"Everything was going to plan" is great just where it is at the end of the sentence, because when you come across it there, it is a shocker--the last thing you are expecting! Gives a twist to the sentence. Putting the clause first I think would spoil it. Often when I write, if I come back to a sentence on another day I'm tempted to redo it. But I've come to realize that's a quirk with me, and most of the time the sentence was good the way I originally had it.
In the second example, the first line is great the way it is. Revealing that everything is going according to plan after establishing that Oz is clearly in a precarious situation is perfect. I disagree with the expert on this one. Hopefully, the writer does not take her suggestion on this one, especially the advice to use a colon.
The problem with reviewing a first sentence without any context with regards to what the story is about, the title, the genre, the blurb that you would have read (either on the back page or the store's website) is that you lack any context to even judge the line as to whether it works or not, or how to fix it, as the editor so clearly shows in several of the samples... Here's my question though. Is it the first line (aka sentence) that will make or break whether you hook the reader, or the first paragraph. Would someone genuinely put down a book that they've bought after only reading a single sentence if it didn't immediately hook them or would they read at least the first paragraph before coming to a decision.
Funny she says several times that she needs more detail... yeah, you'd probably get that in the first paragraph. The question really should be, does the line make you want to read on to get those additional details? Some of the samples would probably work if you had the entire paragraph the sentence was part of...
Honestly I put down so many books after the first line and many more after the first paragraph. So the answer is yes. From the first sentence, you can tell the voice of the narrator, the narrative distance, whether they will be straightforward or meandering, whether the writer loves his own voice, whether you can trust the writer to tell a decent story. A lot of writers give conflicting or confusing info right from the first sentence, and you know you can’t trust them.
I find these videos very informative, Thankyou so much. So watching them, when one sticks out to me I use it as a writing prompt to get my writing going for the day.
In the second example, the editor's comment was, "I would like to know how Oz's situation relates to the plan." For me, anything that intrigues the reader and makes them want to know more is a good first line. I think that's the purpose of the hook. Your thoughts, please....
Thanks for a great video! Regarding the second submission, I agree with switching the clauses as it increases the impact of the contrast/implied contradiction. However I think that contrast serves as a great hook. All the questions it raises make me want to keep reading.
I enjoyed the sarcasm as it was written, but Sarcasm is an assumption on my part as we have no context around it. I think the better point might be that starting with sarcasm is a poor choice because the reader can't be sure of the tone.
The one that starts with lydia ferroc is what i call a red flag sentence. I have never read an opening chapter that starts with the full name of a character as the first worlds that was followed by good prose. Except maybe in kids books. But its a huge red flag for poor prose. Then the running on sentence and the distict hunger games vibe didn’t change my mind.
I got my invitation to submit but have been crazy busy the past couple weeks. I love listening and hope to be able to submit at one of these in the future.
No. You should get an email with registration for #7 when you return it, you get another email that has the instructions for your first line. I hope that helps but submit it anyway jic.
so what exactly is wrong with introducing young readers to valid everyday contractions like “gonna”? like surely that teaches kids that language is malleable and adaptable and it’s normal to contract common terms for the sake of brevity?
You know you've watched a few of these when you say to yourself, "It's not snow. It's a fence in the background."
Ha! You all know me too well!
I realize it is kind of off topic but do anyone know a good website to stream newly released tv shows online?
@Orion Henrik yup, I have been using flixzone for since march myself =)
@Orion Henrik thank you, I signed up and it seems like they got a lot of movies there =) I appreciate it!!
@Brentley Alfredo glad I could help xD
"Everything was going to plan" is great just where it is at the end of the sentence, because when you come across it there, it is a shocker--the last thing you are expecting! Gives a twist to the sentence. Putting the clause first I think would spoil it. Often when I write, if I come back to a sentence on another day I'm tempted to redo it. But I've come to realize that's a quirk with me, and most of the time the sentence was good the way I originally had it.
I do the same thing.
Her feedback: "I need more information here..."
😄My response would be, read the blooming book, huh?"
Love first line frenzy and hearing everyone’s first line. One of my favorite things to watch!
28:35 The redundancy of the phrase "This seems *unnecessarily redundant* " really tickled me for some reason.
The correction you might have been looking for:
"Trash day is my favorite day -- a weekly monument to my hard-won peace and new beginning"
In the second example, the first line is great the way it is. Revealing that everything is going according to plan after establishing that Oz is clearly in a precarious situation is perfect. I disagree with the expert on this one. Hopefully, the writer does not take her suggestion on this one, especially the advice to use a colon.
Not to mention that it seems pretty clear that "everything was going according to plan" is meant to be irony.
Agreed. I like that Oz hanging dangerously from the rail, according to plan. It suggests that Oz has pre-calculated the danger, which pulls me in.
The problem with reviewing a first sentence without any context with regards to what the story is about, the title, the genre, the blurb that you would have read (either on the back page or the store's website) is that you lack any context to even judge the line as to whether it works or not, or how to fix it, as the editor so clearly shows in several of the samples...
Here's my question though. Is it the first line (aka sentence) that will make or break whether you hook the reader, or the first paragraph.
Would someone genuinely put down a book that they've bought after only reading a single sentence if it didn't immediately hook them or would they read at least the first paragraph before coming to a decision.
Funny she says several times that she needs more detail... yeah, you'd probably get that in the first paragraph.
The question really should be, does the line make you want to read on to get those additional details? Some of the samples would probably work if you had the entire paragraph the sentence was part of...
Honestly I put down so many books after the first line and many more after the first paragraph. So the answer is yes.
From the first sentence, you can tell the voice of the narrator, the narrative distance, whether they will be straightforward or meandering, whether the writer loves his own voice, whether you can trust the writer to tell a decent story. A lot of writers give conflicting or confusing info right from the first sentence, and you know you can’t trust them.
I find these videos very informative, Thankyou so much. So watching them, when one sticks out to me I use it as a writing prompt to get my writing going for the day.
Trash day is my favorite day---a monument to my new won beginning.
In the second example, the editor's comment was, "I would like to know how Oz's situation relates to the plan." For me, anything that intrigues the reader and makes them want to know more is a good first line. I think that's the purpose of the hook. Your thoughts, please....
Agreed
really enjoyed this video thank you for all your help when I joined Reedys
The first sentence would never dictate if I read on or not. Please do paragraphs.
Thanks for a great video! Regarding the second submission, I agree with switching the clauses as it increases the impact of the contrast/implied contradiction. However I think that contrast serves as a great hook. All the questions it raises make me want to keep reading.
I enjoyed the sarcasm as it was written, but Sarcasm is an assumption on my part as we have no context around it. I think the better point might be that starting with sarcasm is a poor choice because the reader can't be sure of the tone.
Oh dear. I'm thinking of starting my book with the word "It". There's a twist though.
Rebecca gives the semicolon so much character, she should write a novel about him. Lord Semicolon; The High and Mighty.😅
The one that starts with lydia ferroc is what i call a red flag sentence.
I have never read an opening chapter that starts with the full name of a character as the first worlds that was followed by good prose. Except maybe in kids books. But its a huge red flag for poor prose.
Then the running on sentence and the distict hunger games vibe didn’t change my mind.
I cant stop laughing at "Van Kleek's Jew." 😂
I got my invitation to submit but have been crazy busy the past couple weeks. I love listening and hope to be able to submit at one of these in the future.
Thank you Becca! Very helpful.
Time stamp
First review of opening line: 4:23
2. 6:15
I just finally got my link to work!
The link you have in the description is it for first frenzy number 7 ? I just want to confirm
No. You should get an email with registration for #7 when you return it, you get another email that has the instructions for your first line. I hope that helps but submit it anyway jic.
...by his fraying boot laces. Great! Everything was going according to plan.
Yes! I missed this. :D
Thanks. Fun segment
Nice.
Hallo from Kurdistan love you ♥️🌹
When will be the next one?
so what exactly is wrong with introducing young readers to valid everyday contractions like “gonna”?
like surely that teaches kids that language is malleable and adaptable and it’s normal to contract common terms for the sake of brevity?
When is the next stream happening?
If you are subscribed to Reedsy's newsletter, I think you will receive an email when they are streaming the nest first line frenzy.
Smart lady
Mine is for #6
thanks, but not what google advertized Reedsy as. Reedsy came up as an AI story generator.
Having only one name and no address on this piece of mail is the point, right?
_"On the floor, by the front door, an envelope, and sharply chiseled with dark pencil was one word, my name William."_
That one might work!
Aman