Avoidant stress dumping (crisis discard)
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- Опубликовано: 21 окт 2024
- Avoidants often discard partners during time of stress or crisis.
#attachmentstyle #breakup #heartbroken #attachment #avoidant #dating #emotionallyunavailable #avoidantattachment #dismissiveavoidant #insecureattachment #relationship #relationshipcoach #situationship #dismissiveavoidantattachment #fearfulavoidant #fearfulavoidantattachment #discarded #discard #divorce #blindsided #stressdumping
My DA ex had so little self-awareness it wasn't funny. She would become crisis-stressed but constantly do stupid things to put herself inside of a new crisis. I was the absolute least of her problems, but I was the one who got discarded. I dodged a bullet though. She was a trainwreck.
Same, it took me to rehab for the emotionally distressed people because I took it so personally because I loved him and I only wanted to be there for him. Never again.
Same. I’m the best thing to happen to her, yet she treats me like an anchor 🤷♂️
@@derekazyan9942 get out. You don't deserve that.
My bf rn. 😢 He thinks I put too much pressure on his life but he only hates me.
Mine started pulling away because she needed to move out of her place😂. Don't date avoidants, life is short, don't waste it with them.
Mine pulled away because she lost one of her private classes as teacher
Man, they have no ability to self-regulate. Its insane.
all they do is CREATE crisis. Everything is a stressful event for them: jobs, kids, commuting, cleaning the apartment, riding as a passenger in a car, buying them clothing as a gift. ALL OF IT: makes them stressed. Parenting- stress. Dealing with their ex-STRESS. I've never experienced someone whose apple cart is ALWAYS tipped over by life - as my DA ex GF.
Yep. Tire fire on two legs. An absolute wreck.
Your videos have helped me greatly. I'm finally over the DA. Wouldn't go back now for anything; life's too short. Wishing everyone the peace and happiess they deserve!! ❤
“part of emotional availability is the ability and willingness to empathize with your partner..to feel their feelings along with them. When theyre doing this theyre not empathizing with you. Theyre not even considering your feelings..theyre not trying to hurt you. When theyre triggered rheyre only thinking of themselves. Theyre looking to self soothe” Yep Coach Ryan, this is it in a nutshell. They may say that they love you, but when there is a crisis, or life gets hard and they are triggered, this is the side of them that comes out that youve never seen before…and most ppl chase to get that other version of them back. But no, until they heal - this is the complete picture now
Exactly
Amen
This is my EX to a tee!!!!! He cannot face himself or take any accountability. Work was the cause of his stress but he ended a long marriage because he is avoidant. I need to forgive myself for choosing such a partner.
You’re doing Gods work. This video gave me the peace I needed.
Another reason to be thankful for a break up with an avoidant
Yup. 3 or 4 compounding stressors, each of which i genuinely made an attempt to help with. She never took any solution, let the problem metastasize and then cut ME out. I have to be thankful at this point. This person is NOT the one to walk life with. Life will throw 1000 problems, cant be stuck manufacturing another 1000.
That last line was especially well said
Your videos are wonderful! So clear, direct and true. The best! They have helped me so much.
This is true.. I got discarded at a time when he was extremely stressed with his work and business progress. That stress was put on me and I had to deal with his coldness, distance and low mood.
There’s always “x thing” that pops up
But they got a new boo in a heartbeat
I was with an avoidant for a few months everything was great. Then the death anniversary of her brother passing came up. And everything turned a 180. I tried to be there for her and she was so cruel and said some of the most hateful things anyone has ever said to me. She didn’t talk to me for four days and then messaged me like nothing happened. I didn’t want to put up with that again. Good think it ended
Omg. This explains everything with my ex exactly. 😢 I still love him and wish him well.
My ex ended his job contract and told me his feelings for me were gone in 24 hrs. After 5 months of daily contact and weekly spending time together. Heartbroken. He was textbook avoidant. Thanks for your videos. 😢
This is exactly what happened to me two months ago. We were together nearly two years. She fell ill and was diagnosed with a chronic condition. She got overwhelmed and completely shut down. A few weeks later she completely discarded me. She said she didn't have the energy to be a good employee, a good mother and a good partner to me. Just like you said, I was the only "optional" part of her life. I understand, but it still hurts.
She went completely no-contact and the last two months have been awful for me. Finally starting to feel the healing.
My incident happened literally DAYS ago…. Thank u for releasing this when u did. It’s like the universe knew to put your video in my face to watch
Then when the 'crisis' was over, they expect to return weeks later, expecting you to waiting in the wings.
Thank you for this
Omg. My last six years summed up in four and a half minutes. It was exhausting.
Exactly this happend to me.
I just felt that it was my fault because the thing was - he didn’t want children and I did.
And I tried to work it out for us…
He panicked when I tried to talk about why he was pushing away…
But I just felt sad I wasn’t worth trying for…
I know he was my person… finding love is hard…
Did he tell you from the very beginning that he didn't want children?
@@Nick940oo No, I had to ask him six months in the relationship.
@@Ellen84307 Late in the relationship?
I know he was your person… finding love is hard…....
But if this man keeps causing you pain and becomes a toxic relationship, then What’s the Point of this LOVE??
Hi could you help? Okay 4 months of push and pull her left a month ago only to return to text me kisses! I froze I mean he wasn't there for a whole month and I remember how much of hatred he had for me when he left! Now am I supposed to greet him? I have self respect and am ready to lay it down but how? If I respond kisses back to him, he is going to pull away as it would trigger his dismissive side! What am I to do!?
This answer so many questions about the time. I was pregnant with her first child and his mother died, thank you
Even for with a childhood friendship broke my heart
Being constantly in a relationship while not liking them
My guy
Just be single?
This is exactly what happened to me. Her son had a mental breakdown, within two weeks of me taking her to be with him. I was dumped after nearly 8 years together and being engaged to her.
My avoidant is really stressed she actually dump everything on me but I couldn't handle it AT ALLL , I am a FA !!!
Thank you so much for this. This feels like what happened to me. And I've been so heartbroken. My boyfriend of years was hit by a car while riding his bicycle. He got severely injured and was off work for over a year. He actually really wanted me there after the accident for that first year. I went with him to all his doctor appointments, to get him groceries, stay by his side and keep him company when I wasn't working. Helped him get his state short term disability and get his injury attorney. As soon as he recovered enough to go back to work, he suddenly discarded me for no reason. He will occasionally bread crumb me with texts. He wasn't happy with the outcome with his personal injury settlement and seems to be taking his unhappiness about that out on me. But what do I have to do with that? Its so confusing and hurtful. I miss the relationship we had before. But yes, he is a dismissive avoidant personality. It hurts alot.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I hope you're doing okay. Sending you love and a virtual hug.🩷 I hope you're alright.
I'm sorry that happened. I hope you're doing okay. Sending you love and a virtual hug. I hope you're alright.🩷
he doesn't deserve you.
Any way to live happily with an avoidant who at least wants to try to heal?
Mine had awful work stress and at the same time my mom got sick when he discarded me. He told me afterwards that all his work stress had now magically gone. Is this a thing?! I don’t understand?
That's not okay. The work stress is one thing. I (healing fearful avoidant) get super overwhelmed and stressed with it too, but our moms are our everything and support is important. My mom just passed away and my DA partner was very supportive. As well as we've done over the past few years, I would absolutely be done with him if he left me in my time of need. I'm a person who believes in self-soothing and working through our emotions ourselves because that's what I did growing up. However, when it comes to our parents being sick or worse, we need support, esp from the person who should be there the most. I'm sorry that happened to you. I hope mom's okay. ❤
YOU were the stress. YOUR love was the stress. Their HAPPINESS was the stress. They project it on work or whatever else as an excuse because they don't look inwards and can't communicate. As soon as you were gone, the stress was gone. It's not logical or normal.
Bang on! My DA ex discarded me, by text, a week after one of her oldest friends passed away. A week before that, we had a fantastic day out together and talked about the future. She said I made her so happy and that she was so glad we found each other. I'm over it now, as this happened in February. But it would be nice to see her again and be friends. Regardless of her attachment style, she was/is a lovely person with a fantastic sense of humour.
Yep
But don’t let her pull shit. Let her chase you.
What can we do about it?
Run and don’t waste your precious time like I did… it creates a trauma bond and eventually it feels almost impossible to get out! I’ve wasted 13 years and nothing to show for it but lack of trust and a fear to love… it’s like he’s rubbed off on me 😅
Nothing. This is part of their healing work.