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The guy who was complaining that she hadn’t cooked in days got under my skin. Like seriously? She gave birth to YOUR kid! Make your owning freaking food or order something. The baby needs her more than you do. She needs to drop that guy immediately.
Fr bro acting like she doesn’t feed the kid most of the time and even if she’s not breast feeding, it’s still easier to sit down and feed the baby when she’s just given birth two days ago
My hb ate take out most of the time in the first 2 years to give me a little break between caring and then cooking for the baby, I never asked and felt guilty but he always told me it was ok and he preferred me to not stress about it. I would sometimes surprise him with his favorite dishes(like homade from scratch pizza etc) as a thank you when I had a little more energy and had slept better.
@@eraldadevole now that is one of the best husbands you could ever marry someone who would make you wanna cook and not just because they were too lazy to
I‘m a pediatric nurse and once a dad tried to make me prepare his bed for him, like putting on the sheets and pillow case. He told me he didn’t know how to do it. So I shamed him a bit by staring at him in disbelief and then I proceeded to teach him. I showed and explained how to do it and then I undid it and made him do it himself. He was a bit displeased. I‘ve always had a lot of patience and never was afraid of weaponising it.
My best friend had a baby last year, every time I come over I bring home cook meals and roses. When, Im there I watch the baby so she can shower in peace. Her husband, complained to her that she should be ashamed for letting me do all that for her. They are divorced now, for what he said and other reasons.
@@reginageorgetownuni see that's a good thing. It's exhausting especially if you have any questions colicky baby like my son was. The first few months is so very sleep deprived his father couldn't really help only because he was our only source of income so it was hard then my dad came to help me and my oldest son helped sometimes too when he could hear I was just having a really really hard time but it's not easy trying to sooth a baby who is screaming for almost three hours straight and there really isn't anything wrong cause you have tried everything. So believe me friends like the two of you are appreciated more then you or realize so thank you 🙏 for being good friends 🥰🥰
“ I gave birth two days ago” “And you should make a roast” “You should really try having your genitals stretch to enormous size and heal from that!” This is why it should be mandatory for guys that treat you like crap to have to use a pregnancy simulator at least once.
I feel so bad for her. In my culture women who give birth are helped in cooking and cleaning for at least 40 days as part of their postpartum care. They even make you a special broth to drink everyday that helps with increasing your breastmilk.
Except those simulators can’t possibly show you how painful it is because they don’t get their genitals stretched…. We should put in a penis hole stretcher also
My grandparents had an arranged marriage. Full on traditional, wife-stays-in-the-kitchen. It was loveless and still is. They're more like roommates who only really teamed up when it came to their kids. And guess what, my grandfather STILL does his share of the chores and completely took over after Grandma gave birth to her two daughters. He didn't love his wife romantically at all, but he was just NOT a piece of shit, and knew he was responsible for his family. The lack of basic empathy on this man's part is astounding.
Don’t think that makes him a good person either. Like bruh why even bother to stay married if you don’t even love the person. I swear traditional marriages are overrated and not even worth throwing your whole life in the trash for.
@@WheatToast True. He's far from a saint and I hate how society forces people into marriage so they see it as an obligation more than anything else. Unfortunately, it's not that simple here. I'm Indian and marriage is still seen as something that has to happen, no ifs, ands or buts. It's more progressive now for sure, but back in his time no one had a choice. It sucks, and I hope our society can keep improving. My point was that this man (in the video) was unable to even have basic empathy and sensitivity to his wife. You don't even need to love someone to feel empathy for them.
I appreciate your comment. Seems he was raised to be a logical sensible human person (within the constructs of his time & faith system.) My best friend's parents are from India & their marriage was arranged as well. They're very old & seemed to have developed a very deep love & affection for each other over the decades, although they barely knew each other when the wed.
I'm in an arranged marriage too. I think you did a good job describing it. It's been so many years I really can't see myself with anyone else anyways. You can't really put all the blame on the men, they are victims in it too. He was forced into it just as much as I was. We made the best of it. Have 2 wonderful kids and a beautiful little grandson
@c.a.s1900 I've often been so fascinated by it. My friend's parents seem to have a very DEEP love..a quiet STRONG 'long lasting' enduring style loyalty/love.. It makes me wonder sometimes if the whole 'in-love with the person you marry' can at times be worse in the end than individuals who learn to love & appreciate each other because they MEET as humans...humans with feelings & the love grows from respect. Idk.. enduring love is a very different kind of love & to be much admired, I feel. I'm very happy for you & your spouse. Hug that person for me. I wish you both many more years of beautiful contentment. 🙏🏽 ❤️
My dad yells at us if the house is dirty... he's the main contributor to the mess. He should lead by example since he claims to be the head of household, but he won't because why else would he have married and have children?
As someone who gave birth a month ago, people should bring you things, not expect things from you. If his parents want a roast, they make it and bring it over. Postpartum depression and sleep deprivation are real issues.
Not to mention the pain from walking after delivery. I couldn't even walk more than a few inches at a time because of how sore everything was. I hope she leaves that man.
As someone who gave birth a month ago, people should bring you things, not expect things from you. If his parents want a roast, they make it and bring it over. Postpartum depression and sleep deprivation and real issues.
@@jacliveshere She'll eventually leave him and he'll be whining to everyone he knows that he has no idea why she left... he's SUCH a good guy and it's HER fault the family is broken up. I dealt with a man like that for longer than I should have. Had 2 kids with him. Left him when the 2nd was 3. Best gd decision I ever made. He still whines that I made him not want to get married ever again. 🙄
@@michellerhodes5477 THIS. First of all, I am so sorry that you've gone through this. It is so difficult when men do not work on themselves or look at their own behavior. Because they think we are the ones causing all the problems!! Yes, I realize there are manipulative men who are just pretending that we're the villains. But a lot of men really believe the problem is us. I'm so glad you got a way from him. How hard for you to deal with being a mother yourself in an environment like that. Hugs 💜
i dont have a significant other, but there is SO much weaponized incompetence coming from my dad in my parents marriage. when my mom had just undergone surgery to remove tumour, she couldnt walk and had to stay in bed to rest. guess who took care of the family during her recovery time? me!! i was 11. 11 years old. i had to cook, i even burnt my finger (my dad didnt even do anything about that, he was like “idk ask your mother”), clean and take care of my mom, dog and brother. i would pack my brothers food for the day, help him get dressed, feed him and my dog breakfast and then take him to the bus stop. i basically didnt eat anything, since i had no time for breakfast or to pack food for school. again, i was **11**. thanks dad for all the help! really appreciate it. you worked SOOO hard to take care of my brother, dog and i :))
That’s kind of what happened when my mother freaked out and left for a couple weeks when I was 16. I ended up taking care of everyone and everything while working full time and attending high school. Two brothers, dad and one of the brother’s girlfriends. All of which were older than me! 🤬
yep. My mom got covid and I was 13. She had severe covid like it left her lungs expanded internally and I had to of everything. Take care of my very adult father and my two siblings. We are triplets so no concept of older and younger. That man was super shitty and was on his phone the entire day. And he gave shit to everyone except my bro. He threatened to jump off the balcony at anth tht displeased him and blamed mom for everything. The rarest of times tht he did cook the food had ants in it and it was soo spicy, tht no one except him cld hv it. I had to remake it anw and the food tht no one cld eat had to be thrown away secretly. He gt rlly pissed cs of tht food wastage. Yea there was this one time I was so done tht I threatened to jump off, and my mom told me to go ahead. I stopped cs I realized I was acting like tht grown adult in the house. My siblings weren't any better. My bro quickly realized tht father wld support him no matter what and so he lied and manipulated situations to get me or my sis punished. My sis, well at the slightest thing I did nt adjust for she screamed, and cried till either I adjusted or father used her crying as an excuse? to beat her up. Then she wld blame me for it and I was naive sooo, so wld I. All the drama frm my sis and my father usually happened during bedtime and I overthink a lot so it was usually very disturbed nights with the tiredness everyday and all. Tbh I can understand everyone my mom, bro( he saw bad examples), my sis. They were all traumatized by ofc my dear father.💀💀🙄
No i cant believe he downplays giving birth like its nothing she pushed a tiny human out of her body how much of a baby is that husband that he cant make his own food and for his family until his partner is rested up again they could have orderd food
????? He should step up? He just became a father , why he acting like the baby? Honestly the standard needs to be raised for all men , pampering his wife, researching how to alleviate her wife shores, that should be the minimun
And what’s crazy the pain that comes with giving birth is the same as breaking most of the bones in your body go look it up as woman I didn’t even know that till I learned that’s painful and I had a c-section so I couldn’t carry nothing but my baby for the first month or so I can’t believe that man he is a disgusting person for that
@@jaykrowomg yes in my psychology class we were talking about typical gender roles and my psychology teacher started talking about how his wife usually does everything in the house for him and his kids. And he mentioned that one day he did the laundry for his wife when she couldn’t. And I kid you not the entire class of honors-level kids applauded him like did something amazing. And a female teacher who was visiting our class (and has kids of her own as a single mom) clapped for him too. And I sat there motionless just thinking about how in my family, it’s my DAD who’s doing the laundry and cooking dinner and taking care of my brother and me every freaking day while my mom is at work. My parents share chores like cleaning and doing laundry. When I mentioned this in class, and how it contradicts typical gender roles, my psychology teacher said something like “I don’t think anyone would have any problem with me or your dad doing those things.” And I was just stunned. Like of course theres no problem with helping! But it’s ridiculous to help just once and be praised for doing it this one time! You should always help each other out when you’re in a relationship/marriage! I was low key ticked off with this guy. Like how can you compare yourself to my dad when you bragged about doing the laundry for your family ONCE when your wife wasn’t able to?! (Sorry, this was a rant. It just got on my nerves.)
A friend of mine was rushed to the hospital, and had a bad concussion. Passing out, throwing up, the entire nine yards. They said it's going to take 8 weeks to heal. You can't drive, you can't go up and down steps, elevators, escalators, lift anything over 2 pounds, do not even turn your head quickly or bend down. I went over to her house to help out and do some cleaning for her. I heard her husband over the phone I wish I didn't. He was mad at her, because she didn't take the car to get inspected. So they got a ticket. SHE CAN'T DRIVE. She could pass out behind the wheel and kill herself and everyone around her!!! Then ask her what was for dinner. This was only 3 days in. Truly didn't mind helping her clean. I was laughing because it looked like everyone just left their crap, wherever they were drinking or eating at. She has a dishwasher, and or at least a kitchen sink. Oh & she has teenagers. They were texting her, if she did laundry yet?? She was lucky she knew her name. I had to help her, stand up, from a sitting position, go to the bathroom. My inner anger that I was trying to hide gives me, adrenaline rush, the clean entire house. Did all her wash. I cooked two meals. When her husband & one teen walked in I had this big smile on my face. As I said to the husband with the hospital papers in my hand, "please don't let her drive" . Because she can pass out behind the wheel, kill herself and people around her. If you don't care about that. Your car will be totalled. Then you would have to go through the headache of getting another car. You should see the look on his face when he realized the angry sarcasm. Then I said to the teen, come here I will show you how to wash your clothes. Since if your mom is by herself, try to wash your clothes, pass out, and hit her head. Oopsie No more Mommy to wash your clothes ever. He also picked up on the angry sarcasm. I'm considered the nice sweet friend. So they did not see it coming. It's Layze fault, that I left a long comment, venting, he should have picked another subject for the video. Lol🤪✌️
Man, I can just imagine the fear you wrought out of those two and I love it. Your friend is lucky to have you while they are at such a state that they can’t do certain things due to an injury.
I was married to someone like this for 18 years. I finally just got tired of it and stopped doing things for him, withdrew entirely to where I couldn't even be affectionate to him anymore because I held so much resentment. This man looked at our therapist and told her he noticed when I started picking up more hours at work that I got more overwhelmed and stressed by how much I was responsible for. Then proceeded to say "I live a simple life. I work, come home , and relax, that's it. Then she comes and tells me we need to talk and I already know what it's about, but I'm not sure what she wants me to do about it." LIKE DUH DUDE! Not once did he consider that his simple life was due to me taking the responsibility of literally everything. It's not just weaponized incompetence, it's like taking care of an extra child 99.9% of the time.
I also don’t understand why her presumably MIL and his family haven’t thought to bring a meal to help their DIL who gave birth. But based on his behavior his parents might be just as toxic.
@@caleighhraee my in laws would absolutely do the same for me and my husband. They’re so wonderful I’m so grateful to have amazing in laws. Seems to be the exception not the rule unfortunately
That's the worst part too like his parents are coming over to presumably see their grandchild but expect the woman who gave birth to said grandchild to make a roast for them. I really hope she left him, there isn't saving or salvaging that
@@Theunicorn2012 I assume you are mocking them by repeating every comment. Weird, must have some guilt associated since you see yourself in those men. You can repeat this too and prove how motherless you are :)
@@MT_Gamer.a baby isn’t a cage. She’s not trapped. She can still be a mum without him if she so chose to. Like it’s not easy but it’s also not impossible.
This behavior 100% starts at home and can be cultural. My husband has said things like "My mom had 4 kids and never had a problem keeping the house clean." I asked if his sister (10 years older and never moved out or even had a serious relationship, she was basically forced to help out as an adult bc she wasn't pretty enough to get married) or if his grandparents ever helped. He shrugged, he never noticed if they did. His friend had a baby, said she felt like a slave for 2 years until she decided to put her daughter in daycare. "Did she have any help at all?" Nope. Husband worked and came home (cultural norm that is slowly fading away), grandparents not around much. And the govt wonders why the marriage and birth rate is so low 🤦🏼♀️
I feel terrible for your sister in law 😢 that was literally me until I was in my 30’s. I don’t think it’s that she was inherently unattractive, she was probably groomed to be the Cinderella of the family from a young age (again, I went through the same thing, with my family AND with my now estranged in-laws).
Is it? It seems like every where I look people are having kids! Single moms don't have any help and they do it all, I was a single mom after my divorce, maybe I'm just bitter but I did it all my self and worked part time and went to school
My BIL says that too that he works from one job to another and that his mother raise 10 Kids bla bla What he doesn't consider is that the older children and relatives in her village helped her but my sis only has me my other sis didn't have anyone
Weaponized incompetence is a result of toxic boy moms. When they date/marry someone, they were conditioned now to find someone who doesn't act like their partner, they're looking for someone who will act like their mom. When parenting, it shouldn't matter if you're supposed to raise them to be a woman/man, you're supposed to raise them to be able to survive.
so real lol i think enforcing gender roles maybe even in a non toxic way enforces this behavior at a young age too. like, if a mom had a song and daughter, and tells the daughter to clean something, and tells the boy to do some yard work - they're pushing "gender roles" instead of teaching the boy to clean and the girl to do the yard work :/
My youngest son and his wife just had a baby and I’ve sent over meatloaf, zuppa Tuscana, chili, spaghetti sauce and more that I froze for them to have quick things to eat, where they can just let it defrost and heat it up in the microwave. It’s ridiculous that someone would expect a new mother to cook.
My guess is the way he was raised may have to do with why he is the way he is now. Toxic boy mom perhaps? My ex-husband was like that. His mother did me NO favors but I truly loved that woman... she just didn't raise self-sufficient boys. All 3 of them are divorced and currently single. Shocking.
For real, how could his parents be expecting her to "host" for them?? I mean it would make sense that's where the husband's attitude came from, but I can't believe a mother would be ok with treating another mother like that. They sound like an absolute trash family
They can visit but usually we (the visitors) will bring the food to them. And we usually phone them to let them know were coming and up to them if they rather dont accept visitorz
The way my boyfriend who works 12 hour shifts as a literal police officer still gladly helps me with chores and cleans up whenever I cook for us to thank me for making the food. I like to clean for him when I can but he still does the basics and is grateful for when I take the time to really make it look nice. Also neither of us have tiktok, lol.
There was a reddit comment where the wife was working and the husband was at home. They had children. Old enough to handle themselves too. And he would wait for her to come home to clean and cook. She decided to hire a maid to at least clean. But he complained about her wasting HER money on a maid 😅 So he literally sat on his lazy butt all day while his wife worked and expected her to come home and clean up after him and the kids then cook them a meal. And men wonder why women behave the way they do now. Who'd wanna get married when they see this is? Or watching their mothers go through the same? Bet you these are the same men will cheat cause the wife complains about being too tired at the end of the day to satisfy them. Make it make sense.
"Or watching their mothers go through the same?" My mother did everything (ok, 95% of things) and my father focused on his own hobbies and beer drinking. They both had a job and they worked 37-45 hours per week. For example: mother took us children to the doctor by bus if father was too drunk or too lazty to take us by car (father has a driver's license, mother does not). To this day, my father still dares to ask why I don't have children. At the same time my mother doesn't wonder at all why I don't have children.
My wife and I are both disabled. She’s hemiparuplegic, so I do all the two handed jobs such as cooking (ex chef so not really a job), washing up, ironing, emptying bins etc. I've a respiratory disorder so my wife dusts, vacuums, cleans the bathroom etc. It’s called teamwork and it’s what we signed up for. A 'roast' is a roast dinner, roast beef, lamb or pork usually.
That’s how it should be. It’s hard to find a man (or woman if you’re into that) who wants to be with a cripple. I can’t lift basic normal human things anymore. My balance is bad. I can do other stuff, but something you need team work. For example, a lawn mower would drag me across the lawn lol
Good for you two!!! It is very much inspiring. I feel that their should be more videos with couples such as yourselves, while the others recieve help in learning how to communicate and care for each other.
My kids tried this once when they did the dishes together….I just took all the dishes they just did and all the ones still in the cabinets and placed them on every surface in the kitchen…then proceeded to put ketchup and mustard on all of them…..then I told them “ practice makes perfect, try again….we can do this as long as it takes you to do the dishes correctly”…… I haven’t had a problem since 🤣🤷🏻♀️
My God this is an amazing anecdote. YOU are a genius! I will be doing this with my own kid. 😂 I won't have the same problem my mom has with my younger brother. He's well over 25 and still needs direction when it comes to cleaning.
Some men display weaponized incompetence and some women encourage it! Sometime back I was sick and a friend commented asked if I needed help cleaning and cooking at home. I told her, no because my husband will take care of that. She immediately took that as - oh you don’t cook or clean EVER. She said, “It must be nice to live like a queen and be waited upon.” Because their husbands are AHs they can’t understand that there are men out here that work with their wives together as partners.
My MIL told my SIL that her husband was going to leave her if she kept "making him" do chores. She doesn't make him do anything, he is just the kind of guy who is on top of things and tidy. My husband, on the other hand....
When I realized thats what my husband started doing I stopped cleaning the house and only cleaned what I used and only did my laundry…oh and what do u know he actually knew how to do all the things he said he didn’t know how to do 😆
Same. I am very lucky with my husband. He never waits for me to ask anything. If I was late to do something he just do it. Some times if our maid is not coming he tell me to continue my regular things and he will take care of everything.
Meanwhile wife probably tired of his bullshit or worse tired and depressed. Did he actually ask her if she is ok, “is this a clean your mess yourself I give up” or perhaps “I’m actually ill please stop if shaming me online and help me”. Like seriously, he is literally trying to shame her while makes it very clear he treats his wife as a free cleaning lady. Why do women stay with them? Is it “I will change him” gone wrong or better said gone as it always go? The one with the two days after giving birth was heartbreaking. Poor lady and poor baby the father is trash.
@@TDdelta777Omg, firstly he saw the kitchen was filthy and did nothing about it, secondly he decided to record his filthy kitchen instead of doing something about it, lastly he decided to post said recording for everyone to see 🤢 (he thinks shaming his wife for not cleaning up after him is going to get results, instead of considering everyone would roast him for being a pig), even then we still don’t know if he actually cleaned it up himself 💀 The internet has made people get way too comfortable…
@TDdelta777 Most women stay with them because they love them. And if that women has a child, it's usually because they want the kid's dad to be in their life.
The first woman. Hay I had covid, it lasted at least a month! I was so tired..it drove me crazy not having the energy to clean my house! Marriage is supposed to be a team work. 100 percent of the time! You should wake up every morning. Thinking, what can I do to make him/her day better.
@@jamielivingston7765Stop telling women what they can or can’t do then pin the blame on them for wanting to take the next stage of their relationship up a step. That is a grown, might I repeat, GROWN! MAN!! Why is the woman the one at fault for his incompetence? “Women are always..” “Women should..” Heaven forbid that a woman is allowed rest and happiness. She should just forever slave away as a maid right? So that he can sit on his a$$ all day long and act like a child. Marriages are not one sided, he agreed to marry her so he must do his part as well. If not then he can go back into living in his mom’s basement?? 😭 Just because she gave birth to their children does not mean she’s the only one responsible. It takes two to create, not one. How hard is it to load the dish washer, wipe counters, and sweep the floor? He can help out too. She’s not his maid or mom. She’s his WIFE! But hopefully ex wife now cause she needs to RUN
@@S3YKOCH4N do you really think I meant that women shouldnt be ALLOWED to get married? Of course not. What i was saying is, marriage is not what it is promised to be. Woman have to contribute 50% of the money and 98% of the childraising. It's not because I SAY SO, it's because of the men that they are marrying.
When my mom and I got Covid my dad had to stay at a hotel so that he didn't get sick. The king managed all of our laundry every day (our small dog had fleas and mom had to bathe him every day and didn't have a washer and drier), he shopped for our groceries and got food, and he at one point sent flowers.
The problem with telling someone to do something who is using weaponized incompetence is that they don't actually care if the thing gets done. If they run out of dishes, they'll just buy more or use paper plates. If they break something, they're okay with glass being everywhere, if they run out of toilet paper, they'll just use their hand. They're okay with things being dirty/not getting done. If you ask them to do it, they'll say they don't care and "if you care so much, you do it". There's honestly no winning there. Personal experience with an ex.
@Bodoques-mx1pr absolutely, provided they'll admit any fault, which is often not the case. It's not even just regular laziness at that point, but an actual inability function normally.
One of my brothers tried stuff like that or just left the mess, so I put the whole pile of dirty dishes, pots and pans in his bed for him to find when he got home. He learned not to pull that bs with me anymore. He made the mess, he can clean it or sleep in it
Same with mine, he would say he 'didn't know' how to do them, alongside many things like cooking eggs, or even boiling water. Most of the time he's joking, but that infuriates me. My mom's bf however, does the dishes, cleans on his own around the house, but me being so used to just taking away the task from someone if they weren't doing it 'properly.' Idk what I'm on, I just have this kind of mindset at times. That makes him to be unable to preform certain tasks, like he doesn't know how to operate a phone properly, order stuff online, or even order at mcdonalds with that big ass screen where there's directions. He's so used to people doing it for him. Not really his fault, but still
Layze Im 11 and my dad is 52 but I don’t care. I binge watch you with my dad and he literally never laughs but he’s laughed so much when I’ve showed these to him. The best bit about you is how you put so much effort into those little skits. I know you won’t see this but thank you
I leave the door cracked open for my cats when I'm in a room. They look at me to open it for them. I started telling the to stand up and push it open. Now they open the doors themselves.
I leave my door open for my sister's dog when he comes over so he won't keep scratching at my door (i like to think of it as his way of knocking because i find it funny).
My dad slipped up and let me in on the "if I wait long enough she will do it" thing when I was a late teen. Of course I immediately told my mum, and now as a wife I have an incredible amount of patience. Also, a roast is like a thanksgiving dinner, not what you want to be making when you're physically and mentally exhausted!
In Britain we have a roast on a Sunday it used to be a big thing thankfully it is dying out in young families with kids …. It just hasn’t got round to this idiot husband 😡
My friend's BIL's wife recently died, it was sudden death. My friend had to teach her BIL how to take care of the house and the children (at some point she had to take the children to her home) like how to pay for bills, how to do laundry (or where to get laundry services), or even how to cook aimple food or to take out the trash. And what she and the other married women in my office lament about was not about how incompetent the husband was but how their husband couldn't even find the laundry basket or coat hanger. I'm single and I blurted out how their story just erased the teeny tiny amount of urge for me to find partner
I can guarantee that not all men are like that. Men who need to be taught how to do basic things were failed by a parent for not making them do chores. All the men that I know can do their own laundry and cook their food and sweep their floors. A way to find out if a man can do any of those things is to first get him to cook you something (I have a friend who told her now husband that he had to learn to do laundry and cook at least one meal that she could eat--she has severe allergies--and he did all that. Before his mom was doing his laundry even though he was 25)
@@bugstomper123 A lot of men refuse to do anything once they are married because they think it’s their wife’s duty to do so. You minimize the very real issue that a lot of men put in women by going “not all men”. If it weren’t all men then so many women wouldn’t be discussing this very real issue.
@@tiahnarodriguez3809 My brothers don't do it. My dad doesn't do it. My uncles don't do it, my future FIL doesn't do it. All my friends' husbands don't do it. Not all men do it. Even if the majority of men do it, you do a disservice to the men who don't do it by grouping them in with the ones that do.
My husband tried to do this in the beginning of our relationship, when we first moved in together. I don't know if it was on purpose or if he was really incompetent... But slowly I noticed him letting me do more and more stuff by myself... even "manly" things like fixing stuff. So, me, who also has no patience for chores, wasn't about to let him get scot-free. Basically, I turned the spell against the wizard. I started to do stuff purposefully bad/wrong and "cry" I couldn't do it properly or was too tired or was too busy 😂 I did it so many times that he decided to take over and complain while doing it 😂 and then I decided to praise him (I know, I hate myself for it but I heard it works), so everytime he cleaned or cooked I went like, "oh wow! You do it so well! I envy you! Teach me 😂😂😂". In the end we both "learned together" how to do chores properly and now we divide the housework pretty evenly. Also when I'm tired or sick he takes over, when he is tired or sick I take over. I think it's a pretty good partnership.
@@Dee-yj1im Cuz OP was praising her partner in order to get a result and direct him away from weaponized incompetence. She wasn’t actually praising him for doing a good job like he was supposed to do from the beginning.
When my sister and I shared an apartment, i weaponized incompetence all the time by telling her i didn't know how to set up the Nintendo. But one time she came home, and i was playing Mario Cart by myself, and I knew the gig was up.
I was giving birth to my son 5 years ago. My mother was calling the room I was in as I was getting an epidural asking if I gave birth to that baby yet because she wanted to go home from watching my other kids.. Who mind you weren’t babies.. Some people are awful humans. I didn’t have anyone else.. That sorry excuse for a man with the woman who just had a baby needs therapy to learn how to treat the mother of his child, how to parent and for her to leave him…
People would be like "oh im never getting married, this will never happen to me."but boy, let me tell you, if youre entering the working world, these species of people exist too. "Hey can you complete this form, I know it's my task but only you can do it" "Oh, just hand it over to her, she do it better than me". and it's worse because that person was paid for the job THEY delegated to you!
@@anitaspam7767 I moved out and live by myself now, so don't have to deal with house help anymore. Only had one because roommates wouldn't clean up after themselves and instead wanted to employ somebody to do it. It's chill now on that front.
A roast is a meal in the UK that consists of either roast beef, roast lamb or roast pork with boiled vegetables, roast potatoes, yorkshire puddings and gravy
They don't want a partner to share responsibilities, they want a free maid/slave/mother to do everything for them!! Looks like I'm staying single forever coz no way could I handle that!!
@@shewho333 just do it! If you’ve been with him 20 years he has to pay you for 10 years of alimony. If you don’t already have a job, don’t get one until after the divorce. Find someone to stay with or just file while still living with him. I had to move out because mine wasn’t safe, but sometimes you can stay where you are and still divorce.
Yup. 18 years of my life wasted on a manipulative liar who weaponizes incompetenve like a pro. His mom a and sisters, and to an extent brothers too, were exactly the same. He wanted to be the baby. Have me have babies. And take care of everything forever. I warned him. 5 years I gave him to fix it The first 13 I was young. It was my first serious relationship and I was in "looooove" Never again No kids and I am 51
@@elizabthharris6741 I’m lucky, his brother is a saint. Him and his partner live next door to me. I rent from him at a really good rate. I called my ex the other day to ask for some cuttings from some plants I had around the back deck at the house. We get along well at a distance. He sent a photo of the dead plants to me. He had “trimmed” them. I had given him instructions on how to care for them before moving out. He said he was sure they would be fine by the end of summer. Granted it’s been absolute years, but seriously! They should have been lush and beautiful! They only needed watering if it was extremely dry out. He didn’t need to do anything else to them. Now they are sticks with nothing on them. I told his brother and his partner about it and we had a laugh. My ex is known for “trimming the heck” out of everything. He thinks it helps things grow. On some plants that works but not on these. He killed so many of my plants when we were married by trimming them for me. It’s a wonder I didn’t do him in before I divorced him! 😂
I married a middle eastern dude, the biggest momma boys in the world 😅 after we got married, the first day I cooked (because he works), he ate the meal and left the plates/mess and went about his day expecting me to clean up after him. If i cleaned it, that’s it, he will expect it and i allowed that to happen. However, i didn’t clean it, i just went to him very normally and not in a nagging way and said “oh hey, u left all the dishes on the table 😊” and he was like “uhh ok 😦 i forgot” and he went to pick up the dishes and put them in the sink and wiped the table. He was never used to doing that because before me, there was someone doing it for him. However, i taught him that day that now that’s he’s married to me, he can do it himself. Every time after that ONE time, he always picks up after himself. You HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO address it at the very beginning. Even these things that appear small like picking up dishes after a meal, it will become a bigger mess later and it will annoy u more. Also, i used to ask my husband to vacuum and he would miss some spots but i would NEVER be like “omg u can never do it right, let me just do it”. i’ll let him vacuum and i won’t say anything or i might point out he forgot some spots so he can get them. but if u say “omg ur doing it all wrong!” men use ur anger to be like “fine then u do it!! idk how!” even tho they’re grown ass men 😅 yes, it sucks that i even had to do all this but some men need training and now my husband does dishes, cleans the fridge, stove and microwave, vacuums, cooks, throws out trash and does the laundry without me asking because i made that his NEW normal.
That's some advice that my mom's sisters gave to her when she married my dad. Early on, only do things that you are alright with doing from that point on. Otherwise, they'll think that that's how it's gonna be.
THIS RIGHT HERE! Communication is key in a relationship and like you said it's essential to talk about these things at the start of moving in with someone.
I'm a teen and I CAN'T tolerate guys who don't clean. I was smart enough to tell my bf that I won't tolerate that crap early on in the relationship. Now he helps out quite a bit in the house when living with me and my parents
This reminds me of my parents but the opposite. Apparently my father was rather attentive in the beginning, doing chores and not letting everything to my mum. That was until my grandmother (mom’s side) came to stay for a while and everything changed. When he did the dishes she would nag at him and say “Men don’t do dishes! Leave it there for my daughter, you go sit in the living room!”, when he tried to pick after his own mess she’d say “Stop doing that!! My daughter will do that, you shouldn’t be cleaning up!” Even when he tried to make something for himself she would aggressively come in between and stop him because “my daughter will do that!” So after awhile my father stopped and my mother was turned into a house slave. When she asked my grandmother “why are you doing that? Do you want me to have a bad life?” She answered “I don’t know, of course I don’t want you to have it hard. But I just can’t take the sight of a man doing household chores, it feels unnatural” So now my father has become used to being able to do shit in the house and my mother refers to him as “a big child [she] cannot possibly abandon”
People are asking me why I'm not dating rn... This is why. Most men Will Not clean up after themselves and expect me to do it. I'm not your mama or your maid. Edit: Not every man is like that. Just most. Not hating on men as a whole at all.
@@truthordare197exactly, then turns it around saying 'I'm all high and mighty' if your supposed high and mighty clean when your wife is at her lowest (an example, not aimed at you love^^)
same ..i am only 19.never dated and never want to in future bcoz i see my dad behaving like that.like he can't even have dinner without creating a mess and acts so entitled.and always grumpy and angry at us.anyway i just think he is a heartless man
@Srijakonduru9 but everyone is not like that. For example my husband does everything for me. He is a better cleaner, cook than me. He don't even wait till I do something. Whenever I have exams he dont let me do anything. Even clean my plates.
Man I feel really good about my choice of spouse, I’m a housewife/SAHM to be but he’s a neat freak and so conscientious. Most of my spare time is spent gardening, crocheting, sewing, researching the paranormal, painting, sculpture, writing/drawing my own comics. I do admittedly cook a LOT but it’s a passion I’ve always had. I wouldn’t be able to do everything I do if he didn’t clean up after himself immaculately and tend to things like the lawn or home repairs immediately. When I’m sick he makes me oatmeal and soup and he does the laundry and dishes and takes out the trash without being asked. My grandma had a similar marriage-she too was a housewife and SAHM but my grandpa was extremely meticulous and tidy and she didn’t have to worry about ANYTHING. There are still some good men out there-get yourself an engineer and history nerd and you’ll never have to worry about anything.
my cat precious used to open my LOCKED door. he used his claw to unlock it (the lock is a slit that you can fit a quarter in) and he then would open the door. he would also meow at around 3am and sound like he was saying "hello? hellooo?"
I laughed at cat joke because the other day i had to wash my cat and he went and opened the bathroom door to avoid the bath and i had the same exclamation "so you DO know how to open doors?!" Lol however, the rest of this video was just like a documentary of when i was married .. honestly it's just sad.. many many women live like this with zero help, or support
Now ask me why I’ve done the “I’m not cleaning or cooking” bit. It works, did it once, proved my point and the entire house grasped that they live here and should help.
My parents have been married for nearly 2 decades, my mom used to be a SAHM up until my brother and I started elementary school. At that time she would do all the house work, after she started working my dad helps around the house. He cleans the whole house on Saturdays, my mom sweeps the house Monday-Friday but my dad does a deep cleaning of the house on Saturdays. It’s a team effort.
This also applies to family members too, sadly. When hes asked to do something, my little brother would pretend like he doesnt know how to do it or come up with some lame excuses that hes sick then mom just leaves him be.
This is my sister. She is now 45 and my mother still goes to her house every week to do a full meal prep cook for the week for her. I'm the youngest and I was the one doing all the cooking and cleaning when I was 14 until I finally moved out.
Layze you should do a video on The Swan show from 2004. They pick “ugly” girls to get a WHOLE BODY plastic surgery makeover to make them “pretty.” It’s the craziest show ever
You are their partner, not their parent. If they want to be taken care of like a child, tell them to go back home. It's better being alone than dealing with all of that.
My brother used to do this when we were growing up 💀 He literally would say “If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it well, and they won’t ask again.” And it was true. He wasn’t asked to clean but my sisters and I were. He’d walk by a dirty kitchen like 👨🏽🦯➡️and then complain that he couldn’t find a dish. He’s married now, too. 🤷🏽♀️
His poor wife. In my house, someone like your brother would have been singled out to do the dishes *all* the time instead. "Brother, you didn't do a good job with the dishes so from now on you're in charge of dishes because you clearly haven't had enough practice. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect and until you're can wash dishes perfectly clean, you'll be on dish duty. I'll watch you wash and correct you or instruct you again if you forget how. Any broken dishes would be deducted out of your allowance."
My husband is the worst when it comes to not rinsing cups out and bowls etc, and when any kind of milk is in the sink turning into some kind of science project I tell my husband flat out he's doing the dishes. I hate the smell of rotten milk!!
Stop buying milk for him lol. That's so gross, it's gonna grow mold or something & then it's gonna have to be washed with bleach to be really clean, and I doubt he'll do that. Or, if this is the only time he does stuff like this, you can get him to use plastic throwaway cups. But if he does this all the time he doesn't deserve the short cut with cups lol.
So many women end up doing the vast majority of the housework, in relationships that really offer them so little, and it's no good. I wonder if having a romantic relationship at the center of one's life will eventually, soon, cease to be a mainstream thing. It's possible to be happy without one. (And I'm really glad you bring attention, Layze, to the unequal expectations about housework in relationships. Seen you do it, before, too.)
Likely that's been around for years, husbands making the wives do all the cleaning because they're 'busy' and get mad when the wives stand up for themselves. Not to mention how they start lying to get an pity party & shift all the blame onto the wives
Sociologist Arlie Hochschild wrote a book on this! The way that women are disproportionately responsible for house work and child care (despite entering the labor force) is called the ‘second shift’
10:47 A roast is a pot roast. He's asking her to make dinner. It's a meal that is mostly meat, with some vegetables. The ingredients are similar to a stew. It's made in a crock pot. It is a VERY simple dinner to put together for an able bodied person. The idea that someone with Google could be bad at making one is very silly. She needs to rest and heal, so being up and about would be harder for her. He needs to man up and figure it out. Obviously being a new dad can be exhausting, too, but that doesn't justify his rude and disrespectful behavior.
My fiance will help me do ANYTHING, but i aint letting him cook cause last time he made something he put CHILI seasoning in spaghetti. He said he was throwing all the spices in cause he thought it would taste good, IT DIDN'T 😂 from that day on he was done in the kitchen. But hes honestly the most helpful person i know, these women SHOULD NOT be putting up with men like that.
My cat opens doors all the time, but the scary part was when she learned the same movement could also CLOSE doors! When the door to the closet in the hallway slammed shut at 3 am and I was the only one home...I just prayed my death would be quick and painless then my CAT ,Diamond , came strutting in all proud for learning a new trick while I was sitting there in shock waiting for my heart to restart. If she wants pets, she'll come up and either gently slap you or grab your clothes. Or she'll sit on her hind legs and use both front paws to pull your hand on to her head! She figured out how to sleep INSIDE the mattress. One afternoon, I let her outside for a bit to roam. She came stumbling back home at 4 am with a mouse that had a missing leg and dropped it at my feet. I later found out that cats see humans as other cats and feel obligated to take care of the weakest member of the clan which in her eyes..is ME! 😅 I found her last year behind a dumpster. We think she was the leader of an Alley Cat gang or something. She a good cat that doesn't claw or scratch furniture and the only thing I did to train her was gently say " Diamond.. if you start scratching up my vintage furniture me and you gonna have some problems." I kid you not she looked at me and walked over to the scratching post and never did it again! She being babysat by the in-laws now and they are sending non-stop pictures and videos of her strange and very intelligent behavior and even said she tried scratching there but after just literally telling her no gently she stopped 😅.
Ours can push the door open as long as it's not closed. Scared the shit out of me each time. We also had a dog, and he knew how to open doors. He would jump on the knob and gnaw at it until the door opened. At first we started locking the door and eventually my grandpa put a gate in front, so he couldn't get in unless someone unlocked the gate lol
As someone who has been married for almost 12 years, not all marriages are like the ones in the video. My hubby and I treat our marriage as a team effort. We both pull our own weight and help eachother when needed especially if we are sick, hurt or just not wanting to😂 I love my husband so much🥰 Also cats can learn how to open doors. I taught mine but I also had the door knobs with the handles that pull down
I’m really appreciative for the internet because I feel like it’s forcing society to talk about things like this. For my entire life, weaponized incompetence was expected, like it was the default state of being a man. If a man loaded the dishwasher, he was practically treated like a god. Men, even the “best ones” who “helped”, expected to be waited on hand & foot by women, esp their wives, even if they said they didn’t. It’s ridiculously common, to the point that us girls were saying we didn’t want to get married bc we didn’t want to clean up after a husband on the elementary school playground. I’ve had male coworkers “joke” about forgetting how to do chores once they get married bc “she just does everything for me!” It’s so gross. I hope that people shining a spotlight on this behavior and relentlessly mocking these manbabies promotes change and some manbaby self reflection.
13:01 that family is so wholesome! It’s obviously a skit and he is very good to his wife and kids. His oldest Makenzie is deaf and has. Cochlear implant
When I was watching Diary of a Wimpy Kid I thought the weaponised incompetence was normal because Rodrick and Greg were a teen and a kid These are grown ass adults
Some of my friends husband's are like this. There is a limit to trying to advice them because all of their answers like this. "But then job will never get done", I will have to do it anyways... bla.bla One of my friend was sick and was in the hospital for 4 days and husband left everything for her to clean after she come back from hospital.
It's the truth though, either they do it or the chores will remain undone. The partner obviously doesn't care about the state of the house, so no matter what you can't force them to do it
@@endermanowa That doesn’t mean you clean up after your husband. Just clean your stuff and keep it moving. What I don’t get is how these ladies can still have smex with these man babies. Being irresponsible is such a turn off for me.
12:00 my cat tries to open the door all the time. She has figured out is has something to do with the doorknob but she hasn’t figured out how to work the doorknob yet. 😂
Yeah my cat too! She stands up and uses her two front paws to reach for the handle then she tries to apply pressure to the door by using her weight to push it forward 😭 cats are so smart
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The guy who was complaining that she hadn’t cooked in days got under my skin. Like seriously? She gave birth to YOUR kid! Make your owning freaking food or order something. The baby needs her more than you do. She needs to drop that guy immediately.
Fr bro acting like she doesn’t feed the kid most of the time and even if she’s not breast feeding, it’s still easier to sit down and feed the baby when she’s just given birth two days ago
Fr tho like wtf these type of guys and relationships are the main reason I never want to be in a relationship with these type of guy’s ever!
Exactly wanting her to make food for his parents and then most likely his parents treats her like shit
My hb ate take out most of the time in the first 2 years to give me a little break between caring and then cooking for the baby, I never asked and felt guilty but he always told me it was ok and he preferred me to not stress about it. I would sometimes surprise him with his favorite dishes(like homade from scratch pizza etc) as a thank you when I had a little more energy and had slept better.
@@eraldadevole now that is one of the best husbands you could ever marry someone who would make you wanna cook and not just because they were too lazy to
I'd rather be alone with my crazy self than be alone with a crazy somebody else.
100%
Same
FAX!!
Unless they got that cake. Birthday cake I mean.
@@Koalaparks6678 I know you weren't talking about birthday cake bro..
I‘m a pediatric nurse and once a dad tried to make me prepare his bed for him, like putting on the sheets and pillow case. He told me he didn’t know how to do it. So I shamed him a bit by staring at him in disbelief and then I proceeded to teach him. I showed and explained how to do it and then I undid it and made him do it himself. He was a bit displeased.
I‘ve always had a lot of patience and never was afraid of weaponising it.
Salute to u miss. I think nurses already work hard enough. I would've been very passive aggressive 😭
I would show him a tutorial on RUclips 😂
Weaponized patience 😂
👏👏👏
YOU'RE SUCH GIRL BOSS MA'AM
✨The lights were home but no one was on✨
5:44
Real.
Relatable
Real . 💔
Real..
My best friend had a baby last year, every time I come over I bring home cook meals and roses. When, Im there I watch the baby so she can shower in peace. Her husband, complained to her that she should be ashamed for letting me do all that for her. They are divorced now, for what he said and other reasons.
❤❤❤ good for her!!!!!! And you are an amazing friend for helping her and no she should never be ashamed for getting help after having a new baby. ❤❤❤❤
Aww. I don't know if I'm going to have kids but I'd love to do this for my friends. I'd do a lil clean up too!
@@reginageorgetownuni see that's a good thing. It's exhausting especially if you have any questions colicky baby like my son was. The first few months is so very sleep deprived his father couldn't really help only because he was our only source of income so it was hard then my dad came to help me and my oldest son helped sometimes too when he could hear I was just having a really really hard time but it's not easy trying to sooth a baby who is screaming for almost three hours straight and there really isn't anything wrong cause you have tried everything. So believe me friends like the two of you are appreciated more then you or realize so thank you 🙏 for being good friends 🥰🥰
good he sounds like a dildo. 😂
wtf💀 it’s not just a cute saying-it really takes a village to raise a child and he should’ve been thankful there were people who care to help!
“ I gave birth two days ago”
“And you should make a roast”
“You should really try having your genitals stretch to enormous size and heal from that!”
This is why it should be mandatory for guys that treat you like crap to have to use a pregnancy simulator at least once.
Once = 24/7 for 40 weeks.
I feel so bad for her. In my culture women who give birth are helped in cooking and cleaning for at least 40 days as part of their postpartum care. They even make you a special broth to drink everyday that helps with increasing your breastmilk.
Actually the pregnancy simulator isnt actually like pregnancy pain
@@Jasminexrosexoxo yet many men cry over it and it isn't even close 😂
Except those simulators can’t possibly show you how painful it is because they don’t get their genitals stretched…. We should put in a penis hole stretcher also
My grandparents had an arranged marriage. Full on traditional, wife-stays-in-the-kitchen. It was loveless and still is. They're more like roommates who only really teamed up when it came to their kids. And guess what, my grandfather STILL does his share of the chores and completely took over after Grandma gave birth to her two daughters. He didn't love his wife romantically at all, but he was just NOT a piece of shit, and knew he was responsible for his family. The lack of basic empathy on this man's part is astounding.
Don’t think that makes him a good person either. Like bruh why even bother to stay married if you don’t even love the person. I swear traditional marriages are overrated and not even worth throwing your whole life in the trash for.
@@WheatToast True. He's far from a saint and I hate how society forces people into marriage so they see it as an obligation more than anything else. Unfortunately, it's not that simple here. I'm Indian and marriage is still seen as something that has to happen, no ifs, ands or buts. It's more progressive now for sure, but back in his time no one had a choice. It sucks, and I hope our society can keep improving. My point was that this man (in the video) was unable to even have basic empathy and sensitivity to his wife. You don't even need to love someone to feel empathy for them.
I appreciate your comment. Seems he was raised to be a logical sensible human person (within the constructs of his time & faith system.) My best friend's parents are from India & their marriage was arranged as well. They're very old & seemed to have developed a very deep love & affection for each other over the decades, although they barely knew each other when the wed.
I'm in an arranged marriage too. I think you did a good job describing it. It's been so many years I really can't see myself with anyone else anyways. You can't really put all the blame on the men, they are victims in it too. He was forced into it just as much as I was. We made the best of it. Have 2 wonderful kids and a beautiful little grandson
@c.a.s1900 I've often been so fascinated by it. My friend's parents seem to have a very DEEP love..a quiet STRONG 'long lasting' enduring style loyalty/love.. It makes me wonder sometimes if the whole 'in-love with the person you marry' can at times be worse in the end than individuals who learn to love & appreciate each other because they MEET as humans...humans with feelings & the love grows from respect. Idk.. enduring love is a very different kind of love & to be much admired, I feel. I'm very happy for you & your spouse. Hug that person for me. I wish you both many more years of beautiful contentment. 🙏🏽 ❤️
I don’t understand why people accept shit from their partners like this…. Sad
i know right
Childhood trauma inhibits your ability to see how you are being treated.
It starts slowly, it doesn’t happen all at once.
They'll put up with anything if it means they dont have to be alone.
Because wOMeN's wOrK
It’s like my mom situation. She was young and naive. She wants me to have a father in my life plus money situation too
My dad yells at us if the house is dirty... he's the main contributor to the mess. He should lead by example since he claims to be the head of household, but he won't because why else would he have married and have children?
My mom works two jobs, and he still expects her to come home, take care of him, cook, and drive around to get things he wants.
Sounds like my ex 😢
@@xxarianahiltonxx5116 It doesn't matter what he expects. Your mother should not act like his servant.
@@AB-jl1unshe might get beat up if she doesn’t
@@thethe4665not enough info though.
As someone who gave birth a month ago, people should bring you things, not expect things from you. If his parents want a roast, they make it and bring it over. Postpartum depression and sleep deprivation are real issues.
Not to mention the pain from walking after delivery. I couldn't even walk more than a few inches at a time because of how sore everything was. I hope she leaves that man.
As someone who gave birth a month ago, people should bring you things, not expect things from you. If his parents want a roast, they make it and bring it over. Postpartum depression and sleep deprivation and real issues.
@@jacliveshere She'll eventually leave him and he'll be whining to everyone he knows that he has no idea why she left... he's SUCH a good guy and it's HER fault the family is broken up. I dealt with a man like that for longer than I should have. Had 2 kids with him. Left him when the 2nd was 3. Best gd decision I ever made. He still whines that I made him not want to get married ever again. 🙄
@@michellerhodes5477 THIS. First of all, I am so sorry that you've gone through this. It is so difficult when men do not work on themselves or look at their own behavior. Because they think we are the ones causing all the problems!! Yes, I realize there are manipulative men who are just pretending that we're the villains. But a lot of men really believe the problem is us.
I'm so glad you got a way from him. How hard for you to deal with being a mother yourself in an environment like that. Hugs 💜
@@jacliveshereeach individual is different. You lumping all men together and acting like the women couldn't possibly be a problem is asinine 🙄
That's not toxic, that is evil
nah for real
Real
Exactly
It's both
@@Seraphine760yep it's both
i dont have a significant other, but there is SO much weaponized incompetence coming from my dad in my parents marriage. when my mom had just undergone surgery to remove tumour, she couldnt walk and had to stay in bed to rest. guess who took care of the family during her recovery time? me!! i was 11. 11 years old. i had to cook, i even burnt my finger (my dad didnt even do anything about that, he was like “idk ask your mother”), clean and take care of my mom, dog and brother. i would pack my brothers food for the day, help him get dressed, feed him and my dog breakfast and then take him to the bus stop. i basically didnt eat anything, since i had no time for breakfast or to pack food for school. again, i was **11**. thanks dad for all the help! really appreciate it. you worked SOOO hard to take care of my brother, dog and i :))
That’s kind of what happened when my mother freaked out and left for a couple weeks when I was 16. I ended up taking care of everyone and everything while working full time and attending high school. Two brothers, dad and one of the brother’s girlfriends. All of which were older than me! 🤬
@@MsAubrey
That’s fuck3d up
@@threeHs yep. And upon my mom’s return, she lit my dad up because he allowed it.
yep. My mom got covid and I was 13. She had severe covid like it left her lungs expanded internally and I had to of everything. Take care of my very adult father and my two siblings. We are triplets so no concept of older and younger. That man was super shitty and was on his phone the entire day. And he gave shit to everyone except my bro. He threatened to jump off the balcony at anth tht displeased him and blamed mom for everything. The rarest of times tht he did cook the food had ants in it and it was soo spicy, tht no one except him cld hv it. I had to remake it anw and the food tht no one cld eat had to be thrown away secretly. He gt rlly pissed cs of tht food wastage.
Yea there was this one time I was so done tht I threatened to jump off, and my mom told me to go ahead. I stopped cs I realized I was acting like tht grown adult in the house.
My siblings weren't any better. My bro quickly realized tht father wld support him no matter what and so he lied and manipulated situations to get me or my sis punished. My sis, well at the slightest thing I did nt adjust for she screamed, and cried till either I adjusted or father used her crying as an excuse? to beat her up. Then she wld blame me for it and I was naive sooo, so wld I. All the drama frm my sis and my father usually happened during bedtime and I overthink a lot so it was usually very disturbed nights with the tiredness everyday and all.
Tbh I can understand everyone my mom, bro( he saw bad examples), my sis. They were all traumatized by ofc my dear father.💀💀🙄
No i cant believe he downplays giving birth like its nothing she pushed a tiny human out of her body how much of a baby is that husband that he cant make his own food and for his family until his partner is rested up again they could have orderd food
????? He should step up? He just became a father , why he acting like the baby? Honestly the standard needs to be raised for all men , pampering his wife, researching how to alleviate her wife shores, that should be the minimun
@@SieMiezekatze exactly i swear some people expect to get a prize for doing the absolute bare minimum
And what’s crazy the pain that comes with giving birth is the same as breaking most of the bones in your body go look it up as woman I didn’t even know that till I learned that’s painful and I had a c-section so I couldn’t carry nothing but my baby for the first month or so I can’t believe that man he is a disgusting person for that
@@jaykrowomg yes in my psychology class we were talking about typical gender roles and my psychology teacher started talking about how his wife usually does everything in the house for him and his kids. And he mentioned that one day he did the laundry for his wife when she couldn’t. And I kid you not the entire class of honors-level kids applauded him like did something amazing. And a female teacher who was visiting our class (and has kids of her own as a single mom) clapped for him too. And I sat there motionless just thinking about how in my family, it’s my DAD who’s doing the laundry and cooking dinner and taking care of my brother and me every freaking day while my mom is at work. My parents share chores like cleaning and doing laundry. When I mentioned this in class, and how it contradicts typical gender roles, my psychology teacher said something like “I don’t think anyone would have any problem with me or your dad doing those things.” And I was just stunned. Like of course theres no problem with helping! But it’s ridiculous to help just once and be praised for doing it this one time! You should always help each other out when you’re in a relationship/marriage! I was low key ticked off with this guy. Like how can you compare yourself to my dad when you bragged about doing the laundry for your family ONCE when your wife wasn’t able to?! (Sorry, this was a rant. It just got on my nerves.)
One man flat out said to his wife "you're not the first woman to give birth". She gave birth through C-section 😢
A friend of mine was rushed to the hospital, and had a bad concussion.
Passing out, throwing up, the entire nine yards. They said it's going to take 8 weeks to heal. You can't drive, you can't go up and down steps, elevators, escalators, lift anything over 2 pounds, do not even turn your head quickly or bend down.
I went over to her house to help out and do some cleaning for her. I heard her husband over the phone I wish I didn't. He was mad at her, because she didn't take the car to get inspected. So they got a ticket. SHE CAN'T DRIVE. She could pass out behind the wheel and kill herself and everyone around her!!!
Then ask her what was for dinner.
This was only 3 days in.
Truly didn't mind helping her clean. I was laughing because it looked like everyone just left their crap, wherever they were drinking or eating at. She has a dishwasher, and or at least a kitchen sink.
Oh & she has teenagers. They were texting her, if she did laundry yet??
She was lucky she knew her name.
I had to help her, stand up, from a sitting position, go to the bathroom.
My inner anger that I was trying to hide gives me, adrenaline rush, the clean entire house. Did all her wash.
I cooked two meals.
When her husband & one teen walked in
I had this big smile on my face. As I said to the husband with the hospital papers in my hand, "please don't let her drive" .
Because she can pass out behind the wheel, kill herself and people around her.
If you don't care about that. Your car will be totalled. Then you would have to go through the headache of getting another car. You should see the look on his face when he realized the angry sarcasm.
Then I said to the teen, come here I will show you how to wash your clothes.
Since if your mom is by herself, try to wash your clothes, pass out, and hit her head. Oopsie No more Mommy to wash your clothes ever. He also picked up on the angry sarcasm. I'm considered the nice sweet friend. So they did not see it coming.
It's Layze fault, that I left a long comment, venting, he should have picked another subject for the video. Lol🤪✌️
At least she has a great friend in you, otherwise that situation would be absolute hell
Man, I can just imagine the fear you wrought out of those two and I love it. Your friend is lucky to have you while they are at such a state that they can’t do certain things due to an injury.
You are the best friend I would cherish ❤❤God bless you for speaking for her
THANK YOU QUEEN FOR STANDING UP FOR YOUR FRIEND ❤❤👏👏👏
I was internally screaming GOOD FOR YOU BESTIE ❤❤❤❤❤
I was married to someone like this for 18 years. I finally just got tired of it and stopped doing things for him, withdrew entirely to where I couldn't even be affectionate to him anymore because I held so much resentment. This man looked at our therapist and told her he noticed when I started picking up more hours at work that I got more overwhelmed and stressed by how much I was responsible for. Then proceeded to say "I live a simple life. I work, come home , and relax, that's it. Then she comes and tells me we need to talk and I already know what it's about, but I'm not sure what she wants me to do about it." LIKE DUH DUDE! Not once did he consider that his simple life was due to me taking the responsibility of literally everything. It's not just weaponized incompetence, it's like taking care of an extra child 99.9% of the time.
not to mention, adults make MORE MESSES more OFTEN. its literally a baby that eatrs more, makes more dishes, makes bigger grosser messes.
Were we married to the same guy? 😂
so YOUR parents want a roast, they always want a roast, every single time they come, but you're incapable of doing it yourself?
I also don’t understand why her presumably MIL and his family haven’t thought to bring a meal to help their DIL who gave birth. But based on his behavior his parents might be just as toxic.
@@babynoodle42That is a great observation. Thoughtful in-laws will understand they should be the ones to bring food to new parents.
My in laws are planning to stay with us for a week when we have our first child to cook meals and clean up. My in laws are the shit ❤
@@caleighhraee my in laws would absolutely do the same for me and my husband. They’re so wonderful I’m so grateful to have amazing in laws. Seems to be the exception not the rule unfortunately
That's the worst part too like his parents are coming over to presumably see their grandchild but expect the woman who gave birth to said grandchild to make a roast for them. I really hope she left him, there isn't saving or salvaging that
That lady with the baby has a world of pain and disappointment coming.. hope she leaves him asap
That lady with the baby had a world of pain and disappointment coming.. hope she leaves him asap
@@Theunicorn2012 I assume you are mocking them by repeating every comment. Weird, must have some guilt associated since you see yourself in those men. You can repeat this too and prove how motherless you are :)
But isn't she already trapped with a baby
@@MT_Gamer.a baby isn’t a cage. She’s not trapped. She can still be a mum without him if she so chose to. Like it’s not easy but it’s also not impossible.
@@SMNC-mf4fb Looking at how that dude acts, being a single mom would probably be easier
This behavior 100% starts at home and can be cultural. My husband has said things like "My mom had 4 kids and never had a problem keeping the house clean." I asked if his sister (10 years older and never moved out or even had a serious relationship, she was basically forced to help out as an adult bc she wasn't pretty enough to get married) or if his grandparents ever helped. He shrugged, he never noticed if they did.
His friend had a baby, said she felt like a slave for 2 years until she decided to put her daughter in daycare. "Did she have any help at all?" Nope. Husband worked and came home (cultural norm that is slowly fading away), grandparents not around much. And the govt wonders why the marriage and birth rate is so low 🤦🏼♀️
I feel terrible for your sister in law 😢 that was literally me until I was in my 30’s. I don’t think it’s that she was inherently unattractive, she was probably groomed to be the Cinderella of the family from a young age (again, I went through the same thing, with my family AND with my now estranged in-laws).
Is it? It seems like every where I look people are having kids! Single moms don't have any help and they do it all, I was a single mom after my divorce, maybe I'm just bitter but I did it all my self and worked part time and went to school
My BIL says that too that he works from one job to another and that his mother raise 10
Kids bla bla
What he doesn't consider is that the older children and relatives in her village helped her but my sis only has me my other sis didn't have anyone
Weaponized incompetence is a result of toxic boy moms. When they date/marry someone, they were conditioned now to find someone who doesn't act like their partner, they're looking for someone who will act like their mom. When parenting, it shouldn't matter if you're supposed to raise them to be a woman/man, you're supposed to raise them to be able to survive.
so real lol i think enforcing gender roles maybe even in a non toxic way enforces this behavior at a young age too. like, if a mom had a song and daughter, and tells the daughter to clean something, and tells the boy to do some yard work - they're pushing "gender roles" instead of teaching the boy to clean and the girl to do the yard work :/
So true
Lore
Exactly!!
THIS.
Who visits for dinner a mum that has given birth two days ago ?
Seriously?
That husband and those in laws are terrible ! 😮
😳😳😳😳
My youngest son and his wife just had a baby and I’ve sent over meatloaf, zuppa Tuscana, chili, spaghetti sauce and more that I froze for them to have quick things to eat, where they can just let it defrost and heat it up in the microwave. It’s ridiculous that someone would expect a new mother to cook.
My guess is the way he was raised may have to do with why he is the way he is now. Toxic boy mom perhaps? My ex-husband was like that. His mother did me NO favors but I truly loved that woman... she just didn't raise self-sufficient boys. All 3 of them are divorced and currently single. Shocking.
@@michellerhodes5477 my MIL didn’t do a great job either but like you I absolutely adored her. Best mom I ever had!
For real, how could his parents be expecting her to "host" for them?? I mean it would make sense that's where the husband's attitude came from, but I can't believe a mother would be ok with treating another mother like that. They sound like an absolute trash family
They can visit but usually we (the visitors) will bring the food to them. And we usually phone them to let them know were coming and up to them if they rather dont accept visitorz
The way my boyfriend who works 12 hour shifts as a literal police officer still gladly helps me with chores and cleans up whenever I cook for us to thank me for making the food. I like to clean for him when I can but he still does the basics and is grateful for when I take the time to really make it look nice. Also neither of us have tiktok, lol.
There was a reddit comment where the wife was working and the husband was at home. They had children. Old enough to handle themselves too. And he would wait for her to come home to clean and cook. She decided to hire a maid to at least clean. But he complained about her wasting HER money on a maid 😅 So he literally sat on his lazy butt all day while his wife worked and expected her to come home and clean up after him and the kids then cook them a meal. And men wonder why women behave the way they do now. Who'd wanna get married when they see this is? Or watching their mothers go through the same? Bet you these are the same men will cheat cause the wife complains about being too tired at the end of the day to satisfy them. Make it make sense.
"Or watching their mothers go through the same?"
My mother did everything (ok, 95% of things) and my father focused on his own hobbies and beer drinking. They both had a job and they worked 37-45 hours per week. For example: mother took us children to the doctor by bus if father was too drunk or too lazty to take us by car (father has a driver's license, mother does not).
To this day, my father still dares to ask why I don't have children. At the same time my mother doesn't wonder at all why I don't have children.
I recall that story!!!
The woman allows him to behave the way he does.
Why didn't she just dump him? He was completely useless, she was just wasting her money on him. She could use that money to hire a second maid 😁
The only way he could complain about her getting a maid would be if he did the work and getting the maid was a waste, but he doesn't.
My wife and I are both disabled. She’s hemiparuplegic, so I do all the two handed jobs such as cooking (ex chef so not really a job), washing up, ironing, emptying bins etc. I've a respiratory disorder so my wife dusts, vacuums, cleans the bathroom etc. It’s called teamwork and it’s what we signed up for.
A 'roast' is a roast dinner, roast beef, lamb or pork usually.
LOve a TEAM PLAYER ❤❤❤❤ COUPLE
Now this is a great relationship
It's funny that he didn't know what a roast was.😂
That’s how it should be. It’s hard to find a man (or woman if you’re into that) who wants to be with a cripple. I can’t lift basic normal human things anymore. My balance is bad. I can do other stuff, but something you need team work.
For example, a lawn mower would drag me across the lawn lol
Good for you two!!! It is very much inspiring. I feel that their should be more videos with couples such as yourselves, while the others recieve help in learning how to communicate and care for each other.
My kids tried this once when they did the dishes together….I just took all the dishes they just did and all the ones still in the cabinets and placed them on every surface in the kitchen…then proceeded to put ketchup and mustard on all of them…..then I told them “ practice makes perfect, try again….we can do this as long as it takes you to do the dishes correctly”…… I haven’t had a problem since 🤣🤷🏻♀️
This was petty and funny at the same time. 😮 😂 😅
Queen!
My God this is an amazing anecdote. YOU are a genius! I will be doing this with my own kid. 😂 I won't have the same problem my mom has with my younger brother. He's well over 25 and still needs direction when it comes to cleaning.
Some men display weaponized incompetence and some women encourage it!
Sometime back I was sick and a friend commented asked if I needed help cleaning and cooking at home. I told her, no because my husband will take care of that. She immediately took that as - oh you don’t cook or clean EVER. She said, “It must be nice to live like a queen and be waited upon.”
Because their husbands are AHs they can’t understand that there are men out here that work with their wives together as partners.
That’s sad….
Especially the TikTok people. When I was young and married. This was call BS. Now it's call content. 😅
My MIL told my SIL that her husband was going to leave her if she kept "making him" do chores. She doesn't make him do anything, he is just the kind of guy who is on top of things and tidy. My husband, on the other hand....
I throw the dish out if he doesnt wash it. He only buys really expensive ones. So after the 3rd pot he started washing it.
I like you.
Dang- 😂
It is sad when you have to discipline your partner as if he was a kid.
Girl think she's winning 😂
Well she’s not washing them 🤣🤣
When I realized thats what my husband started doing I stopped cleaning the house and only cleaned what I used and only did my laundry…oh and what do u know he actually knew how to do all the things he said he didn’t know how to do 😆
Of course he knows. And those that don't know, ask so they can learn and do their part.
Uh no. My husband helps out every day! I don’t take any trash out and he helps with dishes without me asking. These men need to step up!
Same. I am very lucky with my husband. He never waits for me to ask anything. If I was late to do something he just do it. Some times if our maid is not coming he tell me to continue my regular things and he will take care of everything.
Exactly he lives there, even my pets do more work than those tiktok men
FR these TikTok dudes need to know that their WIVES👏ARE👏NOT👏THEIR👏MOTHERS👏
I know right
@@SieMiezekatze for real yea
I used to think being a father was an unreplaceable job but men have completely proven me wrong.
No, being a DAD is an unreplaceable job.
@@remusgrrrl i have never seen an admirable person that have been rise by a single dad
@@jirou6228 looking at the wrong people then
@@jirou6228that's not fair.. not all men suck. My ex best friends brother for example raising twin girls alone and he's going a good job
@@jirou6228 that's exactly her point..?
“the lights are home but no one is on” such inspirational words, it made me shed a tear 😢
That one guys acting like "oh my wife stopped cleaning and this mess showed up for dinner" bro you made the mess!
Meanwhile wife probably tired of his bullshit or worse tired and depressed. Did he actually ask her if she is ok, “is this a clean your mess yourself I give up” or perhaps “I’m actually ill please stop if shaming me online and help me”. Like seriously, he is literally trying to shame her while makes it very clear he treats his wife as a free cleaning lady.
Why do women stay with them? Is it “I will change him” gone wrong or better said gone as it always go?
The one with the two days after giving birth was heartbreaking. Poor lady and poor baby the father is trash.
That one guys acting like "oh my wife stopped cleaning and this mess showed up for dinner" bro you made the mess!
@@Theunicorn2012 well said
@@TDdelta777Omg, firstly he saw the kitchen was filthy and did nothing about it, secondly he decided to record his filthy kitchen instead of doing something about it, lastly he decided to post said recording for everyone to see 🤢 (he thinks shaming his wife for not cleaning up after him is going to get results, instead of considering everyone would roast him for being a pig), even then we still don’t know if he actually cleaned it up himself 💀
The internet has made people get way too comfortable…
@TDdelta777
Most women stay with them because they love them. And if that women has a child, it's usually because they want the kid's dad to be in their life.
"STOP RIGHT THERE I NEED UR PERSONAL INFORMATION" "AURA GET EM" *MUSICS PLAYS 🥳*
AURA slays 😜😜‼️
LMAOO 😭
lol yup
Real
Lmfao that played, when I was reading this-😂
I was a single married also. I had 5 kids with my ex now I am a single mother to 4 kids. Its beyond ridiculous some of these "men".
That’s one reason I’m divorced. I was tired of managing like a single mom of 3 while he sat back and played with his friends at the fire department.
My mom is divorcing my dad over behavior like this
How'd it go?
@@MT_Gamer. He's still lazy and incompetent but now he asks me how the washing machine works instead of her. He's broke now too.
The first woman. Hay I had covid, it lasted at least a month! I was so tired..it drove me crazy not having the energy to clean my house! Marriage is supposed to be a team work. 100 percent of the time! You should wake up every morning. Thinking, what can I do to make him/her day better.
Marriage is never 50/50 but should AVERAGE 50/50. HELLO! Women need to stop getting married ASAP
@@jamielivingston7765Stop telling women what they can or can’t do then pin the blame on them for wanting to take the next stage of their relationship up a step. That is a grown, might I repeat, GROWN! MAN!! Why is the woman the one at fault for his incompetence? “Women are always..” “Women should..” Heaven forbid that a woman is allowed rest and happiness. She should just forever slave away as a maid right? So that he can sit on his a$$ all day long and act like a child. Marriages are not one sided, he agreed to marry her so he must do his part as well. If not then he can go back into living in his mom’s basement?? 😭 Just because she gave birth to their children does not mean she’s the only one responsible. It takes two to create, not one. How hard is it to load the dish washer, wipe counters, and sweep the floor? He can help out too. She’s not his maid or mom. She’s his WIFE! But hopefully ex wife now cause she needs to RUN
@@S3YKOCH4N do you really think I meant that women shouldnt be ALLOWED to get married? Of course not. What i was saying is, marriage is not what it is promised to be. Woman have to contribute 50% of the money and 98% of the childraising. It's not because I SAY SO, it's because of the men that they are marrying.
@@jamielivingston7765 I see now where I misunderstood, I’m sorry. I completely misinterpreted your whole comment 😭
@@jamielivingston7765Agreed. It should be 50/50 but the reality isn't that.
When my mom and I got Covid my dad had to stay at a hotel so that he didn't get sick. The king managed all of our laundry every day (our small dog had fleas and mom had to bathe him every day and didn't have a washer and drier), he shopped for our groceries and got food, and he at one point sent flowers.
The problem with telling someone to do something who is using weaponized incompetence is that they don't actually care if the thing gets done. If they run out of dishes, they'll just buy more or use paper plates. If they break something, they're okay with glass being everywhere, if they run out of toilet paper, they'll just use their hand. They're okay with things being dirty/not getting done. If you ask them to do it, they'll say they don't care and "if you care so much, you do it". There's honestly no winning there. Personal experience with an ex.
yep, just leave the adult baby - he can deal with his stuff or go looking for a new slave.
@livingonhighvibe Exactly. I'm not sure there's any other way to handle it.
Sounds like those people need therapy or something cuz that’s not normal
@Bodoques-mx1pr absolutely, provided they'll admit any fault, which is often not the case. It's not even just regular laziness at that point, but an actual inability function normally.
YUP! my sister is just like this!!
My brother never washed the dishes properly. Eventually he wasn’t allowed to do them anymore. It’s not fair because doing dishes was like a punishment
Many guys purposefully don’t do them properly so that they don’t have to do them anymore.
One of my brothers tried stuff like that or just left the mess, so I put the whole pile of dirty dishes, pots and pans in his bed for him to find when he got home. He learned not to pull that bs with me anymore. He made the mess, he can clean it or sleep in it
@@madalice5134 lmao that’s great!
Same with mine, he would say he 'didn't know' how to do them, alongside many things like cooking eggs, or even boiling water. Most of the time he's joking, but that infuriates me. My mom's bf however, does the dishes, cleans on his own around the house, but me being so used to just taking away the task from someone if they weren't doing it 'properly.' Idk what I'm on, I just have this kind of mindset at times. That makes him to be unable to preform certain tasks, like he doesn't know how to operate a phone properly, order stuff online, or even order at mcdonalds with that big ass screen where there's directions. He's so used to people doing it for him. Not really his fault, but still
@@zuzu6864he pretends to not how to boil water..? 😨 how do you even fake something like that
Layze Im 11 and my dad is 52 but I don’t care. I binge watch you with my dad and he literally never laughs but he’s laughed so much when I’ve showed these to him. The best bit about you is how you put so much effort into those little skits. I know you won’t see this but thank you
I leave the door cracked open for my cats when I'm in a room. They look at me to open it for them. I started telling the to stand up and push it open. Now they open the doors themselves.
That honestly sound terrifying and funny at the same time :D
SAME OMG
see what you did!
I leave my door open for my sister's dog when he comes over so he won't keep scratching at my door (i like to think of it as his way of knocking because i find it funny).
My dad slipped up and let me in on the "if I wait long enough she will do it" thing when I was a late teen. Of course I immediately told my mum, and now as a wife I have an incredible amount of patience. Also, a roast is like a thanksgiving dinner, not what you want to be making when you're physically and mentally exhausted!
In Britain we have a roast on a Sunday it used to be a big thing thankfully it is dying out in young families with kids …. It just hasn’t got round to this idiot husband 😡
My friend's BIL's wife recently died, it was sudden death. My friend had to teach her BIL how to take care of the house and the children (at some point she had to take the children to her home) like how to pay for bills, how to do laundry (or where to get laundry services), or even how to cook aimple food or to take out the trash. And what she and the other married women in my office lament about was not about how incompetent the husband was but how their husband couldn't even find the laundry basket or coat hanger. I'm single and I blurted out how their story just erased the teeny tiny amount of urge for me to find partner
I can guarantee that not all men are like that. Men who need to be taught how to do basic things were failed by a parent for not making them do chores. All the men that I know can do their own laundry and cook their food and sweep their floors. A way to find out if a man can do any of those things is to first get him to cook you something (I have a friend who told her now husband that he had to learn to do laundry and cook at least one meal that she could eat--she has severe allergies--and he did all that. Before his mom was doing his laundry even though he was 25)
@@bugstomper123 A lot of men refuse to do anything once they are married because they think it’s their wife’s duty to do so. You minimize the very real issue that a lot of men put in women by going “not all men”. If it weren’t all men then so many women wouldn’t be discussing this very real issue.
@@tiahnarodriguez3809 My brothers don't do it. My dad doesn't do it. My uncles don't do it, my future FIL doesn't do it. All my friends' husbands don't do it. Not all men do it. Even if the majority of men do it, you do a disservice to the men who don't do it by grouping them in with the ones that do.
I normally don't recommend divorce when marriages hit roadblocks. But I wanna hire lawyers for these women ASAP.
My husband tried to do this in the beginning of our relationship, when we first moved in together. I don't know if it was on purpose or if he was really incompetent... But slowly I noticed him letting me do more and more stuff by myself... even "manly" things like fixing stuff.
So, me, who also has no patience for chores, wasn't about to let him get scot-free.
Basically, I turned the spell against the wizard. I started to do stuff purposefully bad/wrong and "cry" I couldn't do it properly or was too tired or was too busy 😂 I did it so many times that he decided to take over and complain while doing it 😂 and then I decided to praise him (I know, I hate myself for it but I heard it works), so everytime he cleaned or cooked I went like, "oh wow! You do it so well! I envy you! Teach me 😂😂😂".
In the end we both "learned together" how to do chores properly and now we divide the housework pretty evenly.
Also when I'm tired or sick he takes over, when he is tired or sick I take over. I think it's a pretty good partnership.
im glad he learned, good job girl
Good for you girlie, glad he learnt.
Why would you hate praising your partner?
This is actually pathetic, you soft parented an adult male and think that's a positive.
@@Dee-yj1im Cuz OP was praising her partner in order to get a result and direct him away from weaponized incompetence. She wasn’t actually praising him for doing a good job like he was supposed to do from the beginning.
The cat knocking on the door and you comparing it to weaponized incompetence absolutely took me out😂😂😂😂
When my sister and I shared an apartment, i weaponized incompetence all the time by telling her i didn't know how to set up the Nintendo. But one time she came home, and i was playing Mario Cart by myself, and I knew the gig was up.
My boyfriend's brother is borderline using weaponized incompetence. It bothers me so much
My brother put his boxers on the laundry basket once and he like 19 years old. He is disgusting waste of space 🤦🏾♀️
@@Jac527 damn he can do his own laundry.
I was giving birth to my son 5 years ago. My mother was calling the room I was in as I was getting an epidural asking if I gave birth to that baby yet because she wanted to go home from watching my other kids.. Who mind you weren’t babies.. Some people are awful humans. I didn’t have anyone else..
That sorry excuse for a man with the woman who just had a baby needs therapy to learn how to treat the mother of his child, how to parent and for her to leave him…
A ‘Roast’ is a traditional Sunday UK meal…. Meat, veg, roast potatoes, etc..
exact same in USA, the meat here if beef, a roast is exclusively beef, roast beef
Same in NZ, nothing better especially in winter
Figured it was the same as a pot roast
I have them every Sunday but I hate roasts 😭😭😭
@@marcodeim.I think it’s commonly chicken in the Uk, or that’s just my household.
People would be like "oh im never getting married, this will never happen to me."but boy, let me tell you, if youre entering the working world, these species of people exist too. "Hey can you complete this form, I know it's my task but only you can do it" "Oh, just hand it over to her, she do it better than me". and it's worse because that person was paid for the job THEY delegated to you!
Dude, my HOUSE HELP does it to me. I'm paying her to clean and still have to redo the job myself.
And solutions? I'm a noobie entering job market after graduation
@@sai6118Did you fire her?
@@anitaspam7767 I moved out and live by myself now, so don't have to deal with house help anymore. Only had one because roommates wouldn't clean up after themselves and instead wanted to employ somebody to do it. It's chill now on that front.
@@sai6118 Great😄
A roast is a meal in the UK that consists of either roast beef, roast lamb or roast pork with boiled vegetables, roast potatoes, yorkshire puddings and gravy
They don't want a partner to share responsibilities, they want a free maid/slave/mother to do everything for them!! Looks like I'm staying single forever coz no way could I handle that!!
Same
Bang Maid
This is why I got a divorce 15 years ago and never looked for anyone else! After 24 years of marriage I was done!
period
I want to be like you someday!! I’m on year 20. Still trying to find a way out.
@@shewho333 just do it! If you’ve been with him 20 years he has to pay you for 10 years of alimony. If you don’t already have a job, don’t get one until after the divorce. Find someone to stay with or just file while still living with him. I had to move out because mine wasn’t safe, but sometimes you can stay where you are and still divorce.
Yup. 18 years of my life wasted on a manipulative liar who weaponizes incompetenve like a pro. His mom a
and sisters, and to an extent brothers too, were exactly the same. He wanted to be the baby. Have me have babies. And take care of everything forever. I warned him. 5 years I gave him to fix it
The first 13 I was young. It was my first serious relationship and I was in "looooove"
Never again
No kids and I am 51
@@elizabthharris6741 I’m lucky, his brother is a saint. Him and his partner live next door to me. I rent from him at a really good rate. I called my ex the other day to ask for some cuttings from some plants I had around the back deck at the house. We get along well at a distance. He sent a photo of the dead plants to me. He had “trimmed” them. I had given him instructions on how to care for them before moving out. He said he was sure they would be fine by the end of summer. Granted it’s been absolute years, but seriously! They should have been lush and beautiful! They only needed watering if it was extremely dry out. He didn’t need to do anything else to them. Now they are sticks with nothing on them. I told his brother and his partner about it and we had a laugh. My ex is known for “trimming the heck” out of everything. He thinks it helps things grow. On some plants that works but not on these. He killed so many of my plants when we were married by trimming them for me. It’s a wonder I didn’t do him in before I divorced him! 😂
“Was he rubbing one out for the boys and then helping the boys rub one out?” That with the stock image of those guys looking all proud killed me 😂😂
I married a middle eastern dude, the biggest momma boys in the world 😅 after we got married, the first day I cooked (because he works), he ate the meal and left the plates/mess and went about his day expecting me to clean up after him. If i cleaned it, that’s it, he will expect it and i allowed that to happen. However, i didn’t clean it, i just went to him very normally and not in a nagging way and said “oh hey, u left all the dishes on the table 😊” and he was like “uhh ok 😦 i forgot” and he went to pick up the dishes and put them in the sink and wiped the table. He was never used to doing that because before me, there was someone doing it for him. However, i taught him that day that now that’s he’s married to me, he can do it himself. Every time after that ONE time, he always picks up after himself. You HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE TO address it at the very beginning. Even these things that appear small like picking up dishes after a meal, it will become a bigger mess later and it will annoy u more.
Also, i used to ask my husband to vacuum and he would miss some spots but i would NEVER be like “omg u can never do it right, let me just do it”. i’ll let him vacuum and i won’t say anything or i might point out he forgot some spots so he can get them. but if u say “omg ur doing it all wrong!” men use ur anger to be like “fine then u do it!! idk how!” even tho they’re grown ass men 😅 yes, it sucks that i even had to do all this but some men need training and now my husband does dishes, cleans the fridge, stove and microwave, vacuums, cooks, throws out trash and does the laundry without me asking because i made that his NEW normal.
That's some advice that my mom's sisters gave to her when she married my dad. Early on, only do things that you are alright with doing from that point on. Otherwise, they'll think that that's how it's gonna be.
THIS RIGHT HERE! Communication is key in a relationship and like you said it's essential to talk about these things at the start of moving in with someone.
I'm a teen and I CAN'T tolerate guys who don't clean. I was smart enough to tell my bf that I won't tolerate that crap early on in the relationship. Now he helps out quite a bit in the house when living with me and my parents
@@emilyzhang5651 i mean, he’s living with u and ur parents, he HAS to help out lmaooo he should be embarrassed if he doesn’t
This reminds me of my parents but the opposite. Apparently my father was rather attentive in the beginning, doing chores and not letting everything to my mum. That was until my grandmother (mom’s side) came to stay for a while and everything changed. When he did the dishes she would nag at him and say “Men don’t do dishes! Leave it there for my daughter, you go sit in the living room!”, when he tried to pick after his own mess she’d say “Stop doing that!! My daughter will do that, you shouldn’t be cleaning up!”
Even when he tried to make something for himself she would aggressively come in between and stop him because “my daughter will do that!”
So after awhile my father stopped and my mother was turned into a house slave. When she asked my grandmother “why are you doing that? Do you want me to have a bad life?” She answered “I don’t know, of course I don’t want you to have it hard. But I just can’t take the sight of a man doing household chores, it feels unnatural”
So now my father has become used to being able to do shit in the house and my mother refers to him as “a big child [she] cannot possibly abandon”
The intro was already making me laughing my ass off😂
Frrr
Fr, love it when he gets creative 😭
True😂😂😂
Exactly he’s literally SO funny🤣
Me too, Layze is the best😂
11:20 i believe that was a typo, it should be "that trash".
LMAOO😭
That intro was just…IT SLAYYY
He always slays
💯
Fr
People are asking me why I'm not dating rn... This is why. Most men Will Not clean up after themselves and expect me to do it. I'm not your mama or your maid.
Edit: Not every man is like that. Just most. Not hating on men as a whole at all.
*will not. They can do it. They just don’t want to
@@truthordare197exactly, then turns it around saying 'I'm all high and mighty' if your supposed high and mighty clean when your wife is at her lowest (an example, not aimed at you love^^)
same ..i am only 19.never dated and never want to in future bcoz i see my dad behaving like that.like he can't even have dinner without creating a mess and acts so entitled.and always grumpy and angry at us.anyway i just think he is a heartless man
@@Srijakonduru9 Same. >:T Thankfully I'm gay but oh my god if I wasn't I would rather be alone forever.
@Srijakonduru9 but everyone is not like that. For example my husband does everything for me. He is a better cleaner, cook than me. He don't even wait till I do something. Whenever I have exams he dont let me do anything. Even clean my plates.
Man I feel really good about my choice of spouse, I’m a housewife/SAHM to be but he’s a neat freak and so conscientious. Most of my spare time is spent gardening, crocheting, sewing, researching the paranormal, painting, sculpture, writing/drawing my own comics. I do admittedly cook a LOT but it’s a passion I’ve always had. I wouldn’t be able to do everything I do if he didn’t clean up after himself immaculately and tend to things like the lawn or home repairs immediately. When I’m sick he makes me oatmeal and soup and he does the laundry and dishes and takes out the trash without being asked. My grandma had a similar marriage-she too was a housewife and SAHM but my grandpa was extremely meticulous and tidy and she didn’t have to worry about ANYTHING. There are still some good men out there-get yourself an engineer and history nerd and you’ll never have to worry about anything.
SAHM=having spare time
Most women are not so fortunate and their income is as necessary to the household as the husband's.
my cat precious used to open my LOCKED door. he used his claw to unlock it (the lock is a slit that you can fit a quarter in) and he then would open the door. he would also meow at around 3am and sound like he was saying "hello? hellooo?"
Super late, but please tell me you were joking, PLEASE.
I laughed at cat joke because the other day i had to wash my cat and he went and opened the bathroom door to avoid the bath and i had the same exclamation "so you DO know how to open doors?!" Lol however, the rest of this video was just like a documentary of when i was married .. honestly it's just sad.. many many women live like this with zero help, or support
Now ask me why I’ve done the “I’m not cleaning or cooking” bit. It works, did it once, proved my point and the entire house grasped that they live here and should help.
My parents have been married for nearly 2 decades, my mom used to be a SAHM up until my brother and I started elementary school. At that time she would do all the house work, after she started working my dad helps around the house. He cleans the whole house on Saturdays, my mom sweeps the house Monday-Friday but my dad does a deep cleaning of the house on Saturdays. It’s a team effort.
I just had to write a comment in appreciation to your parents.
lovely to see a positive comments reading all these married horror stories hahah good grief
The cat opening the door and him freaking out was killing me
The cat was CLEARLY trying to play it off 😂
@@tkhachiikr 😂😂😂😊
I've been watching layze for 2 years now, I always thought u were so underrated I'm glad u hit 700k I'm so excited for u to hit 1 mil
This also applies to family members too, sadly. When hes asked to do something, my little brother would pretend like he doesnt know how to do it or come up with some lame excuses that hes sick then mom just leaves him be.
I have a baby sister going on 18 and she lives by this code and like a monster in the descent
This is my sister. She is now 45 and my mother still goes to her house every week to do a full meal prep cook for the week for her. I'm the youngest and I was the one doing all the cooking and cleaning when I was 14 until I finally moved out.
Layze you should do a video on The Swan show from 2004. They pick “ugly” girls to get a WHOLE BODY plastic surgery makeover to make them “pretty.” It’s the craziest show ever
16:05 not stormy trying to act like nothing happened😂😂
You are their partner, not their parent. If they want to be taken care of like a child, tell them to go back home. It's better being alone than dealing with all of that.
8:45 HELP THEY BOTH WENT DIFFERENT DIRECTIONS 💀💀
IKR I ACTUALLY LAUGHEDDDD😭😭😭
Some people will put up with anything to not be single
My brother used to do this when we were growing up 💀 He literally would say “If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it well, and they won’t ask again.” And it was true. He wasn’t asked to clean but my sisters and I were. He’d walk by a dirty kitchen like 👨🏽🦯➡️and then complain that he couldn’t find a dish. He’s married now, too. 🤷🏽♀️
His poor wife. In my house, someone like your brother would have been singled out to do the dishes *all* the time instead. "Brother, you didn't do a good job with the dishes so from now on you're in charge of dishes because you clearly haven't had enough practice. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect and until you're can wash dishes perfectly clean, you'll be on dish duty. I'll watch you wash and correct you or instruct you again if you forget how. Any broken dishes would be deducted out of your allowance."
@@RaiunHanaperiod
@RaiunHana that's how they should do it too!
weaponised incompetence is why I wanna stay single. Btw your videos get better and better every time I watch your vids. Keep up the good work, Layze!
14:44 no if u look like THAT then ur the type of person who makes “prison” or “getting arrested” thirst traps 😭😭😭
No I was thinking that too-😭
That intro is flashy
Facts
Tengen 2.0
My husband is the worst when it comes to not rinsing cups out and bowls etc, and when any kind of milk is in the sink turning into some kind of science project I tell my husband flat out he's doing the dishes. I hate the smell of rotten milk!!
Stop buying milk for him lol. That's so gross, it's gonna grow mold or something & then it's gonna have to be washed with bleach to be really clean, and I doubt he'll do that.
Or, if this is the only time he does stuff like this, you can get him to use plastic throwaway cups. But if he does this all the time he doesn't deserve the short cut with cups lol.
@@XthepumpkinqueenxXxno just dont treat him like a child 💀 thats a full grown adult we talking about
I can't even!!! ❤❤❤ You are soooo freaking adorable. I am so glad I found your channel this morning ❤
The delulu sign still slays💅
So many women end up doing the vast majority of the housework, in relationships that really offer them so little, and it's no good. I wonder if having a romantic relationship at the center of one's life will eventually, soon, cease to be a mainstream thing. It's possible to be happy without one. (And I'm really glad you bring attention, Layze, to the unequal expectations about housework in relationships. Seen you do it, before, too.)
It’s been happening for decades now. It used to be an insult to be alone with cats, but honestly as time goes on it seems like a dream come true! 😂
Likely that's been around for years, husbands making the wives do all the cleaning because they're 'busy' and get mad when the wives stand up for themselves. Not to mention how they start lying to get an pity party & shift all the blame onto the wives
Trust me more and more women are choosing to stay single, myself included!
@@brookelynnwu8016i completely agree with you. I Love living alone with my 2 cats😂
Sociologist Arlie Hochschild wrote a book on this! The way that women are disproportionately responsible for house work and child care (despite entering the labor force) is called the ‘second shift’
"my wife stopped cleaning" was truly code for, I am trying to shame her for it with the video because poor me doesn't have any shame left
Layze may not be pregnant but he always delivers 💯💯
Fr
10:47 A roast is a pot roast. He's asking her to make dinner.
It's a meal that is mostly meat, with some vegetables. The ingredients are similar to a stew. It's made in a crock pot.
It is a VERY simple dinner to put together for an able bodied person. The idea that someone with Google could be bad at making one is very silly. She needs to rest and heal, so being up and about would be harder for her. He needs to man up and figure it out.
Obviously being a new dad can be exhausting, too, but that doesn't justify his rude and disrespectful behavior.
Neither my husband or I expected anything from each other for like the first 6 weeks after our son was born.
My fiance will help me do ANYTHING, but i aint letting him cook cause last time he made something he put CHILI seasoning in spaghetti. He said he was throwing all the spices in cause he thought it would taste good, IT DIDN'T 😂 from that day on he was done in the kitchen. But hes honestly the most helpful person i know, these women SHOULD NOT be putting up with men like that.
No, no, he needs to learn how to make basic spaghetti
He isn't a small child. Let him cook.
My cat opens doors all the time, but the scary part was when she learned the same movement could also CLOSE doors! When the door to the closet in the hallway slammed shut at 3 am and I was the only one home...I just prayed my death would be quick and painless then my CAT ,Diamond , came strutting in all proud for learning a new trick while I was sitting there in shock waiting for my heart to restart. If she wants pets, she'll come up and either gently slap you or grab your clothes. Or she'll sit on her hind legs and use both front paws to pull your hand on to her head! She figured out how to sleep INSIDE the mattress. One afternoon, I let her outside for a bit to roam. She came stumbling back home at 4 am with a mouse that had a missing leg and dropped it at my feet. I later found out that cats see humans as other cats and feel obligated to take care of the weakest member of the clan which in her eyes..is ME! 😅
I found her last year behind a dumpster. We think she was the leader of an Alley Cat gang or something.
She a good cat that doesn't claw or scratch furniture and the only thing I did to train her was gently say " Diamond.. if you start scratching up my vintage furniture me and you gonna have some problems." I kid you not she looked at me and walked over to the scratching post and never did it again! She being babysat by the in-laws now and they are sending non-stop pictures and videos of her strange and very intelligent behavior and even said she tried scratching there but after just literally telling her no gently she stopped 😅.
i love your cat 😂😂
@kaluca haha thanks love, she's a wild Thang!
I loved reading this 😂❤ love it! Give her kisses from me!
I love diamond, just thought I'd let you know. 😂
Ours can push the door open as long as it's not closed. Scared the shit out of me each time. We also had a dog, and he knew how to open doors. He would jump on the knob and gnaw at it until the door opened. At first we started locking the door and eventually my grandpa put a gate in front, so he couldn't get in unless someone unlocked the gate lol
8:46 the kiss was so far apart I couldn’t stop laughing
As someone who has been married for almost 12 years, not all marriages are like the ones in the video. My hubby and I treat our marriage as a team effort. We both pull our own weight and help eachother when needed especially if we are sick, hurt or just not wanting to😂 I love my husband so much🥰
Also cats can learn how to open doors. I taught mine but I also had the door knobs with the handles that pull down
aww thats good, God bless
I’m really appreciative for the internet because I feel like it’s forcing society to talk about things like this.
For my entire life, weaponized incompetence was expected, like it was the default state of being a man. If a man loaded the dishwasher, he was practically treated like a god. Men, even the “best ones” who “helped”, expected to be waited on hand & foot by women, esp their wives, even if they said they didn’t.
It’s ridiculously common, to the point that us girls were saying we didn’t want to get married bc we didn’t want to clean up after a husband on the elementary school playground. I’ve had male coworkers “joke” about forgetting how to do chores once they get married bc “she just does everything for me!” It’s so gross.
I hope that people shining a spotlight on this behavior and relentlessly mocking these manbabies promotes change and some manbaby self reflection.
the lights are home but nobody is on got me
13:01 that family is so wholesome! It’s obviously a skit and he is very good to his wife and kids. His oldest Makenzie is deaf and has.
Cochlear implant
Absolutely he is really good to his wife and two daughters
@9:05 I am fuming HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
u scare me😨
@@brokeprincessasame!😭
The roast one pissed me off. She just gave birth. I would definitely just get up and leave immediately.
Frrrrrr
When I was watching Diary of a Wimpy Kid I thought the weaponised incompetence was normal because Rodrick and Greg were a teen and a kid
These are grown ass adults
The "what's a roooast?!" was kinda adorably wholesome 😂
Some of my friends husband's are like this. There is a limit to trying to advice them because all of their answers like this. "But then job will never get done", I will have to do it anyways... bla.bla
One of my friend was sick and was in the hospital for 4 days and husband left everything for her to clean after she come back from hospital.
It's the truth though, either they do it or the chores will remain undone. The partner obviously doesn't care about the state of the house, so no matter what you can't force them to do it
@@endermanowa That doesn’t mean you clean up after your husband. Just clean your stuff and keep it moving. What I don’t get is how these ladies can still have smex with these man babies. Being irresponsible is such a turn off for me.
Oh my gosh literally what is wrong with men 🤢😭
Never been married but way too many guys are like this so thank you for calling them out, you should make more of these.
Fr SO many men it is so ridiculous and unfair
16:18 I once heard my cat say hewwo and I said hello back and then I just got a meow then..
I feel for the lady having to clean the kitchen. This is about what happens between my husband and I. Very frustrating.
12:00 my cat tries to open the door all the time. She has figured out is has something to do with the doorknob but she hasn’t figured out how to work the doorknob yet. 😂
Yeah my cat too! She stands up and uses her two front paws to reach for the handle then she tries to apply pressure to the door by using her weight to push it forward 😭 cats are so smart