This advice is true outside of marriage. Commitment and choosing to love and finding ways to love and appreciate is also an amazing process. We need to normalize the struggle in growth as well. Marriage is a marathon and a journey.
Correct, I'm marriage there is no giving up for pettiness. We made a covenant with Adonai and the person that we would be there during the good and bad times. 💯
Part of the commitment to relationship is to sit down and reevaluate those standards with a view to working on improvements. But where a party isn't willing, then it's ok to let go.
So disappointed in this advice, especially if kids are involved. Start dating again, try again. It CAN come back. Relationships are always a work in progress, valleys and hills. You can go back to love again.. Unless the relationship is toxic or dangerous, then it can be salvaged. Hate can turn back into love with effort.
Agree. Growth should be a personal journey. Learn FROM EVERYTHING around you. It shouldn't be your spouse's job. They're probably also learning, chances are you're in the same stage in life! That's why you pool together what you learned and face the world as a team. Crazy reasoning he gave! He's describing a codependent relationship or whatever it's called.
How can one “let Love go!?” Love is the very essence of Who We Are! What we can do is let the person(s) go and keep loving them from a different space and place. ❤️🩹🙏🏽
This advice is wise. Just because you ARE together doesn't mean your relationship IS together. I lived it. My mother was in an abusive relationship. When her husband died I couldn't shed ONE tear. Still haven't......
It is NOT ok to let love go!! Love is not only a feeling, is a decision. Love is more important than happiness….and love for sure will bring deep overwhelming happiness and peace in long term.
@@MONEYFLIPPMEDIAI tried to revive it but couldn’t. I felt sick sleeping with him. It felt like torture doing something with someone you don’t love or want. I don’t believe love can be brought back if it’s totally gone. Sometimes we marry someone who later we realise we grew totally apart. It happens. I don’t want to force myself. I can love him as someone close or like a relative but can’t love him like a man. Sorry. I will not sleep with someone I don’t want to. Just because I have to because someone on the internet said it has to be revived.
A lot of growth and self reflection can happen when you stay in a long term committed relationship/ marriage. Going from person to person or being alone doesn’t necessarily give you that depth of reflection.
It’s not about going from relationship to relationship. But being ok with the fact that people can grow apart, nothing lasts forever and nothing is guaranteed in this life. And marriages do break apart and you can have a second chance and try again :)
Long relationship go through different stages that doesn’t mean you have to stop when you at a stage that do not serve you right now. Patience in a relationship is very important. We need to stop encouraging people leaving when they don’t feel as happier as they used to. That’s marriage, people want long lasting marriage but are not willing to do what it takes. As long as it is not abusive then it’s ok, and it’s NORMAL to go through those stages, even for several month. You need to adjust all the time with your partner, it’s not easy to grow with somebody it requires a lot of patience, trust, selflessness to do that. Stop searching for imidiate pleasure and happiness.
@nb1393 I really needed to hear this at this exact moment in time. Thank you for saying this, exactly how you said it. I think it just shifted my entire line of thinking from something that’s been soo mentally and physically draining for the last month with what I have going on in my own relationship.
So I had to force myself to sleep with my husband when I totally lost my love for him? To stay while dying inside? I wouldn’t advise that to my children. Sometimes marriage break apart - people stop loving the other as a lover. Being lovers is important in marriage otherwise we can just be brother and sister. I love him as a brother but not as a man. Sorry.
I forced, and forced, and forced a relationship where I was the only one “interested” or committed. I love this short video, because for 4 years I was living a sad and non meaningful life, just because my perception about marriage was that it had to last forever… it was not working, and I was the only one trying to “fix” it. My husband was not interested. I love him so much, but I also need to remember the love to myself. We are friends now… he knows I love him, but I know he doesn’t want to stay married (at least with me). I took me a long run to notice and accept that reality… but I agree with you. “We need to normalize it a little bit.” ❤
But I am still struggling...dear it's been 7 yrs and finally where I find myself is heart problems panic attack, so negetive and so depressing...and m stuck in it. Help me god. He is with his friends and family enjoy, visiting new places..now what he use to say you are so negetive person just stay away....but the fact is before when I found him he was negetive, drunk and helpless he ask for help me to take out of everything...i did ,I was so committed 😢😢😢😢but my everything drained upon him gave him love,care good advice and helped him emotionally, financial,and physically now I have nothing even I can't find myself who I am what I am doing....he disrespects me each and every day but I am running to him....he says I am crazy 😢😢😢mad and so disgusting words. I lost myself in this 7 yrs....😢😢😢😢😢pray for me
@@Adilogy227🥺 little by little you have to reconnect with yourself. I know it’s easier to say it… but you must try. It takes time and a lot of effort to remember who we are ❤… to return to love!
Think people are missing the fact that he’s definitely talking about relationships outside of marriage and it’s actually really good advice for people who have been in this situation and felt guilty for wanting to choose themselves 😮
If you are not growing together chances are each of you individually aren't growing. The biggest killer of a relationship is lazy & selfishness. It's not about what am I getting out of this but what are we giving to this relationship. It's a garden, it must be cultivated & maintained. It's not my job to inspire you, you have to choose to be committed & motivated. You should seek counseling on your own if not together before letting go
I feel so bad for his wife. With this sort of mentality the moment she goes through a period in her life when she isn’t inspiring to him, or nurturing his growth, she is now disposable. In marriage BOTH of you will experience seasons when you are not those things. Life is full of trials and heavy seasons. That is when you need your spouse the most to uplift you and carry you through it, or carry each other in the moment if it affects both of you. Having a partner that loves you, and allows you to step back and be vulnerable or even weak, in a season is a blessing in marriage. It is the essence of a partnership. I got you when you don’t got yourself.
He is just enabling women to dump their partner. “Getting bored” is not the reason most men break up, instead they are tired of their girlfriend encroaching on their boundaries. Women will encroach more and more as time progresses until it becomes unbearable.
That’s not what he saying it was someone who was married they said for 60 years and what do we normally do wow that’s so amazing and beautiful 🥳🎉🎉💕 but in reality the Quality of their relationship wasn’t nothing to celebrate they were just married. He was cheating on her constantly had a child on her abandoned that child she had to endure a lot of abuse and infidelity just to be with him for those 60 years that wasn’t a quality relationship to be celebrated that wasn’t a relationship that should have lasted that long. She should have stood up for herself and left . Like Tina Turner said what love got to do with it. When your with someone just to say your with someone that’s a low quality relationship
This is sad. Divorce has become so common and too many people rush into relationships. To leave just because you're bored is wrong. Find ways to keep it exciting! Its not easier to meet someone new and do it all over again.
Truly... Growth is individual ..this is bulshit and such stupid idea that there must learning from other person... Learning is from life and experience... Why to burden someone that I should learn from you..
Divorce is hard enough people don't divorce because they are bored. All to often people stay in a marriage for convenience and stability. All the while tolerating disrespectful behavior cheating, lying, financial control or narcissistic control.
@@robinlooney5440 I think he's not talking about abusive toxic relationships where one spouse is a narcissistic or dangerously messing with your mind as a predator. He's talking I think, and I could be wrong, about people who are bored or want something, someone new. Commitment isn't his goal here. I think this is not even accepted by Hindus which is his religion I believe. Jay doesn't seem to agree that without sacrifice there is no real love
Thank you for your precious message, i m been harrassed now n then, n manipulating me , to take advantage of my humbleness. Thank you for posting this message, my favorite VODAFONE. God bless you.
❤ Yea I'm disappointed too in this advice. We don't need to 'let love go' especially if children are part of the picture. Quality of life of relationship is important. Unless the members of the relationship are very selfish and bringing a very unhealthy state to the marriage then working on it matters.
If its not a healthy happy relationship you're not doing your children a favor. Fighting and discord are more damaging to children than seeing their parents happy and fulfilled.
There’s something that feels so wrong about not being with someone just because you’re not continuing to grow together. It may sound positive but it feels like someone is letting that self help success make it ALL THEY SEE and that life can’t just be about something else sometimes. Self help feels like a new addiction that blinds people into only participating in success and anything else = negatively judge or positively abandon them. Meaning nice words but mean actions. It’s a toxicity in and of itself and I can feel it in its vibe.
I've heard here more about not forcing someone to stay where he(she) is not happy and fulfilled. It might be very discouraging at first sight but the unit you create should bring something very good to both sides. There's no way we can save marriages if don't look at this challenge as clear as we can. I personally would recommend to do everything you can in the present relationship to make it work not just survive. Although periods of endurance are inevitable. I hear you speak out of fear. I've been there and learned a lot to become better. Now I'm creating a new relationship and say some things from the start. If we don't create and support openness, trust, sensuality, respect and a few other vital things it won't flourish. We are usually afraid of that 'greener grass' elsewhere. Why don't we become 'greener'? And the best way is when you become better for your partner and so does he/she. I have been blessed to experience that and very grateful. And when you live like that it makes just a huge difference in 5-10 years. The disappointment will come when you see couples managing to do so while you try to just bear yours. It will be devastating. I will never ever let things be as they are, only working for the better, cause it pays off. You get used to that little steps that make a huge difference over time.
it sounds positive but very toxic advice. Poison with sugar on top. When the serpent in the Bible advised Eve, it did sound good, but we all know that one mistake coursed generational curse.
This is good advice if you’re just dating someone, but not for marriage. Spouses need to try a little harder to get along before they throw in the towel
@@mineandmine4528 those are extreme circumstances. A lot of the time, couples just don’t try hard enough, don’t compromise, don’t sacrifice. Of course, if there is real abuse or violence, it’s a real problem, but small things should break up a marriage
@@mineandmine4528 these are scriptural reasons for divorce. But too often most marriages end from complacency not abuse or adultery. Walking away because your wife got sick is not good. She deserves better. Abuse, walk! Adultery, it’s up to you but forgive for yourself. Not them.
ABSOLUTELY, OTHERWISE IT'S I'M LIVING IN DENIAL AND OR THE HUMAN FEAR OF CHANGE. ITS """healthy and healing*" when you do let go and live to love,honor and respect your own selves long-term health and happiness!!❤. Speaking from experience
AGREE. One hundred percent. So many couples, the woman tries to please everyone but not herself. That is WRONG. EVERYONE NEEDS TO CONTRIBUTE IN A MARRIAGE. That’s a beautiful marriage.
I totally agree, if things can’t get better even after trying it’s better to stop the toxic cycle!! I am so glad and happy for your encouraging words. Thank you 🙂
😮oh dear Jay… sometimes it’s not possible to rekindle.., but ending a marriage is a huge loss in a life… don’t throw in the towel too lightly.., years together may lead to staleness… but that can often be overcome… I would caution ⚠️ you to Not give up too lightly.. without sincere effort to renew - revive - Re inspire first… 🙏🏻
I’m sure Jay means after both parties have tried everything. Sometimes one person is selfish and doesn’t let the other person grow and be free to be themselves. You should not stay in a relationship if someone is holding you back. Because that’s just selfishness and no one deserves that. You only have one life, live it! The other person does not control your life, you do what’s right for yourself… no one should be deciding how you live your life and if they can’t grow with you and honor you, then you are only hurting yourself. That is not fair.
Its difficult to let go. After a long term relationship you are habituated to the person and there would be a lot of emotional dependency. Letting go will break us, also if your partner is not on the same page as you are.. Its gonna be painful.
Staying in a continuous unhealthy situation is going to break you even more and deplete you of your energy. Breaking out might fell like breaking you at first but you have the opportunity to evolve and grow and be happy again. It depends what you prefer. Prolonged suffering for the sake of being with someone or limited suffering and experiencing freedom and joy of life again 🤷🏻♀️
@@Venus-gn5oi as the person above said. Letting go is hard. I've said I was done about 100 times now and I've gon back everytime. One day I'll have the strength 😢
That’s why is important to love yourself without anyone loving you. That’s how you recognize that you deserve better and are able to draw a clear line and say no to anyone and anything that is not treating you right. I wish you strength and love ❤️
I don't agree with Jay here. I think this is the most awful advice. Leaving someone just because you are bored of her/him is a terrible thing to do. Then where will be our accountability and reliability!!!! Where will be the constitution of marriage!!! I have seen some people who gets bored of a person so quickly and they changes their partners every month even after nothing wrong from their partner's side. It hurts the other side invariably. Is it the right thing do !!!! People can learn & grow separately even after being together also .
He didn't said.... Tht you let go of love when uh get bored.... He said its better to let go... When uh both stop growing together... Which is important for both
Finally the comment I was looking for ... U DON'T let go of a relationship just because you are not growing in that relationship. It's a relationship not a career to look for growth every time. It is for better or for worse. In sickness and health for rich or for poor
My advice is to start looking from the systemic point more. Otherwise it becomes a demand or a speculation. Ok, here we start. You should save the marriage, be accountable even in poverty. Now what if your spouse is not trying for whatever reason? Doesn't respect you, gradually moves down or spoils it all. Now you have to love him/her? And be with him/her? In my opinion, the desire to be with a person should be natural, not forced. We can only deepen the problem by trying to persuade and compel. And it usually comes to the unhealthy place where someone is burdened for another's feeling safe. Or both are tired and drained, become shallow, etc. So, the norms created by society for marriage have become toxic, not working. So the whole situation needs to be reorganized. Which is what we do now. If you decide to stand on the claims and demands you will only replay the whole cycle again. And still come to this point: what do we do to save marriages and deep relationships as such? Now everyone is free and it might be better to see clearly what someone is up for. So you can choose and start building relationships with people who want the same and value you enough.
Marriage requires work. Real work. It is normal to grow apart and it requires work to stay together and grow closer. I do not know any marriage that hasn’t required work on both parties. I agree that this video is disappointing.
He's a snakr oil salesman. His advice is nonsense. He hadn't lived long enough to experience a long marriage. My parents were married for 76 and my mom is still alive!! Bad advice.!!
This video is just for me..thanks god u show me this video..i was in relationship with a girl for 7 years..and she forced me to let her go in the name of attachment when she too have the attachments and i was fed up toxic relationship where i was only working and giving love...her negativity her disrespectful nature...i was starting self doubted...but finally i let her go..and now i am trying to move on slowly..
Amen!! ♥️❤️♥️ So sad to hear people say they are staying in a toxic situation for the kids. Do you even realize or know, what you are even doing to the kids? It’s called a lot of unnecessary emotional trauma. This game of life is about learning and growing. All of us!! Self love is so important, yet so under taught. Namaste. ⚔️♥️⚔️
I agree. People brag about lengh of their marriage, when there was infidelity, etc. Just stay for the security. They are afraid of being single! And face being alone.😢
@@christinacanto3740most of the time they just don’t want to be considered a failure or be back to being single and financially burdened and what others will think of them. Even though they are unhappy in the marriage because of infidelity or anything else that happened. But inside they are dying slowly
That's right. So many people have wasted their lives just because they are too afraid to start all over again and live their life in their own terms. Of course, they do that "for the shake of their children" and "because marriage takes effort". The truth is they have just settled for less and they put the responsibility of their life on other people. It's easier to find excuses than taking action and step out of your comfort zone (no matter how much uncomfort it has become).
Well the problem with that is that it's never mutual and it comes out of a place where one person thinks he can find someone better and that's why he leaves. Hurting the whole family just because he wants to look for someone better.
I totally agree with him. After 11 sad years in my previous relationship, I finally got the courage to leave. There’s no point of staying if you are miserable all the time. Sometimes, there’s nothing to fix. We did remain good friends though.
It’s very easy to let go when we think we aren’t getting anything good from a relationship but from the beginning our minds need to be set on “What am I bringing into the relationship?”. Now hold on! I know we hear this often but hear me out, everyday we have to nurture our relationships. Yes, some days may be harder than others but even if you can only muster a “thank you”, “I love you” or “I am praying for you” it builds up to a beautiful harvest. A lasting relationship is build on two people putting in work. There will be days when one is putting more than the other but it doesn’t stay like that for long. Keep praying and keep nurturing the relationship because that’s what will encourage your partner to do the same. Especially in married couples. Man cannot separate what was brought together by God 🙏. God does care about our relationships and the secret is to include God and nothing will be able to separate what God is holding together 🙏
So many times, we outgrow those closest to us. We all grow on different levels at different times. Letting go to move forward is very healthy. Time invested...has nothing to do with end results. 😇
Very true i was with someone for 15 years and i finally opened my eyes that it wasn’t going no where so i had to cut the cord and move on its never to late to open your eyes God gives you a person and he can also take it away from you and i believe in that don’t ever settle
It's like your just doing the same routine over n over n not experiencing or enjoying life the fullest cuz the depth is just nonexisting. Happy but not truly or fully
Wow!! There's alot of people here that stays being together even if theres no more love..that's so sad! 😢 Also it's not always about "letting go" like leaving...sometimes letting go is "giving up" so staying in a loveless marriage and not doing anything to improve or not trying to work on something, is as good as letting go...you're still there but you've already "given up" 😢 Work on that love everyday, don't stay and NOT do anything about it❤
I believe this is true even within marriage. I’ve finally let go of 28 year marriage as it became toxic. External forces can’t be helped sometimes no matter what you do! Especially when children are involved and knowing when it’s time to move on! Healthier mindset! Great advice!
I think a better focus is how can i grow, what do I bring to the table how do I make this better? People are too outwardly focused changing partners etc will not bring true change true change comes from within!!!
B.S I became seriously ill with debilitating anxiety/depression and panic attacks. My partner loves me, I love him... but he let me go because I have "no ambition" I'm "lazy" "I'm not growing with him", whilst he was at a new job feeling more superior. I was disposed of at my lowest point because of what the man in this video is claiming!
I think it’s a good advice, because Mr. Shatty mentions couples that do not inspire each other anymore. He doesn’t say let’s do it in the first opportunity. In fact, it means when you are unhappy with your partner that you should see your own life as worthy to live and move on. No one gets a price for an unfulfilled marriage after death 🤷🏽♀️
He was once a monk. So disappointing. Always be contented in 3 things of this world. Your partner. The food you eat and the wealth. Always be discontented in your spiritual growth. It is not always about growing growing growing. It is about giving giving giving.
When you have a child. It’s best for the whole family dynamic if you are able to work it out. If there’s no kids and you’re miserable. Makes sense to go.
Terrible advice. I usually enjoy his comments. Not today! Stop! End the pattern of divorce. You won’t find long term happiness by thinking in short term needs. Take responsibility to rekindle your love. Don’t need immediate reciprocity. Trust committing to change WITH your spouse will eventually bring about the change. The grass isn’t greener. Trust that love, loyalty, perseverance and FAITH, will make you unstoppable. Go be that instrument of change!
Yes you're correct....This generation wants everything quick, and as a result disposing of love is normalized. But as jay said, it might make sense to some other individuals...each to his own... there's many different ways to look at it. So yeah, let's be considerate of everyone's opinions.
Terrible Advice!!!! Letting go of love tears apart families! There is ALWAYS room to grow together ….. I am Funeral Arranger…..and I witness everyday the commitment to enduring Love from people who have stayed together for 40,50,60 years…… And this is not the advice they give!!
Length,time, distance doesn't measure the value of true love and connection. My longest relationship had the least connection. My shortest situation had the strongest deepest connection
This is so true!!! It’s time humanity realizes this. We don’t have to remain in low quality relationships. We deserve true connection and growth that comes from authentic and genuinely intimate relationships.
I used to work in a manufacturing plant. So I have an array of personalities to deal with lol. And my favorite coworkers, the ones who were the easiest to work with day in and day out, either didn’t complain about their partner or they only talked about their accomplishments. The coworkers I avoided / dreaded to talk to, always had something negative to say about their partner. I learned to only take relationship advice from the happy coworkers lol.
Absolutely true 👍👌🙌💯, what I learnt from the relationship people get tired 😫 starts with so much love, and then what happened other person totally forgotten 😢 that's what happened to me, 😢😢😢😢, you must let go, but I never did trying hanging there, now its over but still we keeping touch ❤
The depth and quality of a relationship is not just about inspiring or learning or growing together more, there's so much more once a marriage has solid foundations, connection, friends, 🎉family and work all add to your growth and depth as a couple. The grass is not always greener and it's not always worth connecting elsewhere when in reality you disconnect! .. Trust, peace, love and contentment are truly beautiful commitments too... Trust me after 40 years together, I talk from experience and a good relationship should encompas a lot more we's than I's
Love relationships are ment to be worked on not trown away. Love is not a feeling it is a daily choice. Something worth fighting your flesh for. True love doesn't die!
Had old friends who wanted to reconnect, but sadly those days are over. Thanks for being there for me when I needed a friend. Personally, I just have to find a different path in life then what we are on. People grow into newer versions of themselves everyday...why can't that be me as well.
This advice is spot on. I stayed in a loveless marriage for over 8 years for all the societal, biblical, cultural and whatever else norms told me I needed to stay forever. We tried it all. He didn’t want it. He didn’t say it. He would have stayed happily as roomies. I wanted to show my kids better. I decided to put me first. And in the end, all he cared about was his image and catapulted into a horrible narcissistic person. Thank you for speaking the truth.
Our expectations are way TOO high when it comes to marriage. We expect it to be instagramable - perfect vacations, fit partner, picture perfect gifts or jokes, impecable communication, stable finances, a big house, a trained dog, obedient children! Honestly, none of us can do all that for our partner so why do we expect them to dedicate their entire energy into creating an allusion of happiness for us? Every day life is much more deliciously mundane and excellently simple - you build a home for your family, whatever that may look like, you keep the water running and break bread laughing. There is no greater “depth” than accepting each other in the most simple and raw form. All the other growth stuff is our own personal responsibility. What has to match is your values not your ideas of “growth” because values is what stays constant and keeps you connected as you grow and fall through life.
If you’re not really ready to be a husband or wife, don’t do it because the relationship won’t last. It’s a sacrifice, a commitment to eachother and it’s hard and people today are too selfish to cherish something like this which is why it’s not working.
This advice is true outside of marriage. Commitment and choosing to love and finding ways to love and appreciate is also an amazing process. We need to normalize the struggle in growth as well. Marriage is a marathon and a journey.
Correct, I'm marriage there is no giving up for pettiness. We made a covenant with Adonai and the person that we would be there during the good and bad times. 💯
@Stephanie-di7qy Amen in Jesus name.❤️🙏
Correct..!❤
Yes you are right when u say ‘advice is true outside of marriage’. I agree 100% ❤
Yes
Part of the commitment to relationship is to sit down and reevaluate those standards with a view to working on improvements. But where a party isn't willing, then it's ok to let go.
Ppl are too willing to throw it away now rather then work on it
So true
@@ketobodybuilder2482onb
So disappointed in this advice, especially if kids are involved. Start dating again, try again. It CAN come back. Relationships are always a work in progress, valleys and hills. You can go back to love again.. Unless the relationship is toxic or dangerous, then it can be salvaged. Hate can turn back into love with effort.
Thank youuu. This whole use people for a need generation is getting old
Agree. Growth should be a personal journey. Learn FROM EVERYTHING around you. It shouldn't be your spouse's job. They're probably also learning, chances are you're in the same stage in life! That's why you pool together what you learned and face the world as a team. Crazy reasoning he gave! He's describing a codependent relationship or whatever it's called.
How can one “let Love go!?” Love is the very essence of Who We Are! What we can do is let the person(s) go and keep loving them from a different space and place. ❤️🩹🙏🏽
This advice is wise. Just because you ARE together doesn't mean your relationship IS together. I lived it. My mother was in an abusive relationship. When her husband died I couldn't shed ONE tear. Still haven't......
@@beesknees213
That's different. That's toxic, abusive.
People these days are more committed to their boss/careers/jobs than they are to their partner/family/ marriage. So sad.
🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯🎯
My mission passion projects driving force workout regime. Anything but a simple hey this works let's make it easy.
You are sooo on point
No wonder cheating and divorces has skyrocketed
Video games. These boys never grow up.
It is NOT ok to let love go!! Love is not only a feeling, is a decision. Love is more important than happiness….and love for sure will bring deep overwhelming happiness and peace in long term.
It has to be revived and worked on... success is just like life - its what you make it
Nah… some ppl are just enduring love. Not enjoying it. You can love someone and not be in a relationship with them.
@@MONEYFLIPPMEDIAI tried to revive it but couldn’t. I felt sick sleeping with him. It felt like torture doing something with someone you don’t love or want. I don’t believe love can be brought back if it’s totally gone. Sometimes we marry someone who later we realise we grew totally apart. It happens. I don’t want to force myself. I can love him as someone close or like a relative but can’t love him like a man. Sorry. I will not sleep with someone I don’t want to. Just because I have to because someone on the internet said it has to be revived.
A lot of growth and self reflection can happen when you stay in a long term committed relationship/ marriage. Going from person to person or being alone doesn’t necessarily give you that depth of reflection.
But being in a toxic unhealthy relationship just for self reflection is very deadly
Lol
It’s not about going from relationship to relationship. But being ok with the fact that people can grow apart, nothing lasts forever and nothing is guaranteed in this life. And marriages do break apart and you can have a second chance and try again :)
U PREACHING NOW!!!
Long relationship go through different stages that doesn’t mean you have to stop when you at a stage that do not serve you right now. Patience in a relationship is very important. We need to stop encouraging people leaving when they don’t feel as happier as they used to. That’s marriage, people want long lasting marriage but are not willing to do what it takes. As long as it is not abusive then it’s ok, and it’s NORMAL to go through those stages, even for several month. You need to adjust all the time with your partner, it’s not easy to grow with somebody it requires a lot of patience, trust, selflessness to do that. Stop searching for imidiate pleasure and happiness.
Yes!
100 percent facts
@nb1393 I really needed to hear this at this exact moment in time. Thank you for saying this, exactly how you said it. I think it just shifted my entire line of thinking from something that’s been soo mentally and physically draining for the last month with what I have going on in my own relationship.
Well said. ❤
So I had to force myself to sleep with my husband when I totally lost my love for him? To stay while dying inside? I wouldn’t advise that to my children. Sometimes marriage break apart - people stop loving the other as a lover. Being lovers is important in marriage otherwise we can just be brother and sister. I love him as a brother but not as a man. Sorry.
I just can’t get past how beautiful his eyes are.
True
I forced, and forced, and forced a relationship where I was the only one “interested” or committed. I love this short video, because for 4 years I was living a sad and non meaningful life, just because my perception about marriage was that it had to last forever… it was not working, and I was the only one trying to “fix” it. My husband was not interested. I love him so much, but I also need to remember the love to myself. We are friends now… he knows I love him, but I know he doesn’t want to stay married (at least with me). I took me a long run to notice and accept that reality… but I agree with you. “We need to normalize it a little bit.” ❤
But I am still struggling...dear it's been 7 yrs and finally where I find myself is heart problems panic attack, so negetive and so depressing...and m stuck in it. Help me god. He is with his friends and family enjoy, visiting new places..now what he use to say you are so negetive person just stay away....but the fact is before when I found him he was negetive, drunk and helpless he ask for help me to take out of everything...i did ,I was so committed 😢😢😢😢but my everything drained upon him gave him love,care good advice and helped him emotionally, financial,and physically now I have nothing even I can't find myself who I am what I am doing....he disrespects me each and every day but I am running to him....he says I am crazy 😢😢😢mad and so disgusting words. I lost myself in this 7 yrs....😢😢😢😢😢pray for me
Me too. Lost good 10 years.. still in the stupid marriage.. wasted life
@@Adilogy227🥺 little by little you have to reconnect with yourself. I know it’s easier to say it… but you must try. It takes time and a lot of effort to remember who we are ❤… to return to love!
@Adilogy227 You can start life from zero , build everything from the ground up , you don't deserve pain for a man ! ( Not so great man Im sure )
Think people are missing the fact that he’s definitely talking about relationships outside of marriage and it’s actually really good advice for people who have been in this situation and felt guilty for wanting to choose themselves 😮
If you are not growing together chances are each of you individually aren't growing. The biggest killer of a relationship is lazy & selfishness. It's not about what am I getting out of this but what are we giving to this relationship. It's a garden, it must be cultivated & maintained. It's not my job to inspire you, you have to choose to be committed & motivated. You should seek counseling on your own if not together before letting go
I feel so bad for his wife. With this sort of mentality the moment she goes through a period in her life when she isn’t inspiring to him, or nurturing his growth, she is now disposable. In marriage BOTH of you will experience seasons when you are not those things. Life is full of trials and heavy seasons. That is when you need your spouse the most to uplift you and carry you through it, or carry each other in the moment if it affects both of you. Having a partner that loves you, and allows you to step back and be vulnerable or even weak, in a season is a blessing in marriage. It is the essence of a partnership. I got you when you don’t got yourself.
He is just enabling women to dump their partner. “Getting bored” is not the reason most men break up, instead they are tired of their girlfriend encroaching on their boundaries. Women will encroach more and more as time progresses until it becomes unbearable.
Okay then stay with that horrible person , but don’t encourage people to be unhappy cause you refuse to move forward
That’s not what he saying it was someone who was married they said for 60 years and what do we normally do wow that’s so amazing and beautiful 🥳🎉🎉💕 but in reality the
Quality of their relationship wasn’t nothing to celebrate they were just married. He was cheating on her constantly had a child on her abandoned that child she had to endure a lot of abuse and infidelity just to be with him for those 60 years that wasn’t a quality relationship to be celebrated that wasn’t a relationship that should have lasted that long. She should have stood up for herself and left . Like Tina Turner said what love got to do with it. When your with someone just to say your with someone that’s a low quality relationship
@greengoblin9567,
He is also enabling men to do the same.
This comment 👌👏❤
This is sad. Divorce has become so common and too many people rush into relationships. To leave just because you're bored is wrong. Find ways to keep it exciting! Its not easier to meet someone new and do it all over again.
Truly... Growth is individual ..this is bulshit and such stupid idea that there must learning from other person... Learning is from life and experience... Why to burden someone that I should learn from you..
@@SN-ec1xiit sounds like Jay Shetty is about to get a divorce.
Divorce is hard enough people don't divorce because they are bored. All to often people stay in a marriage for convenience and stability. All the while tolerating disrespectful behavior cheating, lying, financial control or narcissistic control.
@@robinlooney5440 I think he's not talking about abusive toxic relationships where one spouse is a narcissistic or dangerously messing with your mind as a predator. He's talking I think, and I could be wrong, about people who are bored or want something, someone new. Commitment isn't his goal here. I think this is not even accepted by Hindus which is his religion I believe.
Jay doesn't seem to agree that without sacrifice there is no real love
If effort is coming from one side only it's even sadder ....u just end up exhausting yourself to the point you start feeling worthless
Thank you for your precious message, i m been harrassed now n then, n manipulating me , to take advantage of my humbleness. Thank you for posting this message, my favorite VODAFONE. God bless you.
❤ Yea I'm disappointed too in this advice. We don't need to 'let love go' especially if children are part of the picture. Quality of life of relationship is important. Unless the members of the relationship are very selfish and bringing a very unhealthy state to the marriage then working on it matters.
If its not a healthy happy relationship you're not doing your children a favor. Fighting and discord are more damaging to children than seeing their parents happy and fulfilled.
There’s something that feels so wrong about not being with someone just because you’re not continuing to grow together. It may sound positive but it feels like someone is letting that self help success make it ALL THEY SEE and that life can’t just be about something else sometimes. Self help feels like a new addiction that blinds people into only participating in success and anything else = negatively judge or positively abandon them. Meaning nice words but mean actions. It’s a toxicity in and of itself and I can feel it in its vibe.
I've heard here more about not forcing someone to stay where he(she) is not happy and fulfilled. It might be very discouraging at first sight but the unit you create should bring something very good to both sides. There's no way we can save marriages if don't look at this challenge as clear as we can.
I personally would recommend to do everything you can in the present relationship to make it work not just survive. Although periods of endurance are inevitable.
I hear you speak out of fear. I've been there and learned a lot to become better. Now I'm creating a new relationship and say some things from the start. If we don't create and support openness, trust, sensuality, respect and a few other vital things it won't flourish. We are usually afraid of that 'greener grass' elsewhere. Why don't we become 'greener'? And the best way is when you become better for your partner and so does he/she. I have been blessed to experience that and very grateful. And when you live like that it makes just a huge difference in 5-10 years. The disappointment will come when you see couples managing to do so while you try to just bear yours. It will be devastating. I will never ever let things be as they are, only working for the better, cause it pays off. You get used to that little steps that make a huge difference over time.
Hundred percent agreed
This self help often is destructive
it sounds positive but very toxic advice. Poison with sugar on top. When the serpent in the Bible advised Eve, it did sound good, but we all know that one mistake coursed generational curse.
This is good advice if you’re just dating someone, but not for marriage. Spouses need to try a little harder to get along before they throw in the towel
I agree to a point. Otherwise what’s the point of ever getting married in the first place?🤍🕊️🙏🏼
What about infidelity? What about threats of violence? Is that a reason to try to keep the marriage?
@@mineandmine4528 those are extreme circumstances. A lot of the time, couples just don’t try hard enough, don’t compromise, don’t sacrifice. Of course, if there is real abuse or violence, it’s a real problem, but small things should break up a marriage
@@mineandmine4528 these are scriptural reasons for divorce. But too often most marriages end from complacency not abuse or adultery. Walking away because your wife got sick is not good. She deserves better. Abuse, walk! Adultery, it’s up to you but forgive for yourself. Not them.
Why? Marriage doesn't indicate anything about the strength or health of a relationship.
ABSOLUTELY, OTHERWISE IT'S I'M LIVING IN DENIAL AND OR THE HUMAN FEAR OF CHANGE. ITS """healthy and healing*" when you do let go and live to love,honor and respect your own selves long-term health and happiness!!❤. Speaking from experience
Thank you bro I can’t keep living unhappy
AGREE. One hundred percent. So many couples, the woman tries to please everyone but not herself. That is WRONG. EVERYONE NEEDS TO CONTRIBUTE IN A MARRIAGE. That’s a beautiful marriage.
i hope u pull the beam out of ur eye😂
It's not about the quantity, but the quality of a relationship that matters
I totally agree, if things can’t get better even after trying it’s better to stop the toxic cycle!! I am so glad and happy for your encouraging words. Thank you 🙂
😮oh dear Jay… sometimes it’s not possible to rekindle.., but ending a marriage is a huge loss in a life… don’t throw in the towel too lightly.., years together may lead to staleness… but that can often be overcome… I would caution ⚠️ you to Not give up too lightly.. without sincere effort to renew - revive - Re inspire first… 🙏🏻
But happiness comes first
No God and salvation comes first. People today are too selfish!
I’m sure Jay means after both parties have tried everything. Sometimes one person is selfish and doesn’t let the other person grow and be free to be themselves. You should not stay in a relationship if someone is holding you back. Because that’s just selfishness and no one deserves that.
You only have one life, live it! The other person does not control your life, you do what’s right for yourself… no one should be deciding how you live your life and if they can’t grow with you and honor you, then you are only hurting yourself. That is not fair.
Its difficult to let go. After a long term relationship you are habituated to the person and there would be a lot of emotional dependency. Letting go will break us, also if your partner is not on the same page as you are.. Its gonna be painful.
Staying in a continuous unhealthy situation is going to break you even more and deplete you of your energy. Breaking out might fell like breaking you at first but you have the opportunity to evolve and grow and be happy again. It depends what you prefer. Prolonged suffering for the sake of being with someone or limited suffering and experiencing freedom and joy of life again 🤷🏻♀️
@@Venus-gn5oi as the person above said. Letting go is hard. I've said I was done about 100 times now and I've gon back everytime. One day I'll have the strength 😢
That’s why is important to love yourself without anyone loving you. That’s how you recognize that you deserve better and are able to draw a clear line and say no to anyone and anything that is not treating you right. I wish you strength and love ❤️
Why stay if you're not happy in the relationship...
I don't agree with Jay here. I think this is the most awful advice. Leaving someone just because you are bored of her/him is a terrible thing to do. Then where will be our accountability and reliability!!!! Where will be the constitution of marriage!!!
I have seen some people who gets bored of a person so quickly and they changes their partners every month even after nothing wrong from their partner's side. It hurts the other side invariably. Is it the right thing do !!!!
People can learn & grow separately even after being together also .
He didn't said.... Tht you let go of love when uh get bored.... He said its better to let go... When uh both stop growing together... Which is important for both
Finally the comment I was looking for ... U DON'T let go of a relationship just because you are not growing in that relationship. It's a relationship not a career to look for growth every time. It is for better or for worse. In sickness and health for rich or for poor
My advice is to start looking from the systemic point more. Otherwise it becomes a demand or a speculation.
Ok, here we start. You should save the marriage, be accountable even in poverty. Now what if your spouse is not trying for whatever reason? Doesn't respect you, gradually moves down or spoils it all. Now you have to love him/her? And be with him/her? In my opinion, the desire to be with a person should be natural, not forced. We can only deepen the problem by trying to persuade and compel. And it usually comes to the unhealthy place where someone is burdened for another's feeling safe. Or both are tired and drained, become shallow, etc. So, the norms created by society for marriage have become toxic, not working. So the whole situation needs to be reorganized. Which is what we do now.
If you decide to stand on the claims and demands you will only replay the whole cycle again. And still come to this point: what do we do to save marriages and deep relationships as such? Now everyone is free and it might be better to see clearly what someone is up for. So you can choose and start building relationships with people who want the same and value you enough.
Marriage requires work. Real work. It is normal to grow apart and it requires work to stay together and grow closer. I do not know any marriage that hasn’t required work on both parties.
I agree that this video is disappointing.
He's a snakr oil salesman. His advice is nonsense. He hadn't lived long enough to experience a long marriage. My parents were married for 76 and my mom is still alive!! Bad advice.!!
No matter how long to measure the length of your relationship if you're not meant to each other, destiny will gind the way to set you apart,
Exactly. Even animals and trees change. A change is as good as a rest
He’s so beautiful 😍
This video is just for me..thanks god u show me this video..i was in relationship with a girl for 7 years..and she forced me to let her go in the name of attachment when she too have the attachments and i was fed up toxic relationship where i was only working and giving love...her negativity her disrespectful nature...i was starting self doubted...but finally i let her go..and now i am trying to move on slowly..
The devil can make evil sound good. Sick
Amen!! ♥️❤️♥️ So sad to hear people say they are staying in a toxic situation for the kids. Do you even realize or know, what you are even doing to the kids? It’s called a lot of unnecessary emotional trauma. This game of life is about learning and growing. All of us!! Self love is so important, yet so under taught. Namaste. ⚔️♥️⚔️
The relationship is between them ,not everyone. Stay out of other people's lives. If they want the relationship, it's for them to determine.
Right on! Face the facts, let go false hope and take action, looking forward in a positive way. 👍🏻
I agree. People brag about lengh of their marriage, when there was infidelity, etc. Just stay for the security. They are afraid of being single! And face being alone.😢
Or maybe they’ve mastered forgiveness
@@christinacanto3740most of the time they just don’t want to be considered a failure or be back to being single and financially burdened and what others will think of them. Even though they are unhappy in the marriage because of infidelity or anything else that happened. But inside they are dying slowly
I swear it is the whole truth and nothing but the truth. It's healthy that way
Mr. Jay
You talk calmer in (orange)loud in orange 🍊 😂😂😂😂😂 have a happy day me in orange 🍊 🎉🎉🎉 your teaching me....
That's right. So many people have wasted their lives just because they are too afraid to start all over again and live their life in their own terms. Of course, they do that "for the shake of their children" and "because marriage takes effort". The truth is they have just settled for less and they put the responsibility of their life on other people. It's easier to find excuses than taking action and step out of your comfort zone (no matter how much uncomfort it has become).
Damn. He's beautiful
Wow, and sadly, people will take advice from this guy.
Well the problem with that is that it's never mutual and it comes out of a place where one person thinks he can find someone better and that's why he leaves. Hurting the whole family just because he wants to look for someone better.
I love your reply, makes total sense.
I totally agree with him. After 11 sad years in my previous relationship, I finally got the courage to leave. There’s no point of staying if you are miserable all the time. Sometimes, there’s nothing to fix. We did remain good friends though.
It’s very easy to let go when we think we aren’t getting anything good from a relationship but from the beginning our minds need to be set on “What am I bringing into the relationship?”. Now hold on! I know we hear this often but hear me out, everyday we have to nurture our relationships. Yes, some days may be harder than others but even if you can only muster a “thank you”, “I love you” or “I am praying for you” it builds up to a beautiful harvest.
A lasting relationship is build on two people putting in work. There will be days when one is putting more than the other but it doesn’t stay like that for long. Keep praying and keep nurturing the relationship because that’s what will encourage your partner to do the same. Especially in married couples. Man cannot separate what was brought together by God 🙏. God does care about our relationships and the secret is to include God and nothing will be able to separate what God is holding together 🙏
So many times, we outgrow those closest to us. We all grow on different levels at different times. Letting go to move forward is very healthy.
Time invested...has nothing to do with end results.
😇
This is so good ❤
Very true i was with someone for 15 years and i finally opened my eyes that it wasn’t going no where so i had to cut the cord and move on its never to late to open your eyes God gives you a person and he can also take it away from you and i believe in that don’t ever settle
Thank you for spreading your wisdom
It's like your just doing the same routine over n over n not experiencing or enjoying life the fullest cuz the depth is just nonexisting. Happy but not truly or fully
The good news is that a mature wise person can end, heal from, and move on from a healthy relationship - as long as they were not engaged or married.
Truth hurts...and is painful to leave someone after so long but
he's right!!
Wow!! There's alot of people here that stays being together even if theres no more love..that's so sad! 😢 Also it's not always about "letting go" like leaving...sometimes letting go is "giving up" so staying in a loveless marriage and not doing anything to improve or not trying to work on something, is as good as letting go...you're still there but you've already "given up" 😢 Work on that love everyday, don't stay and NOT do anything about it❤
I believe this is true even within marriage. I’ve finally let go of 28 year marriage as it became toxic. External forces can’t be helped sometimes no matter what you do! Especially when children are involved and knowing when it’s time to move on! Healthier mindset! Great advice!
Can you imagine have the responsibility to always inspire your significant other 🙃
I think a better focus is how can i grow, what do I bring to the table how do I make this better? People are too outwardly focused changing partners etc will not bring true change true change comes from within!!!
Because someone can speak english, speak into a microphone doesnt mean they have wisdom is what they are saying. I feel so sorry for this guy
B.S
I became seriously ill with debilitating anxiety/depression and panic attacks. My partner loves me, I love him... but he let me go because I have "no ambition" I'm "lazy" "I'm not growing with him", whilst he was at a new job feeling more superior. I was disposed of at my lowest point because of what the man in this video is claiming!
This can leave people trapped if you can’t learn this.
Not always. But sometimes
I think it’s a good advice, because Mr. Shatty mentions couples that do not inspire each other anymore. He doesn’t say let’s do it in the first opportunity. In fact, it means when you are unhappy with your partner that you should see your own life as worthy to live and move on. No one gets a price for an unfulfilled marriage after death 🤷🏽♀️
Yes, I'm forcing myself. Trying to stay in after 17 years because I'm afraid of being judged for giving up on such a long relationship.
He was once a monk. So disappointing. Always be contented in 3 things of this world. Your partner. The food you eat and the wealth. Always be discontented in your spiritual growth. It is not always about growing growing growing. It is about giving giving giving.
When you have a child. It’s best for the whole family dynamic if you are able to work it out. If there’s no kids and you’re miserable. Makes sense to go.
GREAT HONEST & BEST ADVICE ON THE SUBJECT!!!💯💯💯💯
Normalize is the key word!! Thank you 🙂
A relationship doesn’t have to last to be considered successful. Love this 🙏♥️
Terrible advice. I usually enjoy his comments. Not today!
Stop!
End the pattern of divorce. You won’t find long term happiness by thinking in short term needs.
Take responsibility to rekindle your love. Don’t need immediate reciprocity.
Trust committing to change WITH your spouse will eventually bring about the change.
The grass isn’t greener.
Trust that love, loyalty, perseverance and FAITH, will make you unstoppable.
Go be that instrument of change!
Yes you're correct....This generation wants everything quick, and as a result disposing of love is normalized. But as jay said, it might make sense to some other individuals...each to his own... there's many different ways to look at it. So yeah, let's be considerate of everyone's opinions.
Agreed!
Totally Agree
Agree
At no point did he mention marriage or divorce.
Y E S!!!!💜
If people can learn how to let go, they’ll be surprised how much more they can grow
Commitment doesn’t always trump satisfaction and growth
Terrible Advice!!!! Letting go of love tears apart families! There is ALWAYS room to grow together …..
I am Funeral Arranger…..and I witness everyday the commitment to enduring Love from people who have stayed together for 40,50,60 years……
And this is not the advice they give!!
He is so young and wise😁
Length,time, distance doesn't measure the value of true love and connection. My longest relationship had the least connection. My shortest situation had the strongest deepest connection
This is so true!!! It’s time humanity realizes this. We don’t have to remain in low quality relationships. We deserve true connection and growth that comes from authentic and genuinely intimate relationships.
I used to work in a manufacturing plant. So I have an array of personalities to deal with lol. And my favorite coworkers, the ones who were the easiest to work with day in and day out, either didn’t complain about their partner or they only talked about their accomplishments. The coworkers I avoided / dreaded to talk to, always had something negative to say about their partner. I learned to only take relationship advice from the happy coworkers lol.
No, we need to normalise working together and staying IN the relationship. Unless someone is abusive , do not leave your relationship
Absolutely true 👍👌🙌💯, what I learnt from the relationship people get tired 😫 starts with so much love, and then what happened other person totally forgotten 😢 that's what happened to me, 😢😢😢😢, you must let go, but I never did trying hanging there, now its over but still we keeping touch ❤
The depth and quality of a relationship is not just about inspiring or learning or growing together more, there's so much more once a marriage has solid foundations, connection, friends, 🎉family and work all add to your growth and depth as a couple. The grass is not always greener and it's not always worth connecting elsewhere when in reality you disconnect! .. Trust, peace, love and contentment are truly beautiful commitments too... Trust me after 40 years together, I talk from experience and a good relationship should encompas a lot more we's than I's
The depth and quality are the most important 👍🏻👍🏻💯💯💯
Amen…people need to get out when the time comes. Relationships are about personal growth.
Relationship is sweeter then all. Which was the key to live alive comfortably without outer intertainment for poor people. Thanks
Many thanks! Wish I knew this much earlier😢
Sooooo true..... I've been Married for 16 years and all I've got from this relationship is pain and heartbreak. Now I have decided to move on ❤
Love relationships are ment to be worked on not trown away. Love is not a feeling it is a daily choice. Something worth fighting your flesh for. True love doesn't die!
Had old friends who wanted to reconnect, but sadly those days are over. Thanks for being there for me when I needed a friend. Personally, I just have to find a different path in life then what we are on. People grow into newer versions of themselves everyday...why can't that be me as well.
This advice is spot on. I stayed in a loveless marriage for over 8 years for all the societal, biblical, cultural and whatever else norms told me I needed to stay forever. We tried it all. He didn’t want it. He didn’t say it. He would have stayed happily as roomies. I wanted to show my kids better. I decided to put me first. And in the end, all he cared about was his image and catapulted into a horrible narcissistic person. Thank you for speaking the truth.
So you showed your kids that if you aren't happy in marriage, quit. Got it!
always great to hear your truth, Jay.
This is the problem in this generation. No commitment and children raised without father figures.
If “this”is the ⚠️ONLY REASON ⚠️to Stay Together or to Celebrate the “union” your not wrong 🤍🕊️🤍
I love this man like FAMILY! He's the TRUTH!
Listen to this guy and end up alone
I love this. It is okay to let 'love' go. Being in love changes after a very long time. That's all. Thank you.🌷
Thank you , I needed to hear tha
Love should be enjoyable not suffocating, emptiness and selfishness. Run as fast as you can.
Our expectations are way TOO high when it comes to marriage. We expect it to be instagramable - perfect vacations, fit partner, picture perfect gifts or jokes, impecable communication, stable finances, a big house, a trained dog, obedient children! Honestly, none of us can do all that for our partner so why do we expect them to dedicate their entire energy into creating an allusion of happiness for us? Every day life is much more deliciously mundane and excellently simple - you build a home for your family, whatever that may look like, you keep the water running and break bread laughing. There is no greater “depth” than accepting each other in the most simple and raw form. All the other growth stuff is our own personal responsibility. What has to match is your values not your ideas of “growth” because values is what stays constant and keeps you connected as you grow and fall through life.
Once we are growing together, we keep loving each other.
Agree with your great advice Jay thank you for sharing this with me 🙏🙏❤️
The unhappiest and most bitter people I’ve met this far have been married people. Some stay together and take out their misery on others.
Normalize being this handsome 🥲
That’s right, dude. So true.
He’s the Gandalf of the relationship world.
If the connection is not there anymore they time to go your separate ways
AMEN!! The truth be told. 💖
I absolutely agree.😊😊
If you’re not really ready to be a husband or wife, don’t do it because the relationship won’t last. It’s a sacrifice, a commitment to eachother and it’s hard and people today are too selfish to cherish something like this which is why it’s not working.
This fool is gone crazy 😂😂😂😂