Toxic Takeaways - How Not to Love, Actually
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- Опубликовано: 1 авг 2024
- Love Actually has a reputation as a feel-good classic, a holiday season staple that’s as hilarious as it is heartwarming. The 2003 film boasts a star-studded international cast-including Hugh Grant, Emma Thompson, Keira Knightley, and Liam Neeson-in a loosely connected collection of vignettes about how love is all around us. But if we look closer, we can see that many of its ideas about love are, well, kind of messed up, even by romantic-comedy standards. Here are some of the film’s most Toxic Takeaways, and what we can-and shouldn’t-learn from them.
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Public proposals are one of the most unfair things you can do to someone, you're basically pressuring that person to say yes because of the pressure of not embarrassing you.
Proposals are meant to be surprises. But you must expect it beforehand. You’re setting yourself up for failure if one of you is unsure because the feeling has to be mutual in order for it to work. But yeah, even if both people are expecting one always cater a proposal to their tastes. I hate public proposals because I’m so shy.
@Black Ninja You cannot be sure of the feelings of other person or what is going on inside their head. You can't suppose you know how the other person feels about something, and when you proposes publicly you are taking away the opcion of saying their true feelings from them, and provokes an uncomfortable feeling of pressure, instead of the hapiness that should be there during a proposal. Otherwise, there is no needs to do a public proposal in a crowd instead of a personal, private proposal
@@elisamozo3808 In most cases that is true, as the restaurant full of people who I berated after they started booing a girl who had said no to one such public proposal found out BUT, there are people who would absolutely love to be the center of attention in that way. They should be, if that's what they want.
Point being, if the person who is doing the proposing has not asked what his intended would prefer, he damn well deserves to be embarrassed in front of everyone.
A proposal of marriage is one question where you probably shouldn't ask it unless you are reasonably sure of the answer already.
@@elisamozo3808 of course you can know what a person is feeling and thinking. You ask them. Marriage is something a couple talks about extensively beforehand. It's an open dialog about each others expectations for where the relationship is going. Most woman know there is a proposal coming and welcome it, if not they break up before it even takes place. Emotionally functioning adults don't go blindly into a proposal without having an idea how it will be received.
Some woman find the notion of public proposals incredibly romantic. To each their own.
unless youve been in a relationship a long time and have talked about getting married
My favorite quote about this movie: ''...aimed at a female audience, but tells them the ideal woman brings you food, isn't fat and shows you her boobs'' - Honest trailers
I'll go watch it right now!
Honest trailers rockkkk
Honest trailers is THE BEST
Oh that is brilliant
I mean, exactly!
in other words, the only healthy relationship in Love Actually, is the one with the couple that works in the porno industry? 🤣
I mean we all knew before that they are the cutest, didn´t we? :D
I agree! They of course were the most boring to me unironically.
Yep that's the unintended joke
Club Nientiendo yep- and let’s not get judgemental OK? Lol😂
No.. I think that if they started with them though the video would go on for HOURS
The story of the kid (Sam) is not really about the girl (Joanna). The real love story there is between Sam and his stepfather and that has always been my favorite part of the movie.
Exactly
When I first saw the film I didn't know whether Daniel was Sam's natural father, his step father or his uncle on his mother's side.
Same with the Harry/Karen story imo
Yes!
THIS THO
I am patiently waiting for the "Hot exotic" girl trope
That's a good one.
Likewise, as well as the "Spicy Latina", or the "Fan service Girl." 😍
and effects my life...:D
No, I don't have problem Hot exotic girls or other people.
its also has a trope ''hot exotic'' guy
Honestly same. :p
Me too. 😕
I really hated that Keira ended up kissing Andrew Lincoln with her husband in their house , i called it cheating and creppy and my mom (who unfortunately grew up with too many toxic romcoms) said "is a goodbye kiss" and i said "how is does that solve anything?". At least the actor knows his character was creppy. The Sam storyline i can excuse it because well, he is a kid
My haters throw rocks at me and it hurts. I hope they don't throw The Rock at me because I like him as an actor. GAGAGAGAGA!!! I am funny!!! For more amazing jokes you have to visit my YT site, dear lil
Well, it leads Mark to the conclusion that it's "enough" now. For him It's closure.
@@irian42 feelings don’t really work that way though.. if you genuinely love someone you don’t just stop loving them because they give you a „goodbye kiss“, no?
@@louie.lenard5795 Of course, it's not reality, it's a movie. The "door scene", "goodbye kiss" and "enough" symbolize the "moving on", while in reality it would be a longer ongoing process.
just pointing out that perceiving a kiss, that is clearly a pity "oh you poor guy" kiss goodbye (while it is creepy and i agree with the video's statement about stalkign), perceiving this kiss automatically as cheating (without also knowing the details of Keira's relationship) is actually in itself a toxic trope taught to us by the same romcoms u judge your mom for watching ;)
I would say Emma Thompson’s character hid her emotions after finding out about Harry having an affair because she didn’t want to break down in front of her kids! That’s not being emotionally repressed or “British “ it’s being a strong woman for your kids sake.
On top of that, I always think that it‘s best to „work through“ the emotions alone and go into a dialogue with a clear head
Final point to add, she waited a few hours and only a few hours to confront him. She finds out before leaving for the kids play, pulls it together for a few hours, then confronts him after the play is done. Honestly one of the best portrayals of being both a wife and a mother.
@@lclarndt and a good example of motherly love. Why make a scene in front of the kids and ruin their night just before the play when you can „simply“ pull yourself together for a few hours?
Also, the part where Emma Thompson says "Get a grip." That's pure Britishness. Our insults to our loved ones are endearing. The more you insult someone? The more you like them. It isn't repression of emotions at all. It's giving someone a chin up.
No reason it can't be both.
As an introvert, the idea of someone trying a “grand romantic gesture” is true nightmare fuel.
Well luckily as an introvert you'll never have to worry about anyone making any kind of romantic gesture towards you lol
This movie frustrated me. Especially the best friend’s wife plot. Those signs he had made me sick. I was like, “You dont even know her! Thats your best friend’s wife!” Completely violates the bro code.
Yesssss. Also why did she kiss him. Like what!
I know, it just felt very awkward, especially when it was framed by the narrative as being cute and romantic, when he's being extremely creepy, and his best friend could come out and question him at any moment! 🤦🏻♀️
I hated that plot with all my soul. My date loved it. There was never a 2nd date.
I know right. What kind of friend does that?
Same here I’m like how is that romantic to take someone else’s wife let alone your best friend’s wife ?
the take: falling for your boss is problematic
*every single chinese romance drama has left the chat*
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 brooooooo
👀
HAHAHAHA. You killed me
Makes me want to see Chinese romantic dramas now!
Oof wait you’re telling me dating someone in a position of authority over you isn’t healthy or appropriate in the workplace.
Gotta disagree on wife hiding her emotions when she finds out her husband is cheating. She's thinking about her kids: 1. Xmas, 2. school play is about to start.
3. I would want to deal with my emotions by myself before talking to my husband about it
Exactly! What was she supposed to do, start sobbing and calling her husband a cheat right in front of their children? She did confront him the moment she had the chance. Furthermore, Harry immediately admitted that he was a complete fool. He didn't start backpedaling and making up a story on the spot in an attempt to cover his tracks, like I know many people would do. He felt the whole time that he was in the wrong, and being confronted by his wife was a wake-up call. I honestly don't think he would do it again.
Also, the movie didn’t try to show idealistic love stories, but more realistic ones (not with the over the top romantic gestures). A wife realising her husband is cheating on her and keeping it in, is very common in real life.
PLEASE don’t EVER use kids as an excuse! They see/feel the truth either way ... maybe not RIGHT at that moment , but KIDS will grow up and see what’s the healthier choice to deal with that.
She discusses it with him as soon as she gets a moment to do so as well, which was the same day. I've never had a problem with her taking a moment to compose herself. It's the healthiest way to respond. If you confronted someone about a wrongdoing the moment you found out about it, you may both say or do things in the heat of the moment that you regret.
Er, I think it's very evident what Emma Thompson's character is feeling: she's totally heartbroken. As seen in her breakdown. And in that instance, she hid how she felt so as not to traumatise her kids. Confronting Harry within their earshot would only upset and really worry them. The second she has him relatively alone at the play she immediately indicates she knows the truth and is honest about how it made her feel. I think it's okay that she's undecided whether to leave him or not at the end.
This is actually the best plotline in the movie. However, it's so realistic and painful that I'm always tempted to fast-forward through it and move on to lighter-hearted fare.
The “one” is why so many people remain in abusive and dangerous relationships.
Apart from that, people are dynamic, how are soulmates supposed to work in the first place?
but there is
The "one" is also why quite a few remain alone.
Did you lie tho???
Nah it's more due to the media romanticizing abusive relationships all the time with the abusive partner magically changing in the end from the other partners love alone. As if that happens in real life... I think the concept of "the one" is what keeps many people single.
"If someone keeps bringing you down, perhaps it's time to get up and leave"
Karen Salmansohn
I agree, 100%! You shouldn't spend time with someone who blatantly unappreciates or mocks you! 😤🙌🏾
@@trinaq I agree.
The irony of that being said by a Karen.
@@trinaq yeah instead people should WORSHIP you
@@monabohamad2242 I hope you said it ironically
Agreed with a lot of the points in this but disappointed you didn't pick up on the biggest flaw in Laura Kinney's storyline. The worrying codependency she has with her brother. She has zero boundaries with him, is available to him 24/7 regardless of her own self care or wellbeing, and his "needing" her causes her to choose him above any other relationship even existing, when she doesn't have to. And the film paints this as noble. It's a really dangerous message imo
That was the plotline I hated most.
Also, I'm surprised the mental health institution in the film allows this kind of interaction between the patient and his family members. At one point, he's shown to have violent tendencies. Is this normal IRL??
I don't actually think the film painted it as noble. It was about the exasperation.
@@richatlarge462 The message of the film at the end is that there are different kinds of love and how important they all are and they show lots of different clips. They include a scene of Laura Linney with her brother, alone. He hugs her and she smiles so for me the final message on that codependent relationship is very much, "it's all okay! Her sacrificing her entire life for her brother unnecessarily is a good thing!"
@@jaycievictory8461 But we know what she sacrificed. I think it's a mixed message.
Mia knew what she was doing. So did Alan Rickman's character. No one was a "good guy" there. I actually think the film approach their attraction in a very balanced way. Infidelity for certain, but it was an active choice on Mia's part to pursue her boss. A man she knew was married. She's not a victim. He also knew it was wrong to pursue the attraction and reciprocate. He ain't no victim either.
AMEN
There’s actually a deleted scene where she plots seducing Harry with Mark
I think you’re kind of missing the point tho. Yes she is openly pursuing him, further perpetuating the narrative that sexually liberated women or women who wear tight clothes are seducing the defenceless man who knows it’s wrong but gives into it anyway since the woman’s just so seductive. Yes they’re both consenting but the female is portrayed as the enforcer and he many never have done if she wasn’t so ‘pushy’ or open about it, ultimately shifting the blame to the promiscuous woman instead of the married much older man. However you may have meant something different that I missed, so plz enlighten me if I misinterpreted something
Married men who cheat are the only ones to blame. If not her he would cheat with someone else. Get some self esteem silly woman
@@nikidon99 yes, thank you! The person who's married is the only one who HAS to respect their partner.
Some of this analysis is very fair, but some I think ignores the fact that the characters are intentionally being written as flawed and not as an ideal to aspire to. For example, Bill Nighy's character is very clearly framed as a jerk and someone who has trouble opening up. When he actually softens up a bit and admits what Joe means to him, it would be unrealistic if he suddenly could do it with no awkwardness and macho posturing. So yes, he doesn't say it perfectly, but he SAYS it and that's incredible progress for him and their relationship. That's the heartwarming part.
Likewise with Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman's marriage, the fact that it's a broken marriage is the whole point. It's not framed as good that they don't communicate, it's not framed as good that he cheats, it's why their whole relationship is falling apart and at the end of the movie Thompson's character admits she doesn't know if it can ever be fixed again. Showing a messy, complicated, unhealthy relationship in a movie isn't a bad thing when the movie is clearly portraying it for what it is and not idealizing it.
Exactly. I think the points they made in this vid are definitely valid but also some of them kind of ignore the way the individual characters’ stories are written too like the examples you’ve pointed out.
@@brittnicolew3292 i
Nacha255 good points
I agree!
Also at the point when she actually realises he gave the necklace to Mia and not to her, she was about to go out with her husband and kids (maybe the concert, I don't recall) and she didn't seem to want to make a scene at that point and spoil the evening for her kids. I think Emma Thompson relays her true feelings and her intentions in that scene masterfully. When she makes the supposed dig with Mia being very pretty I thought she was testing out Harry's reaction and the warning was genuine as she did not expect him to actually pursue her at that point and was more worried about the implications it made if people thought Harry was making eyes at his employee or more...
Please can you talk about how cheating is framed to be justified into films as long as it’s between the main characters?
I'd love a video on that, because cheating is sometimes complicated. Media doesn't do a great job of covering it. It's either way too easily justified because it's the main characters like you said, or the cheater is nothing but a terrible monster.
I think it speaks to the sentiment that love is always irreverent, and often inconvenient.
@@Aster_Risk Exactly! Like there’s no grey area and we need a grey area
@@thisnigerianlovesdrinkingg4522 the only gray area I will accept is the one between the Captain and Commander Grayson on The Orville.
Ya'll may not like this, but Enchanted falls into this category.
What about the body double actor's romance? They were equals in their work place and they liked each other because they got to talk on set when they usually never had anyone to talk to.
They weren't toxic at all to be included
And also their chemistry builds over time rather than being love at first sight
Some points here are valid...some were embellished to fit the narrative that The Take was trying to convey. Jamie didn’t gather a crowd to propose to Aurelia, he went to where she lived to get her dad’s blessing and she wasn’t there but at work. So her dad walked him to the restaurant and people then followed on their own. Just wanted to point that out.
Also the fact that in some cultures, there is no concept of privacy. I thought that scene was hilarious.
yeah but the writers wrote it that way so that it becomes a grand romantic gesture
@@mansibhagwate5 There is very much a concept of privacy among Portuguese people, in spite of our close relationship with family. I could be tempted to argue that, since the whole scene takes place in France with a Portuguese immigrant family that lives among the Portuguese immigrant community, that they would have naturally gathered there, but even that sounds unfair. We are also not a bunch of rude gold-diggers, which is something implied by Aurelia's family, as they keep communicating in insults and telling Aurelia to marry Jamie and dump him for prince William later (even as a joke, we wouldn't have said that publicly). I understand that Richard Curtis wanted to pay homage to a former Portuguese housekeeper, but this was a disrespectful way to do it.
Yes, The take is always delivering a feminist narrative where men are assholes and women are their victims. Also the two women behind the channel are women.
@@sofitocyn100 Okay, boomer.
Never liked Keira Knightley's storyline. I would have slammed the door on the guy, that's just disrespectful to her and his best friend!
I concur, and I always wondered what he would have done had his friend answered the door instead, and how he would have explained the flashcards proclaiming his love for his wife! ☺️😤
jasayehan exactly same here.
@@trinaq He'd have put the cards away pretty damn quickly!
Me too!!
@@trinaq would've made the story better lol
I was just thinking how I didn't like this movie because of that poor man being betrayed by his wife and best friend.
So sad
Just one kiss.
@ Cheating is Cheating. Also it starts with a kiss.
@@comiclove5 How did it end up like this?
Their love story is his villain origin story.
I just realized that Emma Thompson’s character and Laura Liney’s character are the only two women in this movie whose perspective we focus on and who have the most complex characters motivations and they are both the only ones given “unhappy” romantic endings. Kinda ironic in a movie for women.
I never thought this movie was about real love, but about a myriad of ways people can have that feeling of it, and it's not all always positive in the end.
I don't like the little boys story being lumped in with the rest. He's a preteen. He seems to be having pretty standard preteen feelings 'shes amazing and perfect and she's leaving so my life is over oh also ive never talked to her.' is super unhealthy for an adult but is a pretty normal development stage for a preteen. We don't take him or his romance seriously and we're not supposed to.
Agree. His storyline isn't about his crush but his relationship with his step father who wants to be for him but he doesn't know how but he taught to his son the fact you must face your fears and be kind with your love one. This was my favoritive part of movie
Yes, he didn't tell his love interest how he felt but he's too young to know how to do that. Kids should be allowed to image things before they have to grow up and live them.
His plotline was the only one I cared about in the whole film
Yeah I felt like they were taking his storyline too seriously when it shouldn’t really share equal weight with the others
and yet the movie strongly urges us to not dismiss his story solely based on his age. we aren't supposed to take it seriously, and the movie shouldn't expect us to either. but it does and THAT is problematic
The porn extras where the most loving and respectable of the entire film....
I kept trying to figure out what their jobs were.....like it wasn't porn....they're called professional "stand-ins"....
@@Sourpatches Maybe they're stand-ins in some nudity-heavy arthouse movie?
@@Sourpatches they stood in for getting lighting and and camera angle correct because filming the real porn actors has to be done quickly and with few takes.
This comment section has convinced me I have to rewatch this thing because I have no memory of porn/nude/mostly nude actors whatsoever. I didn't even like the movie on the first pass when I was a teen, but I have got to figure out who these characters were and how I could forget them
Maybe they were trying to make some kind of point about the porn industry lol
I just wanted to mention how beautiful Alan Rickman's voice was.
I don't think all stories in the movie were meant to be seen as romantic. It was just to show that love can be messy, unexpected, far from what's depicted in fairy tales and yeah, sometimes toxic. Like I don't think anyone who has seen the film thinks cheating on your wife is an okay thing to do. Maybe the problem lies in classifying love actually as a romcom? Because not every romance is healthy or good to emulate
I agree. Well said.
I prefer The Holiday. Two simple stories, two non-toxic sweet romances. One of them even centers around breaking free from her manipulative ex!
Yes!! The Holiday is a great, sweet, healthy, and underrated romantic movie where the characters genuinely like each other, have things in common, respect and support each other, and bond as friends first.
Loved that movie
Yesssss by far one of my all time favorite romcoms! It shows true relationships and open communication and all the thungs that make love amazing 😍😍
Cameron Diaz makes me want to pour acid into my eyes and ears in that movie. Absolute garbage.
The Holiday is my favorite Christmas movie, but Love, Actually is my second.
Now I want Bridget Jones's Diary series to be dragged. Ask me why.
Also Joanna and Daniel were a couple in Phineas and Ferb.
Karen needs to summon her inner Karen with Harry.
I have my own thoughts about that series but I'd love to know yours!
i do not know what that is but tell me anyways!
Is it because in the movie it seems like the only goal of a woman´s life is to find a man?
Uh... why?
Ditto, I'd love to see how they'd critique that flick by 2020 standards! 😍
I actually thought the relationship between Alan Rickman and Emma Thompson was kind of healthy near the end because he didn't gaslight her or fight to explain himself. Instead he acknowledge that he hurt her and that he realizes he was being foolish... which I think is a healthy first step if you want to heal as a couple from an affair.
Thing is it didn’t get as far as an affair. It pretty much goes like this, women flirts with older man, older man is flattered and buys expensive necklace, wife finds out about necklace, man realizes he’s been stupid, and that’s it. There is still a breach of trust, but no full blown affair.
I noticed you failed to mention the relationship that always gets cut out when the movie is broadcast on TV, the one relationship that kind of highlights all these problems you're talking about: the soft-porn couple. They meet at work, neither has power over the other, they chat and get to know each other, they go on dates which happen off-screen, they're respectful of each other, and truly bond. When they get engaged at the end of the movie, it's the one relationship viewers think will actually work and they'll be happy together. And I've always really loved the idea that the one relationship that is the most realistic is between two people whom society would judge as being amoral and untrustworthy because of their choice of profession.
They are actually stand ins in an erotic drama/soft porn. So they aren’t actually going to be seen nude in the film. But otherwise yeah agree.
Ok, but as a Brit a lot of the “cold” communication between couples is a cultural banter thing (you are right tho we’re not great at expressing emotions)
Like the banter between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett?
Yeah, I feel like if some US Americans heard how a lot of irl British couples talk to eachother it'd really freak them out
@@caitlin329 I've dated Americans before and I just come across as brutal to them 😅
@@choles523 A lot of it is definitely in tone and reciprocation of it. There are definitely couples here who are genuinely unhealthy/cold/generally mean to one another, but you can kind of just tell the difference.
It's a weird cultural thing
Yeah that part was annoying. I thought it was rude of them to dig on the banter. Have they never watched anything else with British humor?
I agree that love actually has problemetic areas, ESPECIALLY the best friend plot. But some of it was actually to be imperfect. It's about love, not about being lovely. Some of these don't have happy endings. With the girl who was obsessed with her coworker I thought it was very realistic. You have this fantasy and then it comes true and what does it actually mean? Did it actually make you happy? No. And she doesn't end up with him. And the married couple with an affair.. it doesn't have a happy ending but she also doesn't leave him because that is also what happens in real life. The problem with romantic comedies is that they combine unrealistic ideas with a romantisized plot. I feel like love actually has unhealthy ideas but is not all rose collored glasses. With old fims we have to take the bad with the good and for me love actually still has enough good to be charming.
I thought she did leave him. They just kept coparenting.
THANK YOU
@@nataliaalfonso2662 Idk haha it was unclear, or I just haven't seen the movie in a while.
@@nataliaalfonso2662 this is a convo my friends and I have been having for seven years lmao. I think they coparent though!
Exactly. It doesn't portray love as perfect and in my opinion isn't the typical romcom because some of the storylines have unhappy endings. It's one of the only romcoms I can actually palate.
Natalie doesn't get fired! She gets moved to a different department so that he's not in the awkward position of having a crush on his direct employee. That's the opposite of abusing his power.
Yes, thank you. He wasn't upset with her about the American president thing. It just made him realize that his feelings could make it difficult to work together, and he didn't want to risk making her uncomfortable.
YES!
No, that is abuse of power.
@@Steeleperfect Well ffs she did blatantly hit on her boss, let that teach her that its not a good idea. He was of course the typical douche who was totally going for it but lets get real here; she started it and was playing with fire.
There is no way she wasn't demoted. There is no up or sideways from her position at Downing st nor does he suggest she get promoted. If she wasn't going to get actually fired she was getting a huge balck mark for the pm himself asking for her to be removed from his presence in a service position.
I really loved this film because it depicted "love", or what we think is love, in an "actual" way. More clearly, they depicted romantic situations and relationships in a realistic manner, which often is toxic.
I loved this movie when I was younger!, I watch it twice a year every year and took many notes to remind me what not to do in my romantic life. I always thought the movie was a collection of very negative romances and made them look cringe so you never followed their actions. I'm sure I wasn't the only one who realized it when i first watched it....right?
Same
also hate that rachel and ross were the example of limerence turning into genuine love 🤮
I always wondered why Ross and Rachel's relationship was more popular than Monica and Chandler's. Mondler is obviously the healthier couple however Roshel has more drama and Hollywood loves promoting drama.
@@offsetbrowser3301 Exactly!! I watched an interesting video talking about how Ross and Rachel only end up together not because they're right for each other, it's because they have so much history (+ a child) that they'll never be able to truly form emotional connections with anyone else, which seems toxic to romanticize to me!!
I hated that she laid out the reasons why going to work in PARIS would be amazing for her career and then she turned around and gave it all up. She did much better in season 3 when she breaks up with Ross with no hesitation when he disrupted her first real job. Realistically, if the show had continued, they would have broken up again, and then she would have regretted not going to Paris. So frustrating
@@Emma-tf9jg I feel like so much time was focused on Ross and Rachel's relationship more than as 2 separate characters. Some of that screen time could have been dedicated more towards Joey and Pheobe
Theirs is limerance to genuinely-driving-the-audience-insane!
My favorite pair from Love Actually isn't a romantic one. It's Daniel and Sam. It's really sweet to see them bond, even if it is through grief. He's a good father, he really does care for Sam, and by the end, when Sam calls him Dad, it's so heartwarming. They needed each other in a very difficult time and they were both there for the other.
I have always hated "Love Actually" for the same reasons you've pointed out in this video. So Glad to finally see it addressed! I've never understood why people think it's such a great and romantic movie when it's actually fantasy drivel.
Ive hated ths film ever since the day i saw it in the cinema nearly 20 years ago.
Me too. I remember thinking the trailer looked so amazing and I’ve never been more disappointed in a movie.
So the f*ck what if it’s silly fantasy drivel? Gods, you people shouldn’t ever watch movies since they’re all fictional.
Ok... So... A long time ago story against grand gestures:
I broke up with a boyfriend. We were both in love but the relation was turning awfully toxic (he would provoke me into hitting him and then, when I apologise, he would say it was ok because he deserved it). And he tried to win me back. How? With "grand gestures". Oh gosh the dread. He appeared one night bellow my window carrying... Yes... You guessed it... Written signs!!! Right in the middle of the park across the street... It was so heartbreaking to tell no "no, I'm sorry, please go home" (in whatever public transport might still be available at this hour). Then he showed up at a friend's gathering (not friends in common) he knew I was going with a grand rose bouquet and a touching speech, making the "no, I'm sorry, terribly hard yet again.
A couple of weeks ago he called... To apologise for his toxic behaviour and saying that he has learnt and accepted that he was awful for doing those things. And no, he was not trying to get back together. It was pretty sincere. At least he learn (even if it took him some more than 10 years give or take).
And guess what? He was a rom-com fan. Not me. I always hated that he dragged me to see rom-coms (and twilight movies)... So, yes, this depiction can be misleading and ultimately harmful.
Wow! What a story. Glad he learned from your relationship/past mistakes! Romcoms did a number on a lot of people, me included...
"he would provoke me into hitting him"
No words.
@@marcia6010 yeah... I'm still to blame for falling for it. I 100% admit it
@@KatherinaBathory uh....what..."falling for it"? Like--oh no, he told me to hit him and silly me I got physically violent, oops?? 😕 I dunno your situation (nor do I want to) but that seems kinda victim-blamey to me. Just say, at one point I lost control and physically lashed out. You are more than a bad decision, it's fine to fuck up then grow. Dude did seem majorly self-delusional about rom-coms I'll admit tho, glad ya'll have split and wish you and him the best in recovery. Toxic relationships blow 🤢🤢🤢
Sounds mutually unhealthy and like you probably need to do some self-reflection too tbh
I feel like critiquing the boy's approach to love is a bit weird. Children are not mature, they do not yet have the ability to analyse their feelings and actions clearly. You can of course say something about the dad not stopping him but that's about it.
SafiraK I agree
SafiraK I feel it was more part his grieving process ?
they said it is understandable in his case because he is a child and not mature enough to know the difference. :)
But the thing is, it works out for him in the end. Richard Curtis made a short follow up for "Comic Relief" a couple of years ago in which the boy, now grown, is expecting a baby with the object of his affection.
But even in the film, the boy gets a payoff as he (like the Andrew Lincoln character) gets a kiss from his crush before she flies back to the States.
@@toomuchinformation well, yes, because it is a romcom, where happy end is a given
I thought this movie was about imperfect people falling in love or feeling attracted towards others with all the imperfections they represent, not a tutorial movie about how to fall in love or how to be in a relationship. Nothing dysfunctional is idealised here and viewer himself is suppose to judge whether he can relate to certain approach or whether he prefers to condemn certain behaviours. For example if it comes to colin firth's character- we don't see them in like 10 years where they are happily married- they may have as well split up months after really getting to know each other. It's the attraction, infatuation that we see not idealised picture of such situation.
Love Actually is on the short list of films that actively lowered my self esteem. A few years ago I was a bit thiccer than I am today. I watched them spend 2 hours bullying a girl who looks like she was about a size 14 for being too fat. They made it seem like the prime minister was some kind of hero for being attracted to her. Her body type was the first woman I'd seen on screen that resembled my own and by the end of the movie I felt way worse about myself than before I had seen her at all.
You completely missed the point. What made it funny was people kept saying she was fat when she totally wasn't and was quite attractive.
Y'all. It was supposed to be a trilogy: "Love, Actually" "Lust, Actually" "Limericks, Only"
I would have respected "Love, Actually" more had it been called by either one of those other titles.
I would love to see "Love, Actually?" The follow up that shows how all these precarious "relationships" fall apart. Keira Knightly gets divorced when he sees BFF on a Ring camera. It doesn't work out long term with BFF bcuz now it's too real. The British guy gets sued by the Portuguese woman for abusing his employer status AND her Portuguese family never accepts him bcuz he is not Catholic (My father is Portuguese but my mother is not, so I do know a little about this). etc. etc
Just like the unmade "Pretty Woman 2"' when Richard Gere's character yells in an argument "You were a WHORE turning tricks on the street when we met!" or a scene where she and a friend financially clean him out when she wakes up one day and decides she will never fit in with his world and is tired of trying. He comes home to an empty house and bank account. Or at the VERY least, her friends and family CONSTANTLY hitting him up bcuz they are rich.
do you mean limerance?
I've always thought Mark was such a weirdo! Dude that's your best friend's wife! How are you in love with her? You don't know her because you don't even talk to her, she said it herself!!! lol
She said that he didn't even like her, but now I realise that he was hiding his true feelings for her.
okay I agree with the overall critique but you know people sometimes develop a crush on someone without really knowing them? so what if it was his best friend's wife? you don't control who you fall in love with
You know some people you are just unreasonably attracted to. And you are unable to move on until you have exercised the ghost by telling them. Otherwise you think about what if's wallowing in self pity. Mark now gets to move on. That's the point of the story.
@@MissCaraMint It would have been better if Mark's parents slapped him as a metaphor to showcase that reality must hit him as hard as it can
Workplace romances are a real thing tho, many people meet a partner at work which makes sense seeing how much time we spend there...
well the problem is power dynamics - a boss and an employee
if it’s between colleagues then that’s different
@@FruityHachi Just be very careful with your emotions unless you want all of it to go to hell
I think the arc of the British guy who flies to America to get girls is basically a big joke on americans, it's not supposed to be taken seriously, it's just them making fun of you, americans. If that's a good or bad thing, it's another story, but just wanted to clarify. Also, you didn't mention the porn actors story, it's the healthiest romance in the film. haha I agree there are few toxic portrayals of love in this film, but at the same time I think some of them were intentional and that you guys misinterpreted them.
1. Colin's story was meant to be lighthearted and fun, I don't think they were necessarily making fun of Americans. 2. For the millionth time, they're not porn actors 🙄
Yes so true, I just watched the film. That character's storyline is basically just one big joke that's not meant to be taken seriously.
Thank you, I was starting to thing everything is wrong with me for liking this movie
I could never get into the spirit of this film. The creepy factors named here are why.
it's not that the british are not open with their emotions. We deflect situations we see as awkward with humour. Our humour is often intense or self deprecating sarcasm. I don't like Love Actually because it's creepy but stuff like 13:05 is sarcasm. Our "passive aggressive digs", while true in that context, are usually how we show our affection. I would never say to my best friend "I love you so much and care deeply about our friendship" but when they do or say something stupid I would say "I fucking hate you" and that literally means "you're so stupid I love you so much for it"
This^
It's a constant source of amusement between the Brits and Americans in our company about how we technically both speak English, but in different ways.
A team member I respect will be referred to as the "least annoying person I know" whilst a server malfunction crashing the accounts system is "a slight technical hitch".
As for Love Actually though? It's creepy. Very creepy.
I have been born in entirely the wrong country. My quibs would have been so much more appreciated if I were British!
🤦🏻♀️😪🙄No it’s not how you show love it’s being toxic. That behavior just proves that many mistake being treated badly for being liked. People should never accept passive aggressiveness especially from your friends.
@@wickedwonderland9831 huh sounds like one of the storylines lmao
The stalking/persistence trope is what creeps me out in real life. It’s like, “I said nope! Please stop!” And the dude continues
I’m stuck on the fact that he professed his love to his BEST FRIEND’S WIFE
Also, honestly I don’t mind the boss x employee trope as long as he’s not using his power to get to her, doesn’t feel completely stupid, and there’s no kind of favoritism shown towards her. Completely fair. Pretty much business when at work and keeps the relationship for when it’s not work.
maybe the first one was only a guy trying to move on from a crush he has had on his best friend's wife and probably not him trying to woo her and/or win her over or anything
@@monabohamad2242 It definitely is this. Unrequited love is very painful, and you keep playing the "what if" over and over to yourself. The only way of getting out of it is either cutting them off or telling them. He NEEDE to say something. The kiss part, well I can understand that that was the end. They both could go back to their lives and live them now. She with the man she loves and him healing and possibly finding someone of his own.
I have the feeling you didn't get the Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman story... And you casually ignored the fact she discovered the betrayal on Christmas Eve and in front of their children. And you would like her to cry and screem there? Really?
That would be so traumatizing for the kids. Shes a good mom for not doing that.
Yes, exactly. This reaction is also foreshadowed earlier on in her conversation with the Liam Neeson character.
The Take obviously didn't get the British humour there - the fact that she's a close friend finding a not-so mushy way to tell him he can't pine forever - but the Emma Thompson character is also conveying her own priorities there. When your heart breaks and you have kids, you don't have the luxury of wallowing in it. You just have to get on with life. We see the unhealthy flip side of this attitude in her own breakdown later on, but there is a point to it. It's characterization for her, and sets up the idea of moving on for him.
I always got the impression Liam Neeson's character was relatively new to the step-dad role and still finding his way. His plotline was in my view not just bonding with his son, but also disproving Sam's unhealthy belief that there is only one true love for everyone in the world. It might be absurd that he meets a Claudia Schiffer doppelganger at the end of the movie, but it does prove that even if it seems unimaginable, love can find you again after loss. I appreciate it wasn't the most fleshed-out element of the film, but I'm surprised so much time was spent on Sam's youthful limerance and this wasn't even mentioned.
Didn’t she bring it up at another public event?
@@celloafterdark4173 But they were alone then and she could better control her emotions.
I always think that the Emma Thompson plotline was about her love for her children. She gets frustrated some times and Harry hurts her but she does everything she can to give her kids the most wholesome childhood possible
The part where Emma Thompson tells Liam Neeson's character to "get a grip" on his grief because "no one likes sissies" is genuinely shocking!
Very British
Between really good friends, like those characters, it's completely normal. She wasn't hateful or mean about it, it was a joke between two people who know each other. Not everyone is the same with grief, sometimes blunt laughter helps.
That’s British culture 💯 they are dry, sarcastic and witty. The term stiff upper lip is used there for a reallll reason.
I am Danish and had the same reaction. For me it has been a cringe worthy moment for years until I watched the film with my English fiancé who replied: "that's just being British." To me it's still cringy but now, at least, I know that it's simply a cultural difference.
And it foreshadows her crying scene. She isn't crying for a reaction, it is private grief.
I was 12 when I saw this movie on theaters and honestly looking back I've internalized many of those toxic behaviors that media pushed to us. I kinda saw my whole lifetime being affected by this cursed movie right now.
Well, one of my friend’s parents were NO WAY able to communicate with each other ‘cause the one was Canadian and spoke English and the other Greek and spoke Greek but they fell in Love and now they’re married for 22 years😌
THANK YOU. I utterly ADORE romantic comedies but I’ve always hated this movie and people said I was crazy and just “didn’t get it”
The only healthy love story in this movie is the one with Martin Freeman.
Totally agree 👏
so it's hardly and barely a love story
Glad I’m not the only one who thinks Love Actually isn’t actually that great.
I do actually enjoy Billy and Joe's friendship and Daniel and Sam's relationship the most in the movie. It did the platonic and familial relationships best!
I don't mind this movie. I find Laura Linney's and Emma Thompson's story lines infuriating though. They both put up with jerks in their life and don't push back. I actually like the Colin story line because it's so absurd, it's meant to be that way. The Keira Knightly thread is bad of course, but I am glad that they put a platonic love story in, with Bill Nighy and his manager.
I will say this about the Colin Firth storyline, yes it's weird but he does try to connect with her and so does she. The second time we see them, they do talk about seem to understand what each other is saying and also when they talk about his book. I might be wrong but that's what I saw.
@@erinsbooks Sorry I actually meant the character named Colin that goes to America. I love the Colin Firth story line too.
I think the completely missed the point with the Colin story. Of course it’s everything they said but that’s exactly the point of it. It’s your basic fantasy that is so specific and unlikely that it’s just so stupid that it actually happens. It’s not supposed to be taken seriously, it’s basically a what if American teen raunchy films where real kind of story.
I always thought Bill Nighy and his manager were gay but not explicitly because it was 2003! I'm disappointed now lol
Colin's story in America was just hilarious really. It was obviously just a joke. I honestly had a good laugh with his scenes. Dude sure got lucky to be first approached by Ivana Millicevic and. January Jones lol. My favorite parts in the movies were, the stepfather and son story, Colin Firth's story, the film double couple, and Bill Nighy's part hahaha
Never going to not love this movie though. It's really nostalgic for a lot of people, and I don't think it necessarily intends to promote the behaviours it portrays, I think it actually warns us against them, e.g it shows that the actions of Alan Rickman's character ruin his home life. Movies aren't aways going to show us the best examples of how to be as people, and I think that's okay :)
As long as we recognize that the people in this movie are flawed and not always the best examples, then I am inclined to agree with you.
It was actually (!) the richest, most realistic storyline.
@Black Ninja okay, but not all movies need to portray some correct message. You can find fault with everything if you try. Of course, responsible media with correct messages is ideal and important, but other media for entertainment needs to have a space too. The world is shitty and awful and hard, lightness is necessary sometimes, and lightness doesn't need to come with deep messages about how we need to be behave with each other all the time. Also, many things we deem okay now, will not be seen as okay 20 years in the future. Our ideas of good change through time, and that's good and okay. We can look back and recognise what we have learned, but it doesn't mean we have to eradicate things that don't fit our 'norms' of the day.
Nostalgia doesn't make something good, true. But that's really reductive. I personally used to watch this movie at Christmas with my mum, and it was a tradition we kept up because it was a respite from my abusive dad. We would wait for a time he when he would be away from home a bit & watch it. It was a short time for us to have something fun. Nostalgia doesn't make something good inherently, but we have no right to take away people's connections with things, when there are whole back stories to why they find them nostalgic in the first place.
@Black Ninja dude it's a film... grow up and stop making it your lifes goal to try and police everything that doesnt fit your moral worldview
Emma Thompson's portrayal of the heartbroken, betrayed and dedicated wife is one of the best though. She was superb. However I didn't like how her story arc ended by her giving in and forgiving her husband in one go.
I think her facial expression in the last scene, where she meets him at the airport, says it all.
When I watched the movie for the first time, this is actually what I thought, most of the stories were messed up and couldn't realise how this is counted as a "feel good" movie
Agree with virtually every point, except the Jamie and Aurelia storyline, which was not, IMO, toxic (Jamie learnt Portuguese precisely so he could communicate with her!). Mark was indeed the creepiest - very telling that even the actor got a sense of this!
The problem with Jamie and Aurelia isn't the mutual attraction, nor the mutual learning each other's language; it's jumping directly from "I think you're sexy and want to explore the possibility of a future together" to "lets get married immediately".
yeah its a bit dumb but sweet and is completely fine in a feel-good comedy, i don’t really see it as toxic
@@feliscatus7057 that's exactly what's toxic about it... The fact the it's so "sweet" we don't even realize how ridiculously horrible putting that kind of false reality on screen and then making us believe it's possible it is
I agree that it isn’t toxic that relationship but I do think he jumped the gun by proposing. It would’ve been super cute if he’d asked her on a date and he could properly learn Portugal by practicing with her
@@totalwreck7435 I underdstand that and I agree that most of the storylines shown here are kinda creepy, but I see this one as rather silly but harmless from both parties. It’s not very sophisticated but I never got toxic vibes from it, unlike the Juliet-Mark part😒 but ofc that’s just how I see it
Finally. Finally! I have never enjoyed this film. I'm so grateful for this video. Cheers
Love isn’t the grand gestures.. it’s the small gestures like making sure the tire pressure is okay, saving the last piece of pizza for the other person, making sure to cover them up in the middle of the night, making them their favourite meal when they need comfort.... the things that are subtle but are done every day and often without recognition.
I’m glad this movie exists because it’s more realistic than most romantic comedies. It’s never made me feel that good due to all the reasons discussed here, but it’s good that the discussion is happening and people can examine the toxic behaviors displayed.
I still don't understand what's wrong with workplace romances, if they don't involve harrasment. (If it's between employer and employee that might indeed be bad cause of power dynamics, but if not?)
yeah cause when it goes sour have fun sitting in that same office with the other person for 9hrs a day. Also it’s usually women getting distracted by it. He isn’t there to draw hearts, he’s there to plan his career steps and move up. Focus on what’s important. Glass ceilings are worse enough without bringing in unprofessional behavior like office affairs
@@melz6625 sure, but at the same time lots and lots of folks spend 99% of their time at work, so. that’s just life.
@@freckleKaren yes that’s just life which we can improve with professional conduct and safeguards against abuse.
@@melz6625
Not everyone works in an office. In many blue collar jobs you can avoid people pretty effectively.
Depends on how much your value your job. Is it a job, or a career? Or just a paycheck and an excuse to meet people? I personally would never endanger my job with a workplace romance and if someone in a position of power was trying to, I would go to hr immediately.
Thank you! Everyone was always raving about that cardboard scene and I never understood how they couldn’t see how bad that was. That’s your best friends literally NEW wife.
"They can't seem to direct with each other" welcome to the entire of Britain 🤣
Jamie and A make sense to me. Not every relationship is based on common ground. My dad's a white guy and my mom is Peruvian they got engaged after 3 dates and my mom not know to much English and my dad not knowing spanish. Sometimes people fit in your life and you like that so you love that person. It's timing in away. Both jamie and A are also really boring so it works. Not everything has to be crazy fun love.
So their relationship IS based on common ground since according to you they're both "boring"
@@monabohamad2242 lol ya.
hahhah the boring part cracks me up. I think the movie showed they had things in common when they were talking to each other in their respective languages and were saying the similar things. Like when Jamie was talking about his great metabolism and Aurelia said he was getting fat, or the book going into the water and Jamie saying "leave it, it's rubbish" and Aurelia said "I'd better not die for something my Grandmother could have written" - they had similar outlooks
@@rhiannonmackenzie2527 ya I agree. Also out of all the relationship in the movie this is what I want.
As someone who loves romantic movies, I agree with the statement that this movie portrays love in a toxic way even by romcom standards. I remember when I watched I didn't like it at all, it felt so... Depressing. Now this video makes me understand a lot better why I didn't like it.
As someone who loves romcoms, I was horrified when I watched this movie. At the very least, they should stop referring to it as a "rom com" and more like...Christmas Horror or something.
I have never forgiven Harry for cheating on Emma Thompson in this movie it breaks my heart every time I watch it I get really pissed off
Oh, it's that time of the year again. I must confess that bashing Love, Actually has became one of my favourite Xmas traditions!
"The Holiday" is what you want your life to be like, "Love Actually" is real life
Sure Mark's flashcard move is creepy, but am I the only one thinks that the main point is, that although he's in love with Juliet (or his idea of her), he never openly tried to woo her because a) she was his friend's fiancée/wife and he's putting friendship above his feelings, b) he knew that Peter was the one she loved and c) he is aware that even if she reciprocated him, things would cause rifts among all three of them? I interpret the flashcard scene as a way of him at the same time revealing and letting go of his feelings. (Juliet kissing him was unnecessary though, it would be better if she gently said goodbye.)
He put her on the spot and if the movie was under any competent writer's framing it would have read as it should have to all audiences. Deeply problematic. Giving her the emotional work of comforting him and now having to hide it from her husband is not a gift. Its throwing her emotional baggage and shouting catch.
@@Firegen1 Exactly how I feel! Sometimes we can't help how we feel, but it's deeply scummy to complicate the relationship of someone you claim to love and someone you claim as your "best friend" in order to reach your own selfish catharsis. Just EWW.
Hes only capable of thinking only about himself. He NEEDS to reveal his feelings. He NEEDS to let go. Never mind what kind of emotional baggage and repercussions he left for her and her husband.
If your best friends did that to you while you are hugging your boyfriend watching Netflix on Xmas eve, there is only one sane response.
I just get annoyed that they call him a stalker, when he wasn’t technically and was actually avoiding her in person.
While I completely understand why people criticize this, I think they also tend to overlook the thematic and in-universe explanation for this.
In-universe, it's established that Mark is hugely guilty about his feelings, and tries to deal with them by repressing them. To the extent that he actually doesn't talk to Juliet at all, and she thinks he dislikes her. When she discovers the truth, he runs away without even stopping for his coat. There's a good argument to be made that the flashcards - and the jokes within them - are a way of distancing himself enough from his emotions to actually convey them. They're the only way he can get the words out. Yes, it's a bit over the top, but I don't think it's much worse than saying the words out loud. People get a bit too caught up in the "gesture" element of this, and miss his difficulty expressing his feelings through speech. This is actually foreshadowed in the opening sequence, where he arranges a hidden band to play at his best friend's wedding, but laughingly denies it when asked if he's responsible. Later on we see that he works in an art gallery, and gets annoyed when kids laugh at the art. He clearly sees some meaning in the pictures that the kids don't. (Their nakedness is probably meant to symbolise the emotional vulnerability brought out at Christmas.)
There's also a thematic element, which is that this is the kind of love you're not ever really supposed to talk about. It would hurt his best friend and make things awkward for everyone. But now that it's accidentally out in the open, he and Juliet have to find some way of addressing it. Without talking about it. Hence the flashcards and Juliet's non-verbal kiss.
They don't "just talk to each other" - and instead play the whole thing out almost as a fantasy scenario - because neither of them want this to be real. And talking would make it real. Whereas with the scenario he constructs, and the premise that "it's Christmas", it's easier to pretend it never happened and go back to "real life" the next day. For both of them. Healthy? No. But there is a point to it.
I feel like I should also point out that Mark doesn't come to the house to win or steal Juliet. He comes to offer her an explanation, and reassure her that he won't be taking it any further because this one gesture of his feelings is enough. Mark often gets described as a creep, but he's quite happy to say his piece and walk away. He doesn't expect anything more from Juliet.
Her kiss is pity and an acknowledgement of his feelings. When he says that's "enough, now" he's accepting that it won't go any further. It's closure. While I can see how people view it as his reward for the gesture, I don't think that's how it's meant.
I think this is a bit of a stretch. The Juliet storyline was always meant to look a bit off. In general, Love Actually shows that love is complicated, far from perfect, and sometimes wrong. The movie was/is fine for 2003 standard. If it was done today a lot of things would be different, but for its release year it was perfectly fine.
Cheating your husband with his best friend has never been fine. It's really really weird.
@@alex36265503 Movies would be so boring if all the characters always had a perfect moral compass 🙄
@@randomk90 I agree, but the characters here crossed the line of respect. I mean, I don't expect a perfect moral compass, but if they're the "good" guys they should be relatable and have minimum decency.
@@alex36265503 I disagree. Even in real life, some of the most upstanding individuals are flawed. I'm not excusing immoral behavior, but it's deeply human to make mistakes.
If love's complicated, they should've called the movie '' NOT love actually''.
The first time I watched this movie, I had heard about it many many times before, always being described as the ultimate romantic holiday feel good movie. But when I actually watched it, I was in disbelief at all the things mentionned in this video. Amd everyone was smiling and laughing and awing it was like a fever dream. I was like "Am I the only one seeing this??!"
I agree there are clear flaws in the relationships, but I think that’s the point of the film. Love can be imperfect and messy, can fall apart, be platonic, or familial, can be a shallow fantasy or projection. That’s why people enjoy the movie, because it’s relatable to our own flawed relationships.
Completely agree with you!
OMG, there is nothing remotely relatable about this drivel. They dont show a single relationship thats warts and all, we dont see this. Emma Thompson spends the most part completely oblivious to her selfish husbands intentions towards another woman. We dont see any relatable fall out to this and see him get what he deserves. All the men in the film idealize the women they are interested in, without really getting to know them. The Keira Knightly and Andrew Lincon storyline, which infuriatingly is the best known and most quoted in the film, is him basically just having this massive, creepy crush on his best friends new bride, knowing it can never go anywhere other than his creepy imagination when hes watching voyeuristic footage of her on his video camera. Colin Firth jumps headfirst into a marraige proposal to a woman he doesnt know at all. Fantasy bullshit
I’m so glad more people are ACTUALLY talking about how toxic and nonsense movie romance really is.
then they've kinda of done a good job making romantic movies lol
well most these movies would be boring if all them showed happy healthy relationships.
@@Ray03595 that’s more a reflection of how you view happy healthy relationships, as boring
a movie doesn’t have to be boring showing happy healthy relationships, it’s all about the script, showing obstacles and how people deal with them
for example Harry Potter or Father of the Bride has healthy and happy relationships yet it’s not boring
When I watched this movie I just assumed that how toxic every situation was was part of the joke. Like, these are all awful people and that's the joke.
where's the joke tho?
Same!!
I think those concepts are toxic, but the takeaways are not.
Limerence:
Andrew Lincoln's character was completely aware, that he was being creepy, tried to live with it for a while, doing things for them (like the surprise wedding concert) out of love and guilt I suppose, and than he realized it wasn't working, so he thought of something to let it go. Ok, the kiss was creepy, but it can pass as fan service for me.
Sam and Johanna were kids, we established that.
With Sara it showed to us and to her, that what she feels for Carl is not love at all. She loves her brother, in spite of how hard it is for her to take care of him.
The Jamie and Aurelia storyline was rushed, but that wasn't infatuation, is was mutual liking. When they talk to each other, it's shown, how similarly they think. The proposal was too soon though.
Work: We get to know each other at work. As long as you do that in a healthy way (not like Harry and Mia), what's wrong with that?
Repressing feelings and not communicating: The whole movie is about how bad that is! Everyone is miserable until getting in touch with his/her own feelings and communicating with others. And yes, it usually peaks at a huge romantic gesture, but it is communicating: Sam telling Johanna about his feelings, "leaving Elton's and a hefty number of half naked chicks with their mouths open in order to hang out with Joe". The takeaway is we have to communicate! Most of the problems in the movie would be nonexistant, if there was communication, and the movie doesn't ty to hide that.
OK, I'm tired now, won't defend the whole movie. The Colin storyline was pretty sexist, and there were bad situations, but in the end, in my opinion, the message was good.
The Colin situation was sexist and mostly intended as absurdist comedy, I think, but it does also function as a case of mutual objectification.
Colin is only "successful" with women in America because of his accent. That's it. There is nothing unique to him as a person that these women like at all. He objectifies them and they objectify him right back. It's not a recipe for lasting love.
There are also some red flags with the girls that he (and the audience) overlook because they're beautiful. They're picking up strangers in a bar on Christmas Eve? They drop their entire lives to fly over to England and throw themselves at a guy they've never met? None of it screams emotional stability. Disaster in the making, more like!
While I respect The Take's take on all the workplace romances (there are rather a lot of them) I think they mischaracterize the one between Hugh Grant's character and Martine McCutcheon's. Theirs is quite clearly established as a mutual attraction from the start, and he doesn't fire her. He has her redistributed to another department, which is a different thing entirely.
I've never really had an issue with that. Personally I'd rather the Prime Minister focused on running the country and not mooning over his secretary. Their feelings were getting in the way of either of them being able to do their job professionally. You can see this right from their first meeting, where he gets flustered and distracted and she can't stop accidentally swearing. Neither of them are at their best, and they only actually get together when they're not working together anymore.
(You assume she's not still working as his secretary by the end of the movie.)
Totally agree about the Jamie and Aurelia relationship. Yes, it's rushed, but they do both crucially seem to be on the same page about the relationship. Both learn the other's language and Aurelia doesn't seem shocked by the proposal - she welcomes it.
A lot of the relationships and their respective themes seem set up in opening scenes of Love Actually, and Jamie and Aurelia is one of these.
When we first see Jamie, he's in a long-term relationship, living with a woman who obviously speaks his language, right down to his particular sense of humour. But they only communicate well on the surface. These surface commonalities have blinded him to the fact that she's actually a heartless cheat having an affair with his own brother. He pays so much heed to her words above everything else that he doesn't even notice she's not really sick.
By contrast, his relationship with Aurelia is entirely built on observation of each other's body language and emotional state. It's not foolproof, but they do share a much truer and deeper emotional connection as a result. Non-verbal communication is a huge part of intimacy, and I'm surprised to see The Take dismiss it so easily. The whole point of Jamie and Aurelia's relationship is to shine a light on the importance of this aspect of communication. Words aren't everything.
Aurelia too makes more sense as a character than people give her credit for. She comes to work for an eccentric English man who doesn't speak her language, and when you see her home life at the end of the movie you understand why. She's surrounded by people who do speak her language but who never shut up! Everyone around her has an opinion on her life and isn't shy about expressing it. They're suffocating her, even if they do love her. The packed scene in the restaurant, with all her relatives shouting at her telling her what to do, is a visual representation of this. Suddenly it becomes clear exactly why the quiet understanding between her and Jamie is so special to her.
@@lateralhistory She also learns English for him as she gives him his answer in English to his Portuguese proposal, so it's basically implied that both put in the work here.
This is the most accurate deconstruction of this film I’ve seen or heard.
I love this movie because Alan Rickman, Emma Thompson and Colin Firth, but yes is a weird take on love.
finally someone called out those "toxic" takeaways.
I think what is actually so perfect about love actually is that its so imperfect. I never saw it as a love story, I always saw it as, how flawed people are in love as in life.
I agree. And the most important love connections are non romantic. The whole Sarah and Karl situation for example is about Sarah dealing with balancing the love for her brother and self love. She needs to prioritize herself. She needs to love herself enough to not spend her life centered around taking care of another person. Karl is just the example of how much Sarah’s life is disrupted by having the sole responsibility of taking care of her brother.
Sarah and Carl that was their first date she doesn’t have tell him everything of her life yeah they might have mutual attraction but if she isn’t ready to be open yet that’s her right that isn’t being closed off she just isn’t ready to let Carl that close yet she doesn’t know if this is the start of something more or just a hook up
I think it wasn’t even a date, they just hooked up after the Christmas party. Totally understandable that neither of them want to talk about baggage in that scenario
@@Mona-kf8fq true just because Sarah has had a crush on Carl for a while doesn't mean she's gonna hook up with him and then spill all her deep emotional baggage to him even if she wants to I think she knows that's probably not the right moved
I feel like I'm the only woman for miles that hates this movie so THANK YOU for explaining it all so I don't have to!
I despise it too and I'm a Brit.
I thought LA was an absurd film when I saw it, and I couldn't believe it made a comeback as a Christmas classic.
The PM going door to door was one of the most ridiculous scenes imaginable.
Love Actually has always been one of my least favorite rom-coms but I could never really justify why, now I know, so thank you!
love, actually was actually one of the creepiest films i've ever seen. i've seen it after i was aware of all the hype and i was SHOCKED what was hiding behind that cute ending scene with the confession of love. that whole storyline was so toxic
I always felt that the Liam Neeson storyline was more about his relationship with his son rather than about his son and the girl.
Exactly! I‘m amazed that no one ever picks up on this.
My mum always said don’t trust a man who does huge romantic gestures, he’s not worth it. Since, a lot of family friends who were proposed to in front of massive crowds at work events or in front of the whole family, the man has turned out to be serial cheaters and the marriages all ended messily and the women got hurt a lot. I don’t want a massive declaration of love in front of people even my friends, just me and that person is plenty.
I find it weird one of thier points was that people should express thier feelings, while every other one was saying why those feelings were wrong. The only solution is for people to repress themselves unless they are perfect. We have a bizzare double standard now telling people they should have no desire to be in a relationship, that they should be content with self love and actualization, but the logical conclusion is that no one would be in a relationship then. Having a relationship while emotionally detaching from it is not healthy.
uhm no, the video is not saying to repress feelings, feelings can be released without involving other people like thru journaling, art, exercise and learning how to overcome unrequited love
and nope, the logical conclusion is not that no one would be in a relationship then, that’s more how you perceive relationships that they’re suppose to complete you
but that’s how people end up in codependent relationships, often times in abusive codependent ones
self-love and self-actualisation is so that a person should come into a relationship as a whole person being coupled with another whole person, not as 2 people trying to fill a void in themselves
people are social creatures nonetheless, so it’s not about not being in a relationship but about being mindful with whom and why you choose to be in a relationship
@Dom I feel like you didn't actually engage with any of my points, but your last one is especially frustrating. If someone who is single wants a relationship, that is something they don't have. Thus by definition they have a (relationship) "void" they need to fill (With a relationship.) If they didn't want one, it would make no sense to find one. What is illogical about that? Second, What does it mean to be Not a "whole person"? Again, by definition that makes someone less of a person (or not at all?) This is the kind of disgusting Othering language I'm talking about. People have trauma and they have illness and misunderstanding. That's life, and true "self acualization" is to accept that. Instead you want to repress all messyness of real human interaction to form a false and simplified version of a person, that betrays your own bad concioussness and need for superiority.
@@JebeckyGranjola no, i did address all your points, you just didn’t understand anything that i wrote
and your comments about my last point are especially frustrating
„If someone who is single wants a relationship, that is something they don't have. Thus by definition they have a (relationship) "void" they need to fill (With a relationship.)”
research the difference between codependency and healthy dependency
„Second, What does it mean to be Not a "whole person”?” it means that you can survive on your own when you’re single, when you break up, that you don’t get depressed, use alcohol or use rebound relationships to make yourself feel better
it doesn't mean you're not sad, but it means that you can cope with emotions in healthy ways as oppose to self-destructive ways
it means that you know how to meet your own needs, it doesn’t mean completely because humans are social creatures and they need social, emotional and physical connection from another person but it means that you know how to meet your own needs halfway - know how to give attention and validation to yourself, how to love your body and yourself regardless of any flaws, it means that if someone leaves you that you have yourself to fall back on, being your own best friend and counselor
„People have trauma and they have illness and misunderstanding.” so your view is to just accept it and never heal, never develop, never grow. that’s the disgusting perception i’m talking about
„Instead you want to repress all messyness of real human interaction to form a false and simplified version of a person, that betrays your own bad concioussness and need for superiority.” no and no, stop assuming what i want
what i want is for people to heal they attachment style (research attachment style theory), which means you actually bring into the surface your „bad concioussness” which is your subconscious mind, all your limiting beliefs, thoughts and wounds and actually do the deep inner work to heal (which means lots of self-reflection, journaling about feelings and what lies beneath them and to find healthy ways of meeting your own needs without falling into codependency)
Exactly my thoughts! Happy someone shares my views. Never understood what ‘s warm or nice about this movie and why it’s this popular. So light minded
So, is the story telling the problem?
Philosophy 101 question here:
If the writing is problematic, but it's depicting real-life problematic behavior, is the writing still problematic?
For a non love actually reference: tarantino's use of "the n word" in his movies
I think it depends. A lot of times the issue is writers not realizing the problematic implications of what they wrote.
If the writer acknowledges that the content is problematic and doesn’t portray it as something idealized/acceptable within the narrative, it’s not necessarily problematic. It can still be even in this case if the writer fails to get this across to the audience.
Yes in so much that Richard Curtis seems incapable of looking at the wider context of his characters actions. Every one points to the flip card scene so let's go with that. What if she just stood there as most people would. What if she just folded her arms in silence? What if she just slammed the door. Would Curtis be challenging enough not to pan to him and just end the scene. What if it panned to her dancing in the window with her husband instead? It would be wayyyyyyyyyy more interesting then pretend catharsis that she has to comfort him for something deeply inappropriate. Curtis would never. He'd be scared of backlash or that in his head he'd failed to shoot a broken chekhov's gun. I'm not normally for violence but I was so up for watching Ejiofor deck him when my very ex friends made me watch this movie.
So, even if it's bad and it isn't the intention, if the result is an honest examination of toxicity of romance on our culture, does it accidentally transcend to be deep, if only by audience interpretation?
Sorry it's long. (my comment is only about the romcoms, I don't know about the n-word situation) I'm not sure this is the correct question to ask. In this case isn't the writing what is causing the real-life problematic behavior? (3:34) Example: men who saw the stalking in this movie, and who saw countless other movies before also depicting this stalking, will think that stalking is a valid form of romance (3:34). Other than seeing the portrayal of stalking in media as a good thing, there is very little chance the person stalking sees no problem in their behavior. A Middle-Age lord insistantly pursuing a lady knows it is not a valid form of romance (but societal standards allow his behavior without consequences for him). A 21st century dude insistantly pursuing a woman thinks it's a valid form of romance because so many movies depict it that way. If these movies/books did not exist, the dude would not think of it as normal.
Also one can have non-problematic writing talking about real-life problematic behaviors : American History X. Love Actually should have made the effort to show, even slightly, how the behaviors it presented were problematic, otherwise it just shapes viewers minds to think of them as normal. So even if one doesn't want to think of the writing as problematic, one has to recognise it's sh*tty writing. Sorry for the long text lol, you just made me think a lot, and thank you for reading and have an amazing day!
I think it's down to marketing- love actually markets itself as heartwarming and sweet, rather than complex and displaying toxic as well as healthy love stories
I always, _always_ wondered about all he females who were like "awww" over Mark in _Love Actually_ ... would his behavior and Juliette kissing him after be acceptable, excusable, "romantic" or cute if it was a girl in Mark's place doing such things to *their* boyfriends/husbands/lovers?
Just something to think about...
i am so sorry you had to go through that, Miss. I hope, a least, that it ended well@@anttwo
@@anttwo You seem to imposing your own experiences onto this movie. He clearly avoided her until she accidentally found out about his feelings. That must have left a lot of mess and confusion, so this was his way of closing it. Of saying "I'm moving on now, goodbye". It's very different from the events you describe, which are actually pretty bad, and horrible, and I'm sorry it happened to you.
I've read it this way: he never got to reveal his feelings and he probably would never do if she didn't find out about the video, so he decided to express them, finally allowing himself to end his lingering.
This channel gives all my abstract opinions a proper shape lol. I absolutely hated love actually even tho it had all my fav actors but i wasn't really sure why. I just couldn't feel any love in it tbh and now it makes so much sense
💯 spot on! I always said this movie was male gaze romantic comedy. I had literally just seen it for the first time a couple of years ago and couldn’t believe how toxic it is!
I saw it ages ago with my parents when I was about Sam‘s age in the film. I only found out through this video how toxic it actually is.