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I would say that we must be sisters and we grew up in the same family and went on to have similar relationships as adults! You hit the nail on the head with this one. Thank you for the validation! They play the victim and make us think we overreact!

the DSM has massive holes in it's definitions of NPD. Any basic research into the DSM will show how superficial and dangerously incomplete this definition is. Please be aware and do complete research. Unfortunately, many youtube quacks perpetrate this mess misinformation

Thank you for covering this topic! I went through this too and feel so relieved that I’m not “too sensitive “ or “broken” any more.

Thank you for helping me feel less alone. I grew up with a bipolar mom and narcissistic father. I'm 45 and still trying to make sense of all of the abuse I endured over the years. I find it safest to be alone. But this gives me hope that maybe one day I will also find a kind and respectful partner to share my life with.

How do you keep from being jaded?

@proudlyautistic, so what your saying is? people on the spectrum are drawn too? and are a sort of victim or prey for narcisstic partners? that kind clicks with my life, but people on the spectrum may not have the social reasoning or experience to read or spot a type B personality, their at a significant disadvantage

Times and times again my lived experience has shown me that the way I present and the way I THINK I present (or wish to present) aren't the same. It was especially hurtful when I was doing my Master's degreee and for the first time in my life I met so many people who had the same interest as me and who were just fascinating to me, I wanted to ask so many questions, to some I wanted to be friends, but every time we conversed I just felt an invisible wall, like they said "this is as much as I'd let you know about me." And it wasn't them being cruel or something, it was just that my image somehow ruined those opportunities at being friends with those people. And it was the image I couldn't have any control over because I STILL have no idea how I come across. And I didn't know it at that time but surely I felt it greatly.

I have just had a very odd 'a-ha' moment! I watched this video to the end, and then I saw the title of another one of your videos: "Why some NTs dislike us". I instantly remembered how in my uni I was austracized by a large group of girls with our head girl as their leader. It just dawned at me that she was a narc and she didn't like me for not fawning over her like the others did!

Thanks. Me, my parents, my grandparents. Three generations of autistic men. I wondered ifn we just drove our partners crazy, but the pairings were all alike.

❤ You are a Devine being shining your brilliantly bright light on this perpetual cycle of suffering with incredible clarity and bravery.This is the truth that sets up free and breaks the chain. Bravo 🙌

Yes; we seek that which is familiar. Actions speak louder than words, observe their behavior! I was raised by a covert & overt narcissist; the cruelty was horrific. After 2 failed marriages metaphorically the first to my dad & the second to my mom… found a wonderful human being who happens to be on the autistic spectrum (as was his mother). We’ve been married 41+ years and still LOVE each other. (Yes, I am OLD.)

Same goes for people with ADHD I guess...I can completely relate to this! Although I would extend this to people with a narcissistic personality style, not just NPD: in my experience, narcissists generally don't think there is anything wrong with them and certainly won't go to a psychiatrist, so will never get diagnosed with NPD. Instead, they will point the finger at you, which is that much easier if you are diagnosed with autism or ADHD, because clearly YOU are the crazy one and thus the problem. They might even seek praise from other people, wanting to look like a hero, for putting up with someone with such a difficult disorder.....they will try anything to prevent people seeing what they are really like!

Sex is biological! It is not assigned! How sad that you've fallen into the woke ideology trap

❤

Same, I went no contact 14 years ago. My health had never been better.

Super helpful! It's generational in my family as well, and I know others who struggle with this. I'm glad someone has finally talked about this pattern.

Also, i have noticed that in many families there is narcissism AND autism, for example one sister being narcissistic and another sister being autistic. I wonder if there is a genetic connection also ?

At this point, I'm convinced that autism usually comes from narcissistic abuse. Not necessarily NPD, the narcissistic trait, not the personality disorder.

💥

I was adopted from two on-spectrum parents and handed to two random narcissistic alcoholics under the adoption process. I'd love to talk to you about it to see if there's anything valuable enough to share from my experiences; could be a video collab.

Narcissistic grandfather, narcissistic dad, autistic mom, i have autism, i have an autistic child, I accidentally married a narcissist while actively trying so hard not to marry someone like my dad….it really is a common problem and a very dangerous one that is not addressed enough or given enough awareness. Thanks for talking about this and making me feel less alone. It happens to the best of us who are trying our best

My mother seems to have vulnerable NPD and my father is likely AuDHD. I unfortunately was so used to abusive relational patterns that I married a man with ASD and likely vulnerable NPD but it wasn't recognised by his health providers - they just saw panic disorder, ASD, and MDD. I tried for 14 years to get him to seek more help but he refused and I finally had to leave for my own safety as I as passively suicidal every day and was being retraumatised by him - I have ASD and C-PTSD.

My daughters have chosen not to go into a relationship. Pretty sure that seeing their father manipulate us all for years influenced their decision. We are all autistic like most of my father's side.

Just in case this is of interest to anyone. I understand that the stress of being subject to narcissistic abuse can damage the brain and cause bioligal changes in the brain similar to autism. So perhaps this kind of abuse can also cause something a bit like autism.

Excellent explanation, thank you so much. So sorry for your painful childhood. 😢 I didn’t know any of those things either and suffered so much, like you. So sad to think of my own child this way. His dad being narc and he being (I think) Asperger’s, it was a perfect storm. He hasn’t spoken to me for about 3 yrs and is friends with other narc family members and I’ve had to accept it. I’m hoping that he will wake up one day.

Narcissists delibererately seek out vulnerable people & often do jobs & take on roles that give them access to vulnerable people.

I have a theory that many people now being dx’d with ASD actually have severe C-PTSD, since the same area of the brain is impacted for NPD, C-PTSD and ASD.

I dated a narc in my early 20s. Thankfully, that relationship didn't work out. I have one non-narc parent and one suspected narc parent, and I grew up always feeling closer to the non-narc parent, as we're a lot alike. I've dealt with a few narcs in my adult years.

>What about people who are both Autistic and narcissistic? It seems to me that Autism is a cluster of traits and people score differently on different traits and not everyone has all of them. However, it also seems to me that one of the fundamental traits is (often compulsive) truth telling and another is slow social processing.. and for people who score highly on both traits, it is simply impossible for them to gaslight anyone. I know many people with a diagnosis struggle, especially those who score highly for sensory overload and/ or communication problems, however, the more I look at traits described as "Autistic" the more I see the positives; pattern recognition, truth telling, taking time to process social situations and therefore really reflecting on human interactions. Added to which, despite often being thought of as uncaring due to slow processing, many score highly for empathy. warmest regards, Karen

Thank you so much for highlighting this pattern. It is extraordinary that it is only recently that we have begun to talk about this vulnerability and it is vital that we push the topic right into the middle of the overton window to ensure that the young womeen and men of this generation have a chance to interrupt the cycle. warmest regards (another:) Karen

Please don't take this inappropriately but you have beautiful eyes. I don't think I've ever seen eyes that look gold like yours.

The PROJECTION! it drives me crazy 😂 I want to yell “My thoughts are NOT your thoughts!” Thanks for sharing your relatable experience

Oh dear

Most people in the comments seem like merely neurotics to me. Asking whether you are venting or asking for help is just a woman thing to do. You all have groups, friends, support and you sound fine. How many of you have been unable to go out of your apartment to the point you go without food and live on tea and olive oil for days at a time? None? I think the "just because I'm autistic makes me an expert" is the weakest reason for so-called "education." Seems this is just another cult of "medical student disease" sufferers.

dealing w/a narcissist that you feel love for is a freaking nightmare from hell. i know first hand, it is ruining my life.

Pretty sure my dad is autistic, and both my mom and step mom are narcissists. When I cut out my mom from my life, the enmeshment of my dad and step-mom and siblings means I lost all of them.

Autistics are easily made into the villain by a narcissistic parent who will sometimes deny the childs disability to keep the child from getting help and having a sense of self or separate identity that is not all about them

NPD comes under section 76 of the serious crimes act, they are criminals.

I recognized the need to at the very least make comment on what someone confides in me before adding my own experience. I am autistic and have the instinct to relate by experience, but I also consider it rude when an experience I share is not validated as the conversation goes back and forth. It makes a huge difference to just make the point of saying something like “yes, I see, that’s frustrating,” before sharing my own experience.

My mom is autistic. I have some of her traits too.

Oh boy, sounds a lot like my parents... although I don't think there was autism involved, just a _LOT_ of idealism and gullability on the non-narc side. My own partner was by no means narcissistic, but I was stuck in a toxic loop with a similar dynamic: it took me _years_ to figure out that what she said she was going to do to change her behaviour that I could not deal with were just defensive lies - which she herself did not even notice because she was too caught up in her _own_ personality issues. Needless to say, it did not work out. And I do not blame her for it, but it was a tough call to risk loneliness by leaving.

I have been wondering if anyone had noticed this pattern, I came to this conclusion a few years ago, but I've been gaslighting myself. 😢

Karen, thank you for your YT on this item. I’ve been diagnosed in my late 50-ies and have been struggeling in communication. I experience your YT to be really to the point where (before and after my diagnoses) 1) I have been trained to cope and am being able to cope (when my brain is not in overload or exhausted), e.g. (Really enjoying small talk except for soccer, though replying questions ‘How are you’ are still dificult to me when I am honestly not happy about things in the recent past); 2) The ‘unasked problemsolving’, something I am discovering now; 3) The ‘impossible’ bodylanguage especially if they are not congruent with hints that are also not congruent to me; 4) Some thing I start to understand now that some people can see me selfish when I am enthousiastically ‘taking over the conversation on analogies , e.g. Holidays, in stead of questioning….). Now I understand: some of my friends enjoy and other people feel their story taken away…. So this gives me a clue to experiment for a more 2-sided experience. Just by bringing in a way of a question if whether they enjoy hearing about my analogy….?

I like how you raise a point that this can be expanded out to Cluster B personality types. I am the first autist generationally in my family. Since a young age, I have always tended to befriend, date, or be attracted to people with Cluster B disorders. I still can't figure out why. I think it is because Cluster B people tend to have exaggerated expressivity and emotionality, which makes them easier to read for me. I have low empathy, so I don't feel a sense of danger or disorder from the Cluster Bs which I have heard NTs DO experience as a warning before the manipulation. I also think the intensity of attention and lovebombing that comes from the early stage of manipulation from Cluster B types satisfies the amount I need from another person in order to feel seen. I've been in so many toxic relationships and pretty much destroyed by this type of person, so I swore them off. I can see them coming and walk away. I've been in therapy for years. I decided to stay away from this type of person and refocus on other types. I've stuck to my guns and boundaries: Cluster B, leave them be. As a result, I've felt no real attraction or desire for anyone for half a decade. I wonder if I've been completely ruined from earlier encounters, or maybe that *is* my type based on autistic inflexibility and preferences formed early in life.

Good video. I had to cut contact with NPD family too. It was hard.

i was got diagnosed a few weeks ago i was horrified but it did make sense when i read up on what autisum is

Damn...you just demystified a lot lot lot about a lot of my life! Thank you so much!

We also live in a 'gotcha' culture , people will deliberately misunderstand so they can win and argument. They will cast you as the bad person and gaslight you into believing it. I was attacked and maulled by put bull two months ago. A week later I was trapped in my shed by the put bull it was over 100F and the metal roof of the shed made it an oven. I had nothing to defend myself , this pit bull was huge and a killer. I tossed gasoline on it and ran. She was a fry at me and twisted my words saying I was a bad person for hurting the dog I will never speak to her again, 25 years and she would rather say I'm a bad person than lose an argument (she's hillbilly pit bull defender)

What about people who are both Autistic and narcissistic? It’s my understanding that the two are not mutually exclusive and in fact, there’s quite a bit of overlapping some cases, particularly for those who grew up undiagnosed and never got any supports.