10 double standards MEN are DONE with
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- Опубликовано: 19 окт 2024
- Hey guys! Today's episode is long overdue. I'm talking about double standards within relationships that I've seen again and again. Not only are they unfair, but men are DONE with them. Do you agree or disagree?
![Gunna - HIM ALL ALONG [Official Visualizer]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/HiCxoDeo0hc/mqdefault.jpg)
Something I hate is that it's "ok" for a woman to divulge incredibly private information about her man (to her friends) but if a man did the same to her and told all his friends about all her most intimate thoughts or acts or physical traits she would lose her shit and call him abusive and toxic. I am a very, VERY, private person by nature and I don't want ANYTHING I do or say to my wife in private to be repeated to or discussed by her and her friends. It's private for a reason. I did not marry her friends. I married her.
Yep that is a double standard I have a problem with too.
Most of the women I have "been with" have discussed the "sizes" of their previous boyfriends and where I ranked in her scale. I don't think men do the same with their past relationships.
@@Bosko57 women compare all the time. That's the danger of marrying a girl with a body count
Discretion is a virtue.
I asked an ex not to discuss our disagreements or personal matters with friends on the internet and she told me I was being controlling and trying to tell her what she can and can't do with her friends. And of course she told her friends about my request and those friends even came to me telling me I'm a controlling asshole and that what i was asking for is abuse. And of course after we broke up everyone flocked to her side to reassure her she did nothing wrong and it was all me and my "controlling nature".
The main double standard I've dealt with all my life is the fact that women are allowed to emotionally explode about anything while men are expected to be stoic and just deal with it. So many women have no restraint about blurting out the most horrendous stuff. The amount of verbal and mental abuse women get away with for no reason is unacceptable. It's as if all the feminist movements in the last 60 years have led to a majority of women feeling entitled to berate, degrade, humiliate, yell at and insult the men in their lives.
Just think before you speak, and shut your mouth if it's gonna be irrational yelling. It can't be that hard right?
...and if you call them out on it, you're the abuser.
@@MrFox-rf3cu Yeah, a lot of women really don't know how nor want to take responsibility for their actions... Always deflecting or gaslighting when you try to talk to them about it. It's disgusting behaviour.
👍The last 2 sentences: truthbomb. But the problem with people today, they can't even think
If I said to her what Ive heard, Id be in jail, by the laws of my country. Here, psychilogical abuse is one way. Just women can suffer it
Seems like its harder then the boner in the morning.
I earn good enough to afford escort and... how is that called again in english.. you know these clubs where you get to go right? Not strip clubs. They are for Striptease.
Income. My money is “our money”. Her money is her money. I’ve had three relationships. All three had this double standard.
Only question here is: Why do you get in to relationships with prostitutes? Is that really your standard????
Well, she earned her money, right? Lol
@@michaelxz1305and he earned his.
My brother going through this. He makes about a half mil a year while his wife makes about $44k. He says she's never shared her paycheck with the household and has no idea where it goes every month.
They belong to the streets
When women are homeless it is a national shame. When men are homeless it is just normal and no big deal.
We men really are the disposable sex. No wonder why lot of men are checking out from dating.
Is not considered normal for men to be homeless but it is considered to be"their fault". Whereas a woman it's never her fault something must have been done to her for her to wind up homeless
@@davidpotter9595 Or we could say that it is considered normal that men would probably be at fault for being homeless but it is definitely NOT considered normal that a woman could be somehow at fault for being homeless. It more or less comes to the same thing.
In either case men must face the full consequences of their failures but women are time and time again given a pass. So much for male privilege!
Exactly, I remember seeing a PSA that was guilting us by letting us know “25% of homeless people are women!”….
In other words 75% are men.
I’m 53yo & my Mum & every woman I’ve dated have told me “no woman respects a man who cries”, yet they’ve ALL asked me why I can’t be more emotional with them?! Make that make sense!! 🤔🤷♂️🤡
I have seen countless situations where the guy cried in front of his significant other and lost that person forever. Divorce or break up...
@@siunami6432 I must've hit the lottery then. After a divorce and a nasty rebound relationship, when I first started dating my now-wife we were watching a show on TV and they were about to have someone perform a song that I knew was going to trigger some memories that weren't going to be pleasant.
I asked her "please change the channel...", she didn't. I busted out ugly crying and her response was "it's OK to cry, you're still grieving in a way" and came over to comfort me.
That was 13 years ago.
@@actionsub You really did hit the lottery. I'm really, truly happy for you. I hope you find a way to make her smile every day you can.
It's about what causes the crying. There's a huge difference between crying tears of joy,pain, or anger and frustration
@@actionsub - Yep, you really did hit the lottery. Most women would use an instance of their man crying as leverage in the relationship, or would lose interest right away.
Something my mother taught me:
To society, women are born millionaires. They have every normal person’s good will up front and only stand to lose if they act poorly enough.
Men are born millions in debt to society. They have to prove their worth to society, to their prospective wife, to their children, and to themselves. If a man acts out of turn, he is punished immediately, and he will have that mistake held against him for as long as people can remember it.
That lesson has stuck with me.
Pretty good lesson
I read the book
'The Manipulated Man' by
Esther Vilar ~ go figure.
Double standards I am DONE with: Being talked down to, or even berated, for not opening up when asked "What's wrong?" but when I ask her I get "Nothing. I'm fine" when she CLEARLY isn't fine. Also the notion that if a man has urges and "takes things into his own hands" he is a loser and should be shamed but if a woman does the exact same thing she is empowered and should be celebrated.
fuck yes brother. This exactly 100 percent.
Yeah cause men know what they say will likely be weaponized against them if they open up.
The “nothing, I’m fine” when she clearly isn’t is the absolute fucking worst I swear… I try everything to just get her to open up to me and she just keeps snapping back “IM FINE” and so I just say outright “ok, I’m glad you’ve told me you’re fine… I won’t bother you about it anymore”
Within a minute she’s immediately bitching about EVERYTHING. Like you genuinely can’t make this shit up, it seems so stupid writing it out but it happened to me yesterday!
100% but I get around that by "trusting" her word. If she is fine, then great, and I begin doing something else. The first many times will she go totally insane, but you do, just wait and do not engage in a debate you can't win anyway. And finally, when you can, do you say that you trust her word and that she'll never lie to you. But you can of cause change that to never trust a thing she says. What she preferrers?
EDIT: The same goes if I ask, do you mind if I do this or that, and she answers "no, that's fine". Then has she given permission and I'll do it.
@@jakk1hundo553 The vast majority of shitty women are like this. Bitching and complaining, all the time...
My ex thought of me as less of a man because I cried when my infant nephew died.
And yet they cry when they merely listen to a 'sad' song or watch a romantic movie...
Sorry for that loss.
she already thought less of you then her, their double standard here is that you are worth less then them by gender...! Passports any one??? Yes Please!!!!
I am so sorry. This is not ok for anyone to do to someone grieving. I had a neighbor do that to his wife when her sister was murdered. He thought she should be over it in literally 2 weeks. You are a good many to care so much.
You are a real man. You have feelings 😊
In Canada during the pandemic our government gave over 100 million (that's a lot for us) to women's shelters, but refused to support the only men's shelter in the country.
In America we have thousands of women’s shelters, but very few for men. In fact there is not 1 in my city, and idk of any in the surrounding area
Well Canada has turned into a shithole.
SHOCKING.
I'm surprised you're not called sexist for bringing that up
This is in Germany the same. The very few exists are financed private. Not only an Amerca topic
Had a female coworker once, she came into work Monday pissed off-from a bad date she had had over the weekend… I talked to her about it and she ended up showing me her ‘list of must haves ‘ for men… 50 items long. So, I asked her what she imagined a man’s list would look like and she, PhD in Physics, smart, attractive gal, exploded on me, no man has a right to have expectations of a woman, but her having expectations for men is ‘normal’
My response to her would've been "Hmmm.... no wonder your still single." Then walk away and never talk to her again
She’ll be single for life. A Phd who oddly will never learn.
Sounds like she has all book smarts and no common sense.
Reminds me of a 'life' story: A young woman is heading out for a night out and says to her Grandmother, 'I'm going out to find Mr Perfect tonight. ' The Gran replied, 'I wouldn't do that, Dear. What if he's out looking for Ms Perfect?'
Physics PhD plot twist: Schrodinger's Woman (sometimes strong and independent, sometimes weak and in need of men's protection) will end up with a cat for company.
I have zero tolerance for cheating. There's no justification for it, period. You do it, you're done.
Same here. I will tolerate a lot of abuse, and misbehavior, but you cheat done and over period!
Agreed. I prefer honest yahtzee. When you get a full house, write it that way. Also, when citizens voted, count those. When fakes and illegals and scammers voted, don't count those.
exactly. if you don't like the relationship, you tell the person. we are no longer together, than go with someone else.
I think it should actually be considered a felony. Looking at the harm it does society and culture, it's right up there or in some cases quite a bit worse than something like armed robbery.
Absolutely. I cheated on my first wife and paid for it for over twenty years and in many ways (child together so locked in for 18 years). One and done on that one, though I have been a slow learner in other areas of life. In hindsight after many years of reflection and therapy I in no way like or support who I was at the time.
My ex wife one day when she was upset (a psych major in college) told me that men don't have emotions. When I said excuse me?, she did an oops, turned around and walked away. Several weeks later she flipped out again for what ever reason ( I didn't have a clue as to why as we were getting ready to go on a trip) and yelled at me that if I got rough with her andor hit her she'd have me thown in jail. This is after living together and married for almost 15 years and seldom even raised my voice to her and not even ever get angry with her, much less raise a hand against her. That's when I started squirring money away and divorced her 10 months later.
Peoples change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst. Also, it sometimes take time to discover some aspect of peoples. That being said, long term relationship is very difficult. I suspect she was done but haven't or didn't realised it.
That was of felt empowering, she sounds like an abusive bully, male or female nobody deserves to act that way towards someone, especially when ur in a relationship..u did the right thing..
2 words, Social Contagion. She listened to the wrong people for too long. women poison other people's relationships.
Thank you for your service.
What an atrocious person.
These "double standards" can be boiled down to "It's bad to hold women accountable," and "it's good to say/do what makes women feel good."
.... And that men should always be held accountable for everything. Men can never be given a free pass and can never be forgiven for anything.
So feminism as it is understood by today's young women
Which can be boiled down to people attributing hyperagency to men and hypoagency to women.
@@rookievideos8865It's all gaslighting.
If you find yourself on a certain side of politics, I recommend taking a moment to thoughtfully note how every group praised by that side is encouraged to gaslight taxpayers/ men/ caucasians, etc. by claiming they are privilaged.
While simultaneousy financially relying on those groups.
The tactic is to then explode in anger, not at the hypocrisy, but at anybody who calls out the discrepancy.
Exactly
I like this one: “We need to talk.” “OK, let’s talk.” “No, I’m not in the right headspace right now.” Decides to talk when you’re ready to go to sleep. Or some random ambush while you’re watching TV, or just walk in the door. 😮
My hypothesis: they want to catch you when you aren’t in the mood so that you’re off your guard because when you’re off you’re guard you’re more easily angered and when you’re angry you’re more easily manipulated.
Just me?
"We need to talk." is toxic femininity at its finest.
100pct fact@@S0D0M0J0
I've been ambushed exactly like that many times in the past.
My X always wanted to have a serious relationship talk after she was half in the bag from drinking. I always refused and told her if you wanted to talk about us, do it when you are sober, she never would.
One of the biggest double standards is being told "you must have done something to deserve this" whenever she does something bad. Second is "it's not her fault, she must have issues/depression/anxiety". People are very quick to excuse a woman for doing nasty things and shift blame to the man. I've seen it done even in extreme cases of violence or even murder.
Family courts do it every day.
Men do the same thing with depression though. And autism.
@@cultreader9751 We aren't here for whataboutism, we're here to expose double standards
@@cultreader9751 Not really. Men are petrified when a mental illness is implied about them. The stigma weighs much heavier on them because it implies that they are worthless as providers. They are not allowed to feel anxiety or depression and if they do they are expected to just "deal with it" and keep going. My father's last words to me before slipping into semi-consciousness and dying of cancer after a few days at 60yo were to never let anxiety get the best of me because that's what killed him.
When a man cheats, he’s a bad man. When a woman cheats, it’s because her man is bad.
These aren't just double standards, they're signs of psychopathy.
Lol I ghosted a chick a few weeks ago for hitting me. She didn't even deserve an explanation, I shouldn't have to tell a grown person it's wrong to assault people
Thats some alpha shxt bro 😌 10 Starz
if she hits you,dump her at once,in any form.
Absolutely
Tibia honest, if you don't explain it, the guy after you will live through the same shit.
@@GMSryBut If she's incapable of learning, then telling her wouldn't make a difference.
I dated a woman, briefly, that felt it was OK to flirt openly with her male friends, but she got upset for me just talking to a woman that was in need of a friend at the moment. No flirting by me or her. Needless to say, I am no longer dating her.
Many women don't understand hypocrisy
When a woman's flirting around, the "She belongs to the streets" meme comes to mind
@@SteelyGlowHell, I flirt around with my male friends
Difference between my flirting and the flirting of this girl?
My flirting is purely playful and humourous
Hers clearly wasn't
Ladies, please, try to think of it as the golden rule. Treat people the way you would prefer to be treated.
If you want a compassionate partner, you have to behave like a compassionate person.
If you want an attentive partner, you have to be attentive as well.
If you want Loyalty... I think you are getting the idea.
If you don't already have these things, then you have nothing to loose by trying.
exactly!!
No fee mails ever observed the golden rule. All fee mails support crimes against men. Please pass it on.
Absolutely.
While I think the golden rule should be used a lot more in everyday life. Opposites attract. Yeah it is good to have commonality, but not be exactly the same. Morals and values should align though….idk if that makes sense 🤷🏻♂️
Basics... You be you... Just don't be a jerk and then demand that others treat you with respect.
Opposite, does not equate to disrespectful.@@miahdavis8331
The vulnerability thing is so true. Every feminist I've met says that it doesn't happen.
I've personally experienced women getting angry or aggressive when I open up.
I'm sorry that happened to you. My experience is that it's the patriarchal women who do that- the feminists (by that I mean actual true feminists who aren't distorting feminist theory) are the ones who acknowledge it happens, and who appreciate men who are vulnerable with them.
@@jeremy49988 Which Scotsman was that again? Oh, there is no true feminist, it's just a move the goalpost fallacy.
This is actually how a man is objectified ... Used as a task doer and provider only to be ridiculed when not done exactly right. Expected to be an emotionless punching bag for the blame and psychological projection that can be tossed away when done...
sounds extreme but I think a lot of men can relate if they've been stuck in a tough one.
Yes. Men are objectified as utilities.
I think the easiest one to explain to people is that men are objectified as a wallet.
Absolutely! Right on the button on that one
Being vulnerable in a man with someone who is not a professional therapist is like pinning a 'kick me' sign on your own back.
And the excluded group wrings you dry with ridiculous hourly (45 mins) fees.
The one about violence is the one that offends me most. I'm a survivor of brutal domestic violence perpetrated by my sister, who is a malignant narcissist.
She would (very often) chase me to my bedroom and bash holes in the door. She'd bale me up against the refrigerator and pound at my face with her clenched fist, while screaming hate at me - and should I dare to catch her wrist to stop her from striking me, she'd scream, "You attacked me!!" and really lay in, punching and kicking me.
The entire family watched this happen, over and over an over. And blamed the violence on me.
She's probably still ranting about how I "attacked her" and "made her fall over" by catching her foot at my ear when she tried to kick me in the head when I was 14. I'm now 61. In the same year, she threw a knife at me while I was curled up on the floor in the foetal position.
In 1994 she swung a telephone at my head and insisted that it was ok for her to do that because it didn't actually hit me - if it had I would have died.
So, a week later, I did it back (only without the screaming) to get her to understand that it was wrong - and suddenly it's violent.
So, I went full no contact. She stalked me incessantly for the next 15 years, I tried to get help from the police, but they thought it was appropriate to ridicule me and humiliate me. I begged them to call her and tell to to leave me alone. When they refused, I cried.
Then they called her, They called MY STALKER to ask her if I were on medication.
It is not appropriate to refer to the police as "pigs". Pigs are useful, intelligent animals. Calling the police "pigs" would be very insulting - to the pig
True. At the very least you can get bacon from a pig.
There is a judge who recently shot her boyfriend in the head while he slept. Being an expert with guns, she failed to kill him. When he woke up, she asked him why he shot himself in the head. No, she wasn't fired, but it was discovered that previously she had shot and killed her ex husband years earlier. You would think killing your ex husband would be cause for not approving her to be a judge.
I'm sorry. I went through 15 years of abuse by my (now ex-) wife, who was a police officer and knew how to work the system. I, too, got no help from the authorities, who simply would do nothing, because the laws only functioned against men, and in favor of women. From talking to other men since, it appears that in the time since, nothing has really changed, and it's still a horrible double standard.
@@michael-1680 I was sexually assaulted a handful of times, harassed, preyed upon. One situation at my first job when I was 19, was overt...in front of everyone, the manager, etc. I wish I'd aggressively reported all of it, but at that age I really didn't know how to stand up for myself.
I'm sorry for what you went through.
We live in backwards inverted clown world. If this world isn't hell I dont know what is.
I recently dealt with a double standard. I was told if we were going to date, I would have to get rid of my female friends which she truly meant. Yet when I responded to her request that I would do so if she gave up all her male friends, all of a sudden I was insecure, unrealistic, controlling, insensitive and finally she ended with " How dare you insult me by making demands ". So I shrugged my shoulders and left. A part of me wanted to point out how asinine it was to ask something from me that she would not do, but given her beliefs and closed mindedness it would be easier to explain quantum mathematics to a brick.
I agree with your list Emily. Another double standard that is so infuriating is how women feel justified in changing the rules depending on the circumstances.
For instance, how women are all for equality up to the point when traditional values are better suited to achieve what they want.
Yep - ask any divorce lawyer in the few cases where the woman has to pay out the man as part of the settlement. Equality is immediately forgotten.
Everybody wants to be equal, right up until the check comes to the table
@@LowlyDegenerateEverybody wants equality, until the responsibilities arrive
The double standard I am done with is a woman can collect dolls or toys/stuffed animals etc... and she is just "quirky and fun" but if a man collects action figures or toys from something he has loved since childhood (Star Wars, Transformers etc...) he's "childish, immature" and needs to get rid of his "stupid crap" and "be a real man" but if he even dares suggest she do the same with her Barbies or whatever then he is being cruel.
Im 26 and I started collecting hotwheels/matchbox cars, the normal looking ones not shit like "twinwheel" or any of that other exotic stuff. We like what we like, shouldn't be looked down on it. We could have drug problems, could be out cheating, nope.... sorry, i spent maybe $5 on some toy cars that look cool.
If someone tells me to get rid of my gunpla and dragon models because it makes me unmanly, that person is not remaining in contact with me anymore
@@Furydragonstormer amen brother
I started to collect art glass vases. was told I was a girlyman for doing so. well that $25 vase twenty years later sold for over $1000. now it is, ok let's sell them all and buy xyz, of course xyz is something just for her...
When I was a boy I visited a friend's house and mocked him because there were dolls all around the mantelpiece. He said "they're not mine, they belong to my mother". I asked him why a grown woman would collect dolls. He replied "She didn't get to play with dolls as a child". When I asked why he said "The Nazis didn't allow dolls in Auschwitz".
I've experienced all those and I have to say. Most women do not see those as double standards. It's really shameful
Years ago I was on an agnostic chat site. They were not religious to church - but the site was nothing but leftists with the same religious zeal and dissonance. The women would constantly bash men for objectifying women, while at the same time posting to one of their chat group on the site of beef cake man pics. All these women shaming men for objectifying women were doing the exact same thing. Out of a group of 30ish women, only one woman said, "Yea, this is hypocritical, thank you for pointing that out." The rest took no accountability and gave the typical "it's completely different b/c we're doing it" argument.
First time I leave a comment here, as it's something I rarely do on YT. I just wanted to thank you, especially for videos like this, because they are precious to us mostly for one reason:
the lack of respect, of empathy, of basic humaneness against men (which this video breaks down to a number of spot-on concrete examples) is at this day and age so statistically relevant and so willingly and ruthlessly fueled by the majority of women, that sometimes it gets almost impossible to find a proof in our social reality of it being wrong.
I know there are a lot of fortunate exceptions, but generally speaking, I can probably say on behalf of the majority of men that these kinds of wrongdoings against us, so humiliating and yet so dismissed as "normal" by the sisterhood/feminist canon/social media standards, hurt deeply because they seem to have become undefeatable.
Being a male means being a logic-driven person, and being logic means to be naturally used to find confirmations in the reality surrounding you which prove that what you feel and think is correct. Where there is cognitive dissonance, and reality and thoughts do not match, men usually are not easily prone to ignore it and fall prey to the temptation of overdoubting themselves.
It's the way we are hardwired, it's the way we have to live and find a place in the world, because as a man you either adapt and evolve to fit your surroundings, or otherwise you fail horribly, with zero compassion or significant help from anyone (except your family, oftentimes, but unfortunately family is not a lifelong privilege).
Therefore, what really makes your video invaluable is that it is a proof that we, as men, are still right in thinking and feeling in our guts that the double standards you mentioned are wrong. Because, as long as you hear it from another male, your logical way of thinking may end up questioning it as being biased. But hearing it from a woman, it truly is a godsend.
Forgive me for having taken up so much space, and have mercy of my English, since I'm not a native speaker. A strong and heartfelt thank you, because what you are doing is unvaluable for a lot of us. And a big hug to all the brokenhearted like me, trying to find some relief from a pain much greater than we deserved.
An Italian fan of yours.
Grazie. Forza, fratelli miei!
cheating & violence should be zero-tolerance dealbreakers
When it comes to violence, no notes. No tolerance.
For cheating, there is one thing you should never forget: Even if there is no excuse, there is, most of the time at least, a reason, and often one that you had some control of. Figure out what it was, anything else is a lost opportunity for future relationships. Some people refuse to do this and doom themselves to being cheated on over and over again, either due to their partner choice or due to their own behavior - or a combination of both.
@@ska042it's always a choice for the cheater, there is no relationship after this. full stop
@@Gutch220 yeah it's fine to see it that way and that's fair, but that has no bearing on what I said. That's kind of the point. Even if the cheating is what ultimately destroyed the relationship, there is value in reflecting on what lead up to it. In not doing so, you're only missing on an opportunity to learn something, whether about partner choice or about your own behavior.
@@Gutch220 In more practical terms, if your relationship ends because you were cheated on, you should go through a few checks mentally. It may seem a bit brutal, but it can only benefit future relationships.
1. What things in our relationship combined with my partner's character traits lead my partner to cheat on me?
2. Are those things that I could change or want to change in a future relationship, yes/no?
3a. If I do not want to change those things in a future relationship, how can I recognize a partner that is fine with those things in a relationship?
3b. If I do want to change those things, now you know for a future relationship. Or you can ask yourself if there is anything your partner could do to restore the loss of trust from the cheating.
YES!
As a male victim of physical abuse by my ex wife: I don’t know how to express my gratitude to you for putting this out here. I didn’t think I would live to see this happen. You are truly a very special kind of woman. ❤
If you want me to quit porn because you see it as cheating, I expect you to quit all forms of romance media for the same reason: all romance books, blogs, vlogs, movies, and television shows. If you want to watch Sex in the City, I get to watch She Likes It Big 14. Men are visual, women are emotional, so if I have to give up my visual movies, you have to give up your emotional movies.
People say that porn causes men to have unrealistic expectations for women and sex. But romance media causes women to have unrealistic expectations for men, and people just choose to ignore that.
Actual factuals
The logic is sound but I never got into porn. I've also had 2 GFS that were upset about masturbation. I told them they shouldn't worry because I don't watch porn and I'm using them from my memory bank (not untrue). That didn't matter to them. So I told them I'd stop but if I'm not masturbating I still have needs...I still have to walk in public😂.
Anyway I'm neither case dude it lead to getting more booty and both bitches ended up being actual cheaters... Imagine that🎉😮😂😂😢😅
NGL though I do watch Cam girls from time to time which I guess is worse somehow? I was told because it's more intimate it makes it worse than porn..? I'm not advocating for anyone to participate in any such things because I watch Jordan Peterson😂...I kind of see her point but I also told her ( and why would she believe me?) "I don't have a subscription, I don't pay for anything, I'm not taking to them or invested in their personalities...I don't "follow" them! It's to me, some visual aid, in my mind I'm not even fucking them, I'm still fucking you"! I guess trauma or something like that...
Only difference with porn is it’s straight to the point.
Ah volume 14. A true classic 😂
I’m sick of some women trying to pull any kind of double standard. It’s disgusting.
Woman in a relationship: my money is still MY money, but your money is now MINE as well!
Separate the checking accounts.
Separate addresses
Having a family means sharing your money, rights, duties and responsibilities.
My wife (5'0" 125 lbs) tried hitting me (6'0" 250 lbs) in anger one day. Since it didn't actually hurt, I stood there while she punched my chest several times. Then, when she began to calm, I asked her if she wanted me to hit her back; after all, if it's ok for her to hit me, then it's ok for me to hit her (I never would, if I did, I'd probably break something). That stopped her from ever doing it again. We've been married 28 years now.
Also, thanks, Emily, for putting out these videos!
A woman can comment on my appearance and what they want me to change/improve, but if i would mention anything along the same lines all hell would break loose
Facts
The conceit that physical, emotional and mental abuse is "funny" when it happens to a man is so gross.
Thank you, Emily, for validating our humanity.
Emily is just grifting off you.
@@GomersPile01How do you know? "Because she's a woman" is not a good reason.
How so?
Wow, I dealt with a great many of those in my last relationship. She hit me, kicked me, spit at me, threw things at me, etc.... When I told people this it was "well yeah, but what did you do though". It doesn't matter what I did, there is no excuse for that behavior. I didn't hit, spit, kick, throw things, etc.... At worse I stood my ground and tried to set boundaries she didn't like.
Same with the cheating which ultimately was the straw that broke the camels back. People actually asked what I did that made her seek attention elsewhere. Even if I did do something, the legitimate way to do that is how I did it in the end. Say "I'm leaving you" before seeking that kind of attention elsewhere.
Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you exist and make these videos. It's validating. I have always tried to be sensitive to the plight of women, and to treat them with respect and equality, and women like yourself make it feel like some women are reciprocating this effort right back at my gender. This video specifically was however, quite triggering. Poking at old wounds from my ex wife. Not your fault. But owe nonetheless. Glad that part of my life is over.
I would have placed domestic violence, physical, verbal, emotional MUCH closer to number one on the list.
I heard of a man who was in a support group for victims of domestic violence, he looked like a football player. He was there because when she started hitting him, he would put his hands behind his back, if he defended himself he would be the one arrested.
Another one i heard of was a shelter for men. A man came in with various ages of bruises from a few days to a couple of weeks. When rhe local police wwre investigating, a worker at the shelter told the officer about all the bruises, probably showed pictures too. The officer came thinking the man was the aggressor, but left with a new understanding.
I know first hand domestic violence can be in the opposite direction of what people think of.
My own therapist told me he has male clients who are domestic violence victms.
I’ve experienced it myself from my ex wife. Of course I was physically stronger, but you can’t hit back, otherwise you’d be in huge trouble. And there’s really nobody you can talk to. Men are perpetrators, not victims, period. Years later I was able to talk to a therapist who would finally believe me and work through it all with me - incidentally, a female.
When I was married, I got a stomach infection. I was doubled over in pain and tears were streaming down. My (ex)wife did her best to help me - but - simultaneously you could see her respect for me draining from her face. At the time I had worked out for years. I was 240 and muscular. She didn't know how to deal with her 'big strong man' being vulnerable. Ladies: We're human.We feel pain. We have emotions. 🙂
Yeah a great test is to see who comes to your help when you're down and hurting physically. Not my ex. Refused point blank.
My therapist told me that emotional cheating is due to unmet needs and physical cheating is due to entitlement. That really resonated with me.
Your therapist isn’t telling you the most important part of the story here.
Ask them to tell the whole story next time.
It’s 95% about the person doing the cheating.
Narcissists cheat…
And how exactly do you separate the two?
IME Cheating boils down to one of two things.
1. The relationship had already broken down but niether of you are willing to admit to it yet.
2. The person cheating is a POS.
In the moment it can be hard to tell which is which, but with a bit of distance it gets clearer. Usually it gets clearer because the person who is option 2 cheats again and again and again.
You do realize sex can be an unmet need. Many people have wives that haven't slept with them in a year or more
I'm reminded of the guy on Tinder who stated that he only wanted to match with women under 125 lbs., and he was vilified for stating his preference. His response: why is it okay for a huge percentage of women on sites like Tinder to say "must be 6 feet tall at least"?
The first time I was praised for anything was in the Army. Mother had a masters in education.
The amount I relate to this is uncanny
I got a BA in Elementary Education in 95 and never taught because hated everything but the kids. The other teachers most being females were the worst part.
I'll see your army and raise you another twenty years. Darn near crapped my pants to hear "I'm proud of you " from a woman who did nothing but find fault with my father and his family.
Amazing how leadership was probably never part of that Education Masters process.
Here is BY FAR the biggest double standard.
Men are held accountable. Women are not.
This is a HUGE double standard that impacts all kinds of things from prison sentencing to family law to college admissions to selective service to abortion law. This is far from a comprehensive list of how the accountability double standard manifests.
Well, I could not agree more.....but you have to drag out a video for 8-10 minutes on RUclips. So, I'll make your "accountable" comment even easier and shorter....
Women get a "Free Pass" in life.
Men get away with horrible things every day. Women are held accountable for ridiculously petty nonsense. Women get harsher criminal sentences for the same crime as a man.
Very true, and many more. A man is allowed five minutes of crying when his mother dies, that's it. And a man can't say he prefers "thick" women. He has to sugar coat it somehow like "I prefer _real_ women regardless of their size."
I prefer natural boobs even if they are small over any fake ones 🤷🏻♂️
@@miahdavis8331 Amen, brother! Preach!
Thin and natural!!!
And when I legitimately prefer thick girls that are not fat but not the typical "slim thick" it's seen as lying or some type of manipulation tactic to make my girl less attractive to other dudes...? Just because I'm fit doesn't mean I want the #fitgirl gymbae with a hard bod. I want the soft girl that meets her nutritional requirements, looks like she can hold the kids while I carry the groceries, keeps house, loves animals and has a side of competitive spice. Can we have cozy sweaters, coffee/hot chocolate, next to an open fire with lazy dinner and lo fi beats at the cabin while picking out names for our children's pets?
Oh also prefer little to no make up. Prefer natural in that area too. Usually they just wear makeup for their own vanity and make themselves feel pretty. If I’m dating a woman I already think she is pretty even after she wakes up first thing in the morning.
I 100% agree with all of this. One thing I will say, I am thankful for my wife here. One of the examples you used here made me think about a situation. My wife and I have been binge watching DC comic TV series for while (i.e. Arrow, The Flash, Superman and Lois, etc), the latest being Smallville. We are both 100% comfortable with each other point when we point out attractive actors and actresses on those shows. She always loves seeing the shirtless guys with six packs, and she can say that openly as it doesn't bother me. In turn, she is comfortable with me saying how insanely hot some of the female actresses are. We both laugh, and have a good time. We both recognize that we are human, and it is ok to see the attraction in others. You can look, just NO TOUCHY! LOL! And some of the actors she loves are waaaaaaaaaaaay more attractive than me (i.e. Actors like Ian Somerhalder, ), and it doen't bother me. We are both secure in our marriage enough. We both laugh when we comment. I understand not all couples can do that, but I am thankful we are at that point. Married for 15 years.
"Women that cry are emotional and men that cry are weak"...I like that you bring this up. Men have been trained to be the strong one. We're expected to figure it out, regardless if it's emotionally hard. The truth is that we men are human too. There's so much we can take before we break and to the saying that says that men that cry are weak...I will cheer any man that says FUCK THAT! I FEEL TOO! I'm not going to conform to a notion that was thought of 100 years ago. I gain strength from my family and friends. We all are a team that know that mental health is real and needs support from our tribe. All I can say for my other men...brothers out there is that I got you when you need to recharge.
It's not a double standard, men and women are different. That said if a family member dies and a man cries I don't think anyone is going to hold it against him. Abiut crying in general, women are just different.. They don't have control over it. This leads them to think that if a man isn't crying, he's using a lot of willpower to stifle it because a woman would need to to be able to do that. But it's not that. Men can just process information that would make a woman cry without getting overwhelmed by it. Think of it like a reservoir with a higher wall. A little rain and it will spill over for women.. Men need some catastrophic levels of rain before it spills over.
@@michaelxz1305is that because men are trained from birth to build dams? When it leaks it needs repaired, when it cracks it needs rebuilt and with the gained strength and knowledge stronger than before. When it breaks everything washes away and life must begin a new, bigger, stronger and tighter than before.
The patriarchy serves you well.
@@michaelxz1305 "That said if a family member dies and a man cries I don't think anyone is going to hold it against him"
Unfortunately, you'd be mistaken. I would personally disregard people that hold it against someone and just do whatever I need to for my own health and well-being.
@@michaelxz1305 Do you not know what a double standard is? How are you this slow? Women get sexual satisfaction from stories men get it from videos... so asking men to cut out the videos while the women still get to read the stories is a double standard because one is allowed their sexual satisfaction and the other is not. SMH
Stop trying to be a white knight, it won't help you at all and will probably hurt you unless you like being a "friend" and then tricking a girl into having sex once and then being tossed aside after and the relationship dying.
@@Metatarsus0 Dude is not intelligent... he is the type of dude that hang around women hoping to get scraps of attention when the woman is down. Seriously this dude is the worst type of man.
And the worst part about these double standards, is if someone calls out womens double standards, those women freak out.
As a male, I agree with all of this.
Example: She actually told me that she had discussed some aspect of my behaviour with the neighbor up the street, but regularly needed confirmation that I wasn't discussing our relationship with my friends.
Another example: My job was working on a computer as a programmer. She told my Father that I don't do anything because I sit at the computer all day! - That's not even a double standard given that I was earning all of our substantial income. If she saw fit to tell that to my Father, you can bet all of her friends were of the same opinion (refer to my first example). Oh - and in the meantime - she was sleeping in until 11AM then wanting to call me out of work meetings to help with things she didn't know how to do - you know - set the time on the microwave, use a screwdriver, hang some blinds, mow the lawn, clean the gutters and 100,000 other things. By the way, if she reads this and knows who it is, I never liked your crappy cooking anyway.
Result: I'm gone but have learned a lot about setting boundaries and discussing things at the start. Unresolved issues - specifically not being able to discuss them because the result is always (take your pick, I got the lot) anger, silent treatment, blaming, withdrawal of affection, withdrawal of intimacy (for years).
The fact that a woman hits a man when she knows that he’ll not hit her back is despicable. It’s like hitting a child who they know cannot hit them back
As a man, people tried to force on me those and similar BS over the years. They almost succeeded. But one day I have decided no more of this crap. I have set boundaries, even with my family. If I do not accept some behaviors I will not accept them even from my mother or father. I will call out people who have double standards and the worst thing that might happen is I will never see them again xD So win-win.
This is amazing that doing it brought me some amazing friends who actually care about me.
Some years back, there was an episode of “What would you do?”, or something similar. They staged two different scenarios. One showed a man physically abusing and arguing loudly with a woman. EVERYONE came to the woman’s aid, without even knowing the circumstances. Men and women alike. Then, the sexes were reversed. A woman was shown physically attacking and loudly arguing with a man. WITHOUT FAIL, NO ONE came to his aid. What’s more, strangers were filmed looking on and smiling! When interviewed afterwards, women took the universal viewpoint that the man must have “deserved it”. No one would EVER take the viewpoint that the WOMAN deserved it. And there probably isn’t an ardent feminist alive who would actively work towards remedying this disparity.
On 5, vulnerability: If you have people close to you that react to you showing your vulnerabilities: cut them out! Not being able to be vulnerable about the important people in your life will make you sick and drag you down. In turn, so will these people. In general: If the people around you don't let you be who you are, you need other people around you. It's not easy, with some people maybe not even feasible, but weed out these folks as much as you possibly can! You will feel better once you get to be who you are, with all your strengths and weaknesses!
My ex was manipulative and abusive, and did not allow me any privacy--- even going so far as to steal a notebook I was using as a "divorce" journal --- detailing her abuse, and the neglect she gave me. Her only physical attack was spitting in my face. One thing about woman on man abuse--- men who honor that "I will never strike her / push her, ect", find themselves having to leave because otherwise they WILL lash out and strike back. Way back when, on an episode of the "Phil Donahue" show, a man came out talking about the abuse he was enduring, and the audience (95% women) LAUGHED--- the man said, "no you don't get it--- I was afraid of losing control physically, even AFTER she came at me with a KNIFE. "
And that "you are not MAKING *ME* happy!" is something that should be over by the time you are an adult--- I cannot "MAKE" someone else happy, I can only create conditions, and environment that can HELP "happiness". I am not responsible for someone else's MOODS.
Good morning Emily. I’ve just found your channel. I’m watching your videos and I am stunned about two things. Firstly, as a normal and loving man I agree with everything you are saying. Secondly, I am amazed to be hearing a woman saying the things you are saying. I have spent my whole life looking for a woman with your thoughts and attitude and I have never found one.
Keep doing what you are doing. You are lovely and you are right.❤
As usual, you're spot on with your advice. I started watching your post when I was thinking of leaving my wife of 15 years. She has her own forms of gaslighting. I told her the day before yesterday I was leaving. She played it off until I told her again this morning that it's for real. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, and she had the nerve to downplay it. I actually feel so relieved. It's still going to be a process. Matt Rife is freaking hilarious. Thank you for all your great advice.
Stay strong, improve yourself and you will make it!
It will be worth it when you can breathe a sigh of relief in solitude away from the nagging. I assume there is nagging. God bless you.
@lovelily8310 You assumed right, and thank you 🙂
To be perfectly clear, it’s never ever okay for anyone to hit anyone. That goes for Men AND Women.
Period!
I had a woman talk about my 'faults' with her friends while I was with her, but God forbid if I did that to her when I was with her with my friends. Later in the day she would be enraged that I did that.
... I would do just that. Then when she became childish, I would ask her how it really felt, because she did the same to me. "Equality," baby.
If a woman claims to be a victim of a man, it is up to the man to prove otherwise. if the man claims to be a victim in the relationship, he has to prove he was.
You NAILED them all CORRECTLY !!
Her point about the double standards of physical preferences, I'm that guy. I like women who are curvy and maybe have a little more meat on the bone, so to speak. And I actually don't tend to go after fit, gym girls.
Never once had a single woman try to shame me because, as this video said, my preference was aimed at "making average women feel better." Wow. This was eye-opening! 😮
A woman once asked me, "Do men have feelings?" My reply, "Don't you know? You were married!"
We are all supposed to care about women's feelings, but men's feelings are irrelevant.
I'm glad you mentioned the vulnerability double standard. It gets old having your vulnerability thrown back in your face.
... Run fast and far...
9. The website would probably even pass that video along to law enforcement so the man could be charged if the roles were reversed.
8. Thank you! I've been irritated by this double standard for years, and it's one that girls are taught from a young age. The one that comes to mind off the top of my head was in "The Princess Diaries 2" where a group of girls is looking at candidates for the heroine's required marriage and they included Prince William not because he was eligible but because they loved to look at him.
Excellent list, Emily.
Great video Emily!...a great example of abuse of men that is tolerated and even laughed at is the show "Everybody Loves Raymond"....Debra constantly physically and mentally abuses Raymond with punching him...hitting him in the groin...grabbing him by the ear...slapping him in the face just to mentions a few and the show was a big hit and these acts were laughed at as being funny....we all know that if the activities were reversed and Raymond did that to Debra...well...the show would have been cancelled and off the air and would have had social media outcries and picketing.....just my 2 cents....Cheers!
Correct! We are done with those. The cat is out of the bag and it's not going back in, ever.
One I have noticed is: Women can argue with feelings while men can only use facts. We have an old female politician in Denmark who have succesfully turned most political matters into a question about feelings for almost 30 years AND managed to get away with it: For quite a while her party was the most popular in big parts of the country.
About men crying, I was in a class with two other Vietnam veterans and one day the lead instructor was sick. An assistant instructor put on a documentary about how and why the lead instructor helped a soldier that had served under him get a medal.
A 13 man patrol found out that they had been inserted into 600 man North Vietnamese force. They called for extraction and as the helicopter was lifting them out it was shot down breaking our lead instructor’s back. When a second helicopter got there the soldier that belatedly got the medal was down to seven (7) bullets. As that helicopter started to lift off, realizing our instructor was being left behind because of leave one or leave three, the soldier jumped out to stay with our instructor.
We knew both survived because of the opening scene, still all three of the veterans in the class had powerful reactions, the other two walked out not being able to deal with the stress of the video. I on the other hand was sitting there crying.
Even though I was never in country, I was involved in search and rescue for a B-52 crew that had gone down in a typhoon. Every night, at the end of the deployment, for 10-14 days we were being shot at by cannons.
The other veterans were in country, making patrols similar to the one in the video.
The other veterans served one enlistment while I served 23.5 years.
This class was about 20 years after I retired.
And the question is, which reaction, leaving or crying, shows greater emotion and greater strength.
As a side note, the instructor that played the video apologized to me for not realizing how strong our reactions would be.
A friend of mine who was a Vietnam War vet had a similar reaction to the war scenes in "Forrest Gump". For him it was really cathartic and broke down a mental wall he'd put up for about 20 years to repress those memories.
I'll give you the ultimate double standard, when my 13 year old daughter died my wife expected me to be there for her, to support her through her grief but how could I because although she didn't see it this way, I had lost my daughter too, I was destroyed too. Since then I have been witness to other couples losing children and the mother and her side of the family get incredibly angry at the father for not supporting her. Honestly, it's like the mother is the only one who's suffering. They don't see that the dad is hurting just as much.
Thank you for 'spilling the beans' on how many women actually think and behave, I in my 60yrs have experienced much of what you said.
The violence thing is so accurate. I was with a woman who was violent for a while. She said to me once "I can do anything to you and the police will believe me not you because I'm a woman". Violence in a relationship is wrong, period. I have now been with someone for the last nine years who is not violent, that is the normal I want, not an entitled psychopath.
Another one is,
When a woman is single and self-sufficient, she is a strong, independent woman who needs no man, but if a man is single and self-sufficient, he is deemed to be a part of the patriarchy.
re: hitting a woman: When I was a child my wise mother told me that a man should not hit a lady. " BUT" , she added "If she hits you first, she is NO lady."
TLDR: 1) Women aren't held accountable 2) Men are always at fault
Repeat five times with the specifics changing but those two principles ever present
A neighborhood woman once defended me from attack by another neighborhood woman. I wasn't defend myself and she knew I was afraid of getting into trouble. I greatly appreciated the assist.
Is this normal? I've never heard a woman say she would defend a man from a woman
Divorce.
Even in states where it's 50/50, he gets half of her credit card debt, and she gets half of his stuff.
Plus, he makes payments on the other half.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her..
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?.
Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex..
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive.
Im right there with you me and my fiance I've known for about 13 yrs just broke up. It's rough because me an her have dated off an on and my heart has always been with her and no one else. This was our 3rd time getting back together but it also has showed me that she's not ready like she said she was to settle down. It showed me that she can't commit to a relationship good or bad. So all you can do as much as this hurts is keep moving forward. Everyone in life gets what is coming to them it's called karma. Pick your head up she left you like my fiance left me let her go!!!!!! Don't keep yourself down to long get back up and move forward. Build your mind stronger , take care of your health !!!!!
About the physical violence. I saw a video of a women in a parking spot in an argument with her significant other. She was getting in her car and was driving over him multiple times. Back and forth. He survived it with major injuries, ending up in the hospital. The comment section was full of women, telling how he deserved this for cheating. Not a single one condemning it.
I saw another video of a man stabbing her wife for cheating multiple times. She survied with major injuries. The comment section was full of outrage from both genders against this man. And rightly so. It's not only "normal" physical violence that is normalized against men, it's deadly force too.
#8: Objectification. I recall for years while involved with a local science-fiction convention, hearing quite often the disdain of some of the female organizers criticizing how some male con-goers seemed to like to look at the young, attractive, female cosplayer con-goers. Yet some of these same women, later on, would be talking about looking in the dealer's room for the latest edition of a volunteer beefcake firefighter calendar for charity. It was just maddening.
When women have a standard for men, like above 6' tall, salary six figures, athletic, attractive it is considered her preference or her type, but if a man has a list of preferences, he's misogynistic. hit the nail on the head there.
Another one . In a previous relationship I was supposed to ask " permission" before I spent MY money on something I wanted to buy, whereas she could buy yet another pair of shoes or blouse at anytime and I was just automatically supposed to be OK with it. In the end I just ignored her . She had a meltdown . End of relationship ( sigh of relief )
The first thing my bride and I agreed upon, before our marriage, was there is NO hitting the other. If you hit, even if it's done as a joke, you are out. It has served us well for fifty years.
I broke up with a woman and she attacked me right then and there. First she tried to wrench my car keys away, which bloodied two of my knuckles and I think one of hers. Then it was overhand clawing with fingernails across my face, and finally it was full on closed-fist haymakers. She only got me with the first couple swipes though, the rest I was able to dodge and block with one forearm while getting my phone out and dialing 911 with the other, all while calmly but firmly telling her to stop. She finally did, and I locked myself in my car while she paced around angrily until the cops arrived. I was scared to death that they would see some self-inflicted injuries from her fighting for my keys or maybe bruises from me blocking her attacks, and haul me in for being the bad guy. Thank goodness she did all of this in front of her family. They all liked me, so they told the cops the truth and she spend the weekend in jail, followed by getting convicted for felony assault. The morals of the story: 1.) Men shouldn't have to be so afraid of the cops in domestic violence situations, but we feel that we'll be labeled the aggressor by default, and 2.) If the evidence shows that she was the aggressor, the system will indeed protect you (at least where I live). But never fight back unless she grabs a deadly weapon or something like that.
Only a weekend in jail for that.
Another double standard right there.
Thank you, Emily. I love your content because you are filling a much needed void.
One time we were out with a bunch of friends and while talking someone walked into the room. I saw out of the corner of my eye the movement and I turned to see who walked in. I looked for about 1 second and saw that it was a woman and turned back to the discussion. I got royally chewed out for "looking at that woman" when all I did was look to see who walked in the room. It could have been a man for all I knew at the moment. But later in the evening a man walked in the room and my now ex stared for a while and then made the comment that he could park his shoes under her bed anytime. I lost it and asked why I got chewed out for looking for 1 second to see who came in the room and she could stare and make a comment like that! Of course she didn't understand why I was upset over it.
There were so many double standards in our marriage it was unbelievable! I ended it when I caught her cheating and she refused to quit. Earlier she had said if I ever cheated on her she would divorce me and take everything she could. Little did I know at the time that she would be the one to cheat and still take as much as she could! Now she's sorry and miserable. But I'm happier now than when we were married!
If she didn't have double standards she would have no standards at all!
A man crying is not weakness. It's sincerity and humanity. I would love a man not afraid to express how he feels as opposed to just bottling it up or letting it build until it all just comes out at once..
Thanks for a mature video, concise and respectful approach. My first encounter with your work. Like they sang in Grease, puh-leeze, "Tell me more, tell me more!!"
Best dating advice…
1) If you both had no sex organs, would you still want to hang out on the couch together?
2) Does the sound of the other person’s voice sooth you?
If you answered “yes” to both of the above, chances are that the relationship is a good match.
Always bothered me in Junior High and High School that the girls put half naked pictures of guys all over their lockers. But if any dude put up the equivalent of a woman he was a pervert or "gross". This double standard is still the case in adult life but that's the first time I noticed that I was held to a higher standard than the ladies.
One that's bothered me because I've experienced it a lot is that if I open up about a gender-related issue it's "comparing problems" and I get insulted, but then those same women are the ones outright saying their struggles are somehow worse or more important. They're the only ones comparing anything but because I dare speak up about my own issues I'm suddenly toxic.
The double standard I hate is the justice system. I hate how a woman can make an accusation without evidence and the man is believed to be guilty. Meanwhile if you were to reverse that, if a man were to make an accusation without evidence the case is rejected.
I've had managers in the workplace tell me a woman filed a complaint against me. I threatened to check the security cameras and get a lawyer. The topic was immediately dropped.
Refreshing to hear this. Every age is vulnerable to criticism by the next. I try to see things as they are.
Pushing 79 here. I can't tell you just HOW happy I am that I didn't have to negotiate social media when I was younger. 😁
But yeah - this has been generally true for as long as I can remember.
Go Emily keep it up! So grateful for your genuine voice. It is so needed today.
Speaking of the abuse hypocrisy one, I remember seeing a video people made a few years ago where they tested that double standard in public.
They had a couple walk through a crowded area and start arguing. When the man started yelling and pushing the woman around, with her cringing back from him, people would run up and grab the man, pull him away from her, console her, etc.
Then they did it with the woman being the abusive one, with the man cringing back from her. Nobody came to his defense. In fact, a lot of people just pointed and laughed. Or filmed it.
The wildest one is women being allowed to have height preferences, but seething if men have weight preferences.
It's ok for a woman to only want a guy who is 6 foot plus in height, but if a guy says he's not into big women, he's discriminating. "That woman can't help that she is big boned." But "Women [regarding height] have a right to have their preferences." 🙄
I never raised my hand to my ex apart from in self defense. I can’t say the same for her. After a heated argument she came after me with a large kitchen knife. I picked up a sofa cushion to defend myself. Afterwords she got on the phone with her sister who raced over to the house and confronted me. She accused me of making her sister so mad that she snapped. I was the one being abused but I also got the blame. There’s about 4000 miles between us now.
Back when I was in college in the 90s, I was a gym rat. I was dating a girl who wasn't. Not meaning she was obese or anything, but she wasn't into working out. She said to me once that if I didn't lift, she couldn't date me. The hypocrisy was too much for me. Ended it that night.
This is a second marriage for both of us, and we started couples counseling before we got married to make sure neither of us brought the crap from our first marriages into our second. We have spent a lot of time on these particular stereotypes and have been given the tools to safely negotiate them. We both have anger issues to deal with and although my wife has never "lost her shit on me," she also acknowledged that it would have affected her immensely (and not positively) had I broken down and wept in her presence. We have learned that both partners need a safe space in order to be (sometimes) brutally honest in a respectful way in order to share. These were important lessons we had to learn and have them become ingrained in our daily lives. It is a lot of work, but it is worth it.