How to work empathically with a constantly critical person

This week's question is about a person who criticizes everything, and seems to be doing it to set boundaries for themselves (while pushing against the boundaries of others). This is different than someone getting angry for a good reason, or being critical about something that needs a critique. Emotionally speaking, how do you work with a difficult situation like this?

[@victoriabutanu5400]

thank you! this is so on time for me! this gives me a framework so i dont go mad. I have somebody like that in my family and iam struggling daily with my own shame and anger, especially when I see how unfair this person's behaviour is to others. sometimes I feel like screaming You can't treat people this way! I don't care anymore when this person is like that towards me, but I feel bad for others.

[@EmotionDynamics]

Thanks Victoria. It's such a difficult behavior, because it engages other people's anger, and then just creates a feedback loop that makes everyone tense. Empathy is difficult (but so necessary) in the situation if someone is badgering you. I find that if I can step back and take some time away (ground, define boundaries, rejuvenate), I can revisit the situation with empathy and a sense of compassion, rather than wanting to yell and tear up the joint!

[@AneliyaDimitrova123]

Thank you so much! I am also struggling with such a person. I used to get into fights with him - painful, time consuming, energy draining and ineffective. I want to try and am really interested how your approach would work in real life - even though it will take time. Would you, please, share what were the results when you used it and how long did it take of keeping up the good work :) ? Also, thank you for this insight - "people who are angry are usually people who care. They care a lot. If you can focus on the care and concern and the reliance on standards and excellence, then you can engage with them." I will meditate on this. Thank you for your wonderful youtube channel of knowledge and insight!

[@radicalaccounting]

The best advice I ever got for people like this (grew up with this) is to agree with them. They''ll criticize you, implying that you're much worse than they are even saying in their criticism. So I agree, sharing that I'm as terrible as you are alluding to, ha, ha. It's like Akido, and works great.

[@inhisheart1684]

thank you Karla. I discovered your work just yesterday and I've been drinking it in since; watching some videos and listening to your language of emotion on audiobook. This particular video is so validating for me! I have a situation like this, and over the last year, I have been doing just as you describe...stealth empathy (I love your words). Thank you. You do amazing work.

[@narcissistichealingforempaths]

Great video! Thanks so much 🙏🏼

[@thehoneyeffect]

❤ this is my mother

[@rachelmoore5079]

Thanks so much this was a fantastic video 🌟💖

[@davesworld7688]

Excellent video! Your advise is the best I’ve heard on this topic. Thank you

[@EmotionDynamics]

Glad it was helpful!

[@felishaatkinson6723]

Thank you for this! I love your personality and genuineness 💗

[@EmotionDynamics]

Thank you so much!!

[@trefor8]

Thank you for this! You have helped me very much.

[@EmotionDynamics]

You are so welcome!

[@niki.ktronsgard8507]

i got shamed for doing yoga, using glitter in art, and for not having a dog last night, every thing i say or do rattles this person, i cannot make her hear me, nor does she want to, i have tried this kind of stuff, but even in calm moments the sound of my voice standing up for my self saying any thing about my needs has been bulldozed and drowned out. the question is how much does one allow someone to abuse them before its too much? and what if a person does not see their behaviors as problematic but instead the opposite they are a martyr and tell you how good they are to you, expecting a response, but not any response they want praise which you cannot give authentically

[@EmotionDynamics]

Hi Niki. Abuse is never okay, so there's no amount that's okay, unless the person is a toddler who cannot yet manage (or understand ) their emotions. We need to show toddlers patience until they learn.
But with adults, there's no excuse for abuse. I hope that you have support, and that you can get yourself to a safer place soon.

[@ayalorch]

Thank you so much ❤

[@EmotionDynamics]

You're welcome 😊

[@sannelind9259]

Thank you ☀️

[@EmotionDynamics]

You’re welcome 😊