This analogy sums it up: A man asks a woman, “Sweetheart my birthday’s tomorrow. Will you bake my favorite cake?” The woman replies, “Honey I’d love to bake that cake special just for you. But I need a few things. Can you get some cake flour, whipping cream, eggs, butter and vanilla from the store?” The man replies, “I really want to get you those items. One day. Maybe. Depends on how things work out and where I am later on. Before I can make any promises I need you to make me cake first.” The lapse in logic is obvious and ridiculous. The man is demanding something for nothing and hinting MAYBE something good will come of it. Sorry. I need the vanilla before I can bake with it.
B Kandy : It’s a social system stacked against women. Men not only want women to bake them cake, clean the kitchen and serve them the cake...they expect women to BUY them the cake, too. Who wants or NEEDS a boyfriend, much less a husband, who does absolutely nothing AND thinks he’s special because of it? I think it’s nice and appropriate to prepare and serve a meal or dessert to a special man in your life, but a man who acts like you have to “audition” for a girlfriend/wife “role” isn’t special or valuable or worthy. He’s actually a girl pretending to be a man.
@@toniexum1126 True if their Father is a stand-up MAN. So many guys learn poor behaviors from their Father's or watching other men. As Women we hold the power; any Man will tell you that. Women teach Men how to treat them.
A lot of women think their “cookie” is magic, and he just can’t resist them after they “put” in on them. Sad to say. THAT IS NOT TRUE. Sex doesn’t make a man marry you. Be blessed Tony.
@@j-dubdmg1 you're right brother. Let her go and get you another one. God made plenty to choose from. I don't know if you're racist or not but. Try other races. I'm learning that other nationalities are very different than black women.
He's absolutely right; when he's a boyfriend his rewards should be extremely limited. Boyfriends aren't HUSBANDS and shouldn't be treated as such. You're cooking, cleaning, sexing him, etc but he's not paying for groceries, rent, doctors appointments, helping with household chores, etc
My last boyfriend didnt live with me but I would cook for him because he would buy groceries for my house. Food cost, I made that clear. You want to eat what I cook you buy food. But he also took me out to eat at least twice a week or drop off lunch for me at work. We didnt have issues there.
Many men want the benefits and then ppl wonder why I'm single at 34. I'm not gonna do wifey things as a girlfriend. Time to really court with the right man 🙏
Right! You're single because u arent settling for less. (Don't quite understand why some folk try to insinuate that being single means there must be something wrong with the lady.. No! Many times its because somethings right with her, not wrong with her).
I was so stupid in the past. Used to buy expensive gifts for boyfriends. They didn’t deserve gifts or ME. Even my mother said to me ‘you are doing everything for him already so he doesn’t have to marry you’. It pissed me off but now I get it.
Men don't date anymore I ran in to men wanting to go to bed, not willing to get to know me , I'm like what the heck is wrong with these men, no morals at all. Be Blessed.
Just got out of a situationship I did his laundry, watched his daughters when he would go out of town, take care of him when he was sick, take care of his daughter while I was sick, drove him hours out to pick his daughter up once a month left my family on thanksgiving to make sure he could see his daughter. So much more I did for him and the one time I needed his help recently financially because I was sick and out of work (watched his daughter while I was sick) he told me it wasn’t his responsibility and he asked for his money back. It was $180. I did so much so so much made the wrong choices with him. I won’t give myself away like this to another man until he’s my husband. This year has been crazy for me I’m 23 this was my first “adult relationship” I’ve ever had since being with my high school sweetheart for 7 years. That relationship was so sheltered and kept me from seeing how these grown boys really are out here. I won’t make these choices again.
some are even in their 30s and 40s and still haven't learned this lesson. I commend you for dealing with this 1 time and being intentional in never putting yourself in such a situation. You'll save so much money on therapy.
I'm so glad you discovered this channel too. At least, you will get now what I wished I would have gotten years ago. Take it all in and learn everything you can. This man is full of relationship wisdom.
A lot of ppl asking how is he giving advice when he did the same things...well we live n we learn. He's trying to warn us before we waste our time. Listen or don't .SMH !!!
True, Janay, One should think of it as community service for past bad deeds, if it makes you feel better. I think the teacher has to have some experience or else it's all hypothetical.
I just had this conversation with the person I’m currently dating. It’s only been one month and he’s already expecting so much. He wants me to hurry and jump in the bed, cook, spend the night. I agree with not even allowing a boyfriend to French kiss you it’s too much. I can feel him pulling away but this is just confirmation that he’s not meant to be my husband. Thank you for posting this.
Kba Let him pull away... because if he’s pulling away, there’s more for him in the streets to be had...he has hoe options. Save yourself from the headaches🤕. Be safe, Be Bless,
SO TRUE!!!! Ladies need to ask the man the HARD QUESTIONS. Men do not like hard questions especially the dreaded, what are we? I think between 3-4 dates, women need to ask him what he wants and tell him what you want? Remember he can still LIE to you and tell you what you want to hear. Seek God and ask God to help you DISCERN.
Yes sis! Please don’t compromise. My ex wanted us to kiss and I wound up giving in and allowing that door to open. Even a kiss is too much and it never felt right. Let him go sis!
Tell it!!!! Why take the time to know a woman if you can get ALL THE BENEFITS of a wife/relationship without ANY COMMITMENT!!! That’s what’s wrong with our society we do too much as humans. My mother use to say, just BE!!!! Don’t do ANYTHING!!!!! A woman should be, a man should do!!!! My parents were married 62 yrs, together 65!!!! They had and raised 11 children TOGETHER, no outside children. I thank God for their story it keeps me hopeful and humble. My mother said you date to marry!!!!! You are sooo wise!!!!! I now realize ALL my mistakes, but I am re-learning and GROWING. Thanks again and have blessed weekend
@@TonyGaskins I think a lot of women do "wifely duties" to try and impress the man. They think they can convince the man somehow, or "change his mind" into realising that she's a high value woman.
I love this guy. He’s right on so many levels especially with sex, cooking meals, doing housework, giving him money, etc...l don’t know why so many women think a husband is akin to a boyfriend and wonder why they won’t marry them! My husband and I courted for 3 years (in college). No sex!!!! He proposed our senior year. We married 3 months after we graduated college. We have been happily married nearly 40 years. Blessings Mr. Gaskins and continued blessings into the new year.
You are truly blessed. Sadly, It is so rare these days to find. A lot of men don’t believe in courting anymore. Can I ask you if you took a break from each other, at all in those 3 years of dating? Thanks for sharing your story.
When Tony said a peck on the lips i burst out laughing 😂😂😂 wewwww Tony these men gone drop me so quick 😂 but that’s okay because you’re right. I’m not doing all that extra for a man who may leave anyway 💯👏🏾 thank you
I've been following these principles for a while. It's really challenging in the dating sphere because most men feel that they have to "test the car" first. For me, that's an indicator that he's not the man for me because just as you said Tony he's out of order. My life is in order and inviting a man into it to clutter it up is not my goal so I remain single and faithful to the Most High and trust that if I'm to be wed then He will bring me what's best for me under His doctrine.
My boyfriend wanted to marry me two weeks of dating and he haven’t touched my body at this point, He was doing everything to be with me even though I turned him down he kept trying and trying till he got me,Honestly I guess it depends on the man. But I would say I wish I didn’t sleep with him until we got married
Yes it depends on the man. Some men know what to do. I’m with a military man it’s difficult at times. So how long was y’all together until he proposed?
done all the wife benefits as a girlfriend and nothing gain from it, wasted so much time. doing things differently from now .. Be Blessed Tony is 100% right
It's difficult for most Men to discuss this edith their daughters, because it's hard for them to see their daughter as women, let alone women in relationship with men
I made mistakes too, girl, but good thing it's not the end of the world! You'll do it the right way,for the next man, the RIGHT man. No worries! Life goes on...
So did I. I had a long relationship where I PLAYED wifey! Oh man have I learned a valuable lesson. I've only been listening and just found out about Tony almost 3mo ago. His messages has been confirmation that I've been making the right moves healing single for the last 3 1/2 years. Leaning myself and self worth. Keep up the good work of loving God and yourself ❤
Be blessed ❤❤❤. True, I did all this with an ex and nothing came from it. Then I meet my now husband and did everything the correct way and he is now my husband who treats me well, protects, and provides...
Be blessed 💫 I've done all that for my ex fiancè shacked up, cooking, washing clothes 🙄 that bastard. Okay I'm back. But yeah I won't do that again for no one but my Husband. In Jesus name Amen 🙏🏿🌼❤
Salute, King Tony! The elders were right - why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. An older lady at church told me if you ain't married than you are single - at the time I had long term boyfriend for 8 yrs with children. Few months later, packed up and left cause she was so right. Now I understand either we married or sinning which has helped to keep me out of situationships. Let someone else do all those wife duties without the ring...I'll wait for my God ordained spouse.
Omg!! I tell my girlfriends this ALL the time! They think I’m wrong but get mad when dude leaves saying he “used” them. 🤦♀️ smh nah, you played the wrong role lady! Lol
THANK YOU for saying this! I'm 41,and I'm having a really hard time finding a guy who doesn't expect sex. I have moral standards and self-respect, and I'm so over dudes not appreciating and respecting this about me. It's exactly why I mostly just keep to myself 😊
Keep the faith... we all feel ya. What always helps me through the hurt and pain is that sometimes the reward is more satisfying when you receive it. It may seem long overdue but when the battle is harder, the victory is sweeter.
I’m trying to understand why would women go back and tell a man “ well tony gaskins said .. “ 😩😩🤦🏽♀️ Do you really think he wants another man putting you up on game . Smh . Lordth help us 😅
Be blessed. I just turned 23 I’m a single mother & was raised by a single mother & very thankful for your channel & videos 😫. Thank you🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Keep gaining knowledge😊 I'm 35, I wish I would've had this knowledge at your age. Please DO NOT WASTE YOUR PRECIOUS YEARS WITH DUSTY MEN. If you come in contact with a wonderful man, please hold on to him. I did a few good men wrong at your age, I don't live with regrets. But, I regret that I sabotaged a few relations. I believe there are good men around.
I was not raised with a healthy example of marriage either although my parents remain married. My immigrant parents did not discuss dating with me. I was not prepared to *PRODUCTIVELY DATE* within American millennial sub society at all. Made a couple mistakes but I’ve learned. And this channel helps strengthen my knowledge. Tony Gaskins is one of my trusted sources for honest male perspective & advice from a competent high integrity masculine man.
I think a lot of women do all the giving in the hopes of keeping the guy around and hoping he’ll fall in love with them “because they are so giving”. If you have to do all this and hope a guy stays, your motives are not right anyway. Thank you Tony, Very important lesson here!!
Thanks for this word, I'm 42 and I always felt that shacking up should be avoided, even in my 20s. Too many boyfriends getting husband benefits from women who don't know their worth. I hope these women are really listening and applying this message to their lives. Be blessed brother.
Can not believe that Im 30 and this never crossed my mind until I started listening to you Tony... I have been giving away all the milk for free 😭😭 thank you for speaking so much truth 💗
I will not play house and i will not play wife and i will not give wife benefits to no boyfriend and i will not waste my time i did do that in my past relationship i gave to much never never again. I've have learned and grown from my mistakes. NO WAY NEVER AGAIN. Boyfriend's are not husbands and If boyfriend's are not serious and not ready for marriage we need to stop treating them like husbands wife benefits are only for husbands. Thank you tony for keeping it real you right i needed this reminder great advice. God bless everyone and be happy. 💯👏👏👍👍☺
Thank you so much. I had to stop talking to certain friend girls, they told me my standards were to high when this is exactly how I think, feel and do. 🤷🏽♀️
Tony... be blessed! I had to pull over in my car and compose myself. God himself put this message in your heart for me on this day.Thank you for being his vessel!!! I need to honor my self and my future husband so I won’t give my boyfriend my husbands privileges. Got to save something for the marriage. Women try to prove our worth and thats out of order!!!
Be blessed Tony! I'm 23 and have developed a habit of doing wife duties when I am just a GF. I thought it was the right thing to do seeing how my mum acts with my dad. It bit me in the ass with my 1st bf and he became so dependent (emotionally and physically) that it came and bit me on the ass. I didn't know prior to your video what I was doing wrong. I thought I was being the best gf but in actuality I was stunting his growth in becoming a man and making myself too available. I do have a new partner now (11 months in) and realized that I am repeating the same mistake. Thank you for your advice and I will 100% take it into consideration with my current relationship so that we can both grow together.
Thank you i have been saying that for years men as boyfriends have been getting wivery benefits instead of boyfriend benefits then when they marry there is nothing else to look forward to because u havee been receiving them already
This is so true. I remember dating someone. We were probably at about 9 months at the time. He was talking about getting fit and wanted to meal prep. He asked me to help him out. I did it for one week and then told him. Umm I would like for you to know I wont be doing this every week for you. Basically telling him this exact thing, like you gon have to get to that level. Boyyy was he upset! Then looked to other women to cook his meal prep 🙃
I love how when you talk to us you sound like our over protective strict dad. I like that though...🤣🤣🤣🤣. 'Only thing we should be doing for bf is peck on the lips' huh. Love it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@sharonjohns1686 yes it is lol, I agree. I just realized my comments is in the wrong window. Was suppose to reply to a comment bout being old fashioned
Thank You Tony, when you are just a girlfriend you should not be doing wifely duties. Some men try to make women think they should be cooking all the time , like that's what she supposed to do! Don't get it twisted!😒
The world is so sexualized that it’s hard to find a man that’s not pushy as far as that goes. I don’t consider an impatient man a respectful man. That’s another story. I agree with you 💯 percent. We can make thing’s so easy and get mad when we don’t get what we want. Thank you again for the content! Be blessed! This was a nice topic to wake up and listen to. I will have my teenage daughter and son watch your video’s as well. It’s a good way to start a conversation with them.
LaVette : There’s nothing wrong with liking sex and wanting a romantic, fulfilling sex life. But things have reached a distasteful level where single, uncommitted men AND women essentially use each other as live masturbatory aids for quick gratification. If a man is really pushing for sex early on, he’s more interested in sexual satisfaction than in building a relationship. It’s useless to gratify him and hope things lead to something better. By giving him quick easy casual sex you set the tone for the relationship. The same men pushing for rushed casual sex are the same men denigrating women for being sexually active and expecting marriage.
@@amasion2882 I don't think Lavette is saying sex is evil or implied it was. I understand where she is coming from. Truthfully everything surrounding us in society especially in media push a propaganda on sex 24/7 is oversexualized and that's the truth. There is nothing good in that.
Be blessed! “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” Hosea 4:6. I’m divorced and was married for many years and when I became a “girlfriend,” I thought cooking and cleaning was something I was suppose to do as a “girlfriend” 🤦🏽♀️! Now that I have the knowledge I will STOP that! Thank you so much for the knowledge!🙂
Not sure if any. Understand that its all about setting standards and not obtaining A man or marriage But living holy which sets you apart when u are set apart u not among a group or others then the right man can see you (spiritual not carnal) you will begin to see the best vision My God its deep y'all prayer will take you there
Thank you for these words of wisdom and confirmation! My parents gave me this same wisdom. It baffles me that a lot of women get more excited on having a baby with their boyfriends than being engaged. Many of us would rather settle for the boyfriend and child’s father rather than husband. You remind us not be afraid to let men prove themselves worthy of us, rather than being so quick to give them “benefits” they have not earned yet. Be blessed, you and your family!
They out here competing on who can do the most for the man. So ofc he's gonna go with the one he can get the most benefits from. It's sad asf females thirsty and desperate for a man.
This is important to hear. I got married so young without any guidance and it really have me in a place where I'm currently identifying with my life now. There was no examples and no one to teach me any of these values. This definitely helps me set a firm understanding for myself to give to my kids. BE BLESSED❤️✌️✊🏾
It’s almost as if some of these women/men have some sort of a disrespect me CODE, hit the bedroom first and talk later. It’s s game. Some men play games with these women, or have bets....lets see who can get her in bed first...ladies if you think it’s not happening...it’s is....open your eyes 👀 it’s a new leveling of PIMPING for these guys, only different is...he’s not collecting the goods from the streets. Be safe, Be Bless.
When you know better you do better. For some that comes with growth and maturity and hearing the word of God and obeying the word as well but we all fall short of his glory. The good thing is that we have chances to get it right but try not to keep going in circles with the same test over and over again. Be Blessed 😇
Be blessed! Lawddd! Tony is hilarious! But he is speaking TRUTH! I hope we all listen and put this in action. I know I am. Ladies, we are the prize! Let's act as such!
This is a refreshing message on purity and I'm hearing it from more men than women it seems. There are a few women that talk about no sex but most are speaking of dating, hypergamy, and attractiveness. If a man or woman leaves you or tries to influence you to break your commitment release them to be with someone else. They weren't for you. Please provide more in-depth detail about legacy, building, and the blessings that God bestows on marriage.
@@DeaconChriss A person that monkey branches from one relationship to another is very shallow. Guys do it when they leave their wives for a younger model and women do it when looking for a wealthier man. Men should not provide husbandly duties to a girlfriend. Other than normal dates, why are you paying her bills, extravagant gifts, etc? There should be some spiritual and financial counsel before marriage. Guys get caught up in looks without realizing their intended has $60k in student loans or she purchases $1000 shoes, bags, and weaves on the regular and you are barely making $100,000. A man should be a protector/provider but with a woman, you can afford. Always choose a woman of character first.
@@debrabelton3161 you're right. It's just I was born in the wrong era, and my women are far too gone. It's gonna take a miracle to find a good wife. I'm 32 and it's looking pretty hopeless lol. But anyway thank you for your insight and response. I really appreciate it.
@@DeaconChriss No problem. Not knowing where you are, I would suggest moving to areas in the midwest or south were people are conservative. Stay away from your larger cities.
This was me….eight years and kept making excuses…wait until the kids finish college…etc….then no marriage still…I asked him to leave and have not looked back. He has tried to slide back in and I have stayed in my standard. Thank you Tony for reminding me…..and making this information
Preach, Preeeeeeeeach!!!!! I'm so glad you broke it down & explained it to everyone. I feel that all single people including myself needed to hear this!!!!
You are 100% right! I used to think I was showing men how good a wife I could be. I realize now I was giving too much. P.S. thanks for the cooking clarification
HELLO TONY👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I stopped playing myself years ago. I feel like when I'm being extra with men, I'm totally playing myself. I know what I "need" at this point in my life.
You right Tony, I had to stop this awhile ago. My ex even told me , (after bringing it up of not being equally appreciated) he didn’t ask me to do wifely duties. Message for me at that time. I only know 2 relationships that got through this due to them being a widower and couldn’t marry due to financial reasons. Be Blessed
Be blessed...Great short video Brother Tony. I'm thankful u taught the difference and privileges in dating compared to being married. Unfortunately we as humans want things right here right now, our way right away. We try to take Gods blessings on marriage and try to incorporate them in regular relationships. Thanks for keeping it real and reminding us!😇🙌
Playing house instead of building a house! Say that!! Very profound!
Ive heard, shit or get off the toilet
Men will use this line on you: "How will I know I can make you a wife if you're not doing these things as my girlfriend". This world is just silly.
They done lost they mind and values and morals
@C C thank you
B Kandy okkk🗣👏🏽👏🏽 he’ll shut up then.
This analogy sums it up:
A man asks a woman, “Sweetheart my birthday’s tomorrow. Will you bake my favorite cake?”
The woman replies, “Honey I’d love to bake that cake special just for you. But I need a few things. Can you get some cake flour, whipping cream, eggs, butter and vanilla from the store?”
The man replies, “I really want to get you those items. One day. Maybe. Depends on how things work out and where I am later on. Before I can make any promises I need you to make me cake first.”
The lapse in logic is obvious and ridiculous. The man is demanding something for nothing and hinting MAYBE something good will come of it.
Sorry. I need the vanilla before I can bake with it.
B Kandy : It’s a social system stacked against women. Men not only want women to bake them cake, clean the kitchen and serve them the cake...they expect women to BUY them the cake, too. Who wants or NEEDS a boyfriend, much less a husband, who does absolutely nothing AND thinks he’s special because of it?
I think it’s nice and appropriate to prepare and serve a meal or dessert to a special man in your life, but a man who acts like you have to “audition” for a girlfriend/wife “role” isn’t special or valuable or worthy. He’s actually a girl pretending to be a man.
If women practice this message we can get more men to grow up
I agree to a point, the father duty to teach their sun's properly!
Right but unfortunately not gone happen, we want to be the pick me chick 🐥.
If women stopped providing sexual access as a group men would treat women with more respect. Guys think differently than women.
debra belton I agree ☝️
@@toniexum1126 True if their Father is a stand-up MAN. So many guys learn poor behaviors from their Father's or watching other men. As Women we hold the power; any Man will tell you that. Women teach Men how to treat them.
A lot of women think their “cookie” is magic, and he just can’t resist them after they “put” in on them. Sad to say. THAT IS NOT TRUE. Sex doesn’t make a man marry you. Be blessed Tony.
Pat Wilson You are absolutely correct! Sex will NOT keep a man.
Right!🤦🏾They Will Learn
I stopped doing this a decade ago; a man has to earn wifey rewards. If women pay attention men don't treat you like a wifey.
Exactly...while these men are playing chess women are playing checkers
I got the silent treatment for not wanting to lay with him!
So true. I learned the hard way. When woman truly value the self valuing ourself for true and real love.
I don't if the female is talking to another person or sexing someone else...whats the point?
@@j-dubdmg1 you're right brother. Let her go and get you another one. God made plenty to choose from. I don't know if you're racist or not but. Try other races. I'm learning that other nationalities are very different than black women.
I love this! No sexual engagement, no cleaning his clothes.... no regular cooking his meals! Respect yourself..... don't be fooled!!
If he buys the groceries is it ok to cook every now and then. I’m confused.
What about taking care of his kid/kids?
He's absolutely right; when he's a boyfriend his rewards should be extremely limited. Boyfriends aren't HUSBANDS and shouldn't be treated as such. You're cooking, cleaning, sexing him, etc but he's not paying for groceries, rent, doctors appointments, helping with household chores, etc
To much pimping!!
Realistically you shouldn't even be living together. He should have his own and she should have her own.
@@iishalanae Exactly
@@iishalanae Exactly! Some women are doiing this and they're not living together.
My last boyfriend didnt live with me but I would cook for him because he would buy groceries for my house. Food cost, I made that clear. You want to eat what I cook you buy food. But he also took me out to eat at least twice a week or drop off lunch for me at work. We didnt have issues there.
It’s even worse if you’re not even in a relationship and you’re doing all these things 🤦🏼♀️
🤣
Many men want the benefits and then ppl wonder why I'm single at 34. I'm not gonna do wifey things as a girlfriend. Time to really court with the right man 🙏
Yes man! Let's go!
Yes 👍
Right! You're single because u arent settling for less. (Don't quite understand why some folk try to insinuate that being single means there must be something wrong with the lady.. No! Many times its because somethings right with her, not wrong with her).
Don't change. You are on the right track. A man needs to earn that by honoring you with that commitment.
Right ladies right. Lol we are not playing the wife role until we are married💪
I was so stupid in the past. Used to buy expensive gifts for boyfriends. They didn’t deserve gifts or ME. Even my mother said to me ‘you are doing everything for him already so he doesn’t have to marry you’. It pissed me off but now I get it.
@@Elovexxx We let them use us. We give our power away. It's up to us to get it back.
Men don't date anymore I ran in to men wanting to go to bed, not willing to get to know me , I'm like what the heck is wrong with these men, no morals at all. Be Blessed.
Saymyname Savanah Because so much women has made it okay that they want it from all of us.
@@Glamrocs The loose women messed it up for the ladies.
It's so disappointing and, quite frankly, offensive.
Saymyname Savanah 💯💯💯💯💯💯
@@user-zx5xw4yw2e Yes those women did and still doing it.
Just got out of a situationship I did his laundry, watched his daughters when he would go out of town, take care of him when he was sick, take care of his daughter while I was sick, drove him hours out to pick his daughter up once a month left my family on thanksgiving to make sure he could see his daughter. So much more I did for him and the one time I needed his help recently financially because I was sick and out of work (watched his daughter while I was sick) he told me it wasn’t his responsibility and he asked for his money back. It was $180. I did so much so so much made the wrong choices with him. I won’t give myself away like this to another man until he’s my husband. This year has been crazy for me I’m 23 this was my first “adult relationship” I’ve ever had since being with my high school sweetheart for 7 years. That relationship was so sheltered and kept me from seeing how these grown boys really are out here. I won’t make these choices again.
All the power to you for getting out of that situation. Keep aiming higher and seek God.
Girl, Sheraseven1 thank me later 😉
Congratulations so glad you learned your lesson i did this same thing at 26 so thank god we learned our lesson.
Wow!!!😒 He's an inconsiderate and an unthankful selfish person.
some are even in their 30s and 40s and still haven't learned this lesson. I commend you for dealing with this 1 time and being intentional in never putting yourself in such a situation.
You'll save so much money on therapy.
So glad I discovered this channel at age 19. 🤦🏽♀️
Conequa Dollar SAME
Im so glad you did too! Hopefully you can avoid all the bs. I will definitely make my daughter watch his channel when she is preteen!
I'm so glad you discovered this channel too. At least, you will get now what I wished I would have gotten years ago. Take it all in and learn everything you can. This man is full of relationship wisdom.
Stephanie Stafford thank you! You guys are so sweet 💛
Baby you are BLESSED.
A lot of ppl asking how is he giving advice when he did the same things...well we live n we learn. He's trying to warn us before we waste our time. Listen or don't .SMH !!!
True, Janay,
One should think of it as community service for past bad deeds, if it makes you feel better.
I think the teacher has to have some experience or else it's all hypothetical.
@@YouAdii very true, well said
Exactly it's like a job you want to be trained by someone that knows the job and knows the ins and outs of the job. In other word its the experience
He is the exception to the rule. We have to listen to this Man, great Wisdom👑
Amen. I'm not doing wife things anymore for boyfriends. I've learned my lesson.
Ingrid Good me too. Never again!
Ingrid Good same here! Lesson learned, legs closed and “wife favors” banned until I eventually meet a good man who is ready to put a ring on it.
Ingrid Good, You and me both!
Thank you!!
Same Here lesson learned.
Thank u for this topic! This is how and WHY women end up being girlfriends for 10-15 years, with NO marriage in sight.
@@bratzsnoopy facts
I just had this conversation with the person I’m currently dating. It’s only been one month and he’s already expecting so much. He wants me to hurry and jump in the bed, cook, spend the night. I agree with not even allowing a boyfriend to French kiss you it’s too much. I can feel him pulling away but this is just confirmation that he’s not meant to be my husband. Thank you for posting this.
Kba
Let him pull away... because if he’s pulling away, there’s more for him in the streets to be had...he has hoe options. Save yourself from the headaches🤕. Be safe, Be Bless,
SO TRUE!!!! Ladies need to ask the man the HARD QUESTIONS. Men do not like hard questions especially the dreaded, what are we? I think between 3-4 dates, women need to ask him what he wants and tell him what you want? Remember he can still LIE to you and tell you what you want to hear.
Seek God and ask God to help you DISCERN.
you bless to get that video right on time..if I had that video few years ago..I would ill close my legs until marriage....
Kba Yesss girl. Stand your ground. So proud of you for coming to this realization 👏🏾👏🏾
Yes sis! Please don’t compromise. My ex wanted us to kiss and I wound up giving in and allowing that door to open. Even a kiss is too much and it never felt right. Let him go sis!
Commit after falling in love and not after falling in lust
Agreed! WHY will he marry you IF your already treating him as such...
RealTalkWithKizzyRock 💯💯💯💯
That part!
Yeah, you know. What's the motivation?
Tell it!!!! Why take the time to know a woman if you can get ALL THE BENEFITS of a wife/relationship without ANY COMMITMENT!!! That’s what’s wrong with our society we do too much as humans. My mother use to say, just BE!!!! Don’t do ANYTHING!!!!! A woman should be, a man should do!!!! My parents were married 62 yrs, together 65!!!! They had and raised 11 children TOGETHER, no outside children. I thank God for their story it keeps me hopeful and humble. My mother said you date to marry!!!!! You are sooo wise!!!!! I now realize ALL my mistakes, but I am re-learning and GROWING. Thanks again and have blessed weekend
Many women give boyfriends wife benefits when he's not in love with you, not respecting you, preach Tony great topic.
Saymyname Savanah thanks for watching, #BlessedFam
@@TonyGaskins I think a lot of women do "wifely duties" to try and impress the man. They think they can convince the man somehow, or "change his mind" into realising that she's a high value woman.
I love this guy. He’s right on so many levels especially with sex, cooking meals, doing housework, giving him money, etc...l don’t know why so many women think a husband is akin to a boyfriend and wonder why they won’t marry them! My husband and I courted for 3 years (in college). No sex!!!! He proposed our senior year. We married 3 months after we graduated college. We have been happily married nearly 40 years. Blessings Mr. Gaskins and continued blessings into the new year.
You are truly blessed. Sadly, It is so rare these days to find. A lot of men don’t believe in courting anymore. Can I ask you if you took a break from each other, at all in those 3 years of dating? Thanks for sharing your story.
When Tony said a peck on the lips i burst out laughing 😂😂😂 wewwww Tony these men gone drop me so quick 😂 but that’s okay because you’re right. I’m not doing all that extra for a man who may leave anyway 💯👏🏾 thank you
😂 I almost spit my tea out when he paused after saying the peck on the cheek/lips... I like old fashion love/relationship tips, keep them coming!!!
Godly fashioned more than old fashioned
Your absolutely right, Tony.. STOP GIVING THESE MEN ALL WIFEY BENEFITS ‼️
I've been following these principles for a while. It's really challenging in the dating sphere because most men feel that they have to "test the car" first. For me, that's an indicator that he's not the man for me because just as you said Tony he's out of order. My life is in order and inviting a man into it to clutter it up is not my goal so I remain single and faithful to the Most High and trust that if I'm to be wed then He will bring me what's best for me under His doctrine.
Amen
Amen sister!
Be blessed ....My husband courted me for a year and four months and he propose to me and we're married before our two anniversary!!!
My boyfriend wanted to marry me two weeks of dating and he haven’t touched my body at this point, He was doing everything to be with me even though I turned him down he kept trying and trying till he got me,Honestly I guess it depends on the man. But I would say I wish I didn’t sleep with him until we got married
Yes it depends on the man. Some men know what to do. I’m with a military man it’s difficult at times. So how long was y’all together until he proposed?
2 weeks???yall still together?
done all the wife benefits as a girlfriend and nothing gain from it, wasted so much time. doing things differently from now .. Be Blessed Tony is 100% right
It's a learned lesson. Same here I had done all of that but thank God I learned that hard lesson I won't be repeating that mistake again.
I'm 37 and single. Seems like I've messed up so many times it's hard to stay positive and believe I'll ever be loved correctly by anyone.
you will in the name of Jesus! it is never to late. Godbless you :)
Just love you correctly and you will attract the right ✅ love...yes, u will.
My Father told me this 30 years ago.
I wish my dad taught me this.
More Father's should. I thought he was being old fashioned. He wasn't!
Ebony Eyes you are soooo blessed to have a dad to give you this wisdom. I wish my dad would have told me this!
It's difficult for most Men to discuss this edith their daughters, because it's hard for them to see their daughter as women, let alone women in relationship with men
Ebony Eyes You have a loving father. Be Blessed!
Tony sounds like a Dad talking to his daughter. *Teach us Coach! Tony is blowing the whistle on all of the things we are doing or have done wrong.*
I did everything wrong. I lived with a guy n did all of that . huge mistake. We r no more.
As long as we stopped and repent, we are on the right road be blessed.
Girl you did the right thing congrats
I made mistakes too, girl, but good thing it's not the end of the world! You'll do it the right way,for the next man, the RIGHT man. No worries! Life goes on...
So did I. I had a long relationship where I PLAYED wifey! Oh man have I learned a valuable lesson. I've only been listening and just found out about Tony almost 3mo ago. His messages has been confirmation that I've been making the right moves healing single for the last 3 1/2 years. Leaning myself and self worth. Keep up the good work of loving God and yourself ❤
@@Laquia thank you😊
Be blessed ❤❤❤. True, I did all this with an ex and nothing came from it. Then I meet my now husband and did everything the correct way and he is now my husband who treats me well, protects, and provides...
Be blessed 💫
I've done all that for my ex fiancè shacked up, cooking, washing clothes 🙄 that bastard. Okay I'm back. But yeah I won't do that again for no one but my Husband. In Jesus name Amen 🙏🏿🌼❤
Same here. And I ain't coming back 🙅
@@lightl287😂 i feel u
I agree, amen!
@@boyzzz33 our Kings coming sis. We living & enjoying life until God says it's time! Blessings 💫
In the mist of surviving b.s. you retained your sense of humor!
Salute, King Tony! The elders were right - why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. An older lady at church told me if you ain't married than you are single - at the time I had long term boyfriend for 8 yrs with children. Few months later, packed up and left cause she was so right. Now I understand either we married or sinning which has helped to keep me out of situationships. Let someone else do all those wife duties without the ring...I'll wait for my God ordained spouse.
SCHOOL IS IN SESSION LADIES!!!
Love your comment 💜
And I’m in the front row! ❤️
Amen
Taking notes and practicing them!
Whew bc I’m definitely sitting and listening
Omg!! I tell my girlfriends this ALL the time! They think I’m
wrong but get mad when dude leaves saying he “used” them. 🤦♀️ smh nah, you played the wrong role lady! Lol
“Played the wrong role “❤️
Every time you describe your wife I smile! She’s a strong 💪🏽 woman. You can deeply love a man but still hold him to a high standard.
THANK YOU for saying this! I'm 41,and I'm having a really hard time finding a guy who doesn't expect sex. I have moral standards and self-respect, and I'm so over dudes not appreciating and respecting this about me. It's exactly why I mostly just keep to myself 😊
Keep the faith... we all feel ya. What always helps me through the hurt and pain is that sometimes the reward is more satisfying when you receive it. It may seem long overdue but when the battle is harder, the victory is sweeter.
Let them walk. God is doing you a major favor by revealing their intentions
Where was your "self-respect" in your 20s?
Falling in love should be an intentional process is what I take away from this video. Boyfriends shouldn’t reap the benefits of a husband. Be blessed
I’m trying to understand why would women go back and tell a man “ well tony gaskins said .. “ 😩😩🤦🏽♀️ Do you really think he wants another man putting you up on game . Smh . Lordth help us 😅
Be blessed. I just turned 23 I’m a single mother & was raised by a single mother & very thankful for your channel & videos 😫. Thank you🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽
Keep gaining knowledge😊 I'm 35, I wish I would've had this knowledge at your age. Please DO NOT WASTE YOUR PRECIOUS YEARS WITH DUSTY MEN. If you come in contact with a wonderful man, please hold on to him. I did a few good men wrong at your age, I don't live with regrets. But, I regret that I sabotaged a few relations. I believe there are good men around.
I was not raised with a healthy example of marriage either although my parents remain married. My immigrant parents did not discuss dating with me. I was not prepared to *PRODUCTIVELY DATE* within American millennial sub society at all. Made a couple mistakes but I’ve learned. And this channel helps strengthen my knowledge. Tony Gaskins is one of my trusted sources for honest male perspective & advice from a competent high integrity masculine man.
I am mother too girl I don't blame you at all
Thank you Tony. No husband benefits for girlfriends. I needed this!!🤜🏾🤛🏾
Key word “BOY”friend. Key word “PLAY”er. Key word “BAE”/“BABY”. All these EQUALS being a MAN CHILD.
Dang! It took me reading this twice. This is Gold.... and MAN CHILD explains it All. I'm sharing this with some friends & a coworker!!!
A "grown boy" is how Tony puts it.
I think a lot of women do all the giving in the hopes of keeping the guy around and hoping he’ll fall in love with them “because they are so giving”. If you have to do all this and hope a guy stays, your motives are not right anyway. Thank you Tony, Very important lesson here!!
"we livin' together, with a broom in the corner..." i'm dead!😂
😂😂😂😂😂
Eristotle 💯
🤣🤣🤣
Too funny
Eristotle 💀💀💀💀
Thanks for this word, I'm 42 and I always felt that shacking up should be avoided, even in my 20s. Too many boyfriends getting husband benefits from women who don't know their worth. I hope these women are really listening and applying this message to their lives. Be blessed brother.
9:35 The definition of dating/courting for marriage.
I’m so happy I found this video. I’m only 21 years old. I’m in college, after watching your videos this is extremely helpful!!!
Can not believe that Im 30 and this never crossed my mind until I started listening to you Tony... I have been giving away all the milk for free 😭😭 thank you for speaking so much truth 💗
If you watch sheraseven1, it's a wrap
@@femininedivin3 thank you, I will check her channel
Feminine Divine yes she’s the best !!! This is where I learned a lot about men and how to get a man to marry you
F A C T S 👏🏾
Great discovery!
Yes. I keep my legs closed and show up looking cute. I love to cook and sometimes invite him over, he never wants to leave.
Chillllle they bout to get up all in their feelings and in this comment section later! 😂😂
😩😩😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@s.johnson1772 Lol!!!! They are going to run his pressure up today! His words hold value tho but chillllle they ain't ready 😂
RealTalkWithKizzyRock Right! 🤣🤣🤣🤣
RealTalkWithKizzyRock Yup... they follow just to argue
RealTalkWithKizzyRock yes because they not looking at the big picture
I will not play house and i will not play wife and i will not give wife benefits to no boyfriend and i will not waste my time i did do that in my past relationship i gave to much never never again. I've have learned and grown from my mistakes. NO WAY NEVER AGAIN. Boyfriend's are not husbands and If boyfriend's are not serious and not ready for marriage we need to stop treating them like husbands wife benefits are only for husbands. Thank you tony for keeping it real you right i needed this reminder great advice. God bless everyone and be happy. 💯👏👏👍👍☺
Be blessed. I think 15 or 20 minutes isn't too long for a video. You're not rambling in your videos, it's great content.
Thank you so much. I had to stop talking to certain friend girls, they told me my standards were to high when this is exactly how I think, feel and do. 🤷🏽♀️
Tony Gaskins ALWAYS speaks the truth!!!!!!!!
Tangie E 💯
THEY ONLY DESERVE A SIMPLE KISS UNTIL A ROCK IS ON MY FINGER!
BE BLESSED!
Tony... be blessed! I had to pull over in my car and compose myself. God himself put this message in your heart for me on this day.Thank you for being his vessel!!!
I need to honor my self and my future husband so I won’t give my boyfriend my husbands privileges. Got to save something for the marriage.
Women try to prove our worth and thats out of order!!!
This world has us conditioned so poorly. Keep helping us Tony!
Facts!!
T.G said stop mentioning his name that's why he need Security 😂Be BLESSED
🤣🤣🤣
Jessie Jay 😂😂 I cant deal
Lol🤣 He serious too.
Be blessed Tony! I'm 23 and have developed a habit of doing wife duties when I am just a GF. I thought it was the right thing to do seeing how my mum acts with my dad. It bit me in the ass with my 1st bf and he became so dependent (emotionally and physically) that it came and bit me on the ass. I didn't know prior to your video what I was doing wrong. I thought I was being the best gf but in actuality I was stunting his growth in becoming a man and making myself too available. I do have a new partner now (11 months in) and realized that I am repeating the same mistake. Thank you for your advice and I will 100% take it into consideration with my current relationship so that we can both grow together.
Thank you i have been saying that for years men as boyfriends have been getting wivery benefits instead of boyfriend benefits then when they marry there is nothing else to look forward to because u havee been receiving them already
Be Blessed
This is so true. I remember dating someone. We were probably at about 9 months at the time. He was talking about getting fit and wanted to meal prep. He asked me to help him out. I did it for one week and then told him. Umm I would like for you to know I wont be doing this every week for you. Basically telling him this exact thing, like you gon have to get to that level. Boyyy was he upset! Then looked to other women to cook his meal prep 🙃
I love how when you talk to us you sound like our over protective strict dad. I like that though...🤣🤣🤣🤣. 'Only thing we should be doing for bf is peck on the lips' huh. Love it 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
These standards Tony teaching us are timeless
@@CeeceeH1819 really that we should only give our bfs a peck on the lips ie no kissing until marraige?
@@sharonjohns1686 isn't a peck on the lips a kiss?
@@CeeceeH1819 no. Its a peck
@@sharonjohns1686 yes it is lol, I agree. I just realized my comments is in the wrong window. Was suppose to reply to a comment bout being old fashioned
Thank You Tony, when you are just a girlfriend you should not be doing wifely duties. Some men try to make women think they should be cooking all the time , like that's what she supposed to do! Don't get it twisted!😒
The world is so sexualized that it’s hard to find a man that’s not pushy as far as that goes. I don’t consider an impatient man a respectful man. That’s another story. I agree with you 💯 percent. We can make thing’s so easy and get mad when we don’t get what we want. Thank you again for the content! Be blessed! This was a nice topic to wake up and listen to. I will have my teenage daughter and son watch your video’s as well. It’s a good way to start a conversation with them.
LaVette : There’s nothing wrong with liking sex and wanting a romantic, fulfilling sex life. But things have reached a distasteful level where single, uncommitted men AND women essentially use each other as live masturbatory aids for quick gratification. If a man is really pushing for sex early on, he’s more interested in sexual satisfaction than in building a relationship. It’s useless to gratify him and hope things lead to something better. By giving him quick easy casual sex you set the tone for the relationship.
The same men pushing for rushed casual sex are the same men denigrating women for being sexually active and expecting marriage.
@@amasion2882 I don't think Lavette is saying sex is evil or implied it was. I understand where she is coming from. Truthfully everything surrounding us in society especially in media push a propaganda on sex 24/7 is oversexualized and that's the truth. There is nothing good in that.
Be blessed!
“My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge.” Hosea 4:6. I’m divorced and was married for many years and when I became a “girlfriend,” I thought cooking and cleaning was something I was suppose to do as a “girlfriend” 🤦🏽♀️! Now that I have the knowledge I will STOP that! Thank you so much for the knowledge!🙂
3 minutes in and you’re talking good!! This is going to be great!
Not sure if any. Understand that its all about setting standards and not obtaining A man or marriage
But living holy which sets you apart when u are set apart u not among a group or others then the right man can see you (spiritual not carnal) you will begin to see the best vision My God its deep y'all prayer will take you there
Thank you for these words of wisdom and confirmation! My parents gave me this same wisdom. It baffles me that a lot of women get more excited on having a baby with their boyfriends than being engaged. Many of us would rather settle for the boyfriend and child’s father rather than husband. You remind us not be afraid to let men prove themselves worthy of us, rather than being so quick to give them “benefits” they have not earned yet. Be blessed, you and your family!
Once you have that child, what's the point in him marrying you??! He feels like he has his family. His desires are fulfilled.
Amen. I believe only an Ephesians 5 man will encourage purity while dating. Be blessed
They out here competing on who can do the most for the man. So ofc he's gonna go with the one he can get the most benefits from. It's sad asf females thirsty and desperate for a man.
mslady312 💯💯💯💯💯
👏🏾👏🏾💯💯
Preach!!!!!!!!
Big facts. I cant stand to see that stuff. It makes me mad. Just told my mom women need to WAKE UP!!!
This is important to hear. I got married so young without any guidance and it really have me in a place where I'm currently identifying with my life now. There was no examples and no one to teach me any of these values. This definitely helps me set a firm understanding for myself to give to my kids. BE BLESSED❤️✌️✊🏾
It’s almost as if some of these women/men have some sort of a disrespect me CODE, hit the bedroom first and talk later. It’s s game. Some men play games with these women, or have bets....lets see who can get her in bed first...ladies if you think it’s not happening...it’s is....open your eyes 👀 it’s a new leveling of PIMPING for these guys, only different is...he’s not collecting the goods from the streets. Be safe, Be Bless.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeew 🔥🔥🔥
Be blessed. Don't worry about what these men think. Keep teaching women the right way....God's way.
When you know better you do better. For some that comes with growth and maturity and hearing the word of God and obeying the word as well but we all fall short of his glory. The good thing is that we have chances to get it right but try not to keep going in circles with the same test over and over again. Be Blessed 😇
Thank you!!! Girlfriend's only give a kiss, hold hands and hugs!! Thank you!! I always believed in no sex before marriage.
Be blessed! Lawddd! Tony is hilarious! But he is speaking TRUTH! I hope we all listen and put this in action. I know I am. Ladies, we are the prize! Let's act as such!
Ebony Flowers thank you for the support, #BlessedFam
“Got they milkshake bringing the boys to the yard “ 😂😂😂 I laughed sooooo hard lol Be blessed
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾Tell it like it is Tony! We all are guilty on doing one of the things you stated. Single and waiting on God! ❤ Be blessed!!!
Tinta S 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
Thank you Mr. Tony lord you are a big confirmation to things i needed to know thank you so much.
This is a refreshing message on purity and I'm hearing it from more men than women it seems. There are a few women that talk about no sex but most are speaking of dating, hypergamy, and attractiveness. If a man or woman leaves you or tries to influence you to break your commitment release them to be with someone else. They weren't for you. Please provide more in-depth detail about legacy, building, and the blessings that God bestows on marriage.
Hypergamy is very real.. that's why I refuse to get married. You'll really never be good enough. Because somebody else will always have what you don't
@@DeaconChriss A person that monkey branches from one relationship to another is very shallow. Guys do it when they leave their wives for a younger model and women do it when looking for a wealthier man. Men should not provide husbandly duties to a girlfriend. Other than normal dates, why are you paying her bills, extravagant gifts, etc? There should be some spiritual and financial counsel before marriage. Guys get caught up in looks without realizing their intended has $60k in student loans or she purchases $1000 shoes, bags, and weaves on the regular and you are barely making $100,000.
A man should be a protector/provider but with a woman, you can afford. Always choose a woman of character first.
@@debrabelton3161 you're right. It's just I was born in the wrong era, and my women are far too gone. It's gonna take a miracle to find a good wife. I'm 32 and it's looking pretty hopeless lol. But anyway thank you for your insight and response. I really appreciate it.
@@DeaconChriss No problem. Not knowing where you are, I would suggest moving to areas in the midwest or south were people are conservative. Stay away from your larger cities.
@@debrabelton3161 amen
This was me….eight years and kept making excuses…wait until the kids finish college…etc….then no marriage still…I asked him to leave and have not looked back. He has tried to slide back in and I have stayed in my standard. Thank you Tony for reminding me…..and making this information
It’s not falling on deaf ears! BE BLESSED!
“Got they milkshake bringing all the boys to the yard”😂😂😂😂
Carmen Nesbitt I was dying laughing when he said that 😂
This took me out lmfao
Ephesians 5..Thank you for the scripture Tony. You can not give a boyfriend the benefit of a husband. Enough said!!
That's my problem I do to much then. I just rather be by myself I swear.
Preach, Preeeeeeeeach!!!!! I'm so glad you broke it down & explained it to everyone. I feel that all single people including myself needed to hear this!!!!
You hit the nail on the head; be blessed. I appreciate the blunt encouragement.
School is in session 🤓 and I have my notebook ready ✏🗒.
You are 100% right! I used to think I was showing men how good a wife I could be. I realize now I was giving too much. P.S. thanks for the cooking clarification
Be blessed
HELLO TONY👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I stopped playing myself years ago. I feel like when I'm being extra with men, I'm totally playing myself. I know what I "need" at this point in my life.
Tara O I played myself too!!😐
Be blessed, I’m 25 and I learned a lot of hard lessons last year. Not wasting no more time
You right Tony, I had to stop this awhile ago. My ex even told me , (after bringing it up of not being equally appreciated) he didn’t ask me to do wifely duties. Message for me at that time. I only know 2 relationships that got through this due to them being a widower and couldn’t marry due to financial reasons. Be Blessed
Be blessed...Great short video Brother Tony. I'm thankful u taught the difference and privileges in dating compared to being married. Unfortunately we as humans want things right here right now, our way right away. We try to take Gods blessings on marriage and try to incorporate them in regular relationships. Thanks for keeping it real and reminding us!😇🙌
Be blessed! I feel triggered but I'm gonna give this a try Tony!!!
Jay B thanks for being honest!
Be Bless...Divorced since 1997. Continuing to grown and learn daily. Thank you Tony
Be blessed, you are definitely not wasting your time! Thanks in abundance 🙏🏽🙏🏽
When you said a peck on the lips...
The silence was deafening 🤣🤣🤣