the other day my partner told me "I like to miss you, It's like another feeling I have for you. And then when I finally see you, I feel like I love you more" and I can totally tell :)
Romance can only develop in the space created. Not when a couple are constantly together. People should be secure enough to spend time apart. Only 10% of your happiness should come from a partner. 90% from you.
@@kalokagatija3368 Worst line in cinematic history. No one should complete anyone. Everyone knows this...whether they openly acknowledge it or not. We complete ourselves. The line should have been "You COMPLEMENT me."
I don’t know if anyone will understand this. I’ve noticed that I feel a deep sense of love every time I look at my cat. I think that is partly due to the fact that while at times he will cuddle with me to the point that I want to push him away. Most of the time, he is doing his own thing and doesn’t want to even be disturbed. That’s when I crave a cuddle most. Is this as Mathew suggests here that while he does his own thing, I miss him and respect him more. I know this sounds cat crazy. However, I feel there is something to learn from my Cat.
Op nailed it. Affection from her cat is valuable... *Because*... It is scarce. If her car was affectionate all the time... It wouldn't be valuable, and instead she would *feel* like her cat was a leach, who was always asking her for cuddles... Rather than an independent creature, who would occasionally consent to *provide* cuddles to her. The same behavior (cuddling) can be seen as a resource or a drain... Based on the scarcity of it.
I think being emotional and not overthinking the relationship won't ruin a relationship that is willing to work. It will only accelerate the end of the ones who aren't meant to be.
I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for 6 years, we live together and I still use this advice to keep the desire alive. We do our own things for work and so on and then it creates that tension for when we see each other next and makes us want to spend some quality 1 on 1 time. Just wanted to make that point that this advice can be useful even after it’s become long term.
@@lunarose9042 It should be…why be in a relationship for 6 years with nothing to show for it? Not a last name, not a child (at least in wedlock), no assets together, let alone not doing it under God’s covenant if they are a believer. That sounds very stressful to me
Actually, when you find the right person you will feel calm and will not feel the need to prove you are lovable by investing to much because they will give you a calm feeling of knowing you are loved. Good luck all!
oooh thanks so much for this comment ! I was a little bit annoyed by the "you need to be so independant and be successful and have your passion " blablabla. It seems so overwhelming. Of course no one is attracted by someone who has an empty life but I don't think we need to be SO over-the-top and successful right?
@@auroraborealis6398 Somebody who is "successful" and "independent" probably doesn't care about you or have time for you anyways. I think normal is probably most attractive in the long run. No healthy person needs to asser their independence, they take the steps to preserve it naturally. :) And have no problem giving their time to you. My ex was like that because of her prior relationship where she lost herself.. now she swung to the polar opposite.
@@hgzmatt yeah, that seems more likely. Because other wise a lot of people would stay single ^^ understandable for your ex, I've seen that a lot in people, even with food or other stuff. They junkfood and then they become extremely healthy for a while, rejecting anything that is not 100% healthy
I have waited a whole year (almost) before going into a relationship. And for the first time in a loooong time, when I am together with a guy - I can also feel a need to pull back, focus on myself, my future, my goals, my aspirations etc. It is so refreshing and a relief! I am not dependent on this person because I have hobbies and passion for other things as well. I am not even head over heels in him - yet. I am leaning back a little, teying to see what he comes up with, let him take the lead as much as I can and my emotions allow me 😉 After all, a relationship is a two-way street. I am very grateful for your videos Matthew, you always bring something of value to the table. Thank you for that 😇
I do the same! And when I'm with that special person I am the greatest person I can be and that is truly deeply attractive!! But there's an inner force that always keeps your attention coming back to yourself once you learn to love yourself and to take care of you so that you can bring the best to the table when it comes to other relationships.
I think I lost guys every time because I flood them with my emotions and love and devotion. lost the guy I really wanted because I choose to be sincere
vintagedesigner Me too. It’s still too early to know if I completely lost him or not but he is ignoring me for the first time since we started dating. It’s only been 24 hours but that is the longest he has ever went not talking so now I feel silly. I did way too much too fast. Back to the drawing board I guess.
Please don't feel like you overwhelmed them. It may just mean they weren't mature enough to handle it. Especially if you backed off based on their signals and didn't continue to bombard them. 💜
That 'distance makes the heart grow fonder' is such bullshit. Maybe when you're in love or early relationship but I've lost a long term gf (4 years) to being apart from each other (her choice)
As a guy who dated many girls, I would say, Invest in yourself. Make yourself a priority (Unless you have children then make them priority). From my experience, I feel unattracted to women who invest so much in me because it kinda show them as needy. Truth hurts yeah but again you girls would be turned off if a guy gives you ALL his attention all day. It's a sign that the guy has no passion, hobby or anything going on for himself other than clinging on you.
No one invests all his/her attention on another person 🤣 unless the person is unemployed and not at school either. When u invest in your partner, u r still investing in yourself l. Cuz relationship is a part of your life. The point is to identify who is not worth investing. For example, guys who prefer girls who just simply dun like them, dun reply them, dun give them attention? 🤣
What you are talking about is insecure attachment. Both men and women would benefit so much by understanding attachment theory and understanding their own attachment style. Without it, it's impossible to break out of self defeating patterns of behaviour in dating and relationships. Amir Levine's 'Attached' is the best resource and entry point to understanding adult attachment.
I’m seeing a guy and he’s so nice to me.. I’m not used to this level of gentlemanliness. I watched a lot of your videos and they have helped me to accept that I actually deserve to be treated like an absolute queen. I’m pumping the breaks because he’s a total catch, being honest and vulnerable.. it’s been a total game changer. I refuse to erode the time I spend on myself.. this is new for me.. again.. wow 👌 Thank you for all your insight 😘
Dated someone recently who treated me so nice and was such a gentleman that I was blown away by him completely. Even his level of honestly, vulnerability and consideration for my needs was incredible. Dating in today's society has been so emotionally draining because most men don't care at all. It's been an eye opener to be treated with kindness and respect again. This man may not be my forever partner but he will always remain a cherished soul in my life for bringing hope back into my heart. ❤
@@Alycxiam Oh why was he not my forever man? If that's what you mean, well, I have to think hard about it bc I wrote that comment 2 years ago already ! (Wow! This is actually quite uncanny u ask about him now bc I rarely talk to him anymore, but I just heard from him 2 days ago!) Lol, anyway, this guy who I referred to as "not my forever man" truly does have some gorgeous qualities about him, yet we were incompatible in too many of the important ways, like, opposing values, and opposing lifestyle preferences. Thus, we enjoyed our brief encounters getting to know each other, but we both knew it wasn't ever going to work between us.
I did everything that you said in my first relationship, Matthew. It took me 6 years to realise how much I gave up because of that feeling that this realishionship is all I ever needed. I agree completly on that you shouldn't loose the things that make you YOU.
GIRL, isn't it great just being able to search for a topic in his videos? I always feel so much better (and sometimes a little silly) after watching them. Hahaha. I think the reason I struggle with this particular thing so much is because I don't want to push them away and lose them, so I go to the other end and over-attach too much. Work in progress, for sure!
Honestly, this video is like 20 others that I have seen from him. But I am a man an 99% logic. I could prove it too if it comes to that but just trust me.
What I take from this: keep your identity separate as it gives interest to the relationship. The old saying - 'distance makes the heart grow fonder' is now 'distance creates desire' - all true in my opinion. Distance also gives you something to discuss from your day, it creates excitement too. A very important topic Matthew. Thanks.
I love that man. I literally was just in my head on this subject “am I giving too much too fast?” “Is this why it feels like things are slowing down?” And then this popped up in my notifications!! Matthew Hussey the angel genie! 🧞♂️
Wow, this came at the perfect time. Needed this one to open up my eyes. I was in self destruct mode because I was SO wrapped up in him and losing myself. I was making myself crazy and losing what makes me who I am! It was ruining our relationship. We're teetering on the brink of a breakup. I'm hoping he'll be open to continuing and working on it.
I did the same, but we talked about it in length. Then he still texted me and called me the next day. I have completely stepped back and am focussing on the great life I had before I met him. Only time will tell if it's too little too late. I've only been seeing him for 7 weeks, there is no label on this yet, so I am also entertaining meeting other people. Life goes on. I'm not waiting for him.
I just lost the best girl in my life because I did all of this. You honestly have changed my life because I watched this video everyday for weeks straight. Thank you.
This is what I needed, this new guy i'm dating he's really patient with me and I did notice that I am requiring way to much of him two soon because I really like him and can tell he really likes me back. I want to see him all the time and talk to him but its not logical we have responsibilities and I have to let go and let it grow naturally. THANK YOU MATT!
I vote for longer videos, love to see all the concepts you taught in the past put together and create a story that I'm sure reflects most people's new relationships. This was awesome!!
I’ve been there too. I was with my ex 2 months and we both invested too quickly. We loved each other we really did and everything felt right but we went too fast. It ended up not working out. He broke up with me. I’m sad about it but I have no regrets. I learned from the relationship. He showed me how I deserve to be treated and what love feels like. I’ll always be grateful for that.
I was experiencing with investing too much time and energy in a man I loved at the first sight. It didn’t work out that way because he pulled back. I’m trapped in a friend zone now but I’m happy with it. I don’t want to be with a man who is not sure what he wants. Thank you for all valuable advices, Matthew ❤️
Giving too much too soon has been a behavior I have struggled with. And since I have been watching your videos I have been wondering how to find the middle ground of giving enough of myself without becoming over-involved in him and letting my emotions getting the best of me. Now I get it..sort of..lol
Nichole omg I feel you ! I’m in the same boat ! After all the videos , I over analyse and find I hold myself back too much, trying to “play it” or giving way to much to soon ! Looking for the middle grown ! In the end I just need to find my core confidante and happiness , and let the situation flow
I agree that when other people are involved, as well as your own safety when you’re by yourself, harnessing your emotions is important. Diplomacy is critical when more than one person is in the picture.
I totally relate! Thanks ! When I start liking someone I totally get overwhelming by thinking about him, and I lose myself. Learning to control one’s emotions and keeping grounded is keey! Thanks
But also when you are truly in love with someone , it shouldn't make a difference how much or how little time you spend together because you can have an unspoken understanding when can't be together 🙂
You’ve always been one of the ‘relationship advice’ you tubers that I’ve felt was genuine and realistic, hearing you address the issue of ‘over analyzing’ and taking some responsibility for it was honestly one of the most memorable things I’ve heard. The fact that you are real and that you are aware of your viewers and their actual real life circumstances after implementing your advice is commendable and the fact that you shouldered some blame (unnecessary in my opinion, we are grown ass adults with free will) is outstanding and totally impressive. You’re authenticity, in my opinion, was refreshing and you deserve lots of shine for taking the time to care and then start prepare.
I understand now. I thought that spending time almost everyday, was always fun, getting to know one another. Especially in the beginning in a relationship. I never thought of the idea that maybe spending so much time together that the sparks would slowly fade. That we would need to have time apart, so the next time we can rekindle the spark, or the fact that when we started to together that what the my were attractive to us was the time that we were doing, or hobbies, or interest, and we slowly stopped to be invested in our relationship. I learned a lot in this video. Thank you so much.
I wish so much I had seen this video and some of your other videos before I went into my previous relationship. I truly feel it would have saved my relationship and prevented me from getting my heartbroken in such a profound way I’m still not over it a year later. I made exactly these mistakes, all with the best intentions in my heart, not realizing they were in fact being counterproductive to what I intended. I guess lessons learned, and I’m so grateful I have now seen these videos because I know I will take them with me into my next partnership and have a much better, healthier relationship ❤️
E S I feel you😊 I keep asking myself if I actually made the right decision. Well what happened, happened. I personally can't go back to him asking for another chance, we agreed not to get back together if we breakup since our first date, so no way to go back. But I can at least take lesson from it and do better in the next relationship😊
Nicholas Binaco not necessarily.. Everyone has their own pace. She's taking her time knowing herself..it's a continuous process of learning. Stop judging.
LOL the fucking AUDACITY. why do you think youre good enough to comment on someone's appearance & give them a score/age them? Please take a look at yourself in the mirror & secondly, attraction/beauty lasts long term only from within. despite that, shes really beautiful & its admiring to see someone seek advice and work on self-improvement so please leave if youre not interested :)
Wow, my comments are a catalyst for vile behavior. We all have our strenghts I guess. Matt Hussey, isn't really saying anything you can't find in other books and sources. He's is just very attactive, looks, personality, accessent, etc. My point in asking the question of failure is. How has supporting him for 6 years supported you? Don't get me wrong I have supported people for 6 years but that support has a payday. Are you expecting a payday soon?
I definitely had to learn the hard way to pull back and be more logical. I’m a planner and like to place things in boxes just like my time and relationship. 🤷🏻♀️
I am a very emotional sensitive person. Its in my genes to go out of my way and care for others and hurts so much to see people around change the very notion of love completely today. I never really understood until I saw this video! This video literally spoke to my heart!
You are right Mathew, it's amazing how wise you're turning by the mere fact of your work on relationships, observing, listening, paying attention. And it's true that this balance of emotion and logic is the golden key in every aspect of life: love, family, work, community, self, otherness. Thank you so much!
You have a maturity about your content that far surpasses other relationship mentors. I’ve learned so much from you in the past year; I’m not quite ready for the retreat program. I’m still working on some rough edges. Thank you just doesn’t seem enough to extend my gratitude for the information you provide. May you have continued success!
Being carried away is not a bad thing but if you do it with a toxic person then you put yourself in danger. Be sure that person is not trying to be with you for wrong reasons first
The man...he doesnt into you. How much you take slow or invesr fast. Its nothing at all. You invest and know early better than spent time with him and regrets later. But this is a good lesson for next chapter.
Wow. Couldn't be more of an ironic time for me to watch this video. Having some hard, emotional recent days having zero to do with the opposite sex or relationships, just life, but just like you said it can apply to any other aspect as well. Thank you!
Matthew this is fantastic. When my emotions run away with me it is a recipe for disaster! Emotions without boundaries are like 2 year olds acting like parents. Needless to say I recently experienced this and unchecked created a lot of fear! I appreciated this video because once again I am reminded to pick myself up by my britches and get a hold of myself because ultimately I desire to experience healthy relationships in all areas of my life.
I don't know the likelihood of you seeing this, but thank you. Thank you for making such sincere and loving content. You truly add value to people's lives including mine. This youtube channel has been so amazing to be a part of, and that is because you are not BSing anything. You truly want to help people and you do. You don't hold back critical info so you can get more people in on your retreats, you share as much as you possibly can in your videos. I probably won't ever get to be a part of your retreat program (though I would love to) but I will be a life-long subscriber to your channel. You are genuine, you care, and you want to help as many people as you possibly can. It shows. Thank you for all that you do.
Very much agree with you Matthew that pleasing someone all the time could create a selfish relationship. We should always know when to say NO or say what we like or want. It's part of getting to know each other right?
You definitely have to give people time to miss you and Vise versa. I put my man on a pedestal and make sure I always let him know I only have eyes for him. Yes, he struggles with believing that sometimes but as time goes by it gets easier and easier to believe based on patterns. I even struggle with it sometimes, thinking hes up to no good. You just have to be thoughtful and understanding. If you cant be then you're in a relationship you shouldn't be in. Because when you really like someone you figure it out. You cant really like someone unless you know they really like you. Life is too short to waste time and hurt yourself. I know I had to be right with myself before I'd ever be right with anyone else. Self reflect. Be cool. Be real. Be happy.
Approaching any type of relationship from these perspectives will create space for people to come to you. Classes on life skills, relationships and personal empowerment should be taught in schools. Thank you for the guidance, Matthew 👍
Everything is about balance no matter how much you’re attracted by him. U give if u want and enjoy being a giver. But if he is not reciprocating in the same pace u pause and observe. Let him miss u while u are doing your things but give quality conservation every time
Sooo, what do i do if i have it the other way around? I like a guy, i suggest i like him and he goes craaaazy... i feel like i havent earned it and i lose interest because he seems desperate. So i end up being attracted to the non-commital types because they dont suffocate me. (But they also dont give me the commitment i want EVENTUALLY.)
Omg that happened to me so many times ! That’s when it’s not the opposite and I give too much once I actually like a guy ! God it’s difficult for the ones that wear their heart on their sleeve !
Sassi Neri~It means you don't know what you truly want. A woman who truly know what she wants won't have a problem with guys who invest too much, too fast, and she also won't have a problem with guys who invest too little or none at all. She will know to find a guy who is balance, a guy who is high quality, a guy that knows himself and won't worshipped at your feet but will also be open to a committed relationship. Guys that are balance exists. You just have to know yourself enough to weed through all the far left and the far right, to find the in between. A woman who truly knows herself and what she wants will never have a problem like this. Because she will recognised it for what it is from the beginning. It always comes down to you. To yourself. *Know thyself.* When you know thyself, the world falls into place. *You are the master of your own fate. You are the captain of your own soul, your own future.*
I got bpd, every emotion i feel is like 10x more intense. Not that that’s an excuse but it does make controlling emotions a lot harder. I feel so blessed to come across your vids because you explain so clearly and simply how to break unhealthy habits.
But it's not fun because most people are holding back and are wounded, scared, and inauthentic because of it. I feel like the black sheep for going out each day, talking to people, and being happy. I actually want to know others and have them know me.
Veronica Haney it's the human condition I guess. Where I work it's a very niche environment/culture so I've gotten in the habit of being open with people and getting to know everybody. I used to be closed up before that.
I'm lucky to have found a partner who felt the same way as I did. We both fell super fast, and established a relationship very very fast. We got emotional and serious in just a week. We rode the emotions and nurtured it, relished in it, entertained it, while here and there we put a little reason in, we talk about our concerns logically, realistically. It's just. We know it's a balancing act, but we gladly do it everyday si things do not go out of hand. Communication is vital in a relationship, and making sure you are in the same page. Whether it's emotional or logical communication, it's important. Say what you are feeling and thinking but do it in a compassionate way, especially when you are hurt. Don't go roundabout, be straightforward and respectful.
MATTHEW....I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS AND ESPECIALLY THIS ONE !!! TY FOR POSTING IT. IM SGE 50yrs WITH NO CHILDREN AND A WIDOW OF 4yrs. I MET MY HUSBAND ONLINE IN '95 WHEN I WAS 27yrs AND HE WAS 35yrs. WE FELL IN LOVE VERY QUICKLY WITH HIM KNOWING FIRST BUT BEING A BIT CAUTIOUS BECAUSE HE HAD BEEN DIVORCED A FEW YEARS EARLIER WITH NO CHILDREN. SHE HAD LEFT HIM AND USED HIM FOR MONEY. WE DATED LONG DISTANCE FOR A YEAR BEFORE I MOVED IN WITH HIM. WE GOT ENGAGED ONE YEAR LATER AND ACTUALLY MARRIED IN 2003. WE HAD A VERY HAPPY, FAITHFUL, STRONG MARRIAGE AND WE WERE EACH OTHERS BEST FRIENDS. UNFORTUNATELY AT AGE 54yrs....HE WAS ON VACATION FROM WORK AND AT HOME WHILE I WAS OUT OF TOWN VISITING FAMILY. I COULDN'T GET HIM TO ANSWER THE PHONE ALL ONE NIGHT WHILE I WAS AT HOTEL AND THAT WAS NOT LIKE HIM, I BEGAN TO PANIC. I CALLED SHERIFF'S IN OUR AREA AND HAD THEM BREAK INTO OUR HOME WHERE THEY FOUND HIM DECEASED FROM A HEART ATTACK. THAT WAS JAN. 10,2015. MY LIFE TURNED UPSIDE DOWN. I THEN LEARND THE VALUABLE LESSON OF ALWAYS TELLING SOMEONE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM WHEN YOU DO. EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS....BECAUSE TOMORROW ISNT PROMISED. THANK GOODNESS THOSE WERE MY LAST WORDS TO MY HUSBAND THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM. ITS BEEN FOUR YEARS AND ILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM, HE WAS 20yrs OF MY LIFE. BUT IM READY TO BE HAPPY AGAIN. BUT I FIND THAT MEN ARE NOT OPEN TO THIS EXPRESSION OF FEELING AND THIS BOTHERS ME. THEY SEEM TO BE LOOKING FOR MORE CASUAL SEX AND THEN WANT TO MOVE ON. THATS NOT ME OR MY VALUES. IM GETTING FRUSTRATED, RESENTFUL OF MEN, I CANT TRUST, AND JUST PLAIN LOSING HOPE THAT ILL EVER BE HAPPY AGAIN. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE. HELP!!!! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG. ??? I JUST WANT RESPECT, FAITHFULNESS, COMMUNICATION, AND A GOOD GUY. SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG..... THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HARD WORK AND SUCH A WARM PERSON. 😊🙏
Melissa, I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband. It sounds like you had an amazing relationship with him and that you're ready to be happy again. I know how crazy the dating world is and sometimes it seems like there are no men out there who share the same values and desire the same type of relationship. Continue to be very clear about what you want from a man/relationship and then cultivate that within yourself. If you want a man who is respectful, faithful, and a good communicator, be sure that you exhibit those qualities. Love and respect yourself, communicate your needs, and have faith that you will attract a high quality man who is comfortable expressing his feelings. I know he is out there and the Universe will bring you together when you are both ready. Best wishes to you
@@karencostello587 THANK YOU for you very kind words. There are days when I just want to give up hope. But you are very right. I will keep your advice tucked away in the back of my mind and also in my heart. I won't give up. Take care and enjoy your holiday season that is approaching! 😊
@@melissaannoylerryan3048 I love to hear you say that you won't give up. Enjoy the holidays also. Keep an open heart...magic is coming your way...just have faith!
Thank you Matthew.. That was the most insightful and empowering video. I always go into a relationship /friendship with my emotions at the wheel, especially as I'm getting older... I'm a huge people pleaser, and I care so much for others and their feelings.. and it's the combination of these things that allow my emotions to take over, and basically ensure the new person runs (screaming into the night lol)... Anyway, thank you again.. I really hope I can turn things round
Omg Mathew , it’s like you spoke to my mind directly! I’m a deep thinker and wear my heart on my sleeve , and I find I can give to much too soon and over analyse my moves when it comes to dating! you just spoke again - to perfection - on this point ! Not to over analyse or over think but to let the feelings flow but not to loose yourself in trying to please everyone ! Perfect ! So yet again , another amazing video from you !
Mathew inspires people all around to be the shiniest and best versions of themselves - no matter they are looking for relationships or are in one or don't even want one. Also, I love how dramatic he is. 😏
I learned how to use logic and emotions together since a very young age and I never realised it until now, the only problem is that nobody invests in me in the first place
When it comes to time apart, it happens naturally with my boyfriend and I as we both have full-time jobs, so we can't really see each other more than 2-3 times a week for dinner. We're still in the 'honeymoon phase', so my emotions definitely say we want to be glued together 24/7, but it's probably for the best that we're not.
@@luckyduckydaisyflower2344 We did not stay together haha However I'm still within the mindset that it's a good idea to only see your partner about twice/week until you move in together.
I really needed to hear this. My relationship ended a couple of weeks ago and I truly believe that the root cause was all of the things you talked about. I invested too much of myself too quickly and lost myself trying to make him happy. And he dumped me like Sunday morning garbage. I really was a slave to my emotions. I am ready to be better and make the necessary changes to ensure I never do this again in a future relationship. I am a young university student and can't afford your retreats and a lot of the material you have to offer so unfortunately your retreats won't be in the cards for me for a very long time. But through watching your videos, I hope to be better.
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Mathew you are just incredible , spot on! I just split from a 10 year relationship because he gave everythin up for me and he lives for that ''emotion' and my attraction for him eventually dissolved because he couldnt see it. I hope the time and space will show him he needs to have his own passions in life and be happy , we are still good friends i just hope he can find himself again soon.
Haha that's me. My friends criticizes me saying that I am playing games with the men I date, not being emotional etc..But ı tell them ı am doing this with a good intention and for a more romantic relationship :) they have trouble to get my purpose and think about me a mean girl. Actually, as it seem it is a bad or unemotional move it is resulted in more romantical ways and I benefited my logic and my man also loved that made him more invested and happy.
I NEEDED this video! I swear, your uploading scheme always aligns with what I'm going through--I literally had a conversation about this dilemma this morning!
Wow Matt, what an incredible video! "Logic is the wingwoman in your brain" I have swung back and forth between both logic and emotion for so long and to see this put in words is so helpful! Thank you :)
I wish I could apply these tips to my situation but since 2018, every person I tried to date only wanted to see me once a month. And I was made to feel like that wanting to see someone more than once was doing too much and trying to take too much of their time. If a month goes by and a man doesn't want to see me, but claims he is so so so into me, I begin to check out and am no longer interested in a relationship depending on the underlying circumstances. Even if I saw someone daily, I'd still be doing my own thing. Relationships don't stop me from doing my hobbies. Focusing on a career. Starting up my second career. Upkeeping my home. So to me it's never a big deal that anyone wants to spend time with me. I no longer meet men who too know how to juggle and balance their love life.
Thank you so much, Matthew! Omg, you've just described literally all of my mistakes that I've made in the past 😝 Didn't know till now what in the hell I do wrong, gained clarity👍😇
Good stuff, Hussey! I’ve been working on myself for years now and this is probably the most succinct antidote for not being a slave to emotions that I’ve come across. It resonates. You rock.
![I.N "HALLUCINATION" | [Stray Kids : SKZ-PLAYER]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/n5B5q1Hwt_U/mqdefault.jpg)
“It’s not about removing emotions, it’s about learning to wield them.” pure gold. Thank you Matthew
♡♡
the other day my partner told me "I like to miss you, It's like another feeling I have for you. And then when I finally see you, I feel like I love you more" and I can totally tell :)
This is so cute💕
Need to try this thanks
Love this comment. It's so true and he def. is a keeper, because he seems to be himself around you.
Luv that !!! Missing someone is really the underlying foundation in beginning a new relationship...
I find that really beautiful!
Dont trust words... Watch paterns
The funny thing is, i just start getting this experience 😆
Emotions: doing what feels good.
Logic: investing to feel good.
Romance can only develop in the space created. Not when a couple are constantly together. People should be secure enough to spend time apart. Only 10% of your happiness should come from a partner. 90% from you.
I agree, and I will put it further 100 percent from me, 110 percent from him
Yeah. That's why people say "you complete me", not "you make my entire existence" ;)
@@kalokagatija3368 Worst line in cinematic history. No one should complete anyone. Everyone knows this...whether they openly acknowledge it or not. We complete ourselves. The line should have been "You COMPLEMENT me."
Thank you..you are clarifying the clever emotions how to use them to elevate the relationship...isn't it ?
Your comments doesn't make sense,
Ravi Peiris M.D.
I don’t know if anyone will understand this. I’ve noticed that I feel a deep sense of love every time I look at my cat. I think that is partly due to the fact that while at times he will cuddle with me to the point that I want to push him away. Most of the time, he is doing his own thing and doesn’t want to even be disturbed. That’s when I crave a cuddle most. Is this as Mathew suggests here that while he does his own thing, I miss him and respect him more. I know this sounds cat crazy. However, I feel there is something to learn from my Cat.
Alya Saad you’ve definitely learned something about yourself from your interaction with your cat.
I can relate to this, too :)
😂 😂
Op nailed it.
Affection from her cat is valuable... *Because*... It is scarce.
If her car was affectionate all the time... It wouldn't be valuable, and instead she would *feel* like her cat was a leach, who was always asking her for cuddles...
Rather than an independent creature, who would occasionally consent to *provide* cuddles to her.
The same behavior (cuddling) can be seen as a resource or a drain... Based on the scarcity of it.
I have 3 cats ..they are there for me and love me just for me ...
Invest in yourself. Be confident and be the best you. Then sit back and watch the quality fellows come. 😋😛😉😚
Be1smaht doesn’t always work that way! Not the best philosophy my friend
I have been trying to do this in the last three years but where are quality fellows
You nail it! 🤗
Preach
😥😥😥😥😭😢😢😢
"Wise men say, only fools rush in, but i cant help falling in love with you"
Awww! 💜
Oh now I get it 😱
Elvis ❤️
Classic!
Yeah, fuck. Elvis understood us
"Some people know how to manage their emotions to make it work for them, and other people work for their emotions" woooooooooo POWERFUL.
Change the word "emotions" to "money" and it still becomes true in finances.
I think being emotional and not overthinking the relationship won't ruin a relationship that is willing to work. It will only accelerate the end of the ones who aren't meant to be.
super comment
This is it! Thank you 🙏
That's exactly true! Being pushed to fast when you want to take it slow speeds up the break up
I made dinner for two... ate both.
mickeyman that happened to me like 3 times with the same girl, i didn't learn
mickeyman 🤗
Love yourself
mickeyman super funny
mickeyman wise choice
I’ve been in a relationship with a guy for 6 years, we live together and I still use this advice to keep the desire alive. We do our own things for work and so on and then it creates that tension for when we see each other next and makes us want to spend some quality 1 on 1 time. Just wanted to make that point that this advice can be useful even after it’s become long term.
Same here with my partner!
How doomed you are 6 years never married
6 years & not engaged or married? Doesn't sound that great to me
@@topkat8268 Not everyone wants or needs to get married though. Marriage isn't the end goal or success measure for all relationships.
@@lunarose9042 It should be…why be in a relationship for 6 years with nothing to show for it? Not a last name, not a child (at least in wedlock), no assets together, let alone not doing it under God’s covenant if they are a believer. That sounds very stressful to me
the strongest snd best relationships are the ones where you can talk abt this stuff with your Partner
true!
Actually, when you find the right person you will feel calm and will not feel the need to prove you are lovable by investing to much because they will give you a calm feeling of knowing you are loved. Good luck all!
oooh thanks so much for this comment ! I was a little bit annoyed by the "you need to be so independant and be successful and have your passion " blablabla. It seems so overwhelming. Of course no one is attracted by someone who has an empty life but I don't think we need to be SO over-the-top and successful right?
@@auroraborealis6398 Somebody who is "successful" and "independent" probably doesn't care about you or have time for you anyways. I think normal is probably most attractive in the long run. No healthy person needs to asser their independence, they take the steps to preserve it naturally. :) And have no problem giving their time to you.
My ex was like that because of her prior relationship where she lost herself.. now she swung to the polar opposite.
@@hgzmatt yeah, that seems more likely. Because other wise a lot of people would stay single ^^ understandable for your ex, I've seen that a lot in people, even with food or other stuff. They junkfood and then they become extremely healthy for a while, rejecting anything that is not 100% healthy
I like I like
@@auroraborealis6398 yes, totally agree...
I have waited a whole year (almost) before going into a relationship. And for the first time in a loooong time, when I am together with a guy - I can also feel a need to pull back, focus on myself, my future, my goals, my aspirations etc. It is so refreshing and a relief! I am not dependent on this person because I have hobbies and passion for other things as well. I am not even head over heels in him - yet. I am leaning back a little, teying to see what he comes up with, let him take the lead as much as I can and my emotions allow me 😉 After all, a relationship is a two-way street. I am very grateful for your videos Matthew, you always bring something of value to the table. Thank you for that 😇
I do the same! And when I'm with that special person I am the greatest person I can be and that is truly deeply attractive!! But there's an inner force that always keeps your attention coming back to yourself once you learn to love yourself and to take care of you so that you can bring the best to the table when it comes to other relationships.
This is definitely inspirational to me and I hope to achieve this.
I think I lost guys every time because I flood them with my emotions and love and devotion. lost the guy I really wanted because I choose to be sincere
vintagedesigner Me too. It’s still too early to know if I completely lost him or not but he is ignoring me for the first time since we started dating. It’s only been 24 hours but that is the longest he has ever went not talking so now I feel silly. I did way too much too fast. Back to the drawing board I guess.
Please don't feel like you overwhelmed them. It may just mean they weren't mature enough to handle it. Especially if you backed off based on their signals and didn't continue to bombard them. 💜
@@MrsTruthTeller 24 hours? That seems like hardly anything. Maybe I'm used to being ignored though lol
Omg. I am very sincere lol. But I was ignored. Guess they like hoes. Lol
@@nicandromartinezsotelo7126 sorry buddy. I am a woman
“Love is when people are together. Desire is created in the distance between people”
That 'distance makes the heart grow fonder' is such bullshit. Maybe when you're in love or early relationship but I've lost a long term gf (4 years) to being apart from each other (her choice)
Keep the mystery, not being needy or too attached. Have your own life.
As a guy who dated many girls, I would say, Invest in yourself. Make yourself a priority (Unless you have children then make them priority). From my experience, I feel unattracted to women who invest so much in me because it kinda show them as needy. Truth hurts yeah but again you girls would be turned off if a guy gives you ALL his attention all day. It's a sign that the guy has no passion, hobby or anything going on for himself other than clinging on you.
10 1001 1010 does that mean that you entertain a lot of other girls and make the one that wants to invest and commit to you feel like she is a joke ??
Very true
No one invests all his/her attention on another person 🤣 unless the person is unemployed and not at school either. When u invest in your partner, u r still investing in yourself l. Cuz relationship is a part of your life. The point is to identify who is not worth investing. For example, guys who prefer girls who just simply dun like them, dun reply them, dun give them attention? 🤣
So basically don't show interest awesome
And this is the mentality of men that I don’t get
What you are talking about is insecure attachment. Both men and women would benefit so much by understanding attachment theory and understanding their own attachment style. Without it, it's impossible to break out of self defeating patterns of behaviour in dating and relationships. Amir Levine's 'Attached' is the best resource and entry point to understanding adult attachment.
zeus111 That book changes my life! 🙌 Wholeheartedly recommend it.
Megan Smith yeah it's a pretty important book for the millions of us that identify with it
#MGTOW
what he is talking about I snt insecure attachment- it's premature attachment..or abandoning yourself in favor of the illusion of mutual attachment
Empress_ HighPriestess it's actually anxious attachment
Not even in a relationship but still here
Happily married and still here
You’re a smart woman 👍
I am so guilty of all these mistakes, good thing there's people like you that helps us realize this 😕
I feel the same 😅
I’m seeing a guy and he’s so nice to me.. I’m not used to this level of gentlemanliness. I watched a lot of your videos and they have helped me to accept that I actually deserve to be treated like an absolute queen. I’m pumping the breaks because he’s a total catch, being honest and vulnerable.. it’s been a total game changer. I refuse to erode the time I spend on myself.. this is new for me.. again.. wow 👌
Thank you for all your insight 😘
@@jjm2948 that's true. He is! He's my king
Dated someone recently who treated me so nice and was such a gentleman that I was blown away by him completely. Even his level of honestly, vulnerability and consideration for my needs was incredible. Dating in today's society has been so emotionally draining because most men don't care at all. It's been an eye opener to be treated with kindness and respect again. This man may not be my forever partner but he will always remain a cherished soul in my life for bringing hope back into my heart. ❤
@@nunya5270why do you say that?
@@Alycxiam Oh why was he not my forever man? If that's what you mean, well, I have to think hard about it bc I wrote that comment 2 years ago already ! (Wow! This is actually quite uncanny u ask about him now bc I rarely talk to him anymore, but I just heard from him 2 days ago!) Lol, anyway, this guy who I referred to as "not my forever man" truly does have some gorgeous qualities about him, yet we were incompatible in too many of the important ways, like, opposing values, and opposing lifestyle preferences. Thus, we enjoyed our brief encounters getting to know each other, but we both knew it wasn't ever going to work between us.
I did everything that you said in my first relationship, Matthew. It took me 6 years to realise how much I gave up because of that feeling that this realishionship is all I ever needed. I agree completly on that you shouldn't loose the things that make you YOU.
Are you reading my mind, Matthew?! All of your videos are incredible, but I NEEDED this one. Thank you for all that you do for your RUclips family!!
Andi Harris literally me too!!!! I was looking it up and thought. Let me see what Matt has. And boom.
GIRL, isn't it great just being able to search for a topic in his videos? I always feel so much better (and sometimes a little silly) after watching them. Hahaha. I think the reason I struggle with this particular thing so much is because I don't want to push them away and lose them, so I go to the other end and over-attach too much. Work in progress, for sure!
Honestly, this video is like 20 others that I have seen from him. But I am a man an 99% logic. I could prove it too if it comes to that but just trust me.
God bless you
Nicholas Binaco you and me both bro
What I take from this: keep your identity separate as it gives interest to the relationship. The old saying - 'distance makes the heart grow fonder' is now 'distance creates desire' - all true in my opinion. Distance also gives you something to discuss from your day, it creates excitement too. A very important topic Matthew. Thanks.
I love that man. I literally was just in my head on this subject “am I giving too much too fast?” “Is this why it feels like things are slowing down?” And then this popped up in my notifications!! Matthew Hussey the angel genie! 🧞♂️
Blame the social media spionage and algorithms
Joana Sofia Lorça de Oliveira ha! Love it. Just deleted my Snapchat. Holla
Wow, this came at the perfect time. Needed this one to open up my eyes. I was in self destruct mode because I was SO wrapped up in him and losing myself. I was making myself crazy and losing what makes me who I am! It was ruining our relationship. We're teetering on the brink of a breakup. I'm hoping he'll be open to continuing and working on it.
I did the same, but we talked about it in length. Then he still texted me and called me the next day. I have completely stepped back and am focussing on the great life I had before I met him. Only time will tell if it's too little too late. I've only been seeing him for 7 weeks, there is no label on this yet, so I am also entertaining meeting other people. Life goes on. I'm not waiting for him.
It's a hallmark trait- codependent and a narcissist
I just lost the best girl in my life because I did all of this. You honestly have changed my life because I watched this video everyday for weeks straight. Thank you.
This is what I needed, this new guy i'm dating he's really patient with me and I did notice that I am requiring way to much of him two soon because I really like him and can tell he really likes me back. I want to see him all the time and talk to him but its not logical we have responsibilities and I have to let go and let it grow naturally. THANK YOU MATT!
I vote for longer videos, love to see all the concepts you taught in the past put together and create a story that I'm sure reflects most people's new relationships. This was awesome!!
I definitely get too invested too quickly so I needed this. Thanks!!
I used to be like this and then I was just like "screw this if he doesn't like me then someone else will" and I move on. Made my life so much easier!
May you pls let me know about your relationship? Cos i think i did invest too soon
I’ve been there too. I was with my ex 2 months and we both invested too quickly. We loved each other we really did and everything felt right but we went too fast. It ended up not working out. He broke up with me. I’m sad about it but I have no regrets. I learned from the relationship. He showed me how I deserve to be treated and what love feels like. I’ll always be grateful for that.
@@vampiraqueen7449 hey! I'm sorry I didn't see this. If you're still interested I could definitely give you that info.
I was experiencing with investing too much time and energy in a man I loved at the first sight. It didn’t work out that way because he pulled back. I’m trapped in a friend zone now but I’m happy with it. I don’t want to be with a man who is not sure what he wants.
Thank you for all valuable advices, Matthew ❤️
Giving too much too soon has been a behavior I have struggled with. And since I have been watching your videos I have been wondering how to find the middle ground of giving enough of myself without becoming over-involved in him and letting my emotions getting the best of me. Now I get it..sort of..lol
Nichole omg I feel you ! I’m in the same boat ! After all the videos , I over analyse and find I hold myself back too much, trying to “play it” or giving way to much to soon ! Looking for the middle grown !
In the end I just need to find my core confidante and happiness , and let the situation flow
i wish i listen to this 18 years ago.... i might have a different kind of relationship. But, it is never too late! Thanks, Matthew.
I agree that when other people are involved, as well as your own safety when you’re by yourself, harnessing your emotions is important. Diplomacy is critical when more than one person is in the picture.
I totally relate! Thanks ! When I start liking someone I totally get overwhelming by thinking about him, and I lose myself. Learning to control one’s emotions and keeping grounded is keey! Thanks
But also when you are truly in love with someone , it shouldn't make a difference how much or how little time you spend together because you can have an unspoken understanding when can't be together 🙂
Basically, the difference between short-term, immediate gratification and long-term fulfillment.
You’ve always been one of the ‘relationship advice’ you tubers that I’ve felt was genuine and realistic, hearing you address the issue of ‘over analyzing’ and taking some responsibility for it was honestly one of the most memorable things I’ve heard. The fact that you are real and that you are aware of your viewers and their actual real life circumstances after implementing your advice is commendable and the fact that you shouldered some blame (unnecessary in my opinion, we are grown ass adults with free will) is outstanding and totally impressive. You’re authenticity, in my opinion, was refreshing and you deserve lots of shine for taking the time to care and then start prepare.
Just reconnected with a guy I dated years ago. I need this.
I love how he explains it all. This all makes sense from a women's view. God bless him.
Me too! Matthew is the best. So much wisdom!
I understand now. I thought that spending time almost everyday, was always fun, getting to know one another. Especially in the beginning in a relationship. I never thought of the idea that maybe spending so much time together that the sparks would slowly fade. That we would need to have time apart, so the next time we can rekindle the spark, or the fact that when we started to together that what the my were attractive to us was the time that we were doing, or hobbies, or interest, and we slowly stopped to be invested in our relationship. I learned a lot in this video. Thank you so much.
I wish so much I had seen this video and some of your other videos before I went into my previous relationship. I truly feel it would have saved my relationship and prevented me from getting my heartbroken in such a profound way I’m still not over it a year later. I made exactly these mistakes, all with the best intentions in my heart, not realizing they were in fact being counterproductive to what I intended. I guess lessons learned, and I’m so grateful I have now seen these videos because I know I will take them with me into my next partnership and have a much better, healthier relationship ❤️
E S I feel you😊 I keep asking myself if I actually made the right decision. Well what happened, happened. I personally can't go back to him asking for another chance, we agreed not to get back together if we breakup since our first date, so no way to go back. But I can at least take lesson from it and do better in the next relationship😊
Having been with a love bombing narcissist made me drive away from crazy romances rationally and emotionally.
Girl, AGREED. XD Thanks to these "chase the conquest, not the prize" losers, it gets hard to tell who is special and who is just after conquest.
Love bombing is so fantastically addictive..... the main thing learn to leave before it ends...
@@ivy3839 like leaving the guy while he still lovebombing u?
@@fatimahazahra6664 yes , when you start to feel the love bombing is getting less intense time to leave .
Wow . I’ve been following you since I was 22 I’m now 28 . And now I need to take your retreat. I love you ! Thank you!
don't you think hes failed you ? after six years why would you still need his support. ;)
Nicholas Binaco not necessarily.. Everyone has their own pace. She's taking her time knowing herself..it's a continuous process of learning. Stop judging.
Nicholas Binaco there's always new room for learning and improving ourselves.....always
LOL the fucking AUDACITY. why do you think youre good enough to comment on someone's appearance & give them a score/age them? Please take a look at yourself in the mirror & secondly, attraction/beauty lasts long term only from within. despite that, shes really beautiful & its admiring to see someone seek advice and work on self-improvement so please leave if youre not interested :)
Wow, my comments are a catalyst for vile behavior. We all have our strenghts I guess. Matt Hussey, isn't really saying anything you can't find in other books and sources. He's is just very attactive, looks, personality, accessent, etc. My point in asking the question of failure is. How has supporting him for 6 years supported you? Don't get me wrong I have supported people for 6 years but that support has a payday. Are you expecting a payday soon?
Your arms look great Matthew 😜
Irma Valdez that’s what i noticed, too! 😜
I was going to comment the same thing 😊
Girls stick with what he’s saying. Focus
Nourlentine too distracted
La la la he looks so bad is so ugly
I feel proud of myself that I've allowed myself to grow and choose this balance naturally rather than over compensating
I definitely had to learn the hard way to pull back and be more logical. I’m a planner and like to place things in boxes just like my time and relationship. 🤷🏻♀️
I am a very emotional sensitive person. Its in my genes to go out of my way and care for others and hurts so much to see people around change the very notion of love completely today. I never really understood until I saw this video! This video literally spoke to my heart!
You are right Mathew, it's amazing how wise you're turning by the mere fact of your work on relationships, observing, listening, paying attention. And it's true that this balance of emotion and logic is the golden key in every aspect of life: love, family, work, community, self, otherness. Thank you so much!
You have a maturity about your content that far surpasses other relationship mentors. I’ve learned so much from you in the past year; I’m not quite ready for the retreat program. I’m still working on some rough edges. Thank you just doesn’t seem enough to extend my gratitude for the information you provide. May you have continued success!
Being carried away is not a bad thing but if you do it with a toxic person then you put yourself in danger. Be sure that person is not trying to be with you for wrong reasons first
I’m so guilty of losing self in a relationship :/ stopping that behavior now . Thank you
Going to counseling to work on controlling my emotions so my emotions don't control me.
Me too
That’s what I want to do
Good for you
@@elizabethcreated9263 thanks. It's already been a year since my comment! I'm in such a better place now!
The man...he doesnt into you. How much you take slow or invesr fast. Its nothing at all. You invest and know early better than spent time with him and regrets later. But this is a good lesson for next chapter.
i let my emotions get the best of me and i think thats why i lost him.
Wow. Couldn't be more of an ironic time for me to watch this video. Having some hard, emotional recent days having zero to do with the opposite sex or relationships, just life, but just like you said it can apply to any other aspect as well. Thank you!
I’m just staring at him the whole time thinking about Camila’s perspective staring at her boyfriend. 💕 Like “Damn my bae is finnnneee”!😍
He's a cross between Daniel and Dr.mike!
Matthew this is fantastic. When my emotions run away with me it is a recipe for disaster! Emotions without boundaries are like 2 year olds acting like parents. Needless to say I recently experienced this and unchecked created a lot of fear! I appreciated this video because once again I am reminded to pick myself up by my britches and get a hold of myself because ultimately I desire to experience healthy relationships in all areas of my life.
I don't know the likelihood of you seeing this, but thank you. Thank you for making such sincere and loving content. You truly add value to people's lives including mine. This youtube channel has been so amazing to be a part of, and that is because you are not BSing anything. You truly want to help people and you do. You don't hold back critical info so you can get more people in on your retreats, you share as much as you possibly can in your videos. I probably won't ever get to be a part of your retreat program (though I would love to) but I will be a life-long subscriber to your channel. You are genuine, you care, and you want to help as many people as you possibly can. It shows. Thank you for all that you do.
Katelyn Strong,you look gorgeous 🌹 🌹🌹🌹🌷 🌷🌺🌹 🌹
Very much agree with you Matthew that pleasing someone all the time could create a selfish relationship. We should always know when to say NO or say what we like or want. It's part of getting to know each other right?
You definitely have to give people time to miss you and Vise versa. I put my man on a pedestal and make sure I always let him know I only have eyes for him. Yes, he struggles with believing that sometimes but as time goes by it gets easier and easier to believe based on patterns. I even struggle with it sometimes, thinking hes up to no good. You just have to be thoughtful and understanding. If you cant be then you're in a relationship you shouldn't be in. Because when you really like someone you figure it out. You cant really like someone unless you know they really like you. Life is too short to waste time and hurt yourself. I know I had to be right with myself before I'd ever be right with anyone else. Self reflect. Be cool. Be real. Be happy.
Approaching any type of relationship from these perspectives will create space for people to come to you. Classes on life skills, relationships and personal empowerment should be taught in schools. Thank you for the guidance, Matthew 👍
So true Matthew .... watching all the videos makes me overthinking even more
Hello to whom it may concern I know of someone who helped me get my ex back recently without stress and delay
Kindly text via WhatsApp
+ 2 3 4 8 1 5 6 8 9 6 4 3 6
Yes! I was currently in the middle of an emotional takeover so this was good to hear!
Everything is about balance no matter how much you’re attracted by him. U give if u want and enjoy being a giver. But if he is not reciprocating in the same pace u pause and observe. Let him miss u while u are doing your things but give quality conservation every time
Sooo, what do i do if i have it the other way around? I like a guy, i suggest i like him and he goes craaaazy... i feel like i havent earned it and i lose interest because he seems desperate. So i end up being attracted to the non-commital types because they dont suffocate me. (But they also dont give me the commitment i want EVENTUALLY.)
Sassi Neri I feel you. I'm in the same boat.
Me too!!!!
Omg that happened to me so many times ! That’s when it’s not the opposite and I give too much once I actually like a guy ! God it’s difficult for the ones that wear their heart on their sleeve !
Lina _ Literally neither. fck both
Sassi Neri~It means you don't know what you truly want.
A woman who truly know what she wants won't have a problem with guys who invest too much, too fast, and she also won't have a problem with guys who invest too little or none at all. She will know to find a guy who is balance, a guy who is high quality, a guy that knows himself and won't worshipped at your feet but will also be open to a committed relationship. Guys that are balance exists. You just have to know yourself enough to weed through all the far left and the far right, to find the in between.
A woman who truly knows herself and what she wants will never have a problem like this. Because she will recognised it for what it is from the beginning.
It always comes down to you. To yourself. *Know thyself.* When you know thyself, the world falls into place.
*You are the master of your own fate. You are the captain of your own soul, your own future.*
I got bpd, every emotion i feel is like 10x more intense. Not that that’s an excuse but it does make controlling emotions a lot harder. I feel so blessed to come across your vids because you explain so clearly and simply how to break unhealthy habits.
But it's not fun because most people are holding back and are wounded, scared, and inauthentic because of it. I feel like the black sheep for going out each day, talking to people, and being happy. I actually want to know others and have them know me.
Veronica Haney it's the human condition I guess. Where I work it's a very niche environment/culture so I've gotten in the habit of being open with people and getting to know everybody. I used to be closed up before that.
I'm lucky to have found a partner who felt the same way as I did. We both fell super fast, and established a relationship very very fast. We got emotional and serious in just a week. We rode the emotions and nurtured it, relished in it, entertained it, while here and there we put a little reason in, we talk about our concerns logically, realistically.
It's just. We know it's a balancing act, but we gladly do it everyday si things do not go out of hand. Communication is vital in a relationship, and making sure you are in the same page. Whether it's emotional or logical communication, it's important.
Say what you are feeling and thinking but do it in a compassionate way, especially when you are hurt. Don't go roundabout, be straightforward and respectful.
MATTHEW....I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS AND ESPECIALLY THIS ONE !!! TY FOR POSTING IT. IM SGE 50yrs WITH NO CHILDREN AND A WIDOW OF 4yrs. I MET MY HUSBAND ONLINE IN '95 WHEN I WAS 27yrs AND HE WAS 35yrs. WE FELL IN LOVE VERY QUICKLY WITH HIM KNOWING FIRST BUT BEING A BIT CAUTIOUS BECAUSE HE HAD BEEN DIVORCED A FEW YEARS EARLIER WITH NO CHILDREN. SHE HAD LEFT HIM AND USED HIM FOR MONEY. WE DATED LONG DISTANCE FOR A YEAR BEFORE I MOVED IN WITH HIM. WE GOT ENGAGED ONE YEAR LATER AND ACTUALLY MARRIED IN 2003. WE HAD A VERY HAPPY, FAITHFUL, STRONG MARRIAGE AND WE WERE EACH OTHERS BEST FRIENDS. UNFORTUNATELY AT AGE 54yrs....HE WAS ON VACATION FROM WORK AND AT HOME WHILE I WAS OUT OF TOWN VISITING FAMILY. I COULDN'T GET HIM TO ANSWER THE PHONE ALL ONE NIGHT WHILE I WAS AT HOTEL AND THAT WAS NOT LIKE HIM, I BEGAN TO PANIC. I CALLED SHERIFF'S IN OUR AREA AND HAD THEM BREAK INTO OUR HOME WHERE THEY FOUND HIM DECEASED FROM A HEART ATTACK. THAT WAS JAN. 10,2015. MY LIFE TURNED UPSIDE DOWN. I THEN LEARND THE VALUABLE LESSON OF ALWAYS TELLING SOMEONE HOW MUCH YOU LOVE THEM WHEN YOU DO. EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS....BECAUSE TOMORROW ISNT PROMISED. THANK GOODNESS THOSE WERE MY LAST WORDS TO MY HUSBAND THE LAST TIME I SAW HIM. ITS BEEN FOUR YEARS AND ILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM, HE WAS 20yrs OF MY LIFE. BUT IM READY TO BE HAPPY AGAIN. BUT I FIND THAT MEN ARE NOT OPEN TO THIS EXPRESSION OF FEELING AND THIS BOTHERS ME. THEY SEEM TO BE LOOKING FOR MORE CASUAL SEX AND THEN WANT TO MOVE ON. THATS NOT ME OR MY VALUES. IM GETTING FRUSTRATED, RESENTFUL OF MEN, I CANT TRUST, AND JUST PLAIN LOSING HOPE THAT ILL EVER BE HAPPY AGAIN. I FEEL LIKE A FAILURE. HELP!!!! WHAT AM I DOING WRONG. ??? I JUST WANT RESPECT, FAITHFULNESS, COMMUNICATION, AND A GOOD GUY.
SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG.....
THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HARD WORK
AND SUCH A WARM PERSON. 😊🙏
Melissa, I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband. It sounds like you had an amazing relationship with him and that you're ready to be happy again. I know how crazy the dating world is and sometimes it seems like there are no men out there who share the same values and desire the same type of relationship. Continue to be very clear about what you want from a man/relationship and then cultivate that within yourself. If you want a man who is respectful, faithful, and a good communicator, be sure that you exhibit those qualities. Love and respect yourself, communicate your needs, and have faith that you will attract a high quality man who is comfortable expressing his feelings. I know he is out there and the Universe will bring you together when you are both ready. Best wishes to you
@@karencostello587 THANK YOU for you very kind words. There are days when I just want to give up hope. But you are very right. I will keep your advice tucked away in the back of my mind and also in my heart. I won't give up. Take care and enjoy your holiday season that is approaching! 😊
@@melissaannoylerryan3048 I love to hear you say that you won't give up. Enjoy the holidays also. Keep an open heart...magic is coming your way...just have faith!
because of your advice, I managed to make one of the best decisions in my love life ever. Thank you!
Thank you Matthew.. That was the most insightful and empowering video. I always go into a relationship /friendship with my emotions at the wheel, especially as I'm getting older... I'm a huge people pleaser, and I care so much for others and their feelings.. and it's the combination of these things that allow my emotions to take over, and basically ensure the new person runs (screaming into the night lol)... Anyway, thank you again.. I really hope I can turn things round
Omg Mathew , it’s like you spoke to my mind directly! I’m a deep thinker and wear my heart on my sleeve , and I find I can give to much too soon and over analyse my moves when it comes to dating!
you just spoke again - to perfection - on this point ! Not to over analyse or over think but to let the feelings flow but not to loose yourself in trying to please everyone ! Perfect !
So yet again , another amazing video from you !
Omg Every video u make just speaks to my soul , Lol 😆 I just love hearing You Speak ❤️🤷🏽♀️
Mathew inspires people all around to be the shiniest and best versions of themselves - no matter they are looking for relationships or are in one or don't even want one. Also, I love how dramatic he is. 😏
I suck at falling too quickly... I'm too big of a softy... Sigh.
I'm gonna die alone
I learned how to use logic and emotions together since a very young age and I never realised it until now, the only problem is that nobody invests in me in the first place
You are so cute and smart. Camila is so lucky!
that "watch this" and for the first time , it deserves to be watched , thank u for everything for sharing . love
When it comes to time apart, it happens naturally with my boyfriend and I as we both have full-time jobs, so we can't really see each other more than 2-3 times a week for dinner. We're still in the 'honeymoon phase', so my emotions definitely say we want to be glued together 24/7, but it's probably for the best that we're not.
How did this turn out?
@@luckyduckydaisyflower2344 We did not stay together haha
However I'm still within the mindset that it's a good idea to only see your partner about twice/week until you move in together.
SPot on! I found myself in that over-analyzer place and then scrambling who I really am. THANK YOU!
I'm a victim of PTSD. Worry is part of my life and i always break up with guys out of worry for the future. Gosh its so hard.
Tone Andersen You’re not alone 😩❤️
I really needed to hear this. My relationship ended a couple of weeks ago and I truly believe that the root cause was all of the things you talked about. I invested too much of myself too quickly and lost myself trying to make him happy. And he dumped me like Sunday morning garbage. I really was a slave to my emotions.
I am ready to be better and make the necessary changes to ensure I never do this again in a future relationship. I am a young university student and can't afford your retreats and a lot of the material you have to offer so unfortunately your retreats won't be in the cards for me for a very long time. But through watching your videos, I hope to be better.
I hope that you're in a much better place now.
wow, this has a really heartfelt message (surprisingly). Thank you, Matthew!
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Mathew you are just incredible , spot on! I just split from a 10 year relationship because he gave everythin up for me and he lives for that ''emotion' and my attraction for him eventually dissolved because he couldnt see it. I hope the time and space will show him he needs to have his own passions in life and be happy , we are still good friends i just hope he can find himself again soon.
Haha that's me. My friends criticizes me saying that I am playing games with the men I date, not being emotional etc..But ı tell them ı am doing this with a good intention and for a more romantic relationship :) they have trouble to get my purpose and think about me a mean girl.
Actually, as it seem it is a bad or unemotional move it is resulted in more romantical ways and I benefited my logic and my man also loved that made him more invested and happy.
Ugh teach me your ways, please! 😂
till today i still dont understand why people give a dislike to Mathew's videos
This is a great video matthew! Keep it up! I feel like ur my big brother always giving advices! Take care
I NEEDED this video! I swear, your uploading scheme always aligns with what I'm going through--I literally had a conversation about this dilemma this morning!
This speech makes my INTJ ass so happy.
I have epilepsy and Matthew makes me feel confident when talking to men :)
Wow Matt, what an incredible video!
"Logic is the wingwoman in your brain"
I have swung back and forth between both logic and emotion for so long and to see this put in words is so helpful! Thank you :)
I wish I could apply these tips to my situation but since 2018, every person I tried to date only wanted to see me once a month. And I was made to feel like that wanting to see someone more than once was doing too much and trying to take too much of their time. If a month goes by and a man doesn't want to see me, but claims he is so so so into me, I begin to check out and am no longer interested in a relationship depending on the underlying circumstances.
Even if I saw someone daily, I'd still be doing my own thing. Relationships don't stop me from doing my hobbies. Focusing on a career. Starting up my second career. Upkeeping my home. So to me it's never a big deal that anyone wants to spend time with me. I no longer meet men who too know how to juggle and balance their love life.
This was so helpful for my daily "single" life, that's amazing mat, thank you very much ♥
Emotional incontinence comes to mind when you mention people that work for their emotion.
Thank you so much, Matthew! Omg, you've just described literally all of my mistakes that I've made in the past 😝 Didn't know till now what in the hell I do wrong, gained clarity👍😇
Matthew really knows how to share his wisdom. So important to be secure and confident!
Good stuff, Hussey! I’ve been working on myself for years now and this is probably the most succinct antidote for not being a slave to emotions that I’ve come across. It resonates. You rock.