I hide my good deeds because I don't like the attention. Some of us do "good" things because it's literally the most practical and beneficial option for all parties involved, not because we need a prize for doing it.
Why do you hide them then? Because you want to pull the trick from the video. You cant have the cake and eat it too. Strategy described in the video have great returns but greater risk of someone else taking the credit.
OK maybe hide isn't the right word.I define a good deed as doing something that in someway would help another person.If word of the deed gets around and someone, (let's say Divine)Says "Aw I was glad to have done it you're welcome".I still don't mind not getting credit,for it, but don't want to see someone LYING to try and make their self look good.
I think most of us can relate; If I do anything that draws positive attention, my brain gets to kicking me for doing so. If I do something that draws negative attention, my brain kicks me still. I can't win with anxiety, but at this point I've learned to not care about what my anxiety thinks.
I can relate. On the one hand, I want recognition for certain things I do but I also feel like I'm being a selfish attention whore. Maybe it's because of my Asperger's, depression, or anxiety, but I really do not know how to respond to compliments.
we talked about this in a celebrity culture seminar i took a few years back regarding celebrity donations to charity. people want to know the celebrities they support are charitable and giving people, and if a celebrity doesn't give to charity then people feel justified in disliking them. however, people also look down on public donations made by celebrities as they often come off as insincere, or like the intention behind them wasn't being a good person; rather, the celebrity is only making the donation to improve their reputation. this means we often have contradictory standards for celebrity donations -- we only want to support giving people, but if we know they're donating a lot of their money, then we feel as though it's less sincere and therefore the value of the donation decreases. it's an interesting dynamic to think about it.
This is probably why Elon Musk got so much hate for his submarine effort, and why he now only retweets thank yous from receivers, often with a delay of days or weeks so as to appear modest.
Very interesting comment. If u don't donate u r greedy. If u donate openly u r bragging. If u donate anonymously u have some ulterior motive. Some people will always judge others, but they themselves too fall in to one of above three categories. Best thing is to be thick skinned and ignore what others say or think and live our life as we want.
I'd go further and argue that those who brag often lie or exaggerate. So, talking about your good deeds ends up being anti-social behavior. It's one reason why the whole "plotting" aspect of it is actually quite important because people may actually hold you to a more negative social reputation for plotting pseudo-anonymous activities even over exaggerating and bragging because at its core the more deception is involved the less one can trust a person and trust in a person is often a core part of a person's reputation, even if it's in trusting how self-centered they are. Further, the prosocial behavior of doing good deeds is demanded of all people, even those with poor reputations. Ergo, while it might be generally regarded as positive to one's reputation to carry out one's duty in that regard, it generally has very little actual positive reinforcement precisely because it is of the same expectation of all other duties that one is demanded to perform. We value higher people who we can better mentally model, and that's easiest for those which sufficiently fit the mold of a "good" person.
Lucy Li That’s right, but why we consider bragging bad, this is interesting question. Saying good about other people is good, and saying good about yourself is bad, why
This research might be useful to understand SOME of the reasons behind these "weird" behavior, although to me they seem as incomplete hypotheses. This kind of focus is not considering that there're other sources of gratification beside social approval. People might do good actions because of the joy they feel when following their moral principles, independently of the gratitude or rudeness of the aided. In this case, the gratification comes from the inside. Summing up, I think not every action can be looked from a game theory perspective.
I know I feel better when my actions are in line with my moral principles and I feel anxious when I'm not doing enough to help make this world a better place for others. So I think you are on to something here.
Yeah, I mean in those examples you tell close friends and family or the charities themselves know who you are.They don't cover when people keep it entirely to themselves.
There are a couple of players missing from their game model. Conscience/ethics and personal Religion/God. Since game theory does not give a first class player role to God or to conscience, it might make that mistake. But for a lot of people, those are real players. People want to be on good terms with the God they believe in. They accept the beliefs of their religion's moral/ethical code as true. It is a cost/benefit game, but with these additional invisible players / influencers / power centres. This is completely independent from the debates about whether there is a God and whether religious beliefs are correct or not, etc. I'm not sure if evolutionary game theory models memes. Personal religion / Spirituality is a massive collection of memes that should not be ignored.
Here is a theory : Hiding your good deeds might lead people into overestimating the number of good deeds that you did. For exemple, suppose you've done 20 good deeds. - If you're a bragger, I'll most likely know about those 20 good deeds but I will assume that there are no hidden ones so I'll estimate your number of good deeds to about 20. - If you're not a bragger, I'll assume that there might be some good deeds that I don't know about so : 1) If you hide your good deeds too well, maybe I'll learn about 5 of those and estimate that you might have done about 15 good deeds While you've done 20 which isn't good. 2) If you hide your good deeds but I eventually find out about most of them, then maybe I'll know about 15 of your good deeds and estimate that you might have about 10 more hidden ones. Therfore I might estimate your total number of good deeds to about 25 which is more than the real number. It's just like in poker, if you're never bluffing I'll always have a good estimate of your hand. but if you do bluff sometimes, then sometimes I might overestimate the value of your hand. So if you hide your good deeds not too well and I find out about most of them, it might lead me into thinking that you're a better personne that what you actually are.
The trick is hiding some, letting people notice some, and bragging about others so that no one knows how many good deeds you've done and can only guesstimate on all of it.
The ultimate cause of prosocial behavior might be an increase in reciprocal altruism and increase in social reputation (therefore increasing our evolutionary fitness) but the proximal cause of it might be because it makes us feel good to behave that way. Evolution works through affective states to behavioral outcomes.
The argument is not that all people who perform altruistic acts are intentionally doing it for social approval, but rather that the behavior - and the concept of morality as a whole - evolved because on average, it improved the individual's social standing and increased their chances of passing on their genes, as well as spreading their ideas / behaviors (memes) through raising their cultural influence.
Interesting analysis, but I think there's another reason we might hide those good deeds - to avoid dropping bait. It's an unfortunate truth in the world we have that there are those among us who see those good deeds and perceive the donor as a mark. Make one high-profile donation and suddenly there is a horde outside your door with their hand out. Or some in those horde could have more aggressive means in mind than just a plea, and brought a gun. Keep it anonymous, and stay off the radar, so to speak. Which falls in line with evo-psych, a learned response to satisfy our empathetic need to help others without attracting predators in the process.
Kudos to the SciShow Psych team for presenting a deeply nuanced topic so clearly and succinctly. Love what you're doing, keep up the excellent work guys!
This is absolutely false. It's perfectly OK to feel proud of having done something good. It's human. This kind of rhetoric just serves to make people feel shitty about themselves, and we already have too much of that
This attitude is only true if done to an extreme amount. Unless one is actively disparaging others, or is something they base the cruxes of their personality upon, in most cases that statement is false. Even if one is doing more harm than good by bragging about something good, except for certain situations, bragging doesn't suddenly invalidate the good done in the past. I have to agree with Stephen Bly; this is a harmful rhetoric, and it does little but let people feel invalidated when they do something good and want to speak to others about it.
I just like the kick I’d get from an anonymous good deed, that’s all. It’s fun to think of the thrill you can give someone. Plus I don’t like being judged, causing expectations or causing embarrassment.
I feel that I have moral obligations and if I can help I will. I do secret deeds because I see them as helping out. Like cleaning the dishes up without anyone knowing is saving someone else from doing it or donating clothes to a family in need so someone has something they need. Its that simple. You do secret deeds when no one else is there to do it (or not enough people) like picking a spilled cup up. You don't do it for the praises you do it becauee there's a cup spilling. 💁its our job to help.
In my opinion your style and way of presentation in this video was amazing! It made everything really comprehensible and interesting. Thank you for your work!
You missed a few options here. When giving anonymously, we can contribute to a general feeling of well-being and security not just for recipients, but for others who wonder if anyone would help them when needed. Sometimes revealing kind actions leave the recipients open to pity and criticism, warranted or not. And I like keeping many of my best actions private just as I like keeping some of my fondest memories or achievements private: I'm happier smiling to myself at what I don't tell than name-dropping or bragging. For those who pay attention to Jesus' teachings, he said that good deeds should be kept private (he also said that praying in public was for the crowd, not god). Although agnostic, I like doing the right thing because it's right rather than because it will garner praise. This philosophy helps to ensure that we are truly doing what we think is right rather than what is popular.
I have a hypothesis of my own. If you broadcast that you're doing something good or are better than something else on a regular basis, it can be a symptom of more serious root causes - sociopathy, narcissism, selfishness in general or plain old immaturity. These are not traits you wish people you cooporate with to have, and hence modesty becomes the key signal that you're an okay person who is mentally stable. Of course, some 'bad people' catch on to this and make modesty their virtue... On the surface level, anyway. Similar to the 'hidden' signals that were meant to be discovered.
I've experienced that before. Where I did something I was very proud of and really _wanted_ to tell someone about it. But ultimately chose not to, because the fear of being seen as a braggart won out.
It's not that you can't ever brag, mind you. In fact, being too modest can be seen as being dishonest or a braggart in and of itself - IE: If you became prime minister and didn't brag even a little, that would just come off as dishonest and a forced attempt at modesty that makes others feel bad because they probably couldn't do the same as what you did "with ease" or like "it's nothing, really". It's a balancing matter.
Not being yourself is stressfull, imo. Said stress can actually make you less likeable. So, I still think being yourself is good advice, even if it does mean you'll have to accept folks not liking you.
Eh... I usually hide good deeds because I don't want the attention for doing something average. Getting praise and thanks and congrats for just returning a lost item, making a donation, getting great grades or whatever... it's annoying. Like, this is just my standard behaviour, don't reward it like it's some special circumstance. You've gone and made it weird when you do that. Aside from that, if I help someone out publicly, other people might expect me to help them. But I can't always do that and I don't need the pressure of people /expecting/ good things from me all the time. tl;dr: Getting praise for a good deed that really isn't a big deal is awkward, and people act entitled to your assistance if they hear you're a "good" or "helpful" person.
To me, there is a very important difference between hiding good deeds and "hiding" good deeds. If you accidentally-on-purpose leave your resume where a potential employer can see it, that's just a form of manipulation. Ultimately, you *do* want that person to see it, even if you pretend not to. But if you genuinely want to hide good deeds -- say, if you want to give a bunch of money to charity without anyone knowing who did it -- then you won't try to drop hints at important people. You will do it and then shut your mouth about it. I learned this concept from the Amish (although I'm atheist). See, charity auctions have started to become a thing in the Amish community, and I've read some people's responses to it. They argued that publicly donating huge sums of money is a statement as much as anything else. If your neighbors see how generous you are, they will think of you more highly. Thus, it's tempting to do things for attention and praise instead of to help people. Therefore, it is better to find more anonymous ways of helping the needy. Besides, if you keep needing to do gymnastics to show other people how cool you are, it's probably because you feel insecure both with yourself and with how others see you. When people praise you, it's like a little high that lasts for maybe a few minutes before you start feeling as insecure as ever. It's an awful cycle solved with mental health treatments. It's very different from the feeling you get when you do good deeds anonymously.
But I don't see that this difference between hiding and "hiding" is really that common in this context. I can see how it might be more common in certain religious communities where doing good deeds is strongly tied to someone's worth or perceived virtue, but so is modesty - creating a conflict. Catholicism, for example. But in other contests, i think people either tend to be very overt or covert.
I hide my good deeds because I don't want to unnecessarily raise people's expectations of me. If I donate money once and everyone knows about it, it's going to put pressure on me to continue to donate money at every opportunity in order to maintain my new reputation, which is unsustainable and when I eventually fail to do so, the hit to my reputation will outstrip any gains.
Can't a person just do a nice thing because they feel like it's the right thing to do? I wasn't aware psychology believed secretive altruism came down to brown-nosing with certain more powerful figures..
But... why? As someone interested in psychology, I’m curious about why people would want to hide good deeds, why humans even feel that something is “right” or have a moral compass. It’s not about someone's motives for me but rather what’s going on in their brain.
I'm not an expert, but I believe the idea is that morality - a sense of what's "right" - is in and of itself an evolved behavioral pattern that survived due to its effectiveness. For example, if group A was full of individuals who were inclined to help each other and work in a group, whereas group B's members were not, ultimately group A would be more likely to survive since working together gives them an edge. This allows the survival of the species, and especially of the traits of group A. And members of group A would feel like helping each other is "right." So maybe you, as an individual, donate to charities in secret because you feel like it's "right," and nobody is arguing with you - scientists are saying simply that it feels "right" because such behaviors ultimately give its bearers (so, people like you) an advantage in society, which is why you feel inclined to do it.
it could also very well be just an individual doing a nice thing bc they feel it's the right thing to do proving to themselves that 100% their motivation is good. an individual knowing that they're good might be more important to them than everyone else knowing they're good. you know, we are animals, but we still have like fairly high brain power and not everything about us is at the whim of evolutionary biology.
@@mishaz4820 Your statements are correct, but you miss the point. They're not talking about how individuals perceive their motivations. They're not saying that you don't do "good" things because you think it's morally correct. They're saying that our perception of morality - why we, as a species, consider some behaviors to be good and others to be bad - arises from the fact that "good" behaviors benefit the species as a whole, whereas "bad" behaviors detracted from it. That's why we, as a species, value traits like honesty, cooperation, generosity etc. - these behaviors evolved _because_ they're effective, and make society better. The evolutionary explanation behind morality, if you will. Reread my original comment.
But what about a situation where the good deed has zero chance of being discovered, and the person is aware of that but still does it? (for example, a truly anonymous donation where even the charity would not know your identity.)
I wanted the scishow team to make video on why we feel jealous and hatred sometimes on someone without knowing them personally but just by their behaviour.
That's desperation honey, and it doesn't look modest to you? You proved her point for her about hiding your accomplishments/good-deeds or down-playing them.
That does apply to charity donations (mostly for PR reasons), but I don't think it applies to job interviews as much. Sometimes if you don't show them what your abilities are (dontre over do it, of course), they will assume you don't know it.
A reason for being silent about altruistic acts is that having done it can improve personal feeling of self-value. Also it can be part of making the world a nicer place, as the receiver may become more likely to also help out without expecting some sort of reputation boost, or other external benefit.
As someone who straight up told people that I like them. Saying that you like someone *ONLY WORKS* if you are attractive, or if that person somehow, likes you. Otherwise they will laugh in your face and pretend you aren't serious about it, or smear it in your face. As for donating anonymously. Because people who don't donate anon are the kind who demand praise from their environment. " _See! I donated to this! I am a good person! Give me praise!_ ", I had a friend once who was like that. He needed confirmation from the world that he was a good person.
Another thing you should think about is if eg. everyone know you were donating money, more people will start asking you for money as you may be more likely to give it. So you end up getting exploited and maybe end up helping people over your own capacity. Hiding your interest in someone could make sense because you have more time to get to know each other and show of your good traits in a way that dont just seem like bragging or lack of self insight, and also evaluate if you like that person enough yourself to be in a relationship. If you first ask and then mess up its likely you wont get another chance.
Hiding good deeds is among the best way to avoid inflating your ego, being arrogant and looking down on others in Islam. But when a person does advertise their good deeds, it's to encourage others to do the same eg fundraisings, helping the community, helping animals etc And concealing of good deeds makes a person to be more humble and not raise expectations of others too much. Eg giving donations anonymously. Infact it's one of the best forms of charity in Islam. It will make your recipient not need to feel indebted to you. Just thought to share this tidbit about Islam to anyone who is curious. Cus I am sure many don't know thanks to our media today. Have a good day people!
one time someone was around me when i gave food to someone downtown and they praised me for.. being nice? honestly it felt really weird that someone praised me for just being nice to someone who needed food. so i just hide it and dont mention it anywhere normally because helping people is good enough for me and calling attention to it just feels bad.
With a theory it’s always finding ONE answer. I’ve noticed multiple times, in everything, that nothing is a “one size fits all” solution. So it’s never one answer or solution. Also in this case there are LOTS of reasons why people would, totally depending on the person. Everyone’s different
Because when people see others doing well, or others being more generous than themselves, people start becoming jerks to bring others down. It's about perceived value. A person can either make themselves better or make others worse, as long as the value of themselves ends up being above or equal to those around themselves, it doesn't particularly matter which way the evening out happened. Hiding good deeds helps minimize that backlash.
I do it because often the benefit of the group is the of myself, but if my "good deeds" are know it starts to become expected. Sooo to protect myself, i hide such acts.
I thought this was going to be about down playing, where depression causes you to discount the good that you've done in order to more thoroughly convince yourself that you're a horrible person. Hint hint: don't do that please. You've made a difference in others' lives even if you have a hard time seeing it
I hide my good sides from others because people get envious easily, this makes them want to destroy that which made them feel envy in the first place. It happened to me more than enough times to learn the lesson.
Maybe our anonymous philanthropic actions are solicited by the game winners, for instance Scishow asking for patreon donors. It would seem that Scishow is the biggest winner, followed by those who watch without donating followed by the patrons whom, I suppose get a boosted sense of self-worth.
This is where modern science only seems to complicate matters beyond necessary. Though scientists want to understand all about human behaviour, their way of doing things sometimes make things harder to grasp. Personnally I'd tackle this from another perspective, which is simpler and rather philosophical. First, we need to put aside the reward-punishment theories to explain human behavioural motives to do good or bad things. The question posed in the video lies within another scope; hiding good deeds doesn't necessarily involve doing good because there's some sort of a reward awaiting or you refrain from bad deeds because there will be punishment. Fear and joy eventually are not good drivers for our actions. Second, doing good is rarely motivated by such a want that you'll be considered more noble or regarded more highly. Across societies, there've been "wise individuals" since antiquity, and these individuals implicitly understand that, in many cases, many a problem arises because of the way people normally think and understand things, which leads to more or less "plotted" actions and self-satisfactory construal of the objective world. To sensible persons, doing good is simply just for the sake of it, not because of anything else. It's not that they don't feel joy when they've done something good, but to them, it just feels needless to even mention about it. Another reason for concealing benevolences is that, to some people, they simply feel good with keeping things quiet, they don't want to get involved in some fuss (such as that they're publicly praised for doing good); in that case, too much attention actually causes discomfort for them; just like how some people are constantly seeking the spotlight, while others deem that needless. Altruists are generally alike that they don't actually need the spotlight; and this trait is linked to modesty, which is pretty innate to some individuals. If you plot to do something good then hide it just with the intention of making people think highly of you, then, by nature, that is never modesty.
There are 7 Army Values in the United States Army. One of them is "Selfless Service." It means, serve your country (and your fellow Soldiers) without expecting a reward (including recognition). But on the other hand, a "decorated" Soldier in his dress uniform has lapels covered with colorful awards -- a public display of good deeds. Personally, I prefer the sentiment embodied in "Selfless Service".
Can y'all do an episode on the psychology of rejecting generosity? Example, someone offers you something to eat yet you decline the offer. What are the implications? If you come up with an excuse like you just ate dose this help them be less offended/be willing to be generous in the future? Dose it only make it worse if you lie even to try and be kind?
I do good things because I think it just feels good to be a good person, and I don't talk about the good things I do for strangers because it makes those acts feel hollow. It's not really a selfless act if you do it for the clout.
Whenever I get a reward for doing something good I feel like I just did it for the reward and it no longer says anything about me or what I care about.
Ego is a doozy. Being in a 12 step thingy (vague purposly ) has taught selfless not selfish and if you tell your deed its for ego but we all like to be recognized and applauded the only thing relieved my horrid depression was help those who could or haveing trouple helping them selves donating time or helping people fills that little hole in our heart that has never been fill with materialism ect.
Invisible support is often better for a relationship than visible support, which might make the other feel self-conscious and doubtful of themselves (thoughts like, do I really look that incompetent?) Maybe anon impulses evolved to improve relationships.
I still get a boost to MY "feel good" when i do something good anonymously. If what i am doing helps me feel good about me, that makes it all worthwhile.
It is deeply disturbing that there are people that think that someone can only be philanthropic if they think someone is watching. This study has cognative and confirmation biases written all over it. A person who leaves clues to their philanthropy in the open for others to find is simply rotten. The behavior to hide it is based, not on the mere appearance of virtue, but is based on the social stigma associated with trying to make a show of being righteous typically practiced by otherwise rotten people. It causes anxiety to a decent person because they are worried about the negative perception. One negative opinion can be more affecting than ten positive ones. If there were not such strong negative social consequences to revealing one's philanthropy, people would be more open about it, yes some for the attention, but many others because they wouldn't have to worry about it. Doing good is its own reward is an axiom for a reason: it's true.
My entire life I've been unconsciously hiding my good deeds from the people close to me, but in the end they always default to "you never do anything but I did this and this and that". It's toxic and bad. This year I decided to more explicitly state *some* of the things I do. I think it's worked. It's probably due to their psychology, they're "announcers" and thus unconsciously expect me to also be one? Idk. I'm done with being underappreciated (and hurt) though.
Anyone else think this was inspired by the season finale of Better Call Saul that just aired this week? He manipulates people into thinking he’s being sincere by pretending to hide his charity, when the charitable act was a ploy to fake his sincerity in the first place. It was intentionally leaked.
The expensive handbag with a small emblem on it is 100% obvious people who can't afford it don't know what it is or don't know that it's legitimate one versus a knockoff and people who can't afford it will recognize the bag from having seen it before
I can simplify this with one of Murphy's Laws, 'No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.' We live in a society where people are forced to compete for attention and resources, if you do something generous you have to keep it down low or risk being targeted by opportunists who view it as an exploitable weakness. If you have a talent for fixing cars and you help out a friend in need by repairing their brakes, guess who gets called on when their car won't start. Be a generous donor in church and you get targeted when the pastor needs a new Lexus. Donate to charities and suddenly your mailbox is inundated by people begging for money. There are even companies that specialize in providing lists to charitable groups. If you are generous at work, everybody dumps on you when they need help. The more you do for your family, the more they expect you to do. So, do good deeds. But, stay humble.
To me is for people to get excited for the right thing at the right time. To have their expectations low enough that when the big reveal happen it doesn't become meh
When Brit said that pepole want to hide from someone that they have a crash on them, I thought about those TV shows when pepole say to themselves: "Be cool" and then do a weird pose that only makes them look worse
I think ultimately it’s action plus intention. Positive action plus positive intention is good. Negative action plus negative intention is bad. And in my opinion the other two options are bad as well. But people think differently about them.
So why do we act like we aren't interested when we are really attracted to someone?? I find it easy to flirt with someone I don't really care about - but if I'm really attracted I can barely function in their presence - wtf.
And then there is doing good things and sending the public value to other people. particularly power-seeking people (lets call them Stan), this way Stan gets to be powerful and the good person (lets call him Dave) gets to do good things. And in a system where morals are how powerful people get and keep power Dave can force Stan to do 1 or 2 things that Dave really care about since Dave controls the public moral image that Stan needs to stay in power. Essentially Dave wants a few things that require power but not enough to justify actually seeking it. So he diverts power to a trusted power-seeker and ensures enough control to push through his pet project.
what would it be called if I was just raised Catholic? & lead to believe that it is wrong to be acknowledged? I just remember watching an episode of that FBI show with the mathematician & an episode of MASH where the characters families had raised them to believe it to be wrong to boast about being generous.
There's a saying that stemmed from the Bible that the left hand isn't supposed to know what the right is doing. It basically means your only reward should be the knowledge that you did a good thing. You don't do it for the spotlight or to pat yourself on the back.
I think that people do good deeds, not for social approval or to help other people but just because it feels good. This is a stupid example but I can’t afford to donate to charity yet lol but if there’s rubbish in the common room I throw it away because I just feel like I’m doing something good. I don’t really need to announce it to anyone because it’s not their reaction that determines how good I feel about the action.
I can tell you why some people conceal good deeds, they just don't really want to talk about it with anyone. Maybe the good deed was under traumatic circumstances, or maybe they're simply annoyed by praise they see as over zealous.
I'm like maybe we hide our successes so that we don't get destroyed for showboating. Consider this: Say you just got the grades back for a really, really tough exam. You thought you'd get a C. Nobody you know scored better than 80%. And you got 98%. Do you say anything? You (10 seconds of stuttering sounds) jolly well better not! There's an assumption here that good deeds are always rewarded. I beg to differ. Sometimes good deeds threaten other peoples' self esteem. Then they'll cut you down to "make things even". In these cases it's easier on everyone to keep quiet. Then others don't feel threatened by you, and you don't get attacked.
Why would this be puzzling? If one does not hide ones good deeds, droves of “needy” will suddenly appear, significantly diminishing the Samaritan’s quality of life.
In my "perfect world", I don't have to hide anything. In this weird world of humans, I need to hide how much resources (money...no, I do not have much; but, still I have more than those wasteful types around me) I have.
personally, if/when I do or try to do something kind. I do so because 1 I have the ability & 2 some one can use or needs what I can give or do. It is not for recognition or praise( disgusting & self-serving), but because I have been given the opportunity to do something even if small to change 1 little thing. For me, I just want to know I have tried.
It doesn't seem like respecting humbleness is the norm, though. Aren't there plenty of people who admire posturing, confidence, and/or boasting? I'm curious what ratio of the population is adverse to overt narcissism compared to those who find it attractive or consider it a positive trait -- It'd be nice to have studies done on this proportion and identify trends towards one or the other, if any.
Simple. People feel like the good act is being negated by witnesses who think that 1. Flaunting this good act is frowned upon and/or 2. Witnessing this good act makes you feel bad about yourself for not doing it. And I think we also don't like to be reminded that we did something good as it draws unnecessary attention and "fame".
People start questioning your motives if they know that you knew lots of others were going to see the good deed you did. Basically, they might think you did what you did because of the attention you would get from it. Or you don't want to question your own motives and be more proud of what you did if you do it anonymously.
Giving an anominous gift is the only way you can be sure your motives are strictly charitarble and not inspired by a desire to impress othars. But you have to be willing to KEEP it anominous - No plans to reveal the act at some time in the future. You have to be prepared to keep your largess undisclosed to your grave.
We do it because it makes us feel like good people. If we know we won't get a reward and still do it, we feel like a good person because we know it wasn't for a reward.
i hide my good deeds because i don't want people to create expectations. i only do good deeds when i want to, not when i'm asked to.
That was my thought as well.
GraveUypo That's exactly what happens to me!
I hide my good deeds because I don't like the attention. Some of us do "good" things because it's literally the most practical and beneficial option for all parties involved, not because we need a prize for doing it.
this is a very good point
This right here.
I'm content to hide a good deed, unless someone else takes credit for it.Then it pisses me off.
No i do that. Stop lying. Lmao
Well maybe you need to hide them so good that no-one even *knows* about them. :-)
Why do you hide them then? Because you want to pull the trick from the video. You cant have the cake and eat it too. Strategy described in the video have great returns but greater risk of someone else taking the credit.
OK maybe hide isn't the right word.I define a good deed as doing something that in someway would help another person.If word of the deed gets around and someone, (let's say Divine)Says "Aw I was glad to have done it you're welcome".I still don't mind not getting credit,for it, but don't want to see someone LYING to try and make their self look good.
You sure that losing the possibility to be credited for that deed(once someone else takes that credit) is not the thing that pisses you off more?
On a personal note, I tend to hide my good deeds and accomplishments as a result of my anxiety. I don't enjoy the attention it brings.
.
I think most of us can relate; If I do anything that draws positive attention, my brain gets to kicking me for doing so. If I do something that draws negative attention, my brain kicks me still. I can't win with anxiety, but at this point I've learned to not care about what my anxiety thinks.
@@DarthBiomech sounds to me like a case of depression 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
I can relate. On the one hand, I want recognition for certain things I do but I also feel like I'm being a selfish attention whore. Maybe it's because of my Asperger's, depression, or anxiety, but I really do not know how to respond to compliments.
Same. Praise makes me really uncomfortable
we talked about this in a celebrity culture seminar i took a few years back regarding celebrity donations to charity. people want to know the celebrities they support are charitable and giving people, and if a celebrity doesn't give to charity then people feel justified in disliking them. however, people also look down on public donations made by celebrities as they often come off as insincere, or like the intention behind them wasn't being a good person; rather, the celebrity is only making the donation to improve their reputation. this means we often have contradictory standards for celebrity donations -- we only want to support giving people, but if we know they're donating a lot of their money, then we feel as though it's less sincere and therefore the value of the donation decreases. it's an interesting dynamic to think about it.
@@ambassadoroftheandromedagalaxy that's a really interesting thought!
This is probably why Elon Musk got so much hate for his submarine effort, and why he now only retweets thank yous from receivers, often with a delay of days or weeks so as to appear modest.
I think the correct strategy is to do it, but play it off as something minor. Or you can encourage others to do it.
Very interesting comment. If u don't donate u r greedy. If u donate openly u r bragging. If u donate anonymously u have some ulterior motive. Some people will always judge others, but they themselves too fall in to one of above three categories. Best thing is to be thick skinned and ignore what others say or think and live our life as we want.
Joke's on them, I don't have any good deeds to hide
Stephen Bly because you don't
@@htoodoh5770 yeah, that's what he said
Noah Jensen As in he doesn't have any good deed.
@@htoodoh5770 that's... exactly what they said
@@elishaso ok
because we don't want to be that one person who always brags
I'd go further and argue that those who brag often lie or exaggerate. So, talking about your good deeds ends up being anti-social behavior. It's one reason why the whole "plotting" aspect of it is actually quite important because people may actually hold you to a more negative social reputation for plotting pseudo-anonymous activities even over exaggerating and bragging because at its core the more deception is involved the less one can trust a person and trust in a person is often a core part of a person's reputation, even if it's in trusting how self-centered they are.
Further, the prosocial behavior of doing good deeds is demanded of all people, even those with poor reputations. Ergo, while it might be generally regarded as positive to one's reputation to carry out one's duty in that regard, it generally has very little actual positive reinforcement precisely because it is of the same expectation of all other duties that one is demanded to perform. We value higher people who we can better mentally model, and that's easiest for those which sufficiently fit the mold of a "good" person.
Lucy Li That’s right, but why we consider bragging bad, this is interesting question. Saying good about other people is good, and saying good about yourself is bad, why
Im guessing the studies didn't include social media posts.
This research might be useful to understand SOME of the reasons behind these "weird" behavior, although to me they seem as incomplete hypotheses.
This kind of focus is not considering that there're other sources of gratification beside social approval.
People might do good actions because of the joy they feel when following their moral principles, independently of the gratitude or rudeness of the aided. In this case, the gratification comes from the inside.
Summing up, I think not every action can be looked from a game theory perspective.
I know I feel better when my actions are in line with my moral principles and I feel anxious when I'm not doing enough to help make this world a better place for others. So I think you are on to something here.
Yeah, I mean in those examples you tell close friends and family or the charities themselves know who you are.They don't cover when people keep it entirely to themselves.
She clearly touched on your points at about 0:20
There are a couple of players missing from their game model. Conscience/ethics and personal Religion/God. Since game theory does not give a first class player role to God or to conscience, it might make that mistake. But for a lot of people, those are real players. People want to be on good terms with the God they believe in. They accept the beliefs of their religion's moral/ethical code as true. It is a cost/benefit game, but with these additional invisible players / influencers / power centres.
This is completely independent from the debates about whether there is a God and whether religious beliefs are correct or not, etc.
I'm not sure if evolutionary game theory models memes. Personal religion / Spirituality is a massive collection of memes that should not be ignored.
The Daves I Know
I totally agree.
Thanks for noticing and writing that "little" big detail.
Very well explained! :)
Can you make a video about it soon?
People donate anonymously so they don't get the punishments phone calls.
Exactly. I don't want calls from a thousand other charities begging for money. I'll find the ones I think are worthy of support.
Some people just don't care to have their good deeds known, without regard to phone calls. They just do nice things.
Here is a theory : Hiding your good deeds might lead people into overestimating the number of good deeds that you did. For exemple, suppose you've done 20 good deeds.
- If you're a bragger, I'll most likely know about those 20 good deeds but I will assume that there are no hidden ones so I'll estimate your number of good deeds to about 20.
- If you're not a bragger, I'll assume that there might be some good deeds that I don't know about so :
1) If you hide your good deeds too well, maybe I'll learn about 5 of those and estimate that you might have done about 15 good deeds While you've done 20 which isn't good.
2) If you hide your good deeds but I eventually find out about most of them, then maybe I'll know about 15 of your good deeds and estimate that you might have about 10 more hidden ones. Therfore I might estimate your total number of good deeds to about 25 which is more than the real number.
It's just like in poker, if you're never bluffing I'll always have a good estimate of your hand. but if you do bluff sometimes, then sometimes I might overestimate the value of your hand.
So if you hide your good deeds not too well and I find out about most of them, it might lead me into thinking that you're a better personne that what you actually are.
The trick is hiding some, letting people notice some, and bragging about others so that no one knows how many good deeds you've done and can only guesstimate on all of it.
I just recently paid off my house. That's a very good *deed.*
That's a good joke inDeed
I envy you.
I see what you deed there.
Edmund Ryan
LOL R.I.P. I'm deed.
Hahahaha!
The ultimate cause of prosocial behavior might be an increase in reciprocal altruism and increase in social reputation (therefore increasing our evolutionary fitness) but the proximal cause of it might be because it makes us feel good to behave that way. Evolution works through affective states to behavioral outcomes.
kinda like how you subtly squeezed as many smart guy words in that comment as possible
@@firstnamethenalastname that's the trick. Confuse people with randomly chosen big words
TL;DR humans love to lie and hide.
@@lasarousi humans do love that. But we also love many other things, some positive some negative.
you sound like high school me, make something out of nothing, not like the teachers read it seriously
or maybe I just dont want any attention for my good deeds. maybe doing good just feels good independent of what anybody else thinks.
krabcat
You did a good deed allowing others to anonymously agree with you
The argument is not that all people who perform altruistic acts are intentionally doing it for social approval, but rather that the behavior - and the concept of morality as a whole - evolved because on average, it improved the individual's social standing and increased their chances of passing on their genes, as well as spreading their ideas / behaviors (memes) through raising their cultural influence.
lukewarm boring take
Interesting analysis, but I think there's another reason we might hide those good deeds - to avoid dropping bait. It's an unfortunate truth in the world we have that there are those among us who see those good deeds and perceive the donor as a mark. Make one high-profile donation and suddenly there is a horde outside your door with their hand out. Or some in those horde could have more aggressive means in mind than just a plea, and brought a gun. Keep it anonymous, and stay off the radar, so to speak. Which falls in line with evo-psych, a learned response to satisfy our empathetic need to help others without attracting predators in the process.
Kudos to the SciShow Psych team for presenting a deeply nuanced topic so clearly and succinctly. Love what you're doing, keep up the excellent work guys!
Bragging to everyone about a good deed makes it not a good deed anymore.
This is absolutely false. It's perfectly OK to feel proud of having done something good. It's human. This kind of rhetoric just serves to make people feel shitty about themselves, and we already have too much of that
This attitude is only true if done to an extreme amount. Unless one is actively disparaging others, or is something they base the cruxes of their personality upon, in most cases that statement is false. Even if one is doing more harm than good by bragging about something good, except for certain situations, bragging doesn't suddenly invalidate the good done in the past. I have to agree with Stephen Bly; this is a harmful rhetoric, and it does little but let people feel invalidated when they do something good and want to speak to others about it.
But why does talking about it change anything about the deed itself?
that defeats the purpose of doing good. are ya doing it to please people, or to genuinely help?
It's still a "good deed," but if you're bragging about it then it implies that it's more of a PR stunt than a genuinely charitable action.
I just like the kick I’d get from an anonymous good deed, that’s all. It’s fun to think of the thrill you can give someone. Plus I don’t like being judged, causing expectations or causing embarrassment.
I feel that I have moral obligations and if I can help I will. I do secret deeds because I see them as helping out. Like cleaning the dishes up without anyone knowing is saving someone else from doing it or donating clothes to a family in need so someone has something they need. Its that simple. You do secret deeds when no one else is there to do it (or not enough people) like picking a spilled cup up. You don't do it for the praises you do it becauee there's a cup spilling. 💁its our job to help.
In my opinion your style and way of presentation in this video was amazing! It made everything really comprehensible and interesting. Thank you for your work!
Jokes on you! I can't play hard to get cause I'm already hard to want
You missed a few options here. When giving anonymously, we can contribute to a general feeling of well-being and security not just for recipients, but for others who wonder if anyone would help them when needed. Sometimes revealing kind actions leave the recipients open to pity and criticism, warranted or not. And I like keeping many of my best actions private just as I like keeping some of my fondest memories or achievements private: I'm happier smiling to myself at what I don't tell than name-dropping or bragging.
For those who pay attention to Jesus' teachings, he said that good deeds should be kept private (he also said that praying in public was for the crowd, not god). Although agnostic, I like doing the right thing because it's right rather than because it will garner praise. This philosophy helps to ensure that we are truly doing what we think is right rather than what is popular.
I have a hypothesis of my own. If you broadcast that you're doing something good or are better than something else on a regular basis, it can be a symptom of more serious root causes - sociopathy, narcissism, selfishness in general or plain old immaturity. These are not traits you wish people you cooporate with to have, and hence modesty becomes the key signal that you're an okay person who is mentally stable. Of course, some 'bad people' catch on to this and make modesty their virtue... On the surface level, anyway. Similar to the 'hidden' signals that were meant to be discovered.
I've experienced that before. Where I did something I was very proud of and really _wanted_ to tell someone about it. But ultimately chose not to, because the fear of being seen as a braggart won out.
It's not that you can't ever brag, mind you. In fact, being too modest can be seen as being dishonest or a braggart in and of itself - IE: If you became prime minister and didn't brag even a little, that would just come off as dishonest and a forced attempt at modesty that makes others feel bad because they probably couldn't do the same as what you did "with ease" or like "it's nothing, really". It's a balancing matter.
Lol, meanwhile we are told that its best to be ourselves.
Not being yourself is stressfull, imo. Said stress can actually make you less likeable. So, I still think being yourself is good advice, even if it does mean you'll have to accept folks not liking you.
But hey, that's just a theory .... A GAME THEORY!!!
Thanks for watching
Eh... I usually hide good deeds because I don't want the attention for doing something average. Getting praise and thanks and congrats for just returning a lost item, making a donation, getting great grades or whatever... it's annoying. Like, this is just my standard behaviour, don't reward it like it's some special circumstance. You've gone and made it weird when you do that.
Aside from that, if I help someone out publicly, other people might expect me to help them. But I can't always do that and I don't need the pressure of people /expecting/ good things from me all the time.
tl;dr: Getting praise for a good deed that really isn't a big deal is awkward, and people act entitled to your assistance if they hear you're a "good" or "helpful" person.
I 💯 agree!
It makes me feel good and confident to be able to help people. That confidence helps me with my own problems and keeps me motivated.
To me, there is a very important difference between hiding good deeds and "hiding" good deeds. If you accidentally-on-purpose leave your resume where a potential employer can see it, that's just a form of manipulation. Ultimately, you *do* want that person to see it, even if you pretend not to.
But if you genuinely want to hide good deeds -- say, if you want to give a bunch of money to charity without anyone knowing who did it -- then you won't try to drop hints at important people. You will do it and then shut your mouth about it.
I learned this concept from the Amish (although I'm atheist). See, charity auctions have started to become a thing in the Amish community, and I've read some people's responses to it. They argued that publicly donating huge sums of money is a statement as much as anything else. If your neighbors see how generous you are, they will think of you more highly. Thus, it's tempting to do things for attention and praise instead of to help people. Therefore, it is better to find more anonymous ways of helping the needy.
Besides, if you keep needing to do gymnastics to show other people how cool you are, it's probably because you feel insecure both with yourself and with how others see you. When people praise you, it's like a little high that lasts for maybe a few minutes before you start feeling as insecure as ever. It's an awful cycle solved with mental health treatments. It's very different from the feeling you get when you do good deeds anonymously.
But I don't see that this difference between hiding and "hiding" is really that common in this context.
I can see how it might be more common in certain religious communities where doing good deeds is strongly tied to someone's worth or perceived virtue, but so is modesty - creating a conflict. Catholicism, for example.
But in other contests, i think people either tend to be very overt or covert.
I hide my good deeds because I don't want to unnecessarily raise people's expectations of me. If I donate money once and everyone knows about it, it's going to put pressure on me to continue to donate money at every opportunity in order to maintain my new reputation, which is unsustainable and when I eventually fail to do so, the hit to my reputation will outstrip any gains.
Can't a person just do a nice thing because they feel like it's the right thing to do? I wasn't aware psychology believed secretive altruism came down to brown-nosing with certain more powerful figures..
They can, but they rarely do. Moreover, "feeling" something is right is a social calculation.
But... why? As someone interested in psychology, I’m curious about why people would want to hide good deeds, why humans even feel that something is “right” or have a moral compass. It’s not about someone's motives for me but rather what’s going on in their brain.
I'm not an expert, but I believe the idea is that morality - a sense of what's "right" - is in and of itself an evolved behavioral pattern that survived due to its effectiveness. For example, if group A was full of individuals who were inclined to help each other and work in a group, whereas group B's members were not, ultimately group A would be more likely to survive since working together gives them an edge. This allows the survival of the species, and especially of the traits of group A. And members of group A would feel like helping each other is "right."
So maybe you, as an individual, donate to charities in secret because you feel like it's "right," and nobody is arguing with you - scientists are saying simply that it feels "right" because such behaviors ultimately give its bearers (so, people like you) an advantage in society, which is why you feel inclined to do it.
it could also very well be just an individual doing a nice thing bc they feel it's the right thing to do proving to themselves that 100% their motivation is good. an individual knowing that they're good might be more important to them than everyone else knowing they're good. you know, we are animals, but we still have like fairly high brain power and not everything about us is at the whim of evolutionary biology.
@@mishaz4820 Your statements are correct, but you miss the point.
They're not talking about how individuals perceive their motivations. They're not saying that you don't do "good" things because you think it's morally correct. They're saying that our perception of morality - why we, as a species, consider some behaviors to be good and others to be bad - arises from the fact that "good" behaviors benefit the species as a whole, whereas "bad" behaviors detracted from it. That's why we, as a species, value traits like honesty, cooperation, generosity etc. - these behaviors evolved _because_ they're effective, and make society better.
The evolutionary explanation behind morality, if you will.
Reread my original comment.
But what about a situation where the good deed has zero chance of being discovered, and the person is aware of that but still does it? (for example, a truly anonymous donation where even the charity would not know your identity.)
I wanted the scishow team to make video on why we feel jealous and hatred sometimes on someone without knowing them personally but just by their behaviour.
Her- "We strive for modesty"
Me- *looks at social media* huh so that's modesty
That's desperation honey, and it doesn't look modest to you? You proved her point for her about hiding your accomplishments/good-deeds or down-playing them.
@@letsomethingshine cookie, where did i say it doesn't look modest?
It's true. NONE of y'all are anywhere NEAR as modest as me!
That does apply to charity donations (mostly for PR reasons), but I don't think it applies to job interviews as much. Sometimes if you don't show them what your abilities are (dontre over do it, of course), they will assume you don't know it.
A reason for being silent about altruistic acts is that having done it can improve personal feeling of self-value. Also it can be part of making the world a nicer place, as the receiver may become more likely to also help out without expecting some sort of reputation boost, or other external benefit.
As someone who straight up told people that I like them.
Saying that you like someone *ONLY WORKS* if you are attractive, or if that person somehow, likes you.
Otherwise they will laugh in your face and pretend you aren't serious about it, or smear it in your face.
As for donating anonymously. Because people who don't donate anon are the kind who demand praise from their environment.
" _See! I donated to this! I am a good person! Give me praise!_ ", I had a friend once who was like that.
He needed confirmation from the world that he was a good person.
Another thing you should think about is if eg. everyone know you were donating money, more people will start asking you for money as you may be more likely to give it. So you end up getting exploited and maybe end up helping people over your own capacity.
Hiding your interest in someone could make sense because you have more time to get to know each other and show of your good traits in a way that dont just seem like bragging or lack of self insight, and also evaluate if you like that person enough yourself to be in a relationship. If you first ask and then mess up its likely you wont get another chance.
Hiding good deeds is among the best way to avoid inflating your ego, being arrogant and looking down on others in Islam. But when a person does advertise their good deeds, it's to encourage others to do the same eg fundraisings, helping the community, helping animals etc And concealing of good deeds makes a person to be more humble and not raise expectations of others too much. Eg giving donations anonymously. Infact it's one of the best forms of charity in Islam. It will make your recipient not need to feel indebted to you. Just thought to share this tidbit about Islam to anyone who is curious. Cus I am sure many don't know thanks to our media today. Have a good day people!
one time someone was around me when i gave food to someone downtown and they praised me for.. being nice? honestly it felt really weird that someone praised me for just being nice to someone who needed food. so i just hide it and dont mention it anywhere normally because helping people is good enough for me and calling attention to it just feels bad.
Some just don't want to risk that others may think they are bragging, so they hide it.
With a theory it’s always finding ONE answer. I’ve noticed multiple times, in everything, that nothing is a “one size fits all” solution. So it’s never one answer or solution. Also in this case there are LOTS of reasons why people would, totally depending on the person. Everyone’s different
Lots of the birds hide/cache their seeds and some will even pretend to hide stuff to throw off thiefs. Idk, maybe there's a connection!
But hey, that's just a theory. A Gaaame theory. Thanks for watchin'!
Please answer this in the next video : why we tend to make more mistakes after an embarrassing situations
Sometimes, people think that someone else has more than them, when in reality, they don't.
Because when people see others doing well, or others being more generous than themselves, people start becoming jerks to bring others down.
It's about perceived value. A person can either make themselves better or make others worse, as long as the value of themselves ends up being above or equal to those around themselves, it doesn't particularly matter which way the evening out happened.
Hiding good deeds helps minimize that backlash.
I do it because often the benefit of the group is the of myself, but if my "good deeds" are know it starts to become expected. Sooo to protect myself, i hide such acts.
I thought this was going to be about down playing, where depression causes you to discount the good that you've done in order to more thoroughly convince yourself that you're a horrible person.
Hint hint: don't do that please. You've made a difference in others' lives even if you have a hard time seeing it
I think that the perceived value of an action is greater when it is discovered as compared to when it is announced.
I hide my good sides from others because people get envious easily, this makes them want to destroy that which made them feel envy in the first place. It happened to me more than enough times to learn the lesson.
Maybe our anonymous philanthropic actions are solicited by the game winners, for instance Scishow asking for patreon donors. It would seem that Scishow is the biggest winner, followed by those who watch without donating followed by the patrons whom, I suppose get a boosted sense of self-worth.
That's some high-quality voice recording ! O.O
This is where modern science only seems to complicate matters beyond necessary. Though scientists want to understand all about human behaviour, their way of doing things sometimes make things harder to grasp. Personnally I'd tackle this from another perspective, which is simpler and rather philosophical.
First, we need to put aside the reward-punishment theories to explain human behavioural motives to do good or bad things. The question posed in the video lies within another scope; hiding good deeds doesn't necessarily involve doing good because there's some sort of a reward awaiting or you refrain from bad deeds because there will be punishment. Fear and joy eventually are not good drivers for our actions.
Second, doing good is rarely motivated by such a want that you'll be considered more noble or regarded more highly. Across societies, there've been "wise individuals" since antiquity, and these individuals implicitly understand that, in many cases, many a problem arises because of the way people normally think and understand things, which leads to more or less "plotted" actions and self-satisfactory construal of the objective world. To sensible persons, doing good is simply just for the sake of it, not because of anything else. It's not that they don't feel joy when they've done something good, but to them, it just feels needless to even mention about it. Another reason for concealing benevolences is that, to some people, they simply feel good with keeping things quiet, they don't want to get involved in some fuss (such as that they're publicly praised for doing good); in that case, too much attention actually causes discomfort for them; just like how some people are constantly seeking the spotlight, while others deem that needless. Altruists are generally alike that they don't actually need the spotlight; and this trait is linked to modesty, which is pretty innate to some individuals. If you plot to do something good then hide it just with the intention of making people think highly of you, then, by nature, that is never modesty.
There are 7 Army Values in the United States Army. One of them is "Selfless Service." It means, serve your country (and your fellow Soldiers) without expecting a reward (including recognition). But on the other hand, a "decorated" Soldier in his dress uniform has lapels covered with colorful awards -- a public display of good deeds. Personally, I prefer the sentiment embodied in "Selfless Service".
Can y'all do an episode on the psychology of rejecting generosity?
Example, someone offers you something to eat yet you decline the offer.
What are the implications?
If you come up with an excuse like you just ate dose this help them be less offended/be willing to be generous in the future?
Dose it only make it worse if you lie even to try and be kind?
I do good things because I think it just feels good to be a good person, and I don't talk about the good things I do for strangers because it makes those acts feel hollow. It's not really a selfless act if you do it for the clout.
Whenever I get a reward for doing something good I feel like I just did it for the reward and it no longer says anything about me or what I care about.
I think observing the universe is the way to understand Ala. Our quest of knowledge will never end cause its infinite
When she said game theory I nearly hid under my covers expecting a certain youtuber to show up in the video.
Ego is a doozy. Being in a 12 step thingy (vague purposly ) has taught selfless not selfish and if you tell your deed its for ego but we all like to be recognized and applauded the only thing relieved my horrid depression was help those who could or haveing trouple helping them selves donating time or helping people fills that little hole in our heart that has never been fill with materialism ect.
Invisible support is often better for a relationship than visible support, which might make the other feel self-conscious and doubtful of themselves (thoughts like, do I really look that incompetent?) Maybe anon impulses evolved to improve relationships.
I still get a boost to MY "feel good" when i do something good anonymously.
If what i am doing helps me feel good about me, that makes it all worthwhile.
It is deeply disturbing that there are people that think that someone can only be philanthropic if they think someone is watching. This study has cognative and confirmation biases written all over it. A person who leaves clues to their philanthropy in the open for others to find is simply rotten. The behavior to hide it is based, not on the mere appearance of virtue, but is based on the social stigma associated with trying to make a show of being righteous typically practiced by otherwise rotten people.
It causes anxiety to a decent person because they are worried about the negative perception. One negative opinion can be more affecting than ten positive ones. If there were not such strong negative social consequences to revealing one's philanthropy, people would be more open about it, yes some for the attention, but many others because they wouldn't have to worry about it.
Doing good is its own reward is an axiom for a reason: it's true.
My entire life I've been unconsciously hiding my good deeds from the people close to me, but in the end they always default to "you never do anything but I did this and this and that". It's toxic and bad. This year I decided to more explicitly state *some* of the things I do. I think it's worked. It's probably due to their psychology, they're "announcers" and thus unconsciously expect me to also be one? Idk. I'm done with being underappreciated (and hurt) though.
Anyone else think this was inspired by the season finale of Better Call Saul that just aired this week? He manipulates people into thinking he’s being sincere by pretending to hide his charity, when the charitable act was a ploy to fake his sincerity in the first place. It was intentionally leaked.
Fascinating! Excellent presentation!
Watched this for the meetup group in San Diego!
You hide the good deeds because a good deed never goes unpunished.
The expensive handbag with a small emblem on it is 100% obvious people who can't afford it don't know what it is or don't know that it's legitimate one versus a knockoff and people who can't afford it will recognize the bag from having seen it before
I can simplify this with one of Murphy's Laws, 'No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.' We live in a society where people are forced to compete for attention and resources, if you do something generous you have to keep it down low or risk being targeted by opportunists who view it as an exploitable weakness. If you have a talent for fixing cars and you help out a friend in need by repairing their brakes, guess who gets called on when their car won't start. Be a generous donor in church and you get targeted when the pastor needs a new Lexus. Donate to charities and suddenly your mailbox is inundated by people begging for money. There are even companies that specialize in providing lists to charitable groups. If you are generous at work, everybody dumps on you when they need help. The more you do for your family, the more they expect you to do. So, do good deeds. But, stay humble.
To me is for people to get excited for the right thing at the right time. To have their expectations low enough that when the big reveal happen it doesn't become meh
Basically, I'd like to be good whenever I want. Not all the time
I like this presenter. Very clear and articulate.
When Brit said that pepole want to hide from someone that they have a crash on them, I thought about those TV shows when pepole say to themselves: "Be cool" and then do a weird pose that only makes them look worse
I think ultimately it’s action plus intention. Positive action plus positive intention is good. Negative action plus negative intention is bad. And in my opinion the other two options are bad as well. But people think differently about them.
So why do we act like we aren't interested when we are really attracted to someone?? I find it easy to flirt with someone I don't really care about - but if I'm really attracted I can barely function in their presence - wtf.
Hmm, thought I was the only one. These days everyone is eager to brag about anything they do the second they do it :/
Ancient book of wisdom said: “Let someone else praise you, and not your own mouth; Others, and not your own lips”
Lizard overlords took that little piece of our brain out. That's my explaination.
As the saying goes, no good deed go unpunished.
And then there is doing good things and sending the public value to other people. particularly power-seeking people (lets call them Stan), this way Stan gets to be powerful and the good person (lets call him Dave) gets to do good things. And in a system where morals are how powerful people get and keep power Dave can force Stan to do 1 or 2 things that Dave really care about since Dave controls the public moral image that Stan needs to stay in power. Essentially Dave wants a few things that require power but not enough to justify actually seeking it. So he diverts power to a trusted power-seeker and ensures enough control to push through his pet project.
Oh wow never seen one of y'all's videos this soon after it was uploaded
We donate to charity anonymously because we'll be bombarded with daily requests for more otherwise.
what would it be called if I was just raised Catholic? & lead to believe that it is wrong to be acknowledged? I just remember watching an episode of that FBI show with the mathematician & an episode of MASH where the characters families had raised them to believe it to be wrong to boast about being generous.
There's a saying that stemmed from the Bible that the left hand isn't supposed to know what the right is doing. It basically means your only reward should be the knowledge that you did a good thing. You don't do it for the spotlight or to pat yourself on the back.
I think that people do good deeds, not for social approval or to help other people but just because it feels good. This is a stupid example but I can’t afford to donate to charity yet lol but if there’s rubbish in the common room I throw it away because I just feel like I’m doing something good. I don’t really need to announce it to anyone because it’s not their reaction that determines how good I feel about the action.
I can tell you why some people conceal good deeds, they just don't really want to talk about it with anyone. Maybe the good deed was under traumatic circumstances, or maybe they're simply annoyed by praise they see as over zealous.
I'm like maybe we hide our successes so that we don't get destroyed for showboating.
Consider this: Say you just got the grades back for a really, really tough exam. You thought you'd get a C. Nobody you know scored better than 80%.
And you got 98%.
Do you say anything? You (10 seconds of stuttering sounds) jolly well better not!
There's an assumption here that good deeds are always rewarded. I beg to differ. Sometimes good deeds threaten other peoples' self esteem. Then they'll cut you down to "make things even". In these cases it's easier on everyone to keep quiet. Then others don't feel threatened by you, and you don't get attacked.
I like Brit's hosting, a lot!
But Hey! That's just a Theory! A GAME-THEORY!! Aaaaaand Cut!
Why would this be puzzling? If one does not hide ones good deeds, droves of “needy” will suddenly appear, significantly diminishing the Samaritan’s quality of life.
In my "perfect world", I don't have to hide anything. In this weird world of humans, I need to hide how much resources (money...no, I do not have much; but, still I have more than those wasteful types around me) I have.
personally, if/when I do or try to do something kind. I do so because 1 I have the ability & 2 some one can use or needs what I can give or do. It is not for recognition or praise( disgusting & self-serving), but because I have been given the opportunity to do something even if small to change 1 little thing. For me, I just want to know I have tried.
It doesn't seem like respecting humbleness is the norm, though. Aren't there plenty of people who admire posturing, confidence, and/or boasting? I'm curious what ratio of the population is adverse to overt narcissism compared to those who find it attractive or consider it a positive trait -- It'd be nice to have studies done on this proportion and identify trends towards one or the other, if any.
Simple. People feel like the good act is being negated by witnesses who think that 1. Flaunting this good act is frowned upon and/or 2. Witnessing this good act makes you feel bad about yourself for not doing it.
And I think we also don't like to be reminded that we did something good as it draws unnecessary attention and "fame".
People start questioning your motives if they know that you knew lots of others were going to see the good deed you did. Basically, they might think you did what you did because of the attention you would get from it. Or you don't want to question your own motives and be more proud of what you did if you do it anonymously.
Giving an anominous gift is the only way you can be sure your motives are strictly charitarble and not inspired by a desire to impress othars. But you have to be willing to KEEP it anominous - No plans to reveal the act at some time in the future. You have to be prepared to keep your largess undisclosed to your grave.
We do it because it makes us feel like good people. If we know we won't get a reward and still do it, we feel like a good person because we know it wasn't for a reward.
You skipped over the fact that some people avoid or don't like praise because you feel like you don't deserve it.
So, we're proposing theories of human-to-human interaction based on software simulations... [Scratches head in puzzlement]
. . . did I just get a video explaining Severus Snape??