy to hear the joy Bjorn has to finally be used for battle rather than just being waken up to just talk about old tales to a bunch of wolf-loving pups.
Or asked what the wifi password was.
The little group huddle was so cute and fucking comical. I can picture it so flawlessly in my mind: the Blood Ravens bunching together like little chicks, reaching deep into their lore and wisdom, exercising mental muscles for debate and analysis, before sending the Brother-Captain, the leader of their group, back with their response, as if they were children and Bjorn was their teacher/parent. And they were fucking discussing whether the fucking rip-off furry liked wolves or not. It doesn't end there either. The Blood Raven Brother-Captain is identical to a child piping up an answer that they think is the appropriate one to avoid punishment, not because he thinks it's right, and he's so unsure and uncertain about what he's saying. I love every fucking line of this. I LOVE IT.
This is missing the first part about Bjorn getting pissed about being woken up, and how he hates his name.
I didn't realize. I only found this part.
@@burialgoodsi’ll find it for ya man!
@@burialgoodsfound it, for the low low price of 10 Fortified Rogal Dorn Tanks.
@@Comrade_LiruThat’s a steal!
I’ll give you 12 Predator Tanks
...do you think they just left an empty Dreadnaught frame behind and crossed their fingers that no one would try and wake Bjorn up while they...borrowed him?
"GOOD. I HATE THE FUCKING THINGS."
I don't know why but that line at 2x speed had me in stitches.
Probably my favorite WH40k short story from 4chan. Thanks for doing it.
I remember being in the thread when this was written. Glad to see it back
you Should listen to "All Guardsmen Party" Then. It's amazing.
@@spottedslash4256 AGP is anything but short, but I do love it.
Check out the first salvar drop regiment
Mfs stole my Bjorn the Fell Handed
Can't have shit in this imperium.
They didn't steal him. He was a gift.
@@NorninTGKNo! He was strategically redeployed.
He was relocated for tactical purposes (Fenris as a planet is sub-optimal)
He will strategically redeploy the Blood Ravens on his paint job.@@higharchbishopofteatasting6217
Strategically Reassigned to Active Duty
Yepp, no questions asked, just accepting it as it is, for the sake of battle. Beautiful.
Listen he doesn’t like being woken up and shot at with questions by a bunch of ADHD powered poor mannered wolfs. He prefers cleptomanic bloodied up birds over it.
He had a choice to make, either get back to being questioned about Leman Russ or actually do something else. And Bjorn has had enough of questions.
Aw Grandpa Bjorn just wants a proper fight. So kind of these young Blood Ravens to help out the elderly.
Now I’m just imagining some ancient ass ww2 soldier being fitted with an exo-skeleton and going into battle.
@@Ofxzh I believe that is essentially what a dreadnaught is.
@@GhostBear3067except the veteran has been shot to literal hell
I'm now imagining the voice of Grandpa Tex as Bjorn
Need more 'Blood Ravens stealing X person/artefact' content. Just so good.
*(Blood Ravens Steals Trazyn)*
Trazyn: Huh, so this is what it feels like being collected just like the subjects of my collection. How very..... interesting, very interesting indeed..
you forgot he best part tho, they painted him in there chapter colors, and replaced his tomb rune with the chapters raven ^^@@silentecho92able
Trazyn is then plopped right next to Bjorn in his standing corner.
Bjorn the red-handed: they stole you too?
@@silentecho92able Trayzn talking to the Blood Ravens.
Trayzn: "Why the fuck are you on my lawn!"
BA Chapter Master: "You have taken what we have rightfully stolen!"
Trayzn: "Okay, and? Solemnace is a museum!"
BACM: "And we would like it back!"
Trayzn: "No!"
BACM: "We'll steal it back from you!"
*Trayzn thinking back to how Orikan and him had been going back and forth on Solemnace* "Yknow what, I'll make you an offer, how about I join you and you get your stuff back?"
BACM: "Why would we work with you?"
Trayzn: "Because I will give you stuff back, I'll steal from people with you, and I have a literal, undying, metal army that follows my commands. Your people confuse Necrons for Space Marines so easily, and let's be real here, it's a waste of both of our time and energy."
BACM: *sigh* "Okay, but just be warned, we have a lot of... friendlies aboard."
Trayzn: "Like?"
BACM: "We've kidnapped a warrior from the Heresy, Saint Celestine for a little bit, she wasn't pleased about that, the bones of Commissar Cain, T'au who we convinced that coming with us was for the Greater Good, you technically, and a Tyranid Hive Tyrant."
Trayzn: "HOW DID YOU KIDNAP A HIVE TYRANT?!"
BACM: "We approached carefully and slowly and said "Hey, wanna go eat Ultramarines so we can steal their shit?" and it turns out the Tyranids can understand Gothic. The second we said "Eat those blue gumball sons of bitches and steal their shit" the Tyrant approached and nodded before scrambling on board. Fucking don't understand what that was about, all I know is that we are probably considered vastly heretical if we ever get found out. The Hive Tyrant seems to be having fun and whilst it doesn't fight other Tyranids, it does go "Don't eat these guys, they are allowing us to screw over those Codex Compliant Smurfs and we all have a good laugh about it."
"Yes, they STOLE Bjorn the fell handed. No i have no idea how they did it, and even if i asked, they wouldn't tell me. Besides, Bjorn had fun, and i suppose thats really all that matters."
"I'm thinking!" This was not something they expected.
A fair expectation when dealing with Space Wolves, lol.
Apart from the irony of fighting for likely sons of Magnus, Bjorn will find many great targets for his fury. Would love to see Bjorn vs Gorgutz. Though fighting alongside Librarians may prove a challenge.
There are no librarians here brother only bird priests who get their powers from birds and definitely not the warp
Anything beats the frakking wolf fetishists at this point.
@@brotherhoodofsteel4751 do not attempt to confuse me brother, its all space magic bullshit to me.
@@ianduarte1992 They are just high in Astartes pattern beers
Given how he’s actually able to fight now, he won’t be picky.
See, the Blood Ravens are basically the unholy amalgamation of Trayzn and the Thousand Sons. My headcanon is that Trayzn got a hold of some 1k sons geneseed and basically went "This'll piss off Orikan. A legion of me!"
Man, Ive talking long time about Trazyn being Blood Ravens Primarch, so this history is very fitting. And hilarious 😂
Trayzn down the line: I don't know if I should be proud of myself or damning myself to the endless of time for my prior action....
*Ended up in a Blood Raven Collector Cell*
@@idriscorvus2237 This had me dying lol
The fucking balls is takes to try and gaslight Bjorn is incredible.
I do love Bjorn's deal with the blood ravens being "dont ask me shit about Russ, no wolves. Anyone who violates these terms will be used as paint."
I was expecting him to say out loud "Did I get fucking Blood Ravened?"
Considering how the Blood Ravens are rumored to be descended from the Thousand Sons ... but are more like the Thousand Sons of the Great Crusade era than "modern" 40k ... and Björn is old enough to have actually taken part in the Great Crusade ... he might actually fit right in!
I believe it....Bjorn is tired of seeing magnus flying around on a surfboard magic bombing Fenris. He's ready for his oils and armored
Boobs in his visor.
He's ready for his surprise vacation
Blood ravens somehow "acquire" twin adeptus sororitas, who are mechanics or have a dreadnaught kink. 😂
@@howard5755 seeing as Bjorn meet Emps in the flesh, the sororatas would be over joyed to hear tales of emps while giving Bjorn a most vigorous sacred oil bath.
Little did Bjorn know, the Litany of Fury was also stolen by the Blood Ravens.
those were not even originally blood raven marines they were alpha legion stolen by the blood ravens
They were planning on betraying someone but got too confused on who to betray so they are heisting with the blood angles
I just imagine the Alpha legions are very very confused, like a bird that has forgotten how to bird.
I could totally see the Great Wolf giggle at the Ravens as they leave, alongside the other Long Fangs.
When asked by the younger Wolves, incensed by the cowardly theft and ready to shed blood to avenge the slight to the honour of the Fell-Handed, why he told them not to give chase, Grimnar shakes his head in laughter.
"Now our dear mentor is their problem, young ones... For the coming weeks, at least.
They shall beg us to have him back soon enough... Nor would I deny the Fell-Handed a good sport, every now and then."
That truly does sounds like Space Wolf humor.
I feel like Björn is about to go on a walk. An enthusiastic walk.
Hey Inquisitor GIRL!
Well he IS red now, perhaps The Crimson Fucker would be a better title than Fell-Handed.
Very enthusiastic walk.
Why is it that every time you go on a walk something goes terrible astray?
*shoots Slaaneshi cultist*
Was that boy/girl bugging you?
I love the idea that Bjorn has such a good time that he calls the Blood Ravens every few centuries to kidnap him again so they can go joy riding around the galaxy and it turns into basically the blood games between the Ravens and the Wolves
The Magpies will get the last crone sword before the Ynnari, i bet
Bold of you to assume they don't already have it.
@@dannykeuerleber7419in all likelyhood they always did
They already stole the remaining artifacts of Vulkan.
I first heard of this guy in a Discord, talking about ants treating humans like Cthulu. I finally find him on RUclips and I find out he does 40k shit too?? A good century indeed!
Björn once the Blood Ravens run into the Space Wolves again: "Who is this Björn the Fell Handed you speak of Space Wolf, and why do you think i am him?"
"You are mistaken, i am Hrafn the Red Handed. And i have always been a Blood Raven."
I was almost disappointed that the Blood Ravens were not bodily carrying Bjorn away as he cried for his stained honour. Almost.
The best tiny detail was the Techmarine 'elbowing' his friend with the mechadendrite. Makes me imagine the kind of shenanigans Ferrus Manus got into with his Iron Hands.
This story here is the last part of the series about Bjorn who was sick of being waken up every century not for combat, but only to tell stories about Leman Russ and that his title "Fel-Handed" came out of him being caught by Leman Russ while he was jerking off.
Pitty that 1d4chan is down right now, there was the full story.
Bjorn finally gets to fight instead of being used as an ebook
Cue the space wolves chasing the blood ravens from battle to battle for a decade until the finally catch up only to have bjorn not want to leave
"GOOD. NOW WHERE ARE THE FUCKING ASSAULT PODS?!?"
Björn had a rude awakening and proceed to quelch his thirst of violence...with extra violence.
At least Bjorn can finally get out more...
Even if he's now attached to the one Chapter that is probably a Thousand Sons successor.
Dont think he'd care if they take him out to kill heretics instead of talking about wolves
Bjorn gets to repent for his sins on Prospero and in return gets a good fight, I see this as a win-win.
My bet is with the WB, but I guess they coul be chimeric like the Space Sharks.
@@Artemisarrowzzwhat makes you think word bearers? The thousand sons theory is rooted in how many librarians the chapter has
@@Freekymoho Literally everything else + the amount of psykers. The main enemies in the games where WB which called them "brothers", the name of their people, the name of their planet and sector, their religious obsession and yes, their psykers as well. The WB also had a bunch of psykers who were sent away by Lorgar. They also don't mutate.
Also, "Knowledge is power, guard it well"? F Erebus said used to say it.
"FIGURES. ITS NEVER TIME FOR. WAIT. WHAT?"
This killed me XD
I bet Bjorn, irl, wouldn't mind (well, other than repainting). He feels like the Wolves raise him up and celebrate him too much, he feels guilty about how elaborately they decorate his armor, but in his heart he's still got that grunt in him. He'd probably like a break from all of the pageantry and just slay bodies. I really hope the first time the Lion re-introduces himself to the space wolves that Bjorn challenges him to that duel they were going to have since forever.
amazing how Bjorn is one of the few that hasnt basically totally lost it; especially considering his previous... service record with the space wolves
Bro how batshit crazy would a WOLVEN DREADNOUGHT be?
@@borkthedefender3713plenty,if we consider that Björn-like dreadnought became senile and crazy before his age,wayyyy early.
Sure,he needs to take naps very often,for long periods.
But brother,he served the Imperium when the Emperor was alive,conquering worlds.
Meaning he lived thru the Horus Heresy even!
His history as a Space Wolf is quite....drastic and insane also,so adding these,he should've gone crazy early on,but here he is,over 10k years old.
Next up: the magpies steal a pair of sororitas twins for Bjorn.
I love how even 10k years later, even as a living corpse interred in an armored battle-sarcophagus, Bjorn is still the horniest Space Marine
Bjorn: you mean i get to fight?
Captain: yes
Bjorn: fffuck you leaman im joining the blood ravens
“This could turn out to be a very good century indeed” (c)
Imagine being trapped in powerful machine and being awoken just to tell the stories. Poor Bjorn 😢
You do awesome voiceovers, they sound so awesome. You could read the 1992 Ohio State Tax Code and make it sound like an epic battle between good and evil.
All tax codes are an epic battle between good and evil. Only the bad guys always win.
“GOOD, I FUCKING HATE THE THINGS” I was not expecting that but that was the funniest shit I’ve read
That laugh thought the speaker sound just like a rusty machine without oil...Outstanding!
Curse these Blood Ravens!
They even stole the aspect ratio.
The 40K's closest comparison to a happy ending
Watching this again I thought about how bjorn thinks in time spans of centuries. Because he’s been alive so long he can think in that way. It’s like how I would think of a year.
Amazing short story, and an amazing performance!
You are amazing burialgoods! Thank you. Keep it up
I clicked this by accident.
I do not like 30k wolves.
I like Bjorn.
This is great :D
It's always nice to see a relic returned to its proper chapter!
The "oh sh*t" moment killed me XD
Space Wolves rescues Bjorn from the Ravens:
"Finally! Great One you are being rescued!"
Bjorn: "AHHHH!!! HELP MEE!!! I DONT WANT TO GO BACK!!"
HAHA!
Gets stolen back 3 days later
@@zaxarbrother Oh no, they wouldn't do that. They'd find Magnus the Red, threaten to "appropriate" every book he owns if he doesn't tell them where Russ is. "Acquire" Russ from whatever silly not important quest he's on, then throw Leman back at his chapter of puppies and while they're all distracted, "Borrow" Bjorn back from the Fang.
@@MakorzeTzeench is somehow all for this plan because it’s one of the very few things that he had no hand in and just sits by with popcorn watching the chaos happen.
"PLEASE I DON'T WANT TO RETELL THE BURNING Of PROSPERO AGAIN! IT WAS A PYRRHIC VICTORY AT BEST!"
LMFAO!!! the funniest thing since somebody installed a text to speech... well done, very well done indeed! this is the purest distilled genius I have witnessed in a while!! aaaaand subbed!
"You abducted me from my legion, put me on an Ultramarine ship, painted myself as a Blood Angel, tried to lie to me, and woke me up to fight. Just who in the fuck do you think you are?"
"The Blood Raven successor chapter, Bjorn. We saw you sitting in stasis and only being woken up to tell stories and figured that there was no harm in *ahem* relieving you from your duties."
"I have one simple request, and this is going to be unconditional on your end. You will only wake me up to fight. Otherwise I'm going to turn you all into paste before allowing myself to be consumed by the void of space."
"Sir Bjorn, if we wake you up for any other reason, it'll be because we need very specific information that'll help us get to a fight. Our first stop is a Necron Tomb World that we "discovered" with the help of the Salamander's chapter."
"This... is acceptable. Are we to destroy the Necron Tombs before they can awaken?"
"Actually, it's... more of a liberation of Xenos artefacts and Humanity's most valuable possessions."
"Why would a Xenos have Terran Artefacts?"
"That is a very good question, but questions like that have answers we shall rarely get."
Ragnar Blackmaine should have accepted the Blood Raven's generous gift of an ornate Frost Axe; it is a rare honor that isn't given lightly. He said "Let them keep their trinkets" so now we've absconded with one of their trinkets.
This is 100% my head canon now, and will continue to live in my head rent free.
If the Space Wolves aren't going to use their assets then I think it's only fitting that they gift them to the Blood Ravens.
Blood ravens are definitely my favorite chapter
I wish GW would promote the Blood Ravens more, like a lot of modern 40k fans I got my start with dawn of war.
To be fair, not minding their tendency towards theft and the idiocy of a certain force commander, the Blood Ravens are unusually logical and competent when compared to most other chapters.
That is surprising...seriously...
Do I need to bring up that capitan (or commander) that threathened 5 custodes with his 20 astartes?
@@TheReal_Antreyhe has his librarian buddy in the same room, so he had a chance
The irony of Bjorn being "Rescued" and brought to fight along children of The One-Eyed King of Prospero is some cosmic irony indeed.
Love the dreadnought's laughter sound effect, it's awesome! Really well done!
So that’s how Bjorn got his blood raven tattoo a great century indeed
you should do the one where, after a few centuries of service with his new brothers, Bjorn comes face to face with fucking Leman Russ and has to 'splain wtf is going on.
Russ: "Why are you in Sanguinus's colors?! What the feck is a Blood Raven?!"
Bjorn: "FUCK YOU LEMAN! And your genesons are wolf fuckers always obsessed with screwing dogs. I'm with them because I want to be! I AM FIGHTING LIKE I AM MEANT TO BE!"
Leman: "The hell? What is wrong with my chapter?"
Bjorn: "They want stories about you, I hate being called by my throne damned full name, and the current space wolves are idiots obsessed with furries! I want to fight instead of being asked to tell stupid neophytes stories or to tell them the wifi password! You were always a dick and I hate you!"
Leman was at a loss for words while he could understand especially after Prospero and breaking his brothers back he hardly understood Bjorns hatred how could he? He's been in the warp for over ten thousand years like a damn coward in Bjorn's mind while they held down the fort, made the hard decisions and had to live with them.
Bjorn: "You want to know why?"
Leman: "Yes."
Bjorn:"Because you are a racist bigoted wolf fucking peice of shit who fucked off to the warp after his daddy died, who by THE WAY never gave us the best equipment and just used us as his personal attack dogs which made what happened at prospero you FAULT! Magnus got his soul broken into itty bitty peices because he made a honest mistake! Anyone of your brothers could have made that mistake! Magnus lowered his planets defenses because he thought you were just going to arrest him now Prospero's dust because of your arrogance. I would rather deal with the possible sons of magnus than the wastes of flesh that you call genesons today damn furries! You are no better dumbass!"
@@GhostBear3067 "My lord, wolves spend all their time writing fanfiction and grooming their beards. Ravens sail through stars fighting, looting and conquering, surviving without aid and following no master but themselves. Go ahead, tell me you would have chosen differently."
"M'lord to put it fucking lightly I would like to kindly ask WHERE IN THE ALL-FATHER'S BUNG'OLE HAVE YOU BEEN? WE HAVE HAD SEVERAL WOLFTIME-SCALE EVENTS AND WHERE WERE YOU? huh? WHERE WERE YOU?? We have been ***THIS*** close to being annihilated so many times that I've lost count."
"Ok."
"Also the Lion has returned."
"WHAT?!"
- A convo between Bjorn and his daddums
@@MrSamulai "I don't want to be a Space Wolf anymore I wanna be a Space Pirate"
This is wonderful! I hope to see "The Adventures of Bjorn and the Magpies" continue! 😂
The Blood Ravens are making Bjorn happy that some of the Thousand Suns got away from the Burning of Prospero.
Gabriel Angelos: "Aware as I may be of our 'impulses', let me get this straight. You decided to 'acquire' a dreadnought. Not just any dreadnought, but the most venerated, feared, respected, and well-known dreadnought in the Imperium of Mankind, a son of one of the most honored legions and chapters, a relic amongst relics. You snuck into the Fang, stole him while he was asleep, avoided his brothers noticing, escaped, painted him red, then you woke up him on our prized battle barge?"
Captain: "Yes, my lord."
Gabriel Angelos: "... and... he seem ok with it?"
Captain: "Yes, my lord. Ecstatic, even."
Gabriel Angelos: "... keep me posted."
Dude I wish GW had you do whole audiobooks for the 40K books. Especially the Fabius Bile ones. Your voice is absolutely cool.
I mean, to be fair, if you were alive during the Heresy, ANYONE would have a LOT of questions for you…. I imagine combat isn’t the only thing the Blood Ravens stile Bjorn for. I’d personally find a way to allow Dreadnoughts to write so that Bjorn could compile a book and whenever someone wakes him up to tell him stories of the Heresy he could always just throw the book and tell him to screw off
Never realized how much i needed humorous old grandpa Björn in my life
This was really good 😂....that the blood ravens are trying there hardest to keep him in notice anything wrong 😂😂
Minutes later, on the battlefield:
"IIIIM STILL STANDING, TALLER THAN I EVER DID!
FEELING LIKE A TRUE SURVIVOR!
FEELING LIKE A LITTLE KID!" ~ Bjorn
Everyone wants that sweet Sister's of Battle touch. 😂 The Blood Ravens always stealing. Lol 😆 🤣
Marine: A red dreadnougt with a blue scratch mark was seen with the blood ravens! Do you think it’s our beloved Bjorn? Captain: OF COURSE NOT! Our beloved Bjorn is blue with the occasional layer of dust and chip crumbs. Keep searching!
Bro I thought my PC glitched
This is the most amazing aspect ratio ever. I want a movie shot in full panoramic, where the screen is meant to be wrapped all the way around.
My brother has great taste in post battle relaxation 👌
Also an ancient wolf finally being free from his furry purgatory is so heart warming ❤
Honestly this so feels like 90s games workshop humour. I love it. More like this if you can!
You do some of the absolute best Warhammer voice work.
Gods this is hilarious, excellent delivery!
i love this aspect ratio. Really makes use of the widescreen.
Inquisitor Malchior: Captain Angelos, I'm here about the theft of Bjorn.
Gabriel: Theft implies lack of consent. You cannot blame us for the fact that Bjorn doesn't want to leave.
Inquistor Malchior: I am aware of that and will pass that along to the Wolves. Again. What I'm intersted in is HOW you did it.
Gabriel: um... knowledge is power: hide it well.
Pretty sure the techmarine was giggling under his helmet "heh, I actually painted the whole body before we even got off Fenris! They ain't suspecting a thing in the checkpoint!"
I have a Bjorn somewhere still in his box. Do not make me paint him in Space Wolves livery. PLEASE do not make me do a slapstick job of painting over that in Blood Raven's Livery.