@@DiffiCULTChildhood I was married at 21, "unscripturally divorced" in my mid-30s, and spend a good five years before I woke up with the idea that dating was basically out of the question. Now I see the teenagers at work having a more rounded concept of how dating works than I have. I feel like everyone else is playing chess, and I'm still barely getting the hang of checkers.
Oh yeah? Although I left the JWs at 24, I was a virgin until 33, first kiss at 32. Even though I wanted a wife much earlier in my late teens early twenties. But of course I was not high enough on the totem pole, and I had social anxiety. I was a virgin, I wasn't even masturbating. Jehovah's Witnesses took my youth. They took my right to youthful love. Everyone should get to fall in love in their youth even if it doesn't work out. I waited until after the bloom of youth like they said to do and then when I asked for help in finding a mate they flipped out on me. Told me to wait until after the new system. That was 30 years ago. Then to top it all off, when I finally did get up the courage to go with someone first kiss I found out she was living with a man and a woman having sex with both of them. First kiss of my life and who knows where those lips were the night before. I should have got a virgin just like me. All high body count non- JW women. Damned if I do damned if I don't. All I ever wanted was a Jehovah's Witness virgin but they didn't help me with that.
Ever hear of the 20/80 effect? 20% of males have sex with 80% of women and it all starts in adolescence. By the time high school graduation rolls around the majority of graduating females have engaged in sexual activity. A few male players having sex with a lot of females. The 20/80 effect. That is why most men will never have sex with a virgin much less marry one. And studies have shown that women who are virgin at the time of marriage bring the most stability to a marriage, have the strongest pair bonding with husbands and such marriages have the least divorce. . Watch the video by Von Hanshaw entitled Why A Man Needs To Marry A Virgin.
i honestly didnt realize how much growing up in this organization damaged me until i started dating my bf, now husband, once i really got my own life i realized how little i knew about life. thats when the resentment started
Like how long was the usual first date to marriage timeline? Less than two years? And so many literally married the first person they meet in their late teens early 20s
IF the courtship lasted 2 whole years start to finish, that's usually because both families were saving enough to cover the wedding. Window washing doesn't pay what it used to. 🙄
Falon. Your remark about not going to the elders regarding marriage difficulties is shared by many. Indeed, more than a few of them have marital/family problems themselves. These things are covered up because they have to protect the positions they hold. These individuals are not qualified to counsel married couples. For one thing, they cannot keep confidentiality. What sane person would want they're marital difficulties spread throughout the congregation. Couples having marital problems would do well to seek the help of a professional counselor. Courtship and marriage has been going on for thousands of years. Why its felt that this information will improve matters mystifies me.
Interesting subject. Dating was pretty much totally off limits to me when I was a JW. This was mainly because of the rules. You know, no dating until you're at least 18. Then you know the expectation that you'll dedicate your entire life to someone you just met a few months ago. And the role that id be forced to play in a marriage. Leading making ask the decisions ect. The entire idea was massively unapealing to me. But also it's not like anyone was interested in me anyway. Then I woke up at 25 realized I have no idea what dating is and I've actually never been on a date. At 30 I see less and less chance that it'll happen. Obviously it (dating) happens to everyone and so on... It's almost inevitable. But I just can't even imagine who would be interested. Much less what I'm supposed to do when I meet that person. They'll have this entire set of expectations and all I have are psychology podcasts and zero experience. Fortunately I avoided the whole misogyny, & I deserve a date line of thinking. But still there's too much baggage that I can't imagine who'd actually want to be around that. Friends are fine with me though. They didn't seem to think I'm wierd or anything like that. So people seem to like me fine in that regard. But soon as the subject of being anything more than friends comes up. Then it's just a lot of--I'm sure you'll find someone someday.-- But eh, could be worse, and it's a good way to practice graciously accepting rejection and being happy on my own. Plus I'm non binary and pansexual all things that severely limit who would even consider dating me.
That’s a lot. I’m sorry you went through that. I found that after I left, slowly the de-programming helped me realize that I could date men as well. Now I’m in a happy relationship with a man. I guess I’m gay now? lol. Who cares? I’m happy. - Jason
I'm happy things worked out for you. Really 😊🤘 @@DiffiCULTChildhood And yeah the dating subject covers up once in a while. And it's a bit depressing, but I am quite happy on my own. Maybe too happy on my own 😂 at this point I'm not really sure I want the usual living together kind of relationship. I like my personal space. There are no rules to dating though. So it could happen and I could still retain my own bedroom and personal space. Anyway great episode, can't wait for the next part of your episode here. 👍
@@DiffiCULTChildhoodsame-ish. I am definitely happy on my own. There's no desperate need to date or anything like that. There's just a frustration that I never got to experience a relationship. And that it was basically by design that my parents and Jehovah's witness theology made sure that I stayed single. Between deliberately taking me out of school when I was like 8 and then meetings and so on demonizing dating. I didn't think I ever really had a chance. Anyway, probably tmi, and I'm not all doomer about it. Long as I'm alive there is a chance. But i can't really say that I'd be absolutely content and happy if I died tomorrow and never got to experience even a single date. Lol.
It’s comforting to find out I wasn’t the only one who knew nothing about sex. I remember being 10-11 years old and every weekend there was a wedding (or so it seemed) - I was mesmerized by it all & couldn’t wait till I was old enough too. Most of these young brothers & sisters were 18/19 years old. When I was 17 I started dating a brother in the congregation. I had no idea about how to date. I’m actually mortified at the amount of effort my mother put into “helping” - I believe she desperately wanted me married & gone. She’d drive me to his work (an hour away) just to have lunch with him. We got married 8 months after my 18th birthday. It was a true life Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde situation. Of course because of JWs rules on dating - I’d never been alone with him. On our wedding night he raped me. The next 2 years were full of abuse, his drug addiction, & police. And through it all - I’m the one who got disfellowshipped. I didn’t understand how a truly loving god & organization could standby and do nothing.
And to be clear, the JW organization policies have very, very little to do with God. They are a man-made sham. I'm so sorry to hear of your experience, I hope you've been able to find peace in your life on the outside! Sending love! -Falon
I got married at 27 and he was 29. And we STILL had no clue about dating. Marriage barely lasted 10 years. The "box checking" is exactly why it did not last. In laws were also JWs from hell. So, the JW culture is set up to have HORRIBLE marriages. Add to this the young age many get married and it's truly a disaster. Love your channel!!
I don’t think there’s an overabundance of “eligible” sisters. Like you said in the video, Many of them are looking for a “brother” that is doing The religious hamster wheel has all these qualifications, etc., which is not realistic for everyone. Some of us have to work full-time, Move around and don’t get privileges, etc., etc. And I know not everything, but you at least have to be attracted to your mate because you’re not going to be seeking your physical needs elsewhere so you at least want to be able to be attracted to your mate enough Want to be physical with them on a regular basis, and often times I’ve noticed that All the good looking ones get scooped up by the typical popular JW “Chad’s“ that are popular and are in all the social circles, That reach out and have status in the congregation etc. I’ve had some beautiful women in my life, And was married to a very beautiful woman but I’ve noticed that majority of The good looking women that I was able to scoop up and date were Non-JW women when I was out. When I was looking in the organization, all the good looking ones were always taken. Or if there were some good looking ones, they had baggage and children from other men, and who wants to raise another man’s child. Been there done that won’t do that again. So it’s actually extremely rare for a A man to find an eligible “Sister“ in the organization. I’ve talked to many “brothers“ that have found this to be the case as well and they are also somewhat successful in life have decent money have decent looks etc. and still… Maybe it’s a Canada thing.
Waking up and leaving in my 40s, having to learn what dating is and how it works at my age is a huge source of resentment for me.
Same. Plus embarrassment for me. Yikes - Jason
@@DiffiCULTChildhood I was married at 21, "unscripturally divorced" in my mid-30s, and spend a good five years before I woke up with the idea that dating was basically out of the question. Now I see the teenagers at work having a more rounded concept of how dating works than I have. I feel like everyone else is playing chess, and I'm still barely getting the hang of checkers.
Oh yeah? Although I left the JWs at 24, I was a virgin until 33, first kiss at 32. Even though I wanted a wife much earlier in my late teens early twenties. But of course I was not high enough on the totem pole, and I had social anxiety. I was a virgin, I wasn't even masturbating. Jehovah's Witnesses took my youth. They took my right to youthful love. Everyone should get to fall in love in their youth even if it doesn't work out. I waited until after the bloom of youth like they said to do and then when I asked for help in finding a mate they flipped out on me. Told me to wait until after the new system. That was 30 years ago.
Then to top it all off, when I finally did get up the courage to go with someone first kiss I found out she was living with a man and a woman having sex with both of them. First kiss of my life and who knows where those lips were the night before. I should have got a virgin just like me. All high body count non- JW women. Damned if I do damned if I don't. All I ever wanted was a Jehovah's Witness virgin but they didn't help me with that.
Ever hear of the 20/80 effect? 20% of males have sex with 80% of women and it all starts in adolescence. By the time high school graduation rolls around the majority of graduating females have engaged in sexual activity. A few male players having sex with a lot of females. The 20/80 effect. That is why most men will never have sex with a virgin much less marry one. And studies have shown that women who are virgin at the time of marriage bring the most stability to a marriage, have the strongest pair bonding with husbands and such marriages have the least divorce. . Watch the video by Von Hanshaw entitled Why A Man Needs To Marry A Virgin.
i honestly didnt realize how much growing up in this organization damaged me until i started dating my bf, now husband, once i really got my own life i realized how little i knew about life. thats when the resentment started
Did anyone else pick up on that subtle quick little “that’s what she said “that he slipped into the conversation? Priceless ha ha 😆
Therapist: didnt you see all the red flags?
Me: yes, i thought it was a carnival!
Really looking forward to the interview with Mike Gonzalez!
I’m just finishing the edit of Mike’s interview. Going to drop it tomorrow! He has some great thoughts to share, I think you’ll like it!
Like how long was the usual first date to marriage timeline? Less than two years? And so many literally married the first person they meet in their late teens early 20s
IF the courtship lasted 2 whole years start to finish, that's usually because both families were saving enough to cover the wedding. Window washing doesn't pay what it used to. 🙄
@@DiffiCULTChildhood bam!
‘That’s what she said’!!!!! Haha
You can see her "stop it Jason" smirk. lol
You said it so subtly but I'm so glad I heard it lol
Falon. Your remark about not going to the elders regarding marriage difficulties is shared by many. Indeed, more than a few of them have marital/family problems themselves. These things are covered up because they have to protect the positions they hold. These individuals are not qualified to counsel married couples. For one thing, they cannot keep confidentiality. What sane person would want they're marital difficulties spread throughout the congregation. Couples having marital problems would do well to seek the help of a professional counselor. Courtship and marriage has been going on for thousands of years. Why its felt that this information will improve matters mystifies me.
Interesting subject. Dating was pretty much totally off limits to me when I was a JW. This was mainly because of the rules. You know, no dating until you're at least 18. Then you know the expectation that you'll dedicate your entire life to someone you just met a few months ago. And the role that id be forced to play in a marriage. Leading making ask the decisions ect. The entire idea was massively unapealing to me. But also it's not like anyone was interested in me anyway.
Then I woke up at 25 realized I have no idea what dating is and I've actually never been on a date. At 30 I see less and less chance that it'll happen.
Obviously it (dating) happens to everyone and so on... It's almost inevitable.
But I just can't even imagine who would be interested. Much less what I'm supposed to do when I meet that person. They'll have this entire set of expectations and all I have are psychology podcasts and zero experience.
Fortunately I avoided the whole misogyny, & I deserve a date line of thinking.
But still there's too much baggage that I can't imagine who'd actually want to be around that. Friends are fine with me though. They didn't seem to think I'm wierd or anything like that. So people seem to like me fine in that regard.
But soon as the subject of being anything more than friends comes up. Then it's just a lot of--I'm sure you'll find someone someday.--
But eh, could be worse, and it's a good way to practice graciously accepting rejection and being happy on my own.
Plus I'm non binary and pansexual all things that severely limit who would even consider dating me.
That’s a lot. I’m sorry you went through that. I found that after I left, slowly the de-programming helped me realize that I could date men as well. Now I’m in a happy relationship with a man. I guess I’m gay now? lol. Who cares? I’m happy. - Jason
But to clarify first, I found myself content being alone. Robert just snuck up on me. 😆
I'm happy things worked out for you. Really 😊🤘 @@DiffiCULTChildhood
And yeah the dating subject covers up once in a while. And it's a bit depressing, but I am quite happy on my own. Maybe too happy on my own 😂 at this point I'm not really sure I want the usual living together kind of relationship.
I like my personal space. There are no rules to dating though. So it could happen and I could still retain my own bedroom and personal space.
Anyway great episode, can't wait for the next part of your episode here. 👍
@@DiffiCULTChildhoodsame-ish. I am definitely happy on my own. There's no desperate need to date or anything like that.
There's just a frustration that I never got to experience a relationship. And that it was basically by design that my parents and Jehovah's witness theology made sure that I stayed single.
Between deliberately taking me out of school when I was like 8 and then meetings and so on demonizing dating. I didn't think I ever really had a chance.
Anyway, probably tmi, and I'm not all doomer about it. Long as I'm alive there is a chance. But i can't really say that I'd be absolutely content and happy if I died tomorrow and never got to experience even a single date. Lol.
It’s comforting to find out I wasn’t the only one who knew nothing about sex.
I remember being 10-11 years old and every weekend there was a wedding (or so it seemed) - I was mesmerized by it all & couldn’t wait till I was old enough too. Most of these young brothers & sisters were 18/19 years old.
When I was 17 I started dating a brother in the congregation. I had no idea about how to date. I’m actually mortified at the amount of effort my mother put into “helping” - I believe she desperately wanted me married & gone. She’d drive me to his work (an hour away) just to have lunch with him. We got married 8 months after my 18th birthday. It was a true life Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde situation. Of course because of JWs rules on dating - I’d never been alone with him. On our wedding night he raped me. The next 2 years were full of abuse, his drug addiction, & police. And through it all - I’m the one who got disfellowshipped. I didn’t understand how a truly loving god & organization could standby and do nothing.
@@stephaniebarrett4492 there is an unspoken organizational rule that “marital dues” mean you can’t be r*ped. Thank you for sharing your story. 💛
And to be clear, the JW organization policies have very, very little to do with God. They are a man-made sham. I'm so sorry to hear of your experience, I hope you've been able to find peace in your life on the outside! Sending love! -Falon
I got married at 27 and he was 29. And we STILL had no clue about dating. Marriage barely lasted 10 years. The "box checking" is exactly why it did not last. In laws were also JWs from hell. So, the JW culture is set up to have HORRIBLE marriages. Add to this the young age many get married and it's truly a disaster.
Love your channel!!
Jw in-laws could be a whole episode 😆 Thank you for watching! -Falon
Not to mention we cant have sex until married thats what threw me into a bad marriage
I don’t think there’s an overabundance of “eligible” sisters. Like you said in the video, Many of them are looking for a “brother” that is doing The religious hamster wheel has all these qualifications, etc., which is not realistic for everyone. Some of us have to work full-time, Move around and don’t get privileges, etc., etc.
And I know not everything, but you at least have to be attracted to your mate because you’re not going to be seeking your physical needs elsewhere so you at least want to be able to be attracted to your mate enough Want to be physical with them on a regular basis, and often times I’ve noticed that All the good looking ones get scooped up by the typical popular JW “Chad’s“ that are popular and are in all the social circles, That reach out and have status in the congregation etc.
I’ve had some beautiful women in my life, And was married to a very beautiful woman but I’ve noticed that majority of The good looking women that I was able to scoop up and date were Non-JW women when I was out. When I was looking in the organization, all the good looking ones were always taken.
Or if there were some good looking ones, they had baggage and children from other men, and who wants to raise another man’s child. Been there done that won’t do that again.
So it’s actually extremely rare for a A man to find an eligible “Sister“ in the organization. I’ve talked to many “brothers“ that have found this to be the case as well and they are also somewhat successful in life have decent money have decent looks etc. and still… Maybe it’s a Canada thing.
*i know looks are not everything