A lot of avoidants post about being happy because they want to convince THEMSELVES as much as anyone else. They certainly want to convince their friends. They want to believe they made the right decision rather than a huge, impulsive, avoidant mistake.
I'm going through something similar with a woman who I think may be avoidant. But actually as far as the no contact videos, I think the stuff about attachment styles and personality disorders are fascinating and should be a must-watch for everyone. Knowing about all this stuff years ago would have been so good for me when dealing with people close to me. Thanks Craig, Victoria, and Margaret for everything ❤
I'm just learning to not care anymore. She dumped emotional baggage on me and doesn't care. Said she fell in love a couple of times and then freaked out. She came in and out and I tried to talk, have harmony, and giving up. Just asked for my stuff back nicely, even drop it at a neutral friends place, thanked her for the little closure I got and she doesn't have to worry about me. I know mine doesn't care. She chose toxic friends and said I saved her a bunch of money and she doesn't want to date me. Whatever. She used me to get ahead in life while I wound up sleeping in a car. Feels guilty? Doubt it. She's worse than the business partner/friend that sabotaged the business. I have a decent job now, back to my normal self other than being emotionally guarded. Tried dating and no connection feels anywhere near the same. Maybe someday I'll find the next one.
My ex was a bpd. It was sad watching her self sabotage the entire thing. It's ok 2 weeks later I'm going out with other people moving on. I didnt chase or beg I gave her the breakup. It hurt but I understand it's a her thing. I did what I could for it and she couldn't do anything. I needed to move on for me and see people who value me
Coach Craig, I gain insight to your videos because you give insight to relationships. Including attachment styles. While I whole heartedly agree everyone has one or more of these, the 1-5x love language with all that entails is saying, "if you can't meet me here, all the time, every time" you are done. People don't live that way. Insight to a person's love language is good, but should not be an entrapment. Sometimes I need a fix it guy, sometimes I'd like a gift, other times I need space or safety. I appreciate all of those, and never forget the one that was there for me. To me, that is what happens when someone cares and wants to be with you to discover each other. They just really care, a lot. "Love me when you love me, give me grace, and still love me when life happens. I'll be right there with you. I got you."
My ex was telling my friends she didnt want anything to do with me never again, she was living her life and then she was back. Keep working in yourselfs. Maybe you will not back them back when you hace money, nice body and an amazing lifestyle
Don’t forget RUclips, Instagram and wikihow have all attachment issues read about it. I’m bit anxious, I just learn what’s right to say when having a conversation with avoidant/anxious person. Take the words right, they do understand what you’re saying.
The best video I have seen regarding a scenario almost like mine!!! With the difference that me ex told me straight many times that I do not see a future with you ever…. I hope this material was cheaper so I can have a chance..
I have 2 exes. First one we broke up October 2022. Second April 2023. So ya. At least a year I've been broken up with. What he might be feeling is trying to accept the break up. They or may not come back but you gotta carry on in life regardless. Me personnally, I don't care if they do or not. My life is literally full of things that I'm doing that I wouldn't even have the time to put towards that.
Funny story for you all: Been dating a guy for a few weeks. First everything was dreamy.. of course. Then things started to change and he did more and more things that hurt me. Now I’ve been working on myself (and the workbooks!) for months.. but I made some mistakes here and kept hoping for better. Anyway.. It got to a point where I had no choice but to walk away. Couldn’t bear all the hurt. Then after a mini-no contact he came back and asked for another chance to make everything right. Got my hopes up real high. 3 days later he’s acting distant, I get upset, he tells me he’s moving to another continent LOL Moral of the story: listen to Craig when he says choose a good partner. I didn’t and blew up in my face. No contact will not work here I’m afraid cause I blocked him for good. 😅 It was way too cruel :(
She’s my wife, she seperated, not legally, but I think it’s post partum depression, and she’s acting so cold to me but I’ve been great, honestly, no fighting, only when I was abusing my meds, but I got better, we have a beautiful 9 month old daughter, and it’s hard for no contact, not sure what to do, she still calls me when she needs me, I guess I’m her person? But I miss her, she kicked me out 4 months ago, around the holidays, and then couldn’t keep up with the payments, and moved to her moms, and now I’m trying to do the best I can for me, but to show her I love her without telling her, but keeping my distance. I want her to know that I’m the best choice for her. Not sure what to do
Hey coach! I have a question about the attraction styles. I think that I am a super avoidant person for girls I am not that into, like if they start to show too much interest I just run away. But when I really like a girl like my latest ex, I would give my arm and a leg to keep her and make her happy. I didnt mind the texting and the calling like I have avoided with everyone else, it actually made me pretty happy! I wasnt avoidant or anxious, but actually secure! So my question is this: does the attachment style depend on the partner? If you are not that into them you just dont care that much like when you do
Well, you have a default attachment style typically. That doesn't go away. But if you are insecure you can work to becoming secure. Depending on a situation you can switch from avoidant to anxious in certain times. I think you were just not interested in those girls and so you didn't have that attraction to them to want to bond. It's not that you have an avoidant attachment style in that case. The girls could have also be anxious and come on too strong turning you off. But the girl you were interested in you were more scared of losing. So therefore you would be more likely act anxious. That doesn't necessarily mean you have an anxious attachment style though. In this case it would more of working on those smaller anxiety problems you have that come out as a more secure person. The attachment style thing is more of a spectrum so it can shift here and there depending on the situation. But typically you will have the tendency to be more of one than the other as your default depending on your childhood.
Yep. He did not want to commit six months in. But managed to give me pneumonia. When I got sick he slept with other women, I counted his condoms, and 7 were gone. So I broke it off, I did not tell him why. Just that I wanted someone who wanted to commit to me, protect me and be my confidant. What I got was not that, rather the opposite. Because I was sick for 1 month, I lost my bonus for that month, about a third of my salary, I was indoors for the entire month of june. And summer is nearing its end, I lost half of the summer months. And decided enough is enough. And instead of going on dates with him, I make more then him, so we always split, I can spend that money on renewing my wardrobe, travel etc. He can instead continue dating other women, and I wont be his security net. If he wants me, he needs to put on his bigboy pants.
I agree, there are multiple youtubers who "had realisations in their head about stuff" and then made youtube channels calling themselves relationships or even trauma experts- advising super vulnerable people on stuff with no idea what they are talking about. - super unethical and dangerous- one advising a Family Violence victim to leave her husband immediately with no knowledge that that is the most dangerous time in a FV relationship.
![YoungBoy Never Broke Again - Sneaking [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/1ILUps2zDFU/mqdefault.jpg)
If you want to talk with me about your situation, coaching is available on my website AskCraig.net
A lot of avoidants post about being happy because they want to convince THEMSELVES as much as anyone else. They certainly want to convince their friends. They want to believe they made the right decision rather than a huge, impulsive, avoidant mistake.
wow ; well said ; Dr. Kenneth, is he spot on here with that comment?
Best comment ❤
Exactly
I'm going through something similar with a woman who I think may be avoidant. But actually as far as the no contact videos, I think the stuff about attachment styles and personality disorders are fascinating and should be a must-watch for everyone. Knowing about all this stuff years ago would have been so good for me when dealing with people close to me. Thanks Craig, Victoria, and Margaret for everything ❤
I know how you feel, if you would like to talk let me know and ill send you my email. I gone through this and its awful!!
@@Ortiz1602 Sounds good. Send it
I'm just learning to not care anymore. She dumped emotional baggage on me and doesn't care. Said she fell in love a couple of times and then freaked out. She came in and out and I tried to talk, have harmony, and giving up. Just asked for my stuff back nicely, even drop it at a neutral friends place, thanked her for the little closure I got and she doesn't have to worry about me.
I know mine doesn't care. She chose toxic friends and said I saved her a bunch of money and she doesn't want to date me. Whatever. She used me to get ahead in life while I wound up sleeping in a car. Feels guilty? Doubt it. She's worse than the business partner/friend that sabotaged the business.
I have a decent job now, back to my normal self other than being emotionally guarded. Tried dating and no connection feels anywhere near the same. Maybe someday I'll find the next one.
My ex was a bpd. It was sad watching her self sabotage the entire thing. It's ok 2 weeks later I'm going out with other people moving on. I didnt chase or beg I gave her the breakup. It hurt but I understand it's a her thing. I did what I could for it and she couldn't do anything. I needed to move on for me and see people who value me
Coach Craig, I gain insight to your videos because you give insight to relationships. Including attachment styles. While I whole heartedly agree everyone has one or more of these, the 1-5x love language with all that entails is saying, "if you can't meet me here, all the time, every time" you are done. People don't live that way. Insight to a person's love language is good, but should not be an entrapment. Sometimes I need a fix it guy, sometimes I'd like a gift, other times I need space or safety. I appreciate all of those, and never forget the one that was there for me. To me, that is what happens when someone cares and wants to be with you to discover each other. They just really care, a lot. "Love me when you love me, give me grace, and still love me when life happens. I'll be right there with you. I got you."
My ex was telling my friends she didnt want anything to do with me never again, she was living her life and then she was back. Keep working in yourselfs. Maybe you will not back them back when you hace money, nice body and an amazing lifestyle
Don’t forget RUclips, Instagram and wikihow have all attachment issues read about it. I’m bit anxious, I just learn what’s right to say when having a conversation with avoidant/anxious person. Take the words right, they do understand what you’re saying.
The best video I have seen regarding a scenario almost like mine!!! With the difference that me ex told me straight many times that I do not see a future with you ever…. I hope this material was cheaper so I can have a chance..
I have 2 exes. First one we broke up October 2022. Second April 2023. So ya. At least a year I've been broken up with. What he might be feeling is trying to accept the break up. They or may not come back but you gotta carry on in life regardless. Me personnally, I don't care if they do or not. My life is literally full of things that I'm doing that I wouldn't even have the time to put towards that.
Funny story for you all:
Been dating a guy for a few weeks. First everything was dreamy.. of course. Then things started to change and he did more and more things that hurt me. Now I’ve been working on myself (and the workbooks!) for months.. but I made some mistakes here and kept hoping for better. Anyway..
It got to a point where I had no choice but to walk away. Couldn’t bear all the hurt. Then after a mini-no contact he came back and asked for another chance to make everything right. Got my hopes up real high. 3 days later he’s acting distant, I get upset, he tells me he’s moving to another continent LOL
Moral of the story: listen to Craig when he says choose a good partner. I didn’t and blew up in my face.
No contact will not work here I’m afraid cause I blocked him for good. 😅 It was way too cruel :(
i need that 😢 two month ago we broke up and it's actually sad
I love this guy!!
She’s my wife, she seperated, not legally, but I think it’s post partum depression, and she’s acting so cold to me but I’ve been great, honestly, no fighting, only when I was abusing my meds, but I got better, we have a beautiful 9 month old daughter, and it’s hard for no contact, not sure what to do, she still calls me when she needs me, I guess I’m her person? But I miss her, she kicked me out 4 months ago, around the holidays, and then couldn’t keep up with the payments, and moved to her moms, and now I’m trying to do the best I can for me, but to show her I love her without telling her, but keeping my distance. I want her to know that I’m the best choice for her. Not sure what to do
Thank you Coach Craig…
Hey coach! I have a question about the attraction styles. I think that I am a super avoidant person for girls I am not that into, like if they start to show too much interest I just run away. But when I really like a girl like my latest ex, I would give my arm and a leg to keep her and make her happy. I didnt mind the texting and the calling like I have avoided with everyone else, it actually made me pretty happy! I wasnt avoidant or anxious, but actually secure! So my question is this: does the attachment style depend on the partner? If you are not that into them you just dont care that much like when you do
Well, you have a default attachment style typically. That doesn't go away. But if you are insecure you can work to becoming secure. Depending on a situation you can switch from avoidant to anxious in certain times. I think you were just not interested in those girls and so you didn't have that attraction to them to want to bond. It's not that you have an avoidant attachment style in that case. The girls could have also be anxious and come on too strong turning you off. But the girl you were interested in you were more scared of losing. So therefore you would be more likely act anxious. That doesn't necessarily mean you have an anxious attachment style though. In this case it would more of working on those smaller anxiety problems you have that come out as a more secure person. The attachment style thing is more of a spectrum so it can shift here and there depending on the situation. But typically you will have the tendency to be more of one than the other as your default depending on your childhood.
You can do all the right things but still they lose attraction. Your toothpaste does not expire, human attraction does.
Well, it will , if we put towards the wrong person. If we put it towards someone who is right for us, its never gonna expire
Why is all the talk about avoidant exes? My ex is extremely anxious and I’m the avoidant who wants her back
Yep. He did not want to commit six months in. But managed to give me pneumonia. When I got sick he slept with other women, I counted his condoms, and 7 were gone. So I broke it off, I did not tell him why. Just that I wanted someone who wanted to commit to me, protect me and be my confidant. What I got was not that, rather the opposite. Because I was sick for 1 month, I lost my bonus for that month, about a third of my salary, I was indoors for the entire month of june. And summer is nearing its end, I lost half of the summer months. And decided enough is enough. And instead of going on dates with him, I make more then him, so we always split, I can spend that money on renewing my wardrobe, travel etc. He can instead continue dating other women, and I wont be his security net. If he wants me, he needs to put on his bigboy pants.
I agree, there are multiple youtubers who "had realisations in their head about stuff" and then made youtube channels calling themselves relationships or even trauma experts- advising super vulnerable people on stuff with no idea what they are talking about. - super unethical and dangerous- one advising a Family Violence victim to leave her husband immediately with no knowledge that that is the most dangerous time in a FV relationship.
Been 15 months for me
Because she cheats on you dude , wake UP.
Exactly! Finally someone who understands how women behave! 👍👌
Or maybe they are a narcissist and gas light you all the time. Some people are just not right for each other, a good relationship should not be hard.
@coashcriagkenneth we need a no contact video when you have a child together