✨Dating Advice That CHANGED MY LIFE✨(you can thank my therapist)
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- Опубликовано: 7 июн 2024
- The last nearly 2 years of my life have been WILD. So much has changed and I have learned so much and am happier than ever. I made a Shorts video on my 7 non-negotiables and it sparked a lot of people asking me to make a longer version of that video, so HERE IT IS!
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Anyone else sees Ariel’s book link in the description box? Mai can you link her book for us to buy it? Is it on amazon as well and where else can you buy it?
Here’s the link! :) amzn.to/45yVHSy
@@MaiZimmy ohh im assuming Ariel’s name is not Ariel, so the author/your friend is M.J Hendrix? Not to sound like a creep but thats why i couldn’t find her book
Don’t need dating advice, just a Mai supporter. 😊
You’re the best!! 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Same 🎉
I love your list! Here are some of mine:
*Does not see everything, including relationships, as a competition.
*Reads books (or listens to audiobooks.) To me this says he is curious and open to new ideas.
*Believes women are equals and that being male doesn't automatically give you the final say. (Being a Christian woman doesn't mean I want to be treated like a child or household servant!)
*Understands that autism is not a dirty secret that needs to be hidden, and that accommodating a child with special needs is not a parenting fail.
*Is humble. To me that looks like the ability to laugh at himself, to celebrate other people's successes, and to do good deeds anonymously, without applause and recognition.
*Is able to empathize rather than judge other people for their mistakes and hardships.
*Is not afraid to ask for help, including psychiatric help.
*Doesn't watch porn regularly and can give affection that doesn't have to lead to sex.
*Is proactive about resolving disagreements without sulking or giving the silent treatment for days and days.
I am definitely stealing your one about 50/50 custody!
This is a great list!! Sounds like you have some experience with narcissism as well 😢😅
Men on p@rn are the worst and unfortunately alot of them lie about using it and you find out later when they flip the script on theri behavior 😮
@@MaiZimmy Indeed 😬😅
I was always wondering why your ex was so stuck on not being on your channel and it all makes sense now. When you know you're doing things you shouldn't ("business trips") , yeah, you wouldn't want to be on a public forum to make sure you're not held accountable :)
I hope you found/find someone who you deserve and shows you what true love looks, feels, and is like.
It takes going through a painful situation (whether it be losing a spouse and becoming a widow, or being in an abusive relationship) to realize that those non negotiables are so important. I don’t believe in manifesting, but I do believe in praying & giving those plans & wants to God. When I finally did that, He brought me my now husband. So happy for you, Mai. Thank you for sharing with us. ❤
Mai. When you talk about your past relationship, you always blame yourself for choosing the wrong person and the fact that your kids ended up in a family of divorce parents. But girl, you were 15! There's no way you would have known! You or anyone else for that matter. Mai, your kids can and will go on and have a happy life regardless. Your ex might have not been a great husband but he for sure could be a great father. You put those kids in Gods hands and let him do the rest and you enjoy your knew life girl❤
🩷🩷🩷
I don't think she's blaming herself, just acknowledging she didn't know better, which is understandable being so young. As a result, she's learnt and grown as a person.
💅 Can't be a good dad if he's out like a tom cat, which is exactly what he was doing. She's said so many times that she was a single married mom or whatever on here, which people took issue with, but all that was her just saying that he was COMPLETELY absent. He was sleeping with other women instead of coming home. If anyone needs prayers, it's his sorry ass to be a good father to his sons because he has had to actually be a dad to them due to the divorce😂😂😂😂
You're preaching to me. No boundaries since I was never allowed to have them growing up. Trying to find a therapist to help me learn how to have boundaries and not get bulldozed over when trying to keep them
It's worth the work. I was getting abuse up till last year, and I'm 36 now 😅 I feel sad and embarrassed, but it all snowballed into me finally being angry enough for myself that I moved on.
@@katia.luna213 I'm glad you were able to work on it! It is so hard!!! I know it will be worth it but asserting boundaries when people don't care about them makes me feel so uncomfortable / freeze. I just need to learn how to assert them because I don't want my baby thinking it's okay to have people walk all over him. He needs to grow up with healthy boundaries and I need to be there to work on myself for him 🙂
I was very fortunate to meet a guy who was divorced with two kids, but was the right guy for me. He is strong (physically, mentally & emotionally), a gentleman, makes me laugh (big deal for me), enjoys life & loved his kids (even though they turned their backs on him 😢). I'm still with him after almost 37 years and will not ever replace him if he passes away before me. ❤❤❤
Your list of non-negotiables & dealbrakers are super & they were exactly what was on my mental list back in my 20's - you go girl!
One of mine that pisses some people off is that I don't want to parent any other children than my own in any capacity. I have 3, they are my world and I love parenting them, but I have no interest in blending in more. I also can't imagine being with someone who doesn't have a growth mindset. Gentle words and a calm demeanor in conflict is essential to me. I love that laugh quote. Life is too hard to not make it fun!
Thanks for this amazing video. I appreciate your honesty. So glad you are happy!
Excellent nonnegotiables 👏🏾
Im so happy for you ❤
I just love you!! You are always keep it real.
I refuse to date anyone with kids. The reason being that I dated a guy with 3 sons. We got to the next step. I moved in with him and his kids, with my 2 in tow. I fell in love with his kids and in my mind they were my kids. His ex wife an evil biotch got his 2 littlest to tell him they were not coming home from their mom's house unless he had me move out. Me and my kids were almost homeless. We weren't homeless because I took the first apt I could find in a town I'd never lived in and ran with it. He burned me so bad, I just can't go there again. 😢
I’m sorry to hear that 😢 I just don’t see myself having much in common with a guy who doesn’t have kids.
@MaiZimmy understandable. For me tho, I just can't.
I feel like I wouldn't want to date someone with kids because I know divorce can be messy and don't want to be the "other mom." But also, life might humble me if I'm ever put in that situation. Your reasons are very valid. However, a non-negotiable for me would be if they were not interested in having kids ever / aren't good with kids.
No way I would send my kids to their dad's with a live in girlfriend. A new wife would be different but girlfriend, no. So even if she was evil I think she made the right decision.
My list also included no drugs and no pornography and found the perfect man for me!
Yes .. no porn ..
Yes and yes!!!
@@alcl592 porn is ruining families
So glad to see you happy please keep the videos coming 🎉❤❤❤❤❤
awesome love this!!
Thank you so, so much for this video, and especially the book recommendation!!! I found it on Spotify and binge listened to it and wow... I learned so much! If I'd had it 10 years ago, maybe I wouldn't have married a sociopath. It helped me work through what had happened to me. Your advice was also very helpful as I'm cautiously about to enter the dating pool again.
Wow! Amazing! Love this! Keep up the great work!
Great video! Thanks for sharing
Amazing!
I’m so happy that you’re sticking to what you want! I wish you and other women wouldn’t feel so guilty having this list! We don’t need to justify having standards. I hope you find exactly what you’re looking for and manifesting ❤
Love your videos ❤
Mia, I’m not on the same journey as you however a lot of what you said is very true encouraging. Look forward to seeing what my list says!
The truth about having it written down and clearly having a plan is so important.
So very happy for you in your new outlook, being so confident, knowing what you want is so very important.
Never Settle.
Definitely never settle!!! 🩷🩷🩷
Huh? I can’t believe people gave you a hard time about what you wanted out of a relationship. You were literally just asking for a compatible, decent person.
😢 Right? They have issues
I think it's because people take personal offense to if someone actually has standards, etc, that are different than theirs. It's like when your parents ask how you're going to raise your child and they're offended that you're doing something different 🫠
Great video! I also picked wrong. I was 21. First guy. Married him. But 13 years later it fell apart. I get alot out of your videos. Thank you so much for helping me through this time in my life.
She gave great advice
Thank you
Don’t need dating advice but love your videos anyway lol but I had a friend just like what you described lol
Good morning Mai happy Saturday morning to you and I enjoy your channel and you are amazing supporter happy 1st day of summer
💕💕💕
@@MaiZimmy ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Love love love this video!!!! We all need this! We all women going through shit. Advice is advice. Those who have gone through tribulations can give advice. Just because your married for 20 years doesnt mean u best at giving advice- maybe you are two retards who got together and managed to stick it through.
Please do more life videos!!! Love you!! Your are amazing and a real inspiration. Life is tough but you give so much strength and positivity 🥰🥰🥰
Oh my goodness😅 at two who made it through 😂😂😂
I hope you have so much happiness and love. You are so beautiful inside and out ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤. Anyone would be blessedto have you! I got divorced when i was 43. I was crushed ❤. I had made up my mind not to hunt anyone. But the god Lord had other plans. I met my husband (now) and we've been together for 27 years and married for 17 years. I love him more than anyone i have ever known. My love is so deep and unlike any love i have ever experienced ❤❤. The Lord works in mysterious ways. I just know you will find someone who is worthy of your love. God Bless😊😊😊😊😊
Aww this is so encouraging 🩷🩷 thank you and so glad you found the love of your life!
Happy Saturday to you
How much is your therapy sessions
Or anybody tell me
When I was single for some reason I could never find a guy that had a stable good paying job. I’m not saying you have to make millions but I just wanted to know your job wasn’t in jeopardy and he had financial responsibility.
Definitely a lot of that out there. It’s becoming more and more common for women to be the breadwinners financially.
Which deli did you go to?
✨📖❤️✌️ Book is Dating Radar at 4:29
🤣🤣your mother in law!!!
😅😅😅
@@MaiZimmy yep.. been following for a long time! It’s her!!
I think back to when I met my current husband, and wonder what my list would have been. At the time I wasn’t seeking a relationship. I actually met him because we worked together at a job my ex insisted I apply to. When things ended with that ex, all I could think was that the next guy had to be the complete opposite of him. Sure enough, my husband is totally the opposite. Mature, level headed, laid back, accepting of others, family oriented and most importantly he listens to me. We’ve now been together for 10 years, married for 7, and he’s still the same person I fell in love with
Awww so happy you found your person 💕💕
❤❤❤ So awesome hearing you explain it all! I'm in rebuilding mode after almost committing suicide earlier in the year, so this video is
✨chef's kiss✨
😂 Your former MIL came across as a horrible person years ago, like when y'all redid or whatever her rental. Why and how I remember this: I knew then that your ex was at least a 😺😺 who couldn't stand up to his mom.
🎉🎉🎉 Congrats on finding someone amazing here! Until my boyfriend, all I got were narcissists, weirdoes, and bridge trolls.
💅 A lady needs to have standards! Well, everyone does, but especially us damaged and healing girlies. Getting someone that you're hot for is one of the best parts. If he ever pisses you off, just look at him 😂
I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through hard times as well but happy that it sounds like you’re great now!! And you def been here a while if you remember that MIL video 😂😅
@@MaiZimmy I'm nearby and have no life 😅 I just thought it was interesting and wanted to see how it played out since you realized what was going on and was over it. I left my ex for similar reasons!
With the example you gave of your friend with zero friends and family, it sounded like she was the cause. There are many people who have few friends and cut ties with their family because they have been hurt by everyone. It's disappointing to see your outlook because it gives people have been hurt an unfair disadvantage.
Totally get that! That’s why I said a guy could have a friend family too 🩷
Also in a different way: one could rebuild with different family members after getting burned.
I have zero family and just 1 friend 🥺 am i included
You’re included 💕
I don’t agree with all you say about the family. Some people grow up with very toxic family members. I grew up with toxic family members who caused a lot of trauma in my life and my brothers life. I have not much close family except my kids and dad and stepmom. And because of my child hood I have ptsd and anxiety. It’s hard for me to make friends. I have friends but not real close ones.
I could never find a guy worth a second date let alone marriage. As for family when you are the youngest in one’s immediate family it naturally leaves one alone when most of one’s extended family has passed away. Think about that!
You have to create your own network as a mentally and emotionally strong person.
I need to read that book ☠️
It’s life changing!!! Explains so much about men in my past 😢😅
He needs to smell good. I cannot get physical with a guy who doesn't smell good. Talking about body smell not being thoroughly washed. Do you know what I mean?
Do you drive barefoot 🦶
Huh. These are just having standards. The “manifesting” your therapist had you do was helping you find your boundaries. People who don’t have/ constantly flex their boundaries are how people end up in abusive/toxic/ or just end up divorcing. Don’t see anyone how found a problem with your basic list of must haves. 😅 Like one thing you said was you wanted shared morals. Why would anyone not want a serious long term relationship without common morals? 99% it will end in disaster later. Just like many other things you listed, why would you want to enter a relationship without many of the things you listed?