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Proudly Autistic
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Добавлен 6 ноя 2020
Hello! My name is Karen, and I received a late autism diagnosis at age 40. It was the happiest and most consequential day of my life.
For so many years, I hated myself for being unable to do what others found intuitive. My diagnosis was the solution to a lifelong mystery. Finally, I understood who I was!
I was immediately saddened to realize that being openly autistic would jeopardize my employment, relationships, and financial security. It was an impossible choice. Ultimately, it was my oldest child's diagnosis that motivated me to claim my autistic identity. Change must happen, and I am dedicated to being part of it!
I am an AuDHDer, have severe PTSD, and have struggled in the past with dissociative behavior and avoidant personality disorder. I am also a mother and have worked as a strategic consultant for over a decade. My life experiences shape my content and how I deliver it.
Follow me as we build a community of those who dare to live authentically!
For so many years, I hated myself for being unable to do what others found intuitive. My diagnosis was the solution to a lifelong mystery. Finally, I understood who I was!
I was immediately saddened to realize that being openly autistic would jeopardize my employment, relationships, and financial security. It was an impossible choice. Ultimately, it was my oldest child's diagnosis that motivated me to claim my autistic identity. Change must happen, and I am dedicated to being part of it!
I am an AuDHDer, have severe PTSD, and have struggled in the past with dissociative behavior and avoidant personality disorder. I am also a mother and have worked as a strategic consultant for over a decade. My life experiences shape my content and how I deliver it.
Follow me as we build a community of those who dare to live authentically!
The Impact of Narcissism in Autistic Families
We often talk about the autism and narcissism connection. However, we often fail to realize the true connection, which is how often autistic people fall prey to narcissistic abuse. In this video I talk about the potential impact of narcissism in multi-generational autistic families.
00:00 Introduction
00:26 Defining Narcissism (NPD)
01:02 Narcissistic Motives in Relationships
01:28 Why Autistic People Attract Narcissists
02:41 Narcissistic and Autistic Parenting Combo
03:29 Repeating Relationship Patterns
04:45 Why we Need to be Vigilant
05:44 The Real Connection Between Autism and Narcissism
06:02 Breaking the Cycle
06:44 Please Leave Comments, Thank You!
#autism
#autistic
#proudlyautistic
00:00 Introduction
00:26 Defining Narcissism (NPD)
01:02 Narcissistic Motives in Relationships
01:28 Why Autistic People Attract Narcissists
02:41 Narcissistic and Autistic Parenting Combo
03:29 Repeating Relationship Patterns
04:45 Why we Need to be Vigilant
05:44 The Real Connection Between Autism and Narcissism
06:02 Breaking the Cycle
06:44 Please Leave Comments, Thank You!
#autism
#autistic
#proudlyautistic
Просмотров: 7 261
Видео
Autistic Communication and Our Challenges (Double Empathy)
Просмотров 2 тыс.День назад
It can be difficult for autistic people to communicate in a neurotypical world. In this video, I explain our challenges to fit in when everyone communicates differently. Through the lens of double empathy, it's understood that we aren't wrong for communicating the way we do. We're simply communicating differently and have unique and valid life experiences. 00:00 Introduction 00:47 Autistics pro...
Late Autism Diagnosis in Your 20s, 40s, and 60s (Understanding Different Experiences)
Просмотров 2,3 тыс.14 дней назад
Receiving an autism diagnosis is a very validating experience. However, the experience and repercussions of a late autism diagnosis can vary depending on your age. Receiving a diagnosis at age 20 or early in your adult life is very, very different than receiving your autism diagnosis at age 60. In this video, I highlight these differences and explain why a late diagnosis for high masking autist...
Self Acceptance and Learning to Embrace Autism
Просмотров 1,7 тыс.21 день назад
As a high masking autistic adult, I evaded diagnosis until age 40. I was so happy to finally understand my differences. My autism diagnosis was a good thing! However, I was surprised that many in my life felt differently. They encouraged me to hide my autism and minimized the impact that my diagnosis had on me. This sent me on a journey to find self acceptance. I struggled, but eventually leane...
The Cost of Being Neurodivergent ("ADHD Tax" explained)
Просмотров 2,3 тыс.Месяц назад
"ADHD tax" refers to the cost that is incurred due to our ADHD, or more broadly, our neurodivergent challenges. They can range from literal financial impacts to impacts on our physical and mental health. This video explains ADHD tax and provides examples from my lived experience as a high masking, AuDHD (autistic and ADHD) adult. #autism #adhd #neurodivergent 00:00 Introduction 00:52 What is th...
First Impressions in Autistic and Neurotypical Communication (Why NTs don’t trust NDs)
Просмотров 8 тыс.Месяц назад
First impressions are important. Unfortunately, for autistic people, a neurotypical person's first impression of us might not be good. This often pertains to misunderstanding neurodivergent (ND) communication style and our intentions when we interact with NTs (neurotypicals). Understanding why we might be misjudged is important so that we can overcome misunderstandings and build better relation...
Living With Extreme Burnout (Autism, ADHD, and CPTSD Adults)
Просмотров 6 тыс.Месяц назад
00:00 Introduction 01:01 What is Burnout? 01:27 Overload or Frenetic Burnout 02:05 Underchallenged Burnout 02:26 Neglect or Worn-out Burnout 03:13 Habitual Burnout 03:34 My History with Depression 04:09 Not knowing How to Fix it 05:53 Inability to Rest 07:04 My History with CPTSD, Dissociation, and Depersonalization 08:22 Acknowledging the Need For Help 09:08 Starting a Conversation 09:46 Thank...
Social Trauma and Finding Belonging (CPTSD in Autistic Adults)
Просмотров 6 тыс.2 месяца назад
I have struggled my whole life to find belonging amongst my peers. As an autistic person, I didn't know how to form the connections necessary for friendship. I became isolated and developed severe CPTSD (complex PTSD). My CPTSD was due to the social trauma of being autistic and unable to navigate socially. I did not receive my autism diagnosis until age 40, so I spent most of my life thinking t...
AuDHD and Adulting (Autistic, ADHD, and cPTSD Adult Struggles)
Просмотров 12 тыс.2 месяца назад
Being an adult is hard. Everyone struggles. Adulting while being an AuDHDer can seem impossible. Here I talk about my struggles as an adult who is autistic, an ADHDer, and has severe cPTSD. I hope sharing my perspective helps you feel less alone on your journey. #autistic #adhd #cptsd 00:00 Introduction (AuDHD and adulting) 00:34 My Background (AuDHD, cPTSD, late diagnosis, NPD parent) 01:00 Bu...
Recognizing Autistic Adults (How to Spot Social Compatibility)
Просмотров 59 тыс.2 месяца назад
Have you noticed that you communicate better with other autistic people? This is known as double empathy and relates to our social compatibility when conversing with other autistic people. Know how to spot other autistic adults and recognize autistic traits is helpful in creating sustainable relationships. In this video I talk about ways I have detected other people might be autistic or, more b...
Unmasking in Autistic Adults
Просмотров 3,1 тыс.2 месяца назад
Autistic masking is often referred to as an optional activity or one that can easily be shut off. The reality is that unmasking is much more complicated for autistic adults. Here I talk about operant conditioning and how it can help the unmasking process. By understanding our actual motivations, hopefully we can gradually unmask ourselves to uncover our true identity. 00:00 The Pressure to Mask...
Autistic Communication and Why People Think We're Narcissists (Double Empathy)
Просмотров 32 тыс.3 месяца назад
Autistic people are often accused of being narcissists. The reality is that we simply have a different communication style (double empathy) that leads to misunderstandings. In this video, I common autistic conversational traits that can be misunderstood by neurotypicals as narcissistic traits. I also discuss the concept of conversational narcissism. 00:00 Introduction 00:28 Why Double Empathy I...
Mistaking Autism for Shyness (Double Empathy and Miscommunication)
Просмотров 6 тыс.3 месяца назад
Autism is often confused for shyness. The reality is that many of us are not shy. However, our autistic traits, or how we choose to adapt in a neurotypical world, is often mistaken for shyness. Here I talk about why this mindset is not only wrong, but hurtful, and shed light about on the autistic communication experience. 00:00 Introduction (it's rude to call someone shy) 01:00 Introduction (sh...
Fawning and Social Camouflaging in Autism
Просмотров 3,9 тыс.4 месяца назад
Fawning and Social Camouflaging in Autism
Autistic and Allistic Communication Styles (Double Empathy)
Просмотров 156 тыс.4 месяца назад
Autistic and Allistic Communication Styles (Double Empathy)
Autistic Communication (Path to Workplace Acceptance)
Просмотров 2,2 тыс.4 месяца назад
Autistic Communication (Path to Workplace Acceptance)
Relationship Between Autism and PTSD
Просмотров 2,5 тыс.5 месяцев назад
Relationship Between Autism and PTSD
Autistic Employment Challenges and Depression
Просмотров 2,8 тыс.5 месяцев назад
Autistic Employment Challenges and Depression
Autism and Understanding Social Boundaries
Просмотров 2,5 тыс.5 месяцев назад
Autism and Understanding Social Boundaries
Autistic Adults and Narcissistic Abuse (Survivor's Perspective)
Просмотров 13 тыс.5 месяцев назад
Autistic Adults and Narcissistic Abuse (Survivor's Perspective)
Autism Spectrum Explained (3 Autistic Experiences)
Просмотров 8 тыс.6 месяцев назад
Autism Spectrum Explained (3 Autistic Experiences)
Early and Late Autism Diagnosis (Two Perspectives)
Просмотров 9936 месяцев назад
Early and Late Autism Diagnosis (Two Perspectives)
What it's like being an Autistic parent
Просмотров 1,1 тыс.7 месяцев назад
What it's like being an Autistic parent
Comparing the Autistic Experience to Mean Girls Movie (Autistic Communication and Masking)
Просмотров 1,4 тыс.7 месяцев назад
Comparing the Autistic Experience to Mean Girls Movie (Autistic Communication and Masking)
Autistic Adults and Starting a New Job
Просмотров 1,2 тыс.7 месяцев назад
Autistic Adults and Starting a New Job
Autistic Masking Study and the Decision to Hide Autism
Просмотров 1,6 тыс.7 месяцев назад
Autistic Masking Study and the Decision to Hide Autism
Autistic Communication (Double Empathy Problem)
Просмотров 7 тыс.8 месяцев назад
Autistic Communication (Double Empathy Problem)
Autistic Masking (CAT-Q Camouflaging Autism Traits Test)
Просмотров 2,5 тыс.8 месяцев назад
Autistic Masking (CAT-Q Camouflaging Autism Traits Test)
Autistic Burnout at Work (Why it Happens)
Просмотров 2,5 тыс.8 месяцев назад
Autistic Burnout at Work (Why it Happens)
Autism diagnosis at 40 #actuallyautistic #autism #asd
Просмотров 2,3 тыс.8 месяцев назад
Autism diagnosis at 40 #actuallyautistic #autism #asd
I would say that we must be sisters and we grew up in the same family and went on to have similar relationships as adults! You hit the nail on the head with this one. Thank you for the validation! They play the victim and make us think we overreact!
the DSM has massive holes in it's definitions of NPD. Any basic research into the DSM will show how superficial and dangerously incomplete this definition is. Please be aware and do complete research. Unfortunately, many youtube quacks perpetrate this mess misinformation
Oh yes, 30 years of lived, daily experience of narcissistic abuse and I'm a "quack" 🙄😂
Thank you for covering this topic! I went through this too and feel so relieved that I’m not “too sensitive “ or “broken” any more.
Thank you for helping me feel less alone. I grew up with a bipolar mom and narcissistic father. I'm 45 and still trying to make sense of all of the abuse I endured over the years. I find it safest to be alone. But this gives me hope that maybe one day I will also find a kind and respectful partner to share my life with.
How do you keep from being jaded?
I used to be. It isn't productive. Nowadays I keep a small circle of friends and my patience for nonsense is zero.
@proudlyautistic, so what your saying is? people on the spectrum are drawn too? and are a sort of victim or prey for narcisstic partners? that kind clicks with my life, but people on the spectrum may not have the social reasoning or experience to read or spot a type B personality, their at a significant disadvantage
Yes that's what I'm saying. And many of us have autistic parents who did the same thing, so it's a double whammy. Not only are we vulnerable to begin with, but we might also be inclined to repeat the cycle if that's what we grew up with.
Times and times again my lived experience has shown me that the way I present and the way I THINK I present (or wish to present) aren't the same. It was especially hurtful when I was doing my Master's degreee and for the first time in my life I met so many people who had the same interest as me and who were just fascinating to me, I wanted to ask so many questions, to some I wanted to be friends, but every time we conversed I just felt an invisible wall, like they said "this is as much as I'd let you know about me." And it wasn't them being cruel or something, it was just that my image somehow ruined those opportunities at being friends with those people. And it was the image I couldn't have any control over because I STILL have no idea how I come across. And I didn't know it at that time but surely I felt it greatly.
I have just had a very odd 'a-ha' moment! I watched this video to the end, and then I saw the title of another one of your videos: "Why some NTs dislike us". I instantly remembered how in my uni I was austracized by a large group of girls with our head girl as their leader. It just dawned at me that she was a narc and she didn't like me for not fawning over her like the others did!
Yes, they see we "see" them (even if we don't know the label) and they don't like it.
Thanks. Me, my parents, my grandparents. Three generations of autistic men. I wondered ifn we just drove our partners crazy, but the pairings were all alike.
❤ You are a Devine being shining your brilliantly bright light on this perpetual cycle of suffering with incredible clarity and bravery.This is the truth that sets up free and breaks the chain. Bravo 🙌
Thank you 💛
Yes; we seek that which is familiar. Actions speak louder than words, observe their behavior! I was raised by a covert & overt narcissist; the cruelty was horrific. After 2 failed marriages metaphorically the first to my dad & the second to my mom… found a wonderful human being who happens to be on the autistic spectrum (as was his mother). We’ve been married 41+ years and still LOVE each other. (Yes, I am OLD.)
So glad you found love! Fyi my partner is also autistic. Best relationship I've ever had 💛
@@ProudlyAutistic - EXCELLENT!
Same goes for people with ADHD I guess...I can completely relate to this! Although I would extend this to people with a narcissistic personality style, not just NPD: in my experience, narcissists generally don't think there is anything wrong with them and certainly won't go to a psychiatrist, so will never get diagnosed with NPD. Instead, they will point the finger at you, which is that much easier if you are diagnosed with autism or ADHD, because clearly YOU are the crazy one and thus the problem. They might even seek praise from other people, wanting to look like a hero, for putting up with someone with such a difficult disorder.....they will try anything to prevent people seeing what they are really like!
Sex is biological! It is not assigned! How sad that you've fallen into the woke ideology trap
❤
Same, I went no contact 14 years ago. My health had never been better.
Super helpful! It's generational in my family as well, and I know others who struggle with this. I'm glad someone has finally talked about this pattern.
Also, i have noticed that in many families there is narcissism AND autism, for example one sister being narcissistic and another sister being autistic. I wonder if there is a genetic connection also ?
At this point, I'm convinced that autism usually comes from narcissistic abuse. Not necessarily NPD, the narcissistic trait, not the personality disorder.
We're born with autism, it's not acquired neurodiversity. I think the reason so many of us grow up around narcissists has something to do with our parents and others in our family being autistic and attracting them. It seems to be a real phenomenon.
💥
I was adopted from two on-spectrum parents and handed to two random narcissistic alcoholics under the adoption process. I'd love to talk to you about it to see if there's anything valuable enough to share from my experiences; could be a video collab.
Narcissistic grandfather, narcissistic dad, autistic mom, i have autism, i have an autistic child, I accidentally married a narcissist while actively trying so hard not to marry someone like my dad….it really is a common problem and a very dangerous one that is not addressed enough or given enough awareness. Thanks for talking about this and making me feel less alone. It happens to the best of us who are trying our best
My mother seems to have vulnerable NPD and my father is likely AuDHD. I unfortunately was so used to abusive relational patterns that I married a man with ASD and likely vulnerable NPD but it wasn't recognised by his health providers - they just saw panic disorder, ASD, and MDD. I tried for 14 years to get him to seek more help but he refused and I finally had to leave for my own safety as I as passively suicidal every day and was being retraumatised by him - I have ASD and C-PTSD.
My daughters have chosen not to go into a relationship. Pretty sure that seeing their father manipulate us all for years influenced their decision. We are all autistic like most of my father's side.
I'm so sorry. I hope you find healing and happiness 💛
Just in case this is of interest to anyone. I understand that the stress of being subject to narcissistic abuse can damage the brain and cause bioligal changes in the brain similar to autism. So perhaps this kind of abuse can also cause something a bit like autism.
It absolutely causes complex PTSD which does have some similarities to autism. Two very different things though. Growing up autistic also causes CPTSD, but it results in different triggers/trauma of course.
@@ProudlyAutistic Yes that makes sense. It's also good to note the effect of stress on the brain from these people, which isn't good for anyone.
Excellent explanation, thank you so much. So sorry for your painful childhood. 😢 I didn’t know any of those things either and suffered so much, like you. So sad to think of my own child this way. His dad being narc and he being (I think) Asperger’s, it was a perfect storm. He hasn’t spoken to me for about 3 yrs and is friends with other narc family members and I’ve had to accept it. I’m hoping that he will wake up one day.
Narcissists delibererately seek out vulnerable people & often do jobs & take on roles that give them access to vulnerable people.
My mother was a dangerous, malevolent malignant narcissist. I am on the autistic spectrum. She beat me unconscious repeatedly. She was also a primary school teacher. She was also violent at work. When I was in senior school, older brothers & sisters of children in her class, often approached me to complain about my mother. Eventually parents of a girl she beat up took her to court. The school was so desperate to get rid of her that they let her retire early on a full pension.
I have a theory that many people now being dx’d with ASD actually have severe C-PTSD, since the same area of the brain is impacted for NPD, C-PTSD and ASD.
I think many of us are both ASD and cPTSD. Growing up autistic without diagnosis is incredibly traumatic. However, any traits we might have that seem to mirror NPD generally have different motivators. It's all about intent...
I dated a narc in my early 20s. Thankfully, that relationship didn't work out. I have one non-narc parent and one suspected narc parent, and I grew up always feeling closer to the non-narc parent, as we're a lot alike. I've dealt with a few narcs in my adult years.
>What about people who are both Autistic and narcissistic? It seems to me that Autism is a cluster of traits and people score differently on different traits and not everyone has all of them. However, it also seems to me that one of the fundamental traits is (often compulsive) truth telling and another is slow social processing.. and for people who score highly on both traits, it is simply impossible for them to gaslight anyone. I know many people with a diagnosis struggle, especially those who score highly for sensory overload and/ or communication problems, however, the more I look at traits described as "Autistic" the more I see the positives; pattern recognition, truth telling, taking time to process social situations and therefore really reflecting on human interactions. Added to which, despite often being thought of as uncaring due to slow processing, many score highly for empathy. warmest regards, Karen
I agree. I believe our traits make it near impossible for us to be true narcissists. I'm not a professional though. I strongly believe that those of us that appear to be narcissistic (and I'm not talking about those who misinterpret our traits/intent) might actually have avoidant personality disorder. It can look similar and is much more consistent with the autistic experience.
Thank you so much for highlighting this pattern. It is extraordinary that it is only recently that we have begun to talk about this vulnerability and it is vital that we push the topic right into the middle of the overton window to ensure that the young womeen and men of this generation have a chance to interrupt the cycle. warmest regards (another:) Karen
Thank you. Yes, this is an extremely important topic for our community. Whether they're narcissists or not, we must understand our vulnerabilities to bad actors.
Please don't take this inappropriately but you have beautiful eyes. I don't think I've ever seen eyes that look gold like yours.
It's ok. They're hazel and matching my hair here. When I wear green they look green. Weird but true.
The PROJECTION! it drives me crazy 😂 I want to yell “My thoughts are NOT your thoughts!” Thanks for sharing your relatable experience
💯😂
Oh dear
Most people in the comments seem like merely neurotics to me. Asking whether you are venting or asking for help is just a woman thing to do. You all have groups, friends, support and you sound fine. How many of you have been unable to go out of your apartment to the point you go without food and live on tea and olive oil for days at a time? None? I think the "just because I'm autistic makes me an expert" is the weakest reason for so-called "education." Seems this is just another cult of "medical student disease" sufferers.
dealing w/a narcissist that you feel love for is a freaking nightmare from hell. i know first hand, it is ruining my life.
Been there, both with family and a romantic partner. In both cases I had to end the relationship for my mental health. I suppose a relationship can be maintained if you create strict boundaries. Maybe. It's still hard though. I hope things get better for you 💛
Pretty sure my dad is autistic, and both my mom and step mom are narcissists. When I cut out my mom from my life, the enmeshment of my dad and step-mom and siblings means I lost all of them.
I'm so sorry. The same happened to me. I went no contact with one parent. The other parent decided to limit contact with me and their grandchildren because they felt bad about having a relationship with my children if my narc parent couldn't 🙄 All I wanted was an acknowledgement of the past and respect for my autonomy moving forward. Apparently that was too much to ask for. I also lost contact with my sibling as I've been painted as the bad guy. Found out they got married indirectly after the fact. The whole thing is so sad. I hope you have found support through others 💛
@@ProudlyAutistic yeah, I found out one of my siblings got married without telling me, too, and my mom is super fond of playing the victim and making me out to be a terrible person, even though *I'm* not the one who isolated an abuse victim. Siiiigh. I did end up in multiple toxic relationships, but I met my best friend in therapy and have formed a small co-therapy style book club since then where we talk about trauma. Not all of us are autistic, but we're all ND in some capacity. It's nice to slowly widen the group of people I can trust. And now I'm looking into training to be an autism and adhd coach focusing on trauma and late diagnosis! So at least I found a calling out of all this. Lol I hope you've found support, too. I also hope that they do actual studies on the autism/narcissist relationship dynamic because literally every autistic person I know has had at least one romantic/platonic/familial relationship be with a toxic af narcissist. It would be nice to be able to point to a study when someone demands proof instead of explaining the very vast number of anecdotal situations.
Autistics are easily made into the villain by a narcissistic parent who will sometimes deny the childs disability to keep the child from getting help and having a sense of self or separate identity that is not all about them
Yes we can be mistreated in many ways. We can be used to garner sympathy. We can be denied care and diagnosis because it might make them "look bad" to acknowledge our challenges. We can be scapegoated because they resent the need to parent. And we can become a golden child because we are so compliant and easy to manipulate. It's all bad.
NPD comes under section 76 of the serious crimes act, they are criminals.
They are victims of their environments. HOWEVER, unlike many who choose to confront and rise above their past, NPDs choose to take no accountability. That's why they must be avoided.
I recognized the need to at the very least make comment on what someone confides in me before adding my own experience. I am autistic and have the instinct to relate by experience, but I also consider it rude when an experience I share is not validated as the conversation goes back and forth. It makes a huge difference to just make the point of saying something like “yes, I see, that’s frustrating,” before sharing my own experience.
My mom is autistic. I have some of her traits too.
Thank you for sharing. We learn from what we're exposed to in childhood. It's interesting, it makes me wonder how autistic vs non autistic parents impact our outcome.
@@ProudlyAutistic my mom is a very interesting case on the spectrum. High functioning, but almost like AI. She had very few friends. Is a complete bookworm. I believe we are neurotypical(?), but sometimes we wonder. We share the traits you mention. Over talking about our pet subjects, empathizing through sharing our own experience, etc. It's frustrating. But, we wonder if we may in fact have some of the genetics associated with the brain structure
Oh boy, sounds a lot like my parents... although I don't think there was autism involved, just a _LOT_ of idealism and gullability on the non-narc side. My own partner was by no means narcissistic, but I was stuck in a toxic loop with a similar dynamic: it took me _years_ to figure out that what she said she was going to do to change her behaviour that I could not deal with were just defensive lies - which she herself did not even notice because she was too caught up in her _own_ personality issues. Needless to say, it did not work out. And I do not blame her for it, but it was a tough call to risk loneliness by leaving.
I'm so glad you got out! Yeah, for me, the fear of bring alone prevented me from leaving when I should have. I hope things are better now 💛
I have been wondering if anyone had noticed this pattern, I came to this conclusion a few years ago, but I've been gaslighting myself. 😢
It definitely seems to be a pattern within the community. I hope things get easier for you 💛
Karen, thank you for your YT on this item. I’ve been diagnosed in my late 50-ies and have been struggeling in communication. I experience your YT to be really to the point where (before and after my diagnoses) 1) I have been trained to cope and am being able to cope (when my brain is not in overload or exhausted), e.g. (Really enjoying small talk except for soccer, though replying questions ‘How are you’ are still dificult to me when I am honestly not happy about things in the recent past); 2) The ‘unasked problemsolving’, something I am discovering now; 3) The ‘impossible’ bodylanguage especially if they are not congruent with hints that are also not congruent to me; 4) Some thing I start to understand now that some people can see me selfish when I am enthousiastically ‘taking over the conversation on analogies , e.g. Holidays, in stead of questioning….). Now I understand: some of my friends enjoy and other people feel their story taken away…. So this gives me a clue to experiment for a more 2-sided experience. Just by bringing in a way of a question if whether they enjoy hearing about my analogy….?
I like how you raise a point that this can be expanded out to Cluster B personality types. I am the first autist generationally in my family. Since a young age, I have always tended to befriend, date, or be attracted to people with Cluster B disorders. I still can't figure out why. I think it is because Cluster B people tend to have exaggerated expressivity and emotionality, which makes them easier to read for me. I have low empathy, so I don't feel a sense of danger or disorder from the Cluster Bs which I have heard NTs DO experience as a warning before the manipulation. I also think the intensity of attention and lovebombing that comes from the early stage of manipulation from Cluster B types satisfies the amount I need from another person in order to feel seen. I've been in so many toxic relationships and pretty much destroyed by this type of person, so I swore them off. I can see them coming and walk away. I've been in therapy for years. I decided to stay away from this type of person and refocus on other types. I've stuck to my guns and boundaries: Cluster B, leave them be. As a result, I've felt no real attraction or desire for anyone for half a decade. I wonder if I've been completely ruined from earlier encounters, or maybe that *is* my type based on autistic inflexibility and preferences formed early in life.
I doubt you're "ruined" rather cautious and selective. It makes sense. It took me a year to enter into a relationship after leaving an abusive one. And I spent years being skeptical of everything, trying to think of any reason to leave. Thankfully he loved me through it and we've been together for 7 years. However, it can be extremely difficult to trust again. That's reasonable and understandable. I'm sure a great person is out there for you, one who is willing to be patient. However , I absolutely understand never wanting to date again. As it relates to why we're attracted to them. I think it can be a number of reasons. For me though, it was the sense of belonging. Suddenly I found someone who wanted me around. Granted, it was so that they had an audience, but it was just nice to not be lonely. They also took the pressure off to be social. They always seemed to have the right answer. They could always keep a conversation going. They were also charismatic and the life of the party. They gave me access to a life I had never experienced and that was attractive.
@@ProudlyAutistic Thank you for the kind words, and I am glad you found happiness after your own bad situation. People need to understand it really takes us longer to heal tham even a normal person-- physically, emotionally-- I think it's about how deeply things can get internalized in us as opposed to NTs I have met. In my own healing journey, I think I've moved from "being afraid" to just "not wanting it enough," which might be a step in the right direction. Instead of fight or flight, I may be frozen in place. Also, yes, absolutely to that point about the Cluster Bs having the superficial charm. I think their ease navigating social situations even superficially made me feel socially safer (because I am socially blind), plus the charisma/social skills seemed like "magic" to me and was so attractive. Thank you for posting this!
Good video. I had to cut contact with NPD family too. It was hard.
Thank you! I'm sorry about your experience, it's a very difficult situation 💛
i was got diagnosed a few weeks ago i was horrified but it did make sense when i read up on what autisum is
I'm sorry you had a negative experience with receiving a diagnosis. Many people say they feel a sense of relief. I hope it gets easier for you 💛
@@ProudlyAutistic thanks ever so much i was just so shocked and realised reading up on it how much denial i was in about it. at least i know now and i can get help with trying to do things with in my capacity.
Damn...you just demystified a lot lot lot about a lot of my life! Thank you so much!
We also live in a 'gotcha' culture , people will deliberately misunderstand so they can win and argument. They will cast you as the bad person and gaslight you into believing it. I was attacked and maulled by put bull two months ago. A week later I was trapped in my shed by the put bull it was over 100F and the metal roof of the shed made it an oven. I had nothing to defend myself , this pit bull was huge and a killer. I tossed gasoline on it and ran. She was a fry at me and twisted my words saying I was a bad person for hurting the dog I will never speak to her again, 25 years and she would rather say I'm a bad person than lose an argument (she's hillbilly pit bull defender)
What about people who are both Autistic and narcissistic? It’s my understanding that the two are not mutually exclusive and in fact, there’s quite a bit of overlapping some cases, particularly for those who grew up undiagnosed and never got any supports.
You're correct, they aren't mutually exclusive. And superficially, we do seem to have similar traits but often the intent is not the same. I suspect it's more likely for an autistic person to be avoidant and for that to be confused with NPD. I'm not a professional, but from lived experience, there is a level of manipulation and control involved with NPD that would be difficult for many autistics to execute successfully. Not to say we can't. I just see us leaning much more towards AvPD.