Oh wow, Thanks for reacting to my video :) This is a first for me haha I enjoyed watching this and you did a great job expounding on some of my thoughts and points and I completely agree with everything you mentioned. You've got an awesome community here and you're a positive voice against long-held social expectations that many are struggling with. Thank you and all the best!
Wholly that is great--- I left both of you a 'hint' earlier today...Hannah is 'fab' {well she 'is' CDN, haha} and I hope you both in fact create a interview or even 'ongoing' dare I say, haha
One of my friends said “I don’t want the responsibility of bringing something into the world knowing he or she WILL suffer”. At some point suffering is a part of everyone’s life.
But for those who are here,we don't have a choice but to experience it (unless you decide to end yourself and I don't advise you to do it nor do I recommend to cling on life no matter what)
My great aunt passed away of just old age at the age of 96 on her front porch swing. She just fell asleep and let go. No heart attack or anything. How wonderful to quietly slip away in a place that brought you comfort each day. 💕
Given all the fires, racism still existent, growing cost of living, ecological situation and there's bound to be water wars, why put a child into that?
I think many people have kids because they try to fit in. So many activities are geared to families. They don't want to be a black sheep, which is something I've felt like at times. I think that many have kids to fill some void in themselves. They're not fulfilled in their career, not feeling like they're living up to familial expectations, etc.
My mom regretted having kids. Growing up choose to tell me she hated me. And then as an adult she said if she had to do it over again to wouldn't do it.
From my perspective life does suck more than it is good. There are things that I am grateful for and things that I love, but when I really sit down and think about everything I've been through I wouldn't wish it on someone else.
When I look at a kid, I smile esepcially if I'm in a park or seeing the child play with their parents, or with other kids. I can appreciate that...and not want to have one of my own
Great video. Parenting is a huge responsibility, but a lot of people give it little thought. Such as, "Can i afford a kid?". Pronatalist society only cares about quantity not quality of child rearing.
Too many will reply things like "God will provide" or similar responses. Just have the kid and deal with it. NO way. God does not provide due to acts of irresponsibility.
Very accurate! One should also ask “should I?” Because many aren’t good people, many have mental and physical problems that will transfer to or affect the children they might have. Do I have the capabilities of a teacher? Am I patient? Mentally stable? Financially stable? Physically healthy? Do I have a family who would take care of my children in case something happened to me? In essence - can I give them a good life? If the problem is physical, one can always adopt, but if it’s mental or financial one should work on it before getting into a more compromising such as having children.
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Afford a kid financially is hard enough, but people lose track of the real issue: can they emotionally and psychologically afford a kid?
People will always talk about these singular moments of why we all must have kids, and the moments are sweet and warm, like your baby smiling or walking for the first time. But these moments don’t reflect the entire experience. Having a baby is different than parenting itself. It’s a full time, no pay, career that doesn’t stop for a second.
I am currently 47 and constantly pressured to have kids by my Hispanic family. Always told that I am going to need someone to look after me, when I am no longer able to look after myself. Had I been in my early 30’s, financially stable and with someone worthwhile, I might have considered having a kid. I all so managed to have turned my life around, without having to worry about the pressures of maintaining a kid. At this point in my life, having a kid is not cost effective and I don’t want to spend all of my time and energy raising a kid, especially in this world. All I seek is an everlasting companionship, with a great gal who doesn’t want to have kids either.
So these adults are having children to be caretakers? I am a female and I became a co-pilot co-parent to my single mother helping her raise her children although I was a child. The problem is. My mother had children without thinking about the consequences of her actions. Additionally, also relied on me to be her main caregiver. And didn't require NOTHING from my other siblings. This left a bad taste in my mouth. Therefore, having children wasn't on the top of my to do list. And I am female. I am now 46 without children. And I would like to have optimism in believing there could be a possibility. However, the interest was not a priority for me as a female. Childhood trauma and what I see from these ungrateful children people sacrifice there best part of there lives for.
I made a deliberate choice to focus on my art rather than have kids SPECIFICALLY because I knew I couldn't do both. So glad you brought that up. There are so many ways to contribute to the world and find meaning, and our passions can take us in any number of directions.
I watched his video some time back and agreed with everything, especially not being able to recommend life. There are too many terrible and major things we have no control over, such as discrimination, violence, nature disasters, etc. I personally do not think I would be able to handle if my child went through what I want through growing up (and even in adulthood), especially if they go through something worst...
Same reason. I also watched the video before this. If I die, I'm at peace because I don't have to watched my children suffered the things that I already know. I couldn't bear it. My perspective is that, I truly love them and cared for them even if they didn't exist. That's the only thing 100% I can guarantee that I can protect them from this world. It's not only about my experience, I also consider other people experience that I see/witness and their stories. If babies didn't grow just like us, feel, hurt, stress and sick, for sure I will have a child and if I also know their future what will happen to them, for sure I will have a child.😁 I'm 30+ years-old and I'm happy I stick to my principle since I was in highschool. Overthink is more important rather than jumping into your desire and wants. 🕊️🙏❤️
@@lunaimadog4723 This is a beautiful share! I agree with you - if it was guaranteed that child would not experience the terrible things that currently occur, I would happily have a child or two. I have nothing against children but everything against how this world treats them and everyone else. My motto is, "It's not the children - it's the world."
I hear you on that! It would be incredibly tough to watch your child try and navigate through difficult times in life, especially with how the world has been over the last little while.
This video is so interesting, I appreciate the perspectives from a child free gentleman. Not everyone wants to have kids and it's perfectly OK not to want to have them. I definitely think too many people have kids because it's what they think they should do as opposed to whether they truly want them or not. Definitely true that many parents only speak about the positives of having kids, such a shame that they don't like to talk about the challenges of being a parent! It absolutely should be acceptable to be child free with no stigma attached to that 👌🏻
I'm so glad I discovered you and your channel. I'm 31 going on 32 and even when I was 12 I said I didn't want kids and Still don't. So many people have called me heartless for not wanting kids like it's what I need to do or something. I'm so glad I have stuck to my guns and been real to myself. Kids aren't for everyone. My last relationship 2 years ago was with a guy who had 2 kids from his previous relationship and man o man let me tell you.... that relationship sealed the deal on not having kids. It was huge learning experience and I wouldn't trade it for the world, I loved those girls like they were my own and the 4 years I got to spend with them means so much to me, but the fucking challenge that came with it was no joke. They were 1 and 4 when we got together and they were cute. But fast forward 4 years the 8 year old was not cute anymore and was so sassy and I couldn't do anything about it. Every time I tried to give any constructive criticism their dad wouldn't let me it was like they could do no wrong and I just couldn't do it anymore. Like I said they sealed the deal. I know people are gonna say " well those were his kids, not all kids are like that". But whatever it's a challenge and I honestly don't wanna go through it. I want a life as simple and free as possible and if that makes me selfish well then I guess I am and I don't mind.
More to the point, the key to happiness is being self-aware enough to figure what the specific key to happiness is for you. People who know they don't want kids have generally had to do enough self-reflection on the matter that they know that applies to them.
I enjoyed watching both of these perspectives! I am 34 and don’t have children. I worked with elementary and preschool children for the last 13 years, and just these last few years, I’ve come to the realization that I do not want children. It really surprises me because all my life I thought I did.
Can someone please explain why a decision not to have children, and why people who voluntarily choose to live their lives child-free, are considered "selfish"? Or is this simply sour-grapes from those who have/had children and bitterly regret it?
@ thank you- what you say makes absolute sense. I'm 63 years old, never had kids, never had the urge to be a father and never have envied those who do have kids. growing up, it was never even on my radar- my wife of 30 years feels the same... Perhaps because I effectively never had a father- my own abandoned my mother and four year old sister when mom was still pregnant with me. Not the best role model of a 'dad." To me and many others it's "selfish" to have kids for all the wrong reasons, with often tragic consequences. Thank you for your response and take care....
Some of it might come from the "sour grapes" perspective, but I think some of it is also that society/culture pushes the 'having kids' narrative so hard and that can perpetuate this idea that if you don't have kids there's something wrong with you for not picking the ideal life. Unfortunately it seems like a lot of people still have a herd mentality and expect everyone to live life in a very specific way and when people make the choice to not have kids the general response is to criticize them. People often criticize and put down ideas that they don't understand rather than taking time to try and understand life from another person's perspective. I have also found that when you are CF people don't take you as seriously. They constantly question your choice, tell you you'll eventually grow up and change your mind or make it seem like you are missing out on the purpose of life. There hasn't been a lot of positive representation in media about childfree people either and I think this definitely effects how the general public perceives CF.
@@WifeWithoutKids Thank you for your kind and very thoughtful response to my comment. As I indicated to another respondent, I am 63, and have been married to the same woman for many years- for life. She was married before, in her early 20s, became pregnant as per the script, but miscarried, developed endometriosis and could no longer conceive- but she experienced not grief as most (?) women do in such circumstances but rather she had a revelation- she did not want to have children anyway! This of course meant the end of that marriage. As for me, throughout my life I never had the urge or desire to do the "daddy" thing- it was just nothing I ever felt. Perhaps it's a reaction to my own life story- never knew my own father who abandoned my mom and older sister when I was still in utero, and grew up in a dysfunctional, strife-ridden family, my mom, maternal aunt, and older sister, all of whom battled constantly- not the best picture of family life or of the "joys of fatherhood" for a child. I know my sister, who was five when our father walked out and remembered him, would be very damaged for life seeing her father walk away forever. Unfortunately she took her rage and pain out on me in the form of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse(we haven't seen or spoken in many years and it's unlikely we ever will). For some reason, I remember that in Brooklyn growing up in the 60s and 70s, broken or dysfunctional families seemed to be the norm, not the exception, as far as I could tell. Two things to conclude this: Even at my age I still get "the business" from people who have kids, when I mention my wife and I not having had children, which is embarrassing-like we're not really a couple, and; isn't it actually far more "selfish" to have children for all the wrong reasons- social/familial pressure, status, etc- children one doesn't truly want and who will therefore suffer the consequences of being unwanted and not truly loved? Thank you again and best wishes...
@@WifeWithoutKids The media representation is interesting. In typical movies, the childfree bachelor is promiscuous, unreliable and many times amoral or selfish to the extreme. I guess monogamous couples of happy, chidfree, honest people break their stereotypes a bit.
@@isabelguzmanmiranda5025 That, among other reasons, is why I've lost A LOT of respect for Hollywood and likely won't get back! It's done it's fair share to brainwash and damage society and families, in general.
I had a college at work, she’s been always on edge mentally. But always was asking me when I’m gonna have a baby. Finally I asked her why is she so pressing me on this topic, she said: why should you have it better than parents 😅 just told me all
Honestly, the reason why I don’t want to have kids is because I’ve always felt like a babysitter to my younger cousins and nephews/nieces. As time went on I got irritated by them with a simple action they made. People in my family always say “you’ll change your mind one day” or “you just haven’t met the right girl” like…please just STFU just cause you fed the torta to your wife that doesn’t mean I want to do the same. Specially after realizing that pregnancy can be very dangerous towards women. My aunt nearly died giving birth to those kids and I don’t want to put women through that struggle.
working a job that you love to do is not really an option most people will get. It's na extremely lucky position to have a job that you love and have a passion for. Most of the time people work so they can afford living.
It is called Antinatalism if you are not familiar, recommended reading material: Better to have never been: the harm of coming into existence by David Benatar.
I'm a 38yo guy who's staying childless too mainly because it's a ton of work you don't get paid for. I believe in the law of supply and demand so I want a lot of money for each kid I would have since that's what the government needs. Think about it, would you go work your job 40 hours one week without pay just because you enjoy it? I didn't think so!
The very first reason is me spot on 💯 I could hardly bare the harshness of life myself, much less do I want the duty of inevitably having to teach another being about it!
Most of us just decided to actually learn everything we could about what parenthood truly is and resolved to not to chose having children. I'm one of those people; as I grew into a man, the more I learned about fatherhood the less I wanted it. I'm thirty-one years old and I am absolutely convicted in my decision to never be a father.
Same. I'll admit, there was a brief period where there was some FOMO as all the friends around me started pumping them out senior year and the summer immediately following graduation. Of course, as the dust settled and I started noticing that girls who never gave me a second glance, now that they were staring down the barrel of single motherhood in their faces, suddenly the fact that i wasn't a womanizing tweaker with a criminal record and the ability to hold down a job suddenly made me appealing. It was at that moment I realized how mythical real love is in a modern relationship from a modern woman. Being a man to a woman with a child is all about resource provision. Your value as a human being to her is directly proportional to how much she can extract from you for her and her offspring. From there, it was as simple as identifying my libido as an unnecessary weakness of the flesh and mind that would only betray and set me up to be resource sucked. 11 years in and I've never looked back or met a woman who's made me rethink it.
As someone in my late 30's who doesn't have kids and probably won't, I think the biggest difference for guys is that there's always the assumption that we can father children much later in life, so the busybodies who care about such thing don't have nearly as much of a pressure rachet to apply to us.
Oh wow I love his POV! I’ve been trying to feel confident in my CF life. 34f fence sitter here and feeling like times a ticking for me to pick a side. Im different than so many CF peeps because I always wanted kids. I think it would be really cool to guide a little me/husband through this life but there’s just so many reasons not to that I can’t just ignore. If the only reasons for me to have them is bc they’re cute, funny, and could possibly keep me company in old age thn I probably just need to look into getting more dogs
With the risks so high for women and so low for men, I couldn’t recommend motherhood at all, specifically. Even when you have a great SO/ex, it’s incredibly difficult. And you have to be very brave/determined/confident about what you believe and what you’re willing to do to protect your kid, or be what you believe to be is a good parent. Extremely stressful life for motherhood. The one exception is if you’re independently wealthy. Life is hard enough without trying to parent and also secure an income that barely covers your lifestyle. The stress of involuntary working motherhood cannot be understated.
Fence sitter too 🙋🏻♀️ although recently I’ve swung my legs over to the CF side and they’re having a nice dangle 😂 Almost certain mine is just FOMO as never liked kids much in the first place! Always preferred dogs 😊 More sad that I never found the right man I think.
New to channel. I enjoy hearing others journeys about being child free. Thank you for advocating for mens child free choice. My partner/girlfriend and I catch the same amount of grief for different reasons. There are countless supports online for her. Not much for men. I’ve served my country in battle, I’m an active member in my community, and I contribute to society in the mental health field. We are completely and utterly fulfilled. I don’t want kids because it doesn’t call to me. No other reasons. When someone says I’m selfish or I don’t know how to live for others. I simply answer at 18 I was sent to die for others and almost did. Now I live for myself and serve others within that context. Cheers to everyone and thank you for being a place of support.
I really enjoy watching this. I sometimes feel alone being a Childfree man. Being from New Zealand, it's real hard to find a Childfree community espically in dating and making friends in general. Lucky my mate I grew up with now have kids, we still hang out and are accepting.
I think if more pl did a deeper dive as to why children are born like this guy did, their might be a lot less children out there. How many kids are made to "trap" someone, for a pay check, because you want someone to take care of you, etc? Lots of people out there that should never have had kids.
11:38 ! You know I’m 23 and after SOO much dating looking for “ my person”, I have found someone I think I might want to do life with, but they definitely want kids. I didn’t tell them it was an absolute no , but it definitely wasn’t a yes . I’ve been looking at videos like this , reading articles, asking these personal questions to people I know about kids , parenting etc. And I’ve come to the conclusion that once I’m in this thought process I know I’ve already lost . Meaning I know my answer and I’m just looking for a way to be okay with myself and this decision and the possible ramifications that come with something like this.. thank you from the bottom of my heart .
I agree that I would feel intense guilt and accompanying shame knowing that I wittingly and unwittingly contributed to the suffering of my own children. Any positive desires I have to nurture or mother can easily be channeled to caring for animals or for the elderly and sick in my community for 12-14 hour shifts.
Anti-natalists definitely agree with the first statement he made. I agree as well. I don't understand why anyone would want a kid right now. Not having kids is the best thing you can do for your kids.
I didn't have any because I didn't want to. I am so relieved about that. Also pleased I have not inflicted the tedious drudgery of working your whole life on another human.
It’s interesting to see more honest conversation about parenthood. I love my kid. LOVE him. But parenting is TOUGH even when you have lots of help. It’s only harder the more hours you have to work, the farther away decent schools or childcare is, the closer pedos live to you, the less you get along with your SO/ex. AND THEN on top of all of that, you have the basic maintenance of your own humanity, and the hope of social &/or romantic relationships. And fielding the unsolicited commentary from know-it-alls on whether they’re for or against something you’ve done or they assume you didn’t do with your child. Sheesh. And that doesn’t even bring in the bigger complexities of being an odd man out if you actually take the time to craft a life around your child instead of the other way around, which- no offense- but it’s draining being constantly confused for the nanny or babysitter just because I play with my kid at the park. All of that being said, if I had an Eternal Sunshine mind wipe, I’d choose having my kid over and over again. But if I really understood how incredibly difficult it is, how much the odds are stacked against you being able to parent remotely how you hope… Society is not designed for family life. I could never recommend parenthood except to the unequivocally wealthy or strong-connected socially. Preferably both. Good luck guys! And no matter how much of a screwup you might be, your kids didn’t ask to be here, so try a little harder for them than you tried for yourself.❤️
Yeps, money helps. It helps a lot. I'm thankful my babe came after the mortgage was paid and we had a very stable source of income. It's exhausting, and just being able to hire someone trustworthy for a few hours so you can sleep without interruptions or you can catch up with your work helps a lot. If you don't have a tribe or lots of money, you're going to suffer. No wonder rich people have five or six kids. If I had the money to give my all to all kids, I'd have two and adopt at least two more. But I want to do things right. That means a crying baby must be held until he smiles in the purest, unadulterated happiness I've ever seen. It means being there to help, to pay attention, to teach. And you can't do things right in a nuclear family. Some states offer money to help. Hire nannies and send them by shifts for five hours a week to every house with a newborn-to-toddler. And a full night once a month so the parents can sleep together without interruptions. I bet that would make more people think about having the second child than any monetary stimulus. Parents mostly need a bit of me-time and rest. As for those single mothers who work and raise their kids alone? I don't know how they do it, but I really recommend NOT to do that. It's hard enough with enough money and a supportive spouse.
Sure, but I think part of the disconnect is that a lot of people do things they don't find enjoyable per se (or at least not entirely enjoyable), but which they do find satisfying in some other way. In my position as an outside observer, I think that's where a lot of parents are.
Maaaaan, last night I made the mistake of saying I felt lucky I didn't have children during this plandemick 😂😂😂. My dad made it his DUTY to let me know that it's a man's sole purpose in life to procreate. Further, he said that my situation wasn't LUCK but BEING IN A BAD PLACE. I know he means well but SHEET! I saw his true colors in a way last night.
Sometimes parents feel very strongly about everyone having kids. I'm sure most parents mean well when they say things like that, but it's still hard to hear.
@@WifeWithoutKids those kinds of parents usually want revenge on their kids. It’s sick how some unhappy parents like to lure the idiotic and unsuspecting into the same boat.
I would go way more back in time when comparing the past to our present, I mean I would go pre-agriculture, where I believe our brains are 'stuck' evolutionarily, and keep expecting the kind of stimuli a close-knit band of hunter gatherers would have delivered. Now if you compare living in a tribal arrangement to our current model of living as an atomic family, ... Just compare the childcare situation, when before it was shared and the children were the tribe's children, whereas now there's hardly anyone to share the burden of childcare with.
Everyone talks about how cute babies are. Nobody talks about local childcare, quality babysitters, expensive private school/expensive neighborhoods for decent public school… The heavy lifting is done by the person who cares the most, so they’re first to be burnt out, namely mothers. Society isn’t designed for families at all.
@@WifeWithoutKids I see that kids being lucky to have 2 caregivers is good for them (2+ would be better but..). However the bigger issue I see is the mental health (unmet needs) of the caregivers.. Who are also wired to function tribally, not really atomic familially. My hypothesis that for this to function at least at the low degree it's functioning in our society, people have to be culturally programmed into it, not knowing it's against their nature..
I've always enjoyed and gotten assurance from women's childfree testimonies. But as a man, this gets to me very differently. I enjoyed it very much. Could anybody please provide his channel's name? Thanks!
I asked one of my friend who wants kids this when she questioned me: if an alien came down to earth and said to you “hello, I’m an alien and I live up on that spaceship on a pod. I can transform into any life form I encounter but it’s irreversible. Would you recommend I become a human and live here? Or should I go back up to my pod and stay there. The pod is nothing really it’s like I’m sleeping with no dream. Do you think I should become human?” And she said no I’d probably tell it to find somewhere else or stay in the pod. Which is his questions exactly, “would you recommend life to another living being.” I’m so glad he worded it that way for me. I said to her “I wouldn’t be fulfilled by a child, and you’ve just said you wouldn’t advise a human life to another lifeform, so nobody benefits from me having a child.” And she kinda understood it. It also made her face that she was weighing her fulfillment vs another persons possible hardship. For her there was net good in her mind because she knew how much joy it would bring her but it took away the mentality she had that I was somehow depriving someone of life. That person doesn’t exit, they can’t be deprived. And now she understands it more.
Very interesting perspective from a male. Parenting is not for everyone and people need to respect that. I would much rather know that someone was having kids because they wanted to versus -oops, I got preggers!! And now I am single mom with no help! And you see them on Maury with the DNA test!! I am exaggerating a bit but you get my drift. Ahahha
I always wanted a family, always wanted kids. Tried to do everything the “right” way. Things have broken uneven and even with all the compromising and making the best of it, and honestly having a great situation in comparison to the average bear… I could never recommend it to any but the financially and socially rock solid. Parenthood is no longer some fun adventure of DIY frontiering. Without a 20 year business plan, or independent wealth, there’s a very low chance of enjoyment worth the stress and worry.
@Kamal Elwa Having a child because you WANT one (and at least won't mind the challenging realities of trying to be a good parent) is one thing but, on the other hand, you can still have the same situation without ever being on a trashy morning talk show (and have thousands to millions of complete strangers knowing your business and sanctimoniously judging you for it when it's possible those same people who judge you are in the same boat themselves)!
I love this guy’s perspective. It’s basically everything I’ve been thinking but couldn’t articulate myself. Thank you for making this online community for like-minded folks. I’ve been married for 13 years (married young at 21 years old) and my husband and I have been “on the fence” for 13 years 🤦🏻♀️😂. Your channel and others like it have helped us solidify our final decision to remain child free. Becoming parents is just not our life path and we’re finally starting to embrace that and realize it is okay.
There is no law in any book or any statement anywhere that says you have to have kids and be married. It’s ultimately society and the peer pressures, people feeling left out etc.. it does not define anyone.
Thank you Hannah and Adrian for such a well-rounded perspective. I agree that sometimes we feel pressure to have children due to social pressures. Something that helped me recently was to start reading books on the subject, and to spend time with family and friends who support my choices. Not everyone was meant to be a procreator. Recently, I had a neighbor come right out with “No one will care for you like your own, so you really should have at least one child.” Honestly, I felt stressed out the entire day, but I shouldn’t have felt that way. Instead I panicked and literally felt pressured to explain and make a decision. It felt like the pressured to make a very expensive and very high maintenance purchase, like a car that you can’t really afford. Sometimes the environmental pressure makes us do things that we later regret. I should have calmly explained the facts to her. After that incident I’ve been on a mission to understand and educate myself about the “gift” I have. The truth is if we fill our minds up with facts, we can dispel the fears and myths surrounding a childfree life. For example, in the book “I can barely Take Care of Myself” by Jen Kirkman (a comedian who shares her funny experiences being childfree) quoted a psychologist in saying that children give evidence of their natural inclinations up to age 10. Incidentally, my mom told me that I never role-played about being a mommy as a child. What I get from that is we all have a role to play among humankind, but not everyone was meant to procreate. By the way, if you or anyone else have read any other books on the subject please share.
@pinkroses9320I still very cruel to have kids just so you can be looked after. You're just using them and putting them through this difficult and dangerous game called life.
I wish people would just outright respect our decision to not have kids. I am getting to a point where if people ask me when am i going to have children, ill just simply answer " I cannot have children because i'm sterile". I tried the respectful route. Telling people i do not want kids because i cannot afford it or that i don't know if i would be a good parent, or i don't know if i'll be able to provide. Yet people keep pestering me about how i should have them even if i told them i made up my mind about it already. I do not go around telling people they shouldn't have children. That's their prerogative and they are welcome to it. So i hope this whole time that they reciprocate the same energy when i say i do not want children. It's getting really tiresome.
We DINKs don’t have to explain our reasons why! It’s none of their business nor concern on what we do with our lives. But I usually turn the question back on them without answering that question and see what their reasons were or are for having kids. It usually throws them for a loop and they don’t know what to do with themselves. 😂
I'm currently considering not having kids, I have been giving it serious thought for the last 2 weeks, I'm really glad I realised this is a choice and not sure where it will go or how long it will take, I may decide to or not but I think that if I do decide to have them, in the difficult times where regret creeps in I'll remember this was a decision I made instead of some mistake I made due to defaulting to some life script.
Skelly!! I find it scary to have children because children can be born with SO MANY PROBLEMS. Can I afford it? What if the stress of life is too much and my child commits suicide? What if my child born with MS? With mental disabilities of severe autism? No. That risk is high and its scary to think about.
I have the impression that it is easier to choose a life without children if you are European like me, if you are American then the pressure is much higher from family and friends that you have to get married and have children.
I want to die in my sleep and I told my partner too. I avoid any risky things where I could die in a really horrible way. My aunt died in her sleep, she was actually staying in a friend's house at the time lol. My grandfather died of a heart attack at a dinner party. I like making crafts so there are always people around me who do that, even at say 80 years of age.
I appreciate your take on his perspective. I both agree & disagree with it. I’m 41, single, no children. I’ve always said if I won the lottery, I would quit my job, pay off all my debt, buy a house, & adopt some kids. I believe that I have good parenting skills and would be able to bring some joy and happiness to a child that already exist, but I may choose to move out of America. I think America is just a crazy place to live and raise a child. I also would have the financial means to get a nanny, private school, etc. I could not imagine having a child in my life, the way my life is and where it is right now. I don’t have single parent strong, energy or money.
Very interesting I think there are some people who have a kid and really want that kid and can regret them, there are also people who have a kid and are happy but people pressure them to have more when they are happy with their family size It's like with Animals some people want 1 Dog and are happy and some want 3 or 5 or 10 but will be judged for having so many but if the Dogs are happy, healthy, have a good diet, enough space and stimulation then thats good I do think that too many people have kids or have to many for them but there are some people who love kids and want them and understand the very hard parts of child raising and still want them and the kids become good people and are loved and happy and those people should have them
Same thing with me!!! If I had kids and got married, my life would be totally miserable and I would be unhappy and depressed all the time!!! Why should I put myself through that unnecessary turmoil?? I'm glad that I chose myself and never had any children or got married, my single and childfree life is just the life that I'm happy with living!!!
So for me, I don't have the desire to raise children 24-7 because of how much time, energy and focus it takes. I don't have and am not willing to put that kind of effort in for very little reward AND the potential that all my effort could be wasted. I have a very strong desire to teach though so I am a teacher and I gain great joy from that. I have a bunch a people that are parents around me and from what I have learned through observation. parenting is 90% maintenance and 10% teaching. raising kids is just not for me.
I tell women that I don't want kids because my dad is volatile, eccentric, and mentally disturbed and it would cause me too much traumatic stress if my kid ends up like my dad. If my kid behaved better than my dad I intuitively doubt I wouldn't be psychologically well suited to being a parent. My dad's behavior caused me traumatic stress when I was a kid. Part of my brain might think something is wrong with you if you don't want kids. Unless you have a real reason similar to mine.
I used to want to get married and have kids but I realize now that I’m happiest being single and carefree, it’s not worth the hardship for me. Being single is my homeostasis and always with be and there’s nothing wrong with that. Regardless I’m still young and there’s time but I already know who I am and I don’t think that I will change my mind.
And i was expected 2 have kids im the last boy with my last name but o well this world is not nice and there is way to much bullshit to do and deal with im good not having kids !! Kids dont make u happy u make yourself happy and ive struggled most of my life and ive got to work like hell for my money and im good with that if i was rich i would have them that way if something was wrong with them i would have the money for them to live there hole life and not haft to depend on someone to take care of them this is how i truly feel and all my family and friends look at me like im crazy when i say this but its just because they all have kids and most of them cant go do anything because they got kids and bills !! Fuck that !!
L💖VED the video!!! 🥰😊✨🥰💖💕☺️🥰💕💖🥰😊✨ I just wanted 2 say that I really L💖VED when U said in UR video that this channel isn’t about convincing people 2 live a childfree life! That it’s about showing ppl that U have a choice and community! I personally actually really do want kids (I am just looking for soulmate ❤️ lol!). Though I just wanted 2 say that I find that this channel is just great in general whether U want kids or not to really think about UR why! To really examine that in detail and in a profound way! Also I find this channel really great 2 help better understand ppl who don’t want kids. I find it’s really great even if it’s not a choice U would personally make 2 try 2 see why someone would make that choice. I find that it also helps when U know those why’s for someone’s choice so U can be a better support for them! I think Ur channel just really helps breaks those sometimes truly hurtful and more often than not un true stereotypes about childfree ppl and just show that there is so much 2 a person and there life whether or not they have kids ! Thank You 🙏 💕💖🥰☺️✨😊🥰💖💕☺️💖🥰😊✨
Darwin Award winning view. (By definition so I'm not really throwing shade). The biggest draw is the unconditional love: if you provide it, you'll get it and that can incidentally (as an afterthought) create a sense of eternal life, because they should live a lot longer and therefore a part of you lives longer (but it's them so you're not really being selfish in this afterthought). But there's terror in that: what if they don't live longer?! That thought strikes terror I'd rather not feel. A child coughing heavily all night, causing me to pray all night for him to make it til dawn...that adds "unnecessary" drama to one's life. But it also removes narcissism from your personality and makes you more likeable to others, such as customers or dates. How many dudes get rejected or lose a sale because he explains why he didn't get sleep last night. I would say a child can also be a great wingman to a single father, but in practice he'll be crying or starting to chase a pigeon at the exact moment the man wants to say hello to an attractive passerby 😅 At least the kid did the job in Sleepless in Seattle 😊
The reason i didn't want kids is simple. I was NOT prepared to work and make money and then waste it on diapers and stuff which has no ROI. There is no ROI from kids. My decision had nothing to do with how cruel this world is or any of those shit. I just wanted more value for the money that I worked for.
I think it needs to be emphasized how much a child comprises free time/hobbies. I have yet to meet parents who have hobbies/time to do them. Only couples I know the male puts 90% of the child raising on the wife while he goes out and does his thing and the wife's personality is being a mother. That's awful imo. Dedicating your existence to raising another existence and when they move out the mother goes "I don't know what to do with my free time......" I couldn't give up my art to micromanage a child.
This discussion assigns a net negative value to life for social reasons. If you are interested in a discussion of the net negative value of life for existential reasons, I highly recommend David Benatar's videos on antinatalism.
I know it won’t be for me, because I’m an anxious mess with more problems than I want to pass on anyways; I don’t want to put another human being through the things I’ve lived through. I’m perfectly happy with my fur kids, so I can nurture them and my plants; there’s no good reason for me to bring another human being into the world.
Especially when it comes to men, there's this harmful mindset that their opinion really doesn't matter, you just sit on the passenger's seat and see (bear) what happens. And the same mindset teaches men to be passive and irresponsible as parents because well, it's not like the kids were their job anyway 🤷♀️ If men had kids only when they truly wanted to, I think we'd see way more attentive, committed and responsible fathers and way less those who are absent at home or break up because the life with children wasn't what they wanted in the first place.
Oh wow, Thanks for reacting to my video :) This is a first for me haha I enjoyed watching this and you did a great job expounding on some of my thoughts and points and I completely agree with everything you mentioned. You've got an awesome community here and you're a positive voice against long-held social expectations that many are struggling with. Thank you and all the best!
Thank you for your video. I enjoyed hearing your thoughts very much.
@@002Chemistry Thank you. Happy to hear that
Thanks for making the video! It's so nice to hear men speaking out about being childfree. Your perspectives were very insightful.
Wholly that is great--- I left both of you a 'hint' earlier today...Hannah is 'fab' {well she 'is' CDN, haha}
and I hope you both in fact create a interview or even 'ongoing' dare I say, haha
@@abeach5420 I also happen to be Canadian lol
One of my friends said “I don’t want the responsibility of bringing something into the world knowing he or she WILL suffer”. At some point suffering is a part of everyone’s life.
"Life sucks. Don't do it."
That's totally me
Lol. Life often doesn’t go the way we plan, that’s for sure!
But for those who are here,we don't have a choice but to experience it (unless you decide to end yourself and I don't advise you to do it nor do I recommend to cling on life no matter what)
My great aunt passed away of just old age at the age of 96 on her front porch swing. She just fell asleep and let go. No heart attack or anything. How wonderful to quietly slip away in a place that brought you comfort each day. 💕
That was really nice, thank you for sharing.
At least she didn't suffer when slipping away into the sweet embrace of death
Childfree guy from Senegal, west Africa. Life is too bad to inflict on someone
I think a lot of individuals feel this way.
Agree
Given all the fires, racism still existent, growing cost of living, ecological situation and there's bound to be water wars, why put a child into that?
There is so much to consider before having a child.
Exactly!💯
Don’t do it!😬
Yes
That’s what I can’t understand for the life of me. Why anyone would wanna pass this down to an innocent child? All of it is just a bad deal.
Having children in the modern world is more of a luxury than a necessity. I envy child free people. I haven't experienced any fulfillment.
I think many people have kids because they try to fit in. So many activities are geared to families. They don't want to be a black sheep, which is something I've felt like at times.
I think that many have kids to fill some void in themselves. They're not fulfilled in their career, not feeling like they're living up to familial expectations, etc.
I think you are on to something there!
I love being the black sheep, I like to know that I'm different and don't follow the status quo.
Have you also noticed how those who have kids try to push their beliefs off on you, OR they want you to watch their kids?
My mom regretted having kids. Growing up choose to tell me she hated me. And then as an adult she said if she had to do it over again to wouldn't do it.
From my perspective life does suck more than it is good. There are things that I am grateful for and things that I love, but when I really sit down and think about everything I've been through I wouldn't wish it on someone else.
Life can truly be so hard sometimes. 🌷
I think many people realize how likely it is for someone to go through life not even experience the few and far between positive aspects.
When I look at a kid, I smile esepcially if I'm in a park or seeing the child play with their parents, or with other kids. I can appreciate that...and not want to have one of my own
Great video. Parenting is a huge responsibility, but a lot of people give it little thought. Such as, "Can i afford a kid?". Pronatalist society only cares about quantity not quality of child rearing.
A lot of thought should be put into being a parent, I totally agree!
@JollyCakes 🎂🍉 stressful
Too many will reply things like "God will provide" or similar responses. Just have the kid and deal with it. NO way.
God does not provide due to acts of irresponsibility.
Very accurate!
One should also ask “should I?” Because many aren’t good people, many have mental and physical problems that will transfer to or affect the children they might have. Do I have the capabilities of a teacher? Am I patient? Mentally stable? Financially stable? Physically healthy? Do I have a family who would take care of my children in case something happened to me?
In essence - can I give them a good life?
If the problem is physical, one can always adopt, but if it’s mental or financial one should work on it before getting into a more compromising such as having children.
Afford a kid financially is hard enough, but people lose track of the real issue: can they emotionally and psychologically afford a kid?
People will always talk about these singular moments of why we all must have kids, and the moments are sweet and warm, like your baby smiling or walking for the first time. But these moments don’t reflect the entire experience. Having a baby is different than parenting itself. It’s a full time, no pay, career that doesn’t stop for a second.
Good point. The fantasy and the reality are not the same.
Very good points.
I am currently 47 and constantly pressured to have kids by my Hispanic family. Always told that I am going to need someone to look after me, when I am no longer able to look after myself. Had I been in my early 30’s, financially stable and with someone worthwhile, I might have considered having a kid. I all so managed to have turned my life around, without having to worry about the pressures of maintaining a kid. At this point in my life, having a kid is not cost effective and I don’t want to spend all of my time and energy raising a kid, especially in this world. All I seek is an everlasting companionship, with a great gal who doesn’t want to have kids either.
I feel you bro! My sentiments exactly.
So these adults are having children to be caretakers? I am a female and I became a co-pilot co-parent to my single mother helping her raise her children although I was a child. The problem is. My mother had children without thinking about the consequences of her actions. Additionally, also relied on me to be her main caregiver. And didn't require NOTHING from my other siblings. This left a bad taste in my mouth. Therefore, having children wasn't on the top of my to do list. And I am female. I am now 46 without children. And I would like to have optimism in believing there could be a possibility. However, the interest was not a priority for me as a female. Childhood trauma and what I see from these ungrateful children people sacrifice there best part of there lives for.
I made a deliberate choice to focus on my art rather than have kids SPECIFICALLY because I knew I couldn't do both. So glad you brought that up. There are so many ways to contribute to the world and find meaning, and our passions can take us in any number of directions.
Wonderful! It's good to know what fulfills us.
Daniel, I recognize you by your avatar. Several years ago, you and I spoke on Facebook. You told me about your art and told me about your mom.
As a performing artist I can fully agree with this.
8.0 Billion people on this planet with finite resources, how much is enough? Raising and educating a kid costs about 8.0 Billion.
I watched his video some time back and agreed with everything, especially not being able to recommend life. There are too many terrible and major things we have no control over, such as discrimination, violence, nature disasters, etc. I personally do not think I would be able to handle if my child went through what I want through growing up (and even in adulthood), especially if they go through something worst...
Same reason. I also watched the video before this.
If I die, I'm at peace because I don't have to watched my children suffered the things that I already know. I couldn't bear it. My perspective is that, I truly love them and cared for them even if they didn't exist. That's the only thing 100% I can guarantee that I can protect them from this world. It's not only about my experience, I also consider other people experience that I see/witness and their stories.
If babies didn't grow just like us, feel, hurt, stress and sick, for sure I will have a child and if I also know their future what will happen to them, for sure I will have a child.😁 I'm 30+ years-old and I'm happy I stick to my principle since I was in highschool.
Overthink is more important rather than jumping into your desire and wants.
🕊️🙏❤️
@@lunaimadog4723 This is a beautiful share!
I agree with you - if it was guaranteed that child would not experience the terrible things that currently occur, I would happily have a child or two. I have nothing against children but everything against how this world treats them and everyone else.
My motto is, "It's not the children - it's the world."
I hear you on that! It would be incredibly tough to watch your child try and navigate through difficult times in life, especially with how the world has been over the last little while.
@@nnillc8899 thank you so much for appreciating my opinion.❤️☺️
@@lunaimadog4723 Absolutely! Thank you for sharing your opinion with me 💗
This video is so interesting, I appreciate the perspectives from a child free gentleman. Not everyone wants to have kids and it's perfectly OK not to want to have them. I definitely think too many people have kids because it's what they think they should do as opposed to whether they truly want them or not. Definitely true that many parents only speak about the positives of having kids, such a shame that they don't like to talk about the challenges of being a parent! It absolutely should be acceptable to be child free with no stigma attached to that 👌🏻
I very much agree...let's be honest about the pros and cons of parenthood.
1 bad thing in life can ruin 10 great things, and I would never gamble with creating another life.
I'm so glad I discovered you and your channel. I'm 31 going on 32 and even when I was 12 I said I didn't want kids and Still don't. So many people have called me heartless for not wanting kids like it's what I need to do or something. I'm so glad I have stuck to my guns and been real to myself. Kids aren't for everyone. My last relationship 2 years ago was with a guy who had 2 kids from his previous relationship and man o man let me tell you.... that relationship sealed the deal on not having kids. It was huge learning experience and I wouldn't trade it for the world, I loved those girls like they were my own and the 4 years I got to spend with them means so much to me, but the fucking challenge that came with it was no joke. They were 1 and 4 when we got together and they were cute. But fast forward 4 years the 8 year old was not cute anymore and was so sassy and I couldn't do anything about it. Every time I tried to give any constructive criticism their dad wouldn't let me it was like they could do no wrong and I just couldn't do it anymore. Like I said they sealed the deal. I know people are gonna say " well those were his kids, not all kids are like that". But whatever it's a challenge and I honestly don't wanna go through it. I want a life as simple and free as possible and if that makes me selfish well then I guess I am and I don't mind.
I think it’s more selfish for people to try to shame you into having kids when it is not what you want.
Yesssssss! As a CF man thank you
I've been getting more requests to feature childfree men!
Single and childless is the key to happiness
More to the point, the key to happiness is being self-aware enough to figure what the specific key to happiness is for you. People who know they don't want kids have generally had to do enough self-reflection on the matter that they know that applies to them.
Single and childless is the key to happiness? For u it is 😂
I enjoyed watching both of these perspectives! I am 34 and don’t have children. I worked with elementary and preschool children for the last 13 years, and just these last few years, I’ve come to the realization that I do not want children. It really surprises me because all my life I thought I did.
Can someone please explain why a decision not to have children, and why people who voluntarily choose to live their lives child-free, are considered "selfish"? Or is this simply sour-grapes from those who have/had children and bitterly regret it?
@ thank you- what you say makes absolute sense. I'm 63 years old, never had kids, never had the urge to be a father and never have envied those who do have kids. growing up, it was never even on my radar- my wife of 30 years feels the same... Perhaps because I effectively never had a father- my own abandoned my mother and four year old sister when mom was still pregnant with me. Not the best role model of a 'dad." To me and many others it's "selfish" to have kids for all the wrong reasons, with often tragic consequences. Thank you for your response and take care....
Some of it might come from the "sour grapes" perspective, but I think some of it is also that society/culture pushes the 'having kids' narrative so hard and that can perpetuate this idea that if you don't have kids there's something wrong with you for not picking the ideal life. Unfortunately it seems like a lot of people still have a herd mentality and expect everyone to live life in a very specific way and when people make the choice to not have kids the general response is to criticize them. People often criticize and put down ideas that they don't understand rather than taking time to try and understand life from another person's perspective.
I have also found that when you are CF people don't take you as seriously. They constantly question your choice, tell you you'll eventually grow up and change your mind or make it seem like you are missing out on the purpose of life. There hasn't been a lot of positive representation in media about childfree people either and I think this definitely effects how the general public perceives CF.
@@WifeWithoutKids Thank you for your kind and very thoughtful response to my comment. As I indicated to another respondent, I am 63, and have been married to the same woman for many years- for life. She was married before, in her early 20s, became pregnant as per the script, but miscarried, developed endometriosis and could no longer conceive- but she experienced not grief as most (?) women do in such circumstances but rather she had
a revelation- she did not want to have children anyway! This of course meant the end of that marriage. As for me, throughout my life I never had the urge or desire to do the "daddy" thing- it was just nothing I ever felt. Perhaps it's a reaction to my own life story- never knew my own father who abandoned my mom and older sister when I was still in utero, and grew up in a dysfunctional, strife-ridden family, my mom, maternal aunt, and older sister, all of whom battled constantly- not the best picture of family life or of the "joys of fatherhood" for a child. I know my sister, who was five when our father walked out and remembered him, would be very damaged for life seeing her father walk away forever. Unfortunately she took her rage and pain out on me in the form of verbal, emotional, and physical abuse(we haven't seen or spoken in many years and it's unlikely we ever will). For some reason, I remember that
in Brooklyn growing up in the 60s and 70s, broken or dysfunctional families seemed to be the norm, not the exception, as far as I could tell. Two things to conclude this: Even at my age I still get "the business" from people who have kids, when I mention my wife and I not having had children, which is embarrassing-like we're not really a couple, and; isn't it actually far more "selfish" to have children for all the wrong reasons- social/familial pressure, status, etc- children one doesn't truly want and who will therefore suffer the consequences of being unwanted and not truly loved? Thank you again and best wishes...
@@WifeWithoutKids The media representation is interesting. In typical movies, the childfree bachelor is promiscuous, unreliable and many times amoral or selfish to the extreme. I guess monogamous couples of happy, chidfree, honest people break their stereotypes a bit.
@@isabelguzmanmiranda5025 That, among other reasons, is why I've lost A LOT of respect for Hollywood and likely won't get back! It's done it's fair share to brainwash and damage society and families, in general.
I love it you ask us men finally without children life pov
Glad you enjoyed it! I recently interviewed childfree Jared as well: ruclips.net/video/eOKTTe71T_A/видео.html
If only the choice to have children wasn't taken away from us.
I had a college at work, she’s been always on edge mentally. But always was asking me when I’m gonna have a baby. Finally I asked her why is she so pressing me on this topic, she said: why should you have it better than parents 😅 just told me all
Honestly, the reason why I don’t want to have kids is because I’ve always felt like a babysitter to my younger cousins and nephews/nieces. As time went on I got irritated by them with a simple action they made. People in my family always say “you’ll change your mind one day” or “you just haven’t met the right girl” like…please just STFU just cause you fed the torta to your wife that doesn’t mean I want to do the same. Specially after realizing that pregnancy can be very dangerous towards women. My aunt nearly died giving birth to those kids and I don’t want to put women through that struggle.
Thank you so much for building this community!!!
You are welcome. I'm happy to have you as part of it. 😀
I agree with this guys so much that I want to get married to him
😆
🤣🤣🤣
And then have kids ? 😂
@@victorvale5534 you’re so funny…. 🙄Can you imagine that women may not want kids …
@@victorvale5534 I think this is not a channel for you. With your assumptions that marriage = kids, I guess you don’t belong here…
That’s my whole thing, it’s cruel. Why would anyone want to bring a child into this system?
working a job that you love to do is not really an option most people will get. It's na extremely lucky position to have a job that you love and have a passion for. Most of the time people work so they can afford living.
It is called Antinatalism if you are not familiar, recommended reading material: Better to have never been: the harm of coming into existence by David Benatar.
Thank your Hanna for your videos. Thanks for your full channel.
You are so welcome!
I'm a 38yo guy who's staying childless too mainly because it's a ton of work you don't get paid for. I believe in the law of supply and demand so I want a lot of money for each kid I would have since that's what the government needs. Think about it, would you go work your job 40 hours one week without pay just because you enjoy it? I didn't think so!
The very first reason is me spot on 💯
I could hardly bare the harshness of life myself, much less do I want the duty of inevitably having to teach another being about it!
Most of us just decided to actually learn everything we could about what parenthood truly is and resolved to not to chose having children. I'm one of those people; as I grew into a man, the more I learned about fatherhood the less I wanted it. I'm thirty-one years old and I am absolutely convicted in my decision to never be a father.
Same. I'll admit, there was a brief period where there was some FOMO as all the friends around me started pumping them out senior year and the summer immediately following graduation. Of course, as the dust settled and I started noticing that girls who never gave me a second glance, now that they were staring down the barrel of single motherhood in their faces, suddenly the fact that i wasn't a womanizing tweaker with a criminal record and the ability to hold down a job suddenly made me appealing. It was at that moment I realized how mythical real love is in a modern relationship from a modern woman. Being a man to a woman with a child is all about resource provision. Your value as a human being to her is directly proportional to how much she can extract from you for her and her offspring. From there, it was as simple as identifying my libido as an unnecessary weakness of the flesh and mind that would only betray and set me up to be resource sucked. 11 years in and I've never looked back or met a woman who's made me rethink it.
As someone in my late 30's who doesn't have kids and probably won't, I think the biggest difference for guys is that there's always the assumption that we can father children much later in life, so the busybodies who care about such thing don't have nearly as much of a pressure rachet to apply to us.
Oh wow I love his POV! I’ve been trying to feel confident in my CF life. 34f fence sitter here and feeling like times a ticking for me to pick a side. Im different than so many CF peeps because I always wanted kids. I think it would be really cool to guide a little me/husband through this life but there’s just so many reasons not to that I can’t just ignore. If the only reasons for me to have them is bc they’re cute, funny, and could possibly keep me company in old age thn I probably just need to look into getting more dogs
Pets can be great companions, although obviously they aren't kids. It can be really tough to make a decision either way. There's a lot to consider.
With the risks so high for women and so low for men, I couldn’t recommend motherhood at all, specifically.
Even when you have a great SO/ex, it’s incredibly difficult. And you have to be very brave/determined/confident about what you believe and what you’re willing to do to protect your kid, or be what you believe to be is a good parent.
Extremely stressful life for motherhood.
The one exception is if you’re independently wealthy. Life is hard enough without trying to parent and also secure an income that barely covers your lifestyle. The stress of involuntary working motherhood cannot be understated.
You could always try fostering and if having kids is a no,then you know. And if it is a yes, you could adopt. Or yes, get more dogs and/or cats.
Fence sitter too 🙋🏻♀️ although recently I’ve swung my legs over to the CF side and they’re having a nice dangle 😂
Almost certain mine is just FOMO as never liked kids much in the first place! Always preferred dogs 😊
More sad that I never found the right man I think.
I can't recommend life either...in fact, I could take it or leave it.
Superb Hannah . . . I think you and this gentleman Adrian should have a interview like
you have done prior with others.
That is a good idea. 😀
@@WifeWithoutKids Wellllll I 'did' leave him a 'hint' on his page earlier ss well also so maybe he will connect?!
New to channel. I enjoy hearing others journeys about being child free. Thank you for advocating for mens child free choice. My partner/girlfriend and I catch the same amount of grief for different reasons. There are countless supports online for her. Not much for men.
I’ve served my country in battle, I’m an active member in my community, and I contribute to society in the mental health field.
We are completely and utterly fulfilled. I don’t want kids because it doesn’t call to me. No other reasons.
When someone says I’m selfish or I don’t know how to live for others. I simply answer at 18 I was sent to die for others and almost did. Now I live for myself and serve others within that context.
Cheers to everyone and thank you for being a place of support.
I’m glad you feel supported in this community because you are.
I'm happy Madam Hannah you show that video here in your channel and comments about it. Thank you.❤️
🕊️🙏❤️
You're welcome.
I really enjoy watching this. I sometimes feel alone being a Childfree man. Being from New Zealand, it's real hard to find a Childfree community espically in dating and making friends in general. Lucky my mate I grew up with now have kids, we still hang out and are accepting.
This man makes so much sense,very intelligent👍
He is!
I think if more pl did a deeper dive as to why children are born like this guy did, their might be a lot less children out there. How many kids are made to "trap" someone, for a pay check, because you want someone to take care of you, etc? Lots of people out there that should never have had kids.
i like doing what i want to do whenever i want!! its liberating !!!
11:38 ! You know I’m 23 and after SOO much dating looking for “ my person”, I have found someone I think I might want to do life with, but they definitely want kids. I didn’t tell them it was an absolute no , but it definitely wasn’t a yes . I’ve been looking at videos like this , reading articles, asking these personal questions to people I know about kids , parenting etc. And I’ve come to the conclusion that once I’m in this thought process I know I’ve already lost . Meaning I know my answer and I’m just looking for a way to be okay with myself and this decision and the possible ramifications that come with something like this.. thank you from the bottom of my heart .
Congrats for bejng so mature at such a young age!!!
I agree that I would feel intense guilt and accompanying shame knowing that I wittingly and unwittingly contributed to the suffering of my own children. Any positive desires I have to nurture or mother can easily be channeled to caring for animals or for the elderly and sick in my community for 12-14 hour shifts.
Anti-natalists definitely agree with the first statement he made. I agree as well. I don't understand why anyone would want a kid right now. Not having kids is the best thing you can do for your kids.
I didn't have any because I didn't want to. I am so relieved about that. Also pleased I have not inflicted the tedious drudgery of working your whole life on another human.
And right under this video for me is a "reversal clinic" with a couple and their child 😂. Bro
You’re awesome. Keep doing what you’re doing 👍
It’s interesting to see more honest conversation about parenthood.
I love my kid. LOVE him.
But parenting is TOUGH even when you have lots of help. It’s only harder the more hours you have to work, the farther away decent schools or childcare is, the closer pedos live to you, the less you get along with your SO/ex. AND THEN on top of all of that, you have the basic maintenance of your own humanity, and the hope of social &/or romantic relationships. And fielding the unsolicited commentary from know-it-alls on whether they’re for or against something you’ve done or they assume you didn’t do with your child.
Sheesh.
And that doesn’t even bring in the bigger complexities of being an odd man out if you actually take the time to craft a life around your child instead of the other way around, which- no offense- but it’s draining being constantly confused for the nanny or babysitter just because I play with my kid at the park.
All of that being said, if I had an Eternal Sunshine mind wipe, I’d choose having my kid over and over again. But if I really understood how incredibly difficult it is, how much the odds are stacked against you being able to parent remotely how you hope…
Society is not designed for family life. I could never recommend parenthood except to the unequivocally wealthy or strong-connected socially. Preferably both.
Good luck guys!
And no matter how much of a screwup you might be, your kids didn’t ask to be here, so try a little harder for them than you tried for yourself.❤️
Thank you for your honestly about this. You are right, there needs to be a lot more open and candid conversations about parenthood.
Yeps, money helps. It helps a lot. I'm thankful my babe came after the mortgage was paid and we had a very stable source of income. It's exhausting, and just being able to hire someone trustworthy for a few hours so you can sleep without interruptions or you can catch up with your work helps a lot. If you don't have a tribe or lots of money, you're going to suffer. No wonder rich people have five or six kids. If I had the money to give my all to all kids, I'd have two and adopt at least two more. But I want to do things right. That means a crying baby must be held until he smiles in the purest, unadulterated happiness I've ever seen. It means being there to help, to pay attention, to teach. And you can't do things right in a nuclear family.
Some states offer money to help. Hire nannies and send them by shifts for five hours a week to every house with a newborn-to-toddler. And a full night once a month so the parents can sleep together without interruptions. I bet that would make more people think about having the second child than any monetary stimulus. Parents mostly need a bit of me-time and rest.
As for those single mothers who work and raise their kids alone? I don't know how they do it, but I really recommend NOT to do that. It's hard enough with enough money and a supportive spouse.
Sure, but I think part of the disconnect is that a lot of people do things they don't find enjoyable per se (or at least not entirely enjoyable), but which they do find satisfying in some other way. In my position as an outside observer, I think that's where a lot of parents are.
Maaaaan, last night I made the mistake of saying I felt lucky I didn't have children during this plandemick 😂😂😂. My dad made it his DUTY to let me know that it's a man's sole purpose in life to procreate. Further, he said that my situation wasn't LUCK but BEING IN A BAD PLACE. I know he means well but SHEET! I saw his true colors in a way last night.
Sometimes parents feel very strongly about everyone having kids. I'm sure most parents mean well when they say things like that, but it's still hard to hear.
@@WifeWithoutKids those kinds of parents usually want revenge on their kids. It’s sick how some unhappy parents like to lure the idiotic and unsuspecting into the same boat.
Yes, this world is very cruel and I don’t know if I want to bring someone into it knowingly
I would go way more back in time when comparing the past to our present, I mean I would go pre-agriculture, where I believe our brains are 'stuck' evolutionarily, and keep expecting the kind of stimuli a close-knit band of hunter gatherers would have delivered. Now if you compare living in a tribal arrangement to our current model of living as an atomic family, ... Just compare the childcare situation, when before it was shared and the children were the tribe's children, whereas now there's hardly anyone to share the burden of childcare with.
That is a good point. Kids are lucky if they have 2 involved parents nowadays. The era of community upbringing seems pretty lost.
Everyone talks about how cute babies are. Nobody talks about local childcare, quality babysitters, expensive private school/expensive neighborhoods for decent public school…
The heavy lifting is done by the person who cares the most, so they’re first to be burnt out, namely mothers.
Society isn’t designed for families at all.
@@WifeWithoutKids I see that kids being lucky to have 2 caregivers is good for them (2+ would be better but..). However the bigger issue I see is the mental health (unmet needs) of the caregivers.. Who are also wired to function tribally, not really atomic familially. My hypothesis that for this to function at least at the low degree it's functioning in our society, people have to be culturally programmed into it, not knowing it's against their nature..
Not to mention that contraception choices were zero. In case they knew what made women pregnant, because maybe up to a certain point, they didn't.
I've always enjoyed and gotten assurance from women's childfree testimonies. But as a man, this gets to me very differently. I enjoyed it very much. Could anybody please provide his channel's name? Thanks!
Hey Roberto, My channel is just my name, Adrian Logan. Happy you enjoyed it :)
Adrian Logan. 😁
@@lunaimadog4723 hey!
His video is linked in the description box:) ruclips.net/video/HxlW5Xwe1iM/видео.html
I asked one of my friend who wants kids this when she questioned me:
if an alien came down to earth and said to you “hello, I’m an alien and I live up on that spaceship on a pod. I can transform into any life form I encounter but it’s irreversible. Would you recommend I become a human and live here? Or should I go back up to my pod and stay there. The pod is nothing really it’s like I’m sleeping with no dream. Do you think I should become human?”
And she said no I’d probably tell it to find somewhere else or stay in the pod. Which is his questions exactly, “would you recommend life to another living being.” I’m so glad he worded it that way for me. I said to her “I wouldn’t be fulfilled by a child, and you’ve just said you wouldn’t advise a human life to another lifeform, so nobody benefits from me having a child.” And she kinda understood it. It also made her face that she was weighing her fulfillment vs another persons possible hardship. For her there was net good in her mind because she knew how much joy it would bring her but it took away the mentality she had that I was somehow depriving someone of life. That person doesn’t exit, they can’t be deprived. And now she understands it more.
Very interesting perspective from a male. Parenting is not for everyone and people need to respect that. I would much rather know that someone was having kids because they wanted to versus -oops, I got preggers!! And now I am single mom with no help! And you see them on Maury with the DNA test!! I am exaggerating a bit but you get my drift. Ahahha
Oh my goodness, I'd almost forgotten about The Maury Show! It seemed like most of those people had OOPS kids.
I always wanted a family, always wanted kids.
Tried to do everything the “right” way. Things have broken uneven and even with all the compromising and making the best of it, and honestly having a great situation in comparison to the average bear… I could never recommend it to any but the financially and socially rock solid. Parenthood is no longer some fun adventure of DIY frontiering. Without a 20 year business plan, or independent wealth, there’s a very low chance of enjoyment worth the stress and worry.
@Kamal Elwa Having a child because you WANT one (and at least won't mind the challenging realities of trying to be a good parent) is one thing but, on the other hand, you can still have the same situation without ever being on a trashy morning talk show (and have thousands to millions of complete strangers knowing your business and sanctimoniously judging you for it when it's possible those same people who judge you are in the same boat themselves)!
I love this guy’s perspective. It’s basically everything I’ve been thinking but couldn’t articulate myself. Thank you for making this online community for like-minded folks. I’ve been married for 13 years (married young at 21 years old) and my husband and I have been “on the fence” for 13 years 🤦🏻♀️😂. Your channel and others like it have helped us solidify our final decision to remain child free. Becoming parents is just not our life path and we’re finally starting to embrace that and realize it is okay.
There is no law in any book or any statement anywhere that says you have to have kids and be married. It’s ultimately society and the peer pressures, people feeling left out etc.. it does not define anyone.
Thank you Hannah and Adrian for such a well-rounded perspective. I agree that sometimes we feel pressure to have children due to social pressures. Something that helped me recently was to start reading books on the subject, and to spend time with family and friends who support my choices. Not everyone was meant to be a procreator. Recently, I had a neighbor come right out with “No one will care for you like your own, so you really should have at least one child.” Honestly, I felt stressed out the entire day, but I shouldn’t have felt that way. Instead I panicked and literally felt pressured to explain and make a decision. It felt like the pressured to make a very expensive and very high maintenance purchase, like a car that you can’t really afford. Sometimes the environmental pressure makes us do things that we later regret. I should have calmly explained the facts to her. After that incident I’ve been on a mission to understand and educate myself about the “gift” I have. The truth is if we fill our minds up with facts, we can dispel the fears and myths surrounding a childfree life. For example, in the book “I can barely Take Care of Myself” by Jen Kirkman (a comedian who shares her funny experiences being childfree) quoted a psychologist in saying that children give evidence of their natural inclinations up to age 10. Incidentally, my mom told me that I never role-played about being a mommy as a child. What I get from that is we all have a role to play among humankind, but not everyone was meant to procreate.
By the way, if you or anyone else have read any other books on the subject please share.
@pinkroses9320I still very cruel to have kids just so you can be looked after. You're just using them and putting them through this difficult and dangerous game called life.
I wish people would just outright respect our decision to not have kids. I am getting to a point where if people ask me when am i going to have children, ill just simply answer " I cannot have children because i'm sterile".
I tried the respectful route. Telling people i do not want kids because i cannot afford it or that i don't know if i would be a good parent, or i don't know if i'll be able to provide. Yet people keep pestering me about how i should have them even if i told them i made up my mind about it already. I do not go around telling people they shouldn't have children. That's their prerogative and they are welcome to it. So i hope this whole time that they reciprocate the same energy when i say i do not want children. It's getting really tiresome.
We DINKs don’t have to explain our reasons why! It’s none of their business nor concern on what we do with our lives.
But I usually turn the question back on them without answering that question and see what their reasons were or are for having kids. It usually throws them for a loop and they don’t know what to do with themselves. 😂
I'm currently considering not having kids, I have been giving it serious thought for the last 2 weeks, I'm really glad I realised this is a choice and not sure where it will go or how long it will take, I may decide to or not but I think that if I do decide to have them, in the difficult times where regret creeps in I'll remember this was a decision I made instead of some mistake I made due to defaulting to some life script.
Skelly!!
I find it scary to have children because children can be born with SO MANY PROBLEMS. Can I afford it? What if the stress of life is too much and my child commits suicide? What if my child born with MS? With mental disabilities of severe autism? No. That risk is high and its scary to think about.
There is a book called better to have never been, it talks about how bringing Sentiment life into the world always brings harm.
I am childless and cannot recommend life to another human being.
I have the impression that it is easier to choose a life without children if you are European like me, if you are American then the pressure is much higher from family and friends that you have to get married and have children.
Hi Hannah...love from India 🙏
Thank you! Love from Canada! 😃
I want to die in my sleep and I told my partner too. I avoid any risky things where I could die in a really horrible way. My aunt died in her sleep, she was actually staying in a friend's house at the time lol. My grandfather died of a heart attack at a dinner party. I like making crafts so there are always people around me who do that, even at say 80 years of age.
It just really seems like the most peaceful way to go!
I appreciate your take on his perspective. I both agree & disagree with it. I’m 41, single, no children. I’ve always said if I won the lottery, I would quit my job, pay off all my debt, buy a house, & adopt some kids. I believe that I have good parenting skills and would be able to bring some joy and happiness to a child that already exist, but I may choose to move out of America. I think America is just a crazy place to live and raise a child. I also would have the financial means to get a nanny, private school, etc. I could not imagine having a child in my life, the way my life is and where it is right now. I don’t have single parent strong, energy or money.
Very interesting
I think there are some people who have a kid and really want that kid and can regret them, there are also people who have a kid and are happy but people pressure them to have more when they are happy with their family size
It's like with Animals some people want 1 Dog and are happy and some want 3 or 5 or 10 but will be judged for having so many but if the Dogs are happy, healthy, have a good diet, enough space and stimulation then thats good
I do think that too many people have kids or have to many for them but there are some people who love kids and want them and understand the very hard parts of child raising and still want them and the kids become good people and are loved and happy and those people should have them
Well said!
So happy i found thisss!!!:D thanksss
So welcome! Glad to have you here.
I wouldn’t enjoy my life as much as I do if I had kids
Same thing with me!!! If I had kids and got married, my life would be totally miserable and I would be unhappy and depressed all the time!!! Why should I put myself through that unnecessary turmoil?? I'm glad that I chose myself and never had any children or got married, my single and childfree life is just the life that I'm happy with living!!!
So for me, I don't have the desire to raise children 24-7 because of how much time, energy and focus it takes. I don't have and am not willing to put that kind of effort in for very little reward AND the potential that all my effort could be wasted. I have a very strong desire to teach though so I am a teacher and I gain great joy from that. I have a bunch a people that are parents around me and from what I have learned through observation. parenting is 90% maintenance and 10% teaching. raising kids is just not for me.
Teachers have such an important role in students' lives. Thanks for doing what you do!
I have the same mindset when it comes to having children!!! No thanks I'm good!!!
I tell women that I don't want kids because my dad is volatile, eccentric, and mentally disturbed and it would cause me too much traumatic stress if my kid ends up like my dad. If my kid behaved better than my dad I intuitively doubt I wouldn't be psychologically well suited to being a parent. My dad's behavior caused me traumatic stress when I was a kid. Part of my brain might think something is wrong with you if you don't want kids. Unless you have a real reason similar to mine.
I knew a lady who said if she could go back in time, she would not have had the two she had, she felt that it was an expectation by her family.
I imagine she is probably not the only parent that feels this way. Another reason no one should be pressured into having children.
I used to want to get married and have kids but I realize now that I’m happiest being single and carefree, it’s not worth the hardship for me. Being single is my homeostasis and always with be and there’s nothing wrong with that. Regardless I’m still young and there’s time but I already know who I am and I don’t think that I will change my mind.
Wow so powerful 👏👏👏
And i was expected 2 have kids im the last boy with my last name but o well this world is not nice and there is way to much bullshit to do and deal with im good not having kids !! Kids dont make u happy u make yourself happy and ive struggled most of my life and ive got to work like hell for my money and im good with that if i was rich i would have them that way if something was wrong with them i would have the money for them to live there hole life and not haft to depend on someone to take care of them this is how i truly feel and all my family and friends look at me like im crazy when i say this but its just because they all have kids and most of them cant go do anything because they got kids and bills !! Fuck that !!
L💖VED the video!!! 🥰😊✨🥰💖💕☺️🥰💕💖🥰😊✨ I just wanted 2 say that I really L💖VED when U said in UR video that this channel isn’t about convincing people 2 live a childfree life! That it’s about showing ppl that U have a choice and community! I personally actually really do want kids (I am just looking for soulmate ❤️ lol!). Though I just wanted 2 say that I find that this channel is just great in general whether U want kids or not to really think about UR why! To really examine that in detail and in a profound way! Also I find this channel really great 2 help better understand ppl who don’t want kids. I find it’s really great even if it’s not a choice U would personally make 2 try 2 see why someone would make that choice. I find that it also helps when U know those why’s for someone’s choice so U can be a better support for them! I think Ur channel just really helps breaks those sometimes truly hurtful and more often than not un true stereotypes about childfree ppl and just show that there is so much 2 a person and there life whether or not they have kids ! Thank You 🙏 💕💖🥰☺️✨😊🥰💖💕☺️💖🥰😊✨
It's great to understand both sides so that the best choice can be made. 😀
How lovely to see you, Hannah ❤️
Thank you! 🤗 Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Thank you Hannah!
You're welcome. 😃
Wow-❤️❤️❤️,so cool and smart and logic opinion,in this video-wooow!Loved it!
It’s nice when you are in a couple together. But if you are alone you need tough.
Darwin Award winning view. (By definition so I'm not really throwing shade). The biggest draw is the unconditional love: if you provide it, you'll get it and that can incidentally (as an afterthought) create a sense of eternal life, because they should live a lot longer and therefore a part of you lives longer (but it's them so you're not really being selfish in this afterthought). But there's terror in that: what if they don't live longer?! That thought strikes terror I'd rather not feel. A child coughing heavily all night, causing me to pray all night for him to make it til dawn...that adds "unnecessary" drama to one's life. But it also removes narcissism from your personality and makes you more likeable to others, such as customers or dates. How many dudes get rejected or lose a sale because he explains why he didn't get sleep last night. I would say a child can also be a great wingman to a single father, but in practice he'll be crying or starting to chase a pigeon at the exact moment the man wants to say hello to an attractive passerby 😅 At least the kid did the job in Sleepless in Seattle 😊
The reason i didn't want kids is simple. I was NOT prepared to work and make money and then waste it on diapers and stuff which has no ROI. There is no ROI from kids. My decision had nothing to do with how cruel this world is or any of those shit. I just wanted more value for the money that I worked for.
That makes up about 25% of my reasoning too
I think it needs to be emphasized how much a child comprises free time/hobbies. I have yet to meet parents who have hobbies/time to do them. Only couples I know the male puts 90% of the child raising on the wife while he goes out and does his thing and the wife's personality is being a mother. That's awful imo. Dedicating your existence to raising another existence and when they move out the mother goes "I don't know what to do with my free time......"
I couldn't give up my art to micromanage a child.
This discussion assigns a net negative value to life for social reasons.
If you are interested in a discussion of the net negative value of life for existential reasons, I highly recommend David Benatar's videos on antinatalism.
I give life a one star review
More man should talk about this 👍❤
I'm happy that a few are talking about their childfree choice.
FACTS!
🙌
When you have no kids your money overflows
I know it won’t be for me, because I’m an anxious mess with more problems than I want to pass on anyways; I don’t want to put another human being through the things I’ve lived through. I’m perfectly happy with my fur kids, so I can nurture them and my plants; there’s no good reason for me to bring another human being into the world.
Very inspiring talks
Happy you enjoyed it.
Especially when it comes to men, there's this harmful mindset that their opinion really doesn't matter, you just sit on the passenger's seat and see (bear) what happens. And the same mindset teaches men to be passive and irresponsible as parents because well, it's not like the kids were their job anyway 🤷♀️
If men had kids only when they truly wanted to, I think we'd see way more attentive, committed and responsible fathers and way less those who are absent at home or break up because the life with children wasn't what they wanted in the first place.
Why don't people say they love being single and they love God, too? God loves single people too as well as couples with children too.
Wait I am a grandparent and I am a wonderful artist for children because God helped me.
Most religion encourages you to have kids and abortion is unacceptable.
45 year old men with no kids = 🔥
Where can i find men like him? 😭😭😭😭