I’m single in my 30s because I choose to be. It’s beautiful and liberating. I love women and enjoy their company, and I do my best to always treat them well, but that doesn’t mean I want a relationship.
And that's the difference. If you're single because you choose to be, I'm sure it's great. But if you're single because you can't find a girl who's interested in you, it's an entirely different experience.
NEVER just ghost or blank someone. Be kind enough to let them know where they stand and then if you need to block etc afterwards that's fine. But if you can't even at the very least say I'm sorry i don't think this will work out you're not ready for a relationship. Being ghosted can really ruin a person's self esteem and no one is better off this way.
Excellent advice for those actively wanting to date, James! Just a general point, though... Genuinely wanting companionship and to potentially start a family is amazing, but the idea that we all 'should' be looking for a relationship, and if you're single it's viewed as a personality flaw or something 'going wrong' in your life isn't healthy. In fact, most people seem pretty damaged and shouldn't be in relationships until they get that resolved I wouldn't date anyone who hasn't been single for at least 3 months. Those people who constantly 'need' a partner for validation terrify me. There have been periods when I absolutely couldn't give enough of myself to another person to make it work, so actively avoided relationships for everyone's benefit... And all I got was "aww, never mind... You'll find someone, don't worry". Drove me up the f**king wall.
Most people desire a long term mate though, so I get it that most people will speak from that perspective (hence being single coming across as being undesirable). You're right though, nothing wrong with being single AT ALL. I fucking love it in so many ways. There's so much freedom and growth to be had being single. However despite all that, I still crave a woman. My woman. The eventual mother of my children.
@@caina4678 Whats growth? For what? The only growth in life that matters is starting a family and having kids. Passing the genes. Thats the only point of being here
@wujekstalin1 it's not the only point, but it sure as hell is a profoundly fundamental one. I hear you. Do you wanna just create family though and go through the motions like so many, or bring a greater sense of purpose to raising a family? Instill core values in your kids that will guide them for their entire lives? Teach them what it means to live life with a sense of purpose and meaning? Inspire your kids creativity and zest for being alive? I know what I prefer. And growth is the only way to get there, lest all you pass on is genes and not core foundational values to guide and inspire your kids
I never say this on a RUclips video but this one is changing my life. I’m not 30 yet but approaching it in the next few years and this is how I will handle my 30’s.
Love your content and there’s some good advice in here. If I can add to the “everything is sales” I would say yes, and the difference in relationships is there is no bottom to the funnel. The reason I’m nearly 36 and single is because I was married when I was 27 and divorced when I was 35. Finding the “one” is not the bottom of a funnel. I know friends that have died too. Learn to love yourself, that’s the person who you will be with the longest. Then all the other relationships in your life are icing on top of the cake.
Agree. I’m 36 and single. I think i made bad choices/ handled situations poorly because i didn’t learn to be happy and satisfied by myself. To be oky with yourself and building yourself is the most important because as you said we will stay with ourself the longest and it also influences our relationships. We can “lose” anybody and if we are not enough stable that will be bad.
I met my wife at 37 and married at 39, and a lot of this fit. One other part is that it can help a lot to be comfortable on your own, to have the confidence to not crank through numbers of women you date, and to be fine with however things go. That base of self-reliance and confidence can lead to finding someone, maybe more effectively than a numbers game approach. In some cases taking a break from dating could help, not in the MGTOW context, but related to guys who serial date or hook up without considering what cycle they're repeating.
Dating in your 30's these days as a man is not easy. It feels more like a job interview than an actual date. Social media is definitely to blame for the ridiculous high standards most expect of eachother (both men and women)!
But relationships are like jobs. You have to dedicate to them, have compromise, manage things the right way, at the right time. I would say it's more than a job, at least for the ones that want to have a stable and good relationship for life, marry and make a family, it's more demanding than a job, but in a good way, and when things are going steadily and well you'll see that you don't feel the pressure to tell the person about the things that you're doing, where you're going, you just do, cause you care for that person and you know the person care for you and you want to keep them informed, just like even after leaving your parents house we still now and then communicate many things to them. And about the aspect of interview when you're starting a new relationship I know many people hate and dislike that, but the best thing I did was start giving a fuck about what other people think it's right, and doing things the way I think it's right, and I finally found the one after that. I'm a gay guy and I've been in a few relationships since my 17's, with guys younger, same age or older than me, and I noticed that I was wasting my time with people that I thought I wanted to be with because of things I didn't ask about in the "job interview", exactly because of people like you that hate this kind of stuff. I on the other hand don't want to waste my precious time and money taking months or even years (2 years) to find out that the person is not the one that I want to live the rest of my life with. Dating for me is a test drive for marriage, but I'm not a person that likes doing test drives on many different cars that aren't the ones I'm really interested in, and that I have researched a lot about it beforehand. So people is the same, since I don't want to waste months or years, I rather have an "job interview", and discuss important things that I want out of a relationship and hear what the person wants out of a relationship, and test the grounds to see if we are actually aligned on the principles and if we envision the same things for ourselves individually on the long run. So for me, the "job interview" is more than necessary, it saves a lot of headaches in the future and a lot of time and money as well.
Nah bro. Not for me. I don't do job interviews as dates. Maybe need to work on your charisma change the topic to more fun things? Or speak about your work more mysteriously just give hints add some humour dont take her questions so seriously. Could just be the way you see the world man, not necessarily her.
I'm single in my 30s because the girl (who I thought was the one) broke up with me. Have no desire to meet anyone new right now and no idea how long this stage will last.
Same goes for me brother, actually we were even engaged, but it is what it is. It took me almost a year to get over this, but you'll be ok eventually. Stay strong! I know it's fucking lonely and brutal. Stay strong! Just do things...
Yo just my 2 cents: By withdrawing and being heartbroken you're neglecting all the work that other single women have put into themselves in order to be a worthy partner. In a way it's unfair to them if you keep holding on to this notion of heartbreak and pretending that the one who broke your heart was the only one for you. It was just in your mind and in the end as it painfully turned out she actually wasn't for you at all. So in order to honor yourself and the work you've put in into being a good partner and in order to honor the work other single ppl are putting in I highly recommend you to make new connections. This obv is easier said than done cause our emotions have a strong hold on us but you gotta try and realize that.
Gosh bro dont feel bad about that i had a girl once like you but we ended up making a kid then she said she didnt want me and walked away now i pay support but never saw the kid when he was born i dont know what he looks like today but i do know his age and birth month he’s 16 now and im 35 . So man she made the choice to not stick with me even though we were never married she decided to walk away the best thing to do is keep improving on yourself be kind to yourself and keep walking
My 8 year marriage ended when I was 29. Took about 2 years before I was interested in other women. The only nice thing about that 2 years was, I so totally did not care about women, that they were kinda throwing themselves at me. Weird how that works.
I'm single at 37 after an 11 year relationship ended. No kids, never married. I love it. It's so much more peaceful than living with a woman. Never going back.
You married the wrong woman and we’re too afraid to get out when you knew it wasn’t working. Take accountability for your own lack of control on life instead of saying all women are Hell to live with. Also assess your own mistakes that you made and improve on them. My uncle stayed in a relationship for 10 years which he knew in the first month wasn’t good for him. Fear of being alone, fear of not finding someone better. James has made a fantastic video about this. Stay hopeful and stay strong brother. Spend time learning, growing, read philosophy and explore deeper wisdom on life and its meaning. Pray and meditate. Things will turn around for you ❤
Great vid, one extra little bit of advice. Be authentic. It’s obvious that people want to sell their best self on a date/early relationship. But if you aren’t being true to yourself, best case, you will waste a few weeks/months when it comes out. Worst case, you get married and have kids and every day makes you miserable. It’s not about winning the battle, it’s all about winning the war
Recently just retired from 15 years in the dark arts direct sales & marketing, on to something more fulfilling... this Geezer is spot on for our current era, geography & set up we are in. The whole dam thing is sales and marketing, everywhere you look here.
How has any market started. If you truly believe you have nothing to offer (I've yet to see an example of that) First you have to build or grow what you want to sell, then you figure out how to market it. Easiest way to do that, took me a long time for the penny to drop, but don't focus on who you think other people, that you've assumed feel a certain way, would want you to be, that's impossible to manage long term. Actually make who or what you want to be, for you & go find your market. You want an example of this? watch this video again.
@@england88me I've watched thousands of videos similar to this one. I'm not saying they're wrong, just that they're too vague. We all understand the basics, but people who struggle with this haven't been able to make it happen.
I'm single because i want to be, after realising I put too much importance in being with someone in my late teens/early twenties. Being able to be happy alone and being able to enjoy your own company is one of the greatest powers a human can have. However, if I meet somebody who is like minded and I see myself being able to spend my life with, i will make an attempt.
While choosing to be single is not a bad thing on its own, saying that simple owning a company is “one of the greatest powers a human being can have,” is already being told across the board in modern culture and that’s why many, typically women, are not finding good relationships. I personally disagree owning a company is the (or one of the greatest) thing one can have. It can provide you financial comfort, but it won’t give you what having a companion to share it with would give you, and that’s personally better.
@@damnrapunzel8130 The emphasis I was trying to hone in on, was “being happy alone.” While I can even say for myself I like solitude, it can’t be ignored that we as human beings are social creatures and we desire to have a level of interaction with others.
I’m 25 in august & I quit drinking 6 months ago, I can’t begin to tell you how much I enjoy my life without alcohol, you really don’t need it. I never had an addiction or a negative relationship with alcohol, so I can’t speak on behalf of those that do, I can only speak for the social drinkers. I’ve developed so much self discipline, more than I’ve ever had in my life. Most importantly, I’ve developed ACTUAL confidence, that ‘confidence’ you have on a Friday or Saturday night isn’t confidence, you’re just drunk. The longer I go without alcohol the more foreign the idea of drinking seems to me, I’ll never quite understand why I had to literally poison myself to have a good time, I’ve been on countless nights out since I stopped drinking; the enjoyment level hasn’t changed. If anything it’s increased, you’ll wake up in the morning with no hangover and it’ll feel like there’s suddenly an extra day on the weekend. Just try it, even if it’s just a month, don’t drink for a month and see how much time you actually get back. See how you develop into your town person because the chances are, you’ll soon realise how most people’s ‘personality’ purely revolves around being drunk.
I agree with the drinking on dates bit. I met my wife at 25, I'm 35 now. Out first date was lunch on a Sunday and yeah we got a drink at lunch but then we ended up walking around the city and spent 9 hours together. Second date was a road trip to a mountain to go snowboarding. That date was 12 hours. The following date was just dinner where we drank. Fourth date was another trip where we drove to the cape and took the ferry to Martha's vineyard. No alcohol and that date was 15 hours.
I never had a long term thing due to substance abuse issues. You need to work be love yourself to love someone else, and self love takes time and effort. In that sense I have walked that walk.
In my 50s here gotta admit not totally relevant but having followed your progress over the years gotta say damn dude you are nailing the format down solid. Always entertaining. Right now off for a wank.
As a 29 year old single dude, this is some legit great advice. I recently started going on more non drinking dates because drinking too much and too often on dates it was detracting away from my work and hobbies, which then made resentful of going on dates at all.
I'm well into my 40s. I've never been much of a drinker. And this advice is really good. That said you can go on dates sober and still end up with one nighters or at least casual relationships. My 20s were a blur of dating (success and not) but it built resilience and persona development. I only really started establishing myself socially properly in my late 20s early 30s. Married with 2 kids, no mortgage and life is good, and as you say, the renewals always goes well as we're both driven to improve ourselves and 10+ years together the journey is always fun and an adventure. 😊
I can't even be arsed dating. I work, i eat, i workout, i game a bit then it's rinse and repeat. I'm worried about letting go if i were to get in a relationship. Because every gain in fitness is so fucking hard fought and I don't think everyone will be so understanding of that and my reluctance to ease off on the training. Also my diet does not include sugary shit and crisps or whatever so most people are probably not going to feel comfortable with that. I don't need a partner who doesn't eat all that but most people will feel bad about eating what they want even though I don't really care. Just wouldn't want a fat mess, that's all. Think I'm just going to continue doing what I'm doing, maybe go travel a little and maybe get a motorbike. Try and get a house. Maybe get therapy. Where am i going with this idk
Another thing is its become very difficult economically to leave home at 18 as it used to be. Its very hard to be an independent young man these days. Buying and renting a home early is almost impossible now.
True, I am in my 30s and I feel that I fast forwarded my life, my 20s went to waste that I did not establish a good foundation to be settled on my 30s. I am living in recovery mode in my 30s and surviving to exist, but not to live. I am 33, never dated and never had much contact with women no less with other people, that in my 30s I realized that I did not develop healthily as an adult and I blame the traumatic experience of mental abuse from narcissistic parents. I feel ashamed that they were able to become adults at 18 and I am just becoming an adult. I blame that on the economic decline of the US in the past decade which made me fall behind in my career and financial goals, which are the main factors of healthy adulthood and relationships.
Beat you to it brother - I been making myself - A better person for 2-3 years (less alcohol , looking after number 1 (me) my mind & body - being constructive in every household jobs needed - staying confident in the gym & jogging - eating & drinking more cleaner than ever!- only thing is she (the 1) is a true human & I have known for years - she is living her deserving path right now , and good on her she deserves it! - the energy of all emotional connections we have with each-other when we’re close is crazy - live for memories not materials!
Now that I'm 31 with no dating experience I realized there even if I fix my relationships that hole of experience will always be there. I may never have a wife or children even when I did wanted them. I also don't have close friends anymore so not much hope. Now I'm trying to accept the possibility I will die alone and found week's rotten in my apartment. I hope to at least have some peace for the next 40 of 60 years to live meanwhile.
That hole of experience doesn't matter if you succeed to start a relationship. That being said, with no friends in your 30, it's extremely hard or almost impossible to find someone, even a simple friend. It's super depressing how the fucking entire world can ignore people that are lonely. That's just horrible to me. Humans are extremely bad and egocentrical, they can let someone alone all his life just because he was lonely after his 30. Loneliness is truly the most horrible thing that can happen to someone, not having someone to talk to, not being loved, not being cared by someone.. just bein alone.. all the fucking time. Truly horrible. Nobody in this world should be lonely but too many are. It really gives me hatred toward the world.
Honestly, I am one of those rare breeds that is happy being single. I have more money in my bank account to myself, I am free to do whatever I want and I can focus on building my career. I spent my entire 20s in college and slaving away part time jobs and finally getting to a point with my ideal career job in IT entering my 30s. Dating feels like it a detriment to me and my freedom. I see too many guys at my age that are married and lowkey feeling unhappy because they gave up their freedom. And chasing after romantic partners is a waste of life and time. If someone is meant to be in my life, then it is what it is. I just can't bring myself to compromise for anybody like that. A true romantic relationship should compliment and not take away from you or the other, but most of dating is one sided these days with the man often being the one to sacrifice the most for a woman. But hey, overall this is solid advice, but being single is also a choice as well and it's not a bad thing being single in your 30s either. I am way more independent than most guys who rely on their partners as a crutch. Just my 2 cents.
Yeah 100% I'm not saying you're not happy being single. Some men need this video, some don't. It's just often the ones who are happy single can change their mind later in life.
@@JamesSmithPT I gotcha. Much appreciated for the clarification and the message. I full on agree with you. Also keep on with the good videos. You're one of the few rare content creators that keep it real with no BS.
That's fantastic! I think some people are cut out for being single and do better that way. It's wonderful that you know that and own it, about yourself. I have been very happy during single periods in my life too!
I'm 39 now been single for 10 years. I enjoyed being single but as time is passing I feel like I have fucked up. Dont leave it too late my friend you may regret it later in life. Good luck!!
I just started trying this a few weeks ago (albeit I'm 28). Can confirm that it can be a little awkward sometimes but hopefully as James said I'll grow and everything will become easier over time. Also if it is and there's not much chemistry you can be done within an hour and keep your pockets healthy :) Now I just need to get more dates lined up
I’m in my mid 30s and I’m single because I make 50K per year. I drive used cars and live frugally. Too square for chicks to want to sleep with me and too cheap to buy her anything she wants.
@James Smith. This was spot on. My channel is about relationships, dating, breakup recovery. I talk about this stuff everyday and it’s rare I see anyone talk about it the way you have. Great content.
Dude I'm almost there, turning 29 soon. Didn't expect this video to be targeted towards men, but I guess all of this advice is applicable to women, too. I've been avoiding dating apps for my whole life, but I think I need to get over myself at this point. You're right, the right dude is not gonna fall in my lap magically, and if I'm not talking to many men regularly, my chances of meeting someone I vibe with are nil. Thanks for the wake up call.
Good video but what I found most bizarre about dating in 30's is that most women either want a temporary adventure/situationship or alternatively they want to get married in a week and create a baby within a month, rarely anything in between. But then again I've been off the market for a decade so maybe times have changed in general.
There is a kind of dating where people are just basically using someone for a few hours or a few days, and if you get stuck in the sport fucking lifestyle, relationships tend to get chased away. You have to treat the people you're dating with some seriousness, and you have to bring decency and honesty into your dating life if you want a relationship.
I always felt like wanting a relationship was a red flag in myself but that needing a healthy relationship is good. I'm 33 and never been in a relationship. I grew up with a lot of toxic people who gave me issues. Its also not that easy when youre gay.
I'm 34. In Stockholm Sweden. I'm in fairly good shape, train 4 times a week. Been athletic since i was 17. The few women i've met in this country are just horrible. They seem great at first glance. But then you start noticing a pattern with everyone in Sweden. Soulless and heartless people around here. Selfish, self absorbed, self-entitled. And many of them narcists. Compassion, empathy, humility, is not in their vocabulary. You can't rely on anyone in this country. No matter what happens to you, you're on your own. And thats only in the context of friendship. In the context of dating, it's even worse. I know i may sound jaded, maybe i am. But it's not easy to NOT get discouraged in this country. The few moments of peace and bliss i've had, were when i was on my own. Fuck dating.
If your single into your 40s you won’t care by that point. If you’re still single into your late 40s you dodged a bullet. I’m 50, kids were great but now would rather do what I wanna do with the time I have left.
The elephant in the room is that women are not like they were 20 years ago. There are worthwhile women out there for sure, but they’re massively outweighed by unappealing women riddled with red flags. I go to the gym 5 times a week, eat well, BJJ twice a week (started again thanks to you), I run my own business and have a dog. I have never felt so good in my life, far better than in any relationship I’ve been in. The time sink of dating women whose personalities are based around watching Love Island, “gOinG oUt wItH tHe gIrlS” or who just think all men are awful in the hope of eventually finding someone who is worth spending time with is simply not worth the time, effort or mental fatigue. My brother got married just before covid. They got divorced last year. He lost around £170k in the divorce and has to pay £180 a week in child support for the next 15 years for a son he rarely gets to see. If you don’t pick correctly, that’s your life. Just doesn’t seem the prize it should be.
Yup. I always repeat myself that success in dating is pure statistic. The more dates you checked out from list, the more people you meet, then possibility of finding partner is higher. It's all about numbers, statistic and mathematics - to be honest.
The problem with dating apps though is it's genuinely hard for most guys to even get 1 date per month. I'm not even joking either. On Tinder for example the prospects aren't great in my area. I'm pretty decent looking but if your 5'10 thats an issue online. Most women set their filters to 6 feet plus immediately so the idea of just dating loads of women doesn't actually work for 80% of guys. This is a huge issue these days and the women end up playing themselves doing the exactly mistakes you outlined sleeping around before dipping out of the dating pool forever. A lot of people will stay single which is absolutely fine, those who feel happier single and content with life usually win at life compared to people in messy relationships of convenience.
I'm 6', good looking, funny, relatively successful (I own a house), and I'm pretty good with women. I've been on every dating app in existence and I've only gotten a few matches with some pretty unattractive women (oh and one dude). Most of which ghosted me lol. To be fair, I never spent a dime, but dating apps either take a lot of work, money, or luck. I think they're all terrible
Really interesting point on the not drinking on dates, not really occurred to me as only been on one! Also, I've always hated sales and dating so feel like you nailed the commonalities 😅
People won't admit that relationships are boring, the years tick away quickly with not much happening. Single done right is like a picaresque adventure
I actually have a friend who desperately needs to see this video but feel I’ll do irreparable harm to his psyche if I do… so many spot on points you’ve raised. Came into this video expecting to have a laugh, found myself laughing and enlightened and I’m 31 married with 2 kids
My life dramatically improved in my 30s. In my mid 30s I felt a bit isolated as most of my friends were having kids, and the ones left over were starting to get really angry at women. Weird fuckers. So I left everyone behind and travelled, alone, and all my horizons expanded. Now I spend most of life abroad. Fuck the dating scene in England, as you say, going out and getting wasted. I can't imagine anything worse 😂
I can’t help but think that maybe your “weird “ friends that hated woman were guys women ignored for xyz . I don’t think anyone is weird - maybe they never got the help they needed
@@sebastiancorrales There were a couple, but one of them got destroyed by a woman he lived with for 8 years and I had alot of sympathy for that at first. He left England to live with her in Spain. I think she had a personality disorder etc, but he came back a shell of a man. I tried to help him for a long time believe me, but he didn't want to help himself, and it got to the the point where he was leaching energy from me so I had to let him go. And this is a friend i've had since i was a kid. In hindsight I did the right thing. When someone attacks you physically whilst drunk, when they talk to women inappropriately constantly and you try to help them adjust their behaviour but they don't heed the advice and take out further frustrations on you it's time to let them go. And he definitely needed help, but he wanted a quick fix. A miracle. He was wallowing and spiraling downwards and I'm sorry, but people like that end up taking you with them. After letting go of people like him you then realise how much damage they are doing to your quality of life. They literally limit you too. I hope he figures it out. I doubt he will though.
in certain parts of the world, most guys are only done with their bachelor degree at 25years old. 30 years old isn’t too late to start getting your life on track
Again what a great video. Absolutely love it James. Definitely will give that no alcohol first date thing a go. When you said it I played a few prior dates in my head and it clicked haha
Facts, was with some one and got a lil girl with them and it ended after 6 years and spent late 20s early 30s thinking this ain’t how I imagined my life so going on dates after covid just getting hammered and sleeping around then wondering why wasn’t happy. Started to take mental health more seriously only drink on mates stag dos and dates now are like yeah let’s go chill some where and goes so much better been with my missus now for 7 months don’t think would happened if didn’t make that the switch.
🙈Mr. Smith? 👋🏻 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 as a 33 y o lady? And having finished the first 6 mins. of your video? I was actually expecting some misogynistic bullshit coming out of your mouth 👏🏼 I have never been so happy to be proven wrong and I agree with everything you just discussed in this its just👌🏼 You have constantly surprised me ever since I discovered you when I was 29. Thank you for existing and creating content that actually helps people. No matter what gender they are. 👋🏼 You got a fan in me after I finished the whole video. I truly hope you have a great rest of the week 🙆♀
I was never a big drinker so the drinking on the first date was never a thing but the anxiety was definitely still there over what to do. During covid the only date option was a coffee and a walk. I'm now nearly 3 years into a relationship I never imagined I would have and am the happiest I've ever been. I've a few single friends and coworkers who I try to direct away from drink based dates but the majority of the time it falls on deaf ears. some people just cant get over the fear and anxiety without some social lubricant...
And yet, I've always enjoyed dating men my own height. Tall men hurt my neck with all the looking up. Plenty of us out there that like men at our own eye level. Keep looking.
@@alisonholloway6726 I gave all that shit up lol I'm 38 and every girl around my age is already married/divorced/kids/baggage, I'm happy in my work/gym/ps5
Classic JS video, it was very interesting, some of it I really liked and some I didn’t quite agree with, but the underlying key message here is good. Essentially excess focus on getting laid (outcomes) and consumption of alcohol, food and the internet will not bring you happiness!
Yes!!!😂. Exactly. I never drink on dates. Always try to meet and do something like walk or paddle boarding. Never commit to a full evening. I wouldn’t think a man was weird for not drinking for one evening. It’s a positive for me.
As a woman, I totally agree with you about dating being like sales and marketing. I think dating is a numbers game. You have to go on many dates to increase your chances of finding someone you want to spend more time with. Women dont care so much about body fat, though, they care about kindness, stability and someone who has their shit together. 😊
I’m in a relationship with a 2 year old. Been together 10 years had are ups and downs and still do. I work 2 jobs to pay the bills and I looked in the mirror one day and realised I am alone. I’ve sacked off all my friends or rather the have sacked me off because I am never available. I go to the gym, work all day, come home look after the child. And any spare time I have it’s with the family because I never see them. Your 30s is a lonely time.
Im 22 and I've been in a relationship for 3 years now, but I would even watch a James Video about getting a proper calorie deficit whilst being a carrot
32 year old male, i have been on disability for 7 years now due to major heart complication. Been single for 5 years (0 dates) Luckily almost at a point right now where i can go look and land a job somewhere. It was a very long hard road of recovery and i made it but i have been single and unsuccessful in life for to long, i am to far behind in life. I feel like i have already missed the boat on finding a women to share my life with. By the time i am ready to go look for date it will be all to late, i will already be to old. To live a life without love, family, intimacy feels completely pointless. I often wonder why i am even alive.
Was not expecting this topic on your page but such a sweet little break in the comedy for something so wholesome 🥹 Thank you always for your positivity and much needed straightforward advice
Wow.. I am 32 years old and all my first dates involved drinks .. and some of those ended up in relationship they should have never been.. this video made so much sense 🤦🏼♂️. Appreciated. Luckily I still kept my fitness on point
Hi. How are you doing today? My name is Mary from Kenya. I like the perspective in your comment . Have you found someone already? I would like to know you😊.
Well I'm pretty muscular and I like to believe that I dress well and am not bad an conversations but I started balding when I was 18 at fuck me that really messes with my confidence in dating and generally in live. I'm 26 now and I'm planning to get a transplant this year, hopefully things will get better after that
Been in relationship 3.5 years never been drunk together. Enjoy a rave and festival here and there, but go for adventures, hikes and other outings. Saves so much money and time by not being reliant on alcohol. My dating life approved when I read Mark Mansons book Role Models
I’m single in my 30s because I choose to be. It’s beautiful and liberating. I love women and enjoy their company, and I do my best to always treat them well, but that doesn’t mean I want a relationship.
And that's the difference. If you're single because you choose to be, I'm sure it's great. But if you're single because you can't find a girl who's interested in you, it's an entirely different experience.
@@fuzzypanda1684bruh you are everywhere on the internet, spreading your hate and contempt, calm down.....
NEVER just ghost or blank someone. Be kind enough to let them know where they stand and then if you need to block etc afterwards that's fine. But if you can't even at the very least say I'm sorry i don't think this will work out you're not ready for a relationship. Being ghosted can really ruin a person's self esteem and no one is better off this way.
that happend with me she blocks me sinds 2013 till these days because i tried to move to fast
@@vicamu541bro I understand how you feel but that was 10 years ago, after 10 years anything your holding on to is voluntary, move on.
Wrong: Abusers and manipulators absolutely deserve to get ghosted.
Women will ghost your ass, return the favor.
@@TheEliminator1992obviously
Excellent advice for those actively wanting to date, James!
Just a general point, though... Genuinely wanting companionship and to potentially start a family is amazing, but the idea that we all 'should' be looking for a relationship, and if you're single it's viewed as a personality flaw or something 'going wrong' in your life isn't healthy. In fact, most people seem pretty damaged and shouldn't be in relationships until they get that resolved
I wouldn't date anyone who hasn't been single for at least 3 months. Those people who constantly 'need' a partner for validation terrify me.
There have been periods when I absolutely couldn't give enough of myself to another person to make it work, so actively avoided relationships for everyone's benefit... And all I got was "aww, never mind... You'll find someone, don't worry". Drove me up the f**king wall.
fix yourself to fix it all. Dont date when you aint ready. Date yourself until then. Self love is something that attracts
Most people desire a long term mate though, so I get it that most people will speak from that perspective (hence being single coming across as being undesirable). You're right though, nothing wrong with being single AT ALL. I fucking love it in so many ways. There's so much freedom and growth to be had being single. However despite all that, I still crave a woman. My woman. The eventual mother of my children.
Preach. The assumption that dating and a life long relationship are necissities for ultimate happiness is tiresome at the very least.
@@caina4678 Whats growth? For what? The only growth in life that matters is starting a family and having kids. Passing the genes. Thats the only point of being here
@wujekstalin1 it's not the only point, but it sure as hell is a profoundly fundamental one. I hear you. Do you wanna just create family though and go through the motions like so many, or bring a greater sense of purpose to raising a family? Instill core values in your kids that will guide them for their entire lives? Teach them what it means to live life with a sense of purpose and meaning? Inspire your kids creativity and zest for being alive? I know what I prefer. And growth is the only way to get there, lest all you pass on is genes and not core foundational values to guide and inspire your kids
I never say this on a RUclips video but this one is changing my life. I’m not 30 yet but approaching it in the next few years and this is how I will handle my 30’s.
Love your content and there’s some good advice in here. If I can add to the “everything is sales” I would say yes, and the difference in relationships is there is no bottom to the funnel. The reason I’m nearly 36 and single is because I was married when I was 27 and divorced when I was 35. Finding the “one” is not the bottom of a funnel. I know friends that have died too. Learn to love yourself, that’s the person who you will be with the longest. Then all the other relationships in your life are icing on top of the cake.
Agree. I’m 36 and single. I think i made bad choices/ handled situations poorly because i didn’t learn to be happy and satisfied by myself. To be oky with yourself and building yourself is the most important because as you said we will stay with ourself the longest and it also influences our relationships. We can “lose” anybody and if we are not enough stable that will be bad.
❤❤❤
Well said brother. Learn to love yourself. All other relations are icing on the cake
I met my wife at 37 and married at 39, and a lot of this fit. One other part is that it can help a lot to be comfortable on your own, to have the confidence to not crank through numbers of women you date, and to be fine with however things go. That base of self-reliance and confidence can lead to finding someone, maybe more effectively than a numbers game approach. In some cases taking a break from dating could help, not in the MGTOW context, but related to guys who serial date or hook up without considering what cycle they're repeating.
Did you guys have kids?
Dating in your 30's these days as a man is not easy. It feels more like a job interview than an actual date. Social media is definitely to blame for the ridiculous high standards most expect of eachother (both men and women)!
But relationships are like jobs. You have to dedicate to them, have compromise, manage things the right way, at the right time. I would say it's more than a job, at least for the ones that want to have a stable and good relationship for life, marry and make a family, it's more demanding than a job, but in a good way, and when things are going steadily and well you'll see that you don't feel the pressure to tell the person about the things that you're doing, where you're going, you just do, cause you care for that person and you know the person care for you and you want to keep them informed, just like even after leaving your parents house we still now and then communicate many things to them.
And about the aspect of interview when you're starting a new relationship I know many people hate and dislike that, but the best thing I did was start giving a fuck about what other people think it's right, and doing things the way I think it's right, and I finally found the one after that.
I'm a gay guy and I've been in a few relationships since my 17's, with guys younger, same age or older than me, and I noticed that I was wasting my time with people that I thought I wanted to be with because of things I didn't ask about in the "job interview", exactly because of people like you that hate this kind of stuff. I on the other hand don't want to waste my precious time and money taking months or even years (2 years) to find out that the person is not the one that I want to live the rest of my life with.
Dating for me is a test drive for marriage, but I'm not a person that likes doing test drives on many different cars that aren't the ones I'm really interested in, and that I have researched a lot about it beforehand. So people is the same, since I don't want to waste months or years, I rather have an "job interview", and discuss important things that I want out of a relationship and hear what the person wants out of a relationship, and test the grounds to see if we are actually aligned on the principles and if we envision the same things for ourselves individually on the long run.
So for me, the "job interview" is more than necessary, it saves a lot of headaches in the future and a lot of time and money as well.
Exactly right. It's bad out there. Everyone has kids too
@@chriswright6245I ONLY HAD RUclips AND WHATSAPP NEVER MESSED WITH THE OTHER CRAP SINCE FACEPOP
SO PROUD OF MY SOFT HIGHSCHOOL BRAIN
What high standards are expected of a woman nowadays? Even borderline bitches, deformed and crippled women I know had many relationships xD
Nah bro. Not for me. I don't do job interviews as dates. Maybe need to work on your charisma change the topic to more fun things? Or speak about your work more mysteriously just give hints add some humour dont take her questions so seriously. Could just be the way you see the world man, not necessarily her.
I'm single in my 30s because the girl (who I thought was the one) broke up with me. Have no desire to meet anyone new right now and no idea how long this stage will last.
Same goes for me brother, actually we were even engaged, but it is what it is. It took me almost a year to get over this, but you'll be ok eventually. Stay strong! I know it's fucking lonely and brutal. Stay strong! Just do things...
@@bakhvainasaridze32 :(
Yo just my 2 cents:
By withdrawing and being heartbroken you're neglecting all the work that other single women have put into themselves in order to be a worthy partner. In a way it's unfair to them if you keep holding on to this notion of heartbreak and pretending that the one who broke your heart was the only one for you. It was just in your mind and in the end as it painfully turned out she actually wasn't for you at all. So in order to honor yourself and the work you've put in into being a good partner and in order to honor the work other single ppl are putting in I highly recommend you to make new connections. This obv is easier said than done cause our emotions have a strong hold on us but you gotta try and realize that.
Gosh bro dont feel bad about that i had a girl once like you but we ended up making a kid then she said she didnt want me and walked away now i pay support but never saw the kid when he was born i dont know what he looks like today but i do know his age and birth month he’s 16 now and im 35 . So man she made the choice to not stick with me even though we were never married she decided to walk away the best thing to do is keep improving on yourself be kind to yourself and keep walking
My 8 year marriage ended when I was 29. Took about 2 years before I was interested in other women. The only nice thing about that 2 years was, I so totally did not care about women, that they were kinda throwing themselves at me. Weird how that works.
I'm single at 37 after an 11 year relationship ended. No kids, never married. I love it. It's so much more peaceful than living with a woman. Never going back.
Amen brother
You married the wrong woman and we’re too afraid to get out when you knew it wasn’t working. Take accountability for your own lack of control on life instead of saying all women are Hell to live with. Also assess your own mistakes that you made and improve on them. My uncle stayed in a relationship for 10 years which he knew in the first month wasn’t good for him. Fear of being alone, fear of not finding someone better. James has made a fantastic video about this. Stay hopeful and stay strong brother. Spend time learning, growing, read philosophy and explore deeper wisdom on life and its meaning. Pray and meditate. Things will turn around for you ❤
@@zeeinvest9473mate he said he loves it? I think he’s ok and not looking to turn his life around.
And like in marketing, when you aren't at least somewhat picky about your customer you're gonna get hell of a customer support obligations quite soon.
As a single woman who just turned 30- this actually flipped a switch in my perspective. Thanks 🥰
Great vid, one extra little bit of advice.
Be authentic.
It’s obvious that people want to sell their best self on a date/early relationship.
But if you aren’t being true to yourself, best case, you will waste a few weeks/months when it comes out.
Worst case, you get married and have kids and every day makes you miserable.
It’s not about winning the battle, it’s all about winning the war
Recently just retired from 15 years in the dark arts direct sales & marketing, on to something more fulfilling... this Geezer is spot on for our current era, geography & set up we are in. The whole dam thing is sales and marketing, everywhere you look here.
What happens if you have nothing to market? You're an average guy, living average life, what is there to market?
How has any market started. If you truly believe you have nothing to offer (I've yet to see an example of that) First you have to build or grow what you want to sell, then you figure out how to market it.
Easiest way to do that, took me a long time for the penny to drop, but don't focus on who you think other people, that you've assumed feel a certain way, would want you to be, that's impossible to manage long term. Actually make who or what you want to be, for you & go find your market. You want an example of this? watch this video again.
@@england88me I've watched thousands of videos similar to this one. I'm not saying they're wrong, just that they're too vague. We all understand the basics, but people who struggle with this haven't been able to make it happen.
I'm single because i want to be, after realising I put too much importance in being with someone in my late teens/early twenties. Being able to be happy alone and being able to enjoy your own company is one of the greatest powers a human can have. However, if I meet somebody who is like minded and I see myself being able to spend my life with, i will make an attempt.
While choosing to be single is not a bad thing on its own, saying that simple owning a company is “one of the greatest powers a human being can have,” is already being told across the board in modern culture and that’s why many, typically women, are not finding good relationships. I personally disagree owning a company is the (or one of the greatest) thing one can have. It can provide you financial comfort, but it won’t give you what having a companion to share it with would give you, and that’s personally better.
@@RexNicolaus I didn't mean it like that I'm gonna edit my post
@@damnrapunzel8130 The emphasis I was trying to hone in on, was “being happy alone.” While I can even say for myself I like solitude, it can’t be ignored that we as human beings are social creatures and we desire to have a level of interaction with others.
You woke up today to spit nothing but facts!
Just another day for James ❤
2 years ago before I met my current girlfriend this was life . Generally never have I ever watched a video I can relate to so much 😂
I’m 25 in august & I quit drinking 6 months ago, I can’t begin to tell you how much I enjoy my life without alcohol, you really don’t need it.
I never had an addiction or a negative relationship with alcohol, so I can’t speak on behalf of those that do, I can only speak for the social drinkers. I’ve developed so much self discipline, more than I’ve ever had in my life. Most importantly, I’ve developed ACTUAL confidence, that ‘confidence’ you have on a Friday or Saturday night isn’t confidence, you’re just drunk.
The longer I go without alcohol the more foreign the idea of drinking seems to me, I’ll never quite understand why I had to literally poison myself to have a good time, I’ve been on countless nights out since I stopped drinking; the enjoyment level hasn’t changed. If anything it’s increased, you’ll wake up in the morning with no hangover and it’ll feel like there’s suddenly an extra day on the weekend.
Just try it, even if it’s just a month, don’t drink for a month and see how much time you actually get back. See how you develop into your town person because the chances are, you’ll soon realise how most people’s ‘personality’ purely revolves around being drunk.
I agree with the drinking on dates bit. I met my wife at 25, I'm 35 now. Out first date was lunch on a Sunday and yeah we got a drink at lunch but then we ended up walking around the city and spent 9 hours together. Second date was a road trip to a mountain to go snowboarding. That date was 12 hours. The following date was just dinner where we drank. Fourth date was another trip where we drove to the cape and took the ferry to Martha's vineyard. No alcohol and that date was 15 hours.
Aw ❤ this gives me hope. I'm happy for you two.
@@y04a ❤️
I’ve been married for 10 years and this is great advice. we did the walk ❤
I never had a long term thing due to substance abuse issues. You need to work be love yourself to love someone else, and self love takes time and effort. In that sense I have walked that walk.
In my 50s here gotta admit not totally relevant but having followed your progress over the years gotta say damn dude you are nailing the format down solid. Always entertaining. Right now off for a wank.
As a 29 year old single dude, this is some legit great advice. I recently started going on more non drinking dates because drinking too much and too often on dates it was detracting away from my work and hobbies, which then made resentful of going on dates at all.
NEVER DATE A WOMEN THAT DRINKS IN BARS BUNCH OF 304'S YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER
I'm well into my 40s. I've never been much of a drinker. And this advice is really good. That said you can go on dates sober and still end up with one nighters or at least casual relationships. My 20s were a blur of dating (success and not) but it built resilience and persona development. I only really started establishing myself socially properly in my late 20s early 30s. Married with 2 kids, no mortgage and life is good, and as you say, the renewals always goes well as we're both driven to improve ourselves and 10+ years together the journey is always fun and an adventure. 😊
I can't even be arsed dating. I work, i eat, i workout, i game a bit then it's rinse and repeat. I'm worried about letting go if i were to get in a relationship. Because every gain in fitness is so fucking hard fought and I don't think everyone will be so understanding of that and my reluctance to ease off on the training. Also my diet does not include sugary shit and crisps or whatever so most people are probably not going to feel comfortable with that. I don't need a partner who doesn't eat all that but most people will feel bad about eating what they want even though I don't really care. Just wouldn't want a fat mess, that's all. Think I'm just going to continue doing what I'm doing, maybe go travel a little and maybe get a motorbike. Try and get a house. Maybe get therapy. Where am i going with this idk
Another thing is its become very difficult economically to leave home at 18 as it used to be. Its very hard to be an independent young man these days. Buying and renting a home early is almost impossible now.
Mate this is the most truth I’ve seen in a vid ever! Ring that bell brother, you smashed your target on this one 💪
Stand up comedy and motivation speech in one. Love it!
I have made a lot of mistakes but marriage is not one of them. I am very happy alone.
I ruined my 30’s by being and living like 27 for 10 years. Luckily I found the love of my life at 41!
I’m 26 man - congrats- I don’t want to get to that age to find someone but neither will I rush , just keep improving in yourself
True, I am in my 30s and I feel that I fast forwarded my life, my 20s went to waste that I did not establish a good foundation to be settled on my 30s. I am living in recovery mode in my 30s and surviving to exist, but not to live. I am 33, never dated and never had much contact with women no less with other people, that in my 30s I realized that I did not develop healthily as an adult and I blame the traumatic experience of mental abuse from narcissistic parents. I feel ashamed that they were able to become adults at 18 and I am just becoming an adult. I blame that on the economic decline of the US in the past decade which made me fall behind in my career and financial goals, which are the main factors of healthy adulthood and relationships.
Bold of you to assume I'm getting any dates to begin with
Beat you to it brother - I been making myself - A better person for 2-3 years (less alcohol , looking after number 1 (me) my mind & body - being constructive in every household jobs needed - staying confident in the gym & jogging - eating & drinking more cleaner than ever!- only thing is she (the 1) is a true human & I have known for years - she is living her deserving path right now , and good on her she deserves it! - the energy of all emotional connections we have with each-other when we’re close is crazy - live for memories not materials!
RUclips is your best content yet, consistency is mad
Nah boys I’ve fuckin made it, see you on your next tour back home🫡
I have worked in sales my whole life. This is one of the best posts I've seen on RUclips!
As a marketer - this is worryingly on point!
Now that I'm 31 with no dating experience I realized there even if I fix my relationships that hole of experience will always be there. I may never have a wife or children even when I did wanted them. I also don't have close friends anymore so not much hope.
Now I'm trying to accept the possibility I will die alone and found week's rotten in my apartment. I hope to at least have some peace for the next 40 of 60 years to live meanwhile.
That hole of experience doesn't matter if you succeed to start a relationship. That being said, with no friends in your 30, it's extremely hard or almost impossible to find someone, even a simple friend. It's super depressing how the fucking entire world can ignore people that are lonely. That's just horrible to me. Humans are extremely bad and egocentrical, they can let someone alone all his life just because he was lonely after his 30. Loneliness is truly the most horrible thing that can happen to someone, not having someone to talk to, not being loved, not being cared by someone.. just bein alone.. all the fucking time. Truly horrible. Nobody in this world should be lonely but too many are. It really gives me hatred toward the world.
Honestly, I am one of those rare breeds that is happy being single. I have more money in my bank account to myself, I am free to do whatever I want and I can focus on building my career. I spent my entire 20s in college and slaving away part time jobs and finally getting to a point with my ideal career job in IT entering my 30s. Dating feels like it a detriment to me and my freedom. I see too many guys at my age that are married and lowkey feeling unhappy because they gave up their freedom. And chasing after romantic partners is a waste of life and time. If someone is meant to be in my life, then it is what it is.
I just can't bring myself to compromise for anybody like that. A true romantic relationship should compliment and not take away from you or the other, but most of dating is one sided these days with the man often being the one to sacrifice the most for a woman. But hey, overall this is solid advice, but being single is also a choice as well and it's not a bad thing being single in your 30s either. I am way more independent than most guys who rely on their partners as a crutch. Just my 2 cents.
Yeah 100% I'm not saying you're not happy being single. Some men need this video, some don't. It's just often the ones who are happy single can change their mind later in life.
@@JamesSmithPT I gotcha. Much appreciated for the clarification and the message. I full on agree with you. Also keep on with the good videos. You're one of the few rare content creators that keep it real with no BS.
That's fantastic! I think some people are cut out for being single and do better that way. It's wonderful that you know that and own it, about yourself. I have been very happy during single periods in my life too!
I'm 39 now been single for 10 years. I enjoyed being single but as time is passing I feel like I have fucked up. Dont leave it too late my friend you may regret it later in life. Good luck!!
I just took myself of the market completely because i wanted to heal shit before I get into something serious
I just started trying this a few weeks ago (albeit I'm 28). Can confirm that it can be a little awkward sometimes but hopefully as James said I'll grow and everything will become easier over time. Also if it is and there's not much chemistry you can be done within an hour and keep your pockets healthy :) Now I just need to get more dates lined up
Took me 5 years to learn the stuff in this video the hard way. You nailed it again bro!
I’m in my mid 30s and I’m single because I make 50K per year. I drive used cars and live frugally. Too square for chicks to want to sleep with me and too cheap to buy her anything she wants.
6:35 lol i love the confidence and you pronounced it so elegantly!!!
@James Smith. This was spot on. My channel is about relationships, dating, breakup recovery. I talk about this stuff everyday and it’s rare I see anyone talk about it the way you have. Great content.
Honestly for a guy who does not focus on being big, James is in fantastic shape! Hats off to you
Funnily I got a Tinder advert at the end of the video, it must be a sign 😂. As usual great content!
😂😂 no way.
Dude I'm almost there, turning 29 soon. Didn't expect this video to be targeted towards men, but I guess all of this advice is applicable to women, too. I've been avoiding dating apps for my whole life, but I think I need to get over myself at this point. You're right, the right dude is not gonna fall in my lap magically, and if I'm not talking to many men regularly, my chances of meeting someone I vibe with are nil. Thanks for the wake up call.
Good video but what I found most bizarre about dating in 30's is that most women either want a temporary adventure/situationship or alternatively they want to get married in a week and create a baby within a month, rarely anything in between. But then again I've been off the market for a decade so maybe times have changed in general.
I just keep myself to myself even more now. There is no point anymore. Too much work, time, money and energy.
There is a kind of dating where people are just basically using someone for a few hours or a few days, and if you get stuck in the sport fucking lifestyle, relationships tend to get chased away. You have to treat the people you're dating with some seriousness, and you have to bring decency and honesty into your dating life if you want a relationship.
I was just swiping left on my Tinder app when I saw the title of this video. You WOUND me, James. 😁
Tinder? No wonder you’re single
@@danp2596what’s wrong with tinder
I always felt like wanting a relationship was a red flag in myself but that needing a healthy relationship is good. I'm 33 and never been in a relationship. I grew up with a lot of toxic people who gave me issues. Its also not that easy when youre gay.
I'm 34. In Stockholm Sweden.
I'm in fairly good shape, train 4 times a week. Been athletic since i was 17.
The few women i've met in this country are just horrible.
They seem great at first glance. But then you start noticing a pattern with everyone in Sweden.
Soulless and heartless people around here. Selfish, self absorbed, self-entitled. And many of them narcists.
Compassion, empathy, humility, is not in their vocabulary.
You can't rely on anyone in this country.
No matter what happens to you, you're on your own. And thats only in the context of friendship.
In the context of dating, it's even worse.
I know i may sound jaded, maybe i am. But it's not easy to NOT get discouraged in this country.
The few moments of peace and bliss i've had, were when i was on my own.
Fuck dating.
Me too in Sweden, i know what you mean lol. It's ok living standard here but i think the cold weather makes people less socially active.
James, congratulations on this honest up front video. Excellent advice to all young men.
If your single into your 40s you won’t care by that point. If you’re still single into your late 40s you dodged a bullet. I’m 50, kids were great but now would rather do what I wanna do with the time I have left.
Thanks Dude, that's cold and objective advice. Just what I need
The elephant in the room is that women are not like they were 20 years ago. There are worthwhile women out there for sure, but they’re massively outweighed by unappealing women riddled with red flags.
I go to the gym 5 times a week, eat well, BJJ twice a week (started again thanks to you), I run my own business and have a dog. I have never felt so good in my life, far better than in any relationship I’ve been in. The time sink of dating women whose personalities are based around watching Love Island, “gOinG oUt wItH tHe gIrlS” or who just think all men are awful in the hope of eventually finding someone who is worth spending time with is simply not worth the time, effort or mental fatigue.
My brother got married just before covid. They got divorced last year. He lost around £170k in the divorce and has to pay £180 a week in child support for the next 15 years for a son he rarely gets to see. If you don’t pick correctly, that’s your life. Just doesn’t seem the prize it should be.
Yup. I always repeat myself that success in dating is pure statistic. The more dates you checked out from list, the more people you meet, then possibility of finding partner is higher. It's all about numbers, statistic and mathematics - to be honest.
The problem with dating apps though is it's genuinely hard for most guys to even get 1 date per month. I'm not even joking either. On Tinder for example the prospects aren't great in my area. I'm pretty decent looking but if your 5'10 thats an issue online.
Most women set their filters to 6 feet plus immediately so the idea of just dating loads of women doesn't actually work for 80% of guys. This is a huge issue these days and the women end up playing themselves doing the exactly mistakes you outlined sleeping around before dipping out of the dating pool forever.
A lot of people will stay single which is absolutely fine, those who feel happier single and content with life usually win at life compared to people in messy relationships of convenience.
I'm 6', good looking, funny, relatively successful (I own a house), and I'm pretty good with women. I've been on every dating app in existence and I've only gotten a few matches with some pretty unattractive women (oh and one dude). Most of which ghosted me lol.
To be fair, I never spent a dime, but dating apps either take a lot of work, money, or luck.
I think they're all terrible
Really interesting point on the not drinking on dates, not really occurred to me as only been on one! Also, I've always hated sales and dating so feel like you nailed the commonalities 😅
I've never been so attacked yet agreed with it in a long time
10:40 totally caught me offguard and I cannot stop laughing.
People won't admit that relationships are boring, the years tick away quickly with not much happening. Single done right is like a picaresque adventure
I actually have a friend who desperately needs to see this video but feel I’ll do irreparable harm to his psyche if I do… so many spot on points you’ve raised. Came into this video expecting to have a laugh, found myself laughing and enlightened and I’m 31 married with 2 kids
My life dramatically improved in my 30s. In my mid 30s I felt a bit isolated as most of my friends were having kids, and the ones left over were starting to get really angry at women. Weird fuckers. So I left everyone behind and travelled, alone, and all my horizons expanded. Now I spend most of life abroad.
Fuck the dating scene in England, as you say, going out and getting wasted. I can't imagine anything worse 😂
I can’t help but think that maybe your “weird “ friends that hated woman were guys women ignored for xyz . I don’t think anyone is weird - maybe they never got the help they needed
@@sebastiancorrales There were a couple, but one of them got destroyed by a woman he lived with for 8 years and I had alot of sympathy for that at first. He left England to live with her in Spain. I think she had a personality disorder etc, but he came back a shell of a man. I tried to help him for a long time believe me, but he didn't want to help himself, and it got to the the point where he was leaching energy from me so I had to let him go. And this is a friend i've had since i was a kid.
In hindsight I did the right thing. When someone attacks you physically whilst drunk, when they talk to women inappropriately constantly and you try to help them adjust their behaviour but they don't heed the advice and take out further frustrations on you it's time to let them go. And he definitely needed help, but he wanted a quick fix. A miracle. He was wallowing and spiraling downwards and I'm sorry, but people like that end up taking you with them.
After letting go of people like him you then realise how much damage they are doing to your quality of life. They literally limit you too. I hope he figures it out. I doubt he will though.
I m 24, im single for 3 years, i work a mid paying job, i don‘t date at all. You make it sound easy but it isn‘t, even as a twenty year old.
in certain parts of the world, most guys are only done with their bachelor degree at 25years old. 30 years old isn’t too late to start getting your life on track
If you ever stop making such amazing content, I will actually curse you for the rest of my life. I love you, keep going. This is very valuable. ❤
This video was exactly what I needed to watch and get some clarity. Great content. Thanks.
Solid advice James, makes a lot of sense being in sales myself. Also, loving the Lane 8 soundtracks 👌
Life is not linear
I've got two kids and a beautiful partner, still watched the whole video, you put out good stuff mate.
Thank you ❤️🤝
@@skelly0000 careful not to project your negative experiences onto others mate.
Shit man, you're being too real that im scared to even finish the video
Again what a great video. Absolutely love it James. Definitely will give that no alcohol first date thing a go. When you said it I played a few prior dates in my head and it clicked haha
Facts, was with some one and got a lil girl with them and it ended after 6 years and spent late 20s early 30s thinking this ain’t how I imagined my life so going on dates after covid just getting hammered and sleeping around then wondering why wasn’t happy. Started to take mental health more seriously only drink on mates stag dos and dates now are like yeah let’s go chill some where and goes so much better been with my missus now for 7 months don’t think would happened if didn’t make that the switch.
Hence the term “off the market” or “back on the market”.
🙈Mr. Smith? 👋🏻
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 as a 33 y o lady? And having finished the first 6 mins. of your video?
I was actually expecting some misogynistic bullshit coming out of your mouth
👏🏼 I have never been so happy to be proven wrong and I agree with everything you just discussed in this its just👌🏼
You have constantly surprised me ever since I discovered you when I was 29.
Thank you for existing and creating content that actually helps people. No matter what gender they are. 👋🏼
You got a fan in me after I finished the whole video. I truly hope you have a great rest of the week 🙆♀
I dont drink alcohol ...so going for a walk and icecream for me is so much better!! Great video!! 👏🏼
I was never a big drinker so the drinking on the first date was never a thing but the anxiety was definitely still there over what to do. During covid the only date option was a coffee and a walk. I'm now nearly 3 years into a relationship I never imagined I would have and am the happiest I've ever been. I've a few single friends and coworkers who I try to direct away from drink based dates but the majority of the time it falls on deaf ears. some people just cant get over the fear and anxiety without some social lubricant...
In my case being 5ft5 is the deal breaker, all girls have admitted this to me many times, I'm not complaining nor do I feel hatred, i get the point
That is a good point us small guys do get looked over a lot the tall dark an handsome stigma is quite de.masculating
And yet, I've always enjoyed dating men my own height. Tall men hurt my neck with all the looking up. Plenty of us out there that like men at our own eye level. Keep looking.
@@alisonholloway6726 I gave all that shit up lol
I'm 38 and every girl around my age is already married/divorced/kids/baggage, I'm happy in my work/gym/ps5
@@timcollins3772 it happens man but we would do the same if some girl walked past with bigger Tits
No girl wants a man who is shorter than them that’s all
Classic JS video, it was very interesting, some of it I really liked and some I didn’t quite agree with, but the underlying key message here is good. Essentially excess focus on getting laid (outcomes) and consumption of alcohol, food and the internet will not bring you happiness!
Yes!!!😂. Exactly. I never drink on dates. Always try to meet and do something like walk or paddle boarding. Never commit to a full evening. I wouldn’t think a man was weird for not drinking for one evening. It’s a positive for me.
One of the best videos I've seen on this topic.
Problem is, how do you find a good woman? "App girls" are no good..
I'm not quite in my 30s yet, but I figured I'd watch this in advance. Always good to be prepared 👍
Wow I needed this after the last date I went on!! Thanks James!!
Perfect, am 27 single and don't drink. Thanks for the advice
As a woman, I totally agree with you about dating being like sales and marketing. I think dating is a numbers game. You have to go on many dates to increase your chances of finding someone you want to spend more time with. Women dont care so much about body fat, though, they care about kindness, stability and someone who has their shit together. 😊
no one gives a rats a** about a wmns views on dating when you can just create a dating app profile and have a billion likes in 24 hrs
I’m in a relationship with a 2 year old. Been together 10 years had are ups and downs and still do. I work 2 jobs to pay the bills and I looked in the mirror one day and realised I am alone. I’ve sacked off all my friends or rather the have sacked me off because I am never available. I go to the gym, work all day, come home look after the child. And any spare time I have it’s with the family because I never see them. Your 30s is a lonely time.
Im 22 and I've been in a relationship for 3 years now, but I would even watch a James Video about getting a proper calorie deficit whilst being a carrot
32 year old male, i have been on disability for 7 years now due to major heart complication. Been single for 5 years (0 dates) Luckily almost at a point right now where i can go look and land a job somewhere. It was a very long hard road of recovery and i made it but i have been single and unsuccessful in life for to long, i am to far behind in life. I feel like i have already missed the boat on finding a women to share my life with. By the time i am ready to go look for date it will be all to late, i will already be to old. To live a life without love, family, intimacy feels completely pointless. I often wonder why i am even alive.
Love yourself
Was not expecting this topic on your page but such a sweet little break in the comedy for something so wholesome 🥹 Thank you always for your positivity and much needed straightforward advice
Wow.. I am 32 years old and all my first dates involved drinks .. and some of those ended up in relationship they should have never been.. this video made so much sense 🤦🏼♂️. Appreciated. Luckily I still kept my fitness on point
Hi. How are you doing today? My name is Mary from Kenya. I like the perspective in your comment . Have you found someone already? I would like to know you😊.
Well I'm pretty muscular and I like to believe that I dress well and am not bad an conversations but I started balding when I was 18 at fuck me that really messes with my confidence in dating and generally in live. I'm 26 now and I'm planning to get a transplant this year, hopefully things will get better after that
Only 19 , just getting ready
watching your videos makes me feel normal. Fucking hell James, cheers mate.
James you're a legend love your content!
This is actually all gold
Been in relationship 3.5 years never been drunk together. Enjoy a rave and festival here and there, but go for adventures, hikes and other outings. Saves so much money and time by not being reliant on alcohol. My dating life approved when I read Mark Mansons book Role Models
Dont be so hard on yourselves. And get rid of porn standards.
I’m 35 and can still beat it multiple times a day and go out that night 🤷♂️
Thank you James you do a great job on all your videos keep inspiring