JAP Battle (EXPLICIT) - "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend"
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- Опубликовано: 28 фев 2016
- BUY THE SONG: itunes.apple.com/us/album/jap...
Written by Zach Sherwin
Additional writers: Adam Schlesinger and Rachel Bloom
Starring Rachel Bloom and Rachel Grate
"JAP Battle" Explicit
Audra Levine:
This is real deep beef from way
Back in the past. Deeper than I'll
Put a foot up in the crack of your
Ass.
Come on, let's do this. Your
Little pals can witness how
Vicious this Westchester alpha
Bitch is. I'm straight up malicious.
A verbal curb stomper. Since we
Were toddlers, I've studied every
Chink in your armor, and between
Your folks' divorce and that haircut
On ya I'm really not sure which one's
The Bigger Shondeh.
Rebecca:
That means "disgrace." I'm translating
For the Goys. Our life lines have
Been parallel like corduroys.
But no we'll see whose bars will
Prevail in this beef of two hard-as-nails
Shebrews from Scarsdale!
Audra Levine:
We've got a conflict of interest.
Rebecca:
I'm about to give Levine the
Business.
Audra Levine:
Spttin' venomous hate --
Rebecca:
Penetratin' her defenses --
Audra Levin & Rebecca:
It's a JAP Battle.
Darryl:
A what?
New York Lawyers:
A Jewish American Princess...
Audra Levine:
Rap battle.
Darryl, Paula, & Josh:
Daughters of privilege...
Audra Levine:
Spittin' mad flow.
New York Lawyers:
Find that term offensive?
Audra Levine:
Too bad, yo!
Audra Levine & Rebecca:
Oh snap, it's a JAP battle rap.
Rebecca:
Look: academically, you could
Never catch me. You were close,
But no match scholastically. No
How no way. I put the "O.G" in
"5.0 GPA."
Audra Levine:
Well speaking of which, are
You AP graded? 'Cause these days,
You look a bit heavily weighted.
And all your book-crackin' don't
Make up for the fact that I'm
Strapped with that killer instinct
That you lack. Sweetheart, here's
What you're not understanding:
I'm street smart.
Rebecca:
You mean 'cause you minored
In urban planning? Bitch, I know
You, that tough act's a bluff.
So sheket bevaka shut the fuck
Up!
Audra Levine:
Your temper! You lost it! Aw!
Cute! Like you're gonna lose
This lawsuit. But here's one
Category where you no rival:
Blowing frat guys with your
A.E. Pi-Hole!
Rebecca:
And I banged your hedge-fund
Manager Fiance! Back in college
Over Winter holidays. Bathroom
Stall at the Matzo Ball and Honestly?
I gotta say: Really not hot all. Small dick,
Rotten lay.
Darryl, Paula, & Josh:
This is...
Rebecca:
A JAP battle.
New York Lawyers:
Bane of my existence...
Rebecca:
You're an asshole!
Audra Levine:
From Golden's Bridge...
Rebecca:
To North Castle.
Audra Levin & Rebecca:
Wipe you off the map in this
JAP battle rap.
Audra Levine:
Bunch, you're a curse, you're a
Blight, we were frenemies at first
Spite. Think your verse is tight?
Then you're trippin' like birthright.
I'll wipe the mirth right off your
Fugly mug and fill you full of slugs
Like a straight up thug!
Rebecca:
Uh, that word is racist. Someone
Oughta tell you. Like me! I belong
To the ACLU.
Audra Levine:
Spare me. I'm a card-carrying
Member. Plus I spent a semester
In Kenya, remember?
Rebecca:
Well, I volunteered in Ghana.
Audra Levine:
Well I guess that makes us equal.
Rebecca:
Well it's settled then:
Audra Levine & Rebecca:
We're both cool with black people.
Audra Levine:
'Cause we're liberals.
Rebecca:
Duh! Progressive as hell.
Audra Levine & Rebecca:
Though of course I support
Israel.
Rebecca:
Audra. Wait. We share so many
Traits. Should we shake hands
And erase the hate created by
Our mothers pitting us against
Each other for accolades and
Grades? We were egged on like
Seder plates!
Audra Levine:
Nah. In summation, you left
New York for this fuckin' shtetl.
And now you're like "oh Audra,
Let's settle." You wanna get salty
Like the dead sea? Word. But call off
This suit, or you're dead see, word. 
Приколы
She looks like the girl from Bee Movie
lol she does
I was abt to comment that
ludgate dwyer mn
I guess Audra's next case is Barry B. Benson vs. the human race.
ludgate dwyer So glad Im not the only one who realized shes Vanessa
"I put the "O.G" in 5.0 GPA." that line is pure genius
I had to look up the meaning of the GPA-scale to get it, but yeah, it actually is really clever!
can we (non-american viewers) get an explanation for this joke? :)
The GPA-scale stands for Grade Point Average. Getting a 4.0 on the GPA-scale means your average is A. Sometimes it's possible to get a GPA of 5.0 if you're taking high level classes. That's how I understood it. The other part, 'OG', means Original Gangster.
Kristine Kristensen thank you!
Agreed my fave line xx
The unsung heroes are Darryl doing his best middle-aged white guy gangster dance, and the lawyer on the left who's always making a weird face
Now I have to watch it again to look at the lawyer on the left!
The lawyer on the right got my attention too! 😄 They're all amazing artists!
Curt Mega!
Joanna Duwel iTs A mUsIcAl AbOuT sPiEs
That’s white dad culture, let him be 😭
Audra has the same hair and is wearing the same outfit Rebecca was during the first episode.
holly fuck that's a juicy detail I didn't catch
In the show they even did a flashback to the first episode when she was dressed like that.
It shows how much Rebecca has transitioned since she moved to California.
Yeah, they comment on it in the episode. I can't remember who says it offhand or the exact wording, but it was something like "Hey, she looks like you used to."
They even adress this at the show dont they? I dont remember how exactly
I've always wondered why Rebecca didn't include a line about how Audra only got the promotion because she passed on it.
OCswimKim3 Political message durning election!
Because if she did then everyone would know that she lied about why she was in west covina
C. Powell But didn't they already know that she moved because she was unhappy?
This was after her secret was exposed on the party bus. She made it very clear that she was unhappy and she had no life because she was consumed by her job. Even if she passed over 500k, I think her half-truth of an excuse aligns with that fact. It would be expected of a former workaholic.
Coz' she lacks that killer instinct
The last line that rhymes "Dead Sea, word" and "dead, c-word" is brilliant.
Andrew Hess ok sand here i was thinking it was "you're dead, see. Word!"
Why didn't they just call this "Jew Jitsu"?
groan
I know this was two years ago but GENIUS
PRICELESS
Ge-nius
Jew Fu ?
I'll just show myself out.....
Rachel needs to do Epic Rap Battles of History.
+GrizzleyBruin Maybe, when Zach co-wrote this.. If they will really do Jane Austen vs J.K. Rowling, they could use her.
Suzanne Collins Vs Veronica Roth and then Ray Bradbury comes in at the end to burn them at 451f... Mic drop...
Or Princess Rap Battles. I like those a little better, but there aren't as many.
ladytremere Princess Rap Battles.. just ERB rip-off
Shouldn't that burn come from Koushun Takami given the specific themes in those books? I mean, I love Ray Bradbury as much as the next gal but it seems that it wouldn't be as much of a fair comparison regarding genres. Maybe a tiny zing from Stephen King mentioning Schwarzenegger?
honestly sheket bevaka-shut the fuck up is probably my favourite line in anything ever
me too - even though it would go over most people's heads.
sheket bevakasha is quiet please in Hebrew
shira fried אני מודעת לזה, זה קצת הסיבה שזו שורה כל כך מוצלחת
+nognog3333 תכלס
I need that on some kind of merchandise
The rival blue girl (Audrey Levine)'s mannerisms and hand gestures are absolutely amazing. Super hilarious!
+Pantsare Di Enemy Yesss! She's fierce as hell. I was distracted by fierce she was!
She is Rachel and she Is a awesome -:D
I like her twist at 0:15 for some reason.
I love how the only tags in this video are "westchester" "jewish" "jew" and "bagel"
BAGEL. My god Rachel, you're amazing.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOh
LMAO
Where do you see any tags?
[pronounces bagel like Britta from Community]
Margarita M. You’re the worst.
-I'm street smart!
-You mean cause you minored in urban planning?
I LOVE THIS PART
Me tooooo!!!!
Timestamp?
@@wa6488 1:14
This is all gold, but Josh riding the rolling chair across the room just KILLS ME.
1:58
1:14
"I'm street smart"
"You mean 'cause you minored in urban planning? BITCH"
This kills me everytime 😭💀
Audra stole the round with her very last line. Rebecca gave it away by trying to extend the olive branch. I guess Audra is truly strapped with the killer instinct that Rebecca lacks.
It’s so wild to see Curt Mega absolutely tearing it up as the one lawyer dancer. Like I almost solely associate him with Starkid/Tin Can Bros in Spies Are Forever so it’s weird seeing him......other places.
Yes yes yes!!
I love crosses between cxgf and starkid fandoms!!
as soon as i saw this episode i looked it up haha
I only learned of crazy ex girlfriend because of starkid and I am so glad I did.
oh my god WHY DOES HE POP UP EVERYWHERE
Obviously Rachel is the greatest,
but the girl playing Audrey is probably a better rapper (as she was probably cast to do this scene specifically)
I agree. but I also think it was on purpose since Levine was the one with the "Killer instinct". Also she was a natural mean Girl.
Both actresses are called Rachel so I agree.
She's definitely hotter.
Keep in mind Rachel (the main character) also writes this stuff too.
I knew she was a genius from the first episode. It's just astonishingly good on so many levels.
Paula's actress is tearing up she's the best background dancer out of everybody
Kate
I was watching her the entire time too really dope moves😆😆😆
She's actually the most advanced dancer and singer in the cast. She's a three time tap dancing national champion. Her character doesn't often make use of her skills.
She may have been at one point, but saying anyone other than Vincent is the best dancer is simply insane.
I absolutely love the way Audra says "Remember?!"
“And all your book cracking don’t make up for the fact that I’m strapped with the killer instinct that you lack”
Her delivery is so fkn good
IKR
almost destroyed my laptop
update: it died
@@adamdevlin4533 rip ur laptop
She minored in urban planning...🤣 🤣
I'm embarrassed to say how many times I re-watched this song. It's AMAZING.
+Talia Sinclair You're not alone. I've seriously watched it like 30 times...so embarrassed. AND YET here I am again, haha.
Go check out Zach Sherwin's channel then. He wrote this and he is an absolute GENIUS.
I am definitely on double digits almost triple. If I need to smile I will watch this video
Audra Levine's physicality as an actress in this, is amazing. Even the variation that they put in the episode. omg. #respect
Exactly what I thought- looks like straight out of Rap Battles of History or something.
"Josh" rolling on a chair in the background
haha
+Chck Marks I often watch this just focused on Josh the whole time.
+Chck Marks Josh and Darryl are always amazing when they're in the backgrounds of the songs.
Daryl's moves!!
At wich moment?
Who won? Who's next? You decide!
Damn, I was like yeah...
Also, Zach Sherwin wrote this (one of the ERB guys).
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPIC, rapbattlesofhistory
@@randomstranger623 ah I wondered who had a hand in this
"She looks like the woman from The Bee Movie"
I guess Audra's next case must be Barry B. Benson vs The Human Race
When you're Jewish and never felt like TV catered to you until you saw this.
Seinfeld? Curb?
@@user-mb9nm7bq5e but hollywood fill to to brim with jew tho
@@gfoot9916 Broad city is also literally about two rich jewish girls in new york doing dumb shit
I am so sorry everyone in these comments are trying to tell you how you’re “wrong.” I’m glad you feel represented and hope you’re doing okay in 2020!
gfoot99 shows having Jewish characters is different than actually talking about Jewish things.
Curt Mega is the best NY attorney. He looks way more into it than the other two. I love watching his dancing and facial expressions.
You should watch Spies Are Forever. It stars him!
"Spies are forever, it's a musical. Spies are forever, it's about spies."
I found my people! I loved watching this episode because I just looked up and A Wild Curt Mega Appeared!
I know right.
I didn't even noticed it was him! Awesome! Spies really are forever!
"Trippin' like Birthright.." SO good
what does trippin' like birthright mean?
+83croissant birthright is a program that basically allows Jewish youth to get a free trip to Israel in the winter or summer. I don't know the details (I'm not jewish) but I know a lot of people my age who have done it/are going to do it.
+Beth Winchester accurate description that's coming from some one who went on it.
Oh wow! Thats awesome to know. Thanks Beth. Such crafty lyrics
@@bethwinchester thank you! I wasn't getting it because my mind went to the legal/juridical semantic field, since they are lawyers (like "birthright" in matters of succession or inheritance) :D
i LOVE the ‘academically you could never catch me’ line it is rapped amazingly
I'm impressed that there's an alternate version that not safe for broadcast. I like this version better, not for the explicit lyrics, but for the tighter choreography. Rachel Grate just killed it with her spot on moves and expressions.
I think my favourite part is Audra Levine's aggressive "REMEMBER!" at 2:12 lmao cracks me up
"Trippin like birthright" never fails to crack me the heck up
Rebecca gives reasons why she’s the better lawyer while Audra just insults Rebecca the whole time
This gets even better when you notice the "background dancers" 😂
Margarida Castro Especially Curt Mega
Ikr
Josh riding the chair that appears out of nowhere still cracks me up.
woah the explicit version is so different but a lot better
I just want to applaud everyone in the background and point out Josh just whizzing across the screen on a chair. Also Audra is so beautiful.
BEST. EPISODE. EVER.
Yep!
+Cande Crush I really need to watch the next one, because holy cliffhanger batman, but I've done this stupid thing where I agreed to watch them with my mom, and she's away . . . I mean, she's off meeting her new granddaughter, but like COME ON! What about Josh and Rebecca?!
+Cande Crush nah I prefer the one with the broken door but this is my second favorite episode
+Cande Crush trrrruuuueee
Hezekiah Pabico sgjkghbhjxg59k'"@;#/÷:pg e2xk
I I swru
This show has made me watch tv for the first time in many years.
+Tony McLean makes sense ...it's amazing !
Apparently, the last line was "you're dead, see. Word". I always thought it was "you're dead, c-word."
+jasobres yeah I heard "you're dead, c-word." :I
I think it is you're dead, c-word.
+jasobres It's both.
+jasobres It's "you're dead, see, word" which is meant to be a pun with "c-word"
Exactly what I thought. What's the c word though? ... oh... never mind
replay button is dead.
The whole song is this intricate thing, filled with clever word play and phantastic flow... and then out of nowhere they just rhyme: "It's a JAP battle / You're an asshole".
It's so dumb, I love it.
That support Israel verse aged like milk actually
No
Listen again 🙄
neoliberalism is cancerous and this is satire on “progressive”America. “PROGRESSIVE”
They’re literally posturing to each other that they’re “liberal” but support Israel, of courseeee, that’s the joke.
Jfcccccc
I JUST SAW CURT MEGA IN THE BACKGROUND AND NOW I WANT TO CRY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH
The actor Peter Gardner (Darryl) has a dog in this fight. He actually DID grow up in Scarsdale! Apparently Bloom had no idea. Growing up, Gardner probably attended more neighborhood bar mitzvahs than Bloom has.
Boy, it's hard to pick a favourite line they are all straight badassery. Also love how Audra says "remeber?" at 2:12
I grew up in Westchester… accurate summary of westchester Jews, I lived in Ardsley which was hella Jewish this is what it was like
me too, i love all the westchester references in this song too
aegiswings what part did you grow up in? I grew up in mount Vernon then Ardsley hby
eyyy Westchester! New rochelle over here! Every mention is so true
Rye. Try being a Jew there. SMH.
Tamara Jacobs Ardsley was the worst! Everyone was very snobby
When Audra does that up wave from underneath the frame it kills me every time :,D
Brave Kate Like a snake honestly 😂
"Are you AP graded? These days you look a bit heavily weighted." ROFL Best rap line in history!
As a Jewess from the east coast applying to law school in Los Angeles this song is kind of everything.
Good luck/hope you got in, from an Israeli Jewess! 💓
I'm a nutty former lawyer , raised in New York, Jewish American Princess, and I majored in Urban planning.
Just loving that Audra tries to slut shame Rebecca into backing down and it backfires spectacularly!
Everything about this musical number is perfection. Everything from the way Audra straightens her suit while dancing from the way that josh raises his hand while gliding in a chair
I hope Audra shows up on this last season in the throes of her own mental breakdown. It would be fitting since she's always two steps behind Rebecca, anyway😊
did you have an advance copy of the scripts or something damn
@@xxkristinakatalystx right!!???
Its edited
Just saying but as an avid starkid fan I saw Curt Mega and immediately went over to the internet to see if he was in this episode and Im very proud of myself.
I JUST REALIZED CURT MEGA IS ONE OF THE NY LAWYERS!!!!
"Progressive as Hell, but of course I support Israel." Now that sums up American liberalism.
This, combined with "soccer is just a bunch of foreigners running around" are two of the best lines. Lol
That line always annoyed be me because those two things are mutually exclusive lol
@@sagethecommunist5275 nah they're actually not
@@gingit3239 imagine thinking you can both be progressive and support a genocidal ethnostate lol couldn’t be me
@@sagethecommunist5275 I'm not you :)
0:19 IS THAT CURT MEGA!!?!?! STARKID'S BACK AT IT AGAIN
HE'S ON AN UNDERCOVER SPY MISSION !!
This has Zach's signature all over it.
agreed!!
2:13 - that “remember”’is everything
The hype crews in the back are the real mvps of this video! Especially Josh Chan and Curt Mega! But Audra Levine also kicked serious ass
Just made the connection that Zach Sherwin is part of the Epic Rap Battle team! Amazing!
As a Jewish America woman I relate to this hard.
Rachel Bloom is great, but also the actress portraying Audra Levine, Rachel Grate. Great performance.
No one is talking about how Zach sherwin, a prominent ERB writer, wrote this. That’s AWESOME
I got into this show like,, two years ago and I’m JUST learning that Curt Mega was one of Audra’s iconic background guys I love him-
i always come back here, once a while.
i love this. it is smart and salty, just how i like my songs.
wtf is with scarsdale? i know like four Jewish dudes from there and they all make over 200k a year and have really severe anxiety issues
Phryne Mnesarete i lived there for a while and its a very wealthy area with a very large jewish population outside of nyc. We had some of the best test scores in the country and often were put in tue top school districts. Its basically a suburb for wall street executives to settle down and have 3 kids.
And Pete Gardner is actually from Scarsdale. He's more acquainted with that scene than the LA born and raised Rachel.
The more I watch this the more I see amazing stuff in the background from the support characters.
“You wanna get salty like the dead sea? Word. But call off this suit, or you’re dead, C-word.” WOWWWW 🤣🔥
If only I could like this a thousand times! Rachel your show just gets better and better. Love the reprises thi episode!
every time i watch this i watch someone else bc everyone in this video is reaally going for it and it's incredible
gayferre same!!! The guy behind Audra to the right is hilarious 😂
Ikr, the expressions and mannerisms are hilarious
Only now realising one of those lawyers is (agent) Curt Mega.
YES 😔🤘🏻
If that's his real name -_-
"I put the OG in 5.0 GPA" that one killed me
I loved this to begin with and then I realized that Curt Mega is one of Audra's backup dancers and I can't stop watching him everytime the camera is on him. Those faces are hysterical.
I've watched this hundreds of times and I've only just noticed the little synchronized dance at 1:31 lmao
Darryl's dance moves are EVERYTHING.
I will never get tired of this song.
i could recognize zach Sherwin's lyricism anywhere, his style is so clear
if there is a slam heavier than 'you minored in urban planning' i haven't heard it
One of the best moments from the show's first season. One of the best moments of TV from 2016. Quite possibly one of the best moments on TV ever. So freaking epic.
I love that you can put up these explicit versions! Now if you'll excuse me- I'm off to BJ Novak's ecstasy factory...
i SCREEEAMED at “sheket bevaka-shut the fuck up” that was FANTASTIC wordplay 😭😭😭 saying that from now on
This is the number that got me to watch Crazy Ex-Girlfriend.
"From Golden's Bridge to North Castle".. OMG tears!
More like battle of the Rachels
I heard this and knew immediately Zach Scherwin wrote it. You can feel his style and cadence just emanating off it
Woah one of the lines is different - in the netflix version she says “keeping your pie hole shut would be quite wise, but you kept it open wide for the aepi guys”
1:05 “are you AP graded? because these days you look heavily weighted” is such an underrated lyric
I have rewatched and listened to this so many times, it's so clever and funny!
I found this show by accident 2 weeks ago and I love it...hilarious
Better! now you can binge watch most of the first season
Such a unique show and entertaining. Lots of ups and down, not polished like most shows these days.
One of those videos I've had to rewatch and rewatch, focusing on a different actor each time so I can see everything that's going on. Love it!
one of the best episodes yet, this show just keeps getting better
I have watched this an unhealthy amount of times.
this is still one of my fav performances( i am so happy doing a binge of crazy exgirfliend)
That song is just straight up fun.
Congrats on the show Rachel.
"sheket bevaka shut the fuck up" my god my god what a line
Hi, Rachel! i'm brazilian, i discovered crazy ex-girlfriend by luck and since that day i started to love it and been a fan. I saw your enterview on Seth Meyers's Late Night and the part that you spoke about bad reviews on your youtube page just crashed my heart. So, i decided to stop by and spend a little of my time to say that you are a very talented person, crazy hot and the sexy getting ready song and a video about Space Jam are two of the finest jewels that you are producing. Anyway, pardon any mistakes in my english... google translator helped me a lot, lol.
I wish muck more sucess in your carrer! kisses and hugs!
Your english was understandable. Good job xD
brasileiros unidos para enaltecer rachel bloom
td dia um mais um brasileiro enaltecendo a Rachel
well this is wholesome
Aguardando o dia que a diva vem pra solo brasileiro (não custa sonhar)
Damn that show was so awesome Im still obsessed with a lot of its songs
I thought this whole thing was awesome and i loved this episode so much. The show is great!
I’m on season 1, watching for the first time. I watched this about 12 hours ago today. I’m almost will to bet money that in the rest of the entire show *there will not be a better song than this.*
This song is fire, but any one of the Greg songs tops it in my opinion xD
oh you're in for a fun ride
Only if you dont care about zoos.
All I'm saying is that fit hot guys have problems too
Greg could do a better song if wanted to