healing our relationship with beauty [unpacking aging, beauty standards, radical acceptance]
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- Опубликовано: 26 июн 2024
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In this episode, Elle discusses our complex relationship with beauty. She emphasizes that while external beauty is often rewarded, tying one's self-worth to appearance can lead to a miserable life. Instead, she advocates for understanding how the world interacts with our appearance and using that knowledge positively, while keeping self-esteem separate from external perceptions. Elle argues for the privilege of aging, referencing societal pressures using Kylie Jenner as an example. She also discusses how humans are wired to seek and appreciate beauty from birth, citing research and observations, but insists that we don't owe anyone our beauty or their definition of it. In a world where beauty is often seen as currency, Elle encourages listeners to view sharing their beauty as a gift and to resist the objectification and commodification of women. She stresses the importance of inherent self-worth and value, and the need to detach our self-perception from how others perceive us. Elle acknowledges the significance of external appearance in our society but urges listeners to prioritize their personality, kindness, and light. She introduces the concept of 'Radical Acceptance', accepting the world as it is while working towards change where possible. Elle concludes by sharing a mindset change that helped her perceive beauty differently, emphasizing the difference between personal subjective beauty and collective consumerist beauty, and the importance of acting beautiful to become beautiful. She encourages her listeners to create beauty in how they treat themselves and others, and to find beauty everywhere.
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I’ll never forget the reddit post by a man whining that his girlfriend discovered she prefers not to conform to beauty standards after he whined that she took too long to get ready 😂
Omggg I wish I could read jt
Ooof lol 😂 it reminds me of the episode Gloria from Modern family refused to get glam for her hubby and went to a business meeting (? Or a dinner? I can’t remember lol) but it was epic
boy math
This is why we can never win with men.
@@Dr_Nutrition always too much something but not enough of another thing. 💗
I realized very early on that even the prettiest, most beautiful, most desired women on the planet still get cheated on/divorced and that's when I stopped making beauty my #1 goal. I will never fit into the beauty standard in my lifetime, so I'm never going to strive for it. Having a high relational intelligence and being financially independent is what will create a happy life for me.
Relational intelligence is such an interesting way to put it. Never heard that term before
Thank you so much for this❤
If your goal was to get loyalty, its not the beauty. My goal was to feel good and be happy in my skin. And thats why i keep improving my appearance and its my #1-2 goal.
And yet...here you are...
Create your own beauty standarts. Something that you really like. Other women will follow and do the same. Think that someone, somewhere, started the current beauty standarts. Also you'll find men who will like you the way you are, which is easier than trying to please every man with the current thing 💁♀
I have at least three different styles and wear them when I want (clothes, shoes, bags, make-up, accesories, etc). Even if nobody else does it. Most people don't dare to be themselves and create their own sense of beauty and fashion.
My grandma always said there has to be beautiful vanity in life. She had fresh flowers at her beautiful home, served coffee from hand painted cups, never spoke bad words about anyone. She truly was a beautiful person.
This is so true, back in the 50s people really tried hard to make their surroundings beautiful, by having a nice home like you described. They did the same with their appearence, were always well groomed and had nice clothes. Nowadays everybody has the same lame Ikea furniture and Disney "decoration" in their appartment and thinks if they wear designer brand sweat pants out in public, they are special. It seems the world has lost it's charm and hardly pays any detail to the little things that make life and people beautiful.
@@fluffedsquirrel I resonate so much with this comment! The last sentence is so sad and so true.
@@fluffedsquirrel Do you know what furniture cost beyond Ikea? People can't afford that.
@@northstar2621 I get that money is tight these days, but there's always the option of buying it secondhand on eBay, facebook marketplace, goodwill, yard- & estate sales, flea- & antique marktes. Or keeping the heirloom pieces from grandparents instead of tossing them out, because they weren't on trend.
@@fluffedsquirrelthis
"For beautiful eyes, look for the good in others; for beautiful lips, speak only words of kindness; and for poise, walk with the knowledge that you are never alone."
-Audrey Hepburn.
So beautiful and wise words ❤, thank you for posting Audrey Hepburn's sentence
It’s interesting how people remember Audrey. She was a member of the Resistance in the Netherlands, a talented ballerina, a philanthropist, a bookworm, and one of the most iconic figures of cinema. She was externally beautiful, but now that she’s gone what lives on is her art, her kindness, and her advocacy for children’s rights.
@@artemisia4718 yes, she was so much more than her looks! She also had great work ethics and integrity.
And she had a hard childhood.
A very privileged statement that doesn't apply in reality . The nicest and kindest souls will still be subjected to the vile beauty ideals. Yes, we must do the shadow work and learn to radically love ourselves however that quote without context is just hypocritical
Just remember ladies. Your features are the ones that your ancestors fell in love with and passed down in each generation. You are beautiful just as you are.
this was beautiful, thank u so much
Lol you live in dream land, these days you compete with the whole world due to Social Media. The rainbow land ideologies clearly don’t work in 2024
Yeah, no thanks. That's exactly why I altered mine!
Nope. My ancestors were dysfunctional and just liked having sex whenever they could get it. My parents have especially ugly personalities and it shows on them. Unfortunately I got the worst of each of their features and grew up with extreme body dysmorphia (which I find completely justifiable). I like your sentiment though. It's very glass-half-full, but it is a fairy tale in some cases. I hope you on the other hand feel beautiful everyday of your life.❤
I think if you can and want to tweak your looks go for it. The only downside I see is when docs can't do their one d job and botch things like noses. Like dude. You went to school 6 yrs trained, got paid 10 grand and had the audacity to mess up a nose?! Ugh. If I were younger that would actually push me to go for this job -_-
To me, beauty means you can tell you take care of yourself. That doesn't mean a certain hair style, make up, etc.... what I mean is, you can tell when someone drinks their water, go on walks and meditates. To me, that's beauty.
I just had an annual check up and my nurse was a sweetheart. She was going on about how I look more than a decade younger than I am, wanted to know what I did as far as lifestyle, NOT what "products I use". I have never ever felt more genuinely complimented and uplifted. 💕
Yesss there’s so much power in a woman who has done some inner work, drinking their water and focusing on themselves.
I agree 😊
I love this!
i somewhat agree but it hurts cause those are the things i struggle with so hard due to mental health problems... i try to do better, but does that mean i'm ugly just cause i'm struggling..? 😢
To the women who feel insecure about your appearance, i just want to say that you are good enough and deserve love and respect and I send you all a virtual hug 🤗
You’re wonderful ❤❤❤❤
I know the reason of the problem.
Women are not bilogically prone to see their value in beauty.
The problem is that the society conditions women from very young age that the beauty is most important thing. How then? From early age women are treated like the ones who must earn validation by devotion. Mostly only complements they hear are the ones about their beauty. But beauty most of the times is not permanent... So because they are learned to seek validation outside of themselves, earn respect, and be quiet and humble, when external validation ends, and see themselves in the mirror fading away...they go down. Often have a crazy makeup. Have a a surgeries to stop this... Because thanks to keep their beauty.. they got their validation for couple years they want to keep it as long as possible... Later when it stops, they don't see themselves as valuable creatures because while lifetime only their look made them valuable in the eyes of others.
Problem is.. that as a social creature, you tend to do everything to meet other people's expectations. Social pressure is strong. If from early childhood hears complements only about her beauty, her entire self esteem is based on this one thing, because we are biologically conditioned to meet expectations of environment. Once it collapses, her own identity and self worth colapses.
I know the reason of the problem.
Women are not bilogically prone to see their value in beauty.
The problem is that the society conditions women from very young age that the beauty is most important thing. How then? From early age women are treated like the ones who must earn validation by devotion. Mostly only complements they hear are the ones about their beauty. But beauty most of the times is not permanent... So because they are learned to seek validation outside of themselves, earn respect, and be quiet and humble, when external validation ends, and see themselves in the mirror fading away...they go down. Often have a crazy makeup. Have a a surgeries to stop this... Because thanks to keep their beauty.. they got their validation for couple years they want to keep it as long as possible... Later when it stops, they don't see themselves as valuable creatures because while lifetime only their look made them valuable in the eyes of others.
Problem is.. that as a social creature, you tend to do everything to meet other people's expectations. Social pressure is strong. If from early childhood hears complements only about her beauty, her entire self esteem is based on this one thing, because we are biologically conditioned to meet expectations of environment. Once it collapses, her own identity and self worth colapses.
Yes and it’s also important to remember that it’s very subjective. Some men love a BBL, some men love a tiny petite little butt so it’s best to be who you are and attract the people who love that look. The men who love the big booties are not for me and that’s fine there are plenty of men who love the petite little spinners.
Thank you. I need this.❤❤
I feel this a lot as an autistic woman. I am better treated if I am perceived as attractive, if I put on some makeup, if I take care of my skin and my hair, if I do my best not to grimace or stim too much. My autistic traits would be seen as endearing instead of irritating, people would be more compassionate and patient with me.
I do not approve of it, but I am nothing but practical : if taking care of my appearance gives me more professional opportunities, and better treatment in a life that is already difficult to navigate and exhausting then that is a step I am willing to take.
Same here, feel hugged!
People always treat me like a baby as a autistic woman w/ pretty privilege. I’m also black, which isn’t even a factor of Western beauty standards, so it feels like I get pity like a ditzy little girl or something.
It doesn’t end my world for me, but it’s just so annoying like a fly.
🤗
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Remember that.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I have always had the jowls of my great grandmother, Mimi. For the longest I thought it wouldn't take much to get that taken care of, to have my jawline smoothed, but then I realized that's all that's left of my great grandmother. Recently, my 103 year old grandmother told me (51) I am beautiful and I think it's because she can see her long departed mother in my face. Moments like that, that's what beauty is. 👵
aw :) Bless your family
🥹🥹 that is so sweet
I’ll never forget being in my late 20s sitting in a bar waiting for my friend, and having some dude in his late 40s or early 50s sit down next to me. This man proceeds to have a big conversation with me about dating apps and how he tells everybody he’s 40 because he looks 40, but he doesn’t want to date 40-year-old women because they get jowels.
This man literally had jowels, so I said a woman has to accept yours but you are unwilling to accept hers?
He just started stuttering and again told me he looked 40. I just said no, no you don’t. And then luckily my friend came so I could stop talking to him.
That’s beautiful ❤
@@MeowNow494 Ugh, gross. I guess he would just keep trading in for a newer model. Those kinds of men are telling you exactly how they think and what they will do when the current one ages out.
When I was younger, young women were conditioned to think that older men were more desirable because they were "more mature" and not that they were grooming younger, more impressionable women.
"you don't owe ANYONE your beauty!"
Confidence is key to beauty
Self acceptance is the key to beauty
😂 Neither of these are the key to beauty. Only children think like this.
"with a world drowning in plastic, you wanna add some more? " got me !!!!
btw, the girl from the video actually didn't have any signs of aging even !!
I had a major glow up later in my life, the way I got treated by women and men changed drastically for the better, it was sad that the society works like this, but I got a better job and better possibilities even in dating, don’t get mad, get paid ❤
Did they treat you badly afterwards? But good on you for getting a better job, i hope it goes well for you :)
I meant everything changed for the better for me and people became kinder, I amended my reply so it reads clearer :)
@@QWERTY-hl6wm Later in life? You are still young
What did you change on your appearance then?😊
@@katrbudz892 honey I’m 30, we millennials look kind of younger for their actual age :) I got a glow up in my late 20s so I have a good comparison now, it’s really sick when I think of it
that’s why i love the movie Angélique, the Marquise of the Angels. it’s about a young girl who was forced to marry a mature man who limped and had an ugly scar on his face. she was terrified of him but ended up falling sincerely in love for one and only reason - he was kind and respectful towards her. later in the movie she said he was the most beautiful man she’d ever met.
that’s true beauty.
yesss! This 💯 But - would it ever work the other way around? Most likely NOT a chance!
@@AmericanDreamer great question! and i agree, it wouldn't. man's beauty is in his treatment and actions, women's beauty is in our appearance (and only after this our inner world). I was lucky to watch Elle's video on how men use women in their games with other men. i bet that's why it couldn't have been the other way around in Angelique's story. woman's appearance is a currency for men. (it's explored further in the movie, too). man's appearance isn't a currency for women.
@@marisha_ti_krreizziI would love to watch the video you mentioned about Elle. Can you send the link?
@@AmericanDreamer Need to write a book with this premise, though. 'Ugly' woman (I personally find scars hot, and I'm bi, so...) is forced to be with an Adonis man, who falls in love with her for her personality and doesn't give af about her looks.
Maybe I can even have an ending where his mother (because it's always the MIL) insults her and he goes "That's my wife you are talking to."
I like to think of beauty as a muse. You don't have to be beautiful, you have to be bold and inspire. Women can be old and falling apart and be the center of a universe to someone. Hemingway had several muses that were not your standard beauty type; as were other artists muses. It's an attitude. Its been proven over and over. Create your own lore and you will create your own beauty.
I know the reason of the problem...
Women are not bilogically prone to see their value in beauty....
The problem is that the society conditions women from very young age that the beauty is most important thing. How then? From early age women are treated like the ones who must earn validation by devotion. Mostly only complements they hear are the ones about their beauty. But beauty most of the times is not permanent... So because they are learned to seek validation outside of themselves, earn respect, and be quiet and humble, when external validation ends, and see themselves in the mirror fading away...they go down. Often have a crazy makeup. Have a a surgeries to stop this... Because thanks to keep their beauty.. they got their validation for couple years they want to keep it as long as possible... Later when it stops, they don't see themselves as valuable creatures because while lifetime only their look made them valuable in the eyes of others.
Problem is.. that as a social creature, you tend to do everything to meet other people's expectations. Social pressure is strong. If from early childhood hears complements only about her beauty, her entire self esteem is based on this one thing, because we are biologically conditioned to meet expectations of environment. Once it collapses, her own identity and self worth colapses.
I had GBS in my 20s and was paralyzed/bedridden for almost 2 years. After I managed to recover and was able to leave the house again, it was like having a fresh 2nd life. I haven't worn make-up in a decade or waste my time with fashion anymore. When you have a re-birth, you see things so much clearer. You see how so many people are still asleep and narrow-minded. Yes, people love external beauty but many people are also stuck in the dark. Why try to impress those who are blind to what really matters. It's like taking a step backwards.
Move forward, evolve your soul and see past appearance because the soul is the only thing that is true. Appearances are deceptive.
Good advice.
That's amazing
I work as an art dealer. I sell six and seven figure works of fine art. There has never been a more bizarre sales job as selling an esoteric and changeable product like art. I’ve studied art for 20 years. And some of the most stunning, other-wordly, BEAUTIFUL art… goes totally unrecognized.
Value is utterly changeable. So I don’t necessarily agree with Manifestelle’s “radical acceptance” approach (Love you, girl. Love your content and agree with most of it overall.)
You CAN opt for radical change. And embody the beautiful change you want to see in the world. But you would then have to accept that you might not profit or go recognized for what you believe is beautiful. And that is the faith of the artist sometimes. Like Van Gogh going unrecognized during his time alive. Now considered a master work today.
You are the artist of your own life, ladies. And sometimes it takes bravery and courage to go against the matrix. But I promise you’ll be okay. There’s a special energetic place in the world for female visionaries.
Now THIS is a message I can get behind! ❤
A wicked personality will ruin the most beautiful woman/man on earth. You can buy beauty, but you cannot ever buy a good personality. Good hearted people shine from within as you've said !
I'm turning 40 this year (my pic is old cause lazy) and I've never found an advantage to conforming to beauty standards. I'm in a wonderful and loving and healthy relationship, live at the beach in a paid off home that I bought with my own money, passive income but trade skills to fall back on etc. Never wore make up, never used products other than medicated shampoo and conditioner in my hair for psoriasis, I'm in sweats and a t shirt most of the time and honestly it's been helpful in finding which situations and people to discard quickly. Like, this adds value to my life or it doesn't and the discard pile is large because if you don't like me I'll move on until the right people and situations come along. Everyone has to look out for themselves so I get conforming but it really seems that by applying cold logic and being myself I've had a better outcome than many. And yes, I'm fine with aging because when you start adulthood homeless and end up in paradise every imperfection is a hard won battle scar. I believe that we are raised to disadvantage ourselves for other people's benefit and I'm not having it, I want to be happy
💯
sorry offtop but i see you like sims 2 you tubers as well! happy to see someone who enjoys this amazing gameee😍
A good way to get out of the habit of judging a book by its cover is that it’s best to judge a person by what your gut tells you about them, especially when you first meet them, more so than by what the person looks like. Your intuition tells you everything you need to know about people. And when a person tells you who they are believe them and believe your gut.
Yup - see with your third eye 😉💙
@@Meta.Empress Yes! 🙌
Your gut reaction a lot of times is you projecting something onto another person based on a different person you knew in the past. It's good not to ignore your first reaction but you have to watch out for your own projections.
@@User53123 I think projecting is always something to watch out for but it’s also important to just trust your gut about people. Every time I’ve thought oh maybe they’re not like that and given someone the benefit of the doubt I later realized after getting to know them that my first gut reactions to that person were always right and I think everyone has this very accurate intuition about people when we first meet them like in the first few minutes or hours of meeting them but we don’t trust ourselves enough. Our gut is almost always right about people. That’s what I believe.
@@emerald7259 I agree. And what if it's projection? Like Elle said, we don't have the time and energy to analyse every single thing in our lives
Something very liberating about turning 40 people really stop applying as many standards to you . At least in my experience it’s nowhere nearly as intense as when I was in my 20s. Now I can just Vybe in my old lady hovel 🥰
So true, you do transcend all the mess and scrutiny of being young and beautiful 😌
Much like decentering men, I wish we women would decenter the beauty industry. Are we all so lost and empty inside that we put all our focus on the outside? Some women go so far, like Kylie Jenner, that they end up actually looking worse. Seeing her transform I began to understand how some get as far as that cat lady. When is it enough? It seems getting the latest procedure is more important than the outcome. In other words, the result doesn't really matter. It's more about saying, "Oh, I got the latest thing done."
Have you seen the video, sis? 👀
Some do. You can opt out of beauty duty. It’s a thing already.
That cat lady had a fat transfer that went horribly wrong. It wasn’t even her fault as she just did what most women do today.
It’s so evil how people blame the women for procedures that go wrong
Yes. We all have become a product of consumerism and the influencers are mostly rich or they get rich while people who are barely surviving emulate their style. It severely hampers us financially and we are keeping our idols like Kylie whose confidence or self worth comes form such vague and self threatening cosmetic procedures. It's time we look beyond what is being presented to us and choose based on our rationale. It's sad to see my friend wanting to do surgery for non-existent freckles. Placing our worth on something outside ourselves will never satisfy us,so let's look in the inner beauty.
@@YSANROCHEOfficialRUclips One bad procedure ... nope. Do you know who I'm talking about? The socialite?
To me whether a woman or man, the most attractive people ever are becoming self realized in some way. Have you ever seen someone doing something they were just born to do and enjoying every minute of it? To me there is nothing more beautiful than that.
I totally relate to that !
As a sixteen year old girl i can confirm this is true. I get this unbearable sense that i’m not beautiful enough because i only look pretty when i try. And i feel like i need to be pretty all the time not only for the world but the performance in my head. I can’t sleep peacefully. It’s just emptiness. I’m as innocent as ever but it feels as though i’ve committed a murder. Maybe i have. Maybe it’s true. I don’t really feel alive.
I decided to stop covering the gray hair about 6 years ago when I was 45. I was getting bald spots. I figured I'd would rather have a head full of gray hair than thinned colored hair. Anyway, the verbal abuse from people I knew and didn't know during my grow out stage was shocking. I get so many compliments now on my long thick silver hair. Both men and women. I love my hair, and I find the color matches my skin tone better.
Similar story - I couldn’t afford to color my hair after a layoff and then the pandemic happened, at which point I realized just how damaged my hair was from years of highlights. I’m going gray in real time and so thankful for my hair to finally be healthy again that I don’t want to color it. I appreciate the pro-gray movement and honestly feel quite sad for the JLo’s and Jennifer Anistons whose hair is so obviously (but expensively) colored.
@@emiliabolsas There are a lot of Facebook support groups for going 🩶. Seems kinda ridiculous that support groups are needed. I'm on Gray and Proud. These ladies hair is beautiful
I can't wait to grow old and have silver hair too ♥️
Younger women are leaving their greys earlier and I’m LOVING it. Greys are so lovely. I always compliment women on their greys.
I have some greys and have noticed how DIFFICULT they are to color. You have to really be rough on your hair to actually cover them, and I see my non grey gets more damaged in the process. I now color about 3 times a year and am trying to accept and embrace the greys. My goal is to accept it by my mid 40s and quit coloring. I want to use toners and purple shampoo to get the best grey shade for my skin tone
I think about this a lot. I had a glow up as an adult, but I very quickly became disilusioned by what benefit beauty actually brings me. While yes, people were nicer to me, more drawn to me, and men gave me so much more attention and money and free things- at the end of the day, I knew it was only because I was beautiful. And they didn't necessarily respect me more. These people did not care about whatever light I carried inside of me. They were much more interested in a different part of my insides.
Whenever a man expresses his desire for me, i would wonder- does he like me as a person or am I just pretty? I even dated and loved someone yet for so much of it, i thought, is he only here because I am beautiful? I have so much to offer. I put so much more effort into matters of the heart, mind, and soul than of the appearance. I am thoughtful, kind, appreciative, understanding, patient, assertive, ambitious, and not dumb. But who cares about all that, cuz I'm hot, right? All of those traits are pointless when you have ✨sex appeal✨
I think the same way you do about aging- to age is a blessing and to grow old is a miracle. I will never be ashamed of aging and I prefer to thank god every day that I am a day older, and a day wiser. But I fear so much that I might end up with a man who values my looks today more than the wisdom, loyalty, commitment, and love i can offer 20 years from now.
I love being beautiful, and I do love sharing it with the world. But I do not love being appreciated for my beauty. When a man reminds me too many times that I am beautiful but not anything else, I make my exit. That is a man who will have less compliments for me as the decades pass me by. I'll pass on that.
Same here I don’t even liked to be called beautiful as silly as it sounds … it’s like tell me something I didn’t know
You got the keys to the kingdom & you're complaining about what...? Enjoy your beauty. Revel in it. THRIVE in it. It won't be around forever, and most of us never get even close. Being called intelligent, or kind or being praised for something that's not physiological is over-rated.
@@vanessaa7602 I kind of disagree in that. Though I do agree it's okay to enjoy/appreciate your beauty, for those who have it. But the point is that youthful beauty is so temporary. Time will take it from all of us. So what OP is saying is wisdom. Best to not settle for any less than someone who you trust genuinely loves who you are as a person. Your personhood, not your temporary physical appearance
@@fluffythebluepersian4888Could not have said it better! Beautifully put!
Even my grandma who doesn’t watch much TV nor have any social media sometimes says how she wishes she didn’t have so many age spots or wrinkles. It breaks my heart every. single. time. I can’t describe how much I love her and I wish she could see her the way I see her. I always say how beautiful she is when I visit her, but I know she doesn’t believe it. It makes me tear up even thinking about it.
My grandma is so kind, so humble, so caring (and I belief she’s really cute. Even if she has wrinkles, age spots, thin lips, a sagging face which should make her “not beautiful” by today’s standards, I see her as one of the most beautiful persons I have ever seen. And I’m incredibly thankful that I resemble her the most in my family, because one day I will see my reflection in a mirror and I will see her in me. This year I will be 22, and even though I’m still a little bit insecure, I think I have made peace with myself.
PD: sorry I wrote so much but I once heard in another video that our worst judge is ourselves. Sometimes, our negative mentality can alter our perception of reality / interactions. So, for any person reading this, please, even if you don’t believe you are beautiful or handsome, be kind to yourself and others. It’s okey to set goals and improve, if you really want to change. Just don’t get too obsess and take it slow, because we are always going to have ups and downs.
My grandma was the same. She recently passed at age 95. She still kept her radiant sparkly eyes and smile. She always looked eternally about 70. However, in her prime my grandma (her name was Betty, lol very common name for being born in 1929) was very beautiful like a silent film star. I do think being very beautiful makes aging harder. She would always say how surreal and sad it was looking at old photos of herself and what a loss it was to watch herself become elderly. Her feelings are valid, but I learned from that and I'm making it a priority to practice radical acceptance as I age
Beautifully said. My mother has a lot of insecurities about her appearance, skin, and body after menopause. She was a stunner in her younger days. I try to tell her she's still stunning and even more graceful and elegant with the signs of aging. My dad has been calling my mom fat nonstop ever since. We didn't even mention how bald he has become. They are both in their 60s but only men has the audacity to talk about how other women their age look.
Part of me wanted my mom to be more accepting to her perceived "flaws" but then again, I don't even know how I would react when I hit her age. I probably would have reacted even worse, so I can't tell my mother how she should feel about aging.
But I will never stop telling how beautiful she is, because that's how I've viewed her since I'm a baby.
Please do a video on how to step into your rich girl era and staying in discernment meanwhile everyone around you is broke with a scarcity mindset while you’re trying to build an abundance one ❤
"don't get mad, get paid"
my romantic ass got WHOPPED
Since I was a baby, people have only ever valued my beauty. I'm 18 now and because I have always tried to adhere to society's toxic beauty standards, I dread turning 19. I should not fear becoming older but I have listened to society and I have let its views impact me.
Oh you are so very young, I'm glad you are recognizing the toxicity at a young age. I'm a millennial and we didn't really think about aging till maybe late 20s, I see it's starting so young now. Since we didn't have as much social media we were not using retinol or more intense skincare, I am shocked that I see even teenagers using this stuff. Good on you for recognizing this so early.
I lost some weight and it did make a difference in how people treat me. I got that through training muay thai. Weight loss wasn't the main goal, well I even avoided thinking about that. I wanted to be stronger, serene, happier. Taking care of yourself, like exercising, eating healthy, drinking water makes you fell better and it impacts how you look on the outside. When you feel better it's also easier to be kind and bring light to others around you.
5:30 this was so validating to hear. I get so anxious whenever I have to show my face in public or online I literally get stomach cramps and my heart starts to race. Im so tired of people acting like our appearance doesn’t matter while simultaneously judging us when we don’t conform or labeling photoshopped /unnatural beauty or genetic luck as “natural beauty” meanwhile us ordinary women are constantly struggling to keep up with ever changing standards just so we can feel like we’re good enough.
I was just thinking about this the other day when I was at a concert. I looked around and most people are average with flaws. Instagram and TikTok has distorted our view of beauty. Unless you live in Miami or LA most people don’t have a bbl. I think in normal life most people don’t care if you are attractive, yes you’ll get more attention if you are, but if you are average looking like the majority of people, no one gives it a second thought. It’s only the internet because it gives trolls free reign to project their misery. If we all spend a little less time on social media, I think this will be better for our mental health overall.
Luckily, I don't have social media though I frequently stalk with my other account. I've applied the logic how my own cousin looks "instagramable" "perfect looks" but when I see her next to me she's no where close to that. This insight is true for my friends and a few family members. In real life we all fear how others perceive us and there's no "main character" thing happening.
This is so sad. Like I also admit beauty matters. Beauty is so complex now that only taking care of my skin putting lip oil isn't pretty enough, I have to wake up early morning to put makeup on daily just to show people that we are putting effort on ourselves which makes us high value women whereas most of us get so tired of doing makeup everyday before class or work just to impress the system, sigh. We could have slept a bit extra hours but this society legit tore us women apart.
When you said you find the people kindest to you the most beautiful it made me realize I’ve felt the most beautiful when I treated my own self with kindness and unconditional compassion there are times I had been the beauty standard and felt super insecure and thought I wasn’t “pretty enough” and hated myself and treated myself accordingly. So I will keep treating myself and others with kindness that’s when I am the most beautiful! Thanks as always Elle!
Very true. Evil CAN manifest as ugly. Physically, there can be beauty, yes, but eventually that attractive person is more ugly when they are disgusting- their eyes are dead, they seem superficial, make disrespectful remarks, and come off overall untrustworthy. Gives me the biggest ick. Beauty is great, and it's a shame that beauty can also be manipulative. Stay FAR away from people like that.
If you’re reading this, please remember that you’re a beautiful, radiant Goddess and deserve to be treated with love and respect. You are beautiful even if you don’t see it ❤
This lesson hits really hard today. I’ve been practicing glamour magic and I’ve done my makeup 3 days in a row. Today I realized I am so beautiful and I am so radiant. My body is beautiful.
I am not photogenic at all, I look so much better in person than I do in photos. And I have never ever used filters on my photos, mostly because it seems dishonest. But I would rather have people who meet me be pleasantly surprised that I look better than I do in my photos than to be disappointed.
But if I was doing head shots for a business cards or something like that I would do a little filtering so I looked my best.
But if I’m being honest, I’m kind of afraid of filters. I’m afraid that I will start to hate my real face if I see a perfected version of my face every time I see a photograph of myself.
I don’t love my face I love my body, but I don’t hate my face. It belongs to me. I don’t want to hate my face
girl ur so real me too
To me a beautiful woman is a lady whose inner beauty radiates outwards. A beautiful soul and an accepting and optimistic open heart.
This is going to sound so corny, but the way you broke down the saying "beauty is currency" was the most profound thing I've ever heard. I never felt so touched by words that explained beauty is a gift, and we can give it or take ot back when people get too nippy. I just loved it. Thank you so much. ❤
timely, again.
I've been talking to people on both ends of the specturm about whether injections like botox and filler are creating slaves to the transhuman agenda.
my medical aesthetician explained how botox can be used for Parkinson's, migraines, eye twitching, cramps, and laser facials can reverse sun damage, heal eye conditions, expose cancer. and then there is the moral dilemma of how conforming to certain beauty standards can provide access to health and wealth.
What exactly can heal eye conditions and which eye conditions?
@@Cutiejuliya styes, chalazions, dry eye syndrome, meibomian gland dysfunction, and more.
I turned 39 last month and I honestly have never felt more feminine or beautiful in my life and I absolutely agree that aging is a privilege.
There are a lot of people including my own mother, who did not live to be the age I am now and I plan to enjoy as much of it as absolutely possible. We have a choice every day when we walk out our door how we choose to interact with the culture of society around us; we can either conform to it or we can go our own way. We just have to be aware that there will be push back to that because other people might not be brave enough or aware enough that they can even do that.
Elle always tells us what we NEED to hear, not what we wish to hear which I truly appreciate ❤.
You are the best youtuber I have found in the longest time. This is gold standard critical analysis. Also this channel is such a breather for us women amongst the number of male red pill content creators. You're amazing ❤❤❤
I really love this.
I was fat once, then skinny, because of a few shitty years I am now losing weight I've gained.
I'm very lucky as I am 34, but people think I'm around 26/27.
What I wanna say: 'its all about inner beauty' is huge BS.
My skinniest time was when people treated me best. Men randomly bought me stuff, opened doors for me etc. pp.
And not just men. Everyone was nicer as they are now as I am getting slimmer.
And I am in NO WAY less confident or shining than before. I worked so much on my character in the last few years, but as you said: your looks are a PREVIEW. If they don't like the preview, why bothering to buy a movie ticket to you inner theatre?
I also am not bitter about it. I was more beautiful before, so of course men preferred that. I myself never dated overweight or bald guys, so why should they if there are so many other equally good natured, but fit girlies out there who go to the gym times a week?
For myself, it's mostly about inner beauty because I no longer try to please anyone by my appearance and I don't expect that from anyone else either.
I was sick for a while and spent some time in the hospital where I made friends with patients who lost their hair, were underweight, overweight, lost their teeth, etc.
You see the incredible light people have when they think they're dying and they're in pain but they still choose to find gratitude and joy in their day. The most conventionally physically attractive person cannot compare to the beauty these patients had.
Before I got sick, I was quite attractive. People were very "friendly" and guys would approach me, offer to pay for my drinks at restaurants, etc.
They didn't actually care about who I really was... they just sought out a shallow transaction. Arm candy to feed their egos. "Something" to look at but not truly get to know.
Yes, physically attractive people get treated better but what is that worth? If you're seeking a romantic relationship, I understand wanting to be attracted to your partner (for evolutionary purposes, having attractive healthy children with an attractive mate is hardwired into humans). Other than that, humans should be capable of using the logical and evolved part of brains to realize physical appearance doesn't mean all that much.
I am obese and random guys hold doors for me and let me pass on the street. And i have random guys being very nice to me. So then maybe its not always just looks after all. Or even if fat but looking ok gets things going who knows
I want to thank you for all the videos that you have made, because they made me realise how important I and every female is. Love you all💕💕
Elle you are amazing NGL 🥰🥰
Love from 🇳🇬
Started watching a few months ago.. Life-changing group. I'm so happy I'm finally manifesting my spoiled dream life and it's really nice to have a "big sister"/ a group that validates me.
I genuinely believe everyone can be beautiful. I’ve dated so many people that are not by any means conventionally attractive but their personalities and quirks and humor and interests attract me to them and then the more I look at them the more beauty/adorable features I notice. Everyone has beauty it just depends on meeting the right person/people who will see it. I’m not trying to be inspirational or corny I honestly believe everyone is beautiful in a unique way
Yes, absolutely. Also beauty means health, if you look healthy you are beautiful. ❤
This is absolutely true
Omg you just read my mind/I manifested this video!! #delulu…I started watching your videos on Friday, I have watched quite a few since then (just got to the place in my life where I’m ready and you are telling me just what I need to hear) and I was just reading your first post on substack saying there would be a post about beauty at some point. I looked and couldn’t find it…I was sitting here thinking I’ll check again later just to see and then I got this notification! ✨🙏💕 thanks bestie!!!
🤎🤎
It's like I manifested a video from you❤❤ lately I've been thinking about beauty and my perception of my own beauty and how tiring it is feeling like I've to do a certain make-up look that flatter my features. Now i feel like my external features don't only have to be my only beauty. I have so much more to offer!
exactly so! 💛
Every one is beautiful. I just told my patient today your body is beautiful. It’s not too pear. You’re not too big. It’s perfect and it’s yours ❤
Mother is mothering
After dating a couple of narcissistic guys over about a decade and being a people pleaser I noticed I looked stressed and haggard, as I’d developed an autoimmune disorder. I started using peptides in my workout routine and some of them make you glow. I recognize myself again, and I’m beautiful ❤
"When you act beautiful, you are beautiful." ❤❤❤
This message is encouraging and all, and I'm working with a therapist to build a healthy self esteem but sometimes the messages telling me I'm not pretty enough (pretty privilege, and lots of studies confirming that hegemonic beauty it's an advantage to earn a better salary) just wear me out and make me wanna throw away all the effort I am putting into myself u.u
I think aging makes women look super sophisticated, you look mature, like you've seen enough to see through everyone's BS and you're now secure in your own self worth and the fact that you age is just something to be proud of. The wrinkles are a product of emotions you've expressed, words you said. It's beautiful! The song "Stretch marks" by Qveen Herby expresses it pretty accurately, btw Herby is a legend and she's definitely a Spoiled Girly like us 💖
💕💗welcome back bestie
🥹🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
I think u should make a video on WHY we have inherent worth and value. Everyone says that we do but no one says why or how
How you feel about yourself truly is proportional to how you look to others ❤ I have seen it in my reality many times.
this should be called the snow white theory - the evil queen was once considered the most beautiful, but later became overtaken by snow white, and part of that was to do with snow white's youth, but it was also her pure kind-heartedness that won everyone over
Kylie looks fine.. this is just water as fillers attracts that. That’s why I stopped long ago. But she only got them because people said bad things before she had them
Words hurt and this is why kylie felt like she needed to get plastic surgery.
I thought she was so pretty before the plastic surgery
Those fillers were originally invented as a non invasive breast enlargement method, but was discontinued because it caused severe inflammation and pain, due to it attracting water. But they thought it was a good idea to put in people's faces.
@@buuny2233 I looked exactly like her when I had them at 26 and I got the same hate. I was still prettier than most people but those other folks were constantly searching for reasons to hate on me. People will fever change… Kylie has money, a good family and won’t give any f..s hopefully
Hello spoiled girlies💕
Hey bestie 🥹
😍
I didn’t think I’d make it to 25, I’m 28 and I’m so thankful for my life ❤ it IS a privilege, aging is a beautiful thing so many of my own peers can’t even enjoy anymore. My skin has changed a lot (I didn’t have acne at all as a teen, now my face is mad at me lmao), it’s hard to adjust to but the help is definitely out there.
Holy shit, I'm hooked to your channel.
I'm an almost 40 years old woman and my life would have been soooo different if someone spoke me those truths when I was younger.
This is why we need to be better with the younger women in our lifes.
Keep up the amazing job ❤
Conform... yes I did that...I had to 😢
Then OWN it sis 😘 you got this!!
@@G0ddess_Kate 🥰👸
Girly support group is awesome like litterly this is another time where the topic is what I needed to hear for the day
Elle you are the literally the best girlfriend❤… I totally agree and I have lived like this, when I get questioned I simply affirm my validation and it’s okay because I SEE ME
the media could never make me sappy cause i actually feel preety and look great
This is a total paradigm shift🔥
"Life is beautiful and life is meant to be celebrated!" - beautifully said, Elle! ♥
Out of topic, but Ellleeeeeee! YOU ARE ✨GLOWING✨ GIRLFRIEND!!!! Ahhhhh love it for you 💕🥺❤️
Beautifully said! I really love your commentary and just want to say you have an amazing way with words. Please never stop being you because you bring so much light love and hope into this world 🫶🏼✨💛
I think this was your best video. I wanted to give you a hug so bad. Thank you for making space for all women with this one.
It's so important to hear this!
“Knowing things about human nature and just rolling with it.” 💯 facts
This video was so healing while I was cleaning my closet full of clothes of YEARS AGO. This was a very beautiful experience, love you so much Elle! 😽💖✨
Thank you Elle ❤
Playing into it isn't going to change anything. Women collectively not playing the game anymore will. But we are far from that as even women and influencers talking about it still primp themselves and spend thousands on their appearance.
Also why are y'all acting like 25 is 50 like hearing anyone under 35 talk about their "aging process" is so delusional to me. I'm hearing 23 year olds talk about themselves aging as if they just turned 43. Wtf happened it was NOT like this when I was young. Y'all became so obsessed and the standard for youth is going down and down. Who did this to you??
Hi Elle!! I’ve been a fan for a while but just recently got out of a long term unhealthy relationship and I’ve been purge listening to the Spoiled Girly Podcast and UGH it’s been helping me really find my self worth and confidence! So proud to be a spoiled girly, thank you for everything! 🌷♡✨
Hi bestie! Thank you for the wisdom you share, so grateful for the access to your classes.
I love how you speak multiple truths, thank you.
“And idk how to fix it..” is so real. We just hold ourselves and each other with love n acceptance along the way 🦋
Elle, you're so full of wisdom. The balance in your message wows me
Your flowers 💐
You deserve it
I agree with everything youve said, and you word things so nicely. I truly hope more people will get to know this thought process and truth, and maybe one day we will live with less judgment and more light. Thank you for the video ❤
This is one of the most healing videos about beauty I've watched, as someone who's very insecure about her appearance
This is by far my favorite RUclips channel. ❤You truly make an impact. Thank you .
This is so validating 😢I’ve always felt ugly and currently feeling insecure about my body and my whole appearance. Thank you for this Bestie ✨🫶🏽
So true, I don't care what people think about my look but it's true, appearance is actually important for all people of course women and men, it dictates how we are treated and the attention we are given.
This was a beautiful message ❤
The end and beginning of my 'makeup routine:'
I like green and gold. I wear gold eyeshadow and wear green a lot.
I like flowers and nature stuff. I put butterfly and flower clips in my braid.
Everything else is self-care. For example, I keep my hair in a braid nearly 24/7 because it makes my hair healthier. I only take it down during dates and whatnot, where my partner gets to appreciate my happy and healthy hair.
I wear super minimum makeup (the gold eyeshadow and maybe some green concealer on red spots to color correct. Maybe some lip tint) at work and, again, on dates. My awesome coworkers and my partner, the only people who I care about enough to 'doll up' for, get to see me with ~gilded up~, but not anyone else.
If someone doesn't find that attractive, they can cope. They can also keep their opinion to themselves, though. It takes more energy to speak than it does to stay silent. Conserve your energy for something productive.
Omg yes. This hit me when you said there's personal beauty and there's collective beauty standard, and it it doesn't make profit for you to conform to the overall std, then don't put your time, energy resources, like for models etc it makes sense, but not for us common girls, and yes now I understand Beauty is the way I treat others, have my routines, and hold kindness. Thankyouuu?!!!
I know this might not be the point of the video. But… thought Kylie looked beautiful in that picture, in fact it’s one of my favorite pictures. I just think she looked human. I think maybe that’s why people are saying she aging and ugly, because it’s the first time she’s not looked like a doll. The first time she’s looked human. I love it so much because she’s beautiful but not giving uncanny valley.
I agree it’s nice to see her actually having skin texture and not looking airbrushed to oblivion
We are a variety of wildflowers, erratic and strange in our design looking at our black mirror and seeing nothing but roses and hating how we are not a rose. Baby I'm an Indian blanket or a brown eyed Susan and my beauty adds to the scenery I exist in. We are all as the flowers and trees are besties. 🌷✨😌
That's such a beautiful way of looking at it! It's true, some flowers look larger and more vibrant than others, but at the end of the day, seeing any flower makes me smile. Will definitely be applying this mentality!! ❤❤
I just think about the fact that for years I was so apprehensive about being my best self, and not being obese and going back to a healthy weight because all I have is memories of the fact that I couldnt walk down the street without a grown man rolling down his window and saying something disgusting to me or following me.......
AMAZING TRUE WORDS. Starting my tiny RUclips channel I actually counted all comments about my looks and separated good ones and bad ones. Conforming to beauty standards has increased my views and kind comments by males and increased rude comments from females. I have a tight knit group of girlies but found it eye opening by how many women mentioned I had a “porny” look when wearing my FBI hat ❤ appearance DOES matter and YOURE 100% correct, we will get judged just like Jenner was, whether we are the “ugly duckling” and then after conforming with people telling us “we looked better without makeup,hair, botox, weight loss” whatever else. ❤
I've been binging your content. You're brilliant. Mind blown.
14:38 is straight facts. I would also like to add that you will be at your most beautiful when you are at your most healthy. Both physically and mentally. The beauty standards that last overtime are those that make you look healthy. Put your health first. Personally I view makeup and fashion as skills, but they have to be put on a foundation. Your Health.