This aspect of the narcissist is one of the most insidious and difficult for people to grasp. It’s quite a mind fuck to watch it happen in real time. From screaming abusive lunatic to a sweet lunch invitation literally 15 minutes later.
Everything that I've seen confirmed. The one thing you clarified for me is the REASON they do it. I thought control was only part of it, not the end goal.
Love this episode! Extremely fresh and interesting topic 👏 👏 👏 Always observed that with narcissistic managers..one face to their reports, another to higher-ups.
You know what. I grappled over this stuff because I was hoping that my sister could get cured. I realized that she is, “ cured “ around some but not all. The only thing that a person needs to know is that they lack empathy and can’t validate you; to experience the horribleness of this and to determine within yourself that when you see this, get the F away and stay away! I guess for some people it takes longer to, “ get it “ especially if they are putting on a personality that looks real. And being fooled by that image; that projection and the narc was fooled by it too. I just now can accept that. One problem of why I couldn’t accept that was from the deep gaslighting, in childhood of it being called: bullying and sibling rivalry and that she’d just out-grow it. That first lie and the lie of the church telling me to be nice to people: accepting, love and patience and putting family second to God, oh and then my own disabilities made it hard for me to comprehend. In fact, seeing it as a type of schizophrenia was the only break through, for me, to be able to comprehend why they do what they do because it makes so little sense when you are fooled by their personality image that they project and believe. Anyway. That’s my two cents. It will never make sense to me that they are after control when they are not. Even you just said that sometimes, they don’t even need fuel. And I’ve seen it where my sister doesn’t need control and will let that person go and find somebody else or do something else.
@bonnielee7134 I understand that 💯. It truly sucks when you have to choose a life with less stress..or a sibling or parent who happens to be a Narcissistic piece of crap. You love them because you're supposed to by birth. But they will never love you. Choose no contact..miles away in another country if possible..to enable life happiness..without blood family
Hold up. Let me think about this. Ok a ten year old doesn’t play fair and makes his group of friends exile him out and he’s not allowed to play with them anymore. So he’s banished. He goes home and he considers these things and these things within himself. So here’s where the, “ control “ comes. He thinks to himself, there’s something within me that doesn’t want to play fair but I want to play so let me try again. So he goes to the group and asks to come back and they say, no. Now he has to learn to manipulate. So here’s where he says, well ok, I’ll try again in two weeks, I’ll act like nothing ever happened. I know, I’ll make friends with the weakest one, and weasel myself back in, that way. So he tries this. This is manipulation. It’s not control. In fact there’s no guarantee that it’ll work. So either it works or they banish the weak one, right along with him so now the two of them are best buddies and the poor weak one will suffer some problems. But if he met his goal he might think that he was able to control his environment through manipulation. He can’t control himself, all of the time, because he will have to choose who will be above him and who will be below him because the narcissism dictates that and it’s his god-complex that he compartmentalizes. In my opinion. Firstly, the best form of control is to be in control of yourself. Narcissist/psychopaths can do this until they can’t. I guess when their narcissism acts up or they get triggered, would be my guess. The best form of control that they could ever have would be to have control over themselves and that might be very possible when they put on a personality that they choose and are able to in that roll. That would be the best way for them to relax into that fantasy life. They ruin it for themselves when they want to be bad. They’re the ones that mess it up for themselves. So they loose control because of their own damn fault for not wanting to play fair. In my opinion. I just saw a video, of yours that said that the psychopath, just is. That he’s not putting up a fake personality like the narcissist does. My observations are from a person who has both: narcissism/psychopathy. And probably malignant. So of course non of what I am learning is going to fit her because she’s a mix of both and possibly three. So it’s a no-wonder why I can’t grasp it.
No. He feels like he’s in the right. You’re saying, his friend backing him makes him feel like he’s has the friend and Louise under control. No he doesn’t. He just has his feelings under control. He’s just making himself feel better, at the moment. Just like he will put the blame on Louise to make himself feel better and I solved from any wrong doing to m, “ control “ HIS IMAGE, NOT PEOPLE!
You know what; his, “ narcissism “ causes him to be bad, I.e. god complex, self entitlement, etc. you keep saying his narcissism causes him… Watch, if he’s naturally born evil, or let’s say, arrested development at age two, the only, “ control “ that the narcissist has is when he’s, “ behaving “, let’s just say, like everybody else is expected to. All of the rest is just delusion and manipulation.
This aspect of the narcissist is one of the most insidious and difficult for people to grasp. It’s quite a mind fuck to watch it happen in real time. From screaming abusive lunatic to a sweet lunch invitation literally 15 minutes later.
What you’ve described doesn’t look like a person being in, “ control “. It looks like a person being a two year old, who wants control.
Hooray for Louise! She listened to the Ultra's advice and got away from her narcissist with GOSO!
💜
Everything that I've seen confirmed. The one thing you clarified for me is the REASON they do it. I thought control was only part of it, not the end goal.
Compartment Store- makes sense there's a person for every need to be
manipulated by a narc.
They are sly and manipulative.
They are twisted!
More faces than the Town Hall clock 😅
An accurate description of what they are
He’s not keeping his friend under control. He’s keeping his image, how his friend might perceive him, under control.
A very Educational Analysis, enjoyed the bit of snark thrown in there. Thankyou HG.❤️🌻
Gross comment.
Love this episode! Extremely fresh and interesting topic 👏 👏 👏
Always observed that with narcissistic managers..one face to their reports, another to higher-ups.
You know what. I grappled over this stuff because I was hoping that my sister could get cured. I realized that she is, “ cured “ around some but not all.
The only thing that a person needs to know is that they lack empathy and can’t validate you; to experience the horribleness of this and to determine within yourself that when you see this, get the F away and stay away! I guess for some people it takes longer to, “ get it “ especially if they are putting on a personality that looks real. And being fooled by that image; that projection and the narc was fooled by it too. I just now can accept that. One problem of why I couldn’t accept that was from the deep gaslighting, in childhood of it being called: bullying and sibling rivalry and that she’d just out-grow it. That first lie and the lie of the church telling me to be nice to people: accepting, love and patience and putting family second to God, oh and then my own disabilities made it hard for me to comprehend. In fact, seeing it as a type of schizophrenia was the only break through, for me, to be able to comprehend why they do what they do because it makes so little sense when you are fooled by their personality image that they project and believe. Anyway. That’s my two cents. It will never make sense to me that they are after control when they are not. Even you just said that sometimes, they don’t even need fuel. And I’ve seen it where my sister doesn’t need control and will let that person go and find somebody else or do something else.
@bonnielee7134 I understand that 💯. It truly sucks when you have to choose a life with less stress..or a sibling or parent who happens to be a Narcissistic piece of crap. You love them because you're supposed to by birth. But they will never love you. Choose no contact..miles away in another country if possible..to enable life happiness..without blood family
Hold up. Let me think about this. Ok a ten year old doesn’t play fair and makes his group of friends exile him out and he’s not allowed to play with them anymore. So he’s banished. He goes home and he considers these things and these things within himself. So here’s where the, “ control “ comes. He thinks to himself, there’s something within me that doesn’t want to play fair but I want to play so let me try again. So he goes to the group and asks to come back and they say, no. Now he has to learn to manipulate. So here’s where he says, well ok, I’ll try again in two weeks, I’ll act like nothing ever happened. I know, I’ll make friends with the weakest one, and weasel myself back in, that way. So he tries this. This is manipulation. It’s not control. In fact there’s no guarantee that it’ll work. So either it works or they banish the weak one, right along with him so now the two of them are best buddies and the poor weak one will suffer some problems. But if he met his goal he might think that he was able to control his environment through manipulation. He can’t control himself, all of the time, because he will have to choose who will be above him and who will be below him because the narcissism dictates that and it’s his god-complex that he compartmentalizes. In my opinion.
Firstly, the best form of control is to be in control of yourself. Narcissist/psychopaths can do this until they can’t. I guess when their narcissism acts up or they get triggered, would be my guess. The best form of control that they could ever have would be to have control over themselves and that might be very possible when they put on a personality that they choose and are able to in that roll. That would be the best way for them to relax into that fantasy life. They ruin it for themselves when they want to be bad. They’re the ones that mess it up for themselves. So they loose control because of their own damn fault for not wanting to play fair. In my opinion.
I just saw a video, of yours that said that the psychopath, just is. That he’s not putting up a fake personality like the narcissist does. My observations are from a person who has both: narcissism/psychopathy. And probably malignant. So of course non of what I am learning is going to fit her because she’s a mix of both and possibly three. So it’s a no-wonder why I can’t grasp it.
No. He feels like he’s in the right. You’re saying, his friend backing him makes him feel like he’s has the friend and Louise under control. No he doesn’t. He just has his feelings under control. He’s just making himself feel better, at the moment. Just like he will put the blame on Louise to make himself feel better and I solved from any wrong doing to m, “ control “ HIS IMAGE, NOT PEOPLE!
You know what; his, “ narcissism “ causes him to be bad, I.e. god complex, self entitlement, etc. you keep saying his narcissism causes him…
Watch, if he’s naturally born evil, or let’s say, arrested development at age two, the only, “ control “ that the narcissist has is when he’s, “ behaving “, let’s just say, like everybody else is expected to. All of the rest is just delusion and manipulation.