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tiktok at 1:14 is so true

As a wise pyramid once said: ReAlItY iS aN iLlUsIoN

when you are having fun but you remember: you’ll never feel as much pain as them so you don’t matter

Having my first two mothers abandoning me along with many others I loved affecting my mental health while my conservative current family ridicules me for everything and unfair justification towards males reasoning boys will be boys blaming me for their mistakes but at least I’m just waiting for them to leave too and everyone forgets about me again it’s just an endless cycle then people get upset you I don’t get attached and that makes me a bitch so I’m just roleplaying someone else’s life watching people live freely. God, I wish I could, but if I’m an issue no matter what I do I’d be better off dead. But I can’t disappoint them more….they say girls should be responsible for themselves and others but fail to accept I’m not a girl that I’m not mentally stable that smile aren’t always true

I’m the oldest child, left out of the friend group having to always walk behind them so I can hear what their saying. If I don’t I don’t hear anything for a week or two.

0:43 what is this song called?

0:08 PETER!?

8:24 ❤❤❤

8:36

7:25

At school I see everything, everyone, every object, so so vibrantly, but whenever I lay down I see things. In the hallways, I see dark figures. They never do anything but they always make me feel horrible, but when I sleep or eat or go to the bathroom to wash my hands all of a sudden I cannot see.

My father abused my family and acted like he did nothing wrong he spanked us with thick wooden plank that he kept in the garage cause he was a carpenter he would give us very rough shoulder rubs that were basically on our neck because he took pleasure in giving pain when I was eight mu mom decided to leave him while he was on a motorcycle ride but he got back too early and saw us packing my sisters, and I ran to our bedroom with our dog and could just hear them yelling he died a year and a half ago and I just recently found out he raped my sister from five years old to 12 years old his death took a toll on me but it was very delayed I guess my brain doesn’t process death and I didn’t realize I loved him even if I didn’t like him

19:28

4:02 oh ouchie that hit hard for me damn :(

I hate how these always say 'no random music' and then have random music

I remember my brother was lifting his hand up as he was trying to high five me or something and I flinch and immediately curled into a ball to protect myself and my brother looked at me weirdly and I was a bit awkward after that but the reason why I flinched is because my brother would hit me for no reason and that’s normal brother behavior and he was older than me and he worked out more and was heavier and his punches would leave bruises. I remember that as he started punching me again I just sat there and took it. Sure I did flinch but why? Why did I let him? Why didn’t I protect myself right now? What if I don’t protect myself in the future. I fear for what’s coming for me in the future because I think that I’m not strong enough to defend myself from my own brother. Why am I like this? Why am I alive? Why do I feel like I’m slowly dying inside? Why do I barely feel a sense of love or sympathy? Am I just slowly fading? I’m scared.

i see this video and i noticed its 7 days old and its te same day as when i started SH

A fu*k here we go again

tw: sh & suicide ||im so tired i wanna be loved i dont want to cut anymore but at the same time i do its so exhausting. im so numb all i think about is cutting and if i should kill myself, all damn day. if they would care but i cant fucking open up. will they even notice my cries for help? even if they do i always say its nothing but its fucking something i need help i want to have a boyfriend who would listen to me and talk me out of cutting and killing myself and would hug me and say its okay and we can take care of eachother. i want it to go back to how it was when my mom actually listened to me and spoke to me. now i dont even see her for days or weeks at a time and ofc i cant tell her what the fuck is happening cus she won't understand. i have no siblings just a cousin i live with but im not telling him im still cutting i love him but no. then idek wtf goes thru my aunts mind all she does is degrade me. i dont want my grandma to come back i want a room to myself for once. i had a room to myself for one year, yet me and my mother had to leave the man that was the closest thing to my father. i have no father. i cant tell my friends because i have to stay strong and i cant fucking open up. im so numb i dont even want to think about my future because will i live until then? im so short everyone fucking jokes about my height but is that the only thing you notice? i want to be prettier i want to have a better body im not even fat but i want that hourglass. no more distractions im starving everyday and if i eat, im throwing up. anything to be skinny even if i die, atleast i was a skinny bitch. i dont even have my phone because my mom took it since i was failing but has she thought to talk to me? does she even care about me? i give my all there are people i consider my best friends but do they even consider ME their best friend? sure im "popular" but fuck that if no one even gives a shit. would someone talk me out of kms the way i talk them out of it? the way i cry?||

I think me in a short story is 3:49 besides the bleeding

When someone calls me selfish but all I do is gift ppl all I have for them to forget the next day.

Chat I’ve been hanging on from a single thread that’s been slowly breaking I’ve been going through tough crap since 1st grade I’ve learned how to stop crying,silent sob,come up with good excuses,call SH scars cat scratches,happy act, and so much more im not making it to high school ^^

Yeaone of my friends tried doing weird stuff to me and now i dont FUCKING KNOW HOW TO TELL THEM IM DONE

I remember one time I first got physically bullied *getting a basketball thrown to the head* and I was deadass crying and 2 of my friends watched it, they told the teacher and they didn’t do shit. So she had more confidence to bully me harder mentally and I just became more upset, moved to a knew school with new rules and I changed, got more upset, always mad etc, but there was this kid who would pick on me, and the teachers ain’t do SHIT. Life lesson: school don’t give a shit until they notice it’s getting back and don’t believe that it happen, and go to the bad side. 🫤

Im sorry put in the caption it says "no random music" but there is :,3

“But I like your long hair” All my mom and grandma seemed to talk about was my hair. My grandma and mom wanted me to grow out my hair as long as it could go. But I’m not happy with long hair. It’s extra work, it’s heavy on my head, and I never liked it. And now that I have my hair cut, I feel so much better. They keep talking about how they miss my hair, and my mom says my sister’s hair is better behind my back (my sister told me what my mom said so ik) But I’m happier and I love my hair :]

I comfort myself every time I get yelled at and cry myself to sleep because I feel like I'm useless I'm worth nothing and now my stepfather hates me. All I do is try to fix things but it never seems like I can it always ends up even more ruined after everything I have done. I am just trying to live and I have very bad attachment issues.

Tbh I would.. 28:22 I don’t care if you had some. <3

1:08 I always avoid eye contact when I feel like Ive made someone mad or I'm trying to keep from crying

Oriental random music with meme song playing at the same time is to much😅 PS: I will never recover(😂) (please we want to here the music in the videos)

2:59 song name?

If I see another vent where the person venting acts they know better just bc they’re older im gonna fucking crash out Just because it’s like that in youre family doesn’t mean that in every other family the younger sibling has a „perfect“ life

4:57 My Mom: „No, you’re not depressed! It’s just puberty“ literally me every day after school:

(Vent) I honestly don’t understand how my mom can say that I can always talk to her but today I talked to her and after listening to me she just said „yeah but you still need to do your homework and clean your room okay?“ Like I didn’t just tell her that I want to kms and my life has been feeling not real And when I told her that I am depressed she just said that it was puberty that my sister went through the exact same when she was my age.

28:12 Well fuck.

when i was younger i was taught to not make friends, and having them would only distract me from the school work i had to do. my father taught me this, i followed it without a second thought, for 12 whole years of my life. i had no one to socialize with. it was only when i was 13 did i let myself have a friend, it was almost nice, but is was simply appalling to human’s need to be with others. father was right, not just that friends were a waste of time but, humans in general. i wasn’t even supposed to be alive, i was conceived by accident with a drunk father. almost getting aborted at birth due to his own stupidity. my life has been boiled down to someone else’s personal jester in their court, my entire existence: is the funniest fucking joke god came up with.

i dont want to hide, dad. why do i have to hide being trans. oh yeah, *our president is fucked up*.

I don’t like eating :( I thought I was actually happy but I was js distracting myself with food trying to repair my relationship with it but I gained 5 pounds and I cried :(

1:49 is so real

8:28 this was just all of middle school for me. High school too, but in a less self-hating and more of a self-exploration kinda way.

5:04 same. Figured out I had automatically started doing that shit when someone apologized for their teammate cussing me out just seconds before yet I had already completely forgotten and had no feelings about it. Made me worry that I was missing memories of interactions with my dad after that.

4:45 SAME I used to drive my one friend to high school all the time and we would talk about our families bc we both have some distain for them. Any time his mother got mentioned I internally went “what did that bitch do now?”

5:15 maladaptive daydreaming is a coping mechanism often described at watching a Netflix show in your head and they have little to no control over when they dream about things (google will tell you better then me)

I have the same thing but in my head 7:48 10:00 I think i have it but I just hide my emotions maybe cause i'm a boy and society is shat

[ 7:59 ] bro.. this literally happened a couple nights ago.. i’m too scared to ask for hugs and to talk with my family.. its just.. the voices get you, y’know?..

Okay why is everyone not okay Do you all need hugs? As a (mostly) ((hopefully)) mentally sane person, I'm worried about you all

relatable

4:31 TOOO RELATEABLE -- KCLVJBKS also-- lmk Maquace audio :33

1:52 is literally me-

1:33 i don't think i was supposed to get past birth tbh, but i don't know how to talk abt my trauma so i js bottle it all up and act like it's a joke when i do talk about it