Absolutely true. I have BPD. I am a magnet for men with personality disorder. Here's what's weird: I am very aware of my BPD issues, and I'm very attune to other people's pathologies. But I get into relationships with disorders because I think I can handle it, that it's just part of life and we can "manage." But it doesn't work. It's a train wreck.
The level to which you people can take anything so personally, is just unfathomable🤣 But even though I do find it funny, it must really suck always feeling attacked at any given moment. Even when you’re not.
I have BPD, and i have to say... it's just difficult to create relationship with someone normal, thay just don't get you, it's also difficult for you to understand them. But another person in pain understands you... and you understand them
Abusive and toxic people are attracted to everyone. Due to vulnerability in those with BPD, they won't reject an abusive partner like someone without a PD would. No one deserves abuse. I am pointing this out because I want people to feel more empowered- you have a choice, but sometimes we lack the strength and support to make healthy ones.
exactly. although many people don't feel like it's a choice because "you love who you love," but you can change your perception and who you are attracted to/entertain.
Catastrophic is a better descriptor. There's one level of magnitude above catastrophe (usually following our nightly routine of each pounding 9 Busch light tall boys) but human language isn't equipped to label it
I am diagnosed with BPD and I have always said that "my picker is broken". This makes perfect sense to me. I've remained single and off the market for 6 years and counting because am happier and have far less BPD related symptoms when I am unattached.
Interesting. One case comes to my mind. The wife has BPD. The husband had us fooled. We thought they were opposites. It turned out he was already aware and seeking treatment. They did seek each other, and both have made major strides and are thriving.
I can't say for all PD's, but I have BPD and have attracted a few people that I am certain have NPD, if not Antisocial PD (psych student, I do not use the terms lightly!). I think in these scenarios it was because I would so desperately not want to be broken up with/discarded that I would do whatever the other person wanted. One ex in particular knew this, which I believe fed his narcissistic ego "I can get this girl to do anything I want even if she hates it. She'd probably kill herself for me!". I never sought out people with PD's, but I can say that having BPD may leave you prone to being in bad relationships and attract the wrong people who can take advantage of a BPD's desire to not be & fear of being abandoned. I'm definitely more of a quiet borderline, so that's just the experience I've dealt with. Of course, with many different variations in the disorder there will be a variety of issues with dating someone with BPD and dating *AS* someone with BPD.
Thank you, that was very helpful. I to have BPD and have had mainly bad relationships. I was struck by Dr. Grande’s comment that we repel normal people. Any thoughts?
I have EUPD/BPD. I am pretty sure that I have been in relationships previously where my partner had undiagnosed mental health conditions. I have been in three abusive relationships. The worst one, I think they had undiagnosed antisocial personality disorder, and schizophrenia. They heard voices which they genuinely believed were real. The relationship lasted 9 years. They nearly killed me, and did other things that aren't suitable for the comment section here. I have worked really hard to manage my behaviour. If I'm tired or unwell it can be difficult, but those conditions also exasperate other things like symptoms of cPTSD, depression, and anxiety. If I don't control it, I always apologise and talk it through with anyone who I behaved badly around. I always say how I think I just have made them feel. This doesn't happen often but I dwell on it when it does. I feel like the 9 year relationship mentioned has impacted my behaviour. Because I felt like I was always treading on eggshells, and was constantly scared. Experiencing this for so long had the result of me being able to control my emotions and outbursts better. By the time I got into this relationship I was already working on it really hard. But I do wonder what I would be like had I not been through that. People with EUPD/BPD are terrified of abandonment, and being alone. Therefore it's common to have a string of relationship. I think that has to be considered. I don't think it is fair to suggest that our options for relationships are limited due to our behaviour. There are people who use the diagnosis as a shield, a permanent excuse as to why they behave in the way they do, and therefore they feel they must always be forgiven, while continuing to behave erratically, and generally unpleasant. But this is the case for people with other mental health issues, as well as people with none. Some people are just not nice to be around. I'm in a healthy relationship now. My partner doesn't have a personality disorder, but is on the autism spectrum, as well as suffering from anxiety and depression. Communication is everything. The stigma attached to certain diagnoses bothers me. It's not a universal truth that can be applied to everyone with a certain diagnosis. Vulnerable people who have mental health issues are more likely to get in toxic or abusive relationships. I think that's why the percentage is so high. They could be abused, the abuser, or both people in the relationship could be described as such. But also, further research could clarify things. I apologise for the essay. Being so personally involved with the subject matter makes it difficult to put things succinctly. I don't feel upset or offended by Dr. Grande saying we don't have many options because people won't want to put up with us. He has a dry sense of humour, and there is truth in the statement. I guess what bothers me is how readily others will demonise people with EUPD/BPD
It's not demonising. You are exhausting to the extent you really cannot understand from inside, as BPD is connected with vulnerable narcissism usually, so one has a difficulty understanding how they really feel and look like to others . Healthy people tend to have higher bar of what they want from a partner, what kind of behaviour is acceptable to them.
@faeriegraver, you said that very well and I appreciate all the thought that went into your comment. I am not sure what EUPD is, though everything else in your response is 100% relatable. Thanks for sharing, and for powering through into a good, strong partnership.
It’s all good as long as you continue to TRY to work on it every single day. We all have our faults- I am depressed pretty badly, and if I skip my workouts for more than a week or so, I start to become irritable, miserable, and am unable to sleep. I’ve just come to accept that, while there are other good things about me, I MUST work out on a regular basic (on top of seeing my therapist regularly) or else I will start to devolve into what I used to be. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with so much, but at the end of the day….. you know what you have to do to stay on track. Stay strong 💪🏻
I don’t know if my ex was NPD or BPD, he had those love bombing, gaslight traces while he was quick to get angry for no reason. I think when he thought of something and that something became real to them but I m not sure. He could be the most loving and caring person in the world, not sure if he s just acting, but he seemed to enjoy dramas and fights… he couldn’t stand it if our relationship was peaceful, I was nervous and under lots of pressure when I was with him cause I didn’t want to upset him but it was impossible… it’s really difficult to understand what happened to a person’s mind!!
That’s a good point. Generally speaking, I think our choices of romantic partners says more about ourselves than the chosen partner. That’s no different for people who suffer from PDs. Interesting as always. Thank you.❤
This explanation really doesn't hold water. Arguing our partner selection as a deficit is not sufficient. We actively seek out partners with PD because we are reenacting intimate relationships from our childhood. If you have a PD chances are your kid will develop a PD. Yes, we drive away those without PDs, but just as often we simply feel bored and uninterested in people who don't have a PD.
I was hearing Robert Green earlier and he said exactly what you wrote. Unknowingly, the individual is recreating the messed up relationship dynamic from their childhood and if it’s not as dysfunctional, the person bores easily/looses interest. The “recreating ” leads to familiarity, causing feelings of intimacy for the BPD individual.
It's not an "explanation" it's based on a statistic. Also plenty of non PD's have interesting and exciting personalities but with the added bonus of not being totally unstable and dysfunctional.
See how you’re engaging in black and white thinking ? …. You push healthy people away. You are self sabotaging. You choose “bad” partners. …. If you want more … you’ll get angry and project more. ….
I think it's more the second thing. Most people who are healthy are not going to date someone with BPD. They are extremely off putting immediately and I never saw one with truly healthy relationship, even if they say the relationship is healthy... It's not. They and their partner just don't understand what healthy is.
True. But people like myself with avoidant personality disorder and high introversion don't find it easy to get partners and so the love bombing and attention you get from a BPD makes you feel great - for a while. And even when they start acting like maniacs you think 'well it's better than having nothing'. I believe a high percentage of BPD + APD people end up together for that reason.
My ex had BPD, and I desperately want her back. I'm pretty sure she had a panic/anxiety attack after a minor disagreement and rashly broke up. And now she has cut me out of her life because of that but I still love her.
I am so glad you finally spoke on this I am so tired of everybody telling me that people with BPD cannot hold down meaningful relationships I just celebrated 15 years with my husband
Maybe your hubby is a wimp type or he is same, or you put up as no other options as we all stay in relationships way too long. Many won’t admit their marriages are screwed up! I am a empath of trauma who married a bad narcissist and stayed 16 years but wasn’t educated on it or I would have left long before that as the abuse was gradual. I would have walked away at the “love-bombing” phase in beginning had I known! My own pucker was faulty due to abandonment do that’s why we hang on! We know the real deal! 😏
I know someone with borderline personality disorder. I met one of her former co-workers who shared with me that they knew of 2 co-workers, not related, that attempted to murder her. She shared with me that her former husband also attempted to murder her. I could not value her as a friend, her behavior was so volatile, yet she went to such great lengths to keep people in her life. She had 3 adult son's, while they stayed in touch, they kept their distance. Last I heard, she's trying to stay to herself. I think she made a good decision. Last I spoke to her, over 2 years ago, she said she was happier staying to herself, more calm. I would describe her as human tornado. Unpredictable and totally destructive.
Yes, we'll put! Like I don't know how to just be content with normalcy. It seems I sabotage loving relationships because I find the chaos comforting in a way. I don't know any other way to be.
As a woman with BPD this is depressingly true. I have never had one normal relationship in my life including my parents my children my girlfriend's that I grew up with, and my two husbands. I currently live by myself, and I think it will be that way until the end of my life I have no family to speak of basically that I'm in contact with and life is pretty lonely but I've gotten used to dealing with it having BPP sucks.
Here in my schizoid life there are no "options" for partners. I can choose to have a relationship with another suffering from a personality disorder (because they are able to reach me), or I decline and continue on in my solitary life.
A member of my family seems to have a mixture of BPD and vulnerable narcissism and her husband seems to be on the border between malignant narcicism and psycopathy. They are AWFUL together, and now they've joined a cult.
This is pretty fair. I had gotten annoyed at this girl and then expanded my boundaries when I felt she had bad self awareness. So she didn’t mean it on purpose I felt . So for months we grew our relationship and I felt she was really wanting it to work out although she didn’t admit it, it was obvious . But she was undiagnosed and selfish, unwilling to open up about anything serious and cruel in a dismissive and disparaging way. Finally I called out her behavior more bluntly when speaking patiently and kindly didn’t work. I wasn’t mean just blunt. Then she pulled away, then I assumed she was the cruelest most selfish person I ever met since she showed no conscience to me . I am very romantic and sweet and she slept in my arms for months despite her nature and weird rejections. Well after all this she went with a controlling and manipulative narcissist who doubled down on her false understanding about me and her and claimed to save her . Then they got “married” with a beauty and th breast themed wedding, the total fruition of a child’s understanding of love. It saddens me bc I was very close to having her open up and she was getting it slowly but changing , but she frankly had almost no maturity and didn’t understand a moment of splitting on me v reality .now she’s a narcissists favorite tool for himself
I have DID and very successful with career, relationships and family. I don’t know how I could survive without this gift. By the way, I’m never lonely. Lol I’d like to see DID brought up in your series. Thank you
My one relative usually has a boyfriend. She has managed to marry 3 or 4 times. However, she is hell to be around. Her one boyfriend confided with me that he had to relocate and get away from because she was the first person he wanted to kill.He didn't think prison or the chair was worth it.
@@CassieShakespeare he was a gentle soul. He married and had a couple of kids with woman. He is still married to her from what I heard. He like the quiet life. Not sticking around was an indication that he wasn't ASPD. He told me at the time he didn't want to be around the abuse.
I was diagnosed lately with CPTSD, and suspicion for BPD. Originally I went to expert to check for high function autism. That's why no concrete answer on BPD. The expert job was to check or to rule out High function Autism, and based on symstoms I descibed, she figured it is CPTSD, she added BPD as suspicion. The reason I write this message though is that I tend to choose "Damaged" partners. I don't think that I have BPD, yet still I do choose partners with some "flaw". I'm male at my 30's if it makes a difference for anyone in study or whatever.
Auto-deselection schema. "I have a problem!" Over-sharing self-reporting will greatly diminish our selection pool. More accurately, PD's are closer to 6.5%, nowhere near 10%.
I'm 95% sure my ex has BPD which is why I'm here. There is no coming back for us from what happened. But I still love her and wish desperately that she hadn't cut me out of her life for what I feel was a minor disagreement. Been going down the rabbit hole of figuring out what happened for a few weeks now, and just ran across BPD and every single aspect of it fits. I really do wish we could have a second chance because we were so perfect together before what I think was her panic/anxiety attack. I know that it's hard for people with BPD and hope that by learning more about it I can understand her emotions and what she went through more. And though I know she'll never allow a second chance to happen. I still hope she eventually seeks help because she deserves more than the toxic relationships she's had in the past or the toxic rebound she is currently in. It hurts to see.
Lmaooo I’m laughing because I was diagnosed with BPD and I would love if I repelled people but I don’t. They always think I need to be protected. I try and push people away. I know they say that we like clinging to people but I am the totally opposite. I avoid people and intimate relationships. My repelling isn’t repelling 😂
Lmaoooooooooooooo …You could be alone. But you’re actually engaged in push-pull and denying that you are luring people in. …. You’re unaware of what you’re doing.. you only identify at the conscious ego level of the push away. Because you are ashamed of the pull towards ( manipulative to “protect”…). If you want to be alone you can stay away from anyone and protect yourself, but you don’t. That’s why you’re BPD. …
Holy cow…. I have BPD and I would guess almost all of my long term relationships had a PD. The diagnosed one had anti-social and narcissistic PD (and is in prison- he was diagnosed as part of the pre-sentencing report.) Because of him, I ended up seeking psychiatric care and was diagnosed with BPD. Years and a whole lot of DBT later, the worst of my symptoms are controlled and I have been single and content for years. So much makes sense now. I was almost offended by your last statement about BPD behaviors, but then remembered my past behaviors and yep. I could not maintain a relationship with a “normal” man and I choose to be single now because I fear that a relationship would cause my destructive behaviors to return.
I have BPD and was in a relationship with a narcissist. It was a bloody disaster. I'm in the middle of a crisis right now of feeling threatened/abandoned and am creating all kinds of family chaos. I can't help myself.
I have BPD. Dr. Grande is right! I have had many relationships that didn't last long term. I am seeing a psychologist who does CBT, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It has helped me a lot.
I have been diagnosed with BPD. This happened many years ago. I thought about all the people harmed by my behaviour, and have avoided humans ever since. Terrified of causing damage to others. Am 80 years old now, and have found over many years that books, music and travel suffice. Am pretty certain that my appalling postwar childhood led to this BPD. Perhaps others have had similar experiences?
This has helped me more than I could even say. Thank you Dr.Grande! I have been saying for years that my one child has a “broken picker outer”, because every girl he has ever picked in the last decade, has been a gal with some kind of a personality disorder. This same son’s wife,(who left him and took their newborn baby, after she gave birth), had all the signs of BPD. So that makes me wonder, what’s wrong with my son!
i have BPD (and schizoaffective) and my current partner has ADHD. i've done a lot of therapy and personal work and take an SNRI and SGA, but i think i really benefit from his "go go go" personality. i pick up other people's behaviors and if i'm occupied, i feel good. if i'm with someone who has a lot of toxic behaviors, i'm super toxic too. i mirror pretty heavily.
I have BPD and ended two of my last relationships because I felt like they could never truly understand me. Both of my exes were genuinely well-rounded, healthy people. I felt that it was boring. It wasn’t enough that everything was going fine. I was ashamed of the fact that I was constantly covering up a deep sense of emptiness. I wanted to feel “love-bombed” and like we were fixing non-existent issues, not understanding that healthy people can just feel content.
@@Randomhumaan but that problem exists for everyone. Not just BPD people. And….. there are 2 sides to the abandonment fear; you may “choose” an abuser because that’s how you originally learned your abandonment fear. Or ….. you will abandon or cause a healthy person to abandon you. So; it’s GREAT that you left an abuser, but the real question is … why were you WITH the abuser ? That’s the part about BPD. … never wanting to be single, impulsively choosing someone who may not be good for you. If you’re ok with being single for a while and don’t jump from “rebound to rebound” you might see a pattern. Being single for at LEAST 2 years is a really good way to heal.
Bingo! My husband has BPD diagnosed 4 yrs ago. As time has gone on, I have Depression and anxiety, diagnosed. We are currently separated. I can look at my track record and see clearly how I contributed being co dependant and a fixer. Trying to stay strong and stay AWAY!
I have severe mental illness and I’ve never had a relationship. I’m 26 and at the height of my life and I am constantly battling an inner conflict. It’s depends on the person, it’s not like we asked for this fate. Some ppl r luckier than others , others are meant to suffer
People have this delusional idea of living single or being single is a horrible choice … it’s not …. People! If you are a person that keeps finding yourself in unhealthy relationships, you need to understand that being single to love & respect yourself is far better than being in a bad relationship.
This is a bit confusing. You say BPD, but then you say PD's. I was in a relationship with someone with NPD, in hindsight, it seemed more like the dark triad of PD's but I'm not a psychologist. Anyway, the first couple years I knew them, they were finishing up a masters in theology and they seemed brilliant and very well put together. I was very attracted to them. I don't believe I have any disorders but I know I am a people pleaser and I have been told several times that I am too nice. I just try to treat others the way I would like to be treated. So, I ended up in a 10 year relationship with them and it ended when they became psychotic and ended up in the hospital for a month. When they got out they were paranoid of me, still are after 3 years. In the 3 years since we parted ways, I have discovered I have cPTSD and symptoms of Stockholm Syndrome and some other symptoms of long term abuse. What's weird is, I didn't realize I was being abused until they were gone. I have also heard that certain personality types are are more likely to be targeted by these disordered people. It almost felt like there was a dark force that was subtly influencing me. Or, like a parasite had entered my brain and had turned off certain things and turned on others in order to manipulate me.
Well, you might have undiagnosed personality disorders, possibly. Or, you grew up in a family with someone that was a narcassist (as I did), and that you'll graviate to people with PD's. For me, it was being entralled with some that is BPD. I didn't know it at the time, but looking back, I'm sure that she was BPD and some cPTSD from childhood abuse. So, know, you're not alone.
@@PoeLemic My dad is narcissistic or psychopath. He had a high position in the aerospace industry and was very well respected but at home I was terrified of him. I guess my people pleasing came from trying to stay on his good side and trying to do things that he would consider an accomplishment. He always looked down on me, like I would never amount to much. He's 83 now and he still thinks I'm a failure and not too bright. I felt like I got over his lack of approval though when I graduated from college and had a good career and just enjoyed my life. I could see that he was actually the pathetic one, a workaholic, 12 to 16 hour days well into his 70's, he never had a life and he was afraid to retire.
I was a victim of a female partner who had BPD/NPD.. She very nearly destroyed my life ( she laughed at my suffering of course ). I have since become convinced that a large percentage of women are afflicted with these disorders and it's best for good men to walk away forever 😊
I consider myself the 44 percent 😳 My ex and my daughter are both borderline. Ex is quiet (internalizes/self mutilates), daughter classic and social . I have been in a lot of therapy for help with coparenting. My ex and our daughter are amazing people, and I think my friendship with my ex helped keep our daughter’s mental illness stable. Hardest lesson to learn from DBT classes. Wise mind, “everyone is doing their best”. Practice radical acceptance (tough one), and to practice self love and compassion with boundary setting. It has been rough, but I have met other families in support groups who have it much worse. Given this topic, am I in denial or the 44 percent 🤷🏻♀️
Even if you’re in the 44%, that just means your not mentally I’ll enough to have a diagnosis but you still likely have deep insecurities and self esteem issues that cause you to be in that relationship.
Lately both my ex/current bf have been so emotionally unregulated with outbursts.. it really ruins my peace. I love going to my place where I live alone these days. It is rough.. it is sad, they are both great people :(
I worked for a married couple for about 5 years. She was undoubtedly borderline (she left he meds out on our work counter and 4 were mood stabilizers) and was nice one minute and throwing yelling fits the next. We had 24 employees quite in a year at a place that only has 8 on staff. He was constantly apologizing for and convering for her until we finally started recording her to show the owner that it wasn't crappy employees in a crappy town as she claimed for the turnover. It's a small town and good people who couldn't take her crap. I had always wondered how Paul could put up with her. He is a caring, thoughtful person. When they were finally fired, when we were cleaning their apartment to prepare for whomever the next managers were we found blood spatter on the floors and walls. It's been two years and we still wonder if it was her beating him or him finally defending himself.
@@sweet2sourr .... I believe she was bipolar, but also schizophrenic. My guess on schizophrenia is because her son and her mom both have it. Her son lhas it so bad that he lives in a psych. Home. Her meds, and these are only the ones I saw on our counter at work, ziprasidone, quetiapine, haloperidol and lithium. I have no idea if she was on all of those at the same time or if she had some older bottles sitting out. But when I saw the lithium and haloperidol first.... I know what those two are and things are and things began to make sense.
I’ve observed that where there are mental health problems on one side, there often are similar problems on the other side. The quirkiness must attract itself.
Thank you for sharing blatant statistics; they make sense and they do help some of us make sense of what is going on, in our lives. I have always appreciated the help.
People who have no mental conditions are not going to get involved with people who do have: that doesn't work, why would healthy people complicate their lives
Yup, I was selected by a woman with quiet, high functioning BPD (I found out later ☹️) whilst I thought I was neurologically typical. She arranged tests for me half way through that decade of sadness & I was diagnosed with Asperger's & AD/HD. Looking back she'd transformed herself into my "perfect partner". We'd known each other years before and she'd moved away. Out of the blue, over a decade later, she knocked on my door. Her dress, her interests, music etc. had all changed. I didn't realise at the time but she was mirroring everything I wanted in a partner. Also, has anyone else noticed the energy, the euphoria, when someone with BPD chooses you? It was something I'd never experienced before & it bounced me out of a stable relationship with two teenage kids in a lovely area & I left home with a car, some clothes & a guitar. Absolutely no money & nowhere to live! That euphoria is extreme to do that to someone! Mere weeks later the first glimmers of something being terribly wrong appeared. I noticed that at times she was playing a role, acting a part. I can only describe it as like an actor carrying on whilst "over acting" after the director had shouted "CUT!". She didn't notice when the mood in the room had changed, when laughter turned to sadness or, this was the first time I noticed this, when I stopped kissing her "just there" yet she continued with her "Ooh! Yes! Gasp! Yes! Pant! Ooh! (Head thrash) as I looked at her, puzzled, thinking "I stopped touching her, anywhere at all, two minutes ago!" Once I'd noticed that the whole edifice of what I thought of as love started to crumble around me. That was the start of a decade of loss, homesickness, tears, sadness & hurt. Don't fall for the "perfect partner" bit at the beginning. Don't let that euphoric energy sweep you out of your home. Quiet, high functioning, BPD is dangerous to those who know nothing about it. It ruins lives...
Yeah mate, you're not alone. BPD women are expert love bombers that make you feel amazing, they are interested in everything you do and they morph their personality to suit yours. They're shapeshifters really. But from their side, it's not an act, they really do become completely obsessed with the new guy they meet and genuinely think you are God - for a while...and then the shit starts, because you literally cannot please them or live up to the God they have constructed in their head.
@@thealexanderbond Exactly mate! Shapeshifter is an excellent term. But I found out that underneath their outer construct is nothing but coping mechanisms. The place where they used to be is empty. Withered away to nothing. Their protection was so good that nothing could get in or out. I tried to give her a safe space, to support her through therapy. I've never known anyone so scared of therapy. She went off the rails so catastrophically that I couldn't try any more. Outwardly, publicly, she was friendly, intelligent, helpful. As her partner I got the stone face, shaking with anger. I was spiked with sleeping pills, speed and she made sure I knew she was sleeping with anyone & everyone. I lasted a decade. I couldn't take any more! Keep safe Alex. Your first sentence in your reply means a lot mate ☮️
@@kevinhornbuckle Thanks Kevin. I've been getting to know my kids again. And just recently one of her workmates wrote "I remember when she said "I'm going to sleep with all of the builders on the site next door." There was something wrong there!" That might seem shocking but because no one believed what I was saying about my "lovely, helpful, intelligent" partner my partner with BPD convinced others that I was ill. So it's only recently I've been able to say "See? I was telling the truth. I wasn't ill." That's been a huge relief! I've read it's pretty common with quiet, high functioning BPD.
@@Aengus42 My ex wouldn't even consider therapy, or even approach the fact that she had any problem at all, even though it's obvious to her entire family and anyone that knows her well, since she can't get along with any of them. Overall, I feel sorry for her, since she is never going to find happiness, just go from one broken relationship to the next, one broken friendship to the next and job to job to job, all with the same results.
There are many reasons why some people choose a partner with bpd. My ex made a lot of mistakes in his past, but he tried and didn't give up due to work. He would be able to graduate and to have a more difficult/complex job, but he struggled with addiction and didn't want to got to the therapist anymore. I didn't judge him, because I don't know what happend according to past experiences. In general he was a deep thinking and mostly gentle individual with some specific knowledge, and an eloquent natur. I underestimated his disorder (my brother has bpd, and I was to influenced by his weak symptoms), and it ended really bad. I will not go into detail, but he showed narcisstic tendencies and maybe some other cluster-b traits. However, even if he hates me, and did a lot of damage, he had positive characteristics. And, no - I am not mentally-ill, a co-dependent or in any cluster-b spectrums (some narcisstic traits, but more in the way of self-love). I just thought that I had enough experience and knowledge to help him and build a future together. So, just call me a pseudo-psychologist. P.s.: I know a lot about clinical-psychology. That's why I see it from another perspective.
I have BPD, and have come to accept thar most of the people I connect with on any level will have his or her own personality quirks. My current partner has ADHD, which I find a thousand times more tolerable than the narcissist he replaced, and a hundred times easier to cope with than the possessive, busexual foreign aristocrat that I managed to marry. I never stopped loving either of those men, or any of the others that I've loved over the years, though I'm grateful to have allowed this particular flavor of crazy to replace all the rest.
That's not true at all. I don't have a personality disorder and I stayed with a borderline man for 6 years. I did grow up with a narcissistic father and a neglectful mother however, so I do think I was highly sensitive to other people's emotions. I grew up and developed a huge sense of empathy and longed to find a connection to someone who loved me as much as I loved them. I was naiive. I was 19 years old. He said he loved me and I believed him. He was abusive. I allowed him to treat me like that. I walked on egg shells for 6 years. It was avsolute chaos. It broke me down to a point I thought I'd never return from. Finally I left. I am not narcissistic, I'm far from it. He selected me because I had no boundaries that he knew he could test and push more and more like any abuser. I wish people would realise borderline individuals are not simply victims they are also perpetrators. And partners of borderlines are not always narcissistic. I'm not. This is a highly damaging assumption.
@@Xana_KYou may not have a PD, but you likely have C-PTSD. This will leave you vulnerable and susceptible to people who have untreated PD because their red flags don't look like red flags, they are familiar to you after growing up with people just like them.
Not true. I have ASPD and I want nothing to do with an untreated BPD. My parents are highly neurotic people with their own sets of mental health issues, which has always made living with them difficult. I spent 6 months in therapy and I became a better person. I expect something similar from a BPD partner, otherwise their abusive behaviors would remind me of the dysfunctional household I was raised in and drive me away from them.
I said "stable, mature ..." non-PD and your response indicates that you had many issues going on even though you didn't have a PD. Exactly my point. You describe in detail how you allowed yourself to be abused and did not recognize this til much later. This is exactly what I was saying - if you had been strong, whole, and healthy, you would not have allowed yourself to be abused. I said, 'that leaves the dysfunctional ones' who do allow themselves to get sucked into another person's dysfunction.@@Xana_K
😳🤔😬...thank you Dr.Grande for that info. BPD individuals are difficult at best. I know a few people with that disorder....and I am trying to learn more about BPD. Complicated bunch, they are!
I have a theory about this. I my sound a bit farfetched but think about it: what if this so called disorder is the order or normal for a vast part of the population which is the population of which is the working class that has formed over thousands of years and generations always reproducing the next generation of people coming from broken homes and due to the way they had been brought up are perfectly shaped to do the low vage jobs (where extensive labour work is needed and where the human resources feel plesure to serve, help, being active)? This way of seeing it helped me alot to not feel broken anymore but feeling as a part of a system I happened to belong to✌🏼🤔😂😊
What you're describing is intergenerational trauma. It's fairly common for insecure, traumatized people to be attracted to insecure, traumatized people.
I suspect I have BPD and I always romanticized unhealthy relationship dynamics. Ever since I was a teen I wanted drama and violence because I would equate that to passion. My brain thinks someone hurting me is someone who actually cares.
Dr. Grande? Great purported content as usual. My questions are the same: Why do you not include basic academic social science citations (e.g., MLA, APA) along with your research claims? Would you submit a research article for submission with such a glaring oversight? I am sure you have your reasons. Just curious.
It may be "cumbersome" to provide standard citations for research claims, but to me it's not nearly as "irritating" as not knowing whether Dr. Grande is BSing me and therefore wondering if placing my trust in his credibility was a waste of time. Honestly, how problematic is it to add a two second citation to a claim?
To be fair, this is from a 2009 study that states “To our knowledge, only one study supports this contention” The same paper also suggests regarding the non BPD partner: “a degree of psychological distress comparable with what is normally observed in families of schizophrenic, depressive, or post-traumatic stress disorder patients.” that also show “an insecure attachment style.” So the partner already has been exposed to a fair amount of distress prior to the relationship.
Pretty sure it boils down to this borderlines fear of intimacy. A guy bought me flowers on a first date once and i thought it was moving too fast and he was manipulating me. I'm so used to dating people with NPD, that i ended it right there because in my head it wouldn't be conducive to date someone with NPD if I'm trying to go into remission for BPD. I didn't know some men just did that and didn't expect you to be committed immediately in return.
Many mentally unhealthy and dysfunctional individuals may not have a personality disorder. Codependency is not a personality disorder but codependents are attracted to other unhealthy individuals…some of which do have personality disorders.
@@DrPhilGoode yeah, I had a lot to work on. With self work, Therapy, and all that and realizing I am the Scapegoat of my narcissistic family, it explains why I thought I was in a “normal relationship” . That was my norm… considering my mom is a demon. So I dated one. 🕺🤷🏽♂️
@@Joshdifferent dude that’s awesome. A couple years ago I read a book called The Human Magnet Syndrome and it blew me away. I was clearly a codependent and it explained so much. It also rocked my entire world as I was forced to entertain the idea that close family that I regarded as heros and angels..were not. My mom has all the BPD traits while my dad taught me everything I knew about codependency. Why wouldn’t I marry a cov narcissist. Nothing else would have made sense. Anyway thanks for the reply. Wasn’t expecting it but I’m glad you did. thank you
I was with someone who at one point said the possibly had BPD. I have never been married and hope to someday. She has been married twice and engaged six times. I proposed to her however turns out she was still married so it was all a scam.
I don’t know, my last partner who had BPD gave me some childhood trauma and it hasn’t gotten better with age in my adulthood. I’ve been looking for a PD diagnosis bc I think that’s why I struggle so much with maintaining my relationships. Edit: just recently got diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder
*To anybody who's reading this, I pray that whatever is hurting you or whatever you are constantly stressing about gets better. May the dark thoughts, the overthinking, and the doubt exit your mind. May clarity replace confusion. May peace and calmness fill your life. *
I've been diagnosed with borderline schizophrenia about 13 yrs ago got put on seroquel then about 2yrs ago or less whilst in COVID I was diagnosed with a personality disorder and I've been single for about 9yrs after my the father of my son died and I'm very very happy being single
I've been with all sorts of folks ._. I empathize more with people who go thought stuff because we are similar, not because I am blind to their deficit norr mine, for that matter... Relationships are base on similarities. This guys really is seeing personality stuff through a stigmatizing medical lens that I dont truly apply to real life experience. And oh no, i am not trying sugarcoat reality, it's what i truly believe!
I believe a person with BPD can definitely cause their partner to have personality disorder symptoms. When you are with a BPD partner, they don't want you to have any contact with friends or family due to jealousy and paranoia and you then morph into avoidant personality.
Would be interesting to hear your thoughts on the owner of Mill Street Bistro from the reality show Kitchen Nightmares. He displays some really bizarre behavior throughout his episode.
As someone with BPD myself, this video is an example of a series issue amung mental health professionals and why I'm hesitant to seek help. They often have all of the information about these disorders memorized, but no real understanding...They know the words but not the music.. And in saying that the reason for people with PDs selecting partners with PDs is due to a deficiency in judgment and a lack of options is my point in a nutshell. This may be the case for SOME, but for most of us we're able to spot someone with issues a mile away and we choose them consciously because it is all we know. I cannot be with a normal person because they would understand me just as Dr. Grande would understand me, not at all.
Defo holds true in my experience.. Our paerents have most of Cluster B coveredaunts and uncles on both sides all have PDs, one of my siblings married into a family that was even weirder and more controlling than our own. I have almost exclusively PW NPD in my romantic past and have been involved with a PW BPD and HPD traits.
TY Dr. Grande! You made my day! I may be kinda boring but I'm so grateful I'm a normie! My guy is too! Over 18 years together and we haven't yet driven each other mad, lol! 🤣
I have BPD. I internalize it. I have never found a problem finding a partner but yes, most end up also have a PD of some type. I would imagine you are referring to the stereotypical BPD that is closer to NPD when referencing partner selection.
Absolutely true. I have BPD. I am a magnet for men with personality disorder. Here's what's weird: I am very aware of my BPD issues, and I'm very attune to other people's pathologies. But I get into relationships with disorders because I think I can handle it, that it's just part of life and we can "manage." But it doesn't work. It's a train wreck.
at least you know that now?
Can confirm. Lol
Only advice I can offer those with personality disorders is to avoid bringing children into the mix!!
I tell myself I can handle it too 🤯🤣
@@sweet2sourr now that's interesting!
That slow blink after "behaviour is likely to repel individuals who are not pathological" i feel personally attacked 🤣
I agree with that completely. I thought that was a bit harsh.
Same... 🤣 Sensitivity is a real deal
This comment he said cracked me up - I burst out laughing out loud. How deadpan he said it.
The level to which you people can take anything so personally, is just unfathomable🤣
But even though I do find it funny, it must really suck always feeling attacked at any given moment. Even when you’re not.
@@COD4JESSE😂facts
I have BPD, and i have to say... it's just difficult to create relationship with someone normal, thay just don't get you, it's also difficult for you to understand them. But another person in pain understands you... and you understand them
Also, someone who is codependent will stick around longer because they need to be needed.
Yup this it sucks . You see what you want but dont even imagine being with them ever you get used to it .
Makes sense
“They just don’t get you”. You people with BPD are so selfish.. always about you.
@@jimmy6886bro wth
People who have BPD often have trauma in their history. People with trauma are often vulnerable and attract abusers.
I struggle to demonize my abuser because I see him as (once) a victim
Abusive and toxic people are attracted to everyone. Due to vulnerability in those with BPD, they won't reject an abusive partner like someone without a PD would.
No one deserves abuse.
I am pointing this out because I want people to feel more empowered- you have a choice, but sometimes we lack the strength and support to make healthy ones.
@@brianna094Were you a victim? Do you deliberately abuse others?
Then why does he get a pass?
@@BookWorm2369 "no one deserves abuse." That we agreed on.
@@brianna094relatable! I find that thinking to be a trap
I don’t believe that you are who you attract but rather who you CHOOSE/ENTERTAIN speaks volume about you
exactly. although many people don't feel like it's a choice because "you love who you love," but you can change your perception and who you are attracted to/entertain.
It’s the dance of wounded souls
Yes, we can relate to mental illness more compared to normal people, so there is that connection of being weird together
The instances of irrational, highly emotional fights in these relationships must be staggering! How sad.
. . . or a perfect fit, depending on one’s childhood experience. ;))
@@dennisossianderrmplmtcst2053Ding ding ding 👏🏼
Trust me my friend, speaking from a year’s worth of experience from when I was in one with someone that has BPD and Bi-polar, it was soul destroying.
Catastrophic is a better descriptor. There's one level of magnitude above catastrophe (usually following our nightly routine of each pounding 9 Busch light tall boys) but human language isn't equipped to label it
Yes it is.
My mom has borderline personality disorder and she's been married 6 times
Typical
I have BPD ..and I'm not surprised at all
Sounds about right
They have a lot of partners and they are always changing lol
I know a girl that’s 23 with BPD and she’s on her 3rd marriage. With 3 kids
I’m so sorry. What an exhausting journey for you. ….
I am diagnosed with BPD and I have always said that "my picker is broken". This makes perfect sense to me. I've remained single and off the market for 6 years and counting because am happier and have far less BPD related symptoms when I am unattached.
Same here! 6 years single and loving it lol
Plus you don't destroy people's lives..
What's your bodycount ??
Maybe you’re fearful avoidant …
@@anteantic986🤣🤣🤣🤣
Interesting. One case comes to my mind. The wife has BPD. The husband had us fooled. We thought they were opposites. It turned out he was already aware and seeking treatment. They did seek each other, and both have made major strides and are thriving.
The husband has bpd too? Or he was seeking treatment due to relationship instability from the bpd wife?
I can't say for all PD's, but I have BPD and have attracted a few people that I am certain have NPD, if not Antisocial PD (psych student, I do not use the terms lightly!). I think in these scenarios it was because I would so desperately not want to be broken up with/discarded that I would do whatever the other person wanted. One ex in particular knew this, which I believe fed his narcissistic ego "I can get this girl to do anything I want even if she hates it. She'd probably kill herself for me!".
I never sought out people with PD's, but I can say that having BPD may leave you prone to being in bad relationships and attract the wrong people who can take advantage of a BPD's desire to not be & fear of being abandoned. I'm definitely more of a quiet borderline, so that's just the experience I've dealt with. Of course, with many different variations in the disorder there will be a variety of issues with dating someone with BPD and dating *AS* someone with BPD.
Thank you, that was very helpful. I to have BPD and have had mainly bad relationships. I was struck by Dr. Grande’s comment that we repel normal people. Any thoughts?
@@mp1201I think this "expert on everything" is arrogant personally. Does he have any therapeutic experience. Except on you tube
Could be that some of us become needy as hell early on in a dating scenario. @@mp1201
The drama and chaos that can accompany BPD can be extremely traumatizing
Absolutely my case. After some failied attemps, I finally opted for remaining happily single after realizing this.
I have EUPD/BPD. I am pretty sure that I have been in relationships previously where my partner had undiagnosed mental health conditions. I have been in three abusive relationships. The worst one, I think they had undiagnosed antisocial personality disorder, and schizophrenia. They heard voices which they genuinely believed were real. The relationship lasted 9 years. They nearly killed me, and did other things that aren't suitable for the comment section here.
I have worked really hard to manage my behaviour. If I'm tired or unwell it can be difficult, but those conditions also exasperate other things like symptoms of cPTSD, depression, and anxiety.
If I don't control it, I always apologise and talk it through with anyone who I behaved badly around. I always say how I think I just have made them feel. This doesn't happen often but I dwell on it when it does.
I feel like the 9 year relationship mentioned has impacted my behaviour. Because I felt like I was always treading on eggshells, and was constantly scared. Experiencing this for so long had the result of me being able to control my emotions and outbursts better. By the time I got into this relationship I was already working on it really hard. But I do wonder what I would be like had I not been through that.
People with EUPD/BPD are terrified of abandonment, and being alone. Therefore it's common to have a string of relationship. I think that has to be considered.
I don't think it is fair to suggest that our options for relationships are limited due to our behaviour. There are people who use the diagnosis as a shield, a permanent excuse as to why they behave in the way they do, and therefore they feel they must always be forgiven, while continuing to behave erratically, and generally unpleasant. But this is the case for people with other mental health issues, as well as people with none. Some people are just not nice to be around.
I'm in a healthy relationship now. My partner doesn't have a personality disorder, but is on the autism spectrum, as well as suffering from anxiety and depression. Communication is everything.
The stigma attached to certain diagnoses bothers me. It's not a universal truth that can be applied to everyone with a certain diagnosis. Vulnerable people who have mental health issues are more likely to get in toxic or abusive relationships. I think that's why the percentage is so high. They could be abused, the abuser, or both people in the relationship could be described as such. But also, further research could clarify things.
I apologise for the essay. Being so personally involved with the subject matter makes it difficult to put things succinctly.
I don't feel upset or offended by Dr. Grande saying we don't have many options because people won't want to put up with us. He has a dry sense of humour, and there is truth in the statement. I guess what bothers me is how readily others will demonise people with EUPD/BPD
It's not demonising. You are exhausting to the extent you really cannot understand from inside, as BPD is connected with vulnerable narcissism usually, so one has a difficulty understanding how they really feel and look like to others . Healthy people tend to have higher bar of what they want from a partner, what kind of behaviour is acceptable to them.
@faeriegraver, you said that very well and I appreciate all the thought that went into your comment. I am not sure what EUPD is, though everything else in your response is 100% relatable. Thanks for sharing, and for powering through into a good, strong partnership.
@@joannawinters6592 40% of people who have BPD also have Narcissism.
It’s all good as long as you continue to TRY to work on it every single day. We all have our faults- I am depressed pretty badly, and if I skip my workouts for more than a week or so, I start to become irritable, miserable, and am unable to sleep. I’ve just come to accept that, while there are other good things about me, I MUST work out on a regular basic (on top of seeing my therapist regularly) or else I will start to devolve into what I used to be. I’m sorry that you’re dealing with so much, but at the end of the day….. you know what you have to do to stay on track. Stay strong 💪🏻
Get a cat!
I don’t know if my ex was NPD or BPD, he had those love bombing, gaslight traces while he was quick to get angry for no reason. I think when he thought of something and that something became real to them but I m not sure. He could be the most loving and caring person in the world, not sure if he s just acting, but he seemed to enjoy dramas and fights… he couldn’t stand it if our relationship was peaceful, I was nervous and under lots of pressure when I was with him cause I didn’t want to upset him but it was impossible… it’s really difficult to understand what happened to a person’s mind!!
Could be both! BPD people are often vulnerable narcissists.
Are you sure that you don't have some Personality Disorder? Because people with undiagnosed PD's often attract those with mental health issues also.
The same thing happened to me with my ex. It was like walking on eggshells. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
It sounds like he was just plain abusive. … best to stay away from that kind’ve nightmare.
That’s a good point. Generally speaking, I think our choices of romantic partners says more about ourselves than the chosen partner. That’s no different for people who suffer from PDs.
Interesting as always. Thank you.❤
This explanation really doesn't hold water. Arguing our partner selection as a deficit is not sufficient.
We actively seek out partners with PD because we are reenacting intimate relationships from our childhood. If you have a PD chances are your kid will develop a PD. Yes, we drive away those without PDs, but just as often we simply feel bored and uninterested in people who don't have a PD.
Yessssssssss I agree
I was hearing Robert Green earlier and he said exactly what you wrote. Unknowingly, the individual is recreating the messed up relationship dynamic from their childhood and if it’s not as dysfunctional, the person bores easily/looses interest.
The “recreating ” leads to familiarity, causing feelings of intimacy for the BPD individual.
And that's what makes it a deficit.
It's not an "explanation" it's based on a statistic. Also plenty of non PD's have interesting and exciting personalities but with the added bonus of not being totally unstable and dysfunctional.
See how you’re engaging in black and white thinking ? …. You push healthy people away. You are self sabotaging. You choose “bad” partners. …. If you want more … you’ll get angry and project more. ….
I think it's more the second thing. Most people who are healthy are not going to date someone with BPD. They are extremely off putting immediately and I never saw one with truly healthy relationship, even if they say the relationship is healthy... It's not. They and their partner just don't understand what healthy is.
True. But people like myself with avoidant personality disorder and high introversion don't find it easy to get partners and so the love bombing and attention you get from a BPD makes you feel great - for a while.
And even when they start acting like maniacs you think 'well it's better than having nothing'.
I believe a high percentage of BPD + APD people end up together for that reason.
My ex had BPD, and I desperately want her back. I'm pretty sure she had a panic/anxiety attack after a minor disagreement and rashly broke up. And now she has cut me out of her life because of that but I still love her.
I am so glad you finally spoke on this I am so tired of everybody telling me that people with BPD cannot hold down meaningful relationships I just celebrated 15 years with my husband
Maybe your hubby is a wimp type or he is same, or you put up as no other options as we all stay in relationships way too long. Many won’t admit their marriages are screwed up! I am a empath of trauma who married a bad narcissist and stayed 16 years but wasn’t educated on it or I would have left long before that as the abuse was gradual. I would have walked away at the “love-bombing” phase in beginning had I known! My own pucker was faulty due to abandonment do that’s why we hang on! We know the real deal! 😏
I know someone with borderline personality disorder. I met one of her former co-workers who shared with me that they knew of 2 co-workers, not related, that attempted to murder her. She shared with me that her former husband also attempted to murder her. I could not value her as a friend, her behavior was so volatile, yet she went to such great lengths to keep people in her life. She had 3 adult son's, while they stayed in touch, they kept their distance. Last I heard, she's trying to stay to herself. I think she made a good decision. Last I spoke to her, over 2 years ago, she said she was happier staying to herself, more calm. I would describe her as human tornado. Unpredictable and totally destructive.
Because we identify with chaos
Yes, we'll put! Like I don't know how to just be content with normalcy. It seems I sabotage loving relationships because I find the chaos comforting in a way. I don't know any other way to be.
Apparently we recreate our upbringing
That makes good sense.
Identify with chaos.
Thanks
Yes I’ve always thought a normal well off man won’t want me
Ahh!! I guess I bring too much normalcy to my ex. Loved her and tolerated so much.
As a woman with BPD this is depressingly true. I have never had one normal relationship in my life including my parents my children my girlfriend's that I grew up with, and my two husbands. I currently live by myself, and I think it will be that way until the end of my life I have no family to speak of basically that I'm in contact with and life is pretty lonely but I've gotten used to dealing with it having BPP sucks.
😢
hang in there, life is beautiful on it's own
I hear ya.
I got a Corgi & couldn't be happier.
Truly....
Maybe find / join a support group?
If you posh people away, stay single. You’ll be fine.
Here in my schizoid life there are no "options" for partners. I can choose to have a relationship with another suffering from a personality disorder (because they are able to reach me), or I decline and continue on in my solitary life.
This is me. On the dating sites excited to meet people living abroad. I'm trying to change that though.
BPD women tend to attract NPD men in my anecdotal opinion (as somebody diagnosed with BPD myself).
Being and staying alone is the best solution once self awareness kicks in
Sadly, we are meant to belong...coz lack of belonging in itself is harmful
Agree 💯
Birds of a feather.
Wow! You’re so right Dr Grande.
This is staggering news at first, but then totally logical when you explain it.
Love these info bombs! Thanks!
A member of my family seems to have a mixture of BPD and vulnerable narcissism and her husband seems to be on the border between malignant narcicism and psycopathy. They are AWFUL together, and now they've joined a cult.
What the fuck.
I hope that they are not hurting anyone.
This is pretty fair. I had gotten annoyed at this girl and then expanded my boundaries when I felt she had bad self awareness. So she didn’t mean it on purpose I felt . So for months we grew our relationship and I felt she was really wanting it to work out although she didn’t admit it, it was obvious .
But she was undiagnosed and selfish, unwilling to open up about anything serious and cruel in a dismissive and disparaging way.
Finally I called out her behavior more bluntly when speaking patiently and kindly didn’t work. I wasn’t mean just blunt. Then she pulled away, then I assumed she was the cruelest most selfish person I ever met since she showed no conscience to me .
I am very romantic and sweet and she slept in my arms for months despite her nature and weird rejections. Well after all this she went with a controlling and manipulative narcissist who doubled down on her false understanding about me and her and claimed to save her .
Then they got “married” with a beauty and th breast themed wedding, the total fruition of a child’s understanding of love. It saddens me bc I was very close to having her open up and she was getting it slowly but changing , but she frankly had almost no maturity and didn’t understand a moment of splitting on me v reality .now she’s a narcissists favorite tool for himself
Hello Dr. Grande. Could you please do a video about whether people with OCD attract PD partners and, if so, which PDs are more prevalent?
Yes I would love a video on this!
OCPD or OCD? ICPD is the most common PD and sooo many people say they are OCD (no formal diagnosis) when in reality they have OCPD.
Very interesting. I could never figure out why folks with BPD or other behaviors seemed to have more partnerships. Thanks Dr G😊💛💛
I have DID and very successful with career, relationships and family. I don’t know how I could survive without this gift. By the way, I’m never lonely. Lol
I’d like to see DID brought up in your series. Thank you
My one relative usually has a boyfriend. She has managed to marry 3 or 4 times. However, she is hell to be around. Her one boyfriend confided with me that he had to relocate and get away from because she was the first person he wanted to kill.He didn't think prison or the chair was worth it.
Perhaps he suffered from ASPD.
@@CassieShakespeare he was a gentle soul. He married and had a couple of kids with woman. He is still married to her from what I heard. He like the quiet life. Not sticking around was an indication that he wasn't ASPD. He told me at the time he didn't want to be around the abuse.
I was diagnosed lately with CPTSD, and suspicion for BPD. Originally I went to expert to check for high function autism. That's why no concrete answer on BPD. The expert job was to check or to rule out High function Autism, and based on symstoms I descibed, she figured it is CPTSD, she added BPD as suspicion. The reason I write this message though is that I tend to choose "Damaged" partners. I don't think that I have BPD, yet still I do choose partners with some "flaw". I'm male at my 30's if it makes a difference for anyone in study or whatever.
Absolutely brilliant! People attract what they are. If someone has BPD, they are a magnet for drama 🎭
Auto-deselection schema. "I have a problem!" Over-sharing self-reporting will greatly diminish our selection pool. More accurately, PD's are closer to 6.5%, nowhere near 10%.
I'm 95% sure my ex has BPD which is why I'm here. There is no coming back for us from what happened. But I still love her and wish desperately that she hadn't cut me out of her life for what I feel was a minor disagreement. Been going down the rabbit hole of figuring out what happened for a few weeks now, and just ran across BPD and every single aspect of it fits. I really do wish we could have a second chance because we were so perfect together before what I think was her panic/anxiety attack. I know that it's hard for people with BPD and hope that by learning more about it I can understand her emotions and what she went through more. And though I know she'll never allow a second chance to happen. I still hope she eventually seeks help because she deserves more than the toxic relationships she's had in the past or the toxic rebound she is currently in. It hurts to see.
What other symptoms did she have? Was it the first time she left you?
Lmaooo I’m laughing because I was diagnosed with BPD and I would love if I repelled people but I don’t. They always think I need to be protected. I try and push people away. I know they say that we like clinging to people but I am the totally opposite. I avoid people and intimate relationships. My repelling isn’t repelling 😂
don't wear woman clothes, don't talk with anyone, don't smile, don't wear makeup
that works
You single..??? 😉 😉 just kidding!! 😂 😅
Lmaoooooooooooooo …You could be alone. But you’re actually engaged in push-pull and denying that you are luring people in. …. You’re unaware of what you’re doing.. you only identify at the conscious ego level of the push away. Because you are ashamed of the pull towards ( manipulative to “protect”…). If you want to be alone you can stay away from anyone and protect yourself, but you don’t. That’s why you’re BPD. …
@@MellowBellow1 interesting perspective, maybe your right. I’ve never thought about it that way! Touché
@@Lovelytrini82 it’s the subconscious part that is evident in actions rather than thought. …
Holy cow…. I have BPD and I would guess almost all of my long term relationships had a PD. The diagnosed one had anti-social and narcissistic PD (and is in prison- he was diagnosed as part of the pre-sentencing report.) Because of him, I ended up seeking psychiatric care and was diagnosed with BPD. Years and a whole lot of DBT later, the worst of my symptoms are controlled and I have been single and content for years. So much makes sense now. I was almost offended by your last statement about BPD behaviors, but then remembered my past behaviors and yep. I could not maintain a relationship with a “normal” man and I choose to be single now because I fear that a relationship would cause my destructive behaviors to return.
I have BPD and was in a relationship with a narcissist. It was a bloody disaster. I'm in the middle of a crisis right now of feeling threatened/abandoned and am creating all kinds of family chaos. I can't help myself.
You can't help your feelings but you can control what you do with them. It isn't easy but it can be done.
At least you aware of what happened and what is going on
@@Catlily5 I'm on a time-out and stay away from everyone. I can't trust myself around them.
@@TtttTt-ub5xb yes, I always am. This has been a part of my life for many, many years.
@@SherryDyck Alright, that could be a good thing.
I dated one who refused medication my worst nightmare and I am not aflicted..
I have BPD. Dr. Grande is right! I have had many relationships that didn't last long term. I am seeing a psychologist who does CBT, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It has helped me a lot.
I have been diagnosed with BPD. This happened many years ago. I thought about all the people harmed by my behaviour, and have avoided humans ever since. Terrified of causing damage to others. Am 80 years old now, and have found over many years that books, music and travel suffice. Am pretty certain that my appalling postwar childhood led to this BPD. Perhaps others have had similar experiences?
So you don’t get depressed anymore, at least not that much?
Just described my life for the last 20 years
Well, I ended a relationship with someone with BPD because I just couldn't take it anymore. Loved her, but she was too much on a daily basis for me.
@@PoeLemic Me too! I hope you’re doing better now my friend. 🙏🏻
@@PoeLemic💯
This has helped me more than I could even say. Thank you Dr.Grande! I have been saying for years that my one child has a “broken picker outer”, because every girl he has ever picked in the last decade, has been a gal with some kind of a personality disorder. This same son’s wife,(who left him and took their newborn baby, after she gave birth), had all the signs of BPD. So that makes me wonder, what’s wrong with my son!
i have BPD (and schizoaffective) and my current partner has ADHD. i've done a lot of therapy and personal work and take an SNRI and SGA, but i think i really benefit from his "go go go" personality.
i pick up other people's behaviors and if i'm occupied, i feel good. if i'm with someone who has a lot of toxic behaviors, i'm super toxic too. i mirror pretty heavily.
I have BPD and ended two of my last relationships because I felt like they could never truly understand me. Both of my exes were genuinely well-rounded, healthy people. I felt that it was boring. It wasn’t enough that everything was going fine. I was ashamed of the fact that I was constantly covering up a deep sense of emptiness. I wanted to feel “love-bombed” and like we were fixing non-existent issues, not understanding that healthy people can just feel content.
If you have a PD and someone leaves you, you know they’re healthy. …
exactly
What if the person with BPD leaves an abusive relationship? I was recently body shamed, cheated on and bullied by my non-BPD ex
@@Randomhumaan but that problem exists for everyone. Not just BPD people. And….. there are 2 sides to the abandonment fear; you may “choose” an abuser because that’s how you originally learned your abandonment fear. Or ….. you will abandon or cause a healthy person to abandon you. So; it’s GREAT that you left an abuser, but the real question is … why were you WITH the abuser ? That’s the part about BPD. … never wanting to be single, impulsively choosing someone who may not be good for you. If you’re ok with being single for a while and don’t jump from “rebound to rebound” you might see a pattern. Being single for at LEAST 2 years is a really good way to heal.
Bingo! My husband has BPD diagnosed 4 yrs ago. As time has gone on, I have Depression and anxiety, diagnosed. We are currently separated. I can look at my track record and see clearly how I contributed being co dependant and a fixer. Trying to stay strong and stay AWAY!
Depression and anxiety is not a personality disorder
So they seek to exploit others who are gifted and then they want to degrade and exploit them.
I'm not sure if that's right for BPD. But that's true for NPD
I have severe mental illness and I’ve never had a relationship. I’m 26 and at the height of my life and I am constantly battling an inner conflict. It’s depends on the person, it’s not like we asked for this fate. Some ppl r luckier than others , others are meant to suffer
People have this delusional idea of living single or being single is a horrible choice … it’s not …. People!
If you are a person that keeps finding yourself in unhealthy relationships, you need to understand that being single to love & respect yourself is far better than being in a bad relationship.
❤
Spot on
I have known people who fit that criteria to pick partners who are expetenely patient and loving and low self esteem
Sounds like narcissism as that’s who they go after. People they can control.
I was diagnosed with bpd but i never feel the need to argue or get upset with my partner
Have you been screened for autism?
Then you don’t have BPD, great!
This is a bit confusing. You say BPD, but then you say PD's. I was in a relationship with someone with NPD, in hindsight, it seemed more like the dark triad of PD's but I'm not a psychologist. Anyway, the first couple years I knew them, they were finishing up a masters in theology and they seemed brilliant and very well put together. I was very attracted to them. I don't believe I have any disorders but I know I am a people pleaser and I have been told several times that I am too nice. I just try to treat others the way I would like to be treated. So, I ended up in a 10 year relationship with them and it ended when they became psychotic and ended up in the hospital for a month. When they got out they were paranoid of me, still are after 3 years. In the 3 years since we parted ways, I have discovered I have cPTSD and symptoms of Stockholm Syndrome and some other symptoms of long term abuse. What's weird is, I didn't realize I was being abused until they were gone. I have also heard that certain personality types are are more likely to be targeted by these disordered people. It almost felt like there was a dark force that was subtly influencing me. Or, like a parasite had entered my brain and had turned off certain things and turned on others in order to manipulate me.
Well, you might have undiagnosed personality disorders, possibly. Or, you grew up in a family with someone that was a narcassist (as I did), and that you'll graviate to people with PD's. For me, it was being entralled with some that is BPD. I didn't know it at the time, but looking back, I'm sure that she was BPD and some cPTSD from childhood abuse. So, know, you're not alone.
@@PoeLemic My dad is narcissistic or psychopath. He had a high position in the aerospace industry and was very well respected but at home I was terrified of him. I guess my people pleasing came from trying to stay on his good side and trying to do things that he would consider an accomplishment. He always looked down on me, like I would never amount to much. He's 83 now and he still thinks I'm a failure and not too bright. I felt like I got over his lack of approval though when I graduated from college and had a good career and just enjoyed my life. I could see that he was actually the pathetic one, a workaholic, 12 to 16 hour days well into his 70's, he never had a life and he was afraid to retire.
Here's how it works: who you attract and who you are attracted to will tell you who you are.
Would like more clips of this
People with BPD are easily bullied. Abusers are always on the look out for a vulnerable person
True
are you saying people with BPD dont have the capacity to be abusive?
@@johnmadden2814 it varies amongst individuals. Some are abusive. Some are abused
Lol and then here is me who was abused by two pwBPD 😂
I would say the BPD are the bullies. Whether intentional or not they are controlling and manipulative.
I was a victim of a female partner who had BPD/NPD.. She very nearly destroyed my life ( she laughed at my suffering of course ). I have since become convinced that a large percentage of women are afflicted with these disorders and it's best for good men to walk away forever 😊
I consider myself the 44 percent 😳 My ex and my daughter are both borderline. Ex is quiet (internalizes/self mutilates), daughter classic and social . I have been in a lot of therapy for help with coparenting. My ex and our daughter are amazing people, and I think my friendship with my ex helped keep our daughter’s mental illness stable. Hardest lesson to learn from DBT classes. Wise mind, “everyone is doing their best”. Practice radical acceptance (tough one), and to practice self love and compassion with boundary setting. It has been rough, but I have met other families in support groups who have it much worse.
Given this topic, am I in denial or the 44 percent 🤷🏻♀️
🧐
Even if you’re in the 44%, that just means your not mentally I’ll enough to have a diagnosis but you still likely have deep insecurities and self esteem issues that cause you to be in that relationship.
Lately both my ex/current bf have been so emotionally unregulated with outbursts.. it really ruins my peace. I love going to my place where I live alone these days. It is rough.. it is sad, they are both great people :(
I worked for a married couple for about 5 years. She was undoubtedly borderline (she left he meds out on our work counter and 4 were mood stabilizers) and was nice one minute and throwing yelling fits the next. We had 24 employees quite in a year at a place that only has 8 on staff. He was constantly apologizing for and convering for her until we finally started recording her to show the owner that it wasn't crappy employees in a crappy town as she claimed for the turnover. It's a small town and good people who couldn't take her crap. I had always wondered how Paul could put up with her. He is a caring, thoughtful person. When they were finally fired, when we were cleaning their apartment to prepare for whomever the next managers were we found blood spatter on the floors and walls. It's been two years and we still wonder if it was her beating him or him finally defending himself.
4 mood stabilizers? That really happens? So she wasn’t bipolar
@@sweet2sourr .... I believe she was bipolar, but also schizophrenic. My guess on schizophrenia is because her son and her mom both have it. Her son lhas it so bad that he lives in a psych. Home.
Her meds, and these are only the ones I saw on our counter at work, ziprasidone, quetiapine, haloperidol and lithium. I have no idea if she was on all of those at the same time or if she had some older bottles sitting out. But when I saw the lithium and haloperidol first.... I know what those two are and things are and things began to make sense.
That’s so sad..
I’ve observed that where there are mental health problems on one side, there often are similar problems on the other side. The quirkiness must attract itself.
Thank you for sharing blatant statistics; they make sense and they do help some of us make sense of what is going on, in our lives. I have always appreciated the help.
People who have no mental conditions are not going to get involved with people who do have: that doesn't work, why would healthy people complicate their lives
Yup, I was selected by a woman with quiet, high functioning BPD (I found out later ☹️) whilst I thought I was neurologically typical. She arranged tests for me half way through that decade of sadness & I was diagnosed with Asperger's & AD/HD.
Looking back she'd transformed herself into my "perfect partner". We'd known each other years before and she'd moved away.
Out of the blue, over a decade later, she knocked on my door. Her dress, her interests, music etc. had all changed. I didn't realise at the time but she was mirroring everything I wanted in a partner.
Also, has anyone else noticed the energy, the euphoria, when someone with BPD chooses you? It was something I'd never experienced before & it bounced me out of a stable relationship with two teenage kids in a lovely area & I left home with a car, some clothes & a guitar. Absolutely no money & nowhere to live! That euphoria is extreme to do that to someone!
Mere weeks later the first glimmers of something being terribly wrong appeared. I noticed that at times she was playing a role, acting a part.
I can only describe it as like an actor carrying on whilst "over acting" after the director had shouted "CUT!".
She didn't notice when the mood in the room had changed, when laughter turned to sadness or, this was the first time I noticed this, when I stopped kissing her "just there" yet she continued with her "Ooh! Yes! Gasp! Yes! Pant! Ooh! (Head thrash) as I looked at her, puzzled, thinking "I stopped touching her, anywhere at all, two minutes ago!"
Once I'd noticed that the whole edifice of what I thought of as love started to crumble around me.
That was the start of a decade of loss, homesickness, tears, sadness & hurt.
Don't fall for the "perfect partner" bit at the beginning. Don't let that euphoric energy sweep you out of your home.
Quiet, high functioning, BPD is dangerous to those who know nothing about it. It ruins lives...
Yeah mate, you're not alone.
BPD women are expert love bombers that make you feel amazing, they are interested in everything you do and they morph their personality to suit yours.
They're shapeshifters really.
But from their side, it's not an act, they really do become completely obsessed with the new guy they meet and genuinely think you are God - for a while...and then the shit starts, because you literally cannot please them or live up to the God they have constructed in their head.
@@-LadyFawn- Yes, my kids are still in my life 😃
@@thealexanderbond Exactly mate! Shapeshifter is an excellent term. But I found out that underneath their outer construct is nothing but coping mechanisms. The place where they used to be is empty. Withered away to nothing. Their protection was so good that nothing could get in or out.
I tried to give her a safe space, to support her through therapy. I've never known anyone so scared of therapy.
She went off the rails so catastrophically that I couldn't try any more. Outwardly, publicly, she was friendly, intelligent, helpful. As her partner I got the stone face, shaking with anger. I was spiked with sleeping pills, speed and she made sure I knew she was sleeping with anyone & everyone.
I lasted a decade. I couldn't take any more!
Keep safe Alex. Your first sentence in your reply means a lot mate ☮️
@@kevinhornbuckle Thanks Kevin. I've been getting to know my kids again. And just recently one of her workmates wrote "I remember when she said "I'm going to sleep with all of the builders on the site next door." There was something wrong there!"
That might seem shocking but because no one believed what I was saying about my "lovely, helpful, intelligent" partner my partner with BPD convinced others that I was ill.
So it's only recently I've been able to say "See? I was telling the truth. I wasn't ill."
That's been a huge relief! I've read it's pretty common with quiet, high functioning BPD.
@@Aengus42 My ex wouldn't even consider therapy, or even approach the fact that she had any problem at all, even though it's obvious to her entire family and anyone that knows her well, since she can't get along with any of them.
Overall, I feel sorry for her, since she is never going to find happiness, just go from one broken relationship to the next, one broken friendship to the next and job to job to job, all with the same results.
i like background… the backlighting works making it easier to receive his mental health advice/info
There are many reasons why some people choose a partner with bpd.
My ex made a lot of mistakes in his past, but he tried and didn't give up due to work. He would be able to graduate and to have a more difficult/complex job, but he struggled with addiction and didn't want to got to the therapist anymore.
I didn't judge him, because I don't know what happend according to past experiences.
In general he was a deep thinking and mostly gentle individual with some specific knowledge, and an eloquent natur.
I underestimated his disorder (my brother has bpd, and I was to influenced by his weak symptoms), and it ended really bad.
I will not go into detail, but he showed narcisstic tendencies and maybe some other cluster-b traits.
However, even if he hates me, and did a lot of damage, he had positive characteristics.
And, no - I am not mentally-ill, a co-dependent or in any cluster-b spectrums (some narcisstic traits, but more in the way of self-love).
I just thought that I had enough experience and knowledge to help him and build a future together.
So, just call me a pseudo-psychologist.
P.s.: I know a lot about clinical-psychology.
That's why I see it from another perspective.
I have BPD, and have come to accept thar most of the people I connect with on any level will have his or her own personality quirks. My current partner has ADHD, which I find a thousand times more tolerable than the narcissist he replaced, and a hundred times easier to cope with than the possessive, busexual foreign aristocrat that I managed to marry. I never stopped loving either of those men, or any of the others that I've loved over the years, though I'm grateful to have allowed this particular flavor of crazy to replace all the rest.
I feel personally attacked by this…😂
A stable, mature, non-PD person would run like hell the first time they see how a BPD 'goes off'. That leaves the dysfunctional ones.
That's not true at all.
I don't have a personality disorder and I stayed with a borderline man for 6 years.
I did grow up with a narcissistic father and a neglectful mother however, so I do think I was highly sensitive to other people's emotions. I grew up and developed a huge sense of empathy and longed to find a connection to someone who loved me as much as I loved them.
I was naiive. I was 19 years old. He said he loved me and I believed him. He was abusive. I allowed him to treat me like that. I walked on egg shells for 6 years. It was avsolute chaos. It broke me down to a point I thought I'd never return from. Finally I left.
I am not narcissistic, I'm far from it.
He selected me because I had no boundaries that he knew he could test and push more and more like any abuser.
I wish people would realise borderline individuals are not simply victims they are also perpetrators. And partners of borderlines are not always narcissistic. I'm not. This is a highly damaging assumption.
@@Xana_KYou may not have a PD, but you likely have C-PTSD. This will leave you vulnerable and susceptible to people who have untreated PD because their red flags don't look like red flags, they are familiar to you after growing up with people just like them.
Not true. I have ASPD and I want nothing to do with an untreated BPD. My parents are highly neurotic people with their own sets of mental health issues, which has always made living with them difficult. I spent 6 months in therapy and I became a better person. I expect something similar from a BPD partner, otherwise their abusive behaviors would remind me of the dysfunctional household I was raised in and drive me away from them.
I said "stable, mature ..." non-PD and your response indicates that you had many issues going on even though you didn't have a PD. Exactly my point. You describe in detail how you allowed yourself to be abused and did not recognize this til much later. This is exactly what I was saying - if you had been strong, whole, and healthy, you would not have allowed yourself to be abused. I said, 'that leaves the dysfunctional ones' who do allow themselves to get sucked into another person's dysfunction.@@Xana_K
Agreed. @@BookWorm2369
😳🤔😬...thank you Dr.Grande for that info. BPD individuals are difficult at best. I know a few people with that disorder....and I am trying to learn more about BPD. Complicated bunch, they are!
I have a theory about this. I my sound a bit farfetched but think about it: what if this so called disorder is the order or normal for a vast part of the population which is the population of which is the working class that has formed over thousands of years and generations always reproducing the next generation of people coming from broken homes and due to the way they had been brought up are perfectly shaped to do the low vage jobs (where extensive labour work is needed and where the human resources feel plesure to serve, help, being active)? This way of seeing it helped me alot to not feel broken anymore but feeling as a part of a system I happened to belong to✌🏼🤔😂😊
What you're describing is intergenerational trauma. It's fairly common for insecure, traumatized people to be attracted to insecure, traumatized people.
I suspect I have BPD and I always romanticized unhealthy relationship dynamics. Ever since I was a teen I wanted drama and violence because I would equate that to passion. My brain thinks someone hurting me is someone who actually cares.
Correct. Altho is add that we are ATTRACTED to narcissists (subconsciously). So it’s not just that we dismiss red flags- we chase them!
Dr. Grande? Great purported content as usual. My questions are the same: Why do you not include basic academic social science citations (e.g., MLA, APA) along with your research claims? Would you submit a research article for submission with such a glaring oversight? I am sure you have your reasons. Just curious.
He isn't submitting an article, though.
@@lifesquandered Granted, you're correct. However, Dr. Grande is making empirical academic claims. It just strikes me as odd or contrived?
Probably because it would be cumbersome and irritating.
It may be "cumbersome" to provide standard citations for research claims, but to me it's not nearly as "irritating" as not knowing whether Dr. Grande is BSing me and therefore wondering if placing my trust in his credibility was a waste of time. Honestly, how problematic is it to add a two second citation to a claim?
Agreed.
"who are not ... pathological."
To be fair, this is from a 2009 study that states “To our knowledge, only one study supports this contention” The same paper also suggests regarding the non BPD partner: “a degree of psychological distress comparable with what is normally observed in families of schizophrenic, depressive, or post-traumatic stress disorder patients.” that also show “an insecure attachment style.” So the partner already has been exposed to a fair amount of distress prior to the relationship.
Pretty sure it boils down to this borderlines fear of intimacy. A guy bought me flowers on a first date once and i thought it was moving too fast and he was manipulating me. I'm so used to dating people with NPD, that i ended it right there because in my head it wouldn't be conducive to date someone with NPD if I'm trying to go into remission for BPD.
I didn't know some men just did that and didn't expect you to be committed immediately in return.
Good
They deserve each other
I dated a girl who was bpd with narcissist traits and I don’t have a personality disorder. But this is interesting.
Many mentally unhealthy and dysfunctional individuals may not have a personality disorder. Codependency is not a personality disorder but codependents are attracted to other unhealthy individuals…some of which do have personality disorders.
@@DrPhilGoode yeah, I had a lot to work on. With self work, Therapy, and all that and realizing I am the Scapegoat of my narcissistic family, it explains why I thought I was in a “normal relationship” . That was my norm… considering my mom is a demon. So I dated one. 🕺🤷🏽♂️
@@Joshdifferent dude that’s awesome. A couple years ago I read a book called The Human Magnet Syndrome and it blew me away. I was clearly a codependent and it explained so much.
It also rocked my entire world as I was forced to entertain the idea that close family that I regarded as heros and angels..were not. My mom has all the BPD traits while my dad taught me everything I knew about codependency. Why wouldn’t I marry a cov narcissist. Nothing else would have made sense. Anyway thanks for the reply. Wasn’t expecting it but I’m glad you did. thank you
Makes complete sense to me! I couldn't agree more. Thanks.
I was with someone who at one point said the possibly had BPD. I have never been married and hope to someday. She has been married twice and engaged six times. I proposed to her however turns out she was still married so it was all a scam.
Wait - only 10%>
I have to STRONGLY disagree.
I don’t know, my last partner who had BPD gave me some childhood trauma and it hasn’t gotten better with age in my adulthood. I’ve been looking for a PD diagnosis bc I think that’s why I struggle so much with maintaining my relationships.
Edit: just recently got diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder
Thanks for the edit. 😊 Did you find out any unusual behaviors that you didn’t know were unusual ?
This is SO helpful, thank you for sharing
*To anybody who's reading this, I pray that whatever is hurting you or whatever you are constantly stressing about gets better. May the dark thoughts, the overthinking, and the doubt exit your mind. May clarity replace confusion. May peace and calmness fill your life. *
I've been diagnosed with borderline schizophrenia about 13 yrs ago got put on seroquel then about 2yrs ago or less whilst in COVID I was diagnosed with a personality disorder and I've been single for about 9yrs after my the father of my son died and I'm very very happy being single
Any chance we know the study done for this stats plz?
I've been with all sorts of folks ._. I empathize more with people who go thought stuff because we are similar, not because I am blind to their deficit norr mine, for that matter... Relationships are base on similarities.
This guys really is seeing personality stuff through a stigmatizing medical lens that I dont truly apply to real life experience.
And oh no, i am not trying sugarcoat reality, it's what i truly believe!
I would be curious what percentage of partners are neurodivergent. As someone with adhd I found like half my parents have bpd.
I believe a person with BPD can definitely cause their partner to have personality disorder symptoms. When you are with a BPD partner, they don't want you to have any contact with friends or family due to jealousy and paranoia and you then morph into avoidant personality.
Would be interesting to hear your thoughts on the owner of Mill Street Bistro from the reality show Kitchen Nightmares. He displays some really bizarre behavior throughout his episode.
@Candice Williams yeah for sure, both can be true, I'm just curious 🤷🏼♀️
How about children of BPD or PD parents who could be attracting BPD partners?
As someone with BPD myself, this video is an example of a series issue amung mental health professionals and why I'm hesitant to seek help. They often have all of the information about these disorders memorized, but no real understanding...They know the words but not the music.. And in saying that the reason for people with PDs selecting partners with PDs is due to a deficiency in judgment and a lack of options is my point in a nutshell. This may be the case for SOME, but for most of us we're able to spot someone with issues a mile away and we choose them consciously because it is all we know. I cannot be with a normal person because they would understand me just as Dr. Grande would understand me, not at all.
Defo holds true in my experience.. Our paerents have most of Cluster B coveredaunts and uncles on both sides all have PDs, one of my siblings married into a family that was even weirder and more controlling than our own. I have almost exclusively PW NPD in my romantic past and have been involved with a PW BPD and HPD traits.
This would certainly explain a lot about my experience. Although in my case the rate has probably been something more like 75%
"...repel individuals who are not pathological." Great choice of words if you're trying to sever a therapeutic alliance 💀💀💀
TY Dr. Grande! You made my day! I may be kinda boring but I'm so grateful I'm a normie! My guy is too! Over 18 years together and we haven't yet driven each other mad, lol! 🤣
So what are the PDs that generally go with BPDs? Asking for a friend.
I have BPD. I internalize it. I have never found a problem finding a partner but yes, most end up also have a PD of some type.
I would imagine you are referring to the stereotypical BPD that is closer to NPD when referencing partner selection.