@rebaccazung: You write: "You know?" :Please. I understand some sociopaths are made that way. Some realize later in life they became that way through others. I find your advice a bit naive. We always see our faults in others. Maybe you see faults in "demons" because you share them? I am told I was born this way. There are certain emotions I do not feel & experiences I do not have. Your techniques may work with your lovers and those you open your legs for. They will NOT work on the truly violent or the very subtle. If so, you see what I just did there. May I challenge you? You said you look at your comments. Proof me wrong. How did I just manipulate you? What is my purpose for doing so? If you can't do this, you should warn your channel you advice is only good over a relevant range.
Oh my goodness my conscience!! But I have to!! 😖😖😖 lots of praying for forgiveness ughhh what you said about empaths 😵 I just told him he lives off the soul energy of other people!! How did your page appear in my feed!? I’m so grateful!!
Yes I am Rebecca Zung I want them to leave me the hell alone .Tired of the entitlement , the stalking , the lying , bullying , stealing , stalking by proxy and gaslighting etc .
What scares me about a narcissistic love relationship is they might try and hurt the kids or anything that is valuable to you to try an get back at the victim. Scary! Your right, do not underestimate them. Amen!
Totally true, my wife is just using/destroying the kids just to get me. I was soooo blind all my life, I have started to hate myself. I am learning. She knows how to push my buttons and destroying kids at the same time. Maybe I’ll get my life back one day. Maybe not. If I don’t, I’ll go down fighting.
Exactly why my ex won't get anything more than visitation access ONLY. .. two out of 3 kids don't want to even know him.. and he's their bio dad. Guess he should have contacted the last 9months + instead of chasing another woman .... Priorities. Hahahhha no thanks.
Hello Mrs Zung, I just wanted to say THANK YOU for all your valuable information. I am living proof that if people follow your advice it WILL work. I just beat a covert narcissist in court yesterday. Not only did I get what I was asking for BUT the judge granted me MORE than I could have imagined. I am so grateful and blessed right now. I would like to say that I achieved this in 3 months!!! After 10 years of toxicity I was able to end it just like that. I just want to say to those of you reading this, if they follow what you are saying to do it does really work. Thank you thank you thank you.
They play the game very well. When you see that something is wrong in any relationship , call it out right away. You will probably save yourself from makeing the same error again. That's how I learned to deal with new people in my life. Especially after going through so much with my own narcissist. My self esteem is intact bc I wouldn't let him beat me down. He still wants to talk to me but I wont have anything to do with him. I am so much happier in my life.
Idealize, devalue, discard. A pretty standard description of the cycle. But the malignant narcissist actually demonizes, not merely devalue. And rather than merely discard, they wish to punish or even destroy. Understanding this not-so-subtle distinction is essential to the victim's very survival.
Some excellent points, particularly the one about documenting things. I've done this after splitting from my covert narcissist wife. The document I wrote is about 260 pages and growing as I fill in more and more gaps. Lots of text message conversations and annotated transcripts of conversations I recorded. It's great when you start reading back the conversations and analysing things. You get a much better insight into behaviours that slipped under the radar first time round. I made the document lively and entertaining, because my sense of humour played a big part in getting me through the split. It's called "Struggling through life when you're scared of your wife".
Going through court now and have had to disclose for him! He's hiding his money/assets. Avoiding mediation as well. Dragging it on to cost me..... He took the business and I stayed in the marital house, paying all expenses and raising children. Now he wants that too! 11 years and still fighting! 😣
You're totally describing my relationship with my ex-husband. I don't hear from him for months or years. Then all of a sudden he shows up same tactics it's beyond me that he can't figure out why he's all by himself
I've dealt with narcissist my whole life. I find it really strange that no no one respects them even can't stand to be around them , but they have some sort of Cult of personality . They love hate them. Its crazy
Thank you so much, Rebecca, for these videos they are really helping me at this time. The thing that's saddest about most narcs is that they're trying to maintain this 'perfect image" of themselves, but they can't even see that their behavior makes them look the exact opposite. Also 2 narcissists I know in life (one, a parent) will always accuse people of being "antisocial" (gaslighting) when in reality, it's because these people just can't stand dealing with them. Some of the worst people on Earth, I tell you.
Point on , I was married to a covert for 9 years , I thought I was crazy for years until I understood what she was , I want to help ppl myself after , got a lot of stories
Aaron, been married to one for eleven. Just discovered she's a covert and that's what I've been dealing with for so long. Any tips for getting out. We have six kids but I can see our relationship negatively affecting them more since they are getting older and especially since I know what she is and not letting her manipulate me. My fear is for the kids and having to stay with her until I can get the courts to decide otherwise because she does use them as pawns and she lets her anger out on them and uses them for supply. But I can't stay any longer. Please help with ideas
Aaron maybe you can help me?? I'm still in a relationship with a covert NARSSISST. I didnt realize early on in the relationship when he convinced me to give up my place and move in with him, that he was slowly robbing me of my own independence.
I have 2 boys my oldest whom is 10 isn't his but my 2 yr old is. Let me tell u I feel so stupid. I really thought after a 10yr abusive relationship and finally being single for 4yrs that i met the man of my dreams so i didn't really think twice about having a baby with him. I know CRAZY right. Hindsight is 20/20..
I’m going thru custody court with my 6 year old daughters dad.. he filed for full custody (for the second time!) and now I’m going for child support. He makes over 100k a year but I never wanted to deal with the war I knew it would turn into. I don’t even make half of what he does, I have her more and he didn’t have a thing to do with her until after she was one.. around the time he met his wife is when he wanted something to do with her. Him and his wife both are narcissists! I can’t believe how spot on all these videos are.. thank you for making them! God bless!
Achoo choo choo I struggle about whether they are both true narcissists or not. He married his wife about a year after they met and married now for 4 years. They cheat on each other, fight all the time, and want to control everything(she’s more controlling). They’ve been to marriage counseling and that seemed to help for a little bit. I feel like I don’t know her well enough to say she’s a narcissist but from all the videos it sounds like she is. I honestly didn’t think they’d last this long but now they have a baby on the way. They care about what people think of them sooo much and want everyone to believe they live this perfect, happy and church going lifestyle.. posting pictures on vacation every month from private islands, beaches and cruises. New cars, a home, fake boobs.. it’s sad how fake they are and how miserable they are. I would like to know for sure if they’re both true narcissists or not. My gut tells me yes but my heart tries to tell me they just have a lot of traits and it can get better.
Achoo choo choo thanks. There’s so much more that convinces me they are too. And I do laugh at how crazy the situation is and if it weren’t for the fact my daughter is going to be effected by it, I’m sure I would take pleasure in knowing he got what he deserves. I actually feel bad for him bc his wife might actually be worse than him and I know he’s miserable. But they’re a good team if all you care about is what strangers think (and they do). And divorce looks bad and all their dirty secrets would come to light so they might just live miserably ever after.. after all.
I explained to her that she didn’t follow up on the affection she showed, No answer, just leading me on. She wants attention and only give minimum back. Vampire. In some cases she totally denies the truth. But with my CPTSD it’s in a way a manifestation of reflection of my inner self. So healing will manifest respect.
My experience has showed me the narcissistic person has no boundaries. Looking back at all the shit I tolerated it literally makes me want to vomit. Wasted time, money, hoping it’s going to get better. Where was this information ten years ago. Even today in my experience therapists are not informed. Why is this not recognized as serious problem?
Thank you, Rebecca, for openly sharing that you have also been a victim of Narcissistic abuse. I would never have guessed, based upon the strength of your personality. You are every Narcissists worst nightmare! Thank you 😊.
I had a supervisor who was continuously frustrated because he couldn't ruffle my feathers no matter how hard he tried. He could easily irritate everyone else, but never me. I was very stoic around him. I might go to the range and shoot targets until I ran out to ammo later, but I never let him see me frustrated. Eventually (after several years), he quit trying to get to me.
Amen. I think I’m finally getting the leverage part. So specific to each person. “Threaten” with Patterns of their shortcomings that are going to hurt their supply. Use at the right moments.
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Detecting na rci s iss ts should replace poetry interpretation in schools so that pupils are equipped with detecting to x ic people early on. It's something that's actually useful in life, whether in dating, in the workplace or in friendships
Frankly speaking narcs are toxic , dangerous , delusional, etc..... Narcs have ruined many lives in this universe!!! Trauma has affected my life in many shapes and sizes..... I really do need your help Miss .... I'm wondering if you can help me with my immigration case ....im looking for an attorney..... After so many years in trauma , stress , anxiety , dread , insomnia , etc.... I really need your help if you are an immigration Attorney.....thank you i will be waiting for your request promply ....
You say don’t let them disrespect you but in my experience when I tell the narc not disrespect me she turns it around and says I am the one that isn’t respectful.
They are not going to stop being disrespectful just because you say it, let them know by your actions and walk away when they start in on you. I know it's easier said than done. I have been grey rock for several months now and my narc brother and his narc wife hate it! They try to bait me from time to time. It never works out for them because I won't participate. Sometimes it warrants me saying I understand that's how you feel, or I say I don't agree with you. When this covid 19 started, they asked me to be sure and cover my mouth when I cough. I told them "you are right. I absolutely agree that I should cover my mouth when I cough". The next day I was in the kitchen when I coughed, my brother was on the couch where he couldn't see me, he immediately jumped up and tried to start this big thing by saying I didn't cover my mouth. His narc wife jumped in and co-signed it, she had been in her bedroom at the time and came running out. I just said, you're absolutely right, I should cover my mouth when I cough. I didn't try to defend myself by saying you didn't see whether I covered my mouth or not, as he kept up the rant. He kept yelling don't just say I'm absolutely right! He is comical and doesn't realize how stupid he looks and sounds. His narc wife controls him so bad. He literally has no person in this house that he can control including his 11 yo "son". (He signed the birth certificate so.....) there are 9 of us that live in this big house and fortunately for me the other 5 people in this house can see how they try to treat me and has resisted all their attempts to turn them against me. I just walked away. They hate that! I document everything in an email that I send to myself and just keep replying with the new incident. That way I have it and it is date stamped. For instance I will copy and paste this into an email reply as it documents another rage.
Dealing with a narcassist sister and a daughter. I am now 74 so been a long battle. I am withdrawing from my sister actually no contact for a while. Course I am feeling grief. Ypu have helped me a lot. Have forwarded some of yours to my two nieces.
Rebecca, thank you so much for your posts. You have opened my eyes to narcissism. I am single but through your posts have noticed so much narcissism all around me at work especially with people who are competitive to get attention and recognition. May God bless you.
Rebecca the first thing you totally Rock you're awesome you're a blessing to me and a lot of people just adore you you're sharing your knowledge with people you don't even know you're helping out numerous one is me I didn't know it was a narcissism was never heard the word narcissism never was in a relationship with one till now I failed in all my relationships and I thought it was time for me to heal myself and I spent a lot of time alone years looking at my shortcomings and I figured out a lot of my mistakes were my fault and I thought I was ready for a relationship and lo and behold I met this person that has all those traits you guys especially you talking about and I still have a lot of feelings for her this is really hard for me I never had a problem walking away from anybody I thought but I'm starting to use the techniques and your advice that you show your clients your followers great information I found out the first time in my life that I'm cold dependent and I need to work on that... She did take away the one thing that I love most and she used it against me to her advantage I realize that now and then no contact thing I thought there's no way on Earth I can do that but the longer you do it the easier it gets and it is driving her crazy cuz I never done it before a lot of your followers are in way more involved than I am they're married with children or been in the relationship for a very long time and I feel very bad for them. I've been in this relationship for 2 years and I know that is toxic at times and at times there are I thought that a lot of love but it was all pretend for her I guess what I'm hearing it is and everything you sing hits me right in my heart but I have to do what's best for me I know I can't never change her and she will be who she always will be I do want my sanity back and you have been a great help of getting that in a short period of time may God bless you girl... You rock ❣️
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You’re my new hero! I love how strong and beautiful you are. Such a blessing! I have to take Xanax in order to keep my narcissist from getting under my skin I’m too sensitive it’s just too much so I just make sure that I get my script filled and take a double dose before I deal with my covert narc.
You had to take drugs to avoid being affected by a narcissist ,if that is true,your not a strong person,you should learn to deal with it on your own terms instead of using drugs✝️🆘
Beware of the brain damage that xanax can cause. Look up Dr. Robert Morse, learn about your body and herbs that can help. Nervines are great for those of us who have been in abusive relationships, lemon balm, skullcap, valerian root, passion flower, California poppies are some nervines that calm the nervous system down. Anxiety is tied to weak adrenals, licorice root is great for strengthening the adrenals as long as you don’t have high blood pressure. Depression is tied to the parathyroid, herbs that help are horsetail, nettles, alfalfa and oat straw, you can make a tea and drink several times a day or use it in tincture form. I highly recommend not using chemical pharmaceuticals, pharma means witchcraft, sorcery.
Learn as much as you can about a covert narcisst. Think about him as a 6 year old in an adult body and his behaviour becomes clear. Remember, his main goal is not to hurt you, it's to protect himself from the threats of the real world. Like a 6 year old, he needs to be constantly praised for everything he does. When he nitpicks at you, don't focus on the task he nitpicks about. Realize nitpicking is about power and control over you . Learn the Gray Rock technique. The art of not reacting but not stonewalling. You still communicate about surface topics, like the weather or the price of gas. Yes , he berates you in private on purpose. This proves he has agency of what he is doing and when. Often the outside world has no clue and may think he is so nice. Coverts are masters of charm.
The demand respect part sounds like addressing a boundry which wasn't affirmed by their parents during childhood, and therefore they have no understanding as to why someone would question their conduct.
Girl you are giving me the confidence and affirmation that my instincts are correct... its hard to disconnect the emotional connection that conflicts with what is reality. This big heart of mine has gotten me into several lengthy interactions with narcissists that have drained me and almost destroyed me.. I'm a lot quicker to recognize when I'm in a similar situation but I still fall into the trap... I just happened to stumble unto your videos while researching my current situation and I'm grateful for it. I feel much more able to take back control of my life and move on from a toxic situation.
It's refreshing to see a *legal* perspective on those "afflicted" with these Cluster B personality traits! This attorney gets it! Would that we had more judges that can identify narcissistic tactics.
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This was actually brilliant, well explained and detailed, I took notes. I had to negotiate with a narcissist that cost me a $10,000 project and my career about 4 years ago, if I'd had this information I would have handled it so much better, in the end though I made sure the narcissist left empty handed, so I felt like I won. My investors lost their money, I lost some of my money and the narcissist even lost some of his own money, honestly he threw away everyone's money all so that he could satisfy his ego and look like a big shot. We sat down and tried to have a negotiation with him, he wore sunglasses through the entire meeting when we asked him to take them off he refused, he was really a coward, but acted with so much aggression, entitlement and a craving for power.
Thank you Mrs. Rebecca Zung. My son (39) is in process of divorcing His estrange wife after 10 years of marriage. We as a parents noticed strange behavior two years into Their marriage. The lies and manipulations, that His wife begin to produce became overwhelming and scary, on a top of that Her demands grow bigger and more ridicules. I started looking into many definitions of narcissism, delicately I share my knowledge with son, He was in love, then they had two beautiful children, total 5, the 3 of Hers are now over 18. Throughout the years of abusive verbal and physical behavior the marriage fell a part. The worse happened when the truth exposed Her lie’s in Courts with DHS, but She still using their children against father and any one who get to close in a social way when the children feel happy. Thanks again for very valuable information, at the end of June the divorce case will take place. Sincerely, Tad🙏
Rebecca, thank you for the video, great to get a female perspective on the topic. As a (INFP-T) male, surrounded by narcissists of numerous flavors which at times can leave me feeling very alone and isolated for much of the time, and I wish to thank you for the video. I hope you are doing well. At around 6:11 into this video I got a real since of your own pain which seemed very palpable at that time and I found it necessary to pause the video for a few minutes in order to let the emotions subside so that I could listen to the remainder of the video. Thanks once again for doing this, God bless.
My Friends and I like the fact that you have many videos about Narcissists. Narcissists are a Bigger Problem in our Society than most People realize. Indeed many People do NOT know how to Recognize a Narcissist and the different Types of Narcissists. THANK YOU for Explaining and Describing Narcissists and their Bad Behaviors, Tactics, etc. And we especially Appreciate the fact that you not only tell us what a Narcissist is and does, but you also give us Assertive Solutions, Tactics etc., for Dealing With and Defeating Narcissists. THANK YOU, we're so happy that we found your Channel.
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Amen Rebecca. Thank you very much for sharing with us your knowledge about narcissism, especially in negotiation. As you said, everything with them is a negotiation, since for narcissists, life is always about winning no matter what.
My attorney saw right trough my narcissistic Ex. A lot of his recommendations were not what I wanted but I trusted his expertise. He was well seasoned, very smart, had personal experience with narcissistic abuse and Bipolar Disorder in childhood. He saw the bigger picture and realized that my Ex is a psychopath. Every recommendation he made was to keep the kids and I safe. It’s been 2 years since the last custody battle ( 3rd one) Now I’m much more educated on narcissistic abuse and I’m just beginning to understand the magnitude of what this lawyer has done for us. He empowered me, helped me to set boundaries and uphold them. He was tough as nails, sometimes cruel and I was more scared of him than my Ex. I’ll be forever grateful. He is a great attorney and taught me the most valuable life lessons. P.S. He recently complained that he has created a monster, stating: “Girl you talk back to me, you have an opinion, you are no longer afraid of me! Darn it!”
So well done Rebecca, Bravo for your forward thinking and Brilliant insights on dealing with Narcs! So wonderful of you to share your insights and experiences with us all as well, thank you so much!😇💖
Amen Rebecca :-) I have a neighbor who thinks he is god and thinks it is him who decides who can live in his street. Your knowledge is very valuable. Thank you !
My ex gf is one of the most diabolical covert narcissists, I’ve ever known. I should know…my mother was a master. I should’ve seen this woman for what she was, in the beginning because she was immediately devaluing me as she love bombed me. Too much detail for here but, your comments about the “high” or addiction to that, “high”, was real, for me! I find myself feeling like I need something from her, even as I realize that she’s pure poison! Thank you for sharing these videos. They’re really helping me to stay committed to being a gray rock! Hell, I’m a Gray Mountain!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽❤️🙏🙏🙏
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I love your frankness. I've had two (the first one very physically violent), and nearly a third but managed to spot that third one and swiftly got rid of him thank goodness. It's such hard work. It is domestic abuse and very rarely will people listen if they haven't suffered it themselves. They have no empathy and no insight which are both very significant psychotic markers. We cannot approach a narcissist with direct communication; in the words of my solicitor, "We cannot treat this is though we are dealing with a normal human being. We will have to be a bit sneaky and find a way to work around him." The way I see it, I have to set some sort of example to my daughter. I do not want her to bring a narcissist home when she's an adult for my approval, but I also don't want to lower my own standards of behaviour now in a tit-for-tat with her dad and fight over her like she's a piece of meat. It's such a delicate balancing act, and it's very fragile.
Needed this video, so wish I had known about your videos and other similar videos.. before my beloved son, an empath passed away. Please keep up the good work. I missed your webinar, really wanted to attend. Hoping I will be able to next time.
Amen I'm so glad I found you. You e been a blessing to me these last two week. Going through the process of a divorce with a narcissist now. He divorced me through a text in February. He's taken my soul from me.
Hello Rebecca & all. Very good points indeed In my past relationship with an narcissist women ( daugters mom ) documentation accumulation of details proving all her lies & angers was very usefull to defuse a lot of common useless disputes. The self respect is an must too. Respect brings respect .I validate yours points & ideas from my experiences and perspectives. My impression of a narcissist is some kind of a brain child (terrible two) adult manupulational emotionnal intentionaly no self conscience to obtain "something" ( sex, attention, jalousy, etc etc)....
OMG Love bombing is exactly how this woman drawn me away from my wife of 42 years!!! She promised me the best of everything And I fell for it like a stupid fool. It happened exactly as you explained it.
I went No Contact with my stepson, he has abused me and my husband for 32 years, I'm done. Unfortunately My husband is still feeding him supply. It's not good our "mirage" has never been a marriage. His son is #1 we are going for divorce.
I was married and had 3 children with a narcissist- they are grown children now - however I found myself in a dealing with our HOA President that has narcissistic tendencies and I was proud of myself for recognizing this and got advice of dealing with these worthless people.
You are a blessing! I’m in a on again off again relationship with a female lawyer that has been doing this type of behavior. Push me away then love bomb me and act like nothing was ever wrong. Caught her texting old boyfriends, and constantly lying about little things.
You are not alone. So many of us here understand exactly how this feels. I have been with my husband for 30 years. Thankfully his behaviour has only become unbearable during the last 5 years. I have been learning so much helpful information from watching different videos on You Tube and am now feeling confident to improve my life. I hope you are making plans to improve your life too. Make your mental health and happiness a top priority. We deserve a lot better than these toxic relationships.
Thank you for giving value to my emotions- the victim is a narcissist. I’ve done the evidence gathering part because I just figured out that someday he’s going to snap when I’m no longer valuable to him. I used those evidences for my advantage. Like when he said, “I didn’t say that.” The I will send him the screenshot of the previous conversation. Then he will ask me, “why do you have to send it to me?” Sounding like an innocent fool that he is!
I had commented over a week ago about my narcissistic husband Sam. I just found out today that he died last week. He was only 39 years old. He had his whole life ahead of him. I know I talked bad about him, but he wasn’t that man when I met and married him. I’m 58 and even though we had our problems, I still love him. Good bless you always.
In a child custody matter, that has extended for 10+ years, which I believe to be more of vexatious motion. Would you say documentation such as texts and emails that show manipulation, bullying and harassment would override a voice of the child report in which the child was coached to say things against the alienated parent? The child told the parent he was told what to say.
Your talks are extremely well done. Just divorced a malignant narcissist/sociopath after 40 years of marriage. My ex had a complete double life I knew nothing about until he was taken out of our home by order of protection. He is a multi-millionaire involved in many criminal activities. I now have a criminal investigator and attorney . The IRS is involved, and more. The divorce will be re-opened once the subpoenas and investigations conclude. I will use your tools to be as prepared as possible. Thank you.
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Thank you. Unfortunately this is my second marriage to a narcissist- And - my Mother is a raving one, so no surprise. 🤣 This time, I moved to a new State and apart from him being my only friend ( if I can call him that!), my financial situation is too entrenched with his to bump him. I’m 60 now and dealing with an auto immune disease. Need to employ survival strategies as I have not got the stamina to fight the fight AGAIN. I’ve applied to join your private FB group 🙏. Thank you for your valuable advice Rebecca.
Yes, they drain you of everything even your health. I'm 60 too and waisted 27 years of my life self destructing in a Narcissist relationship. Just had my Ahaaa moment at 59. It's nice having the reflection and knowledge, but what good is it if your old and have medical problems. Such a lifetime of loss and sadness. It's like being in a hamsters wheel I could never jump off. I have to share A good one I saw on FB. "It's never too late to be who you should have been"...Help for Co-Dependents. It was a book for sale and it was an aftershock from the Ahaaa moment and I almost backed into my mailbox to get to a Al-Anon meeting.
The more I listen to you the more I realize all my life I've been surrounded by them ..... Don't get me wrong .... It's not like I see narcs under every stone or around every corner ....... No I'm talking about family that I will not spend 5 minutes with do to the fact they can't tell the truth to save their own life or co workers , bosses ect...... The safest thing you can do for yourself ... Don't be so busy or tired around them ...... That is one point they will strike ....... It's very easy for them to step on you when your to tired to stand up for yourself ...... Thank You for all of your info ..... You rock ........ 😊 😊 😊 that part about them chaging things around is so true or putting a time limit on something so that their favorite words can be spoken ..... Your late or thanks anyway I needed earlier it's OK ..... So that they just discounted all of your hard work ......
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thank you!! I have a protective order, I have not had any contact since 1/13 when he tried to strangle me when I told him no more using me etc etc, he said, he would leave WHEN his house was ready for him to move back to, n I told him NOO you can leave now! well, yeah, rage! attempted to strangle me.. he has not been allowed to live at the other home which is only 3 minutes from me, his living arrangement has become " problematic" according to his atty, n a new bond hearing coming ups in a few days to amend where he lives, the prosecutor is NOT agreeing to him moving closer to me, especially because I am in a very rural area.. thank you for the videos.. I have learned so much these past 6 months.. n starting to heal.
Thankyou Rrbecca for your response. But, I would say, that a Narc is in agreement with satan. This is why they they see thru the eyes of darkness to twist everything. God will not be mocked.
I remember when me and my ex (who loves to create problems if there isn't any) were in an argument and she started crying and I just looked at her like, you created this problem once again and your crying about it. Almost as if she enjoys crying? Because it's such a repeated thing, I tell her not to do something and she does it then cries to me about it. And she's done this to her own family and me for years if not at least decade. I just find it very odd.
My sister tactic...she gets under my skin for a while.. then leave to get her phone to record or hide someone listening and comeback to me acting all innocent. She would change her tone and say different things. My anger or irritation will be on high and I lash out. That was exactly what she wants! Showing others how angry or upset I'm with her. In that moment... shes the victim.
Don’t know how it would work in a courtroom but once you realize what you are dealing with, as a friend or acquaintance, you can reverse manipulate them by pretending to be oblivious to what you have figured out, and going somewhat neutrally along with their BS while gradually pulling away; they will sense it and start looking for new supply so they can think they are leaving you for them eventually. You can even pretend to be a little (not too much DON’T get emotional) sad when really you are ecstatic they have moved it along 🤔😌. And then to really get their goat, if you ever have to see them again you can wholeheartedly wish them well with their new supply 😂😂
2nd. She manipulates myself & my grand baby other grand mother by pulling our grand baby away from us when we’re the ones carring for our grand baby,I put up with her this far ,but only for the safety of my grand baby who also loves her mother dearly through her innocence she’s only three 3 years of age with a whole lot of ❤️,,her grand mother’s on the father side is in the process right now of battleing for visitation rights.I’m thinking about now calling them up to share & give them an enlightened conversation concerning my daughter the reasons for her behavior, on secretly moving out looking for a 3 bed room on the behalf of myself/ son & / granddaughter. Something I know is now the right thing to do.I’m also feeling the need to visition rights along with grandmother & to sit down together & have a talk together with her lawyer, Now that I see the truth the real truth , Do you think or believe this is the right thing to do. I don’t wanna react out of just feeling , but what I can see & knows what’s truly going on.just after 1:00 am this morning my grand baby comes to my room to showing me that her mom destroyed broke/ cracked her I PAD 2nd one in the last 2-3 months.grand baby cam back from her other mother house & saw her grand mother/me having something wrong with my foot,, while tring to comfort me she kept calling my grand baby in which I new what she was doing while I’m tring Not to react,,I’ve learned that’s what they feeds on as well,, finally I tells my gram baby to go to her mom see what she wants my while approaching the room door my daughter snatches her by her arms dragging her & pulling her , gbaby crying & screaming loudly NoNoNo I wanna stay with my grandma ,, over & over. As painful as it was to watch I knew she was tring her best to push me to react,,so I choose to remain calm & not even look @ it,, it went on for a while, my grand baby wasn’t giving up she wanted her gram.so after this keept going on for about 6-5 min I grabbed my crutches & my phone & started to record but she stop just as soon as she saw the flash camera on , she knew that I was tring to record,unfortunately I didn’t get it on video if only I’d thought about recording it sooner, but I got her my daughter leaving out her bed room & my gbaby running out straight to. Any advice please do so THANY YOU ALL ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️, sorry for the long expressing myself,,I just needed some good advice & someone to talk to . Thank You All Again 👍
Dear Rebecca, you are truly an expert on the topic and your advice is awesome. I consider myself somewhat of an expert, too, considering I was raised by a malignant narcissist and then married two of the same kind. Today I have developed an instinct for that type of personality disorder and I run at Mach 3 whenever I detect the slightest sign of it. But what really helped me was the way I counteracted all of your advice. I literally crushed my second husband by holding the mirror to him and force him to confront his ugly character. At every moment I was aware that I was putting my life at stake as he was an especially violent specimen. But a person can take only so much and when you have reached the point that you'd rather die than go on having that person making your life a neverending nightmare, you are out for the kill. I did all of the things you are advising people not to do - only with a hidden witness on board. The provocation worked just as described and he finally assaulted me. It took a bit of nerve to go through with it but I have the satisfaction of sending him birthday greetings now for eighteen years in a row from a fake address. I am vindictive and I wanted to see justice done. He was not only convicted for what he had done to me, I managed to gather all my predecessors and convinced them to press charges as well. It was a triumph, a liberation and it turned me into a happy person again. Yasss, I know they are sick but I still believe that is no excuse for taking the spark out of another person's life and I will forever enjoy the notion that he is now paying for what he has done.
He says he is going to take me to court for jewelry he gave me for my birthday and vacations he planned for us that we never went on due to Covid19. Help!
@@june-mariehamilton5455 EXACTLY....mine tried the same with me...He took one of my bracelets and gave it to one of his Exes that has kept in touch with thruout our entire relationship...then he was caught cheating with her in a hotel hot tub..my sister in law saw the pics on FB and told me...i confronted him and he dumped her in a heartbeat...she gave him back the bracelet ...he later gave it to me...i then remembered seeing it on her in one of those pics and I confronted him with that he went into a rage and point blank said " so what...i put you in hotels too and so what if she had this bracelet it's yours now..." I kept the bracelet as a reminder if how much of an asshole he is...5 years later he discards me for yet another Ex and one of his last words to me was asking me about that bracelet...he wanted it back..i knew he wanted to give it to his Ex...the one has with NOW...i said NO....you gave it to me after Lina gave it back to you..remember?" He was annoyed I reminded him of that and said " whatever...just know you stole it from me"....he most likely wanted to give it to his new Ex....lol I call it the EX BRACELET..i the Empath..now have it just as a reminder of the lies..the humiliation...of how SICK this individual really is...and there's ABSOLUTELY no way I'm going back to him and all that evil..
It's not a game because dealing with toxic people is like an encounter with unfair-boards in its entirety,the word that should be used instead of"game" is "gain"👑
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II am doing battle with my covert narcissist sister over care for my mother. The 'document everything' advice is an absolute necessity. Write informal incident reports, write them as if you are giving testimony to a judge. Save them. But you needed to add one more piece of advice about dealing with a covert narcissist - do not let your guard down, expect the unexpected, and assume all of their moves are intention attacks, they make no innocent incidental moves.
Big help! Thanks. My wife's ex is a narc and I've tried to explain to her that you can't deal with him like a normal person. I believe tour videos will help her see the correct path to take.
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Redefine the way you view challenges in high-conflict negotiations. Our training will show you how to turn trials into triumphs. Learn more www.rebeccazung.com/cert-workshop 💪 🚀
You are just great,Rebecca! You are a perfect laywer,I'm a Medical Doctor(not in the US). In your opinion:If you have a narcissist superior(boss) or a narcissist Professor,what should you so in that kind of a "relationship"???You MUST TO DO SOMETHING,otherway you will become a 100% person with severe menthal problems!!! Thank you very much and all the best for you!
I’m married to one and we separated a while ago. For 10 years she consumed me and I became aggressive and suspicious and anxious and all that changed me. I don’t like who I’ve become and I can spot narcissistic trait in me, anger and resentment. Feels like the whole world is against me, wherever I go, I can spot a narcissist far far away and it seems that they are everywhere. I can’t focus, I sleep on pills and I lost my ambition and excitement towards almost all. Now, I know this is not anyone’s fault, NOT ANYMORE. I try to cope with life and one of the worst part is that to the outside world”nothing” seems to be wrong and when I loose my nerves, it seems like I start whining about nothing, so all this repression and anxiety is inside me all the time and nothing seems to work.
Hi Rebecca, great series of videos. Sadly I didn’t realise my ex-wife is a narcissist until after we divorced a few years ago and I had problems with a colleague/boss at work and I started to research NPD. After that, too late, I picked out all those things I could never previously work out that were so wrong in our relationship. Anyway, Kids. Our kids are now 20 and 18 but still live at home with their mum. I went through the last few years since divorce never seeing my kids, even though I was trying. Now their mum has even convinced them to change their birth names to her maiden name. Very hurtful but life goes on. The problem for me is I don’t know how to reach my kids. I don’t want to turn them against their mother, nor do I want to make their mother an issue whenever I am with the kids (rarely). I just don’t know how to “neutralise” her influence and get some time and understanding with my kids. It’s so upsetting. I am in Australia otherwise if in the US I could have sought your legal help. But now the kids are legally adults, it is just going to take time to have them learn to understand the truth. Is there any video on how to reach your children or maintain a balance, fair relationship with them after separation from a narcissist? Cheers and keep up the great work. Dennis.
What I cannot believe is that we have to live on the same planet with these demons!?
@rebaccazung: You write: "You know?" :Please. I understand some sociopaths are made that way. Some realize later in life they became that way through others. I find your advice a bit naive. We always see our faults in others. Maybe you see faults in "demons" because you share them? I am told I was born this way. There are certain emotions I do not feel & experiences I do not have. Your techniques may work with your lovers and those you open your legs for. They will NOT work on the truly violent or the very subtle. If so, you see what I just did there. May I challenge you? You said you look at your comments. Proof me wrong. How did I just manipulate you? What is my purpose for doing so? If you can't do this, you should warn your channel you advice is only good over a relevant range.
Lmao is this a troll or just a sad clown 😂
I can't believe it either. It's completely non productive to life, it's just evil.
@@timisaac8121
Someone who obviously cannot spell correctly. But what do I know? Lol
@@shirleyray2102 "Correctly": c-o-r-r-e-c-t-l-y I hope this helps you. Best Wishes
"Ethically manipulating the manipulator." First time hearing this. I love it.
What everyone should strive to do for a better world!! Woohoo!!
@@RebeccaZungEsq This really is where it's at! The way forward!
Oh my goodness my conscience!! But I have to!! 😖😖😖 lots of praying for forgiveness ughhh what you said about empaths 😵 I just told him he lives off the soul energy of other people!! How did your page appear in my feed!? I’m so grateful!!
@@ESumner Christian?
"They have no sense of inner value! All of their value comes from the external!"
*Too true!
Yes I am Rebecca Zung I want them to leave me the hell alone .Tired of the entitlement , the stalking , the lying , bullying , stealing , stalking by proxy and gaslighting etc .
Narcs are stalkers by nature
I liken my marriage to that of Celie and Mister from The Color Purple...sad to say!
sounds much like a feminist
Pray
@Jasper Garcia Awe projector
What scares me about a narcissistic love relationship is they might try and hurt the kids or anything that is valuable to you to try an get back at the victim. Scary! Your right, do not underestimate them. Amen!
Sad, I do have children and he totally disregards them..which is fine! Rude awakening for someone
Totally true, my wife is just using/destroying the kids just to get me. I was soooo blind all my life, I have started to hate myself.
I am learning. She knows how to push my buttons and destroying kids at the same time.
Maybe I’ll get my life back one day. Maybe not. If I don’t, I’ll go down fighting.
Exactly why my ex won't get anything more than visitation access ONLY.
.. two out of 3 kids don't want to even know him.. and he's their bio dad. Guess he should have contacted the last 9months + instead of chasing another woman .... Priorities. Hahahhha no thanks.
Children , pets, plants, family heirlooms. Nothing, or no one is spared💯
Whoa. You are right. So sad. :(
Hello Mrs Zung,
I just wanted to say THANK YOU for all your valuable information. I am living proof that if people follow your advice it WILL work. I just beat a covert narcissist in court yesterday. Not only did I get what I was asking for BUT the judge granted me MORE than I could have imagined. I am so grateful and blessed right now. I would like to say that I achieved this in 3 months!!! After 10 years of toxicity I was able to end it just like that. I just want to say to those of you reading this, if they follow what you are saying to do it does really work. Thank you thank you thank you.
They can pretend when they really want something
creepily so.
@@jogargus1277 yes, fake tears even - witessing that 'acting' really is creepy!
Amen
Rebecca Zung such evil ideas i love it 🥳🥳🥳🥳
Recall love bombs, seriously NEVER give in because there's stolkoholm- syndrome,helinenski- syndrome!
you CANNOT have a reasonable conversation with a narcissist!!!
people like that are an embarrassment to society. Mental illness ringleader
so true.
Amen pure fantasy land
They play the game very well. When you see that something is wrong in any relationship , call it out right away. You will probably save yourself from makeing the same error again. That's how I learned to deal with new people in my life. Especially after going through so much with my own narcissist. My self esteem is intact bc I wouldn't let him beat me down. He still wants to talk to me but I wont have anything to do with him. I am so much happier in my life.
Idealize, devalue, discard. A pretty standard description of the cycle. But the malignant narcissist actually demonizes, not merely devalue. And rather than merely discard, they wish to punish or even destroy. Understanding this not-so-subtle distinction is essential to the victim's very survival.
thank you for this information, Michael.
Can you do a video about financial abuse from these types of people? It seems to be overlooked.
uhaha right leave it to a female to say that
Could anyone describe gaslighting,expect the narcissist to act that way,their behaviour is about pretending to be something there not✔️💥
Yes a financial abuse one would be helpful
Some excellent points, particularly the one about documenting things. I've done this after splitting from my covert narcissist wife. The document I wrote is about 260 pages and growing as I fill in more and more gaps. Lots of text message conversations and annotated transcripts of conversations I recorded. It's great when you start reading back the conversations and analysing things. You get a much better insight into behaviours that slipped under the radar first time round. I made the document lively and entertaining, because my sense of humour played a big part in getting me through the split. It's called "Struggling through life when you're scared of your wife".
Exactly
Well done! God bless you
Going through court now and have had to disclose for him! He's hiding his money/assets. Avoiding mediation as well. Dragging it on to cost me.....
He took the business and I stayed in the marital house, paying all expenses and raising children. Now he wants that too!
11 years and still fighting! 😣
You're totally describing my relationship with my ex-husband. I don't hear from him for months or years. Then all of a sudden he shows up same tactics it's beyond me that he can't figure out why he's all by himself
@peter Smith it's Gayle... I don't need your advice either .
I went 3 years healing from this demon. And now going to court. Bring it on !! She lied cheated stole manipulated threatened with physical violence.
@@RebeccaZungEsq i will do. Thank you !!
@@karolyno7322 my situation has to do with colusion and fraud.
Don't slag her off. Let her do her own DAMAGE. Xx
I've dealt with narcissist my whole life. I find it really strange that no no one respects them even can't stand to be around them , but they have some sort of Cult of personality . They love hate them. Its crazy
Anyone listening to this, YOU need to watch her videos over and over! Thank you 🙏🏻
It's Time to Break Free for Good...Let's Do This! Sign up for our free webinar and start your transformative journey- slaythenarc.com 💪
Thank you so much, Rebecca, for these videos they are really helping me at this time. The thing that's saddest about most narcs is that they're trying to maintain this 'perfect image" of themselves, but they can't even see that their behavior makes them look the exact opposite. Also 2 narcissists I know in life (one, a parent) will always accuse people of being "antisocial" (gaslighting) when in reality, it's because these people just can't stand dealing with them. Some of the worst people on Earth, I tell you.
Point on , I was married to a covert for 9 years , I thought I was crazy for years until I understood what she was , I want to help ppl myself after , got a lot of stories
no kidding.
Aaron, been married to one for eleven. Just discovered she's a covert and that's what I've been dealing with for so long. Any tips for getting out. We have six kids but I can see our relationship negatively affecting them more since they are getting older and especially since I know what she is and not letting her manipulate me. My fear is for the kids and having to stay with her until I can get the courts to decide otherwise because she does use them as pawns and she lets her anger out on them and uses them for supply. But I can't stay any longer. Please help with ideas
@@tonylavella2325 same place here...3 kids all at home...I am too worried to leave them alone with her. Coverts are the worst for sure.
Aaron maybe you can help me?? I'm still in a relationship with a covert NARSSISST. I didnt realize early on in the relationship when he convinced me to give up my place and move in with him, that he was slowly robbing me of my own independence.
I have 2 boys my oldest whom is 10 isn't his but my 2 yr old is. Let me tell u I feel so stupid. I really thought after a 10yr abusive relationship and finally being single for 4yrs that i met the man of my dreams so i didn't really think twice about having a baby with him. I know CRAZY right. Hindsight is 20/20..
I’m going thru custody court with my 6 year old daughters dad.. he filed for full custody (for the second time!) and now I’m going for child support. He makes over 100k a year but I never wanted to deal with the war I knew it would turn into. I don’t even make half of what he does, I have her more and he didn’t have a thing to do with her until after she was one.. around the time he met his wife is when he wanted something to do with her. Him and his wife both are narcissists! I can’t believe how spot on all these videos are.. thank you for making them! God bless!
Achoo choo choo I struggle about whether they are both true narcissists or not. He married his wife about a year after they met and married now for 4 years. They cheat on each other, fight all the time, and want to control everything(she’s more controlling). They’ve been to marriage counseling and that seemed to help for a little bit. I feel like I don’t know her well enough to say she’s a narcissist but from all the videos it sounds like she is. I honestly didn’t think they’d last this long but now they have a baby on the way. They care about what people think of them sooo much and want everyone to believe they live this perfect, happy and church going lifestyle.. posting pictures on vacation every month from private islands, beaches and cruises. New cars, a home, fake boobs.. it’s sad how fake they are and how miserable they are. I would like to know for sure if they’re both true narcissists or not. My gut tells me yes but my heart tries to tell me they just have a lot of traits and it can get better.
Achoo choo choo thanks. There’s so much more that convinces me they are too. And I do laugh at how crazy the situation is and if it weren’t for the fact my daughter is going to be effected by it, I’m sure I would take pleasure in knowing he got what he deserves. I actually feel bad for him bc his wife might actually be worse than him and I know he’s miserable. But they’re a good team if all you care about is what strangers think (and they do). And divorce looks bad and all their dirty secrets would come to light so they might just live miserably ever after.. after all.
“Expect a Narcissist to act like themselves “ 👍🏾💯
If they can't respect me then I can't respect them they are so one sided in the relationship .
Yup, I got nothing but the hand when trying to explain my "feelings" SICK people...my family
@@NicsElectronics Same here
Amen. Save TEXTING it's valuable.
Yes, you can convert it into emails to yourself to save.
I understand what you are saying!! Being an empath is magnetic to toxic narcissists!! You are an amazingly kind attorney!
Thanks for the video!!!
I explained to her that she didn’t follow up on the affection she showed, No answer, just leading me on. She wants attention and only give minimum back. Vampire.
In some cases she totally denies the truth.
But with my CPTSD it’s in a way a manifestation of reflection of my inner self. So healing will manifest respect.
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Amen ! My husband is a malignant narcissist and we are going through a divorce thankyou for your videos they are alot of help
My experience has showed me the narcissistic person has no boundaries. Looking back at all the shit I tolerated it literally makes me want to vomit. Wasted time, money, hoping it’s going to get better. Where was this information ten years ago. Even today in my experience therapists are not informed. Why is this not recognized as serious problem?
Thank you, Rebecca, for openly sharing that you have also been a victim of Narcissistic abuse.
I would never have guessed, based upon the strength of your personality.
You are every Narcissists worst nightmare! Thank you 😊.
I had a supervisor who was continuously frustrated because he couldn't ruffle my feathers no matter how hard he tried. He could easily irritate everyone else, but never me. I was very stoic around him. I might go to the range and shoot targets until I ran out to ammo later, but I never let him see me frustrated. Eventually (after several years), he quit trying to get to me.
Amen. I think I’m finally getting the leverage part. So specific to each person. “Threaten” with Patterns of their shortcomings that are going to hurt their supply. Use at the right moments.
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Detecting na rci s iss ts should replace poetry interpretation in schools so that pupils are equipped with detecting to x ic people early on. It's something that's actually useful in life, whether in dating, in the workplace or in friendships
Oh, so true! I am an empath and are in a serious battle with my 30-year-old narcissistic daughter. This is so valuable, Rebecca...every single word!
Interesting. When did you come to know that your daughter is a narcissist?
7:40 is the real stuff... very relevant points dear
Being an attorney, and an empath must be an odd position at times.
Covert
Rebecca Zung love you 👏
Frankly speaking narcs are toxic , dangerous , delusional, etc..... Narcs have ruined many lives in this universe!!! Trauma has affected my life in many shapes and sizes..... I really do need your help Miss .... I'm wondering if you can help me with my immigration case ....im looking for an attorney..... After so many years in trauma , stress , anxiety , dread , insomnia , etc.... I really need your help if you are an immigration Attorney.....thank you i will be waiting for your request promply ....
Anyone working for the British crown is not your friend!
You say don’t let them disrespect you but in my experience when I tell the narc not disrespect me she turns it around and says I am the one that isn’t respectful.
They are not going to stop being disrespectful just because you say it, let them know by your actions and walk away when they start in on you. I know it's easier said than done. I have been grey rock for several months now and my narc brother and his narc wife hate it! They try to bait me from time to time. It never works out for them because I won't participate. Sometimes it warrants me saying I understand that's how you feel, or I say I don't agree with you. When this covid 19 started, they asked me to be sure and cover my mouth when I cough. I told them "you are right. I absolutely agree that I should cover my mouth when I cough". The next day I was in the kitchen when I coughed, my brother was on the couch where he couldn't see me, he immediately jumped up and tried to start this big thing by saying I didn't cover my mouth. His narc wife jumped in and co-signed it, she had been in her bedroom at the time and came running out. I just said, you're absolutely right, I should cover my mouth when I cough. I didn't try to defend myself by saying you didn't see whether I covered my mouth or not, as he kept up the rant. He kept yelling don't just say I'm absolutely right! He is comical and doesn't realize how stupid he looks and sounds. His narc wife controls him so bad. He literally has no person in this house that he can control including his 11 yo "son". (He signed the birth certificate so.....) there are 9 of us that live in this big house and fortunately for me the other 5 people in this house can see how they try to treat me and has resisted all their attempts to turn them against me. I just walked away. They hate that!
I document everything in an email that I send to myself and just keep replying with the new incident. That way I have it and it is date stamped. For instance I will copy and paste this into an email reply as it documents another rage.
You are everything that is wrong about them. How convenient for them.
Omg Dwayne Vickers so true, mine ex narc always said that to be 🙄
Dealing with a narcassist sister and a daughter. I am now 74 so been a long battle. I am withdrawing from my sister actually no contact for a while. Course I am feeling grief. Ypu have helped me a lot. Have forwarded some of yours to my two nieces.
Amen. She's trying to take everything from me. Now shes now asking for 2week starting over to get back together.
Don’t do it. If it didn’t work the first time it won’t work the second time.
I hope the cops dont stop to ask why I'm pulled over. To watch a narc buster video sir...or mam.
Narc buster!! I love it! 😂
Haha
Narc-bust-watching and driving isnt worth it , dont do it. Get home safely first.
@@nerifterafrnam4682 Exactly.
Rebecca, thank you so much for your posts. You have opened my eyes to narcissism. I am single but through your posts have noticed so much narcissism all around me at work especially with people who are competitive to get attention and recognition.
May God bless you.
Rebecca the first thing you totally Rock you're awesome you're a blessing to me and a lot of people just adore you you're sharing your knowledge with people you don't even know you're helping out numerous one is me I didn't know it was a narcissism was never heard the word narcissism never was in a relationship with one till now I failed in all my relationships and I thought it was time for me to heal myself and I spent a lot of time alone years looking at my shortcomings and I figured out a lot of my mistakes were my fault and I thought I was ready for a relationship and lo and behold I met this person that has all those traits you guys especially you talking about and I still have a lot of feelings for her this is really hard for me I never had a problem walking away from anybody I thought but I'm starting to use the techniques and your advice that you show your clients your followers great information I found out the first time in my life that I'm cold dependent and I need to work on that... She did take away the one thing that I love most and she used it against me to her advantage I realize that now and then no contact thing I thought there's no way on Earth I can do that but the longer you do it the easier it gets and it is driving her crazy cuz I never done it before a lot of your followers are in way more involved than I am they're married with children or been in the relationship for a very long time and I feel very bad for them. I've been in this relationship for 2 years and I know that is toxic at times and at times there are I thought that a lot of love but it was all pretend for her I guess what I'm hearing it is and everything you sing hits me right in my heart but I have to do what's best for me I know I can't never change her and she will be who she always will be I do want my sanity back and you have been a great help of getting that in a short period of time may God bless you girl... You rock ❣️
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You’re my new hero! I love how strong and beautiful you are. Such a blessing! I have to take Xanax in order to keep my narcissist from getting under my skin I’m too sensitive it’s just too much so I just make sure that I get my script filled and take a double dose before I deal with my covert narc.
You had to take drugs to avoid being affected by a narcissist ,if that is true,your not a strong person,you should learn to deal with it on your own terms instead of using drugs✝️🆘
Beware of the brain damage that xanax can cause. Look up Dr. Robert Morse, learn about your body and herbs that can help. Nervines are great for those of us who have been in abusive relationships, lemon balm, skullcap, valerian root, passion flower, California poppies are some nervines that calm the nervous system down. Anxiety is tied to weak adrenals, licorice root is great for strengthening the adrenals as long as you don’t have high blood pressure. Depression is tied to the parathyroid, herbs that help are horsetail, nettles, alfalfa and oat straw, you can make a tea and drink several times a day or use it in tincture form. I highly recommend not using chemical pharmaceuticals, pharma means witchcraft, sorcery.
Learn as much as you can about a covert narcisst. Think about him as a 6 year old in an adult body and his behaviour becomes clear. Remember, his main goal is not to hurt you, it's to protect himself from the threats of the real world. Like a 6 year old, he needs to be constantly praised for everything he does. When he nitpicks at you, don't focus on the task he nitpicks about. Realize nitpicking is about power and control over you . Learn the Gray Rock technique. The art of not reacting but not stonewalling. You still communicate about surface topics, like the weather or the price of gas. Yes , he berates you in private on purpose. This proves he has agency of what he is doing and when. Often the outside world has no clue and may think he is so nice. Coverts are masters of charm.
The demand respect part sounds like addressing a boundry which wasn't affirmed by their parents during childhood, and therefore they have no understanding as to why someone would question their conduct.
Girl you are giving me the confidence and affirmation that my instincts are correct... its hard to disconnect the emotional connection that conflicts with what is reality. This big heart of mine has gotten me into several lengthy interactions with narcissists that have drained me and almost destroyed me.. I'm a lot quicker to recognize when I'm in a similar situation but I still fall into the trap... I just happened to stumble unto your videos while researching my current situation and I'm grateful for it. I feel much more able to take back control of my life and move on from a toxic situation.
It's refreshing to see a *legal* perspective on those "afflicted" with these Cluster B personality traits! This attorney gets it! Would that we had more judges that can identify narcissistic tactics.
Yes it should be a criminal offense after a warning or expose, then offense #2 put on a registry.
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This was actually brilliant, well explained and detailed, I took notes. I had to negotiate with a narcissist that cost me a $10,000 project and my career about 4 years ago, if I'd had this information I would have handled it so much better, in the end though I made sure the narcissist left empty handed, so I felt like I won. My investors lost their money, I lost some of my money and the narcissist even lost some of his own money, honestly he threw away everyone's money all so that he could satisfy his ego and look like a big shot. We sat down and tried to have a negotiation with him, he wore sunglasses through the entire meeting when we asked him to take them off he refused, he was really a coward, but acted with so much aggression, entitlement and a craving for power.
Thank you Mrs. Rebecca Zung. My son (39) is in process of divorcing His estrange wife after 10 years of marriage. We as a parents noticed strange behavior two years into Their marriage. The lies and manipulations, that His wife begin to produce became overwhelming and scary, on a top of that Her demands grow bigger and more ridicules. I started looking into many definitions of narcissism, delicately I share my knowledge with son, He was in love, then they had two beautiful children, total 5, the 3 of Hers are now over 18. Throughout the years of abusive verbal and physical behavior the marriage fell a part. The worse happened when the truth exposed Her lie’s in Courts with DHS, but She still using their children against father and any one who get to close in a social way when the children feel happy. Thanks again for very valuable information, at the end of June the divorce case will take place. Sincerely, Tad🙏
Rebecca, thank you for the video, great to get a female perspective on the topic. As a (INFP-T) male, surrounded by narcissists of numerous flavors which at times can leave me feeling very alone and isolated for much of the time, and I wish to thank you for the video. I hope you are doing well. At around 6:11 into this video I got a real since of your own pain which seemed very palpable at that time and I found it necessary to pause the video for a few minutes in order to let the emotions subside so that I could listen to the remainder of the video. Thanks once again for doing this, God bless.
My Friends and I like the fact that you have many videos about Narcissists. Narcissists are a Bigger Problem in our Society than most People realize. Indeed many People do NOT know how to Recognize a Narcissist and the different Types of Narcissists. THANK YOU for Explaining and Describing Narcissists and their Bad Behaviors, Tactics, etc. And we especially Appreciate the fact that you not only tell us what a Narcissist is and does, but you also give us Assertive Solutions, Tactics etc., for Dealing With and Defeating Narcissists. THANK YOU, we're so happy that we found your Channel.
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Amen Rebecca. Thank you very much for sharing with us your knowledge about narcissism, especially in negotiation. As you said, everything with them is a negotiation, since for narcissists, life is always about winning no matter what.
Amen! What an eye opener! Just what I needed to hear. I knew my thoughts and feelings were right. Thank you!
I have alot to learn and you have saved me from mental and emotional abuse today that I have put up with for 34 years. Thank you so much!
I truly wish you were my representative in my divorce. You are so on point with these crazies. 👍👍
Agreed. My attorney did her best, but didn't know what she was dealing with in spite of my warnings.
ME TOO!
My attorney saw right trough my narcissistic Ex. A lot of his recommendations were not what I wanted but I trusted his expertise.
He was well seasoned, very smart, had personal experience with narcissistic abuse and Bipolar Disorder in childhood.
He saw the bigger picture and realized that my Ex is a psychopath.
Every recommendation he made was to keep the kids and I safe.
It’s been 2 years since the last custody battle ( 3rd one)
Now I’m much more educated on narcissistic abuse and I’m just beginning to understand the magnitude of what this lawyer has done for us.
He empowered me, helped me to set boundaries and uphold them. He was tough as nails, sometimes cruel and I was more scared of him than my Ex.
I’ll be forever grateful. He is a great attorney and taught me the most valuable life lessons.
P.S. He recently complained that he has created a monster, stating:
“Girl you talk back to me, you have an opinion, you are no longer afraid of me! Darn it!”
Ines B. Wow can we connect ? I’m going tru the same thing
@@RebeccaZungEsq can you represent me in UK? I would love to hear from you 😪
So well done Rebecca, Bravo for your forward thinking and Brilliant insights on dealing with Narcs! So wonderful of you to share your insights and experiences with us all as well, thank you so much!😇💖
Good illustration “death by a 1000 cuts”. The narcissist has a lot of similarities to BPD.
i concur
My ex wife always got mad because I’d never lose my cool. I never lost control of my emotions when dealing with her.
AMEN , thank you for letting my mind put the pieces together!
Amen Rebecca :-) I have a neighbor who thinks he is god and thinks it is him who decides who can live in his street. Your knowledge is very valuable. Thank you !
Thank you for the great advice , I’m going through it with a narcissist from hell
My ex gf is one of the most diabolical covert narcissists, I’ve ever known. I should know…my mother was a master. I should’ve seen this woman for what she was, in the beginning because she was immediately devaluing me as she love bombed me. Too much detail for here but, your comments about the “high” or addiction to that, “high”, was real, for me! I find myself feeling like I need something from her, even as I realize that she’s pure poison! Thank you for sharing these videos. They’re really helping me to stay committed to being a gray rock! Hell, I’m a Gray Mountain!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽❤️🙏🙏🙏
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Thank you so much for all the videos. I thought I was going crazy or just feeling really bad for not giving in to demands placed in front of me.
I love your frankness. I've had two (the first one very physically violent), and nearly a third but managed to spot that third one and swiftly got rid of him thank goodness. It's such hard work. It is domestic abuse and very rarely will people listen if they haven't suffered it themselves. They have no empathy and no insight which are both very significant psychotic markers. We cannot approach a narcissist with direct communication; in the words of my solicitor, "We cannot treat this is though we are dealing with a normal human being. We will have to be a bit sneaky and find a way to work around him." The way I see it, I have to set some sort of example to my daughter. I do not want her to bring a narcissist home when she's an adult for my approval, but I also don't want to lower my own standards of behaviour now in a tit-for-tat with her dad and fight over her like she's a piece of meat. It's such a delicate balancing act, and it's very fragile.
Fight for your daughter, imprinting and sanity make a very big difference.
Very practical, no 4 ! Manipulating the manipulator !
If only I found this months ago ... would've saved myself a LOT of drama, trauma and hurting.
Same
So true! I will apply those advices. I can't thank you enough!
Thank you Rebecca for sharing your Jedi with the rest of us.
Needed this video, so wish I had known about your videos and other similar videos.. before my beloved son, an empath passed away. Please keep up the good work.
I missed your webinar, really wanted to attend.
Hoping I will be able to next time.
Amen I'm so glad I found you. You e been a blessing to me these last two week. Going through the process of a divorce with a narcissist now. He divorced me through a text in February. He's taken my soul from me.
Take back your soul and never give it to anybody else ever
My son is my narcissist and he's always threatening me with my Grandson. If I don't give in to his demands I don't get to see the little one.
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Hello Rebecca & all. Very good points indeed
In my past relationship with an narcissist women ( daugters mom ) documentation accumulation of details proving all her lies & angers was very usefull to defuse a lot of common useless disputes. The self respect is an must too. Respect brings respect .I validate yours points & ideas from my experiences and perspectives. My impression of a narcissist is some kind of a brain child (terrible two) adult manupulational emotionnal intentionaly no self conscience to obtain "something" ( sex, attention, jalousy, etc etc)....
OMG
Love bombing is exactly how this woman drawn me away from my wife of 42 years!!!
She promised me the best of everything
And I fell for it like a stupid fool.
It happened exactly as you explained it.
Plus he is doing this to me after I am recovering from 2nd Stage Colon cancer Surgery.
I went No Contact with my stepson, he has abused me and my husband for 32 years, I'm done. Unfortunately My husband is still feeding him supply. It's not good our "mirage" has never been a marriage. His son is #1 we are going for divorce.
Narcs do that. Put others over the marriage vows.
I was married and had 3 children with a narcissist- they are grown children now - however I found myself in a dealing with our HOA President that has narcissistic tendencies and I was proud of myself for recognizing this and got advice of dealing with these worthless people.
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Incredible training.
Thank you very much.
It all makes sense!
Where have you been all my life?
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You are a blessing! I’m in a on again off again relationship with a female lawyer that has been doing this type of behavior. Push me away then love bomb me and act like nothing was ever wrong. Caught her texting old boyfriends, and constantly lying about little things.
Amen. I'm an emotional wreck married to a narcissist.
You are not alone. So many of us here understand exactly how this feels.
I have been with my husband for 30 years. Thankfully his behaviour has only become unbearable during the last 5 years.
I have been learning so much helpful information from watching different videos on You Tube and am now feeling confident to improve my life.
I hope you are making plans to improve your life too. Make your mental health and happiness a top priority. We deserve a lot better than these toxic relationships.
Thank you for giving value to my emotions- the victim is a narcissist. I’ve done the evidence gathering part because I just figured out that someday he’s going to snap when I’m no longer valuable to him. I used those evidences for my advantage. Like when he said, “I didn’t say that.” The I will send him the screenshot of the previous conversation. Then he will ask me, “why do you have to send it to me?” Sounding like an innocent fool that he is!
Amen!!! I’ve been watching you daily. So many great nuggets of information.
I had commented over a week ago about my narcissistic husband Sam. I just found out today that he died last week. He was only 39 years old. He had his whole life ahead of him. I know I talked bad about him, but he wasn’t that man when I met and married him. I’m 58 and even though we had our problems, I still love him. Good bless you always.
In a child custody matter, that has extended for 10+ years, which I believe to be more of vexatious motion. Would you say documentation such as texts and emails that show manipulation, bullying and harassment would override a voice of the child report in which the child was coached to say things against the alienated parent? The child told the parent he was told what to say.
Your talks are extremely well done. Just divorced a malignant narcissist/sociopath after 40 years of marriage. My ex had a complete double life I knew nothing about until he was taken out of our home by order of protection. He is a multi-millionaire involved in many criminal activities. I now have a criminal investigator and attorney . The IRS is involved, and more. The divorce will be re-opened once the subpoenas and investigations conclude. I will use your tools to be as prepared as possible. Thank you.
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Thank you. Unfortunately this is my second marriage to a narcissist- And - my Mother is a raving one, so no surprise. 🤣 This time, I moved to a new State and apart from him being my only friend ( if I can call him that!), my financial situation is too entrenched with his to bump him. I’m 60 now and dealing with an auto immune disease. Need to employ survival strategies as I have not got the stamina to fight the fight AGAIN. I’ve applied to join your private FB group 🙏. Thank you for your valuable advice Rebecca.
Yes, they drain you of everything even your health. I'm 60 too and waisted 27 years of my life self destructing in a Narcissist relationship. Just had my Ahaaa moment at 59. It's nice having the reflection and knowledge, but what good is it if your old and have medical problems. Such a lifetime of loss and sadness. It's like being in a hamsters wheel I could never jump off. I have to share A good one I saw on FB. "It's never too late to be who you should have been"...Help for Co-Dependents. It was a book for sale and it was an aftershock from the Ahaaa moment and I almost backed into my mailbox to get to a Al-Anon meeting.
The more I listen to you the more I realize all my life I've been surrounded by them ..... Don't get me wrong .... It's not like I see narcs under every stone or around every corner ....... No I'm talking about family that I will not spend 5 minutes with do to the fact they can't tell the truth to save their own life or co workers , bosses ect...... The safest thing you can do for yourself ... Don't be so busy or tired around them ...... That is one point they will strike ....... It's very easy for them to step on you when your to tired to stand up for yourself ...... Thank You for all of your info ..... You rock ........ 😊 😊 😊 that part about them chaging things around is so true or putting a time limit on something so that their favorite words can be spoken ..... Your late or thanks anyway I needed earlier it's OK ..... So that they just discounted all of your hard work ......
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Thank you; appreciate finally finding you!
thank you!! I have a protective order, I have not had any contact since 1/13 when he tried to strangle me when I told him no more using me etc etc, he said, he would leave WHEN his house was ready for him to move back to, n I told him NOO you can leave now! well, yeah, rage! attempted to strangle me.. he has not been allowed to live at the other home which is only 3 minutes from me, his living arrangement has become " problematic" according to his atty, n a new bond hearing coming ups in a few days to amend where he lives, the prosecutor is NOT agreeing to him moving closer to me, especially because I am in a very rural area.. thank you for the videos.. I have learned so much these past 6 months.. n starting to heal.
My ex is a Covert narc. His new supply is very similar
Thankyou Rrbecca for your response.
But, I would say, that a Narc is in agreement with satan. This is why they they see thru the eyes of darkness to twist everything. God will not be mocked.
I remember when me and my ex (who loves to create problems if there isn't any) were in an argument and she started crying and I just looked at her like, you created this problem once again and your crying about it. Almost as if she enjoys crying? Because it's such a repeated thing, I tell her not to do something and she does it then cries to me about it. And she's done this to her own family and me for years if not at least decade. I just find it very odd.
I'm at this point I pity them
It's like they are unable to control their behavior, and that's what makes them dangerous
My sister tactic...she gets under my skin for a while.. then leave to get her phone to record or hide someone listening and comeback to me acting all innocent. She would change her tone and say different things. My anger or irritation will be on high and I lash out. That was exactly what she wants! Showing others how angry or upset I'm with her. In that moment... shes the victim.
Don’t know how it would work in a courtroom but once you realize what you are dealing with, as a friend or acquaintance, you can reverse manipulate them by pretending to be oblivious to what you have figured out, and going somewhat neutrally along with their BS while gradually pulling away; they will sense it and start looking for new supply so they can think they are leaving you for them eventually. You can even pretend to be a little (not too much DON’T get emotional) sad when really you are ecstatic they have moved it along 🤔😌. And then to really get their goat, if you ever have to see them again you can wholeheartedly wish them well with their new supply 😂😂
Amen!
2nd. She manipulates myself & my grand baby other grand mother by pulling our grand baby away from us when we’re the ones carring for our grand baby,I put up with her this far ,but only for the safety of my grand baby who also loves her mother dearly through her innocence she’s only three 3 years of age with a whole lot of ❤️,,her grand mother’s on the father side is in the process right now of battleing for visitation rights.I’m thinking about now calling them up to share & give them an enlightened conversation concerning my daughter the reasons for her behavior, on secretly moving out looking for a 3 bed room on the behalf of myself/ son & / granddaughter. Something I know is now the right thing to do.I’m also feeling the need to visition rights along with grandmother & to sit down together & have a talk together with her lawyer, Now that I see the truth the real truth , Do you think or believe this is the right thing to do. I don’t wanna react out of just feeling , but what I can see & knows what’s truly going on.just after 1:00 am this morning my grand baby comes to my room to showing me that her mom destroyed broke/ cracked her I PAD 2nd one in the last 2-3 months.grand baby cam back from her other mother house & saw her grand mother/me having something wrong with my foot,, while tring to comfort me she kept calling my grand baby in which I new what she was doing while I’m tring Not to react,,I’ve learned that’s what they feeds on as well,, finally I tells my gram baby to go to her mom see what she wants my while approaching the room door my daughter snatches her by her arms dragging her & pulling her , gbaby crying & screaming loudly NoNoNo I wanna stay with my grandma ,, over & over. As painful as it was to watch I knew she was tring her best to push me to react,,so I choose to remain calm & not even look @ it,, it went on for a while, my grand baby wasn’t giving up she wanted her gram.so after this keept going on for about 6-5 min I grabbed my crutches & my phone & started to record but she stop just as soon as she saw the flash camera on , she knew that I was tring to record,unfortunately I didn’t get it on video if only I’d thought about recording it sooner, but I got her my daughter leaving out her bed room & my gbaby running out straight to. Any advice please do so THANY YOU ALL ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️, sorry for the long expressing myself,,I just needed some good advice & someone to talk to . Thank You All Again 👍
Rebecca, I just love you!! Thank you
Dear Rebecca, you are truly an expert on the topic and your advice is awesome. I consider myself somewhat of an expert, too, considering I was raised by a malignant narcissist and then married two of the same kind. Today I have developed an instinct for that type of personality disorder and I run at Mach 3 whenever I detect the slightest sign of it. But what really helped me was the way I counteracted all of your advice. I literally crushed my second husband by holding the mirror to him and force him to confront his ugly character. At every moment I was aware that I was putting my life at stake as he was an especially violent specimen. But a person can take only so much and when you have reached the point that you'd rather die than go on having that person making your life a neverending nightmare, you are out for the kill. I did all of the things you are advising people not to do - only with a hidden witness on board. The provocation worked just as described and he finally assaulted me. It took a bit of nerve to go through with it but I have the satisfaction of sending him birthday greetings now for eighteen years in a row from a fake address. I am vindictive and I wanted to see justice done. He was not only convicted for what he had done to me, I managed to gather all my predecessors and convinced them to press charges as well. It was a triumph, a liberation and it turned me into a happy person again. Yasss, I know they are sick but I still believe that is no excuse for taking the spark out of another person's life and I will forever enjoy the notion that he is now paying for what he has done.
He says he is going to take me to court for jewelry he gave me for my birthday and vacations he planned for us that we never went on due to Covid19. Help!
Julia Bonaparte How could he? We are talking about gifts - not loans!
@@june-mariehamilton5455 EXACTLY....mine tried the same with me...He took one of my bracelets and gave it to one of his Exes that has kept in touch with thruout our entire relationship...then he was caught cheating with her in a hotel hot tub..my sister in law saw the pics on FB and told me...i confronted him and he dumped her in a heartbeat...she gave him back the bracelet ...he later gave it to me...i then remembered seeing it on her in one of those pics and I confronted him with that he went into a rage and point blank said " so what...i put you in hotels too and so what if she had this bracelet it's yours now..." I kept the bracelet as a reminder if how much of an asshole he is...5 years later he discards me for yet another Ex and one of his last words to me was asking me about that bracelet...he wanted it back..i knew he wanted to give it to his Ex...the one has with NOW...i said NO....you gave it to me after Lina gave it back to you..remember?" He was annoyed I reminded him of that and said " whatever...just know you stole it from me"....he most likely wanted to give it to his new Ex....lol
I call it the EX BRACELET..i the Empath..now have it just as a reminder of the lies..the humiliation...of how SICK this individual really is...and there's ABSOLUTELY no way I'm going back to him and all that evil..
Gifts are gifts
Negative gifts , sell em on eBay and get some cash and go on vacation !
@@lisap3344 exactly
It's not a game because dealing with toxic people is like an encounter with unfair-boards in its entirety,the word that should be used instead of"game" is "gain"👑
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I will be there live to answer all your questions. Can't wait to meet you there.
Thank you!
Is the Facebook group still available? I don’t see the link
II am doing battle with my covert narcissist sister over care for my mother. The 'document everything' advice is an absolute necessity. Write informal incident reports, write them as if you are giving testimony to a judge. Save them.
But you needed to add one more piece of advice about dealing with a covert narcissist - do not let your guard down, expect the unexpected, and assume all of their moves are intention attacks, they make no innocent incidental moves.
You're the best!!❤
Big help! Thanks. My wife's ex is a narc and I've tried to explain to her that you can't deal with him like a normal person. I believe tour videos will help her see the correct path to take.
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"Cocaine is a helluva drug."
There you go, Rebecca. Appeal to their base instinct of revenge. That'll bring bad karma for them, but make you money, so whatevs. Bad girl, Rebeccca.
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All so true 8 years of narcissistic behaviours from her. Thanku for thse tools bless you
You are just great,Rebecca! You are a perfect laywer,I'm a Medical Doctor(not in the US).
In your opinion:If you have a narcissist superior(boss) or a narcissist Professor,what should you so in that kind of a "relationship"???You MUST TO DO SOMETHING,otherway you will become a 100% person with severe menthal problems!!! Thank you very much and all the best for you!
I’m married to one and we separated a while ago. For 10 years she consumed me and I became aggressive and suspicious and anxious and all that changed me. I don’t like who I’ve become and I can spot narcissistic trait in me, anger and resentment. Feels like the whole world is against me, wherever I go, I can spot a narcissist far far away and it seems that they are everywhere. I can’t focus, I sleep on pills and I lost my ambition and excitement towards almost all. Now, I know this is not anyone’s fault, NOT ANYMORE. I try to cope with life and one of the worst part is that to the outside world”nothing” seems to be wrong and when I loose my nerves, it seems like I start whining about nothing, so all this repression and anxiety is inside me all the time and nothing seems to work.
Hi Rebecca, great series of videos. Sadly I didn’t realise my ex-wife is a narcissist until after we divorced a few years ago and I had problems with a colleague/boss at work and I started to research NPD. After that, too late, I picked out all those things I could never previously work out that were so wrong in our relationship. Anyway, Kids. Our kids are now 20 and 18 but still live at home with their mum. I went through the last few years since divorce never seeing my kids, even though I was trying. Now their mum has even convinced them to change their birth names to her maiden name. Very hurtful but life goes on. The problem for me is I don’t know how to reach my kids. I don’t want to turn them against their mother, nor do I want to make their mother an issue whenever I am with the kids (rarely). I just don’t know how to “neutralise” her influence and get some time and understanding with my kids. It’s so upsetting. I am in Australia otherwise if in the US I could have sought your legal help. But now the kids are legally adults, it is just going to take time to have them learn to understand the truth. Is there any video on how to reach your children or maintain a balance, fair relationship with them after separation from a narcissist? Cheers and keep up the great work. Dennis.
We're alienated too. The ex is a covert narc