Holly, I watched this video and your one after your daughter being born. When you mentioned things about Leo it brought my grief to the forefront. Things are so different now than they were years ago. People have time with their baby, they dress them, hold them, take "special" pictures of them, grief counselors, family to help each other go through this extremely difficult time. My husband and I tried for almost 5 years to have a baby. We had test after test, I had surgery because my ovaries were enlarged, and I tried fertility pills. Nothing worked. Then I got pregnant. It was amazing! We were so happy. Everything went fine and then it didn't. At 36 weeks 5 days I was at work and felt light-headed, my boss had me call the doctor who told me to come to his office. My boss drove me and left. My husband was in another hospital due to a bad reaction to penicillin. My neighbor checked him out. My doctor tried to listen to his heartbeat. Then asked who drove me and I said my boss, but she'd left. He had his nurse drive me down the street to the hospital. Once there they tried for a heartbeat, the nurse said she wss going for the other machine and came back. Put it on me, then took it off and left. I asked questions and got no answers. I heard my mom out the room and then my husband came in. I told him about the machines and he said I'm going to find the doctor and left. He didn't come back. And then I was in labor. What was going on? Deep in my heart I knew it, but kept telling myself they were wrong. All of this was 43 years and 4 months ago. My husband named him, keeping the original in case we wanted it next time. He picked out the headstone. My mom took me shopping 3 days after he was stillborn to get a dress for the funeral. I was in such an emotional state I cried and could barely walk far or stand from just having a baby. The cashier talked to her and she told her what happened which made me cry more. The next 2 days were a blur. The day of the funeral my mom asked if I had looked in the casket. I said no, the mortician thought it was better for me to remember him how I saw him, after begging the nurses to let me and them asking my doctor if it was okay. He said he's her baby, let her see him. So my mom says she wants to see him and opens the lid. She told me it was okay to look so I did. And he was. I don't remember the graveside service. We went to our house and my family came. My brother and his wife had their 6 month old with them and I couldn't believe it. Why did God do this to us after all we'd gone through to just take him away. We did go back to take some photos at his grave with all the flowers. But going to church was awful. It was like being in the hospital and everyone saying "it was God's will". We visited a few churches then and my husband would tell them and they would say I'm sorry, but maybe it was God's will, something may have been wrong with him." I went to the cemetery every day for at least 5 months. There was no grief counseling, no dressing him, no pictures or holding him. My mom never said she had 2 grandchildren, just 1, always leaving my son out. No one talked about it. The autopsy showed nothing wrong. 13 months later I found out I was pregnant, it was Easter morning. We were happy, but I was also terrified. As it got close to 36 weeks they began doing weekly stress tests. And then I went into labor and had a daughter and I was glad she wasn't a boy. Two years later we had a son. They went with me to the cemetery and my sister said I was being morbid. I said no, they needed to know about their brother and where he was buried. When my oldest would have been 8, my daughter 6 and youngest 4, my husband left us. Six years later I married again and next week is our 26th anniversary. Things have changed but I still am grieving over my first son. He would be 43 years old, my daughter 41 and my youngest son 39. And I have a granddaughter that's 11. She was born 2 weeks early weighing 4 lbs. 9 ounces. I was in the room and terrified for my daughter who couldn't push her out and the doctor was afraid to use forceps because her head was so tiny. We all started saying push, push you can do this. And she did. She was so tiny, 17 inches long. The next day she had gained 2 ounces, all her apgar scores were perfect and she got to come home. Holly, everyone's story is the same. Know that we all go through what you did. Loss is a terrible thing but even worse when people don't acknowledge that it happened. I go through it every time I think about Robert and still don't understand why it happened. And I get through it but will never be over it. And my grown kids and granddaughter and I will always talk about it and I will love my firstborn forever with all my heart and soul. I'm glad you have your daughter and hope you make sure to talk to her about it. Like you said, no one prepares you for what to do if things go wrong. I think that should be included in every prenatal class and every book like "What to Expect When You're Expecting." Maybe a chapter on things you don't expect but could happen. Not just stillbirth. And I am going to look into a certificate of stillbirth. I don't know if there was one or not for Robert. No one ever mentioned it to me, and my first husband is deceased now so I can't ask him. But, be strong. Talk about Leo. Thanks for sharing your story. I know it was hard. I cried for you and cried for myself. The emotions are still real for me.
The loss of a child is so much more than just the loss of life. It’s the loss of a future, a life, a family. Massive hugs to you, I cannot imagine how difficult this must have been to walk through.
You are a precious Mommy! My heart ached with you. Blessings having a baby sister for Leo! Only tears of joy now…you and your husband deserve a time of joy!
Thank you 🧡 I can’t quite imagine how special the moment will be when I get to hold a living baby in my arms and take care of her every single day of my life!!
@hollykeast8425 Dear Holly, firstly please let me extend my deepest sympathies on the death of your baby son. It took a lot of courage to put your story out there, and I noted that Leo should have just had his 3rd birthday in August and that would have been another sad day for your family. I just wanted to congratulate you on your little girl and I pray that she was born safe and well! Thank you for sharing your story about Leo and about his life and death and I wanted to tell you how poignant it was and SO very heartfelt! I'm a 58 year old mother of 5 adult children and although I only have one grandchild here on earth, I have several more in Heaven and my living grandchild is 18 and so no longer a child! I never lost a child either through miscarriage or stillbirth, and so I DON'T know how you feel after you HAVE had, sadly, BOTH experiences, but I hope that your daughter is alive and healthy because you were MOST certainly meant to be a Mummy. I thought it was wonderful how you released Leo's ashes in St Lucia and the circle of life continues. All the very best wishes to you and your family and I wish you ALL the happiness in the world. From country NSW Australia.
My Mia passed at 36.5 weeks gestation. I felt exactly how you felt. It was my watch (I’m a nurse I should know better I kept thinking)and I missed it. Now 16 yrs later I’m beginning to realize my subconscious was unable to accept what was happening. We were doing 3D ultrasounds every week because I was older & therefore high risk. My heart goes out to you! I truly understand.
My heart literally stumbled when I heard you say you regretted some of what you did or didn't do after Leo's birth. Please allow yourself the same grace you would allow a dear friend. You deserve nothing less. I am so very sorry for your devastating loss. You are a very strong and brave young mother and I admire you very much. Blessings on the new baby!!
Totally agree.how can anyone know what is right or wrong or right or wrong for them dealing with losing your baby as you are expecting nothing less than having a healthy living baby to celebrate his life & looking to the future of a life you created ❤ you cannot hold yourself to any standard because there is nothing standard about losing a baby at full term! That loss has got to be shocking & Earth shattering & traumatic to say the least & how does anyone know how to react & respond to that reality! You have nothing to regret all you should do is honor you sweet angel & know that purpose was for another place & time. From what I heard not sure this is true but I have heard the soul enters the body at birth . Birth is BIRTH!!! ALIVE OR NOT SO YOUR BABY WAS MEANT TO COME THIS WAY. THEY GAINED SPIRIT TO GO ON TO A PLACE FAR BETTER THAN HERE.YOU ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER IN ANOTHER WORLD, TIME & SPACE! YOU CARRIED YOUR ANGEL ALL THE WAY YOU WERE CHOSEN TO CARRY GODS ANGEL & THAT IS THE HIGHEST HONOR LIKE MARY TO CARRY JESUS ! ❤❤❤❤ ❤❤❤❤❤❤
You are the bravest and most courageous mom. And you are a wonderful mom! Leo feels yours and James’ love for now and forever! Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your story. It is truly a beautiful one of tremendous grief and strength! God bless you! ❤️🙏🏻
I just want to hug you. You are an incredible woman, the way you talk about your loss, about your baby boy but also about James, the way you see other people's needs and hurts, that's what makes you so special. You're such a sweet and humble person even though you've experienced the most bitter loss and are handling it with what can only be described as grace. Thank you for sharing Leos story with us ❤
I just wanted to reach through the screen and give you a big cuddle. I'm a newborn nurse and have worked in labor and delivery also. I love Mums and babies so much! You are a strong lady. I have to share you will see Leo again. He will be waiting for you in heaven and you will spend eternity with your beautiful son. Congratulatons on your pregnancy with your daughter. May God bless you as you continue your journey until your baby is born. May God richly bless your family! Hope to see a post after you have delivered.
Every word you spoke took me back to our 41.5 week stillborn daughter. You are so very brave sharing but know everything you have shared was my experience too. In very tragic circumstances your story has made me feel less alone, thank you…..Another baby does not replace Leo and will never take away your pain of loosing him but your arms will be filled and the pain will lessen. Nearly 28 years has gone by since our loss and my tears are cried hard still at this time of year. I have two beautiful children who are grown up now. Thank you again for sharing. Remembering Baby Leo and Grace Louise 30/10/1993 and all our other precious babies sleeping. Xxx
Sending love to you Justine & thinking of Grace Louise. It’s heartbreaking to learn of any loss, but she would have been a very similar age to my brother & I and it really hit home. We lose so much when they pass - a whole lifetime. I’m so sorry for your loss and pain too xx
@@hollykeast8425 Thank you Holly, today is Grace’s birthday, it still hurts and I’m still trying to make sense of it all, I still cry. Leo will never be replaced as Grace has not been replaced but we will always think about our babies gone before us. It’s hard. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD from the experience only this year and I think there should be more help from professionals after the loss of a child. We are left to get on with it which is very hard, we are left traumatised which is very real but not acknowledged. You are in my thoughts and hope you have good support from family and friends. All my love to you Xx
Thank you for sharing. I resonate so much with your story. No one tells you how guilty you feel after that you lost your baby - that it feels like your fault. It’s so so so hard not to blame yourself. Lost my son, Ari, at 38 weeks, last month. I also feel the same about having another baby - no one can replace Ari, but the need to be a mother, the need for a reason to live, is so strong… there will always be a hole in my heart for Ari, but the hole in my heart for being a mother can be filled. ❤
Deareast Holly, you are such a beautiful blessing. Leo is Leib in Hebrew, means " Heart" my father's name. Your little boy opened my heart tonight. You told us all what's on your heart, so sweet a story. My parents lost their first daughter stillborn. When my father was writing his life story he told of the little baby he and mom had 75 years ago and lost. I feel alot of love for you as if you are my own daughter. James is so fortunate to have you in his life. You're a precious soul. A woman of courage and you have great strength to love so deeply. I am very moved by your experience with James and Leo. How can I ever thank you. Bless you Holly. I hear your story as if it is a delicate prayer. ✨
Thank you for sharing about Leo. You have helped me to feel less alone. My full-term daughter died in utero and was still born five weeks ago. I ache and long for her. But I grieve with the hope of being with her in heaven and am glad and proud to have been granted the privilege of being her mother. "I will gladly bear these wounds of love until love heals every wound."--Every Moment Holy
Not sure how this came across my feed, but sure glad that it did. You are such a strong, sweet, lady, and I wish you nothing but the very best in life. Your courage to tell Leo’s story, will help many grieving mothers for years to come. Much love my friend!
From the bottom of my heart, I would love to know how u are doing now. Little Leo sounds beautiful and I pray ur family is doing well. All the love, from one mama to another. Please please please upload an update. I've subscribed and am hoping to hear more. On a side note, Leo feels very close in a strange way. My last name is Lambert and I've always loved the Lambert the sheepish lion cartoon. Lol. Lions are a sort of favorite of mine. Bless u and ur new baby. I hope to hear more.
Holly you’ve honoured Leo in such a beautiful way. I could feel your pain and love for your beautiful little boy. My sincere condolences for yours and James loss 💙 Sending lots of Love from Australia 💞
What a lovely story. As broken hearted as you were, you told the story with passion, love, and a deep hurt from losing Leo. The lowest point a person can go. May God bless you in coming days.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It's the most real, eloquent and heartbreaking experience I have ever heard. You shared so deeply and so beautifully how painfully difficult it was for you and James. I have no words for you as I've not been through something like this but im sure that many woman will appreciate it and understand and relate to it. I hope and pray that your little girl brings you the love and joy you deserve and that Leo will always be your first born and will always be a part of your lives. Bless you Holly. You are a wonderful mommy. ❤️
Bless you and your family. We lost my grandson in January 2021. My daughter was 39 weeks pregnant. Stillbirth is more common than people realize but as you said, it isn't discussed at all during prenatal care. We didn't realize how many babies are lost to stillbirth until it happened to our family. Thank you for sharing your story of sweet Leo. I know that my daughter felt less alone in her grief when others shared their experience.
You are an amazing woman. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm so sorry you went through so many hours of labor. Thankfully you received an emergency C section and medication. Your husband is also a strong man. I believe your Leo is always with you. A mother always carries their child's DNA due to the placenta. Energy never dies. His body is gone but his soul is very much alive. I cannot fathom your pain. Give yourself grace. There was nothing you could have done at all to prevent Leo's passing. I pray God gives you strength and peace.
Thankyou so much for sharing your story. It’s not something anyone can fully understand as they are not you but hearing others stories really does help. I found out at 18 weeks our baby has a lot of complications and will pass away either in labour or shorty after birth. I’m now 29weeks pregnant and just awaiting the day to come to say goodbye, it’s too much to process. And I’m so scared. But hearing that you had some control over what time you spent with Leo and how things processed afterwards is really good to know. Sending you the biggest hugs and best wishes for your baby girl, I’m sure she is beautiful like her brother. Thankyou again🤍
I 100 percent think ultrasounds should be done day of the birth to see what is going on with baby...where is the cord how long is it. The care women receive while pregnant needs to be better.
@@thythyy7633 because of my personal experience I do not give 2 shits about your opinion. I know several women who got them and caught things before hand that saved them soany troubles
I’m so sorry for your horrific loss! No words are adequate but prayers for you and your family! I’m sorry you didn’t take pictures. I can’t think of any loss worse than a full term loss. Bless you sweet Momma. Love from Bradenton, Fl. 🙏❤️
I'm so sorry you've gone through this. My daughter just had her 2nd one 2 weeks ago. The chances of having 2 is less than 1% and she was in that 1%. It does get easier but it never goes away. Thank you for sharing your story and congratulations on your baby girl. Wanting to have another baby is perfectly normal and don't let anyone tell you different.
You are an amazingly brave woman and I admire your strength immensely. Thank you for sharing your story and I feel that the most important thing that you said was to think about what might happen if it all goes wrong. I’m sure that your story will help so many people. Sending love and light and may your new daughter help heal your pain. xxx
My sister talked to me about how she felt that life-or-death feeling you mentioned. My rainbow niece just turned two in January 2022. I hope your rainbow brings you so much joy and love!
What a beautiful, but yet devastating story. I’m completely sorry that you had to go through with that, but I’m so happy that you were able to receive your little bit of “sunshine” at the end. The way you took care of Leo for the little time you had with him, shows what a great mother you were with him and that you are going to be for your baby girl. I hope everything went well with your daughter ❤!
I am so sorry for your loss of your son Leo. It is the worst pain a parent can ever go through. You are right when you say no other baby will replace Leo. Leo will be a big brother he is just not physically here. My second child (son) was born September 27 1995 and passed away December 1 1995 of SIDS. So this year it is 26 years I still miss and think of him everyday. I did have two children (daughters) after him. Now my daughters are having babies my rainbow baby was due with her second child (my first grandson) November 1 2021 we knew he would come early. On September 29 2021 my grandson was born at 35 wks 3days with no heartbeat. I could not be with my daughterer because we are in different states. My heart hurts for her because the pain is so real. There are people that just do not understand grief and the process. Especially when it's a baby. That is what my daughter is going through right now. She is around people that don't think she she grieve for very long. I think when people with stories like yours bless your heart are shown it helps people understand so thank you for sharing. Bless you and your family.
You are amazingly strong and beautiful mum! Am so, so sorrry for Your loss. My angel princess also passed away, she was 23 weeks, it happened before 9 months and it is still devastating-when You talked about saying goodbye to Your precious baby boy, it was so heartbreaking...And what You mentioned about him being so beautiful,but not here anymore...Am happy and congratulations on waiting for Your rainbow girl! Sending lots of love and peace to You! ❤❤❤
I want to thank you for sharing your story about Leo with us. You are such an amazing woman. I cried right along with you sweetheart. Shame on anyone who dares to judge you or say anything to you about being pregnant. That’s none of their business. Good luck and I hope you have a quick and pain free delivery 🍼💙🌸
I want to say your pure honesty and thoughts are so spot on from mothers who have lost their infants. I went through the same very similar many years ago and you never, ever forget them. Your daughter will always have a Big Brother as her angel looking over her and your family.. I really truly believe you would be a huge sense of comfort to mothers and their partners, at a tragic time of such loss. Maybe in a few years you Would want to be able to help other mothers by visiting them in the hospital during their tragic loss. Strength to you during the rest of your pregnancy, As no doubt you will be the best mother ever to your baby girl.
Please be kind to yourself. No one can be prepared for what you went through. No pregnant mum wants to confront the possibility of stillbirth. You were strong; you are strong. I can't imagine the intensity of your feeling of loss. Don't have regrets. You did what you could in circumstances that you weren't expecting. I admire how you have thought things through and are making some sense of what happened. Sending much love and many blessings for you and your partner and the new baby. ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing. I couldn’t imagine what one goes through in this tragic experience and you explained it with courage and grace. I can tell Leo was really really special and he is still with you 100 percent. You are such a wonderful person and your daughter is so lucky to have you.
It really hurt my heart to see you so sad, please accept my deepest condolences, and may you find comfort in the fact that you and your son will be reunited in heaven 💔💔
sending you so much love. so so much love. i have gone through this with my son, and he and leo will always be loved and missed and honored. hugs to you.
Baby Leo and ur families story absolutely broke my heart. 💔 You were so raw & real and I truly felt ur overwhelming love and grief for him. It was in no way ur fault. Lots of love, Rachel
I am so sorry for your loss. I went through 2 miscarriages. 1st one was about 4 weeks. 2nd one was a Etopic pregnancy and I lossed my Fallopian tube. That one I landed in the hospital and I was lucky I didn't die. After that, we tried and I couldn't conceive. I hear your pain and I pray you heal and are at peace with what's happened. A coworker of ours, her daughter became pregnant at 16 a wanted the baby to have a better upbringing than she could give. We adopted her baby. It was a boy. On Dec. 14th hes turning 24 this year! He's been a blessing to us.
Beautiful lady.....your story was completely breaking my heart! You are an extremely precious human being who never deserved sooooo much horrible heartache! May your precious Leo forever rest in peace and may God bless both u and your Husband with your newest little Angel! Many hugs and prayers
You are going to make the most amazing mummy ....♥️🙏🏻🦋🧚😢God bless you and I can see it was quite a while since you made this video ... what a beautiful video it is and the justice you have made on his behalf... I pray by this time your wishes came true ♥️🥰🦋🧚🐥🍄🍼🍭
This is just so sad and the most awful, heartbreaking experience for you and your partner . Over a year on and I pray you gave birth to your rainbow baby safely and you now have those wonderful family cuddles you were so looking forward to. God bless all four of you. ❤
Thank you for sharing your story! I am so excited for you to have your sweet baby girl! Leo will always be your sweet boy in heaven. One day you will see him again.
I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy! It is obvious you love him very much and miss him. My children are almost grown,the youngest will graduate from high school this month. They are all adopted so I don’t know what it is to lose a child in death. I’m so glad you made this video. It seems to me you and James were not given the best compassionate and patient treatment. Maybe in this video other women will view this and hear of your experience and be better informed if it should happen to them. Thank you so much! You are so brave in so many ways. Congratulations on having your daughter. You and James are in my prayers.💙💝
Thinking of you and your partner and of course, your son, Leo. I don’t think there are any words anyone can say to you to help you to feel better. This is all about the passing of time helping you all to accept what’s happened and live again. Leo wouldn’t want you to live in sorrow forever. I wish you all better days and Leo will always be in your head, heart and soul . You told the story of the experience you all went through beautifully and Leo would be so proud to have you as his mummy. Wishing you all the very best in what’s to come and I hope happiness knocks on your door xx
Leo’s story is exactly like my daughters💜 she was also 3x nuchal cord and full term, same with me I knew something was wrong but when they checked she was ok but the feeling lasted 4 days before her heart stopped
My angel returned to heaven a week after he was born. I’m a nurse too. Many many regrets. I feel I failed him as a mom, too. Having to plan out an autopsy, a burial, many major decisions have to be made when I haven’t accepted his death. It’s very hard on the dad- yes. I feel you 100%. Don’t be hard on yourself, is what you’d say to me, but ironic how we can’t offer ourselves the same empathy. Good luck to you ❤❤❤
I’m so sorry for the loss of your son Leo ❤️ I had a stillbirth 6 months ago with my daughter. the pain never goes away 💔. Your daughter has an Angel brother protecting her at all times ❤️🙏
I’m so sorry you lost your daughter. 💔 The pain is horrendous and I’m sure will be there forever. She has a very special big brother and I will tell her all about him! x
Holly tfs. As terrible as it is your story will help others get thru it. God please give you peace in your heart and never forget baby Leo your first born baby boy.
I feel so much for you even though I'm in a different country and don't know. Thank you for sharing your story and introducing us to your Leo. We will not forget your little boy. Your rainbowgirl will bring back your smile. I know because I have a little rainbowgirl too🌈
Susann, I’m so sorry you have lost a child too. There is something so special about rainbow babies… they have brought me so much hope at a time when I thought there was no remaining light. I love to just remind myself they exist & happiness is possible again! 🙏🏻💗 I can’t wait to hold her in my arms (& when I can finally relax/she’s here safely…probably cry in to her for days)!! Two crying babies!! 🌈👶🏼
I am so sorry for your loss and for your family's loss please do not feel you were not prepared nobody can prepare for what you went through you did your best I could feel how much you loved your child I am so deeply sorry..
You did not have the information you needed to make the decision that you would want for something so unexpected & I am so very very sorry hun it is just beyond heartbreaking & I cannot imagine that level of pain 😢 You did the best you could in that moment & I hope you can try to find a way to let that go of that guilt because you are in no way guilty of anything & honestly the fact of how delicate Leo was at that time I think you saved yourself from experiencing more trauma the rest you can only accept you cannot possibly think you could have handled this any differently! I am just so so deeply saddened for you both :( ❤
I'm so sorry for your loss..I don't know why your doctor didn't respect your request to have a C-section...my cousin also have an infant loss at 40 wks, 2 days before Xmas, her first baby...the moment she asked for a C-section she was informed of the risks and complications but after when she still decided to have one her doctor accepted it and did the operation the next day
Thank you for sharing your precious little leo with us. My heart breaks for you but your experience will help so many who have or are going through a stillbirth loss. I also think that as horrible as it is and no one wants to think about losing a child, it should be talked about in antenatal classes. What options you have as far as the birth and aftercare of your baby and all that comes with it. You are leos parents and always will be. Heartfelt wishes, love and prayers for the arrival of your little girl. xx ❤
This is an absolute nightmare. I am so incredibly sorry you had to go through this, it’s just so wrong… Sending you all my love and I hope that your new baby will remind you of your lovely Leo every now and then ❤️ He will look down on you and be proud of you guys for sure.
We had 7 early losses and then we were blessed with our miracle boy, he died at 41 weeks weighing 9.3lbs he was so long and big, I had started early labour and was checked the night before and all was fine. So much of what you said I experienced myself too. I profusely apologised to my husband because I blamed myself. My little boy had so much meconium too we thought that was what caused it at first. I had a bad infection but it was prior to his death but also because of the meconium. My placenta had lesions and infected parts of it. He died from hypoxia officially. He was back to back so it was an agonising labour and I have large memory holes but I luckily had a wonderful birth and he somehow turned the right way on his way out, I was with it for that part, I loved feeling him come out. I’m so sorry all what you went through.
By now I hope you had your little girl with no problems. Leo will have a sister. I know it's really hard to go through, but you can. Best of luck with the new one.
I’m so sorry for your loss 🥺🕊 you described every emotion and feeling I felt when I lost my own son 💙 and congratulations on your new pregnancy, would you be able to talk about any anxiety you felt during your new pregnancy, and how you were able to manage that and enjoy your pregnancy? ❤️
So brave to tell your story and (unless I misunderstood) I am so sad that you were let down by your midwife - surely no one should get to 40+5 weeks without being in hospital with constant monitoring! Even at just over 40 weeks mums are often induced to get things happening. The shock and grief you describe is just awful and I really hope you get lots of help.
As a mother that has also had a stillbirth we have to get it out of our heads that somehow it was our fault. I was able to get pregnant again after our loss and I agree it’s never a replacement it’s different but it’s a need. There is always a reason we experience loss though we may never understand it but it does make us stronger especially as a mother in my opinion. And I agree getting pregnant after a loss is the scariest thing ever. Though there is joy there is also huge amounts of fear!! God bless and please know there are other moms out there with a similar story supporting you!!
Halley, I appreciate you telling your story.. I think it's a sad, Horrific, But beautiful story it were you told it?. Please don't have any regrets of your time with your son.. You did what You could do at that time.. Who knows what Anyone would do given your circumstance.. I think you were remarkably strong. I can't imagine all the things that you're brain went through. And what you're thinking process was.. I think it also would help me if I talked about my son like that., You can't just forget him. He was human and he was born. I hope things sincerely get better for you and your husband, And I pray that this new baby will be healthy and Happy. Many prayers For you and your family. Teresa. Jackson, Michigan.
Holly, I watched this video and your one after your daughter being born. When you mentioned things about Leo it brought my grief to the forefront. Things are so different now than they were years ago. People have time with their baby, they dress them, hold them, take "special" pictures of them, grief counselors, family to help each other go through this extremely difficult time. My husband and I tried for almost 5 years to have a baby. We had test after test, I had surgery because my ovaries were enlarged, and I tried fertility pills. Nothing worked. Then I got pregnant. It was amazing! We were so happy. Everything went fine and then it didn't. At 36 weeks 5 days I was at work and felt light-headed, my boss had me call the doctor who told me to come to his office. My boss drove me and left. My husband was in another hospital due to a bad reaction to penicillin. My neighbor checked him out. My doctor tried to listen to his heartbeat. Then asked who drove me and I said my boss, but she'd left. He had his nurse drive me down the street to the hospital. Once there they tried for a heartbeat, the nurse said she wss going for the other machine and came back. Put it on me, then took it off and left. I asked questions and got no answers. I heard my mom out the room and then my husband came in. I told him about the machines and he said I'm going to find the doctor and left. He didn't come back. And then I was in labor. What was going on? Deep in my heart I knew it, but kept telling myself they were wrong. All of this was 43 years and 4 months ago. My husband named him, keeping the original in case we wanted it next time. He picked out the headstone. My mom took me shopping 3 days after he was stillborn to get a dress for the funeral. I was in such an emotional state I cried and could barely walk far or stand from just having a baby. The cashier talked to her and she told her what happened which made me cry more. The next 2 days were a blur. The day of the funeral my mom asked if I had looked in the casket. I said no, the mortician thought it was better for me to remember him how I saw him, after begging the nurses to let me and them asking my doctor if it was okay. He said he's her baby, let her see him.
So my mom says she wants to see him and opens the lid. She told me it was okay to look so I did. And he was. I don't remember the graveside service. We went to our house and my family came. My brother and his wife had their 6 month old with them and I couldn't believe it. Why did God do this to us after all we'd gone through to just take him away. We did go back to take some photos at his grave with all the flowers. But going to church was awful. It was like being in the hospital and everyone saying "it was God's will". We visited a few churches then and my husband would tell them and they would say I'm sorry, but maybe it was God's will, something may have been wrong with him." I went to the cemetery every day for at least 5 months. There was no grief counseling, no dressing him, no pictures or holding him. My mom never said she had 2 grandchildren, just 1, always leaving my son out. No one talked about it. The autopsy showed nothing wrong. 13 months later I found out I was pregnant, it was Easter morning. We were happy, but I was also terrified. As it got close to 36 weeks they began doing weekly stress tests. And then I went into labor and had a daughter and I was glad she wasn't a boy. Two years later we had a son. They went with me to the cemetery and my sister said I was being morbid. I said no, they needed to know about their brother and where he was buried. When my oldest would have been 8, my daughter 6 and youngest 4, my husband left us. Six years later I married again and next week is our 26th anniversary. Things have changed but I still am grieving over my first son. He would be 43 years old, my daughter 41 and my youngest son 39. And I have a granddaughter that's 11. She was born 2 weeks early weighing 4 lbs. 9 ounces. I was in the room and terrified for my daughter who couldn't push her out and the doctor was afraid to use forceps because her head was so tiny. We all started saying push, push you can do this. And she did. She was so tiny, 17 inches long. The next day she had gained 2 ounces, all her apgar scores were perfect and she got to come home.
Holly, everyone's story is the same. Know that we all go through what you did. Loss is a terrible thing but even worse when people don't acknowledge that it happened. I go through it every time I think about Robert and still don't understand why it happened. And I get through it but will never be over it. And my grown kids and granddaughter and I will always talk about it and I will love my firstborn forever with all my heart and soul. I'm glad you have your daughter and hope you make sure to talk to her about it. Like you said, no one prepares you for what to do if things go wrong. I think that should be included in every prenatal class and every book like "What to Expect When You're Expecting." Maybe a chapter on things you don't expect but could happen. Not just stillbirth. And I am going to look into a certificate of stillbirth. I don't know if there was one or not for Robert. No one ever mentioned it to me, and my first husband is deceased now so I can't ask him. But, be strong. Talk about Leo. Thanks for sharing your story. I know it was hard. I cried for you and cried for myself. The emotions are still real for me.
The loss of a child is so much more than just the loss of life. It’s the loss of a future, a life, a family. Massive hugs to you, I cannot imagine how difficult this must have been to walk through.
You are a precious Mommy! My heart ached with you. Blessings having a baby sister for Leo! Only tears of joy now…you and your husband deserve a time of joy!
Thank you 🧡 I can’t quite imagine how special the moment will be when I get to hold a living baby in my arms and take care of her every single day of my life!!
@hollykeast8425 Dear Holly, firstly please let me extend my deepest sympathies on the death of your baby son. It took a lot of courage to put your story out there, and I noted that Leo should have just had his 3rd birthday in August and that would have been another sad day for your family. I just wanted to congratulate you on your little girl and I pray that she was born safe and well! Thank you for sharing your story about Leo and about his life and death and I wanted to tell you how poignant it was and SO very heartfelt! I'm a 58 year old mother of 5 adult children and although I only have one grandchild here on earth, I have several more in Heaven and my living grandchild is 18 and so no longer a child! I never lost a child either through miscarriage or stillbirth, and so I DON'T know how you feel after you HAVE had, sadly, BOTH experiences, but I hope that your daughter is alive and healthy because you were MOST certainly meant to be a Mummy. I thought it was wonderful how you released Leo's ashes in St Lucia and the circle of life continues. All the very best wishes to you and your family and I wish you ALL the happiness in the world. From country NSW Australia.
My Mia passed at 36.5 weeks gestation. I felt exactly how you felt. It was my watch (I’m a nurse I should know better I kept thinking)and I missed it. Now 16 yrs later I’m beginning to realize my subconscious was unable to accept what was happening. We were doing 3D ultrasounds every week because I was older & therefore high risk. My heart goes out to you! I truly understand.
My heart literally stumbled when I heard you say you regretted some of what you did or didn't do after Leo's birth. Please allow yourself the same grace you would allow a dear friend. You deserve nothing less. I am so very sorry for your devastating loss. You are a very strong and brave young mother and I admire you very much. Blessings on the new baby!!
Well said 👏
Totally agree.how can anyone know what is right or wrong or right or wrong for them dealing with losing your baby as you are expecting nothing less than having a healthy living baby to celebrate his life & looking to the future of a life you created ❤ you cannot hold yourself to any standard because there is nothing standard about losing a baby at full term! That loss has got to be shocking & Earth shattering & traumatic to say the least & how does anyone know how to react & respond to that reality! You have nothing to regret all you should do is honor you sweet angel & know that purpose was for another place & time. From what I heard not sure this is true but I have heard the soul enters the body at birth . Birth is BIRTH!!! ALIVE OR NOT SO YOUR BABY WAS MEANT TO COME THIS WAY. THEY GAINED SPIRIT TO GO ON TO A PLACE FAR BETTER THAN HERE.YOU ARE MEANT TO BE TOGETHER IN ANOTHER WORLD, TIME & SPACE! YOU CARRIED YOUR ANGEL ALL THE WAY YOU WERE CHOSEN TO CARRY GODS ANGEL & THAT IS THE HIGHEST HONOR LIKE MARY TO CARRY JESUS ! ❤❤❤❤ ❤❤❤❤❤❤
You are the bravest and most courageous mom. And you are a wonderful mom! Leo feels yours and James’ love for now and forever! Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your story. It is truly a beautiful one of tremendous grief and strength! God bless you! ❤️🙏🏻
I just want to hug you. You are an incredible woman, the way you talk about your loss, about your baby boy but also about James, the way you see other people's needs and hurts, that's what makes you so special. You're such a sweet and humble person even though you've experienced the most bitter loss and are handling it with what can only be described as grace.
Thank you for sharing Leos story with us ❤
Thank you so much for sharing little Leo with us. Sending hugs from Australia x
I just wanted to reach through the screen and give you a big cuddle. I'm a newborn nurse and have worked in labor and delivery also. I love Mums and babies so much! You are a strong lady. I have to share you will see Leo again. He will be waiting for you in heaven and you will spend eternity with your beautiful son. Congratulatons on your pregnancy with your daughter. May God bless you as you continue your journey until your baby is born. May God richly bless your family! Hope to see a post after you have delivered.
Omg. So much of these stories for 2020 alone.....it breaks my heart. So sorry for your precious loss.
Your grief will get softer but never go away. Leo has a wonderful brave mummy..he lives through you❤️
Every word you spoke took me back to our 41.5 week stillborn daughter. You are so very brave sharing but know everything you have shared was my experience too. In very tragic circumstances your story has made me feel less alone, thank you…..Another baby does not replace Leo and will never take away your pain of loosing him but your arms will be filled and the pain will lessen. Nearly 28 years has gone by since our loss and my tears are cried hard still at this time of year. I have two beautiful children who are grown up now. Thank you again for sharing. Remembering Baby Leo and Grace Louise 30/10/1993 and all our other precious babies sleeping. Xxx
Sending love to you Justine & thinking of Grace Louise. It’s heartbreaking to learn of any loss, but she would have been a very similar age to my brother & I and it really hit home. We lose so much when they pass - a whole lifetime. I’m so sorry for your loss and pain too xx
@@hollykeast8425 Thank you Holly, today is Grace’s birthday, it still hurts and I’m still trying to make sense of it all, I still cry. Leo will never be replaced as Grace has not been replaced but we will always think about our babies gone before us. It’s hard. I’ve been diagnosed with PTSD from the experience only this year and I think there should be more help from professionals after the loss of a child. We are left to get on with it which is very hard, we are left traumatised which is very real but not acknowledged. You are in my thoughts and hope you have good support from family and friends. All my love to you Xx
Oh, honey...I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby. Praying for all the best with your little girl. ❤
Thank you for sharing. I resonate so much with your story. No one tells you how guilty you feel after that you lost your baby - that it feels like your fault. It’s so so so hard not to blame yourself. Lost my son, Ari, at 38 weeks, last month. I also feel the same about having another baby - no one can replace Ari, but the need to be a mother, the need for a reason to live, is so strong… there will always be a hole in my heart for Ari, but the hole in my heart for being a mother can be filled. ❤
My heart aches for you both but this story is so beautiful, thank you for sharing ❤️
I’m so sorry for your loss , I can’t imagine what your going through . Your incredibly strong . Your story absolutely broke my heart . All the best x
Deareast Holly, you are such a beautiful blessing. Leo is Leib in Hebrew, means " Heart" my father's name. Your little boy opened my heart tonight. You told us all what's on your heart, so sweet a story. My parents lost their first daughter stillborn. When my father was writing his life story he told of the little baby he and mom had 75 years ago and lost. I feel alot of love for you as if you are my own daughter. James is so fortunate to have you in his life. You're a precious soul. A woman of courage and you have great strength to love so deeply. I am very moved by your experience with James and Leo. How can I ever thank you. Bless you Holly. I hear your story as if it is a delicate prayer. ✨
Thank you for sharing about Leo. You have helped me to feel less alone. My full-term daughter died in utero and was still born five weeks ago. I ache and long for her. But I grieve with the hope of being with her in heaven and am glad and proud to have been granted the privilege of being her mother. "I will gladly bear these wounds of love until love heals every wound."--Every Moment Holy
I’m so sorry Holly. This is heartwrenching. So very sorry for the loss of your precious baby Leo.
Not sure how this came across my feed, but sure glad that it did. You are such a strong, sweet, lady, and I wish you nothing but the very best in life. Your courage to tell Leo’s story, will help many grieving mothers for years to come. Much love my friend!
Im hoping that you receive the help support and love to help you in your loss. I cried for you too. X
I could feel your aching, the highs and lows. I wish you immense joy going forward. You are a wonderful mom. Thank you for sharing your Leo.
From the bottom of my heart, I would love to know how u are doing now. Little Leo sounds beautiful and I pray ur family is doing well. All the love, from one mama to another. Please please please upload an update. I've subscribed and am hoping to hear more. On a side note, Leo feels very close in a strange way. My last name is Lambert and I've always loved the Lambert the sheepish lion cartoon. Lol. Lions are a sort of favorite of mine. Bless u and ur new baby. I hope to hear more.
Holly you’ve honoured Leo in such a beautiful way. I could feel your pain and love for your beautiful little boy.
My sincere condolences for yours and James loss 💙
Sending lots of Love from Australia 💞
What a lovely story. As broken hearted as you were, you told the story with passion, love, and a deep hurt from losing Leo.
The lowest point a person can go. May God bless you in coming days.
Thank you for sharing your experience. It's the most real, eloquent and heartbreaking experience I have ever heard. You shared so deeply and so beautifully how painfully difficult it was for you and James. I have no words for you as I've not been through something like this but im sure that many woman will appreciate it and understand and relate to it. I hope and pray that your little girl brings you the love and joy you deserve and that Leo will always be your first born and will always be a part of your lives. Bless you Holly. You are a wonderful mommy. ❤️
Bless you and your family. We lost my grandson in January 2021. My daughter was 39 weeks pregnant. Stillbirth is more common than people realize but as you said, it isn't discussed at all during prenatal care. We didn't realize how many babies are lost to stillbirth until it happened to our family. Thank you for sharing your story of sweet Leo. I know that my daughter felt less alone in her grief when others shared their experience.
You are an amazing woman. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm so sorry you went through so many hours of labor. Thankfully you received an emergency C section and medication. Your husband is also a strong man. I believe your Leo is always with you. A mother always carries their child's DNA due to the placenta. Energy never dies. His body is gone but his soul is very much alive. I cannot fathom your pain. Give yourself grace. There was nothing you could have done at all to prevent Leo's passing. I pray God gives you strength and peace.
this is the rawest grief I have seen. I am so sorry.
Oh Holly, my heart breaks for you. Your little angel baby is watching over you.
Thankyou so much for sharing your story. It’s not something anyone can fully understand as they are not you but hearing others stories really does help. I found out at 18 weeks our baby has a lot of complications and will pass away either in labour or shorty after birth. I’m now 29weeks pregnant and just awaiting the day to come to say goodbye, it’s too much to process. And I’m so scared. But hearing that you had some control over what time you spent with Leo and how things processed afterwards is really good to know.
Sending you the biggest hugs and best wishes for your baby girl, I’m sure she is beautiful like her brother.
Thankyou again🤍
I 100 percent think ultrasounds should be done day of the birth to see what is going on with baby...where is the cord how long is it. The care women receive while pregnant needs to be better.
In 2022 babies should be born in a hospital and mom seen by obgyn not midwives. If one baby is saved so important.
Lots of these comments cast guilt feelings, better left unsaid.
I agree. My beautiful angel had the cord around his neck 3 times. This was almost 38years ago
It’s impossible to see the length of the cord on the ultrasound in third trimester.
@@thythyy7633 because of my personal experience I do not give 2 shits about your opinion. I know several women who got them and caught things before hand that saved them soany troubles
I’m so sorry for your horrific loss! No words are adequate but prayers for you and your family! I’m sorry you didn’t take pictures. I can’t think of any loss worse than a full term loss. Bless you sweet Momma. Love from Bradenton, Fl. 🙏❤️
Thank you for your kind message & prayers Tina 🧡
I'm so sorry you've gone through this. My daughter just had her 2nd one 2 weeks ago. The chances of having 2 is less than 1% and she was in that 1%. It does get easier but it never goes away. Thank you for sharing your story and congratulations on your baby girl. Wanting to have another baby is perfectly normal and don't let anyone tell you different.
You are an amazingly brave woman and I admire your strength immensely. Thank you for sharing your story and I feel that the most important thing that you said was to think about what might happen if it all goes wrong. I’m sure that your story will help so many people. Sending love and light and may your new daughter help heal your pain. xxx
Leo is so proud of you Holly & James. Many people will be so grateful to you for sharing your experience. Sending you all my love & a big cuddle 🧡🧡🧡
🧡
My sister talked to me about how she felt that life-or-death feeling you mentioned.
My rainbow niece just turned two in January 2022. I hope your rainbow brings you so much joy and love!
What a beautiful, but yet devastating story. I’m completely sorry that you had to go through with that, but I’m so happy that you were able to receive your little bit of “sunshine” at the end. The way you took care of Leo for the little time you had with him, shows what a great mother you were with him and that you are going to be for your baby girl. I hope everything went well with your daughter ❤!
Holly, my heart breaks for you and your husband. Leo will always be with you and watching over you both and your new baby girl. Bless you
I am so sorry for your loss of your son Leo. It is the worst pain a parent can ever go through. You are right when you say no other baby will replace Leo. Leo will be a big brother he is just not physically here. My second child (son) was born September 27 1995 and passed away December 1 1995 of SIDS. So this year it is 26 years I still miss and think of him everyday. I did have two children (daughters) after him. Now my daughters are having babies my rainbow baby was due with her second child (my first grandson) November 1 2021 we knew he would come early. On September 29 2021 my grandson was born at 35 wks 3days with no heartbeat. I could not be with my daughterer because we are in different states. My heart hurts for her because the pain is so real. There are people that just do not understand grief and the process. Especially when it's a baby. That is what my daughter is going through right now. She is around people that don't think she she grieve for very long. I think when people with stories like yours bless your heart are shown it helps people understand so thank you for sharing. Bless you and your family.
God has your baby now and you will see him again. Prayers for your heart to heal.
You are amazingly strong and beautiful mum! Am so, so sorrry for Your loss. My angel princess also passed away, she was 23 weeks, it happened before 9 months and it is still devastating-when You talked about saying goodbye to Your precious baby boy, it was so heartbreaking...And what You mentioned about him being so beautiful,but not here anymore...Am happy and congratulations on waiting for Your rainbow girl! Sending lots of love and peace to You! ❤❤❤
I’m crying here with you . Bless you sweet momma. I went through this 36 years ago. Sending love, hugs and prayers
😥🌻😥SORRY FOR your loss..this IS happening TOO often and it's heart breaking.
This must be the hardest thing in the world. No one can even begin to imagine. So many aspects to this terrible sorrow. No words to comfort you 💔
I want to thank you for sharing your story about Leo with us. You are such an amazing woman. I cried right along with you sweetheart. Shame on anyone who dares to judge you or say anything to you about being pregnant. That’s none of their business. Good luck and I hope you have a quick and pain free delivery 🍼💙🌸
Thank you, Stephanie. I can’t wait to hold her in my arms in 3 days time 🤞🏼🙏🏻💗
I want to say your pure honesty and thoughts are so spot on from mothers who have lost their infants. I went through the same very similar many years ago and you never, ever forget them. Your daughter will always have a Big Brother as her angel looking over her and your family.. I really truly believe you would be a huge sense of comfort to mothers and their partners, at a tragic time of such loss. Maybe in a few years you Would want to be able to help other mothers by visiting them in the hospital during their tragic loss. Strength to you during the rest of your pregnancy, As no doubt you will be the best mother ever to your baby girl.
Thank you for sharing your story in such an honest and straight forward direct way. I'm so so sorry.
Please be kind to yourself. No one can be prepared for what you went through. No pregnant mum wants to confront the possibility of stillbirth. You were strong; you are strong. I can't imagine the intensity of your feeling of loss. Don't have regrets. You did what you could in circumstances that you weren't expecting. I admire how you have thought things through and are making some sense of what happened. Sending much love and many blessings for you and your partner and the new baby. ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing. I couldn’t imagine what one goes through in this tragic experience and you explained it with courage and grace. I can tell Leo was really really special and he is still with you 100 percent. You are such a wonderful person and your daughter is so lucky to have you.
I pray you are holding your baby now and remembering Leo. ❤️❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻
It really hurt my heart to see you so sad, please accept my deepest condolences, and may you find comfort in the fact that you and your son will be reunited in heaven 💔💔
What an amazing woman you are. Wishing you all the best with this baby
sending you so much love. so so much love. i have gone through this with my son, and he and leo will always be loved and missed and honored. hugs to you.
Baby Leo and ur families story absolutely broke my heart. 💔 You were so raw & real and I truly felt ur overwhelming love and grief for him. It was in no way ur fault. Lots of love, Rachel
I am so very sorry. You told this beautifully. Bless you and your beautiful son. Xxxxx.
I hope you are ok and enjoying your gorgeous daughter. Xxxx.
I am so sorry for your loss. I went through 2 miscarriages. 1st one was about 4 weeks. 2nd one was a Etopic pregnancy and I lossed my Fallopian tube. That one I landed in the hospital and I was lucky I didn't die. After that, we tried and I couldn't conceive. I hear your pain and I pray you heal and are at peace with what's happened. A coworker of ours, her daughter became pregnant at 16 a wanted the baby to have a better upbringing than she could give. We adopted her baby. It was a boy. On Dec. 14th hes turning 24 this year! He's been a blessing to us.
Beautiful lady.....your story was completely breaking my heart! You are an extremely precious human being who never deserved sooooo much horrible heartache! May your precious Leo forever rest in peace and may God bless both u and your Husband with your newest little Angel! Many hugs and prayers
You are going to make the most amazing mummy ....♥️🙏🏻🦋🧚😢God bless you and I can see it was quite a while since you made this video ... what a beautiful video it is and the justice you have made on his behalf... I pray by this time your wishes came true ♥️🥰🦋🧚🐥🍄🍼🍭
Holly❤my heart goes out to you.
Sending you love 💕
Feeling your pain, as I lost baby too.
Hang in there ❤
This is just so sad and the most awful, heartbreaking experience for you and your partner . Over a year on and I pray you gave birth to your rainbow baby safely and you now have those wonderful family cuddles you were so looking forward to. God bless all four of you. ❤
You are amazing. I pray for peace. Your Leo is forever in your soul!❤
My deepest heart condolences for the devastating loss of your precious baby boy Leo. God Bless You a d Your Family. ❤😢❤😢❤😢❤
I'm so so sorry for what you went through. My heart goes out to you and your husband. Leo will always be in your hearts.
Thank you for sharing your story! I am so excited for you to have your sweet baby girl! Leo will always be your sweet boy in heaven. One day you will see him again.
Thank you so much Kim 🙏🏻 I can’t wait to tell her all about her special brother Leo 🧡💗
So very sorry for your loss, you are a very strong mother, God bless you comfort in your pain.☀️❤️
I am so sorry for the loss of your baby boy! It is obvious you love him very much and miss him. My children are almost grown,the youngest will graduate from high school this month. They are all adopted so I don’t know what it is to lose a child in death. I’m so glad you made this video. It seems to me you and James were not given the best compassionate and patient treatment. Maybe in this video other women will view this and hear of your experience and be better informed if it should happen to them. Thank you so much! You are so brave in so many ways. Congratulations on having your daughter. You and James are in my prayers.💙💝
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious little boy... he have an amazing sweet mommy...
My heart goes out to you. You're beautiful and I just know this birth will be all good I think Leo will be watching over you and his family.❤️
Thinking of you and your partner and of course, your son, Leo. I don’t think there are any words anyone can say to you to help you to feel better. This is all about the passing of time helping you all to accept what’s happened and live again. Leo wouldn’t want you to live in sorrow forever. I wish you all better days and Leo will always be in your head, heart and soul . You told the story of the experience you all went through beautifully and Leo would be so proud to have you as his mummy. Wishing you all the very best in what’s to come and I hope happiness knocks on your door xx
Leo’s story is exactly like my daughters💜 she was also 3x nuchal cord and full term, same with me I knew something was wrong but when they checked she was ok but the feeling lasted 4 days before her heart stopped
My angel returned to heaven a week after he was born. I’m a nurse too. Many many regrets. I feel I failed him as a mom, too. Having to plan out an autopsy, a burial, many major decisions have to be made when I haven’t accepted his death. It’s very hard on the dad- yes. I feel you 100%. Don’t be hard on yourself, is what you’d say to me, but ironic how we can’t offer ourselves the same empathy. Good luck to you ❤❤❤
I’m so sorry for the loss of your son Leo ❤️ I had a stillbirth 6 months ago with my daughter. the pain never goes away 💔. Your daughter has an Angel brother protecting her at all times ❤️🙏
I’m so sorry you lost your daughter. 💔 The pain is horrendous and I’m sure will be there forever. She has a very special big brother and I will tell her all about him! x
God speed Leo ! Your mom and dad love you so much , and prayers of comfort and peace for you all !
I am so sorry for your loss.leo will always live on in your heart ❤ xxx
Holly tfs. As terrible as it is your story will help others get thru it. God please give you peace in your heart and never forget baby Leo your first born baby boy.
I feel so much for you even though I'm in a different country and don't know. Thank you for sharing your story and introducing us to your Leo. We will not forget your little boy. Your rainbowgirl will bring back your smile. I know because I have a little rainbowgirl too🌈
Susann, I’m so sorry you have lost a child too. There is something so special about rainbow babies… they have brought me so much hope at a time when I thought there was no remaining light. I love to just remind myself they exist & happiness is possible again! 🙏🏻💗 I can’t wait to hold her in my arms (& when I can finally relax/she’s here safely…probably cry in to her for days)!! Two crying babies!! 🌈👶🏼
Its such a sad story but so beautifully told. So happy you are expecting again.
I am so sorry for your loss and for your family's loss please do not feel you were not prepared nobody can prepare for what you went through you did your best I could feel how much you loved your child I am so deeply sorry..
Little Leo will be watching over you daddy and his little sister always 💕 xxxx
You did not have the information you needed to make the decision that you would want for something so unexpected & I am so very very sorry hun it is just beyond heartbreaking & I cannot imagine that level of pain 😢 You did the best you could in that moment & I hope you can try to find a way to let that go of that guilt because you are in no way guilty of anything & honestly the fact of how delicate Leo was at that time I think you saved yourself from experiencing more trauma the rest you can only accept you cannot possibly think you could have handled this any differently! I am just so so deeply saddened for you both :( ❤
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Best wishes for your upcoming delivery 😘🙏🏻🙏🏻
So so sorry for the loss of your precious baby boy! 💔🙏🏼
I'm so sorry for your loss..I don't know why your doctor didn't respect your request to have a C-section...my cousin also have an infant loss at 40 wks, 2 days before Xmas, her first baby...the moment she asked for a C-section she was informed of the risks and complications but after when she still decided to have one her doctor accepted it and did the operation the next day
Thank you for sharing your precious little leo with us. My heart breaks for you but your experience will help so many who have or are going through a stillbirth loss. I also think that as horrible as it is and no one wants to think about losing a child, it should be talked about in antenatal classes. What options you have as far as the birth and aftercare of your baby and all that comes with it. You are leos parents and always will be. Heartfelt wishes, love and prayers for the arrival of your little girl. xx ❤
Thank you for sharing precious Leo’s story! Wishing nothing but the best for you! Sending love and light to you!❤️
Every single feeling you have is valid.
Bless you and your family.
Hope all goes well with your little girl xx
God bless you both. You will be a wonderful mom when the time comes.
Sorry for your intense pain over the passing of your son.🙏
So sorry no mum and Dad should have to go through the loss of a baby so hart breaking 🙏🏻😢
My heart breaks for you 💔. But you are so brave 💖💖. Sending all my prayers and love for you ❤
This is an absolute nightmare. I am so incredibly sorry you had to go through this, it’s just so wrong… Sending you all my love and I hope that your new baby will remind you of your lovely Leo every now and then ❤️ He will look down on you and be proud of you guys for sure.
I'm so sorry for your loss of Leo God bless you.❤
We had 7 early losses and then we were blessed with our miracle boy, he died at 41 weeks weighing 9.3lbs he was so long and big, I had started early labour and was checked the night before and all was fine. So much of what you said I experienced myself too. I profusely apologised to my husband because I blamed myself. My little boy had so much meconium too we thought that was what caused it at first. I had a bad infection but it was prior to his death but also because of the meconium. My placenta had lesions and infected parts of it. He died from hypoxia officially. He was back to back so it was an agonising labour and I have large memory holes but I luckily had a wonderful birth and he somehow turned the right way on his way out, I was with it for that part, I loved feeling him come out. I’m so sorry all what you went through.
By now I hope you had your little girl with no problems. Leo will have a sister. I know it's really hard to go through, but you can. Best of luck with the new one.
I’m so sorry for your loss 🥺🕊 you described every emotion and feeling I felt when I lost my own son 💙 and congratulations on your new pregnancy, would you be able to talk about any anxiety you felt during your new pregnancy, and how you were able to manage that and enjoy your pregnancy? ❤️
Thank you Becky & so sorry to hear you lost a son too. It’s such a painful experience. Of course - I would be very happy to talk about the anxiety x
So brave to tell your story and (unless I misunderstood) I am so sad that you were let down by your midwife - surely no one should get to 40+5 weeks without being in hospital with constant monitoring! Even at just over 40 weeks mums are often induced to get things happening. The shock and grief you describe is just awful and I really hope you get lots of help.
As a mother that has also had a stillbirth we have to get it out of our heads that somehow it was our fault. I was able to get pregnant again after our loss and I agree it’s never a replacement it’s different but it’s a need. There is always a reason we experience loss though we may never understand it but it does make us stronger especially as a mother in my opinion. And I agree getting pregnant after a loss is the scariest thing ever. Though there is joy there is also huge amounts of fear!! God bless and please know there are other moms out there with a similar story supporting you!!
Sorry but this is truelly the most amazing video of mourning I’ve ever seen ‘ and it’s going to help so many people ...♥️🌹🌹🤣🦋
Halley, I appreciate you telling your story.. I think it's a sad, Horrific, But beautiful story it were you told it?. Please don't have any regrets of your time with your son.. You did what You could do at that time.. Who knows what Anyone would do given your circumstance.. I think you were remarkably strong. I can't imagine all the things that you're brain went through. And what you're thinking process was.. I think it also would help me if I talked about my son like that., You can't just forget him. He was human and he was born. I hope things sincerely get better for you and your husband, And I pray that this new baby will be healthy and Happy. Many prayers For you and your family. Teresa. Jackson, Michigan.