Are You Moving Too Fast With Him?
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- Опубликовано: 26 сен 2024
- Do you know the formula for getting a man to love you? Get It Here: www.gettheguy.c...
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In this video I talk about the most dangerous phase of a relationship, and how to pace things in such a way you never have a guy freak out on you.
Website: howtogettheguy.com
Facebook: / coachmatthewhussey
Twitter: / matthewhussey
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Growing up, my mom often told my siblings and me to go away when we exhausted her. She would tell us to find something to do to entertain ourself, or to stop talking for a while. I found it a little rude at times but also funny. And most importantly I learn that even people who love you very much need a break from your face, your voice, your negativity, your problems, ect. Because my mother's love was evident, I never took it personal. Nowadays, if a guy doesn't text me constantly, I'm totally cool with that. I don't feel the need to base my worth on the amount of attention I get.
Beautifully put 😊
My mummy does the same. And, I used to take it personally.
Girrrlllll
Love this!
"Remember the time you spent together or apart, should make you want to spend more time together"; very good advice.
yes it is a very good indicator
Your ideas are so practical and clear. More women need to have that kind of voice in their head. I'm so glad you put your male voice out there for women to hear and understand.
Meeting this guy for 2 weeks now, we instantly fell for each other the day we had our first date. The week after the first date we got in some kind of rush, because we both had that deep feeling from day one. But we openly communicated about everything and then slowed down quite a bit and maybe saved something that was almost going to be ruined before it's even started. We text and spoke about it and in that conversation I felt we bonded even more, because we opened up our thoughts, our fears and feelings. Knowing that the other one understands and feels the same added an incredibly precious moment in our very early state of before actually getting into a relationship.
Matthew, thanks for every video you take your time to make for us, youre advice is pure gold and cannot tell you how much you helped me out in the last 3 weeks❤
Have a lovely week everybody ❤
Anna Jff I hope all is well!
Anna Jff update??!
update?
@@TheMisslili8 Dears, its been 4 years and what can I say - He is my soulmate, love each other everyday more - its wonderful and I enjoy every second ❤🙏 so thankful
Btw: we moved together after 4 weeks and it was his Suggestion to bring the cat over the holidays and we just stayed- best decision ever
@@Me-vn3gz He is my soulmate 🥰🙏❤
omg why do you always speak so much TRUTH.
I absolutely love this video, however, it's a bit sad that the woman has to make up for the man's poor communication skills. It almost sounds as if the woman had to take responsibility for the man's needs, or for him not communicating his needs early enough.
If she acted the same as him, the relationship would end.
when someone keeps repeating "I like you" without even knowing you, that is a big red flag
The guy I’m talking to said “I love you” within a week of talking. Gotta run 🏃♂️
this guy told me hi misses me after 1 week, i freaked out like hell, told him to slow down but
This guy said he missed me and he liked me so much and I barely knew him… I RAN SO FAST 💨
I can't believe how literally everything he says is just so on the surface, but somehow you just don't really think about it until he says it . . . surely a reality check. I love how he's so right and articulate about everything. Thank you Matt!
As a man, who enjoys a lot of Matt’s videos, I would say it all comes down to communication. Communicate your needs and wants and try to listen to theirs. I know for me, as a man, it’s been very difficult to find a woman who is in touch with their feelings and wants and don’t even mention someone that can communicate (on real, deep relationship “issues”. Not superficial world events, philosophy). Yet, I have faith and will continue to be open to new relationships.
ive been with this guy for almost a week now and hes asking me what i want to name our kids sos
+hannahleigh
Hilarious!!!
hahaha tats rare
+hannasistare lol the question is do you want kids?
Kitty Life well we broke up a few months ago anyways, also im 16 lol so i was like uhhh
hannahsistare oh well that's good because if you 16 your way to young for kids
OMG Matt lol, I wish I could call you when ever I had an issue! You always know just what to say and it makes all the sense in the world. I appreciate your advice to the fullest.
Ms. Malika
U
Ms. Malika me too
omfg that is soo true ! OMFG.. when it gets to needy and intense, it feels possessive and claustrophobic
I really like that guideline of let everything you do make you want to spend more time with the person you're dating.
Sometimes it can be really difficult to find the balance without looking like you're playing games.
really helpful thanks Matthew!
x Iris
I had a conversation like that with the guy I am seeing right now (going very well!) and we both agreed that time apart is a good thing - you're right it's all the hormones racing...
You just described my never ending story and I'm so happy to hear that I'm not the only one. Thanks for the advice!
ttjnaaa you are not the only one. I put the brakes on. Too many guys rushing and then freak out
I wish I would have seen this video 2 weeks ago. But is a good thing to keep in mind for the next relationship.
I LOVE MATTHEW!!! He ALWAYS has the best advice! Me and my guy friend just had this conversation today! And we’ve been taking things at a steady pace without rushing and not having sex! I will say by doing this I feel like we have a deeper connection than I’ve ever had in my previous relationships!
Going through the same. I am giving him more space than he actually needs. Thank you so much Matthew!
YOU NEED SOMEONE LIKE YOU THAT IS AN OLDER VERSION FOR US SENIOR CITIZENS.
Della Knocke I agree I am 71 years old and I have men in their late fifties early sixties after me but some of them seem to only want a booty call I want to find love again how do you do that??
It took my boyfriend 3 years to do this to me. I wish I would have known. He was the one talking about marriage and kids. Now I'm the one left in the dust ? 😳
Great video! A little too late for me though. Did the crazy and now he's not responsive. Lesson learned for sure.
Me too 😿 but as he says it’s hard to ruin the right thing...
I’m sure you hear this a lot but your wisdom, your insight, and your common sense approach to the intricacies of relationships between men and women is phenomenal and i wish you had been around when I was in my 20’s! But as I am STILL single at 56 and not yet dead i guess it’s good i found you now. I will soak up all you have to teach and be a better woman for it. 😘
My guy freaked out after 2 months... He says he needs to be alone to sort out his life. I invested a lot of feelings in the relationship and he also seemed in love, he introduced me to his best friend and brother... I don't understand why he backed off now but I'm really hurt and disappointed.
Thank you so much man, I needed someone to tell me this so badly. Am currently in the process of starting to freak out but you helped me look at things more rationally😌
Well I wished I saw this video sooner! Sadly it has crashed and burned. Sobs.
leoana SAME. And the very same guy who acted so crazy about me and initiated texts with me every single day - HE suddenly felt overwhelmed... and we were seeing each other once or twice a week for a month and not even sleeping together yet. I was incredibly attracted to him, like I hadn't been to anyone in a very long time. FML
The same has just happened to me. He totally was into me, spending 3-4 times a week together and couldn’t get enough of me and eachother. Texting throughout the day. Saying he missed me when I had just seen him. Wanting to FaceTime and talk when we couldn’t physically be near eachother etc.
And then all of a sudden his behavior changed. Texted less - he had less time to spend and wasn’t making any efforts in anyway to work on that. He wanted to spend less time and bc he had family in town and other obligations he made no time. It triggered me to panic, feel hurt, and become insecure in the relationship. Which triggered doubts on my part and asking him and feeling uneasy. And him just pretending everything was okay. And it caused us to break up this past Sunday with him
Blaming me and my insecurities only.
When it's that hard to attract someone, it's not meant to be. You should not have to play any games. People should not have to take notes and watch videos to get someone to like them or be attracted to them, stop worrying about it and move on. Maybe it's not the right time or the right person. If you are a good person, the right person may come along at some point. If it does, wonderful. If it doesn't, find another interest besides worrying to death about having someone in your life that you had to play games with just to have a companion.
+Malesa King He's not advocating playing games with the other person. This is not a game, it's taking it slow. There's a big difference between doing this and playing a game.
you shouldn't play games but you surely should play the game, and that requires abiding by some essential truths about human psychology
If it's meant to be yes, it will work out. It will be easy with that person. But there's nothing wrong with advice if someone is bad at dating. Advice helps us through advice, and we can all learn/use helpful and wise tips in the scary world of dating. It's tough doing it by ourselves, women trying to understand how men are. Guys and girls can be tricky, can test each other, can move too fast, etc. No relationship is perfect.
Malesa King From my experience you're so right. When it's the right time and the right person everything just falls into place and runs smoothly.
Misty Delahay I wish I could believe that
This was great! I have a new boyfriend and I feel like we are rushing. This morning he says he can't see me tonight because he has to focus on a job he has to finish. He blew that off to spend the night with me last night. So I totally get it. We have been spending more and more time together and I am starting to feel a little nervous and I wasn't sure how to bring it up. Just a little "I need space talk." Perfect, Matthew. Thank you so much.
you spend more and more time together and are getting nervous ? how about just letting him have his frikkin space ? and don't bring anything up, pls. lve !
I didn't like the tone of your comment. There is no need to be rude to strangers when you are posting comments. If you can't be pleasant, please be quiet.
What about the opposite, when you keep distance to get to know him, then it never gets off the ground because he finds a lot of women easier and throwing themselves at him? This happens a lot for some reason. Maybe just where I live?
Jane S usually because these are immature guys who weren't ready to take you seriously in the first place. absence should make the heart grow fonder. these men don't care about fondness, they care about booty.
then he isnt worthy of your attention
when it is too slow, it could backfire as well.
I've been with a guy for a week and he's telling me he loves me. I said to him that I need time because he's going too fast but he tells me everyday that he thinks of me and misses me. I'm suffocating here, we barely know each other.
Red flag...
I just went through a break up today. I truly believe if I had this information before meeting him, we would have still been dating...or not. I just see all the mistakes I made with this one now. I'll play it right the next time! Thank you.
Deanne DeBerry did you try to win your ex back?
Same here. Just went through a break up Sunday for this exact reason.
I met this guy at work about 2 months ago, we barely talked to each other at first but since we started our training together, i've seen him everyday for the past two weeks so we talk a lot everyday now and we've gotten to know each other, just like friends. Last week we were talking as usual and kind of playing a little bit, when I distracted he did this gesture where he touched my hair in a really gentle way, I don't know why he did that but I felt like blushing a lot and felt this weird pressure in my chest I'd never felt before around him. I think we've never been attracted to each other, but lately I've noticed he looks at me in a different way and he even asked if I've ever known somebody whom I wanted to spend my life with but that person didn't loved you back. I kind of freaked out when he asked that so I answer in the most random way. He is a good guy, funny, kind. I think I'm scared to fall in love, so I try to shut down those feelings. but still he got me thinking for the last couple of days lol. I don't want to move too fast and I don't think he's in love either, but I just don't know how to feel
yehetololol loo
yehetololol lool
Matt, this is EXACTLY what happened with me. He had initiated divorce with his wife but they hadn’t started the process yet, but their decision about divorce was mutual. I was divorced. My divorce was because I was not happy with my marriage and his because his was also very damaged and because he had fallen in love with me.
So we were also in a long distance relationship for 2 months and have known each other for 6, and suddenly he did exactly what you talked about in this video and freaked out. I then wrote that I was worried and that I could understand if he needs space etc and that I would just like him to communicate with me about it.
He texted me 2 weeks later and broke up and said that he couldn’t handle a long distance relationship with me plus family, work and himself. Plus he said he did not want to waste my time with him when he is not in it with whole heart and mind, and he said I deserved better. I replied a day later saying it was confusing and I didn’t really understand what happened and asked for a FaceTime to talk about what had happened. I didn’t ask for a second chance or anything like that.
I don’t see our relationship as a rebound after listening to your videos about that, but as a real relationship that just moved too quickly, plus he had some stuff he had to work on - more than I realized.
Now I am trying to figure out if he will ever be in a place where I will be happy with him, or whether this breakup was a blessing in disguise. The long distance could have ended in a year where I could move to his city if I liked - have to stay now because of studies.
I can’t really call you because I’m not in your country, but I would really like to hear your point of view.
Work on myself and focus on myself AND let go of him or just the first, and if he comes back, he comes back?
And what do I need to figure out and ask him if he wants me back?
love watching your videos Matthew (and Jamieson...) you (two) truly are a blast to follow and offer soooooo many great thoughts and perspectives on this cray cray new world order of dating and relationships! thank you :)
Thank you Matthew Hussey from the bottom of my heart.
you’re amazing! thank you for such grounding and practical advice once again! x
THIS IS SO ME right now. dating this guy, been dating him for 3 months.. and i feel like i want to see him all the time, but he said that he wants us to take it slow, because he's been burned before.. this is soooo helpful, thank you matthew!!
Best advice so far..... Love you Matthew from India! You are doing wonders for all of us girl! Sometime we just don't know why the guys is pulled away. Now we know. LOVE YOU SOO MUCH
Yeeees first comment!
I love you Matthew! You're my hero! I always watch your videos!
Matthew, I totally get that. However I tend to be more of in the "guy" position in this situation. I'm the one who tries to slow things down but likes the guy a lot, and then ends up in the freakout and back off when the guy tries to keep rushing it. Space sounds beautiful to me but so does spending more time with him. I think I'm just trying to approach relationships in a healthy way and when a guy starts rushing things it looks like a red flag to me.
Very well articulated Matthew. I just kept thinking...where is the adult guy who can actually communicate that back. Is he the elusive unicorn that doesn't exist..?.
Because as a writer, how you said that is almost exactly how I would have communicated it. It's very frustrating to be an adult alpha female in a Peter pan world these days. #whereareallthegrownups
+jennifer taylor
Try seeing past your own ego.
Michael Melsted
Well said.
I met an amazing man who has been challenging my 'patience' in this area really ten fold. When I would in the past freaked out, or written him off as uninterested; I just chilled out. We don't spend scads of time together because of work and school commitments; but those are loosening soon so we will have more time to spend. I want to see him more, but it's finding the time that isn't just an hour here or there.
Matthew you said that no guy would have said to us in an adult way that they need to slow things down, he almost used exactly the same sentence that you used. Except he created toooo much distance between us. Then he gradually stone walled me, and ignored and closed up and froze, so he was an adult first then became a child. that doesn't mean it was my fault, I didn't rush things, at times I did, but I did give him the space he asked for. I did all he asked of me. In the end he left me not the other way round. I don't know why I mention him sometimes, he was nothing but hurtful and a user. That sentence you said triggered me to the point where I think he may have copied it from you.
Omg the guy I'm seeing said the same words too. Having read ur comment I need to watch out where giving space becomes growing apart
Incredible insight , I've just met a guy , but we both are becoming obsessed with each other but we don't want too rush into it we both have come out of relationships, and we both feel it's going so.. fast but we Wana slow it down
I think you just saved my dating relationship life! Thank you!
I got the guy!
I think this video is awesome!! I wish I heard it before last week. Good thing I have smart friends who advised me the same advice!! Thanks Matt!!
hmm when he wanted space...he got more and more distant until he didn't want a relationship anymore.
Honestly, if he leaves after a break that means that you suck more value from his life than you give.
how much time is too much time without seeing each other, though?
Watching n listening to you always bring me joy n peace
Been there... If only I was aware of this beforehand! 😣😣 Should've taken things slow, had I watched this early.
You're a genius. Everything makes so much sense when you explain it.
Thank you :)
Wow, you’re good! Thank you for your advice Matthew
You're a dam genius. You predicted my situation exactly
He is, right??!!!
OMG, I went down the wrong path!! :( He went on vacation and started to pull away from me, texts became not as nice and sweet, and short, and I panicked and freaked out, I could feel that he is with someone else there. I called him out on wtf is going on and he said that I am too intense, so I told him that he is too passive and asked if he is willing to do something for us to be together because I cannot fight on my own. He didn't show any initiative and that made me feel sad and disappointed :( Now it has gotten to the stage where I have erased him on my FB and I haven't contacted him for about a month and there is no way I am going to contact him, even though I love him.. I am just done humiliating myself for someone who doesn't even care, I love myself too much for becoming a doormat in someone's life. However, I wish I'd handle this situation differently... So please listen to Matt's advice and learn from my mistakes folks! :)
More power to you! It's not your fault that this man couldn't communicate what was wrong.
You could try having a conversation about it. Like, "ok, what is it that you're finding intense?" And work together. It might be something that's easily solved, like agreeing on communication frequency or style.
Don’t directly tell him to pump the breaks
Just maintain your life , your hobbies, etc and you won’t need to have a conversation about space - space will be inevitable with girls night out Friday, Yoga Tuesday evening and Saturday morning, church on Sunday... there’s always the excuse “ I’m working on a big project at work can’t see you tonight babe sorry” A mans ego is too fragile to have we need to slow down conversation
Omg this helped me out so much right now thank you so so much and guys wish me luck with this boy i am seeing right now cuz since i know you matthew i automatically use your advice without actively thinking of it. you made my life better, i inhale your videos and now everything by heart already. Thank you god bless you 🙏🏽❤️
So you're actually admitting that most men are not emotionally intelligent so instead of them improving themselves and their communication style we need to duck and dive.
Outstanding advise that is consistent with what other Love Guru's are saying. In many ways understanding our human nature is a skill. Matthew seems to be encouraging understanding as well as a two way street for satisfaction. Bravo Matthew Hussey!!!
This is exactly what just happened to me except that the guy insisted we take things slow. He wanted our relationship to be sustainable. And there I blew steam off at him thinking he didn't have time for me. He conscientiously tried to see me less to give me space.
Love you Matthew your awesome changing lives!!
I think it’s nobody’s fault for being hurrying a relationship. But I think both of us should be mature enough to realize the situation and trust another person and communicate. Otherwise, even it works for now, it may never work forever..
Life changes, if you don’t adapt to it, you may never have the chance to be there again. I do love your videos but life is cruel.. time is limited
Perfect Video for my life right now! I've been dating this guy for almost 3 months and I really like him. Or, it's how I feel when I'm with him. After several failed relationships I've decided to move extremely slow in which he understands and agrees. The problem for is when he's away from me, I wonder if he's with someone else. When he doesn't return my calls I wonder. Funny thing is that I'm a very busy woman yet I want him to be available to me when I need him to be.I'm trying to take my time and get to know him before we move to fast but I'm wondering how long should I make him wait, is he genuinely interested, if we do then what's next, and what if he gets too attached? Why is dating so freaking difficult?
dating is difficult b/c women want everything easy, they are unwilling to invest some thought into what's going on and learn about human psychology
also they want everything to go their way. simply follow Matthews clases and apply them
why do you want him to be available when you need it ? maybe he is not in the condition emotionally, by time or any other reason to be that. he will be available if you respect his pace and autonomy.
and why do you suspect him of being with s.o. just b/c he doesn't answer your calls ?? that honestly is quite crazy. are you even in a relationship or only dating ? you should really question yourself if all your demands are reasonable. lve !
Wow I love this, wish I was aware of you a looooong time ago Matthew its been my big mistake always, you rock
Hey Matthew. I'm close to the crash and burn face, but I'm the one freaking out and he's the one who wants to get married.... So scarry!! Just to say, it can be the other way around ;)
ok don't go taking your foot off the paddle, The car will stall. anyone with driving knowledge will know this, but yes to slow things down put a little brake on and don't accelerate too hard. ;)
And Hiii Matt, I love your hair the quiff looks too perfect :) and this video was perfectly timed for me. thanks for that. :) stay blessed. x
This is FANTASTIC!
How do you do this without making him think you're rejecting his advances, which btw, could be extremely seductive? Hard to control when you're caught up in romance you both feel. I'd rather not slow it down but my head says, too fast and I listen.
I have never been in a relationship prior to the one I'm in right now. This is my first boyfriend.
We had been speaking for more than a year and are now dating for 3months. Because we had been speaking for so long, I don't feel like we have only been dating dating for 3 months.
We said I love you (probably too soon in a 3 month relationship) and now we have kind of started getting frisky and touchy but is this too soon in the relationship.
We are both in our early adult life, and both are virgins (we both have no idea what to do when we start touching eachother) I just need to know if this is too soon.
We also don't see eachother often, and when we were speaking for the year, it was just as friends and we literally never saw eachother (which was good, since covid and whatnot) until the end of 2020.
He is like my best friend and we just clicked from the first day we spoke. But is getting frisky and wanting to have s*x with him too soon?
I mean sure, we should not rush and do our part to prevent this from happening, but if a guy is not capable of communicating like an adult, how is the relationship gonna work anyways? That’s so crucial
Both have to be able to communicate like adults
Oh thanks God I found you on RUclips.. Your videos always help me to get an answer. I didn't have many experience about guy things before. But every time I questioning my self or my bf, your videos has the answer. You really help my relationship with a guy. Thank you Matt.. Thank you so much. God bless you
Wow,brilliant! I learned something new today from you! Thanks
This guy is brilliant! Great advice! Thanks a lot.
All of this is easy said than done.
Now. Where has this video been a few years ago? I kind of wish I've seen it earlier... But, nevertheless, thank you, Matthew, it's very clever, helpful, and makes perfect sense. I'll just remember it and keep it in mind... For the future. Greetings! :)
The way he explains this I guess I'm the guy in the relationship
It is hard bcuz everyone told me to just forget him and that if he really wanted to be with me he would have so I have been doin my best to get over him but it is heartbreaking bcuz I really think me and him are great together.. I always had fun when I was with him and he made me laugh so much I just feel like I messed it all up
yea i know i did that and it died real fast
You are such a bright man. Really enjoy your videos. I have the opposite problem. Men want me more than I want them. This has made me more vulnerable to my ex who is a runner but who has continued to hang on to me and me to him for many years. I need to be more interested in other men but I seem to be stuck emotionally, despite not physically being with anyone. Advice?
Well I just got dumped by this 1 month not alot communication bcz he works 6pm & to 3am and Gym after that . Sleeps all morning until he gets up God knows what time but he doesn't text so much and only went on dates on Sunday. And today he wants to step back and hasn't feel anything between us . So yeah.
Matt I love your videos. Keep it up!
my situation is kinda crazy . we moved in together really quickly and now I feel like we are losing eachother . how do I regroup
Thank you. Your videos are helping me a great deal
Ok I now understand that what I have is a huge problem. Bc everything he sad I don’t agree lol. Great speak!
A guy should be able to know his needs and communicate them... we shouldn’t have to watch out for him to see his friends
I really needed that, thank you so much :)
As always you know just what to say.
Thanks Matt, i took it slowly with a woman, she left after 7 months to jump right into a new relationship in about 2 weeks... why i took it slow ? To build a solid foundation
wonderfully presented. as always :)
Genius exactly what I needed to hear
This is the situation with my guy. Im the one slowing things down. Lol
Me and this guy I really like slept together after almost a yr of knowing each other and about 6 months after our first hangout and then he blew me off with no explanation and said he would tell me when he was ready and then things kinda went downhill from there.. I got mad and was being a B to him then our work found out we slept together and that made him hate me even more I think bcuz then he was like just give it time.. this month marks 4 months since we did the deed and we are not talking
Your advices make life so much easier. ;)
wow wouldve never thought of this... thank you for this
Makes so much sense!!
Great post
Thank you! Matthew you are so good :)
Oooohhh my god!!! But how to give each other space when you live together? We go out with friends but what about when you want miss each other? Stay in a hotel a weekend? I'm just living this situation and I'm freaking out. Hahaha.
Thanks!
Ok I am torn. I’ve been talking to this guy for a week now and he’s already using pet names (sweetheart) I hate pet names and it’s freaking me out. He also is already doing good morning texts. But the text literally only says good morning so idk if I’m overthinking this. I’m terrified of getting into a relationship. I’ve dated but it’s just been dating. No serious relationship and I think this relationship could be a serious one. I find myself getting very distant. Not responding to texts sooner. And my problem is I push everyone away. This probably makes no sense but I’m kind of just putting everything I’m feeling down.
What to do if everything great then he suddenly explains he's been acting distant due to things moving too fast (txt normal but not meeting up). I thought about what he said, and agreed. I am now giving him/the early relationship room go breathe, but now things feel awkward and we don't talk to much.
My bf is the slow one...I push and move fast and realize I have put so much pressure on things and am scared I will ruin it.
Thank you, Matt!
So what does it mean when you've been seeing each other for a (short) while and then you both have holiday plans and don't see each other but still message each other. And when you suggest you wanna meet up again he comes up with a lot of excuses (plans) to not see you and then all of a sudden saying that it's been too long and it's not worth the while to get to know each other anymore even though in his messages he has said he can't wait to see you. Have I done something wrong, did he lose his interest or meet someone else? I still don't understand how men think sometimes! :/