Also when Sebastian says that Maru is probably happy he’s gone, when you have two kids with him he’ll say that he hopes that they get along bc he and Maru fought a lot
@@Leapalot reminds me of how kids lash out at people (worse if it’s someone of their equal like another child) when they’re in a dark spot in life, ie. Seb not feeling appreciated and probably ignored alot
Well Maru has a dialogue " Sometimes my head gets so cluttered with nonsense I can hardly think. Does that ever happen to you? Getting some fresh air usually helps." Maybe that's why they fought?? And she say this "Sebastian hardly ever talks to me. I wonder if he even likes me at all? It's sad, I want to have a brother but he doesn't act like one" well she also feels that she did not connect with her step brother.
to be fair it probably has more to do with it being a "snowgoon" than it having do with favoritism. I don't think everyone would apreciate having a Calvin and Hobbes-esque Snowman at their entrance. Still crappy of him though.
As someone on the spectrum: Demetrius' treatment of Sebastian is unnacptable. Your condition may be an explanation for actions that harm others, but it isn't an excuse. You HAVE TO learn to interact with other people without hurting them. Especially if they're your wife/stepson.
I'm also on the spectrum and I agree. Demetrius's treatment of his Sebastian is just wrong. Using being on the spectrum as an excuse is just wrong. I know we can have very narrow interests and tend to ignore anything not related to those interests, but it's not an excuse. As Robin's husband he should make the effort to acknowledge and develop some kind of relationship with her son. Also, as a side note, quite a lot of us who are on the spectrum just refer to ourselves as being Autistic. Also, personally I think the whole "person first" attitude is just politically correct rubbish that just annoys me, but it can vary from person to person.
@@ThePrimeMinisterOfTheBlock It isn't just a thing for people like us to learn, plenty of neurotypical people are rude or blunt when speaking and that can be a problem for some. I don't think making an effort, if you can, to be a conscientious person is kowtowing, because it's not like you're worshiping the other person. You can stop at any time if the other person is a jerk. And just because you have a condition, doesn't mean you get to hurt other people with your behaviour. Especially if you put yourself in a position where you could do some serious mental damage, like being a stepfather such as in this scenario.
@@ThePrimeMinisterOfTheBlock Learning how to interact isn't kowtowing. It literally helps everyone involved by helping the autistic person understand others and avoid accidentally hurting the feelings of others. And on top of that it helps those around them understand them and avoid situations that'd put both parties in a bad spot. Personally, I was diagnosed when I was little and I'm so grateful my parents taught me how to interact with the general population because now I can effecively communicate my feelings and even sell things such as my artwork. And tbh, your attitude towards neurotypical people is disgusting. I WISH I was like them, sure my autism helps me think outside of the box but I could have avoided a LOT of pain in my life thanks to the special ed system that only demeaned me.
Also, that frickin' scene where he low-key threatens you needs to be discussed more. Not only is there no excuse to threaten someone for daring to be friends with your kid, but it happens literally right when you hit TWO hearts with her and it happens even if you're dating or married to someone else.
For real! Like, usually a threat like that comes with dating (like a dad with a shotgun scenario) but he threatens for just becoming friends? If he's comfortable enough doing that to a new friend, imagine what he's said to his stepson whom he shows quite blatantly he does t care for? 🤔
@@willowreeves4574 I haven't paid the most attention either, but from what I have noticed, the only people she seems to spend time near are Harvey, Penny, Robin, and Demetrius. o:
I’ve never really liked Demetrius or Robin, actually, especially considering how they treat their kids. To Demetrius Maru is the perfect child. She likes all the same things he does, she never gets in trouble, and she always does what she’s told. She’s agreeable and, most importantly, he understands her. Sebastian, on the other hand, is in many ways Maru’s opposite. He’s not interested in science, he stays out late, he smokes and rides a motorcycle, and he’s often doing things Demetrius, in particular, doesn’t approve of. It’s no secret in the game that Maru is Demetrius’ favorite. It’s also no secret that he doesn’t really care if Sebastian knows that or not, to Demetrius the only child that matters to him is his daughter. Unfortunately, Robin really isn’t much better. Throughout the entire game she seems completely oblivious to the fact that Demetrius and Sebastian don’t get along and, more importantly, to the fact that her children are essentially strangers. They’re both bad parents. Demetrius for his blatant favoritism and his hostility towards Sebastian, and Robin for her (possibly intentional?) obliviousness and/or lack of involvement in her children’s lives. The saddest part about it is seeing the way it impacted Sebastian and Maru’s relationship. They never even talk to each other in the game.
Robin knows Demetrius and Sebastian don't get along and is even distant with Sebastian (rather from work or because she only feels bad but never actively goes out of her way to do anything to mend their relationship or try.) Robin seems to be more focused on her relationship with Demetrius and also doesn't seem too active with Maru.
There's a case to be made that Sebastian IS interested in science, and his interests overlap quite a bit with Demetrius and Maru's. Working on his motorcycle and coding for a living? Engineering and programming, same thing Maru would be doing with her robots just a slightly different application. And we know from his frogs he's interested in nature and potentially ecology. I know ecologists who'd LOVE to see someone with Seb's experience as a grad student at the very least, and imo that makes Demetrius's treatment of Sebastian WORSE. He's not disinterested in Sebastian because he doesn't know how to relate to him, he's disinterested because Sebastian isn't his child. That's incredibly cruel.
it's kind of odd (sad?) how Seb lives in their basement while there's a whole room upstairs dedicated to a lab. Youd think it would be a reverse- Seb has that room and the lab would be downstairs given the extra space (and like, basement lab. those are neat??) Maybe that was his own decision since you know, _privacy_ , but his mom is the town carpenter. You'd think she could make a cool addition to the house (considering Maru seems to get her own room, a private wing, _AND_ a secret underground lab (if im looking at the layout right?)
Maru (while you can date her) just seems like a minor to me- while Seb gives me the vibe of being my age, 19+ so he should have that mini house thing imo Maru could just use the lab in the house?? Like why not? (I don’t have her events tho)
@@Talkin-fr0g I havent played SV, but ive seen a good amount of videos on it. I think the lab is more her dad's, but she goes in there to help him at times. I think her having the private lab is more along so she can work on 'secret' projects without anybody messing it up
There are so many messed up familys in Stardew. Makes it interesting and different, but also very sad. I can't imagine how detrimental it would be to be treated or ignored the way Sebastian is, especially in such a small town with little ways of escaping.
Your mental health would be absolutely destroyed to have someone ignore you, belittle your work, discipline you for creativity, and then heap praise on your step sibling.
@@Leapalot Especially since the age difference between Mary and Sebastian can't be that great, meaning that Sebastian has experienced this since he was a small child.
And that, my friend, is why all my storys are filled with messed up family's. Because it makes thing more interesting and I know how to mess them up in a perfect way.
Only Real family in this game is the Kent's family. No alcohol no neglect no inloyalty. They have problems too of course but they never let this ruin the family.
I wouldn't mind one where you can help fix the relationship Sebastian has with Demetrius and Maru. It's clear that at least Maru wishes they would be closer as sibling.
that seems neat. Like you get a cutscene with Demetrius lamenting about how he's been in Sebastian's life since Seb was very young (considering he and Maru seem close in age), but he's never felt close to him. Maybe he mentions chalking it up as a 'teenager' thing, but now that Seb is past his teenage years and things havent changed, he wonders whats going on (maybe giving you the option to input, like 'nah hes just being a rebel' 'you dont spend any time with him' 'you treat him differently than Maru' etc) Or you can walk in on some scene between the family/ you get a small cutscene with Sebastian where he also laments (maybe he thinks Demetrius ruined things between his bio parents, Demetrius never seemed to care Seb was around and once Maru was born, acted like the family was only three instead of four, maybe he yelled at Seb for going into his lab when he was really little, but when Maru did similar, he encouraged her love for science) We get mods that expand a bunch of others, but i dont know of any where Demetrius gets looked into more
yes I'm the threat to Maru, the guy that makes thousands in profits every day who supports her by not breathing down her neck and allowing her some damn freedom lol
Hello yes, it's me the self made millionaire. Here to ruin your daughter's day by... bringing her a cauliflower? Visiting her at work? Getting a barn built after becoming friends with her?
Clearly you are a threat. Just yesterday I saw you stop her outside just to talk to her. What if she wanted to keep walking, huh? And a week ago you interrupted her "sitting all alone and doing nothing" time next to the community center. You clearly have it out for her! I'm just not sure yet if you want to corrupt her or kidnap her.
@@Leapalot I got the impression that like, Demitrius was talking about Maru getting pregnant young and/or outside of a stable relationship, which is especially funny if you're playing as a woman. (There may a tiny chance if your farmer is a trans woman, but if she's on HRT then like. Oestrogen lowers one's fertility drastically and if Maru got pregnant, there's a fair chance Yoba intervened.)
about the "he's not my father" line, even if it's a common trope, if a step-dad is a good father figure, that mindset either dissapears pretty quickly or doesn't even develop. I have a step-mom and used to have a step-dad, I loved the dude as a dad, even calling him that and always saying he was my second dad. my step-mom on the other hand has always been pretty awful, so I basically feel like Sebastian whenever she talks to me. So we could say that's proof that Demetrious ain't a good dad. Even the fact that he is so territorial with his daughter makes me think he is probably one of the worst
Also, Maru is old enough to get married, so Demetrius has been in Sebastian’s life for what- eighteen years at least? He doesn’t seem much older than her. I technically have a step-mother: I say technically because I don’t think of her that way at all. I was at university when she married my father. Our relationship is fine, but I’m an adult and don’t view her as a parent, and she clearly doesn’t view me as her kid, which would be incredibly bizarre- this person didn’t raise me. But Sebastian *was* a kid when Demetrius entered his life, a kid who’s father was no longer around for whatever reason. There’s so much time he could have been there for him- like anyone else, Sebastian must’ve had struggles with growing up and it really doesn’t seem like Demetrius was there for him at any point, if Sebastian still thinks he’s not his real father, when he’s the only one who he’s had for practically his entire life.
Honestly, I like to build a storyline when I'm playing any sort of game, I met Robin, talked to her a lot BC she seemed nice, met Sebastian and immediately was like "god damm he's hot" so every time I went to visit Robin I went to see him too. After we got married and he talked about starting fights with his sister I thought "maybe now is a good time for me to get close to her since she's my SIL :D". So I started giving her some gems and talking to her and got that 2 heart event, when Demetrius started threatening me I got kinda creeped out, like "dude I married her brother, why tf would I try to flirt with her? Jealous much?" And exposed his ass
@@angycat4262 happened something similar to me but after I had married Haley for like three years. It was like, dude, I've been here for a while, you were at my wedding, what's your problem?
@@nadieimportante1979 I forgot to mention that I already had a toddler with Sebastian and was currently pregnant with our second baby, literally gave birth the next day 💀
Personally, as someone with a sibling on the spectrum and with me being on the lighter end, I hate the “Demetrius is autistic” theory. If he’s supposed to be representing the condition he does a piss-poor job at it, coming across as another “Nerd who just doesn’t get it” like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. There’s more to autism than just having a devoted interest or having a “strict schedule” (which many people in the valley have anyway.) Not understanding some social situations is a symptom. But then there’s also sensory issues, stimming, exhaustion from having to mask around people, etc. Due to the lack of other symptoms in his cutscenes and dialogue, Demetrius really just comes across more like an asshole who is being obtuse to make him seem intellectually superior over his wife. And it’s not like it’d be difficult to add lines of dialogue to get the concept across. Here’s some off the top of my head: - During winter, “It’s so cold, but just I can’t stand the way bulky coats feel.” - During the Luau, “Why does Lewis feel the need to be so obtuse with what he wants from the governor? Honestly, the world would be a better place if people just said what they meant.” - Low-to-mid hearts, “Hey, farmer. If I start going too deep into a topic, don’t hesitate to stop me. I can get carried away sometimes.” - A mid-heart cutscene where Demetrius is working in his lab. He notices something under his microscope. “Oh!” He flaps his hand for a second, “This is great! Farmer, I didn’t see you there, come look at this! I just made a fascinating discovery regarding the microbial contents of the valley’s lake water.” You look and don’t really see what he’s talking about. You get an option to blindly agree that it’s cool which will make him happy; you can ask about what you’re supposed to see which would lead to some more dialogue + a fade to black; or you can ask about the hand-thing which he’d, slightly embarrassed that someone saw that, explain that he doesn’t do it often but sometimes it just happens out of habit when he’s really happy or excited about something. - Mid-hearts, “I really try to be there for Sebastian. But, I just can’t tell what he’s thinking or feeling most of the time and I just end up upsetting him. So I keep my distance. Robin and Maru are so much easier to read.” - Mid-hearts, or after the tomato/bed scene, “Sigh. I made Robin upset again. I don’t want to get into arguments with her, but sometimes I feel like she’s from a separate plane of existence. Do you ever feel like that, farmer?” Mid-hearts, “I’m glad Maru’s interested in the sciences. But, I won’t lie, sometimes I wish she was as into biology as I am. It’s hard for me to be as enthusiastic about robotics as she is.” High-hearts, “You know what, farmer? With most people I feel like I constantly need to act like someone I’m not. But not with you. It’s refreshing.”
I'm also autistic and I think this is a great idea, the way Demetrius is now makes it easy for someone to hear about the whole "he's autistic" thing but not understand what exactly about him is related to autism. Like, for someone who doesn't understand how it works, they might assume "oh Demetrius is autistic? Is that why he's such an asshole?". And from there they might get some harmful ideas about autism. But with changes like these he could be closer to a more real representation of what autism is like, so that people don't attribute autistic traits to malice. There's a great opportunity here for representation but as it stands it's kinda harmful
Thanks for saying this and I 100% agree. As a psychology student, it irks me a lot when people say that things like having a special interest/hyperfixation or being oblivious is proof that X character is autistic. While yes, these traits are very common in autistic people, it's not exclusive to them and are in fact also very common in neurotypical people as well. This kind of view is extremely superficial and very stereotypical, autism is way more than just being overly attached to a hobby or having a hard time understanding what someone means.
I really like your analysis! Just like you, I saw Dimitrius's actions as more of being a smartass than being neurodivergent. When referencing the tomato and bed scene, I don't remember him making an attempt to apologize or understand; to me, it felt like the stereotypical STEM kid thinking the're smarter than the art kids for studying science.
@@veevzdrawz8499 - Thank you! Also, I think you hit the nail on the head regarding the STEM kid analogy. But add some “ackchyually” vibes for good measure, lol. Honestly, I’d like Demetrius SO much more if he did have moments of regret/apologized for being a jerk. Like, imagine the character arc if he apologized to you after the Maru incident.
Maybe because Sebastian is my go to marriage candidate so I’m biased but I don’t really like Demetrius. He’s always putting Maru up on a pedestal and it actually made me not like Mary either in the beginning but now I love her and we end up being really close friends in a lot of my playthoughs.
I see that a lot! People who dislike Maru because they dislike Demetrius. Pretty interesting. I mean you really can't untangle them since Demetrius shoves his way into her two heart scene. He's there right from the very start of your relationship with her.
I feel like Maru is never where I am so I just don't interact with her much, and as a result my dislike of Demetrius definitely rubbed off onto her when I finally hit two hearts with her. Now that I'm trying to get everyone to max hearts and I know her a bit more she seems nice enough.
The way you refer to Demetrius Being on the spectrum is good. I think that Sebastian is confusing to Demetrius, he probably doesn’t understand him. It’s still no exuse for how he treats him.
Thanks for the heads up! That was the way I felt most comfortable referring to things. :) Yeah, Sebastian is probably a struggle for Demetrius if I had to guess. But it's not like Demetrius tries and fails, it's like he doesn't try at all.
@@Leapalot It's possible Demetrius doesn't fully grasp his duties as a stepfather. He may see Sebastian as just someone he lives with, not someone he has a real special relationship with. If you can't get along with someone, it's okay to not interact with them, right? So if he doesn't get along with Sebastian, he can just not interact with Sebastian, and they'll both be happier for it. Problem solved. From his perspective at least.
Honestly, i hate Demitrius He's a shit Father, completely overprotective when it comes to Maru (to the point where he threathens people who just want to befriend her) and neglecting when it comes to Sebastian
Right?! He's so weird, I got the 2 hearts event with Maru after being married to Sebastian for about 3 years and my reaction was basically "wtf dude? I married her brother of course I will befriend her! If I wanted to date her I would have done so about 3 years ago"
CA watching his characters being torn apart and/or praised as if they’re real people after writing them at 3am on 2 adderalls and 12 cups of coffee: 👁👄👁
What makes the situation even more sad is Maru and Sebastian seem to be pretty close in age, so Demetrius is probably the only father Sebastian ever knew, considering his bio-father seems to be out of the picture. This doesn't seem to be a case of Sebastian having been fully-grown, when Demetrius married Robin. Robin should be ashamed as well, having a kid live in a windowless, moist room, while she is constantly running around building and improving homes. Adding a window wouldn't have been any trouble at all! Nevermind that she could have added an actual room to the house. The favouritism both parents show for their daughter is disgusting.
Maru and Sebastian know about each other's favorite, dislike (Maru even know that Sebastian have crush on Abby lol) so I think they maybe actually care about each other but when their interest, schedule and hobby are different. It's hard to spend time together. (with Demetrius on top of that who probably try to compare Maru and Sebastian about everything they do) Everything Demetrius did is not something family man should do. He doesn't support his wife much, He's being bad step dad. I bet all those book was actually something Robin bought and sneak in to give Demetrius some clue about why she's mad. But Demetrius, even thought he reading something before sleep every night... He never touch those books. There's no wonder why Robin smash hammer that hard on our wall.
It makes sense for him to be on the spectrum. But he still should treat Sebastian better. Even if he might not like having the basement vampire in his house
I agree. That's kind of what made this video tough. Like yes, everyone has different experiences, and I do my best to understand that. But there are also things that just... aren't okay.
Maru is his and Robin's child, right? And they both are young adults. That means when Demetrius came into sebastian's life he was still a child, he probably wasn't a basement vampire as a 5 years old :/
As a person on the spectrum, I think that Demetrius's behaviour towards Sebastian is unacceptable. He's way too overprotective of Maru and is _horrible_ to Sebastian. That is no way to treat your stepson.
as someone who's on the spectrum myself, i appreciate the effort you put into using inclusive language and doing research to avoid any offensive language
Maybe I’m overly optimistic, but I think the whole thing with Sebastian’s bedroom went something like this. So Maru and Sebastian shared the bedroom on the left wing of the house as kids, but then being an emo teenager and all, Sebastian decided to move into the basement. He was excited at first but only _recently,_ as he’s come to be an adult, he grew dissatisfied with the gloomy atmosphere. Due to a lack of communication Robin and Demetrius think he’s still happy with it, but they never _forced_ him to move down there.
Except Maru is much younger than Sebastian, so I think it’s different. I think, barely a short time after his dad left his mom (he was old enough to know and understand what was happening, so around 7-10) his mom hooked up with this guy. Sebastian didn’t like how fast she could move on, so suddenly Demetrius takes him as a threat, and makes him know *HE’S* the one in the way of their happiness. Robin gets pregnant with Maru, and wonders where they would be able to set up the nursery. Robin takes Sebastian out to talk about a new sibling, but while they are out, Demetrius runs every last thing of Sebastian’s things into the basement. When the two get back, they’re shocked, until Demetrius proclaims now there’s a safe space for the baby, because THEY need to be on the same floor, in case anything happens, and Sebastian would be ‘fine in the basement by himself’. Sebastian is stunned in horror, when Robin claps and looks extremely excited “YES! That’s a perfect solution! Don’t you think so, dear?” She says blindly innocently to her son. Sebastian stares shocked at her, and remembers Demetrius stating how he’s the problem, that HE’S the one in the way of their ‘happiness’. So his face goes cold, he shouts “FINE!” And runs down the stairs. Robin maybe was concerned a moment, but Demetrius stops her, and switches subjects to change her mind to baby, and it doesn’t take much, since she has no clue of his actual goal. Lol sorry for being a bit lengthy, I used to write amateur fan fiction, but still, I think that’s much more likely to be the cause of it, rather than a baby and a older kid sharing a bedroom. (Remember, the ‘kids’ we see in Stardew valley are actually generally adults, save for the ACTUAL kids, but Maru always is seen as the youngest of the love interests by the community. So I think it lines up)
I remember getting the Maru 2 heart scene after marrying Sebastian and hearing Demetrius “threat” got me like “Sir, I’m already married to your son :/“
You know, everyone insists that it's Abigail that is the wizard's child, but I also wonder about Sebastian because the whole family seems to treat him like the unspoken secret.
@@Leapalot I mean, he could have had the relationship prior to the one with Demetrius. Robin never really mentions Sebastian's father. Perhaps it just so happens to be the Wizard.
I wonder - he doesn't know which person it is, so clearly he had the chance to father more than one. What if both Sebastian and Abigail are his children?
im on the spectrum! im autistic, and i really appreciate the way you did your research and did your best to use 'correct' language, most people would just go 'lol autism' but your thought into it is so appreciated. Most autistic people prefer putting autistic first, because they are autistic, they cant seperate themselves from there autism, and most people would prefer if non autistic people use 'autistic person' instead, but it really isnt as much of a big deal. thought i could just put in my input :) thank you for the great content edit: i also believe multiple people in the valley are neurodivergent, demetrius most certainly being one of them
That's what I found. You can say I'm autistic, because that's your experience. But I should let you make that decision about identification. Not decide for you. 😁
No because I was friends with Demetrius before ever really interacting with maru or Sebastian properly, and I really did like him. The dancing together is cute, he was nice and he gave me mushrooms. Then I became friends with maru. Oh boy. Suddenly he gets all “overprotective dad” on me. I WAS MARRIED.
LMAO ITS SO FUNNY. I was walking in to get my house upgrade so I could get married and he’s all like “you better not do anything with my daughter” and I’m like “sir I’m actually getting married to someone else right now but thanks for your input”
Sebastian is totally depressed lol. He spends all day in his room, has a low social bar, smokes, and only really hangs out with his friends like twice a week. I feel so bad for Seb
You've described me but I don't think I have depression lol But I also don't live with a neglecting step-father nor have my room in the basement, so...
Well, I do all these things and don't think I'm depressed, but my first childhood memory is of my mom calling me fat and saying that if I wanted to be a model when I grow up I need to stop eating BC nobody thinks fat girls are pretty, sooo.....¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe I'm just used to it
I also think Sebastian might be depressed, but the things you list are mostly just about him being introvert I think. I mean yeah smoking helps with anxiety and maybe he has social anxiety or something. But I think the depression (if he is depressed) is more about not being appreciated, his job and hobbies not being taken seriously and the feeling of being stuck in this little town.
His favoritism towards his bio kid and indifference towards his adopted kid is the reason why Sebastian and Maru never bonded as siblings. Screw that guy.
Soo english isn't my first language so I hope I will make sens, I'm autistic and Demetrius being on the spectrum makes a lot of sense and explain why he is (even if ignoring Sebastien isn't something he should do), the thing is, when you are autistic, what is "common sense" isn't really there for us, espacially when it comes to interacting with other. It usually makes us easy targget for things like social anxiety which makes everything worst T.T The other point is, it's often hard for us to care about other things than our passions (here, science for Demetrius) I know it's almost physically impossible for me to care or want to do things that doesn't interesed me, to the point where at school my grade would suffer a lot because of that. The thing is, without aknowlaging that he is on the spectrum and getting help with that, I don't think Demetrius is fit to be a step father, after all, he choose Robin, not her child...
Hey, you don't need to apologize for your English. That made perfect sense! Besides, I guarantee that you speak English better than I speak your primary language. That's a good point! Demetrius didn't choose Sebastian, he chose Robin. As a step-parent though, he doesn't get to pick and choose. They're a bundle! Thanks for your perspective!
@@Leapalot Thank you, yes "They're a bundle!" but that's common sense that maybe he didn't have ? I don't know. And I'm not saying it's ok because it's clearly not and I don't like him tbh, I'm just trying to imagine someone on the spetrum, who doesn't know he is, and how he could have think.
Yeah, he chose Robin but she comes with the Seb and imo Robin should ditch him for how she treats the kids (especially Sebastian) cuz that’s just what a good and smart parent should do.
I think it would help to have some context as to just how old Sebastian was when Robin remarried and if his real father was ever in his life. There is a particular "rebel without a cause" trope going on with Seb, and we can't know how Demetrius treated him prior adulthood. I also think that it's a bit unfair to assume that Robin is completely oblivious to their relationship just because she doesn't talk about with the farmer. It could be they have tried and failed to reconcile and so everyone has just come to accept it. I also think that Sebastian and Maru would've fought because there's no doubt that Seb feels like an outsider once Maru is born. The odd one out in their family by default. Anyway, my point is I think this goes way deeper than what we see I'm game.
I mean I’m pretty sure that maru is Demetrius’s and robin’s child and she’s only a few years younger than Sebastian but at least 18 because she can get married so we can make an inference he’s been Sebastian’s stepfather for at least 18 years.
I started growing a disliking when I found out how Dimitreus didn't approve of Sebby building a snowgoon and lets Maru's snowman goes unharmed, damn he's a bad dad
Yeah It's really clear to me that Sebastian has been moved aside for the golden child [Maru] and Robin just lets it happen. I like to marry Sebastian to get him out of that damn basement. It's nice to see him happy and in a house of his own. And he acts really grateful about being appreciated and treated equally.
As an autistic person myself, I can't say that I've ever thought about Demetrius being autistic, but I actually quite like the theory. Thought I'd add a little something extra to it: Once you reach a certain point in the game Demetrius will come to your house to set up either fruit bats or mushrooms in the cave on your farm. Also, his special order gives the player a Farm Computer that displays a lot of technical information about the farm. I sort of like to imagine that he does these sorts of things as a sort of way of bonding with the player. For most autistic people (myself very much included) their special interests tend to heavily bleed over into a lot of interactions they have with other people. For example, I spend a lot of time with my partner playing Stardew Valley specifically because it's a game I really enjoy, and I suppose that a lot of times we tend to think about these things as really cool stuff that everyone should give a try. After all, it gives us a lot of joy, so it'll probably give the farmer that same sense if I set up the cave on their farm for research? As a second point, I strongly feel as though if/when someone received a diagnosis can heavily impact their social life. I wasn't diagnosed until highschool. Demetrius strikes me as someone who may not have ever received a diagnosis at all, something that people with lower support needs and a lot more apparent intelligence (what's been dubbed Asperger's, but personally I dislike using a classification invented by Nazi doctors). After receiving a diagnosis, I was much more easily able to break down a lot of social rules and concepts that I never really understood before my diagnosis, for example, why my mom would get mad when I got stains on my clothes, or why people sometimes get upset when you tell something that's true. A lot of stuff that neurotypicals view as being "intuitive" can make absolutely no sense to an autistic person without being explained. I view the scene where Demetrius bought tomatoes when told to buy "fruit" as being caused by that. Hell, it may also partially explain why he doesn't give Sebastian very much attention. I can't speak on Sebastian's childhood, but at least when we play the game, he does spend the majority of his time in the basement alone, and if he wanted more attention he'd come up and say something, right? (Probably wrong.) While I still entirely believe that Demetrius should still be held accountable for the things he says (and *especially* how he treats Sebastian) I do feel like there's a lot more nuance there than one might think, especially if they lack the rather specific experience of being undiagnosed autistic. I don't want to come straight out the gate and say that he's an intentionally bad parent, I feel like there's a lot about him that goes unexplored in the game, likely because ConcernedApe probably didn't intentionally write Demetrius to be an autistic character, probably just more based off of stereotypes of the "eccentric scientist" (which also happens to overlap a lot with stereotypes about autism.) I find him to be a quite compelling character, at least, since the way he's written doesn't really shy away from some of the more harmful ways that some can act due to their autism. Gives him more dimension and complexity, and I'm not sure that I've seen very many characters in media who really explore those aspects. Of course, that's all just speculation on my part. Great video!
In one run I specifically decided to marry Maru because Demetrius warned me off. I decided - all in a moment - I was going to rescue her from his clutches. I think Demetrius needs some sessions with Shane's therapist.
The line that always sticks out to me is during the hardwood bed scene (...i think)- Sebastian says he feels like he always has to protect his mom from Demetrius. As someone who grew up in a house like that, um. yikes.
I'm autistic and personally, I was never particularly fond of Demetrius. He was just kind of there and I forgot aboug him most of the time. I do remember really disliking his treatment of Sebastian though
I basically ignored the relationship between Demetrius and Sebastian - there isn't a relationship there. I figured Sebastian would follow through on his dream to move to the city and make a life he'd enjoy, so Demetrius was just a temporary feature in his life. But now I'm displeased with him because he probably harmed the relationship between Sebastian and his sister, when he should have helped cultivate it. Stepdads may be temporary, but siblings are not.
The house layout question has long left me with a headcanon that Sebastian actually initially lived with his bio father after the divorce, and after Maru was born and the family was settled in Pelican town, something happened to his bio father and he had to move back in with his mom creating the unexpected blended family dynamic. Which is why the house was not built with space for him in mind?
Great video. I’ve always found Demetrius to be an interesting character and I agree he’s not too good to Sebastian. I’m on the spectrum myself (Asperger syndrome) and personally use Autistic person but know there are plenty people who use person with autism.
Sebastian's family never felt like a family to me. They always felt like strangers that lived in the same apartment complex. Even Maru and Demetrius don't seem to be on the same page - they just have similar interests. Could never quite put my finger on what their dysfunction was, even now...
That's kind of what I was seeing! Some people prefer to just say I'm autistic, but I didn't feel like I had the right to make that decision for someone else. Thanks for checking it out!
I prefer "aspie" because it's so much easier and faster to say, and it sounds casual instead of official. (Even if "Asperger's isn't used as a term anymore.)
demetrius’s treatment of sebastian and the threatening of the farmer is so uncalled for in all manners i just never want to even interact with him in stardew because he is just unjust. also, the introduction to this video was actually one of the like best ones i’ve seen for covering like the concept of neurodivergency and how to talk about it as someone from the outside.
I will say as an autistic person.....we really don't need more depictions like Demetrius. I promise, a lot of us know what beauty is, and appreciate it. Many of us are *gasp* empathetic! Emotional! Friendly! Even those of us who are overly analytical have to acknowledge when we're causing problems, when we're hurting people and try to figure out how to work with allistic people in a way that benefits all parties...and you know, not be dicks to people we're meant to be raising.
Also, I prefer to say I'm autistic, not a person with autism, because I'm autism and autism is me. If you remove autism, that just removes what makes me, well me. But good on you for doing your best to keep us happy.
@@Leapalot Sam's parents are decent. His mom indulges her kids too much, but his dad was apparently a great dad before going off to war. They have the healthiest family life in the valley.
I too am on their, somewhere probably with adhd, it was hard learning with only verbal(talking only) teaching so I need some visuals(waves hands around doing visual things) and I put as a rule for me to quote spongebob "Write that down, write that down"
treats Sebastian by barely acknowledging him and coming off as condescending to sebastian, like bro gave maru a nice room with windows and her own little private room, then used the other room for his lab and giving sebastian the basement, he constantly praises maru but is dismissive of sebastian who needs a father figure but doesnt seem to have one, bro bought the how to be a step dad book but clearly hasn't read it it seems
We really need a dlc that allows us to call out Demetrius for being a bad step father, for Fem PC to call out Alex's mysogny, and tell Lewis and Marnie to JUST BE OPEN ABOUT IT NO ONE CARES IF YALL ARE TOGETHER... also set up AA meetings for Shane
I always marry Sebby and I hate Demetrius for the Maru convo, but one of the weirdest things with Sebby's heart events is that if I remember correctly, none of them deal with others for the most part, Robin comes in his room to tell him Abigail wants to see him and he plays DnD with Sam, but he doesn't really interact with the townies much when it comes to his heart events
I feel like that's kind of how lost of the marriage candidates are though? They have a couple friends but mostly ignore the rest of the town right? I dunno!
@@YooranKujara i dont think shane ever interacts with other people in a cutscene, but both him and sam work at jojamart, they probably interact with people every single day, in cutscenes he only really interacts with marnie and jas (also harvey during the 6 heart cutscene) but thats about it with cutscenes
I frankly think Demetrius is just what comes out of people's mind when someone tells them to think of a "scientist". I'm majoring in biotech and have seen several labs specialized in it and things don't seem right. He seems to be biologist, specialized in local crops and fish. And his lab is... worse than average high school science classroom tbh. Some microscopes, beakers and flasks and a periodic table? It would make much more sense if it had at least a computer. What can he actually do in here? He can only make superficial observations and write them down in a paper note. There are 3 computers in that house(Sebastian's, Maru's and one in the Robin/Demetrius' bedroom) and none in the actual lab. Even if it did have a computer he can't still do much. It's not like Stardew Valley has extremely alien ecosystem. Increasing crop yields may take decades of work from several researchers with the best resources. Saving local fish population takes industrial action of outlawing overfishing and carefully releasing artificially bred fish. At least other people work if the farmer does something but Demetrius just seems to not do anything at all. And about the tomato incident, If my coworker said "tomato is a fruit because that is the scientific definition" non-jokingly, I will think about how the fuck they managed to not get kicked out, not because they are being an ass, but because that's just incompetency. Does he also say "Strawberry is not a real berry but watermelon is"? If someone requested some information about local wild berry population, will he just say none because blackberries and salmonberries are not actually berries? This is just incompetence and if you think this is autism, you should really meet someone with autism and how they try very hard to overcome it. Saying "haha he said tomato is fruit he is autistic" is honestly insulting to actual autistic people. Stardew Valley's characters are mostly stereotypical, but Demetrius is especially stereotypical "that science nerd that is socially awkward, always thinks 'scientifically' and says 'well achually' non-ironically". And plus points for "that stepdad that has absolutely no idea how to be a stepdad and continue to favor his own child over the other".
i'm autistic. i tend to prefer less euphemisms like "on the spectrum" and person-first language (ie. "person with autism") and go full on identity-first instead. i'm not sure about specific surveys/studies but most of my fellow neurodivergent friends prefer identity-first when applicable
oh most of my ND friends prefer being called autistic instead because it de-stigmatizes autisic as a "dirty word" it's coll that hyou and your friend found something yall are comfy with :D
In my eyes, Demetrius is a jerk. He favors Maru, destroys or makes Sebastian destroy his Snowman while letting Maru keep hers. He also threatens you at Maru's 2 ❤️ Event and when you expose him he tries to weasel his way out of it. Follow that by Robin's Hardwood Quest. He criticizes her adding poles to the Bed and doubles down when she said it's for Aesthetics. I exposed him to Maru because I was fed up with him. Like dude, I am already married, no need to try and be tough dad. To Haley by the way.
The line about Sebastian commenting on not having a window is surprising, but then again, I don't really talk to that whole family a lot, since I don't go into Robin's house often.
@@Leapalot Sebastian definitely deserves better knowing some of the stuff from this and last episode, though I do remember at least Maru wanting to have a better relationship with him, though CA seems a little inconsistent on the dialogue on that part.
Something that's occurred to me is that while Demetrius seems to be some kind of biologist, Maru's primary scientific interest in her free time seem to be astronomy and building unspecified 'gadgets'. Sebastian's job is in programing. It feels like Maru's interests actually overlap more with Sebastian's than with her father's. They could be bonding over building all sorts of wacky things together, but they're not. That just feels sad. (and they family dynamic makes me feel like if anything went wrong with one of their gizmos, Sebastian would be the one their parents blame the most)
Being autistic myself, I do think that Demetrius is autistic. I've thought that myself for a while. I think that is also why he favors Maru (which doesn't excuse him being a bad parent), because she shares in his special interest, science. I've always had trouble relating to people who don't share at least some of my interests... Though I never treat people as less-than just because I don't relate to them. They might think I'm weird or awkward when I try to talk to them about things I don't know or care much about, but I at least try.
As an autistic person, I really don't like the Demetrius autistic headcanon. Or rather, how it is treated as an excuse. It doesn't excuse his poor treatment of Sebastian. I think that Maru might be autistic as well, though. She is much more relatable to me
Also thank you for researching before on the language to use! Personally, person with adhd is better for me since it’s showing how I’m not just adhd, I’m more than that!
Good deal! That was what resonated for me too, but I saw some people say that they wanted people to acknowledge that it's linked to every part of them. So it was an interesting little research topic.
With ADHD it's a little different since there's no 'ADHDtistic'. If there was I'd be fine with being called it, my brain is wired differently. I mainly have issues with people downplaying ADHD or saying they have ADHD when they don't.
@@brutusthebear9050 Right! I think the big thing for me was not saying something like "suffers from Autism etc." I said something similar about PTSD once, and @Helenan Day gave me some really good insight on avoiding that. So I wanted to be extra sure this time! :)
What about "Valentine has ADHD"? I get that people with Autism do not like to be described solely through that trait, but 'has' seems like a fairly neutral descriptor for things like ADHD, Dyslexia or even a broken leg.
In answer to your question at 1:20, I'm really loving the Wheel of Time series. I've been reading the books for the last couple of years, and I'm currently up to book 9 (Winter's Heart). They seem to be doing a pretty good job so far with the show, despite changing a few things around.
I agree. I was kind of worried after the first episode. Especially with big changes like Perrin's whole... thing. But I've come to appreciate it as just a separate imagining.
As someone with autism/as an autistic person, I appreciate you care and respect concerning the topic and how you really wanted to make clear that it was just part of your speculation and that it isn’t a negative thing. I can’t explain how nice it is to hear someone doing their best in this type of topic, which sadly has a lot of prejudice and stigma against it. Thank you leapalot and please do Haley!!
Hey glad to hear it! Pretty much all of these videos are about difficult topics, so I'm trying to empathize with lots of different worldviews. We will definitely get around to a Haley video at some point. I'm trying to continue refining my ability before starting on the marriage candidates, since people are so attached to nearly all of them. But we'll get there for sure!
As an autistic and ADHD person, just saying "I'm autistic" is fine because saying "I'm a person with autism" reminds me there's people out there that refuse to see me a person unless stated or that my autism can be disconnected from the person.
My dad is on the spectrum and has adhd, and treats me and my brother amazingly, even though we have different moms and such, his treatment of sebastion is unacceptable.
I'm on the spectrum, and while it's a different experience for most people, I also know a lot of other autistic people. If Demetrius is intended to represent someone on the spectrum, I feel that's quite harmful and perpetuates stereotypes. A lot of people describe him as robotic and cold which is actually pretty rare for people on the spectrum. Also yeah I'm glad you made the disclaimer at the beginning with the discourse between autistic person and person with autism because no matter how you put it, it would have been wrong with one side. Also I agree Demetrius is a bad dad but he's also a really poor husband. The cutscene for Robin's project has him actively ripping on her work. Idk I think he's tied with Clint for the worst character in Stardew.
No plans to stop! They're lots of fun, and people seem to like them. Comments like these always renew my determination. (and they help tell RUclips that people like the videos lol) Thanks for checking the series out! :)
I always find it interesting that lots of people shorthand Sebastian as “being emo” because he’s anti-social, seems generally unhappy, and hides out in the basement a lot. But I find there is so much more to his character, and I do think he feels underappreciated at home. I also think it’s curious that he believes Maru would be happier with him gone or mentions that they fight a lot, when Maru says she wants to get to know Sebastian better. So, what is the disconnect here? I don’t think it’s a case of Sebastian preferring to hold onto his biological father, because he never talks about him. So, is Demetrius also creating a barrier between Sebastian and Maru getting to know each other more? Neither of them says they dislike the other, but they aren’t at all close. I like your idea that Demetrius might be neurodivergent. Thinking on Robin’s special order for hardwood, she builds a bed with distinct posts; she’s happy with her creation, but Demetrius harps on how the posts were an inefficient use of her materials. This isn’t a case of function, since the bed isn’t shown to be unstructurally sound-it’s purely for aesthetic, which Demetrius doesn’t seem to consider, or maybe cannot consider in his calculations. His response reminds me of my brother, who is autistic. He’s described his thought process as being black-and-white, so concepts that don’t fit into this binary are difficult for him to comprehend. Maybe for Demetrius, a thing’s aesthetic has no place in calculations of function.
That's kind of my theory on the whole bed post. He might be thinking "why would you add the posts when you could just use the materials for another project?"
I love the idea that Demetrius is the barrier between Mary and Sebastian, because when a parent has strong favoritism for one child, it becomes really difficult for the other to become friends with them.
I think Sebastian's family has a general theme of "disconnection". No one is really on the same page with each other... Even Maru and her father (who have similar interests) are still not on the same page in her 2 heart event (though I guess they still have a natural bond). And we get to see the distance and neglect that results from this disconnection. I like that no one is openly negative or mean spirited (like George or Shane). Generally, it seems like they're all just so different and self-centered that they can't quite get on the same page... Which resulted in some awful habits.
I married Maru, and I call Robin “mom” (she reminds me a bit of my irl mom) but Demetrius is still just Demetrius. As an autistic person, I do see him as possibly being autistic, but that doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t take accountability for his actions or try to improve his social skills for the sake of his family. I always thought he was really controlling of his children, probably not from a bad place but it still isn’t okay.
Hi. I have autism and personally I just like it straight up and just called autistic. I feel when people work around it it’s because it’s a bad thing and I don’t want my identity to be a bad thing. I kinda just want to exist and saying the word autistic when describing me is a just a fact and I embrace it. When people use work around a it almost hurts a little and I always try and get them comfortable with calling me autistic if they want to talk about it in the future. Edit: spelling
So as an autistic person : I prefer saying „I’m autistic“ since it’s short and straight to the point. Less talking = less words = better for me It also reminds me of the word „artistic“, and since I’m an artist o think that’s pretty cute ! But everyone can have their own preference in that regard, I just felt like voicing mine ^^
Hey thanks for chiming in! It sounds like many people prefer saying I'm autistic, and lots of outside people like me prefer to say things like person with autism. It's an interesting topic!
What bothers me in the Demetrius Discourse is that people so often complain about him misunderstanding Robin above everything else, *as though that is as bad as, if not worse than, his neglect of his stepson and his possessive attitude towards his daughter.* Not only is this a benign neurodiverse trait that shouldn't be stigmatized - let alone conflated with him being a bad dad - the man clearly adores his wife! He won't win any Father of the Year awards (though really, none of the on-screen dads deserve such a prize), but he is definitely Husband of the Year. I think the main problem with Demetrius is a common trap writers tend to fall into when writing smart characters: giving them autistic traits like bluntness or hyperfocus or not understanding relationships, then treating those traits as severe character flaws. Don't get me wrong: these writers aren't waking up thinking "I hate autistic people and I'm going to write that hate into my story!" Usually writers don't intend to write an autistic character at all - they are simply copying smart characters they've seen in other stories. Unfortunately, while these tropes may be used without bad intentions, using them can still end up stigmatizing real autistic people. For more about this, I recommend Overly Sarcastic Production's video "Trope Talk: The Smart Guy."
I would certainly say the misunderstandings are less concerning to me than the disturbing amount of neglect in the household by both Robin and Demetrius. It's a family crisis in my eyes.
@@lucienfortner841 Exactly! A big part of what I love about Stardew is how ConcernedApe shows a lot of compassion for almost all his characters. With the exception of Morris - who seems to have built his personality around serving the heartless JoJa Corporation - even the deeply flawed Pelican Towners have sympathetic qualities. BUT I don't think ConcernedApe understood autism well enough to avoid using these problematic tropes on Demetrius.
@@missmarsh1011 I'm hoping he didn't intend for him to read as autistic at all, maybe he just went for really bad "smart guy" tropes and got accidental bad autism traits.
Ok as someone who’s neurodivergent I had to weigh in on this. I think one of the reasons Demetrius has Maru as a clear favorite because Maru is also autistic. Maru seems to follow a lot of the claims you made about Demetrius, and thus, I think it’s a lot easier for the two of them to communicate. I think it makes the whole dynamic a lot more interesting to look at when you see Maru and Demetrius as the only two in the valley who really “get” each other. Not even Robin, Demetrius’ wife understands him. It also makes sense why Demetrius is so scared of losing Maru and basically threatens the player. He has had something for the past, what, 20 years? That he hasn’t had all his life. Someone who understands him everywhere he goes. Someone who understands what he is trying to say. And now, he’s losing that. That isn’t to say he’s not a crappy dad. But he’s a crappy dad who’s trying. Which honestly I feel like is more than can be said for half the towns parents.
I really like those videos. They really make you look at characters more in depth. I'm excited to see the ones about Maru and Seb (especially seb, he's my fav with elliott) now! I also wanna say that I also think of Seb as autistic. I'm on the spectrum and he just reminds me a lot of myself in some ways. Like how he spends his days mostly on his computer, away from everyone and only comes out when it's dark and quiet. If you think of him having trouble with sounds, it kinda makes sense. He only goes out ever so often to town, to hang out with friends, or at the bar once a week, which might drain him a little (or a lot). Not to say he isn't having fun, social events are just extremely draining for me lol. He prefers going out to the moutain when nobody will bother him (aside from the new farmer in town) or to the ocean when it's raining (which is a very soothing sound, i love rain too, so i get it). It's mostly quiet spaces and rarely busy ones. In the festivals, he mostly stands aside as well, not really wishing to participate, finding some dumb, which honestly I feel like I'd do as well if I was him lol. As a farmer it's fun but if you've lived your whole life there and you hate the town, yeah i can see that. Plus, rarely going out of his room means he doesn't have to interact with his family. And especially Demetrius. He at least definitely struggles with depression. I kinda wish he got to leave and go to the city, because he talks about it in a heart event, and it definitely feels like he'd feel better there. He'd be able to leave the uncomfortable family household, leave the town he probably resents as well and live outside of the valley he grew up in. I think it'd be good for him. All and all I really like seb :')
You really inspire me with your ability to be open and inclusive and recognizing your ignorance. It's something I try to do, but it can be difficult at times
I think because Sebastian is probably older than Maru, when robin was pregnant they had to move Sebastian to the basement so they could be close to the baby for safety. Unfortunately there was no other bedrooms in the house and Sebastian needed his own room so they gave him the basement. The other option would be putting the little new born in the basement but that doesn’t work for multiply reasons. I don’t think he was moved to the basement out of not caring about him. There was no other option
I don't care what Demetrius has going on. He knew damn well what Robin meant when she said she wanted fruit. The man plays semantics when pretty much everyone knows 'fruit' is shorthand for 'sweet' fruit, as opposed to... like... savory fruit. Whatever Tomato is. We hate 'em, right fellas?
But isn't that the point? Autistic people can (depending on severity) hyper-fixate on literal definitions and seemingly stubbornly keep to those definitions even if social cues would show neurotypical people that they weren't relevant in the context. Demetrius likes that you can take nature and categorize it into distinct categories based on predetermined criteria and he genuinely doesn't seem to get why people would deviate from those categories apart from ignorance. A tomato _is_ a fruit in the botanical sense and Demetrius can't see the relevance in the culinary alternative definition, so he disregards it entirely.
I honestly don't think he did know exactly what Robin meant. Nicolai down below made a good point. I also saw someone in the last video make a great point about how Demetrius probably thinks in terms of scientific classification. He sees a tomato as a fruit, because that's how his work requires him to see it. That makes sense to me as well. I do still dislike him for the parenting issues though.
When I first saw the 2 heart event I was so shocked, I really didn't think much of his character before, I kinda thought it was cool that he was a scientist but that was about it, but when he threatened me about Maru I immediately started to dislike his character. I always marry Sebastian as well so just talking to him made me also realize how much of a shitty father he was to Sebastian as well so yeah. I'm not a fan of Demetrius lol
Yeah, the "He's not even my dad" thing is pretty stereotypical, but as someone who has grown up my entire life with a stepdad (age 2 or 3 when my stepdad moved in), it's something you think about a lot. My stepdad tried to step in as a father figure when my biological dad was always there for me growing up and I still see him a lot. he was never absent in my life and I never needed someone to step up for him or do what he couldn't do, because he provided me with everything a good father should. He's a good dad, he always has been. Having my stepdad just walk in uninvited by me to attempt and parent me growing up was frustrating, he wasn't a good dad and thank god he never had any kids of his own because he messed up my entire life as a child and I hardly got to experience an actual childhood when I was on my mother's time thanks to him. A lot of the time I really did just want to tell him he's not my dad, and it's something I would think about and feel bitter over constantly. "You're not my dad. Why are you allowed to tell me what to do?" Especially having my dad in the picture, there were a lot of feelings of "I have a dad, I don't need you." So, although it's stereotypical and kind of cringey in fictional stories, in my opinion it's a very valid and sensical thought to have when you grow up with a less than great step parent, and seeing that relationship between Sebastian and Demetrius is one of the reasons I like Sebastian's character so much as well. But yeah, I don't think Demetrius is a good father and the favoritism he holds towards Maru is a horrible situation to put siblings in. No wonder Maru and Sebastian fight so much, it seems like it's almost being set up by Demetrius and Robin- albeit not on purpose. The way parents treat their kids determines a lot about siblings relationships with each other.
You were right to go with "person on the spectrum" in your video. One thing I learned about in a class of mine this past fall was "people first" language when talking about people who have a disability or other condition. In other words, saying "person on the spectrum" instead of "autistic person" was totally right!
most ND/autistic/disabled people (myself included) actually really dislike person-first language because the explanation for it is usually something like "it reminds others that a person with autism is a person just like you" and that's kind of ridiculous like if you need to be reminded that a disabled person is a person i think you might have bigger problems. it also makes it sound like we can be separated from our disabilities or that they're just an extra thing tacked onto us and while that's somewhat true for physical disabilities, mental/developmental disabilities affect a person's thoughts and personality, they are inseparable from that. so when people try to separate autistic people from their disabilities, they tend to talk to them like they would neurotypical people, which can get really hard to keep up with. however no one's preferences are the same, which is why it's best to just ask the person outright what they would prefer, if you're talking to/about someone specific. for a group, a safe way is to say "the autistic community" or "those on the spectrum" since those refer to everyone. [sorry for typing a whole paragraph i'm not mad or anything! i just like to share]
That's what I'm seeing! I looked into the people first concept as well, and I saw that there are some people who prefer to say "I'm autistic" because they want to completely embrace that part of themselves as being central to their identity. Which I think is really cool too! But I don't get to make that decision for anyone.
@@sunisverycool1 it's no worries! I learned this way because I'm in school to become a teacher & this is what I just learned. We also talked about the pros/cons of labels including how it can already give someone an impression. I personally would need to know so I can provide accommodations and support to kids with IEPs or those who need it and have the least intrusive & most inclusive environment. I think there especially needs to be more training in special education because of the reasons you listed. I don't know how it is at other education programs in college but I'm considered one of the lucky ones with what I got. But I'm glad to hear your input and it's something I wanna keep in mind.
@@smittywerbenjagermanjensen7989 it's not you, it's the curriculum. I wish I could remember the video link to send you, but unfortunately I can not. But essentially the person who came up with person first language, also has a lot of backwards ideas about disabled people. But it's what's taught everywhere. So unfortunate there's lots of highly educated people out there, trying their hardest, with flawed information. To be fair, there are lots of backwards ways of thinking pushed in any medical field (be that, physical, or mental) The key is listen to actual Autistic people. Person first language is an ableist mindset, and autistic people who demand this likely have a lot of internalized ableism. Autism speaks (a hate organization) does so much in the way of misinformation as well. Best of luck out there. Hope you take some of this to ponder on.
Unfortunately the medical community and "experts" are behind the times and tend to make decisions without bothering to listen to actually autistic people. Person first language is correct in a lot of instances, but the autistic community have been very vocal about preferring identity first language. You will absolutely meet some people who prefer to be called a "person with autism" but as a whole, the autistic community prefers identity first and the academic world needs to catch up. It's the same with the Deaf community. It's considered rude to call a Deaf person a "person with a hearing impairment" as person - first language is offensive to them. What you learned in your class is outdated and a great example of the need to engage with communities you learn about because unless they're autistic themselves your teachers aren't the experts - autistic people are.
I knew Demetrius wasn't the best to Sebastian but, I didn't know the specifics. Not sure what's up with his biodad but hey, we can commiserate over possibly two terrible father figures a piece! Also, it's really weird how Demetrius tries to scare you away from Maru at 2 hearts. I mean, yeah Dads can be overly protective about their daughters dating but dude, it's 2 hearts. Do you want your child to have zero friends or something?
So I know I'm leaving this comment almost a year after the video was posted but I just recently found this while playing Stardew... GINGER ISLAND SPOILERS AHEAD! So... I had gotten the Tomato Salt for the Pirate's Wife Quest in my inventory and I accidently showed it to Robin... She had a dialogue related to the Tomato Salt. I can't remember what Robin said, other than the Tomato Salt looked tasty or something along those lines. It was Demetrius' comment to the Tomato Salt that just made by brain melt. He says "Fruit and salt? What an odd combination..." With a frowning portrait. Even typing this out fills me with rage. How the hell can a scientist, who in my eyes seems to be pretty smug about how "smart" he is, say something so stupid to my face? Regardless of tomatoes being fruit or vegetable, it's often considered a savory food and he should KNOW as a goddamn scientist that tomatoes are high in glutamate, an amino acid. When you combo a high glutamate food like tomatoes with salt, you get that savory, delicious, umami flavor. That's why tomatoes typically aren't used like other fucking fruits. This probably isn't something that should make me so mad but combined with all the other egregious events with Demetrius involving Sebastian, his events with Robin, and the fact he told me to stay away from Maru WHILE I WAS DATING HIS STEP-SON... Yeah, I hate him more than Pierre, Lewis or even Morris. Maru and Seb deserve better. Robin deserves better but she seems to tolerate a lot of Demetrius' bad behavior so I have somewhat mixed feelings about her.
Also when Sebastian says that Maru is probably happy he’s gone, when you have two kids with him he’ll say that he hopes that they get along bc he and Maru fought a lot
And that it was his fault right? I found that interesting.
@@Leapalot reminds me of how kids lash out at people (worse if it’s someone of their equal like another child) when they’re in a dark spot in life, ie. Seb not feeling appreciated and probably ignored alot
That makes me feel bad for Sebastian. Poor guy.
Well Maru has a dialogue " Sometimes my head gets so cluttered with nonsense I can hardly think. Does that ever happen to you? Getting some fresh air usually helps." Maybe that's why they fought?? And she say this "Sebastian hardly ever talks to me. I wonder if he even likes me at all? It's sad, I want to have a brother but he doesn't act like one" well she also feels that she did not connect with her step brother.
@@marinasilvania2748 I just want to mention quickly, Maru and Sebastian are Half-siblings, not step-siblings
i hate how he destroys Sebastian's snowman for no fricking reason by far the worst parent in stardew valley he is to overprotective in Maru.
That line is just so sad tbh. Just.. don't stifle a person's creativity.
to be fair it probably has more to do with it being a "snowgoon" than it having do with favoritism. I don't think everyone would apreciate having a Calvin and Hobbes-esque Snowman at their entrance. Still crappy of him though.
Same.
@@Leapalot he does that to Robin too with the bed scenario.
And Maru is uncomfortable with him being overprotective too...
As someone on the spectrum: Demetrius' treatment of Sebastian is unnacptable. Your condition may be an explanation for actions that harm others, but it isn't an excuse. You HAVE TO learn to interact with other people without hurting them. Especially if they're your wife/stepson.
It's very concerning for anyone!
I'm also on the spectrum and I agree. Demetrius's treatment of his Sebastian is just wrong. Using being on the spectrum as an excuse is just wrong. I know we can have very narrow interests and tend to ignore anything not related to those interests, but it's not an excuse. As Robin's husband he should make the effort to acknowledge and develop some kind of relationship with her son. Also, as a side note, quite a lot of us who are on the spectrum just refer to ourselves as being Autistic. Also, personally I think the whole "person first" attitude is just politically correct rubbish that just annoys me, but it can vary from person to person.
Why? Why should it be on us to kowtow to the neurotypicals?
@@ThePrimeMinisterOfTheBlock It isn't just a thing for people like us to learn, plenty of neurotypical people are rude or blunt when speaking and that can be a problem for some. I don't think making an effort, if you can, to be a conscientious person is kowtowing, because it's not like you're worshiping the other person. You can stop at any time if the other person is a jerk.
And just because you have a condition, doesn't mean you get to hurt other people with your behaviour. Especially if you put yourself in a position where you could do some serious mental damage, like being a stepfather such as in this scenario.
@@ThePrimeMinisterOfTheBlock Learning how to interact isn't kowtowing. It literally helps everyone involved by helping the autistic person understand others and avoid accidentally hurting the feelings of others. And on top of that it helps those around them understand them and avoid situations that'd put both parties in a bad spot.
Personally, I was diagnosed when I was little and I'm so grateful my parents taught me how to interact with the general population because now I can effecively communicate my feelings and even sell things such as my artwork. And tbh, your attitude towards neurotypical people is disgusting. I WISH I was like them, sure my autism helps me think outside of the box but I could have avoided a LOT of pain in my life thanks to the special ed system that only demeaned me.
Also, that frickin' scene where he low-key threatens you needs to be discussed more. Not only is there no excuse to threaten someone for daring to be friends with your kid, but it happens literally right when you hit TWO hearts with her and it happens even if you're dating or married to someone else.
For real! Like, usually a threat like that comes with dating (like a dad with a shotgun scenario) but he threatens for just becoming friends? If he's comfortable enough doing that to a new friend, imagine what he's said to his stepson whom he shows quite blatantly he does t care for? 🤔
@@willowreeves4574 especially since Sebastian fights with Maru a lot. It makes me worried that he threatened Sebastian. :(
YEP. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if that kind of behavior is why Maru only ever meets Penny somewhere public. :I
@@Haan_P good point! Tbh, I haven't paid much attention to Maru in my playthrough, does she even talk to anyone aside from Harvey and Penny?
@@willowreeves4574 I haven't paid the most attention either, but from what I have noticed, the only people she seems to spend time near are Harvey, Penny, Robin, and Demetrius. o:
I guess ignoring someone for most of the day counts as "respecting their private space".
It's easy to respect someone's privacy when you forget they exist!
Thats what i thought when i watched this video
@@Leapalot why you gotta make me cry so much? The videos, the comments, my heart is breaking but I want more
Groningen!
I’ve never really liked Demetrius or Robin, actually, especially considering how they treat their kids. To Demetrius Maru is the perfect child. She likes all the same things he does, she never gets in trouble, and she always does what she’s told. She’s agreeable and, most importantly, he understands her. Sebastian, on the other hand, is in many ways Maru’s opposite. He’s not interested in science, he stays out late, he smokes and rides a motorcycle, and he’s often doing things Demetrius, in particular, doesn’t approve of. It’s no secret in the game that Maru is Demetrius’ favorite. It’s also no secret that he doesn’t really care if Sebastian knows that or not, to Demetrius the only child that matters to him is his daughter. Unfortunately, Robin really isn’t much better. Throughout the entire game she seems completely oblivious to the fact that Demetrius and Sebastian don’t get along and, more importantly, to the fact that her children are essentially strangers. They’re both bad parents. Demetrius for his blatant favoritism and his hostility towards Sebastian, and Robin for her (possibly intentional?) obliviousness and/or lack of involvement in her children’s lives. The saddest part about it is seeing the way it impacted Sebastian and Maru’s relationship. They never even talk to each other in the game.
Yes, Robin absolutely does not come out of this blame free. The entire family needs some counseling tbh.
I don't think Robin is intentionally oblivious, I think she's way to into her work to actually see it
honestly they just seem disengaged from their kids, they just treat Sebastian and Maru like byproducts of their relationship
Robin knows Demetrius and Sebastian don't get along and is even distant with Sebastian (rather from work or because she only feels bad but never actively goes out of her way to do anything to mend their relationship or try.)
Robin seems to be more focused on her relationship with Demetrius and also doesn't seem too active with Maru.
There's a case to be made that Sebastian IS interested in science, and his interests overlap quite a bit with Demetrius and Maru's. Working on his motorcycle and coding for a living? Engineering and programming, same thing Maru would be doing with her robots just a slightly different application. And we know from his frogs he's interested in nature and potentially ecology. I know ecologists who'd LOVE to see someone with Seb's experience as a grad student at the very least, and imo that makes Demetrius's treatment of Sebastian WORSE. He's not disinterested in Sebastian because he doesn't know how to relate to him, he's disinterested because Sebastian isn't his child. That's incredibly cruel.
it's kind of odd (sad?) how Seb lives in their basement while there's a whole room upstairs dedicated to a lab. Youd think it would be a reverse- Seb has that room and the lab would be downstairs given the extra space (and like, basement lab. those are neat??) Maybe that was his own decision since you know, _privacy_ , but his mom is the town carpenter. You'd think she could make a cool addition to the house (considering Maru seems to get her own room, a private wing, _AND_ a secret underground lab (if im looking at the layout right?)
Yeah I'm not sure why he can't have a main floor room. But the lab does lack privacy that's for sure!
tbh I’ve always thought the layout should be like that. also, completely unrelated, but who puts a kitchen at the end of the long hallway?
@@lavendwer ConcernedApe
Maru (while you can date her) just seems like a minor to me- while Seb gives me the vibe of being my age, 19+ so he should have that mini house thing imo
Maru could just use the lab in the house?? Like why not? (I don’t have her events tho)
@@Talkin-fr0g I havent played SV, but ive seen a good amount of videos on it. I think the lab is more her dad's, but she goes in there to help him at times. I think her having the private lab is more along so she can work on 'secret' projects without anybody messing it up
There are so many messed up familys in Stardew. Makes it interesting and different, but also very sad. I can't imagine how detrimental it would be to be treated or ignored the way Sebastian is, especially in such a small town with little ways of escaping.
Your mental health would be absolutely destroyed to have someone ignore you, belittle your work, discipline you for creativity, and then heap praise on your step sibling.
@@Leapalot Especially since the age difference between Mary and Sebastian can't be that great, meaning that Sebastian has experienced this since he was a small child.
And that, my friend, is why all my storys are filled with messed up family's.
Because it makes thing more interesting and I know how to mess them up in a perfect way.
Only Real family in this game is the Kent's family. No alcohol no neglect no inloyalty. They have problems too of course but they never let this ruin the family.
I need a mod that has Demetrius have some emotions towards Sebastian. Like “it’s kinda confusing how Sebastian communicates with me” kind of lines.
That would be neat! Just something to show that there was some effort at some point...
what’s the mod?
I wouldn't mind one where you can help fix the relationship Sebastian has with Demetrius and Maru. It's clear that at least Maru wishes they would be closer as sibling.
that seems neat. Like you get a cutscene with Demetrius lamenting about how he's been in Sebastian's life since Seb was very young (considering he and Maru seem close in age), but he's never felt close to him. Maybe he mentions chalking it up as a 'teenager' thing, but now that Seb is past his teenage years and things havent changed, he wonders whats going on (maybe giving you the option to input, like 'nah hes just being a rebel' 'you dont spend any time with him' 'you treat him differently than Maru' etc) Or you can walk in on some scene between the family/ you get a small cutscene with Sebastian where he also laments (maybe he thinks Demetrius ruined things between his bio parents, Demetrius never seemed to care Seb was around and once Maru was born, acted like the family was only three instead of four, maybe he yelled at Seb for going into his lab when he was really little, but when Maru did similar, he encouraged her love for science)
We get mods that expand a bunch of others, but i dont know of any where Demetrius gets looked into more
@@cottageworm7426 there isnt one, this person was saying they want one
yes I'm the threat to Maru, the guy that makes thousands in profits every day who supports her by not breathing down her neck and allowing her some damn freedom lol
Hello yes, it's me the self made millionaire. Here to ruin your daughter's day by... bringing her a cauliflower? Visiting her at work? Getting a barn built after becoming friends with her?
Yes mister, I will totally ruin Maru's success by getting her things she needed for her project. Ooo evil hoe man is here
I literaly bought a house for the one person in town living in a trailer. Tell. me how I'm a bad influence.
Clearly you are a threat. Just yesterday I saw you stop her outside just to talk to her. What if she wanted to keep walking, huh? And a week ago you interrupted her "sitting all alone and doing nothing" time next to the community center. You clearly have it out for her! I'm just not sure yet if you want to corrupt her or kidnap her.
@@Leapalot I got the impression that like, Demitrius was talking about Maru getting pregnant young and/or outside of a stable relationship, which is especially funny if you're playing as a woman.
(There may a tiny chance if your farmer is a trans woman, but if she's on HRT then like. Oestrogen lowers one's fertility drastically and if Maru got pregnant, there's a fair chance Yoba intervened.)
about the "he's not my father" line, even if it's a common trope, if a step-dad is a good father figure, that mindset either dissapears pretty quickly or doesn't even develop. I have a step-mom and used to have a step-dad, I loved the dude as a dad, even calling him that and always saying he was my second dad. my step-mom on the other hand has always been pretty awful, so I basically feel like Sebastian whenever she talks to me. So we could say that's proof that Demetrious ain't a good dad. Even the fact that he is so territorial with his daughter makes me think he is probably one of the worst
Yeah honestly there are a few red flags...
Also, Maru is old enough to get married, so Demetrius has been in Sebastian’s life for what- eighteen years at least? He doesn’t seem much older than her.
I technically have a step-mother: I say technically because I don’t think of her that way at all. I was at university when she married my father. Our relationship is fine, but I’m an adult and don’t view her as a parent, and she clearly doesn’t view me as her kid, which would be incredibly bizarre- this person didn’t raise me.
But Sebastian *was* a kid when Demetrius entered his life, a kid who’s father was no longer around for whatever reason. There’s so much time he could have been there for him- like anyone else, Sebastian must’ve had struggles with growing up and it really doesn’t seem like Demetrius was there for him at any point, if Sebastian still thinks he’s not his real father, when he’s the only one who he’s had for practically his entire life.
Honestly, I like to build a storyline when I'm playing any sort of game, I met Robin, talked to her a lot BC she seemed nice, met Sebastian and immediately was like "god damm he's hot" so every time I went to visit Robin I went to see him too. After we got married and he talked about starting fights with his sister I thought "maybe now is a good time for me to get close to her since she's my SIL :D". So I started giving her some gems and talking to her and got that 2 heart event, when Demetrius started threatening me I got kinda creeped out, like "dude I married her brother, why tf would I try to flirt with her? Jealous much?" And exposed his ass
@@angycat4262 happened something similar to me but after I had married Haley for like three years. It was like, dude, I've been here for a while, you were at my wedding, what's your problem?
@@nadieimportante1979 I forgot to mention that I already had a toddler with Sebastian and was currently pregnant with our second baby, literally gave birth the next day 💀
Personally, as someone with a sibling on the spectrum and with me being on the lighter end, I hate the “Demetrius is autistic” theory. If he’s supposed to be representing the condition he does a piss-poor job at it, coming across as another “Nerd who just doesn’t get it” like Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. There’s more to autism than just having a devoted interest or having a “strict schedule” (which many people in the valley have anyway.) Not understanding some social situations is a symptom. But then there’s also sensory issues, stimming, exhaustion from having to mask around people, etc. Due to the lack of other symptoms in his cutscenes and dialogue, Demetrius really just comes across more like an asshole who is being obtuse to make him seem intellectually superior over his wife. And it’s not like it’d be difficult to add lines of dialogue to get the concept across. Here’s some off the top of my head:
- During winter, “It’s so cold, but just I can’t stand the way bulky coats feel.”
- During the Luau, “Why does Lewis feel the need to be so obtuse with what he wants from the governor? Honestly, the world would be a better place if people just said what they meant.”
- Low-to-mid hearts, “Hey, farmer. If I start going too deep into a topic, don’t hesitate to stop me. I can get carried away sometimes.”
- A mid-heart cutscene where Demetrius is working in his lab. He notices something under his microscope. “Oh!” He flaps his hand for a second, “This is great! Farmer, I didn’t see you there, come look at this! I just made a fascinating discovery regarding the microbial contents of the valley’s lake water.” You look and don’t really see what he’s talking about. You get an option to blindly agree that it’s cool which will make him happy; you can ask about what you’re supposed to see which would lead to some more dialogue + a fade to black; or you can ask about the hand-thing which he’d, slightly embarrassed that someone saw that, explain that he doesn’t do it often but sometimes it just happens out of habit when he’s really happy or excited about something.
- Mid-hearts, “I really try to be there for Sebastian. But, I just can’t tell what he’s thinking or feeling most of the time and I just end up upsetting him. So I keep my distance. Robin and Maru are so much easier to read.”
- Mid-hearts, or after the tomato/bed scene, “Sigh. I made Robin upset again. I don’t want to get into arguments with her, but sometimes I feel like she’s from a separate plane of existence. Do you ever feel like that, farmer?”
Mid-hearts, “I’m glad Maru’s interested in the sciences. But, I won’t lie, sometimes I wish she was as into biology as I am. It’s hard for me to be as enthusiastic about robotics as she is.”
High-hearts, “You know what, farmer? With most people I feel like I constantly need to act like someone I’m not. But not with you. It’s refreshing.”
I'm also autistic and I think this is a great idea, the way Demetrius is now makes it easy for someone to hear about the whole "he's autistic" thing but not understand what exactly about him is related to autism. Like, for someone who doesn't understand how it works, they might assume "oh Demetrius is autistic? Is that why he's such an asshole?". And from there they might get some harmful ideas about autism. But with changes like these he could be closer to a more real representation of what autism is like, so that people don't attribute autistic traits to malice. There's a great opportunity here for representation but as it stands it's kinda harmful
Thanks for saying this and I 100% agree. As a psychology student, it irks me a lot when people say that things like having a special interest/hyperfixation or being oblivious is proof that X character is autistic. While yes, these traits are very common in autistic people, it's not exclusive to them and are in fact also very common in neurotypical people as well. This kind of view is extremely superficial and very stereotypical, autism is way more than just being overly attached to a hobby or having a hard time understanding what someone means.
I really like your analysis! Just like you, I saw Dimitrius's actions as more of being a smartass than being neurodivergent. When referencing the tomato and bed scene, I don't remember him making an attempt to apologize or understand; to me, it felt like the stereotypical STEM kid thinking the're smarter than the art kids for studying science.
@@veevzdrawz8499 - Thank you! Also, I think you hit the nail on the head regarding the STEM kid analogy. But add some “ackchyually” vibes for good measure, lol.
Honestly, I’d like Demetrius SO much more if he did have moments of regret/apologized for being a jerk. Like, imagine the character arc if he apologized to you after the Maru incident.
@@KlutzyNinjaKitty Oooh yeah! and maybe one where he realizes how badly he mistreated sebastian and works to be a better father
I honestly feel relieved I married Sebastian so he could move to my farm and have all the space and freedom he wanted
I also would believe that it was Demetrius’ fault that Sebastian and Maru didn’t get along by constantly being biased to his bio child
Seems likely. The whole family needs some help though. Because Robin should be able to step in and speak up.
Funny. I feel the same way about Penny.
to sad I can't marry sebastian and penny same time, so I marry sebastian and buy a house for penny.
Maybe because Sebastian is my go to marriage candidate so I’m biased but I don’t really like Demetrius. He’s always putting Maru up on a pedestal and it actually made me not like Mary either in the beginning but now I love her and we end up being really close friends in a lot of my playthoughs.
I see that a lot! People who dislike Maru because they dislike Demetrius. Pretty interesting. I mean you really can't untangle them since Demetrius shoves his way into her two heart scene. He's there right from the very start of your relationship with her.
I feel like Maru is never where I am so I just don't interact with her much, and as a result my dislike of Demetrius definitely rubbed off onto her when I finally hit two hearts with her. Now that I'm trying to get everyone to max hearts and I know her a bit more she seems nice enough.
The way you refer to Demetrius Being on the spectrum is good. I think that Sebastian is confusing to Demetrius, he probably doesn’t understand him. It’s still no exuse for how he treats him.
Also before anyone gets mad about me saying these thing, idk why you would. I am on the spectrum, I am basing this comment off of my own experiences.
Thanks for the heads up! That was the way I felt most comfortable referring to things. :) Yeah, Sebastian is probably a struggle for Demetrius if I had to guess. But it's not like Demetrius tries and fails, it's like he doesn't try at all.
@@Leapalot the way he ignores him I think is his way to deal with him, I don’t think that he knows anyother way.
@@Leapalot It's possible Demetrius doesn't fully grasp his duties as a stepfather. He may see Sebastian as just someone he lives with, not someone he has a real special relationship with. If you can't get along with someone, it's okay to not interact with them, right? So if he doesn't get along with Sebastian, he can just not interact with Sebastian, and they'll both be happier for it. Problem solved. From his perspective at least.
The sad thing is that he isn't even trying to understand sebastian he doesn't give not even some minutes in his schedule for sebastian
In other words, the floor is made of floor or what Demetrius’ annoying self would say “no it’s made of concrete and tiles, wood or…”
But look at the patterns in the cellulose!
Honestly, i hate Demitrius
He's a shit Father, completely overprotective when it comes to Maru (to the point where he threathens people who just want to befriend her) and neglecting when it comes to Sebastian
Right?! He's so weird, I got the 2 hearts event with Maru after being married to Sebastian for about 3 years and my reaction was basically "wtf dude? I married her brother of course I will befriend her! If I wanted to date her I would have done so about 3 years ago"
Demetrius: I love all my family equally! Robin, Maru, and *looks at smudged writing on hand* Stebstabson? Who?
CA watching his characters being torn apart and/or praised as if they’re real people after writing them at 3am on 2 adderalls and 12 cups of coffee: 👁👄👁
Bro was on that native american spiritual drugs
What makes the situation even more sad is Maru and Sebastian seem to be pretty close in age, so Demetrius is probably the only father Sebastian ever knew, considering his bio-father seems to be out of the picture. This doesn't seem to be a case of Sebastian having been fully-grown, when Demetrius married Robin.
Robin should be ashamed as well, having a kid live in a windowless, moist room, while she is constantly running around building and improving homes. Adding a window wouldn't have been any trouble at all! Nevermind that she could have added an actual room to the house. The favouritism both parents show for their daughter is disgusting.
The only reason I treat this man with any respect is because he gives out easy quests
That's not respect lol. That's just a transaction. :P
I only get hearts with him cause I want those recipes, haha.
Gimme that shell, mommy needs to fill the Community Center!
Maru and Sebastian know about each other's favorite, dislike (Maru even know that Sebastian have crush on Abby lol) so I think they maybe actually care about each other but when their interest, schedule and hobby are different. It's hard to spend time together. (with Demetrius on top of that who probably try to compare Maru and Sebastian about everything they do)
Everything Demetrius did is not something family man should do. He doesn't support his wife much, He's being bad step dad.
I bet all those book was actually something Robin bought and sneak in to give Demetrius some clue about why she's mad. But Demetrius, even thought he reading something before sleep every night... He never touch those books. There's no wonder why Robin smash hammer that hard on our wall.
I love the idea of her sneaking them and him ignoring them.
I think Demetrius would prefer to read something like "why tomatoes is fruit and how to explain it to other"
Why read that if he can read from his secret stash instead?
It makes sense for him to be on the spectrum.
But he still should treat Sebastian better. Even if he might not like having the basement vampire in his house
I agree. That's kind of what made this video tough. Like yes, everyone has different experiences, and I do my best to understand that. But there are also things that just... aren't okay.
I'm 99.9% sure he is 100% a robot.
Maru is his and Robin's child, right? And they both are young adults. That means when Demetrius came into sebastian's life he was still a child, he probably wasn't a basement vampire as a 5 years old :/
“His” house. We all know Robin built that house from the ground up, including that lab probably. They’re all under _her_ roof lol
As a person on the spectrum, I think that Demetrius's behaviour towards Sebastian is unacceptable. He's way too overprotective of Maru and is _horrible_ to Sebastian. That is no way to treat your stepson.
I don’t care how many friendship points I lose, I ALWAYS pick the dialogue option to call Demetrius out for that thinly veiled threat.
as someone who's on the spectrum myself, i appreciate the effort you put into using inclusive language and doing research to avoid any offensive language
For sure! There were some things I already knew, but it was a good opportunity to broaden my worldview! Glad that came through!
Maybe I’m overly optimistic, but I think the whole thing with Sebastian’s bedroom went something like this. So Maru and Sebastian shared the bedroom on the left wing of the house as kids, but then being an emo teenager and all, Sebastian decided to move into the basement. He was excited at first but only _recently,_ as he’s come to be an adult, he grew dissatisfied with the gloomy atmosphere. Due to a lack of communication Robin and Demetrius think he’s still happy with it, but they never _forced_ him to move down there.
Except Maru is much younger than Sebastian, so I think it’s different.
I think, barely a short time after his dad left his mom (he was old enough to know and understand what was happening, so around 7-10) his mom hooked up with this guy. Sebastian didn’t like how fast she could move on, so suddenly Demetrius takes him as a threat, and makes him know *HE’S* the one in the way of their happiness.
Robin gets pregnant with Maru, and wonders where they would be able to set up the nursery.
Robin takes Sebastian out to talk about a new sibling, but while they are out, Demetrius runs every last thing of Sebastian’s things into the basement. When the two get back, they’re shocked, until Demetrius proclaims now there’s a safe space for the baby, because THEY need to be on the same floor, in case anything happens, and Sebastian would be ‘fine in the basement by himself’.
Sebastian is stunned in horror, when Robin claps and looks extremely excited “YES! That’s a perfect solution! Don’t you think so, dear?” She says blindly innocently to her son. Sebastian stares shocked at her, and remembers Demetrius stating how he’s the problem, that HE’S the one in the way of their ‘happiness’.
So his face goes cold, he shouts “FINE!” And runs down the stairs. Robin maybe was concerned a moment, but Demetrius stops her, and switches subjects to change her mind to baby, and it doesn’t take much, since she has no clue of his actual goal.
Lol sorry for being a bit lengthy, I used to write amateur fan fiction, but still, I think that’s much more likely to be the cause of it, rather than a baby and a older kid sharing a bedroom. (Remember, the ‘kids’ we see in Stardew valley are actually generally adults, save for the ACTUAL kids, but Maru always is seen as the youngest of the love interests by the community. So I think it lines up)
@@Norinia Ooo, I like this.
@@Norinia Yea there is a line with Sebastian after you marry him, he visits robin and when you talk to him, he says Robin deserves to be happy
@@Norinia I like it but I can't accept it as head cannon. Not marrying a guy who's in his 30s living in his mom's basement. 😅
I remember getting the Maru 2 heart scene after marrying Sebastian and hearing Demetrius “threat” got me like “Sir, I’m already married to your son :/“
You know, everyone insists that it's Abigail that is the wizard's child, but I also wonder about Sebastian because the whole family seems to treat him like the unspoken secret.
I've seen that theory, I just think like... At what point do we stop accusing the wizard of homewrecking lol.
@@Leapalot I mean, he could have had the relationship prior to the one with Demetrius. Robin never really mentions Sebastian's father. Perhaps it just so happens to be the Wizard.
It could be be both
The wizards mention he doesn’t know which one is his
People think he’s Shane’s kid.
I wonder - he doesn't know which person it is, so clearly he had the chance to father more than one. What if both Sebastian and Abigail are his children?
im on the spectrum! im autistic, and i really appreciate the way you did your research and did your best to use 'correct' language, most people would just go 'lol autism' but your thought into it is so appreciated. Most autistic people prefer putting autistic first, because they are autistic, they cant seperate themselves from there autism, and most people would prefer if non autistic people use 'autistic person' instead, but it really isnt as much of a big deal. thought i could just put in my input :) thank you for the great content
edit: i also believe multiple people in the valley are neurodivergent, demetrius most certainly being one of them
That's what I found. You can say I'm autistic, because that's your experience. But I should let you make that decision about identification. Not decide for you. 😁
@@Leapalot we also usually prefer other people call us that. 'person first language' is usually pushed by people not themselves autistic.
Wait who else do you believe is neurodivergent? I personally think Maru is also autistic but I’m curious at your thoughts.
No because I was friends with Demetrius before ever really interacting with maru or Sebastian properly, and I really did like him. The dancing together is cute, he was nice and he gave me mushrooms. Then I became friends with maru. Oh boy. Suddenly he gets all “overprotective dad” on me. I WAS MARRIED.
LMAO ITS SO FUNNY. I was walking in to get my house upgrade so I could get married and he’s all like “you better not do anything with my daughter” and I’m like “sir I’m actually getting married to someone else right now but thanks for your input”
Got married to Seb before befriending Maru and was like "... dude, what?"
Sebastian is totally depressed lol. He spends all day in his room, has a low social bar, smokes, and only really hangs out with his friends like twice a week. I feel so bad for Seb
You've described me but I don't think I have depression lol
But I also don't live with a neglecting step-father nor have my room in the basement, so...
Well, I do all these things and don't think I'm depressed, but my first childhood memory is of my mom calling me fat and saying that if I wanted to be a model when I grow up I need to stop eating BC nobody thinks fat girls are pretty, sooo.....¯\_(ツ)_/¯ maybe I'm just used to it
I also think Sebastian might be depressed, but the things you list are mostly just about him being introvert I think. I mean yeah smoking helps with anxiety and maybe he has social anxiety or something. But I think the depression (if he is depressed) is more about not being appreciated, his job and hobbies not being taken seriously and the feeling of being stuck in this little town.
His favoritism towards his bio kid and indifference towards his adopted kid is the reason why Sebastian and Maru never bonded as siblings. Screw that guy.
Talk about Emily pleas, she is so strange and intersting at the same time, there Is a cutscene where we SEE her dream like wtf how
Emily is so interesting. I'm holding out on marriage candidates for now, but we'll get there!
Soo english isn't my first language so I hope I will make sens, I'm autistic and Demetrius being on the spectrum makes a lot of sense and explain why he is (even if ignoring Sebastien isn't something he should do), the thing is, when you are autistic, what is "common sense" isn't really there for us, espacially when it comes to interacting with other. It usually makes us easy targget for things like social anxiety which makes everything worst T.T
The other point is, it's often hard for us to care about other things than our passions (here, science for Demetrius) I know it's almost physically impossible for me to care or want to do things that doesn't interesed me, to the point where at school my grade would suffer a lot because of that.
The thing is, without aknowlaging that he is on the spectrum and getting help with that, I don't think Demetrius is fit to be a step father, after all, he choose Robin, not her child...
Hey, you don't need to apologize for your English. That made perfect sense! Besides, I guarantee that you speak English better than I speak your primary language. That's a good point! Demetrius didn't choose Sebastian, he chose Robin. As a step-parent though, he doesn't get to pick and choose. They're a bundle! Thanks for your perspective!
@@Leapalot Thank you, yes "They're a bundle!" but that's common sense that maybe he didn't have ? I don't know. And I'm not saying it's ok because it's clearly not and I don't like him tbh, I'm just trying to imagine someone on the spetrum, who doesn't know he is, and how he could have think.
Yeah, he chose Robin but she comes with the Seb and imo Robin should ditch him for how she treats the kids (especially Sebastian) cuz that’s just what a good and smart parent should do.
I think it would help to have some context as to just how old Sebastian was when Robin remarried and if his real father was ever in his life. There is a particular "rebel without a cause" trope going on with Seb, and we can't know how Demetrius treated him prior adulthood. I also think that it's a bit unfair to assume that Robin is completely oblivious to their relationship just because she doesn't talk about with the farmer. It could be they have tried and failed to reconcile and so everyone has just come to accept it. I also think that Sebastian and Maru would've fought because there's no doubt that Seb feels like an outsider once Maru is born. The odd one out in their family by default. Anyway, my point is I think this goes way deeper than what we see I'm game.
I mean I’m pretty sure that maru is Demetrius’s and robin’s child and she’s only a few years younger than Sebastian but at least 18 because she can get married so we can make an inference he’s been Sebastian’s stepfather for at least 18 years.
I started growing a disliking when I found out how Dimitreus didn't approve of Sebby building a snowgoon and lets Maru's snowman goes unharmed, damn he's a bad dad
I wouldn't put it past Sebastian to omit that he did something to the snowgoon. He's also the one who got the "rotten egg toss" banned.
Like, that's not a "oh 'I'm autistic I just don't understand him" situation. That's a "I hate this kid" situation.
Yeah It's really clear to me that Sebastian has been moved aside for the golden child [Maru] and Robin just lets it happen. I like to marry Sebastian to get him out of that damn basement. It's nice to see him happy and in a house of his own. And he acts really grateful about being appreciated and treated equally.
So excited to watch! Their family is so interesting imo. the dynamic is just strange
I don't think I would want to grow up in any of the Stardew Valley homes, but I think this one would be especially tough.
A bedroom has to have a window to be up to code so I find it ironic that the carpenter has her son living in a room that isn't properly labeled/built.
As an autistic person myself, I can't say that I've ever thought about Demetrius being autistic, but I actually quite like the theory. Thought I'd add a little something extra to it:
Once you reach a certain point in the game Demetrius will come to your house to set up either fruit bats or mushrooms in the cave on your farm. Also, his special order gives the player a Farm Computer that displays a lot of technical information about the farm.
I sort of like to imagine that he does these sorts of things as a sort of way of bonding with the player. For most autistic people (myself very much included) their special interests tend to heavily bleed over into a lot of interactions they have with other people. For example, I spend a lot of time with my partner playing Stardew Valley specifically because it's a game I really enjoy, and I suppose that a lot of times we tend to think about these things as really cool stuff that everyone should give a try. After all, it gives us a lot of joy, so it'll probably give the farmer that same sense if I set up the cave on their farm for research?
As a second point, I strongly feel as though if/when someone received a diagnosis can heavily impact their social life. I wasn't diagnosed until highschool. Demetrius strikes me as someone who may not have ever received a diagnosis at all, something that people with lower support needs and a lot more apparent intelligence (what's been dubbed Asperger's, but personally I dislike using a classification invented by Nazi doctors). After receiving a diagnosis, I was much more easily able to break down a lot of social rules and concepts that I never really understood before my diagnosis, for example, why my mom would get mad when I got stains on my clothes, or why people sometimes get upset when you tell something that's true. A lot of stuff that neurotypicals view as being "intuitive" can make absolutely no sense to an autistic person without being explained.
I view the scene where Demetrius bought tomatoes when told to buy "fruit" as being caused by that. Hell, it may also partially explain why he doesn't give Sebastian very much attention. I can't speak on Sebastian's childhood, but at least when we play the game, he does spend the majority of his time in the basement alone, and if he wanted more attention he'd come up and say something, right? (Probably wrong.)
While I still entirely believe that Demetrius should still be held accountable for the things he says (and *especially* how he treats Sebastian) I do feel like there's a lot more nuance there than one might think, especially if they lack the rather specific experience of being undiagnosed autistic. I don't want to come straight out the gate and say that he's an intentionally bad parent, I feel like there's a lot about him that goes unexplored in the game, likely because ConcernedApe probably didn't intentionally write Demetrius to be an autistic character, probably just more based off of stereotypes of the "eccentric scientist" (which also happens to overlap a lot with stereotypes about autism.) I find him to be a quite compelling character, at least, since the way he's written doesn't really shy away from some of the more harmful ways that some can act due to their autism. Gives him more dimension and complexity, and I'm not sure that I've seen very many characters in media who really explore those aspects.
Of course, that's all just speculation on my part. Great video!
In one run I specifically decided to marry Maru because Demetrius warned me off. I decided - all in a moment - I was going to rescue her from his clutches.
I think Demetrius needs some sessions with Shane's therapist.
Don't we all...
The line that always sticks out to me is during the hardwood bed scene (...i think)- Sebastian says he feels like he always has to protect his mom from Demetrius. As someone who grew up in a house like that, um. yikes.
I'm autistic and personally, I was never particularly fond of Demetrius. He was just kind of there and I forgot aboug him most of the time. I do remember really disliking his treatment of Sebastian though
I basically ignored the relationship between Demetrius and Sebastian - there isn't a relationship there. I figured Sebastian would follow through on his dream to move to the city and make a life he'd enjoy, so Demetrius was just a temporary feature in his life. But now I'm displeased with him because he probably harmed the relationship between Sebastian and his sister, when he should have helped cultivate it. Stepdads may be temporary, but siblings are not.
The house layout question has long left me with a headcanon that Sebastian actually initially lived with his bio father after the divorce, and after Maru was born and the family was settled in Pelican town, something happened to his bio father and he had to move back in with his mom creating the unexpected blended family dynamic. Which is why the house was not built with space for him in mind?
Funny thing is that he doesnt apologise to the farmer in his event, neither does Maru. I dropped Maru after that LOL
Great video. I’ve always found Demetrius to be an interesting character and I agree he’s not too good to Sebastian. I’m on the spectrum myself (Asperger syndrome) and personally use Autistic person but know there are plenty people who use person with autism.
Hey thanks for checking it out Jack. It seems like most people in the comments are thinking along the same lines for identification/language.
“subscribe or I will put tomatoes in your fruit salad”
I don’t even have salads
Sebastian's family never felt like a family to me. They always felt like strangers that lived in the same apartment complex. Even Maru and Demetrius don't seem to be on the same page - they just have similar interests. Could never quite put my finger on what their dysfunction was, even now...
I’m autistic and I prefer just saying that.
And trust me what you said adds up quite well
Not following my routine causes a lot of stress
Good video
That's kind of what I was seeing! Some people prefer to just say I'm autistic, but I didn't feel like I had the right to make that decision for someone else. Thanks for checking it out!
I prefer "aspie" because it's so much easier and faster to say, and it sounds casual instead of official. (Even if "Asperger's isn't used as a term anymore.)
demetrius’s treatment of sebastian and the threatening of the farmer is so uncalled for in all manners i just never want to even interact with him in stardew because he is just unjust.
also, the introduction to this video was actually one of the like best ones i’ve seen for covering like the concept of neurodivergency and how to talk about it as someone from the outside.
I will say as an autistic person.....we really don't need more depictions like Demetrius. I promise, a lot of us know what beauty is, and appreciate it. Many of us are *gasp* empathetic! Emotional! Friendly! Even those of us who are overly analytical have to acknowledge when we're causing problems, when we're hurting people and try to figure out how to work with allistic people in a way that benefits all parties...and you know, not be dicks to people we're meant to be raising.
Every time demetrius talks i ways say to myself “robin why are you married to this man?”
"Mess with Maru, I'll hit you with my caru" -Demetrius
This made me laugh. That rhyme ah. Poor Sebastian :(
it's kind of upsetting how the only black man in the game is depicted as a terrible stepfather to his stepson, being on the spectrum or not
Good point! I'm not sure there's a decent parent in the entire valley though when I really think about it...
Also, I prefer to say I'm autistic, not a person with autism, because I'm autism and autism is me. If you remove autism, that just removes what makes me, well me. But good on you for doing your best to keep us happy.
@@Leapalot Sam's parents are decent. His mom indulges her kids too much, but his dad was apparently a great dad before going off to war. They have the healthiest family life in the valley.
don't care if he is black, white, or anything, he is a bad father.
That Guy your comment is just tone deaf.
I too am on their, somewhere probably with adhd, it was hard learning with only verbal(talking only) teaching so I need some visuals(waves hands around doing visual things) and I put as a rule for me to quote spongebob "Write that down, write that down"
It's super tough when a class or a job or whatever teaches in a way that's totally opposite of how you learn. I'm glad you found a tactic to use!
treats Sebastian by barely acknowledging him and coming off as condescending to sebastian, like bro gave maru a nice room with windows and her own little private room, then used the other room for his lab and giving sebastian the basement, he constantly praises maru but is dismissive of sebastian who needs a father figure but doesnt seem to have one, bro bought the how to be a step dad book but clearly hasn't read it it seems
Yep, being a autism myself, seeing Demetrius really makes my autistic sensors tick
We really need a dlc that allows us to call out Demetrius for being a bad step father, for Fem PC to call out Alex's mysogny, and tell Lewis and Marnie to JUST BE OPEN ABOUT IT NO ONE CARES IF YALL ARE TOGETHER... also set up AA meetings for Shane
I always marry Sebby and I hate Demetrius for the Maru convo, but one of the weirdest things with Sebby's heart events is that if I remember correctly, none of them deal with others for the most part, Robin comes in his room to tell him Abigail wants to see him and he plays DnD with Sam, but he doesn't really interact with the townies much when it comes to his heart events
I feel like that's kind of how lost of the marriage candidates are though? They have a couple friends but mostly ignore the rest of the town right? I dunno!
@@Leapalot you could be right, but I'll be honest I don't remember much, but for sure Shane and Sam have more interactions with others
@@YooranKujara i dont think shane ever interacts with other people in a cutscene, but both him and sam work at jojamart, they probably interact with people every single day, in cutscenes he only really interacts with marnie and jas (also harvey during the 6 heart cutscene) but thats about it with cutscenes
I just saw this just now and I'm so happy and completely honored to see the art in this video! It made my day thank you!
I frankly think Demetrius is just what comes out of people's mind when someone tells them to think of a "scientist". I'm majoring in biotech and have seen several labs specialized in it and things don't seem right.
He seems to be biologist, specialized in local crops and fish. And his lab is... worse than average high school science classroom tbh. Some microscopes, beakers and flasks and a periodic table? It would make much more sense if it had at least a computer. What can he actually do in here? He can only make superficial observations and write them down in a paper note. There are 3 computers in that house(Sebastian's, Maru's and one in the Robin/Demetrius' bedroom) and none in the actual lab. Even if it did have a computer he can't still do much. It's not like Stardew Valley has extremely alien ecosystem. Increasing crop yields may take decades of work from several researchers with the best resources. Saving local fish population takes industrial action of outlawing overfishing and carefully releasing artificially bred fish. At least other people work if the farmer does something but Demetrius just seems to not do anything at all.
And about the tomato incident, If my coworker said "tomato is a fruit because that is the scientific definition" non-jokingly, I will think about how the fuck they managed to not get kicked out, not because they are being an ass, but because that's just incompetency. Does he also say "Strawberry is not a real berry but watermelon is"? If someone requested some information about local wild berry population, will he just say none because blackberries and salmonberries are not actually berries? This is just incompetence and if you think this is autism, you should really meet someone with autism and how they try very hard to overcome it. Saying "haha he said tomato is fruit he is autistic" is honestly insulting to actual autistic people.
Stardew Valley's characters are mostly stereotypical, but Demetrius is especially stereotypical "that science nerd that is socially awkward, always thinks 'scientifically' and says 'well achually' non-ironically". And plus points for "that stepdad that has absolutely no idea how to be a stepdad and continue to favor his own child over the other".
Thank you!
i'm autistic. i tend to prefer less euphemisms like "on the spectrum" and person-first language (ie. "person with autism") and go full on identity-first instead. i'm not sure about specific surveys/studies but most of my fellow neurodivergent friends prefer identity-first when applicable
oh most of my ND friends prefer being called autistic instead because it de-stigmatizes autisic as a "dirty word"
it's coll that hyou and your friend found something yall are comfy with :D
@@coraliacries i am in fact stating that i prefer saying i'm autistic. that's what identity-first language is
In my eyes, Demetrius is a jerk. He favors Maru, destroys or makes Sebastian destroy his Snowman while letting Maru keep hers. He also threatens you at Maru's 2 ❤️ Event and when you expose him he tries to weasel his way out of it. Follow that by Robin's Hardwood Quest. He criticizes her adding poles to the Bed and doubles down when she said it's for Aesthetics. I exposed him to Maru because I was fed up with him. Like dude, I am already married, no need to try and be tough dad. To Haley by the way.
The line about Sebastian commenting on not having a window is surprising, but then again, I don't really talk to that whole family a lot, since I don't go into Robin's house often.
How sad to live a life where you know people don't care if you die in a house fire..
@@Leapalot Sebastian definitely deserves better knowing some of the stuff from this and last episode, though I do remember at least Maru wanting to have a better relationship with him, though CA seems a little inconsistent on the dialogue on that part.
Something that's occurred to me is that while Demetrius seems to be some kind of biologist, Maru's primary scientific interest in her free time seem to be astronomy and building unspecified 'gadgets'. Sebastian's job is in programing. It feels like Maru's interests actually overlap more with Sebastian's than with her father's. They could be bonding over building all sorts of wacky things together, but they're not. That just feels sad. (and they family dynamic makes me feel like if anything went wrong with one of their gizmos, Sebastian would be the one their parents blame the most)
Being autistic myself, I do think that Demetrius is autistic. I've thought that myself for a while. I think that is also why he favors Maru (which doesn't excuse him being a bad parent), because she shares in his special interest, science. I've always had trouble relating to people who don't share at least some of my interests... Though I never treat people as less-than just because I don't relate to them. They might think I'm weird or awkward when I try to talk to them about things I don't know or care much about, but I at least try.
Demetrius is interesting, because he's really good representation, but I still hate him lol
That's what makes him the perfect villain lol.
As an autistic person, I disagree. He's exactly the kind of representation we don't need.
@@lucienfortner841 you can't just pick and choose your representation... criminals and aholes can be poc, on the spectrum, lgbtq or whatever else
As an autistic person, I really don't like the Demetrius autistic headcanon. Or rather, how it is treated as an excuse. It doesn't excuse his poor treatment of Sebastian. I think that Maru might be autistic as well, though. She is much more relatable to me
I can’t help but agree with this. I’ve never seen him as autistic
Also thank you for researching before on the language to use! Personally, person with adhd is better for me since it’s showing how I’m not just adhd, I’m more than that!
Good deal! That was what resonated for me too, but I saw some people say that they wanted people to acknowledge that it's linked to every part of them. So it was an interesting little research topic.
With ADHD it's a little different since there's no 'ADHDtistic'. If there was I'd be fine with being called it, my brain is wired differently. I mainly have issues with people downplaying ADHD or saying they have ADHD when they don't.
@@brutusthebear9050 Right! I think the big thing for me was not saying something like "suffers from Autism etc." I said something similar about PTSD once, and @Helenan Day gave me some really good insight on avoiding that. So I wanted to be extra sure this time! :)
What about "Valentine has ADHD"? I get that people with Autism do not like to be described solely through that trait, but 'has' seems like a fairly neutral descriptor for things like ADHD, Dyslexia or even a broken leg.
@@brutusthebear9050 I agree! When people pretend to have adhd to seem “quirky” I can’t help but shake my head in dissatisfaction
In answer to your question at 1:20, I'm really loving the Wheel of Time series. I've been reading the books for the last couple of years, and I'm currently up to book 9 (Winter's Heart). They seem to be doing a pretty good job so far with the show, despite changing a few things around.
I agree. I was kind of worried after the first episode. Especially with big changes like Perrin's whole... thing. But I've come to appreciate it as just a separate imagining.
@@Leapalot yeah, I may have yelled at the TV a bit over that addition... 🙃
As someone with autism/as an autistic person, I appreciate you care and respect concerning the topic and how you really wanted to make clear that it was just part of your speculation and that it isn’t a negative thing. I can’t explain how nice it is to hear someone doing their best in this type of topic, which sadly has a lot of prejudice and stigma against it. Thank you leapalot and please do Haley!!
Hey glad to hear it! Pretty much all of these videos are about difficult topics, so I'm trying to empathize with lots of different worldviews. We will definitely get around to a Haley video at some point. I'm trying to continue refining my ability before starting on the marriage candidates, since people are so attached to nearly all of them. But we'll get there for sure!
As an autistic and ADHD person, just saying "I'm autistic" is fine because saying "I'm a person with autism" reminds me there's people out there that refuse to see me a person unless stated or that my autism can be disconnected from the person.
My dad is on the spectrum and has adhd, and treats me and my brother amazingly, even though we have different moms and such, his treatment of sebastion is unacceptable.
I'm on the spectrum, and while it's a different experience for most people, I also know a lot of other autistic people. If Demetrius is intended to represent someone on the spectrum, I feel that's quite harmful and perpetuates stereotypes. A lot of people describe him as robotic and cold which is actually pretty rare for people on the spectrum. Also yeah I'm glad you made the disclaimer at the beginning with the discourse between autistic person and person with autism because no matter how you put it, it would have been wrong with one side.
Also I agree Demetrius is a bad dad but he's also a really poor husband. The cutscene for Robin's project has him actively ripping on her work.
Idk I think he's tied with Clint for the worst character in Stardew.
I love this series!! Please keep making these!
No plans to stop! They're lots of fun, and people seem to like them. Comments like these always renew my determination. (and they help tell RUclips that people like the videos lol) Thanks for checking the series out! :)
I always find it interesting that lots of people shorthand Sebastian as “being emo” because he’s anti-social, seems generally unhappy, and hides out in the basement a lot. But I find there is so much more to his character, and I do think he feels underappreciated at home. I also think it’s curious that he believes Maru would be happier with him gone or mentions that they fight a lot, when Maru says she wants to get to know Sebastian better. So, what is the disconnect here?
I don’t think it’s a case of Sebastian preferring to hold onto his biological father, because he never talks about him. So, is Demetrius also creating a barrier between Sebastian and Maru getting to know each other more? Neither of them says they dislike the other, but they aren’t at all close.
I like your idea that Demetrius might be neurodivergent. Thinking on Robin’s special order for hardwood, she builds a bed with distinct posts; she’s happy with her creation, but Demetrius harps on how the posts were an inefficient use of her materials. This isn’t a case of function, since the bed isn’t shown to be unstructurally sound-it’s purely for aesthetic, which Demetrius doesn’t seem to consider, or maybe cannot consider in his calculations. His response reminds me of my brother, who is autistic. He’s described his thought process as being black-and-white, so concepts that don’t fit into this binary are difficult for him to comprehend. Maybe for Demetrius, a thing’s aesthetic has no place in calculations of function.
That's kind of my theory on the whole bed post. He might be thinking "why would you add the posts when you could just use the materials for another project?"
Nailed it Nikki
Also when he's disappointed when you backed Robin up about tomato being a vegetable
I love the idea that Demetrius is the barrier between Mary and Sebastian, because when a parent has strong favoritism for one child, it becomes really difficult for the other to become friends with them.
I think Sebastian's family has a general theme of "disconnection". No one is really on the same page with each other... Even Maru and her father (who have similar interests) are still not on the same page in her 2 heart event (though I guess they still have a natural bond). And we get to see the distance and neglect that results from this disconnection.
I like that no one is openly negative or mean spirited (like George or Shane). Generally, it seems like they're all just so different and self-centered that they can't quite get on the same page... Which resulted in some awful habits.
I married Maru, and I call Robin “mom” (she reminds me a bit of my irl mom) but Demetrius is still just Demetrius. As an autistic person, I do see him as possibly being autistic, but that doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t take accountability for his actions or try to improve his social skills for the sake of his family. I always thought he was really controlling of his children, probably not from a bad place but it still isn’t okay.
I finshed watching and oh man this one is good. one of my faves from the "stardew npcs " series
Hooray! I'm glad to hear it. I was pretty happy with this one, but you just never know!
Hi. I have autism and personally I just like it straight up and just called autistic. I feel when people work around it it’s because it’s a bad thing and I don’t want my identity to be a bad thing. I kinda just want to exist and saying the word autistic when describing me is a just a fact and I embrace it. When people use work around a it almost hurts a little and I always try and get them comfortable with calling me autistic if they want to talk about it in the future.
Edit: spelling
Thanks for your insight Nidus!
So as an autistic person :
I prefer saying „I’m autistic“ since it’s short and straight to the point. Less talking = less words = better for me
It also reminds me of the word „artistic“, and since I’m an artist o think that’s pretty cute !
But everyone can have their own preference in that regard, I just felt like voicing mine ^^
Hey thanks for chiming in! It sounds like many people prefer saying I'm autistic, and lots of outside people like me prefer to say things like person with autism. It's an interesting topic!
What bothers me in the Demetrius Discourse is that people so often complain about him misunderstanding Robin above everything else, *as though that is as bad as, if not worse than, his neglect of his stepson and his possessive attitude towards his daughter.* Not only is this a benign neurodiverse trait that shouldn't be stigmatized - let alone conflated with him being a bad dad - the man clearly adores his wife! He won't win any Father of the Year awards (though really, none of the on-screen dads deserve such a prize), but he is definitely Husband of the Year.
I think the main problem with Demetrius is a common trap writers tend to fall into when writing smart characters: giving them autistic traits like bluntness or hyperfocus or not understanding relationships, then treating those traits as severe character flaws. Don't get me wrong: these writers aren't waking up thinking "I hate autistic people and I'm going to write that hate into my story!" Usually writers don't intend to write an autistic character at all - they are simply copying smart characters they've seen in other stories. Unfortunately, while these tropes may be used without bad intentions, using them can still end up stigmatizing real autistic people. For more about this, I recommend Overly Sarcastic Production's video "Trope Talk: The Smart Guy."
I would certainly say the misunderstandings are less concerning to me than the disturbing amount of neglect in the household by both Robin and Demetrius. It's a family crisis in my eyes.
This. He just comes off as insultingly bad representation.
@@lucienfortner841 Exactly! A big part of what I love about Stardew is how ConcernedApe shows a lot of compassion for almost all his characters. With the exception of Morris - who seems to have built his personality around serving the heartless JoJa Corporation - even the deeply flawed Pelican Towners have sympathetic qualities. BUT I don't think ConcernedApe understood autism well enough to avoid using these problematic tropes on Demetrius.
@@missmarsh1011 I'm hoping he didn't intend for him to read as autistic at all, maybe he just went for really bad "smart guy" tropes and got accidental bad autism traits.
@@lucienfortner841 I hope so too
Took this from the wiki
-Demetrius never mentions Sebastian in his dialogue.
just wow.
Thank you for researching autism! It's nice to see people try to get more understanding about us. Great video!
I still have a lot to learn, but I'm glad the video turned out alright! Thanks for checking it out!
Ok as someone who’s neurodivergent I had to weigh in on this.
I think one of the reasons Demetrius has Maru as a clear favorite because Maru is also autistic. Maru seems to follow a lot of the claims you made about Demetrius, and thus, I think it’s a lot easier for the two of them to communicate.
I think it makes the whole dynamic a lot more interesting to look at when you see Maru and Demetrius as the only two in the valley who really “get” each other. Not even Robin, Demetrius’ wife understands him. It also makes sense why Demetrius is so scared of losing Maru and basically threatens the player. He has had something for the past, what, 20 years? That he hasn’t had all his life. Someone who understands him everywhere he goes. Someone who understands what he is trying to say. And now, he’s losing that.
That isn’t to say he’s not a crappy dad. But he’s a crappy dad who’s trying. Which honestly I feel like is more than can be said for half the towns parents.
I really like those videos. They really make you look at characters more in depth. I'm excited to see the ones about Maru and Seb (especially seb, he's my fav with elliott) now!
I also wanna say that I also think of Seb as autistic. I'm on the spectrum and he just reminds me a lot of myself in some ways. Like how he spends his days mostly on his computer, away from everyone and only comes out when it's dark and quiet. If you think of him having trouble with sounds, it kinda makes sense. He only goes out ever so often to town, to hang out with friends, or at the bar once a week, which might drain him a little (or a lot). Not to say he isn't having fun, social events are just extremely draining for me lol. He prefers going out to the moutain when nobody will bother him (aside from the new farmer in town) or to the ocean when it's raining (which is a very soothing sound, i love rain too, so i get it). It's mostly quiet spaces and rarely busy ones.
In the festivals, he mostly stands aside as well, not really wishing to participate, finding some dumb, which honestly I feel like I'd do as well if I was him lol. As a farmer it's fun but if you've lived your whole life there and you hate the town, yeah i can see that. Plus, rarely going out of his room means he doesn't have to interact with his family. And especially Demetrius.
He at least definitely struggles with depression. I kinda wish he got to leave and go to the city, because he talks about it in a heart event, and it definitely feels like he'd feel better there. He'd be able to leave the uncomfortable family household, leave the town he probably resents as well and live outside of the valley he grew up in. I think it'd be good for him.
All and all I really like seb :')
Yay for Sebastian appreciation!!! And I’m pretty sure I’m on the spectrum myself and always related to him as well lol
You really inspire me with your ability to be open and inclusive and recognizing your ignorance. It's something I try to do, but it can be difficult at times
I find it weird and strange how hard her parent push maru on me. Telling me alot about her like and dislike alot.
I wouldn't say he's respecting Sebastien's personally space more like neglecting him
he's just being a dad dude
I think because Sebastian is probably older than Maru, when robin was pregnant they had to move Sebastian to the basement so they could be close to the baby for safety. Unfortunately there was no other bedrooms in the house and Sebastian needed his own room so they gave him the basement. The other option would be putting the little new born in the basement but that doesn’t work for multiply reasons. I don’t think he was moved to the basement out of not caring about him. There was no other option
I don't care what Demetrius has going on. He knew damn well what Robin meant when she said she wanted fruit. The man plays semantics when pretty much everyone knows 'fruit' is shorthand for 'sweet' fruit, as opposed to... like... savory fruit. Whatever Tomato is.
We hate 'em, right fellas?
But isn't that the point? Autistic people can (depending on severity) hyper-fixate on literal definitions and seemingly stubbornly keep to those definitions even if social cues would show neurotypical people that they weren't relevant in the context. Demetrius likes that you can take nature and categorize it into distinct categories based on predetermined criteria and he genuinely doesn't seem to get why people would deviate from those categories apart from ignorance. A tomato _is_ a fruit in the botanical sense and Demetrius can't see the relevance in the culinary alternative definition, so he disregards it entirely.
Has he ever eaten anything before?
I honestly don't think he did know exactly what Robin meant. Nicolai down below made a good point. I also saw someone in the last video make a great point about how Demetrius probably thinks in terms of scientific classification. He sees a tomato as a fruit, because that's how his work requires him to see it. That makes sense to me as well.
I do still dislike him for the parenting issues though.
@@Leapalot
Ironically though in the game tomatos are classified as a vegetable and make pickles/juice so in game he's actually wrong.
When I first saw the 2 heart event I was so shocked, I really didn't think much of his character before, I kinda thought it was cool that he was a scientist but that was about it, but when he threatened me about Maru I immediately started to dislike his character. I always marry Sebastian as well so just talking to him made me also realize how much of a shitty father he was to Sebastian as well so yeah. I'm not a fan of Demetrius lol
Yeah, the "He's not even my dad" thing is pretty stereotypical, but as someone who has grown up my entire life with a stepdad (age 2 or 3 when my stepdad moved in), it's something you think about a lot. My stepdad tried to step in as a father figure when my biological dad was always there for me growing up and I still see him a lot. he was never absent in my life and I never needed someone to step up for him or do what he couldn't do, because he provided me with everything a good father should. He's a good dad, he always has been. Having my stepdad just walk in uninvited by me to attempt and parent me growing up was frustrating, he wasn't a good dad and thank god he never had any kids of his own because he messed up my entire life as a child and I hardly got to experience an actual childhood when I was on my mother's time thanks to him. A lot of the time I really did just want to tell him he's not my dad, and it's something I would think about and feel bitter over constantly. "You're not my dad. Why are you allowed to tell me what to do?" Especially having my dad in the picture, there were a lot of feelings of "I have a dad, I don't need you."
So, although it's stereotypical and kind of cringey in fictional stories, in my opinion it's a very valid and sensical thought to have when you grow up with a less than great step parent, and seeing that relationship between Sebastian and Demetrius is one of the reasons I like Sebastian's character so much as well. But yeah, I don't think Demetrius is a good father and the favoritism he holds towards Maru is a horrible situation to put siblings in. No wonder Maru and Sebastian fight so much, it seems like it's almost being set up by Demetrius and Robin- albeit not on purpose. The way parents treat their kids determines a lot about siblings relationships with each other.
Hi! I really like this series. I hope you have a lovely day :)
Thanks Shayn! :D
@@Leapalot 😁
great now i feel bad for calling seb a vampire ^^"
I think we've all been there lol!
You were right to go with "person on the spectrum" in your video. One thing I learned about in a class of mine this past fall was "people first" language when talking about people who have a disability or other condition. In other words, saying "person on the spectrum" instead of "autistic person" was totally right!
most ND/autistic/disabled people (myself included) actually really dislike person-first language because the explanation for it is usually something like "it reminds others that a person with autism is a person just like you" and that's kind of ridiculous like if you need to be reminded that a disabled person is a person i think you might have bigger problems. it also makes it sound like we can be separated from our disabilities or that they're just an extra thing tacked onto us and while that's somewhat true for physical disabilities, mental/developmental disabilities affect a person's thoughts and personality, they are inseparable from that. so when people try to separate autistic people from their disabilities, they tend to talk to them like they would neurotypical people, which can get really hard to keep up with. however no one's preferences are the same, which is why it's best to just ask the person outright what they would prefer, if you're talking to/about someone specific. for a group, a safe way is to say "the autistic community" or "those on the spectrum" since those refer to everyone. [sorry for typing a whole paragraph i'm not mad or anything! i just like to share]
That's what I'm seeing! I looked into the people first concept as well, and I saw that there are some people who prefer to say "I'm autistic" because they want to completely embrace that part of themselves as being central to their identity. Which I think is really cool too! But I don't get to make that decision for anyone.
@@sunisverycool1 it's no worries! I learned this way because I'm in school to become a teacher & this is what I just learned. We also talked about the pros/cons of labels including how it can already give someone an impression. I personally would need to know so I can provide accommodations and support to kids with IEPs or those who need it and have the least intrusive & most inclusive environment. I think there especially needs to be more training in special education because of the reasons you listed. I don't know how it is at other education programs in college but I'm considered one of the lucky ones with what I got. But I'm glad to hear your input and it's something I wanna keep in mind.
@@smittywerbenjagermanjensen7989 it's not you, it's the curriculum. I wish I could remember the video link to send you, but unfortunately I can not.
But essentially the person who came up with person first language, also has a lot of backwards ideas about disabled people. But it's what's taught everywhere. So unfortunate there's lots of highly educated people out there, trying their hardest, with flawed information. To be fair, there are lots of backwards ways of thinking pushed in any medical field (be that, physical, or mental)
The key is listen to actual Autistic people. Person first language is an ableist mindset, and autistic people who demand this likely have a lot of internalized ableism. Autism speaks (a hate organization) does so much in the way of misinformation as well.
Best of luck out there. Hope you take some of this to ponder on.
Unfortunately the medical community and "experts" are behind the times and tend to make decisions without bothering to listen to actually autistic people. Person first language is correct in a lot of instances, but the autistic community have been very vocal about preferring identity first language. You will absolutely meet some people who prefer to be called a "person with autism" but as a whole, the autistic community prefers identity first and the academic world needs to catch up. It's the same with the Deaf community. It's considered rude to call a Deaf person a "person with a hearing impairment" as person - first language is offensive to them.
What you learned in your class is outdated and a great example of the need to engage with communities you learn about because unless they're autistic themselves your teachers aren't the experts - autistic people are.
I knew Demetrius wasn't the best to Sebastian but, I didn't know the specifics. Not sure what's up with his biodad but hey, we can commiserate over possibly two terrible father figures a piece!
Also, it's really weird how Demetrius tries to scare you away from Maru at 2 hearts. I mean, yeah Dads can be overly protective about their daughters dating but dude, it's 2 hearts. Do you want your child to have zero friends or something?
So I know I'm leaving this comment almost a year after the video was posted but I just recently found this while playing Stardew... GINGER ISLAND SPOILERS AHEAD!
So... I had gotten the Tomato Salt for the Pirate's Wife Quest in my inventory and I accidently showed it to Robin... She had a dialogue related to the Tomato Salt. I can't remember what Robin said, other than the Tomato Salt looked tasty or something along those lines. It was Demetrius' comment to the Tomato Salt that just made by brain melt. He says "Fruit and salt? What an odd combination..." With a frowning portrait. Even typing this out fills me with rage. How the hell can a scientist, who in my eyes seems to be pretty smug about how "smart" he is, say something so stupid to my face? Regardless of tomatoes being fruit or vegetable, it's often considered a savory food and he should KNOW as a goddamn scientist that tomatoes are high in glutamate, an amino acid. When you combo a high glutamate food like tomatoes with salt, you get that savory, delicious, umami flavor. That's why tomatoes typically aren't used like other fucking fruits.
This probably isn't something that should make me so mad but combined with all the other egregious events with Demetrius involving Sebastian, his events with Robin, and the fact he told me to stay away from Maru WHILE I WAS DATING HIS STEP-SON... Yeah, I hate him more than Pierre, Lewis or even Morris. Maru and Seb deserve better. Robin deserves better but she seems to tolerate a lot of Demetrius' bad behavior so I have somewhat mixed feelings about her.
This is an intersting specimen thanks :D
😁 I thought about naming the video something like that! Thanks for checking it out!