I used to be anxious. But then I realized she’s right- everyone in your life will inevitably leave your life. Now my attitude is people come and go. They leave. They die. It is what it is.
@@SmileyAdventures That is not what avoidant means. Having healthy boundaries has nothing to do with being avoidant. Being avoidant actually means being toxic and unresponsive to your partners needs. Some psychiatrist found correlation between avoidants and narcissism.
@@SmileyAdventures As the other person explained, that's not avoidant, that's secure. Avoidant is when you freak out at getting close to people and run for the hills due to fearing emotional vulnerability.
It is scary the way our childhood can still influence our relationships well into adulthood. I am glad she did the inner work and got back together with the love of her life.
She has major self esteem and confidence issues she need to work on before trying to get into any relationship in my opinion. It’s better to have therapy and decentering men before seriously dating in this instance.
Anxious attachment doesn't refer to a specific gender or relationship type. You can have the same issues with friends and family. Male or female. And has nothing to do with self esteem or worth. It's a fear of abandonment by those you love or care about. Decentering doesn't fix that
I'm a recovering fearful avoidant and my attachment style was used against me in a manipulative way by the guy I was dating. He was an avoidant (but pretended to be secure). He could never communicate his feelings and needed space often. I did not see it as a roadblock since I can be both avoidant at times and anxious at times but he did. He was disingenuous in requesting friendship only to ghost me. It taught me a valuable lesson, emotional intimacy would have to be a priority for me in the future.
I was FA but now earned secure. My ex was also a pretend to be secure but ended up being a dismissive avoidant who emotionally cheated through our 12 years. So glad about this comment since I now know it is possible with to fake your attachment or have it drastically change once committed.
Just because you supposedly have this or that “attachment style” doesn’t mean you have to act on it. You must learn to discern whether your feelings are real (meaning they’re warning you about something) or if you’re just being nuts. If you’re just being nuts, talk to your shrink, do EFT, EMDR, and hypnosis. Don’t dump that onto somebody who’s not doing anything wrong.
I have more of a fearful avoidant attachment style, so the best of both worlds I guess haha. But I noticed that avoidant attachment styles get demonized a lot on social media, meanwhile everybody is supposed to have pity for the anxious attached person. Both of the attachment styles are destructive (equally so I‘d say) and need to be worked on. And I would even go as far as to say that both attachment styles can be emotionally abusive. For example the silent treatment in this story…..
I used to be this way but I actually did have a good reason to be that way unfortunately. But regardless I worked on myself whether I was right or wrong. It's important to recognize this about yourself and try to work on improving that flaw.
Everyone needs to read Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller. I thought my attachment style was "normal" and I realized it wasn't lol. I needed to do some healing from childhood trauma and do the work.
Im a recovering avoidant. Being secure was a lot of work. Learning to express emotions came with a ish ton of vulnerability and sacrifice of my ego. I love being secure and my relationships with my friends and family has gotten sooooooo much better. I love that when people talk about how detahed I was it is in paat tense and not present. I still have avoidant tendencies but I work hard to catch myself and be more understanding and available.
@@tessy28 You must be very detail oriented in a lot of areas of your life. I only have a few select areas and it's never cleaning, which makes me such a messy person. I hate it but that's always been my reality.
2 min silent 🧐 when she showed 👨🏻🦲 Anthony. I thought he might very handsome decent guy who looks like bratt pitt or something. I am telling you these women are something else
My personal opinion is that, theyre not necessarily " avoidant " because its their " personality type ". They're avoidant because they're leaving their options open and have a harem of women they're juggling.
@@Marie-mq3kb I remember her doing a video dedicated to him saying “you are worth every ounce of pain you put me through” and all I could think to myself is that this lady is sick obsessive energy
I'm fearful avoidant working to become secure attachment, one thing I noticed that confuses me alot is that my attachment changes depending on the person. When it comes to romantic relationships I am completely avoidant-like I end the relationship before it even begins lol but with my close friends it's wayyy more secure. Has anyone experienced this?
I used to have a friend with an anxious attachment style and oh man did it cause a lot of problems. We just could never have a healthy relationship no matter how hard I tried, and it became very challenging. I didn’t understand what was going on with her until the relationship ended.
Agreed. 💯 I think I have a secure attachment style too. This is so difficult to relate to. Anxious/avoidant attachment isn't worth understanding. It sounds like narcissism. I couldn't be with someone that psychoanalyzed/overanalyzes any and everything. That's controlling, manipulative and embarrassing behavior.
@@marissa._ I think it's worth understanding because a lot of people have dealt with a lot of trauma and if they are acting on things they aren't even consciously aware of then they can't get help and heal. And a narcissist would eat their own arm before making a video like this woman made. Publicly sharing her insecurities and humiliating behavior in hopes others will recognize those issues in themselves and seek help. Putting yourself out there like that in hopes that others learn from your mistakes is the least narcissistic thing you can do.
@@MissKashiraa person’s upbringing has ALOT to do with their attachment style. Most people with avoidant or anxious attachment styles likely had some form of instability in their childhood that shaped the way they interact in relationships. For me, it was my day not keeping his word, while I knew he meant well, it didn’t change the fact that whenever he wouldn’t come and get me for whatever, I was left disappointed. The breaking point was when my mom found me in my room crying because of one of those situations and she had to check my dad about it. I have a friend who’s avoidant and in her childhood, emotions were not talked about and important conversations that should have been had were ignored (by her father who she takes after in this regard). She’s married now and doesn’t understand how her avoidant attachment is causing issues in her marriage because she doesn’t understand why her husband would get upset when she disregards his emotions or avoids having serious conversations that matter to him but are “unimportant” to her.
@@JaySmith. What I meant wasn't that I don't understand the psychology behind it. I meant I don't understand it from a pragmatic perspective. Picking fights cause you're terrified of losing your partner is like eating a tub of ice cream because you're afraid of gaining weight. But then I thought about it, if you live in terror of something happening, if you make it happen, at least you don't have to be dreading it anymore, at least it's happened and is over now. So in that way it makes sense.
My friends always be on my side knowing i was wrong! My last relationship wasnt idea and I think we both had issues.... i will say I learned so much from it and my poor attachment style.... he was always pretty honest and one of the best things he ever told me is "you're too fine to be this insecure" although he did things to cause it, my self work is focused on me and my self worth and I will make sure going into a new one, i will never react those ways anymore
Some women are just desperate for a man. They feel like their lives only purpose is finding a man so they get anxious when they think a man will leave them. And they cannot be happy in singledome because they are missing the purpose of their lives (a man!)
I used to be anxious. But then I realized she’s right- everyone in your life will inevitably leave your life. Now my attitude is people come and go. They leave. They die. It is what it is.
I have an avoidant attachment style, so I can't imagine doing any of this. It sounds humiliating.
I’m at this stage in my life now that I’m in my 30s lol! I avoid what doesn’t serve me or what I want
@@SmileyAdventures That is not what avoidant means. Having healthy boundaries has nothing to do with being avoidant. Being avoidant actually means being toxic and unresponsive to your partners needs. Some psychiatrist found correlation between avoidants and narcissism.
@@almawade2603it's similar but not the same
@@SmileyAdventures As the other person explained, that's not avoidant, that's secure. Avoidant is when you freak out at getting close to people and run for the hills due to fearing emotional vulnerability.
@@SmileyAdventuresavoidant attachment is avoiding even those who are good for you. Maybe you should research it further so you can understand
It is scary the way our childhood can still influence our relationships well into adulthood. I am glad she did the inner work and got back together with the love of her life.
I am avoidant as well. At the first sign of a red flag, Im gone. Gone. I dodged so many bullets.
I know that’s right!
When you cling you cling to the worst ones tho😅
@@backho5882 with age that changes, you hit 30, and you see so much clearer than before, trust me
That's not what avoidant means. I really wish people would read more
I went from avoidant to disorganized
She has major self esteem and confidence issues she need to work on before trying to get into any relationship in my opinion. It’s better to have therapy and decentering men before seriously dating in this instance.
Anxious attachment doesn't refer to a specific gender or relationship type. You can have the same issues with friends and family. Male or female. And has nothing to do with self esteem or worth. It's a fear of abandonment by those you love or care about. Decentering doesn't fix that
I'm a recovering fearful avoidant and my attachment style was used against me in a manipulative way by the guy I was dating. He was an avoidant (but pretended to be secure). He could never communicate his feelings and needed space often. I did not see it as a roadblock since I can be both avoidant at times and anxious at times but he did. He was disingenuous in requesting friendship only to ghost me. It taught me a valuable lesson, emotional intimacy would have to be a priority for me in the future.
I was FA but now earned secure. My ex was also a pretend to be secure but ended up being a dismissive avoidant who emotionally cheated through our 12 years. So glad about this comment since I now know it is possible with to fake your attachment or have it drastically change once committed.
I used to be that way and it’s exhausting for both parties.
Just because you supposedly have this or that “attachment style” doesn’t mean you have to act on it. You must learn to discern whether your feelings are real (meaning they’re warning you about something) or if you’re just being nuts. If you’re just being nuts, talk to your shrink, do EFT, EMDR, and hypnosis. Don’t dump that onto somebody who’s not doing anything wrong.
I went from anxious to avoidant attachement, and can't even imagine what having a secure attachment could feel like.
Poor Anthony lmao. What a fool. Good luck to him in the next chapter with her 😂😂😂 🥂
I have more of a fearful avoidant attachment style, so the best of both worlds I guess haha. But I noticed that avoidant attachment styles get demonized a lot on social media, meanwhile everybody is supposed to have pity for the anxious attached person. Both of the attachment styles are destructive (equally so I‘d say) and need to be worked on. And I would even go as far as to say that both attachment styles can be emotionally abusive. For example the silent treatment in this story…..
I used to be this way but I actually did have a good reason to be that way unfortunately. But regardless I worked on myself whether I was right or wrong. It's important to recognize this about yourself and try to work on improving that flaw.
Every step is a victory. No matter how small it is
@@n.g.l. how can you receive proper treatment if you don’t get professionally seen
I was like this in my 20s. I had abandonment issues big time, still do. The work never ends I try but the feelings pop up occasionally.
Everyone needs to read Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel S. F. Heller. I thought my attachment style was "normal" and I realized it wasn't lol. I needed to do some healing from childhood trauma and do the work.
That book is a decent start but it really dumbs down the research
Im a recovering avoidant. Being secure was a lot of work. Learning to express emotions came with a ish ton of vulnerability and sacrifice of my ego. I love being secure and my relationships with my friends and family has gotten sooooooo much better. I love that when people talk about how detahed I was it is in paat tense and not present. I still have avoidant tendencies but I work hard to catch myself and be more understanding and available.
I wish I was a perfectionist at cleaning. I actually envy people who notice all those little details about how things have been cleaned.
Something it drives me crazy 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Don’t babe it’s a blessing and a curse 😂 I notice every detail and when something isn’t clean I get excited about it it’s somewhat exhausting at times
I hope one day you become a better cleaner 😂
I'm a perfectionist when it comes to cleaning. It takes a lot of my energy and sometimes I wish I could chill but I literally hate dirt sm.😂
@@tessy28 You must be very detail oriented in a lot of areas of your life. I only have a few select areas and it's never cleaning, which makes me such a messy person. I hate it but that's always been my reality.
2 min silent 🧐 when she showed 👨🏻🦲 Anthony. I thought he might very handsome decent guy who looks like bratt pitt or something. I am telling you these women are something else
My personal opinion is that, theyre not necessarily " avoidant " because its their " personality type ". They're avoidant because they're leaving their options open and have a harem of women they're juggling.
She sounds really Codependent as well…
Its The Korean Vegan, Joanne!!
I love her content I hope she’s doing well
Did her husband leave her?
Yes! I thought her voice sounded familiar
@@MoInTheCity03 nah, they ended up getting back together and are now married 😊
@@Marie-mq3kb I remember her doing a video dedicated to him saying “you are worth every ounce of pain you put me through” and all I could think to myself is that this lady is sick obsessive energy
I'm fearful avoidant working to become secure attachment, one thing I noticed that confuses me alot is that my attachment changes depending on the person. When it comes to romantic relationships I am completely avoidant-like I end the relationship before it even begins lol but with my close friends it's wayyy more secure. Has anyone experienced this?
I have dismissive avoidant. And I love it. Lol
I used to have a friend with an anxious attachment style and oh man did it cause a lot of problems. We just could never have a healthy relationship no matter how hard I tried, and it became very challenging. I didn’t understand what was going on with her until the relationship ended.
I went from anxious to avoidant and I don’t know how to get to secure… avoidant keeps me safe, but I don’t want that to be all I am. 😩
As a person with a secure attachment style, it's soo hard to relate to this. The entire time I'm thinking WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!
Agreed. 💯
I think I have a secure attachment style too. This is so difficult to relate to. Anxious/avoidant attachment isn't worth understanding. It sounds like narcissism.
I couldn't be with someone that psychoanalyzed/overanalyzes any and everything. That's controlling, manipulative and embarrassing behavior.
@@marissa._ I think it's worth understanding because a lot of people have dealt with a lot of trauma and if they are acting on things they aren't even consciously aware of then they can't get help and heal.
And a narcissist would eat their own arm before making a video like this woman made. Publicly sharing her insecurities and humiliating behavior in hopes others will recognize those issues in themselves and seek help. Putting yourself out there like that in hopes that others learn from your mistakes is the least narcissistic thing you can do.
@@marissa._you really, really need to read about the subject.
My goodness.
@@MissKashiraa person’s upbringing has ALOT to do with their attachment style. Most people with avoidant or anxious attachment styles likely had some form of instability in their childhood that shaped the way they interact in relationships. For me, it was my day not keeping his word, while I knew he meant well, it didn’t change the fact that whenever he wouldn’t come and get me for whatever, I was left disappointed. The breaking point was when my mom found me in my room crying because of one of those situations and she had to check my dad about it. I have a friend who’s avoidant and in her childhood, emotions were not talked about and important conversations that should have been had were ignored (by her father who she takes after in this regard). She’s married now and doesn’t understand how her avoidant attachment is causing issues in her marriage because she doesn’t understand why her husband would get upset when she disregards his emotions or avoids having serious conversations that matter to him but are “unimportant” to her.
@@JaySmith. What I meant wasn't that I don't understand the psychology behind it. I meant I don't understand it from a pragmatic perspective. Picking fights cause you're terrified of losing your partner is like eating a tub of ice cream because you're afraid of gaining weight.
But then I thought about it, if you live in terror of something happening, if you make it happen, at least you don't have to be dreading it anymore, at least it's happened and is over now. So in that way it makes sense.
My friends always be on my side knowing i was wrong! My last relationship wasnt idea and I think we both had issues.... i will say I learned so much from it and my poor attachment style.... he was always pretty honest and one of the best things he ever told me is "you're too fine to be this insecure" although he did things to cause it, my self work is focused on me and my self worth and I will make sure going into a new one, i will never react those ways anymore
She seemed clingy asf. She need some serious therapy.
I couldn’t agree more
Some women are just desperate for a man. They feel like their lives only purpose is finding a man so they get anxious when they think a man will leave them. And they cannot be happy in singledome because they are missing the purpose of their lives (a man!)
💯
I don’t know but her story made me feel anxious
Happy you are feeling better!🐓
Can an avoidant share too? Those of us who care but also dont care need someone to relate to.
Anthony doesn’t seem that great to me 🌝 am I wrong?! 🤓
You keep using women without crediting them. You even scrub their names of the videos.
Her eyebrows ain’t it chile.
😂
Start putting these peoples handles on the videos.
Borderline personality disorder?
In sorry but that is not anxious attachment, that’s fearful avoidant.