Yeah but that´s why I had to go to therapy, after my Ex. Because I don´t want to become such a heartless monster, she was to me. She took everything from me. But I won´t allow her, to destroy my spirit. I even spend much more time with my relligion, to remind myself everyday. That my purpose is love, warrior, wisdom and nature. I repead it everyday. Love, Warrior, Wisdom, Nature. I refuse to become, what hurt me.
Coach Ryan, I'm 7 years into my relationship and just now discovering that my fiancée is very possibly a DA. I started to research personality behaviors when is seemed like she self-sabotaged our wedding plans. We went from getting married next year to everything is on hold and may not even happen now. The funny thing is she also started to notice and recognize her behavior was off and did her own research and is looking at doing the work to better herself and our relationship. I did a quiz and came back "secure". You have no idea how great it is that she wants to do the work to help herself. Most DA refuse to get help. I will remain optimistic and hopeful that we can work through this together. I will continue to watch your videos for tips and skills. Thank you.
It’s really sad that there are people who feel so low about themselves that although they may not say stuff this way… they have no idea that they are this way! Because even they rationalize everything.
"I'm not good enough for you" and you say "thank you. I don't want to be with anyone who knows I have a higher standard. Thank you for recognizing that I deserve better" 👋🏼👋🏼
Spot on! Most never do the work, so they are correct; they can’t meet even bare basic relationship dynamics..let alone be willing to put in their share of the work to make a relationship flourish
How do you cope? My FA got triggers and ghosted me and I don’t know why. I wished I knew he was a FA as well. I would have ran away. Now I can’t even function because I miss him. I don’t even know what I triggered in him.
I am so sorry for my ex. I was the only person who really listened to him, comforted him and loved him in any situation and I think he really knows that. He looks terrible. I cannot imagine the fear he must have had to destroy this for him, but I can't change that. I still care and I wish him that someday he gets to experience the safety he deserves.
My DA is triggering me so hard I’m about to shut down and call it quits: I’m an FA. I know a lot about his psychology at this point and he knows little about mine. I’ve been biting down and suppressing my needs as much as I can but I’ve reached the breaking point.
This is all of what I heard with my most recent Avoidant! He was 58 years old and still in that mode! I am in my 60’s. I tried to tell him I had no intention of ditching him. He told me he had to leave me to save me. But the way he did it monkey branched with some one 21years than him and Ghosted me!
It’s very sad…💔 Im dealing with this now and I love him dearly but his avoidant personality was harming me and I’m a very secure person. I mean we have spent holidays together family gatherings with his parents close intimacy then he gets scared and says u will leave me then disappears then comes back ….im tired of the roller coaster 🙄
I felt this. 😢 I don’t know if my disorganized avoidant will come back but it’s breaks my heart that he thinks he’s unlovable. I’m glad you’re secure. I love when secure people speak on their experiences with an avoidant.
Checked the video to understand some of my ex behavior...and have found some tips for my own behavior in some past relationships...😅 Thanks for the video! Need to work on myself first😊
My God sounds like my ex! Wish I came across this video earlier! Maybe a year ago! He said this exactly and I came in thinking I can heal him, 'fix him' to open up and in the end, 3-ish years later he didnt.. well HUGE lesson learned.
6 months ago my husband left me after an argument,in the middle of the night. I had no idea he would do this. He won't talk to me or see me. 30 years together,I'm heartbroken..
My ex avoidant had past girlfriends who were beneath him. One was so insecure, another one was an alcoholic, and the other one was a hair dresser who partied. Nothing wrong with hair dressers but I think he liked her career no being at his level
Because a lower character partner wont abandon them, they accept eachothers flaws and coëxist ,they are useful to each other. Avoidants cant really give love but they do need to feel like someone needs them for other things. Its unhealthy but useful to both.
At this point. I see little to no differences between Narcissists and Avoidants. Except the guilt part. But seriously.. that makes it even worse. Because if they know, it´s wrong what they are doing... Why they keep doing it? A Narcissist at least has the excuse of having low to 0 empathy and a neurodivergant disorder. DA is not a disorder. So in fact, much more easier to treat. But instead of going to therapy and work on themself. They keep being a toxic adult, meanwhile playing the victim. It's pathetic..
Agreed! Just ended my two year relationship with a DA, she knows she has a pattern and won’t work on anything. Hard to believe a successful 44 year old that is intelligent would rather continue their pattern instead of trying to make healthy changes but oh well, so be it.
That's entirely up to them and it's going to vary greatly. All you can really do in your situation is walk away, go no contact and focus on yourself and eventually finding a partner who doesn't have these kinds of tendencies
As a former avoidant, when I went to therapy as an avoidant I spent a lot of time in therapy discussing the negative things about my ex which made sense to my therapist to validate us breaking up. Looking back I never really focused on my shortcomings and all the ways I was the problem. I said all that to say, save yourself and move on. I’m no longer avoidant but it’s not because my ex wanted me to change. Good luck to you!
@@Sagegoddess4 I agree - in therapy, avoidants often just avoid! It takes time and skill on the part of the therapist to spot this, and then courage and trust on the part of the avoidant to start to address it.
He got all this right and yeah, he needs time and space but it’s never been to work on himself. That’s one thing he has never done. And you’re right he pushes everyone away especially me. and he does distract himself with any other thing that he feels he can get some kind of validation through his façade. He never gives the outside world his self the way he does at home so they can’t even help him because they don’t know the truth of him. He does always say I don’t know how to do that. What does that mean? What does that look like? I don’t know how yet he seems to be an expert in every other area of life and he makes that abundantly clear that he’s better than the rest of us, and wants to be the winner and perfect at everything but yet he won’t even try to perfect his own character and figure out how to learn how to do something like healing from his past. Very sad to watch because these are very elementary things that he’s had 63 years to try to figure out and it wasn’t worth it to himto try to figure out because he truly doesn’t care about himself or he would want to himself free
I've been with this girl for 6 weeks, we had such a chemistry from the start, we were seeing each other often, had great time and it was developing really promising. I didn't know about avoidants then, she said she was closed for two years for relationships but with me started to open. We spent the best day on Saturday and then I thought that she might be the right person. And then boom, next day she was distanced, cold messages, rare contact. We spoke and she said that she needs space, she is blocked and feels nothing. Now she ghosts me for 3 days and I keep no conact but what should I do? I really miss her...
Had the same this Sommer (8 weeks otherwise exactly like you wrote!) Take it as a compliment. You managed to trigger the avoidant really fast. This means you are capable of building emotional intimacy and closeness. The short version of what you should do. Leave her be and run as far and as fast as you can in the opposite direction! She is part of the 20 percent of the population that are completely different wired and will always leave you when things get hard. ,oh don't want this as a partner in your life! Since this is unsatisfying in your situation. Here a longer version 1) learn about attachment styles (Ken Reid is also a really good channel) 2) ask yourself why you got attracted to here and what inner wounds you have you have to heal 3) accept mentally that this version you see now is the true version and the 6 week version you got shown is a Fassade that would only be available after years of therapy (typical estimate is 3 to 5 years) 4) you can not change her and the possibility she wants to do it is pretty minor. 5) the chemistry is actually your body sending distress signals that your mind misinterpreted (difference between feelings and emotions...!) 6) do not wait for her. Look for other girls that are emotionally available and don't hunt for this high chemistry. Look for " boring". And don't worry when you understand it in your brain your heart will follow with time! I wish you all the best. It will get better and if you learn your lesson you can improve yourself and your next relationship soooooo much.
@sevenpounds1463 Wow, thank you for your fast and sincere reply. I know I miss the good times, before she trigered. Recently she also mentioned about her past (last two years): shallow relations mostly based on sex, so she could have some disturbing body count. She also reaches for alkohol, not that she overuses it but I've noticed when she was visiting in my place she always wanted to drink. Now I get it, she probably was stressed. She also often initiated sex, she wanted it to be hard and that she was treated like a slut. She had trouble with cuddling etc. but was opening for that with every meeting. She even said that with me she opens first time for a very long time. I know it meant something for her, that's why she detached so fast. Last Saturday after she sent me a photo of her from a family party and I reacted to it by sending emote, she just went radiosilent to this day. So weird.
Be thankful you got the heads up so early on. Withdraw all emotional investment and replace the dopamine high with supplements/other people/other hobbies. Consider it like this, if you walked into a bar you thought was nice, and suddenly saw a bunch of mean dudes eye-balling you, would you stick around? No. You’d walk away fast and not look back. Same thing here, you’ve been scratched, if you don’t want to get cut open, walk away fast!!!
@@littlesister5808 and dont let people tell you that it was "just" 6 weeks. My 8 week discard was the worst (and first discard) I experienced. Long term relationships that ended were way less devastating!
Acknowledging it is a huge first step. Then figuring out why you tend to cope with things this way, and what the core issue(s) may be. Then figuring out how to cope in a better way, a way that will provide a chance at a healthy relationship! Therapy. There are self help classes, books, forums, etc. And give yourself time.
And don't embroil other innocent people in your messed up life until you're healed and ready to have a healthy and adult relationship instead of like a baby and hurting innocent people with your inadequacies
Would someone who is Dismissive Avoidant tell you “I like getting my way”? Would someone who is DA mess around with multiple partners behind your back and maintain they aren’t to your face? Would a DA mess with someone outside of your relationship early Sunday morning before you were to go to church services with them and even when you presented proof that you knew they did it, they still denied it? Would a DA call you someone else’s name and then try to say they were calling you a pet name and they don’t know that person, only for you to later find out they had that person’s name and number written down in a notebook. Would a couple of the DA’s siblings tell you 1) “My sister / brother uses people” in front of the DA and another sibling tells you “my brother / sister needs help. They need support”? Would a DA buy a new appliance in cash, put their broken one on the box and return it back to the store, keeping the new item and getting their money back? Would a DA break up / discard you after reading the book ‘Attached’ and say we don’t work but then proceed to tell you they are not changing? I am wondering if I was with a true DA or if I was with a Covert Narc with DA traits. Any feedback appreciated.
Sounds as if you nailed it in your conclusion! I’m so sorry you have gone through such much hurt. The idea of protecting a woman’s heart is a lost virtue… I understand that pain! 🙏🏻
@ Thanks. Another person mentioned Borderline Personality Disorder which I don’t know much about. However, at the end of the day, it left me needing a couple of therapy sessions and in a fog which, through prayer and staying in God’s Presence, I am coming out of and actually starting to engage other women on a small talk, friendly level.
I’m a DA and I am not currently looking for a relationship. If I see someone I make sure to express that it’s just fwb and although we talk like friends we don’t hangout outside of our meetups. I do this to keep true to the boundaries. I’m working on myself and sometimes don’t see how I actually am very much like the video above. Thing is, as someone who has dated other avoidants…if you’re looking for a secure committed connection. Stay away from us, our fears are big. Whenever emotions come up that are difficult all I want to do is just run away so I don’t have to deal with them. Crying or being vulnerable makes me afraid that the person will use my vulnerability and take me for granted. It’s not about the other person. If the avoidant isn’t already doing the work and they’re not aware they’re DA, it’s a losing battle. I wouldn’t stay for “what ifs.” However if someone is looking for an open relationship with boundaries etc. DA may be for you, one that is honest though. I’m noticing that I’m slowly learning to communicate and face my emotions…super slowly. I have faith one day I will heal and be able to open my heart again.
To experiance all this would make a secure person anxious and then probably turn them into an avoidant in the next relationship. Its heartbreaking.
I'm an example of what you said
@PriamMilky :(
Yeah but that´s why I had to go to therapy, after my Ex.
Because I don´t want to become such a heartless monster, she was to me.
She took everything from me. But I won´t allow her, to destroy my spirit.
I even spend much more time with my relligion, to remind myself everyday.
That my purpose is love, warrior, wisdom and nature.
I repead it everyday. Love, Warrior, Wisdom, Nature.
I refuse to become, what hurt me.
@@BlackWolf-gk8sn really admire you for all the work. It isn't easy at all and its inspiring :)
I think a secure person would leave once they see this dysfunctional behavior.
Brother you nailed every single point down to the exact detail. It’s almost like it’s a prearranged script with the avoidant 👍🏿🙏🏿✊🏿
Coach Ryan, I'm 7 years into my relationship and just now discovering that my fiancée is very possibly a DA. I started to research personality behaviors when is seemed like she self-sabotaged our wedding plans. We went from getting married next year to everything is on hold and may not even happen now. The funny thing is she also started to notice and recognize her behavior was off and did her own research and is looking at doing the work to better herself and our relationship. I did a quiz and came back "secure". You have no idea how great it is that she wants to do the work to help herself. Most DA refuse to get help. I will remain optimistic and hopeful that we can work through this together. I will continue to watch your videos for tips and skills. Thank you.
It’s really sad that there are people who feel so low about themselves that although they may not say stuff this way… they have no idea that they are this way! Because even they rationalize everything.
"I'm not good enough for you" and you say "thank you. I don't want to be with anyone who knows I have a higher standard. Thank you for recognizing that I deserve better" 👋🏼👋🏼
Spot on! Most never do the work, so they are correct; they can’t meet even bare basic relationship dynamics..let alone be willing to put in their share of the work to make a relationship flourish
I really wish i would have seen Coach Ryan's videos before i fell into a relationship with a DA. It was and is a painful journey.
I'm with you. Wish I knew about DA's prior to my relationship with one.
How do you cope? My FA got triggers and ghosted me and I don’t know why. I wished I knew he was a FA as well. I would have ran away. Now I can’t even function because I miss him. I don’t even know what I triggered in him.
@@godspurple4805 stay busy. Fill the void.
@@ronwalker316 And know it's not your fault.
It’s crazy how even the dialogue is the same.
I am so sorry for my ex. I was the only person who really listened to him, comforted him and loved him in any situation and I think he really knows that. He looks terrible. I cannot imagine the fear he must have had to destroy this for him, but I can't change that.
I still care and I wish him that someday he gets to experience the safety he deserves.
Mine too
My DA is triggering me so hard I’m about to shut down and call it quits: I’m an FA. I know a lot about his psychology at this point and he knows little about mine. I’ve been biting down and suppressing my needs as much as I can but I’ve reached the breaking point.
@@cecilang9721 how come? What made you reach it? How long and how have you be suffering?
Yup
He wanted easy & surface level talk ALL the time no deep stuff
NO FRIEND ZONE !
This is literal gold.
I heard it all u fortunately. Thank you for translating what they actually meant.
This is all of what I heard with my most recent Avoidant! He was 58 years old and still in that mode! I am in my 60’s. I tried to tell him I had no intention of ditching him. He told me he had to leave me to save me. But the way he did it monkey branched with some one 21years than him and Ghosted me!
Very similar experience to mine!
Mine said "I love you enough to let you go". Geez
This is pure gold!!
This is all i needed to hear, it woke me up 😢💪🏽. I deserve real love ❤.
THANK YOU, coach Ryan🥂.
It’s very sad…💔 Im dealing with this now and I love him dearly but his avoidant personality was harming me and I’m a very secure person. I mean we have spent holidays together family gatherings with his parents close intimacy then he gets scared and says u will leave me then disappears then comes back ….im tired of the roller coaster 🙄
I felt this. 😢 I don’t know if my disorganized avoidant will come back but it’s breaks my heart that he thinks he’s unlovable. I’m glad you’re secure. I love when secure people speak on their experiences with an avoidant.
It’s all about them meeting their needs to the exclusion of having to meet of the partners needs - of which they aren’t even aware.
This is so true!!
Lol, brutal, searing honesty right there! Boy, is it painful to be around avoidants!
My ex is a textbook avoidant. Good he's ex. Except now i am working through betrayal trauma
Those are the words I used to hear from my avoidant ex a lot of excuses. I was always giving until I got exhausted
Checked the video to understand some of my ex behavior...and have found some tips for my own behavior in some past relationships...😅
Thanks for the video!
Need to work on myself first😊
Thank you. This vid’s a keeper.
Thanks!
You said it all. Finding someone new, going on dating apps. Yup. And no thank you
My God sounds like my ex! Wish I came across this video earlier! Maybe a year ago! He said this exactly and I came in thinking I can heal him, 'fix him' to open up and in the end, 3-ish years later he didnt.. well HUGE lesson learned.
I can relate to that 😞. I felt as if you were translating my current situation💔.
😮this is me!!!! In my defense
I dont date or pursue men, i dont two time or mislead men,
I dont promise anything or demand what i cannot share
Omg! I’ve all this from my fearful avoidant husband who is also now in Midlife crisis!
Oh Jesus how can you deal with that? 😮
Praying for you ❤
6 months ago my husband left me after an argument,in the middle of the night. I had no idea he would do this. He won't talk to me or see me. 30 years together,I'm heartbroken..
😢
Then why are they able to be vulnerable with a drug addict or ex drug addict or a narcissist and stick with them?
Can be vulnerable without fear of consequences. If someone beneath them. Rejects them, they won't care
My ex avoidant had past girlfriends who were beneath him. One was so insecure, another one was an alcoholic, and the other one was a hair dresser who partied. Nothing wrong with hair dressers but I think he liked her career no being at his level
They're probably both out of their faces together at the time
Because a lower character partner wont abandon them, they accept eachothers flaws and coëxist ,they are useful to each other. Avoidants cant really give love but they do need to feel like someone needs them for other things. Its unhealthy but useful to both.
@@mezzuna aha! Ok make sence 😊
I am so grateful for you! Your content is so helpful🎉👍🏽 ty for helping me understand...
Thank you!!!!!!!❤❤❤
At this point. I see little to no differences between Narcissists and Avoidants.
Except the guilt part. But seriously.. that makes it even worse.
Because if they know, it´s wrong what they are doing... Why they keep doing it?
A Narcissist at least has the excuse of having low to 0 empathy and a neurodivergant disorder. DA is not a disorder. So in fact, much more easier to treat. But instead of going to therapy and work on themself. They keep being a toxic adult, meanwhile playing the victim.
It's pathetic..
Agreed
Narcissists do it out of control and spite. DAs do it because they don't have the emotional coping skills to deal with serious relationships.
Agreed! Just ended my two year relationship with a DA, she knows she has a pattern and won’t work on anything. Hard to believe a successful 44 year old that is intelligent would rather continue their pattern instead of trying to make healthy changes but oh well, so be it.
@@ericrincon545 You didn't read, what I just texted? It makes it even worse. Coping skills can be learned. But they rather look for excuses.
@BlackWolf-gk8sn Yes they can be learned but for DA to take the initiative can be a challenge.
Yup, all of it.
This is sad and heartbreaking.
What happens when an avoidant seeks therapy? Do they get better? Mine discarded me while in therapy.
That's entirely up to them and it's going to vary greatly. All you can really do in your situation is walk away, go no contact and focus on yourself and eventually finding a partner who doesn't have these kinds of tendencies
As a former avoidant, when I went to therapy as an avoidant I spent a lot of time in therapy discussing the negative things about my ex which made sense to my therapist to validate us breaking up. Looking back I never really focused on my shortcomings and all the ways I was the problem. I said all that to say, save yourself and move on. I’m no longer avoidant but it’s not because my ex wanted me to change. Good luck to you!
@@Sagegoddess4 I agree - in therapy, avoidants often just avoid! It takes time and skill on the part of the therapist to spot this, and then courage and trust on the part of the avoidant to start to address it.
Perfectly said, exactly how my ex was
Spot on!
omg, this has been the past year for me. Im still hanging on
Same u are not alone, many of us good loving ppl in 2024 learned the hard truths
He got all this right and yeah, he needs time and space but it’s never been to work on himself. That’s one thing he has never done. And you’re right he pushes everyone away especially me. and he does distract himself with any other thing that he feels he can get some kind of validation through his façade. He never gives the outside world his self the way he does at home so they can’t even help him because they don’t know the truth of him. He does always say I don’t know how to do that. What does that mean? What does that look like? I don’t know how yet he seems to be an expert in every other area of life and he makes that abundantly clear that he’s better than the rest of us, and wants to be the winner and perfect at everything but yet he won’t even try to perfect his own character and figure out how to learn how to do something like healing from his past. Very sad to watch because these are very elementary things that he’s had 63 years to try to figure out and it wasn’t worth it to himto try to figure out because he truly doesn’t care about himself or he would want to himself free
Sounds more like a Narcissist
Omg just exactly how u described my ex
I love my avoidant 😢
That's messed up
Same 😢
Just like the guy. You are saying all the stuff he said. Right on. So, now I have identified the things they say and their actions. Text book example.
Spiritually Mentally Beyond repair!
No one is perfect.
Not even YOU!
NO ONE is BEYOND REPAIR!❤
@@christinemerritt974 People who are stuck in Pitty and victim mode are.
Because they don´t want to put in the work.
❤
I wish I saw your video before she discarded me
I've been with this girl for 6 weeks, we had such a chemistry from the start, we were seeing each other often, had great time and it was developing really promising. I didn't know about avoidants then, she said she was closed for two years for relationships but with me started to open. We spent the best day on Saturday and then I thought that she might be the right person. And then boom, next day she was distanced, cold messages, rare contact. We spoke and she said that she needs space, she is blocked and feels nothing. Now she ghosts me for 3 days and I keep no conact but what should I do? I really miss her...
Had the same this Sommer (8 weeks otherwise exactly like you wrote!)
Take it as a compliment. You managed to trigger the avoidant really fast. This means you are capable of building emotional intimacy and closeness.
The short version of what you should do. Leave her be and run as far and as fast as you can in the opposite direction! She is part of the 20 percent of the population that are completely different wired and will always leave you when things get hard. ,oh don't want this as a partner in your life!
Since this is unsatisfying in your situation. Here a longer version
1) learn about attachment styles (Ken Reid is also a really good channel)
2) ask yourself why you got attracted to here and what inner wounds you have you have to heal
3) accept mentally that this version you see now is the true version and the 6 week version you got shown is a Fassade that would only be available after years of therapy (typical estimate is 3 to 5 years)
4) you can not change her and the possibility she wants to do it is pretty minor.
5) the chemistry is actually your body sending distress signals that your mind misinterpreted (difference between feelings and emotions...!)
6) do not wait for her. Look for other girls that are emotionally available and don't hunt for this high chemistry. Look for " boring".
And don't worry when you understand it in your brain your heart will follow with time!
I wish you all the best. It will get better and if you learn your lesson you can improve yourself and your next relationship soooooo much.
@sevenpounds1463 Wow, thank you for your fast and sincere reply. I know I miss the good times, before she trigered. Recently she also mentioned about her past (last two years): shallow relations mostly based on sex, so she could have some disturbing body count. She also reaches for alkohol, not that she overuses it but I've noticed when she was visiting in my place she always wanted to drink. Now I get it, she probably was stressed. She also often initiated sex, she wanted it to be hard and that she was treated like a slut. She had trouble with cuddling etc. but was opening for that with every meeting. She even said that with me she opens first time for a very long time. I know it meant something for her, that's why she detached so fast. Last Saturday after she sent me a photo of her from a family party and I reacted to it by sending emote, she just went radiosilent to this day. So weird.
Be thankful you got the heads up so early on. Withdraw all emotional investment and replace the dopamine high with supplements/other people/other hobbies. Consider it like this, if you walked into a bar you thought was nice, and suddenly saw a bunch of mean dudes eye-balling you, would you stick around? No. You’d walk away fast and not look back. Same thing here, you’ve been scratched, if you don’t want to get cut open, walk away fast!!!
@@inspirationalaries Even I understand all of this is still sucks😔
@@littlesister5808 and dont let people tell you that it was "just" 6 weeks. My 8 week discard was the worst (and first discard) I experienced. Long term relationships that ended were way less devastating!
So what do you do if you are a DA?
Acknowledging it is a huge first step. Then figuring out why you tend to cope with things this way, and what the core issue(s) may be. Then figuring out how to cope in a better way, a way that will provide a chance at a healthy relationship!
Therapy. There are self help classes, books, forums, etc. And give yourself time.
And don't embroil other innocent people in your messed up life until you're healed and ready to have a healthy and adult relationship instead of like a baby and hurting innocent people with your inadequacies
No thank you, what a mess!
I'd rather to find a woman with secure attachment
Would someone who is Dismissive Avoidant tell you “I like getting my way”?
Would someone who is DA mess around with multiple partners behind your back and maintain they aren’t to your face?
Would a DA mess with someone outside of your relationship early Sunday morning before you were to go to church services with them and even when you presented proof that you knew they did it, they still denied it?
Would a DA call you someone else’s name and then try to say they were calling you a pet name and they don’t know that person, only for you to later find out they had that person’s name and number written down in a notebook.
Would a couple of the DA’s siblings tell you 1) “My sister / brother uses people” in front of the DA and another sibling tells you “my brother / sister needs help. They need support”?
Would a DA buy a new appliance in cash, put their broken one on the box and return it back to the store, keeping the new item and getting their money back?
Would a DA break up / discard you after reading the book ‘Attached’ and say we don’t work but then proceed to tell you they are not changing?
I am wondering if I was with a true DA or if I was with a Covert Narc with DA traits. Any feedback appreciated.
Sounds as if you nailed it in your conclusion!
I’m so sorry you have gone through such much hurt.
The idea of protecting a woman’s heart is a lost virtue…
I understand that pain!
🙏🏻
@ Thanks. Another person mentioned Borderline Personality Disorder which I don’t know much about. However, at the end of the day, it left me needing a couple of therapy sessions and in a fog which, through prayer and staying in God’s Presence, I am coming out of and actually starting to engage other women on a small talk, friendly level.
I’m a DA and I am not currently looking for a relationship. If I see someone I make sure to express that it’s just fwb and although we talk like friends we don’t hangout outside of our meetups.
I do this to keep true to the boundaries. I’m working on myself and sometimes don’t see how I actually am very much like the video above.
Thing is, as someone who has dated other avoidants…if you’re looking for a secure committed connection. Stay away from us, our fears are big.
Whenever emotions come up that are difficult all I want to do is just run away so I don’t have to deal with them. Crying or being vulnerable makes me afraid that the person will use my vulnerability and take me for granted. It’s not about the other person.
If the avoidant isn’t already doing the work and they’re not aware they’re DA, it’s a losing battle. I wouldn’t stay for “what ifs.”
However if someone is looking for an open relationship with boundaries etc. DA may be for you, one that is honest though.
I’m noticing that I’m slowly learning to communicate and face my emotions…super slowly. I have faith one day I will heal and be able to open my heart again.
Sounds more like a Narcissist than a DA. DA aren't bad people, just bad people to be around, but Narcs are just evil.
Why tf do they all say the same shit?
YEP
🎯
😅😢😅😢😅😢😅😢😅😢🎉❤🎉
✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️✔️
Nice❤