There’s actually an update to the 2nd story. After OP threatened his brother to get the police involved if the ring wasn’t found or he didn’t pay up, the OP managed to find the ring after doing a deeper search of the house and found it inside the freaking sink of all things. Of course the brother thought this meant he and his family could move back in but OP thankfully told him to go play a flute and that there was no way he’d let any of them in again, let alone his craphead thief of a son. He even talked to the nephew about why he didn’t fess up and his lame excuse was “because then you’d be mad at me fo hiding it.” As if the OP wasn’t already pissed at him for hiding it. OP proposed to his girlfriend and she said yes, and they’re expecting a baby together now.
Story One: it doesn’t matter that the ex-husband didn’t know about his child. OP’s sister and her husband entered the marriage agreeing to be childfree and now that has changed. I think OP’s sister is right to leave as she was presented with a child that she did not sign up for. She does not want to be a parent, so she should be free to leave. Anyone trying to guilt her into staying can just do one!
The woman who wanted to be and stay child-free did the most mature thing. Instead of being shamed for being "selfish" and "heartless", she should be lauded for the decision. What if she went along with it? Shunned the kid? Made it clear she does *not* want to be part of the kid's life? Makes the kid realise (not even intentionally) that he's *not* wanted by her? She knows her own needs and limitations, and decided to withdraw from (for her) a bad situation rather than "go along" and make both herself *and the kid* miserable.
I love how she told the boyfriend that not only would he be in charge of buying it, but putting it on her. Make up is expensive and time consuming (to make it look at least somewhat decent). I think once he got a look at the price tags he might *might* understand a bit.
As guy, OP did everything my family's previous Matriarch said about make up to all of us: -it expires, so throw it away and buy new, not used -go long periods of time without it, look at yourself and laugh. -if you want someone else to wear it, learn to do their make up; if someone wants you to wear it, have them do it
The mother paid for all the childs support 100% so the child support from the father goes to the mom because she covered the fathers portion. He is the AH
It’s back child support. It’s literally for her because she had to cover the child cost on her own. Sounds like she is spending it exactly how she should.
The mom spent months using her own funds that she would have used to buy her own clothes on her child because the father wasn't helping. It makes sense that she would take care of the things she neglected including her own wardrobe now that the father is finally paying what he should have been paying all along. If he had been paying what he should have been paying she would have had money to buy things for herself out of her own money.
That one commenter on the last story is such an idiot. The bf very much overstepped and has no idea what he’s talking about, the mother is doing the right thing with the child support
OP with the horse should make sure to go to the site where the bad review was left and post a response making clear that the person in question was insisting on using your personal horse, and that the business had nothing to do with her issue.
Story one, good grief, she never wanted kids was honest. She doesn’t love this kid and that’s ok. She is doing the right thing, she isn’t mean or abusive towards him. She shouldn’t ruin her life, she doesn’t deserve this.
also, she gave it a chance but it is just not working for her, it's not like she demanded from the get-go that her husband dumped him in the foster system, she is not even now asking him to get rid of the kid.
Child support story: YTA She's right. It is reimbursement for money she already spent. That's why it's BACK Child support. It's to reimburse for money he was supposed to give her that she spent out of HER portion. She essentially fronted him money. Child support is to help the kid but everything she proposed will help the kid because she already used that money to do so.
I agree that the back child support can be used to pay the debts the mother incurred when the father SHOULD'VE paid the child support on time as a result of his failure to pay. You could argue that it could also be used for a few personal expenses that she would have been able to make if she had gotten child support as she should have (nothing extravagant, though. a few more shirts would be fine). However, any future child support payments should go towards the child only.
@@SpaceGeek2161 exactly. just remember that using it for rent and clothing is also acceptable because shelter and food are basic needs for a child. some people think cs is for "luxuries" for the kid, it's to ensure basic needs. if she can save it for kid, then cool.
I would only add the mother should be wary of deadbeat trying to turn her in for spending the back child support on "personal items". Child Support Recovery can be real prickly about where the money is spent, and they can cause problems if they feel a parent isn't spending the money properly.
Imagine getting your whole family thrown out of a living situation and *still* trying to cover up the stealing. As a parent I would've said "you've got 15 minutes to produce that ring, or I'm throwing YOU out".
I installed locking (keyed) doorknobs on the bedrooms in my home. If guests are coming, I lock my bedroom door. My kids used to blame each other for missing items. Once the doorknobs were installed, they could lock their doors. I kept a copy of all of the doorknobs. It made life more stress free. I suggest OP put his valuables in his bedroom and lock the door. If anyone questions why my bedroom door is locked, I ask how they know? Were they trying to go in my room when I wasn’t there? What were they looking for, or did they just want to rifle through my underwear drawer? Questions like this are intended to embarrass the snoop. And, they should be asked in front of others. Putting a camera in the room to catch them is a good idea. Allowing others to stay in your home is a very kind gesture. It leaves you vulnerable to thieves. Your kindness shouldn’t be repaid by having your possessions stolen.
No. Back child support is reimbursement for money the mother already spent on the child. She was spending all of her money on the child, doing double duty. Going forward the money should all go towards taking care of the child.
I’m childfree its mostly for the sake of any child I could have because there is not a shadow of a doubt that I would be a terrible mother, I would not be able to give them the emotional support they would need, nor would I be able to give them a stable life leaving the poor human being traumatized. Some people do not make good parents and it’s better they realize that before they completely ruin a poor kid as a result.
@@vampire9545, If the sister is so unhappy to have the role of motherhood foisted upon her that she is willing to leave an otherwise happy union, then yes it does.
It's interesting reading through these comments and realizing how many people think a mom's primary job is to sacrifice. A woman takes care of her daughter on her own for 3 years, and it's not enough. She pays the total amount to care for the daughter, and when dad finally pays her back, she's not allowed to enjoy it. She pays off debts incurred for taking care of the child on her own. Gets a better apartment for her and her child. And then, oh no, buys new clothes to make up for the years she went without, and she gets raked over the coals, despite the fact that she's putting what's left in to an account for her daughter. No, back pay isn't the same as child support. The child was supported during that time. Back pay is to pay back the parent paid already. It's essentially paying back a loan. You don't believe me? Look up who can sue for back pay after the child turns 18. It's not the "child," unless the child is suing on behalf of the custodial parent's estate. It's the custodial parent that can sue for back pay after the child turns 18.
Exactly. So damn tired of people viewing mothers who wind up in this position being called selfish by complete morons who seem to have this idea that giving birth immediately forfeits your right to be a human being. That back child support is essentially the ex paying back the loan he took out on her entire life while he was out doing what he wanted, with very little immediate consequence.
If she had spent the entire back support on a trip to Fiji, she'd be within her rights. Not the best call, but within her rights. The things she was looking for all seemed like items you'd expect to better take care of the kid, past or present, with a bit tossed in for what she'd sacrificed to make sure the kid was setup (the new clothes). Nothing there suggested the check was going to be wasted on a week long bender or something stupid. I think too many people get TMZ divorces with Alimony + child support for celebrity lifestyles mixed up with regular people struggling from one paycheck to the next.
The child support story - Op is TA, she went into debt to cover for her kid while the father ran away so this will help her. My ex owed me a lot of child support till the laws changed and that money would have helped me to get out of debt but sadly ot wont happen. Keep your nose out as you have no idea how hard it is to support a child by yourself.
Oh that horse story is a trigger for me. When I was young, I witnessed the beginning of a life long disability due to a a pair of young sisters being bucked off a horse. Even a small horse is to be treated with respect; if you cannot respect the horses needs and quirks, you have no place being near them. OP did the right thing.
Not just that; forget the height/weight match. 1) The horse was NOT one of the lesson horses. Bitch mom had NO right to demand that horse. 2) The kid could have been an exact clone of OP, physically. You do NOT put an inexperienced/naive rider on an “experienced” horse. You end with a traumatized animal because you’ve got a rider that doesn’t know shit from shinolah. Do it enough times, and you end up with a sour horse. Too many newbies don’t realize that no, it won’t go better if you had a “better” horse. The rider makes the horse, not the reverse. ETA: Holy crap, a newbie on a STALLION? With mares around?!? Talk about a recipe for disaster!
No, no, no! The single mom had been supporting her child fully for the entire time. The back child support payment is reimbursement for the funds she used to support her child. The father pays child support to pay for housing food, clothing, child care if needed, medical bills, and so on. No one but the mother had the right to determine how and where the money is spent as long as the child has a good environment. My ex tried to tell me how to spend the child support too and my lawyer corrected him quickly!
What do you want to bet that the family in story 1 is just really upset sister didn't want kids and wants to cling on to husband's stepson as their own?
Child support backpay means that OP's GF already paid all the expenses that the dad should have been paying. Now she is being paid back for covering for him.
Its amazing how many people think horses are a 1-size-fits-all sort of animal and NOT 900+ lbs of living beings with thier own personalities that can do you serious bodily injury if not handled correctly. 🤔
Story 1: YTA. There is a reason some people insist on being child free, and that’s because children are a big thing in peoples life. I get that this isn’t a great situation to be in but what’s the alternative here? She just be clearly unhappy for the reminder of her marriage? If they are on different paths in life it’s better that they split up.
YTA. You specifically. People take vows and they are supposed to mean something. But I guess you go girl right? Screw vows, screw the husband, and screw the entire family so she can live it up.
Story 1 YTA op's sister is the EXACT OPPOSITE of selfish. She is going to end up miserable and resentful of the child she DID NOT SIGN UP TO CARE FOR. The poor kid can already tell she does not want to rais him and it is better to not have a child live with someone who resents him. So she removed herself. If op is so concerned they can step up and help raise the kid.
Agree!! OP supposedly supports her sister being child free yet the second a kid pops up (and I feel bad for his situation) sister is now "selfish" if she won't give up her life to raise that child?? BS!! She tried and was miserable and its why I can't stand the "but what about the innocent child" AH's!! The kid needs stability, she doesn't want to or can offer that so leaving now is doing them both a favor!! OP is TA!! And CHILD FREE means CHILD FREE!! Not till a baby comes along and convinces you to change your mind. Don't blame the husband for taking the child in but they are on 2 different paths now so F OFF and keep the judgements BS to yourself
@@Miltz69 exactly people like to demonize child-free people and call them selfish at the same time refuse to step up to the plate and take on the kid they apparently care so much about the welfare for in the first place. Talk about selfish. "Ooooooo I support you being child free until it's inconvenient to MEEEEEE" and conveniently every single reason you give them for you not wanting take care of a child is parroted back to you from their own mouths you know like a hypocrite.
@@SilverMaychan With the money you saved by not having children. Since there's no guarantee your children will actually take care of you when you're old.
Story 2.. There’s an update on the story about the sticky fingered nephew.. The ring was found in the pea trap in the master bathroom where it was hidden by the boy..
Story 1: I feel conflicted by yeah, Op is TA. The situation isn't ideal, but in the end it is better to walk away now rather than let resentment build and then there will be a whole slew of new problems to deal with down the road. Some people just arent meant to be parents, and if someone wants to to be childfree they should be able to choose to be so. It sucks, especially since the husband and wife still care for each other, and it's yet another devastating loss for the boy but forcing someone into a lifestyle they never wanted never ends well for anyone involved. The husband made his choice, to be there for the boy, amd she made hers. I hope it works out for everyone and they can all move on to better days.
The sister is a complete selfish narcissist. The sister deserves the metaphorical 2x4 to the face. She deserves complete no contact from her entire extended family.. It says a lot about you that you see a complete selfish narcissist and you bond and support with that person.
Women don't leave at once, we leave at last. She obviously has had little to no support caring for this child. She not really telling her sister she wants a divorce. She's begging her family for help. She's desperate.
She has a right to spend some of that money, as half of the money she spent caring for her child should've been covered by him in the first place. All she is doing is Recooping the money she would've had for herself had he been giving support from the start.
Exactly! She already spent that money on the child while solely supporting her. That money is payback for what he should have paid in the first place. Plus nothing she was suggesting is irresponsible! Paying off debt is a good thing! Putting a roof over the child's head is a good thing and also FOR the child. Also,, so what if she buys some clothing for herself? That's such a minor want and most likely a real need since she's been the sole support for what? 2 YEARS now! If she was planning a trip to go blow it all at the Casino while still retaining the debt and not having her own home I could see him saying something but he is clearly clueless!
About the child support story: OP is TA IF his GF's child is totally set at that time for their necessities. This back child support is a reimbursement of his GF's money that she sacrificed to provide for her daughter. She sacrificed a lot for her child because the ex was a dead beat. Plus, her desires were actually practical. Paying off debt would mean she would be better at providing for her child in the future. Getting new clothes allows her to find a better job which will help her provide better for her child. The extra money will be kept in a savings account FOR the child, hopefully for that child's health/education/car/1st house. OP should mind his own business. Methinks he was hoping some of that money would go HIS way because he mentions HIM helping her out financially.
Nah I think he thought of it the way Reddit usually does “it’s for the child only” when reality is “it’s for the child and expenses”. EDIT Making an edit, I don't think he's purposefully bad, just foot-in-mouth dumb the way most people are when they don't really think before they say something.
Exactly. The current child support is to be spent on the child and any expenses the child incurs. The back child support is for what the mother had to spend raising the child. There are crappy parents out there that do mishandle their children's child support money and spend it on themselves. What this mother is doing is acceptable because the money owed is what she already covered paying for her child. And it's already been established that she's going to put some of it back for her child, which she doesn't have to do but is anyways. Any current support goes directly for the child's expenses. In all honesty parents should have to provide receipts to the court to show that current child support is being spent on their children to stop crappy parents from misusing their children's money! I've been witness to both men and women spending their children's child support money on themselves. Those types of "parents" don't deserve their children because they let their own kids go without for their own selfish wants.
Horse story- My late ex-BIL was 5'10" tall and weighed 455lbs. The family took him to a horse farm to ride. They lied about his weight over the phone. When they actually saw him, the only horse they had he could ride was a Clydesdale! He was extremely miserable after 15 minutes. He never rode again
I (39,F/child free) think the government should keep tabs on what single parents spend on Child Support because in some cases that don't include back payments the single parent really does use that money for things that do not benefit the child. Many people take advantage of those payments and at the same time actually deny the child basic necessities that becomes abuse or neglect. It really is wrong.
Back child support. She paid her money all those years. She is being paid back for spending her money for years. Future money definitely fit child, but back pay is partly hers.
First story. I love my husband but yeah if he ended up with a kid that we didn't know about, I'd be out too. Don't want to be a parent. It's just not for everyone
Story 2: NTA. Maybe if they actually parented their kid before this they would be in a tough spot. Honestly I’d take them to small claims court and then kick them out.
I thought there was an update where he found the ring down the sink. A poster recommended looking there. The family wanted to come back and he said no. Then proposed early.
The brother also thought that since the ring was found, he and his family could move back in. Op said no. Op also asked the nephew why he put it in the sink, and the kid said that it was because he didn't want Op to be mad at him
Definately not the AH, but to be honest would have said "OP, you are inviting your family to stay for an extended period. You have a 4k engagement ring. Spend 50 bucks on a bloody safe.
@@philwill0123 Exactly! OP invited his brother and his family to stay with him, being fully aware that his young nephew stole things. That being the case, OP should have bought a small safe to keep his valuables in so that sticky fingers nephew couldn’t get his hands on OP’s $4000 ring.
Story 2. I've seen on other people's story videos has an update. The dam kid tries to wash it down the sink, he managed to get it back and he proposed right then and there, after getting it cleaned and checked over. And surprise surprise, doesn't forgive his brother.
@@DivaViews it's partly because this isn't the first time the story has been posted. I've swear I've heard older stories just reused to pad time as filler...just like every other RUclipsr who does reddit. Sometimes new content isn't available or worth sharing so old stuff is used as filler if it's been a long time so the updates are left out.
Story one: why are women always pressured into becoming moms but men are told they can be child free if they want? The sister is smart to leave before the child becomes too attached and she snaps. The OP needs to step up to the plate and become his new stepmom
Last story…op intentions are good but as someone who has a dead beat husband I can tell you bills hanging over her head makes for anxiety. Not having a good place to live, anxiety. Catching up on past expenses is very important for mom and child.
Last story: I will never understand how people say that Child Support is solely for the child and shouldn't be used for anything else. If the custodial parent pays all the bills for the child, the CS is part of that. It gets absorbed into the family finances.
I think OP's gf using the back pay isn't quite the same as using the regular pay. That basically is money that has already been 'spent' in one way or another.
You know it would be nice that when you come to this kind of decision, you respect that. I get the kid had no one else but this whole maybe they charge their minds if the kid is here or maybe in 5 yrs they change their minds. As you can for some it is a deal breaker bc he disregarded what was really the one most important thing. The wife is not at fault, contrary to popular opinion some women don't have a need to supposedly fill their lives with a lifetime of someone elses mistakes, not hers. He could've considered adoption but now he going to have to save a stranger by himself. Listen to your partners people. You can't volunteer anyone for parenthood
Child support YTA I've seen single mothers struggling my whole life and getting that back pay is to cover the stuff she had to spend all her money on that he hadn't contributed to. Had she had that contribution she would have been able to buy new clothes long ago as long as she is setting a certain amount aside for the child needs and future she's is within her right to spend that money how she pleases. Something similar just happened to a friend of mine she also went and bought new clothes for her and her child got her car fixed and set some aside. That back pay is literally to pay her back 😹.
15:10 Child support is for make sure that the child/children get an appropriate level of financial support, from both parents. Back Child support is when one parent had to provide for the child/children alone and the other parent is simply giving the other parent the money they were originally owed
The girlfriend got into debt buying things for her daughter, and wants to use the child support to pay off that debt. How is that wrong? She was forced to spend money she didn't have, and now that she has it she's evening out that debt. It's not like she's paying off something from before the daughter was born.
That child support is backpay. The mother already spent her own money that she shouldn’t have, so even if she decided to get herself an all new wardrobe, she would be entitled to do so. The child support was already spent when she went into debt, that’s what her own money was. She was reimbursed, that’s it.
For the child support back pay, that commenter and op is wrong. How many times did she spend what could have been spend on her on her child instead because the child support wasn't there.
@@alexismyers6053 she’s been paying for her daughters care ALONE for years. That back pay isn’t supposed to be used for the child’s care now. It’s to compensate her for the money she was supposed to be getting. She can spend it on herself because that’s HER money.
I understand why you feel this way. But she said she never wanted children so after a year of trying she realized that this is not what she wants. She is not doing anything wrong. Her husband and her had an agreement on no kids. Yes, he stepped in and took in his child but that doesn’t change the agreement. Stop trying to make her feel guilty. She is doing the right thing. Understand where she is coming from.
First story: OP can get bent. Her sister made it clear from the word go that she didn't want to have or raise children. Yes, this is going to be hard on her STBX and his child, but she never signed up for this. Oh no, how DARE a woman who doesn't want to raise a kid not instantly fall in love with having a child in the house and all the responsibilities that come with that! Life is not a stupid comedy movie, and OP needs to come to terms with the fact that their sister is a person with their own wants that do not include children.
1st story: I cannot stand with people just throw themselves into folks business that has nothing to do with them.. OP needed to put her two cents in somebody else's marriage. The best thing is for this woman is to get out of the marriage especially when you do not want children and it's not her blood.. This is how children end up hurt in these situations when they're thrown into a mess with a person who don't want to deal with children.. I'm the same way I have children my children are grown I would not put myself in that predicament of being in a relationship with someone that has small children I won't do it I don't care if him and I was dating for years and I found out he had a small child I would do the same thing I will break it off..
Re: Childfree couple. Bottom line is this: Every man who has unprotected sex with a woman is in danger of fathering a child. This situation could happen to any man stupid enough to think unprotected sex won't result in an unwanted pregnancy. Having an unknown child crash into your life is devastating. If it's a childfree couple who do you think will suffer the biggest upheaval? Who will be called to task if anything goes wrong? The woman. I wouldn't even date a man who has children. Personally while I would never harm a child, I don't like them. I would have left immediately. No way am I changing my life for someone else's kid. Staying with a man who gets sick is one thing. Statistically most women do while most men start cheating and then leave if the wife becomes ill. But being a mother? No thank you. There's not one single solitary thing about motherhood that I find attractive. And to those who yell selfish? My answer is "So what?"
Yes, the only mistake I see is that she didn't answer the news with: "So when are you going to get him? I need to know so that I can be out of the house before he arrives."
Nothing wrong with what she did, but it is proof she just didn't actually love him. I'd say the same thing to a guy who leaves/cheats because his wife cheats. The whole for better or worse thing feels it should cover this.
@@Busefalis I can turn that around and ask why this isn't proof that he didn't actually love her. And they came to an agreement before the wedding covering how their boundaries would go. Do you suggest that these agreements that couples make beforehand mean nothing?
@@shammydammy2610 Nope, I don't suggest that. Things obviously changed though. Just as if she got pregnant things would change. She made a choice to stay and is now backing out of the marriage. To me this would be the same as if she got pregnant and decided to carry to term. Then if either one of them decided after it was too late they wanted out , because they wanted to be child free. It is maybe better to leave if you can't love a child. If you can't love that part of your partner, then you do really love them 'less' I believe. Your love is conditional.
@@Busefalis She is leaving the marriage because it has crossed over one of her dealbreakers, as clearly understood before she agreed to marry. And again, he doesn't love her enough either, but she's the bad guy because she has boundaries and sticks to their previous agreement. Her only mistake was not leaving the day she found out he'd taken custody of his child. You can love someone but you have to take care of yourself first, especially if they're the one who is the reason why there's an issue. He needs to love her enough to let her go, rather than expecting her to be resentful, angry and unfulfilled, forced into a role she doesn't want. And if sister there is so outraged, she can be the stepmommy to the rescue.
Lump sum child support: YTA. Have you any idea how much she’s sacrificed? The interest she paid in CC’s because of that deadbeat? That she wants to spend a little on herself to feel better and get a boost is not too much to ask. Furthermore, she’s always been responsible and provided for her child, something he didn’t do. You would actually suggest that she continue to pay high interest and keep struggling when she could finally breathe. This is for PAST expenses owed and trust me when I say that she has definitely spent a lot more than he is paying.
On Makeup- get someone who doesn't care if you wear it or not. I too grew up in a home with the idea of "putting on your face" to my mother's horror when she started aggressively taking me to professionals to teach me how to wear makeup they all gushed about my coloring and skin being natural and only taught me how to "highlight" what was already there. So her teaching of full pancake makeup faces to leave the home never set in. I did however learn to use makeup as a way to mask for public. Sometimes I wear it on days to increase my confidence in dealing with the world. But after years of dating people who either demanded I didn't wear makeup or that I did I finally have a partner who finds me beautiful no matter my make up state. And it's a relief my partner isn't going to belittle me for how I look when I generally feel like I look good.
There’s an update for the ring story. OP found it in the u-bend of the guest bathroom. The kid threw it in there so he wouldn’t be found with it, then refused to tell what happened to it. The op pretty much ripped the place apart to find it.
3rd story: I honestly get the makeup thing. my daughter, for the most part, only wears makeup for special occasions, because as the OP states, it takes a f-ton of time to do it properly. I've seen my daughter when she does makeup for those special occasions, and she does a remarkable job, but the time involved means it stays just like that.. Other than that, she's usually makeup free, except maybe eyeliner for work.
Technically, he was child free. He didn't know he was a father until the ex girlfriend died. He was put on the spot and decided to own up to it and make the best of it. she couldn't deal with it, knew she couldn't deal with it, and tried anyway for most of a year before throwing in the towel. If her life is that miserable and she doesn't love her husband enough to stick it out, then it seems to me divorce is very reasonable.
@@sherylcascadden4988 I agreed with you up until you said “if she doesn’t love her husband enough to stick it out” just because she wants to continue being child free doesn’t mean she didn’t/doesn’t love him.
What part of not wanting kids is confusing to people?! Story 1 is infuriating. The sister never wanted kids. Now that there is a surprise kid involved, she’s out. OP’s family is horrible. OP is horrible. I feel so bad for OP’s sister. She had this terrible situation sprung on her that gave her only one choice (because when you don’t want kids it’s the only choice), her marriage and life was ruined and everyone is crapping on her like she did something wrong?! Poor woman. I hope she can find people to support her because everyone around her is bat crap psycho.
Story 1: If you don’t want children and the child is not yours, it is up to you what you want to do about it. You should not feel compelled to bring up a child that isn’t yours and you don’t want.
First story: She tried, but she couldn't do it. It's probably not something she's ever going to brag about, but it's better she ends it now instead of letting it slowly poison everything and everyone involved. The OP is having a hard time accepting this because she can't understand this. The OP is the AH. She is trying to push what she would do in her place. But she's not in her place and she isn't her sister. She was well intentioned, but she should have kept her mouth shut.
Story 1 OP YTA. Sister and husband wanted to be child free. She never agreed to be a stepmom, and it is better she is upfront with her feelings and leaves than stay when she is miserable and probably resents the little boy. It is better if BIL finds someone who can love his son like her own and can love him. It takes special types of people to be a stepparent. Apologize to sister. But if you want to still help BIL, that is BIL's decision cuz his first priority should be his son.
16:54 it’s back pay child support which means someone was paying she was paying. So yes it goes back into her pocket and of course she’s not gonna leave her daughter without anything she had to suffer not getting herself needs for herself because she needed to do for her daughter
Speaking as a man, I am impressed/appalled by how much work and care even women's long hair requires. Even stright as a pin hair. And let's not even talk about high heels. It's nice looking if you want to do it, but I couldn't possibly see even 'requesting' it.
My daughter had long hair, like waist length, until the age of six. She wound up cutting it off because she got tired of spending over an hour prepping it for dance/skating competitions. So yah, long hair can be curse.
I'm the same. I have never once asked even, much less tried to dictate any part of any woman's personal care regime. Hair, make-up, heels vs flats, you name it. I have always said that I'm not the one putting it on, having to take care of it or wear it. You do you. If asked my opinion is the ONLY time I answer otherwise.
Story 3: NTA. There isn’t a lot of excuses for him not to do it anymore. Honestly I never really wore make up in the first place because it was too much for something that was just going to last me a day.
Way back when we were dating my husband of 38 years now started throwing my makeup out, I think I'll be keeping him😁😊 Even now I just basically wear a little bonzer/blush because I am super pale and mascara because I'm terribly nearsighted and my eyes disappear behind my glasses. I might use a little more eye stuff if we're going out but that's it!
Pfffff you're delusional. The moment you find out a chick did her makeup when she was with other guys in the past but doesn't now due to [INSERT EXCUSE HERE], is the moment you kick her back out on the street where she belongs.
Story 1: YTA, your sister never signed up for children... It is not her responsibility to force herself to raise this kid. Granted it would have been better for her to leave right away.
Story 1: the wife is in her right to leave. she didn’t want children and everyone knew than and then suddenly she’s raising someone else. It’s a tough situation and unfortunately it might be perceived as selfish but not unreasonable.
Story 1..sister didnt ask for your advice. She doesnt want kids, and thats perfectly fine. You dont know how much responsibilitty for his care thats falling on her. Responsibility she never wanted or asked for. Its better for everyone if she bows out now if she chooses than let that poor kid get attached to her. Mind your business and support your sister.
Child support yes is for support of the child but paying down debt from taking care of the child and getting a proper place to live is taking care of the child. It's different if she planned on getting nails done often and buying fancy crap and going to bars with the money is not. She planned on decent things including putting the money in savings that's left. My son is 24 and if his father ever paid the 15 plus yearsi in back child support, yes I'd send some to my son to help him get on his feet but I don't see a problem paying down debt since I literally already raised him to adulthood and paid for everything myself.
Child Support. If the guy was paying child support the entire time then 100% should be for the child. Since he was not paying for a time and the mother was paying both her portion and Dads portion mom should be allowed to recoop the portion she paid for the dad when he was not paying. That being said, paying off bills is good, buying new cloths is probably setting a bad precedent.
Umm no new clothes is important. Helps with job and just general mental health. Not to mention people need to wear clothes and they don’t last forever so she probably really needed some.
@@MargaritaOnTheRox Spending the child support money for something that is 100% for mom is a bad precedent in my opinion. Though i understand she would have had her own money to have spent on the clothes had he been paying the whole time. Still if we are parsing the money into piles i would make sure child support money goes in the food/housing/kids clothing pile (aka the big check from the deadbeat) and have mom spend some of her own work money on her own clothes. So in the future she remembera the child support is for supporting the child and not fall (as some mothers do) into thinking it's a payday for them. Either way though OP does need to stay out of it.
@@fcold9402 it’s back child support that’s not for the child it is to pay the mom back for expenses already spent on the child. She doesn’t have to spend any of it on the kid but she is doing so because she is a good mother.
As a childfree person myself, I completely understand why she chooses to divorce her husband. She doesn't want children. That child is unwanted and unloved by her. It will hurt him more if she stays, and he grows up knowing he's not wanted by his stepmother. She's doing the right thing for all of them.
@@MrSophire She doesn't care about the child. She has no obligation to. She, however, cares about the dog, that she has an obligation to, as it is HER dog
@@laerramarie2620 the kid loves the dog and has been thought alot. She could do one loving thing and leave the dog. She can get another one, the kid is already heart broken
LOOL love the brothers logic in Story#2 “how are you gunna put a 4000$ ring over helping me and my entitled family.” Fun fact there’s an update to the story: the ring was found (by OP) and the brother thought they would be allowed to come back and had a tantrum when OP told him no. NTA OP but i would cut ties with your brother and SIL until they actually learn how to parent their child.
Best comment on the ring. CALL POLICE. I know about pawn shops. 30 days they must hold it. If found they have to divuldge the seller or else. The quickest way to get fast cash.
Child support story. The issue with back pay is it is HER money. If she had had the money when she was suppose to have she could of used it to support their child instead of going in debt and going without because she had to spend all of her money and then some to support the child. It is reimbursement for all the time she was supporting the child alone.
The lasts story. Does op not know what BACK child support means? So what happened was dad was a deadbeat and waited till he was legal forced to pay. Everything the child needed that dad should have paid half on, diapers, formula etc, came 100%on mom. The BACK support actually IS moms money and not the kids, because she had fronted that money already. If you had a roommate that didn't pay and you had to keep paying his share until the court made him pay you, do you have to give that money to your landlord because it was 'rent money? Of course not, because you had kept it paid in full until then and that money is to pay back what YOU were owed. The monthly support should go to the child, but if mom needs to take the money out for things like rent, well the child lives there too. Mom's probably paying more because she NEEDS a two bedroom for her and the kid while dad could be in a cheap studio, that's fair use to. If mom is buying luxury bags or getting plastic surgery with the monthly payments then it's different.
The last story - that back child support is for money she was already covering. So if he owed $6000 that’s because she had been essentially paying $12000 to cover her portion AND his portion. So yes that child support is reimbursement. Not to mention she had very modest and considered uses for it, planning to save most of it, and odds are it only covers a fraction of what she has been and will continue to spend on her kid anyway. OP needs to mind his business.
It would be upsetting but she’s doesn’t want to be a parent so walking away is for the best. The kid will be hurt but it’s better for him in the long run, with therapy that he should already be having with the death of his mother
Make up story: NTA. You don't owe him your time/energy/face. I am 100% pro-natural look. However: your boyfriend compliments means you are an amazing artist. You could probably get paid to do other people's make up if you were inclined
The child support back pay isn’t ongoing support, it’s money that the mum spent while the child’s father wasn’t contributing. She is entitled to use that money to pay off the debts incurred while she was the sole support for her child. Future payments are for the child’s expenses, back pay is to repay money already spent.
thank goodness for YTA in the last story. The mother was doing all she could by herself to provide for her child, she went without and went into debt just so her baby was taking care of. If he cant understand this fact after she explained to him he should not be involved with women who are raising children alone
Story1: YTA. Sister made it clear she's child-free, she never signed up to be a parent. Who is OP to judge? They're way out of line to call the sister selfish. If OP cares that much, they can volunteer to be a step-parent.
Actually, the lump sum child support is reimbursement. It’s to replace money already spent on the kid. She can do whatever she wants with it. Any support going forward, however, is solely for the kid’s support.
She has been spending her own money to support that child. This is reimbursement for money that she has spent to support that child. These people who think that child support is only for things like clothes and shoes are ridiculous. It is to help pay for a roof to put over their head the electricity in their house, the food on their table, the transportation to and from school literally everything that this mother has had to pay.
I agree with your girlfriend. Child support pays for the child’s needs. Which includes money that was used for food, place to live, school, clothes for the child. It doesn’t mean you save it all in a bank for her. She owes money to C.C. Because she had to support her child. So child support can pay her back. She also is going to put money away for her child. Now when she gets the support money she can use it to support her child and put some away. It also really isn’t any of your business. Men think that women are supposed to save all the money and only use it later. Well who is houseing the child. It’s money being used to take care of the child.
Paused @14:11 How did this woman get into the horse yard? Is it open to the public? Did she pay for a lesson? If shr did not buy a lesson, then the negative review should be removed. She was not a customer, thus her review is fraudulent. The woman misrepresented herself as being given permission got her child to ride a horse she could not have gotten permission to ride. Why is OP even considering that she is the AH? The woman was attempting to steal a service, lying and not following the safety rules. OP needs to tell the people running the "yard" about the incident and they can take care of the review posting. Additionally, OP might suggest that the horse yard owners invest in a fence to keep random people out of their barn area. What woukd have happened if OP was not at the horse yard, the rude woman just grabs the horse of her choosing and lets her child climb on it? Sounds as if access to these sentient animals is not managed or controlled adequately. Did the mother sign a waver not to sue if her child for hurt trying to mount a random horse? Nope. Telling people, "No." should be enough to not be the AH. OP need not explain as OP is not the person who handles the administrative portion of the lessons.
Make up story: NTA You said it, you used to wear make up for yourself and if you don't want to wear make up anymore is your choice, it doesn't matter if your partner likes you better with or without make up. Make up is not exactly easy either.
I know OP thinks she's all better now, but she's not. She went from one extreme to the other. She now feels that any amount of makeup is "hiding who you really are", and that is also not a great outlook. She needs therapy. Viewing something as minor as covering dark circles with a little concealer or putting a little lip color on for special occasions, as "decorating your cage" is not healthy. Viewing any part of your body as a "cage" in any sense is weird at best, and unhealthy at worst. "Cage" has a very negative connotation and her resonating with that phrase makes it sounds like she views her body, or at least her face, as a cage. Implying she feels trapped inside it. If she was truly comfortable with her bare face, she certainly wouldn't feel like it was a cage; decorated or not.
Child support story. If they think paying for an apartment and making sure the custodial parent isn’t in debt is not beneficial for the kid, then they are stupid. The only thing that might be out of line is buying herself new clothes, but new clothes might be important if the mother wants to get a better job or something. That’s important for the kid too.
Horse story: Why do people ask AITA when a half intelligent person would know they aren't? Last story: I think it would be reasonable for OP's girlfriend to use some of the money to catch up. She did everything on her own and did without and went further into debt because there was no child support. That said, maybe at least half should go into an account for the child.
hey hey! iirc, there was an update to the ring-thief story. some commenters said that the nephew may be a klepto, so he may have "stored" the ring away somewhere no one else can get it. op checked the drains (in the bathroom i think) and pulled it apart and found the ring! when asked, the nephew said he didnt know why he did it. OP didnt let them come back to his house because the parents refused to get the nephew help or apologize.
The back child support is money the mother already spent on her child and made sacrifices to pay herself when the father wasn’t contributing. What a terrible boyfriend. I hope she leaves OP.
If i remember correctly, and if its the same story, the thieving nephew threw the ring down the kitchen sink and OP found it. Commenters assume the boy has kleptomania. But i dont remember (and i doubt) that OP let the brother and his family back in and he proposed. Someone correct me cuz i might be wrong
There’s actually an update to the 2nd story. After OP threatened his brother to get the police involved if the ring wasn’t found or he didn’t pay up, the OP managed to find the ring after doing a deeper search of the house and found it inside the freaking sink of all things. Of course the brother thought this meant he and his family could move back in but OP thankfully told him to go play a flute and that there was no way he’d let any of them in again, let alone his craphead thief of a son. He even talked to the nephew about why he didn’t fess up and his lame excuse was “because then you’d be mad at me fo hiding it.” As if the OP wasn’t already pissed at him for hiding it. OP proposed to his girlfriend and she said yes, and they’re expecting a baby together now.
Thought it was the same one posted on you tube two weeks ago.
Oh good, I was wondering. That kid is gonna take the wrong thing and get his ass beat. Happy for op.
🙏 thank you
TY for this! I am surprised this channel didn't post the update with the OP
I heard the story before, and was wondering if there were any updates. Good to know, tnx!
Story One: it doesn’t matter that the ex-husband didn’t know about his child. OP’s sister and her husband entered the marriage agreeing to be childfree and now that has changed. I think OP’s sister is right to leave as she was presented with a child that she did not sign up for. She does not want to be a parent, so she should be free to leave. Anyone trying to guilt her into staying can just do one!
Exactly!
The woman who wanted to be and stay child-free did the most mature thing. Instead of being shamed for being "selfish" and "heartless", she should be lauded for the decision. What if she went along with it? Shunned the kid? Made it clear she does *not* want to be part of the kid's life? Makes the kid realise (not even intentionally) that he's *not* wanted by her? She knows her own needs and limitations, and decided to withdraw from (for her) a bad situation rather than "go along" and make both herself *and the kid* miserable.
100% agree.
100% agree, definitely NTA
Fortunately there wasn't an accidental pregnancy. It's a little more difficult to dispose of your own child.
It says a lot about you that you think it's being responsible by being a selfish narcissist.
@@sharonconnolly3820 It may involve a road trip, but....
I love how she told the boyfriend that not only would he be in charge of buying it, but putting it on her. Make up is expensive and time consuming (to make it look at least somewhat decent). I think once he got a look at the price tags he might *might* understand a bit.
As guy, OP did everything my family's previous Matriarch said about make up to all of us:
-it expires, so throw it away and buy new, not used
-go long periods of time without it, look at yourself and laugh.
-if you want someone else to wear it, learn to do their make up; if someone wants you to wear it, have them do it
The mother paid for all the childs support 100% so the child support from the father goes to the mom because she covered the fathers portion. He is the AH
It’s back child support. It’s literally for her because she had to cover the child cost on her own. Sounds like she is spending it exactly how she should.
Agree and paying the debt should be on top of the list
@@joimumu - And *that* was the first thing OP's girlfriend intended to do, according to his own words...so really, he needs to '🤐'.
But child support is for the CHILD not the mother's closet.
@@alexismyers6053 this is BACK child support. 🙄 what part of that did you manage to miss?
The mom spent months using her own funds that she would have used to buy her own clothes on her child because the father wasn't helping. It makes sense that she would take care of the things she neglected including her own wardrobe now that the father is finally paying what he should have been paying all along. If he had been paying what he should have been paying she would have had money to buy things for herself out of her own money.
That one commenter on the last story is such an idiot. The bf very much overstepped and has no idea what he’s talking about, the mother is doing the right thing with the child support
OP with the horse should make sure to go to the site where the bad review was left and post a response making clear that the person in question was insisting on using your personal horse, and that the business had nothing to do with her issue.
Story one, good grief, she never wanted kids was honest. She doesn’t love this kid and that’s ok. She is doing the right thing, she isn’t mean or abusive towards him. She shouldn’t ruin her life, she doesn’t deserve this.
also, she gave it a chance but it is just not working for her, it's not like she demanded from the get-go that her husband dumped him in the foster system, she is not even now asking him to get rid of the kid.
Child support story: YTA She's right. It is reimbursement for money she already spent. That's why it's BACK Child support. It's to reimburse for money he was supposed to give her that she spent out of HER portion. She essentially fronted him money. Child support is to help the kid but everything she proposed will help the kid because she already used that money to do so.
100% agree with you
I agree that the back child support can be used to pay the debts the mother incurred when the father SHOULD'VE paid the child support on time as a result of his failure to pay. You could argue that it could also be used for a few personal expenses that she would have been able to make if she had gotten child support as she should have (nothing extravagant, though. a few more shirts would be fine). However, any future child support payments should go towards the child only.
@@SpaceGeek2161 exactly. just remember that using it for rent and clothing is also acceptable because shelter and food are basic needs for a child.
some people think cs is for "luxuries" for the kid, it's to ensure basic needs. if she can save it for kid, then cool.
I would only add the mother should be wary of deadbeat trying to turn her in for spending the back child support on "personal items". Child Support Recovery can be real prickly about where the money is spent, and they can cause problems if they feel a parent isn't spending the money properly.
Story 1: Nice to see that OP's sister can't rely on her family to support her in a horrible time in her life, what a bunch of scumbags.
Atleast her mother is kinda in her corner.
Imagine being 9 years old and already committing grand theft.
Imagine getting your whole family thrown out of a living situation and *still* trying to cover up the stealing. As a parent I would've said "you've got 15 minutes to produce that ring, or I'm throwing YOU out".
I installed locking (keyed) doorknobs on the bedrooms in my home. If guests are coming, I lock my bedroom door. My kids used to blame each other for missing items. Once the doorknobs were installed, they could lock their doors. I kept a copy of all of the doorknobs. It made life more stress free.
I suggest OP put his valuables in his bedroom and lock the door. If anyone questions why my bedroom door is locked, I ask how they know? Were they trying to go in my room when I wasn’t there? What were they looking for, or did they just want to rifle through my underwear drawer?
Questions like this are intended to embarrass the snoop. And, they should be asked in front of others.
Putting a camera in the room to catch them is a good idea.
Allowing others to stay in your home is a very kind gesture. It leaves you vulnerable to thieves. Your kindness shouldn’t be repaid by having your possessions stolen.
No. Back child support is reimbursement for money the mother already spent on the child. She was spending all of her money on the child, doing double duty. Going forward the money should all go towards taking care of the child.
I’m childfree its mostly for the sake of any child I could have because there is not a shadow of a doubt that I would be a terrible mother, I would not be able to give them the emotional support they would need, nor would I be able to give them a stable life leaving the poor human being traumatized. Some people do not make good parents and it’s better they realize that before they completely ruin a poor kid as a result.
I feel that this is a something so many people don't get. Some of us would just not be good parents.
That doesn't sound like the sister at all tho
@@vampire9545 Oh, why? It's never specified as to why sister is childfree, not that being childfree needs a reason in the first place.
@@vampire9545, If the sister is so unhappy to have the role of motherhood foisted upon her that she is willing to leave an otherwise happy union, then yes it does.
@@outtadarkness1970 It ceased to be happy the moment she had a role of motherhood foisted upon her.
I am so sick of people thinking child support is for only the kid. It goes to paying bills and putting food on the table.
Especially when it's back child support.
It's interesting reading through these comments and realizing how many people think a mom's primary job is to sacrifice. A woman takes care of her daughter on her own for 3 years, and it's not enough. She pays the total amount to care for the daughter, and when dad finally pays her back, she's not allowed to enjoy it. She pays off debts incurred for taking care of the child on her own. Gets a better apartment for her and her child. And then, oh no, buys new clothes to make up for the years she went without, and she gets raked over the coals, despite the fact that she's putting what's left in to an account for her daughter.
No, back pay isn't the same as child support. The child was supported during that time. Back pay is to pay back the parent paid already. It's essentially paying back a loan.
You don't believe me? Look up who can sue for back pay after the child turns 18. It's not the "child," unless the child is suing on behalf of the custodial parent's estate. It's the custodial parent that can sue for back pay after the child turns 18.
Exactly. So damn tired of people viewing mothers who wind up in this position being called selfish by complete morons who seem to have this idea that giving birth immediately forfeits your right to be a human being. That back child support is essentially the ex paying back the loan he took out on her entire life while he was out doing what he wanted, with very little immediate consequence.
If she had spent the entire back support on a trip to Fiji, she'd be within her rights. Not the best call, but within her rights. The things she was looking for all seemed like items you'd expect to better take care of the kid, past or present, with a bit tossed in for what she'd sacrificed to make sure the kid was setup (the new clothes). Nothing there suggested the check was going to be wasted on a week long bender or something stupid.
I think too many people get TMZ divorces with Alimony + child support for celebrity lifestyles mixed up with regular people struggling from one paycheck to the next.
Exactly this
The child support story - Op is TA, she went into debt to cover for her kid while the father ran away so this will help her. My ex owed me a lot of child support till the laws changed and that money would have helped me to get out of debt but sadly ot wont happen.
Keep your nose out as you have no idea how hard it is to support a child by yourself.
If she has the choice to have them or not, he has the choice to stay and pay or not.
Oh that horse story is a trigger for me. When I was young, I witnessed the beginning of a life long disability due to a a pair of young sisters being bucked off a horse. Even a small horse is to be treated with respect; if you cannot respect the horses needs and quirks, you have no place being near them. OP did the right thing.
Not just that; forget the height/weight match. 1) The horse was NOT one of the lesson horses. Bitch mom had NO right to demand that horse. 2) The kid could have been an exact clone of OP, physically. You do NOT put an inexperienced/naive rider on an “experienced” horse. You end with a traumatized animal because you’ve got a rider that doesn’t know shit from shinolah. Do it enough times, and you end up with a sour horse.
Too many newbies don’t realize that no, it won’t go better if you had a “better” horse. The rider makes the horse, not the reverse.
ETA: Holy crap, a newbie on a STALLION? With mares around?!? Talk about a recipe for disaster!
No, no, no! The single mom had been supporting her child fully for the entire time. The back child support payment is reimbursement for the funds she used to support her child. The father pays child support to pay for housing food, clothing, child care if needed, medical bills, and so on. No one but the mother had the right to determine how and where the money is spent as long as the child has a good environment. My ex tried to tell me how to spend the child support too and my lawyer corrected him quickly!
What do you want to bet that the family in story 1 is just really upset sister didn't want kids and wants to cling on to husband's stepson as their own?
Child support backpay means that OP's GF already paid all the expenses that the dad should have been paying. Now she is being paid back for covering for him.
Its amazing how many people think horses are a 1-size-fits-all sort of animal and NOT 900+ lbs of living beings with thier own personalities that can do you serious bodily injury if not handled correctly. 🤔
Story 1: YTA. There is a reason some people insist on being child free, and that’s because children are a big thing in peoples life. I get that this isn’t a great situation to be in but what’s the alternative here? She just be clearly unhappy for the reminder of her marriage? If they are on different paths in life it’s better that they split up.
YTA. You specifically. People take vows and they are supposed to mean something. But I guess you go girl right? Screw vows, screw the husband, and screw the entire family so she can live it up.
Story 1 YTA op's sister is the EXACT OPPOSITE of selfish. She is going to end up miserable and resentful of the child she DID NOT SIGN UP TO CARE FOR. The poor kid can already tell she does not want to rais him and it is better to not have a child live with someone who resents him. So she removed herself. If op is so concerned they can step up and help raise the kid.
Agree!! OP supposedly supports her sister being child free yet the second a kid pops up (and I feel bad for his situation) sister is now "selfish" if she won't give up her life to raise that child?? BS!! She tried and was miserable and its why I can't stand the "but what about the innocent child" AH's!!
The kid needs stability, she doesn't want to or can offer that so leaving now is doing them both a favor!! OP is TA!! And CHILD FREE means CHILD FREE!! Not till a baby comes along and convinces you to change your mind.
Don't blame the husband for taking the child in but they are on 2 different paths now so F OFF and keep the judgements BS to yourself
@@Miltz69 exactly people like to demonize child-free people and call them selfish at the same time refuse to step up to the plate and take on the kid they apparently care so much about the welfare for in the first place. Talk about selfish. "Ooooooo I support you being child free until it's inconvenient to MEEEEEE" and conveniently every single reason you give them for you not wanting take care of a child is parroted back to you from their own mouths you know like a hypocrite.
@@rockfan243 and if no. The line: but how will take care of you when you are old. How about the person I pay to do it.
@@SilverMaychan With the money you saved by not having children. Since there's no guarantee your children will actually take care of you when you're old.
@@shammydammy2610 Exactly. But people still say stuff like this. Also they say that I deserve to die alone.... because I don't want kids.
Story 2.. There’s an update on the story about the sticky fingered nephew.. The ring was found in the pea trap in the master bathroom where it was hidden by the boy..
Story 1: I feel conflicted by yeah, Op is TA. The situation isn't ideal, but in the end it is better to walk away now rather than let resentment build and then there will be a whole slew of new problems to deal with down the road. Some people just arent meant to be parents, and if someone wants to to be childfree they should be able to choose to be so. It sucks, especially since the husband and wife still care for each other, and it's yet another devastating loss for the boy but forcing someone into a lifestyle they never wanted never ends well for anyone involved. The husband made his choice, to be there for the boy, amd she made hers. I hope it works out for everyone and they can all move on to better days.
The sister is a complete selfish narcissist. The sister deserves the metaphorical 2x4 to the face. She deserves complete no contact from her entire extended family..
It says a lot about you that you see a complete selfish narcissist and you bond and support with that person.
Exactly
I'm wondering if he did a paternity test.
Women don't leave at once, we leave at last. She obviously has had little to no support caring for this child. She not really telling her sister she wants a divorce. She's begging her family for help. She's desperate.
@@goddessmelanisia You missed the point where she never wanted kids in the first place. She wants her husband, sure, but not if he comes with a kid.
She has a right to spend some of that money, as half of the money she spent caring for her child should've been covered by him in the first place. All she is doing is Recooping the money she would've had for herself had he been giving support from the start.
I agree 100%! That NTA comment was out of line and ridiculous. :)
Exactly! She already spent that money on the child while solely supporting her. That money is payback for what he should have paid in the first place. Plus nothing she was suggesting is irresponsible! Paying off debt is a good thing! Putting a roof over the child's head is a good thing and also FOR the child. Also,, so what if she buys some clothing for herself? That's such a minor want and most likely a real need since she's been the sole support for what? 2 YEARS now! If she was planning a trip to go blow it all at the Casino while still retaining the debt and not having her own home I could see him saying something but he is clearly clueless!
About the child support story: OP is TA IF his GF's child is totally set at that time for their necessities. This back child support is a reimbursement of his GF's money that she sacrificed to provide for her daughter. She sacrificed a lot for her child because the ex was a dead beat. Plus, her desires were actually practical. Paying off debt would mean she would be better at providing for her child in the future. Getting new clothes allows her to find a better job which will help her provide better for her child. The extra money will be kept in a savings account FOR the child, hopefully for that child's health/education/car/1st house. OP should mind his own business. Methinks he was hoping some of that money would go HIS way because he mentions HIM helping her out financially.
Nah I think he thought of it the way Reddit usually does “it’s for the child only” when reality is “it’s for the child and expenses”. EDIT Making an edit, I don't think he's purposefully bad, just foot-in-mouth dumb the way most people are when they don't really think before they say something.
Exactly. The current child support is to be spent on the child and any expenses the child incurs. The back child support is for what the mother had to spend raising the child. There are crappy parents out there that do mishandle their children's child support money and spend it on themselves. What this mother is doing is acceptable because the money owed is what she already covered paying for her child. And it's already been established that she's going to put some of it back for her child, which she doesn't have to do but is anyways. Any current support goes directly for the child's expenses. In all honesty parents should have to provide receipts to the court to show that current child support is being spent on their children to stop crappy parents from misusing their children's money! I've been witness to both men and women spending their children's child support money on themselves. Those types of "parents" don't deserve their children because they let their own kids go without for their own selfish wants.
Horse story- My late ex-BIL was 5'10" tall and weighed 455lbs. The family took him to a horse farm to ride. They lied about his weight over the phone. When they actually saw him, the only horse they had he could ride was a Clydesdale! He was extremely miserable after 15 minutes. He never rode again
I (39,F/child free) think the government should keep tabs on what single parents spend on Child Support because in some cases that don't include back payments the single parent really does use that money for things that do not benefit the child. Many people take advantage of those payments and at the same time actually deny the child basic necessities that becomes abuse or neglect. It really is wrong.
Sge right- better to leave than to hurt the child because she doesn't want him, dad can get a new puppy! Stop guilting her!
Back child support. She paid her money all those years. She is being paid back for spending her money for years. Future money definitely fit child, but back pay is partly hers.
First story. I love my husband but yeah if he ended up with a kid that we didn't know about, I'd be out too. Don't want to be a parent. It's just not for everyone
Story 2: NTA. Maybe if they actually parented their kid before this they would be in a tough spot. Honestly I’d take them to small claims court and then kick them out.
I thought there was an update where he found the ring down the sink. A poster recommended looking there. The family wanted to come back and he said no. Then proposed early.
You are correct. And his fiancé is pregnant to. So he got engaged and is expecting a child
The brother also thought that since the ring was found, he and his family could move back in. Op said no. Op also asked the nephew why he put it in the sink, and the kid said that it was because he didn't want Op to be mad at him
Definately not the AH, but to be honest would have said "OP, you are inviting your family to stay for an extended period. You have a 4k engagement ring. Spend 50 bucks on a bloody safe.
@@philwill0123 Exactly! OP invited his brother and his family to stay with him, being fully aware that his young nephew stole things. That being the case, OP should have bought a small safe to keep his valuables in so that sticky fingers nephew couldn’t get his hands on OP’s $4000 ring.
Story 2. I've seen on other people's story videos has an update. The dam kid tries to wash it down the sink, he managed to get it back and he proposed right then and there, after getting it cleaned and checked over. And surprise surprise, doesn't forgive his brother.
Once again, this creator skips pertinent information! How does he overlook a whole update?!
@@DivaViews most likely didn't realize there was a update. It happens
@@DivaViews it's partly because this isn't the first time the story has been posted. I've swear I've heard older stories just reused to pad time as filler...just like every other RUclipsr who does reddit. Sometimes new content isn't available or worth sharing so old stuff is used as filler if it's been a long time so the updates are left out.
Story one: why are women always pressured into becoming moms but men are told they can be child free if they want? The sister is smart to leave before the child becomes too attached and she snaps. The OP needs to step up to the plate and become his new stepmom
Last story…op intentions are good but as someone who has a dead beat husband I can tell you bills hanging over her head makes for anxiety. Not having a good place to live, anxiety. Catching up on past expenses is very important for mom and child.
Last story: I will never understand how people say that Child Support is solely for the child and shouldn't be used for anything else. If the custodial parent pays all the bills for the child, the CS is part of that. It gets absorbed into the family finances.
"I'm finishing riding my horse, he's small and a stallion"
as someone who owned a stallion in past, oh no.
The "I know the owner" lie took it way over the top. I'd rebut that bad review with the full data.
I think OP's gf using the back pay isn't quite the same as using the regular pay. That basically is money that has already been 'spent' in one way or another.
You know it would be nice that when you come to this kind of decision, you respect that. I get the kid had no one else but this whole maybe they charge their minds if the kid is here or maybe in 5 yrs they change their minds. As you can for some it is a deal breaker bc he disregarded what was really the one most important thing. The wife is not at fault, contrary to popular opinion some women don't have a need to supposedly fill their lives with a lifetime of someone elses mistakes, not hers. He could've considered adoption but now he going to have to save a stranger by himself. Listen to your partners people. You can't volunteer anyone for parenthood
Child support YTA I've seen single mothers struggling my whole life and getting that back pay is to cover the stuff she had to spend all her money on that he hadn't contributed to. Had she had that contribution she would have been able to buy new clothes long ago as long as she is setting a certain amount aside for the child needs and future she's is within her right to spend that money how she pleases. Something similar just happened to a friend of mine she also went and bought new clothes for her and her child got her car fixed and set some aside. That back pay is literally to pay her back 😹.
15:10 Child support is for make sure that the child/children get an appropriate level of financial support, from both parents.
Back Child support is when one parent had to provide for the child/children alone and the other parent is simply giving the other parent the money they were originally owed
The girlfriend got into debt buying things for her daughter, and wants to use the child support to pay off that debt. How is that wrong? She was forced to spend money she didn't have, and now that she has it she's evening out that debt. It's not like she's paying off something from before the daughter was born.
That child support is backpay. The mother already spent her own money that she shouldn’t have, so even if she decided to get herself an all new wardrobe, she would be entitled to do so. The child support was already spent when she went into debt, that’s what her own money was. She was reimbursed, that’s it.
For the child support back pay, that commenter and op is wrong. How many times did she spend what could have been spend on her on her child instead because the child support wasn't there.
Paying off the debt is one thing, but buying herself clothes does NOT benefit the daughter.
@@alexismyers6053 she’s been paying for her daughters care ALONE for years. That back pay isn’t supposed to be used for the child’s care now. It’s to compensate her for the money she was supposed to be getting. She can spend it on herself because that’s HER money.
I understand why you feel this way. But she said she never wanted children so after a year of trying she realized that this is not what she wants. She is not doing anything wrong. Her husband and her had an agreement on no kids. Yes, he stepped in and took in his child but that doesn’t change the agreement. Stop trying to make her feel guilty. She is doing the right thing. Understand where she is coming from.
First story: OP can get bent. Her sister made it clear from the word go that she didn't want to have or raise children. Yes, this is going to be hard on her STBX and his child, but she never signed up for this. Oh no, how DARE a woman who doesn't want to raise a kid not instantly fall in love with having a child in the house and all the responsibilities that come with that!
Life is not a stupid comedy movie, and OP needs to come to terms with the fact that their sister is a person with their own wants that do not include children.
This is BACK child support…..this is back payment!!!!! She already paid her her child. A home IS for the child!!!!!
1st story: I cannot stand with people just throw themselves into folks business that has nothing to do with them..
OP needed to put her two cents in somebody else's marriage. The best thing is for this woman is to get out of the marriage especially when you do not want children and it's not her blood..
This is how children end up hurt in these situations when they're thrown into a mess with a person who don't want to deal with children..
I'm the same way I have children my children are grown I would not put myself in that predicament of being in a relationship with someone that has small children I won't do it I don't care if him and I was dating for years and I found out he had a small child I would do the same thing I will break it off..
Re: Childfree couple. Bottom line is this: Every man who has unprotected sex with a woman is in danger of fathering a child. This situation could happen to any man stupid enough to think unprotected sex won't result in an unwanted pregnancy. Having an unknown child crash into your life is devastating. If it's a childfree couple who do you think will suffer the biggest upheaval? Who will be called to task if anything goes wrong? The woman. I wouldn't even date a man who has children. Personally while I would never harm a child, I don't like them. I would have left immediately. No way am I changing my life for someone else's kid. Staying with a man who gets sick is one thing. Statistically most women do while most men start cheating and then leave if the wife becomes ill. But being a mother? No thank you. There's not one single solitary thing about motherhood that I find attractive. And to those who yell selfish? My answer is "So what?"
Yes, the only mistake I see is that she didn't answer the news with: "So when are you going to get him? I need to know so that I can be out of the house before he arrives."
Nothing wrong with what she did, but it is proof she just didn't actually love him. I'd say the same thing to a guy who leaves/cheats because his wife cheats. The whole for better or worse thing feels it should cover this.
@@Busefalis I can turn that around and ask why this isn't proof that he didn't actually love her. And they came to an agreement before the wedding covering how their boundaries would go. Do you suggest that these agreements that couples make beforehand mean nothing?
@@shammydammy2610 Nope, I don't suggest that. Things obviously changed though. Just as if she got pregnant things would change. She made a choice to stay and is now backing out of the marriage. To me this would be the same as if she got pregnant and decided to carry to term. Then if either one of them decided after it was too late they wanted out , because they wanted to be child free. It is maybe better to leave if you can't love a child. If you can't love that part of your partner, then you do really love them 'less' I believe. Your love is conditional.
@@Busefalis She is leaving the marriage because it has crossed over one of her dealbreakers, as clearly understood before she agreed to marry.
And again, he doesn't love her enough either, but she's the bad guy because she has boundaries and sticks to their previous agreement. Her only mistake was not leaving the day she found out he'd taken custody of his child. You can love someone but you have to take care of yourself first, especially if they're the one who is the reason why there's an issue. He needs to love her enough to let her go, rather than expecting her to be resentful, angry and unfulfilled, forced into a role she doesn't want. And if sister there is so outraged, she can be the stepmommy to the rescue.
Lump sum child support: YTA. Have you any idea how much she’s sacrificed? The interest she paid in CC’s because of that deadbeat? That she wants to spend a little on herself to feel better and get a boost is not too much to ask. Furthermore, she’s always been responsible and provided for her child, something he didn’t do. You would actually suggest that she continue to pay high interest and keep struggling when she could finally breathe. This is for PAST expenses owed and trust me when I say that she has definitely spent a lot more than he is paying.
On Makeup- get someone who doesn't care if you wear it or not. I too grew up in a home with the idea of "putting on your face" to my mother's horror when she started aggressively taking me to professionals to teach me how to wear makeup they all gushed about my coloring and skin being natural and only taught me how to "highlight" what was already there. So her teaching of full pancake makeup faces to leave the home never set in. I did however learn to use makeup as a way to mask for public. Sometimes I wear it on days to increase my confidence in dealing with the world. But after years of dating people who either demanded I didn't wear makeup or that I did I finally have a partner who finds me beautiful no matter my make up state. And it's a relief my partner isn't going to belittle me for how I look when I generally feel like I look good.
There’s an update for the ring story. OP found it in the u-bend of the guest bathroom. The kid threw it in there so he wouldn’t be found with it, then refused to tell what happened to it. The op pretty much ripped the place apart to find it.
3rd story: I honestly get the makeup thing. my daughter, for the most part, only wears makeup for special occasions, because as the OP states, it takes a f-ton of time to do it properly. I've seen my daughter when she does makeup for those special occasions, and she does a remarkable job, but the time involved means it stays just like that.. Other than that, she's usually makeup free, except maybe eyeliner for work.
I can't even imagine getting a call from CPS and being told that no you're husband wasn't child free
Technically, he was child free. He didn't know he was a father until the ex girlfriend died. He was put on the spot and decided to own up to it and make the best of it. she couldn't deal with it, knew she couldn't deal with it, and tried anyway for most of a year before throwing in the towel. If her life is that miserable and she doesn't love her husband enough to stick it out, then it seems to me divorce is very reasonable.
@@sherylcascadden4988 I agreed with you up until you said “if she doesn’t love her husband enough to stick it out” just because she wants to continue being child free doesn’t mean she didn’t/doesn’t love him.
@@sherylcascadden4988 Yeah fair
@@bkjay20 point taken.
Your, not you're.
What part of not wanting kids is confusing to people?! Story 1 is infuriating. The sister never wanted kids. Now that there is a surprise kid involved, she’s out. OP’s family is horrible. OP is horrible. I feel so bad for OP’s sister. She had this terrible situation sprung on her that gave her only one choice (because when you don’t want kids it’s the only choice), her marriage and life was ruined and everyone is crapping on her like she did something wrong?! Poor woman. I hope she can find people to support her because everyone around her is bat crap psycho.
Story 1: If you don’t want children and the child is not yours, it is up to you what you want to do about it. You should not feel compelled to bring up a child that isn’t yours and you don’t want.
First story: She tried, but she couldn't do it. It's probably not something she's ever going to brag about, but it's better she ends it now instead of letting it slowly poison everything and everyone involved. The OP is having a hard time accepting this because she can't understand this. The OP is the AH. She is trying to push what she would do in her place. But she's not in her place and she isn't her sister. She was well intentioned, but she should have kept her mouth shut.
Story 1 OP YTA. Sister and husband wanted to be child free. She never agreed to be a stepmom, and it is better she is upfront with her feelings and leaves than stay when she is miserable and probably resents the little boy. It is better if BIL finds someone who can love his son like her own and can love him. It takes special types of people to be a stepparent. Apologize to sister. But if you want to still help BIL, that is BIL's decision cuz his first priority should be his son.
YTA - she made it clear from the beginning that she didn’t want children. Her staying would be worse on everyone.
16:54 it’s back pay child support which means someone was paying she was paying. So yes it goes back into her pocket and of course she’s not gonna leave her daughter without anything she had to suffer not getting herself needs for herself because she needed to do for her daughter
Speaking as a man, I am impressed/appalled by how much work and care even women's long hair requires. Even stright as a pin hair. And let's not even talk about high heels. It's nice looking if you want to do it, but I couldn't possibly see even 'requesting' it.
My daughter had long hair, like waist length, until the age of six. She wound up cutting it off because she got tired of spending over an hour prepping it for dance/skating competitions. So yah, long hair can be curse.
I'm the same. I have never once asked even, much less tried to dictate any part of any woman's personal care regime. Hair, make-up, heels vs flats, you name it. I have always said that I'm not the one putting it on, having to take care of it or wear it. You do you. If asked my opinion is the ONLY time I answer otherwise.
Kids can tell when you dont want them or like them and that way worse then her leaving.
Story 3: NTA. There isn’t a lot of excuses for him not to do it anymore. Honestly I never really wore make up in the first place because it was too much for something that was just going to last me a day.
It's a lot of time and a lot of money. I rarely wear makeup and I never wear makeup day to day.
Way back when we were dating my husband of 38 years now started throwing my makeup out, I think I'll be keeping him😁😊 Even now I just basically wear a little bonzer/blush because I am super pale and mascara because I'm terribly nearsighted and my eyes disappear behind my glasses. I might use a little more eye stuff if we're going out but that's it!
Bronzer*
@@lynprincevalli5221 I only wear makeup if I'm in costume.
Pfffff you're delusional. The moment you find out a chick did her makeup when she was with other guys in the past but doesn't now due to [INSERT EXCUSE HERE], is the moment you kick her back out on the street where she belongs.
Story 1: YTA, your sister never signed up for children... It is not her responsibility to force herself to raise this kid. Granted it would have been better for her to leave right away.
Story 1: the wife is in her right to leave. she didn’t want children and everyone knew than and then suddenly she’s raising someone else. It’s a tough situation and unfortunately it might be perceived as selfish but not unreasonable.
Story 1..sister didnt ask for your advice. She doesnt want kids, and thats perfectly fine. You dont know how much responsibilitty for his care thats falling on her. Responsibility she never wanted or asked for. Its better for everyone if she bows out now if she chooses than let that poor kid get attached to her. Mind your business and support your sister.
Child support yes is for support of the child but paying down debt from taking care of the child and getting a proper place to live is taking care of the child. It's different if she planned on getting nails done often and buying fancy crap and going to bars with the money is not. She planned on decent things including putting the money in savings that's left. My son is 24 and if his father ever paid the 15 plus yearsi in back child support, yes I'd send some to my son to help him get on his feet but I don't see a problem paying down debt since I literally already raised him to adulthood and paid for everything myself.
Back child support is for money that was usually already spent taking care of the child. It's more of a reimbursement than actual support.
Child Support.
If the guy was paying child support the entire time then 100% should be for the child. Since he was not paying for a time and the mother was paying both her portion and Dads portion mom should be allowed to recoop the portion she paid for the dad when he was not paying.
That being said, paying off bills is good, buying new cloths is probably setting a bad precedent.
The child lives with her right? The bills need to be paid and space to live. The mother has to provide those things for the child's well being.
Buying new clothes is a bad precedent? They're probably extremely needed. Cheap clothes wear out quickly.
Umm no new clothes is important. Helps with job and just general mental health. Not to mention people need to wear clothes and they don’t last forever so she probably really needed some.
@@MargaritaOnTheRox Spending the child support money for something that is 100% for mom is a bad precedent in my opinion. Though i understand she would have had her own money to have spent on the clothes had he been paying the whole time. Still if we are parsing the money into piles i would make sure child support money goes in the food/housing/kids clothing pile (aka the big check from the deadbeat) and have mom spend some of her own work money on her own clothes. So in the future she remembera the child support is for supporting the child and not fall (as some mothers do) into thinking it's a payday for them. Either way though OP does need to stay out of it.
@@fcold9402 it’s back child support that’s not for the child it is to pay the mom back for expenses already spent on the child. She doesn’t have to spend any of it on the kid but she is doing so because she is a good mother.
As a childfree person myself, I completely understand why she chooses to divorce her husband. She doesn't want children. That child is unwanted and unloved by her. It will hurt him more if she stays, and he grows up knowing he's not wanted by his stepmother. She's doing the right thing for all of them.
If she truly care she’d leave the dog, but she doesn’t. I take marriage vows seriously, till due us part.
@@MrSophire It was her dog before they met. Of course she's gonna take her dog with her. I would take my cats too.
@@MrSophire Her dog. Her stbx can get another one.
@@MrSophire She doesn't care about the child. She has no obligation to. She, however, cares about the dog, that she has an obligation to, as it is HER dog
@@laerramarie2620 the kid loves the dog and has been thought alot. She could do one loving thing and leave the dog. She can get another one, the kid is already heart broken
LOOL love the brothers logic in Story#2 “how are you gunna put a 4000$ ring over helping me and my entitled family.”
Fun fact there’s an update to the story: the ring was found (by OP) and the brother thought they would be allowed to come back and had a tantrum when OP told him no.
NTA OP but i would cut ties with your brother and SIL until they actually learn how to parent their child.
They seriously thought they could come back? Did the kid magically learn to stop stealing?
@@SnowyWolborg Yep, it was in the trap under the sink. The little klepto tried to ditch it so he wouldn't get caught.
Anyone notice how men never really have to/are expected to put effort into their appearance?
Best comment on the ring. CALL POLICE. I know about pawn shops. 30 days they must hold it. If found they have to divuldge the seller or else. The quickest way to get fast cash.
Child support story. The issue with back pay is it is HER money. If she had had the money when she was suppose to have she could of used it to support their child instead of going in debt and going without because she had to spend all of her money and then some to support the child. It is reimbursement for all the time she was supporting the child alone.
This. The number of people who don't understand this is astounding.
The lasts story. Does op not know what BACK child support means? So what happened was dad was a deadbeat and waited till he was legal forced to pay. Everything the child needed that dad should have paid half on, diapers, formula etc, came 100%on mom. The BACK support actually IS moms money and not the kids, because she had fronted that money already. If you had a roommate that didn't pay and you had to keep paying his share until the court made him pay you, do you have to give that money to your landlord because it was 'rent money? Of course not, because you had kept it paid in full until then and that money is to pay back what YOU were owed. The monthly support should go to the child, but if mom needs to take the money out for things like rent, well the child lives there too. Mom's probably paying more because she NEEDS a two bedroom for her and the kid while dad could be in a cheap studio, that's fair use to. If mom is buying luxury bags or getting plastic surgery with the monthly payments then it's different.
The last story - that back child support is for money she was already covering. So if he owed $6000 that’s because she had been essentially paying $12000 to cover her portion AND his portion. So yes that child support is reimbursement. Not to mention she had very modest and considered uses for it, planning to save most of it, and odds are it only covers a fraction of what she has been and will continue to spend on her kid anyway. OP needs to mind his business.
It would be upsetting but she’s doesn’t want to be a parent so walking away is for the best. The kid will be hurt but it’s better for him in the long run, with therapy that he should already be having with the death of his mother
Make up story: NTA. You don't owe him your time/energy/face. I am 100% pro-natural look. However: your boyfriend compliments means you are an amazing artist. You could probably get paid to do other people's make up if you were inclined
The child support back pay isn’t ongoing support, it’s money that the mum spent while the child’s father wasn’t contributing. She is entitled to use that money to pay off the debts incurred while she was the sole support for her child. Future payments are for the child’s expenses, back pay is to repay money already spent.
thank goodness for YTA in the last story. The mother was doing all she could by herself to provide for her child, she went without and went into debt just so her baby was taking care of. If he cant understand this fact after she explained to him he should not be involved with women who are raising children alone
Story1: YTA. Sister made it clear she's child-free, she never signed up to be a parent. Who is OP to judge? They're way out of line to call the sister selfish. If OP cares that much, they can volunteer to be a step-parent.
If someone doesn’t want children or to be a parent, forcing them is horrible. Leave her alone
Actually, the lump sum child support is reimbursement. It’s to replace money already spent on the kid. She can do whatever she wants with it. Any support going forward, however, is solely for the kid’s support.
She has been spending her own money to support that child. This is reimbursement for money that she has spent to support that child.
These people who think that child support is only for things like clothes and shoes are ridiculous. It is to help pay for a roof to put over their head the electricity in their house, the food on their table, the transportation to and from school literally everything that this mother has had to pay.
I agree with your girlfriend. Child support pays for the child’s needs. Which includes money that was used for food, place to live, school, clothes for the child. It doesn’t mean you save it all in a bank for her. She owes money to C.C. Because she had to support her child. So child support can pay her back. She also is going to put money away for her child. Now when she gets the support money she can use it to support her child and put some away. It also really isn’t any of your business. Men think that women are supposed to save all the money and only use it later. Well who is houseing the child. It’s money being used to take care of the child.
Paused @14:11
How did this woman get into the horse yard? Is it open to the public? Did she pay for a lesson?
If shr did not buy a lesson, then the negative review should be removed. She was not a customer, thus her review is fraudulent. The woman misrepresented herself as being given permission got her child to ride a horse she could not have gotten permission to ride. Why is OP even considering that she is the AH? The woman was attempting to steal a service, lying and not following the safety rules.
OP needs to tell the people running the "yard" about the incident and they can take care of the review posting. Additionally, OP might suggest that the horse yard owners invest in a fence to keep random people out of their barn area. What woukd have happened if OP was not at the horse yard, the rude woman just grabs the horse of her choosing and lets her child climb on it? Sounds as if access to these sentient animals is not managed or controlled adequately. Did the mother sign a waver not to sue if her child for hurt trying to mount a random horse? Nope.
Telling people, "No." should be enough to not be the AH. OP need not explain as OP is not the person who handles the administrative portion of the lessons.
To 'The make up lady', welcome to the 'natural' world.❤ No one tells me to wear warpaint😂😂
Make up story: NTA You said it, you used to wear make up for yourself and if you don't want to wear make up anymore is your choice, it doesn't matter if your partner likes you better with or without make up. Make up is not exactly easy either.
I know OP thinks she's all better now, but she's not. She went from one extreme to the other. She now feels that any amount of makeup is "hiding who you really are", and that is also not a great outlook.
She needs therapy. Viewing something as minor as covering dark circles with a little concealer or putting a little lip color on for special occasions, as "decorating your cage" is not healthy. Viewing any part of your body as a "cage" in any sense is weird at best, and unhealthy at worst.
"Cage" has a very negative connotation and her resonating with that phrase makes it sounds like she views her body, or at least her face, as a cage. Implying she feels trapped inside it. If she was truly comfortable with her bare face, she certainly wouldn't feel like it was a cage; decorated or not.
Let people be who they want with makeup or not judgements not necessarily at times due to covid a lot of people stop a lot of things.
No, she does not need therapy because she's stopped wearing make up.
Child support story. If they think paying for an apartment and making sure the custodial parent isn’t in debt is not beneficial for the kid, then they are stupid. The only thing that might be out of line is buying herself new clothes, but new clothes might be important if the mother wants to get a better job or something. That’s important for the kid too.
Horse story: Why do people ask AITA when a half intelligent person would know they aren't?
Last story: I think it would be reasonable for OP's girlfriend to use some of the money to catch up. She did everything on her own and did without and went further into debt because there was no child support. That said, maybe at least half should go into an account for the child.
hey hey! iirc, there was an update to the ring-thief story. some commenters said that the nephew may be a klepto, so he may have "stored" the ring away somewhere no one else can get it. op checked the drains (in the bathroom i think) and pulled it apart and found the ring! when asked, the nephew said he didnt know why he did it. OP didnt let them come back to his house because the parents refused to get the nephew help or apologize.
The back child support is money the mother already spent on her child and made sacrifices to pay herself when the father wasn’t contributing. What a terrible boyfriend. I hope she leaves OP.
I swear folks don't understand child support.
First story:she is NTA she is leaving bc it is not what she wants. She should leave
Yeah there's nothing wrong with admitting she's too much of a weak wimpy link to be a mother. Parenthood is not for the weak willed.
If i remember correctly, and if its the same story, the thieving nephew threw the ring down the kitchen sink and OP found it. Commenters assume the boy has kleptomania. But i dont remember (and i doubt) that OP let the brother and his family back in and he proposed. Someone correct me cuz i might be wrong
You’re correct
You got it right, and no he didn't let them back
yea i suspected the parents encouraged the behavior since he is still at an age he can get away with it and they are tight on money
Makeup: it’s just weird, say no and get over it. The human eye enjoys beauty-get over that too 😂