There are lots of us on the autism spectrum who aren't very successful with finding partners, but most of us don't call ourselves "incels", don't believe that others are responsible, don't blame women or attack women, don't feel superior to women (in fact, autistic women often have the. same difficulties). Though I would say, some of us, trusting a bit too easily could get caught up with such a group online. But there's a huge difference falling into a hate group, and being a person who has had struggles connecting with others.
@ Jay Y Very well said!! Most humans struggle with acceptance issues. Self acceptance formost. Many other categories in our culture have problems finding relationships. Eg,, not easy a woman in middle-age. In the final analysis better to learn about self caring and gratitude and not blame our culture or other people. Now THAT is attractive and helpful daily.
This new incel trend, in my opinion, seems to be about entitlement. These people are upset because they aren't getting what they expected, so they do these crimes, shootings, etc. They feel rage because they feel entitled to women for nothing, as though women have no minds of their own, apparently.
I am autistic. Transfemme. Before I came to terms with my gender and sexuality, I probably could’ve become an incel. I’m thankful to hav3 the support system I do..
@@SirenaSpades most incels aren’t violent and entitled but the ones that are violent definitely are entitled in the sense that they are mad that they cannot get their looksmatch. I blame porn for all of these problems imo because it just shows tons of beautiful attractive women from a young age to young men online and then they grow up feeling that these women are normal when they aren’t and they are few and far between. They then get mad at this when they see their competitively attractive female partner and can’t stand the idea that they can’t have that
AS ALPHA CHAD OF MY BABOON TRIBE CAN CINFIRM THAT THE BETA CHAD SQUAD IS RISING IN NUMBERS. WE HERE AT ALPHA CHAD BELEIVE THAT WITH HARD WORK AND SMASHING THOSE STACYS, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. IT SEEMS BETA CHAD SQUAD HAS GONE OFF ON A TANGENT AND INGESTED SOY MILK, SOY LATTES, SOY SAUCE, SOY BEANS AND SOY WATER. THIS LED TO THE INEVITABLE BREAK BETWEEN ALPHA CHADS AMD BETA CHADS . ALPHA CHADS RETAINING MORE TESTOSTERONE LEFT THE SOY CONSUMING BETA CHADS AT A DISADVANTEGE WHEN IT CAME TO MATING FEMALE MEMBERS OF THE TRIBE WHICH IN TURN LED TO THE PROCREATION OF EVEN MORE BABY CHADS THAT WERE RAISED BY ALPHA , SO ON AND SO ON. THE BABY CHADS STARTED THEIR OWN TRIBE AND VOWED LIVES OF NON MATING AND REORODUCTUON AS PUNISHMENT TO THE FEMALES WHO WERE PREDOMINATELY INTERESTED IN MATING ONLY THE ALPHA CHADS. BABY CHADS GROW UP, THEN HAVE MORE CHADS. WITH THIS GROWING VOID BETWEEN THE TRIBES MANY OTHER ROGUE CHADS HAVE BROKEN OFF INTO SPLINTER -CHAD MOVEMENTS WHICH WE SEE TODAY.
It’s a serious and real thing to people who consider themselves incels. They certainly don’t say these terms with humor, they use them with vitriol and contempt. I always appreciate the earnest way in which Dr Grande approaches these topics (even if some terms came from memes haha)!
@@ericasmith2630 It's just "cope" for them. They don't always take it that seriously as it is just something to laugh at and have fun with. I've never felt hated by incels but maybe felt a quiet resentment. I believe them to a certain extent - at least the content that some have made for youtube. Many incels are really quite funny or intelligent and I wish they had a better lot in life. I wish more academic resources were spent to at least legitimize them as a group. Currently society seems to focus on the extreme behavior of a few and uses this to justify shitting on them
School is children's federal day prison. They are the reason we are all socially fucked. God did not create humans AND public schools. He created humans. Families. Which now is a total joke according to "society"... and here we are!
I always find it remarkable how many people say indignantly, "looks aren't everything, what about personality?" People are so unsparing of their own physical appearances, but give themselves so much credit when it comes to their own personalities.
Yeah, because people think their personality were something more within their control. I think we've all heard Dr. Grande talk enough about the Big Five personality traits though to know how stable those traits are across the lifetime, and that they're also partly heritable, just like intelligence. If I can't blame someone for their intelligence, how can I blame them for being e.g. a narcissist? 🤔
True. Personality is harder to achieve than attractiveness. Way way harder Ps: there are a lot. Overcome shadow, insecurities, being a better self, be conscious, etc
It all comes down to putting in the work imo. Yes, one could be blessed with good genetics and a stable, loving upbringing, even from a high socio economical class. Still, everyone has flaws. If you want to wear/ have nice things you have to get money (aka a job). To keep your job you must consistently show passion, comradely, getting there on time and making dead lines. Same goes for a good personality, that requires one to think critically about their own actions, words and thoughts. And yes, sometimes one person needs to put in more effort than his/ her neighbors. I’ve been dealt bad cards when it comes to personality. With a sadistic narc for a mother and a criminal psychopath for a father I didn’t have a good example. As a child, there’s not much to do because a child mostly copies what he/ she sees. But as an adult it’s a completely different story. I have BPD, depression, anxiety, a panic disorder and a tendency towards addiction and EDs. I could tell people “yeah, i know i hurt you but that’s just my personality”. No, it doesn’t work like that. I have to follow treatment, visit my psychologists and psychiatrist and take my meds. If I don’t, I won’t be pleasant to be around thus i have to put in the effort and do the work. My point is that it seems like incels expect the world to revolve around them, that they’re ’entitled’ to sex and attention. It just doesn’t work like that i know it sucks but that’s life 🤷🏻♀️
Alice Becker The problem is that unwillingness to put in the effort is indeed also part of personality - that's the Big Five trait known as conscientiousness. While we know people's personality can *be* changed across the lifespan, I wouldn't say anyone can change their *own* personality. It's more about "exposing oneself" (rather: being exposed to) the right kind of environment. In case of Phineas Gage, for example, the "environmental factor" that massively changed his personality and made him more impulsive and less reliable was a metal rod through his frontal brain areas. 😂 Behavioural therapy of course also leads to biological adaptations at brain level, too, eventually - but on a much more subtle level than neurosurgery, of course.
If you start off unattractive, and/or not being raised in a healthy environment, then it seems like maybe being rejected because of the superficial ways we judge each other (especially in school), and the way we create in groups, can create the personality traits and mental health issues that make it more difficult to be confident, or funny, or create the skills to overcome the genetic disadvantages of being an unattractive person in this day and age where beauty is pretty important, and pretty people get treated much differently. Does the way we treat unattractive, or socially awkward people play such a small role? I think if you want to make someone crazy or dysfunctional, all you really have to do is treat them like they already are.
That last part hit my feels. Sometimes I get treated as if I committed some heinous crime, without being told that I did that. I've seen people directly compare incels to convicted rapists before so many times.
Why does everyone think unnatractiveness means bad genetics? Many attractive people have terrible genes, cannot reproduce, cannot live without modern medicine etc. Just because someone is bald, short, obese, or has a bit of acne, or bad sense of fashion, or third degree burns on his face doesnt automaticly mean u have bad genes (although sometimes those traits are caused by bad genes).
@John & Jane Smith Lmaooo imagine believing this bullshit. I've seen enough social tests where some good looking guy acts like a complete cringe asshole and completely gets away with it just because he looks like a model, so yeah I'm calling BS.
Lmao let me just say this, being "attractive" or looking good don't mean shit! I'm living proof of it. I've been told all my life i was handsome attractive, good looking or whatever. Not saying i'm brad pit, or i'm full of myself, i'm just blunt and straight to the point on things, but i am considered well above average in looks. I'm about 6 foot 4 tall, blue eyes, lean muscular broad shoulders, abs defined sharp jawline and strong cheekbone structure and i've been rejected i can't even count how many times. The women rejecting even call me handsome and good looking, my problem is i look like a jerk and throw off bad vibes! They tell me that! It's fucking unbelievable! Looking good has actually been a disadvantage for me! looks don't mean shit! If not, makes things worst, at least in my case! I have all in one of what a "chad" is described like. Women are just fucked up in the head now days in this new generation! and that's all there is to it! insecure and stupid! I've noticed they rather be with a normal guy with a pedo stash and looking like a hot dog, rather than an ugly or high attractive male. Good balance of looks is the key to getting girls from what i see! Women don't want someone below or better looking than themselves!
I think incels can get girls if they start taking care of themselves and make some female friends(no expectation) . They should keep their expectation low and date whoever showing interest in them.
I would like to put in my 2 cents as professionally as I can. I use to be an incel, an extreme incel unfortunately. I can give yall feedback on what's going on in the "incel" mind and group in general, though I haven't been on the incel forums in a while so im sorry. This may be a bit long, my apologies. "Incels" have their own different reasons and motives for being in this mindset but I think it mostly boils down to social rejection, possible trauma, mental illness*, lacking social skills, being unattractive, horrible attitudes and character, etc... There's things that the incel community has right and also wrong(obviously). I empathize with incels because I know what lead them there but I wanna talk about the extremists like I was. Mental illness plays a role in (these certain individuals) not everyone who has these disorders. Depression, personality disorders*, autism, social phobia/paranoia, maybe schizophrenia Im not a doc lol. I was diagnosed with borderline personality with antisocial traits and severe social anxiety and add. Certain individuals take rejection differently and the illness and delusions spiral down deeper and deeper. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. When you have mental illness*, bad family, social rejection, unattractive to everybody( physical looks). You start hating yourself because you just wanna be accepted by people, its easy to spiral down so far that you will join a cult just to fit in somewhere. (BUT). "Incels" need to know that while highschool is superficial and people will judge you no matter who you are; your character, respect, and personality matter more than anything in this life. To any incel reading this, even though the pain of rejection was horrible, really look deep in and accept that it was yours and MY attitude that kept us alone. Follow women pages, look up inspiration women videos! You're Self loathing and woman demonizing attitude is what is turning them and people in general off. Women aren't obligated to be with you and they are not just things for sex. They are people and just wanna feel safe and enjoy positivity. It took severe self awareness and insight but trying to be a good guy well help you out in your life. I'm talking to a few girls right now. because I enjoy just connecting with people. Even as friends its fine. If you try to be an actual good person than things will fall into place for you. I use to have violent thoughts everytime I went out and was scoldy if thats a word, at every couple I saw. Now I'm happier with female and male friends and life is better. (Take care of ur mental illness too) those two will lead "inceled" individuals to becoming a functioning part of society Edit: if u have sociopathic tendencies with neurotisism then get help or you'll end up hurting yourself and others. Last edit: Don't ever make of people or mock them because they are virgins or can't get girlfriends or friends in general. Just like you wouldnt laugh at a blind person or someone with cancer, don't look down on people with something they have no control over. Not everyone's popular or attractive, be mature enough to find the beauty in everybody.
I hope you now realize that everyone is involuntarily celibate at some time in their lives, and women also struggle with social awkwardness, mental illness, and the inability to connect with others and also feel unattractive or underappreciated by men- LGBT and non-binary people as well. That pain is not unique to straight boys and men.
Wow yo thanks for writing this. I never understood the whole incel thing. I suffer from ptsd & depression & it has affected my dating life horribly. There was a time id jokingly say I was Asexual(mental health meds will do that to ya) but I never identified as an incel. I'm the kind of guy who would just go to a strip club or call a escort. I now see a lot if not all incels have a warped view of women ontop of the mental health conditions they suffer from. I blame that on society because most of the views inceld hold on woman are held by many hetero males ("grab em by the pussy bra" I now have a different & far less harsh view of the incel community
Rationalisation means giving socially acceptable reasons for socially unacceptable behaviour, which is what you're doing when you say these guys are not in control of what they do. They seem to be very good at controlling their behaviour and when and where to manifest it switching it on and off at will. If someone holds a gun to a blind person's head and tells them to stop being blind they can't. Are you seriously telling me that if I hold a gun to an incel's head and tell him to apologise he's going to refuse? They decide where to be hateful depending on the risk to themselves., unlike the disabled, who never have that choice. I'm sick to the back teeth of all the excuses I've heard over the years for abusive behaviour for people who supposedly can't help it.
I found this very informative. I’ve noticed that many of the mass shooters have been rejected by girlfriend. I wonder if it would be helpful to teach young kids, male and female, how to handle rejection. It’s not the end of the world. Of course this would take parents who could identify the response to rejection in their children.
I got an even better one. Teach them how to communicate with each other again that way they can learn to handle it on their own, teach them to care about values and morals again. There is something really wrong, when isolating others in the name of tolerance is called empowerment. When mass shooters are worshipped all over the internet. Our kids grow up with no moral compass, being told they are the most special...who would not get narcissistic growing up in such an environment?
My father used to say "1 lost, 100 to be found" or something along those lines it's a translation my father didn't speak english. What he meant by this is that rejection wasn't the end of the world. And he was right. One can't center his life around being in a relationship or not or have sex or not. Also many of theses guys refuse to take of themselves and be the best version of themselves and to do the work towards that goal. It's easier to shift the blame on others.
One sentence would save all this ruckus, not everyone gets to have a relationship or have someone to love them, people feed incels lies these lies are being converted to expectations it's time for the world to make new laws on dating some people get love some people don't and it is what it is.
Absolutely, many people don't know how to manage their anger. Also, kids need to be taught how to simply be kind. All of these stories seem to begin with childhood bullying. I have read about many instances in which even teachers join in on the bullying, which is sad & disgusting. It's ALL very sad.
Calla Pratt --- That is an idea, but, if an incel cannot communicate and connect with a woman of his age, it is unlikely he has the substance (personality, intellect, and charm) to connect with Stacey's mother, who is more discriminating, y'know, a man who can light her cigarette, pour the wine, and converse about things other than himself.
well unfortunately given that incels are very misogynistic, they prob will try to create some snuff video of them beating or lay the hand on the mom, that is the sad realiity of how these people work. in reality, they won't even have the guts to try to meet the mom, to them, the mom is just another "FOID" to beat to death! hate to say it but that is the incel mentality and this is how they work! they cannot change!
The whole world ,but above all North America is full of wrathful lonely men ,who cannot find whatever woman (even unsightly one ), but notwithstanding this, they always strive to make fleshly love with pretty woman, although it is thoroughly unlikely to ever happen in their life.These highly unlikely to ever make true love with lustfully pretty woman of their dreams lonely men , filled with unspeakably strong wrath, as we can witness are not seldom in the mood to go and murder the first met women and men walking down the same street , although they are not at all guilty for the Incel's love-shortfall . The Incels yearn after only one thing,namely to make fleshly love with pretty ,womanly woman and when they at a given time become fully aware that this is wholly unlikely to happen many of them make the choice to harm or murder other human beings who have the sheer unluckiness to find themselves on the same street or in the shoping mall as the Incels. So ,although the Psychologists can do indeed great things to help the human minds in need ,in this case with the Incels ,sadly ,they are not of great help, because of the intrinsically impossible nature of the Incel's situation.
Female incels (sometimes called "femcels") do exist, but they are far rarer, because - to put it bluntly - men tend to have far lower standards when it comes to selecting purely sexual partners.
If we take Elliott Roger as typical for an incel then I think the biggest distortion in incels' thinking (by distortion I mean disconnection from what is really happening) is that their lack of success is due to their looks. In Elliot Rogers' case it was clear that women were put off by his personality, not his looks. He was actually an attractive looking guy, but on the rare occasions when he went to social events he stood in the middle of the room not smiling and staring at various women. We know from witness accounts that his behavior gave them the creeps. And we know from his manifesto that the whole time he was thinking the women were horrible because they wouldn't approach him and that he was just as good as the 'Chads' they were talking to. He seemed to miss all of the socialization about men approaching women being the standard 99% of the time. He also didn't seem to realize that standing around with a scowl made him unapproachable. But to his mind it was because he didn't meet some ideal of physical attractiveness. The irony is that there are so many ugly, dumpy, and old men who have attracted beautiful women with any one of these things - winning and confident personality that makes women feel special, money, power, confidence, some special natural likeability. Cynics would say it's just money, but money alone won't help a man with a terrible personality.
No Elliot Rodger had social anxiety disorder. he mentions it in his manifesto, he was basically too shy to introduce himself to other women so he always sat back and hoped women would come to him and he grew increasingly frustrated with the idea that men had to come to women while women didn't have to do the same thing.
It's interesting that incels are not able to get relationships from looks or personality or whatever, but all they talk about are beautiful women (at the same time judging or hating them). It really is entitlement. The notion that they 'deserve' a woman who may be above their pay grade. Men who are confident, respectful and take care of themselves are attractive. So there could be a laziness issue which is again rooted in entitlement.
Clemdane Yes I thought Elliot Roger was quite attractive. And there are plenty of ugly men that get good looking women. So I think you are right that it was more about his personality. I think he bigged himself up while really inside he had a crippled lack of self esteem. Otherwise he would have been able to confidently approach women and have successful relationships
He was attractive and also wealthy and had film industry connections. For most guys that would guarantee at least a modicum of sexual success even if they're huge jerks. It appears Rodger was both socially stunted and also had extremely high standards for what sort of woman he thought he deserved. If nothing less than a model will do for you, you've already eliminated 99% of potential mates. The things incels seem to want are almost impossible even for a socially adept person.
My experience is that women love a man with good looks, but they use the man's looks for temporary self-validation: she was able to 'bag a hot guy'. Once she's achieved this, he can be discarded. An equal alternative is women believe a man they find physically attractive is 'successful'--crazy as it seems, they seem to reason (somehow) that he makes 'good' choices that will benefit her ... because he chose to be physically attractive.
Physical attraction is important, but physical attraction is not synonym to hottest person, it just has to be present, much like how important food is to stay alive, that's not synonym with 5 star meals are important to stay alive.
As a long-time bachelor without much luck, I've taken an interest in this community. I quickly realized that I don't fit because I'm just not capable of sustaining that much anger all the time. I don't like my situation, but the whole situation doesn't justify these elaborate social constructs of Chads and Staceys and simps and all of that. My health has failed, and that prevents me from doing anything towards a relationship. That's the explanation that really matters to me.
It can take a long time, I'm 35now and in my first serious relationship. Nothing till 28 and from 28 till 34, trying, learning, trying to learn. Learning wrong things, Learning right things. Wrong images. right thoughts. Don't give up hope mate. I feel you. Or just try to be happy. That would also be great. good luck.
Dont worry you wont be an incel because you appear to have good introspection which many of them lack. Hate tends to consume people and cloud their judgement so it makes it harder for them to improve. Youre on the right track👍🏻
@@zenrio2977 Thank you for the kind words. Because of my health, I may not be able to travel far enough on the right track, but I try to stay on the right tracks in life.
@@klaasbernd I'm 57, so I'm far past where you are in terms of age. My poor health is probably the bigger issue, and no one has found even a good diagnosis, much less a good treatment. I'm glad that you've found a relationship.
@@klaasbernd Relationshis are about give and take, each other's likes and dislikes which can form bohndaries, a sense of humour and never staying angry and knowing when to back down and saying sorry even when you know you maybe right sometimes. Being considerate. You wont go far wrong from these suggestions. The hard part is to chose someone that has these qualties as well.
@John Sampson I don't disagree in principle. Feminism means we may make choices like that, and while never talked about, we must bear the consequences if those choices. Promiscuity, for some women is very harmful emotionally, not to mention the exposure to disease, pregnancy and increased likelihood of rape. NPR podcast had a story about a researcher who spent two years studying college sexuality. It is hook up culture that lowers both mens'and womens' social status as soon as they have sex. Both groups ignore and ridicule the conquests, dehumanizing them. They may not be friends or even even friendly. Often their friends pick each others conquests. I don't believe I have ever heard a journalist guest and host so quietly saddened. Basically one third of men and women college students opt out of sex, because the culture is so barren. Ten to twenty percent think it is a free for all and are all good with it. The remainder participate due to the social pressure but admit they don't like it. The young men in the interviews seem bewildered and confused. The young women expressed the sentiment some attention is better than not being wanted. Failure of parenting, because whatever the prevailing culture, parents jobs are to help young people stay safe and preserve their dignity. That one third of college students are running amok in n that regard. I hope conversations continue. We all have to be pragmatic. We women do enjoy the right manage our own destiny, but we should aknowledge gender differences when it comes to sexual activity.
I am all for women expressing their sexual persona. If that means multiple partners, so be it. Casual sex is not for everyone, even men. Equal rights does not mean we are the same and if I had daughters, I would encourage them to make discriminating and thoughtful choices. I would also encourage them to stay true to their individual nature and temperment, whatever that may be. Coercion by culture is destructive to both sexes.
I often wondered about these guys... I did meet one such an older man when my own life was really bad. I felt sorry for him because he looked so incredibly sad so I said Hello, just to be a civil new neighbour, no female amorous or sexual intentions and he immediately informed me he was not interested in "women" so I just apologises for interacting with him at all and just left him alone. This went on a few months but I noticed he was very ritualistic. Every morning, same time, same drab but spotlessly clean clothes on, he would take his fishing lines and go out fishing. Then one day he knocked on my door and said "Here's food for you". It was a fish he'd caught. I politely thanked him, took the fish and said no more. Eventually he began to occasionally talk, only a few brief words. I didn't say much to him. It felt too uncomfortable and I did not know him but eventually he opened up and said he had sworn off "women" forever now. I ventured to ask why and he told me about all the times he tried and how it went bad each time and after three bad marriages that took him to the cleaners and landed him in the same situation as me, it was time to call it quits as far as women are concerned. I explained how I'd had a similar bad experience, but only one marriage and he then became a very good platonic friend, very kind and caring. He then met other kind poor women whom he offered his fish he caught to and who were grateful for the extra bit of free good food he provided and I and other women cooked him meals, fixed his old clothes up for him, sewing on missing buttons etc. One wanted him to go dancing with her but he said he couldn't dance and had sworn off "women", so she went out alone, no partner but he got concerned about her safety and told her so and warned the rest of us about engaging in risky female behaviour etc etc. Some looked at him with suspicion, fearing he might be dangerous. But one no one said"If we have no man to dance with what are we supposed to do? We have to go it alone and hope we don't get preyed in..." Shortly after that, he asked if I would lend him my dance class DVD. I simply gave it to him as I was never going to be a ballroom dancer but he practised daily, alone, in front of his TV to learn how and got very good at it and then asked the women if they wanted to go dancing with him as a group and they all wanted to, but they knew he was so good at it now that they would look clumsy dancing with him, so they all politely declined and he went alone. There he met another female, also very lonely and a good dancer, who had "sworn off men forever", after a couple of failed marriages. Last time I saw him, he and her were an item. I felt so happy he had found someone to restore his faith in womankind (and for her, too, though I could see why her husband's would have left such a demanding female personality as her.... Sadly, just as this romance was starting up, she suddenly died, of natural causes. But the rumours circulated around female circles that he had killed her. I knew what sort of kind man he was who would never harm a woman and it made me so angry to hear such malicious female rumours being circulated about him, though I had no romantic interests in him, more like a brother or friend....
He was married 3 times so hes quite different from incels. Not all dudes who have a bad hand in the dating game are whst you call incels. Incels are a different breed. That guy you knew os more akin to MGTOW. they are not incels and have been through the ringer of dating many times.
That is very sad but I think he's MGTOW, Incrls don't even gets shot, usually due to disability or just being so ugly or short, which is so sad because you can't change that.
Poor guy, I'm glad he did find someone at the end though, many people do go thru these struggles but don't have hatred within them like many incels do, doesn't sound like he was an incel to me but he may had some hard things in his life that made him not date anyone else and I'm glad there's nice people like you that help others with those problems
AS ALPHA CHAD OF MY BABOON TRIBE CAN CINFIRM THAT THE BETA CHAD SQUAD IS RISING IN NUMBERS. WE HERE AT ALPHA CHAD BELEIVE THAT WITH HARD WORK AND SMASHING THOSE STACYS, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. IT SEEMS BETA CHAD SQUAD HAS GONE OFF ON A TANGENT AND INGESTED SOY MILK, SOY LATTES, SOY SAUCE, SOY BEANS AND SOY WATER. THIS LED TO THE INEVITABLE BREAK BETWEEN ALPHA CHADS AMD BETA CHADS . ALPHA CHADS RETAINING MORE TESTOSTERONE LEFT THE SOY CONSUMING BETA CHADS AT A DISADVANTEGE WHEN IT CAME TO MATING FEMALE MEMBERS OF THE TRIBE WHICH IN TURN LED TO THE PROCREATION OF EVEN MORE BABY CHADS THAT WERE RAISED BY ALPHA , SO ON AND SO ON. THE BABY CHADS STARTED THEIR OWN TRIBE AND VOWED LIVES OF NON MATING AND REORODUCTUON AS PUNISHMENT TO THE FEMALES WHO WERE PREDOMINATELY INTERESTED IN MATING ONLY THE ALPHA CHADS. BABY CHADS GROW UP, THEN HAVE MORE CHADS. WITH THIS GROWING VOID BETWEEN THE TRIBES MANY OTHER ROGUE CHADS HAVE BROKEN OFF INTO SPLINTER -CHAD MOVEMENTS WHICH WE SEE TODAY.
Reading through all these comments it truly brakes my heart. I feel so sad that there are people feeling so alone, and frustrated and dismissed...all while being tormented via hormonal and physical ‘natural’ occurrences. Not to mention a lot of the societal triggers and stressors as well. I don’t want anyone to feel unwanted or ugly...I also don’t want any one forced or made to do anything intimate with another person. Pain and suffering is unfortunately apart of life. Men suffer not because they are weak- many Men suffer because in fact they are strong.
👍🏻 You do a great job summarizing complicated ideologies. I think it’s sad that people come to these kinds of conclusions about themselves and how they compare to others. This also seems like one way the internet can work against people, especially people who are isolated and vulnerable. I think it would be a great idea to have a mental health class offered in high school if they don’t exist already to at least give people some baseline good information to start off life. ♥️ Have a great night Dr. Grande.
b-rad sam I would have benefited from a class in high school and I know children that would now as well. I think I made a poor comment on another video. It’s not ok to call anyone crazy. ☮️
@@rightnow5839 yeah but when it comes to mental illness nobody wants to deal with it in men especially women they just think they are a lost cause or did it to themselves and you know true.
Great video Dr. Grande! Could you do a video on the Hikikomori (drawing inward) phenomena? The term was coined by psychologist Tamaki Sato in reference to the growing number of people withdrawing into their rooms entirely for sometimes years at a time. It would be fascinating to hear your perspective on the topic.
I am a victim of having to isolate myself in a room with a locked door then disgraced by a real devil. My family which is my sister and mother have beliefs that he was telling truth when it was all a game being attacked every day then moved forced into my bad mother's home put in jail for standing my ground because she refused me to touch the air conditioner button literally throwing up her first at me then jailed she said I threw up my fist nope never happened. Please help me recover myself ..
I'm still being treated unfairly and judged and put up in my sister's filth never knew her till now I'm 55 and female and abused and stolen from every part of my life has been ruined by this no good for me devil. I have no chance left for freedom they screwed everything out of me ever getting to attain anything. I need a team of navy seals to come eject my angel butt right out into protection and crimal lawyers and home assistance to get me in my own bedroom that is for low income on disability since 2009. Major depressive disorder, genetic blood disorder causing blood clots dvt and pulmonary embolism. this man has infected my hair to baldness played and preplanning to always hurt me and carried it out with the help of grown men. Partners in crime I had no idea he had friends never seen none of their faces it was being locked in to survive on his demands you either had to do it or you were screamed at for days pure hate and rage. Now I'm still living but I'm really dead inside.
tbh it makes sense. cuz this group just like to hate, hate and hate....it's another version of those racist/white supremacy groups...if u go around hating, then that is what you will be attracting.
@Justine, exactly. These people are suffering. They are ridiculed and therefore marginalized. Some act it out in evil ways but more don’t. They may get angry but this is not surprising given that their drives aren’t being met.
@@llcooldrockindahouse4631 okay, but why do they do it? Ever ask that? Could it be because they themselves got that when they were young, or because they’re legitimately sick and need help with managing their delusions and not allowing them to control their thoughts? Or shall we just keep censoring and demonizing them until they end up on the dark web where they’re actually gone and can’t be reached out to?
@@chicago618 Their drive isn't a 'need' to be met though; it's a 'want'. 'Wants' don't have to be met - thats things a person themselves needs to work at and work on themselves to get. They want a loving relationship and/or they want sex. That's not to say I don't think we shouldnt try and understanding incels situation and help them to not suffer so much any more... but there's a difference between understanding and excusing. A lot of what it written within incel communties is just horrible and hate filled towards women. That behaviour shouldn't be just excused, they're responsible for that no matter how much they've been marginalised. And even if most incels would never deream of acting out in evil ways themselves, thoughts and ideas are powerful, they have consequences. They're propogating an rigid ideology that soon or later will find someone who will be inspired to violence by it.
At this point, Dr. Grande should close his videos with, “Now, I know that whenever I make a video on absolutely any topic at all, it will generate a lot of opinions because I make really excellent videos. Please comment on my great videos down below. “ 😅 You’re the best Dr. Grande, and thank you for the wonderful content! 🤗
Incels really do focus too much on physical looks. Elliot Roger was in many respects a very attractive young man. Unfortunately he was not given the amount of attention he felt he was entitled to from the women he felt he deserved. More than likely there was some aspect of his personality that perspective partners found off-putting. External societal factors weren’t preventing him from forming relationships; all the obstacles he encountered were internal in that society and women in particular weren’t conforming to his own ideas of how he should be treated. I want to feel empathy for Incels. And in some ways I do. Dating and relationships are hard, and yes, physical attraction does play a major role, but at the same time it’s hard to feel empathy for a group that is so demonstrably misogynistic. Incels treat women like nothing more than sex vending machines: if you put in enough “nice guy” and flattery coins you deserve a sexy prize. When women inevitably don’t live up to that standard they are reviled. There’s a weird cognitive dissonance going on where they demand to have their emotional needs met while at the same time being unable or unwilling to see how their mindset and actions ignore the emotional needs of others.
I would recommend two channels from the incel community. Incel TV and FaceLMS. These two combine all the data that proves you wrong in this case. Looks are absolutely the most important thing in dating and there is empirical data for it.
I love how incel terminology and memes have been co-opted and sort of reclaimed by pop culture as a whole. instead of shutting down and "canceling" the incel ideology, we acknowledged its existence and exchanged dialogues about it, transforming its social significance to a series of memes and phrases that barely reflect the original intentions. for example, art depicting the "virgin" and "Chad" figures as romantic couples, or the evolution of Chad as a disdainful term into a title implying admiration or respect.
Such co-opting is pretty beneficial to the incel ideology, more and more people will now get exposed to the ideology once they become curious about the origins of these memes and terminologies, not to mention incels can now easily pass around their ideas to the non-initiated without worrying about them not understanding the lingo.
"art depicting the "virgin" and "Chad" figures as romantic couples" That's only one variant. I highly doubt that will have an impact, since if you take it any further than that the meme loses all meaning and just stops being funny. It also is based on the assumption that Chad v Virgin memes weren't purposely made to be silly in the first place. "or the evolution of Chad as a disdainful term into a title implying admiration or respect." That doesn't even make sense. The original meaning of Chad means that Chad is more confident, attractive, stronger, wealthier, than the INCEL calling someone Chad. It's like going "ahaha look how attractive that guy who you already say is more attractive than you is." Just reinforcement of what made them mad in the first place.
The word 'incel' has been greatly taken out of proportion. Being involuntarily celebate does NOT make you a loser, nor unworthy of love and/or relationships. The problem like most problems today is related to social media and the way in which a "movement" is defined and labeled. Human nature boils everything down to identity, labels and communities. What's happened is that "incel," has been now identified with "misogyny" and/or hatred for women... which is far from the truth. The negative minority has been depicted as being the majority. It's a form of bias that applies to countless other labels and identities that people choose to categorize others in.
What these fools dont know is that society created these people, they didnt voluntere to be in that position, hence the term incil, they fell a sence of depravation, when it concers love, marage and sex, as thoe they were given nothing, not even the crum after everyone else had there fill, no one really wants to be alone but some people just have very little choice becouse they arnt seen by the public as worthy of being considerd.
It's interesting when people form a community around some incapacity they share; this can be a very positive association if those involved help each other to improve their adaptation to whatever it is they lack or think they lack. I've watched your video twice, and I'll be thinking about it while I take my evening Walk. Thanks, again.
The facts are we live in a very superficial society and some people just don’t live up to societies superficial standards, “Incels” or outsiders will always exist in such a world because humans aren’t perfect but the only ones who will be happy are those who can fool the people around them into thinking they are perfect. The human experience is all about fooling yourself with your own illusions and finding people who go along with it. That’s why I don’t need friends anymore, I don’t need other people to justify my existence...that’s for the weak minded. Too much weak mindedness in the world as it is.
In the Victorian and earlier eras, it was the parents of the daughter and son who determined if a young man was suitable enough for their daughter, and the daughter suitable for the son. Were they in the same financial and social class? Were they a respectable family? Was the son ambitious, and going to be capable of keeping a wife in the same type of lifestyle she grew up in? (This was actually important - the parents wanted their daughter to leave their home, and enter as a wife into the same situation she grew up in). The parents of the son wanted to make sure that the young woman and her family was respectable also, that she had a good upbringing and was going to be a good addition to the family. The children were chaparoned and supervised in all social circles and their feelings were not important. A good match between families for upward mobility, status and class were the reasons for marriage. Love wasn't considered because marriage was basically a business contract and deal for families. An incel back then would have been an unambitious young man not interested in business or society, flippant and uncaring of his responsibility and duty to his family and social class. Someone who neglected his education and didn't care about his appearance (appearance for men was important, in dress and manners - men had to dress properly for the different occasions they were obligated to attend, and know the unwritten rules of etiquette in their circle). Young women had to present themselves similarly and had more social obligation and rules than men did.
@@tabby73 Not in America......men have even MORE obligations now, but women have very few if any, other than being north of the age of 18 and having a pulse.
Why aren't there any Female Incels? If its just men who are wrong and unfit how come there aren't many women that are the same way? its almost as if women don't have to live up to certain standards.
"Love wasn't considered because marriage was basically a business contract and deal for families. An incel back then would have been an unambitious young man not interested in business or society, flippant and uncaring of his responsibility and duty to his family and social class. Someone who neglected his education and didn't care about his appearance (appearance for men was important, in dress and manners - men had to dress properly for the different occasions they were obligated to attend, and know the unwritten rules of etiquette in their circle)" i feel like your describing inceldom in Victorian times as a choice but nowadays, for me personally , it was lack of knowledge and neglect. if one does not have a family to fulfill obligations to and society has been compromised on a fundamental level; there is little in the way to build capability for incels. i feel like that is a severe injustice to those who have been left out. its unfair others live so good whilst others live in utter deprivation WHILST also being stigmatized . its obscene.
@@aychou.v1955 Your answer is basically, *"Because Girls are better than boys",* Great Answer! *"I also feel a sense of entitlement for straight boys'* *"There is also this belief from boys that a girl owns them their body"* *"they are only nice to the girls they want something from."* Do you have the ability read Men's thoughts&feelings? You sure talk like you do.
Good analysis Doc, but from someone who definitely qualifies as the traditional definition of "Involuntarily Celibate" as opposed to the extremists, I do think it's important not to strictly focus on the most extreme among us. "Us" being, guys who have certain negative views of the modern dating scene but have no desire to hurt anyone or anything of that nature. You did bring some nuance though, and I really appreciate that. Honestly? Most of the guys (and yes, some girls) I've talked to are actually really decent people and are just hurting because they've found it impossible to find someone. Sometimes because they've lost the genetic lottery, or because of anxiety issues or depression and so on. I think both apply to me, but more so the latter. At the end of the day, I think it's like this: The feeling of being wanted by someone, is so important. I believe others' treatment and view towards us is what gives us the majority of our confidence, rather than coming from the inside. And so when you feel so unwanted (as a friend, as a romantic partner, the list goes on), it's going to take a toll without a doubt. And that's definitely been true for me. At this point, I'm almost expecting to be alone forever, and it sucks. I don't want that for myself, but every day that I leave my house, I come back home hating myself. Focusing on negatives rather than positives of my day. I think more than anything, I'd like to just feel normal for a day, you know? Like I'm a person. I know that's the spiraling negativity talking, but it sure feels real.
Incel was literally coined by a female Canadian woman. There's even an interview on a major podcast on Spotify where she talks about it. The bad faith and poor research around this topic is endemic. What's even more amazing is that the women who are supposedly at risk from these "guys" are kinder to the subject than other men, like some bad stereotype come to life.
As a relationship & sexual psychotherapist , I have learned so much from your channel Dr.Grande! I just became a patron! Your contribution for understanding behavioral changes in this world is priceless 🧠 ♥️
Here in the UK we just had our first mass shooting in 11 years. The killer was apparently part of, or interested in, incel culture in some way. He killed his own mother and four neighbours including a three-year-old girl. So heartbreaking. People are saying he should be considered a terrorist if it turns out that his motivation was based on incel ideology.
@@gbjanuary yeah I think a lot of things that are treated as criminal justice problems would be better dealt with as public health problems. Drugs and addiction certainly. Maybe this kind of thing too. Maybe if he'd had decent mental health services he wouldn't have done it.
It’s important to hold people accountable for their actions. The majority of people who are involuntarily celibate aren’t in the incel community and don’t consider themselves incels, nor do the they ascribe to the tenets of the incel community. Being an incel doesn’t just occur naturally - it’s what happens when a group of people bond over hatred of “others”, convincing themselves they’re the victims of something other than their own life choices, and constantly confirming each others’ biases. It’s definitely a mind set, however illogical. Despite what incels believe, NO man or woman ever owes anyone sex, nor do are they themselves entitled to sex.
Synick Wow, these guys are so disconnected from how to get laid and then blame it women. Thanks for the link. No I need to warn my daughter about these guys too.
This is a group of people I empathize with a lot. While I reject most of their ideology,it took me an extremely long time to find a girlfriend. In big part because of mental health issues: depression and social anxiety. If I wasn't lucky enough to be able to afford counseling, I can totally imagine having ended up in those forums one day.
@Anarcho Frills How do you know that? Ever talked to one? I'm incel and i can tell you, i don't just want to "use" any women. If i just wanted sex, i could just go into a brothel, but i don't believe that would satisfy me. I just want someone to love who loves me back, someone who sleeps next to me, someone i can hug when I've had a bad day, and talk with about everything. I'm nearly tearing up, while writing this. Seriously man, I'am no sick creature, just another human being looking for happiness in a big confusing world. I'm only a freak at the very moment someone like you points the finger at me and calls me that. Thats the problem with demonizing incels - you are not making it better for us, but worse. And I'm not saying there aren't narcisstic assholes who are also incels. Of course they exist, but so are non-incel Narcissists. So that isn't always an indicator. Most incels are probably just like me - sad and shy and barely speaking up about the topic, not wishing anything bad for women or "alpha-males". So you shouldn't generalize because of some douchebags in forums. I hope i could extent your mindset a bit. Have a nice day.
Nerd-Mask not being able to find a partner =/= being an incel. to be an actual incel you have to engage in the toxic incel ideology and you don’t seem to do that. when people "demonize" incels they mean the type of people who say the most dehumanizing sexist bs about women and act like intimacy is owed to them, and i think those people deserve to be demonized. but, again, you don’t seem to be doing that. i would suggest getting off any incel forums if you’re on them because it just drags you deeper into the incel world and further from reality. categorizing people into alpha/beta/attractive/not attractive is also unhealthy for your mind.
@@halifaxverbeck7098 I know they have a very toxic ideology, but I think it stems in part from their mental health issues. If mental health counseling was less stigmatized and even more importantly more widely available, I believe there'd be less people like this. Desperate people tend to go after extreme ideologies after all.
I feel that the hijacking of feminism has partly caused the situation with INCEL. A lot of good males are deserving of a good female, but however there is a lack of traditional values, which makes things more difficult.
Almost any ideology that is based on the idea that someone is just owed something that they are not receiving can be very dangerous and potentially lead to violence.
@@XQQ-qm8ow Wow, you are completely off. No. Medical care is essential for all. How did you get there from men saying women just owe them sex? Completely different.
@@shannonmayer18 "Almost any ideology that is based on the idea that someone is just owed something that they are not receiving can be very dangerous and potentially lead to violence." read your own comment again. Many people in countries such as the US think they are owned free healthcare, which a service they are not receiving. Does that make them very dangerous? I was just showing you why your blanket statement is wrong.
Hold on, so there are dudes that are mad that they can't "have" the attractive females because those females are overly concerned with attractiveness?🤣
@@Trashalchemy Oh sure, not everyone is motivated mainly by appearance. Especially as we mature. I would say females, if either are, would be less likely to care about appearance. The whole thing is just immature and silly.
@@CynHicks It's true that not everyone is motivated primarily by attractiveness. However, generally speaking, they are. And that includes women. I would go as far to say that women care more about attractiveness than men. Think about it, women will shun a guy if they don't like their height, probably one of the most useless traits to be concerned about in a modern society
I just started a ten week computer based course through the VA called web stair to work through ptsd management. Im doing weekly video connect with a therapist in San Francisco who guides me through it. I don’t have to leave my house where I feel safe. I think providing mental healthcare through video connection could be a good way to access the introverts who need it.
I totally agree. I do wish you success on your ptsd management, and I think it's awesome that you reached out for help when you needed it. I wish more people would have the strength to do that.
I'm now voluntary celibate, never married, with relatively few sexual or romantic experiences. Some people think I'm queer and have an attraction to me. I've tried to be tolerant but I now resent unwanted homosexual interest. I've also been diagnosed as schizoid but not sure that applies much anymore although I come from a traumatized background. I had a lot of problems relating to non-indigenous people too, men and women. I also fall into a category called Sixties Scoop Survivor. I seem to be ok by simply rejecting all romantic possibilities. I've spent my entire life trying to evaluate and fix myself. This is why I watch Dr. Grande and other related programs.
Have you fried your brain with drugs? A lot of people in your situation have done so. It is easy to avoid most unwanted homosexual interest...wear a MAGA hat. You'll be assaulted by lunatic morons though, so I'm not sure if that is any better.
@@paulgoogol2652 I would disagree, sex is so much more than porn, it is not even comparable. Having a physical being remove everything not of her, revealing all that she is in flesh, and reaching ecstasy together. I would lose all sense of where I am and even who I am, like time didn't exist. I love all the smells, the spit, the sweet, the taste, touch etc. Porn is eating oatmeal while sex is eating feast in Paris.
@@paulgoogol2652 sex is overrated. There is so more to life than sexual gratification and the fact that ppl obsess over it like a heroin addict looking for their next high almost converts me to asexuality. It genuinely grosses me out
Thank you for another informative discussion Dr. Grande. I do appreciate this one on INCEL because this is the first time that I have heard about this INCEL. For people who do not have formal training on "Mental Health" issues, the easiest way to learn is to regularly watch your videos in your channel. May your audience keep on growing!
Thank you for explaining this. I had no idea this was such a widespread issue until you mentioned the specific murders. I’m in fla so I’m familiar with the parkland shooter case.
Go out with the goal of trying to get 5 rejections. Even ask women out that you "know" won't go out with you. Try to get 5 rejections per day. Make it a challenge. Make it a fun game and laugh about it. Your confidence and care-free attitude will cause you to get dates. This is recommended by Dr. Robert Glover, author of "No More M. Nice Guy". (Of course you do have to make normal eye contact like a human who can communicate and not act all needy, weak and approval-seeking like a little boy) A woman showing "low interest" does not mean that you are crap. It means that person happens to have low interest in going out or communicating with you.
Thank you for this Dr. Grande. I've been hearing the word "Incel" often on RUclips and planned to look up the meaning behind the word but now I don't have to. You explain things very clearly
I just learned what incel was too. We called them “indoor losers” 20 years ago bc they stay on computer. Kinda seems like a vicious cycle. Computers, loneliness, isolation/ antisocial , hate, then back to computers with that hate.
@@scifirealism5943 That you want to change tells us all you're not a loser. Don't be so down on yourself. Wanting change is truly the first step to change.
It's not about entitlement or thinking I have rights over someones body. I just want to be fucking loved, dude. Relationships and sex are normal things normal people seem to be able to do...normally. I just want to be fucking normal.
As an autistic I feel I can understand some of these traits of a "typical"incel individual, but personally their logic doesn't seem logical at all, such as: if an incel is interested in a "Stacy"who is attractive to the incel, then Stacy is obligated to have sex with him? Yet if a woman who isn't attractive to the incel would be interested in the incel then he isn't obligated to have sex with this "unattractive woman"?
The catch of incel ideology is really that they believe no woman regardless of whether she is conventionally attractive or not wants to enter a relationship with them. That’s why you see so many members of the group fantasizing about lashing out against society, because they believe they are doomed to be forever social outcast with no one to connect to.
That's absolutely true. Plus incels should be fully monitored at all times cuz they if no woman is picking them for sex, these guys could become pedophiles. So watch out in case you need to guard your little daughter.
It's not actually about looks with these guys. They're narcs and don't hide their cray well enough to appear normal and put out a 'childish' vibe. The immature sense of entitlement is pervasive through out their behavior. Elliot Rogers was the type of guy that women would think was cute, until he starts to talk.
@@RunninQHsRockif a woman that thought he was cute would logically smile with him. I think he was educated enough to be interesting. Maybe a bit nervous 🫦.....
Some of the reasons for incel ideology makes sense. Sex is a human need. We dont need it to survive independently, but its still a strong urge. Women obtain it easier, and for men its a struggle. No doubt men who are still virgins past their 20s are increasingly angry at their lack of success. Alternatives like masturbation dont cut it anymore. Jealousy is a common emotion, especially being surrounded by couples who separate but still find partners quickly. Other than the supremacy thing, I sympathize.
@Zuma Zuma in my experience, ive went to gaming bars, been to college, and just random places. I just women out there but was always rejected. Its made me bitter. I do need the motivational speech, " just be yourself and youre still young"
@Zuma Zuma um. College is a place where you do get to know people. I didnt just walk up to women and asked them out. I tried to start things off by introducing myself and talk to them. No one gave me the time of day.
Thankyou Dr Grande for covering this topic ,my daughter is 15 and most of the teenages talk about Chad's , i thought it was just young people's jargon . Now I know what it means .
@@doritodust2259 good 2nd point. Humans were extra cruel in the past in that we classed people as “weird” by irrelevant things like skin color. We’ve just redefined who gets that type of treatment, now it’s the unattractive and socially awkward that get it. The cruelty itself didn’t go away.
its true to some extent because young kids who have been neglected not only suffer from lack of aaffection and empathy also suffer from a lack of capability . if no one is providing a example , some sort of structure and showing them the importance of fulfilling their obligations or becoming more capable they wont have the means or the will to level up.
As an incel I can say most of us aren't interested in sex. What we're interested in is a deep personal relationship. I for example don't even have any basic friends regardless what I do. It's horrible how I feel sometimes. (YES! I'm familiar with Dr. Jordan Peterson.)
@@crazyguyimacrazyguy5944 It's kinda insulting how some view us as "the bad guy". We actually do blame ourselves, why do you think we're so depressed? (I'm one of the few whos actually willing to admit it.) It's a never ending cycle of self-abuse that repeats and snowballs. I'm not even sure how specifically it started (most likely a traumatic childhood . . . long story) let alone how to stop it that doesn't involve a "little lead pill". Don't get me wrong, I feel mentally fine enough (and have no brash plans) but I'm often too lost in my own thoughts to pay any attention to my surroundings let alone girls. I graduated high school and I moved out of "the little house of horrors" as soon as I could and that's all I can do. Now I must live my life. . . . Now I must move on. It's the only thing I know.
Depression can be treated. Perhaps pursue an official diagnosis, and ask for treatment with dialectal therapy, and EMDR which is a trauma treatment. I know it is difficult, and lonely. Hoping you find a support network. Also celibacy before completing trauma treatment is something to be proud of. Well done. A counseling center might be able to recommend a group that you will be able to make friends in.
@@TheTarrMan Yes, you guys are the bad guys. Recently one of you lowlives killed 6 people in the UK. If you're depressed, go see a therapist, if you think you're unfit, go to the gym and if you think you don't have enough social interactions, then use dating apps and hang out in public places (basically go out). Blaming women is what incel losers do, while they themselves don't like themselves, then how can they expect someone else to like them ? If looks do matter, then why is Eliott Rodger, who looks better than 99% of incels, get associated with the terror outfit ?
Incels may be demonized, but many of their ideas are not erroneous. Their idea of the black pill is very interesting in a very depressing way. I personally recommend "Face & LMS" channel, I find it excellent to be honest.
Love your channel man! Learning a lot from you. Hopefully after I have seen all your videos I'll be able to see red flags faster. Although I have to admit, I carry some of the symptoms, kinda worried I might be a little narcissistic. But I really don't want to cause anyone pain, so maybe I'm ok lol! Anyway, keep up the great work! And thank you for sharing!
I’ve long since wanted to see this topic presented in a researched way. Don’t get me wrong. The shock value encounter stories and screen shots are entertaining but it’s such an odd phenomenon that it should be studied in a serious manor. They range from hateful trolls who don’t really leave the house enough to pose a real threat (at the time) to mass murderers. That’s a lot of variance so it’s important to know the common threads between these extremes.
As someone who was sad enough to have incel tendencies years ago, I can attest that it's all just resentment and jealousy. Instead of trying to improve themselves to become more attractive, they blame others and make excuses for their failures. It's a pathetic way to live.
I agree I also had tendencies like that myself and yea it's just resentment and jealousy pretty childish in my opinion. I think alot of them will outgrow that ideology eventually I hope they do.
@@kylemorice4870 Glad you understand, brother. For all the incels who complain they never get attention from girls, how many of them actually make an effort and TALK to them? Hardly any! Elliot Roger was like that. He watched couples together and felt sorry for himself, but he never tried to get a date. At least we grew up👍
@@avalonjustin i think i heard somewhere that Elliott Roger went to a party and was really creepy with the girls, and even tried to shove one off tbe roof or something and the guys there kicked him out. Then he just sulked and committed his bs
I’ve made videos on them in the past and was faced with anger and violent threats. I’d assume many of these men had some sort of abuse in the past and get caught up in this cult that they have created
Kathrin Johnson they grow up in neglectful and abusive environments with no positive role models except the internet. I wish these people therapy and help before they hurt others and themselves
@@Mijn24 if they can find hate groups online they can find positive role models and mental health videos. They have to stop feeling sorry for themselves and want help.
As an incel allot of the comments aren’t talking about the right things, me and allot of incels don’t think women own us sex, it’s more of a venting space. A group full of un wanted people will always have bad eggs but don’t generalise mentally disturbed people with people like me who is autistic and ugly
Listen, as a woman, we are suspicious and ready to be agressive and distrustful of incels because of EXPERIENCE. I understand that for some guys it's a venting space, and absolutely judging someone that ugly means worth less as a person or being a virgin means less value is insane. Problem is that when we even try to interact with incels positively, they turn it into manipulation and whining, commonly: "if you really are different prove it by dating me". We have no issue with men who feel lonely and unappreciated. We have issue with straight up predatory and objectifying and entitled attitudes towards us. Check out r/niceguys. Also these guys don't see unattractive women they act and think like these women just don't exist and don't face the same issue of rejection. They demonize women and reject reality of ugly women.
@@anna8328 allot of your complaints come from negativity bias, most people I’m friends with/ hear about are literally willing to date anyone that accepts them. You’re letting the loud minority cloud your judgment on the mindset of most ugly people, most ugly people aren’t dangerous but it’s easy to think that when you judge a book by it’s cover and go out of your way to find ugly people who are entitled/predatory
Oh the irony 😞... women in general aren't primarily compelled by physical attractiveness. How often have you seen a woman asked, "what do you like about him?" and she answers "he makes me laugh". It's so SO common and so true. Women are looking for other much more important qualities. My husband and I met around age 3 and 6 (he's 3 years younger). We started dating nearly 20 years later and have been together for almost 15 years now. Initially, I didn't want to date him because he was young and I just remembered him as the kid from around the way. In time he became my best friend. You need self-confidence. You need to have goals. You need to be introspective. And you need to comfortable in your own skin. Be willing to love a family more than yourself. In time you'll have to. If you're lacking these features hold yourself accountable. Change. Grow. Improve. Consider joining the Warrior Poet Society. All the best! 💕💕💕
I'm 40 lifelong single. I don't see my self as a incel more of a eunuch. I pray for a wife I seek only Jesus. I real have lost all interest in searching for women it has only given me pain and suffering so why do it. I love all people and could never hurt anyone. God can answer my prayer I do get to church and get out in the community outside of work a little. If I spend the rest of my life single it won't be wasted I'm content and whole in Christ Jesus.
Have you try the isaiah 58 and Matthew way of fasting and praying when you asked or where's you just doing what ever? Because you know. you have to do it in a very specific manner or your prays won't be answered as quickly
I honestly don’t understand their way of thinking. I’m a female in my 20s that has never dated anyone and I’m still a virgin but I’ve never had any hostility on the whole male gender because of this.
@Rimiserk I get that, trust me I know what loneliness feels like but that doesn't justify killing people. It doesn't make sense to blame ALL women, that's literally 50% of the world population. Maybe get therapy or something not go on a murder spree.
@@tinafoster8665 exactly! sounds to me like this person is projecting. I never said I hated them in fact I really do sympathize with them, I just don't agree with their hostile approach.
@@tinafoster8665 Eh women can just create a profile on a dating site and wait for men to write to them. Don't have to even be attractive or have a fun personality. It might not be the best looking men writing to them but at least it's something. For men it's different. If you're not attracted don't expect anyone to write to you first or even respond to your messages.
@ItsOkay Ipromise even very good looking men aren't getting a lot of matches. I know that because I dated a guy like that, and in real life he would get hit on all the time. He went on tinder to find an introvert girl (which is more rare). Anyway yes women have lots of matches, but it doesn't mean they are all interesting, and most of the time it's hard to find a person who is not desperate for sex, and who is willing to engage in a normal conversation. Real life is way better. And men who are "unattractive" have more chances to get a girl in real life rather than on apps, because yes, these apps are very superficial.
I briefly browsed on of those forums once. There seem to be an extreme amount of self-loathing going on, and the people there seem to confirm each others negative self-image. A very unhealthy place for people who are om that mindset.
I’m single and would love to have a partner, but I don’t feel the need to join a band of incel scum to air my grievances. I work on my self, try and be kind and accept if it happens it will. If it dosnt then that’s life
The value that society places on men being hyper masculine, being able to get any woman they want whether it’s with consent or not, to view women as objects and to conceal their emotions is a HUGE issue.
It's nature. Women are attracted to athletes and good looking men. Men are attracted to average to above average looking women. A man being born a dweeb is fucked and that's all there is to it. They should join Islam instead of being depressed. 70 virgins.
@@DarkHallwayz nah, it's the fact that these men are unwilling to admit they aren't as great as they think they are. The best thing to do is to tell them the truth, that they aren't in relationships because they don't want to improve themselves. If they spent the time they do online bitching and moaning about how nobody wants them actually making something important of themselves--you know, getting a good education, starting a business, serving their communities--they'd have better lives and a better outlook overall. People like them-and like you-are just not willing to put in the effort and are lazy. People pick up on your laziness and childlike behaviour, and are turned off.
Incels are a good example of why one must not ignore others, even if they are the "enemy." They need help and they can only improve themselves for so long for so much. At some point others will have to join and improve themselves. After all, it takes two to tango.
Strangers do NOT owe incels anything! Women are not responsible for " fixing" these wierdos by not having boundaries and ignoring creepy behaviour. No thank you!
@@jessicahamilton3314 Then they have no responsibility to accept the social contract and remain civil. It goes both ways, honey. You want to live by the morals of animals, then don't be surprised when people are violent like animals. You want people to be civil, you have to be civil.
Hunter be quiet. A creep who won't accept that NO is a complete answer, and reacts violently, is an entitled ass-wipe who deserves every consequence of the law up harm to another because of their disgusting entitlement to women. So.... no, I'm not " accepting" anything. And let one of these creeps run up on me or mine you'll quickly find out women owe you nothing.
I WILL ignore the turd and the poison, thank you very much. It's my human RIGHT to ignore anything that's not good for me, not my friend, and is out to harm me, steal from me, manipulate me, or destroy me. It's like a literal bottle of poison following you around and screeching at the top of its lungs that you LOOK at it! GET CLOSE TO IT!!!! IF YOU THINK THIS IS BAD, IT'LL GET WORSE!!!!!!!!! WE'RE ALL CIVIL HERE!!!!!! DO WHAT I SAY. Then it has the gall to behave like it's a victim. They wanna rock, "bring it", and be "heard" and felt with their rage, society can stay on society-watch and nip their little rampages in the bud. We have all studied them enough to already know how they act and their ticks and giveaways, and what jargon and sites they are prone to using and how they stalk. Creating a world-wide incel-watch is a pretty good idea. I already know they are going to burst the bubble one day and try to rise up in larger number and demand sex from stranger women in the streets as "spoils" because people exercise their right to stay the ever loving fuck away from them. They wanna try that, I can guarantee the rest of society's gonna have something for them. People will get tired of it, and not take kindly to the plans incels have for their mothers, daughters, sisters, nieces, etc. Especially not the women themselves, and there's going to be state-wide programs in place to prevent this behavior...but it's not going to be in the favor of the incels and them "getting their way." You act like a rabid dog, you get dealt with and put down like one. And the worst part is all of an incel's life choices are of their own doing. It didn't have to be this way, but there's something up in their brains that just aint' right.
I believe it all stems from deep immaturity. "How dare you reject me?" The truth is that society and life in general can be very cruel, so you have to be stronger than that. Got rejected, at anything: jobs, relationships, any kind of relationships, family, women, friends, acquaintances, etc. etc. etc.? Just move on. Really, just move on. There are people who don't even deserve you getting angry at them; they're just a waste of energy and time. Other people don't (can't) understand you? Frankly, that's fine. I went through hurricane María, the death of my mom, and the coronavirus debacle, and I learned from all three that you cannot expect anything from other people other than what they're willing to give you straight from their hearts. That's it. Everything else becomes not important. I know I'm being much broader regarding the main subject of the video, but to me it all stems from not being able to deal with rejection. A great part of growing up to be a real man is dealing with a heck of a lot of rejection from a heck of a lot of people including those close to us. Steel has to go through a crucible and be beaten in order to become a sword, and like Claus Levin Sepstrup says: Ingenium is your true power. It's actually the title of one of his online guitar courses.
Hearing an academic referring to terms like "Chad" and "Stacy" with a straight face comes off as unintentional humor.
XDDD
academic memes
@@l.l.9806 true facts
It comes across as professional.
I laughed so hard.
Hearing someone talk about this in a clean, professional, medical way is a breath of fresh air.
100% agreed
Yes
@STINKY BUG wat?
@Fetu Fetu ok boomer
@Jim Dawson ok boomer
Who picked Chad and Stacey? I would’ve gone with Brad and Brittany.
lol I don't know
Barbie and Ken?
Or Ken an Barbie like uhhhh
Nooooooooo that's my name! 🤢
Barbie and Ken
There are lots of us on the autism spectrum who aren't very successful with finding partners, but most of us don't call ourselves "incels", don't believe that others are responsible, don't blame women or attack women, don't feel superior to women (in fact, autistic women often have the. same difficulties). Though I would say, some of us, trusting a bit too easily could get caught up with such a group online. But there's a huge difference falling into a hate group, and being a person who has had struggles connecting with others.
@ Jay Y Very well said!! Most humans struggle with acceptance issues. Self acceptance formost. Many other categories in our culture have problems finding relationships. Eg,, not easy a woman in middle-age. In the final analysis better to learn about self caring and gratitude and not blame our culture or other people. Now THAT is attractive and helpful daily.
@@wendyfaith1048 the whole thing is too self indulgent
This new incel trend, in my opinion, seems to be about entitlement. These people are upset because they aren't getting what they expected, so they do these crimes, shootings, etc. They feel rage because they feel entitled to women for nothing, as though women have no minds of their own, apparently.
I am autistic. Transfemme. Before I came to terms with my gender and sexuality, I probably could’ve become an incel. I’m thankful to hav3 the support system I do..
@@SirenaSpades most incels aren’t violent and entitled but the ones that are violent definitely are entitled in the sense that they are mad that they cannot get their looksmatch. I blame porn for all of these problems imo because it just shows tons of beautiful attractive women from a young age to young men online and then they grow up feeling that these women are normal when they aren’t and they are few and far between. They then get mad at this when they see their competitively attractive female partner and can’t stand the idea that they can’t have that
Forget about Stacy, it's her mom that's got it going on!
And I wish that I had Jesse's Girl...
AS ALPHA CHAD OF MY BABOON TRIBE CAN CINFIRM THAT THE BETA CHAD SQUAD IS RISING IN NUMBERS. WE HERE AT ALPHA CHAD BELEIVE THAT WITH HARD WORK AND SMASHING THOSE STACYS, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. IT SEEMS BETA CHAD SQUAD HAS GONE OFF ON A TANGENT AND INGESTED SOY MILK, SOY LATTES, SOY SAUCE, SOY BEANS AND SOY WATER.
THIS LED TO THE INEVITABLE BREAK BETWEEN ALPHA CHADS AMD BETA CHADS . ALPHA CHADS RETAINING MORE TESTOSTERONE LEFT THE SOY CONSUMING BETA CHADS AT A DISADVANTEGE WHEN IT CAME TO MATING FEMALE MEMBERS OF THE TRIBE WHICH IN TURN LED TO THE PROCREATION OF EVEN MORE BABY CHADS THAT WERE RAISED BY ALPHA , SO ON AND SO ON. THE BABY CHADS STARTED THEIR OWN TRIBE AND VOWED LIVES OF NON MATING AND REORODUCTUON AS PUNISHMENT TO THE FEMALES WHO WERE PREDOMINATELY INTERESTED IN MATING ONLY THE ALPHA CHADS. BABY CHADS GROW UP, THEN HAVE MORE CHADS. WITH THIS GROWING VOID BETWEEN THE TRIBES MANY OTHER ROGUE CHADS HAVE BROKEN OFF INTO SPLINTER -CHAD MOVEMENTS WHICH WE SEE TODAY.
she's all I want and I' ve been waiting so looooong
😁
@@chrisgould101 oh damn
Serious topic but my goodness, he was so deadpan when talking about Chads and Stacys. Which made that part extremely funny😂😂😂
It’s a serious and real thing to people who consider themselves incels. They certainly don’t say these terms with humor, they use them with vitriol and contempt. I always appreciate the earnest way in which Dr Grande approaches these topics (even if some terms came from memes haha)!
@@ericasmith2630 Yes he is earnest. And measured. And objective. That group is not. Because of the difference, it really struck my funny bone!
So are the things women call men whom they do not fancy.
@@ericasmith2630 It's just "cope" for them. They don't always take it that seriously as it is just something to laugh at and have fun with. I've never felt hated by incels but maybe felt a quiet resentment. I believe them to a certain extent - at least the content that some have made for youtube. Many incels are really quite funny or intelligent and I wish they had a better lot in life. I wish more academic resources were spent to at least legitimize them as a group. Currently society seems to focus on the extreme behavior of a few and uses this to justify shitting on them
@RØNIN I think you have no idea to whom or what you are talking to.
I think schools should teach kids social well being. It would make everyones life so much easier.
School is children's federal day prison. They are the reason we are all socially fucked. God did not create humans AND public schools. He created humans. Families. Which now is a total joke according to "society"... and here we are!
Void pilled af okay femcel
Thomas Barton That’s pointless when you don’t know what is going on on their homes
Rod W. grow up
@Epica Yemontada I know this is an old comment but please don't use gay as a slur
I always find it remarkable how many people say indignantly, "looks aren't everything, what about personality?" People are so unsparing of their own physical appearances, but give themselves so much credit when it comes to their own personalities.
Yeah, because people think their personality were something more within their control. I think we've all heard Dr. Grande talk enough about the Big Five personality traits though to know how stable those traits are across the lifetime, and that they're also partly heritable, just like intelligence. If I can't blame someone for their intelligence, how can I blame them for being e.g. a narcissist? 🤔
True. Personality is harder to achieve than attractiveness. Way way harder
Ps: there are a lot. Overcome shadow, insecurities, being a better self, be conscious, etc
It all comes down to putting in the work imo. Yes, one could be blessed with good genetics and a stable, loving upbringing, even from a high socio economical class. Still, everyone has flaws. If you want to wear/ have nice things you have to get money (aka a job). To keep your job you must consistently show passion, comradely, getting there on time and making dead lines.
Same goes for a good personality, that requires one to think critically about their own actions, words and thoughts.
And yes, sometimes one person needs to put in more effort than his/ her neighbors.
I’ve been dealt bad cards when it comes to personality. With a sadistic narc for a mother and a criminal psychopath for a father I didn’t have a good example. As a child, there’s not much to do because a child mostly copies what he/ she sees. But as an adult it’s a completely different story. I have BPD, depression, anxiety, a panic disorder and a tendency towards addiction and EDs. I could tell people “yeah, i know i hurt you but that’s just my personality”. No, it doesn’t work like that. I have to follow treatment, visit my psychologists and psychiatrist and take my meds. If I don’t, I won’t be pleasant to be around thus i have to put in the effort and do the work.
My point is that it seems like incels expect the world to revolve around them, that they’re ’entitled’ to sex and attention. It just doesn’t work like that i know it sucks but that’s life 🤷🏻♀️
Alice Becker The problem is that unwillingness to put in the effort is indeed also part of personality - that's the Big Five trait known as conscientiousness. While we know people's personality can *be* changed across the lifespan, I wouldn't say anyone can change their *own* personality. It's more about "exposing oneself" (rather: being exposed to) the right kind of environment. In case of Phineas Gage, for example, the "environmental factor" that massively changed his personality and made him more impulsive and less reliable was a metal rod through his frontal brain areas. 😂 Behavioural therapy of course also leads to biological adaptations at brain level, too, eventually - but on a much more subtle level than neurosurgery, of course.
The brain loves itself ;)
What do you call an incel who has committed a violent crime?
In cell.
Haha!!
nice!
Metalvision Song Contest 😂
Metalvision Song Contest we are called SAINTS
I’m dead 😂
*Chad has left the chat*
@John Sampson I'm not a bro. I think you meant "miss" 😁
@@monicapyle Female version of "bro" is "miss"? I think not, sweety.
@@monicapyle It's because the saying goes "cool story, bro"...it's just part of the saying.
@@NPC-vg8kx ahhh ok. Maybe I'm too old to know that lol
Chat has left the Chad
If you start off unattractive, and/or not being raised in a healthy environment, then it seems like maybe being rejected because of the superficial ways we judge each other (especially in school), and the way we create in groups, can create the personality traits and mental health issues that make it more difficult to be confident, or funny, or create the skills to overcome the genetic disadvantages of being an unattractive person in this day and age where beauty is pretty important, and pretty people get treated much differently.
Does the way we treat unattractive, or socially awkward people play such a small role?
I think if you want to make someone crazy or dysfunctional, all you really have to do is treat them like they already are.
That last part hit my feels. Sometimes I get treated as if I committed some heinous crime, without being told that I did that. I've seen people directly compare incels to convicted rapists before so many times.
Why does everyone think unnatractiveness means bad genetics? Many attractive people have terrible genes, cannot reproduce, cannot live without modern medicine etc. Just because someone is bald, short, obese, or has a bit of acne, or bad sense of fashion, or third degree burns on his face doesnt automaticly mean u have bad genes (although sometimes those traits are caused by bad genes).
@John & Jane Smith Lmaooo imagine believing this bullshit. I've seen enough social tests where some good looking guy acts like a complete cringe asshole and completely gets away with it just because he looks like a model, so yeah I'm calling BS.
Lmao let me just say this, being "attractive" or looking good don't mean shit! I'm living proof of it. I've been told all my life i was handsome attractive, good looking or whatever. Not saying i'm brad pit, or i'm full of myself, i'm just blunt and straight to the point on things, but i am considered well above average in looks. I'm about 6 foot 4 tall, blue eyes, lean muscular broad shoulders, abs defined sharp jawline and strong cheekbone structure and i've been rejected i can't even count how many times. The women rejecting even call me handsome and good looking, my problem is i look like a jerk and throw off bad vibes! They tell me that! It's fucking unbelievable! Looking good has actually been a disadvantage for me! looks don't mean shit! If not, makes things worst, at least in my case! I have all in one of what a "chad" is described like. Women are just fucked up in the head now days in this new generation! and that's all there is to it! insecure and stupid! I've noticed they rather be with a normal guy with a pedo stash and looking like a hot dog, rather than an ugly or high attractive male. Good balance of looks is the key to getting girls from what i see! Women don't want someone below or better looking than themselves!
@@william11724 You're pretty messed up, william.
I don't know how I've missed this one for three years, but Doc, you never disappoint ❤
I think incels can get girls if they start taking care of themselves and make some female friends(no expectation) . They should keep their expectation low and date whoever showing interest in them.
@@debanikgoswami4834 >dating whoever showing interest in them
aka nobody and wake up that their graduation is coming and alone in prom lol.
I would like to put in my 2 cents as professionally as I can. I use to be an incel, an extreme incel unfortunately. I can give yall feedback on what's going on in the "incel" mind and group in general, though I haven't been on the incel forums in a while so im sorry. This may be a bit long, my apologies.
"Incels" have their own different reasons and motives for being in this mindset but I think it mostly boils down to social rejection, possible trauma, mental illness*, lacking social skills, being unattractive, horrible attitudes and character, etc...
There's things that the incel community has right and also wrong(obviously). I empathize with incels because I know what lead them there but I wanna talk about the extremists like I was. Mental illness plays a role in (these certain individuals) not everyone who has these disorders. Depression, personality disorders*, autism, social phobia/paranoia, maybe schizophrenia Im not a doc lol. I was diagnosed with borderline personality with antisocial traits and severe social anxiety and add. Certain individuals take rejection differently and the illness and delusions spiral down deeper and deeper. It's a self fulfilling prophecy.
When you have mental illness*, bad family, social rejection, unattractive to everybody( physical looks). You start hating yourself because you just wanna be accepted by people, its easy to spiral down so far that you will join a cult just to fit in somewhere.
(BUT). "Incels" need to know that while highschool is superficial and people will judge you no matter who you are; your character, respect, and personality matter more than anything in this life. To any incel reading this, even though the pain of rejection was horrible, really look deep in and accept that it was yours and MY attitude that kept us alone. Follow women pages, look up inspiration women videos! You're Self loathing and woman demonizing attitude is what is turning them and people in general off.
Women aren't obligated to be with you and they are not just things for sex. They are people and just wanna feel safe and enjoy positivity. It took severe self awareness and insight but trying to be a good guy well help you out in your life. I'm talking to a few girls right now. because I enjoy just connecting with people. Even as friends its fine. If you try to be an actual good person than things will fall into place for you.
I use to have violent thoughts everytime I went out and was scoldy if thats a word, at every couple I saw. Now I'm happier with female and male friends and life is better. (Take care of ur mental illness too) those two will lead "inceled" individuals to becoming a functioning part of society
Edit: if u have sociopathic tendencies with neurotisism then get help or you'll end up hurting yourself and others.
Last edit: Don't ever make of people or mock them because they are virgins or can't get girlfriends or friends in general. Just like you wouldnt laugh at a blind person or someone with cancer, don't look down on people with something they have no control over. Not everyone's popular or attractive, be mature enough to find the beauty in everybody.
Tjthe1st Simmons thank you for sharing this. Glad you’re taking care of yourself and life is going better.
Thanks for sharing! I’m happy you’re happy!
I hope you now realize that everyone is involuntarily celibate at some time in their lives, and women also struggle with social awkwardness, mental illness, and the inability to connect with others and also feel unattractive or underappreciated by men- LGBT and non-binary people as well. That pain is not unique to straight boys and men.
Wow yo thanks for writing this. I never understood the whole incel thing. I suffer from ptsd & depression & it has affected my dating life horribly. There was a time id jokingly say I was Asexual(mental health meds will do that to ya) but I never identified as an incel. I'm the kind of guy who would just go to a strip club or call a escort. I now see a lot if not all incels have a warped view of women ontop of the mental health conditions they suffer from. I blame that on society because most of the views inceld hold on woman are held by many hetero males ("grab em by the pussy bra"
I now have a different & far less harsh view of the incel community
Rationalisation means giving socially acceptable reasons for socially unacceptable behaviour, which is what you're doing when you say these guys are not in control of what they do. They seem to be very good at controlling their behaviour and when and where to manifest it switching it on and off at will. If someone holds a gun to a blind person's head and tells them to stop being blind they can't. Are you seriously telling me that if I hold a gun to an incel's head and tell him to apologise he's going to refuse? They decide where to be hateful depending on the risk to themselves., unlike the disabled, who never have that choice. I'm sick to the back teeth of all the excuses I've heard over the years for abusive behaviour for people who supposedly can't help it.
I thought it meant internet celebrity. I guess this makes me feel old.
charlie scourbys 😆😆😆 🖒
We have all been there ....
Ok boomer
How cute
That's content creators on youtube and Influencers in business jargon
I'm waiting on you to talk about the psychology of Karens, Dr. Grande...
Yvonne Wilson That would be amazing! Just waiting for it!
There is a video, posted recently.
@jay no its not....they are people who are controlling and annoying....i know one really well....and she is a total pain in the ass.
@jay lmaooooooooo
@jay Yes, Karens care very much about themselves. And....that's about all.
I found this very informative. I’ve noticed that many of the mass shooters have been rejected by girlfriend. I wonder if it would be helpful to teach young kids, male and female, how to handle rejection. It’s not the end of the world. Of course this would take parents who could identify the response to rejection in their children.
I got an even better one. Teach them how to communicate with each other again that way they can learn to handle it on their own, teach them to care about values and morals again. There is something really wrong, when isolating others in the name of tolerance is called empowerment. When mass shooters are worshipped all over the internet. Our kids grow up with no moral compass, being told they are the most special...who would not get narcissistic growing up in such an environment?
My father used to say "1 lost, 100 to be found" or something along those lines it's a translation my father didn't speak english. What he meant by this is that rejection wasn't the end of the world. And he was right. One can't center his life around being in a relationship or not or have sex or not. Also many of theses guys refuse to take of themselves and be the best version of themselves and to do the work towards that goal. It's easier to shift the blame on others.
@@geilertobi231 I perfectly agree with that.
One sentence would save all this ruckus, not everyone gets to have a relationship or have someone to love them, people feed incels lies these lies are being converted to expectations it's time for the world to make new laws on dating some people get love some people don't and it is what it is.
Absolutely, many people don't know how to manage their anger. Also, kids need to be taught how to simply be kind. All of these stories seem to begin with childhood bullying. I have read about many instances in which even teachers join in on the bullying, which is sad & disgusting. It's ALL very sad.
>"they refer to these women as stacy's"
Hearing Dr. Grande actually say this makes me laugh, ow my sides 😂 dear god.
🤣🤣😂 so did I.I actually paused so I wouldn't laugh over the video.
3:12 replay button
The term is “schizotypal”. Here’s a wiki link if you’re interested in more info: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizotypal_personality_disorder
@Lon Spector That is a sad comment, Lon. I wish it were not true for you if that is so.
I agree, entitlement is an ugly and arrogant trait. If one is fortunate, humility and generosity should rule the day.
The incels should try going for stacy’s mom. I hear she’s got it going on
Calla Pratt --- That is an idea, but, if an incel cannot communicate and connect with a woman of his age, it is unlikely he has the substance (personality, intellect, and charm) to connect with Stacey's mother, who is more discriminating, y'know, a man who can light her cigarette, pour the wine, and converse about things other than himself.
This is gold LOLL
Thats from the Chad advanced techniques manual .
Outstanding move
well unfortunately given that incels are very misogynistic, they prob will try to create some snuff video of them beating or lay the hand on the mom, that is the sad realiity of how these people work. in reality, they won't even have the guts to try to meet the mom, to them, the mom is just another "FOID" to beat to death! hate to say it but that is the incel mentality and this is how they work! they cannot change!
💯
I’m a psychology student and I just love your matter of fact, no nonsense content Dr Grande. :-)
The whole world ,but above all North America is full of wrathful lonely men ,who cannot find whatever woman (even unsightly one ), but notwithstanding this, they always strive to make fleshly love with pretty woman, although it is thoroughly unlikely to ever happen in their life.These highly unlikely to ever make true love with lustfully pretty woman of their dreams lonely men , filled with unspeakably strong wrath, as we can witness are not seldom in the mood to go and murder the first met women and men walking down the same street , although they are not at all guilty for the Incel's love-shortfall . The Incels yearn after only one thing,namely to make fleshly love with pretty ,womanly woman and when they at a given time become fully aware that this is wholly unlikely to happen many of them make the choice to harm or murder other human beings who have the sheer unluckiness to find themselves on the same street or in the shoping mall as the Incels. So ,although the Psychologists can do indeed great things to help the human minds in need ,in this case with the Incels ,sadly ,they are not of great help, because of the intrinsically impossible nature of the Incel's situation.
Same. He's a gem.
yeah I really liked the way he used to be.
Female incels (sometimes called "femcels") do exist, but they are far rarer, because - to put it bluntly - men tend to have far lower standards when it comes to selecting purely sexual partners.
I’m doing a Grande marathon today....
Every day
Death Blossom the marathon continues....
@@belledebeaujolais6136 I'm running out of videos
Death Blossom 😭😭😭 Me too 😭😭😭
Same
Ayyyee! My man Dr. Grande dabbling in the fire 😂
You're a cool dude for talking about topics like this man.
Dabbling in fire lol. I accidentally hit "report" on your comment. I meant reply. Sorry
@@monicapyle
Lol all good
I can trust this guy talkin objectively over every possible social and psychological topic it seems.
Awesome
This guy himself is an incel.
@@scrateshooter the doctor or the commenter?
If we take Elliott Roger as typical for an incel then I think the biggest distortion in incels' thinking (by distortion I mean disconnection from what is really happening) is that their lack of success is due to their looks. In Elliot Rogers' case it was clear that women were put off by his personality, not his looks. He was actually an attractive looking guy, but on the rare occasions when he went to social events he stood in the middle of the room not smiling and staring at various women. We know from witness accounts that his behavior gave them the creeps. And we know from his manifesto that the whole time he was thinking the women were horrible because they wouldn't approach him and that he was just as good as the 'Chads' they were talking to. He seemed to miss all of the socialization about men approaching women being the standard 99% of the time. He also didn't seem to realize that standing around with a scowl made him unapproachable. But to his mind it was because he didn't meet some ideal of physical attractiveness.
The irony is that there are so many ugly, dumpy, and old men who have attracted beautiful women with any one of these things - winning and confident personality that makes women feel special, money, power, confidence, some special natural likeability. Cynics would say it's just money, but money alone won't help a man with a terrible personality.
100% hit it on the nail
No Elliot Rodger had social anxiety disorder. he mentions it in his manifesto, he was basically too shy to introduce himself to other women so he always sat back and hoped women would come to him and he grew increasingly frustrated with the idea that men had to come to women while women didn't have to do the same thing.
It's interesting that incels are not able to get relationships from looks or personality or whatever, but all they talk about are beautiful women (at the same time judging or hating them). It really is entitlement. The notion that they 'deserve' a woman who may be above their pay grade.
Men who are confident, respectful and take care of themselves are attractive. So there could be a laziness issue which is again rooted in entitlement.
Clemdane Yes I thought Elliot Roger was quite attractive. And there are plenty of ugly men that get good looking women. So I think you are right that it was more about his personality. I think he bigged himself up while really inside he had a crippled lack of self esteem. Otherwise he would have been able to confidently approach women and have successful relationships
He was attractive and also wealthy and had film industry connections. For most guys that would guarantee at least a modicum of sexual success even if they're huge jerks. It appears Rodger was both socially stunted and also had extremely high standards for what sort of woman he thought he deserved. If nothing less than a model will do for you, you've already eliminated 99% of potential mates. The things incels seem to want are almost impossible even for a socially adept person.
11:47 “Physical attractiveness is an important predictor for successfully forming romantic relationships” finally some practical advice.
My experience is that women love a man with good looks, but they use the man's looks for temporary self-validation: she was able to 'bag a hot guy'. Once she's achieved this, he can be discarded.
An equal alternative is women believe a man they find physically attractive is 'successful'--crazy as it seems, they seem to reason (somehow) that he makes 'good' choices that will benefit her ... because he chose to be physically attractive.
It’s the most important
Ugly truth
Physical attraction is important, but physical attraction is not synonym to hottest person, it just has to be present, much like how important food is to stay alive, that's not synonym with 5 star meals are important to stay alive.
@@RideAcrossTheRiver found the incel
Dr Grande, your sarcastic humor is my daily medication
I love that you go over these ideologies and communities that we deal with on a daily basis online, but no one irl knows what we are talking about.
As a long-time bachelor without much luck, I've taken an interest in this community. I quickly realized that I don't fit because I'm just not capable of sustaining that much anger all the time. I don't like my situation, but the whole situation doesn't justify these elaborate social constructs of Chads and Staceys and simps and all of that. My health has failed, and that prevents me from doing anything towards a relationship. That's the explanation that really matters to me.
It can take a long time, I'm 35now and in my first serious relationship. Nothing till 28 and from 28 till 34, trying, learning, trying to learn. Learning wrong things, Learning right things. Wrong images. right thoughts. Don't give up hope mate. I feel you. Or just try to be happy. That would also be great. good luck.
Dont worry you wont be an incel because you appear to have good introspection which many of them lack. Hate tends to consume people and cloud their judgement so it makes it harder for them to improve. Youre on the right track👍🏻
@@zenrio2977 Thank you for the kind words. Because of my health, I may not be able to travel far enough on the right track, but I try to stay on the right tracks in life.
@@klaasbernd I'm 57, so I'm far past where you are in terms of age. My poor health is probably the bigger issue, and no one has found even a good diagnosis, much less a good treatment. I'm glad that you've found a relationship.
@@klaasbernd
Relationshis are about give and take, each other's likes and dislikes which can form bohndaries, a sense of humour and never staying angry and knowing when to back down and saying sorry even when you know you maybe right sometimes. Being considerate. You wont go far wrong from these suggestions. The hard part is to chose someone that has these qualties as well.
You’re on a roll, Dr. Grande! 👏
@Bob Smith Finally someone who knows what they're talking about.
Dr. Grande bravely wades further into the murky and contentious world of charged sexual politics.
@John Sampson Uh, how would that happen? Cloning?
@John Sampson I don't disagree in principle. Feminism means we may make choices like that, and while never talked about, we must bear the consequences if those choices. Promiscuity, for some women is very harmful emotionally, not to mention the exposure to disease, pregnancy and increased likelihood of rape.
NPR podcast had a story about a researcher who spent two years studying college sexuality. It is hook up culture that lowers both mens'and womens' social status as soon as they have sex. Both groups ignore and ridicule the conquests, dehumanizing them. They may not be friends or even even friendly. Often their friends pick each others conquests. I don't believe I have ever heard a journalist guest and host so quietly saddened. Basically one third of men and women college students opt out of sex, because the culture is so barren. Ten to twenty percent think it is a free for all and are all good with it. The remainder participate due to the social pressure but admit they don't like it. The young men in the interviews seem bewildered and confused. The young women expressed the sentiment some attention is better than not being wanted. Failure of parenting, because whatever the prevailing culture, parents jobs are to help young people stay safe and preserve their dignity. That one third of college students are running amok in n that regard.
I hope conversations continue. We all have to be pragmatic. We women do enjoy the right manage our own destiny, but we should aknowledge gender differences when it comes to sexual activity.
I am all for women expressing their sexual persona. If that means multiple partners, so be it. Casual sex is not for everyone, even men. Equal rights does not mean we are the same and if I had daughters, I would encourage them to make discriminating and thoughtful choices. I would also encourage them to stay true to their individual nature and temperment, whatever that may be. Coercion by culture is destructive to both sexes.
John Sampson I seize my means of reproduction on a fairly regular basis.
😃
@@ard1805 😀😀
Can you do a video on this whole alpha male vs beta make construct? People seem to take it to extremes nowadays
👏😂
Extreme insecurity about not being "manly" enough.
Michael Sounds like Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.
Michael Total load of hogwash. Brave New World is FICTION, not fact!
@@scottjohnson1640 It's fiction that is slowly turning into reality.
I often wondered about these guys... I did meet one such an older man when my own life was really bad. I felt sorry for him because he looked so incredibly sad so I said Hello, just to be a civil new neighbour, no female amorous or sexual intentions and he immediately informed me he was not interested in "women" so I just apologises for interacting with him at all and just left him alone. This went on a few months but I noticed he was very ritualistic. Every morning, same time, same drab but spotlessly clean clothes on, he would take his fishing lines and go out fishing. Then one day he knocked on my door and said "Here's food for you". It was a fish he'd caught. I politely thanked him, took the fish and said no more. Eventually he began to occasionally talk, only a few brief words. I didn't say much to him. It felt too uncomfortable and I did not know him but eventually he opened up and said he had sworn off "women" forever now. I ventured to ask why and he told me about all the times he tried and how it went bad each time and after three bad marriages that took him to the cleaners and landed him in the same situation as me, it was time to call it quits as far as women are concerned. I explained how I'd had a similar bad experience, but only one marriage and he then became a very good platonic friend, very kind and caring. He then met other kind poor women whom he offered his fish he caught to and who were grateful for the extra bit of free good food he provided and I and other women cooked him meals, fixed his old clothes up for him, sewing on missing buttons etc. One wanted him to go dancing with her but he said he couldn't dance and had sworn off "women", so she went out alone, no partner but he got concerned about her safety and told her so and warned the rest of us about engaging in risky female behaviour etc etc. Some looked at him with suspicion, fearing he might be dangerous. But one no one said"If we have no man to dance with what are we supposed to do? We have to go it alone and hope we don't get preyed in..." Shortly after that, he asked if I would lend him my dance class DVD. I simply gave it to him as I was never going to be a ballroom dancer but he practised daily, alone, in front of his TV to learn how and got very good at it and then asked the women if they wanted to go dancing with him as a group and they all wanted to, but they knew he was so good at it now that they would look clumsy dancing with him, so they all politely declined and he went alone. There he met another female, also very lonely and a good dancer, who had "sworn off men forever", after a couple of failed marriages. Last time I saw him, he and her were an item. I felt so happy he had found someone to restore his faith in womankind (and for her, too, though I could see why her husband's would have left such a demanding female personality as her.... Sadly, just as this romance was starting up, she suddenly died, of natural causes. But the rumours circulated around female circles that he had killed her. I knew what sort of kind man he was who would never harm a woman and it made me so angry to hear such malicious female rumours being circulated about him, though I had no romantic interests in him, more like a brother or friend....
He was married 3 times so hes quite different from incels. Not all dudes who have a bad hand in the dating game are whst you call incels. Incels are a different breed. That guy you knew os more akin to MGTOW. they are not incels and have been through the ringer of dating many times.
It's good of you that you helped people in dark places
Very interesting story. Thank you. 🙏🏻
That is very sad but I think he's MGTOW, Incrls don't even gets shot, usually due to disability or just being so ugly or short, which is so sad because you can't change that.
Poor guy, I'm glad he did find someone at the end though, many people do go thru these struggles but don't have hatred within them like many incels do, doesn't sound like he was an incel to me but he may had some hard things in his life that made him not date anyone else and I'm glad there's nice people like you that help others with those problems
“Members of the incel community -I’m just going to refer to them as incels” u got me laughing
AS ALPHA CHAD OF MY BABOON TRIBE CAN CINFIRM THAT THE BETA CHAD SQUAD IS RISING IN NUMBERS. WE HERE AT ALPHA CHAD BELEIVE THAT WITH HARD WORK AND SMASHING THOSE STACYS, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. IT SEEMS BETA CHAD SQUAD HAS GONE OFF ON A TANGENT AND INGESTED SOY MILK, SOY LATTES, SOY SAUCE, SOY BEANS AND SOY WATER.
THIS LED TO THE INEVITABLE BREAK BETWEEN ALPHA CHADS AMD BETA CHADS . ALPHA CHADS RETAINING MORE TESTOSTERONE LEFT THE SOY CONSUMING BETA CHADS AT A DISADVANTEGE WHEN IT CAME TO MATING FEMALE MEMBERS OF THE TRIBE WHICH IN TURN LED TO THE PROCREATION OF EVEN MORE BABY CHADS THAT WERE RAISED BY ALPHA , SO ON AND SO ON. THE BABY CHADS STARTED THEIR OWN TRIBE AND VOWED LIVES OF NON MATING AND REORODUCTUON AS PUNISHMENT TO THE FEMALES WHO WERE PREDOMINATELY INTERESTED IN MATING ONLY THE ALPHA CHADS. BABY CHADS GROW UP, THEN HAVE MORE CHADS. WITH THIS GROWING VOID BETWEEN THE TRIBES MANY OTHER ROGUE CHADS HAVE BROKEN OFF INTO SPLINTER -CHAD MOVEMENTS WHICH WE SEE TODAY.
@@chrisgould101 🔥🔥💪💪
where is the funny part? -____________-
@@spajas8092 stop trolling
@GoldenStarGamez Is a myth, Jesus never existed.
I'm so grateful for these videos because you can find out about important criminal cases without all the drama and gore.
"A man who is empty on the inside must decorate himself on the outside."
“Real living is living for others.”
― Bruce Lee
This is sick ...
Ok boomer
Women too
Bruce Lee was such a Chad :p
Deepity: an idea or statement that seems to be profound but actually isn't.
Reading through all these comments it truly brakes my heart. I feel so sad that there are people feeling so alone, and frustrated and dismissed...all while being tormented via hormonal and physical ‘natural’ occurrences. Not to mention a lot of the societal triggers and stressors as well.
I don’t want anyone to feel unwanted or ugly...I also don’t want any one forced or made to do anything intimate with another person.
Pain and suffering is unfortunately apart of life. Men suffer not because they are weak- many Men suffer because in fact they are strong.
👍🏻 You do a great job summarizing complicated ideologies. I think it’s sad that people come to these kinds of conclusions about themselves and how they compare to others. This also seems like one way the internet can work against people, especially people who are isolated and vulnerable. I think it would be a great idea to have a mental health class offered in high school if they don’t exist already to at least give people some baseline good information to start off life. ♥️ Have a great night Dr. Grande.
Why so you can judge them and call the crazy that's why you want a mental health class
Kimberly Smith It makes me sad too.
b-rad sam no, no, and no. For positive reasons.
b-rad sam I would have benefited from a class in high school and I know children that would now as well. I think I made a poor comment on another video. It’s not ok to call anyone crazy. ☮️
@@rightnow5839 yeah but when it comes to mental illness nobody wants to deal with it in men especially women they just think they are a lost cause or did it to themselves and you know true.
Great video Dr. Grande! Could you do a video on the Hikikomori (drawing inward) phenomena? The term was coined by psychologist Tamaki Sato in reference to the growing number of people withdrawing into their rooms entirely for sometimes years at a time. It would be fascinating to hear your perspective on the topic.
great video dr grande could you do a video on the denpa
Great though by Osaka huh?? How your results getting good?
I am a victim of having to isolate myself in a room with a locked door then disgraced by a real devil. My family which is my sister and mother have beliefs that he was telling truth when it was all a game being attacked every day then moved forced into my bad mother's home put in jail for standing my ground because she refused me to touch the air conditioner button literally throwing up her first at me then jailed she said I threw up my fist nope never happened. Please help me recover myself ..
I'm still being treated unfairly and judged and put up in my sister's filth never knew her till now I'm 55 and female and abused and stolen from every part of my life has been ruined by this no good for me devil. I have no chance left for freedom they screwed everything out of me ever getting to attain anything. I need a team of navy seals to come eject my angel butt right out into protection and crimal lawyers and home assistance to get me in my own bedroom that is for low income on disability since 2009. Major depressive disorder, genetic blood disorder causing blood clots dvt and pulmonary embolism. this man has infected my hair to baldness played and preplanning to always hurt me and carried it out with the help of grown men. Partners in crime I had no idea he had friends never seen none of their faces it was being locked in to survive on his demands you either had to do it or you were screamed at for days pure hate and rage. Now I'm still living but I'm really dead inside.
A compassionate evaluation. Many people are cruel to this group.
tbh it makes sense. cuz this group just like to hate, hate and hate....it's another version of those racist/white supremacy groups...if u go around hating, then that is what you will be attracting.
@@llcooldrockindahouse4631 your response is as irrational as it gets. You have no clue.
@Justine, exactly. These people are suffering. They are ridiculed and therefore marginalized. Some act it out in evil ways but more don’t. They may get angry but this is not surprising given that their drives aren’t being met.
@@llcooldrockindahouse4631 okay, but why do they do it? Ever ask that? Could it be because they themselves got that when they were young, or because they’re legitimately sick and need help with managing their delusions and not allowing them to control their thoughts? Or shall we just keep censoring and demonizing them until they end up on the dark web where they’re actually gone and can’t be reached out to?
@@chicago618 Their drive isn't a 'need' to be met though; it's a 'want'. 'Wants' don't have to be met - thats things a person themselves needs to work at and work on themselves to get. They want a loving relationship and/or they want sex. That's not to say I don't think we shouldnt try and understanding incels situation and help them to not suffer so much any more... but there's a difference between understanding and excusing.
A lot of what it written within incel communties is just horrible and hate filled towards women. That behaviour shouldn't be just excused, they're responsible for that no matter how much they've been marginalised. And even if most incels would never deream of acting out in evil ways themselves, thoughts and ideas are powerful, they have consequences. They're propogating an rigid ideology that soon or later will find someone who will be inspired to violence by it.
I love how neutral you are. Also the now and then jokes you put in without cracking a smile 🤣
They.Are.Not.Jokes.
The jokes you put in now and then, without cracking a smile.
At this point, Dr. Grande should close his videos with, “Now, I know that whenever I make a video on absolutely any topic at all, it will generate a lot of opinions because I make really excellent videos. Please comment on my great videos down below. “ 😅
You’re the best Dr. Grande, and thank you for the wonderful content! 🤗
Or some hot pics of his daughter Ariana.
Svensk Gängmiljö 😂😂😂 thank you for that
@@svenskgangmiljo2168 bruh
Incels really do focus too much on physical looks. Elliot Roger was in many respects a very attractive young man. Unfortunately he was not given the amount of attention he felt he was entitled to from the women he felt he deserved. More than likely there was some aspect of his personality that perspective partners found off-putting. External societal factors weren’t preventing him from forming relationships; all the obstacles he encountered were internal in that society and women in particular weren’t conforming to his own ideas of how he should be treated.
I want to feel empathy for Incels. And in some ways I do. Dating and relationships are hard, and yes, physical attraction does play a major role, but at the same time it’s hard to feel empathy for a group that is so demonstrably misogynistic. Incels treat women like nothing more than sex vending machines: if you put in enough “nice guy” and flattery coins you deserve a sexy prize. When women inevitably don’t live up to that standard they are reviled. There’s a weird cognitive dissonance going on where they demand to have their emotional needs met while at the same time being unable or unwilling to see how their mindset and actions ignore the emotional needs of others.
100% agree. I also feel bad for delusional people - no one consciously wants to be delusional. They're suffering and need help.
I would recommend two channels from the incel community. Incel TV and FaceLMS. These two combine all the data that proves you wrong in this case. Looks are absolutely the most important thing in dating and there is empirical data for it.
@@sasamihajlov2862 No it's not.
@@Mehki227 so you watched their videos explaining it AND checked the sources right? Now give your own data.
"in many aspects"
😂😂 Im ded
He wasn't attractive in the physical aspect... hence why he was an incel
I love Dr. Grande... He makes the world a little bit better with his insight
I love how incel terminology and memes have been co-opted and sort of reclaimed by pop culture as a whole. instead of shutting down and "canceling" the incel ideology, we acknowledged its existence and exchanged dialogues about it, transforming its social significance to a series of memes and phrases that barely reflect the original intentions. for example, art depicting the "virgin" and "Chad" figures as romantic couples, or the evolution of Chad as a disdainful term into a title implying admiration or respect.
Such co-opting is pretty beneficial to the incel ideology, more and more people will now get exposed to the ideology once they become curious about the origins of these memes and terminologies, not to mention incels can now easily pass around their ideas to the non-initiated without worrying about them not understanding the lingo.
@@emperortgp2424 ah, i can see that. i just imagine them being upset about the "normies" using their meme formats wrong 😂
@@emperortgp2424 Incels will be the majority sooner than later. That's when things get fun....if you know what I mean 😉
"art depicting the "virgin" and "Chad" figures as romantic couples"
That's only one variant. I highly doubt that will have an impact, since if you take it any further than that the meme loses all meaning and just stops being funny. It also is based on the assumption that Chad v Virgin memes weren't purposely made to be silly in the first place.
"or the evolution of Chad as a disdainful term into a title implying admiration or respect."
That doesn't even make sense. The original meaning of Chad means that Chad is more confident, attractive, stronger, wealthier, than the INCEL calling someone Chad. It's like going "ahaha look how attractive that guy who you already say is more attractive than you is." Just reinforcement of what made them mad in the first place.
the memes and everything are wrong in general, incel was created by a woman in 1992 its legit
Oh boy. This is gonna be great.
This is exactly what I am about to type as I ignore the ad! "Oh boy this is gonna be great! weeee!"
The word 'incel' has been greatly taken out of proportion. Being involuntarily celebate does NOT make you a loser, nor unworthy of love and/or relationships.
The problem like most problems today is related to social media and the way in which a "movement" is defined and labeled. Human nature boils everything down to identity, labels and communities. What's happened is that "incel," has been now identified with "misogyny" and/or hatred for women... which is far from the truth. The negative minority has been depicted as being the majority.
It's a form of bias that applies to countless other labels and identities that people choose to categorize others in.
What these fools dont know is that society created these people, they didnt voluntere to be in that position, hence the term incil, they fell a sence of depravation, when it concers love, marage and sex, as thoe they were given nothing, not even the crum after everyone else had there fill, no one really wants to be alone but some people just have very little choice becouse they arnt seen by the public as worthy of being considerd.
It's interesting when people form a community around some incapacity they share; this can be a very positive association if those involved help each other to improve their adaptation to whatever it is they lack or think they lack. I've watched your video twice, and I'll be thinking about it while I take my evening Walk.
Thanks, again.
The facts are we live in a very superficial society and some people just don’t live up to societies superficial standards,
“Incels” or outsiders will always exist in such a world because humans aren’t perfect but the only ones who will be happy are those who can fool the people around them into thinking they are perfect.
The human experience is all about fooling yourself with your own illusions and finding people who go along with it.
That’s why I don’t need friends anymore, I don’t need other people to justify my existence...that’s for the weak minded.
Too much weak mindedness in the world as it is.
i hope you’re doing well ❤️
@@Ay-ux8fl Can't be doing well when your invisible to the opposite gender .
@@gjfjfk LMAO
@@aaaaa8610 It's true though 💀💀💀
Are all people in society really that superficial though? Are they just not being unfairly accused of being superficial?
In the Victorian and earlier eras, it was the parents of the daughter and son who determined if a young man was suitable enough for their daughter, and the daughter suitable for the son. Were they in the same financial and social class? Were they a respectable family? Was the son ambitious, and going to be capable of keeping a wife in the same type of lifestyle she grew up in? (This was actually important - the parents wanted their daughter to leave their home, and enter as a wife into the same situation she grew up in). The parents of the son wanted to make sure that the young woman and her family was respectable also, that she had a good upbringing and was going to be a good addition to the family. The children were chaparoned and supervised in all social circles and their feelings were not important. A good match between families for upward mobility, status and class were the reasons for marriage. Love wasn't considered because marriage was basically a business contract and deal for families. An incel back then would have been an unambitious young man not interested in business or society, flippant and uncaring of his responsibility and duty to his family and social class. Someone who neglected his education and didn't care about his appearance (appearance for men was important, in dress and manners - men had to dress properly for the different occasions they were obligated to attend, and know the unwritten rules of etiquette in their circle). Young women had to present themselves similarly and had more social obligation and rules than men did.
It's still like that in many cultures today.
@@tabby73 Not in America......men have even MORE obligations now, but women have very few if any, other than being north of the age of 18 and having a pulse.
Why aren't there any Female Incels? If its just men who are wrong and unfit how come there aren't many women that are the same way? its almost as if women don't have to live up to certain standards.
"Love wasn't considered because marriage was basically a business contract and deal for families. An incel back then would have been an unambitious young man not interested in business or society, flippant and uncaring of his responsibility and duty to his family and social class. Someone who neglected his education and didn't care about his appearance (appearance for men was important, in dress and manners - men had to dress properly for the different occasions they were obligated to attend, and know the unwritten rules of etiquette in their circle)"
i feel like your describing inceldom in Victorian times as a choice but nowadays, for me personally , it was lack of knowledge and neglect. if one does not have a family to fulfill obligations to and society has been compromised on a fundamental level; there is little in the way to build capability for incels. i feel like that is a severe injustice to those who have been left out. its unfair others live so good whilst others live in utter deprivation WHILST also being stigmatized . its obscene.
@@aychou.v1955 Your answer is basically, *"Because Girls are better than boys",* Great Answer!
*"I also feel a sense of entitlement for straight boys'*
*"There is also this belief from boys that a girl owns them their body"*
*"they are only nice to the girls they want something from."*
Do you have the ability read Men's thoughts&feelings? You sure talk like you do.
Good job, Doctor. I've seen some videos where incels were equated 100% with MGTOWs. You've obviously done your homework.
Good analysis Doc, but from someone who definitely qualifies as the traditional definition of "Involuntarily Celibate" as opposed to the extremists, I do think it's important not to strictly focus on the most extreme among us. "Us" being, guys who have certain negative views of the modern dating scene but have no desire to hurt anyone or anything of that nature. You did bring some nuance though, and I really appreciate that.
Honestly? Most of the guys (and yes, some girls) I've talked to are actually really decent people and are just hurting because they've found it impossible to find someone. Sometimes because they've lost the genetic lottery, or because of anxiety issues or depression and so on. I think both apply to me, but more so the latter. At the end of the day, I think it's like this: The feeling of being wanted by someone, is so important. I believe others' treatment and view towards us is what gives us the majority of our confidence, rather than coming from the inside. And so when you feel so unwanted (as a friend, as a romantic partner, the list goes on), it's going to take a toll without a doubt. And that's definitely been true for me.
At this point, I'm almost expecting to be alone forever, and it sucks. I don't want that for myself, but every day that I leave my house, I come back home hating myself. Focusing on negatives rather than positives of my day. I think more than anything, I'd like to just feel normal for a day, you know? Like I'm a person. I know that's the spiraling negativity talking, but it sure feels real.
Thank you for sharing; don't hate yourself, though. It is very hard these days to meet good people, hell any people.
Wow well said. Thanks for sharing and explaining. I wish you didn't hate yourself. You're obviously very intelligent.
It's their loss not seeing you for who you are. Hope you find the person of your dreams.
A video on the "Manosphere" psychology would be amazing. I feel this is a much needed video to be covered.
Incel was literally coined by a female Canadian woman. There's even an interview on a major podcast on Spotify where she talks about it. The bad faith and poor research around this topic is endemic. What's even more amazing is that the women who are supposedly at risk from these "guys" are kinder to the subject than other men, like some bad stereotype come to life.
Ok when are you getting your own TV show? Seriously you rock!
Better than (fake) Dr. Phil.
Do you expect to find anything intelligent in TV?
@@keithstewart934 hell yeah!
As a relationship & sexual psychotherapist , I have learned so much from your channel Dr.Grande! I just became a patron! Your contribution for understanding behavioral changes in this world is priceless 🧠 ♥️
Here in the UK we just had our first mass shooting in 11 years. The killer was apparently part of, or interested in, incel culture in some way. He killed his own mother and four neighbours including a three-year-old girl. So heartbreaking. People are saying he should be considered a terrorist if it turns out that his motivation was based on incel ideology.
That’s why there needs to be help for incels not people making fun or shaming them.
@@gbjanuary yeah I think a lot of things that are treated as criminal justice problems would be better dealt with as public health problems. Drugs and addiction certainly. Maybe this kind of thing too. Maybe if he'd had decent mental health services he wouldn't have done it.
Incel killing his own mother? thats not just incel anymore, he's straight up a devil born by human.
@@mralan5743 Jake Davison from Plymouth right?
@@SammyxSweetheart.02 yeah I think so
Taking notes 📝 heard the term on YT and other forums but failed to grasp the ideology/ mindset behind it. Thanks for schooling me, Dr. Todd!
I don't think it's an ideology or mindset, it's more of a state of being.
It’s important to hold people accountable for their actions. The majority of people who are involuntarily celibate aren’t in the incel community and don’t consider themselves incels, nor do the they ascribe to the tenets of the incel community. Being an incel doesn’t just occur naturally - it’s what happens when a group of people bond over hatred of “others”, convincing themselves they’re the victims of something other than their own life choices, and constantly confirming each others’ biases. It’s definitely a mind set, however illogical. Despite what incels believe, NO man or woman ever owes anyone sex, nor do are they themselves entitled to sex.
www.reddit.com/r/braincels if you want to see some pretty disgusting things =/.
Synick Wow, these guys are so disconnected from how to get laid and then blame it women. Thanks for the link. No I need to warn my daughter about these guys too.
John Sampson Yes, it is me.
This is a group of people I empathize with a lot. While I reject most of their ideology,it took me an extremely long time to find a girlfriend. In big part because of mental health issues: depression and social anxiety. If I wasn't lucky enough to be able to afford counseling, I can totally imagine having ended up in those forums one day.
@Anarcho Frills I don't think you understand it
@Anarcho Frills I thought they just wanted a real relationship with women and yes, the intimacy, and also the connection that goes beyond the flesh.
@Anarcho Frills How do you know that? Ever talked to one? I'm incel and i can tell you, i don't just want to "use" any women. If i just wanted sex, i could just go into a brothel, but i don't believe that would satisfy me. I just want someone to love who loves me back, someone who sleeps next to me, someone i can hug when I've had a bad day, and talk with about everything.
I'm nearly tearing up, while writing this. Seriously man, I'am no sick creature, just another human being looking for happiness in a big confusing world.
I'm only a freak at the very moment someone like you points the finger at me and calls me that. Thats the problem with demonizing incels - you are not making it better for us, but worse.
And I'm not saying there aren't narcisstic assholes who are also incels. Of course they exist, but so are non-incel Narcissists. So that isn't always an indicator. Most incels are probably just like me - sad and shy and barely speaking up about the topic, not wishing anything bad for women or "alpha-males". So you shouldn't generalize because of some douchebags in forums.
I hope i could extent your mindset a bit. Have a nice day.
Nerd-Mask not being able to find a partner =/= being an incel. to be an actual incel you have to engage in the toxic incel ideology and you don’t seem to do that. when people "demonize" incels they mean the type of people who say the most dehumanizing sexist bs about women and act like intimacy is owed to them, and i think those people deserve to be demonized. but, again, you don’t seem to be doing that. i would suggest getting off any incel forums if you’re on them because it just drags you deeper into the incel world and further from reality. categorizing people into alpha/beta/attractive/not attractive is also unhealthy for your mind.
@@halifaxverbeck7098 I know they have a very toxic ideology, but I think it stems in part from their mental health issues. If mental health counseling was less stigmatized and even more importantly more widely available, I believe there'd be less people like this. Desperate people tend to go after extreme ideologies after all.
I feel that the hijacking of feminism has partly caused the situation with INCEL. A lot of good males are deserving of a good female, but however there is a lack of traditional values, which makes things more difficult.
Leveling up is also part of the problem.
Almost any ideology that is based on the idea that someone is just owed something that they are not receiving can be very dangerous and potentially lead to violence.
So free healthcare is dangerous?
@@XQQ-qm8ow Wow, you are completely off. No. Medical care is essential for all. How did you get there from men saying women just owe them sex? Completely different.
@@shannonmayer18 "Almost any ideology that is based on the idea that someone is just owed something that they are not receiving can be very dangerous and potentially lead to violence." read your own comment again. Many people in countries such as the US think they are owned free healthcare, which a service they are not receiving. Does that make them very dangerous?
I was just showing you why your blanket statement is wrong.
@@XQQ-qm8ow yes, unless the taxpayers agree.
@@XQQ-qm8ow Separate issue. Everyone has the right to have their basic needs met. We are free to choose who we have relationships with
Hold on, so there are dudes that are mad that they can't "have" the attractive females because those females are overly concerned with attractiveness?🤣
Even worse, the "Staceys" may not even be with "Chad" because of his appearance. It's quite clear the incel is simply projecting.
@@Trashalchemy Oh sure, not everyone is motivated mainly by appearance. Especially as we mature. I would say females, if either are, would be less likely to care about appearance. The whole thing is just immature and silly.
@@CynHicks It's true that not everyone is motivated primarily by attractiveness. However, generally speaking, they are. And that includes women. I would go as far to say that women care more about attractiveness than men. Think about it, women will shun a guy if they don't like their height, probably one of the most useless traits to be concerned about in a modern society
@@vinsanity982 Really? You honestly think that women are more concerned with physical attractivness than men?
@@CynHicks you're completely clueless if you honestly believe women don't care about looks
I just started a ten week computer based course through the VA called web stair to work through ptsd management. Im doing weekly video connect with a therapist in San Francisco who guides me through it. I don’t have to leave my house where I feel safe. I think providing mental healthcare through video connection could be a good way to access the introverts who need it.
I totally agree. I do wish you success on your ptsd management, and I think it's awesome that you reached out for help when you needed it. I wish more people would have the strength to do that.
Wow good for you! One of the positives of technology. Best of luck to you! You got this!
I never heard of this before. Thank you for explaining it so well. I appreciate the way you take complex subjects and make them understandable.
I'm now voluntary celibate, never married, with relatively few sexual or romantic experiences. Some people think I'm queer and have an attraction to me. I've tried to be tolerant but I now resent unwanted homosexual interest. I've also been diagnosed as schizoid but not sure that applies much anymore although I come from a traumatized background. I had a lot of problems relating to non-indigenous people too, men and women. I also fall into a category called Sixties Scoop Survivor. I seem to be ok by simply rejecting all romantic possibilities. I've spent my entire life trying to evaluate and fix myself. This is why I watch Dr. Grande and other related programs.
nah just call it asexuality and forget about it. sex is so overrated when there is porn.
Have you fried your brain with drugs? A lot of people in your situation have done so. It is easy to avoid most unwanted homosexual interest...wear a MAGA hat. You'll be assaulted by lunatic morons though, so I'm not sure if that is any better.
@@paulgoogol2652 I would disagree, sex is so much more than porn, it is not even comparable. Having a physical being remove everything not of her, revealing all that she is in flesh, and reaching ecstasy together. I would lose all sense of where I am and even who I am, like time didn't exist. I love all the smells, the spit, the sweet, the taste, touch etc. Porn is eating oatmeal while sex is eating feast in Paris.
@@keithstewart934 Lol, I've gotten those.
@@paulgoogol2652 sex is overrated. There is so more to life than sexual gratification and the fact that ppl obsess over it like a heroin addict looking for their next high almost converts me to asexuality. It genuinely grosses me out
i been called a creep, a pedophile and a mass shooter just cause of the way i look and i’m quiet
Thank you for another informative discussion Dr. Grande. I do appreciate this one on INCEL because this is the first time that I have heard about this INCEL. For people who do not have formal training on "Mental Health" issues, the easiest way to learn is to regularly watch your videos in your channel. May your audience keep on growing!
incel was created by a woman in 1992 its a legit term
Incels, "nice guys" and neckbeards are fascinating to me. Thanks Reddit.
They just disgust me
@@matlohn9381 I agree
Has anyone seen that meme of that fat neck beard Incel with his fedora hat. 😂😂😂
So would a jackass be better?
@@matlohn9381you disgust me
Thank you for explaining this. I had no idea this was such a widespread issue until you mentioned the specific murders. I’m in fla so I’m familiar with the parkland shooter case.
Thank you for making such a great effort to distinguish the non-violent incel community from the violent extremists.
Go out with the goal of trying to get 5 rejections.
Even ask women out that you "know" won't go out with you.
Try to get 5 rejections per day. Make it a challenge. Make it a fun game and laugh about it.
Your confidence and care-free attitude will cause you to get dates.
This is recommended by Dr. Robert Glover, author of "No More M. Nice Guy".
(Of course you do have to make normal eye contact like a human who can communicate and not act all needy, weak and approval-seeking like a little boy)
A woman showing "low interest" does not mean that you are crap. It means that person happens to have low interest in going out or communicating with you.
So virgins who complain basically
This world is getting more and more further away from normal! Never heard of this. Thanks Dr. G
You're welcome 🙂
Define normal
When was it "normal". We just have the internet now and are more aware of these things. Im sure people like this existed years ago too
All this time I thought people were misspelling incest
Dock I'm an incel talk to me. I'm 48 years old and knew at a young age I would never attract a woman. I'm not violent and do not hate women.
You are very strong for going 48 years without female attention. I commend you.
of course we can't time travel or undo time, but i'm pretty curious what kind of effect that belief had. it's called a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dr. grande is an absolute chad for taking memes into a professional and medical position.
Thank you for this Dr. Grande. I've been hearing the word "Incel" often on RUclips and planned to look up the meaning behind the word but now I don't have to. You explain things very clearly
I just learned what an incel is today and I can't believe it is actually a thing. No one has rights over another person's body.
Okay.
I just learned what incel was too. We called them “indoor losers” 20 years ago bc they stay on computer. Kinda seems like a vicious cycle. Computers, loneliness, isolation/ antisocial , hate, then back to computers with that hate.
@@luluseatowngetdown6251I'm a loser
@@scifirealism5943 That you want to change tells us all you're not a loser.
Don't be so down on yourself.
Wanting change is truly the first step to change.
It's not about entitlement or thinking I have rights over someones body. I just want to be fucking loved, dude. Relationships and sex are normal things normal people seem to be able to do...normally. I just want to be fucking normal.
As an autistic I feel I can understand some of these traits of a "typical"incel individual, but personally their logic doesn't seem logical at all, such as: if an incel is interested in a "Stacy"who is attractive to the incel, then Stacy is obligated to have sex with him? Yet if a woman who isn't attractive to the incel would be interested in the incel then he isn't obligated to have sex with this "unattractive woman"?
The catch of incel ideology is really that they believe no woman regardless of whether she is conventionally attractive or not wants to enter a relationship with them.
That’s why you see so many members of the group fantasizing about lashing out against society, because they believe they are doomed to be forever social outcast with no one to connect to.
That's absolutely true. Plus incels should be fully monitored at all times cuz they if no woman is picking them for sex, these guys could become pedophiles. So watch out in case you need to guard your little daughter.
It's not actually about looks with these guys. They're narcs and don't hide their cray well enough to appear normal and put out a 'childish' vibe. The immature sense of entitlement is pervasive through out their behavior.
Elliot Rogers was the type of guy that women would think was cute, until he starts to talk.
@@RunninQHsRockif a woman that thought he was cute would logically smile with him. I think he was educated enough to be interesting. Maybe a bit nervous 🫦.....
Some of the reasons for incel ideology makes sense. Sex is a human need. We dont need it to survive independently, but its still a strong urge. Women obtain it easier, and for men its a struggle. No doubt men who are still virgins past their 20s are increasingly angry at their lack of success. Alternatives like masturbation dont cut it anymore. Jealousy is a common emotion, especially being surrounded by couples who separate but still find partners quickly. Other than the supremacy thing, I sympathize.
@Zuma Zuma you described sexual satisfaction, not sex itself. A regular looking Man cant post a picture , and get his dms flooded with booty calls
Yeah, even as a women I sympathize too. It all comes from hurt and suffering.
I just wish they wouldn’t blame women for this societal problem.
@Zuma Zuma having an opportunity to experience sexual pleasure, even if its 1 out of 10 experiences, is preferable then getting no chances.
@Zuma Zuma in my experience, ive went to gaming bars, been to college, and just random places. I just women out there but was always rejected. Its made me bitter. I do need the motivational speech, " just be yourself and youre still young"
@Zuma Zuma um. College is a place where you do get to know people. I didnt just walk up to women and asked them out. I tried to start things off by introducing myself and talk to them. No one gave me the time of day.
Thankyou Dr Grande for covering this topic ,my daughter is 15 and most of the teenages talk about Chad's , i thought it was just young people's jargon . Now I know what it means .
@John Sampson Yes I've heard it and it does .
@John Sampson it clearly does through misogyny. I'd say it affects women more than men as women are the victims of hatred, rape, murder.
@John Sampson doesn't effect them? Pretty sure most girls in high school come across people like this at some point
It seems to me like these "incels" were neglected as children and as a result have a lack of affection and empathy.
You genius
@@doritodust2259 good 2nd point. Humans were extra cruel in the past in that we classed people as “weird” by irrelevant things like skin color. We’ve just redefined who gets that type of treatment, now it’s the unattractive and socially awkward that get it. The cruelty itself didn’t go away.
Not true at all (coming from an incel)
A lot of the things he said in this video were also untrue
its true to some extent because young kids who have been neglected not only suffer from lack of aaffection and empathy also suffer from a lack of capability . if no one is providing a example , some sort of structure and showing them the importance of fulfilling their obligations or becoming more capable they wont have the means or the will to level up.
As an incel I can say most of us aren't interested in sex. What we're interested in is a deep personal relationship.
I for example don't even have any basic friends regardless what I do. It's horrible how I feel sometimes.
(YES! I'm familiar with Dr. Jordan Peterson.)
You guys blame everything else other than YOURSELF, which is why you guys are single
@@crazyguyimacrazyguy5944 It's kinda insulting how some view us as "the bad guy". We actually do blame ourselves, why do you think we're so depressed? (I'm one of the few whos actually willing to admit it.) It's a never ending cycle of self-abuse that repeats and snowballs. I'm not even sure how specifically it started (most likely a traumatic childhood . . . long story) let alone how to stop it that doesn't involve a "little lead pill". Don't get me wrong, I feel mentally fine enough (and have no brash plans) but I'm often too lost in my own thoughts to pay any attention to my surroundings let alone girls. I graduated high school and I moved out of "the little house of horrors" as soon as I could and that's all I can do.
Now I must live my life. . . . Now I must move on. It's the only thing I know.
Depression can be treated. Perhaps pursue an official diagnosis, and ask for treatment with dialectal therapy, and EMDR which is a trauma treatment. I know it is difficult, and lonely. Hoping you find a support network. Also celibacy before completing trauma treatment is something to be proud of. Well done. A counseling center might be able to recommend a group that you will be able to make friends in.
@@TheTarrMan Yes, you guys are the bad guys. Recently one of you lowlives killed 6 people in the UK.
If you're depressed, go see a therapist, if you think you're unfit, go to the gym and if you think you don't have enough social interactions, then use dating apps and hang out in public places (basically go out).
Blaming women is what incel losers do, while they themselves don't like themselves, then how can they expect someone else to like them ?
If looks do matter, then why is Eliott Rodger, who looks better than 99% of incels, get associated with the terror outfit ?
@@crazyguyimacrazyguy5944 I'm happy with who I am. I'm in shape and sane enough.
My friend is a clinical psychologist and she had never heard of this term before. Thank you for using the internet for good.
Incels may be demonized, but many of their ideas are not erroneous. Their idea of the black pill is very interesting in a very depressing way.
I personally recommend "Face & LMS" channel, I find it excellent to be honest.
I didn't have my glasses on yet, so I first thought; "What's this? Is he going to talk about INCELL batteries?" Lol....😁
Love your channel man! Learning a lot from you. Hopefully after I have seen all your videos I'll be able to see red flags faster. Although I have to admit, I carry some of the symptoms, kinda worried I might be a little narcissistic. But I really don't want to cause anyone pain, so maybe I'm ok lol! Anyway, keep up the great work! And thank you for sharing!
Don’t worry about it too much.. everyone has some symptoms of it.. just as long as it doesn’t affect anyone..stay blessed❤
I’ve long since wanted to see this topic presented in a researched way. Don’t get me wrong. The shock value encounter stories and screen shots are entertaining but it’s such an odd phenomenon that it should be studied in a serious manor. They range from hateful trolls who don’t really leave the house enough to pose a real threat (at the time) to mass murderers. That’s a lot of variance so it’s important to know the common threads between these extremes.
Funny thing is there are a lot of “ugly” people just having sex with each other
my partner is "ugly" but love is a bit deeper then looks
@@nicksanders9148 bluepill stop coping start roping
@@nicksanders9148 Sorry these idiots are talking to you. I swear these people feel the need to make the world a more miserable place
@@grilledcheese5000 The world isn’t sunshine and rainbows…take the blackpill it’ll show you the truth
@@DarkHallwayz is there a reddit for this
As someone who was sad enough to have incel tendencies years ago, I can attest that it's all just resentment and jealousy. Instead of trying to improve themselves to become more attractive, they blame others and make excuses for their failures. It's a pathetic way to live.
I agree I also had tendencies like that myself and yea it's just resentment and jealousy pretty childish in my opinion. I think alot of them will outgrow that ideology eventually I hope they do.
@@kylemorice4870 Glad you understand, brother. For all the incels who complain they never get attention from girls, how many of them actually make an effort and TALK to them? Hardly any! Elliot Roger was like that. He watched couples together and felt sorry for himself, but he never tried to get a date. At least we grew up👍
@@avalonjustin that's true.
Sounds like the obese acceptance "movement"
@@avalonjustin i think i heard somewhere that Elliott Roger went to a party and was really creepy with the girls, and even tried to shove one off tbe roof or something and the guys there kicked him out. Then he just sulked and committed his bs
I’ve made videos on them in the past and was faced with anger and violent threats. I’d assume many of these men had some sort of abuse in the past and get caught up in this cult that they have created
Thank you for making videos on them. The more they are exposed for what they are the better.
Kathrin Johnson they grow up in neglectful and abusive environments with no positive role models except the internet. I wish these people therapy and help before they hurt others and themselves
@@Mijn24 if they can find hate groups online they can find positive role models and mental health videos. They have to stop feeling sorry for themselves and want help.
@nice try167 lol
@nice try167 yep 😉
As an incel allot of the comments aren’t talking about the right things, me and allot of incels don’t think women own us sex, it’s more of a venting space. A group full of un wanted people will always have bad eggs but don’t generalise mentally disturbed people with people like me who is autistic and ugly
Listen, as a woman, we are suspicious and ready to be agressive and distrustful of incels because of EXPERIENCE. I understand that for some guys it's a venting space, and absolutely judging someone that ugly means worth less as a person or being a virgin means less value is insane. Problem is that when we even try to interact with incels positively, they turn it into manipulation and whining, commonly: "if you really are different prove it by dating me". We have no issue with men who feel lonely and unappreciated. We have issue with straight up predatory and objectifying and entitled attitudes towards us. Check out r/niceguys. Also these guys don't see unattractive women they act and think like these women just don't exist and don't face the same issue of rejection. They demonize women and reject reality of ugly women.
@@anna8328 allot of your complaints come from negativity bias, most people I’m friends with/ hear about are literally willing to date anyone that accepts them. You’re letting the loud minority cloud your judgment on the mindset of most ugly people, most ugly people aren’t dangerous but it’s easy to think that when you judge a book by it’s cover and go out of your way to find ugly people who are entitled/predatory
How do you cope, it feels unbearable.
Oh the irony 😞... women in general aren't primarily compelled by physical attractiveness. How often have you seen a woman asked, "what do you like about him?" and she answers "he makes me laugh". It's so SO common and so true. Women are looking for other much more important qualities. My husband and I met around age 3 and 6 (he's 3 years younger). We started dating nearly 20 years later and have been together for almost 15 years now. Initially, I didn't want to date him because he was young and I just remembered him as the kid from around the way. In time he became my best friend. You need self-confidence. You need to have goals. You need to be introspective. And you need to comfortable in your own skin. Be willing to love a family more than yourself. In time you'll have to. If you're lacking these features hold yourself accountable. Change. Grow. Improve. Consider joining the Warrior Poet Society. All the best! 💕💕💕
Whooo that's a lovely story. I'm so glad it worked out....so this Warrior Poet Society, do you have any links? you piqued my interest!
Ok Stacey
I'm 40 lifelong single. I don't see my self as a incel more of a eunuch. I pray for a wife I seek only Jesus. I real have lost all interest in searching for women it has only given me pain and suffering so why do it. I love all people and could never hurt anyone. God can answer my prayer I do get to church and get out in the community outside of work a little. If I spend the rest of my life single it won't be wasted I'm content and whole in Christ Jesus.
I look up to you Samuel. Hang it on there. Tons of blessings to you. :)
Then your an incel
Have you try the isaiah 58 and Matthew way of fasting and praying when you asked or where's you just doing what ever? Because you know. you have to do it in a very specific manner or your prays won't be answered as quickly
You lost interest because your testosterone went down and because of cognitive dissonance.
Saying a prayer for you today Samuel!
I honestly don’t understand their way of thinking. I’m a female in my 20s that has never dated anyone and I’m still a virgin but I’ve never had any hostility on the whole male gender because of this.
@Rimiserk I get that, trust me I know what loneliness feels like but that doesn't justify killing people. It doesn't make sense to blame ALL women, that's literally 50% of the world population. Maybe get therapy or something not go on a murder spree.
@Rimiserk it's not even about who kills more. And the reason I dislike incels is based on my personal experience with them, not because of the media.
@@tinafoster8665 exactly! sounds to me like this person is projecting. I never said I hated them in fact I really do sympathize with them, I just don't agree with their hostile approach.
@@tinafoster8665 Eh women can just create a profile on a dating site and wait for men to write to them. Don't have to even be attractive or have a fun personality. It might not be the best looking men writing to them but at least it's something. For men it's different. If you're not attracted don't expect anyone to write to you first or even respond to your messages.
@ItsOkay Ipromise even very good looking men aren't getting a lot of matches. I know that because I dated a guy like that, and in real life he would get hit on all the time. He went on tinder to find an introvert girl (which is more rare). Anyway yes women have lots of matches, but it doesn't mean they are all interesting, and most of the time it's hard to find a person who is not desperate for sex, and who is willing to engage in a normal conversation. Real life is way better. And men who are "unattractive" have more chances to get a girl in real life rather than on apps, because yes, these apps are very superficial.
The child who is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth - old African proverb
I briefly browsed on of those forums once. There seem to be an extreme amount of self-loathing going on, and the people there seem to confirm each others negative self-image. A very unhealthy place for people who are om that mindset.
It is like a heroin addict hanging around other heroin addicts. Nothing good is going to come of that.
@@Bonzi_Buddy Do you not see the irony here? These are guys who have been rejected by their peers. So you're blaming them for the actions of others.
Up to date info, thanks Dr Grande
I’m single and would love to have a partner, but I don’t feel the need to join a band of incel scum to air my grievances.
I work on my self, try and be kind and accept if it happens it will.
If it dosnt then that’s life
Agree with you. Same here. I hope you will find a good life partner.
@@Shinchad75 Thankyou Kind person ❤️
Life of my ass, fk life and time.
Then you must have had some experience with women if you’re so content on living without one
@@lesshuman00 Yes I have, but If I dont get what I want, I ask God or myself why.
The value that society places on men being hyper masculine, being able to get any woman they want whether it’s with consent or not, to view women as objects and to conceal their emotions is a HUGE issue.
The feminisation of society and men is what caused all this shit in the first place
@@DarkHallwayz facts
@@DarkHallwayz it's not always too late to change.
It's nature. Women are attracted to athletes and good looking men. Men are attracted to average to above average looking women. A man being born a dweeb is fucked and that's all there is to it. They should join Islam instead of being depressed. 70 virgins.
@@DarkHallwayz nah, it's the fact that these men are unwilling to admit they aren't as great as they think they are. The best thing to do is to tell them the truth, that they aren't in relationships because they don't want to improve themselves. If they spent the time they do online bitching and moaning about how nobody wants them actually making something important of themselves--you know, getting a good education, starting a business, serving their communities--they'd have better lives and a better outlook overall. People like them-and like you-are just not willing to put in the effort and are lazy. People pick up on your laziness and childlike behaviour, and are turned off.
Incels are a good example of why one must not ignore others, even if they are the "enemy." They need help and they can only improve themselves for so long for so much. At some point others will have to join and improve themselves.
After all, it takes two to tango.
Strangers do NOT owe incels anything! Women are not responsible for " fixing" these wierdos by not having boundaries and ignoring creepy behaviour. No thank you!
@@jessicahamilton3314 Then they have no responsibility to accept the social contract and remain civil. It goes both ways, honey. You want to live by the morals of animals, then don't be surprised when people are violent like animals. You want people to be civil, you have to be civil.
Hunter be quiet. A creep who won't accept that NO is a complete answer, and reacts violently, is an entitled ass-wipe who deserves every consequence of the law up harm to another because of their disgusting entitlement to women. So.... no, I'm not " accepting" anything. And let one of these creeps run up on me or mine you'll quickly find out women owe you nothing.
I WILL ignore the turd and the poison, thank you very much. It's my human RIGHT to ignore anything that's not good for me, not my friend, and is out to harm me, steal from me, manipulate me, or destroy me. It's like a literal bottle of poison following you around and screeching at the top of its lungs that you LOOK at it!
GET CLOSE TO IT!!!! IF YOU THINK THIS IS BAD, IT'LL GET WORSE!!!!!!!!! WE'RE ALL CIVIL HERE!!!!!! DO WHAT I SAY. Then it has the gall to behave like it's a victim.
They wanna rock, "bring it", and be "heard" and felt with their rage, society can stay on society-watch and nip their little rampages in the bud. We have all studied them enough to already know how they act and their ticks and giveaways, and what jargon and sites they are prone to using and how they stalk. Creating a world-wide incel-watch is a pretty good idea. I already know they are going to burst the bubble one day and try to rise up in larger number and demand sex from stranger women in the streets as "spoils" because people exercise their right to stay the ever loving fuck away from them. They wanna try that, I can guarantee the rest of society's gonna have something for them. People will get tired of it, and not take kindly to the plans incels have for their mothers, daughters, sisters, nieces, etc. Especially not the women themselves, and there's going to be state-wide programs in place to prevent this behavior...but it's not going to be in the favor of the incels and them "getting their way." You act like a rabid dog, you get dealt with and put down like one. And the worst part is all of an incel's life choices are of their own doing. It didn't have to be this way, but there's something up in their brains that just aint' right.
I'm British. My eyes have been opened. Anyone else here because of Joker movie and people worrying about things like this being triggered?
I believe it all stems from deep immaturity. "How dare you reject me?" The truth is that society and life in general can be very cruel, so you have to be stronger than that. Got rejected, at anything: jobs, relationships, any kind of relationships, family, women, friends, acquaintances, etc. etc. etc.? Just move on. Really, just move on. There are people who don't even deserve you getting angry at them; they're just a waste of energy and time. Other people don't (can't) understand you? Frankly, that's fine. I went through hurricane María, the death of my mom, and the coronavirus debacle, and I learned from all three that you cannot expect anything from other people other than what they're willing to give you straight from their hearts. That's it. Everything else becomes not important. I know I'm being much broader regarding the main subject of the video, but to me it all stems from not being able to deal with rejection. A great part of growing up to be a real man is dealing with a heck of a lot of rejection from a heck of a lot of people including those close to us. Steel has to go through a crucible and be beaten in order to become a sword, and like Claus Levin Sepstrup says: Ingenium is your true power. It's actually the title of one of his online guitar courses.
I discovered along time ago that the human race was not designed so that every man and woman would be married and have a happy fulfilled love life.