I absolutely love how you never put your daughters in a negative light. You use stock photos when you're talking about behavior that is frustrating. It is so dignified and respectful to them. You use pictures of your children doing things that are good or helpful. Very useful tips as well. Thank you for your continued well organized videos.
Ashley, you have no idea how incredible the timing of this video is! I've been so on the edge for the past 4-5 days even though I'm trying so hard not to be hard on myself. The last part you added was JUST so reassuring to me. I'm a human. I'll make mistakes. I'll learn from it. You have no idea about the gratitude and love I have for you for this video ESPECIALLY and also the other content you make!
I literally just walked away from the dishes and was like nope I wanna sit in the tub while baby is asleep! Right before you said leave the chores and take some me time 🤣🥰 felt like validation that I was on the right path lol
Great advice :) I would like to add, that if you have a reeeaally hard time calming down or a really bad habit that creeped into your behavior even though you really don't want to act that way, you can always seek professional help :) there is absolutely no shame in that :)
This video came on time for me. I’m home with my 2 1/2 year old and 7 1/2 month old. I love my children to death and back. Everyday is so testing. From being tired to crying/tantrums to chores it’s hard for me to get through the day keeping my cool. I’m praying I’m working on it. I’m definitely here for the advice and I will be sharing this with my husband as well.
I have been working on this endlessly since becoming a mother. I have come to realise that I am often overwhelmed from a sensory point of view and I am afraid I am failing. My expectations of how I parent are very high too so I take any hiccup very personally. I work to overcome these feelings every day but it's HARD. The fact that any parent even thinks of these things shows that we care enough to want to improve.
@@sarahgoddard1213 completely my situation!! Totally with you, feel guilty all the time, sensory and anxiety here. My main focus in raising her is kindness and sometimes I can't fufill my own expectation. I feel helpless. Why can't I always be pleasant and kind? Confusing and frustrating.
Thank you for these reminders. I used to be a child behavioral therapist working in an acute locked psychiatric facility with a lot of reactive patients. Parenting is so much harder. There are zero breaks, you never have time off. I’m struggling bc we have had both of my sisters move away out of state and don’t have any other family support. I’m on an island. Alone. Deep breaths don’t always come as easily. What I’ve done recently is wake up earlier even if it hurts at first lol just so that I know I’ve had SOME time for myself otherwise it feels like Groundhog Day. Every single day. Sending love ❤️to all the momma’s who have to do this totally alone. I get you.
belive it or not :D my best way to stay calm is water. If i feel the wave of getting angry, tired, overwelmed or whatever coming, i will wash my face, put cold water on my neck, wash my hands or feet and drink water. If i have a really bad day, i will just make a break and take a cold shower, its pure gold and so healthy as well
This video is so helpful and validating. Ashley has been my main source of parenting advice since I became a mom a month into the pandemic. If you see this Ashley, I am so grateful you share your knowledge and advice 🧡
This is absolutely the most meaningful advice I have received in a very long time. I most commonly lose my chill due to fear. For example, the most epic breakdown is happening in costco and I am calmly talking to my child and modeling- attemping to guide, but the onlookers are harsh (verbally or visually), and I start questioningting myself and methods "am I doing the right thing?" "am I totally screwing this up?" Do you second guess yourselves in public places? Or even infront of family who has different views on authoritarian parenting. How do you deal with that? I find I am questioning my methods daily, which is rooted in fear. Thank you again for sharing your learnings and experiences.
She talked about this too - meltdowns while shopping. The best thing to do is to drop everything, get out to your car or somewhere where you and your baby get the privacy. Nothing is more annoying than to have someone over your shoulder or listening nearby what and how are you saying things to the "manipulative" kid. At the end of the day you SHOULD teach him/her a LESSON lol (old mentality is so funny to me). You need a space where no judgements can be met from outsiders. You'll work better with the kid this way for sure. Then you can go inside and continue the shopping (if both calmed down) or don't look back and go home. I'm sure workers will take take of your abandoned shopping cart ;)
I think information is the key to that problem! Learn as much as you can about positive discipline. Take Ashley's Positive Parenting course. Read Janet Lansbury's books. Become confident in your knowledge. It's your family and your baby. It doesn't matter what strangers or family think. How many books have they read? How many courses did they take? You do what you believe is right and you are much more informed than any of them 😁
I feel you. It's hard especially when it's family. Especially when I was very new to motherhood, now 16 months later, it's still hard when my mother in law looks on because we are on a walk. It feels like I had to deal with extra stress when my toddler is already throwing a tantrum. She is polite enough to not say too much but I can feel. Like yesterday my girl was having a hard time getting into the stroller. Then I find myself giving in and forcing it and of course it didn't turn out well. Then on the way back, I told my girl that we will leave in 5 minutes and just briefed her through the whole thing and gently place her in and she was ok. Then my mil said "Oh see, sometimes we have to tell them what to do." (what she meant was, MAKE them.). I tried to gently tell her that it was calm because I got her to participate instead of making her. It is a work in progress, for me, for my confidence and also to just let the comments slide sometimes. Overtime, your confidence will grow as you will see how your child reacts when not MADE to do and when needed, given help to follow through. The tantrums will be less and shorter if any. Hugs.
Definitely need to hear these things over and over again. I’ve also found that I have a lot of sensory triggers that make me lose my cool very quickly, so when I come home from work I change clothes so nothing fits tightly, I put in noise reducing earplugs, and open all the windows to cool the apartment down. Sound, heat, and touch are things I can’t deal with so I do what I can to help lower and remove the issues to give myself just a little more patience
Such an important video Ashley!! For self-care time we started to do "Mama and Papa" break. My breaking point every day is around dinner time. We are blessed to be able to have dinner as a family. And after dinner I get 30 minutes of "Mama break" while my kids have time with their dad who they don't see all day. And then we switch and my husband takes 30 minutes. In this time I paint and puzzle, I meditate or dance to some awesome music etc. That gives me sooo much energy and patience for bedtime. Can highly recommend it. Our toddlers also start doing their "toddler breaks" where we need to stay out of the room, they really enjoy it as well.
@@dawnforlife they are 4 and 2. The breaks are mostly around 3-5 minutes and they are not allowed to lock the door of their room (which of course is child proof). With 16 months they were not interested in that and I wouldn't have left them unsupervised either!
I recently heard of the term "Co-regulation is" defined as warm and responsive interactions that provide the support, coaching, and modeling children need to understand, express, and modulate their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors” (Murray et al. 2015, 14). How we regulate ourselves can provide the best example to our children on how to handle situations that are emotionally intense. This is what I try to remember when I am about to react to a situation in a way that I would not want my daughter to react the same way. Thinking that how we self-regulate helps (or not) our kids to regulate themselves alongside helps me to act better. Still, this needs a lot of practice.
Thank you! So much needed advice. I am 5 days in my c-section recovery and the whole situation has been crazy with my 3 years old son. We are trying to calm orselves and give him some grace since we put him in this situation. Today we gave him more attention and he had a better attitude. Thanks Ashley, for being so real.
Hey Tania, as a mom of two young children, I would guess that maybe your 3 year old is maybe scared because mama went away and then came home with a boo-boo and now someone else gets the majority of her attention. And 3 year olds still go through separation anxiety. He might be scared that you will go away again or is scared of your c section boo-boo because you’re not able to be the mom he’s used to. 3 year olds really can’t understand the situation of a pregnancy. I hope things will get better, I am Praying for your family.
Fighting my own traumas and bad habits especially still living with my mum. The best reaction i have had at my woooorrrst was just freezing literally with anyone else i would blow up and start ranting repeating evrything i grew up with but with Huda i just froze and i felt so proud of myself then i said what i wanted to say.
I am here bawling. Thanks so much for this video. I am currently 6 months pregnant and my daughter is about to turn 3 and we are all recovering from COVID. My dad has been in and out of the hospital from complications and we all caught it during a trip to Disneyworld, so we were already exhausted to begin with. Luckily, we are all feeling well as far as COVID goes, but my daughter has been having the worse tantrums ever. My husband and I have been losing it on her so much and I feel so guilty. I feel at the end of my rope 24/7. Thanks for always being an inspiration and for sharing these tips. I am taking notes to share with my husband.
Thank you so much for this video! It is quite a culture shift (in the US at least) for parents to work to understand their child instead of merely reacting to their surface behaviors. This is why Brene Brown speaks so much on the power of connection and bravery to show up authentically in hard moments. It is not easy but it’s so important to show our children their value in our eyes. 🙏🏽
Thank you for this video. It's a great reminder for me when im having a tough time to give my children, and myself, grace. I'd also add that for anybody who experienced abuse (including verbal because it took me a long time to realize it wasn't normal and to not dismiss it) or trauma (no matter how long ago it was) to seek help from a therapist. As you said, challenging behavior from our children can trigger a response that is similar or the same as how we were raised so it's imperative to work through the trauma(s) we experienced in order to move forward and break the cycle of generational abuse. It's hard work but, our children are worth it and so is our mental health.
I've listened to your videos along time ago, and when i become a mother, I want to use this teaching method (the legal and safe way, not other's abusive way). Thank you so much for being on RUclips with this! I wish i was raised in a house like this! At least I'll be able to teach my kids to not have my childhood, and to have the best childhood
I do really love this. I want to add that losing your temper etc much easier than usual may also be due to post-partum depression and/or anxiety. It's often overlooked and it's important to catch because you really need extra support in that situation from medical professionals.
This is definitely one of my favorite videos from your channel. I have a 1.5-year-old little one and another due in March and I'm striving to develop more gentle/respective parenting strategies, all while learning more self-control and self-regulation. Thank you so much for sharing what has helped you.
Great video thank you 😍 lots of food for thought, great timing too. Im a mummy of nearly 18 years and our youngest is nearly 5. She has a rare genetic syndrome which causes her to have developmental delays in all areas, learning difficulties, visual impairment etc. She is around 14 months cognitively and is pre-verbal (🙏 she learns to talk in time), she feels frustrated lately, has to isolate often due to her blood condition, shes unwell lots and trying hard to communicate/talk. Being her very sleep deprived mummy, peri menopausal hormone changes and never having a break has certainly been a learning curve with all of her additional needs 🤪. Is there any other parents of disabled children here? Id love to chat if there is 😍 x
I'm so glad I discovered your channel. Before knowing Montessori, I thought a lot about how I wanted to raise my kids (that haven't arrived home yet...), and the method really resonates with me. The way you explain it is excellent, very down to Earth, clear, concise, and brought to us with a lot of experience. I so enjoy watching these videos in preparing for our child(ren) to come into our family. Thank you!
Thank you Ahley, such a helpfull video not just to deal with children but with tense situations with adults as well. In a time when everything/everyone is so polarized, sometimes leaving the place physically and coming back is the best solution to not lose your temper.
Omff These two phrases have been the main phrases i have repeated to myself and even had them on the fridge! The Montessori notebook ladies really changed a lot for me but these phrases were key for me personally. 'They're not giving you hard time, They are having a hard time' Ie. 'This isn't about me' 'This too shall pass' 'This isn't about me' !! Hahaha again Verryyyyy helpful. The main reason we have difficulties with other people is because we assume their intentions instead of taking a moment to enquire about it and figure out what was really happening for them too. Its so harrrd though not so much with my Toddler because i know what she has been through throughout the day and what her schemas are at the moment or what else happened leaving up to it but with others their experiences are unknown to us and its harrd. Excited for book!!!
My 16 month old is SUPER strong willed and knowing that she are having a hard time really helps me take that needed deep breath AND when all fails, I just hold her and let her cry. Sometimes it's 10-20mins but if I am there, non judging and not trying to fix it or her, it passes.
This was presented in such a personable and honest way that the message was well received. Thank you for taking the time to share your knowledge and experience! I'm definitely saving this video to watch again later
I've said regretful words and done bad things to my child these days and then I found this video. I nodded a lot while watching this video because it relates so much to my situation right now. My daughter is 22 months old and I think she's entering that 'terrible two' phase. Many times in a day she throws things when she's upset and cries a lot. She' a high-need child and it's really hard to negotiate things with her. I promise myself that tomorrow I will practice every single strategy that you've said in this video. I agree that every parent needs a time for themselves but here's the thing. I don't have somebody else to help me doing my chores. You said that we shouldn't do the chores while the kid is napping and do other things we like instead. Sometimes yes I nap with my daughter so I can get back my energy and sanity, but it ends up with my chores keep piling up. And many times my daughter sleep very late so I can't do anything else because I'm tired too. I do really want to try that strategy, but do you have any suggestion on how I manage to get my self-time on daily basis but also get things done? I don't push myself to be perfect, to have a clean house every day, but I just need a comfortable place for me and my family and I just need to give my family their basic needs. Thanks in advance.
This is such a great video! I think it's so important to remember that everyone struggles with parenting, and we are all human, even the "perfect" Montessori home. I love how you give grace and provide helpful strategies! I think as moms we can forget #5, time to yourself, but for me that can make such a big difference in my outlook on parenting.
Thank you, Ashley! A great sum up of techniques and I especially love the idea of little questions to ask yourself. Having now an 11 week old baby in addition to my two year old I am facing a new level of stress. Luckily my toddler reminds me of the "not an emergency" thing herself sometimes. Like, when I ask her, whether she did *whatever* although I just asked her not to, she just tells me "yes, mommy, but it's not a big deal". I usually have to agree...
Thank you! I really needed these tips. My 18 month old is approaching a tantrum-y stage/giggling when I tell her to please stop feeding the dog pancakes for the 10th time. She understands a lot of what we say, but hasn’t developed impulse control or a way to express emotions fully… that’s got to be so tough for a little one! Fortunately we have had a lot of success with respectful parenting, giving choices, and baby sign language. I think we avoided a lot of problems before they had a chance to start, but there are still plenty of daily challenges!
Thank you so much for this video! It’s nice to know that everyone makes mistakes. I know a lot of moms feel so much guilt all the time for not being perfect or loosing their temper. Keeping calm and not getting frustrated is the hardest part of being a parent to me.
Ashley, I have never commented before but this is seriously the best video you have ever made! Thank you so much for sharing 💕 I can't wait to implement every single one of these to be the best parent and mother I know I can be 🥰
I had a rough morning with my daughter before I left for work today. As soon as I saw the title of this, your latest video, I immediately felt a little relief just knowing I would be getting sound advice for an immediate problem I am having from a mother I have trusted for advice since the beginning of my journey of motherhood. Thank you, Ashley
It is so important to remember we all mess up. And you were wise to remind everyone that children need to know we are not perfect so they don't hate us as adults who have just discovered our true failures, weaknesses. Yet it is a wonderful teaching opportunity to model for them 'fessing-up to our mistakes and apologizing and trying to make whatever it is right. They have to learn these life skills and not shrug off hurts inflicted or harms done over time.
Literally have been saving this for my evening (decaf) coffee break before i reset the kitchen and can read a book on the same topic. I have been in such a need of this Hahaha I was actually recommending this channel to another mum in the mall today describing how Montessori uses positive discipline when this video was posted😅 it was a good coincidence. Im always having the same conversation with whoever is in the baby bathrooms with us🙈 just hope at least half the women stsrt watching these videos for their sake and the their children's needs too.
Such good advice and worth revisiting every now and then as well! I recently listened to my first audible book and it has changed my relationship with my toddler. I am now listening to it with my husband. It’s How to Talk so Little Kids will Listen. I can’t tell you how many tantrums I have avoided using the tips and suggestions I this book. I HIGHLY recommend!!
I truly enjoyed this video! So humbling to remind myself everyone has to remind themselves and do these strategies to be calm. Not always coming naturally! ❤️
So I am a Christian who loves Jesus a lot. Jesus has been working a lot on my parenting style, and I have been struggling with with some questions, and this video helped a lot, so thank you. The advice I have is to research yoga and meditation, it’s routed in demonic influences, so be careful using that as a guide. I try to open the Bible and pray when I am struggling so my children see that as a way to cope. I also have written them a list of what God made them an expert at (patience, coloring, eating fruits and vegetables, etc.). We do go over it daily, but the goal Jesus wants me to do is to sit down with them when they’re struggling to remind them of who they are in God and cuddle them to calm down so a discussion can happen. Drawing out what they’re feeling and a solution to it also helps, we discuss it together after they do this.. Thank you again for this video, God bless you!
When I find myself feeling grumpy, saying No without first considering what the reason is for "No" vs. "Yes" or when I lose my cool with my toddler - I often ask myself 2 questions -- When is the last time I ate something? Have I been outside today?. Generally, one of those 2 things will help me regain my composure, regulate my mood and overall help me to maintain my positive relationship with my daughter.
Thank you so much for these tips and tools. I was just praying on this topic today and, of course, God’s divine intervention put this video in my feed. It’s just what I needed to hear. I will practice all of your advice and I know it will make me a better person and parent.
My self-care staples (unfortunately these don’t all happen every single day but I try to make them a priority as often as possible): morning coffee doggy snuggle time, working outside of the home (I own a business and I try to make a point of not having my child there with me because I need that space to be mine- again this isn’t always possible), daily vitamins focused on stress-reduction, gym membership (no one crawls on me a yells at me while I’m there 😭), during the warm weather months I go outside to take a breather and not hear yelling for a minute (I think I have an auditory sensory thing …it’s rough but not forever.), I also try to explore situations that occur and trigger me to try to figure out how I can set myself (and my child) up for success to avoid breakdowns. Sometimes you gotta sit in the bathroom and cry for hot second and reevaluate the troubles you have. I keep telling myself it’s the toddler phase and it will pass it’s not easy at all and we’ll get through it, we’re doing our best. Sometimes I put a lot of pressure on myself I’m sure I’m not alone there.
Great video! Thank you. Love the Montessori series. I would love a video about following the child when it comes to activities, how to choose what to put out, especially when it comes to homeschool. Sometimes it’s overwhelming to figure it out.
This was so helpful for me today. I have been struggling with implementing montessori in my home and a lot of it has been around comparing where we are with other families. I take on the blame in my mind that I'm doing something wrong but I am starting to realize it's a trigger I have to try and keep up with everyone else. This was such good advice!
I have to say, this video came at the PERFECT time!! I'm not yet a parent, but I am a dog parent, and I'm very serious about training my dogs. I cannot tell you how frustrated I get sometimes when they misbehave after training a skill so often, and in those moments, sometimes I respond how my parents responded, knee-jerk reactions and losing my cool! I was just talking to my spouce about my desire to get better at this, especially before we have kids. I've written these mantras on our refrigerator so I can look to them in moments of stress! Thank you for sharing!
Hey thanks so much for this video Ashley. Thanks for the tips on the self-care and also on how to calm down when a child is at your Breaking Point. Always enjoy your videos.
So along with this, Loop (or something equivalent) earbuds go such a long in helping me be present during meltdowns without wanting to escape the noise. They take the edge off the shrieking crying so I can better stay calm.
It's really nice to hear from a fellow Montessori mama that it's okay to put them in a safe space and leave for a couple of minutes if that's what you need for your sanity and their safety. I always feel so guilty, but I'd also rather not accidentally snap and do or say something that'll scar her forever💜✨
I love how thorough you are, and give exact details about everything, while watching I was actually thinking of what I should do for myself in my self care time, and was pleasantly surprised that you are giving also examples, really helps😁 the sleep part is correct, it's past midnight when I am writing, so I should make sure I get more sleep, as it is quite difficult staying calm when you are tired. Thank you so much for your videos, I find them really helpful.
I’m so thankful for this video. I often fall into the trap of assuming what we see in your videos is everything that’s happening and I’m constantly asking myself how does Ashley do it so easily and never lose her patience and be so level headed all the time?? Thank you so much.
Thank you for this lovely advice. I just needed this right now. I have a just-turned 3year old who is having a lot of meltdowns and had a lot to do with the arrival of her baby brother who is now 3months old. My fiancé and I are struggling to remain calm. I am a teacher and know full well that she’s just struggling with change and trying to communicate with us but lacks the understanding to tell us. 😢. I love watching your vlogs and Montessori videos.
I really needed this today. Thank you so much for all the content you put out and thank you for being so real. ❤️ also I really can’t wait to buy your book. I’m not much of a reader since I’ve had kids but I’m going to 1000% carve out time to read yours!
This was so helpful. I love that you covered everything from prevention strategies to what to do if you lose your cool. I'm going to watch this again and take notes!
I get mad. My son is 5. I'm widowed and we homeschool. Because of covid, he's with me all the time. I'm not a Montessori parent, at least not on purpose. I didn't even know this was a thing. I thought it was just a play style of learning. I parent differently because "spanking" caused me to develop severe anger management issues that took a lot to work through and I didn't want that for our son. When I get mad, I say so. And I own it. And there are times I shut my eyes, raise my hands and breathe. Because right now his job is to challenge the limits I set. BUT when he gets mad, now he will say so. Instead of hitting, biting or trying to headbutt me, he will breathe and shut his eyes and that's such a beautiful thing to see. Not always! Sometimes he will throw himself on the floor and I let him. I don't interfere with it, I'll wait and when he appears to be, I ask if he's done. And he'll come for a hug and we move on. I also noticed that he sounds like me and that has taught me to be mindful of how I speak to him. If he's being rude it's because I have been rude and just didn't realize it. Parenting is fricken hard. This is the polar opposite of what I grew up with. When I was a kid whoever hit the hardest was right. Hopefully I can pass on a softer punch.
Ashley! Your positive discipline videos have changed my WHOLE outlook on parenting. A million times thank you!!!! I struggle so much with providing individual attention between my 3 boys, and I feel that causes a lot of behavioral issues. Any advice or tricks you use? Thank you?!
I think at a learning level, think about how difficult it is to get this right, as an adult, children don't have the skills and abilities, the brain power to operate at our level. So things are just so much more difficult for them to manage on an emotional level. Ashley, these are great strategies!!
Oh gosh not me editing a video on the same topic and starting with "I'm not the perfect parent" too 😭 We took it from different perspectives though-I'll DM you! I feel it would be so much easier to take a few moments for ourselves or a hobby pre-pandemic. A workout at the gym was my escape from reality for a minute. Not quite the same as a workout in the living room while Stella and dad play in the family room 😅
Aahahaha this is funny i was just reading through 2 of the books i had on positive discipline techniques and being a peaceful parent due to this current development of her forming her will just doing things that i never thought of and me trying to maintain the same routine so she doesn't get thrown off just trying to do evrything i can to minimise the chances if a tough situation for her and then practicing in my mind everything i need to say in a difficult emotional moment. I have nedded to step out of the room 2 times around bedtime now because of sleep learning so i can just change the environment for myself just for 1 minute its enough to return fresh. Ashley is definitely the best guide for us as i have been over all the positive discipline techniques and the real reason we use it over and over just so it is the initial reaction instead of what i really just want to do. I know one thing i am fighting saying a lot is 'oh no why did you do that?' I have had restraint there but its just the fact we can't predict what they will do and that throws us off. Its hard now to be going through the sleep learming process and making progress in toilet learning and more independence in general and still thing to make the routine predictable... So i am indeed looking forward to your video!!!
I’m not sure if it has an official title but I do what I coin “Dance Time” regardless what mood my son or I are in- he’s an eight month old so he doesn’t dance dance and is in my arms until he’s ready to dance on his own. Whether either of us are happy, sad, annoyed, scared/panicked/anxious I wanted introduce movement as an option for expression for the range of emotions. It doesn’t matter if I played music for one three minute song or many songs, this has helped me from having less breakdowns, calmed me down when I felt like I was going to lose my patience, cheered up my loneliness, I just felt like doing it because my son was already in a happy mood and I wanted to help him be happier, helped my son fall asleep without force (my husband and I are force free), has put him in a happier mood because of being flown around like an airplane, likes the bouncing movements while in my arms instead of a bouncer, etc. Heck, I’m planning on sticking with this when he’s a child and, for example, needs a dance break from homework, got bullied and wants/needs to dance before talking with Papa and me about it, etc.
My mom was really loving but would also yell at us all the time even when we did absolutely nothing wrong. She still would if I didn’t establish boundaries and start calling her out when she talks behind people’s backs. I don’t want to be stressed out all the time like my mom so I will try to keep that in mind at all times
Hi Ashly, thank you so much for this, I found it quite therapeutic, especially as it gave a sense of solidarity by and with all the parents out there. I actually played it on loop for some time to let it sink in 🥰
Im watching this video twice because there is so much wonderful info. in it! I have three boys and I always thought maybe I’m just not as calm as these other Montessori mothers? Its nice to hear even you Ashley get triggered! But also very good solutions for when we get triggered! Thank you! Thank you!
Also an important reminder for adults who were abused as children that we have been programmed to see that behavior as a threat to our safety. If you were abused as a child for behaving like that, you are going to have a very strong reaction to your child behaving in that manner. Give yourself grace
I've not been the parent I would like to be lately. Most of my triggers coming from my 3 yr. old harming my 1 1/2 yr. old but also her lashing out and bedtime taking 2 hours some nights. I really appreciate your tips and look forward to implementing them. Thanks for the video! ❤️
No need to say that, but I really look up to you for the inclusive images you select for your videos. Great job as always, always top quality, girl 😎 I don't have kids yet, but I have adolescent students, and some of them seem to have a special gift for making you lose your cool. I found this video incredibly useful: as a teacher I like to treat other people's sons and daughters as if they were mine.
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I absolutely love how you never put your daughters in a negative light. You use stock photos when you're talking about behavior that is frustrating. It is so dignified and respectful to them. You use pictures of your children doing things that are good or helpful. Very useful tips as well. Thank you for your continued well organized videos.
Ashley, you have no idea how incredible the timing of this video is! I've been so on the edge for the past 4-5 days even though I'm trying so hard not to be hard on myself. The last part you added was JUST so reassuring to me. I'm a human. I'll make mistakes. I'll learn from it. You have no idea about the gratitude and love I have for you for this video ESPECIALLY and also the other content you make!
Same here mumma
I literally just walked away from the dishes and was like nope I wanna sit in the tub while baby is asleep! Right before you said leave the chores and take some me time 🤣🥰 felt like validation that I was on the right path lol
Great advice :) I would like to add, that if you have a reeeaally hard time calming down or a really bad habit that creeped into your behavior even though you really don't want to act that way, you can always seek professional help :) there is absolutely no shame in that :)
Yes.
This video is worth hundreds in professional help.
This video came on time for me. I’m home with my 2 1/2 year old and 7 1/2 month old. I love my children to death and back. Everyday is so testing. From being tired to crying/tantrums to chores it’s hard for me to get through the day keeping my cool. I’m praying I’m working on it. I’m definitely here for the advice and I will be sharing this with my husband as well.
I have been working on this endlessly since becoming a mother. I have come to realise that I am often overwhelmed from a sensory point of view and I am afraid I am failing. My expectations of how I parent are very high too so I take any hiccup very personally. I work to overcome these feelings every day but it's HARD. The fact that any parent even thinks of these things shows that we care enough to want to improve.
@@sarahgoddard1213 completely my situation!! Totally with you, feel guilty all the time, sensory and anxiety here. My main focus in raising her is kindness and sometimes I can't fufill my own expectation. I feel helpless. Why can't I always be pleasant and kind? Confusing and frustrating.
Thank you for these reminders. I used to be a child behavioral therapist working in an acute locked psychiatric facility with a lot of reactive patients. Parenting is so much harder. There are zero breaks, you never have time off. I’m struggling bc we have had both of my sisters move away out of state and don’t have any other family support. I’m on an island. Alone. Deep breaths don’t always come as easily.
What I’ve done recently is wake up earlier even if it hurts at first lol just so that I know I’ve had SOME time for myself otherwise it feels like Groundhog Day. Every single day.
Sending love ❤️to all the momma’s who have to do this totally alone. I get you.
I needed this. I'm in tears watching this
belive it or not :D my best way to stay calm is water. If i feel the wave of getting angry, tired, overwelmed or whatever coming, i will wash my face, put cold water on my neck, wash my hands or feet and drink water. If i have a really bad day, i will just make a break and take a cold shower, its pure gold and so healthy as well
This video is so helpful and validating. Ashley has been my main source of parenting advice since I became a mom a month into the pandemic. If you see this Ashley, I am so grateful you share your knowledge and advice 🧡
You’re so welcome! ☺️
One thing that helps me, is to remind myself that I can’t control my child or how they behave, but I can control myself and my response to them.
I just want to say thank you. Such valuable information and wisdom.
Years later, there is no one who can put video like this! Thank you!
This is absolutely the most meaningful advice I have received in a very long time. I most commonly lose my chill due to fear. For example, the most epic breakdown is happening in costco and I am calmly talking to my child and modeling- attemping to guide, but the onlookers are harsh (verbally or visually), and I start questioningting myself and methods "am I doing the right thing?" "am I totally screwing this up?" Do you second guess yourselves in public places? Or even infront of family who has different views on authoritarian parenting. How do you deal with that? I find I am questioning my methods daily, which is rooted in fear. Thank you again for sharing your learnings and experiences.
She talked about this too - meltdowns while shopping. The best thing to do is to drop everything, get out to your car or somewhere where you and your baby get the privacy. Nothing is more annoying than to have someone over your shoulder or listening nearby what and how are you saying things to the "manipulative" kid. At the end of the day you SHOULD teach him/her a LESSON lol (old mentality is so funny to me). You need a space where no judgements can be met from outsiders. You'll work better with the kid this way for sure. Then you can go inside and continue the shopping (if both calmed down) or don't look back and go home. I'm sure workers will take take of your abandoned shopping cart ;)
I think information is the key to that problem! Learn as much as you can about positive discipline. Take Ashley's Positive Parenting course. Read Janet Lansbury's books. Become confident in your knowledge. It's your family and your baby. It doesn't matter what strangers or family think. How many books have they read? How many courses did they take? You do what you believe is right and you are much more informed than any of them 😁
I feel you. It's hard especially when it's family. Especially when I was very new to motherhood, now 16 months later, it's still hard when my mother in law looks on because we are on a walk. It feels like I had to deal with extra stress when my toddler is already throwing a tantrum. She is polite enough to not say too much but I can feel. Like yesterday my girl was having a hard time getting into the stroller. Then I find myself giving in and forcing it and of course it didn't turn out well. Then on the way back, I told my girl that we will leave in 5 minutes and just briefed her through the whole thing and gently place her in and she was ok. Then my mil said "Oh see, sometimes we have to tell them what to do." (what she meant was, MAKE them.). I tried to gently tell her that it was calm because I got her to participate instead of making her. It is a work in progress, for me, for my confidence and also to just let the comments slide sometimes. Overtime, your confidence will grow as you will see how your child reacts when not MADE to do and when needed, given help to follow through. The tantrums will be less and shorter if any. Hugs.
Definitely need to hear these things over and over again. I’ve also found that I have a lot of sensory triggers that make me lose my cool very quickly, so when I come home from work I change clothes so nothing fits tightly, I put in noise reducing earplugs, and open all the windows to cool the apartment down. Sound, heat, and touch are things I can’t deal with so I do what I can to help lower and remove the issues to give myself just a little more patience
Look at all these amazing mamas getting better every single day 💓
❤️
Such an important video Ashley!! For self-care time we started to do "Mama and Papa" break. My breaking point every day is around dinner time. We are blessed to be able to have dinner as a family. And after dinner I get 30 minutes of "Mama break" while my kids have time with their dad who they don't see all day. And then we switch and my husband takes 30 minutes. In this time I paint and puzzle, I meditate or dance to some awesome music etc. That gives me sooo much energy and patience for bedtime. Can highly recommend it. Our toddlers also start doing their "toddler breaks" where we need to stay out of the room, they really enjoy it as well.
How old are your toddlers? Mine is 16 months and WILL not be left alone.
@@dawnforlife they are 4 and 2. The breaks are mostly around 3-5 minutes and they are not allowed to lock the door of their room (which of course is child proof). With 16 months they were not interested in that and I wouldn't have left them unsupervised either!
@@jasminm8784 haha thanks for sharing!
@@jasminm8784 9
😍 love it, I’ll will have to try this too. I will soon be a mama of 2 little girls (2 yr old & a newborn).
I recently heard of the term "Co-regulation is" defined as warm and responsive interactions that provide the support, coaching, and modeling children need to understand, express, and modulate their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors” (Murray et al. 2015, 14). How we regulate ourselves can provide the best example to our children on how to handle situations that are emotionally intense. This is what I try to remember when I am about to react to a situation in a way that I would not want my daughter to react the same way. Thinking that how we self-regulate helps (or not) our kids to regulate themselves alongside helps me to act better. Still, this needs a lot of practice.
You give the best advice! My kiddo is 15 months today and sometimes staying calm is sooo hard 😭
Thank you! So much needed advice. I am 5 days in my c-section recovery and the whole situation has been crazy with my 3 years old son. We are trying to calm orselves and give him some grace since we put him in this situation. Today we gave him more attention and he had a better attitude. Thanks Ashley, for being so real.
Hey Tania, as a mom of two young children, I would guess that maybe your 3 year old is maybe scared because mama went away and then came home with a boo-boo and now someone else gets the majority of her attention. And 3 year olds still go through separation anxiety. He might be scared that you will go away again or is scared of your c section boo-boo because you’re not able to be the mom he’s used to. 3 year olds really can’t understand the situation of a pregnancy.
I hope things will get better, I am Praying for your family.
Exactly the same with us....
Hard times.
You're absolutely amazing. Your doing Gods work helping parents out there manage this very hard part of the job❤️
Fighting my own traumas and bad habits especially still living with my mum.
The best reaction i have had at my woooorrrst was just freezing literally with anyone else i would blow up and start ranting repeating evrything i grew up with but with Huda i just froze and i felt so proud of myself then i said what i wanted to say.
I am here bawling. Thanks so much for this video. I am currently 6 months pregnant and my daughter is about to turn 3 and we are all recovering from COVID. My dad has been in and out of the hospital from complications and we all caught it during a trip to Disneyworld, so we were already exhausted to begin with. Luckily, we are all feeling well as far as COVID goes, but my daughter has been having the worse tantrums ever. My husband and I have been losing it on her so much and I feel so guilty. I feel at the end of my rope 24/7. Thanks for always being an inspiration and for sharing these tips. I am taking notes to share with my husband.
Thanks for the video and this is exactly what i needed for the moment!
Thank you so much for this video! It is quite a culture shift (in the US at least) for parents to work to understand their child instead of merely reacting to their surface behaviors. This is why Brene Brown speaks so much on the power of connection and bravery to show up authentically in hard moments. It is not easy but it’s so important to show our children their value in our eyes. 🙏🏽
Thank you for this video. It's a great reminder for me when im having a tough time to give my children, and myself, grace. I'd also add that for anybody who experienced abuse (including verbal because it took me a long time to realize it wasn't normal and to not dismiss it) or trauma (no matter how long ago it was) to seek help from a therapist. As you said, challenging behavior from our children can trigger a response that is similar or the same as how we were raised so it's imperative to work through the trauma(s) we experienced in order to move forward and break the cycle of generational abuse. It's hard work but, our children are worth it and so is our mental health.
I've listened to your videos along time ago, and when i become a mother, I want to use this teaching method (the legal and safe way, not other's abusive way). Thank you so much for being on RUclips with this! I wish i was raised in a house like this! At least I'll be able to teach my kids to not have my childhood, and to have the best childhood
I do really love this. I want to add that losing your temper etc much easier than usual may also be due to post-partum depression and/or anxiety. It's often overlooked and it's important to catch because you really need extra support in that situation from medical professionals.
That’s true! And if you don’t have the typical village support, it can be especially hard
This is definitely one of my favorite videos from your channel. I have a 1.5-year-old little one and another due in March and I'm striving to develop more gentle/respective parenting strategies, all while learning more self-control and self-regulation. Thank you so much for sharing what has helped you.
Great video thank you 😍 lots of food for thought, great timing too. Im a mummy of nearly 18 years and our youngest is nearly 5. She has a rare genetic syndrome which causes her to have developmental delays in all areas, learning difficulties, visual impairment etc. She is around 14 months cognitively and is pre-verbal (🙏 she learns to talk in time), she feels frustrated lately, has to isolate often due to her blood condition, shes unwell lots and trying hard to communicate/talk. Being her very sleep deprived mummy, peri menopausal hormone changes and never having a break has certainly been a learning curve with all of her additional needs 🤪. Is there any other parents of disabled children here? Id love to chat if there is 😍 x
I’ve never clicked on a video so fast 💨…thanks for this video!! My toddler (24 months) has melt downs every day after she gets home from day care
I'm so glad I discovered your channel. Before knowing Montessori, I thought a lot about how I wanted to raise my kids (that haven't arrived home yet...), and the method really resonates with me. The way you explain it is excellent, very down to Earth, clear, concise, and brought to us with a lot of experience. I so enjoy watching these videos in preparing for our child(ren) to come into our family. Thank you!
It really is one of the hardest jobs. Thank for sharing your thoughts and approach on this Ashley
Thank you Ahley, such a helpfull video not just to deal with children but with tense situations with adults as well. In a time when everything/everyone is so polarized, sometimes leaving the place physically and coming back is the best solution to not lose your temper.
Just finished reading Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids so these tips are fresh on my mind. They have helped so much recently!
Omff
These two phrases have been the main phrases i have repeated to myself and even had them on the fridge! The Montessori notebook ladies really changed a lot for me but these phrases were key for me personally.
'They're not giving you hard time, They are having a hard time'
Ie. 'This isn't about me'
'This too shall pass'
'This isn't about me' !! Hahaha again
Verryyyyy helpful. The main reason we have difficulties with other people is because we assume their intentions instead of taking a moment to enquire about it and figure out what was really happening for them too. Its so harrrd though not so much with my Toddler because i know what she has been through throughout the day and what her schemas are at the moment or what else happened leaving up to it but with others their experiences are unknown to us and its harrd.
Excited for book!!!
Thank you so much. I keep watching this video to help me frame my child's behaviour. Thank you for being real and relatable.
My 16 month old is SUPER strong willed and knowing that she are having a hard time really helps me take that needed deep breath AND when all fails, I just hold her and let her cry. Sometimes it's 10-20mins but if I am there, non judging and not trying to fix it or her, it passes.
This was presented in such a personable and honest way that the message was well received. Thank you for taking the time to share your knowledge and experience! I'm definitely saving this video to watch again later
I've said regretful words and done bad things to my child these days and then I found this video. I nodded a lot while watching this video because it relates so much to my situation right now. My daughter is 22 months old and I think she's entering that 'terrible two' phase. Many times in a day she throws things when she's upset and cries a lot. She' a high-need child and it's really hard to negotiate things with her. I promise myself that tomorrow I will practice every single strategy that you've said in this video.
I agree that every parent needs a time for themselves but here's the thing. I don't have somebody else to help me doing my chores. You said that we shouldn't do the chores while the kid is napping and do other things we like instead. Sometimes yes I nap with my daughter so I can get back my energy and sanity, but it ends up with my chores keep piling up. And many times my daughter sleep very late so I can't do anything else because I'm tired too. I do really want to try that strategy, but do you have any suggestion on how I manage to get my self-time on daily basis but also get things done? I don't push myself to be perfect, to have a clean house every day, but I just need a comfortable place for me and my family and I just need to give my family their basic needs. Thanks in advance.
This is such a great video! I think it's so important to remember that everyone struggles with parenting, and we are all human, even the "perfect" Montessori home. I love how you give grace and provide helpful strategies! I think as moms we can forget #5, time to yourself, but for me that can make such a big difference in my outlook on parenting.
I haven’t even watched this yet, Ashley, and I’m already so thankful you made it. I’ve needed this.
Thank you, Ashley! A great sum up of techniques and I especially love the idea of little questions to ask yourself. Having now an 11 week old baby in addition to my two year old I am facing a new level of stress. Luckily my toddler reminds me of the "not an emergency" thing herself sometimes. Like, when I ask her, whether she did *whatever* although I just asked her not to, she just tells me "yes, mommy, but it's not a big deal". I usually have to agree...
Thank you! I really needed these tips. My 18 month old is approaching a tantrum-y stage/giggling when I tell her to please stop feeding the dog pancakes for the 10th time. She understands a lot of what we say, but hasn’t developed impulse control or a way to express emotions fully… that’s got to be so tough for a little one!
Fortunately we have had a lot of success with respectful parenting, giving choices, and baby sign language. I think we avoided a lot of problems before they had a chance to start, but there are still plenty of daily challenges!
@kayla b that’s a great tip, I will try it out! Thanks!
Thank you so much for this video! It’s nice to know that everyone makes mistakes. I know a lot of moms feel so much guilt all the time for not being perfect or loosing their temper. Keeping calm and not getting frustrated is the hardest part of being a parent to me.
Seriously just in time! I really needed this today! Thank you! ❤🤗
I needed this! I'm a mom of 3 and whenever I lose my cool I am so hard on myself and feel like a horrible mother. Thank you.
Thank you sooooo much!! Many, mant blessings and health to you and your entire family.
Sometimes my 'me time' includes listening to you Ashley 🥰🥰🥰
Ashley, I have never commented before but this is seriously the best video you have ever made! Thank you so much for sharing 💕 I can't wait to implement every single one of these to be the best parent and mother I know I can be 🥰
I had a rough morning with my daughter before I left for work today. As soon as I saw the title of this, your latest video, I immediately felt a little relief just knowing I would be getting sound advice for an immediate problem I am having from a mother I have trusted for advice since the beginning of my journey of motherhood. Thank you, Ashley
Thank you for this video! So important to let people know that life cannot be always perfect even if you do everything right.
It is so important to remember we all mess up. And you were wise to remind everyone that children need to know we are not perfect so they don't hate us as adults who have just discovered our true failures, weaknesses. Yet it is a wonderful teaching opportunity to model for them 'fessing-up to our mistakes and apologizing and trying to make whatever it is right. They have to learn these life skills and not shrug off hurts inflicted or harms done over time.
Literally have been saving this for my evening (decaf) coffee break before i reset the kitchen and can read a book on the same topic. I have been in such a need of this
Hahaha I was actually recommending this channel to another mum in the mall today describing how Montessori uses positive discipline when this video was posted😅 it was a good coincidence. Im always having the same conversation with whoever is in the baby bathrooms with us🙈 just hope at least half the women stsrt watching these videos for their sake and the their children's needs too.
Such good advice and worth revisiting every now and then as well!
I recently listened to my first audible book and it has changed my relationship with my toddler. I am now listening to it with my husband. It’s How to Talk so Little Kids will Listen. I can’t tell you how many tantrums I have avoided using the tips and suggestions I this book. I HIGHLY recommend!!
Oh my I needed this video. Today I literally lost it, feeling horrible. You're an amazing mom I get lots of points from you. Thank you for this.
I truly enjoyed this video! So humbling to remind myself everyone has to remind themselves and do these strategies to be calm. Not always coming naturally! ❤️
So I am a Christian who loves Jesus a lot. Jesus has been working a lot on my parenting style, and I have been struggling with with some questions, and this video helped a lot, so thank you. The advice I have is to research yoga and meditation, it’s routed in demonic influences, so be careful using that as a guide.
I try to open the Bible and pray when I am struggling so my children see that as a way to cope. I also have written them a list of what God made them an expert at (patience, coloring, eating fruits and vegetables, etc.). We do go over it daily, but the goal Jesus wants me to do is to sit down with them when they’re struggling to remind them of who they are in God and cuddle them to calm down so a discussion can happen.
Drawing out what they’re feeling and a solution to it also helps, we discuss it together after they do this..
Thank you again for this video, God bless you!
When I find myself feeling grumpy, saying No without first considering what the reason is for "No" vs. "Yes" or when I lose my cool with my toddler - I often ask myself 2 questions -- When is the last time I ate something? Have I been outside today?. Generally, one of those 2 things will help me regain my composure, regulate my mood and overall help me to maintain my positive relationship with my daughter.
Thank you so much for these tips and tools. I was just praying on this topic today and, of course, God’s divine intervention put this video in my feed. It’s just what I needed to hear. I will practice all of your advice and I know it will make me a better person and parent.
Yessss to this inner work talk 🙌🏻 👏🏼 so happy you are talking about this !
My self-care staples (unfortunately these don’t all happen every single day but I try to make them a priority as often as possible): morning coffee doggy snuggle time, working outside of the home (I own a business and I try to make a point of not having my child there with me because I need that space to be mine- again this isn’t always possible), daily vitamins focused on stress-reduction, gym membership (no one crawls on me a yells at me while I’m there 😭), during the warm weather months I go outside to take a breather and not hear yelling for a minute (I think I have an auditory sensory thing …it’s rough but not forever.), I also try to explore situations that occur and trigger me to try to figure out how I can set myself (and my child) up for success to avoid breakdowns. Sometimes you gotta sit in the bathroom and cry for hot second and reevaluate the troubles you have. I keep telling myself it’s the toddler phase and it will pass it’s not easy at all and we’ll get through it, we’re doing our best. Sometimes I put a lot of pressure on myself I’m sure I’m not alone there.
Great video! Thank you. Love the Montessori series. I would love a video about following the child when it comes to activities, how to choose what to put out, especially when it comes to homeschool. Sometimes it’s overwhelming to figure it out.
This was so helpful for me today. I have been struggling with implementing montessori in my home and a lot of it has been around comparing where we are with other families. I take on the blame in my mind that I'm doing something wrong but I am starting to realize it's a trigger I have to try and keep up with everyone else. This was such good advice!
Just preordered your book! Thanks for another wonderful video!
Just what I needed today....going to reflect and try to implement some of these strategies!
Mommy devotionals are amazing before the kids wake up! Find a mommy friend and do it together ❤️🩹🥰
This is the most helpful parenting piece of advice I've ever heard. Thank you!
Wonderful video! It came out just in time😅I'm sending my love and gratitude to you from Belarus 🙏
Belarus! Oh my gosh I don't think I have ever run into another person from Belarus here! 👋 I grew up in Minsk ❤️
I have to say, this video came at the PERFECT time!! I'm not yet a parent, but I am a dog parent, and I'm very serious about training my dogs. I cannot tell you how frustrated I get sometimes when they misbehave after training a skill so often, and in those moments, sometimes I respond how my parents responded, knee-jerk reactions and losing my cool! I was just talking to my spouce about my desire to get better at this, especially before we have kids. I've written these mantras on our refrigerator so I can look to them in moments of stress! Thank you for sharing!
Thanks so much Ashley! Your message was so truthful and sincere, absolutely loved it. Perfect timing!
Hey thanks so much for this video Ashley. Thanks for the tips on the self-care and also on how to calm down when a child is at your Breaking Point. Always enjoy your videos.
So along with this, Loop (or something equivalent) earbuds go such a long in helping me be present during meltdowns without wanting to escape the noise. They take the edge off the shrieking crying so I can better stay calm.
It's really nice to hear from a fellow Montessori mama that it's okay to put them in a safe space and leave for a couple of minutes if that's what you need for your sanity and their safety. I always feel so guilty, but I'd also rather not accidentally snap and do or say something that'll scar her forever💜✨
Thankful for you and all you give, I really needed this. You are truly loved 🌷💓
I love how thorough you are, and give exact details about everything, while watching I was actually thinking of what I should do for myself in my self care time, and was pleasantly surprised that you are giving also examples, really helps😁 the sleep part is correct, it's past midnight when I am writing, so I should make sure I get more sleep, as it is quite difficult staying calm when you are tired. Thank you so much for your videos, I find them really helpful.
I’m so thankful for this video. I often fall into the trap of assuming what we see in your videos is everything that’s happening and I’m constantly asking myself how does Ashley do it so easily and never lose her patience and be so level headed all the time?? Thank you so much.
Thank you for this lovely advice. I just needed this right now. I have a just-turned 3year old who is having a lot of meltdowns and had a lot to do with the arrival of her baby brother who is now 3months old. My fiancé and I are struggling to remain calm. I am a teacher and know full well that she’s just struggling with change and trying to communicate with us but lacks the understanding to tell us. 😢. I love watching your vlogs and Montessori videos.
I really needed this today. Thank you so much for all the content you put out and thank you for being so real. ❤️ also I really can’t wait to buy your book. I’m not much of a reader since I’ve had kids but I’m going to 1000% carve out time to read yours!
This was so helpful. I love that you covered everything from prevention strategies to what to do if you lose your cool. I'm going to watch this again and take notes!
I get mad. My son is 5. I'm widowed and we homeschool. Because of covid, he's with me all the time. I'm not a Montessori parent, at least not on purpose. I didn't even know this was a thing. I thought it was just a play style of learning. I parent differently because "spanking" caused me to develop severe anger management issues that took a lot to work through and I didn't want that for our son. When I get mad, I say so. And I own it. And there are times I shut my eyes, raise my hands and breathe. Because right now his job is to challenge the limits I set. BUT when he gets mad, now he will say so. Instead of hitting, biting or trying to headbutt me, he will breathe and shut his eyes and that's such a beautiful thing to see. Not always! Sometimes he will throw himself on the floor and I let him. I don't interfere with it, I'll wait and when he appears to be, I ask if he's done. And he'll come for a hug and we move on. I also noticed that he sounds like me and that has taught me to be mindful of how I speak to him. If he's being rude it's because I have been rude and just didn't realize it. Parenting is fricken hard. This is the polar opposite of what I grew up with. When I was a kid whoever hit the hardest was right. Hopefully I can pass on a softer punch.
Ashley! Your positive discipline videos have changed my WHOLE outlook on parenting. A million times thank you!!!!
I struggle so much with providing individual attention between my 3 boys, and I feel that causes a lot of behavioral issues. Any advice or tricks you use? Thank you?!
you have no idea how much i needed this video❤thank you
I think at a learning level, think about how difficult it is to get this right, as an adult, children don't have the skills and abilities, the brain power to operate at our level. So things are just so much more difficult for them to manage on an emotional level. Ashley, these are great strategies!!
Oh gosh not me editing a video on the same topic and starting with "I'm not the perfect parent" too 😭 We took it from different perspectives though-I'll DM you! I feel it would be so much easier to take a few moments for ourselves or a hobby pre-pandemic. A workout at the gym was my escape from reality for a minute. Not quite the same as a workout in the living room while Stella and dad play in the family room 😅
Oh my gosh, well… great minds think alike, right?!? Lol! I look forward to seeing your video! 😜
@@HapaFamily I knew we were very like minded but this takes it to a new level 😅
Aahahaha this is funny i was just reading through 2 of the books i had on positive discipline techniques and being a peaceful parent due to this current development of her forming her will just doing things that i never thought of and me trying to maintain the same routine so she doesn't get thrown off just trying to do evrything i can to minimise the chances if a tough situation for her and then practicing in my mind everything i need to say in a difficult emotional moment. I have nedded to step out of the room 2 times around bedtime now because of sleep learning so i can just change the environment for myself just for 1 minute its enough to return fresh. Ashley is definitely the best guide for us as i have been over all the positive discipline techniques and the real reason we use it over and over just so it is the initial reaction instead of what i really just want to do. I know one thing i am fighting saying a lot is 'oh no why did you do that?' I have had restraint there but its just the fact we can't predict what they will do and that throws us off.
Its hard now to be going through the sleep learming process and making progress in toilet learning and more independence in general and still thing to make the routine predictable...
So i am indeed looking forward to your video!!!
Thank you so much for keeping it honest and real. I plan to practice some of your tips to make,not a perfect househole, but a peaceful one xo
You are really sweet and reassuring! I appreciated the video.
Saw this recommended literally while my son was screeching on the top of his lungs
I’m not sure if it has an official title but I do what I coin “Dance Time” regardless what mood my son or I are in- he’s an eight month old so he doesn’t dance dance and is in my arms until he’s ready to dance on his own. Whether either of us are happy, sad, annoyed, scared/panicked/anxious I wanted introduce movement as an option for expression for the range of emotions. It doesn’t matter if I played music for one three minute song or many songs, this has helped me from having less breakdowns, calmed me down when I felt like I was going to lose my patience, cheered up my loneliness, I just felt like doing it because my son was already in a happy mood and I wanted to help him be happier, helped my son fall asleep without force (my husband and I are force free), has put him in a happier mood because of being flown around like an airplane, likes the bouncing movements while in my arms instead of a bouncer, etc. Heck, I’m planning on sticking with this when he’s a child and, for example, needs a dance break from homework, got bullied and wants/needs to dance before talking with Papa and me about it, etc.
My mom was really loving but would also yell at us all the time even when we did absolutely nothing wrong. She still would if I didn’t establish boundaries and start calling her out when she talks behind people’s backs. I don’t want to be stressed out all the time like my mom so I will try to keep that in mind at all times
Very helpful. I will try to keep in mind all what you've listed in the video.
Hi Ashly, thank you so much for this, I found it quite therapeutic, especially as it gave a sense of solidarity by and with all the parents out there. I actually played it on loop for some time to let it sink in 🥰
0:24 We know in our own hearts that there is a better way than the way many of us was raised, when it comes to discipline
Im watching this video twice because there is so much wonderful info. in it! I have three boys and I always thought maybe I’m just not as calm as these other Montessori mothers? Its nice to hear even you Ashley get triggered! But also very good solutions for when we get triggered! Thank you! Thank you!
Also an important reminder for adults who were abused as children that we have been programmed to see that behavior as a threat to our safety. If you were abused as a child for behaving like that, you are going to have a very strong reaction to your child behaving in that manner. Give yourself grace
I'm saving this and watch it daily to remind myself. 🥰❤️
I've not been the parent I would like to be lately. Most of my triggers coming from my 3 yr. old harming my 1 1/2 yr. old but also her lashing out and bedtime taking 2 hours some nights. I really appreciate your tips and look forward to implementing them. Thanks for the video! ❤️
Sounds like a tough season. Best to you
Im so happy you wrote a book! I jist pre-ordered thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us!
Thank you so much for the guidance. Very much appreciated. ❤️
Ashley I love your channel! It's so inspiring and always brings a new insight. Thank you ❤️
No need to say that, but I really look up to you for the inclusive images you select for your videos. Great job as always, always top quality, girl 😎 I don't have kids yet, but I have adolescent students, and some of them seem to have a special gift for making you lose your cool. I found this video incredibly useful: as a teacher I like to treat other people's sons and daughters as if they were mine.