Re: Fear of being rejected. I'm a 5 and I when I was younger (high school, etc) I had a very strong fear of being rejected by my peers. However, as I grew into adulthood, that fear disappeared. My day to day fears these days is more about conserving my energy. I want to be present and helpful to those important in my life, but I fear I won't have the energy. I constantly have a need to retreat back into my head to recharge my batteries. But when those close to me get wind of this, they sometimes feel like I am disengaged and uncaring. That couldn't be further from the truth. I'm immensely emotional and care so much. So it's a constant turmoil for me to balance my obligations to others and my own need to be alone for solace.
We "care so much" about the very real big picture things that aren't on anyone else's radar, but that we see moving the world behind the scenery, approaching beyond the horizon, as certain as sunrise; while THEY only see and value the distractions placed before them, not the reasons or care behind the things we dedicate our lives to understanding and doing FOR THEM. Eventually, we have to face the reality that we are not understood, not valued for what we provide, and must not rely on any equitable exchange with others beyond the transactional parameters imposed by the lack of awareness of others, and are forced to accept a minimalist mercenary relationship with the world; just so we can maintain our awareness and vigilance of the undeniable aspects of reality that others will not accept, their eyes being blinded by the neon glamour of now.
This is petty much right on. However I hate that fives get a bad rap for being in their head and not feeling. I am both in my head and my heart a lot, I just don't always have the words for my heart feelings like others do.
I think it also can be the fear to be overwelmed, or that people will not respect your personal boundaries. And for some of the fives the fear to be attached to persons.
I think it's more a Cassandra complex than a fear of rejection. Pointing out the room is on fire while everyone else debates what colour we should paint the walls is crazy-making. Also, being incapable of surface level relationships, while simultaneously runnning in terror from the co-dependency that masquerades as intimacy in our culture, leaves us feeling like we must just be bad at people. When we run out of energy, or fail to read the room again, or insert some interesting tidbit no one else relates to, we don't *fear* rejection, we're just disappointed and bored by its predictability.
Type 5 observers perceive world through a lens of intellectual curiosity and introspection. Their energy is devoted to understand the wordl around then. They are anxious about the world and their ability to survive in it so isolation and retreat seem the safest bets.
I appreciate your attempts to push through your own biases to try and understand the five more objectively. But I think we fives are often painfully aware of what our limitations can cause, and so we don’t really need to be told those. What we need is what you said about the child five: security to be ourselves, in our imperfections, which then in turn makes us more receptive to what others need from us. I think that’s the part you miss when you talk about how other people want certain things from us and we need to consider that. We DO consider that. We are very aware of emotion. I find it strange that just because we don’t comply with those needs from others that you have equated that with something we need to consider. And that doesn’t mean to say I disagree with the point that we need to do it. What fives need is the encouragement and the safety to feel the fear and do it anyway. To lean into that eight. Instead, you’re suggesting we just need to understand more. Nope. We really do have that part down.
I now absolutely agree with what you said and see myself exactly as you described, painfully aware of my "limitatations". However, for a long time I did it without even realizing that the reason behind it was fear and insecurity, as you pointed out. I may now be more self aware and understanding of my own tendencies and biases, but I burned some bridges on my way to get here, so I think there's merit in Tom's call for fives to acknowledge these things and think over them. Both safety/encouragement and understanding are important.
@@LuisGustavoBDI think, ironically, the five desire to understand things works against us in this context. This isn’t the type of understanding you come to from reading and facts - it’s the type of knowledge you come to from life experience. No matter how many things you read about it, it won’t sink in until you have made the mistakes and come to the realisation. Again, it’s that move to eight.
I agree with this as well. I have very strong anxiety about my shortcomings in my relationships with friends and family. I know what they need and feel constant pressure to provide it, although most of the time I cannot - especially with any consistency. When I actually keep up, I quickly burn out. The friendships where I feel seen are with people who know I may disappear sometimes regardless of how much I care for them. They also know that if they really need me, I will happily reengage. The most difficult part of relationships is when people believe I don’t care about them because I need more personal space than they expect. In turn, I often feel hurt that they continue expecting more than I can give after I have communicated this dynamic. After multiple attempts, I will usually let go of that relationship.
I paused at the part where you said you're curious about 5s and if they had a fear of rejection, since you asked I wanted to explain what it feels like. I think as a 5, I have a fear of being inadequate, unable to satisfy others, generally being lacking and not good enough. I just feel like whatever it is that I have to over is not enough, and won't ever be enough for others and that they deserve better, and that does create a fear of rejection. I just push people away when I feel like I can't give them what they want. I try to fight and start thinking that maybe my company is enough, maybe what I can offer is enough, and try to communicate more instead of pack and run for the hills. I have definitely lost a lot of people because of my behavior, but I am trying to get better.
@rcgrant82 it is 5 though, maybe it can apply to 9s as well in some way but its still 5. There's still a fear of being inadequate there and its what pushes this way of thinking, the difference is relationships arent a 5's focus nor would they get indignant about something they percieve to be true.
@@coradonquixote There’s a fair bit I disagree with in your original comment and also this one. Mostly around where you’re considering the focus. The five’s concern regarding not being enough isn’t about an idea of not being good enough for others, but rather they don’t have enough to exist in the world. Fives see themselves as entirely separate, almost a different species, and there isn’t an ‘other’ to which they are wishing they were better for. Nines, on the other hand, feel inadequate and self conscious all the time, at average and unhealthy levels, and they push people away because it’s the easiest way to maintain the status quo and bury their head in the sand. Fives aren’t trying to push people away.
@rcgrant82 I have never said 5s idea about not being good enough is reserved for others, I addressed the angle there because Dr Tom has asked what it might feel like and I elaborated. You and I might have a different understanding of what 5's main fear is because I do think its being inadequate. I also do think 5s tend to push people away because for one, and I'm speaking for myself, they make too many demands on my time and energy, they invade my privacy, they ask me for things I find hard to do or share. I would rather not deal with that, its draining. I do far better around people with gentle expectations. You're allowed your own opinion and I do appreciate your thoughts though
I don't have the fear of being rejected. It's rather that people don't give me the depth I want and need. It's frustrating and consumes time and energy to try to show and explain my complex mind, thoughts and deep emotions and then not being understood (enough). Love this "story of your life". Thanks a lot for the video and book recommendation. I feel seen and understood. (INFJ here btw)
Of great interest to me as a 5: The framework of need vs give. I am very sensitive (and downright avoidant) of people who feel needy to me. In Christian ministry, this has been incredible difficult. How can I minister the gospel and the healing of Christ to others when I am allergic to their need? Answer: don’t draw from your SELF, draw from Christ in you. This has been a slowly learned lesson taught by a gracious, patient Father. I also notice when people view a relationship as strictly a one way street - you are in need, and I am the one giving, or vice versa. It’s almost impossible to form a meaningful relationship with a person who only views themselves as the giver, and they are never vulnerable enough to share their needs with you. When it comes to building healthy friendships and community I think this is important to work through together. I cal it “one anothering”, as it needs to be a two way street to feel authentic and to build trust over time. As a 5, I study the heck out of community and connection in order to engage with people 😆🤓 The more you know! 🧠🧐
As one who rejects organized doctrines while drawing from many, I see and understand the wisdom of your description and see it much the same way, though I usually use a different vernacular to describe it. In my own attempts to "minister" to my own "needy" I recognize but often find difficulty in drawing on the Divine, but am aware of its presence and my need of Its resource to fulfill my mission, and also have taken up intense study to try to understand how to better connect with those I want to build community with (as well as first learning how to fully connect myselves). I have attempted and succeeded once to construct a simple "temple" to those ends, and have sought to extend its sanctuary to those who sought it, but it fell from within due to fears and the inability of co-ministers to give and take - one insisted on false martyrdom and succumbed to inner demons; another lost faith when those who it was built to provide for clung to their idols and false doctrines and refused to humble themselves and enter; courage of conviction failed and the door was barred in fear, seeking false-security rather than evangelize to and admit those who could hear and sought sanctuary. As I crawl from the rubble and nurse my wounds I am studying, seeking the guidance of the Divine, trying to understand and move forward to the site of a second temple that will bridge worlds, call teachers and students to gather, and a community to grow up around that will help raise the call for the return of reverence, truth, and peace, and give upstart Aquarian false gods a taste of their own poisons. Thank you for posting your description of your experience, and I hope my little "parable" serves to illustrate a similarity in perception even across disparate but parallel convictions, maybe to help inspire some reconciliation and renewed attempts for those of us who are wounded and weary of trying. Your words help remind me of my mission and renew the courage of conviction. I think I'll borrow "one -anothering" and add it as a page in my personal doctrine. 😊🙏🕊💙
Aww I feel for the 5s! It isn’t easy, I understand them. I’m a 4, my husband is an 8, it’s a good match, I am really inspired by how bold he is, he’s not afraid of anything, he doesn’t feel shame. I wish I was like him! But I really understand the introverted 5s, I’m also an introvert, I can be alone and not speak a word to anyone in the outside world for weeks if I’m allowed to. I love my inner mind world, it’s the best place ever. I think 5s need someone who understands their inner world and give them space and full acceptance, someone who can occasionally bring them into reality and physical touch, but then let them go back to recharge in the sanctity of their mental place. 4s are probably too intense for a 5. I like having deep crazy talks with my 8 husband, I feel so much inside and I can let it out with him when I feel I need to. As an 8 he doesn’t get scared of anything I say, I’m never too much or too intense for him. So I think a 4 is not always the right fit for a 5. A 5 needs a mental connection, I think, not necessarily an intense emotional connection, and the freedom to be themselves and not have so much pressure on them. ❤
I think 4s generally have a misunderstanding of most types (including 5s) because they are so self-orientated. And I think 4s think they are too intense, because they wish they were intense. I don’t see 4s as intense because I don’t see them as able to encroach.
I'm a 5 and very intense, so much so that I hold myself back most of the time. You have to understand that a sexual 5 and a self preservation 5 will not be the same and it also depends on the situation. Still I think most 5s have that intensity, but we've learned to keep a check on ourselves for social reasons. If we choose not to show that side of ourselves, it's because we know it won't be understood or accepted.
Believe or not, most 5s actually do just fine with emotionally intense people. Some of my favorite people are 8s and 1s because they are assertive and just put it all out there. What we can't deal with are emotionally manipulative people and passive aggressive types. 5s have a relatively low ability to comprehend subtleties and the lowest level of social skill of all enneagram types. Couple this with an ego that is triggered by any feelings of incompetence, and you can see why many 5s will simply avoid relationships and human interactions altogether. However, when you pair the 5 with an authentic (oh, hello 4), emotionally expressive individual who has 0 issue telling you exactly what they really feel in any moment, we can usually make sense of this person. If in time we learn to predict their patterns, we can begin to feel like the expert on this person. This enables our latent, underutilized ability to bond with another person. This is the basis of the 4-5 connection. Deep down the 4 just wants to be understood and the 5 just wants to understand.
Your idea of fours is interesting to me. I don’t find many of them emotionally authentic. Perhaps because I haven’t known healthy fours. They are seeking authenticity but because they are chameleons I find them difficult to believe as authentic. There is no stability of self. I much prefer eights and ones.
I think we just isolate because we like being alone a lot of the time (not all of the time though). And want peace and quiet to do whatever. I think a lot of non-fives label this from their own perspective, which is that we must be "running away and hiding". So yes, a little harsh (to put it mildly) the standard description.
I first read this as “ take UP space in a relationship,” but I now think you mean it as in 9s feel wrong for taking needed physical distance from others and 5s feel wrong for taking emotional DISTANCE from others. Is that what you mean!? If so that’s really enlightening!
@@meganlyons9908 I suppose you could look at it that way. It's just not our thing. I think a lot of 5s genuinely care about people, but don't know how to act like they do, so they get called cold robot people or whatever. Other people know how to act like they care, but there's not a lot of compelling evidence they actually do. Pointing this out would be hurtful, so we just stay out of the emotional space, and let others think as they will. So yes, distance for the purpose of self-preservation, and you feel guilty because that's not really helping. We're aren't much help either way.
I think as a 5 I definitely do not want to live in the world. This is true. But I do want to create a world that I can live in. I don't have to have more knowledge than anyone else. That is irrelevant to me. I don't want or need to stand out. I seek knowledge in things that only SEEM esoteric to others. They really aren't sought because they are esoteric in their own right and the knowledge isn't sought because others don't know about these things, but because these areas are strange, are fascinating, are unusual and interesting (or useful). I do want to correct things that are wrong and that for me always requires knowledge. I avoid experiences that make me uncomfortable or in which I sense that I will make others uncomfortable. I do not need to feel superior to anyone. Feeling superior is not justifiable. We all have things we are good at and looking down on others because they are not good at what we are good at is wrong. However....if those others have set themselves up as an authority and have authority over others, and yet they are ignorant then they ought to be corrected. I have absolutely no patience for ignorant people who hold authority over others and no tolerance for the power they wield in ignorance. My feelings are very private and personal. They are threatening to me and because they are so dangerously manifested at times, I justifiably suspect they would be threatening to others. Therefore you need to earn the right to expecting me to share them. You need to show that you are rational and just, because I try to be rational and just and when I am not, I need a rational and just person to check me. I will always try to do things on my own but I will also always try to help others because I know what it is like to need help. I had problems this year and I actually let some friends help me. It didn't kill me but I didn't like it very much. 😆 I did it because I thought through the alternatives and I intellectually understood that by them helping me it made them feel less helpless about my situation. I appreciate how hard you are trying to map the 5. We know we aren't easy people to love or be with. And we know that we often aren't good at loving others or being with them. I can't speak for all 5s but I am constantly working on my failings. I don't make a ton of progress but I suspect most self-aware fives are very very very aware of their failings in the same way that they are actually very aware of their emotions. They/We just do not and can not live in them all the time. Or much of the time. (or at all a lot of the time 😆)
I hate to be "that guy" (or girl, in my case) but, you sound an awful lot like an sp 1w9. Who are often confused with 5s. The outward characteristics are similar, especially with those rare introverted 1s. I don't mean this as a criticism, like you don't sound like a 5, kind of thing. SP1 is a very based type. You probably love 5s and they probably love you back. We share intellectual honesty as a core value. 1s are reformers, 5s are observers. Your energy seems to be drawn to actually changing the world, not just understanding it. 5s are not usually that action oriented on their own. The 5 is the one in the background, doing research and just hoarding the information. In a best case scenario, we report to a 1 or 8 or some other action-oriented individual who actually makes use of the information. Otherwise, we generally amount to nothing and still don't care.
@@donnathedead7554 I have generally reported to 8s who push and push for help in their endeavors. I only do what I am asked to do, now that I think about it. I don't initiate. I respond to the wants and needs of all these 8 friends who have a lot of energy and a lot of motivation. I don't actually know any other 5s, tbh. I want to see the world changed, and if you have a plan and I can do a thing in the background that no one else can or will do, then I will do that. But I don't initiate and I always return to lurk mode as soon as I can.
"Pleasure to me is wonder-the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability.” - HP Lovecraft
I have never heard a version of what fives were like as children that so clearly matched my experience. The fear of rejection part is a big factor in what made me think I might be a nine for a long time, so I was glad to finally hear it attributed to fives. I agree with a lot of the comments below, especially in that I have never sought knowledge to feel superior. Sometimes (often, maybe) I've sought it in order to be on equal with a person or group- to not feel like an idiot, but never so I can be better than anyone else.
I don't think I'm trying to feel superior, but according to the ego structure of the 5, we are. It's not the need to feel better than others in general, it's the need to feel safe from being misled by others. This wasn't clear to me until I had a job where I worked with some dumb people that thought they knew more than anyone else. It was important to me to know the truth so I would know when I was being giving bad information, so I didn't act on that information. So, you aren't trying to be better than everybody, just the idiots. The other intelligent people that have been there longer or whatever may know more than you and you're fine with that and appreciate them teaching you things. The idiots, are just a nuisance. Knowledge saves you energy and time by telling you who to listen to.
Tom, One of your explanations about 5's talked about the fact that they see other people like Intruders. That seems completely accurate because the fear they have than rejection is less prominent than their fear of being intruded upon. Their well constructed world is theirs to orchestrate and they retreat into their safe space to have the opportunity to indulge in their area of interest. The people in their life that intrude upon that space/time are typically the rejected ones.
It took me a lot of years to realize that this was true for me. I even see my most close friends and family as intruders at times - mostly when I have not had enough uninterrupted time to myself. I don't reject them, it's just that way too often "now is not a good time".
@@darthlaurel It helps your loved ones and friends to understand this about you. It's easy to feel that it is a rejection and over personalize that the withdrawal is a lack of caring on the part of the 5. My brother who passed away was likely a 5 and if I had known that his need to withdraw and regroup wasn't about me, I could have offered him more grace and less anger when I felt I was being rejected. The understanding of one another via the Enneagram is such an incredible gift when we opt to learn more about ourselves and those in our lives.
Tom: there is no right or wrong in any of the Enneagram types. There are healthy and unhealthy states (on a continuum) for each one of the 9 types. There is nothing to fix. Whats important is to be aware of the challenges one might encounter. And to have strategies to compensate for these challenges. This is true for all 9 types.
I know I am a type 5, but I don't identify with the isolation and pushing others away. It's true that I choose my people carefully and don't let many into my inner circle, but I can be very social when I want to be. I think it would be helpful to highlight some of the healthy positive qualities of the 5 or what a 5 can look like when they've done a lot of inner work and have healthy bonds with others. You live an entire lifetime with these tendencies. If you work on it, you learn how to let people in and find meaningful relationships.
Thank you for sharing your perspective! It's important to recognize the positive qualities of Type 5s and how they can cultivate healthy relationships. Your insight really adds to the conversation!
This was very interesting. I appreciate the deep dive into this perspective on fives. I disagree about wanting to know more than anyone else or be the expert. I feel like my pursuit of knowledge is because everyone seems to know something I don’t. I’m always looking for the missing bit of insight that will make the world make sense. I am curious because I am willing to admit I don’t know everything, I love exploring the possibilities, and I’m often seeing connections that others don’t seem to see. Uncomfortable with small talk, I yearn to connect with others about those deeper thoughts and shared understanding. It’s hard when they gloss over a profound (to me) observation and insight I express. I like my own company and being in my head where it’s is safer and I am understood. To understand and be understood is my purpose in life. For someone to say they don’t understand me or I make no sense is the worst!
Types 5 have to realize that thers is more in the world than their ability to consume, dissect and interpret informatoon. You were born no t only to think but also to feel❤ and do ❤
Interesting talk doc. Few months ago I found myself in a situation in my business that was on first sight impossible to overcome, money-wise. But as a 5w4 I only could think: How. How are we going to fix it, doesn't matter if it's impossible. And so, by implenting a dozen strategies, some new ones, at the end the business was safe again. The other side of this is that my personality also caused these problems in the first place because of doing all things always alone. Which I hate, but don't know how to change it. Hmmm...is that not a contradiction for a 5w4? Maybe one of these day draw a clean sheet of paper again and go thinking about solutions. I overcame one impossible situation, now everything is possible, even me being in good relationships. Question: Is it common for 5w4's to also have a strong 8? Because they have such hard time to be "visible", they can become real fighters, not?
It's like you watch the groups of people who have somehow coalesced together and you never see the IQ of the many combine into a larger value. In fact, studying gatherings it seems the progression is towards a smaller IQ with every addition to the group. And perhaps subconsciously, you have no desire to go down that road, because all that grunt work you've invested in might just go down the tubes as you somehow arrive in the group's mean, mental range. It's like assimilation into "the Borg" or something. Maybe. Kinda sorta.
I've heard of The Enneagram and have even read a little on the subject when much younger but the info didn't stick, so I recently took a test that told me I was a Type 5. This led me to watch this video. I find that the description of my type here is pretty accurate, although I could split hairs on some of the finer details. The only part I can say I disagree with is my experience as a young child. Maybe my memory just isn't serving me well but my social life, at least within the familial structure, didn't feel this way. As for my relationships with my peers, I never felt much exclusion and I made friends easily. On the other hand, my interests never lined up with the common interests of other children my age. I excelled in very different arenas than others. I wonder if that has any bearing on why I've turned out to be a Type 5? I can't help but think that a lot of what shapes our personalities has to do with genetics.
When I spoke up I was punished. Often not even understanding what I'd said wrong. Punched in the arm, mouth washed with soap for a misinterpreted joke, my favorite things taken away n then my step dad moved in ...... When I did all I could do, talk back, I was labeled the ungrateful, disobedient child, n my step dad was permitted to bully me while my mom made me the scapegoat of their relationship problems. No news for sympathy, I'm good but please don't think we are being passive or weak when we don't speak up. It's because we can't. Thx
Thank you for sharing your experience. It takes a lot of courage to speak up about such difficult situations. Remember, your voice matters, and it's okay to seek support when needed.
does this story starts wiyh a realy young age or is it after hitting 12 years because i realy dont know if im 5 or any other type i read and watched about all the other types and non felt relatable but this one tho felt like me but i didnt start to fell like this story till i became 11-12 years old when my grandfather died and everything felt wrong and complecated since then i closed on my self and feel very tired of talking to people i dont know thats why please i really need a respond i really want to know my self better and i really want to know why just everything just clicked on and felt wrong since then
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. It sounds like you've been through a lot. It's important to take the time to understand yourself better and seek support if needed.
I sometimes listen to the behaviors of fives which resemble much of the INTP stereotype and also autistic and schizoid behaviors. I wonder if many people with autism are 5s or 1. Focusing in analyzing and own specific interests during interaction with others is one of many behaviors that people lacking of social skills have issues with and might use analysis and retreat to be able to cope with draining and difficult social interactions.
Most autistic people are 5s and many 5s have autistic characteristics but are not technically on the spectrum. I'm a 5 and have autistic characteristics enough to have warranted analysis but I am not on the spectrum. My son who is a 5, is on the spectrum. I also have an autistic sister that is a 4 and she has an autistic partner I'm pretty sure is a 6. 1 is also possible. Most INTPs are 5s. In fact, some experts believe that all INTPs are 5s but, I think 6 is also possible. I am type 5 INTP. A lot of the autistic ones, like my son are ISTP.
So for me personally, i have been living with the yhe fear of rejection for the longest time. I am deeply into getting to know myself, people around me and the world. I have to know things. I love deep and authentic conversations. I sense/see the intentions behind peoples words, and it irritates me so badly. I also vant stand sarcasm, as i truly believe that its the language of cowards, sorry - not sorry. I never felt, and still feel like i dont belong to this world. I just see things differently and social norms dont interests me. I may seem hard but deep down im as soft as it gets, i care deeply and love deeply, and youll get to know it if i sense that your intentions are true and your words match your actions. Im not really big on expectations, as i believe that those are the root to all heartache. I also have to experience things in order to learn from them. Error and trial. And suffering is necessary for growth. Years of suffering taught me emotional intelligence, to respond instead of reacting. To use triggers as a opportunity to get to know myself on a deeper level. I know that i am here for something big... Something greater than i can currently image but the fear of rejection and being known holds me back. Weirdly. My perspective, my beliefs create my reality. What i seek, i will see. Awareness is key. And integrity a must. Hardest "speed bump" to overcome is being present as i am always in my head analysing things. Trying to figure out how to better myself and others. The list goes on. I also really enjoy classical music, max Richter, Mozart and so on... I am unique, and so are you. Oooh acceptance is also a huge one. Acceptance of whats in my control, and that people are where they need to be in their creation of their life. Its non of my business! 🔆✨🤍
Re: Fear of being rejected. I'm a 5 and I when I was younger (high school, etc) I had a very strong fear of being rejected by my peers. However, as I grew into adulthood, that fear disappeared. My day to day fears these days is more about conserving my energy. I want to be present and helpful to those important in my life, but I fear I won't have the energy. I constantly have a need to retreat back into my head to recharge my batteries. But when those close to me get wind of this, they sometimes feel like I am disengaged and uncaring. That couldn't be further from the truth. I'm immensely emotional and care so much. So it's a constant turmoil for me to balance my obligations to others and my own need to be alone for solace.
Balancing care and personal energy is a 5's challenge.
We "care so much" about the very real big picture things that aren't on anyone else's radar, but that we see moving the world behind the scenery, approaching beyond the horizon, as certain as sunrise; while THEY only see and value the distractions placed before them, not the reasons or care behind the things we dedicate our lives to understanding and doing FOR THEM. Eventually, we have to face the reality that we are not understood, not valued for what we provide, and must not rely on any equitable exchange with others beyond the transactional parameters imposed by the lack of awareness of others, and are forced to accept a minimalist mercenary relationship with the world; just so we can maintain our awareness and vigilance of the undeniable aspects of reality that others will not accept, their eyes being blinded by the neon glamour of now.
This is exactly it for me to.
This is exactly it for me to.
This is petty much right on. However I hate that fives get a bad rap for being in their head and not feeling. I am both in my head and my heart a lot, I just don't always have the words for my heart feelings like others do.
Exactly
I agree with you. But I also observe in myself that I am very much in my head and I feel things very deeply. But the place of safety is in my head.
I think it also can be the fear to be overwelmed, or that people will not respect your personal boundaries. And for some of the fives the fear to be attached to persons.
As a self-preservation 5w6, you just described me.
I think it's more a Cassandra complex than a fear of rejection. Pointing out the room is on fire while everyone else debates what colour we should paint the walls is crazy-making. Also, being incapable of surface level relationships, while simultaneously runnning in terror from the co-dependency that masquerades as intimacy in our culture, leaves us feeling like we must just be bad at people. When we run out of energy, or fail to read the room again, or insert some interesting tidbit no one else relates to, we don't *fear* rejection, we're just disappointed and bored by its predictability.
It's interesting how we perceive our interactions with others. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
this!!!!
Type 5 observers perceive world through a lens of intellectual curiosity and introspection. Their energy is devoted to understand the wordl around then. They are anxious about the world and their ability to survive in it so isolation and retreat seem the safest bets.
This description is exactly me
I appreciate your attempts to push through your own biases to try and understand the five more objectively. But I think we fives are often painfully aware of what our limitations can cause, and so we don’t really need to be told those. What we need is what you said about the child five: security to be ourselves, in our imperfections, which then in turn makes us more receptive to what others need from us. I think that’s the part you miss when you talk about how other people want certain things from us and we need to consider that. We DO consider that. We are very aware of emotion. I find it strange that just because we don’t comply with those needs from others that you have equated that with something we need to consider. And that doesn’t mean to say I disagree with the point that we need to do it.
What fives need is the encouragement and the safety to feel the fear and do it anyway. To lean into that eight. Instead, you’re suggesting we just need to understand more. Nope. We really do have that part down.
Point taken: Encouragement and safety over understanding. Thanks!
I now absolutely agree with what you said and see myself exactly as you described, painfully aware of my "limitatations". However, for a long time I did it without even realizing that the reason behind it was fear and insecurity, as you pointed out. I may now be more self aware and understanding of my own tendencies and biases, but I burned some bridges on my way to get here, so I think there's merit in Tom's call for fives to acknowledge these things and think over them. Both safety/encouragement and understanding are important.
@@LuisGustavoBDI think, ironically, the five desire to understand things works against us in this context. This isn’t the type of understanding you come to from reading and facts - it’s the type of knowledge you come to from life experience. No matter how many things you read about it, it won’t sink in until you have made the mistakes and come to the realisation. Again, it’s that move to eight.
I agree with this as well. I have very strong anxiety about my shortcomings in my relationships with friends and family. I know what they need and feel constant pressure to provide it, although most of the time I cannot - especially with any consistency. When I actually keep up, I quickly burn out. The friendships where I feel seen are with people who know I may disappear sometimes regardless of how much I care for them. They also know that if they really need me, I will happily reengage. The most difficult part of relationships is when people believe I don’t care about them because I need more personal space than they expect. In turn, I often feel hurt that they continue expecting more than I can give after I have communicated this dynamic. After multiple attempts, I will usually let go of that relationship.
As a 5, what bothers me is anger or intolerance when I express ideas that aren't normal. Anger and intolerance take the wind out of my sail.
I feel this. So many people can't address and discuss a topic without getting bent out of shape. I don't understand it.
The real crazy people are the ones that lose it over other people not agreeing with them all the time.
Agreed^
I paused at the part where you said you're curious about 5s and if they had a fear of rejection, since you asked I wanted to explain what it feels like. I think as a 5, I have a fear of being inadequate, unable to satisfy others, generally being lacking and not good enough. I just feel like whatever it is that I have to over is not enough, and won't ever be enough for others and that they deserve better, and that does create a fear of rejection. I just push people away when I feel like I can't give them what they want. I try to fight and start thinking that maybe my company is enough, maybe what I can offer is enough, and try to communicate more instead of pack and run for the hills. I have definitely lost a lot of people because of my behavior, but I am trying to get better.
Interesting...
This sounds like a nine, not a five
@rcgrant82 it is 5 though, maybe it can apply to 9s as well in some way but its still 5. There's still a fear of being inadequate there and its what pushes this way of thinking, the difference is relationships arent a 5's focus nor would they get indignant about something they percieve to be true.
@@coradonquixote There’s a fair bit I disagree with in your original comment and also this one. Mostly around where you’re considering the focus. The five’s concern regarding not being enough isn’t about an idea of not being good enough for others, but rather they don’t have enough to exist in the world. Fives see themselves as entirely separate, almost a different species, and there isn’t an ‘other’ to which they are wishing they were better for. Nines, on the other hand, feel inadequate and self conscious all the time, at average and unhealthy levels, and they push people away because it’s the easiest way to maintain the status quo and bury their head in the sand. Fives aren’t trying to push people away.
@rcgrant82 I have never said 5s idea about not being good enough is reserved for others, I addressed the angle there because Dr Tom has asked what it might feel like and I elaborated. You and I might have a different understanding of what 5's main fear is because I do think its being inadequate. I also do think 5s tend to push people away because for one, and I'm speaking for myself, they make too many demands on my time and energy, they invade my privacy, they ask me for things I find hard to do or share. I would rather not deal with that, its draining. I do far better around people with gentle expectations. You're allowed your own opinion and I do appreciate your thoughts though
I don't have the fear of being rejected. It's rather that people don't give me the depth I want and need. It's frustrating and consumes time and energy to try to show and explain my complex mind, thoughts and deep emotions and then not being understood (enough). Love this "story of your life". Thanks a lot for the video and book recommendation. I feel seen and understood. (INFJ here btw)
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. It's comforting to know we're not alone in seeking that deep connection.
Of great interest to me as a 5:
The framework of need vs give.
I am very sensitive (and downright avoidant) of people who feel needy to me. In Christian ministry, this has been incredible difficult. How can I minister the gospel and the healing of Christ to others when I am allergic to their need?
Answer: don’t draw from your SELF, draw from Christ in you.
This has been a slowly learned lesson taught by a gracious, patient Father.
I also notice when people view a relationship as strictly a one way street - you are in need, and I am the one giving, or vice versa. It’s almost impossible to form a meaningful relationship with a person who only views themselves as the giver, and they are never vulnerable enough to share their needs with you. When it comes to building healthy friendships and community I think this is important to work through together. I cal it “one anothering”, as it needs to be a two way street to feel authentic and to build trust over time.
As a 5, I study the heck out of community and connection in order to engage with people 😆🤓 The more you know! 🧠🧐
Drawing from Christ enables authentic ministry and connection.
As one who rejects organized doctrines while drawing from many, I see and understand the wisdom of your description and see it much the same way, though I usually use a different vernacular to describe it. In my own attempts to "minister" to my own "needy" I recognize but often find difficulty in drawing on the Divine, but am aware of its presence and my need of Its resource to fulfill my mission, and also have taken up intense study to try to understand how to better connect with those I want to build community with (as well as first learning how to fully connect myselves).
I have attempted and succeeded once to construct a simple "temple" to those ends, and have sought to extend its sanctuary to those who sought it, but it fell from within due to fears and the inability of co-ministers to give and take - one insisted on false martyrdom and succumbed to inner demons; another lost faith when those who it was built to provide for clung to their idols and false doctrines and refused to humble themselves and enter; courage of conviction failed and the door was barred in fear, seeking false-security rather than evangelize to and admit those who could hear and sought sanctuary. As I crawl from the rubble and nurse my wounds I am studying, seeking the guidance of the Divine, trying to understand and move forward to the site of a second temple that will bridge worlds, call teachers and students to gather, and a community to grow up around that will help raise the call for the return of reverence, truth, and peace, and give upstart Aquarian false gods a taste of their own poisons.
Thank you for posting your description of your experience, and I hope my little "parable" serves to illustrate a similarity in perception even across disparate but parallel convictions, maybe to help inspire some reconciliation and renewed attempts for those of us who are wounded and weary of trying. Your words help remind me of my mission and renew the courage of conviction. I think I'll borrow "one -anothering" and add it as a page in my personal doctrine. 😊🙏🕊💙
Aww I feel for the 5s! It isn’t easy, I understand them.
I’m a 4, my husband is an 8, it’s a good match, I am really inspired by how bold he is, he’s not afraid of anything, he doesn’t feel shame. I wish I was like him!
But I really understand the introverted 5s, I’m also an introvert, I can be alone and not speak a word to anyone in the outside world for weeks if I’m allowed to. I love my inner mind world, it’s the best place ever.
I think 5s need someone who understands their inner world and give them space and full acceptance, someone who can occasionally bring them into reality and physical touch, but then let them go back to recharge in the sanctity of their mental place.
4s are probably too intense for a 5. I like having deep crazy talks with my 8 husband, I feel so much inside and I can let it out with him when I feel I need to. As an 8 he doesn’t get scared of anything I say, I’m never too much or too intense for him.
So I think a 4 is not always the right fit for a 5.
A 5 needs a mental connection, I think, not necessarily an intense emotional connection, and the freedom to be themselves and not have so much pressure on them. ❤
Understanding and space are key in any relationship. ❤️
I think 4s generally have a misunderstanding of most types (including 5s) because they are so self-orientated. And I think 4s think they are too intense, because they wish they were intense. I don’t see 4s as intense because I don’t see them as able to encroach.
I'm a 5 and very intense, so much so that I hold myself back most of the time. You have to understand that a sexual 5 and a self preservation 5 will not be the same and it also depends on the situation. Still I think most 5s have that intensity, but we've learned to keep a check on ourselves for social reasons. If we choose not to show that side of ourselves, it's because we know it won't be understood or accepted.
Believe or not, most 5s actually do just fine with emotionally intense people. Some of my favorite people are 8s and 1s because they are assertive and just put it all out there. What we can't deal with are emotionally manipulative people and passive aggressive types. 5s have a relatively low ability to comprehend subtleties and the lowest level of social skill of all enneagram types. Couple this with an ego that is triggered by any feelings of incompetence, and you can see why many 5s will simply avoid relationships and human interactions altogether. However, when you pair the 5 with an authentic (oh, hello 4), emotionally expressive individual who has 0 issue telling you exactly what they really feel in any moment, we can usually make sense of this person. If in time we learn to predict their patterns, we can begin to feel like the expert on this person. This enables our latent, underutilized ability to bond with another person. This is the basis of the 4-5 connection. Deep down the 4 just wants to be understood and the 5 just wants to understand.
Your idea of fours is interesting to me. I don’t find many of them emotionally authentic. Perhaps because I haven’t known healthy fours. They are seeking authenticity but because they are chameleons I find them difficult to believe as authentic. There is no stability of self. I much prefer eights and ones.
I think we just isolate because we like being alone a lot of the time (not all of the time though). And want peace and quiet to do whatever. I think a lot of non-fives label this from their own perspective, which is that we must be "running away and hiding". So yes, a little harsh (to put it mildly) the standard description.
Totally get what you mean, sometimes we just need that me-time to recharge and be ourselves.
9s feel like they can't take physical space, 5 believe they can't take emotional space.
Interesting
I first read this as “ take UP space in a relationship,” but I now think you mean it as in 9s feel wrong for taking needed physical distance from others and 5s feel wrong for taking emotional DISTANCE from others. Is that what you mean!? If so that’s really enlightening!
@@meganlyons9908 I suppose you could look at it that way. It's just not our thing. I think a lot of 5s genuinely care about people, but don't know how to act like they do, so they get called cold robot people or whatever. Other people know how to act like they care, but there's not a lot of compelling evidence they actually do. Pointing this out would be hurtful, so we just stay out of the emotional space, and let others think as they will. So yes, distance for the purpose of self-preservation, and you feel guilty because that's not really helping. We're aren't much help either way.
I think as a 5 I definitely do not want to live in the world. This is true. But I do want to create a world that I can live in. I don't have to have more knowledge than anyone else. That is irrelevant to me. I don't want or need to stand out. I seek knowledge in things that only SEEM esoteric to others. They really aren't sought because they are esoteric in their own right and the knowledge isn't sought because others don't know about these things, but because these areas are strange, are fascinating, are unusual and interesting (or useful).
I do want to correct things that are wrong and that for me always requires knowledge. I avoid experiences that make me uncomfortable or in which I sense that I will make others uncomfortable. I do not need to feel superior to anyone. Feeling superior is not justifiable. We all have things we are good at and looking down on others because they are not good at what we are good at is wrong. However....if those others have set themselves up as an authority and have authority over others, and yet they are ignorant then they ought to be corrected. I have absolutely no patience for ignorant people who hold authority over others and no tolerance for the power they wield in ignorance.
My feelings are very private and personal. They are threatening to me and because they are so dangerously manifested at times, I justifiably suspect they would be threatening to others. Therefore you need to earn the right to expecting me to share them. You need to show that you are rational and just, because I try to be rational and just and when I am not, I need a rational and just person to check me.
I will always try to do things on my own but I will also always try to help others because I know what it is like to need help. I had problems this year and I actually let some friends help me. It didn't kill me but I didn't like it very much. 😆 I did it because I thought through the alternatives and I intellectually understood that by them helping me it made them feel less helpless about my situation.
I appreciate how hard you are trying to map the 5. We know we aren't easy people to love or be with. And we know that we often aren't good at loving others or being with them.
I can't speak for all 5s but I am constantly working on my failings. I don't make a ton of progress but I suspect most self-aware fives are very very very aware of their failings in the same way that they are actually very aware of their emotions. They/We just do not and can not live in them all the time. Or much of the time. (or at all a lot of the time 😆)
Your journey and efforts are truly admirable. Keep going! 💪
Well said.
I hate to be "that guy" (or girl, in my case) but, you sound an awful lot like an sp 1w9. Who are often confused with 5s. The outward characteristics are similar, especially with those rare introverted 1s. I don't mean this as a criticism, like you don't sound like a 5, kind of thing. SP1 is a very based type. You probably love 5s and they probably love you back. We share intellectual honesty as a core value. 1s are reformers, 5s are observers. Your energy seems to be drawn to actually changing the world, not just understanding it. 5s are not usually that action oriented on their own. The 5 is the one in the background, doing research and just hoarding the information. In a best case scenario, we report to a 1 or 8 or some other action-oriented individual who actually makes use of the information. Otherwise, we generally amount to nothing and still don't care.
@@donnathedead7554 I have generally reported to 8s who push and push for help in their endeavors. I only do what I am asked to do, now that I think about it. I don't initiate. I respond to the wants and needs of all these 8 friends who have a lot of energy and a lot of motivation. I don't actually know any other 5s, tbh. I want to see the world changed, and if you have a plan and I can do a thing in the background that no one else can or will do, then I will do that. But I don't initiate and I always return to lurk mode as soon as I can.
"Pleasure to me is wonder-the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability.”
- HP Lovecraft
I have never heard a version of what fives were like as children that so clearly matched my experience. The fear of rejection part is a big factor in what made me think I might be a nine for a long time, so I was glad to finally hear it attributed to fives. I agree with a lot of the comments below, especially in that I have never sought knowledge to feel superior. Sometimes (often, maybe) I've sought it in order to be on equal with a person or group- to not feel like an idiot, but never so I can be better than anyone else.
Insightful reflection, bridging self-understanding between Types Five and Nine.
I don't think I'm trying to feel superior, but according to the ego structure of the 5, we are. It's not the need to feel better than others in general, it's the need to feel safe from being misled by others. This wasn't clear to me until I had a job where I worked with some dumb people that thought they knew more than anyone else. It was important to me to know the truth so I would know when I was being giving bad information, so I didn't act on that information. So, you aren't trying to be better than everybody, just the idiots. The other intelligent people that have been there longer or whatever may know more than you and you're fine with that and appreciate them teaching you things. The idiots, are just a nuisance. Knowledge saves you energy and time by telling you who to listen to.
Tom, One of your explanations about 5's talked about the fact that they see other people like Intruders. That seems completely accurate because the fear they have than rejection is less prominent than their fear of being intruded upon. Their well constructed world is theirs to orchestrate and they retreat into their safe space to have the opportunity to indulge in their area of interest. The people in their life that intrude upon that space/time are typically the rejected ones.
Insightful observation-boundaries are key for 5s' peace.
@@twlahue You are amazing, Tom. Thank you for pouring some much of yourself into sharing your wisdom.
It took me a lot of years to realize that this was true for me. I even see my most close friends and family as intruders at times - mostly when I have not had enough uninterrupted time to myself. I don't reject them, it's just that way too often "now is not a good time".
@@darthlaurel It helps your loved ones and friends to understand this about you. It's easy to feel that it is a rejection and over personalize that the withdrawal is a lack of caring on the part of the 5. My brother who passed away was likely a 5 and if I had known that his need to withdraw and regroup wasn't about me, I could have offered him more grace and less anger when I felt I was being rejected. The understanding of one another via the Enneagram is such an incredible gift when we opt to learn more about ourselves and those in our lives.
As a type 5 mom, I sometimes feel this way even about my own children. Perhaps if the bathroom lock worked a little better....
Tom: there is no right or wrong in any of the Enneagram types. There are healthy and unhealthy states (on a continuum) for each one of the 9 types. There is nothing to fix. Whats important is to be aware of the challenges one might encounter. And to have strategies to compensate for these challenges. This is true for all 9 types.
Yes
Tom: its very clearly and definately fear of being rejected
Thanks
Very helpful. Describes a lot about me. Thanks.
So glad!
My best friend is a 5, and I'm very interested in a woman who is a 5 ...
This nails it ...
Best of luck to you. What type are you? You seem to be draw to 5s so I'm guessing a 1 or 8.
I know I am a type 5, but I don't identify with the isolation and pushing others away. It's true that I choose my people carefully and don't let many into my inner circle, but I can be very social when I want to be. I think it would be helpful to highlight some of the healthy positive qualities of the 5 or what a 5 can look like when they've done a lot of inner work and have healthy bonds with others. You live an entire lifetime with these tendencies. If you work on it, you learn how to let people in and find meaningful relationships.
Thank you for sharing your perspective! It's important to recognize the positive qualities of Type 5s and how they can cultivate healthy relationships. Your insight really adds to the conversation!
This was very interesting. I appreciate the deep dive into this perspective on fives.
I disagree about wanting to know more than anyone else or be the expert. I feel like my pursuit of knowledge is because everyone seems to know something I don’t. I’m always looking for the missing bit of insight that will make the world make sense. I am curious because I am willing to admit I don’t know everything, I love exploring the possibilities, and I’m often seeing connections that others don’t seem to see. Uncomfortable with small talk, I yearn to connect with others about those deeper thoughts and shared understanding. It’s hard when they gloss over a profound (to me) observation and insight I express. I like my own company and being in my head where it’s is safer and I am understood. To understand and be understood is my purpose in life. For someone to say they don’t understand me or I make no sense is the worst!
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and perspective! It's great to see how much curiosity and passion you have for exploring the depths of knowledge.
Types 5 have to realize that thers is more in the world than their ability to consume, dissect and interpret informatoon. You were born no t only to think but also to feel❤ and do ❤
I don't think I was born for anything
and I wish I was never born
I’m 8w7 sp/sx 853 my fix5 is strong strange for me some of what you said resonate alot especially in tough times
I'm glad you found resonance in my video! Stay strong during tough times.
Interesting talk doc. Few months ago I found myself in a situation in my business that was on first sight impossible to overcome, money-wise. But as a 5w4 I only could think: How. How are we going to fix it, doesn't matter if it's impossible. And so, by implenting a dozen strategies, some new ones, at the end the business was safe again. The other side of this is that my personality also caused these problems in the first place because of doing all things always alone. Which I hate, but don't know how to change it. Hmmm...is that not a contradiction for a 5w4? Maybe one of these day draw a clean sheet of paper again and go thinking about solutions. I overcame one impossible situation, now everything is possible, even me being in good relationships. Question: Is it common for 5w4's to also have a strong 8? Because they have such hard time to be "visible", they can become real fighters, not?
Resilience defines 5w4s; growth is always possible.
Hi What kind of development activities you do in your private and cereer life to develop from 5 to 8?
It's like you watch the groups of people who have somehow coalesced together and you never see the IQ of the many combine into a larger value. In fact, studying gatherings it seems the progression is towards a smaller IQ with every addition to the group. And perhaps subconsciously, you have no desire to go down that road, because all that grunt work you've invested in might just go down the tubes as you somehow arrive in the group's mean, mental range. It's like assimilation into "the Borg" or something. Maybe. Kinda sorta.
It's interesting how group dynamics can sometimes lead to unexpected outcomes.
5/6 overhere and you are very accurate...🎉
Thanks
I've heard of The Enneagram and have even read a little on the subject when much younger but the info didn't stick, so I recently took a test that told me I was a Type 5. This led me to watch this video.
I find that the description of my type here is pretty accurate, although I could split hairs on some of the finer details. The only part I can say I disagree with is my experience as a young child. Maybe my memory just isn't serving me well but my social life, at least within the familial structure, didn't feel this way. As for my relationships with my peers, I never felt much exclusion and I made friends easily. On the other hand, my interests never lined up with the common interests of other children my age. I excelled in very different arenas than others. I wonder if that has any bearing on why I've turned out to be a Type 5? I can't help but think that a lot of what shapes our personalities has to do with genetics.
It's fascinating how our experiences shape our personalities. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on how you relate to Type 5!
11:30 Why would any enneagram do such thing????
Obligation relationship? To me that sounds like co-dependence...or a slippery slope to where you would manipulate the other.
For me I would describe mine as a fear of being overwhelmed, rather than rejection.
Totally get that! Being overwhelmed can be tough, but you got this!
When I spoke up I was punished. Often not even understanding what I'd said wrong. Punched in the arm, mouth washed with soap for a misinterpreted joke, my favorite things taken away n then my step dad moved in ...... When I did all I could do, talk back, I was labeled the ungrateful, disobedient child, n my step dad was permitted to bully me while my mom made me the scapegoat of their relationship problems. No news for sympathy, I'm good but please don't think we are being passive or weak when we don't speak up. It's because we can't.
Thx
Thank you for sharing your experience. It takes a lot of courage to speak up about such difficult situations. Remember, your voice matters, and it's okay to seek support when needed.
does this story starts wiyh a realy young age or is it after hitting 12 years because i realy dont know if im 5 or any other type i read and watched about all the other types and non felt relatable but this one tho felt like me but i didnt start to fell like this story till i became 11-12 years old when my grandfather died and everything felt wrong and complecated since then i closed on my self and feel very tired of talking to people i dont know thats why please i really need a respond i really want to know my self better and i really want to know why just everything just clicked on and felt wrong since then
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. It sounds like you've been through a lot. It's important to take the time to understand yourself better and seek support if needed.
@@twlahue thank you very much but do you have any answer about my question ? please !
I sometimes listen to the behaviors of fives which resemble much of the INTP stereotype and also autistic and schizoid behaviors. I wonder if many people with autism are 5s or 1. Focusing in analyzing and own specific interests during interaction with others is one of many behaviors that people lacking of social skills have issues with and might use analysis and retreat to be able to cope with draining and difficult social interactions.
Most autistic people are 5s and many 5s have autistic characteristics but are not technically on the spectrum. I'm a 5 and have autistic characteristics enough to have warranted analysis but I am not on the spectrum. My son who is a 5, is on the spectrum. I also have an autistic sister that is a 4 and she has an autistic partner I'm pretty sure is a 6. 1 is also possible. Most INTPs are 5s. In fact, some experts believe that all INTPs are 5s but, I think 6 is also possible. I am type 5 INTP. A lot of the autistic ones, like my son are ISTP.
So for me personally, i have been living with the yhe fear of rejection for the longest time. I am deeply into getting to know myself, people around me and the world. I have to know things. I love deep and authentic conversations. I sense/see the intentions behind peoples words, and it irritates me so badly. I also vant stand sarcasm, as i truly believe that its the language of cowards, sorry - not sorry. I never felt, and still feel like i dont belong to this world. I just see things differently and social norms dont interests me. I may seem hard but deep down im as soft as it gets, i care deeply and love deeply, and youll get to know it if i sense that your intentions are true and your words match your actions. Im not really big on expectations, as i believe that those are the root to all heartache. I also have to experience things in order to learn from them. Error and trial. And suffering is necessary for growth. Years of suffering taught me emotional intelligence, to respond instead of reacting. To use triggers as a opportunity to get to know myself on a deeper level. I know that i am here for something big... Something greater than i can currently image but the fear of rejection and being known holds me back. Weirdly. My perspective, my beliefs create my reality. What i seek, i will see. Awareness is key. And integrity a must. Hardest "speed bump" to overcome is being present as i am always in my head analysing things. Trying to figure out how to better myself and others. The list goes on. I also really enjoy classical music, max Richter, Mozart and so on... I am unique, and so are you. Oooh acceptance is also a huge one. Acceptance of whats in my control, and that people are where they need to be in their creation of their life. Its non of my business! 🔆✨🤍
I really hate how deep we are.
accurate!!!!!!!!
Awesome
You must be a 7
Correct