This all takes me back to my own high school years. I'm sorry you went through that😢 I'm so happy to have become your friend. ❤Thank you for talking about your experience. It looks like a lot of people have related. Kids can be cruel and so can teachers. I was bullied on some occasions and i bounced from friend groups to friend groups.
Aww EmJ... I am so sad as I watch this. Mr. Harvey! He was supposed to be your advocate and kind guide! Of course you wanted that stamp! I can't believe he treated you that way, stamping your hand like that. I am giving you lots and lots of stamps right now: 🥰🧡💛🌺🌻just because you are wonderful YOU! I did ok in elementary school but I certainly was not typical. I just didn't realize how different I was yet. The switch to junior high was brutal for me. I just didn't understand what was going on and what to do. I kind of lost myself for several years... but always had one good friend and then 14 on, an older boyfriend who protected me.. At 16 I decided to just focus on grades and weight, that kind of simplified everything for me. Looking back I am amazed that I made it through those years. It is not surprising that there is such a high suicide and process addiction rate for autistic teens and young adults. So many of us were traumatized during those years... Sending a hug to you Em J!
@@drlisle thank you Lisle 💕💕 it's interesting to hear how things were for you. And yes I couldn't imagine how harder it is for kids today with so much mental health struggles about and the billing isn't just at school where is stays but online too.
I had many experiences similar to yours EmJ. From the age of 13 to the day that I dropped out soon after my 17th birthday, school was pretty much a nightmare for me. I didn't understand why I was so disliked by the other kids. Looking back I think it was because I rarely spoke. In fact I found it almost impossible to speak in the presence of more than 1 or 2 people. Like you, I found that I generally did better being by myself. In school I was made very aware of the fact that I was "different" even though that was many years before I knew that I was autistic. It has helped me to know that there are other people like myself. Thank you for your video.
I remember several teachers during my time in school that cared for their students...the rest, not so much... from them I remember emotional trauma... I'm sure they felt the same about me... They seemed to hate kids... The good ones were like angels (lol) On a separate note, a favorite recent movie (Wednesday); Rowan says I never thought it was possible to be an outcast in a school full of outcasts... I learned quickly to focus on special interests... I learned that I enjoyed being alone... Thank you for your videos... Stay strong
So very relatable EmJ! Thank you. On a related note how do you cope working in the school environment? Ive mainly worked in schools and colleges as the working hours fitted in with being a parent and i do genuinely enjoy being around and supporting young people but looking back I became quickly burntout and didnt fit into the culture. I didn't realise i was AuDHD so assumed there was something wring with me. I found the staff room to be a toxic nightmare and the classroom too artificially bright, noisy and chaotic. My autistic side likes the regimented day and certain other aspects but on the whole i know that environment isn't for me. I recently worked 2 days in a Special Educational Needs school and it was horrendous! Im still in recovery now and haven't a clue how the neurodivergent pupils survive 😫
Hey Dawn. Yes it is very challenging. Our open hours are 8am-6pm and sometime I have to cover the whole day and not just a 7 hour shift. We are open all year round and only shut between Christmas and new year. I find if I'm working till 6pm I'm totally burnout by the end of the week. It's far too long a day for little humans never mind adults. And yes I really worry for the neurodivergent children growing in this culture that never seems to change. High ceilings, bright lights, cafeteria smells, uncomfortable furnishings. I'm hoping I'm not in this job forever and can move on within a few years. Iv done it for 5 years now and feel iv not got much enthusiasm left. But just have no idea what else to do. I've done sales and hospitality and domestic cleaning but this has been the best paid, I work for the council (not private) and it's a really good rate. I don't like the idea of earning less as I have a mortgage to consider.
Hi EmJ, I agree that finding others who have had similar experiences makes us feel a little less alone in the world. I am so sorry for your bad experiences. I was always exhausted after spending all day in a giant building with 1200 other teenagers. I got into a couple of fights and came close to several more because by the time I got to high school, I had exceeded my quota for being messed with, not to mention I was full of testosterone. I had zero interest in the classes (I was interested in music). I was hardly class president or anything, but people seemed to like me. I had my own special interests and rejected all the trends that the other students were into. I didn't date and didn't do the proms or football games. I skipped school and took off in my Mustang a couple of times because I was worried I was going to be called on in class to speak. I went to a university that was a 16-hour drive away because I wanted to get away so badly.
Having a Mustang must have given you a level of acceptance. Over here it's very rare school kids have cars. How was uni life Hunter? I found Uni to be much easier at being your own person, people had their own problems without making you one of them.
@@zebranothorse-EmJ It was a 1967 fastback, and I was so proud of it. Unfortunately, my high school was a weird mix of extremely poor people and extremely rich people, and I was neither. The rich kids were all given brand new cars by their parents (I bought mine when I was 15 in 1983 with money from mowing lawns), so they thought my old car was junk (it would be worth tens of thousands of dollars today). Uni life was much better; although it was hard being on a campus with about 60,000 students, the schedule was more flexible, and I could find my own space. And there was a GREAT used record store near campus. And exactly like you said, it was easier to be my own person.
@@Elsewhen404 I messed up the Premier and put tomorrows date on it but told everyone it was today so I just ended up uploading with out the Premier. Silly me 🤦🏼♀️
Thank you for sharing these painful stories, I know it's not easy to remember those experiences. I struggled through high school social experiences and even dropped out and ran away from home in my final year because I couldn't take it anymore. My struggles in school and at home made me feel like there was no place I was welcome so I tried to break off and create my own space at 17. I hated high school and even hated teenagers in general. I remember being little and being afraid to grow up and become a teen.
EmJ I relate to much of your experiences. My situation was a little different because I went to many elementary schools (grades 1-6) as my single mom had to move around to where the jobs were available. So up until 4th grade, I was always the new kid, which is awkward in the best of circumstances, unless you're very outgoing. I don't recall making any friends in those schools prior to 5th grade. I do remember being bullied a lot and keeping to myself. The only time I had a problem with a teacher was in elementary school, and she embarrassed me and called me out in front of the class multiple times on my impulsive or not socially "acceptable" behavior. She seemed to think that she was doing me a favor by trying to teach me the proper way, but all it did was mortify me and make me feel even more broken. In 5th/6th grade, middle school and high school, the teachers loved me because I went over and beyond on my work. I was actually a teacher's pet, and that caused me more social issues, as well as made people angry at me when I would ruin the curve haha. I mean, just look at this post. If I was asked to write a 5 page paper, I would do a 10 page paper. It's actually difficult for me to not go over and beyond!!! I actually really enjoyed school (accept math and PE!!!) and if I could be paid to go to school and learn things I would! I never fit into any of the groups and ended up hanging out with other outcasts and loners. I do remember literally going through my address/number book while in high school (yes, for younger people reading this, that is what we did before we had smart phones haha) calling all of my "friends" on the weekend and none of them being available to hang out. I have one outgoing friend from HS, and I essentially was welcomed into social situations as her sidekick, that I'm still friends with today. However, she's always been my best female friend, but I'm not hers. We don't talk or visit very often. And when we do, I can tell that although she cares for me, accepts me and enjoys spending time with me, despite social challenges (she seemed to attract a diverse lot of friends wherever she goes!) she's not as close to me as she could be. She told me a couple years ago that she was hurt because she thought I abandoned her in her time of need (as adults). Now that I know that I don't read into things like I should, and I was so focused on trying to survive my own (abusive) relationships and navigating the world as an undiagnosed autistic lady, I could see how she would feel that way. And she's also mentioned that she remembers me speaking too much about things that I shouldn't. Being too honest in inappropriate settings. I have a few good social memories of my school years, but most of it was not during the actual school week, and it always seemed like I was the "backup friend" or a extra in a high school movie. And I also never dated anyone in school. I always dated *men* who took advantage of my naivety and neediness for attention. I was prime bait for men that wanted to take advantage of me, and I never thought it was weird that they were in their 20s when I was 14,15,16 because I of course didn't understand what was appropriate (age-wise) and felt flattered that males were actually interested in me! Looking back and in talking to people, I now understand that there were boys my age interested in me. I just didn't know how to read the cues!!!) And I was very much the rule keeper, never cheated, never cut school. Was always honest in situations where my friends would always be elbowing me, because I would be letting on to things that I shouldn't. I was the designated driver. I was the good straight-laced, straight A's girl that a lot of my friend's parents trusted. Little did they know that I just followed my friends into whatever they wanted to do- that I was not a good influence, I was just a follower.
@@carlawilliams6730 hey Carla, thanks for letting me some of your memories. I am tge same with my longest known friend. I call her my best friend but I don't think I'm as close to her as she is to me. She had so many friends and they are all really good at meeting up and spending time together. I'm not great at texting and I don't do phonecalls (like most NDs) so I feel I don't make as much effort as her other friends even though I would love to see her just as much. I was also the 'good/safe' friend that people's parents liked, thinking I was a good influence but like you I was just a follower.
I remember being made fun of or treated unkindly in elementary school by one girl she physically hit me in the back one time it makes me angry thinking about it right now cause I don’t know why she was mean to me and there was a boy who would pick on me in middle school, he left after a year i think so that was good. And in high school there was a different boy that would pick on me…i guess in all stages of school I had at least one year where there was another student that i was their target apparently. I was shy and timid and was fearful to fight back so I guess i was the perfect easy target in their mind. Im still very anxious around groups of teenagers to this day cause i am never sure what they are gonna do they are very unpredictable to me and i don’t know if they are gonna be mean or make fun or if they will leave me alone since im an adult.
@@aslpanda yes I can relate to that Erin. Passing a bunch of youth on the street can instantly provoke anxiety in me. I now volunteer a lot with young people so if I have a role to play I can be totally relaxed but if I don't know them and just pass them on a street it nerves me. Strange how trauma never really leaves us even when our brains can be rational.
I am so sorry that your childhood and school experience was not the greatest. Kids are mean especially girls. If I was your age and went to the same school as you. I would try to make friends with you.
This all takes me back to my own high school years. I'm sorry you went through that😢 I'm so happy to have become your friend. ❤Thank you for talking about your experience. It looks like a lot of people have related. Kids can be cruel and so can teachers. I was bullied on some occasions and i bounced from friend groups to friend groups.
A very relatable video, EmJ. I'm so sorry to hear of your experiences 🧡
Thanks Lizzie. Yes far too common isn't it!?
Aww EmJ... I am so sad as I watch this. Mr. Harvey! He was supposed to be your advocate and kind guide! Of course you wanted that stamp! I can't believe he treated you that way, stamping your hand like that. I am giving you lots and lots of stamps right now: 🥰🧡💛🌺🌻just because you are wonderful YOU!
I did ok in elementary school but I certainly was not typical. I just didn't realize how different I was yet. The switch to junior high was brutal for me. I just didn't understand what was going on and what to do. I kind of lost myself for several years... but always had one good friend and then 14 on, an older boyfriend who protected me.. At 16 I decided to just focus on grades and weight, that kind of simplified everything for me. Looking back I am amazed that I made it through those years. It is not surprising that there is such a high suicide and process addiction rate for autistic teens and young adults. So many of us were traumatized during those years...
Sending a hug to you Em J!
@@drlisle thank you Lisle 💕💕 it's interesting to hear how things were for you. And yes I couldn't imagine how harder it is for kids today with so much mental health struggles about and the billing isn't just at school where is stays but online too.
I had many experiences similar to yours EmJ. From the age of 13 to the day that I dropped out soon after my 17th birthday, school was pretty much a nightmare for me. I didn't understand why I was so disliked by the other kids. Looking back I think it was because I rarely spoke. In fact I found it almost impossible to speak in the presence of more than 1 or 2 people. Like you, I found that I generally did better being by myself. In school I was made very aware of the fact that I was "different" even though that was many years before I knew that I was autistic. It has helped me to know that there are other people like myself. Thank you for your video.
Thank you Jay. We didn't know we were autistic but other kids seemed to see we were different. They always knew there was an alien among them 😅
I remember several teachers during my time in school that cared for their students...the rest, not so much... from them I remember emotional trauma... I'm sure they felt the same about me...
They seemed to hate kids...
The good ones were like angels (lol)
On a separate note, a favorite recent movie (Wednesday); Rowan says I never thought it was possible to be an outcast in a school full of outcasts...
I learned quickly to focus on special interests... I learned that I enjoyed being alone...
Thank you for your videos...
Stay strong
Thank you for your comment.
So very relatable EmJ! Thank you. On a related note how do you cope working in the school environment? Ive mainly worked in schools and colleges as the working hours fitted in with being a parent and i do genuinely enjoy being around and supporting young people but looking back I became quickly burntout and didnt fit into the culture. I didn't realise i was AuDHD so assumed there was something wring with me. I found the staff room to be a toxic nightmare and the classroom too artificially bright, noisy and chaotic. My autistic side likes the regimented day and certain other aspects but on the whole i know that environment isn't for me. I recently worked 2 days in a Special Educational Needs school and it was horrendous! Im still in recovery now and haven't a clue how the neurodivergent pupils survive 😫
Hey Dawn. Yes it is very challenging. Our open hours are 8am-6pm and sometime I have to cover the whole day and not just a 7 hour shift. We are open all year round and only shut between Christmas and new year. I find if I'm working till 6pm I'm totally burnout by the end of the week. It's far too long a day for little humans never mind adults. And yes I really worry for the neurodivergent children growing in this culture that never seems to change. High ceilings, bright lights, cafeteria smells, uncomfortable furnishings.
I'm hoping I'm not in this job forever and can move on within a few years. Iv done it for 5 years now and feel iv not got much enthusiasm left. But just have no idea what else to do. I've done sales and hospitality and domestic cleaning but this has been the best paid, I work for the council (not private) and it's a really good rate. I don't like the idea of earning less as I have a mortgage to consider.
Hi EmJ, I agree that finding others who have had similar experiences makes us feel a little less alone in the world. I am so sorry for your bad experiences. I was always exhausted after spending all day in a giant building with 1200 other teenagers. I got into a couple of fights and came close to several more because by the time I got to high school, I had exceeded my quota for being messed with, not to mention I was full of testosterone. I had zero interest in the classes (I was interested in music). I was hardly class president or anything, but people seemed to like me. I had my own special interests and rejected all the trends that the other students were into. I didn't date and didn't do the proms or football games. I skipped school and took off in my Mustang a couple of times because I was worried I was going to be called on in class to speak. I went to a university that was a 16-hour drive away because I wanted to get away so badly.
Having a Mustang must have given you a level of acceptance. Over here it's very rare school kids have cars. How was uni life Hunter? I found Uni to be much easier at being your own person, people had their own problems without making you one of them.
@@zebranothorse-EmJ It was a 1967 fastback, and I was so proud of it. Unfortunately, my high school was a weird mix of extremely poor people and extremely rich people, and I was neither. The rich kids were all given brand new cars by their parents (I bought mine when I was 15 in 1983 with money from mowing lawns), so they thought my old car was junk (it would be worth tens of thousands of dollars today). Uni life was much better; although it was hard being on a campus with about 60,000 students, the schedule was more flexible, and I could find my own space. And there was a GREAT used record store near campus. And exactly like you said, it was easier to be my own person.
Wish I had been on time for this live feed!
@@Elsewhen404 I messed up the Premier and put tomorrows date on it but told everyone it was today so I just ended up uploading with out the Premier. Silly me 🤦🏼♀️
I could relate to everything you said about friendship struggles in school. Thank you for sharing.
@@AutisticCatLadyArtisan thank you for commenting.
Thank you for sharing these painful stories, I know it's not easy to remember those experiences. I struggled through high school social experiences and even dropped out and ran away from home in my final year because I couldn't take it anymore. My struggles in school and at home made me feel like there was no place I was welcome so I tried to break off and create my own space at 17. I hated high school and even hated teenagers in general. I remember being little and being afraid to grow up and become a teen.
Yes the idea of growing up was scary for me too Heather. I can relate.
EmJ I relate to much of your experiences. My situation was a little different because I went to many elementary schools (grades 1-6) as my single mom had to move around to where the jobs were available.
So up until 4th grade, I was always the new kid, which is awkward in the best of circumstances, unless you're very outgoing.
I don't recall making any friends in those schools prior to 5th grade. I do remember being bullied a lot and keeping to myself.
The only time I had a problem with a teacher was in elementary school, and she embarrassed me and called me out in front of the class multiple times on my impulsive or not socially "acceptable" behavior. She seemed to think that she was doing me a favor by trying to teach me the proper way, but all it did was mortify me and make me feel even more broken.
In 5th/6th grade, middle school and high school, the teachers loved me because I went over and beyond on my work. I was actually a teacher's pet, and that caused me more social issues, as well as made people angry at me when I would ruin the curve haha. I mean, just look at this post. If I was asked to write a 5 page paper, I would do a 10 page paper. It's actually difficult for me to not go over and beyond!!!
I actually really enjoyed school (accept math and PE!!!) and if I could be paid to go to school and learn things I would!
I never fit into any of the groups and ended up hanging out with other outcasts and loners. I do remember literally going through my address/number book while in high school (yes, for younger people reading this, that is what we did before we had smart phones haha) calling all of my "friends" on the weekend and none of them being available to hang out.
I have one outgoing friend from HS, and I essentially was welcomed into social situations as her sidekick, that I'm still friends with today. However, she's always been my best female friend, but I'm not hers.
We don't talk or visit very often. And when we do, I can tell that although she cares for me, accepts me and enjoys spending time with me, despite social challenges (she seemed to attract a diverse lot of friends wherever she goes!) she's not as close to me as she could be.
She told me a couple years ago that she was hurt because she thought I abandoned her in her time of need (as adults). Now that I know that I don't read into things like I should, and I was so focused on trying to survive my own (abusive) relationships and navigating the world as an undiagnosed autistic lady, I could see how she would feel that way.
And she's also mentioned that she remembers me speaking too much about things that I shouldn't. Being too honest in inappropriate settings.
I have a few good social memories of my school years, but most of it was not during the actual school week, and it always seemed like I was the "backup friend" or a extra in a high school movie.
And I also never dated anyone in school. I always dated *men* who took advantage of my naivety and neediness for attention. I was prime bait for men that wanted to take advantage of me, and I never thought it was weird that they were in their 20s when I was 14,15,16 because I of course didn't understand what was appropriate (age-wise) and felt flattered that males were actually interested in me!
Looking back and in talking to people, I now understand that there were boys my age interested in me. I just didn't know how to read the cues!!!)
And I was very much the rule keeper, never cheated, never cut school. Was always honest in situations where my friends would always be elbowing me, because I would be letting on to things that I shouldn't. I was the designated driver. I was the good straight-laced, straight A's girl that a lot of my friend's parents trusted. Little did they know that I just followed my friends into whatever they wanted to do- that I was not a good influence, I was just a follower.
@@carlawilliams6730 hey Carla, thanks for letting me some of your memories. I am tge same with my longest known friend. I call her my best friend but I don't think I'm as close to her as she is to me. She had so many friends and they are all really good at meeting up and spending time together. I'm not great at texting and I don't do phonecalls (like most NDs) so I feel I don't make as much effort as her other friends even though I would love to see her just as much.
I was also the 'good/safe' friend that people's parents liked, thinking I was a good influence but like you I was just a follower.
I remember being made fun of or treated unkindly in elementary school by one girl she physically hit me in the back one time it makes me angry thinking about it right now cause I don’t know why she was mean to me and there was a boy who would pick on me in middle school, he left after a year i think so that was good. And in high school there was a different boy that would pick on me…i guess in all stages of school I had at least one year where there was another student that i was their target apparently. I was shy and timid and was fearful to fight back so I guess i was the perfect easy target in their mind.
Im still very anxious around groups of teenagers to this day cause i am never sure what they are gonna do they are very unpredictable to me and i don’t know if they are gonna be mean or make fun or if they will leave me alone since im an adult.
@@aslpanda yes I can relate to that Erin. Passing a bunch of youth on the street can instantly provoke anxiety in me. I now volunteer a lot with young people so if I have a role to play I can be totally relaxed but if I don't know them and just pass them on a street it nerves me. Strange how trauma never really leaves us even when our brains can be rational.
@ Oh wow yes this resonates
Садистская школа какая-то, ужас.
I am so sorry that your childhood and school experience was not the greatest. Kids are mean especially girls. If I was your age and went to the same school as you. I would try to make friends with you.
Ditto Natalie. 💕