I can’t thank you both enough for having this conversation. I carry so much guilt, and fear of judgment on how I parent my pda son, it feels amazing to be validated. ❤
I'm a late ID'd PDA adult, and this all really speaks to me. I grew up in a household that was naturally 'low-demand' and one of the most profound aspects of learning about myself now is this immense gratitude at the way my parents did things. The empathy and respect my parents showed me, even when I was that 3 year old having the popsicle meltdown, probably saved my life.
Growing up I want to do this kind of thing in our home. My brother's sister always thought I was spoiled and allowed to get away with what I wanted. But my parents raised me in a way that I had my own autonomy. Which is what you talked about in this video I personally am now 60 years old and going to be getting tested for autism. I have an intellectual disabloody. I also have dyslexia and I have always felt like an alien but now my parents made me feel like somebody who is actually worth being around so I weren't took turned out pretty good growing up. And you are correct about the type of message that you were teaching. People about it does work.😊
Amazing podcast on PDA. My son is 4 and undiagnosed PDA but I have all the difficulties with him that you talk about. I have been on a journey for past couple months since discovering PDA to help gain as much knowledge as possible in order to support him but also to be able to get him assessed. I’m in Northern Ireland where we really have to fight for assessments as our health care system paid for by government is under so much strain financially and the ever growing number of children with autism needing assessment and a care plan. I Thankyou for these videos it is helping me so much as a mother but also my partner resists about him having a neurodivergent brain which results in a “label” it can be very stressful dealing with that too and teaching him how we should be dealing with our sons daily struggles. ♥️
I appreciate this so much!! I had so much the same experience. The shutting down is so devastating. (Stop eating talking playing dancing! No smiles) then I stopped forcing anything after two weeks she finally started to play again. I’m just starting my pda research. It’s been such a struggle with teachers and therapist.
Thank you. This is becoming such an emotional issue for me. I wish there was more help. We have to change everything and I don’t have any “tools” you have given me a place to really start. ❤
I'm so glad this episode helped you :) Always feel free to get in touch with me or Amanda if you need more support. Amanda has a book out now called Low Demand Parenting that's very good!
I relate to this conversation so much. I have three autistic children and the youngest has suspected PDA. Thank you for sharing this interview, I feel so seen and finally relate to another parent❤
Thank you for tis video, I bought the book low demand parenting. I discovered that My daughter fits in this profile, she is 17 and recently diagnosed ass. It gave her a lot of problems to function in the world, although I respect her autonomy. In the Netherlands there is now 1 diagnose for autisme named ASS. But within this spectrum there are a lot of differences, means different ways of helping these kids. I am spreading the word in different groups to let people know about PDA, there are so many kids struggling, not knowing about PDA. Thanks for the information, greetings from the Netherlands ❤️
I want to humbly suggest recognizing sensory issues as well. This may be why the many changes of clothes and shoes, not just PDA. Check out what Danny Reade says about recognizing being sensory defensive first before addressing behaviors. (No affiliation.) His business is called Asperger Experts. The PDA just amplifies this Im sure.
I think that my eight year-old granddaughter has undiagnosed autism and PDA my son and daughter-in-law are trying to use authoritarian type discipline, and it is just destroying their family life. I wish I could find a way to tell them about PDA without offending them. Any suggestions?
Focus on anything they're doing more collaboratively, and admire it out loud, maybe? Point out any good effects of that? I also wonder if there was a time in your son's childhood where you used a more low demand approach that he might remember as helpful... and phrasing it as something like, "I can tell you're working really hard to parent your kids right, and it seems like it's all still really hard.... and I got thinking about that time when you were little....(story goes here)... I'm not sure exactly why that worked for you, do you remember?" If he can articulate it, he might start thinking about how he's parenting, and what his kid might need?
@@MishaSkripach This was five years ago and I have come to understand that he has PDA tendencies, and feels the need to be controlling when his anxiety heightens, when life feels out of control. When he’s calm and happy and we are connecting, he collaborates and co operates.
How can I make this work when someone’s autonomy is infringing on other people’s boundaries? For example, one person chooses to eat yogurt on the couch, but has a hard time doing it without spilling some (which means someone else has to clean it, or the dairy will go sour and cause a horrible stink)
@iiiiiiiv I like that idea. I’m concerned about what happens when someone is not available to troubleshoot or may need cooperation from the child for the troubleshooting challenges. For example, if dinner will be burned if the adult walks away from it and uses your suggestion and says that we need a washable blanket, the child may need to help and go get the washable blanket. My other concern is if this may be reinforcing for the child an expectation that when they are adults, that other adults will be expected to go get them washable blankets (metaphorically speaking) and may ironically become very demanding, themselves, while being demand-avoidant. I don’t mean to be argumentative. I genuinely am working through cognitive dissonance to try to feel confident and competent about this mindset. I appreciate the input and ideas.
Was your husband onboard to this different way of hands off parenting? How many hrs per day do your children stay on screens now? Do you not limit their choices if they are harmful? Children don’t know many things when young?
I can’t thank you both enough for having this conversation. I carry so much guilt, and fear of judgment on how I parent my pda son, it feels amazing to be validated. ❤
I'm a late ID'd PDA adult, and this all really speaks to me. I grew up in a household that was naturally 'low-demand' and one of the most profound aspects of learning about myself now is this immense gratitude at the way my parents did things. The empathy and respect my parents showed me, even when I was that 3 year old having the popsicle meltdown, probably saved my life.
Growing up I want to do this kind of thing in our home. My brother's sister always thought I was spoiled and allowed to get away with what I wanted. But my parents raised me in a way that I had my own autonomy. Which is what you talked about in this video I personally am now 60 years old and going to be getting tested for autism. I have an intellectual disabloody. I also have dyslexia and I have always felt like an alien but now my parents made me feel like somebody who is actually worth being around so I weren't took turned out pretty good growing up. And you are correct about the type of message that you were teaching. People about it does work.😊
23:23 “In a season of higher support needs”. I love how this is stated. This is where we are at the moment.
I think many Reactive Attachment Disorder diagnosis might be PDA instead if knowing about PDA
Amazing podcast on PDA. My son is 4 and undiagnosed PDA but I have all the difficulties with him that you talk about. I have been on a journey for past couple months since discovering PDA to help gain as much knowledge as possible in order to support him but also to be able to get him assessed. I’m in Northern Ireland where we really have to fight for assessments as our health care system paid for by government is under so much strain financially and the ever growing number of children with autism needing assessment and a care plan. I Thankyou for these videos it is helping me so much as a mother but also my partner resists about him having a neurodivergent brain which results in a “label” it can be very stressful dealing with that too and teaching him how we should be dealing with our sons daily struggles. ♥️
I appreciate this so much!! I had so much the same experience. The shutting down is so devastating. (Stop eating talking playing dancing! No smiles) then I stopped forcing anything after two weeks she finally started to play again. I’m just starting my pda research. It’s been such a struggle with teachers and therapist.
Thank you. This is becoming such an emotional issue for me. I wish there was more help. We have to change everything and I don’t have any “tools” you have given me a place to really start. ❤
I'm so glad this episode helped you :) Always feel free to get in touch with me or Amanda if you need more support. Amanda has a book out now called Low Demand Parenting that's very good!
I just found PDA but the United Kingdom has more stuff..
This was a beautiful and honest conversation.
I relate to this conversation so much. I have three autistic children and the youngest has suspected PDA. Thank you for sharing this interview, I feel so seen and finally relate to another parent❤
Thankyou so much for sharing this so freely. It’s tremendously valuable.
Seeing your child is beautiful ❤ I relate so much to what is being shared
Thank you for tis video, I bought the book low demand parenting. I discovered that My daughter fits in this profile, she is 17 and recently diagnosed ass. It gave her a lot of problems to function in the world, although I respect her autonomy. In the Netherlands there is now 1 diagnose for autisme named ASS. But within this spectrum there are a lot of differences, means different ways of helping these kids. I am spreading the word in different groups to let people know about PDA, there are so many kids struggling, not knowing about PDA. Thanks for the information, greetings from the Netherlands ❤️
I want to humbly suggest recognizing sensory issues as well. This may be why the many changes of clothes and shoes, not just PDA. Check out what Danny Reade says about recognizing being sensory defensive first before addressing behaviors. (No affiliation.) His business is called Asperger Experts. The PDA just amplifies this Im sure.
excellent in every way..
Is there a resource for a parent with PDA dealing with. Child who also has PDA?
Thank you❤
wondering about screen time limits during the nighttime?
I think that my eight year-old granddaughter has undiagnosed autism and PDA my son and daughter-in-law are trying to use authoritarian type discipline, and it is just destroying their family life. I wish I could find a way to tell them about PDA without offending them. Any suggestions?
Tell them. Child's health is at stake.
I had a little success with sending a you tube clip of a children’s book about pda Called Pretty Darn Awesome. To a family member who is authoritarian
Focus on anything they're doing more collaboratively, and admire it out loud, maybe? Point out any good effects of that? I also wonder if there was a time in your son's childhood where you used a more low demand approach that he might remember as helpful... and phrasing it as something like, "I can tell you're working really hard to parent your kids right, and it seems like it's all still really hard.... and I got thinking about that time when you were little....(story goes here)... I'm not sure exactly why that worked for you, do you remember?" If he can articulate it, he might start thinking about how he's parenting, and what his kid might need?
hey nice sharing
17m 35s 100% my child is 2 and she has been different sense 2 weeks old hardest thing we've ever done
17:35 and you get a clickable link.
I remember a health visitor de said my son is very controlling 🙄
@@MishaSkripach This was five years ago and I have come to understand that he has PDA tendencies, and feels the need to be controlling when his anxiety heightens, when life feels out of control. When he’s calm and happy and we are connecting, he collaborates and co operates.
How can I make this work when someone’s autonomy is infringing on other people’s boundaries? For example, one person chooses to eat yogurt on the couch, but has a hard time doing it without spilling some (which means someone else has to clean it, or the dairy will go sour and cause a horrible stink)
@iiiiiiiv I like that idea. I’m concerned about what happens when someone is not available to troubleshoot or may need cooperation from the child for the troubleshooting challenges. For example, if dinner will be burned if the adult walks away from it and uses your suggestion and says that we need a washable blanket, the child may need to help and go get the washable blanket. My other concern is if this may be reinforcing for the child an expectation that when they are adults, that other adults will be expected to go get them washable blankets (metaphorically speaking) and may ironically become very demanding, themselves, while being demand-avoidant. I don’t mean to be argumentative. I genuinely am working through cognitive dissonance to try to feel confident and competent about this mindset. I appreciate the input and ideas.
Great question! I could not articulate that question as well as you❤ good luck!
Have you or Amanda read the book Dibs?
I haven't! Does it cover this topic?
Was your husband onboard to this different way of hands off parenting?
How many hrs per day do your children stay on screens now?
Do you not limit their choices if they are harmful? Children don’t know many things when young?
All of these questions are answered in Amanda's book, in-depth. You can get it at the library in most areas.