I feel like I am being eaten alive slowly by the toxic sadness and anger. It is all mixed together into some poisonous feeling. I have never been one to be down long. I fall but something always gets me up within days and back to moving forward but in this I feel like I am stuck in cement. The loss of the past. The loss of the future. The hopelessness of it all and the fear you are failing your kids when you can’t keep it all together. When they see you sad, broken. Not the person you once were.
Betrayed father here, including one autistic son. It hit so close to home what u said about not just the cheating that hurt but how they lied and manipulated and planned so that they can get to go do the actual cheating part. I can't wrap my mind around it. My biggest struggles u mentioned are that I'm stuck in that obsessed energy about details, the truths colliding with memories.....my pride, manhood, self confidence, self worth all are shattered, just completely emasculated. And I feel utterly and helplessly alone. I'm still in my marriage for the kids and I've told no one about my wife's affair. It is a daily struggle for 2.5 years now. When I wake and when I go to bed, the affair partner and intrusive thoughts are there. Every single day, every single night for 2.5 years. It's like the affair partner is a constant companion i can't get rid of. I am in a nightmare i cannot wake up from and i am slowly bleeding to death. I don't know how else to describe it. I've never shown my pain to my kids. If we didn't have kids I'd leave and want her existence erased from my life
I hear you brother. I’m 4 years out from D day. The pain does recede! Slowly but surely, there’s still not a day I don’t think about it but it’s getting easier to live with. I also stayed coz of the kids and wider family, I don’t regret that part especially when birthdays/festive times occur. Keep strong Brother 🙏🏻 P.S a strong faith is also really handy 🙏🏻
The only way you can restore your pride, manhood and self confidence is leaving her. 1.Find the way to stay close to the kids while being apart from her (shared custody?). Don't be afraid, kids can easily adapt to everything. 2.Save some time for yourself to go to the gym or practice any sport you like. 3.Let other females get close to you. 4.Focus on your business/job. It's not going to be easy, but it's the only way to heal. 2.5 years is a lot and you are only feeling worse. The last line in your comment is the key.
I feel you man! I have been devastated the same way. Mine was in march 2022, then it happened again a week later, seriously. I thought I could forgive and forget, but its constantly on my mind. The details, and wanting to know every single one. I think its to try and regain the power, but honestly once you learn the details it just paints a more vivid image to haunt you with. Yet... I cant stop trying to know more. I think its also, at least for me, trying to understand why the hell it even happened. Like knowing all the details could somehow explain why. But like I posted here... I believe it simply comes back to them being selfish. I get what you mean about details, and just how MUCH you think about it. I am hoping in time it fades. I will say this about the kids. I know your trying to stay for them, and your trying to hide stuff from them. Trust me, no matter how good you think you might be at hiding it... the kids know something is wrong. Its a healthier choice for them if you dont stay. Take it from me... im very codependent, married 16 years to my wife that had BPD. I thought the same as you, that I could hide the issues and pretend everything was ok. It messed them up knowing and seeing me in pain, yet staying. If you dont want to pass down unhealthy traits to your kids, then you need to show them how they should react, lead by example. Another words... picture them all grown up, coming to you asking for your advise. Its the same situation that your in... what would you tell them... and thats what you should do.
Mary, my heart goes out to you. Similar story 33years married, Boom! 10 year affair is exposed. 4 years later I still question why I stayed. God bless you. 😎😢
Hang in there Mary, it will get better. My marriage ended just 1-week short of 35-years. Just like Lisa mentioned in her video, I experienced so much of the same awful emotions she did (and probably what you did too). It's been 4-years now since D-Day and the divorce was 2-1/2 years ago. Emotionally I feel so much better this year than I did last year. Best wishes to you and all the others going through this painful process.
All of this is true. The pain of being cheated on is like nothing I've ever experienced. Can't eat. Can't sleep. The grief is unbearable at times. 23 years with a man I thought I'd grow old with is gone. Like you Lisa, we have no children. I'm doing my best to take it one day at a time and working on re-building "me".
Yes. My wife left me for the mother of our son’s friend. I have to see them together all the time. The loss of the past and future. It has broken me and I am not a weak person. Being forced to be tethered to this pain by kids seems unbearable.
You got this Noel. Recently, I've been diving deep into books ex FBI agents used for emotional intelligence. The likes of Chris Voss, Derek Gauntlet, and Joe Navarro. Makes for good reads
I'm SOOO sorry you had to go through this. Much of your experience mirrors mine. Sadly, knowing that someone else truly "gets it" because they experienced it helps me feel less alone. Thank you for sharing. May God bless you always.
I discovered your videos just a few hours ago. Already, I feel like your talking is like me talking to myself. It's exactly what's happening to me... I'm so distraught. I'm so confused. But your talk is already beginning to help. Thank you. We even have a kid... That makes it even more difficult. He doesn't know. As for now I'm trying to keep it that way. So I am forcing myself to act normal. Atleast in front of him. But it's the most difficult thing ever. I'm hoping to come out the other side with a proper head on my shoulders. We will see what happens. Thank you again for your kind words.
You WILL make it through this. You’re going to feel crazy for a time and you’re probably going to do things that you look back on with puzzlement later. That’s okay. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s quite impressive right now. I commend you for keeping it together in front of your son (I can’t even fathom how hard that is). Please also give yourself space and permission to completely break down at times. This IS hard and trying to pretend it isn’t just makes it harder still. Sending you a great big hug of encouragement.
January 2023 I feel like you climbed inside my head and know every Story that keeps replaying inside. I can’t thank you enough for your honesty and sharing all of this. I feel like I have a voice through your words. The community that comments in here is spot on. Your videos resonates such truth. Thank you, thank you.❤
@@lisaarends8742 New subscriber, your video came up on my feed. I'm sorry that you had to go through this. I recently started seeing videos on cheating (also came up on my feed) and the stories are mind boggling, sickening, disgusting, disgraceful and hard to believe what is going on in this world. At first I was for the men, most of the stories are women who cheat but now I've kinda changed more to the women. I've posted on many channels regarding this subject and I noticed a common pattern with a lot of these stories and why women cheat. I notice a common repetitive theme of the woman feeling lonely/alone, bored do to the same routine, guys working way too much, too much video games etc.....and not spending quality time with their women. I being a "True, Loyal, Faithful guy" don't understand how you can say you love someone and then cheat on them, it's just so wrong. Maybe 1 day guys will wake up but I doubt it. The true, loyal guys are suffering because of all this cheating. As a guy I apologize to you women for what you get put thru.
OMG!!! I feel as if you are in my head. Everything is spot on. At least I know I’m not crazy in how I have felt and how I’m feeling now. I decided to stay and try to make it work. I don’t care if anybody judges me for doing that because nobody knows our situation, and I don’t live to please other people. It has been 9 months since discovery and we are doing pretty good. I still have bad days, but they are not as often as they were. Thank you for sharing this. I know it takes a lot of courage to open up and talk about your situation.
You are spot on. I’m 5 1/2 years out from discovering my husband of 25 years had been cheating on me with prostitutes. It is heartbreaking. Your grocery store story resonated with me. I didn’t fall to the ground but I had a panic attack seeing women in the grocery aisle wondering if they were one of the prostitutes my husband had slept with. The one thing I would like to add to your list is how angry I was. I had never known that degree of anger. Thank you for sharing your story! Women need other women who have gone through infidelity for support! I found it to be the biggest help.
Yes, this happened to my sister, she couldn't even bring herself to say the word prostitute when she first found out, so shocked and hurt. The worse part is he actually tried to include their 19 year old son in with his cheating. He took the son on a business trip and had 2 prostitutes lined up to come to their hotel suite. He said, "I have a friend for you too" like they were 2 high school buddies on a double date. How horrible for her son to be put in the middle like that, the father expected the son to lie to his mother.
There is no word I know of that even comes close to accurately describing the feeling of "the rug being pulled out from beneath you". Working my way through the days one second at a time. Sending love and light to all
Everything you say in every video is so true to what I’m going through. Thank you 🙏 for making my feelings Ha have words and for the fact that I’m not alone.
It is the memories that haunts me the most.Over 20 years worth I can’t even think back on any of my adult life because it’s too painful now that I know what was actually happening I have to live in the present moment at all times and it’s horrible
Everything you said is true, is so so painful when you dont expected, when you have toddlers, when you been trying to fix yourself to save the marriage, for a while i had to leave my own house because i coudnt stand there any longer and seen my kids standing at the door i just coudnt hold it anymore, the though of this might be the last time we will be a family, the thought that someone else destroyed it and she let it happen, she choose that, the pain of seen her just walking around ignoring what is happening was worse, back then i blamed my self for it and did for months trying to fight for our marriage until i just got tired of it, i coudnt take it anymore
I came across your channel and watched all your videos at once. Thank you! For sharing your experiences and feelings on your horrible ex-relationship. I’m going through a tough time emotionally for some time now (due to similar situations, ofcourse not exactly the same) and watching your videos? I can relate 💯💯💯 and in some way this gives me strenght? Clarity? Courage? I can’t really explain it but thank you so much! I needed this messages. ❤
im going thru this now. i understand everuthng ur saying. wow. U loved him. Its understandable. i still do but understand its not genuine reciprocity😢 Cheating?! Thats the least..hes a master manipulating lie..denial was his default switch..that & silence. The silly lying responses to serious qhestions that sincerelt i was concerned with is excruciatingly, gutwrenchingly..heart crushing.😢 But I love me and cant see wht/ how he could hurt me so when he said when we first met.. He Nevee Would😢. Thank u for spelling it out and providing hope.. sorry u went thru that.. im a new subscriber❤ bravo .. i pray i get to sit where u are in full recovery fom being betrayed. Thank u and much success 🙌🙌👏👏👏👏👏
The way you second guess yourself and somehow it ends up being your fault. I know his affair wasn't my fault. Yet I do this loopdy loop where I picked him and didn't see it coming somehow, and so that his actions though not my fault, somehow reflect badly on me. Then there's the shame. It's his shame and he is ashamed, but it's embarrassing and shameful being associated w/ a cheater. Then there's how there was plenty of other stuff that made me want to leave a few years ago, but I didn't. His mom died when I was about to exit and I stuck w/ it. He had the affair the first time that following year. Then I gave him a chance to reconcile. I thought this might be the catalyst to turn our relationship around and end the doldrums and misery we'd been in, w/ the lack of communication. But he did it again. I gave him my best and he rejected me for her. That really shakes your foundations of self worth. Not sure I'm adding anything new, just glurping. Your videos and insights are very helpful to make me feel less crazy and reactive.
lisa your videos hit home!!, i feel everything you said especially pretending you are fine around the kids, its 1 1/2 years from Dday and im still struggling, im still in my marriage only because he is fighting for me to stay, i cant look at any pictures with us together without having a melt down and he keeps saying "think of the good times together" but a 7 year affair and 10 years of lies i feel there are no more good times. i guess im lucky in one way that he is a changed man now, regretfull and remorsefull in any way., but its almost like it doesnt mean anything to me anymore, the damage has been done, and our marriage is damaged, i have no support, no one knows, we were told by councelling now to tell anyone
I kept believing that he would see my/our worth as a family and want to come back. It was my illusion, I could not let go of the marriage because I had invested 21 years in. Therefore the sooner you realise that it is in fact an illusion the sooner you can move on.
I am going through in this situation at the moment. My husband for 21 years just left me to pursue his mistress. He cheated on me without my knowing for 4 years. Just like you Liza we don’t have kids so being alone is so hard. Thank you for your video.
I feel pretty awful for you and I understand it completely as I’ve been through it- Gonna pray for you and I appreciate your channel and well thought out words. I too feel so much shame. But the cheaters don’t seem to do the same
The most powerful thing she did was to destroy our family. I could never understand why, just for a sexual thrill. I didn't talk to her for thirty years after that, one of the most painful things was leaving my two sons crying their eyes out because mommy doesn't want daddy anymore.
its easy to trust that disloyal unfaithful peoples are gonna be disloyal and unfaithful. its one thing to not have empathy and its illegal not to disclose these type of lifestyles.
I have been married for 44 years my husband began an affair 32 years ago when i was 😊7mo i found out at that time went through panic attacks plus everything else. My husband recently checked on an old girl friend through fb. Which causing me to relive the affair and everything triggers me.
I'm going through the same thing right now have so many mixed emotions I can't explain to even rationalize this is the second time that both of my first wife and second wife cheated on me ironically it's the same scenario so they want me to think I'm the problem of y they did what they did I'm not emotional there for them tried of the excuses
I resonate with what you said. It's been 2 weeks since I blocked them on all social media. It's ... painful. I blocked them while they were travelling with their ex ... they knew damn well this would hurt me and yet ... I know it's not my fault but ... I always wonder why am I never enough? When I look at their ex's picture, I realize how beautiful she is compared to me. Maybe she is more outgoing and more extrovered than me. Maybe she has qualities that I don't have. I feel sad ... immense sad ... Life is cruel ... I just want all of these painful feelings to stop ...
Lisa.. thank you.. for all the videos.. I just found you on you tube cause I have been divorced with kids and a co-parenting is toxic and for the life of me I feel so lonely. I have tried recently to establish a new relationship but I failed at it. I was getting ready for the "NO" and rejection but still hit so hard.. and I can't stop thinking about my future. I do not know why I feel the need to be in a relationship like you mentioned before feel like you matter. My question for you is for you did you ever remarried or found a new relationship? I just want to know about how long did it take and is there really a light at the end of the tunnel. Almost everyone say it is.. but so far.. I don't see it. :(
I'm so sorry you experienced it..the worst pain ever. I can t accept he could do that to me..he lied and left without confrontation like I never existed..no ammision.the worse part is that i can t let him go.I feel so lonely
The most painful part for me was the intentional part of the whole thing. Like you said, you perceive that it was a "mistake", but all the lies and the countless times they could have chose to NOT cheat just show that they new what they were doing... and chose to do it anyway. There is no mistakes, its intent! Thats what hurts. Especially when they beg with you to stay, to work it out, to not split up. How can listen to that knowing their intent, because it was NO mistake! Like Em said in a song... "what did you trip, fell, and landed on his D?". Their actions spoke louder than their words, and when they are pleading for you to stay, remember they chose this not you. They didn't choose it once, they chose it with every single action they took. They just thought they weren't getting caught. And that also hurts ALLOT... you feel so stupid, like what if you didn't catch it, would you ever have known? Would they be just fine not telling you ever? The answer is yes... they would be just fine, again its NOT a mistake! Dont be fooled!
I couldn't agree more. I always felt that calling it a mistake is a cop out. There's no mistake if u plan, lie and manipulate for days or weeks to set up a time to go have the affair. I feel like calling it a mistake is insulting to me. Call it a stupid decision, call it selfish, bad choices. But don't say it was a mistake. It was intentional and u didn't think you'd get caught. THAT'S what happened
@@svang55 , Could have written this myself. Not only can I Not trust him but now I cannot even trust myself! And I always thought I was pretty perceptive yet I didn’t pick up on his unfaithful behavior for a few years.😢
I feel like I am being eaten alive slowly by the toxic sadness and anger. It is all mixed together into some poisonous feeling. I have never been one to be down long. I fall but something always gets me up within days and back to moving forward but in this I feel like I am stuck in cement. The loss of the past. The loss of the future. The hopelessness of it all and the fear you are failing your kids when you can’t keep it all together. When they see you sad, broken. Not the person you once were.
It's been 7 months since this, how you FEELING and doing now?
My feelings are exactly what you've said. I completely relate and it's been over 3 years since discovering my wifes infidelity. So painful
Betrayed father here, including one autistic son. It hit so close to home what u said about not just the cheating that hurt but how they lied and manipulated and planned so that they can get to go do the actual cheating part. I can't wrap my mind around it. My biggest struggles u mentioned are that I'm stuck in that obsessed energy about details, the truths colliding with memories.....my pride, manhood, self confidence, self worth all are shattered, just completely emasculated. And I feel utterly and helplessly alone. I'm still in my marriage for the kids and I've told no one about my wife's affair. It is a daily struggle for 2.5 years now. When I wake and when I go to bed, the affair partner and intrusive thoughts are there. Every single day, every single night for 2.5 years. It's like the affair partner is a constant companion i can't get rid of. I am in a nightmare i cannot wake up from and i am slowly bleeding to death. I don't know how else to describe it. I've never shown my pain to my kids. If we didn't have kids I'd leave and want her existence erased from my life
I hear you brother. I’m 4 years out from D day. The pain does recede! Slowly but surely, there’s still not a day I don’t think about it but it’s getting easier to live with. I also stayed coz of the kids and wider family, I don’t regret that part especially when birthdays/festive times occur.
Keep strong Brother 🙏🏻
P.S a strong faith is also really handy 🙏🏻
The only way you can restore your pride, manhood and self confidence is leaving her.
1.Find the way to stay close to the kids while being apart from her (shared custody?). Don't be afraid, kids can easily adapt to everything.
2.Save some time for yourself to go to the gym or practice any sport you like.
3.Let other females get close to you.
4.Focus on your business/job.
It's not going to be easy, but it's the only way to heal. 2.5 years is a lot and you are only feeling worse.
The last line in your comment is the key.
Yes. Sadly I can’t hide all my sadness from my kids. They see it. Living in torture.
I feel you man! I have been devastated the same way. Mine was in march 2022, then it happened again a week later, seriously. I thought I could forgive and forget, but its constantly on my mind. The details, and wanting to know every single one. I think its to try and regain the power, but honestly once you learn the details it just paints a more vivid image to haunt you with. Yet... I cant stop trying to know more. I think its also, at least for me, trying to understand why the hell it even happened. Like knowing all the details could somehow explain why. But like I posted here... I believe it simply comes back to them being selfish. I get what you mean about details, and just how MUCH you think about it. I am hoping in time it fades.
I will say this about the kids. I know your trying to stay for them, and your trying to hide stuff from them. Trust me, no matter how good you think you might be at hiding it... the kids know something is wrong. Its a healthier choice for them if you dont stay. Take it from me... im very codependent, married 16 years to my wife that had BPD. I thought the same as you, that I could hide the issues and pretend everything was ok. It messed them up knowing and seeing me in pain, yet staying. If you dont want to pass down unhealthy traits to your kids, then you need to show them how they should react, lead by example. Another words... picture them all grown up, coming to you asking for your advise. Its the same situation that your in... what would you tell them... and thats what you should do.
Keep you head up brother I'm just starting my journey of finding my self after 10 years of hell. Wish me luck 🤞
OMG thank you. I am going through this after 35 years of marriage. You are the only person who gets it. Thank you
Mary, my heart goes out to you. Similar story 33years married, Boom! 10 year affair is exposed. 4 years later I still question why I stayed. God bless you. 😎😢
My divorce would be over next week, we still haven't talk, the most painful thing i have ever dealt with. So much destruction.
There are unfortunately a lot of us over on Twitter including Lisa. It’s been the most important part of my healing. Come find us.
Hang in there Mary, it will get better. My marriage ended just 1-week short of 35-years. Just like Lisa mentioned in her video, I experienced so much of the same awful emotions she did (and probably what you did too). It's been 4-years now since D-Day and the divorce was 2-1/2 years ago. Emotionally I feel so much better this year than I did last year. Best wishes to you and all the others going through this painful process.
All of this is true. The pain of being cheated on is like nothing I've ever experienced. Can't eat. Can't sleep. The grief is unbearable at times. 23 years with a man I thought I'd grow old with is gone. Like you Lisa, we have no children. I'm doing my best to take it one day at a time and working on re-building "me".
Yes. My wife left me for the mother of our son’s friend. I have to see them together all the time. The loss of the past and future. It has broken me and I am not a weak person. Being forced to be tethered to this pain by kids seems unbearable.
You got this Noel. Recently, I've been diving deep into books ex FBI agents used for emotional intelligence. The likes of Chris Voss, Derek Gauntlet, and Joe Navarro. Makes for good reads
I feel your pain Man
Having to interact with my ex because of our kids is so painful
I'm SOOO sorry you had to go through this. Much of your experience mirrors mine. Sadly, knowing that someone else truly "gets it" because they experienced it helps me feel less alone. Thank you for sharing. May God bless you always.
I discovered your videos just a few hours ago. Already, I feel like your talking is like me talking to myself. It's exactly what's happening to me... I'm so distraught. I'm so confused. But your talk is already beginning to help. Thank you.
We even have a kid... That makes it even more difficult. He doesn't know. As for now I'm trying to keep it that way. So I am forcing myself to act normal. Atleast in front of him. But it's the most difficult thing ever.
I'm hoping to come out the other side with a proper head on my shoulders. We will see what happens.
Thank you again for your kind words.
You WILL make it through this. You’re going to feel crazy for a time and you’re probably going to do things that you look back on with puzzlement later. That’s okay. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s quite impressive right now.
I commend you for keeping it together in front of your son (I can’t even fathom how hard that is). Please also give yourself space and permission to completely break down at times. This IS hard and trying to pretend it isn’t just makes it harder still.
Sending you a great big hug of encouragement.
Thank you again
January 2023
I feel like you climbed inside my head and know every Story that keeps replaying inside. I can’t thank you enough for your honesty and sharing all of this. I feel like I have a voice through your words. The community that comments in here is spot on. Your videos resonates such truth. Thank you, thank you.❤
I am so sorry that you're experiencing this
@@lisaarends8742 New subscriber, your video came up on my feed. I'm sorry that you had to go through this. I recently started seeing videos on cheating (also came up on my feed) and the stories are mind boggling, sickening, disgusting, disgraceful and hard to believe what is going on in this world. At first I was for the men, most of the stories are women who cheat but now I've kinda changed more to the women. I've posted on many channels regarding this subject and I noticed a common pattern with a lot of these stories and why women cheat. I notice a common repetitive theme of the woman feeling lonely/alone, bored do to the same routine, guys working way too much, too much video games etc.....and not spending quality time with their women. I being a "True, Loyal, Faithful guy" don't understand how you can say you love someone and then cheat on them, it's just so wrong. Maybe 1 day guys will wake up but I doubt it. The true, loyal guys are suffering because of all this cheating. As a guy I apologize to you women for what you get put thru.
I was cheated on and nobody in my life knows. I have to decide all alone what to do.
OMG!!! I feel as if you are in my head. Everything is spot on. At least I know I’m not crazy in how I have felt and how I’m feeling now.
I decided to stay and try to make it work. I don’t care if anybody judges me for doing that because nobody knows our situation, and I don’t live to please other people. It has been 9 months since discovery and we are doing pretty good. I still have bad days, but they are not as often as they were.
Thank you for sharing this. I know it takes a lot of courage to open up and talk about your situation.
You are spot on. I’m 5 1/2 years out from discovering my husband of 25 years had been cheating on me with prostitutes. It is heartbreaking. Your grocery store story resonated with me. I didn’t fall to the ground but I had a panic attack seeing women in the grocery aisle wondering if they were one of the prostitutes my husband had slept with.
The one thing I would like to add to your list is how angry I was. I had never known that degree of anger. Thank you for sharing your story! Women need other women who have gone through infidelity for support! I found it to be the biggest help.
That anger can be so powerful- almost scary. I know for me it was also the most persistent emotion. And you’re so right about support!
Yes, this happened to my sister, she couldn't even bring herself to say the word prostitute when she first found out, so shocked and hurt. The worse part is he actually tried to include their 19 year old son in with his cheating. He took the son on a business trip and had 2 prostitutes lined up to come to their hotel suite. He said, "I have a friend for you too" like they were 2 high school buddies on a double date. How horrible for her son to be put in the middle like that, the father expected the son to lie to his mother.
Stayed for the kids and now the grandkids. Over 40 years of pretending. Never thought for a second that this is how I would live my life.
There is no word I know of that even comes close to accurately describing the feeling of "the rug being pulled out from beneath you".
Working my way through the days one second at a time.
Sending love and light to all
Everything you say in every video is so true to what I’m going through. Thank you 🙏 for making my feelings
Ha have words and for the fact that I’m not alone.
100%..... so glad I found this channel. Very validating on what I feel during and after the truth is exposed. Thanks for sharing!
It is the memories that haunts me the most.Over 20 years worth
I can’t even think back on any of my adult life because it’s too painful now that I know what was actually happening
I have to live in the present moment at all times and it’s horrible
❤ we are now all part of a family we had no control over.
So true.
Everything you said is true, is so so painful when you dont expected, when you have toddlers, when you been trying to fix yourself to save the marriage, for a while i had to leave my own house because i coudnt stand there any longer and seen my kids standing at the door i just coudnt hold it anymore, the though of this might be the last time we will be a family, the thought that someone else destroyed it and she let it happen, she choose that, the pain of seen her just walking around ignoring what is happening was worse, back then i blamed my self for it and did for months trying to fight for our marriage until i just got tired of it, i coudnt take it anymore
I came across your channel and watched all your videos at once.
Thank you! For sharing your experiences and feelings on your horrible ex-relationship.
I’m going through a tough time emotionally for some time now (due to similar situations, ofcourse not exactly the same) and watching your videos? I can relate 💯💯💯 and in some way this gives me strenght? Clarity? Courage? I can’t really explain it but thank you so much! I needed this messages. ❤
Thank you for validating my feelings.
im going thru this now. i understand everuthng ur saying. wow. U loved him. Its understandable. i still do but understand its not genuine reciprocity😢
Cheating?! Thats the least..hes a master manipulating lie..denial was his default switch..that & silence. The silly lying responses to serious qhestions that sincerelt i was concerned with is excruciatingly, gutwrenchingly..heart crushing.😢
But I love me and cant see wht/ how he could hurt me so when he said when we first met.. He Nevee Would😢.
Thank u for spelling it out and providing hope.. sorry u went thru that.. im a new subscriber❤
bravo .. i pray i get to sit where u are in full recovery fom being betrayed. Thank u and much success 🙌🙌👏👏👏👏👏
The level of lying and manipulation they can do is wild, isn’t it? I fully believe you CAN get to that place of recovery ❤️
You nailed it on the head I'm going through that very thing right now and he won't even talk to me
The way you second guess yourself and somehow it ends up being your fault. I know his affair wasn't my fault. Yet I do this loopdy loop where I picked him and didn't see it coming somehow, and so that his actions though not my fault, somehow reflect badly on me. Then there's the shame. It's his shame and he is ashamed, but it's embarrassing and shameful being associated w/ a cheater.
Then there's how there was plenty of other stuff that made me want to leave a few years ago, but I didn't. His mom died when I was about to exit and I stuck w/ it. He had the affair the first time that following year. Then I gave him a chance to reconcile. I thought this might be the catalyst to turn our relationship around and end the doldrums and misery we'd been in, w/ the lack of communication. But he did it again. I gave him my best and he rejected me for her. That really shakes your foundations of self worth. Not sure I'm adding anything new, just glurping. Your videos and insights are very helpful to make me feel less crazy and reactive.
You have a way of putting the spirally thoughts into words. I can relate so much to what you say.
Dealing with this as well. I don’t think I’ll ever be ok again
I didn't think I would be be either...and eventually I was. Take one step at a time and try to hold on to the image of where you want to end up.
lisa your videos hit home!!, i feel everything you said especially pretending you are fine around the kids, its 1 1/2 years from Dday and im still struggling, im still in my marriage only because he is fighting for me to stay, i cant look at any pictures with us together without having a melt down and he keeps saying "think of the good times together" but a 7 year affair and 10 years of lies i feel there are no more good times. i guess im lucky in one way that he is a changed man now, regretfull and remorsefull in any way., but its almost like it doesnt mean anything to me anymore, the damage has been done, and our marriage is damaged, i have no support, no one knows, we were told by councelling now to tell anyone
I kept believing that he would see my/our worth as a family and want to come back. It was my illusion, I could not let go of the marriage because I had invested 21 years in. Therefore the sooner you realise that it is in fact an illusion the sooner you can move on.
I am going through in this situation at the moment. My husband for 21 years just left me to pursue his mistress. He cheated on me without my knowing for 4 years. Just like you Liza we don’t have kids so being alone is so hard. Thank you for your video.
how are you doing now Rosan? its been 2 years for me and im still struggling
@@lorrainem1870 still struggling Lorraine. Thanks for asking.
@@lorrainem1870 I hope you are doing well.😊
I feel pretty awful for you and I understand it completely as I’ve been through it- Gonna pray for you and I appreciate your channel and well thought out words. I too feel so much shame. But the cheaters don’t seem to do the same
This is so true does anyone know how long truth like this will continue to trigger me in tears?
Oh yes the lies and manipulation hurts most.
The most powerful thing she did was to destroy our family. I could never understand why, just for a sexual thrill. I didn't talk to her for thirty years after that, one of the most painful things was leaving my two sons crying their eyes out because mommy doesn't want daddy anymore.
Thanks. It does hurt to be cheated on. Both my husbands cheated.
😢
its easy to trust that disloyal unfaithful peoples are gonna be disloyal and unfaithful. its one thing to not have empathy and its illegal not to disclose these type of lifestyles.
Exactly. Just be honest with who you are and what you want. I find these people are often chaotic in other areas as well.
❤ I’m sorry you went through that. I did too. Lots of similar feelings.
I'm sorry you went through it as well
I have been married for 44 years my husband began an affair 32 years ago when i was 😊7mo i found out at that time went through panic attacks plus everything else. My husband recently checked on an old girl friend through fb. Which causing me to relive the affair and everything triggers me.
I'm going through the same thing right now have so many mixed emotions I can't explain to even rationalize this is the second time that both of my first wife and second wife cheated on me ironically it's the same scenario so they want me to think I'm the problem of y they did what they did I'm not emotional there for them tried of the excuses
I resonate with what you said. It's been 2 weeks since I blocked them on all social media. It's ... painful. I blocked them while they were travelling with their ex ... they knew damn well this would hurt me and yet ... I know it's not my fault but ... I always wonder why am I never enough? When I look at their ex's picture, I realize how beautiful she is compared to me. Maybe she is more outgoing and more extrovered than me. Maybe she has qualities that I don't have. I feel sad ... immense sad ... Life is cruel ... I just want all of these painful feelings to stop ...
i agree with every point you make! im going through all of what you sayd right now and i hate it!
Hey Rocket, are you in Aus?
@@jimbovb2130 no, im from switzerland.
Sorry. Same here I’m going through all of what Liza said. It’s hard when you don’t have your family around.
This is right on.
Lisa.. thank you.. for all the videos.. I just found you on you tube cause I have been divorced with kids and a co-parenting is toxic and for the life of me I feel so lonely. I have tried recently to establish a new relationship but I failed at it. I was getting ready for the "NO" and rejection but still hit so hard.. and I can't stop thinking about my future. I do not know why I feel the need to be in a relationship like you mentioned before feel like you matter. My question for you is for you did you ever remarried or found a new relationship? I just want to know about how long did it take and is there really a light at the end of the tunnel. Almost everyone say it is.. but so far.. I don't see it. :(
This is exactly how I felt and experienced
I'm so sorry you experienced it..the worst pain ever. I can t accept he could do that to me..he lied and left without confrontation like I never existed..no ammision.the worse part is that i can t let him go.I feel so lonely
The most painful part for me was the intentional part of the whole thing. Like you said, you perceive that it was a "mistake", but all the lies and the countless times they could have chose to NOT cheat just show that they new what they were doing... and chose to do it anyway. There is no mistakes, its intent! Thats what hurts. Especially when they beg with you to stay, to work it out, to not split up. How can listen to that knowing their intent, because it was NO mistake! Like Em said in a song... "what did you trip, fell, and landed on his D?". Their actions spoke louder than their words, and when they are pleading for you to stay, remember they chose this not you. They didn't choose it once, they chose it with every single action they took. They just thought they weren't getting caught. And that also hurts ALLOT... you feel so stupid, like what if you didn't catch it, would you ever have known? Would they be just fine not telling you ever? The answer is yes... they would be just fine, again its NOT a mistake! Dont be fooled!
That sounds extremely painful. I’m so sorry.
@@lisaarends8742 I appreciate your kindness, and your videos, they have helped me allot.
I couldn't agree more. I always felt that calling it a mistake is a cop out. There's no mistake if u plan, lie and manipulate for days or weeks to set up a time to go have the affair. I feel like calling it a mistake is insulting to me. Call it a stupid decision, call it selfish, bad choices. But don't say it was a mistake. It was intentional and u didn't think you'd get caught. THAT'S what happened
Crushed by the Intention, thoughtless selfishness & mental & physical sneakiness!
@@svang55 , Could have written this myself. Not only can I Not trust him but now I cannot even trust myself! And I always thought I was pretty perceptive yet I didn’t pick up on his unfaithful behavior for a few years.😢
hi Lisa