I have to keep coming back to watch this video. Our kids keep bouncing between the stages. It’s driving me nuts. Thank you Dr Paul. You help keep me sane
How many here almost teary eyed to get some parenting help. Thank you for such spaces of relief on RUclips. No one there teaches practical stuff and it’s so hard being a good parent when ur own parents had no clue or the knowledge from sources like the internet to understand stuff. Control and Maturity can clear so much unnecessary lower emotional mess..
Your 14-minute videos last over 40 minutes from me pausing, writing, taking notes and thinking on how I do things. I am completely immersed in this whole idea of love, discipline, control, maturity thinking versus fight, garbage into gold, consequences, empathy. My brain actually hurts right now. I haven´t stopped since this morning. It´s like I am taking a seminar. Dr. Paul, I am sincerely grateful for your life, your time in making these videos, the times you answer my questions. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! You have truly blessed and changed my life and my teaching at school (Cause I don't have kids yet).
Lyllies, I love that you pause the videos and think about how they apply to your situation. We will have to see if we can get you some CE credits for all your hard work.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Hello Dr. Paul. Had to google what CE credits are cause I didn't know what they were ^_^ Panama City , Central America, offers nothing like that. My love for knowledge and learning, is what keeps me going on. Now that I know what CE credits are, I would love to earn some. If I need to apply or pay for them, I would gladly do it. THANK YOU AGAIN.
This is one of my favorites! Still working on stage one for some things with my eighteen year old! Thanks for helping me understand instead of feeling like I've failed her!
Live On Purpose TV Thank you as well. I’m glad to have a head start on these pre teen years thanks to your videos and I can already see the difference. 👍🏼
For being a new mom, I feel grateful to learn a lot from Dr. Paul channel. I love all of your talks with great sense of humor. It’s rare to see that trait in a psychologist.
I have to say this morning when I woke up I felt like I was lost, I have 12 year old and now it stating to make sense. Thank you so much for this video!!😊
Your comment made my date, afelliotto0712. I love doing the videos and it is so gratifying to know that people are benefitting. Honored to be on your team.
Dear Dr. Paul Jenkins, one day you will receive much positive attention! Thank you so much for the information. Thanks to you my intention of being a responsible father and man in my early 20s becomes realistic. Thanks to you my wife's and my attitude became "practice makes progress". I get a lot of positive feedback from my friends and family how my son is growing up. Many thanks from Germany❤️
My mom is a parent that doesn't care about our personal happiness or feelings, she's the only one that matters and we just have to do what she wants. When I say this, I'm not being a whiny brat. This is something she has expressed to me. She told me that the only thing that matters is that we're self suficient and that she doesn't care about us being happy.
Devonique, you'll hear time and time again here on the channel that your #1 job as a parent is to love them no matter what and even if. Parents have different ways of expressing that love, and some are better at it than others. One of the hopeful truths is that we don't have to be the same kind of parent our own parents were. Thanks for commenting! DrPaul
That's wonderful. But when your parent has expressed for years that your feelings mean nothing then outright says it to you, it's a bit difficult to process and not something that I take very lightly. I love my mom, I just don't think she's mentally healthy.
The thing I love about watching positive parenting channel is that it helps me to understand how some of the adult people I deal with became what they are. I have a parent who I'd say lacks a lot of responsibility: for her acts, her words, her own feelings, her own thoughts. Being her descendant it's very frustrating to realize that her example of how to be is not working well. Maybe we can influence the dynamics of the relationship but, unfortunately, we're not able to change how some adult people are (am I getting the point, Dr.Paul?), as it took long years for them to develop this. The good thing about all this experience, is that we've caught ourselves not too late, we know what we are dealing with (or starting to know), and will try to be better parents/future parents for our own children.
its not good to armchair diagnose people, but a therapist could probably give advice on how to communicate effectively & work on any trauma / attachment issues. Dr. Daniel Fox on youtube has compassionate videos about coping with personality disorders & people who experience them.
I see so many checked out parents. It's like parenting has gone out the window. I think the fact that you are addressing so many child raising issues in a positive manner is fantastic. I don't even have kids and I'm glad I found your channel. I do babysit nieces and nephews sometimes and am stumped at how to handle all kinds of situations. So it seems dumb for anyone to give your videos a thumbs down. :)
i'll probably use much of what you say when it comes to my daughter. It's relieving to see this, my parents did a number on me. I just hope i can do better, i don't want her to suffer like i do.
Mieszko, thanks for your comment. I really hope that this helps. You might also like our Parenting Power-up course - get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com - DrPaul
Keep watching V Vanaja - there's a whole Positive Parenting playlist here on the channel, and Vicki and I will be creating a digital program just for parents soon - probably within the next few months. DrPaul
The key here is in what you can enforce 100% whether or not you have buy-in or cooperation. Things like what you provide, services you offer, access you grant, permission you give - those are some categories that might get the creative juices flowing for you. Thanks for watching! DrPaul
Happened to accidently stump on your channel n loving it so much! I do understand what you are saying but still not fully got it. It would be nice if you can input some examples after your explaination. For e.g. you'd said consequences needed for both stage 1& 2 - So what kind of consequences are appropriate for both stages. How do I deal with my 11 yr old son who seems to fall in both stage 1 & 2? Is there any of your videos that are more clearer n deeper?
More coming all the time Emily. You might also like our Parenting Power-up course where we break down each stage with specific strategies for each one - get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com - DrPaul
I watched this video 6 times and today is my birthday and I asked my adult children to to gift me 15 minutes to watch this video together and no discussion about it just for us all as a family and my husband to absorb these guidelines !!!
You're welcome Miss m lbs - honored to be on your team. Check out the playlists here on the channel, and stay tuned - new videos coming out five times each week.
Quite interesting are your topics I have had challenges with my kids they have been difficult lot taking offence to correction to point of resentment,teaming up sympathetic with each other during disciplinary moments now grown angry negative and depressed.
My pleasure Jill - thanks for watching! I think you might also enjoy the Parenting Power-up course - you can get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com DrPaul
I have a daughter, now 30, easy child and made it to stage 3 with a few ups and downs. Is a responsible adult. Fast forward a few years…3 kids, 9,6,4. The kids are in complete control! I want to help but don’t want to be that “mom”. I just want to help them. My daughter feels like a failure and she and her husband just gives up and let’s the kids run all over them because they are worn out from the day and it’s “easier”.
Wow, there is a lot to that issue. It goes to the core of what we teach our kids and how to get them to internalize the material. I will have to get it onthe topic development list, Sirjana Subba.
you are helping me grow, LOVE the few watched videos today from '19/'20 but his one...your hair is so much darker!!!! it threw me off, and had to comment ;) but will be printing 'Stay Calm, Parent On' shirts (seriously) respect to you and your lovely wife :)
Would be good to have some kind of broad age groups for these stages. I really love the teaching in this - hope I remember to put them in practice with my now 4 years and 15 months old
I sometimes hesitate from giving age groups, because it really is more about stage than age. For you Chinenyenwa Ihe-Ezebuiro, the general groups are ages 0-7 stage one, ages 8-15 stage two, and 16+ stage three. That is purely a developmental guideline, however, because kids of any age can revert easily to stage one, and sometimes younger children show behaviors consistent with stage three. Hope this helps! DrPaul
I am 13 years old. My phone was broken a days ago. I asked my parents to get new phone and my dad says "If you want new phone, ask your mum, she has money, also buy second hands phone". But my mom sometime dont want and sometime she want. Also if she minding my mum dont want get me a phone, she said "Online school is end, now youre going a real school, so you just study and no need phone anymore" But all my cousins and siblings have phone, me only dont have it. I have good grades at exams also I have my online friends. Also my older bro 16 y/o got phone at 14 because of online school....... Sorry for bad grammar also Im using chromebook that limited access. How to solve this situation and get new phone??? If you saw this comment please reply asap....I'm really embarrassed and depressed...😭😭😭 also I commented here because the convince phone video comment not publishing
Get to stage three and show your parents how responsible you are. You could also consider doing some work to earn the phone. Ask your mum what it would take to get to yes and then listen.
When it comes to the state yeah we've already had a social worker visit our house and person enough it was because my son was abusing me and that was before he was actually diagnosed with ODD
My child had ADHD and autism and now he is 14 and I am finally trying to teach him to do chores and how to trust and all .. it seems as though he learns and he goes back to where he was before in about 3 months idk what's happening
Stay consistent Tina Lynn - especially when kids have some special needs or learning styles, the repetition is important. Be patient and keep watching! DrPaul
Read about executive functions. Maybe that Will help u understand a bit more the complex behavior your child shows. I have an almost 10 year old daughter with add and the challenge is real.
Malka A, I'm not sure why RUclips is just now showing me your comment... it may be too late, but in case you want to see some videos concerning toddlers, here they are: "How To Be A Better Parent To A Toddler" - ruclips.net/video/wFMRPwRvHhQ/видео.html "How To Deal With Toddler Tantrums" - ruclips.net/video/t5eCDgYGX0Q/видео.html "How To Get Toddler To Stop Hitting" - ruclips.net/video/Uny7obNleVk/видео.html Thanks for being at Live On Purpose TV.
Thank you Natalie - honored to have you here on the channel! I think you might also appreciate the Parenting Power-up Audio Course I did with my wife, Vicki. You can get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com DrPaul
Kantarzyna rochowicz, Stage 2 is where they communicate with you, they don't shut down or through a tantrum, but they are not doing things because it is the right thing to do or because it could help someone else. They do it because it benefits them, personally. The focus is still inward, but so much better than Stage 1. Stage 3 is when they take care of things on their own. Remember, a person could be in different stages depending on the duty. School can be different from home or grandma and grandpas different from home.
I have watched this over and over again and still do not really get it. I do get my nearly 9 year old throw fits still. not at school anymore but at home when he gets a consequence or told no. and sometimes when he dose not want to do something.
A Mc - keep watching and practicing! Vicki and I are in the process of putting together an audio course for positive parenting which will come out later this summer. Stand by and I'll make an announcement when it is ready. That will give us the time to dig in a little deeper than we do in these short videos. DrPaul
Wow!! As usual Dr. Paul you've nailed it correctly!! This is so very educative and has helped me clearly understand the importance of stages of maturity and to deal with the little ones as is appropriate of the different stages they belong to. I was actually rushing them into stage 3 and expecting a positive response, which obviously didn't happen😁😁 and now I know where I went wrong. Thank you very much for your help and guidance! Your channel has become the best base for a fresh perspective on positive parenting and I simply love that name! It's so full of impact!👏👏👏👌👌👌👍👍
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Ha ha ha....As long as you are there to educate and support us, of course, each day is a new day and learning more comes naturally. Thank you very much for these wonderful videos and the immense help and knowledge shared! Honoured vice versa too😊😊🙏🙏
I've just discovered your video's and I like how you conduct yourself and explain your points. You are a good teacher. I've been having challenges with my toddler and came here for wisdom and knowledge to help communicate better with my daughter. My toddler flicks between stage 1 and 2 depending on how she feels on the day and her feelings. She is a typical 3 year old and has the 'All about me' personality but she has shown empathy towards me and my feelings at times...I have been trying to teach her that mummy gets tired too, mummy gets sad as well. I want to give my 3 year old more freedom which is why I do have the motto 'As long as I see her, it's fine' when out in public, she needs physical space to feel like an individual person but I have a boyfriend that has anxiety and thinks I'm too laid back. Could I use a consequence if she goes too far away from me like 'You can run in front of me but if you run too far away then you will have to walk by my side.' I can't use the word consequence as I don't think she knows what that means yet.
Yes, you can say, I need to be able to see you and you need to be able to see me at all times. If I can't see you, then you will need to stay closer to me.
😭 my 9 yo is so defiant I’m at wits end! I’ve taken away all electronics things that he care about he STILL is testing me!!! So his very last thing has been taken away! I appreciate your videos! I never considered the levels of maturity. So do you have a video specific to the struggle of graduating from stage 1 to stage 2 of maturity? He does it for me but when will he decide when it’s important to HIM to do what’s required.?
Oh no! Consider my parenting power up course or a membership at go.liveonpurposecentral.com. We have discussion groups and office hours with me there. Try to find him doing something right and reward him for it, no matter how small so he can see what that feels like.
A biiiiig Thank You 🙏 My 5 year old son is definitely on stage 2 even 3 sometimes but 9 old girl 🙄 stage (-1) always me, my , stomping, loud , water in the eyes . She’s amazingly talented - best in her class , plays violin, she can whistle almost perfect . She’s seems okay with everyone except me - she actually asked me - do you actually love me? What kind of question is that 🙄
You are welcome, M M. We have videos where I explain the 3 Stages of Moral Development to kids, if you want to share one with your daughter (pick the one that best fits your family scenario: "What To Do When Your Parents Are Over Protective?" - ruclips.net/video/a4EAyWRYEeM/видео.html "How To Convince Your Parents To Get You A Phone" - ruclips.net/video/Zpuqf9N6KhQ/видео.html "How To Convince Your Parents To Get A Dog" - ruclips.net/video/v-o7L_Mwbgw/видео.html This one is good too, but it only briefly explains the stages: "How To Improve Relationship With Parents" - ruclips.net/video/29tjHdEAyPM/видео.html Thank you for being at Live On Purpose TV.
We all go back and forth in the stages - it’s really more of a dynamic than a static thing. What we want to teach here is a little cause and effect, so the kids learn that WHEN they are in a higher stage they experience more control (synonymous with freedom). DrPaul
Hi there I seriously need advice on how to fix the situation with a therteen year old son constantly getting aggressive and bulling me the mother and his brother.his maturity level would be on one.
it is best if you train your children for the responsibilities of adulthood. “You don’t want to keep them dependent upon you until they turn eighteen and then dump them out into the real world,” says the book How to Raise an Adult. A19#2
Thanks it's very helpfull; need you to give keys to how to deal with 20 yeard old who's still in stage 1. Ps. We don't live in the US and kids do'nt move out when they're older.
Ghadir Baghajati, Sounds like she might need a goal. Start small and build to something more challenging. As she sees she can difficult things, she will gain confidence.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thanks for your reply; yes indeed, the problem is that we live in "Syria" you know? It was a war zone for most of her choldhood and adolesence years; and still is in some areas. But in our city we're living the after war crisis that doesn't leave much hope for the youth any more. I'm trying to provide her security that might with time give sence of life, and some meaning to life for her again, still need some tips from you. . Thanks again.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I explain and talk to him...he has started to speak at 3 years old (he was exposed to 4 languages..) before he was observing a lot. My concern is that he always tries to listen conversations between adults (he thinks they are more interesting) and not sure if I should encourage him as this may make him feel "misplaced' with people of his age?
As a new father love your vids they are great n I have implemented them on my family, it has strengthen my bond with my wife n we hardly ever discipline our kid cause he is extremely helpful n confident but do u have any vids on dealing with older sibling who is depressed has bpd n multiple personality... She blames everyone n everything if there is no one to blame she blames her mental illness, she constantly brings up the past n has this thought she's the good person n has done nothing wrong, and even if u have a great time with her when she visits to be with her nephew she immediately goes n brings up everything and ruins the good times.... I'm at my wit's end n I'm literally thinking's she's not just crazy but insane... I tried being positive, I tried being happy n supportive but nothing helps she makes herself hopeless n no matter what I do I can't talk her out of it n it always always ends with her claiming suicide or homicide n I just can't deal with it I try to tell her not to call me about that because I have a family I have to give attention n love to n I can just keep being positive and happy with a constant n depressing black hole ever present as of right now I want to completely cut ties I don't want her in my families life because I just don't want her to have that kinda influence to my two n a half year old.
William Diaz, for some reason there have been a few older emails that RUclips is just now showing me, and yours is one of them. I'm very sorry that I never saw your email before. If this is still a problem with your daughter, here are a few videos that may be helpful: "How To Help My Daughter With Depression" - ruclips.net/video/Ss6BYl2ngg8/видео.html "Mental Health Evaluation In 10 minutes" - ruclips.net/video/h0jHkOCO63I/видео.html "How To Help A Negative Person Become More Positive" - ruclips.net/video/JV6OjcJcAE8/видео.html Here are a couple for her to watch: "How To Be A Happier Teenage Girl" - ruclips.net/video/zrlv98eniPo/видео.html "Positive And Negative Self Talk - Voices In Your Head" - ruclips.net/video/KtqcpRUM1lU/видео.html Please consider that she might need some counseling or coaching to help her work through the more difficult issues. Thank you for watching Live On Purpose TV.
What if they hover between Stage 1 and 2 in terms of their reactions and ability to reason. For example if a child readily helps with tasks and chores around the home but pitches a fit when provoked by their siblings and at that point are "impossible" to reason with.
Stephanie Thompson, anyone can be on different stages with different things. That just tells us where we need to do some work. Let them know that you will not interact with them while they are "impossible." Time out works good for this.
So when my kid stomps and freaks out because I asked them to do something..its still considered stage 2? Cause ill ask my son and sometimes he stomps and gets annoyed but he still does it. Am I not supposed to correct that response?
Our grandson was taken away from his parents and we ate raising him. He is 11 and on stage one. Its definitely not about age. His development is definitely arrested and our question is, how to get a child to stage 2 and onto stage 3? The toughest stage is stage one because it's all selfish and with no cooperation. How do you give positive consequences in stage one without cooperation? Help!
When you see them doing something right, you give praise. You also give then an incentive to want to obey the rules and then reinforce that life is better when we are taking responsibility.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV You it is my option to remove the things I control but what would you do if they are non compliant and would you implement it immediately?
Oh my god! My 15 year old is on the stage 1. Help!!!!!! All the blame is on others......on me ...on her father .....it’s very difficult. I don’t know what to do. She doesn’t want to study, to help ...nothing at all. Helllp
Have you tried to make it a fun time to look forward to with fun bath toys? There are bubbles, eating a popsicle in the bath, soap crayons or color bombs that make the water a different color. Make it part of your nightly routine so she knows it is coming and have some fun things to do on hand. Blow bubbles for her while she sits in the bath.
Also what do you do when your child says I want to die but he doesn't mean it and he even says afterwards if he doesn't mean it dad or when your child says I want to go home yet he is home which I know that part is kind of confusing
Martina Brown, kids have confusing feelings that they don't know how to identify yet, we can help by giving them words and allowing them the time to talk and express feelings.
Show them one of my videos where I talk about stage 1 and 2 and let them know what the differences are. They will get so they tell one another, "That is stage 1 behavior." It happens.
YooBlezz!, yes, you can tell your kids what stage they're on. Just be careful to not do it in a demeaning way - keep your tone neutral or even kind. Remind them that when they are in Stage 1, you get to pick the consequences. When they are in Stage 2, they cooperate and accept consequences. When they are in Stage 3, they have more freedom and control in their lives! If you would like to teach your teenagers, we have a video for them on the 3 Stages of Moral Development called "What To Do When Your Parents Are Over Protective?" - ruclips.net/video/a4EAyWRYEeM/видео.html Thanks for watching Live On Purpose TV.
Also my son is 9 and knows more than he should in matters of things that go on in health class because I can't lie to him since I will be having that talk the talk with him when he goes through puberty because his dad will just say something inappropriate and not completely everything that he should know at the age of puberty
Your videos don't get the credit where credit is due. Your advice has helped many young parents I know. Thank you
Thanks ShadowDancer - honored to be on your team. Thanks for sharing. DrPaul
Live On Purpose TV and thank you for the awesome and helpful advice that works 110% .
I have to keep coming back to watch this video. Our kids keep bouncing between the stages. It’s driving me nuts. Thank you Dr Paul. You help keep me sane
It can feel like watching a ping pong game. Honored to be on your team.
How many here almost teary eyed to get some parenting help. Thank you for such spaces of relief on RUclips. No one there teaches practical stuff and it’s so hard being a good parent when ur own parents had no clue or the knowledge from sources like the internet to understand stuff.
Control and Maturity can clear so much unnecessary lower emotional mess..
Thank you, Shradha S. It's an honor to be on your positive parenting team!
Live On Purpose TV grateful and blessings to you
Your 14-minute videos last over 40 minutes from me pausing, writing, taking notes and thinking on how I do things. I am completely immersed in this whole idea of love, discipline, control, maturity thinking versus fight, garbage into gold, consequences, empathy. My brain actually hurts right now. I haven´t stopped since this morning. It´s like I am taking a seminar. Dr. Paul, I am sincerely grateful for your life, your time in making these videos, the times you answer my questions. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! You have truly blessed and changed my life and my teaching at school (Cause I don't have kids yet).
Lyllies, I love that you pause the videos and think about how they apply to your situation. We will have to see if we can get you some CE credits for all your hard work.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Hello Dr. Paul. Had to google what CE credits are cause I didn't know what they were ^_^ Panama City , Central America, offers nothing like that. My love for knowledge and learning, is what keeps me going on. Now that I know what CE credits are, I would love to earn some. If I need to apply or pay for them, I would gladly do it. THANK YOU AGAIN.
Same for me!! 😂
Thank you for your videos. They have been immensely helpful navigating my little dudes!
Honored to be on your team.
This is one of my favorites! Still working on stage one for some things with my eighteen year old! Thanks for helping me understand instead of feeling like I've failed her!
Knowledge is power - you're doing great! DrPaul
Breakthrough! Parents want maturity in order to give control to the child. 👏
Yes! Thanks for the quick summary, Kat Barz.
Live On Purpose TV Thank you as well. I’m glad to have a head start on these pre teen years thanks to your videos and I can already see the difference. 👍🏼
For being a new mom, I feel grateful to learn a lot from Dr. Paul channel. I love all of your talks with great sense of humor. It’s rare to see that trait in a psychologist.
Thank you so much!
Stage 4: when able to lead and influence (“control”) others
Influence is one of my favorite topics - got some other videos about that. DrPaul
I have to say this morning when I woke up I felt like I was lost, I have 12 year old and now it stating to make sense. Thank you so much for this video!!😊
Your comment made my date, afelliotto0712. I love doing the videos and it is so gratifying to know that people are benefitting. Honored to be on your team.
Dear Dr. Paul Jenkins, one day you will receive much positive attention!
Thank you so much for the information.
Thanks to you my intention of being a responsible father and man in my early 20s becomes realistic.
Thanks to you my wife's and my attitude became "practice makes progress".
I get a lot of positive feedback from my friends and family how my son is growing up.
Many thanks from Germany❤️
Wow, thank you! Honored to be on your team.
Nice, those stages got me messed up, i never thought about it like that before.
I think the model helps to put other things in perspective. Thanks for watching Air After! DrPaul
I'm 35. Just got from stage 1 to stage 2 last month. I'm a parent of two.... Great video.
M J, thanks, glad to have you here at the channel.
Thank you GOD for this video and the other one on ODD
Our pleasure.
Yes yes we do
Thanks for watching.
This will be a great guide to create indicators for my character growth data for my Masters in Teaching defense, thanks so much!
It's a helpful model for monitoring moral development - glad you found it useful! DrPaul
This is one of the Best of Dr. Jenkins Best. Love it. Thanks for posting.
You're very welcome!
Thank you doctor you are an amazing person and an great advisor thank you 😊
You are very welcome, that is very nice of you, Amina.
My mom is a parent that doesn't care about our personal happiness or feelings, she's the only one that matters and we just have to do what she wants. When I say this, I'm not being a whiny brat. This is something she has expressed to me. She told me that the only thing that matters is that we're self suficient and that she doesn't care about us being happy.
Devonique, you'll hear time and time again here on the channel that your #1 job as a parent is to love them no matter what and even if. Parents have different ways of expressing that love, and some are better at it than others. One of the hopeful truths is that we don't have to be the same kind of parent our own parents were. Thanks for commenting! DrPaul
That's wonderful. But when your parent has expressed for years that your feelings mean nothing then outright says it to you, it's a bit difficult to process and not something that I take very lightly. I love my mom, I just don't think she's mentally healthy.
The thing I love about watching positive parenting channel is that it helps me to understand how some of the adult people I deal with became what they are.
I have a parent who I'd say lacks a lot of responsibility: for her acts, her words, her own feelings, her own thoughts. Being her descendant it's very frustrating to realize that her example of how to be is not working well.
Maybe we can influence the dynamics of the relationship but, unfortunately, we're not able to change how some adult people are (am I getting the point, Dr.Paul?), as it took long years for them to develop this.
The good thing about all this experience, is that we've caught ourselves not too late, we know what we are dealing with (or starting to know), and will try to be better parents/future parents for our own children.
It sounds like she may have narcisstic personality, research how to deal with people like that
its not good to armchair diagnose people, but a therapist could probably give advice on how to communicate effectively & work on any trauma / attachment issues. Dr. Daniel Fox on youtube has compassionate videos about coping with personality disorders & people who experience them.
Stage 1. 2. 3. And 4. Oumaigaaaaad! ❤ I couldn think if a better one myself.
Naughty Leopard, Stage 3 is where it's at. Thanks for watching.
I love how you've put it. I thought chimdren around 6y old would be at stage 2, but indeed it takes a long time to learn to cooperate
Cedric S, and they can be on different stages with different activities. Love them no matter what and even if...
@@LiveOnPurposeTV absolutely, sometimes they even show initiative. I agree they should be loved unconditionally, thank you!
My favourite parenting advice - awesome channel
natalianegritto, thank you.
Yes we do like control
Everyone does.
I see so many checked out parents. It's like parenting has gone out the window. I think the fact that you are addressing so many child raising issues in a positive manner is fantastic. I don't even have kids and I'm glad I found your channel. I do babysit nieces and nephews sometimes and am stumped at how to handle all kinds of situations. So it seems dumb for anyone to give your videos a thumbs down. :)
Thank you, Danielle Brown, I am glad the videos are helpful for you. Appreciate your support.
Amazing concept, I love this!
Glad you like it!
i'll probably use much of what you say when it comes to my daughter. It's relieving to see this, my parents did a number on me. I just hope i can do better, i don't want her to suffer like i do.
Darth Bacon, glad you are looking for resources for more positive parenting.
I think You may have saved my life.
Mieszko, thanks for your comment. I really hope that this helps. You might also like our Parenting Power-up course - get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com - DrPaul
Very helpful and detailed concept. Can you please add some more details with examples using actual wording on how to get this done. Thanks!
Keep watching V Vanaja - there's a whole Positive Parenting playlist here on the channel, and Vicki and I will be creating a digital program just for parents soon - probably within the next few months. DrPaul
Hi! Great video. Could you list some examples of consequences that don’t require cooperation and some that do require cooperation? Thank you
The key here is in what you can enforce 100% whether or not you have buy-in or cooperation. Things like what you provide, services you offer, access you grant, permission you give - those are some categories that might get the creative juices flowing for you. Thanks for watching! DrPaul
Thank you! I checked out Nicoleen Peck as well. I enjoyed her very detailed breakdown of parenting styles! What an eye opener.
Knowledge adds power.
Happened to accidently stump on your channel n loving it so much! I do understand what you are saying but still not fully got it. It would be nice if you can input some examples after your explaination. For e.g. you'd said consequences needed for both stage 1& 2 - So what kind of consequences are appropriate for both stages. How do I deal with my 11 yr old son who seems to fall in both stage 1 & 2? Is there any of your videos that are more clearer n deeper?
More coming all the time Emily. You might also like our Parenting Power-up course where we break down each stage with specific strategies for each one - get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com - DrPaul
I watched this video 6 times and today is my birthday and I asked my adult children to to gift me 15 minutes to watch this video together and no discussion about it just for us all as a family and my husband to absorb these guidelines !!!
Thank you very very much🌹
You're welcome 😊
Your videos are ADDICTIVE
Peace.n.Blessings, Come back any time : )
I get the feeling many people never get to stage three...
Unfortunately that may be true - I've found that it is all about stage, not age. Thanks for watching maythecatbewithyou! DrPaul
My kids try hard to be in stage 3 and they succeed 60% at least they try and the older they get they will be better
God bless you sir, thanks a lot for your help
You are welcome, marie roaminae. Thank you for watching.
Beautifully explained! Thank you dear Paul.
You are welcome, Alexander Sanches, MD. It's an honor to have you at Live On Purpose TV.
Yesss. Great parenting
immasoxfanbaby, honored to be on your team.
I wish this was a printable that can be used as a visual tool for parents and kids. ❤️
Great idea, Kate Nelson. You can also try my parenting power-up program.
Sir
Very nice presentation
Excellent knowledge
Examples
Gratitude
Green
Thankful you are here at the channel.
Sir
Wow. This helped me so much!! Sharing with friends!
Emily Dawn, thank you for sharing.
Thanks dr your Genius!!!!. I have watched 5 times woow please do more
You're welcome Miss m lbs - honored to be on your team. Check out the playlists here on the channel, and stay tuned - new videos coming out five times each week.
Quite interesting are your topics
I have had challenges with my kids they have been difficult lot taking offence to correction to point of resentment,teaming up sympathetic with each other during disciplinary moments now grown angry negative and depressed.
Ellen Mawere, make sure you are showing love also, an abundance.
Great video, much to consider. Thank you
Thanks Judi - glad you're watching! DrPaul
Thankyou so much
Most welcome 😊
Thank you so much for your videos
My pleasure Jill - thanks for watching! I think you might also enjoy the Parenting Power-up course - you can get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com
DrPaul
okay...i like this....thx 4 the work am doing the same work..of grooming our nxt generation
You are welcome, Charity Muliira. Thanks for watching and spreading positive parenting.
I have a daughter, now 30, easy child and made it to stage 3 with a few ups and downs. Is a responsible adult. Fast forward a few years…3 kids, 9,6,4. The kids are in complete control! I want to help but don’t want to be that “mom”. I just want to help them. My daughter feels like a failure and she and her husband just gives up and let’s the kids run all over them because they are worn out from the day and it’s “easier”.
Shawn Carrell, yikes! They are not thinking long-term. They will have to live with the consequences.
Thanks for your videos. Will you please make video on how to prevent a child from stealing.
Wow, there is a lot to that issue. It goes to the core of what we teach our kids and how to get them to internalize the material. I will have to get it onthe topic development list, Sirjana Subba.
Very helpful for parents
Glad you think so! PJ, thanks for commenting.
Absolutely LOVE your positivity and groundedness. I guess it's possible to be at different stages regarding different subjects at the same time right?
Yes, Janet Spiteri, you are right. Thank you for watching.
you are helping me grow, LOVE the few watched videos today from '19/'20
but his one...your hair is so much darker!!!! it threw me off, and had to comment ;)
but will be printing 'Stay Calm, Parent On' shirts (seriously)
respect to you and your lovely wife :)
We are honored to be on your team.
Would be good to have some kind of broad age groups for these stages. I really love the teaching in this - hope I remember to put them in practice with my now 4 years and 15 months old
I sometimes hesitate from giving age groups, because it really is more about stage than age. For you Chinenyenwa Ihe-Ezebuiro, the general groups are ages 0-7 stage one, ages 8-15 stage two, and 16+ stage three. That is purely a developmental guideline, however, because kids of any age can revert easily to stage one, and sometimes younger children show behaviors consistent with stage three. Hope this helps! DrPaul
Thanks for your response and taking the time to reply.
Love these videos...My children and grandchildren will thank you! :)
Glad you're here Alicia - give your children and grandchildren my warmest DrPaul greetings! DrPaul
👍🏻😊 thanks again. your videos are really helpful!!
Glad you enjoyed the video, Carola.
Beautiful theory !!!
Honored to be on your team, William Ridley.
I am 13 years old. My phone was broken a days ago. I asked my parents to get new phone and my dad says "If you want new phone, ask your mum, she has money, also buy second hands phone". But my mom sometime dont want and sometime she want. Also if she minding my mum dont want get me a phone, she said "Online school is end, now youre going a real school, so you just study and no need phone anymore" But all my cousins and siblings have phone, me only dont have it. I have good grades at exams also I have my online friends. Also my older bro 16 y/o got phone at 14 because of online school.......
Sorry for bad grammar also Im using chromebook that limited access.
How to solve this situation and get new phone???
If you saw this comment please reply asap....I'm really embarrassed and depressed...😭😭😭
also I commented here because the convince phone video comment not publishing
Get to stage three and show your parents how responsible you are. You could also consider doing some work to earn the phone. Ask your mum what it would take to get to yes and then listen.
Do you have videos with examples of every stage??
That is in our parenting power-up prorgranl
When it comes to the state yeah we've already had a social worker visit our house and person enough it was because my son was abusing me and that was before he was actually diagnosed with ODD
Martina Brown, have the doctors looked at medications?
My child had ADHD and autism and now he is 14 and I am finally trying to teach him to do chores and how to trust and all .. it seems as though he learns and he goes back to where he was before in about 3 months idk what's happening
Stay consistent Tina Lynn - especially when kids have some special needs or learning styles, the repetition is important. Be patient and keep watching! DrPaul
Read about executive functions. Maybe that Will help u understand a bit more the complex behavior your child shows.
I have an almost 10 year old daughter with add and the challenge is real.
I love this video and Im going to work this with my 11 year old grandson. I think I cant My tone with him.
We are here for you!
Thank you so much your great help me so much can you bring more videos about toodler?
Malka A, I'm not sure why RUclips is just now showing me your comment... it may be too late, but in case you want to see some videos concerning toddlers, here they are:
"How To Be A Better Parent To A Toddler" - ruclips.net/video/wFMRPwRvHhQ/видео.html
"How To Deal With Toddler Tantrums" - ruclips.net/video/t5eCDgYGX0Q/видео.html
"How To Get Toddler To Stop Hitting" - ruclips.net/video/Uny7obNleVk/видео.html
Thanks for being at Live On Purpose TV.
Thank you again so much!
Stephen Strange, you are welcome.
I like your content a lot! As far as teaching, it would be FAR MORE helpful to leave the slides up for more than a second vs watching you talk.
Noted! Will pass that along to the RUclips crew who puts things together.
What a creative video!
Thank you Natalie - honored to have you here on the channel! I think you might also appreciate the Parenting Power-up Audio Course I did with my wife, Vicki. You can get a free pre-listen here: parentingpowerup.com
DrPaul
Could you give example of stage 2 consequence as I did not understand it and also what is meant by communication and responsibility in that stage?
Kantarzyna rochowicz, Stage 2 is where they communicate with you, they don't shut down or through a tantrum, but they are not doing things because it is the right thing to do or because it could help someone else. They do it because it benefits them, personally. The focus is still inward, but so much better than Stage 1. Stage 3 is when they take care of things on their own. Remember, a person could be in different stages depending on the duty. School can be different from home or grandma and grandpas different from home.
I have watched this over and over again and still do not really get it. I do get my nearly 9 year old throw fits still. not at school anymore but at home when he gets a consequence or told no. and sometimes when he dose not want to do something.
A Mc - keep watching and practicing! Vicki and I are in the process of putting together an audio course for positive parenting which will come out later this summer. Stand by and I'll make an announcement when it is ready. That will give us the time to dig in a little deeper than we do in these short videos. DrPaul
Thank you for all your advice
Can you go into consequences deeply
Wow!! As usual Dr. Paul you've nailed it correctly!! This is so very educative and has helped me clearly understand the importance of stages of maturity and to deal with the little ones as is appropriate of the different stages they belong to. I was actually rushing them into stage 3 and expecting a positive response, which obviously didn't happen😁😁 and now I know where I went wrong. Thank you very much for your help and guidance! Your channel has become the best base for a fresh perspective on positive parenting and I simply love that name! It's so full of impact!👏👏👏👌👌👌👍👍
Vimi Maliakel, sounds like life is getting a little easier for you, that's awesome. None of us are the finished product, yet.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Ha ha ha....As long as you are there to educate and support us, of course, each day is a new day and learning more comes naturally. Thank you very much for these wonderful videos and the immense help and knowledge shared! Honoured vice versa too😊😊🙏🙏
I've just discovered your video's and I like how you conduct yourself and explain your points. You are a good teacher. I've been having challenges with my toddler and came here for wisdom and knowledge to help communicate better with my daughter. My toddler flicks between stage 1 and 2 depending on how she feels on the day and her feelings. She is a typical 3 year old and has the 'All about me' personality but she has shown empathy towards me and my feelings at times...I have been trying to teach her that mummy gets tired too, mummy gets sad as well. I want to give my 3 year old more freedom which is why I do have the motto 'As long as I see her, it's fine' when out in public, she needs physical space to feel like an individual person but I have a boyfriend that has anxiety and thinks I'm too laid back. Could I use a consequence if she goes too far away from me like 'You can run in front of me but if you run too far away then you will have to walk by my side.' I can't use the word consequence as I don't think she knows what that means yet.
Yes, you can say, I need to be able to see you and you need to be able to see me at all times. If I can't see you, then you will need to stay closer to me.
Love your videos! Awesome advice 👏🏽
Thank you, Zoe Pineau! I love having you as part of the Live On Purpose family.
Awesome. I learnt a lot.
Nice! Glad you find our videos helpful! DrPaul
😭 my 9 yo is so defiant I’m at wits end! I’ve taken away all electronics things that he care about he STILL is testing me!!! So his very last thing has been taken away! I appreciate your videos! I never considered the levels of maturity. So do you have a video specific to the struggle of graduating from stage 1 to stage 2 of maturity? He does it for me but when will he decide when it’s important to HIM to do what’s required.?
Oh no! Consider my parenting power up course or a membership at go.liveonpurposecentral.com. We have discussion groups and office hours with me there.
Try to find him doing something right and reward him for it, no matter how small so he can see what that feels like.
Thankyou!!!!!
Coach Guy, you are welcome.
A biiiiig Thank You 🙏
My 5 year old son is definitely on stage 2 even 3 sometimes but 9 old girl 🙄 stage (-1) always me, my , stomping, loud , water in the eyes . She’s amazingly talented - best in her class , plays violin, she can whistle almost perfect . She’s seems okay with everyone except me - she actually asked me - do you actually love me? What kind of question is that 🙄
You are welcome, M M. We have videos where I explain the 3 Stages of Moral Development to kids, if you want to share one with your daughter (pick the one that best fits your family scenario:
"What To Do When Your Parents Are Over Protective?" - ruclips.net/video/a4EAyWRYEeM/видео.html
"How To Convince Your Parents To Get You A Phone" - ruclips.net/video/Zpuqf9N6KhQ/видео.html
"How To Convince Your Parents To Get A Dog" - ruclips.net/video/v-o7L_Mwbgw/видео.html
This one is good too, but it only briefly explains the stages:
"How To Improve Relationship With Parents" - ruclips.net/video/29tjHdEAyPM/видео.html
Thank you for being at Live On Purpose TV.
What if you have one that goes back & forth on stages?
We all go back and forth in the stages - it’s really more of a dynamic than a static thing. What we want to teach here is a little cause and effect, so the kids learn that WHEN they are in a higher stage they experience more control (synonymous with freedom). DrPaul
You are like the manual that didnt come with my son.
Adanech Demissie, it would be nice to have one of those with our kids.
Hi there I seriously need advice on how to fix the situation with a therteen year old son constantly getting aggressive and bulling me the mother and his brother.his maturity level would be on one.
Level one calls for consequences. Make a list of things you control that does not require his cooperation and work from there.
Haha. Very good. I don’t have any kids at stage 3 yet . Damn it
Hang in there, it takes a while. We are here for you.
Also I would like to know how to help child to move from stage 1 to stage 2
Katarzyna rochowicz, I would practice more positive parenting. See my recent video on this. Some of it is developmental.
it is best if you train your children for the responsibilities of adulthood. “You don’t want to keep them dependent upon you until they turn eighteen and then dump them out into the real world,” says the book How to Raise an Adult.
A19#2
Smyrna, yes, that is why we give a little freedom, let them try things a little a time. We want to work our way out of our jobs as parents.
Thanks it's very helpfull; need you to give keys to how to deal with 20 yeard old who's still in stage 1.
Ps. We don't live in the US and kids do'nt move out when they're older.
Ghadir Baghajati, Sounds like she might need a goal. Start small and build to something more challenging. As she sees she can difficult things, she will gain confidence.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thanks for your reply; yes indeed, the problem is that we live in "Syria" you know? It was a war zone for most of her choldhood and adolesence years; and still is in some areas. But in our city we're living the after war crisis that doesn't leave much hope for the youth any more. I'm trying to provide her security that might with time give sence of life, and some meaning to life for her again, still need some tips from you. . Thanks again.
Thanks Dr Paul, is it good idea to show the video to my son who is 12 years old. He is very mature person bu t I doubt..thanks
Paola Lancellotti, he probably is mature because of the way you interact with him.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I explain and talk to him...he has started to speak at 3 years old (he was exposed to 4 languages..) before he was observing a lot. My concern is that he always tries to listen conversations between adults (he thinks they are more interesting) and not sure if I should encourage him as this may make him feel "misplaced' with people of his age?
Sorry but I don‘t get it, how can we manage to bring kids from stage 1 into stage 2?
The consequences and consistency will show them what they need to do and that you aren't going to let up.
Where can I find this stuff but in Spanish?? For my spanish speakers.
I will pass the comment along to my RUclips guy, Ramon Barrera.
As a new father love your vids they are great n I have implemented them on my family, it has strengthen my bond with my wife n we hardly ever discipline our kid cause he is extremely helpful n confident but do u have any vids on dealing with older sibling who is depressed has bpd n multiple personality... She blames everyone n everything if there is no one to blame she blames her mental illness, she constantly brings up the past n has this thought she's the good person n has done nothing wrong, and even if u have a great time with her when she visits to be with her nephew she immediately goes n brings up everything and ruins the good times.... I'm at my wit's end n I'm literally thinking's she's not just crazy but insane... I tried being positive, I tried being happy n supportive but nothing helps she makes herself hopeless n no matter what I do I can't talk her out of it n it always always ends with her claiming suicide or homicide n I just can't deal with it I try to tell her not to call me about that because I have a family I have to give attention n love to n I can just keep being positive and happy with a constant n depressing black hole ever present as of right now I want to completely cut ties I don't want her in my families life because I just don't want her to have that kinda influence to my two n a half year old.
William Diaz, for some reason there have been a few older emails that RUclips is just now showing me, and yours is one of them. I'm very sorry that I never saw your email before. If this is still a problem with your daughter, here are a few videos that may be helpful:
"How To Help My Daughter With Depression" - ruclips.net/video/Ss6BYl2ngg8/видео.html
"Mental Health Evaluation In 10 minutes" - ruclips.net/video/h0jHkOCO63I/видео.html
"How To Help A Negative Person Become More Positive" - ruclips.net/video/JV6OjcJcAE8/видео.html
Here are a couple for her to watch:
"How To Be A Happier Teenage Girl" - ruclips.net/video/zrlv98eniPo/видео.html
"Positive And Negative Self Talk - Voices In Your Head" - ruclips.net/video/KtqcpRUM1lU/видео.html
Please consider that she might need some counseling or coaching to help her work through the more difficult issues. Thank you for watching Live On Purpose TV.
What if they hover between Stage 1 and 2 in terms of their reactions and ability to reason. For example if a child readily helps with tasks and chores around the home but pitches a fit when provoked by their siblings and at that point are "impossible" to reason with.
Stephanie Thompson, anyone can be on different stages with different things. That just tells us where we need to do some work. Let them know that you will not interact with them while they are "impossible." Time out works good for this.
So when my kid stomps and freaks out because I asked them to do something..its still considered stage 2? Cause ill ask my son and sometimes he stomps and gets annoyed but he still does it. Am I not supposed to correct that response?
Tygen Reeder, you can let him know that he will get more privileges and he is at stage 3. Yes, that is stage 2 behavior. Barely.
Our grandson was taken away from his parents and we ate raising him. He is 11 and on stage one. Its definitely not about age. His development is definitely arrested and our question is, how to get a child to stage 2 and onto stage 3? The toughest stage is stage one because it's all selfish and with no cooperation. How do you give positive consequences in stage one without cooperation? Help!
When you see them doing something right, you give praise. You also give then an incentive to want to obey the rules and then reinforce that life is better when we are taking responsibility.
In this instant does mature mean more compliant? So if they don't do as they ask do you remove the things I can control? (internet etc)
It is your option to remove the things you control, Maria Keenan. Mature does not always equal compliant but at a teenage, that is a big part.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV You it is my option to remove the things I control but what would you do if they are non compliant and would you implement it immediately?
my question is if they stay in stage 1, what can parents do to help them develop to stage 2? pls....its really bothering me😢
Oh my god! My 15 year old is on the stage 1. Help!!!!!! All the blame is on others......on me ...on her father .....it’s very difficult. I don’t know what to do. She doesn’t want to study, to help ...nothing at all. Helllp
Ana Vieira, remember your job is to love the child. Check out some of the other videos on the parenting playlist that have to do with teens.
Live On Purpose TV thank you to answer. So kind of you. I will do.
Yes can you please make about making bath time my 2.5 year old scared from the bath she screaming and crying and I don't know what to do
Have you tried to make it a fun time to look forward to with fun bath toys? There are bubbles, eating a popsicle in the bath, soap crayons or color bombs that make the water a different color. Make it part of your nightly routine so she knows it is coming and have some fun things to do on hand. Blow bubbles for her while she sits in the bath.
Also what do you do when your child says I want to die but he doesn't mean it and he even says afterwards if he doesn't mean it dad or when your child says I want to go home yet he is home which I know that part is kind of confusing
Martina Brown, kids have confusing feelings that they don't know how to identify yet, we can help by giving them words and allowing them the time to talk and express feelings.
serious question... could 35 year olds still be in stage one?
Alyssa Mossa, YES! They can also be on a different stage in different areas of their lives.
How about inconsistent there's a time they are in first stage then the other day stage 3 then another day all stages are in😅, so frustrated😔
It is frustrating and it is natural. Know that and don't get tipped over by it.
Stage 1:they know about their own.
Stage 2:cooperation
Stage 3 :ask for advice
Thank you
I’m not sure how to discipline my kids when one is on stage 1 and one who is on 2 and them understand why it’s different .
Show them one of my videos where I talk about stage 1 and 2 and let them know what the differences are. They will get so they tell one another, "That is stage 1 behavior." It happens.
Should we tell our teenagers on what stage they are right now and we will help on working so they can get to stage 3?
YooBlezz!, yes, you can tell your kids what stage they're on. Just be careful to not do it in a demeaning way - keep your tone neutral or even kind. Remind them that when they are in Stage 1, you get to pick the consequences. When they are in Stage 2, they cooperate and accept consequences. When they are in Stage 3, they have more freedom and control in their lives! If you would like to teach your teenagers, we have a video for them on the 3 Stages of Moral Development called "What To Do When Your Parents Are Over Protective?" - ruclips.net/video/a4EAyWRYEeM/видео.html
Thanks for watching Live On Purpose TV.
😁😁😁👍👍👍 I asked my daughter take the garbagge..She Said yes, but She got distracted..and she forgott.
Give her another go at it, 25johis. Thanks for watching.
Also my son is 9 and knows more than he should in matters of things that go on in health class because I can't lie to him since I will be having that talk the talk with him when he goes through puberty because his dad will just say something inappropriate and not completely everything that he should know at the age of puberty
Martina Brown, I am glad you are there for him and will help him as he grows.
love the silly personality, some of the shrinks on here are mundane, or blah.
A Mc, Thank you! The last thing I want to be is Barry Humdrum. Glad you're watching! DrPaul
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I love watched you& your expressions- it makes serious topic , more interesting & you’re super cute 😊
I’ve got too get too stage 3
It makes a big difference for sure! DrPaul