Hearing about the passive bosses who avoid confrontation made me think of my own manager. It’s so tough to work in that kind of environment where no one takes responsibility
I have no data to back this up but I see this happening more often than a few years ago. I'm not sure if it's people who are worried about getting fired for a mistake or what but we cannot succeed as a company without people being willing to make decisions, take accountability and try new things. Great leaders create an environment where people can do that and everyone benefits.
Dealing with a bad boss is one of the most challenging and draining experiences in the workplace. Whether they are overly controlling, dismissive, manipulative, or simply ineffective, a bad boss can create a toxic work environment that affects your job satisfaction, productivity, and mental well-being. However, learning how to handle a bad boss with professionalism and tact is essential not only for your own peace of mind but also for maintaining your career trajectory. The first step in managing a difficult relationship with a boss is to recognize the issue without personalizing it. It's easy to internalize the negative behavior of a boss, particularly if they are frequently critical or dismissive. However, understanding that their behavior often reflects their own insecurities, pressures, or shortcomings can help you separate your self-worth from their actions. This detachment allows you to maintain your confidence and not be overly affected by the emotional ups and downs created by their leadership style. Effective communication is key when dealing with a bad boss. Try to remain professional and calm in your interactions, no matter how challenging they may be. If your boss is unreasonable, setting clear boundaries and respectfully expressing your needs and concerns can help create more constructive communication. It’s important to be assertive without being confrontational, making it clear that you expect mutual respect. For example, if your boss is prone to micromanaging, calmly explain how you work best and suggest ways you can be more productive without constant oversight. Another strategy is to manage expectations. If your boss is disorganized, unrealistic, or fails to communicate effectively, it may be helpful to over-communicate and clarify objectives or deadlines. Keep track of your work, document key conversations, and ensure there’s written evidence of agreements or expectations. This protects you in case your boss’s behavior creates misunderstandings or problems down the line. When a boss’s behavior crosses the line into abuse, bullying, or harassment, it is crucial to take action. Documenting the incidents, talking to HR, or seeking advice from a trusted colleague or mentor can help you understand the best course of action. If you feel comfortable doing so, consider having a direct but respectful conversation with your boss about their behavior. However, if the situation is toxic or doesn’t improve despite your efforts, it may be necessary to explore alternative options, such as transferring to a different team or looking for a new role. Building strong support systems within the workplace is also helpful when navigating difficult relationships with a boss. Having trusted colleagues who understand your situation can provide both emotional support and practical advice. Additionally, leaning on your support network outside of work, such as friends or family, can offer perspective and encouragement during challenging times. Ultimately, handling a bad boss requires a blend of emotional intelligence, professional boundaries, and self-care. It’s essential to prioritize your mental health and career goals while navigating the complexities of a difficult work environment. In some cases, this might mean taking proactive steps to improve communication or assert boundaries. In others, it might involve seeking out a healthier work environment if the situation becomes untenable. While no one should have to endure a toxic work relationship, handling a bad boss with dignity and professionalism can ensure that you maintain your integrity and well-being, no matter the circumstances.
The way he described the 'global destructive factor' was both funny and terrifying. It’s outrageous how much a bad boss can wreck not only a team but an entire company
I see it all over. One toxic leader affects their team and whoever encounters the leader or their team gets impacted as well. It spreads like wildfire!
His advice to clarify instructions with a messy boss is something I need to start doing. I’ve been stuck in situations where I have no idea what’s going on because my manager’s all over the place.
Hi Barker :) Your dog is so cute! Clarifying instructions is really helpful for you and for your manager. Sometimes, they don't realize they aren't giving clear instructions or they aren't aware of the information they are missing. It will help both sides :)
I have so much respect for him for being so open about his personal struggles. It’s not easy to talk about mental health issues and suicide attempts, especially in such a public space
Thank you :) It's not an easy thing to do but it's the reason that I was compelled to give this talk/do the work that I do. For me, I wanted to turn my pain into purpose to make a bigger impact and support people who have bad bosses and support managers becoming better leaders :)
The part where he said setting boundaries with passive-aggressive bosses is key was so true. There's some stuff I’ve been afraid to speak up about but this talk made me realize I have to stand my ground
I'm really glad you took that away, Gert! You can stand your ground and teach people what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior for you. It will change your life!
As someone who's dealt with a passive-aggressive boss, this hit close to home. Wish I'd known these strategies earlier. Better late than never, I guess.
Passive bosses are less damaging overall but they do create internal struggle for their people since people aren't aware of the expectations. They are less upfront about it but it still damages people's performance and wellbeing.
Great point about destructive leadership being a learned behaviour. A lot of corporations have poor training to support employee advancement. It's like 'you were good at sales, so you'll make a good sales manager' without training them to be great leaders.
No doubt about it! Harvard Business Review posted a statistic that on average, people become supervisors at 29 and they receive leadership training at 42. I can't think of any other job which receives no training...not to mention, one with so much impact on people's lives.
That's brutal Jordan. I've experienced that too and it led me to leaving that organization (when I was told that none of my work were actually my ideas...). It's really hard to deal with and leaders who have inflated views of themselves are really tough to work with.
No doubt about it, Kitty! It's a widespread problem and it's hurting too many people mentally and physically. We all need to work together to create better working environments for everyone!
I totally agree with him about how toxic bosses are way more common than we think. I’ve worked for a few and they just have no idea how destructive they were.
I'm glad to hear someone talking about this. I think the tone in the workplace is set by those in charge and when that person doesn't know how to put their team above their own ego it really all goes downhill
100%! Toxic leaders destroy organizations from the inside out. There's a stat from Gallup that reports that an actively disengaged employee costs 9 times their salary. I don't know the cost of a toxic leader but I know of a few cases where that cost would be in the 100X or 1000X.
100% Ashley. I knew it and yet I couldn't see the broader perspective. That's what I hope people can get from my talk. I hope people can see that they have a choice and they have the power to make it.
The way he tied leadership to mental health really got me thinking. It’s crazy to think about how much our well-being depends on the environment we work in
There's a poll from earlier in 2024 where people rated that their manager had the same impact on their mental health as their partner and more than both their doctor & therapist. It's shocking but we do spend a huge portion of our time at work so it's a major driver for both our mental and physical health.
Brilliant insights! I’ve worked closely in the mental health field now for over 20 years and everything Rob says is spot on. Protecting our peace, our worth and recognizing what leadership strategies we are under is invaluable to a positive work experience. Thank you Rob for bringing this information forward and touching lives as you do so well. Looking forward to more from you. Our world needs heart centered leaders, such as yourself.
I wish I had heard this advice before! Understanding your boss’s behavior is important, but knowing when to step back and not enable their abuse is even more crucial
You nailed it! Taking care of ourselves first is the most important part. I spoke with a client today who's career has been impacted by a bad boss many years ago. It can stay with you.
the bit about understanding your boss's behavior but not enabling abuse was crucial. wish someone had told me that years ago, could've saved myself a lot of grief
Great to hear it, Lyndsay! We all have the capacity to behave in destructive ways (I do too!) and we can unlearn the a$$holery. Self-reflection, getting feedback from your team and getting a coach would be my recommendations.
Hi Beckett, thanks for your comment! Unfortunately, that's often the case. Power within organizations makes a big difference and, in a lot of cases, the bosses have it.
Best practices, procedures, and technology are important but secondary to the role of leadership in shaping a positive culture. It's true there's a trend being seen of people proudly leaving their jobs, often highlighting issues with bad management. Leaders have the power to positively influence organizational culture. I've seen firsthand the impact of good leadership, even in the most basic and unexpected situations. Earlier this year, I was looking for a swimming coach to teach me how to swim. I was visiting different places and had to interact with the security guards at the gate. I didn't realize that I was basing my decision to hire a coach on the behavior of the gatekeepers until I visited a club now led by an Australian named Michael. The security guards at this building guided me in a congenial manner, making me feel comfortable and safe, compared to others in that block. They also provided additional information that helped me make my decision. It became clear to me that strong leadership had taken over the entire team, right down to the security guards.
I've had to coexist with Bad Bosses but now desperately hope that I don't become a bad boss myself. Rob's discussion is a data-backed reminder of what to strive for and what to avoid. Well done and thank you Rob. AND, for those investors out there, the message should go broader than bosses. This framework should be used to assess management teams and Boards of Directors - those that represent you and your investment.
Thank you so much Aaron! You definitely won't become a bad boss so don't worry about that! It's absolutely true for investors & boards. Many founders get stuck in destructive behaviors and it ruins the company's chance at success. As I mention in the talk, these bad boss behaviors are not who you are. You can identify them and change so the growth mindset is such a key element for investors, founders and leaders. No one was "just born" a great leader, we learn and grow into one!
Great job, Rob! Thank you for your courage as a man revealing your story of bullying. We think it is mainly a women's issue and you vividly and vulnerably show us all that it is SO not.
Thank you so much Bonnie! As someone who spent 10 years in heavy industry in environments that are mostly men, I have seen bullying that has shocked me. I'm so glad that you're tackling the bullying issue and we need more people like you in the world!
100% and it's not about shaming anyone. We all have had moments where we displayed those behaviors. The key is learning and growing from our mistakes. It starts with the openness to change and the curiosity to understand why we do what we do.
Rob, congratulations on releasing your Ted talk. It’s been excellent to be your friend and also colleague during all of these years. I look forward to growing our relationship! Congratulations 🎉
The practical strategies for dealing with toxic leadership are invaluable, and I completely agree with his emphasis on protecting mental health in the workplace. Rob is incredibly insightful and resonates deeply with my own experiences. GREAT TEDx!
Thank you so much Rui! Health & wellbeing are so important for leaders to consider, not only as people but even just in terms of productivity (happier people are more productive). It's better for everyone to create healthier workplaces!
Dealing with a difficult boss sucks. I’ve had 8 different direct reports. All fell in different ranges of leadership levels. My newest one has definitely challenged me. Nice strategies listed
Thanks! That's the fun part of leadership is we are always needing to grow and learn. Many of my older clients are finding it challenging to adapt to Gen Zs and how they navigate remote work. It keeps us on our toes!
This talk made me realize I've been the "messy" boss sometimes. Oof. Time to get my act together and stop confusing my team. Thanks for the reality check 👌🏻
Thanks for watching, William! I have messy tendencies too. I have a checklist to make sure I give the right details and, when I give tasks, I always make a point to ask my team what questions that I can answer for them. Pro tip - ask "what questions..." not "do you have any questions". It's a facilitator strategy :)
Absolutely Maki! It's very common in workplaces which have cultures of blame or when the managers themselves have limiting beliefs. It can be very hard to deal with since you may need budget/resources to do your work and you'll need to build influence with people outside of your manager.
Me too! I learned about QuitToks in early 2022 and they are still relevant today! To me, it shows how Gen Zs and younger Millennials are not putting up with bad bossery anymore and they're happy to tell the world about it! It's a fascinating time!
This talk should be mandatory viewing for every HR department. Maybe then they'd actually do something about toxic bosses instead of just sending useless surveys.
Congrats on releasing your TED Talk Rob! I'm glad I could get to know you and learn from you. Love how you made parallel between handling your dog and manage bosses. My dog is teaching me so many things about myself which makes having a dog a self-awareness training :)
Yup, I can speak to this for sure. I left my last workplace because it had gotten super toxic as a result of high manager turnover and just zero continuity in terms of values
Okay wow I've never thought about how much my messy boss might be affecting my mental health... I've tried to set boundaries in the workplace and they're the only person who acts like they think they don't have to respect them
Thank you so much Rose! I see it a lot with my clients who don't get the right support from their managers for project details. It can be really disruptive since we don't know how we are performing. How are you setting boundaries and, if they don't respect them, how do you respond to them?
They are! I work with a few people who have messy and cowardly bosses and I also have a few clients that we are working on more effective/clear delegation and communication strategies. People who have pleasing tendencies or want to avoid confrontation are the ones who usually fall into these categories.
It's heartbreaking and I'm not the only one. I was trapped so deeply in my mind that I could not see another way. If anyone feels this way, healing is possible and, as much as it can be incredibly hard to see, you can heal too.
Powerful message. Winston is a great reminder that there’s always a better way! Love it! Micromanaging is not the answer. This talk is super-relevant, because there are a lot of bad bosses out there.
Powerful message and amazing storytelling. I couldn't agree more that coming back to the basics is where it all matters. Culture eats strategy for breakfast!
The idea of "unlearning assholery" is brilliant. Gonna make that my new life motto. Watch out world, a slightly less assholish version of me is coming!
Thanks Parly! Many people grow up learning that we need to be a certain way at work (I did) and, as I spoke about, it leads to a lot of suffering as well as poor results. If we can learn what masks we wear, we can open our perspective to what's going on internally for others. That empathy and compassion is game changing!
@@BossCoachRobK That makes a lot of sense! Thanks for taking the time to reply to me. Going to be doing a lot of thinking about the masks I wear and what I'm trying to hide with them
So powerful! I've had a few @$$h0le bosses and it made me question what's the point? Do I quit? Is it me? And yeah, I'm sure some of it was, but no boss should yell and scream and threaten you on a weekly basis. No job is worth your life. I love mart your dog! Everyone who is in leadership--or works for any kind of company from Fortune 500 to the local convenience store needs to watch this talk.
Thinking about this topic I realise that my approach when I have to deal with a bad boss is to leave the working environment. Of course this is not an act to avoid difficult times. These decisions were made after long consideration of the situation and were based to the fact that these kind of people do not really change. Not because they can't but because they don't want or try. And because of that, having issues with a toxic boss will most probably become a repeated story. A healthy working environment is vital and and an unquestionable factor when we are talking for piece of mind and mental well-being. I remember once I had to approach a difficult situation and I had to cross the boarders in order to save myself from a really strange situation. When it comes to dispute of morals like dignity, protecting oneself it is one-way road. Do you think the other way?
Thank you so much George! You're absolutely right that we cannot force others to change, we can only change ourselves. I'm glad you were able to save yourself from a toxic boss!
It's a big reason why they asked me to speak! They have huge problems with work and people suffering/dying from those dynamics. It's sad to see it but having a law creates accountability where in North America, we don't have the same legal rights.
There's a reason they're called "leaders" they're meant to set the tone for the way things are done and if you have one that doesn't get it right it's the absolute worst
The comparison between workplace dynamics and Japanese theater was really poignant! Never thought about how we all put on "masks" at work. Deep stuff for sure
Thanks Arthur! It was an honor to be on a Noh stage and there are a lot of internal layers to how we show up in all areas of our lives (work, with family, with friends, sports, etc.). I'd recommend reflecting on the areas of your life where you feel like you can't show up as yourself. It may open up a new perspective :)
I had two AH bosses at two companies who would not speak to me, would not invite me to staff meetings and then complain about not doing what they expected. I did my job I was hired for and had good results, but I would find out it was always wrong from back channels. The emotional drain on the plants was huge.
I can't believe how long it took me to realize he was wearing socks and then also why he wasn't wearing shoes. Very cool though. Bet he bought a fresh pair specifically for the talk
Hey Thomas, I usually wear shoes but there is a reason for the socks (and they are brand new). This is a Japanese Noh theater stage and it is believed that there is a God living in the stage. These socks are called Tabi socks and they need to be brand new each time you step on the stage :)
I understand Mat! It's a lot to get into 18 minutes! I will have a book for you soon that will go much deeper into each of the boss types with strategies too. I can't post a link in the comments since it gets removed but I have a free e-book on my website too - How to Deal Boss.
Once I had bad bosses. And I need to admint I was lucky to notice and run away from them. I usually say people are changing jobs because of thier bosses and not because they don't like the job. I was trying to live up for her. After several month I noticed she is not a leader but a boss who is pushing you down. Was a true passive-agressive boss with violating actions. Have you experienced the same? Please share!
![Felix "Unfair" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Oswujxm2Ag0/mqdefault.jpg)
Hearing about the passive bosses who avoid confrontation made me think of my own manager. It’s so tough to work in that kind of environment where no one takes responsibility
I have no data to back this up but I see this happening more often than a few years ago. I'm not sure if it's people who are worried about getting fired for a mistake or what but we cannot succeed as a company without people being willing to make decisions, take accountability and try new things. Great leaders create an environment where people can do that and everyone benefits.
Dealing with a bad boss is one of the most challenging and draining experiences in the workplace. Whether they are overly controlling, dismissive, manipulative, or simply ineffective, a bad boss can create a toxic work environment that affects your job satisfaction, productivity, and mental well-being. However, learning how to handle a bad boss with professionalism and tact is essential not only for your own peace of mind but also for maintaining your career trajectory.
The first step in managing a difficult relationship with a boss is to recognize the issue without personalizing it. It's easy to internalize the negative behavior of a boss, particularly if they are frequently critical or dismissive. However, understanding that their behavior often reflects their own insecurities, pressures, or shortcomings can help you separate your self-worth from their actions. This detachment allows you to maintain your confidence and not be overly affected by the emotional ups and downs created by their leadership style.
Effective communication is key when dealing with a bad boss. Try to remain professional and calm in your interactions, no matter how challenging they may be. If your boss is unreasonable, setting clear boundaries and respectfully expressing your needs and concerns can help create more constructive communication. It’s important to be assertive without being confrontational, making it clear that you expect mutual respect. For example, if your boss is prone to micromanaging, calmly explain how you work best and suggest ways you can be more productive without constant oversight.
Another strategy is to manage expectations. If your boss is disorganized, unrealistic, or fails to communicate effectively, it may be helpful to over-communicate and clarify objectives or deadlines. Keep track of your work, document key conversations, and ensure there’s written evidence of agreements or expectations. This protects you in case your boss’s behavior creates misunderstandings or problems down the line.
When a boss’s behavior crosses the line into abuse, bullying, or harassment, it is crucial to take action. Documenting the incidents, talking to HR, or seeking advice from a trusted colleague or mentor can help you understand the best course of action. If you feel comfortable doing so, consider having a direct but respectful conversation with your boss about their behavior. However, if the situation is toxic or doesn’t improve despite your efforts, it may be necessary to explore alternative options, such as transferring to a different team or looking for a new role.
Building strong support systems within the workplace is also helpful when navigating difficult relationships with a boss. Having trusted colleagues who understand your situation can provide both emotional support and practical advice. Additionally, leaning on your support network outside of work, such as friends or family, can offer perspective and encouragement during challenging times.
Ultimately, handling a bad boss requires a blend of emotional intelligence, professional boundaries, and self-care. It’s essential to prioritize your mental health and career goals while navigating the complexities of a difficult work environment. In some cases, this might mean taking proactive steps to improve communication or assert boundaries. In others, it might involve seeking out a healthier work environment if the situation becomes untenable. While no one should have to endure a toxic work relationship, handling a bad boss with dignity and professionalism can ensure that you maintain your integrity and well-being, no matter the circumstances.
Great advice and thanks for sharing!
The way he described the 'global destructive factor' was both funny and terrifying. It’s outrageous how much a bad boss can wreck not only a team but an entire company
I see it all over. One toxic leader affects their team and whoever encounters the leader or their team gets impacted as well. It spreads like wildfire!
His advice to clarify instructions with a messy boss is something I need to start doing. I’ve been stuck in situations where I have no idea what’s going on because my manager’s all over the place.
Hi Barker :) Your dog is so cute! Clarifying instructions is really helpful for you and for your manager. Sometimes, they don't realize they aren't giving clear instructions or they aren't aware of the information they are missing. It will help both sides :)
I have so much respect for him for being so open about his personal struggles. It’s not easy to talk about mental health issues and suicide attempts, especially in such a public space
Thank you :) It's not an easy thing to do but it's the reason that I was compelled to give this talk/do the work that I do. For me, I wanted to turn my pain into purpose to make a bigger impact and support people who have bad bosses and support managers becoming better leaders :)
The part where he said setting boundaries with passive-aggressive bosses is key was so true. There's some stuff I’ve been afraid to speak up about but this talk made me realize I have to stand my ground
I'm really glad you took that away, Gert! You can stand your ground and teach people what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior for you. It will change your life!
Thank you for the practical advice on dealing with different types of bad bosses. Judging from the stats a lot of people will benefit from hearing it.
Thank you so much Susan!
@@BossCoachRobK 😀😀😀
As someone who's dealt with a passive-aggressive boss, this hit close to home. Wish I'd known these strategies earlier. Better late than never, I guess.
As the expression goes, the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, the second best time is today :)
Never realized how damaging passive bosses could be. Guess it's not always the aggressive ones who are the problem.
Passive bosses are less damaging overall but they do create internal struggle for their people since people aren't aware of the expectations. They are less upfront about it but it still damages people's performance and wellbeing.
Great point about destructive leadership being a learned behaviour. A lot of corporations have poor training to support employee advancement. It's like 'you were good at sales, so you'll make a good sales manager' without training them to be great leaders.
No doubt about it! Harvard Business Review posted a statistic that on average, people become supervisors at 29 and they receive leadership training at 42. I can't think of any other job which receives no training...not to mention, one with so much impact on people's lives.
His breakdown of different boss types was spot on. I’ve had a passive-aggressive one who always took credit for my work, and it drove me crazy
That's brutal Jordan. I've experienced that too and it led me to leaving that organization (when I was told that none of my work were actually my ideas...). It's really hard to deal with and leaders who have inflated views of themselves are really tough to work with.
Love how he balanced humor with serious content. Made it easier to swallow some hard truths about workplace dynamics.
Thanks Farah! It's an important conversation to have and I wanted to balance it with lightness since it can become too much really easily.
Totally agree about the impact of toxic leadership. It's shocking how prevalent it is and how damaging it can be
No doubt about it, Kitty! It's a widespread problem and it's hurting too many people mentally and physically. We all need to work together to create better working environments for everyone!
@@BossCoachRobK it hurt me, good talk Rob!!!
The story about Winston was adorable but also very enlightening. Managing a dog and a team have more in common than I thought!
Thank you so much! Winston teaches me so much about leadership!
@@BossCoachRobK I get it, thanks again
I totally agree with him about how toxic bosses are way more common than we think. I’ve worked for a few and they just have no idea how destructive they were.
Absolutely! Everyone has had one or many throughout their careers. It's too common!
I'm glad to hear someone talking about this. I think the tone in the workplace is set by those in charge and when that person doesn't know how to put their team above their own ego it really all goes downhill
100%! Toxic leaders destroy organizations from the inside out. There's a stat from Gallup that reports that an actively disengaged employee costs 9 times their salary. I don't know the cost of a toxic leader but I know of a few cases where that cost would be in the 100X or 1000X.
The last 3 minutes of how to handle each type of bad boss is really good. Gonna be bookmarking this talk. Thanks Rob!
Thank you so much Harry!
I felt that part where he said no job is worth your life. It’s such a simple thing, but we forget that when we’re in the middle of a toxic situation
100% Ashley. I knew it and yet I couldn't see the broader perspective. That's what I hope people can get from my talk. I hope people can see that they have a choice and they have the power to make it.
The way he tied leadership to mental health really got me thinking. It’s crazy to think about how much our well-being depends on the environment we work in
There's a poll from earlier in 2024 where people rated that their manager had the same impact on their mental health as their partner and more than both their doctor & therapist. It's shocking but we do spend a huge portion of our time at work so it's a major driver for both our mental and physical health.
Loved the story about his dog Winston! It was such a relatable way to explain how we often try to control things that are just out of our hands.
Thanks Liza! Everyone loves Winston!
He is right, just quitting isn’t always the answer. Sometimes you need to figure out a strategy to deal with a difficult boss first
Brilliant insights! I’ve worked closely in the mental health field now for over 20 years and everything Rob says is spot on. Protecting our peace, our worth and recognizing what leadership strategies we are under is invaluable to a positive work experience.
Thank you Rob for bringing this information forward and touching lives as you do so well. Looking forward to more from you. Our world needs heart centered leaders, such as yourself.
Thank you so much Joselyn! Having a better work experience is better for everyone and it takes small shifts to make that happen!
I wish I had heard this advice before! Understanding your boss’s behavior is important, but knowing when to step back and not enable their abuse is even more crucial
You nailed it! Taking care of ourselves first is the most important part. I spoke with a client today who's career has been impacted by a bad boss many years ago. It can stay with you.
the bit about understanding your boss's behavior but not enabling abuse was crucial. wish someone had told me that years ago, could've saved myself a lot of grief
Me too! At least you know it now and you can act on it as you go forward in your career :)
@@BossCoachRobK thanks, good talk...
As a manager myself, this talk was a wake-up call. Gonna do some serious self-reflection on my leadership style. Hope I'm not the a**hole boss!
Great to hear it, Lyndsay! We all have the capacity to behave in destructive ways (I do too!) and we can unlearn the a$$holery. Self-reflection, getting feedback from your team and getting a coach would be my recommendations.
I’ve worked in HR for a while now, and honestly, he is right.. Reporting a bad boss isn’t always the solution. Sometimes, you just have to leave.
Hi Beckett, thanks for your comment! Unfortunately, that's often the case. Power within organizations makes a big difference and, in a lot of cases, the bosses have it.
Best practices, procedures, and technology are important but secondary to the role of leadership in shaping a positive culture. It's true there's a trend being seen of people proudly leaving their jobs, often highlighting issues with bad management. Leaders have the power to positively influence organizational culture.
I've seen firsthand the impact of good leadership, even in the most basic and unexpected situations. Earlier this year, I was looking for a swimming coach to teach me how to swim. I was visiting different places and had to interact with the security guards at the gate.
I didn't realize that I was basing my decision to hire a coach on the behavior of the gatekeepers until I visited a club now led by an Australian named Michael. The security guards at this building guided me in a congenial manner, making me feel comfortable and safe, compared to others in that block. They also provided additional information that helped me make my decision. It became clear to me that strong leadership had taken over the entire team, right down to the security guards.
Awesome to hear!
I've had to coexist with Bad Bosses but now desperately hope that I don't become a bad boss myself. Rob's discussion is a data-backed reminder of what to strive for and what to avoid. Well done and thank you Rob. AND, for those investors out there, the message should go broader than bosses. This framework should be used to assess management teams and Boards of Directors - those that represent you and your investment.
Thank you so much Aaron! You definitely won't become a bad boss so don't worry about that! It's absolutely true for investors & boards. Many founders get stuck in destructive behaviors and it ruins the company's chance at success. As I mention in the talk, these bad boss behaviors are not who you are. You can identify them and change so the growth mindset is such a key element for investors, founders and leaders. No one was "just born" a great leader, we learn and grow into one!
Great job, Rob! Thank you for your courage as a man revealing your story of bullying. We think it is mainly a women's issue and you vividly and vulnerably show us all that it is SO not.
Thank you so much Bonnie! As someone who spent 10 years in heavy industry in environments that are mostly men, I have seen bullying that has shocked me. I'm so glad that you're tackling the bullying issue and we need more people like you in the world!
good on him for sharing his personal struggle. takes guts to talk about svicide attempts on a TEDx stage. respect.
Did a great job of sharing the personal struggles and delivering on the talks title. Well done.
Thank you so much Eryn!
@@BossCoachRobK so welcome!!!!
All bosses need to see this, because at time all bosses are bad
100% and it's not about shaming anyone. We all have had moments where we displayed those behaviors. The key is learning and growing from our mistakes. It starts with the openness to change and the curiosity to understand why we do what we do.
Rob, congratulations on releasing your Ted talk. It’s been excellent to be your friend and also colleague during all of these years. I look forward to growing our relationship! Congratulations 🎉
Thank you so much, Ellis!
Hearing him talk about wearing a mask at work was so relatable. I’ve done that for years, pretending everything’s fine when inside, I was crumbling
I'm sorry you had to deal with that Carly. It's so terrible and I wish that you're in a much better place now!
@@BossCoachRobK thnx, appreciate you replying
The practical strategies for dealing with toxic leadership are invaluable, and I completely agree with his emphasis on protecting mental health in the workplace. Rob is incredibly insightful and resonates deeply with my own experiences. GREAT TEDx!
Thank you so much Rui! Health & wellbeing are so important for leaders to consider, not only as people but even just in terms of productivity (happier people are more productive). It's better for everyone to create healthier workplaces!
Dealing with a difficult boss sucks. I’ve had 8 different direct reports. All fell in different ranges of leadership levels. My newest one has definitely challenged me. Nice strategies listed
Thanks! That's the fun part of leadership is we are always needing to grow and learn. Many of my older clients are finding it challenging to adapt to Gen Zs and how they navigate remote work. It keeps us on our toes!
Loved the comparison between managing a dog and dealing with a bad boss. Really puts things into a very relatable perspective!
Thank you so much Georgia! Dogs can teach us so much and I've learned so much about leadership from Winston!
@@BossCoachRobK Very cool! Thanks for the reply!
This talk made me realize I've been the "messy" boss sometimes. Oof. Time to get my act together and stop confusing my team. Thanks for the reality check 👌🏻
Thanks for watching, William! I have messy tendencies too. I have a checklist to make sure I give the right details and, when I give tasks, I always make a point to ask my team what questions that I can answer for them. Pro tip - ask "what questions..." not "do you have any questions". It's a facilitator strategy :)
The statistic of only one-third of people work for a non-destructive bosses is crazy! Screams of how bad we are doing at training leaders.
According to Gartner, 85% of new managers receive no training so we're not even trying to create better leaders!
Ngl, I rolled my eyes at first when he started talking about his dog. But, that analogy actually made so much sense by the end!
Glad you enjoyed it! Winston teaches me a lot!
Great job Rob. So many people need to hear what you have learned so they can work happy like you do!!!
Thank you so much Greg! It's a big problem that we're both working on!
This is interesting... In my experience it's never worth it to stay in a company with poor leadership
Thank you!
I’ve had bosses who were exactly like the 'cowardly' type he mentioned. It’s so frustrating to deal with someone who avoids making any real decisions.
Absolutely Maki! It's very common in workplaces which have cultures of blame or when the managers themselves have limiting beliefs. It can be very hard to deal with since you may need budget/resources to do your work and you'll need to build influence with people outside of your manager.
I found the part about 'quit talks' fascinating. It's crazy how many people are driven to such extremes by poor management.
Me too! I learned about QuitToks in early 2022 and they are still relevant today! To me, it shows how Gen Zs and younger Millennials are not putting up with bad bossery anymore and they're happy to tell the world about it! It's a fascinating time!
This talk should be mandatory viewing for every HR department. Maybe then they'd actually do something about toxic bosses instead of just sending useless surveys.
I hope so too! If you know any HR folks, send them my way!
Congratulations Rob! You have som much to share- I am glad to see you on this platform!
Thanks Matt! I'm grateful that we have the chance to make magic together!
Love this! Thanks for sharing, Rob! 💡 Mental health and toxic leadership are such important topics. Nobody should suffer in silence!
Thank you so much Molly! Let's make a different and work together to foster better working relationships with our bosses!
Navigating difficult relationships can truly be wearing on the mind-body. Great tips to manage relationships while keeping health a priority. 🙌
Thanks Jennifer! It's so important to prioritize ourselves and our health!
So many great points! Love Rob's story about his dog Winston, and how they have built a relationship with no mask.
If only we could all be like WInston! 🐶
Good leadership is simple but not easy. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
Thank you so much! Leadership is a skill and we can learn the behaviors to be a great (or in this case, non-destructive) leader!
Congrats on releasing your TED Talk Rob! I'm glad I could get to know you and learn from you. Love how you made parallel between handling your dog and manage bosses. My dog is teaching me so many things about myself which makes having a dog a self-awareness training :)
Winston is the best teacher! He's the leadership labradoodle :) Always here to support you Dorka so feel free to reach out if I can support you!
Yup, I can speak to this for sure. I left my last workplace because it had gotten super toxic as a result of high manager turnover and just zero continuity in terms of values
I'm glad you were able to leave Henry! Have you found a better environment now?
Great Advice Rob! Thank you for sharing and Congratulations! 👏
Thank you so much Nipuni!
Okay wow I've never thought about how much my messy boss might be affecting my mental health... I've tried to set boundaries in the workplace and they're the only person who acts like they think they don't have to respect them
Thank you so much Rose! I see it a lot with my clients who don't get the right support from their managers for project details. It can be really disruptive since we don't know how we are performing. How are you setting boundaries and, if they don't respect them, how do you respond to them?
300% hike of depression in toxic workplaces! Choose where you work wisely people.
Absolutely, Luis!
Shocked that passive/cowardly bosses are still a huge problem as well.
They are! I work with a few people who have messy and cowardly bosses and I also have a few clients that we are working on more effective/clear delegation and communication strategies. People who have pleasing tendencies or want to avoid confrontation are the ones who usually fall into these categories.
Excellent Talk. Extremely relevant!! Those charts are staggering! I've suffered at the hands of some of them red bosses firsthand!
Thank you so much and I'm sorry you had to suffer through those bad bosses. Hopefully you have found a better place now!
Great talk Rob! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Lerida!
Thanks for having me!
Such a great leader! Honored to have been in the leadership locker room with Rob!
@@charlikmatthews_empowering thanks Charli! Let's make some great leaders together!
@@BossCoachRobK You got it!
So proud of you buddy. You should be on more and more stages.
Working on it, Eric! Thanks for your support and I love all the work you're doing!
Dear Rob, what a nice TED Talk. Thanks for creating it and sharing it! Look forward for extending our relationship further!
Thank you so much Roberto! I appreciate your feedback and I'll talk to you soon!
Global destructive factor!! It does sound like an 80s movie, but it's staggering that you have only a 30% chance of getting a good boss worldwide.
Haha I love classic action movies! We need to hire and train leaders more effectively so we can shift these numbers!
Unsuccessful unaliving attempt, just get up and go to work like nothing happened 💔
It's heartbreaking and I'm not the only one. I was trapped so deeply in my mind that I could not see another way. If anyone feels this way, healing is possible and, as much as it can be incredibly hard to see, you can heal too.
Powerful message. Winston is a great reminder that there’s always a better way! Love it! Micromanaging is not the answer. This talk is super-relevant, because there are a lot of bad bosses out there.
Winston's no longer my secret guru :) He's now a world-famous leadership labradoodle!
Brilliant talk and fantastic insights! Thank you, Rob!
Thank you so much!
Great job Rob!
Thanks Clive! It means a lot coming from you!
Powerful insights!
Thank you!
Powerful work Rob let’s take the power away from A-Hole Bosses!
Thank you so much, Gary! We're working together to make this happen across the globe!
Powerful message and amazing storytelling. I couldn't agree more that coming back to the basics is where it all matters. Culture eats strategy for breakfast!
Thank you so much Dennis!
Great speach Rob, Congrats! Thank you for sharing! Valuable advice as always!
Thank you so much Hugo!
The idea of "unlearning assholery" is brilliant. Gonna make that my new life motto. Watch out world, a slightly less assholish version of me is coming!
Haha! That's one of my favorite parts too! I need to get some t-shirts printed!
I've had my share of working for micro managers and it's always an awful experience. Great presentation Rob!
Interesting insights into Japanese work culture. The concept of H and Tate May really resonated with me.
Thanks Parly! Many people grow up learning that we need to be a certain way at work (I did) and, as I spoke about, it leads to a lot of suffering as well as poor results. If we can learn what masks we wear, we can open our perspective to what's going on internally for others. That empathy and compassion is game changing!
@@BossCoachRobK That makes a lot of sense! Thanks for taking the time to reply to me. Going to be doing a lot of thinking about the masks I wear and what I'm trying to hide with them
Congrats on delivering your talk 🙌
I appreciate it Faris! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
That's some phoenix rising from the ashes stuff right there. Mad inspirational.
Thank you so much Gabe! I hope it helps you!
The message about removing masks and building genuine relationships at work is spot on. Easier said than done tho, especially in competitive fields.
No doubt about it Alan! It takes a lot of self-work, courage and exploration to be able to learn how to do that and, a non-destructive workplace :)
Great talk! I like the statistics on different types of bad bosses. The messages on how to deal with them is also very useful. Thanks!
Thank you so much Vivian! There are so many bad bosses out there and we need to make it better!
I'm going to try that direct communication thing with my passive-aggressive co-worker tomorrow. Fingers crossed it doesn't escalate the situation lol
How did it go? I'm just seeing this comment now!
So powerful! I've had a few @$$h0le bosses and it made me question what's the point? Do I quit? Is it me? And yeah, I'm sure some of it was, but no boss should yell and scream and threaten you on a weekly basis. No job is worth your life. I love mart your dog! Everyone who is in leadership--or works for any kind of company from Fortune 500 to the local convenience store needs to watch this talk.
It never is!
huh, yep been there done that with bosses
I'm sorry that you experienced that. I hope you are working in a better environment now!
Thinking about this topic I realise that my approach when I have to deal with a bad boss is to leave the working environment. Of course this is not an act to avoid difficult times. These decisions were made after long consideration of the situation and were based to the fact that these kind of people do not really change. Not because they can't but because they don't want or try. And because of that, having issues with a toxic boss will most probably become a repeated story. A healthy working environment is vital and and an unquestionable factor when we are talking for piece of mind and mental well-being. I remember once I had to approach a difficult situation and I had to cross the boarders in order to save myself from a really strange situation. When it comes to dispute of morals like dignity, protecting oneself it is one-way road. Do you think the other way?
Thank you so much George! You're absolutely right that we cannot force others to change, we can only change ourselves. I'm glad you were able to save yourself from a toxic boss!
The idea of paying someone to quit for you is both hilarious and sad.
It says a lot about the cultural norms in Japan compared to other parts of the world.
Congratulations Rob, this was amazing! 🤩
Thank you so much Beatrice!
First acknowledge your own limits about misconducts of others. Then, ask for respect. Finally, quit if necessary.
Great advice Sebastien! We have the ability to choose to change. If our managers continue to be toxic, then we can always choose to leave.
Congrats Rob ~
Thank you so much!
I can’t believe there’s an actual law in Japan against 'power harassment.' It’s so necessary, but sad that it even has to exist in the first place.
It's a big reason why they asked me to speak! They have huge problems with work and people suffering/dying from those dynamics. It's sad to see it but having a law creates accountability where in North America, we don't have the same legal rights.
This is great! I quit my job and started my own business. Best decision I’ve ever made.
Great to hear it, Paula! Good luck with your business!
There's a reason they're called "leaders" they're meant to set the tone for the way things are done and if you have one that doesn't get it right it's the absolute worst
100% Raquel! Unfortunately, leader has become a title not a mindset, practice and set of behaviors.
The comparison between workplace dynamics and Japanese theater was really poignant! Never thought about how we all put on "masks" at work. Deep stuff for sure
Thanks Arthur! It was an honor to be on a Noh stage and there are a lot of internal layers to how we show up in all areas of our lives (work, with family, with friends, sports, etc.). I'd recommend reflecting on the areas of your life where you feel like you can't show up as yourself. It may open up a new perspective :)
I had two AH bosses at two companies who would not speak to me, would not invite me to staff meetings and then complain about not doing what they expected. I did my job I was hired for and had good results, but I would find out it was always wrong from back channels. The emotional drain on the plants was huge.
I'm sorry you had to deal with those bosses, Gary! I hope you have a great leader now!
bruh the global destructive factor graph hit me like a ton of bricks... No wonder I feel like I'm in a toxic waste dump at work.
The part about different boss types was interesting... Pretty sure my last three managers were playing boss-type bingo or something.
What's the free square? 😁
I know how to handle a boss like that, but I am not allowed to say it out loud....
🤣
Another idea is just to become the boss! Then nothing can stop you!
🤣the wild part is that even CEOs have bosses!
Working out which boss you have and how interact with them might drastically improve your work life.
It can! You can use strategies to achieve your goals by knowing what boss you have :)
Anyone else find it ironic that we're all watching this on company time? Or is it just me? Lol for real though this is a great talk.
Thank you so much! Don't worry about watching it on company time, learning is part of your growth plan! 😁
I can't believe how long it took me to realize he was wearing socks and then also why he wasn't wearing shoes. Very cool though. Bet he bought a fresh pair specifically for the talk
Hey Thomas, I usually wear shoes but there is a reason for the socks (and they are brand new). This is a Japanese Noh theater stage and it is believed that there is a God living in the stage. These socks are called Tabi socks and they need to be brand new each time you step on the stage :)
Where was this when I was in my last job🙄🙄🙄
Danny, I hope your new job is in a good place!
I kinda wish he'd gone deeper into strategies for each boss type. felt a bit surface level. still, good starting point I guess
I understand Mat! It's a lot to get into 18 minutes! I will have a book for you soon that will go much deeper into each of the boss types with strategies too. I can't post a link in the comments since it gets removed but I have a free e-book on my website too - How to Deal Boss.
Once I had bad bosses. And I need to admint I was lucky to notice and run away from them. I usually say people are changing jobs because of thier bosses and not because they don't like the job. I was trying to live up for her. After several month I noticed she is not a leader but a boss who is pushing you down. Was a true passive-agressive boss with violating actions. Have you experienced the same? Please share!
Oh no! I'm glad you were able to identify her passive aggressiveness Sometimes, that's a hard one to figure out and choose how you want to respond!