I have followed stoic philosophy for a while...then my wife of 39 yrs became ill and in March of this year she went into the hospital ..was put on life support for 1 day.....i made the hardest but easiest decision. In my 70 yrs and took her off of the machines. She passed in less than an hour. I never cried for anything in my life but I sat in my car outside the hospital and lost my mind for 2 hrs....i went to work the next day and dedicated my new life to her! I put more energy now into work...training and my art and music. The pain is still there but this has taught me to. Not take time for granted and redirect myself...... It will be alright...i have 39 wonderful years of memories and a fresh life to live.....thanks and push on!!
Its something i thought about only yesterday while walking my dog. Just how devastated i will be once he moves on....timely. Takes a strong man to own his emotions.....fantastic video.
I can relate to so much of what you have spoken, especially around the not getting it until you get it, and the not caring about anything at all whilst you are in that grief. When my dad died I became quite hardened and unsympathetic to other people’s problems. It just all seemed so trivial. And I definitely didn’t get what certain types of loss meant. If someone lost a baby, miscarried, I thought “oh, that’s a shame, but they can try again”. It wasn’t until I lost my own that I really got it, and although i had experienced quite a number of losses of people and animals by then, nothing hit me like that grief. I used to wash my clothes and sheets daily because they felt drenched with sorrow. Nearly 20 years ago now and that sorrow is still there, just below the surface. There *is* a sort of hierarchy of grief. When my horse Sensi died, i remember being shocked that people somehow still expected me to keep going. When another horse died, some 8 weeks later, aged 41, it was as you described - sad, and we all cried, but it was nothing like the shock and trauma of losing Sensi. The manner of the dying does make a difference. There is some consolation in providing a good death for someone or some animal. And not being able to do that is an additional cruelty for those grieving. I had to do some work to get to where I could remember all the happy times we had in 25 years together, which were otherwise eclipsed by the grief of her death. For me, something I have really struggled with is not “pre-grieving”. There’s a fine line between acknowledging the impermanence of it all, and getting caught up in the future loss. Now, having experienced the loss of so many people and animals, I am learning not to add more sorrow to my present because of what will happen in the future. I do sometimes get a really strong sense of ‘although there are many dear, absent friends and who knows what is around the corner for those here, in this moment, right now, we are here, together.” I love what you said about making the space around you beautiful. I don’t think there is any shame or embarrassment in struggling to settle, I think it just indicates that work needed doing to help that happen. I am glad you found solace in sleep. I always find waking, in the aftermath of the loss, very brutal. Sending lots of love and gratitude for sharing your journey with this grief. I am currently reading “The Wild Edge of Sorrow, Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief” by Francis Weller, and have been thinking of you and Bea.
Still 'see' my old dog in the kitchen doorway sat there waiting for a biscuit. He's been dead for 2 years now. Miss him.
I have followed stoic philosophy for a while...then my wife of 39 yrs became ill and in March of this year she went into the hospital ..was put on life support for 1 day.....i made the hardest but easiest decision. In my 70 yrs and took her off of the machines. She passed in less than an hour. I never cried for anything in my life but I sat in my car outside the hospital and lost my mind for 2 hrs....i went to work the next day and dedicated my new life to her! I put more energy now into work...training and my art and music. The pain is still there but this has taught me to. Not take time for granted and redirect myself...... It will be alright...i have 39 wonderful years of memories and a fresh life to live.....thanks and push on!!
Sorry for your loss sir. Pets are part of the family and indeed hurts.
Its something i thought about only yesterday while walking my dog. Just how devastated i will be once he moves on....timely. Takes a strong man to own his emotions.....fantastic video.
I can relate to so much of what you have spoken, especially around the not getting it until you get it, and the not caring about anything at all whilst you are in that grief. When my dad died I became quite hardened and unsympathetic to other people’s problems. It just all seemed so trivial. And I definitely didn’t get what certain types of loss meant. If someone lost a baby, miscarried, I thought “oh, that’s a shame, but they can try again”. It wasn’t until I lost my own that I really got it, and although i had experienced quite a number of losses of people and animals by then, nothing hit me like that grief. I used to wash my clothes and sheets daily because they felt drenched with sorrow. Nearly 20 years ago now and that sorrow is still there, just below the surface.
There *is* a sort of hierarchy of grief. When my horse Sensi died, i remember being shocked that people somehow still expected me to keep going. When another horse died, some 8 weeks later, aged 41, it was as you described - sad, and we all cried, but it was nothing like the shock and trauma of losing Sensi. The manner of the dying does make a difference. There is some consolation in providing a good death for someone or some animal. And not being able to do that is an additional cruelty for those grieving. I had to do some work to get to where I could remember all the happy times we had in 25 years together, which were otherwise eclipsed by the grief of her death.
For me, something I have really struggled with is not “pre-grieving”. There’s a fine line between acknowledging the impermanence of it all, and getting caught up in the future loss. Now, having experienced the loss of so many people and animals, I am learning not to add more sorrow to my present because of what will happen in the future. I do sometimes get a really strong sense of ‘although there are many dear, absent friends and who knows what is around the corner for those here, in this moment, right now, we are here, together.”
I love what you said about making the space around you beautiful. I don’t think there is any shame or embarrassment in struggling to settle, I think it just indicates that work needed doing to help that happen.
I am glad you found solace in sleep. I always find waking, in the aftermath of the loss, very brutal.
Sending lots of love and gratitude for sharing your journey with this grief. I am currently reading “The Wild Edge of Sorrow, Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief” by Francis Weller, and have been thinking of you and Bea.
Thank you Nicole, you are a good friend and a great student much love to you xx Lee M
Sorry for your loss Lee, where in the west country do you live now?