I’ve never wanted kids... but as I’ve gotten older I started thinking about it a bit more... but honestly your recent content has really cemented to me that I really don’t. AND I DON’T MEAN THAT IN A BAD WAY AT ALL... I’ve always known it was (obviously) a big deal to have a baby... but seeing what you’re going through I realize how essential it is to absolutely and positively *want* a baby... I don’t know if that makes sense... I just really appreciate you keeping it real and being honest. Of course motherhood is incredibly rewarding, and I do mourn the fact that I will never get to have a lot of these insanely powerful moments you describe, but it’s also so bloody intense... I still can’t believe in many parts of the world women aren’t able to make the *choice* to be a mom... anyway... love you Mel, thanks so much for being honest you are a brilliant mother and woman 💚
Yes and she has an easy baby-if you throw in a high needs baby who cries all the time you hardly even get rewarding moments...you really really have to want them!!🙌❤️
Every baby is different. My mam had five kids while working full time in an era where maternity leave was a peasley six weeks. But she said all but one of us slept perfectly from six weeks onwards. She also told me that babies sleep longer when bottle-fed, so maybe that was part of it. So, while some babies might be a nightmare when young, it is also a nightmare to be old and have no family, which is what often happens to women who haven't had kids. It's not about dying alone, as we all die alone really. It's about spending years without a family.
@@lynncrf its a nightmare to be old and have no family" .... you know you can have family without having kids? What a sad comment. Not everyone wants kids for good reasons. I don't want kids, I prefer to spend my time focusing on myself and my own life. I love being alone too much, and just generally hate kids
I completely agree. And it's OKAY to not want to have kids. It's not selfish or greedy. Not all women are meant to be mothers. That doesn't mean that I don't absolutely respect all mothers. And really appreciate the honesty surrounding being a parent.
You are not alone! I cry all the time because of my own personal situation (not motherhood) but just BEING in this world right now is extremely HARD. Cry it out! 💚
If I had gotten really vulnerable with other parents I would have opened up about wanting to run away sometimes. Those are the things noone dares to say.
I always fear that my ingratitude might come back to bite me in the ass, by taking away my babies for not appreciating them enough so I am even scared to think things like that.
Honestly, to both of you, it’s normal to feel those feelings. I’m that mom who expresses the truth. I don’t give one F what anyone thinks. That’s how I deal with the stress and keep my sanity and if by chance I make another parent feel like “omg, this is a normal feeling?!” then its worth the judgement that may be thrown my way. Am I grateful to have had 2 healthy pregnancies and 2 healthy kids?! Absolutely!!! Cannot even express the gratitude! Am I a hot mess mom, who works full time, who tries her best every day especially during this pandemic and who wishes she could sometimes run away to a hut on the water in Bora Bora? Absofuckinglutely. I think I’d not be human if I didn’t feel that way. It’s OK to feel those feelings. It does NOT make you a bad parent, what you’re feeling is normal and if more parents expressed the hardships we’d all feel far less alone. Love to all, especially after this past year, give yourselves the much needed grace you deserve. ❤️
@@mtlchick30 You are right!! This is why I wrote a book about a mom who "quits" -in that book I say all the things people don't say. Brutsl honssty. :) It was like therapy for me. Now with a 4 and 7 year old I'm very happy but there where some dark days when my first was a baby. I'm now battling long covid and grateful for any time I can spend with them.❤️
@@LaraCantos That's society making you feel like you will be punished if you are "ungeateful". You can be very grateful but this pressure that you have to "enjoy every monent" is wrong. I did not enjoy a lot of monents when my first was a newborn and that's ok.
I LOVE how seriously you take being a parent and raising an infant into a happy, strong, fully functional adult that contributes to the world. It makes me feel crazy how relaxed and "ehhh it'll be ok" most parents seem to be. I don't look at myself as being over the top with how seriously I take it. Other people do. But it's equally insane to me how they are. It's just really nice to witness a kindred spirit in this area ☺
"I cry a lot at the moment, deal with the tears" This should be my life motto. You are an amazingly strong person and I genuinely wish that I will grow up to be like you. You are ridiculous because you have managed to get through depression which seems to put me on my ass every day, you've fought through an eating disorder which I can't even imagine how difficult that could be, you've become a well known author, you've worked incredibly hard to get here and I believe that these videos will show young baby Pan (this is an amazing name for him and I'm glad that you've stuck strong with the face thing - another reason to be proud of yourself) how strong you actually are, and how you wanted to be the best for him. At this present moment I am going through some relationship issues and it scares me, but you give me strength to continue and with the support of some of my friends (one made me a schedule for this week and I adore her) I believe that I will get through this, no matter the outcome. I love him and I bloody hope that we can get through this. Thank you so much for being someone who reminds me that my future is not determined by the present, because I need that reminder. I look forward to seeing every rewind and I hope to continue watching you in the future x (I'm sorry for the paragraph, if you see this (literally anyone, not just Melanie), I believe in you!)
@@melaniemurphyofficial I finally worked up the courage to get into a group call with him in it, hopefully we'll be able to talk things through this wekeend though. I hope you continue to have fun creating things for everyone and remember to have the down time that you and your family deserve to have together x
I'm coming from a big family, I'm the eldest of 4 children 6, 10 and 13 years apart. My mom says that I've been a huuuuge help with babies and she literaly couldn't have done it without me, because dad was working shifts and a nanny was never an option. So growing up with babies around all my childhood and mom telling me about pregnancy stuff and birth, and postpartum and lots of horror stories from her mom-friends made me very much aware of what motherhood is really like. So I've opted out of it and really couldn't be happier.
I love love love that more people are following their hearts & aren’t going after a life they don’t want! Nothing makes me more upset than the thought of a kid who isn’t wanted that’s why I’m pro choice ❤️
Me and my wife have a 8 month old now and seeing things like this are very appreciated. My wife hasn't gotten to go to any baby classes or things where she could meet local mums. We have both followed you for years and it's like having a close friend go through the same thing! You two are amazing parents. It's difficult to care so much sometimes but we have to remind ourselves that out little boy will grow up to be an amazing person because he will always have a loving family around him and support in anything that he wants to go into. That's all we can do as parents :) We are also keeping everything crossed for Hannah to have someone else start this rollercoaster 🤣 💙
Hearing you talk about your baby boy and how excited you are to watch him grow and get to share more and play with him...I just looked over across the room and saw my two boys (now 5 and 7) and had a flashback to feeling the exact way you feel now. So blissed out in the baby days while also so excited for everything ahead. Each stage has its challenges, but I’ve been loving motherhood from day one and there’s no end in sight! I love these little people I’ve been so blessed to have in my life. The greatest gift I’ve ever received has been front row seats to another human’s LIFE. It’s mad, it’s beautiful! Enjoy it all, I’m so happy for you.
I just want to send so much love your way! When you started crying I just wanted to jump through the screen and hug you. I adore you for being so open and honest about all this. I don't want kids but I admire moms, I don't know how you do it. I barely manage to gett stuff done and look "presentable" with just work and stress from this bleeding pandemic, I can't imagine caring for small children too.
Motherhood petrifies me, but being parents is something my husband and I want in the future. Watching your videos, your honesty and insight... it's helped so much. Thank you for showing what it's like, warts and all. All the love for you three!
Hey Melanie, not sure if you’ll see this! My partner and I have been discussing the prospect of children and it kills me to admit this but I’ve half ruled it out for fear of having a son. Having not been surrounded by the greatest examples of men (except my dad who’s the best) I have fears. It’s so nice to see someone openly discuss the responsibility of guiding your child as much as you can and the pressure that comes with it and I’ve seen a different perspective, so thank you so much for that♥️
Although my fear is intense I feel extremely grateful to have a son simply for that challenge of giving this world another wholly incredible man...obviously I don’t have total control or anything but I know that a child’s first three to four years are crucial in determining many things about who they will become so I have the mental sleeves rolled up so to speak! 😂❤️ I am lucky though to be surrounded by amazing men but yes I’ve had horrific experiences too & that’s where the fear comes in xxx
I'm terrified our second will be a girl. It's easy to imagine 2 boys. It takes my breath away thinking about having a girl, and how many things I want to avoid raising one.
I have so much admiration for mothers, it really shows that you're trying to do the best you can with baby Pan, sending you so much love Mel! 💚 You're such a lovely woman, it's really beautiful to see how you're handling motherhood (and In such difficult times), and as always being so raw in showing your learning processes, I wish you and your family the best ✨.
The sense of humor you have! 😍 Watching your videos has always created emotions within me. Be it sad, compassionate, angry about some injustice or plain out load laughter. You're the only stranger person I regularly follow on youtube and I am very very thankful for what you do! The topics you discuss, the way you do it, you bring so much good in this world! Thank you Melanie!!!
So much respect for every mother and everyone who will be a mother! It's okay to get emotional, it's been an extremely emotional time for the whole world, and having a new baby during a pandemic with all of the stress is absolutely a reason to feel vulnerable and emotional. I appreciate you always being honest with us
Because I'm so used to seeing my real life friends through a screen now, watching this video made me feel like I was just catching up with a friend: I completely forgot you were a youtuber! Seeing the love you have for baby Pan is honestly so beautiful, I'm so so happy for your little family! 💚💚💚
I feel like many of the hard things are talked about but still not enough-I felt totally unprepared for how hard the baby stage would be, how relentless, especially if you are alone with a crying baby who only sleeps on you for 10 hours per day. And I did not really have any joyful moments for a long time. I feel parents don't necessrarily tell you to what extent they are struggling. I enjoy motherhood so much more mow with a 4 and 7 year old who TALK to me and can do a lot of things.🥰 I feel like the good aspects are impossible to put into words. ❤️
I think it's a mix of the tabou of 'don't say motherhood it's hard, because that means you're just weak and ungrateful' and also forgetting a bit, kind of like the pain of birth, you remember it was hard, but you don't remember how much. Does that make sense? I don't, that's what I think, but I also never had a child, so I don't really know 😅
Melanie, thank you for your honesty, I know that it is not easy to talk about your honest thoughts on the situations you're experiencing right now. I do not have kids, but I wanted to tell you that you're doing it wonderful, you're child will be a great person because he has you: a great mother.
I know exactly what you mean; the chaotic times are the most rewarding for me as well. 💕 I never saw myself as a mom, even now that my oldest is 9 I still think it’s crazy that I’m responsible for little people. My biggest fear of becoming a mom was damaging my kids in any way, but I’ve learned that as long as I do my best & know they’re healthy and happy that’s what matters. I still struggle with this sometimes, but I’ve learned to be a bit more chill. You’re doing great. ❤️
we don’t thank u enough for how real u are... all these years you’ve been so open and real and you didn’t have to be, but in doing so have helped so many of us feel comfortable in our humanness! i’m sending my love to u and ur little family
Listening to you makes me so emotional because I felt and feel just the same. My emotions have been all over the place, I've lost my partner and some friends because of the brainfog affecting my choices. At least I know I am a good mom and that keeps me going. One year and a month after the birth of my baby, things are getting better. Its just the nights that are reaaaaally tough but it gets better. And it helps so much to listen other moms going through similar stuff. We're doing our best. Being a mom is hard, scary and exhausting.
I don't care about being pretty, women are conditioned to think that 'being pretty' is a rent we must pay for our place in society. I don't owe prettiness to anyone.
@@amberashard LOL, no they are not, that is just what the patriarchal society tries to condition us to think that all we are good for is to be appealing to men. If you really believe that you have no self respect. Women don't owe prettiness to anyone, prettiness is the least interesting thing women have to offer. If people only respect you for how good you look, those are not people I want to associate with. I have a great mind, and a capability to change the world with it. People who think prettiness is a womans best attribute can kiss my ass, I seriously pity them.
@@maneskinnnnn7190 prettiness is the least interesting I agree. Values and intellect obviously trump it but it’s stupid to pretend we can’t use our looks to benefit us in life. It’s a positive thing to preserve and focus.
I'm only 20 and I dont have kids yet, but I feel the same about raising a man in this "new" world, how much responsibility and weight it is. I can only imagine how stressful it can be to think about all the ways you're contributing to the upbringing of a little man and consequently society. I think with parents like you guys, this little baby will turn into a wonderful person. Try to let go of all the stresses focusing on that, all children learn by example, so give yourself credit and love cause you deserve it💚
By the way, on having another baby: my therapist said that age difference from 1 to 3 years between siblings is very traumatic for the kids, you obviously don't have to take it as a fact, but just thought I should share, because I didn't know that that was a thing before she told me
It is so nice to have someone to cry with right now. I'm not a mother. I'm only 19 and the world is just a lot right now but you bring me a wonderful kind of hope. So thank you for that. And the emotions are good and its good to let them out xx
Thank you so much for this overview - your open, brutal, pros and cons perspectives are everything I’ve been looking for on this subject, while weighing it all up. I’m also cheerleading your appreciation of wanting to keep hold of yourself in the process - you’re amazing! Would love to know who your favourite RUclipsrs/ books are on the subject of motherhood have been (so far). Can’t wait for your next one! Project reset ahoy! Thank you
Mel is such a writer with all her metaphors and similes: "I just want to go in a microwave and tap on the window and ask someone to turn it on" "I feel like a block of cheese thats been grated" hahah I love it!
Motherhood is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have a 7 year old and a 2 year old . My youngest had colic and I really deteriorated, I would be crying because he would be crying in pain, I would be crying in public and everything . I told my public health nurse and she told me I had a touch of post natal depression and could have had it since my 1st born .Now I never actually got diagnosed by an actual doctor but it was the lowest I ever felt. When you are sleep deprived your emotions are on high overdrive .. you lose it. But I got through it in the end. I can say that before I had children I never suffered with mental health problems , I love my children so much and love watching them grow. Its most definitely not a walk in the park but us as mothers will see all that hard work paid off when our children are independent souls ♡ sorry to get very deep . Love your motherhood videos Mel, been following a long time and now it's nice to have something even more to relate to. ♡
I love how real you are about everything you're going through. There are so many thing I can relate to even though we're in a totally different situation. There is just always something in your videos that helps me to keep going. 💚💚💚
I started watching your videos about 7 years ago. I know it was that long ago because I remember watching while breastfeeding my baby who is about to turn 8! I have two wonderful kids, 7 and 5 years old. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Motherhood is the hardest thing anyone ever has to go through. It is so hard but worth it every second. Watching these videos makes me desperate to have another little baby again and then think I am totally crazy for even contemplating it! Thanks for your videos, love from the USA
Watching your Videos on motherhood has been soooo therapeutical for me. My son is now nearly 2 and half and it has only been a few months of feeling like myself a bit more. Back when I was experiencing all this I sadly never managed to articulate myself like you do and tried to handle my emotions on my own....which in retrospective was not clever xD . A lot of what you describe is exactly what I felt as a new mum...the crushing love but also this immense guilt about everything, the mood swings, the lack of sleep(!), being hungry all the time from breastfeeding...it is just a rollercoaster! Doing all this in a pandemic must be even more challenging! Well anyways, just know that it DOES get better at some point. Thank you so much for your honesty! Your Doing great! 💚
I know people think it’s all false when you see that “perfect mum” on Instagram. But it really does depend on the person and the baby. I know quite a few people that have had babies that have been super easy, that have been great to get in a routine and don’t really cry a lot or the mum actually has time to get ready and put makeup on etc. So it’s not always a false representation of motherhood that you see.
My baby isn’t a crier and sleeps super well! I was more-so joking about how we only see highlights (even I only put highlights on my feed!) it’s just good to maintain an awareness of all we don’t see ❤️
Melanie! Thank you so much for your honesty, as a woman in medicine it is so helpful to live through these experiences with you. I know the biology and the technical aspects but understading how you feel helps me connect with patients and adress their concerns in a much better way. I can anticipate some worries and problems they may come across that i wouldn't have otherwise because i am not a mom. Thank you so much 💛
Post-partum is the worst. It made me realise that I have had undiagnosed ADHD my whole life. Babies are so hectic and to be living off adrenaline and no more than 3 hours of sleep at a time for a year has killed me. It is wonderful to hear your update. It's nice to see real motherhood talked about. It's bullshit that to show gratitude for our life and baby we aren't EVER allowed to complain or talk about how hard it is.
All iv done when I became a single mum through covid times is survive. But soon you will stop thinking of it as survival and think of it as living and enjoying .it takes time but it will come . Love your video x
Thank u! My baby is 11 months old + a 7 yr old that likes to talk from morning till bedtime.. It's exactly what u say "go go go" Today I had to do some last minute work (graphic designer) I did this while feeding my baby his lunch while my 7 yr old was telling me about his toys,right in my ear. Those are the moments that it is too much and I ask for help and space.. wishing u strength and love! You're a great mom!
My husband also trained in a new profession, the cost of which is about the same as a monthly mortgage payment so I can relate. We can keep on supporting them :)
From speaking to my CBT therapist recently she illiterates that any one stressful thing we’ve experienced over the last year could’ve trigger a depressive episode. The pandemic has kind of meant for me that my therapist was able to offer interventional help, but knowing what this year has already done, I might need to revisit it later on. We as a human collective have had to take on trauma we’re not used to coupled with trauma e.g. job loss, grieving etc. That we normally have spread throughout our lives. We’ve somehow kept taking on trauma over the last year and have had to carry one thing after another. ( I keep using the T word bc I don’t want to undervalue the gravity of people’s experiences). I’m glad to hear that you’ve reached out Mel we’ll all get there, we got this. 🧡
So wonderful to hear you open up about the reality of motherhood... the first 4 months really are ridiculously hazy and the cocktail of emotions and feelings to so full-on. Big hugs.
Melanie, have you seen Mamma Mia 2? The last scene between mother and child just kills me every time... “But I know I don't possess you / With all my heart, God bless you / You will be my love and my life...” ❤️
I’m a mother since two weeks and I’m soooo emotional omg. I can relate. What helps me is lots of cuddles and talking about my feelings. But it‘s hard. I‘m not the same as I used to be Thank you so much for posting this 🙏🏼
After I had my son I feel like I was high or drunk for a year. In a brain fog or something. I was not even seeing the world as other people do. Thinking how I'd just pop my boob out to feed my son not caring who was around me. I felt no shame, just like being drunk. I loved the fact that I did not have to work or accomplish anything but be there for my son. But now I see how lot of moms feel it's really hard to jump out of that ratwheel, when I was just feeling relieved I could do it.
Also I don't think we acknowledge enough that becoming a parent and looking after a baby is a Completely new skill! Especially nowadays when most of us aren't growing up in big families where we look after babies/little kids when we ourselves are kids, and then go on to have our own kids while we are still quite young, often surrounded by our own parents or grandparents. For many of us (ie me) literally my first experience of looking after a baby will be my own baby. Of Course I have no idea what I'm doing lol
My doc said what I am having is prob a mix of this and situational depression (I only have like half the postnatal symptoms but still!) but thankfully managing, I was prescribed antidepressants but the booklet says they impact breast milk and the pharmacist advised me to stop breastfeeding to take them which I don’t wanna do (personal choice! Wouldn’t ever advise anyone else to make that choice but I don’t think the cons outweigh the pros if that makes sense, breastfeeding is one of the only things keeping me mentally well at the mo it brings me so much joy and calm and good hormones and the idea of stopping makes me feel worse than I do!) 💚
@@melaniemurphyofficial I kept breastfeeding through depression until 15 months❤️ no meds-vitamin D and Omega 3 supplements helped. You still seem to have good moments which I didn't have for the first few months. 👍
@@melaniemurphyofficial I'm so glad that you called the doctor to figure it out. And I understand with the breastfeeding completely, you do what is best for you💚. The good thing now is that you know what's up, so even though you can't treat it with the pills, you are more aware of what is going on so you can give yourself more space and love 💕 and maybe you can pretend that breastfeeding is your alternative to that pill? 😊 Sending you lots of love 💚
A lot of people only show highlights and I totally get it but it can be very unhelpful to not see the level of difficulty involved on certain days like teething etc...I obviously don’t have my son as the focus of my content but I do try to at least address those tough moments xxx ❤️
This is so random and you probably never hear this BUT my favourite part of this video was how candid you were about your denture/tooth loss because I’m 24 and may have to have a tooth removed (same place as yours) just because I also ate tons of sugar when I was younger. And I’ve been feeling awful about losing a tooth so young. I know I’ll have it replaced with a veneer or have a denture but like it is hitting my confidence so damn hard and seeing you being so candid about it honestly made me feel 99% better. THANK YOU. I appreciated it more than you’ll ever know 🖤
Hey, not a parent but just wanted to say that my father always really regretted getting me to sleep as a child by staying in the bed with me then sneaking away. He’s now got a 2 year old, gets her to sleep with a good night routine and leaving her alone to cry a little. I think it low-key gave me attachment issues 😂 could just be a personal anecdote though!
I’d well believe this kind of thing can happen! 😅💚 But I just look at the cultures in the world who do bedshare vs those who don’t & issues seem much more prevalent in those who don’t (like in the US)...I have many issues with the multi billion dollar industry of sleep training as from all I have read, parents are told that their child is ‘learning to sleep’ but actually is just ‘learning to stop signalling’ and for some parents that’s the goal and for others like me, well it just makes me really sad and goes against my intuition if that makes sense? But some babies NEED to be sleep trained due to the parents jobs or house setup or whatnot! I think it just really works for us with the breastfeeding, all week he’s slept all night through and has latched like twice during the night without waking...I feel calm enough to sleep with him beside me so I know he’s breathing (the sids risk has been a big stress for me and I read about how Japan have an extremely low rate of sids because of how they go about bed sharing) and that may just because I’m prone to worry! Also I don’t have to keep getting up in the night which is amazing! I do have broken sleep still but he sleeps so so solidly and knowing that this is how humans got by since the dawn of man just reassures me that it’s fine, people didn’t have nurseries a hundred or two hundred years ago even! But I say all this and may one day regret it 😂 Like I cannot know the future! So trying to be guided by my childhood experience/what works for me at this time xxxxxx
Melanie I have just watched to the 3:20 mark and had to stop immediately and comment. My wife had 100% the same Symptoms (brain fog, lack of energy, feeling down) she also had the same birthing experience as you. After several months was diagnosed with gluten intolerances (and due to this) was annemic. Hope this does not freak you out but might be worth getting tested. Was life changing difference once we found out what was wrong and now back to normal life. Really hope this helps.
I’ve always dreamt about being a mum and your content really helps me to understand what it could be like for me one day and paint a more realistic picture. Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable, you are incredible and I’m so glad I found your channel 💕
Thank you so much for this video. I have a 10 week old daughter and have felt and said all these things you spoke about. It made me smile so much just because it was all so relatable and real
Thank you for being so honest and open about your experiences with pregnancy and motherhood, Melanie. 💚 Honestly, every time you cried in this video, I cried too. Open, honest conversations like this are absolutely necessary and everyone should be able to voice their experiences, both positive and negative. Too many people out there reject talking about the negative side of pregnancy and motherhood, and I feel like it results in women not being fully prepared (mentally, emotionally, physically etc) for the struggles they might encounter. Personal rant below if you want to read it but if not I understand 💚 I'm honestly really scared of having kids. I'm not really scared of actually BEING a parent but the process of pregnancy and childbirth terrifies me. I have a lot of anxiety around pain and especially around vomiting, I have a panic attack anytime I have a bad stomach ache or throw up so the thought of having morning sickness for weeks or months absolutely terrifies me, plus the pain of childbirth is a whole other fear... I just don't think I'm strong enough to do it. Which makes me feel so weak because women have been having children since forever and so many women do it and I should be able to, but I just am too afraid. All these reasons are probably why I will adopt someday, unless I can overcome my fears and have a child of my own... it's something I've dreamed about, having a baby of my own, but I'm just too scared of everything leading up to it.
You look beautiful ! Radiant From the inside. And you put words on this bound mother-child that is just a feeling... even a myth when we, adult, forget how it was for our parents. It gives me the will to say thanks to my mom (i was a quiet baby but i didnt sleep, still dont ^^') Thank you for this moment, and dont worry, you got this ! XoXo from Belgium
I care about all the children like they’re my children as well since having my son. It’s good but I agree that it’s painful. I recently found out that we have 11 million children suffering from food scarcity in the US. I cannot express the anger I feel about the country focusing on other issues when we can’t even provide for our most innocent. My heart is just broken and I want to help them all. Great video! You look radiant!
Hi Melanie! Not sure I'm the "target audience", but as a dad-to-be I'm really enjoying seeing a honest view of living with a little one and it's helping massively with setting realistic expectations around what life will be like and the best things that I can do to help! Thank you to you (and Thomas) for putting the content out there! All the best Rich! P.S. Just picked up If Only on Audible
Ur motherhood chat is spot on how i feel about my kids and being a mum. I do the same regarding bedsharing and the transition to a bed Im so glad to find someone else who gets blocked ducts when pumping. I couldnt pump without thay happening and never met anyone who had the same issue
I'm reading this beautiful book called A Ghost in the Throat by Doireann Ní Ghríofa at the moment. It's about motherhood, breastfeeding, storytelling, Irish history, being a woman and the burden of caring. I'm nowhere near ready for motherhood but it's such a wonderful, powerful celebration of the live-giving power of womanhood. It resonates with a lot of what Melanie is talking about here, and I just can't recommend it enough, to Melanie (if she sees this) but also just to everyone
I feel so much empathy for you right now. I am in the other side of this so please know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s so heavy, and I felt all the heaviness and responsibility of shaping my boys to be kind and strong men in this world too. I also was terrified about all the ways my baby could be hurt. I cried pretty much every day too for awhile. I can’t say why mothers go through all of this, but with both of my boys, there was a significant bit of that weight and responsibility that lifted once they were around 2 and a bit more independent. You will regain pieces of your old self, it just takes time. I think the fact that our babies need us so much is why mothers are so turned upside down for the first year or so. Big hugs! Note about the raising boys piece, I found a book that I am dying to read to learn more about healthy masculinity by Lewis Howes. I don’t remember the whole title, but I think it’s like Mask of Masculinity. I am excited to educate myself in the boy mom journey. Also, you look beautiful, Melanie!! You have also been gorgeous, and the glow of motherhood is there for sure. I’ve finally lost my baby weight in the past year, and have been blown away how closely my body has come back to pre-baby body...some diastasis and loose skin, but not too shabby and I’m 37. In motherhood, time and lots of self care are insanely important. You have such a great personality! Love it...
I'm so excited about your third book! I want to read it 💕 I hope to be writer someday... Wish you and your family health, happiness and love fvr❣️ Btw I agree with y'all, you look so beautiful. Pd: ( I still fangirl over the fact that you heard my audio on stereo, but I was too shy to leave a question, maybe next time haha) Greetings from Mexico 💖
I loved this so much, makes me so excited to be a mother one day :) Btw Mel you look stunning with your short hair, it was always my fave look of yours xx Best of luck being a mum!
I would look into floor beds Melanie! (it can basically be a mattress on the floor but we have one that has "bumpers" so he doesn't accidentally roll out) It's a Montessori style alternative to the crib and we looove it (so does our son)!
Melanie love watching these videos, the experiance and feelings this is a total mirror of my family and experiance 10 years ago. I think you and Thomas are amazing and you have a lovely family. Going to download Stereo and join in the fun 🤩
Great video Mel, i watched it while baking vegan cookies 😊 could you please make a video about writing? I'm currently writing my first novel, i was very much inspired by your journey ! 💚
Wow Melanie, seeing you open up in your videos and being so raw brings peace to me that you can’t even imagine. You are so strong to do this! Also, you are literally the mother every child wants and needs. How much you care about your son and want him to be the best version of himself is literally so beautiful. 😍
Got emotional watching this thinking about how the millennial generation of parents are gonna cultivate such healthy, respectful little people 🥺🥺 you're doing so well and no one is perfect but I know you have nothing to worry about raising him right 💚💚
Totally unrelated but i can't stop gushing over how amazing you look in those rose/pastel pink colours!
I was just about to come and comment this too!
For real!!
I’ve never wanted kids... but as I’ve gotten older I started thinking about it a bit more... but honestly your recent content has really cemented to me that I really don’t. AND I DON’T MEAN THAT IN A BAD WAY AT ALL... I’ve always known it was (obviously) a big deal to have a baby... but seeing what you’re going through I realize how essential it is to absolutely and positively *want* a baby... I don’t know if that makes sense... I just really appreciate you keeping it real and being honest. Of course motherhood is incredibly rewarding, and I do mourn the fact that I will never get to have a lot of these insanely powerful moments you describe, but it’s also so bloody intense... I still can’t believe in many parts of the world women aren’t able to make the *choice* to be a mom... anyway... love you Mel, thanks so much for being honest you are a brilliant mother and woman 💚
Yes and she has an easy baby-if you throw in a high needs baby who cries all the time you hardly even get rewarding moments...you really really have to want them!!🙌❤️
Every baby is different. My mam had five kids while working full time in an era where maternity leave was a peasley six weeks. But she said all but one of us slept perfectly from six weeks onwards. She also told me that babies sleep longer when bottle-fed, so maybe that was part of it.
So, while some babies might be a nightmare when young, it is also a nightmare to be old and have no family, which is what often happens to women who haven't had kids. It's not about dying alone, as we all die alone really. It's about spending years without a family.
@@lynncrf You still should not have kids if you don't really really want them. It's not fair to them...
@@lynncrf its a nightmare to be old and have no family" .... you know you can have family without having kids? What a sad comment. Not everyone wants kids for good reasons. I don't want kids, I prefer to spend my time focusing on myself and my own life. I love being alone too much, and just generally hate kids
I completely agree. And it's OKAY to not want to have kids. It's not selfish or greedy. Not all women are meant to be mothers. That doesn't mean that I don't absolutely respect all mothers. And really appreciate the honesty surrounding being a parent.
I absolutely cannot imagine being a mother during this pandemic. Especially a new one. You guys are fucking rock stars. I’m so proud of you guys.
Just want to say your hair really looks great in this video, the short Bob makes you look five years younger! 😊
So it make her look, 20?
😉
Awweeeeee thank youuu! I am SO glad I cut it 😍
You are not alone! I cry all the time because of my own personal situation (not motherhood) but just BEING in this world right now is extremely HARD. Cry it out! 💚
If I had gotten really vulnerable with other parents I would have opened up about wanting to run away sometimes. Those are the things noone dares to say.
I always fear that my ingratitude might come back to bite me in the ass, by taking away my babies for not appreciating them enough so I am even scared to think things like that.
Honestly, to both of you, it’s normal to feel those feelings. I’m that mom who expresses the truth. I don’t give one F what anyone thinks. That’s how I deal with the stress and keep my sanity and if by chance I make another parent feel like “omg, this is a normal feeling?!” then its worth the judgement that may be thrown my way. Am I grateful to have had 2 healthy pregnancies and 2 healthy kids?! Absolutely!!! Cannot even express the gratitude! Am I a hot mess mom, who works full time, who tries her best every day especially during this pandemic and who wishes she could sometimes run away to a hut on the water in Bora Bora? Absofuckinglutely. I think I’d not be human if I didn’t feel that way. It’s OK to feel those feelings. It does NOT make you a bad parent, what you’re feeling is normal and if more parents expressed the hardships we’d all feel far less alone. Love to all, especially after this past year, give yourselves the much needed grace you deserve. ❤️
@@mtlchick30 You are right!! This is why I wrote a book about a mom who "quits" -in that book I say all the things people don't say. Brutsl honssty. :) It was like therapy for me. Now with a 4 and 7 year old I'm very happy but there where some dark days when my first was a baby. I'm now battling long covid and grateful for any time I can spend with them.❤️
@@LaraCantos That's society making you feel like you will be punished if you are "ungeateful". You can be very grateful but this pressure that you have to "enjoy every monent" is wrong. I did not enjoy a lot of monents when my first was a newborn and that's ok.
I have defo want to run away on the regular .
I LOVE how seriously you take being a parent and raising an infant into a happy, strong, fully functional adult that contributes to the world. It makes me feel crazy how relaxed and "ehhh it'll be ok" most parents seem to be. I don't look at myself as being over the top with how seriously I take it. Other people do. But it's equally insane to me how they are.
It's just really nice to witness a kindred spirit in this area ☺
"I cry a lot at the moment, deal with the tears" This should be my life motto. You are an amazingly strong person and I genuinely wish that I will grow up to be like you. You are ridiculous because you have managed to get through depression which seems to put me on my ass every day, you've fought through an eating disorder which I can't even imagine how difficult that could be, you've become a well known author, you've worked incredibly hard to get here and I believe that these videos will show young baby Pan (this is an amazing name for him and I'm glad that you've stuck strong with the face thing - another reason to be proud of yourself) how strong you actually are, and how you wanted to be the best for him.
At this present moment I am going through some relationship issues and it scares me, but you give me strength to continue and with the support of some of my friends (one made me a schedule for this week and I adore her) I believe that I will get through this, no matter the outcome. I love him and I bloody hope that we can get through this.
Thank you so much for being someone who reminds me that my future is not determined by the present, because I need that reminder. I look forward to seeing every rewind and I hope to continue watching you in the future x
(I'm sorry for the paragraph, if you see this (literally anyone, not just Melanie), I believe in you!)
😭😭😭😭 what a wonderful comment 💚 Thank you for taking the time to write it! Sending you ALL of my love! ❤️
@@melaniemurphyofficial I finally worked up the courage to get into a group call with him in it, hopefully we'll be able to talk things through this wekeend though. I hope you continue to have fun creating things for everyone and remember to have the down time that you and your family deserve to have together x
I'm coming from a big family, I'm the eldest of 4 children 6, 10 and 13 years apart. My mom says that I've been a huuuuge help with babies and she literaly couldn't have done it without me, because dad was working shifts and a nanny was never an option. So growing up with babies around all my childhood and mom telling me about pregnancy stuff and birth, and postpartum and lots of horror stories from her mom-friends made me very much aware of what motherhood is really like. So I've opted out of it and really couldn't be happier.
I love love love that more people are following their hearts & aren’t going after a life they don’t want! Nothing makes me more upset than the thought of a kid who isn’t wanted that’s why I’m pro choice ❤️
@@melaniemurphyofficial Hey Melanie how are you?
Me and my wife have a 8 month old now and seeing things like this are very appreciated. My wife hasn't gotten to go to any baby classes or things where she could meet local mums. We have both followed you for years and it's like having a close friend go through the same thing! You two are amazing parents. It's difficult to care so much sometimes but we have to remind ourselves that out little boy will grow up to be an amazing person because he will always have a loving family around him and support in anything that he wants to go into. That's all we can do as parents :)
We are also keeping everything crossed for Hannah to have someone else start this rollercoaster 🤣 💙
Hearing you talk about your baby boy and how excited you are to watch him grow and get to share more and play with him...I just looked over across the room and saw my two boys (now 5 and 7) and had a flashback to feeling the exact way you feel now. So blissed out in the baby days while also so excited for everything ahead. Each stage has its challenges, but I’ve been loving motherhood from day one and there’s no end in sight! I love these little people I’ve been so blessed to have in my life. The greatest gift I’ve ever received has been front row seats to another human’s LIFE. It’s mad, it’s beautiful! Enjoy it all, I’m so happy for you.
😭😭😭👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻❤️❤️❤️
I just want to send so much love your way! When you started crying I just wanted to jump through the screen and hug you. I adore you for being so open and honest about all this. I don't want kids but I admire moms, I don't know how you do it. I barely manage to gett stuff done and look "presentable" with just work and stress from this bleeding pandemic, I can't imagine caring for small children too.
Motherhood petrifies me, but being parents is something my husband and I want in the future. Watching your videos, your honesty and insight... it's helped so much. Thank you for showing what it's like, warts and all. All the love for you three!
Hey Melanie, not sure if you’ll see this! My partner and I have been discussing the prospect of children and it kills me to admit this but I’ve half ruled it out for fear of having a son. Having not been surrounded by the greatest examples of men (except my dad who’s the best) I have fears. It’s so nice to see someone openly discuss the responsibility of guiding your child as much as you can and the pressure that comes with it and I’ve seen a different perspective, so thank you so much for that♥️
Although my fear is intense I feel extremely grateful to have a son simply for that challenge of giving this world another wholly incredible man...obviously I don’t have total control or anything but I know that a child’s first three to four years are crucial in determining many things about who they will become so I have the mental sleeves rolled up so to speak! 😂❤️ I am lucky though to be surrounded by amazing men but yes I’ve had horrific experiences too & that’s where the fear comes in xxx
I'm terrified our second will be a girl. It's easy to imagine 2 boys. It takes my breath away thinking about having a girl, and how many things I want to avoid raising one.
I have so much admiration for mothers, it really shows that you're trying to do the best you can with baby Pan, sending you so much love Mel! 💚 You're such a lovely woman, it's really beautiful to see how you're handling motherhood (and In such difficult times), and as always being so raw in showing your learning processes, I wish you and your family the best ✨.
The sense of humor you have! 😍 Watching your videos has always created emotions within me. Be it sad, compassionate, angry about some injustice or plain out load laughter. You're the only stranger person I regularly follow on youtube and I am very very thankful for what you do! The topics you discuss, the way you do it, you bring so much good in this world! Thank you Melanie!!!
So much respect for every mother and everyone who will be a mother! It's okay to get emotional, it's been an extremely emotional time for the whole world, and having a new baby during a pandemic with all of the stress is absolutely a reason to feel vulnerable and emotional. I appreciate you always being honest with us
Melanie, everytime you get emotional, I get emotional! Love how "raw" you always are! watching aaaall of your videos, adore your personality!
Because I'm so used to seeing my real life friends through a screen now, watching this video made me feel like I was just catching up with a friend: I completely forgot you were a youtuber!
Seeing the love you have for baby Pan is honestly so beautiful, I'm so so happy for your little family! 💚💚💚
This made me far happier than it should have 🥰💚💚💚
I feel like many of the hard things are talked about but still not enough-I felt totally unprepared for how hard the baby stage would be, how relentless, especially if you are alone with a crying baby who only sleeps on you for 10 hours per day. And I did not really have any joyful moments for a long time. I feel parents don't necessrarily tell you to what extent they are struggling. I enjoy motherhood so much more mow with a 4 and 7 year old who TALK to me and can do a lot of things.🥰 I feel like the good aspects are impossible to put into words. ❤️
I think it's a mix of the tabou of 'don't say motherhood it's hard, because that means you're just weak and ungrateful' and also forgetting a bit, kind of like the pain of birth, you remember it was hard, but you don't remember how much. Does that make sense? I don't, that's what I think, but I also never had a child, so I don't really know 😅
@@biboubip_lea you are right🥰
@@biboubip_lea Are you French? I have a French blog and wrote a book in French recently.
@@surlespasdondine Yes, I am, is it the same as your handle? I'll go check it out! 💕
@@biboubip_lea 🙌 I have an instagram account that's kind of bilingual, surlespasdondineblog.
You're doing so great Melanie,, it's the hardest job in the world,, have lots of compassion for yourself and trust how great your mothering is xx
Melanie, thank you for your honesty, I know that it is not easy to talk about your honest thoughts on the situations you're experiencing right now. I do not have kids, but I wanted to tell you that you're doing it wonderful, you're child will be a great person because he has you: a great mother.
I know exactly what you mean; the chaotic times are the most rewarding for me as well. 💕 I never saw myself as a mom, even now that my oldest is 9 I still think it’s crazy that I’m responsible for little people. My biggest fear of becoming a mom was damaging my kids in any way, but I’ve learned that as long as I do my best & know they’re healthy and happy that’s what matters. I still struggle with this sometimes, but I’ve learned to be a bit more chill. You’re doing great. ❤️
we don’t thank u enough for how real u are... all these years you’ve been so open and real and you didn’t have to be, but in doing so have helped so many of us feel comfortable in our humanness! i’m sending my love to u and ur little family
Listening to you makes me so emotional because I felt and feel just the same. My emotions have been all over the place, I've lost my partner and some friends because of the brainfog affecting my choices. At least I know I am a good mom and that keeps me going. One year and a month after the birth of my baby, things are getting better. Its just the nights that are reaaaaally tough but it gets better. And it helps so much to listen other moms going through similar stuff. We're doing our best. Being a mom is hard, scary and exhausting.
I don't care about being pretty, women are conditioned to think that 'being pretty' is a rent we must pay for our place in society. I don't owe prettiness to anyone.
I love your comment so much 😍😍💖
As true as you may want that to be- women’s looks are our social currency. It’s the most important physical traits to enhance and preserve
@@amberashard LOL, no they are not, that is just what the patriarchal society tries to condition us to think that all we are good for is to be appealing to men. If you really believe that you have no self respect. Women don't owe prettiness to anyone, prettiness is the least interesting thing women have to offer. If people only respect you for how good you look, those are not people I want to associate with. I have a great mind, and a capability to change the world with it. People who think prettiness is a womans best attribute can kiss my ass, I seriously pity them.
@@maneskinnnnn7190 prettiness is the least interesting I agree. Values and intellect obviously trump it but it’s stupid to pretend we can’t use our looks to benefit us in life. It’s a positive thing to preserve and focus.
Girl popped out that denture, no second thoughts 😂 this is why I love watching ya Mel. You are always 100% yourself
Excited to see the Q&A after work, I’ve had a sluggish day!! Hope you’re having a great week Melanie 💛
I'm only 20 and I dont have kids yet, but I feel the same about raising a man in this "new" world, how much responsibility and weight it is. I can only imagine how stressful it can be to think about all the ways you're contributing to the upbringing of a little man and consequently society. I think with parents like you guys, this little baby will turn into a wonderful person. Try to let go of all the stresses focusing on that, all children learn by example, so give yourself credit and love cause you deserve it💚
By the way, on having another baby: my therapist said that age difference from 1 to 3 years between siblings is very traumatic for the kids, you obviously don't have to take it as a fact, but just thought I should share, because I didn't know that that was a thing before she told me
It is so nice to have someone to cry with right now. I'm not a mother. I'm only 19 and the world is just a lot right now but you bring me a wonderful kind of hope. So thank you for that. And the emotions are good and its good to let them out xx
Thank you so much for this overview - your open, brutal, pros and cons perspectives are everything I’ve been looking for on this subject, while weighing it all up. I’m also cheerleading your appreciation of wanting to keep hold of yourself in the process - you’re amazing! Would love to know who your favourite RUclipsrs/ books are on the subject of motherhood have been (so far). Can’t wait for your next one! Project reset ahoy! Thank you
Mel is such a writer with all her metaphors and similes:
"I just want to go in a microwave and tap on the window and ask someone to turn it on"
"I feel like a block of cheese thats been grated"
hahah I love it!
Love you Melanie ❤️ I'm a mummy too of a 3 year old and it's lovely to see you starting your motherhood journey. You're doing great x
Motherhood is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I have a 7 year old and a 2 year old . My youngest had colic and I really deteriorated, I would be crying because he would be crying in pain, I would be crying in public and everything . I told my public health nurse and she told me I had a touch of post natal depression and could have had it since my 1st born .Now I never actually got diagnosed by an actual doctor but it was the lowest I ever felt. When you are sleep deprived your emotions are on high overdrive .. you lose it. But I got through it in the end. I can say that before I had children I never suffered with mental health problems , I love my children so much and love watching them grow. Its most definitely not a walk in the park but us as mothers will see all that hard work paid off when our children are independent souls ♡ sorry to get very deep . Love your motherhood videos Mel, been following a long time and now it's nice to have something even more to relate to. ♡
Thank you SO much for sharing your experience Laura!
@@melaniemurphyofficial a may just write a book one day about my experience of motherhood :)
I love how real you are about everything you're going through. There are so many thing I can relate to even though we're in a totally different situation. There is just always something in your videos that helps me to keep going. 💚💚💚
I started watching your videos about 7 years ago. I know it was that long ago because I remember watching while breastfeeding my baby who is about to turn 8! I have two wonderful kids, 7 and 5 years old. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Motherhood is the hardest thing anyone ever has to go through. It is so hard but worth it every second. Watching these videos makes me desperate to have another little baby again and then think I am totally crazy for even contemplating it! Thanks for your videos, love from the USA
💚💚💚 such a long term viewer that’s so amazing to hear 😍
Watching your Videos on motherhood has been soooo therapeutical for me. My son is now nearly 2 and half and it has only been a few months of feeling like myself a bit more. Back when I was experiencing all this I sadly never managed to articulate myself like you do and tried to handle my emotions on my own....which in retrospective was not clever xD . A lot of what you describe is exactly what I felt as a new mum...the crushing love but also this immense guilt about everything, the mood swings, the lack of sleep(!), being hungry all the time from breastfeeding...it is just a rollercoaster! Doing all this in a pandemic must be even more challenging! Well anyways, just know that it DOES get better at some point. Thank you so much for your honesty! Your Doing great!
💚
I’m so in love with this new hair
Love you Melanie. You're candid, intelligent and I love seeing a new upload each time x
I know people think it’s all false when you see that “perfect mum” on Instagram. But it really does depend on the person and the baby. I know quite a few people that have had babies that have been super easy, that have been great to get in a routine and don’t really cry a lot or the mum actually has time to get ready and put makeup on etc. So it’s not always a false representation of motherhood that you see.
My baby isn’t a crier and sleeps super well! I was more-so joking about how we only see highlights (even I only put highlights on my feed!) it’s just good to maintain an awareness of all we don’t see ❤️
@@melaniemurphyofficial yes I agree! I think you show a good balance of the ups and downs on your social media ☺️
Maybe rather than "false", it is inherently incomplete.
Melanie! Thank you so much for your honesty, as a woman in medicine it is so helpful to live through these experiences with you. I know the biology and the technical aspects but understading how you feel helps me connect with patients and adress their concerns in a much better way. I can anticipate some worries and problems they may come across that i wouldn't have otherwise because i am not a mom. Thank you so much 💛
Such a Hufflepuff reaction! Lovely, btw
Awh what a wonderful comment! 🥰💚
Post-partum is the worst. It made me realise that I have had undiagnosed ADHD my whole life. Babies are so hectic and to be living off adrenaline and no more than 3 hours of sleep at a time for a year has killed me. It is wonderful to hear your update. It's nice to see real motherhood talked about. It's bullshit that to show gratitude for our life and baby we aren't EVER allowed to complain or talk about how hard it is.
Here fucking HERE 👏🏻❤️
All iv done when I became a single mum through covid times is survive. But soon you will stop thinking of it as survival and think of it as living and enjoying .it takes time but it will come . Love your video x
Thank u! My baby is 11 months old + a 7 yr old that likes to talk from morning till bedtime.. It's exactly what u say "go go go"
Today I had to do some last minute work (graphic designer) I did this while feeding my baby his lunch while my 7 yr old was telling me about his toys,right in my ear. Those are the moments that it is too much and I ask for help and space.. wishing u strength and love! You're a great mom!
So important to be able to ask for the help! We can’t spread ourselves too thin or we will disappear! You are amazing 😍❤️
I love how real you are with your audience ❤️ and you're really inspiring to me, keep doing you girl xxx
My husband also trained in a new profession, the cost of which is about the same as a monthly mortgage payment so I can relate. We can keep on supporting them :)
❤️❤️❤️ 100%! Marriage is highs & lows, we take turns minding one another through stress! 😂 x
Co sleeping is just the best! I think it builds a really strong bond with your child. You're doing great, mama!
From speaking to my CBT therapist recently she illiterates that any one stressful thing we’ve experienced over the last year could’ve trigger a depressive episode.
The pandemic has kind of meant for me that my therapist was able to offer interventional help, but knowing what this year has already done, I might need to revisit it later on.
We as a human collective have had to take on trauma we’re not used to coupled with trauma e.g. job loss, grieving etc. That we normally have spread throughout our lives. We’ve somehow kept taking on trauma over the last year and have had to carry one thing after another. ( I keep using the T word bc I don’t want to undervalue the gravity of people’s experiences).
I’m glad to hear that you’ve reached out Mel we’ll all get there, we got this. 🧡
So wonderful to hear you open up about the reality of motherhood... the first 4 months really are ridiculously hazy and the cocktail of emotions and feelings to so full-on. Big hugs.
Melanie, have you seen Mamma Mia 2? The last scene between mother and child just kills me every time... “But I know I don't possess you / With all my heart, God bless you / You will be my love and my life...” ❤️
I’m a mother since two weeks and I’m soooo emotional omg. I can relate. What helps me is lots of cuddles and talking about my feelings. But it‘s hard. I‘m not the same as I used to be
Thank you so much for posting this 🙏🏼
After I had my son I feel like I was high or drunk for a year. In a brain fog or something. I was not even seeing the world as other people do. Thinking how I'd just pop my boob out to feed my son not caring who was around me. I felt no shame, just like being drunk. I loved the fact that I did not have to work or accomplish anything but be there for my son. But now I see how lot of moms feel it's really hard to jump out of that ratwheel, when I was just feeling relieved I could do it.
Also I don't think we acknowledge enough that becoming a parent and looking after a baby is a Completely new skill! Especially nowadays when most of us aren't growing up in big families where we look after babies/little kids when we ourselves are kids, and then go on to have our own kids while we are still quite young, often surrounded by our own parents or grandparents. For many of us (ie me) literally my first experience of looking after a baby will be my own baby. Of Course I have no idea what I'm doing lol
The weepiness and brainfog and not getting excited is what my postnatal depression was like...
I came here to say this
I was thinking of postnatal depression as well. Its been a spike in that because of the pandemic.
My doc said what I am having is prob a mix of this and situational depression (I only have like half the postnatal symptoms but still!) but thankfully managing, I was prescribed antidepressants but the booklet says they impact breast milk and the pharmacist advised me to stop breastfeeding to take them which I don’t wanna do (personal choice! Wouldn’t ever advise anyone else to make that choice but I don’t think the cons outweigh the pros if that makes sense, breastfeeding is one of the only things keeping me mentally well at the mo it brings me so much joy and calm and good hormones and the idea of stopping makes me feel worse than I do!) 💚
@@melaniemurphyofficial I kept breastfeeding through depression until 15 months❤️ no meds-vitamin D and Omega 3 supplements helped. You still seem to have good moments which I didn't have for the first few months. 👍
@@melaniemurphyofficial I'm so glad that you called the doctor to figure it out. And I understand with the breastfeeding completely, you do what is best for you💚. The good thing now is that you know what's up, so even though you can't treat it with the pills, you are more aware of what is going on so you can give yourself more space and love 💕 and maybe you can pretend that breastfeeding is your alternative to that pill? 😊 Sending you lots of love 💚
I have to watch your videos every time I watch Abby and Julia and their seemingly perfect little newborn to keep a realistic view of motherhood.
A lot of people only show highlights and I totally get it but it can be very unhelpful to not see the level of difficulty involved on certain days like teething etc...I obviously don’t have my son as the focus of my content but I do try to at least address those tough moments xxx ❤️
This is so random and you probably never hear this BUT my favourite part of this video was how candid you were about your denture/tooth loss because I’m 24 and may have to have a tooth removed (same place as yours) just because I also ate tons of sugar when I was younger. And I’ve been feeling awful about losing a tooth so young. I know I’ll have it replaced with a veneer or have a denture but like it is hitting my confidence so damn hard and seeing you being so candid about it honestly made me feel 99% better. THANK YOU. I appreciated it more than you’ll ever know 🖤
Hey, not a parent but just wanted to say that my father always really regretted getting me to sleep as a child by staying in the bed with me then sneaking away. He’s now got a 2 year old, gets her to sleep with a good night routine and leaving her alone to cry a little. I think it low-key gave me attachment issues 😂 could just be a personal anecdote though!
I’d well believe this kind of thing can happen! 😅💚 But I just look at the cultures in the world who do bedshare vs those who don’t & issues seem much more prevalent in those who don’t (like in the US)...I have many issues with the multi billion dollar industry of sleep training as from all I have read, parents are told that their child is ‘learning to sleep’ but actually is just ‘learning to stop signalling’ and for some parents that’s the goal and for others like me, well it just makes me really sad and goes against my intuition if that makes sense? But some babies NEED to be sleep trained due to the parents jobs or house setup or whatnot! I think it just really works for us with the breastfeeding, all week he’s slept all night through and has latched like twice during the night without waking...I feel calm enough to sleep with him beside me so I know he’s breathing (the sids risk has been a big stress for me and I read about how Japan have an extremely low rate of sids because of how they go about bed sharing) and that may just because I’m prone to worry! Also I don’t have to keep getting up in the night which is amazing! I do have broken sleep still but he sleeps so so solidly and knowing that this is how humans got by since the dawn of man just reassures me that it’s fine, people didn’t have nurseries a hundred or two hundred years ago even! But I say all this and may one day regret it 😂 Like I cannot know the future! So trying to be guided by my childhood experience/what works for me at this time xxxxxx
Melanie I have just watched to the 3:20 mark and had to stop immediately and comment. My wife had 100% the same Symptoms (brain fog, lack of energy, feeling down) she also had the same birthing experience as you. After several months was diagnosed with gluten intolerances (and due to this) was annemic. Hope this does not freak you out but might be worth getting tested. Was life changing difference once we found out what was wrong and now back to normal life. Really hope this helps.
I love how you incorporated “Disney” into the countries you have visited, like it’s a real country 😂😍😅
You're so right in everything you sad!!! And you are so wonderful woman! ❤️😍💐🤗
The travelling question and her saying Disney in-between countries is so relatable and cute 😆💚
I’ve always dreamt about being a mum and your content really helps me to understand what it could be like for me one day and paint a more realistic picture. Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable, you are incredible and I’m so glad I found your channel 💕
Thank you so much for this video. I have a 10 week old daughter and have felt and said all these things you spoke about. It made me smile so much just because it was all so relatable and real
💚💚💚
been really enjoying the stereo shows/chats! hope you keep doing 'em
Thank you for being so honest and open about your experiences with pregnancy and motherhood, Melanie. 💚 Honestly, every time you cried in this video, I cried too. Open, honest conversations like this are absolutely necessary and everyone should be able to voice their experiences, both positive and negative. Too many people out there reject talking about the negative side of pregnancy and motherhood, and I feel like it results in women not being fully prepared (mentally, emotionally, physically etc) for the struggles they might encounter. Personal rant below if you want to read it but if not I understand 💚
I'm honestly really scared of having kids. I'm not really scared of actually BEING a parent but the process of pregnancy and childbirth terrifies me. I have a lot of anxiety around pain and especially around vomiting, I have a panic attack anytime I have a bad stomach ache or throw up so the thought of having morning sickness for weeks or months absolutely terrifies me, plus the pain of childbirth is a whole other fear... I just don't think I'm strong enough to do it. Which makes me feel so weak because women have been having children since forever and so many women do it and I should be able to, but I just am too afraid. All these reasons are probably why I will adopt someday, unless I can overcome my fears and have a child of my own... it's something I've dreamed about, having a baby of my own, but I'm just too scared of everything leading up to it.
We all got this, new mams need a medal in this awful pandemic. 🥰 your doing an amazing job! I'm a new mammy in this pandemic too. X
Loved the topics you brought up in this video and cause of that you're such a great mom! So inspiring and lovely!
You look beautiful ! Radiant From the inside.
And you put words on this bound mother-child that is just a feeling... even a myth when we, adult, forget how it was for our parents. It gives me the will to say thanks to my mom (i was a quiet baby but i didnt sleep, still dont ^^')
Thank you for this moment, and dont worry, you got this !
XoXo from Belgium
I love how much you love being a mum 💚
I care about all the children like they’re my children as well since having my son. It’s good but I agree that it’s painful. I recently found out that we have 11 million children suffering from food scarcity in the US. I cannot express the anger I feel about the country focusing on other issues when we can’t even provide for our most innocent. My heart is just broken and I want to help them all. Great video! You look radiant!
Hi Melanie! Not sure I'm the "target audience", but as a dad-to-be I'm really enjoying seeing a honest view of living with a little one and it's helping massively with setting realistic expectations around what life will be like and the best things that I can do to help! Thank you to you (and Thomas) for putting the content out there! All the best Rich! P.S. Just picked up If Only on Audible
Thank you for being you
I hope everything will work out for Thomas and he will be able to fly again
Ur motherhood chat is spot on how i feel about my kids and being a mum. I do the same regarding bedsharing and the transition to a bed
Im so glad to find someone else who gets blocked ducts when pumping. I couldnt pump without thay happening and never met anyone who had the same issue
I'm reading this beautiful book called A Ghost in the Throat by Doireann Ní Ghríofa at the moment. It's about motherhood, breastfeeding, storytelling, Irish history, being a woman and the burden of caring. I'm nowhere near ready for motherhood but it's such a wonderful, powerful celebration of the live-giving power of womanhood. It resonates with a lot of what Melanie is talking about here, and I just can't recommend it enough, to Melanie (if she sees this) but also just to everyone
I feel so much empathy for you right now. I am in the other side of this so please know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It’s so heavy, and I felt all the heaviness and responsibility of shaping my boys to be kind and strong men in this world too. I also was terrified about all the ways my baby could be hurt. I cried pretty much every day too for awhile. I can’t say why mothers go through all of this, but with both of my boys, there was a significant bit of that weight and responsibility that lifted once they were around 2 and a bit more independent. You will regain pieces of your old self, it just takes time. I think the fact that our babies need us so much is why mothers are so turned upside down for the first year or so. Big hugs! Note about the raising boys piece, I found a book that I am dying to read to learn more about healthy masculinity by Lewis Howes. I don’t remember the whole title, but I think it’s like Mask of Masculinity. I am excited to educate myself in the boy mom journey. Also, you look beautiful, Melanie!! You have also been gorgeous, and the glow of motherhood is there for sure. I’ve finally lost my baby weight in the past year, and have been blown away how closely my body has come back to pre-baby body...some diastasis and loose skin, but not too shabby and I’m 37. In motherhood, time and lots of self care are insanely important. You have such a great personality! Love it...
Aghhhh thank you so much for this comment I will look into the book! 😍
Yayyy post revision day q&a with mel 🥰
Also your hair looks FAB!
Aw Mel thanks for being so honest ❤️💖❤️💖 thank you for sharing everything
Such a lovely video! Loved your answer to the "not care about being pretty" question, very relatable.
I'm so excited about your third book! I want to read it 💕 I hope to be writer someday...
Wish you and your family health, happiness and love fvr❣️
Btw I agree with y'all, you look so beautiful.
Pd: ( I still fangirl over the fact that you heard my audio on stereo, but I was too shy to leave a question, maybe next time haha)
Greetings from Mexico 💖
I loved this so much, makes me so excited to be a mother one day :) Btw Mel you look stunning with your short hair, it was always my fave look of yours xx Best of luck being a mum!
I would look into floor beds Melanie! (it can basically be a mattress on the floor but we have one that has "bumpers" so he doesn't accidentally roll out) It's a Montessori style alternative to the crib and we looove it (so does our son)!
Oooohhh WOW I will 😍
Gonna grab a cup of tea and watch this. I microwaved one of those choc orange nakd bars on your recommendation and it was delicious!! 💚
You’re doing amazing, Melanie💚💚
27:52 AW🥰
I loved your first novel so much (gave it to a friend for Christmas!). I can’t wait to see what other fiction you put out in the future! 💚
Awww wow! That’s so cool to hear thank you for telling me! 😍
Oh Mel... 😭 hugs.. lot of hugs... you will rise like a 🦋 I'm sure of it... this pandemic is your cocoon.
Lots of love my darling.
I hope you know how much of an inspiration you are. xxx
I've not watched youtubers in at least a year, and ZOELLA AND MELANIE MURPHY ARE MUMMIES :3
Melanie love watching these videos, the experiance and feelings this is a total mirror of my family and experiance 10 years ago. I think you and Thomas are amazing and you have a lovely family. Going to download Stereo and join in the fun 🤩
Awww YAY do join us! 😍🥰❤️ That’s so cool to hear, too! And thank you so much x
You look so gorgeous ugh!
28:25 omg your family cracks me up, such a beautiful family
Everything you are saying about raising a boy into a man is so valid and it is so understandable to get emotional about it!
Love your honesty!
You're doing so amazing! I wish I can be as good as you as a mom one day. 💗💗
Great video Mel, i watched it while baking vegan cookies 😊 could you please make a video about writing? I'm currently writing my first novel, i was very much inspired by your journey ! 💚
It gets easier Melanie
Wow Melanie, seeing you open up in your videos and being so raw brings peace to me that you can’t even imagine. You are so strong to do this! Also, you are literally the mother every child wants and needs. How much you care about your son and want him to be the best version of himself is literally so beautiful. 😍
Awwwww this makes me so happy and is why I share as much as I do! I feel the same when I watch others on here!
Got emotional watching this thinking about how the millennial generation of parents are gonna cultivate such healthy, respectful little people 🥺🥺 you're doing so well and no one is perfect but I know you have nothing to worry about raising him right 💚💚
I'M NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING xxxxx
WE LOVE YOU MELANIE YOU ARE A RAY OF SUNSHINE xxxxx
Love that video! Finally someone who is being honest!