Thank you, it's really that simple, that child is a reflection of what they did or did not do. Raising and training methods that may have been absent. It's that simple.
I think a lot do love their children, but hate the sacrifices of motherhood. I read “regretting motherhood” the book and a lot of women speak that way, others feel detached.
@@AngelVocal I love my daughter but if I could go back… no, I wouldn’t do it. Mostly because it’s been so tragic for BOTH of us. Now, if I could chose to have her later in life with a better partner… absolutely!
@@MamiTT237right it’s too complex to paint every mother that speaks out as “regretful of the actual kid” Like no the kid doesn’t bother them, lovely to be around It’s the fact that dad was hitting them or etc Not the kids fault Don’t regret them persay Life is just to complex for the mockery in this way
Yes. This almost happened to me when I was 22. I thank God I didn't stick around and have that baby. He was later convicted of statutory rape. She was 15.
@@michelek7672 Believe it not, there's actual men that will literally poke holes in condoms right before screwing, while the girl is on HER OWN form of birth control and she can still end up pregnant. I know that sounds weird and hard to believe but its happened before. Personally, I agree with you. I don't know why people can't just be abstinent and single. Abstinence and solitude is a form of self-love, its indescribably peaceful and it doesn't get you baby-trapped. But that's just me. 🤷
I think a lot of people do. I think most people are under the impression that children will be the thing that adds meaning to their life. And I think most come to realize that kids don’t do for their life what they were expecting.
I don't think my parents "don't like" me, but they're disappointed that I am... an actual person. My mom dreamed of me becoming a popular cheerleader then marrying a hot, rich guy and living in a big house. Basically, her dream. Instead, I joined the military, moved half way across the country to LA where I'm studying film. I am interesting person. I taught myself how to play violin and guitar and I write film scripts. They've never asked to hear a song or read a script. Any phone call is basically "have you eaten? Do you need money?" I haven't asked for money in ten years....But yeah. This explains why I seek out both male and female mentors - Moms and Dads - because I want someone to be interested in ME as a person. Not as an "extension" of themselves.
This happens so more often than they think, my mom wanted for me to be a doctor is something, I choose arts and while is low pay I'm having fun, the thing is she is the one asking me for money and when I complain she said I need to pursue other things to win more money BUT when I try anything new my mother constantly asks for attention and someone to make her food and help her... Parents are tiring, not having kid I already have a mom/kid
I know a mother and her daughters (who are expecting) that are like your mom. Even at the gender reveal they were already making plans that involved their children making up for what they couldn't do. I already pity those children.
Someone has said. Having a baby is a selfish act. Things like: I want unconditional love I want someone with me They give me purpose You can give yourself all of that. Why would you put a child through your trauma or unnecessary pain bc YOU need them around?
Absolutely. Ask anyone why they had kids and it is always one of those reasons. Let's also not forget the number one reason of "who will take care of you when you are old?" 😢
Exactly!! Parents with these thought processes makes me sick 🤢 and I made sure that I wasn't going to date or marry anyone with parents who thought like this, they make horrible inlaws...they have a problem letting their adult children live their lives..I can't..too attached to their grown kids instead of having lives of their own
The basic reason for having children is biological necessity. Without children the human race ends. It’s pretty simple and therefore absolutely not selfish. It’s actually the opposite, having children is a selfless act because of the sacrifice required for even giving life.
My daughter, who is 12 has said on several occasions that she doesn't want children. It comes out of nowhere lol. I don't blame her nor will I ever pressure her.
My oldest is 25 (girl) and my second oldest is 22 (boy). They both told me this society is trash. Why would they bring kids to this dying earth to suffer? Specially, now that a small group is holding the country hostage and taking rights away. My 14 year old son said he is only having one child.
@@jltdqwWhenever my nephews say they are only having one child I tell them they aren't having anything. They will just be pumping inside a woman who will then be doing all the work.
I'm sad that my oldest says this. I won't pressure her, but I'm not going to lie, I hope she eventually does, and wants too, when she is older.my brothers wife didn't want to have kids, he already had a teen so he wasn't pushing her. Well they accidentally got pregnant and now she can't imagine not having them.. she had 3 so far. I know this isn't always the case. Either way I want my daughter happy.
@@gelflingfayI hope your daughter doesn't have kids just because she senses YOU want grandkids. That would be so unfair to her. Too many women out here having babies because it is what other people want. She is the one who will be stuck with kids that YOU wanted her to have. Don't do that to her.
I know a woman who had a kid to outlive her dreams thru her. She put her daughter in ballet school and got constantly mad at her when she dissaponted her mom.
Trying to make her child like the things she liked. My girlfriend always got angry with her son because he didn’t like/wasn’t good at math. And she would scream at him that if she liked it he was supposed to like it too.
I am not having kids because I can't be the FATHER. No pregnancy, no childbirth, no bleeding, no pain, no PPD, no societal expectations of hands on care, being able to walk away with little stigma, being praised for doing the bare minimum (he changed a diaper? What a WONDERFUL father he is 😏), having to pay a miniscule amount of child support if I did abandon the kid, letting the mother do most of the work but the kid still gets my last name and carries on my lineage. That's what I'm talking about.
I was an accidental high schooler's baby. It's VERY evident that I wasn't wanted when growing up. But it was still a no-no to be having a baby out of wedlock so my parents did the shotgun wedding. The rest of my siblings showing up 6+ years later where wanted and loved. Their money and attention showed that they were wanted. I was made to be the third parent in their raising. My entire childhood was changing diapers, making bottles and helping them until I left for college. I have been at peace on my own ever since, told I'm a terrible sister/daughter because I don't want to be around any of them but for short periods of time.
I'm so sorry hun I know exactly what you mean, my parents are amazing yet you somehow become the 3rd parent , my brother is 9 years younger n I n my sister who is a year younger than me , we both did all the diaper changing, the shit cleaning, the feeding, the teaching, maybe that's why I'm choosing to be childfree now because I feel like I already parented
There are so many parents that hate their kids for any reason. Mothers who are spiteful towards their daughters. Fathers who walk away from their sons. It's so sad. All children deserve a parent, but not every parent deserves a kid.
Yes! The same women and men will tell you to have kids. It gets on my nerves. “I raised my kids it’s my time to be free” Is the same shit I hear as a child free woman. “I don’t want to be a grandparent” It’s like….Why did you have children if you didn’t want to be around!?. A lot of people do not think things through they only want cute kids for the clout then want to be done with them.
That's why these breeders can't win. Nobody decides to have kids because annoyingly agressive people tell them to. Plus most childfree people have had hthought very long and deep about the consequences of life as a parent. And these breeders can't come up with good Pro-arguments.
My parents gave me away when I was three years old. After the cute babyphase I was "to exhausting" for my stay at home mom. My grandparents took me in and adopted me. My parents undid themselves shortly after when they drove home totally drunk from a party. They didn't like me enough to sacrifice their partylife...
Right. You could literally have a kid within the year if that’s the case. There’s already made ones too 😭 they’re everywhere…but yeah, we need more….😅😅😅 ok ranting now
Of course, why else would female parents put their daughters on birth control at very early ages 15-16yrs old... basically telling their daughters it's alright to be a sex slave for stud horses... smh
Yeah my mom was weirdly jealous of me and I still don’t understand that mentality. I don’t ever want to understand how a mother could be jealous of her own daughter and let it ruin her relationship with her daughter, rather and being a loving and caring mother.
My mum really disliked me. Everyone saw it. I'm not going to risk making my child feel the way I did. I'm childfree. I totally relate to the last person that spoke. The concept of family is soo confusing to me. I don't know what to make of it most times. I totally relate to what he says.
I love my daughter but I loathe being a parent. It’s non-stop and no one ever warned us about this. I’m glad that these conversations are finally being held.
@@beaulieuc8910yes there is tons of warning but people have their ears shut to it. I think it’s ego. And then the same people who had such big egos to think people were exaggerating about how hard it is to raise a kid (when in reality it’s 100x harder) are angry they made a choice that changed their entire lives and rather than accepting that responsibility was theirs for making their choices, they get mad at the people who made better choices…
We all have critical thinking skills and abilities. What you were talking about simply amounts to reproductive coercion/peer pressure. So, if we’re honest, most people who fall victim to those influences and decide to reproduce, are the weakest minded people on the planet. And the worst ones to be leading new life.
i never liked kids. But messed up must it be to have a child because you want a cute baby to fullfill your childhood brainwash and than this kid constantly does things that annoy you, make you come last in your own life and breaks your beloved posessions... Sadly people just see cute baby pics and think "I want one of those" without thinking it through.
You are correct, parents only see a baby not 50-90yr old then Death.. want a cute baby to fullfil their childhood brainwash... that's also correct, because female offspring are programmed to be sex slaves, maid servants and baby bearers via doll babies, strollers and easy bake ovens aka the kitchen and the bedroom aka compete and fight over and for stud horses/sexual predators.
My mom raised 6 kids with full time job ( my father worked outside the country) and I was second mom for my siblings, and now I'm 36. I'm not ready to mom yet.
Whenever I catch my brother trying to “let” his older kids (who only come to visit on the weekends basically) babysit his youngest full time child I yell at him… 😅 He’s always trying to pawn off his kids on everybody else and I don’t believe in kids being forced to babysit basically
I have always felt that the reason breeders are pissed at childfree people is because misery loves company. They are unhappy and they want them to be unhappy too.
As a a product of a parent who won’t admit that they never really wanted to be my parent (but actions show the real truth), this is so true. This parent wasn’t awful or the worst, but I always felt a coldness I can’t explain. If you aren’t sure, the relationship you have as an adult with your parents really brings it to light.
My mom definitely didnt like us especially me . She had a very very hard time caring for us and whenever she had to do even the smallest of tasks she would have a tantrum, mind you she had nannies looking after us. She was super critical of me even in my adulthood and always treated me like i was doing something wrong. Thank gwady ive gone no contact for he last 9 years . She's gone her whole life letting me know that she doesn't like me ,and to be honest i really dont like her too😅. And ive decided to be childfree . That life is not for me.
i remember being 6 and asking my mom to make me scrambled eggs before school. she stomped her feet, moaned, rolled her eyes and stomped to the kitchen. Witnessing her be more immature than me was something else.
I wouldn't be so hard on your moms ladies. Millions of women have kids because they believe they have to, not because they want to. That unwillingness is then manifested in abuse and neglect of the children they never wanted. It is a vicious cycle. That is why, as a society, we have definitely got to change this "must have kids" narrative and let women know it is OK to be childfree.
@gothica3605 My mom refused to fetch us from school even though she was only asked to do it 3 or 4 times in her entire life.This lady does not know where the primary schools I went to are. I'm surprised that doing the bare minimum for your child can lead to such a strong reaction. I hope you are giving yourself the care that your mom couldn't give❤️
I used to work with a woman who was like this. She was a teacher and she told her oldest daughter that if she won a laptop as a fundraiser prize, she would give it away to another family because they were the type of family that could afford to buy it. Mind you, she had $80,000 in student loan debt! Her daughter was in 4th grade and the mom thought that she could give away something that her daughter would have won as if it belonged to the mom! I could tell she didn't like her daughter and I suspect it's because she tried to take the day-after pill, but it didn't work. So she had a kid she didn't want.
That's a sick, disgusting b***h! You said the daughter *was* in 4th grade at the time. I hope the daughter is grown now and away from that evil monstrosity! The mom could've gotten an abortion if the morning-after pill didn't work!
@@sickofit5547 You are spot on. She told me she got with her husband on the first night they met. She also used to tell me that she hated waking up and seeing his face in the morning. 🤷
It takes a village, not a mom, not a dad, not a grandparent, not a teacher, not a coach,….ALLL OF THEM. The whole dang village! And NO ONE wants to help or be involved. Children aren’t seen as people with value in need of COLLECTIVE help and guidance. When it’s all in 2 people when an entire environment can effect the child, it’s not fun, or joyous in most cases
Sorry, but I have no intention of being part of anyone's village because they chose to procreate. I know how hard and thankless being a parent is (especially a mother), so I opted out. If I don't want my own kids, I'm not being bothered with other people's kids, not even family.
So...a few questions: 1. What exactly is so "wrong" with that? Meaning, what's so "wrong" about not wanting to be bothered? 🤔 Genuinely asking. 2. It doesn't take a village to raise a kid. 3. It *does* take a mom and a dad to raise a kid (*that never asked to be here, might I add*) because the mom and the dad were the ones that decided to lay down, spread legs, screw and make a copy & paste version of themselves in the form of a human! Everyone else or whomever the "village" is - this "village" wasn't in the bed making said child. So I'm not understanding what role they would play, nor why they would play it. 😕🤷 4. Shouldn't "the village" get a say/vote on whether or not they want to contribute/partake in/be apart of childrearing? I would imagine the people of said "village" have lives of their own with stuff going on and things they'd like to do. Maybe aspirations they'd like to accomplish/see come into fruition, maybe places they'd like to travel and so-on. Not exactly sure how they'd be able to do those things if they're stuck taking care of a child that they didn't help bring into this world.
We are group animals. But the nuclear family destroyed the "village". You can't blame people who never learned to live with a group that they don't want to care for people around them that aren't members of their nuclear family or extendet family.
There is a whole page on Instagram, dedicated to kids having accidents, hurting themselves, etc. and it has millions of followers. Most of them I believe are actually parents. Because these people are secret sadists at the end of the day. And they do not love themselves or what they create. They actually take pleasure in children’s pain.
@@azureavocado5195wtf that is…I can’t stand evil human beings and there’s so many that love to hurt innocent beings like kids and animals. Let the planet explode,,,no I wish all the truly evil would explode instead.
We also need to discuss the brainwashing of you must have children. We have to also discuss that babies don't make you a woman. Bc some parents didn't wantor it need kids. At 46 and married for 20 years and 28 together hs & college and no kids(our decisions). I see both sides. I have nieces and nephews and Godchildren. I love them but they get to home. It's a lifetime commitment. We don't tell our children the truth of having children. Live life before you give life.
40 years ago people didn't think about being a man or a woman. That stuff came up with wokies and all of the sexual identities. I am 21 and I never asked if I was a woman my whole life. I just feared unwanted pregnancy. Had my sterilisation, now I am safe. Still no questions of me being a woman.
@@CordeliaWagner as I said I'm 46 I don't need anyone to tell me I'm a woman. When the discussion comes to kids pp act as if I need pity or I not whole. Wrong, I made a choice after much searching, understanding and my future. Stay safe out there even with sterilization comes the risk of infections. Keep on living my parents taught me " live life before you give life. You don't change a child world. They change yours and if you know that isn't your space. Then don't be forced into doing it" life is about choices not being made to do something.
@@TiondaRaeNothing wrong with being woke. That is a heck of a lot better than blindly following societal dictates of what we have to do with our lives based on gender.
I have to say, I wasn't expecting the men who commented to speak to my personal opinion, especially our Indian brother (who, btw, we see you in these confessional streets) who stated he realized his parents have no idea who he is as a person. It took me until I was in my forties to realize that my mother (father passed in my early twenties) has no idea who I am. And sadly, hasn't really been interested in discovering who I am. Extending grace, I have come to terms with the fact that she never took the time to figure out who she is. Going from parents, to husband, to being a mom, then a single one, to a wife again, then the mother of four additional children. All the while trying to convince herself being a wife and mom was all she ever wanted. Lies. Falsehoods and tall tales. So, like our Asian brother stated, it took me becoming an adult to recognize the disconnect. Never developing the tools to pour into her children a strong sense of self. Likes, dislikes, interests, ambitions, goals beyond what society told her she should want...how could I expect that she would know how to now see my individuality?
As a childfree teacher for almost 20 years parents still generally LOVE their children. I think it's coming to terms that they're their own self actualizing human beings that can be DIFFICULT.
The lady talking about the covid shutdowns reminded me of the slew of parents who were demanding teacher pay to watch over their own kids during the day, or to have their kids in the house while the teachers were doing online schooling with the kids. Yeah. Parents were demanding a salery to have their own kids during the day.
Lol as a ex middle school teacher ...before COVID I couldn't even get a email response about grades...after COVID I was getting gifts , food , and thank you for all you do notes 😂ppl definitely didn't want their kids around or can't handle the reality of what it takes ...a village , loved this video so many teachers and nannies don't have children but are great at caring for them,loved the different perspectives, single parents stay strong it's definitely harder for them with no breaks ,no days off 💯
I feel bad for the Indian guy and every child/teenager/ adult that feels this way. I don’t think humans were meant to just mindlessly reproduce which is why we’re seeing so many parents with resentment towards their children. I was the perfect baby/child and teen growing up but once I hit adulthood and life came at me fast I had and still have a lot of struggles I’m working on which threw my mom for a loop because in her words “I didn’t see this future for you”. People don’t realize It’s very easy to want a child when you THINK they’re gonna turn out exactly how you want but life throws us curve balls and your child is their own conscience being with their own specific purpose that may be outside of what you dreamt for them. Not only that but trauma , disorders mentally/ physically and spiritual things get passed down to your child so if you haven’t worked on yourself and your partner hasn’t either your just creating another cycle of trauma for your child. I’m going through this now dealing with things passed down from both my mom & dad and it’s honestly hard. Sometimes I really wished she would’ve taken all the time in the world to have me when she was mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually ready, but everything happens for a reason.
You nailed it perfectly! What a beautiful and well thought out comment.Thank you so much. You basically took what is in my mind and just set it out better than I ever could. 🙏🥹 I agree children of immigrant parents have a different experience than parents who actually have a relationship with their kids. For the immigrants it is just mindless reproduction, as you stated perfectly. Just to continue the family name or humanity rather than focusing on the quality of humans being brought into existence. Parents don't realize that kids do eventually need to be independent and be adults, so why not educate and encourage betterment within he house rather than depending on others to do the work for you. I don't get it... why have kids just to get rid of them or have them do the same boring sheet you did? Again, thank you for your comment.
@@LadyCoyKoiIn certain cultures it’s not even about reproduction or continuation of the family name . It’s about marrying your kids off into prominent families . Like selling them to rich families and then get business deals out of it. I knew an Indian girl who’s parents arranged her marriage into rich family’s son . He creeped the hell out of her so left her family and continued her studies .
Mindless reproduction made more sense in the days before automation and vaccines - most people were farmers and needed free labor, and had to have 12 kids to make sure that 6 of them lived past the age of 5. These days, it's not an imperative to breed serfs, and we no longer have cemeteries full of infants.
Also anyone who has mental disorders or personality disorders need to think extra hard if they want to possibly have kids and pass it on to them that way too. You mentioned it basically but some don’t think about how like for example if you have bipolar disorder or even major depressive disorder you can pass it through your genes into your child also.
I love your response. No, humans are not meant to mindlessly reproduce. And that is exactly what so many do. It's easier and less scary to perform the life script than find out what you want and go against the grain. Having kids is the no-brainer way to be constantly congratulated for just having sex. There are no more worries of purpose or intention or figuring out what life is about. No more loneliness. A built-in retirement plan. Endless subsidies from the government and many Christian and private organizations. Constant adulation from literally all of society. Man maybe I need to go back and reconsider some things; I'm living life on HARD rn. 😂
A person who knows they won't be a good parent and makes the decision to not have kids is the most selfish unselfish thing. There are people we looked at or hear about and wonder why they had kids. Sometimes those stories be so heartbreaking. There are people who have kids for the wrong reasons, and it shows.
0:03 Its the gatorade lady!! also this just proves my theory that people have kids as a way to fulfill an expectation instead of actually wanting to have and raise kids.
I heard a stand-up comedian joke that his friend who wanted to get a vasectomy was required to first do a psych. eval. Made no sense because if they realised he wasn't too stable they would doubt his ability to choose to not have kids... but not his ability to be a parent!?!? Where is the logic?
My mom doesn't like me. When you become an adult and before you become an adult you realize your parent or parents don't like you. I used to think it was me .and try to improve and was also a ppl pleaser. Until I realized you can't make anyone like you. She doesn't like my strong personality, she doesn't like that she can't control me, she doesn't like that I was never a child you could manipulate, I have always had my own mind, once I got older she couldn't bully me anymore also I called her out on all her *hit. She has always done the bare minimum for me yet when my aunt offered to take me she got mad and wouldn't give me to her. Some ppl don't like their kid's, don't want to be parents but will pretend because they don't want to be judged. I am 44 years old and the stuff this lady has done to me privately when she thought no one was paying attention is disgusting. She still doesn't like me because she is pushy and bossy and like to tell ppl what to do but offer no help and I tell her just that..I have boundaries and don't put up with her stuff and she says I have a smart mouth. I have grown to accept it and realize I am not required to deal with her and her fake like for me so I don't bit she panics when I disappear and go no contact because god forbids a child you don't like stop communicating with you 😒😒. I struggled with anger as a young mom especially when my relationship with my son's father didn't work. I think I was depressed and overwhelmed as a young mom at 26 and my daughter was diagnosed with cerebral palsy at age 2 years old. I honestly don't think I was a good mother until my kid's was about 10 and 8 years old. Then I went through a phase of depression, then I became angry again because my disabled daughter turned very aggressive during puberty and violent and then for the longest I was mad at God because I did everything my own mother and father didn't do and I get stuck with a disabled child. I love my kid's and it's nothing I wouldn't do for them but I was unprepared mentally and emotionally for parenting which isn't good. I wish I had made better decisions for my kid's and waited to have them when I was more stable or just not had them
Did you ever look into mental Illness? Mental disorders? Angry depressed angry depressed or was it the circumstance’s for sure causing the up downs? Cause mental Illness could be there and makes everything even harder and more intense and sometimes people don’t even realize it. Sometimes it’s genetic and passed down along with the trauma from bad parents who also might have a mental illness disorder or personality disorder.
@@KagomeYasha023 I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder in 2017. I swallowed some pills but a lot of my depression is usually environmental or circumstantial. Depending on what's going on with me or in my life. Toxic ppl and stress can definitely trigger me also my trauma is more triggering to me as an adult now
My family is upset I won't fall for the trap and I encourage my other cousins to think if it's for them or not. Children are not a requirement. There are more ways than children to find meaning and purpose in your life. I know for a fact that I would not have a support system, my mother doesn't even watch her existing grandchild. I would hate being constantly touched. I don't want to roll the genetic dice, some kids are easy and some are not just due to personality. There is a possibility that no matter what you will F them up some how some way intentional or unintentional, you yell one time time and now it's core memory. I have a groqn brother who complains he never got his own birthday, there are two other ppl only 2 days apart from his birthday, why would he get his own birthday and neither have I. I would rather regret not having them than regret having them
Is it therapeutic to admit that and work on yourself from there. By teen ages, having another person you don't like from the beginning will create chaos. And kids will pick up on that. 😢
The Asian guy still doesn't understand that his Parents pain and suffering isn't his to carry and the Parents obligation is to make sure that your Children never suffer nor face any preventable pain. Guilt tripping your Children is abuse. I am glad that the Indian guy seemed to understand his unfortunate situation and therefore he'd raise his Children differently.
Why is no one talking about how having kids will bring up hidden childhood trauma that you forgot about? And I can see now how me trying to overcome my own trauma is causing a different kind of trauma for my own child.
15:25 omg this dude literally spelled out the story of my life as a child of African immigrants. I always felt bad that I never felt super close with my parents, despite our relationship being amicable. But I've had to accept maintaining a peaceful relationship with them means never being truly open with them about who I am as a person.
I work in an after-school daycare to kinders in a diverse area where 85% are children of immigrants and it shocks me how most of the immigrant parents will throw their kid's artwork in the trash(and in front of them) no matter how proud the child is, no matter how much time they worked on it, it's gotten to the point where the parents don't want us doing anymore art projects and crafts, they don't even want us to let them have free play with friends, nope, they wants us to be a strict secondary school and teach their children to code and sit still for all hours (they're 5yrs-old). I get it, they want their kids to suceed, have a great head start, and gain every advantage they were denied in life. I know their high expectations for their children comes from love and most of all trauma, it's just that it's so psychologically damaging to never let children express themselves and have free play with friends and not only that but to devalue it as frivolous not seeing that it's key to building social confidence and emotional maturity. I've seen the negative effects in real time again and again, how burned out they become and the self conscious anxiety they develop.
My friends who chose to have children and life long financial debt always come over to whine about their husbands and kids. All I want is a quiet peaceful life, I don't want to hear parents whining about their self-induced greedy problems and regrets.
As a mom of 1 kid , this blows my mind. I love my child and their personality lol. Having said that , i dont understood people who dont love/like their kids. These are the same ones who will have 2,3,4+ children. I can sleep in. I have self care days. Idk. I really cant relate , and i think its weird because they will tell you , you should have had kids. Also children are their own independent persona from you. No, they are not meant to be robots to carry out your failed dreams and aspirations.
The NUMBER ONE thing people say to me when I tell them I am not having kids is "Who will take care of you when you are old?" It never fails. They ALL say it. This is why I no longer have any sympathy for old people abandoned in nursing homes. Their motivation for having those kids was completely self serving.
@Childfree334 exactly. That's weird as hell to me. I wanna make sure I've done what I needed to do in life so I can take care of myself. Weird flex to have kids just to force them to care for you later.
I have 2 daughters and I adore them. I think the difference is I wanted kids and I had my kids ten years apart so I never had more than one small child at a time. I thought about what it could handle before having kids and it seems too many people are having kids without thinking about what having them really means and how it affects your life and their lives.
I am a single child free woman but I’ve been spending the summer with my niece to give my sister a break. It’s exhausting. I don’t sleep in because she wakes me up to cook or to play with her. So I tell her I’ll play with her in an hour and every half hour she wakes me up saying has it been an hour? Then I’ll wake up with toys in my hand or I’ll wake up to her loud iPad playing in my ears. And on my days off I try to take her somewhere like the science center or an amusement park. And I try to take her to the park after work. I’m exhausted and nothing is better than the peace I have when I’m alone😅
I'm sorry you got bailed on at birth. I just beg that you not question your own worth because of people who could not take care of you. That is NOT your fault. They left you for whatever reason (they were young, had mental health or substance abuse issues, were poor or homeless, came from a bad home themselves, etc). That is not a reflection on you. Oftentimes it is better to be abandoned than raised by people who didn't want to be parents. I often wish I could erase my own existence and I come from a fairly decent 2 parent home. However, I could tell my mother regretted us and her life, but would never verbalize it. IMO, this life is not a gift. That is why I choose to be childfree. I wish you the best. I really do.
I hope you got to be in a better situation than what they could’ve given you and it was worth it and you didn’t suffer growing up. Obviously it wouldn’t feel good to feel and be abandoned but like above said they probably knew they couldn’t take care of you and were hoping you were with someome(s) that could take care of you.
My mother is a narcissist and truly hates me. She’s seen my older brother physically beat me up and did nothing about it. A decade later she still seems no reason I can’t “get over it” and for a plethora of other reasons I am no contact with her. She turned my other siblings against me and I have absolutely no family. Most people need to be stopped from having kids or have their kids taken from them. Having a parent like this is another reason I don’t ever want to have children. The cycle has to end and while I’m nothing like my mother, I’d never risk doing to another person what she’s done to me.
During the panorama, I know of parents ie dads who begged to come into the office or refused to work from home so they didn’t have to deal with their kids. Some had to be forced to work from home and they were all the way mad about it. And these were teens who could look after themselves for the most part not little kids that required full time attention. A lot folks secretly wish they made different decisions even though they say, to please society, that they love their kids.
Because of your content, women and girls like me don't have to go through the world blind to the fact that there are more than one ways to live a life. Thank you, I'll be waiting until I'm secure
Salute to the women who are mothers, at one point when I was married I wanted one child but by year 3 our marriage was over. I walked away childless because at the time my ex was making 63k and was making 41k. We couldn’t afford a baby. FFwd 5 years later I decided it’s not for me at all. I would assume the stress of it all is one of the contributing factors to unhappiness with children, not necessarily that the parents don’t like their children.
I love your thinking regarding not bringing a child into the world because you couldn’t afford to. With 61K & 43K you realized how much of a struggle it would be to have a child while many others only have 10 cents total but won’t stop having children! Children need more than love that way they aren’t raised hearing “I put a roof over your head”.
My mom raised three kids on $35k and we didn't want for anything... Our dad paid child support when he had it as he worked for himself most of my life. You all are really reaching with these excuses.
@@So_CatoI would say you are right but also times are expensive and on top of now ppl don’t want kids and the entire package does not look fun to people
@@So_CatoIf your Mom raised 3 kids on $35K then she was living in a different time, or y'all lived in an area where the cost of living is miniscule. You know, those places where nobody wants to live. We are talking about TODAY. It is difficult for one person to live on $35K let alone raise kids on such a low salary. I make well into the six figures and have an ideal life in which to raise children. I just simply don't want any children. Never have and never will. I am certainly not going to do something as destructive as encourage poor people to have them and make their lives even harder. If you want to have multiple kids on a low salary, God Bless you.
I had a great time with my kiddos during the pandemic…. I thought it was gonna be tough, but it was really nice to spend time with them.: Being a parent is a hard thankless job… There are times where yes, you don’t like them, but you love them.. And there are times where you experience the greatest joys being a parent.. Although I absolutely luv being a mom, if I hadn’t partnered up with my hubby, I would’ve absolutely opted out.. As a person who grew up in a household where I wasn’t wanted, If you do not want children please plz don’t have any, don’t make a person grow up knowing they weren’t wanted.. You have no idea how much ur doing to that persons life..
Some parents also put the child raising duties onto the other siblings. This is what my parents did. Made me baby sit all the time, it totally discouraged me from having kids ever. I’m childfree now and I wouldn’t say that was the whole reason, but it was about 80%.
Yes yes yes, immigrant parents are like this!!! They know barely anything about me. They don't care about individualism. That guy was spot on! But yes, they love us but don't really like us. Lol
I’m not even shocked, a lot of ppl don’t want kids, or want them but are not aware of how hard it’s going to be. My mom really wanted me, my dad not so much. Fast forward ( I am a whole adult), my father will tell you that I am the best thing he’s ever done 😂. But it didn’t start out that way. I think we all need to have real conversations about these things, and even ask our parents about their experiences and what were the toughest parts, what they sacrificed, etc. so we can stop glamorizing parenthood.
Not for me. The cost has nothing to do with it. As an APRN my salary is certainly enough to sufficiently support 2-3 children. I just don't want any children. Never have, never will. The mother gene is just not in me.
The one who pointed out how our parents may've resented us, and we sensed that resentment...very real, very true. I'm so glad folks are openly talking about this kinda stuff. When I was trying to figure out my conflicted feelings towards my single parent as a young adult, I'd get shut down so fast if I even hinted at a problem. Ppl were quick to say my parent did the best they could, and that I needed to be grateful that I had someone to raise me. Basically shaming me into silence. Oh, and then how dare I not jump at the "opportunity" to accept the absent parent into my life after I'd been raised. Actually I tried...again and again, until I realized it wasn't worth the drama of their trying to rewrite history and force me to accept their narrative as to why they weren't around. It's not like that parent was in jail or didn't have a car btw -- just willfully absent. I was willing to let all that go and start over, but they were hell-bent on getting me to see things from their POV and not at all interested in knowing me for me. Sad but true.
I identify with how the young man at the end feels because i am experiencing the same thing. I am child free because i have trauma that i am trying to heal as an adult. I don’t know how to love myself let alone a child.
I definitely agree about the statement of ppl not liking their kids. I disagree with the idea that you never need a break as a parent, she put it out there like ppl weren't working in the pandemic,and struggling with childcare when school was virtual for awhile. She made it seem like they were sick of their kids, not trying to keep their jobs.
Ummm NO. They were definitely angry about having to be home all day with their own children, not about struggling with childcare and work. I was in the trenches, I was online qith Telehealth having to deal with all the crying and complaining parents. Even the SAHM were hella angry 😡 that they couldn't get rid of their kids for those 6-7 hours a day.
@@Childfree334there was a lot that were angry about what you said and about what OP said together and separately two things can be true or one or the other
*Im a single mom and im quick to tell a woman Live your life and if u dont want kids thats okay still live ur life* 🤷🏿♀️ I KNOW PLENTY OF MOME WHO HATE THEIR KIDS I KNOW PLENTY OF CHILD FREE WOMEN WHO LOVE THEIR LIFE 🤷🏿♀️ DO WHATS BEST FOR YOU
I had 6. Homeschooled all of them. Loved it! Wouldn’t trade that time with them for the world. If you don’t like kids, please, do the rest of us a favor and don’t have them.
My parents had 4 children together. I am the youngest out of the 3. They tried their best but honestly, I feel as if they should have never had that amount of kids. Sure, there was a roof over my head. But, most of the time the house was always messy, was roach infested. I could barely breathe in that house. They smoked and drank (especially my mother, she would smoke and drink) Whenever they smoked, they did it inside. Sure, we had computers and new ways to play video games. I don't really care about all of that. They gave up on me in school, they would whoop me whenever I made a bad grade... They never tried to find out if I had a learning disability (I found out I do later around when I turned 20) I ended up just hiding my school work, I had to hide myself. I couldn't trust them to not beat me. I couldn't even be comfortable in my own home. They couldn't pay bills so our water and electricity was always turned off, I went to school with dirty clothes.. I talked to my dad when I was helping him move and he brought up having kids.. I told him I was never going to have any. He said to me "You weren't planned! You just popped out!" Mind you, I am the last child. I was upset, not because he told me I wasn't planned (I already knew that, the way they raised me) But, because he really thought that kids just pop out. They dont. You made a decision and you lived with it. It hurt because, it felt like he wasn't even listening to me! I resonated with the man around 20:25. I have gone no contact with my two brothers and rarely do I text my sister. I have no sense of family, I had a hard time making friends in school because of this. I don't have support from family. I feel lost and confused about what I'm supposed to do.
Your friend is volunteering a human being into this world just so that she can have nine months of attention from her husband and friends and family. The crazy thing is this thought never crosses her mind ever. 🤦🏽♀️
I cannot physically have children of my own because of abuse that I received as a child at the hands of My adoptive parents but it's beautiful to see that God finds a way to bless you even in the face of hurtful odds! I have 3 beautiful Goddaughters I have five Grandchildren and two Great-Grandsons through my marriage so I am beautifully blessed when it comes to little ones in my life but I also understand that me not being able to have children of my own is somewhat a blessing because I get to work on my trauma and be a better person for my spouse and for my self and my Grands and Great-Grandson and God children, really for all of my family that I have in my immediate reality its a blessing when they need or want my counsel because I get to council with reasoning and understanding knowing that I'm not drawing from a place of hurt and dismay and I also don't have to function on survival mode or fight or flight mode just my opinion ! Sending much love and peace to everyone on this channel!
I do have to add that this is not a new revelation. Growing up you see the effects of the parents that are not involved in their kids lives. Having child free women share their experiences is helpful to destigmatize that the only way to happiness is becoming a mother or even a wife.
My mum handed me and my brother over to Docs due to Domestic Violence from my Step dad. Me and my brother were in foster care for 8 years then my Grandparents took me and my brother in been with them since.
Amen- from a child free person. Not all try to glamorize having children. Many do. Kudos to those who admit they don’t like it. It may actually help them keep their sanity.,
I told my parents at 12 I never wanted kids. I was th youngest of 6 to parents who where not great but got so upset when I told them I would never be a mother. Fast forward I'm 57,feeling great, no kids. I like being an auntie, you play a little and hand them back. It's great.
I'm 37 and child free, never been pregnant, and maybe this is why. I always felt like my parents didn't like me as much as they did my siblings. I was treated like a maid, babysitter, and bodyguard for my siblings, etc. I was doing laundry, scrubbing tubs, and toilets as young as 5 yrs old. Not having kids has been a blessing for me. I had to raise myself in a way, so how can I raise a child. I wouldn't have been a good mom and I could never mis treat a child
You can't say they had no choice, as hard as people come at you. You just have to be brave enough to use your own brain to figure out what you want for your own life and stick with it.
It's sad to see, but I can understand it. Personally, I feel as if my parents weren't meant to be parents either. Objectively, they were extremely irresponsible and though they tried their best-when they tried, it has put things in a very messy place for us. I don't speak to my mother, and though I live with my father, it's a very rocky and unstable relationship. And his wife on top of that and bam, just an unpleasant living situation. Sometimes, I regret that my choices as a child play a pivotal role of getting me out of foster care and a potential adoption. I could say more, but I feel that'd be too personal for youtube comments lol.
I think the biggest thing a new parent or up-and-coming parent needs to know is this: your child isn't an extension if you. They have their own body, personality and life ahead of them. DONT try to make them a mini YOU. Just don't. Encourage and support who they are, what they love, and please please please stop with the spanking and screaming. It's so traumatic. I am 43 and I am STILL working through trauma with my mom and dad because I was spanked and left in a room to cry for hours until I fell asleep, my little heart breaking, and when I got up in the morning, everyone acted like nothing had happened....I felt worthless and invisible. I also think the world is shifting drastically regarding patriarchy. Women are dog ass tired of taking care of the kids almost only by themselves, running a household mostly by themselves and STILL working full time!!!! It's madness!! Make sure you marry someone who will be in the parental trenches WITH you. As a team. It can work beautifully when you have TWO committed parents, not one committed parent and one absent parent (like my dad, unless he was raging and spanking😢) We need to help each other when one person is burned out. Give them a break while you pick up slack and then vice versa. There are sooooo many tools out there to successfully discipline your kids with patience and love, _without_ physical abuse and rage/anger/guilt/shame. To hear that many parents are disappointed in their kids is heartbreaking 😢 This was my greatest fear as a kid and young adult. It's horrifying to be trying to blossom into a person when you can _feel_ your parents disappointment....even if they don't say it, you can FEEL it 😢
Ngl but women look CRAZY AF out here. Why are you breeding? We are all second class citizens…so why create more? And we know there’s no upside, gains or any real purpose in all of this. So why are y’all still breeding like this 😑
Made my decision at 10 years old to never have children. I still want to enjoy my inner child and get to do the hobbies that I always dreamed of doing, sleeping (I LOVE sleep), alone time (even from my husband, I love him but I need my me time to recharge), spontaneous activities I can do at a drop of hat. Also, not worry about my hypothetical child not getting the mental illness or the chance of breast cancer which thankfully jumped me and I thank God every damn day because that was a VERY emotional 2016 New Years Eve day with me and my family.
I love and am content with the 1 I have. Ppl kept telling me I’ll change my mind, and mines is a decade and I said from they were 1 until now that I’m one and done. And they always look at me like 😮. 😂😂😂😂
This is why I love the Addams' Family... they are weird but overall I can respect and admire how Gomez and Mortica Addams LOVE and feel so PROUD of their children. I want to add something to the whole pandemic quarantine situation and how afterwards parents were quick to throw their kids out with something that Gomez Addams stated it best to a principal or super attendant at a local school...Here is their conversation... Sam L. Hilliard : But they've got to go to school. Everybody sends their kids to school. Gomez Addams : Ridiculous. Why have children just to get rid of them? I'm opposed to the whole nonsense. I agree with Mr. Addams... if I truly love my kids I would anything and everything to keep them around longer. I would do activities with them. However, I am childfree and prefer to stay that way, because my Autism can't stand being touched or hugged. I hate that. I understand the importance of it working closely with kids though and would adapt for them, especially knowing that parents at the end regret kids... like d@mn. Even with my disabled @$$ my mom never felt regret. He felt bad of course, because God gave her a tough dealt of hand to play, but I think she managed to at least feel some joy her daughter grew up to be a woman that doesn't take sheet from anyone and can defend herself. Meanwhile, so many other women with disabilities aren't or weren't as lucky. That I can be blessed and thankful about... being loved by your parent is truly a gift that keeps on giving, because it transcends into loving your own or other peoples' kids. My mother loved ,e otherwise she wouldn't had fought the way she did. There are moments I wished she did differently and treated me more fairly and kind like she did with my siblings... they received more mercy than I ever did. But i think she did it to harden me and made me into a battle tank.
8:10.....I feel her omg....I stopped at one cause I wanted a child but I knew i was not built to have a bunch of children....when I say this or when I say "2 kids is too many" or when i would say " there's more to life than having children or being a wife", or when I would tell young girls live your life have a life b4 u decide to be a wife or mother... people would look at crazy 😂😂😂😂😂 so glad women are coming forward and telling it...every woman does not have to be a mother....and people should respect it instead of shaming these women....ty ladies thhhhaaannnkkkk u!!!!
My Mom had 5 kids, we were all born in the 70s and 80s, back when everyone really believed every woman needed to be a wife and a mother. From the time I was seven or eight my mom would tell us that if she had it to do over again none of us would have been born. I remember crying about that and asking her "wouldn't you miss us?" While she would be trying to explain that no she wouldn't because she wouldn't have ever known us. My childs mind couldn't comprehend this so it just broke my heart and I grew up believing my mom didn't love me. I'm so thankful that I actually enjoyed being a mom and would always tell people that I would want to hang out with my kids even if they weren't my kids. They are adults now and we still talk to each other all the time and they have told me that they consider me one of their best friends. Thank goodness they know that I don't just love them but that I also like the people they are.
I can't relate as a mom of twin boys that I actually love and enjoy (like). I don't regret having offspring in this lifetime. But are there hard moments, days, and years? YES!! Are there random days I'd like to not have the responsibility of being a mom? YES!! But I also wish I didn't have to work, do chores etc. Such is life. I workout, I've done therapy and care for myself to pour into my family. Balance is necessary. I don't believe you need to follow your kids around all day and never let them out of your sight. That's not healthy for them or you. They will become independent adults hopefully. Quality time should be frequent, be there for them and make sure you handle your personal issues.
People really just be autopiloting through life, not stopping to consider what decisions and actions will result in for their daily life and their future.
My family (ex. parents, brother, and other family carry the dysfunction). If I was able to cut myself away from them I would. I want to have a marriage and have my own kids, but I might wait another lifetime for all that.
This reminds me of my poor nephew. My cousin, his father, passed in 2021 due to a heart condition. His babymama (is a druggie) and doesn't want to raise him. My nephew is only five. Going to be 6 this year. My mom even said in photos that he "looks like a war veteran" and truly he looks really sad. Babymama parties, has a job on the street corner (ya'll know what I mean) and doesn't want to raise him. I feel like she never wanted my nephew due to her lifestyle and it really is messing with my nephew's mental health. My poor aunt has cancer and once she passes, I am unsure what will happen to my nephew. Because my aunt isn't biologically related to my mom ("aunt" as in mom's best friend) we probably aren't going to be able to help raise him once she passes. Babymama's family didn't like dealing with me and my mom at my cousin's funeral. They kept trying to kidnap my nephew the entire time. I seriously fear for my nephew due to this. Real talk....should I call CYS due to my worries over this? I really don't know what to think. If I was allowed to care for him, I'd try to take him in but idk if that's possible.
17:30 I love this guy! What he says is soooo true! I am re-parenting myself currently. It's important work but it's HARD! Then you throw in love-languages and each individuals needs being different....and some parents weren't taught how to uncover that with themselves or their kids so that everyone feels the love ❤
I think my mom loves me but doesn't like me as a person. And honestly, I feel the same way about her. But, I don't think I felt that way until I realized she felt that way. I would wake up every day and just automatically give getting along with her a chance until she called me a name, said I should've been doing this household chore, and said I wasn't doing enough. I'd be lucky to get through the morning without her practically cussing me out, let alone the whole day. Honestly, I think she calls me names more times in a day than she does my actual name. After a while, I stopped trying with her. When i was born she was expecting a modest Muslim girl that just helped her around the house and would eventually live a copy of her life. I know that because literally every day she compares to some random cousin that is that. So, i realized after all the insults and comparisons that she might love me as a daughter and might die for but if she had the opportunity to switch me at birth, she probably would. And from that, i knew that i might love her as a mother and want her to be healthy and live a long life, but i am truly disgusted by her as a person. There are very few things about her that would make me happy to say that this person is my mother. And it's why I've told my brothers that they are the ones who are going to have to take care of her because living with her every day is something I'm doing now and every time i hear her speak, she manages to make me hate her and myself. And i have to crawl out of that pit of hating myself over and over. I can't move out and live that part of my childhood again.
A lot of parents don't like their children, because it's like looking in a mirror.
Boom. Thats what it is.
Thank you, it's really that simple, that child is a reflection of what they did or did not do. Raising and training methods that may have been absent. It's that simple.
BINGO!
Or they don't like the other parent and the child resembles him or her
Especially if they didn't like the other parent.
They kill me with that.. “not that I regret my children but”… that’s EXACTLY what that means! 😂😂
I think a lot do love their children, but hate the sacrifices of motherhood. I read “regretting motherhood” the book and a lot of women speak that way, others feel detached.
@@AngelVocal I love my daughter but if I could go back… no, I wouldn’t do it. Mostly because it’s been so tragic for BOTH of us. Now, if I could chose to have her later in life with a better partner… absolutely!
The subreddit Regretful Parents is downright heartbreaking.
@ar7115
@@MamiTT237right it’s too complex to paint every mother that speaks out as “regretful of the actual kid”
Like no the kid doesn’t bother them, lovely to be around
It’s the fact that dad was hitting them or etc
Not the kids fault
Don’t regret them persay
Life is just to complex for the mockery in this way
More people also need to talk about being baby-trapped.
Yep....that's true
My sister was. I feel bad for her. The guy literally said “I did it so you can stay with me and the baby will give me purpose”
What?!
How does that happened when there is birth control?
Yes. This almost happened to me when I was 22. I thank God I didn't stick around and have that baby. He was later convicted of statutory rape. She was 15.
@@michelek7672
Believe it not, there's actual men that will literally poke holes in condoms right before screwing, while the girl is on HER OWN form of birth control and she can still end up pregnant. I know that sounds weird and hard to believe but its happened before.
Personally, I agree with you.
I don't know why people can't just be abstinent and single. Abstinence and solitude is a form of self-love, its indescribably peaceful and it doesn't get you baby-trapped. But that's just me. 🤷
A lot of parents regret having children. (More than we think) they just won’t admit it
Then go do something about that. Stop complaining about it online. Do your part and shut up.
These are often those who openly hate childfree people.
I think a lot of people do. I think most people are under the impression that children will be the thing that adds meaning to their life. And I think most come to realize that kids don’t do for their life what they were expecting.
Facts
I’m a parent of one child I don’t regret having my son I’m just not having any more children.
I don't think my parents "don't like" me, but they're disappointed that I am... an actual person. My mom dreamed of me becoming a popular cheerleader then marrying a hot, rich guy and living in a big house. Basically, her dream. Instead, I joined the military, moved half way across the country to LA where I'm studying film. I am interesting person. I taught myself how to play violin and guitar and I write film scripts. They've never asked to hear a song or read a script. Any phone call is basically "have you eaten? Do you need money?" I haven't asked for money in ten years....But yeah. This explains why I seek out both male and female mentors - Moms and Dads - because I want someone to be interested in ME as a person. Not as an "extension" of themselves.
i’m sorry 😢
I think you are pretty awesome, I would LOVE to learn the guitar that’s crazy!
This happens so more often than they think, my mom wanted for me to be a doctor is something, I choose arts and while is low pay I'm having fun, the thing is she is the one asking me for money and when I complain she said I need to pursue other things to win more money BUT when I try anything new my mother constantly asks for attention and someone to make her food and help her... Parents are tiring, not having kid I already have a mom/kid
You are an amazing person ❤
I know a mother and her daughters (who are expecting) that are like your mom. Even at the gender reveal they were already making plans that involved their children making up for what they couldn't do. I already pity those children.
I am a mother. I think if you don't like your own kids, it is your responsibility to find a way to like them because they didn't choose to come here.
Someone has said. Having a baby is a selfish act.
Things like:
I want unconditional love
I want someone with me
They give me purpose
You can give yourself all of that. Why would you put a child through your trauma or unnecessary pain bc YOU need them around?
This! All the way! 💯💯💯💯
If you don't like something then shut up 🤐. Problem solved.
Absolutely. Ask anyone why they had kids and it is always one of those reasons. Let's also not forget the number one reason of "who will take care of you when you are old?" 😢
Exactly!! Parents with these thought processes makes me sick 🤢 and I made sure that I wasn't going to date or marry anyone with parents who thought like this, they make horrible inlaws...they have a problem letting their adult children live their lives..I can't..too attached to their grown kids instead of having lives of their own
The basic reason for having children is biological necessity. Without children the human race ends. It’s pretty simple and therefore absolutely not selfish. It’s actually the opposite, having children is a selfless act because of the sacrifice required for even giving life.
My daughter, who is 12 has said on several occasions that she doesn't want children. It comes out of nowhere lol. I don't blame her nor will I ever pressure her.
My oldest is 25 (girl) and my second oldest is 22 (boy). They both told me this society is trash. Why would they bring kids to this dying earth to suffer? Specially, now that a small group is holding the country hostage and taking rights away. My 14 year old son said he is only having one child.
Smart girl.
Make sure she knows how to do an STD test and prevent pregnancy.
In 2023 a girl can't trust condoms. = stealthing
@@jltdqwWhenever my nephews say they are only having one child I tell them they aren't having anything. They will just be pumping inside a woman who will then be doing all the work.
I'm sad that my oldest says this. I won't pressure her, but I'm not going to lie, I hope she eventually does, and wants too, when she is older.my brothers wife didn't want to have kids, he already had a teen so he wasn't pushing her. Well they accidentally got pregnant and now she can't imagine not having them.. she had 3 so far. I know this isn't always the case. Either way I want my daughter happy.
@@gelflingfayI hope your daughter doesn't have kids just because she senses YOU want grandkids. That would be so unfair to her. Too many women out here having babies because it is what other people want. She is the one who will be stuck with kids that YOU wanted her to have. Don't do that to her.
I know a woman who had a kid to outlive her dreams thru her. She put her daughter in ballet school and got constantly mad at her when she dissaponted her mom.
Wow 😲 that's terrible
A lot of these parents are selfish af that’s why they had the kids
Trying to make her child like the things she liked. My girlfriend always got angry with her son because he didn’t like/wasn’t good at math. And she would scream at him that if she liked it he was supposed to like it too.
You should read I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy. Her mother was the worst of living your life through your child.
@@jonniehickson5599 her mother reminds me of kit culkin macauley culkin father he totally lived through his oldest son
I am not having kids because I can't be the FATHER. No pregnancy, no childbirth, no bleeding, no pain, no PPD, no societal expectations of hands on care, being able to walk away with little stigma, being praised for doing the bare minimum (he changed a diaper? What a WONDERFUL father he is 😏), having to pay a miniscule amount of child support if I did abandon the kid, letting the mother do most of the work but the kid still gets my last name and carries on my lineage. That's what I'm talking about.
What legacy???
@@CordeliaWagnerThere is no real legacy, but men think they have a legacy because their useless last names are being carried on.
That's why it's hard to find a man who doesn't want kids. It's so easy for them, so of course more of them would want one!
Excellent points!
Oh to be dad, the forever good cop, the fun one who introduces them to movies and takes them out to get ice cream
I was an accidental high schooler's baby. It's VERY evident that I wasn't wanted when growing up. But it was still a no-no to be having a baby out of wedlock so my parents did the shotgun wedding. The rest of my siblings showing up 6+ years later where wanted and loved. Their money and attention showed that they were wanted. I was made to be the third parent in their raising. My entire childhood was changing diapers, making bottles and helping them until I left for college. I have been at peace on my own ever since, told I'm a terrible sister/daughter because I don't want to be around any of them but for short periods of time.
I'm so sorry hun I know exactly what you mean, my parents are amazing yet you somehow become the 3rd parent , my brother is 9 years younger n I n my sister who is a year younger than me , we both did all the diaper changing, the shit cleaning, the feeding, the teaching, maybe that's why I'm choosing to be childfree now because I feel like I already parented
They didn’t even get better, they just had a live nanny/babysitter. I’m sorry that was your childhood, and I’m glad you’re away from it now
Live your life.
The pain of being the first born daughter. I’m so sorry and I completely understand because I’m a first born daughter too. 💔
There are so many parents that hate their kids for any reason. Mothers who are spiteful towards their daughters. Fathers who walk away from their sons. It's so sad. All children deserve a parent, but not every parent deserves a kid.
Yes! The same women and men will tell you to have kids. It gets on my nerves. “I raised my kids it’s my time to be free” Is the same shit I hear as a child free woman. “I don’t want to be a grandparent” It’s like….Why did you have children if you didn’t want to be around!?. A lot of people do not think things through they only want cute kids for the clout then want to be done with them.
Then quit whining and do something! If you don't like something then shut up. It's that simple.
That's why these breeders can't win.
Nobody decides to have kids because annoyingly agressive people tell them to.
Plus most childfree people have had hthought very long and deep about the consequences of life as a parent.
And these breeders can't come up with good Pro-arguments.
My parents gave me away when I was three years old. After the cute babyphase I was "to exhausting" for my stay at home mom. My grandparents took me in and adopted me.
My parents undid themselves shortly after when they drove home totally drunk from a party.
They didn't like me enough to sacrifice their partylife...
Some people just aren't ready for parenthood
@@abbeyjane5014 yep exactly
tthat is tough
Undid?
Im sorry hun damn you’ve had a lot of trauma. I hope you’re ok therapy
At 39, I would rather regret not having children than to regret having children. I am totally awesome with my choice to be childfree.
Right. You could literally have a kid within the year if that’s the case. There’s already made ones too 😭 they’re everywhere…but yeah, we need more….😅😅😅 ok ranting now
No, absolutely not. I am NEVER having children. I don’t need nor want any children. I am too old now to consider having children.@@hubabaloop
A lot of women are jealous of their daughters too, or try living vicariously through their children.
Of course, why else would female parents put their daughters on birth control at very early ages 15-16yrs old... basically telling their daughters it's alright to be a sex slave for stud horses... smh
Noticed that to
Yeah my mom was weirdly jealous of me and I still don’t understand that mentality. I don’t ever want to understand how a mother could be jealous of her own daughter and let it ruin her relationship with her daughter, rather and being a loving and caring mother.
My mum really disliked me. Everyone saw it. I'm not going to risk making my child feel the way I did. I'm childfree. I totally relate to the last person that spoke. The concept of family is soo confusing to me. I don't know what to make of it most times. I totally relate to what he says.
So sorry 😢😢😢😢
@@zolabison2744 thanks a lot ❤️
i agree, my mother hates me as i am not christian like her and i am female. i find the meaning of family quite alien uk
I love my daughter but I loathe being a parent. It’s non-stop and no one ever warned us about this. I’m glad that these conversations are finally being held.
there is plenty of warning, i don't understand that comment
@@beaulieuc8910yes there is tons of warning but people have their ears shut to it. I think it’s ego. And then the same people who had such big egos to think people were exaggerating about how hard it is to raise a kid (when in reality it’s 100x harder) are angry they made a choice that changed their entire lives and rather than accepting that responsibility was theirs for making their choices, they get mad at the people who made better choices…
some people are made to feel obligated to have children through culture, religion or through parents guilt tripping them into having children.
🙂
We all have critical thinking skills and abilities.
What you were talking about simply amounts to reproductive coercion/peer pressure.
So, if we’re honest, most people who fall victim to those influences and decide to reproduce, are the weakest minded people on the planet.
And the worst ones to be leading new life.
😊
😊
@@azureavocado5195it's kind of mental abuse and conditioning. You don't know until you know
i never liked kids. But messed up must it be to have a child because you want a cute baby to fullfill your childhood brainwash and than this kid constantly does things that annoy you, make you come last in your own life and breaks your beloved posessions...
Sadly people just see cute baby pics and think "I want one of those" without thinking it through.
You are correct, parents only see a baby not 50-90yr old then Death.. want a cute baby to fullfil their childhood brainwash... that's also correct, because female offspring are programmed to be sex slaves, maid servants and baby bearers via doll babies, strollers and easy bake ovens aka the kitchen and the bedroom aka compete and fight over and for stud horses/sexual predators.
My mom raised 6 kids with full time job ( my father worked outside the country) and I was second mom for my siblings, and now I'm 36. I'm not ready to mom yet.
You’ve already been a mom technically (parentification) so you’re not ready to be a mom AGAIN yet (or ever) & there’s nothing wrong with that.
@@LearnAsYouGo. 🩷
Whenever I catch my brother trying to “let” his older kids (who only come to visit on the weekends basically) babysit his youngest full time child I yell at him… 😅
He’s always trying to pawn off his kids on everybody else and I don’t believe in kids being forced to babysit basically
I have always felt that the reason breeders are pissed at childfree people is because misery loves company. They are unhappy and they want them to be unhappy too.
Truth
Breeders is such a sh*t way to refer to people. Grow tf up.
As a a product of a parent who won’t admit that they never really wanted to be my parent (but actions show the real truth), this is so true. This parent wasn’t awful or the worst, but I always felt a coldness I can’t explain. If you aren’t sure, the relationship you have as an adult with your parents really brings it to light.
My mom definitely didnt like us especially me . She had a very very hard time caring for us and whenever she had to do even the smallest of tasks she would have a tantrum, mind you she had nannies looking after us. She was super critical of me even in my adulthood and always treated me like i was doing something wrong. Thank gwady ive gone no contact for he last 9 years . She's gone her whole life letting me know that she doesn't like me ,and to be honest i really dont like her too😅. And ive decided to be childfree . That life is not for me.
You endet intergenerational family trauma! 🍾🥂🥳🏆🎖
i remember being 6 and asking my mom to make me scrambled eggs before school. she stomped her feet, moaned, rolled her eyes and stomped to the kitchen. Witnessing her be more immature than me was something else.
Did your dad's help at all?
I wouldn't be so hard on your moms ladies. Millions of women have kids because they believe they have to, not because they want to. That unwillingness is then manifested in abuse and neglect of the children they never wanted. It is a vicious cycle. That is why, as a society, we have definitely got to change this "must have kids" narrative and let women know it is OK to be childfree.
@gothica3605 My mom refused to fetch us from school even though she was only asked to do it 3 or 4 times in her entire life.This lady does not know where the primary schools I went to are. I'm surprised that doing the bare minimum for your child can lead to such a strong reaction.
I hope you are giving yourself the care that your mom couldn't give❤️
I used to work with a woman who was like this. She was a teacher and she told her oldest daughter that if she won a laptop as a fundraiser prize, she would give it away to another family because they were the type of family that could afford to buy it. Mind you, she had $80,000 in student loan debt! Her daughter was in 4th grade and the mom thought that she could give away something that her daughter would have won as if it belonged to the mom! I could tell she didn't like her daughter and I suspect it's because she tried to take the day-after pill, but it didn't work. So she had a kid she didn't want.
💔💔💔💔💔
That's a sick, disgusting b***h!
You said the daughter *was* in 4th grade at the time.
I hope the daughter is grown now and away from that evil monstrosity! The mom could've gotten an abortion if the morning-after pill didn't work!
@@duskytraveller8261 It's so heartbreaking.
Yeah a lot of these people aren’t sexual discipline and blame their damn kids.
@@sickofit5547 You are spot on. She told me she got with her husband on the first night they met. She also used to tell me that she hated waking up and seeing his face in the morning. 🤷
It takes a village, not a mom, not a dad, not a grandparent, not a teacher, not a coach,….ALLL OF THEM. The whole dang village! And NO ONE wants to help or be involved. Children aren’t seen as people with value in need of COLLECTIVE help and guidance. When it’s all in 2 people when an entire environment can effect the child, it’s not fun, or joyous in most cases
Yeah, and guess who's fault that is. YOURS! Go do your part and STFU.
Sorry, but I have no intention of being part of anyone's village because they chose to procreate. I know how hard and thankless being a parent is (especially a mother), so I opted out. If I don't want my own kids, I'm not being bothered with other people's kids, not even family.
So...a few questions:
1. What exactly is so "wrong" with that? Meaning, what's so "wrong" about not wanting to be bothered? 🤔
Genuinely asking.
2. It doesn't take a village to raise a kid.
3. It *does* take a mom and a dad to raise a kid (*that never asked to be here, might I add*) because the mom and the dad were the ones that decided to lay down, spread legs, screw and make a copy & paste version of themselves in the form of a human! Everyone else or whomever the "village" is - this "village" wasn't in the bed making said child. So I'm not understanding what role they would play, nor why they would play it. 😕🤷
4. Shouldn't "the village" get a say/vote on whether or not they want to contribute/partake in/be apart of childrearing? I would imagine the people of said "village" have lives of their own with stuff going on and things they'd like to do. Maybe aspirations they'd like to accomplish/see come into fruition, maybe places they'd like to travel and so-on. Not exactly sure how they'd be able to do those things if they're stuck taking care of a child that they didn't help bring into this world.
This. They dismantle the village to abandon the children
We are group animals.
But the nuclear family destroyed the "village".
You can't blame people who never learned to live with a group that they don't want to care for people around them that aren't members of their nuclear family or extendet family.
The facebook group " I regret having children" helps cements my stance on being an anti-natalist.
There is a whole page on Instagram, dedicated to kids having accidents, hurting themselves, etc. and it has millions of followers.
Most of them I believe are actually parents.
Because these people are secret sadists at the end of the day.
And they do not love themselves or what they create.
They actually take pleasure in children’s pain.
@@azureavocado5195wtf that is…I can’t stand evil human beings and there’s so many that love to hurt innocent beings like kids and animals. Let the planet explode,,,no I wish all the truly evil would explode instead.
We also need to discuss the brainwashing of you must have children. We have to also discuss that babies don't make you a woman. Bc some parents didn't wantor it need kids. At 46 and married for 20 years and 28 together hs & college and no kids(our decisions). I see both sides. I have nieces and nephews and Godchildren. I love them but they get to home. It's a lifetime commitment. We don't tell our children the truth of having children. Live life before you give life.
40 years ago people didn't think about being a man or a woman.
That stuff came up with wokies and all of the sexual identities.
I am 21 and I never asked if I was a woman my whole life.
I just feared unwanted pregnancy. Had my sterilisation, now I am safe. Still no questions of me being a woman.
Think before you breed is also good advice.
@@CordeliaWagner as I said I'm 46 I don't need anyone to tell me I'm a woman. When the discussion comes to kids pp act as if I need pity or I not whole. Wrong, I made a choice after much searching, understanding and my future. Stay safe out there even with sterilization comes the risk of infections. Keep on living my parents taught me " live life before you give life. You don't change a child world. They change yours and if you know that isn't your space. Then don't be forced into doing it" life is about choices not being made to do something.
@@CordeliaWagner Wokies??!!! You could have kept this to yourself.
@@TiondaRaeNothing wrong with being woke. That is a heck of a lot better than blindly following societal dictates of what we have to do with our lives based on gender.
The immigrant comment resonated with me though I am black American. A lot of our parents don’t really know their children.
Parents forget that children will feel it. They will know if the parents dislike them. Or are disappointed with them. Children are not stupid.
I have to say, I wasn't expecting the men who commented to speak to my personal opinion, especially our Indian brother (who, btw, we see you in these confessional streets) who stated he realized his parents have no idea who he is as a person. It took me until I was in my forties to realize that my mother (father passed in my early twenties) has no idea who I am. And sadly, hasn't really been interested in discovering who I am. Extending grace, I have come to terms with the fact that she never took the time to figure out who she is. Going from parents, to husband, to being a mom, then a single one, to a wife again, then the mother of four additional children. All the while trying to convince herself being a wife and mom was all she ever wanted. Lies. Falsehoods and tall tales. So, like our Asian brother stated, it took me becoming an adult to recognize the disconnect. Never developing the tools to pour into her children a strong sense of self. Likes, dislikes, interests, ambitions, goals beyond what society told her she should want...how could I expect that she would know how to now see my individuality?
Damn....you're all just spilling so many truths and lessons. Thank you for sharing this.
Soooo many of my friends & people I know have told me not to have kids & that I’m not missing out on anything. So I know this is true !!
I have zero desire to have kids and no amount of social pressure will make me any different. I love freedom
As a childfree teacher for almost 20 years parents still generally LOVE their children. I think it's coming to terms that they're their own self actualizing human beings that can be DIFFICULT.
The lady talking about the covid shutdowns reminded me of the slew of parents who were demanding teacher pay to watch over their own kids during the day, or to have their kids in the house while the teachers were doing online schooling with the kids.
Yeah. Parents were demanding a salery to have their own kids during the day.
Wait, what????!
That's insane to me. Truly shines a light on things.
Lol as a ex middle school teacher ...before COVID I couldn't even get a email response about grades...after COVID I was getting gifts , food , and thank you for all you do notes 😂ppl definitely didn't want their kids around or can't handle the reality of what it takes ...a village , loved this video so many teachers and nannies don't have children but are great at caring for them,loved the different perspectives, single parents stay strong it's definitely harder for them with no breaks ,no days off 💯
I feel bad for the Indian guy and every child/teenager/ adult that feels this way. I don’t think humans were meant to just mindlessly reproduce which is why we’re seeing so many parents with resentment towards their children. I was the perfect baby/child and teen growing up but once I hit adulthood and life came at me fast I had and still have a lot of struggles I’m working on which threw my mom for a loop because in her words “I didn’t see this future for you”. People don’t realize It’s very easy to want a child when you THINK they’re gonna turn out exactly how you want but life throws us curve balls and your child is their own conscience being with their own specific purpose that may be outside of what you dreamt for them. Not only that but trauma , disorders mentally/ physically and spiritual things get passed down to your child so if you haven’t worked on yourself and your partner hasn’t either your just creating another cycle of trauma for your child. I’m going through this now dealing with things passed down from both my mom & dad and it’s honestly hard. Sometimes I really wished she would’ve taken all the time in the world to have me when she was mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually ready, but everything happens for a reason.
You nailed it perfectly! What a beautiful and well thought out comment.Thank you so much. You basically took what is in my mind and just set it out better than I ever could. 🙏🥹 I agree children of immigrant parents have a different experience than parents who actually have a relationship with their kids. For the immigrants it is just mindless reproduction, as you stated perfectly. Just to continue the family name or humanity rather than focusing on the quality of humans being brought into existence. Parents don't realize that kids do eventually need to be independent and be adults, so why not educate and encourage betterment within he house rather than depending on others to do the work for you. I don't get it... why have kids just to get rid of them or have them do the same boring sheet you did? Again, thank you for your comment.
@@LadyCoyKoiIn certain cultures it’s not even about reproduction or continuation of the family name . It’s about marrying your kids off into prominent families . Like selling them to rich families and then get business deals out of it. I knew an Indian girl who’s parents arranged her marriage into rich family’s son . He creeped the hell out of her so left her family and continued her studies .
Mindless reproduction made more sense in the days before automation and vaccines - most people were farmers and needed free labor, and had to have 12 kids to make sure that 6 of them lived past the age of 5. These days, it's not an imperative to breed serfs, and we no longer have cemeteries full of infants.
Also anyone who has mental disorders or personality disorders need to think extra hard if they want to possibly have kids and pass it on to them that way too. You mentioned it basically but some don’t think about how like for example if you have bipolar disorder or even major depressive disorder you can pass it through your genes into your child also.
I love your response. No, humans are not meant to mindlessly reproduce. And that is exactly what so many do. It's easier and less scary to perform the life script than find out what you want and go against the grain. Having kids is the no-brainer way to be constantly congratulated for just having sex. There are no more worries of purpose or intention or figuring out what life is about. No more loneliness. A built-in retirement plan. Endless subsidies from the government and many Christian and private organizations. Constant adulation from literally all of society. Man maybe I need to go back and reconsider some things; I'm living life on HARD rn. 😂
A person who knows they won't be a good parent and makes the decision to not have kids is the most selfish unselfish thing. There are people we looked at or hear about and wonder why they had kids. Sometimes those stories be so heartbreaking. There are people who have kids for the wrong reasons, and it shows.
0:03 Its the gatorade lady!! also this just proves my theory that people have kids as a way to fulfill an expectation instead of actually wanting to have and raise kids.
I heard a stand-up comedian joke that his friend who wanted to get a vasectomy was required to first do a psych. eval. Made no sense because if they realised he wasn't too stable they would doubt his ability to choose to not have kids... but not his ability to be a parent!?!? Where is the logic?
My mom doesn't like me. When you become an adult and before you become an adult you realize your parent or parents don't like you. I used to think it was me .and try to improve and was also a ppl pleaser. Until I realized you can't make anyone like you. She doesn't like my strong personality, she doesn't like that she can't control me, she doesn't like that I was never a child you could manipulate, I have always had my own mind, once I got older she couldn't bully me anymore also I called her out on all her *hit. She has always done the bare minimum for me yet when my aunt offered to take me she got mad and wouldn't give me to her. Some ppl don't like their kid's, don't want to be parents but will pretend because they don't want to be judged. I am 44 years old and the stuff this lady has done to me privately when she thought no one was paying attention is disgusting. She still doesn't like me because she is pushy and bossy and like to tell ppl what to do but offer no help and I tell her just that..I have boundaries and don't put up with her stuff and she says I have a smart mouth. I have grown to accept it and realize I am not required to deal with her and her fake like for me so I don't bit she panics when I disappear and go no contact because god forbids a child you don't like stop communicating with you 😒😒.
I struggled with anger as a young mom especially when my relationship with my son's father didn't work. I think I was depressed and overwhelmed as a young mom at 26 and my daughter was diagnosed with cerebral palsy at age 2 years old. I honestly don't think I was a good mother until my kid's was about 10 and 8 years old. Then I went through a phase of depression, then I became angry again because my disabled daughter turned very aggressive during puberty and violent and then for the longest I was mad at God because I did everything my own mother and father didn't do and I get stuck with a disabled child. I love my kid's and it's nothing I wouldn't do for them but I was unprepared mentally and emotionally for parenting which isn't good. I wish I had made better decisions for my kid's and waited to have them when I was more stable or just not had them
Did you ever look into mental Illness? Mental disorders? Angry depressed angry depressed or was it the circumstance’s for sure causing the up downs? Cause mental Illness could be there and makes everything even harder and more intense and sometimes people don’t even realize it. Sometimes it’s genetic and passed down along with the trauma from bad parents who also might have a mental illness disorder or personality disorder.
@@KagomeYasha023 I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder in 2017. I swallowed some pills but a lot of my depression is usually environmental or circumstantial. Depending on what's going on with me or in my life. Toxic ppl and stress can definitely trigger me also my trauma is more triggering to me as an adult now
My family is upset I won't fall for the trap and I encourage my other cousins to think if it's for them or not. Children are not a requirement. There are more ways than children to find meaning and purpose in your life.
I know for a fact that I would not have a support system, my mother doesn't even watch her existing grandchild. I would hate being constantly touched. I don't want to roll the genetic dice, some kids are easy and some are not just due to personality. There is a possibility that no matter what you will F them up some how some way intentional or unintentional, you yell one time time and now it's core memory. I have a groqn brother who complains he never got his own birthday, there are two other ppl only 2 days apart from his birthday, why would he get his own birthday and neither have I.
I would rather regret not having them than regret having them
Exactly. I find happiness and purpose in helping to heal sick people/children. I have never coveted motherhood.
Is it therapeutic to admit that and work on yourself from there. By teen ages, having another person you don't like from the beginning will create chaos. And kids will pick up on that. 😢
The Asian guy still doesn't understand that his Parents pain and suffering isn't his to carry and the Parents obligation is to make sure that your Children never suffer nor face any preventable pain. Guilt tripping your Children is abuse. I am glad that the Indian guy seemed to understand his unfortunate situation and therefore he'd raise his Children differently.
Why is no one talking about how having kids will bring up hidden childhood trauma that you forgot about? And I can see now how me trying to overcome my own trauma is causing a different kind of trauma for my own child.
The trick is that you get a second chance.
Y’all are not missing out believe me.
15:25 omg this dude literally spelled out the story of my life as a child of African immigrants. I always felt bad that I never felt super close with my parents, despite our relationship being amicable. But I've had to accept maintaining a peaceful relationship with them means never being truly open with them about who I am as a person.
I work in an after-school daycare to kinders in a diverse area where 85% are children of immigrants and it shocks me how most of the immigrant parents will throw their kid's artwork in the trash(and in front of them) no matter how proud the child is, no matter how much time they worked on it, it's gotten to the point where the parents don't want us doing anymore art projects and crafts, they don't even want us to let them have free play with friends, nope, they wants us to be a strict secondary school and teach their children to code and sit still for all hours (they're 5yrs-old). I get it, they want their kids to suceed, have a great head start, and gain every advantage they were denied in life. I know their high expectations for their children comes from love and most of all trauma, it's just that it's so psychologically damaging to never let children express themselves and have free play with friends and not only that but to devalue it as frivolous not seeing that it's key to building social confidence and emotional maturity. I've seen the negative effects in real time again and again, how burned out they become and the self conscious anxiety they develop.
My friends who chose to have children and life long financial debt always come over to whine about their husbands and kids. All I want is a quiet peaceful life, I don't want to hear parents whining about their self-induced greedy problems and regrets.
She just needs someone to listen and I think she trusts you, listening to someone is the most beautiful gift.
This has been going on for years. I'm sure some of you have heard grown people say their parent, or parents didn't like them.
As a mom of 1 kid , this blows my mind. I love my child and their personality lol. Having said that , i dont understood people who dont love/like their kids. These are the same ones who will have 2,3,4+ children. I can sleep in. I have self care days. Idk. I really cant relate , and i think its weird because they will tell you , you should have had kids. Also children are their own independent persona from you. No, they are not meant to be robots to carry out your failed dreams and aspirations.
It’s not for you to understand.
The NUMBER ONE thing people say to me when I tell them I am not having kids is "Who will take care of you when you are old?" It never fails. They ALL say it. This is why I no longer have any sympathy for old people abandoned in nursing homes. Their motivation for having those kids was completely self serving.
@Childfree334 exactly. That's weird as hell to me. I wanna make sure I've done what I needed to do in life so I can take care of myself. Weird flex to have kids just to force them to care for you later.
I have 2 daughters and I adore them. I think the difference is I wanted kids and I had my kids ten years apart so I never had more than one small child at a time. I thought about what it could handle before having kids and it seems too many people are having kids without thinking about what having them really means and how it affects your life and their lives.
I am a single child free woman but I’ve been spending the summer with my niece to give my sister a break. It’s exhausting. I don’t sleep in because she wakes me up to cook or to play with her. So I tell her I’ll play with her in an hour and every half hour she wakes me up saying has it been an hour? Then I’ll wake up with toys in my hand or I’ll wake up to her loud iPad playing in my ears. And on my days off I try to take her somewhere like the science center or an amusement park. And I try to take her to the park after work. I’m exhausted and nothing is better than the peace I have when I’m alone😅
My biological parents bailed on me at birth. I would like to think, maybe perhaps they could have liked me, if they maybe got to know me?! 😂
I'm sorry you got bailed on at birth. I just beg that you not question your own worth because of people who could not take care of you. That is NOT your fault. They left you for whatever reason (they were young, had mental health or substance abuse issues, were poor or homeless, came from a bad home themselves, etc). That is not a reflection on you. Oftentimes it is better to be abandoned than raised by people who didn't want to be parents. I often wish I could erase my own existence and I come from a fairly decent 2 parent home. However, I could tell my mother regretted us and her life, but would never verbalize it. IMO, this life is not a gift. That is why I choose to be childfree. I wish you the best. I really do.
I hope you got to be in a better situation than what they could’ve given you and it was worth it and you didn’t suffer growing up. Obviously it wouldn’t feel good to feel and be abandoned but like above said they probably knew they couldn’t take care of you and were hoping you were with someome(s) that could take care of you.
They probably didn't not like you ,they probably wanted you to have a better life
My mother is a narcissist and truly hates me. She’s seen my older brother physically beat me up and did nothing about it. A decade later she still seems no reason I can’t “get over it” and for a plethora of other reasons I am no contact with her. She turned my other siblings against me and I have absolutely no family. Most people need to be stopped from having kids or have their kids taken from them. Having a parent like this is another reason I don’t ever want to have children. The cycle has to end and while I’m nothing like my mother, I’d never risk doing to another person what she’s done to me.
During the panorama, I know of parents ie dads who begged to come into the office or refused to work from home so they didn’t have to deal with their kids. Some had to be forced to work from home and they were all the way mad about it. And these were teens who could look after themselves for the most part not little kids that required full time attention. A lot folks secretly wish they made different decisions even though they say, to please society, that they love their kids.
Because of your content, women and girls like me don't have to go through the world blind to the fact that there are more than one ways to live a life. Thank you, I'll be waiting until I'm secure
Salute to the women who are mothers, at one point when I was married I wanted one child but by year 3 our marriage was over. I walked away childless because at the time my ex was making 63k and was making 41k. We couldn’t afford a baby. FFwd 5 years later I decided it’s not for me at all. I would assume the stress of it all is one of the contributing factors to unhappiness with children, not necessarily that the parents don’t like their children.
I love your thinking regarding not bringing a child into the world because you couldn’t afford to. With 61K & 43K you realized how much of a struggle it would be to have a child while many others only have 10 cents total but won’t stop having children! Children need more than love that way they aren’t raised hearing “I put a roof over your head”.
My mom raised three kids on $35k and we didn't want for anything... Our dad paid child support when he had it as he worked for himself most of my life. You all are really reaching with these excuses.
@@So_CatoI would say you are right but also times are expensive and on top of now ppl don’t want kids and the entire package does not look fun to people
@@So_CatoIf your Mom raised 3 kids on $35K then she was living in a different time, or y'all lived in an area where the cost of living is miniscule. You know, those places where nobody wants to live. We are talking about TODAY. It is difficult for one person to live on $35K let alone raise kids on such a low salary. I make well into the six figures and have an ideal life in which to raise children. I just simply don't want any children. Never have and never will. I am certainly not going to do something as destructive as encourage poor people to have them and make their lives even harder. If you want to have multiple kids on a low salary, God Bless you.
I had a great time with my kiddos during the pandemic…. I thought it was gonna be tough, but it was really nice to spend time with them.: Being a parent is a hard thankless job… There are times where yes, you don’t like them, but you love them.. And there are times where you experience the greatest joys being a parent.. Although I absolutely luv being a mom, if I hadn’t partnered up with my hubby, I would’ve absolutely opted out.. As a person who grew up in a household where I wasn’t wanted, If you do not want children please plz don’t have any, don’t make a person grow up knowing they weren’t wanted.. You have no idea how much ur doing to that persons life..
I am not a touchy feely person, but I can not imagine a parent who doesn’t like to be touched by their toddler to me that one of the best feelings
I remember a parent at my child's school telling me that I was lucky that I only had 1 child and she looked miserable.
Some parents also put the child raising duties onto the other siblings. This is what my parents did. Made me baby sit all the time, it totally discouraged me from having kids ever. I’m childfree now and I wouldn’t say that was the whole reason, but it was about 80%.
Having kids is not for the faint of heart
Yes yes yes, immigrant parents are like this!!! They know barely anything about me. They don't care about individualism. That guy was spot on! But yes, they love us but don't really like us. Lol
I’m not even shocked, a lot of ppl don’t want kids, or want them but are not aware of how hard it’s going to be. My mom really wanted me, my dad not so much. Fast forward ( I am a whole adult), my father will tell you that I am the best thing he’s ever done 😂. But it didn’t start out that way. I think we all need to have real conversations about these things, and even ask our parents about their experiences and what were the toughest parts, what they sacrificed, etc. so we can stop glamorizing parenthood.
Is it teally the high cost or do people don't want kids because they thought it through?
I think it's mostly about the high cost of living
Not for me. The cost has nothing to do with it. As an APRN my salary is certainly enough to sufficiently support 2-3 children. I just don't want any children. Never have, never will. The mother gene is just not in me.
The one who pointed out how our parents may've resented us, and we sensed that resentment...very real, very true. I'm so glad folks are openly talking about this kinda stuff. When I was trying to figure out my conflicted feelings towards my single parent as a young adult, I'd get shut down so fast if I even hinted at a problem. Ppl were quick to say my parent did the best they could, and that I needed to be grateful that I had someone to raise me. Basically shaming me into silence. Oh, and then how dare I not jump at the "opportunity" to accept the absent parent into my life after I'd been raised. Actually I tried...again and again, until I realized it wasn't worth the drama of their trying to rewrite history and force me to accept their narrative as to why they weren't around. It's not like that parent was in jail or didn't have a car btw -- just willfully absent. I was willing to let all that go and start over, but they were hell-bent on getting me to see things from their POV and not at all interested in knowing me for me. Sad but true.
I identify with how the young man at the end feels because i am experiencing the same thing. I am child free because i have trauma that i am trying to heal as an adult. I don’t know how to love myself let alone a child.
We all are suffering from some type of trauma 🤷🏽♀️
You being child free ain’t none of my business any more than me having children is yours.
I believe everyone should live the life they want, not the life other people want for you.
I definitely agree about the statement of ppl not liking their kids. I disagree with the idea that you never need a break as a parent, she put it out there like ppl weren't working in the pandemic,and struggling with childcare when school was virtual for awhile. She made it seem like they were sick of their kids, not trying to keep their jobs.
Ummm NO. They were definitely angry about having to be home all day with their own children, not about struggling with childcare and work. I was in the trenches, I was online qith Telehealth having to deal with all the crying and complaining parents. Even the SAHM were hella angry 😡 that they couldn't get rid of their kids for those 6-7 hours a day.
@@Childfree334there was a lot that were angry about what you said and about what OP said together and separately two things can be true or one or the other
*Im a single mom and im quick to tell a woman Live your life and if u dont want kids thats okay still live ur life* 🤷🏿♀️ I KNOW PLENTY OF MOME WHO HATE THEIR KIDS
I KNOW PLENTY OF CHILD FREE WOMEN WHO LOVE THEIR LIFE 🤷🏿♀️ DO WHATS BEST FOR YOU
I had 6. Homeschooled all of them. Loved it! Wouldn’t trade that time with them for the world. If you don’t like kids, please, do the rest of us a favor and don’t have them.
My parents had 4 children together. I am the youngest out of the 3. They tried their best but honestly, I feel as if they should have never had that amount of kids. Sure, there was a roof over my head. But, most of the time the house was always messy, was roach infested. I could barely breathe in that house. They smoked and drank (especially my mother, she would smoke and drink) Whenever they smoked, they did it inside. Sure, we had computers and new ways to play video games. I don't really care about all of that. They gave up on me in school, they would whoop me whenever I made a bad grade... They never tried to find out if I had a learning disability (I found out I do later around when I turned 20) I ended up just hiding my school work, I had to hide myself. I couldn't trust them to not beat me. I couldn't even be comfortable in my own home. They couldn't pay bills so our water and electricity was always turned off, I went to school with dirty clothes..
I talked to my dad when I was helping him move and he brought up having kids.. I told him I was never going to have any. He said to me "You weren't planned! You just popped out!" Mind you, I am the last child. I was upset, not because he told me I wasn't planned (I already knew that, the way they raised me) But, because he really thought that kids just pop out. They dont. You made a decision and you lived with it. It hurt because, it felt like he wasn't even listening to me!
I resonated with the man around 20:25. I have gone no contact with my two brothers and rarely do I text my sister. I have no sense of family, I had a hard time making friends in school because of this. I don't have support from family. I feel lost and confused about what I'm supposed to do.
Your friend is volunteering a human being into this world just so that she can have nine months of attention from her husband and friends and family. The crazy thing is this thought never crosses her mind ever. 🤦🏽♀️
Yep
If these parents do not think that their dislike could possibly give their child a complex or mental disorder...😑
I cannot physically have children of my own because of abuse that I received as a child at the hands of My adoptive parents but it's beautiful to see that God finds a way to bless you even in the face of hurtful odds! I have 3 beautiful Goddaughters I have five Grandchildren and two Great-Grandsons through my marriage so I am beautifully blessed when it comes to little ones in my life but I also understand that me not being able to have children of my own is somewhat a blessing because I get to work on my trauma and be a better person for my spouse and for my self and my Grands and Great-Grandson and God children, really for all of my family that I have in my immediate reality its a blessing when they need or want my counsel because I get to council with reasoning and understanding knowing that I'm not drawing from a place of hurt and dismay and I also don't have to function on survival mode or fight or flight mode just my opinion ! Sending much love and peace to everyone on this channel!
Am glad to see you see the blessing in your situation 🙏🏽🤎🤎🤎🤎
I do have to add that this is not a new revelation. Growing up you see the effects of the parents that are not involved in their kids lives. Having child free women share their experiences is helpful to destigmatize that the only way to happiness is becoming a mother or even a wife.
My mum handed me and my brother over to Docs due to Domestic Violence from my Step dad. Me and my brother were in foster care for 8 years then my Grandparents took me and my brother in been with them since.
I hope you're well-cared for and loved.
@@Yelkz367Thankyou for your kind words and we are 😊
Amen- from a child free person. Not all try to glamorize having children. Many do. Kudos to those who admit they don’t like it. It may actually help them keep their sanity.,
Omfg, I hate being touched unless I'm willing. I am usually not willing. At All. Little children & dogs are my nemesis.
Y do you hate. Or you just dislike it.
I told my parents at 12 I never wanted kids. I was th youngest of 6 to parents who where not great but got so upset when I told them I would never be a mother. Fast
forward I'm 57,feeling great, no kids. I like being an auntie, you play a little and hand them back. It's great.
I'm 37 and child free, never been pregnant, and maybe this is why. I always felt like my parents didn't like me as much as they did my siblings. I was treated like a maid, babysitter, and bodyguard for my siblings, etc. I was doing laundry, scrubbing tubs, and toilets as young as 5 yrs old. Not having kids has been a blessing for me. I had to raise myself in a way, so how can I raise a child. I wouldn't have been a good mom and I could never mis treat a child
You can't say they had no choice, as hard as people come at you. You just have to be brave enough to use your own brain to figure out what you want for your own life and stick with it.
And I mean in today's America. We have the privilege here, if more people would just exercise a bit of forethought.
It's sad to see, but I can understand it. Personally, I feel as if my parents weren't meant to be parents either. Objectively, they were extremely irresponsible and though they tried their best-when they tried, it has put things in a very messy place for us. I don't speak to my mother, and though I live with my father, it's a very rocky and unstable relationship. And his wife on top of that and bam, just an unpleasant living situation. Sometimes, I regret that my choices as a child play a pivotal role of getting me out of foster care and a potential adoption. I could say more, but I feel that'd be too personal for youtube comments lol.
I think the biggest thing a new parent or up-and-coming parent needs to know is this: your child isn't an extension if you. They have their own body, personality and life ahead of them. DONT try to make them a mini YOU. Just don't. Encourage and support who they are, what they love, and please please please stop with the spanking and screaming. It's so traumatic. I am 43 and I am STILL working through trauma with my mom and dad because I was spanked and left in a room to cry for hours until I fell asleep, my little heart breaking, and when I got up in the morning, everyone acted like nothing had happened....I felt worthless and invisible.
I also think the world is shifting drastically regarding patriarchy. Women are dog ass tired of taking care of the kids almost only by themselves, running a household mostly by themselves and STILL working full time!!!! It's madness!!
Make sure you marry someone who will be in the parental trenches WITH you. As a team. It can work beautifully when you have TWO committed parents, not one committed parent and one absent parent (like my dad, unless he was raging and spanking😢)
We need to help each other when one person is burned out. Give them a break while you pick up slack and then vice versa.
There are sooooo many tools out there to successfully discipline your kids with patience and love, _without_ physical abuse and rage/anger/guilt/shame.
To hear that many parents are disappointed in their kids is heartbreaking 😢 This was my greatest fear as a kid and young adult. It's horrifying to be trying to blossom into a person when you can _feel_ your parents disappointment....even if they don't say it, you can FEEL it 😢
Ngl but women look CRAZY AF out here.
Why are you breeding?
We are all second class citizens…so why create more?
And we know there’s no upside, gains or any real purpose in all of this.
So why are y’all still breeding like this 😑
Love this take! Absolutely true!
For real 💯
But men are doing it too they need to be slapped around with sense and reality also
🎯
Made my decision at 10 years old to never have children. I still want to enjoy my inner child and get to do the hobbies that I always dreamed of doing, sleeping (I LOVE sleep), alone time (even from my husband, I love him but I need my me time to recharge), spontaneous activities I can do at a drop of hat. Also, not worry about my hypothetical child not getting the mental illness or the chance of breast cancer which thankfully jumped me and I thank God every damn day because that was a VERY emotional 2016 New Years Eve day with me and my family.
I love and am content with the 1 I have. Ppl kept telling me I’ll change my mind, and mines is a decade and I said from they were 1 until now that I’m one and done. And they always look at me like 😮. 😂😂😂😂
"...that your shaping an entire _human?!_ Yikes!"
Right?!?! It's a HUGE deal!
My mother didn’t like me and told me so. It seemed that she blamed for not being a boy.
Lol. Our society is so broken.
This is definitely true I get crap all the time cause I’m childfree
This is why I love the Addams' Family... they are weird but overall I can respect and admire how Gomez and Mortica Addams LOVE and feel so PROUD of their children. I want to add something to the whole pandemic quarantine situation and how afterwards parents were quick to throw their kids out with something that Gomez Addams stated it best to a principal or super attendant at a local school...Here is their conversation...
Sam L. Hilliard : But they've got to go to school. Everybody sends their kids to school.
Gomez Addams : Ridiculous. Why have children just to get rid of them? I'm opposed to the whole nonsense.
I agree with Mr. Addams... if I truly love my kids I would anything and everything to keep them around longer. I would do activities with them. However, I am childfree and prefer to stay that way, because my Autism can't stand being touched or hugged. I hate that. I understand the importance of it working closely with kids though and would adapt for them, especially knowing that parents at the end regret kids... like d@mn. Even with my disabled @$$ my mom never felt regret. He felt bad of course, because God gave her a tough dealt of hand to play, but I think she managed to at least feel some joy her daughter grew up to be a woman that doesn't take sheet from anyone and can defend herself. Meanwhile, so many other women with disabilities aren't or weren't as lucky. That I can be blessed and thankful about... being loved by your parent is truly a gift that keeps on giving, because it transcends into loving your own or other peoples' kids. My mother loved ,e otherwise she wouldn't had fought the way she did. There are moments I wished she did differently and treated me more fairly and kind like she did with my siblings... they received more mercy than I ever did. But i think she did it to harden me and made me into a battle tank.
8:10.....I feel her omg....I stopped at one cause I wanted a child but I knew i was not built to have a bunch of children....when I say this or when I say "2 kids is too many" or when i would say " there's more to life than having children or being a wife", or when I would tell young girls live your life have a life b4 u decide to be a wife or mother...
people would look at crazy 😂😂😂😂😂 so glad women are coming forward and telling it...every woman does not have to be a mother....and people should respect it instead of shaming these women....ty ladies thhhhaaannnkkkk u!!!!
My Mom had 5 kids, we were all born in the 70s and 80s, back when everyone really believed every woman needed to be a wife and a mother.
From the time I was seven or eight my mom would tell us that if she had it to do over again none of us would have been born. I remember crying about that and asking her "wouldn't you miss us?" While she would be trying to explain that no she wouldn't because she wouldn't have ever known us.
My childs mind couldn't comprehend this so it just broke my heart and I grew up believing my mom didn't love me.
I'm so thankful that I actually enjoyed being a mom and would always tell people that I would want to hang out with my kids even if they weren't my kids. They are adults now and we still talk to each other all the time and they have told me that they consider me one of their best friends. Thank goodness they know that I don't just love them but that I also like the people they are.
I can't relate as a mom of twin boys that I actually love and enjoy (like). I don't regret having offspring in this lifetime. But are there hard moments, days, and years? YES!! Are there random days I'd like to not have the responsibility of being a mom? YES!! But I also wish I didn't have to work, do chores etc. Such is life. I workout, I've done therapy and care for myself to pour into my family. Balance is necessary. I don't believe you need to follow your kids around all day and never let them out of your sight. That's not healthy for them or you. They will become independent adults hopefully. Quality time should be frequent, be there for them and make sure you handle your personal issues.
👏🏿👏🏿👍🏾 well done Queen 👑🤎🤎😍😍
People really just be autopiloting through life, not stopping to consider what decisions and actions will result in for their daily life and their future.
My family (ex. parents, brother, and other family carry the dysfunction). If I was able to cut myself away from them I would. I want to have a marriage and have my own kids, but I might wait another lifetime for all that.
This reminds me of my poor nephew. My cousin, his father, passed in 2021 due to a heart condition. His babymama (is a druggie) and doesn't want to raise him. My nephew is only five. Going to be 6 this year. My mom even said in photos that he "looks like a war veteran" and truly he looks really sad. Babymama parties, has a job on the street corner (ya'll know what I mean) and doesn't want to raise him. I feel like she never wanted my nephew due to her lifestyle and it really is messing with my nephew's mental health.
My poor aunt has cancer and once she passes, I am unsure what will happen to my nephew. Because my aunt isn't biologically related to my mom ("aunt" as in mom's best friend) we probably aren't going to be able to help raise him once she passes. Babymama's family didn't like dealing with me and my mom at my cousin's funeral. They kept trying to kidnap my nephew the entire time. I seriously fear for my nephew due to this.
Real talk....should I call CYS due to my worries over this? I really don't know what to think. If I was allowed to care for him, I'd try to take him in but idk if that's possible.
17:30 I love this guy! What he says is soooo true! I am re-parenting myself currently. It's important work but it's HARD!
Then you throw in love-languages and each individuals needs being different....and some parents weren't taught how to uncover that with themselves or their kids so that everyone feels the love ❤
I think my mom loves me but doesn't like me as a person. And honestly, I feel the same way about her. But, I don't think I felt that way until I realized she felt that way. I would wake up every day and just automatically give getting along with her a chance until she called me a name, said I should've been doing this household chore, and said I wasn't doing enough. I'd be lucky to get through the morning without her practically cussing me out, let alone the whole day. Honestly, I think she calls me names more times in a day than she does my actual name. After a while, I stopped trying with her. When i was born she was expecting a modest Muslim girl that just helped her around the house and would eventually live a copy of her life. I know that because literally every day she compares to some random cousin that is that. So, i realized after all the insults and comparisons that she might love me as a daughter and might die for but if she had the opportunity to switch me at birth, she probably would. And from that, i knew that i might love her as a mother and want her to be healthy and live a long life, but i am truly disgusted by her as a person. There are very few things about her that would make me happy to say that this person is my mother. And it's why I've told my brothers that they are the ones who are going to have to take care of her because living with her every day is something I'm doing now and every time i hear her speak, she manages to make me hate her and myself. And i have to crawl out of that pit of hating myself over and over. I can't move out and live that part of my childhood again.
I'm so sorry honey. Sending love your way
😢 your mom sounds like a narcissist, I’m so sorry I hope you find peace and happiness someday soon away from your mom.