Discovering I was the host of a System a little over two years ago was quite shocking. But I can tell you that I went through this same exact thing. It's so confusing and disorienting. Especially when everything is getting forcibly buried again causing so much forgetfulness, triggering another round of denial, etc. as the evidence of the disorder seems to disappear. As the host I'm also almost always co-conscious so for me that makes the denial at times even worse because I feel like "I'm just being weird" or when a Little is co-fronting that I'm just trying to get out of doing some adulting or something. Trying to ignore those feelings as valid, I've come to learn does not make them go away, and worse yet (in my opinion) it hurts the Little (or any Alter) because they are denied the consideration of their want or desire and emotionally punished for it. One thing that's been hard for me to accept about DID/OSDD is that denial is part of the condition. In the two years that I've been aware I've had it, time and time again I keep having these times where I'm almost entirely convinced that it's just me... but every time after I come to the end of myself, the Alters are still there and not under my control. It's a weird thing to be comforted by, but those times have gotten a bit easier to weather knowing and trying to understand all of that. I hope you and your System have a wonderful day! ~Robin
Thank you so much Robin! I started making videos bc I have no one in my life to talk about this experience- your words were very comforting. I still struggle with denial despite the clear signs. I think bc I still don’t have internal communication and all I really have are these videos and I also I’m almost cocon
Discovering I was the host of a System a little over two years ago was quite shocking. But I can tell you that I went through this same exact thing. It's so confusing and disorienting. Especially when everything is getting forcibly buried again causing so much forgetfulness, triggering another round of denial, etc. as the evidence of the disorder seems to disappear. As the host I'm also almost always co-conscious so for me that makes the denial at times even worse because I feel like "I'm just being weird" or when a Little is co-fronting that I'm just trying to get out of doing some adulting or something. Trying to ignore those feelings as valid, I've come to learn does not make them go away, and worse yet (in my opinion) it hurts the Little (or any Alter) because they are denied the consideration of their want or desire and emotionally punished for it.
One thing that's been hard for me to accept about DID/OSDD is that denial is part of the condition. In the two years that I've been aware I've had it, time and time again I keep having these times where I'm almost entirely convinced that it's just me... but every time after I come to the end of myself, the Alters are still there and not under my control. It's a weird thing to be comforted by, but those times have gotten a bit easier to weather knowing and trying to understand all of that.
I hope you and your System have a wonderful day!
~Robin
Thank you so much Robin! I started making videos bc I have no one in my life to talk about this experience- your words were very comforting. I still struggle with denial despite the clear signs. I think bc I still don’t have internal communication and all I really have are these videos and I also I’m almost cocon