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Understanding the Process Healing from Infidelity Requires
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- Опубликовано: 1 май 2019
- Today Samuel shares pivotal insight surrounding the need for the right process in recovering from infidelity.
- FREE Bootcamp for Surviving Infidelity: www.affairreco...
- What kind of affair was it?
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“The Recovery Library gave me 24/7 support because I could be up at 3am and search for the topic I was struggling with. It also helped as a couple because we could investigate topics together so it wasn’t subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recovered from infidelity. Double credibility in my book.”
- Amanda, Florida
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Samuel is an infidelity survivor and is one of many contributors to Affair Recovery's Survivors’ Blog, www.affairreco.... He participated in Affair Recovery's courses developed by founder and infidelity expert Rick Reynolds, LCSW. After finding healing, hope, and new life, Samuel wishes to share his journey and what AffairRecovery.com has to offer with others so they too can find hope and healing.
Once again spot on! I'm so glad I found affair recovery when I did. Otherwise, I'd still be limping along with general marriage therapists and counselors who didn't understand and were not super helpful. I did Harboring Hope first. Then we decided to take a leap of faith and do EMS Weekend. It was worth every penny because that's when we really woke up and realized how bad things were and how much we needed specific help. My husband signed up for Hope for Healing while we were at EMS weekend and it's made a huge difference in his recovery. We are new people now and we have a new marriage. We are only 15mths out from D-Day but the difference is almost surreal. We have good days and bad days but we now have the tools to deal with all the crap that recovery brings our way. There is hope!
I agree. Anyone who thinks there is a quick fix to recovery from infidelity is delusional... and I mean that in the kindest way possible. Samuel is correct when he says it is a process. For some, it takes longer than others, and that's okay. This journey is unique to each of us.
You're so right Lanie. Well said by Samuel.
Being in a affair is like taking a 1000 mile trip in a fighter jet then trying to get back home on a bicycle
Samuel, this was great. Can you please discuss affairs that occur in the home, in the marital bed. I believe this is a special type of violation.
Have no direct experience with this, but just wanted to say I totally agree that is a special type of violation and an even more extreme one. Would be very hard for anyone to get over that I think and would probably require getting a new bed as part of the process.
I really needed this today. I have been trying to make decisions on the future of my marriage based on individual good or bad days and it’s not working. I’m an emotional wreck still four months after disclosure.
without a process you can be an emotional wreck 4 years after disclosure. I suppose a process should consist of more than fear of breaking up a family.
I think you just saved my life.
Our counselor is validating my unfaithful wife's belief that at 6 weeks past D-day, that I should accept her "boundary🤬" that I should take care of my own anger, triggers, grief myself, and wait for her scheduled time to talk about us or the affair. How can I find another couples counselor who gets how this trauma actually works?
maybe you can find someone over zoom as well? you may want to email support@hope-now.com and see what is recommended as well as try googling in your area looking for someone who specializes in it and has multiple certifications in trauma repair as well.
It's been a year and I really have fallen out of love with my wife after she cheated. I have tried. I find myself hating her and resenting all women as of late because what she did. I don't want to be this way. I don't know how you people do it.
Justin Zlotky - I totally get you. I came across this one line in a video somewhere “We didn’t vow to be in love with our spouse til death. But we vowed to love them.” It suddenly freed me from this pressure I didn’t realize had consumed me cuz I no longer felt the same for him. Look up “Agape love” and hopefully you will see what I mean.
Does Affair Recovery have guidelines for the process? I did pick up on not constantly re-evaluating, framework on bad & good days, and how I’m making sure all 3 are being addressed.
the online courses are your best bet for process-oriented approaches my friend. here are the courses: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses and here is a scholarship form should you need it:
www.affairrecovery.com/scholarship-application-request
I feel like this should be the 1st Lesson in all your lessons .... I could be wrong!
Best one yet. Thank you
thanks so much
it's been six days sence i confronted my wife on her having the over two year affair , she won't see anyone, she believes we can fix this our self , i not sure how much details i should be asking , i feel i need to know it all , i not sure if i made the mistake of telling her i want to fix this , sometime i'm feeling that i'm giver her a free pass, because all she keeps saying she can't undo what she did and all we can do is move forward, i keep having break downs and i keep trying to be tuff guy but it's hard, we been married for 34 years and she just says that i stopped talking , the only time i didn't talk back to her is when she would down put me , and when i did stuff around the house to try to free up time so we could go out, i was not including her on it , and she wanted to help
i would try these two articles and get help asap my friend: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change
I need to ask this...
When in the process do you begin the recovery? Especially, when the discovery recently just happened.
it takes time and a process. if they are willing to talk and maybe do work with you, then it's recovery. but, in this whole ordeal, it's slow and steady. right now, it's about creating safety to process the events and the pain and the hurt. when the other betrayed party shares a willingness to do recovery work, maybe that's beginning to recover. it's tough to pin point some exact moment, but the pain is so immense on the front end that they need time to process it all.
Mr Samuel is a very amazing marital rescue expert.. i so love listening to his counselling..so real, clear & it got a hit to the heart & soul & likely to succeed in saving marriages. how i wish you had an extension here in the Philippines.. let us know if there is.. many thanks
Thank you. I asked on another video how you would know what criteria to follow when seeking out and expert that may be near you, if unable to currently utilize the ems paid resources. Thank you. This gave some answers
I wish I would have these videos years ago. I’m on my third marriage the first two ended cause my wives then both cheated on me both was already moving in before I even found out. My third wife now ended up cheating on me with her best friends husband. For the past 8 months. This was about a month in half ago. It was an emotional for the 8 months then it got physical one night. They both swear up and down that they did not have sex. Got really close but did not. My wife has done a180 on how she is treating me. For the better. But I still struggle with my insecurities. I don’t think I was healed 100% from the first two wives. Now this how do I move on. I know she wants to work on our marriage and make it better than ever but I struggle daily from this. I can keep going on but maybe this is enough for now. Again thank you for these videos. My wife and I watch them almost daily and talk about them. On how it makes each of us feel.
how can I make a process? what should be included in process? I have absolutely no idea where to begin and Im desperate to have structure with our recovery. we cannot afford therapy.
how does the healing for unfaithful look like??
this course outlines it my friend: www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing i think it runs the course of owning what we've done, taking responsibility for how we've hurt our spouse, making amends when able to and seeking help to find out why we did what we did and how to help our spouse feel safe again with us. this isn't an exhaustive list obviously, but just some helpful thoughts. the course will take you down a road of healing for the unfaithful spouse over 16 weeks.
Thank you Samuel. My long term gf took the responsibility, trying to make me feel safe again, feels gulty for hurting me and our relationship....But, She just can't find the ans "why" she did it, all she says is she never thought it would tern into an affair, she never wanted to have an affair, she was a strong person, and doesnt know how she could do such thing. (she ended that affair, and then i found out about all this).
It's been six months or so. The anger i was feeling during the 3rd, and 4th month is now quite under controll. But, still, some days i just cant win! :/
How can we find an expert? I specifically search for therapists who deal in "infidelity trauma/affair recovery", but I'm not sure they're experts as much as maybe just counseling some couples through an affair (obviously, the results of that wouldn't be known to a potential client). If there's no one local, what can we do? I truly believe that this has to be done the right way, but what if the first hurdle is finding that expert? Then, what?
many utilize phone counseling. you can also interview the therapist over the phone and ask them what experience they have with infidelity both personally and professionally? you can ask how long they have treated it and what certifications they have or what types of programs they use with their counseling. you can also ask their own success rate in couples staying together.
What if some of us can't afford counseling? :/
our bootcamp is free online here: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp you can also apply for a scholarship to any and all of our online courses by going here: www.affairrecovery.com/scholarship-application-request
@Angela Wilson man, that's terrible. i'm so sorry. no clue why that's happening. go ahead and email support@hope-now.com and let them know this has happened and they will help and remedy the situation. i'm not sure why that's happened, but it may be browser related or something. who knows but let's get that remedied asap for you.
I need help am a betray spouse
try this course: www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope