Bad Dating Tips, 4th of July, Jonah Hill & more - NYCC - Comedy Cellar - Josh Johnson - Stand Up
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- Come see me live:
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Check out joshjohnsoncom... for more dates!
Hey friends, here are a few jokes from last weekend at New York Comedy Club and The Comedy Cellar. Enjoy!
If you love my stories I have a podcast that comes out every week: bit.ly/3NQmpio
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Drop a comment if you loved or hated the set, and especially if you're unsure. Subscribe for more. Thanks for being my friends!
He's right though
I went out with a guy and he told me that the drink that he served me wasn't drugged.
I was just like
"Why would you say that? I wasn't even thinking that"
Then I just didn't drink it because that sounded like I was finna turn up in a bush
turnip in a bush.........that's the code.
It doesn't just happen to females. I don't know what the situation was but I had someone put MDMA in my drink a few years ago. I was already planning on getting an Uber home thank God. Didn't realize I was tripping balls until the girl I brought home from the bar left my house and I was talking to my roommate. She was your definitely more than drunk right now. Maybe it was meant for one of the females I was talking to.
@AbbyWise32 - 😂
@@dustinb1070most likely. That happened to my cousin’s boyfriend
@@dustinb1070 Nah, it has happened to me before too. I was at a club, drank one beer, and I started feeling dizzy and like I was about to throw up. So, I went outside to some stairs at the side of the building and threw up... Then woke up in the back of some dude's car that I had never seen before. He was parked in a completely different parking lot and he was reaching back from the driver's seat and rubbing my leg and when I started to move, he looked back, smiled, and tried to climb in the backseat with me. I leaped out of that car and ran so fast that it felt like my feet were barely touching the ground and I was going to trip at any second. I didn't even look back, so I had no idea if he was chasing me or anything. Scared the crap outta me!
"Outside the killing..." 🤣🤣🤣
I find this joke (4th of July)particularly funny in reference to dogs and brown people and the wtf moment
Brown people? No, he meant ADOS. My hispani, somali, and hispanic neighbors love 4th of July.
His crowd is the people he making fun of it's rough
@@chaosmagick”hispani”?
Ever since you made me laugh that one time I always click your links.
I'm watching Josh Johnson and Troy Bond. You two got it.
Damn this is A level material. Could not believe I discovered Josh just now..
Keep up the great work
Hitting some of those young Jerry jokes, nice
You have grown even more hilarious
I got an link to YOUR podcast... as you were shitting on podcasts. Excellent.
It must be hard to hear 😂 💀
the alienation of people is brought to by the A LIE NATION (this message brought to you by the hallucination aho)
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😍😍😍😍😍😍😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Josh is like literally my favorite comedian. Fine. Funny. And facial expressions are always on mf point 😭😂😂 thank u for the laughs fr.
@@beepboop7041 he really is funny as fuck. And fine as fuck. But In my opinion he’s always been both fine and funny asf. He just keeps increasing those stats as time goes on.
👏👏Thank you! I've been following him for years and waited for someone to acknowledge how exponentially attractive he's become, say nothing about his consistent delivery.😅
how can one man be so smart, funny, so wise, and handsome? its crazy. the only comedian as handsome and clever and wise all at once is maybe matt rife...they are both too pretty to be this funny and wise. its almost not fair haha. But it easier to accept Josh cuz he's way more humble haha
He is good, like damn funny good!
Mf look like an ancient prince
"keeping telling them like you one of us" when I tell you I fell out my fuckin seat 😂
White women's entire political presence is throwing white men under the bus.
😂😂😂 I came to the comments quick cause they wasn’t laughing hard enough for me & soon as I seen this comment I knew this was next then put 2 & 2 together
Whatchu mean WE free?!?!😂😂 They couldn’t take it !!!!
So comfortable in his own skin but still neurotic. Great character
He’s not neurotic
It’s not the correct usage of the term
It’s okay, I understand
Dictionary
Definitions from Oxford Languages · Learn more
noun
noun: neurosis; plural noun: neuroses
a mental condition that is not caused by organic disease, involving symptoms of stress (depression, anxiety, obsessive behaviour, hypochondria) but not a radical loss of touch with reality.
Also
(in nontechnical use) excessive and irrational anxiety or obsession.
Neurotic is a form of Neurosis
Most ppl have an irrational association with mental illness not knowing they are experience a sense of symptoms associated with them but in reality are not actually truly diagnosed with them
Placebo is comforting
@@G4MMABA3.....
One time my hook-up said, "my friends told me to bring a knife, but I forgot it," and I said, "no worries, I've got mine right here."
🤣🤣🤣🤣
😂😂😂
"We live so much by convenience that if someone is inconvenient, we're like, why would I deal with you" ....that's real...but it ain't always wrong lol
“Keep telling them!”😂
It's always a good day when I open up RUclips and there's a new Josh Johnson video. Man's dropping some serious truth on us.
Dealing with a jealous and controlling man is more than "inconvenient."
I took a woman to a lunch date on a nature trail.
She said, “I’m not sure why I’m doing this. I’m probably going to die out here.”
Me, “Why would you say that?”
Her, “You took me to the middle of the forest, you’re wearing all black and I know who Jhonen Vasquez is. That logo on your backpack is Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. Jesus dude…”
Idk who is more delusional… me for not thinking about the clothes and the backpack… or her for going with me into that forest. RIP to her beautiful soul (jk, she’s alive and well in my basement)
😂😂😂
He's right, I'm in his basement too and there's a lot of amenities!😊
This comment was a roller coaster
She sounds awesome! Z?
This is so funny wtf😂😂😂😅
This guy is consistently funny he doesn’t miss
The hardest life you're ever gonna have to live is your own is a raw ass quote to come from an 11 minute stand up comedy video on youtube.
Black people, native people, veterans, and dogs generally don't like the 4th of July.
"The hardest life you're ever gonna have to live is your own." I tried to see if that was an established quote and found nothing. If it is your own, you should claim it. I love it.
I had to Google Jonah Hill and Jon Hamm and... "OK daddy!" 😂
I've gone on photoshoots assuming the model was gonna bring someone and they come alone. I'm sure they've told someone etc but I never say anything like "Oh great! you came to meet me at the waterfalls alone!"
😂
Mike Birbiglia does a bit "What I should have said was nothing". Definitely look it up. You've already learned that, but it's still funny.
The killing bit showed alot of awareness
Only josh can talk about murders and make it hilarious 😂
i done watched like 4-5 videos in a row SUBSCRIBED. "I done lost my friend" 😂 truth! 💙
I'm native american but I love summer gatherings... riddle me that one about 4th of July
😂
I love how I asked for the full version of the previous set and you came through. You’re amazing!🤣 Keep ‘em coming.
“I know it must be hard to hear” took me out 😂😂
He needs his own special! I want to see this man live
He has a special on peacock :)
He has 2
I am a Sagittarius and I do walk on angel dust and clouds 🦄 😂
Dude breaks down the problems with dating in the social media age around 8:00 😂😂😂😂
You have grown so, so much. I'm proud of you son
dad?
@@gingerjack0420 I ain't your daddy as long as you aren't successful. Now if you were a doctor, lawyer, famous comedian, etc however now that's a different story
Yes he has grown, so cool 👏🏾
@@kaykreatesbeautyartist So proud of our son, babe!💘
@@heiss9971 lol 😂 I’m done ok bae
Josh Johnson is disarmingly poignant. It must be the Southern charm or something?
This dude is the freshest. So funny,
topical and on point.
That convenience/inconvenience stuff is on point.
Black girl with a dog here and 100%
Dude's fucking hilarious. He should do a podcast.
Josh, I'm so happy that we found your content! Keep up the fresh uploads as they are fantastic mate! Let get you to blow up on here like Stavy Baby!
Amen to that! 👏
We need more Josh in our lives!! I miss both his podcasts BTW. Just saying ❤
JJS still comes out on Thursdays
Oh I didn't even know that he had podcasts 😔😢
What he has podcasts?! 😊😊 looking them up now!!
One of my favorite comedians in the last 10 years. Deliveries are always spot on!
I fell in love with him on my 1st standup I KNOW HE’s gonna go places and will make History. Keep doing what you’re doing and always follow your heart ❤
Gigddqy 0:44
Thank you for the big laughs sir! I really like your pace and style, never before a comedian made me laugh so hard while leaving me completely relaxed... you are perfect 👌
His impression on females motivating each other is sooo accurate I had to rewind like 3 times 😂
I don't understand why you still only have 35K subs. You deserve at least hundreds of thousands.
The consistency coming from him is improving my life lol Im really loving it too because i don’t have Peacock.
No more Fro that was his kid MJ stage
He's in his young adult Michael Jackson arc now
Josh, you're walking with the greats already. Come do some shows in Seattle.
cucumbers are fruits!
i've also lost a friend to a podcast. lmao. sad way to go.
I caught that James Baldwin, sir. Excellently done; most amusing!
8:55
When he said podcast👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾💯💯💯💯💯.. listening to other people's input and they don't even know the person that you're dealing with or you how could you take their advice
The most intelligent comedian ever ❤ I hope he gets acknowledged soon.
i mean 33k views in half a day isn't nothing
always making poignant jokes, im here for it
This dude plays the silver lining like an absolute pro!
Meanwhile, First Nations people are like 🤨🤨🤨🤨
Set was absolute fire from beginning to end, so when’s the tour?
July 4th aaaaand New Years… ugh. Like why new years? It’s literally just celebrating the clock turning from 12:00 to 12:01. I don’t wanna do that every single night okay?!
As someone who hates loud things like fireworks and strong smells like barbecue, hating those 2 holidays in particular is very relatable.
My new amp-up motto is that I walk on air and angel dust.
And lol says the guy with a podcast named after him.
Omg Josh u r hilarious and brilliant 😂🔥🔥🔥
I’ve been watching all his stuff today, I even went to sleep and just chuckle 😂. Much love Josh❤
"They don't teach you about it, but black people fought in the American revolution."
I watched this show "Liberty Kids" on PBS, it was fiction inspired on history, an educational kids show. There was a real life black spy who was CRITICAL on our success as the British assumed a black man couldn't read back then, he not only could read but he could bleed, Red, White, and Blue. It brakes my heart to think of the horrors some (ok more then some) white people inflicted on our non-white brothers and sisters.
Keep doing you buddy you're getting better every year 🫡
Yes. Me and my dog Thank you Josh! 😂
please a JJ t shirt of if vegetables arent gay...😂
For the longest time I knew my top three comedians but then I found Josh and I don't know who is in the top three anymore
It's not just black people and dogs. It's also people with PTSD, a lot of autistic people, and people with anxiety disorders. I'm white, all three of those things apply to me. I *despise* the fourth of July. With the passion of ten thousand suns.
You are brilliant Josh.
2222! 😂🎉 Yep, vibe but don’t kill! Thank you Josh.
Dating: What’s the worst that can happen?
Men: Rejection 🥺
Women: RAPE & MURDER
Police: what’s the worst that can happen?
White people: arrest 🥺
Black people: BEATINGS & MURDER
Comedy: what’s the worst that can happen?
Everyone: Josh won’t be on tonight 🥺😫
josh's haircut rn is the best
That thing where malaria is in the US right now makes this extra funny
Keep telling them 😂
You’re so smart and funny!
Stay consistent please!
Love this work
That sounds very demanding
Keep telling them! 😂 Git they as-.
I really liked his old deliveries but this shit is great!
I'll just ignore his podcast then.
Jk. Love this comedian! And his hair, god damn I'm jealous....
I had an ear infection on Fourth of July, so at least we both had a bad time together :’)
The podcast joke is too true. My Best friend is consumed by those toxic masculinity podcasts. I told him like a week ago that it has consumed his personality. No matter what we talk about somehow it gets to how women ain't shit. 🤣🤣🤣
I love how the most replayed is around 7 mins where 99% of our attention spans dropped cuz its 2023
Josh Johnson is the best comedian since Louis C.K.! And this guy didn’t sexually assault someone!
some Indig people are conflicted too, the rest of us know Exactly how we feel: not celebratory.
Ive been watching/listening to comedy for thirty years and ive never heard any comic, black or white, man or woman, that relates to everyone the way he does.
thank you for always posting new stuff! so rad.
Such a funny guy would like to see him have his own TV show
Lol there aren't TV shows anymore old man
I only have one tip to give. Well, more like borrow.
They get so uncomfortable with the truth
Do you ?
9:00 you’re right, I cook I clean I grocery shop I budget I own my own laundry machines I don’t have car payments, I work, I relax. Why would I invite an intruder who just going to demand things from me and not let me surprise em with a new dish I learned?
Zuchini
I absolutely love the intellect behind the jokes!
Exactly! Most excellent blend of intelligence and masterful humor‽ Hahaha
From when I first saw Josh Johnson to know I respect he’s been working bc the comedy been getting better and better
can you allow captions?
Man needs more specials
Another awesome set Josh!
2:30 🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀💀💀💀😝😝😝 “even if women wanted to catch up” 😂😂😂😂😂😂