As a 2 I can 100% confirm all of this as true. Most of the time all we need is reassurance that we really are loved and cared about, and that our efforts to display love are being recognized.
I totally agree! And I am constantly learning that the method of transport for the reassurance is really important. I'm talking about love language. If your 2 receives love best through physical touch but you are truckin' along giving them gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, or quality time, they may totally be missing the message!
That’s true but ultimately it’s to be loved wether what we’ve done is recognized or not. Deep down we want to be loved regardless of what we do. The problem really isn’t wether we are worthy of Love but our belief of what it means to be worthy. We feel we have to earn love.. even to ourselves.
It always hits home when I hear someone say “You are loved & you don’t need to DO anything to deserve that love.“ ❤️🥺 Also, I laughed so hard when you reenacted the paper cut on the book 😂 I really related to it as I turn into a registered nurse when my significant other gets hurt. He is always like “I’m fine I promise” and I’m like “juSt LeT mE hELp yOu and maKe iT betTer” LOL. Another thing I could relate to big time was keeping relationships with everyone since high school. I make friends with the grocery store employees, the drive thru window workers, to people I smile at. I’m always wanting people to feel noticed & appreciated. I definitely need to prioritize those relationships with people so it doesn’t drain me completely & so I can have time for MYSELF. I’m too selfless with my time & my boyfriend tells me I don’t need to help every single person I meet in life. Very true!!!
Omg! We’re so much alike. I’m an RN and find myself giving unsolicited advice to help strangers all the time. I’ll volunteer for any good cause. It annoys my family that I make friends with everyone. Except my son he’s a 7. But especially my Husband who is 5. Lol
It’s difficult being raised by a toxic 2, becoming a 2 as a young adult and trying to grow away from the toxic traits. This video is helps hold 2s accountable for their bs, so thank you!
I dated a 2 and I was never able to understand why he wanted to help everyone, why he loved to get too involved with all his friends and even go talk to strangers everywhere we go and then say "I've made a new friend". At some point I thought I was not even that important to him because if he was too nice with everybody how special I could be then? I'm a 5 and the less I want is to get too involved with people,. Also, I really have to like someone to extreme levels to date them or make people my friends. No doubt it was not gonna last lol... of course I got to know he was a 2 after the breakup, so now I understand him better, wish I had known this before.
Well done. This was funny and lighthearted but it really helped me to understand myself. I appreciate the ending where you said “No matter what, you are loved and you don’t need to do anything more to make this happen.”
Point seven about the Two spending all his day outside to help people (because if he help them they will help him one day (or not...)) and coming back home very late, exhausted, with lack of energy and of time for himself, is sooo accurate x) The funny video for this point was not even caricatural x) Account from a Five living with a (loving) Two :)
I think my SO is a 2. He acts like this mostly spot on but in slightly different ways. It's really helpful to know how they think because sometimes I just don't understand why he does these things he does.
The video was AWESOME! The only thing I couldn’t entirely relate to (but I know a lot of other 2’s probably struggle with it can relate to it) was the one about there maybe being an ulterior motive. For some reason with me, I never try to guilt them into doing something with me or for me or make them feel like they have debt, like I may feel upset when I feel my loved ones won’t accommodate their time for me especially when it seems like I’ve helped out in a lot of different ways for them and given them my all, but personally I always want them to make their own decisions as it makes me feel special when they choose me without me having to express my efforts. So rather than being satisfied that they changed their mind feeling like they owe me, I would say “no, do what you were gonna do to begin with,” as I never want to feel like I’m a second choice. I want them to do it because they want to, not because I’ve done so much for them. BUT I do know that’s a common thing for a 2 with what you displayed in the vid! Great video & mostly accurate representations for me😊👏
Thanks for sharing your perspective, Emily!! I really appreciate it. I am definitely over-generalizing the enneagram 2 in this video so I apologize if I misrepresented with the ulterior motive one. I definitely think that can be more of a trait for a 2 in times of stress rather than a 2 who is in optimal health. Thanks for your support and comment on the video! ♥️
My husband is the most extreme type 2 I’ve ever met. Yesterday he got upset because I was sick and I went to work instead of letting him take care of me. I’m a type 5 and I didn’t realize that it bothered him until hours later when he told me how devastated he was that I “didn’t need him”. He is such a precious cinnamon roll. 🥺
Oh I’m a little bit of this. Empath and want to be friends with everyone but also skeptical and I usually forgive & forget which is really bad, I wish I could learn my lesson but I don’t.
I'm only on point one and I'm already nodding my head in agreement, lol! I'll try my best to show my love for my partner, will be offended if I don't receive their love in return, but also won't trust their word when they say that they love me back. I definitely need to work on this !! 🙈
Spot on. Even though this video was intended for humor, it sure brought a lot memories back. My ex wife of 28 years and five children is an Enneagram 2 with me being an 8. She did so much for everyone but our relationship suffered. Our weekends were always filled some commitment to help others or our children. My straightforwardness about her having appropriate boundaries with others was interpreted as me being mean or as she would say "being an asshole." I admit, I sometimes was an asshole out of frustration. It played a major impact in our divorce. She was exhausted behind closed doors. I don't think Enneagram 2's and 8's are a good mix. I don't mind helping others in times of need but there's a point it becomes downright enabling. These learned behaviors are all linked to childhood trauma.
As a type 8 I didn’t realize until halfway through the video that these were supposed to be annoying things, I actually found them quite endearing and some things I could help 2s with like their identity and other things just seem fair to me like ok you helped me out with something and you want me to do something with you instead of watching a movie with a friend, I think that’s fair. Idk, I guess to me these things aren’t as annoying
I love this but would love if folks stopped referring to an enneatype under stress as “unhealthy”. While I see some unhealthy behaviors and reactions from each enneatype, I think it’s important try to refrain from calling folks “unhealthy”. Heavy word, I guess.
Isn't the word also accurate, though? (I mean the question, as I don't really know the enneagram so well) If so, what good does it do to not call the problem by its name? The last thing unhealthy needs is validation, and the last things an unhealthy person needs are enablement and more excuses. They're known for being too good at creating those already.
I don't think the levels of Enneagram health have much to do with how much stress you're currently experiencing. They seem to be a mixture of whether or not you happen to be a psychopath (at the very lowest level per type), which most people are not, and more commonly just your self-awareness and whether or not you have regular access to coping mechanisms other than the ones associated with your Enneagram style. If high stress were synonymous with low Enneagram "health", then everyone experiencing extreme distress, e.g. suicidality, would act like the descriptions of the lowest level of health for their E type by the time they reach that point, using their type's strategy in its worst form or believing their core fear most strongly. Most suicidal people don't, in fact, suddenly become like that if they weren't already. That's because most people's extreme distress doesn't have anything to do with the Enneagram, but with medical problems like endemic depression, or poverty and fear of homelessness due to under-supported invisible disabilities or a terrible economy and abusive family, things like this which have nothing to do with your personality. Whereas, the people who do act like their type in the lowest level of Enneagram health, act that way even when not in extreme distress. They don't know or haven't habitualised any better way to interact with the world in just normal daily life, because as children, the nature of either their unhealthy socialisation or long-term mental illness, didn't allow them to learn those skills when most of their peers did. So they have some catching up to do as adults, often requiring professional guidance because rewiring an already developed brain is not like flipping a switch.
i love your videos so much! could you do a video on how to be a healthy enneagram 3 from being unhealthy? or other enneagram types! (i hope you get what i mean :)) ❤️ love from the Philippines 😆
NAHHHHHHH this is so me 😭🙏 I’m actually SHOCKDDD… I somehow ALWAYS end up crushing on boys who have no friends and seem sad and lonely and misunderstood so I can be there to “fix them” or “save the day” 😭 Also I have to admit I can sometimes passive aggressively guilt trip them a bit to hang out with me or do things for me by making them feel like they r in debut to me😭
I have learned more about myself in the last few hours watching your videos than I ever have in my entire life thank you ❤ i’m between a 2 and a 9 somewhere…
The first thing I did when I got married was change my email to my husband's nickname's wife. That was 14 years ago. I have never thought about that being my twoness in action until this video! XD
I think Twos would do much better if they were more careful about choosing friends/romantic partners who understand reciprocity. Who would get upset if they were the only person giving in a relationship?
Can someone please help me figure out if I am a enneagram 2. When listening to all of the 2s core desires and fears and everything I relate a lot to the feeling of wanting to be needed and doing things and hoping in return people will appreciate or do something for me back. When it comes to that I think I am a two but I also feel like I don’t overextended myself to help people. Of course if someone ask for help I’ll do it but I feel like I am not a regally really helpful person. It might be becuase I am only in high school but idk. I also feel like I get into conflicts sometimes. I read somewhere that 2s never say no but I feel like with my family I almost always don’t want to do what they ask like empty the dishwasher or clean my room. I read a few books on all the different types and I don’t really feel like I match any of the other core desires and fears but idk. Anything would help. Also maybe I am a 2w3.
I'm just learning about this now too! I would say try to ask yourself, if you didnt do all the lovely things you do for those around you, do you think they would care or love you less? :O That is my fear... that Im only loved because I'm useful
SAME I'm a 2w3 and I feel the same way BUTT I do comprehend with the core fears ,desires and shit ANNND I dont really serve ppl in any way either but like I'm ALWAYYS there for ppl if they need someone to vent, comfort and shit ITTS just whenever i know someone's upset i try comfort them and all LIKEE even if they're not close to me or anything I feel like I should
Hope you enjoyed the video! 💜 Support this channel : www.buymeacoffee.com/abbeyhowe 🙏 Enneagram Instagram: instagram.com/enneagramwithabbey/ 📸 Subscribe for more videos every week: ruclips.net/user/abbeyhowe 🎉
As a 2 I can 100% confirm all of this as true. Most of the time all we need is reassurance that we really are loved and cared about, and that our efforts to display love are being recognized.
I totally agree! And I am constantly learning that the method of transport for the reassurance is really important. I'm talking about love language. If your 2 receives love best through physical touch but you are truckin' along giving them gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service, or quality time, they may totally be missing the message!
That’s true but ultimately it’s to be loved wether what we’ve done is recognized or not. Deep down we want to be loved regardless of what we do. The problem really isn’t wether we are worthy of Love but our belief of what it means to be worthy. We feel we have to earn love.. even to ourselves.
@@bbkeeping8065 pp
It always hits home when I hear someone say “You are loved & you don’t need to DO anything to deserve that love.“ ❤️🥺 Also, I laughed so hard when you reenacted the paper cut on the book 😂 I really related to it as I turn into a registered nurse when my significant other gets hurt. He is always like “I’m fine I promise” and I’m like “juSt LeT mE hELp yOu and maKe iT betTer” LOL. Another thing I could relate to big time was keeping relationships with everyone since high school. I make friends with the grocery store employees, the drive thru window workers, to people I smile at. I’m always wanting people to feel noticed & appreciated. I definitely need to prioritize those relationships with people so it doesn’t drain me completely & so I can have time for MYSELF. I’m too selfless with my time & my boyfriend tells me I don’t need to help every single person I meet in life. Very true!!!
Omg! We’re so much alike. I’m an RN and find myself giving unsolicited advice to help strangers all the time. I’ll volunteer for any good cause. It annoys my family that I make friends with everyone. Except my son he’s a 7. But especially my Husband who is 5. Lol
It’s difficult being raised by a toxic 2, becoming a 2 as a young adult and trying to grow away from the toxic traits. This video is helps hold 2s accountable for their bs, so thank you!
😖 painful but true
I dated a 2 and I was never able to understand why he wanted to help everyone, why he loved to get too involved with all his friends and even go talk to strangers everywhere we go and then say "I've made a new friend". At some point I thought I was not even that important to him because if he was too nice with everybody how special I could be then? I'm a 5 and the less I want is to get too involved with people,. Also, I really have to like someone to extreme levels to date them or make people my friends. No doubt it was not gonna last lol... of course I got to know he was a 2 after the breakup, so now I understand him better, wish I had known this before.
I'm a 5 in love with a 2 🤦🏾♀️😪
@@bleh449 I wish you the best! It will require a lot of mutual personality understanding. I think we always get attracted to what we lack of.
Well done. This was funny and lighthearted but it really helped me to understand myself. I appreciate the ending where you said “No matter what, you are loved and you don’t need to do anything more to make this happen.”
Brian this makes me so happy!
meaningful relationships with everyone. yup. personal connection. im a two.
Yup 😂
Abby you are a bright ray of sunshine. The way that you explore and teach the Enneagram is hilarious. You have a sweet smile and bright energy.
Thanks Robert! That is so sweet!
You can always count on me.
"Yeah, but what about the times when I can't?" 🤣🤣
hahahaha that inner voice always
@@AbbeyHowe always 😅
As a Type 2 wing 3 that has fallen for a Type 2 wing 1 man, this video makes me giggle even more now.
Point seven about the Two spending all his day outside to help people (because if he help them they will help him one day (or not...)) and coming back home very late, exhausted, with lack of energy and of time for himself, is sooo accurate x) The funny video for this point was not even caricatural x)
Account from a Five living with a (loving) Two :)
Congratulations 🎉 that is so exciting!
thank you! 😉 😊
I think my SO is a 2. He acts like this mostly spot on but in slightly different ways. It's really helpful to know how they think because sometimes I just don't understand why he does these things he does.
I’m crying😂😂😂 one of my favorite enneagram 2 videos!... this cracked me up so much because it was so close to home.
You’re engaged, that’s so cute!
Thank you!! 😊
The video was AWESOME! The only thing I couldn’t entirely relate to (but I know a lot of other 2’s probably struggle with it can relate to it) was the one about there maybe being an ulterior motive. For some reason with me, I never try to guilt them into doing something with me or for me or make them feel like they have debt, like I may feel upset when I feel my loved ones won’t accommodate their time for me especially when it seems like I’ve helped out in a lot of different ways for them and given them my all, but personally I always want them to make their own decisions as it makes me feel special when they choose me without me having to express my efforts. So rather than being satisfied that they changed their mind feeling like they owe me, I would say “no, do what you were gonna do to begin with,” as I never want to feel like I’m a second choice. I want them to do it because they want to, not because I’ve done so much for them. BUT I do know that’s a common thing for a 2 with what you displayed in the vid! Great video & mostly accurate representations for me😊👏
Thanks for sharing your perspective, Emily!! I really appreciate it. I am definitely over-generalizing the enneagram 2 in this video so I apologize if I misrepresented with the ulterior motive one. I definitely think that can be more of a trait for a 2 in times of stress rather than a 2 who is in optimal health. Thanks for your support and comment on the video! ♥️
My husband is the most extreme type 2 I’ve ever met. Yesterday he got upset because I was sick and I went to work instead of letting him take care of me. I’m a type 5 and I didn’t realize that it bothered him until hours later when he told me how devastated he was that I “didn’t need him”. He is such a precious cinnamon roll. 🥺
Oh I’m a little bit of this. Empath and want to be friends with everyone but also skeptical and I usually forgive & forget which is really bad, I wish I could learn my lesson but I don’t.
Don't be too hard on yourself! Awareness is the first step!
I'm only on point one and I'm already nodding my head in agreement, lol! I'll try my best to show my love for my partner, will be offended if I don't receive their love in return, but also won't trust their word when they say that they love me back. I definitely need to work on this !! 🙈
Youre not alone lol good luck 😅🥲
Type 2.... with 2 friends and the ability to cut people off.... lol
Need to watch this one to the very end...just like the Avengers movies! Congrats!!!!🍾🎈🎉!
THANK YOU! 👰
Spot on. Even though this video was intended for humor, it sure brought a lot memories back. My ex wife of 28 years and five children is an Enneagram 2 with me being an 8. She did so much for everyone but our relationship suffered. Our weekends were always filled some commitment to help others or our children. My straightforwardness about her having appropriate boundaries with others was interpreted as me being mean or as she would say "being an asshole." I admit, I sometimes was an asshole out of frustration. It played a major impact in our divorce. She was exhausted behind closed doors. I don't think Enneagram 2's and 8's are a good mix. I don't mind helping others in times of need but there's a point it becomes downright enabling. These learned behaviors are all linked to childhood trauma.
Type 8 here ,, type 2 are great in many ways ,,, but very possessive
As a type 8 I didn’t realize until halfway through the video that these were supposed to be annoying things,
I actually found them quite endearing and some things I could help 2s with like their identity and other things just seem fair to me like ok you helped me out with something and you want me to do something with you instead of watching a movie with a friend, I think that’s fair.
Idk, I guess to me these things aren’t as annoying
Are you going to finish this series? Would love to see the other numbers!
yes! working on it!
Type 2 watching this to prevent myself from appearing needy while dating... lol
Thank you so much much for this! I'm a 2 and I'm dying of laughter😂 love the constructive feedback it's so helpful🙏
I love this but would love if folks stopped referring to an enneatype under stress as “unhealthy”. While I see some unhealthy behaviors and reactions from each enneatype, I think it’s important try to refrain from calling folks “unhealthy”. Heavy word, I guess.
Thank you for the feedback. I hear you and you’re right!! I will adjust my wording in the future.
Isn't the word also accurate, though? (I mean the question, as I don't really know the enneagram so well) If so, what good does it do to not call the problem by its name? The last thing unhealthy needs is validation, and the last things an unhealthy person needs are enablement and more excuses. They're known for being too good at creating those already.
I don't think the levels of Enneagram health have much to do with how much stress you're currently experiencing. They seem to be a mixture of whether or not you happen to be a psychopath (at the very lowest level per type), which most people are not, and more commonly just your self-awareness and whether or not you have regular access to coping mechanisms other than the ones associated with your Enneagram style. If high stress were synonymous with low Enneagram "health", then everyone experiencing extreme distress, e.g. suicidality, would act like the descriptions of the lowest level of health for their E type by the time they reach that point, using their type's strategy in its worst form or believing their core fear most strongly.
Most suicidal people don't, in fact, suddenly become like that if they weren't already. That's because most people's extreme distress doesn't have anything to do with the Enneagram, but with medical problems like endemic depression, or poverty and fear of homelessness due to under-supported invisible disabilities or a terrible economy and abusive family, things like this which have nothing to do with your personality. Whereas, the people who do act like their type in the lowest level of Enneagram health, act that way even when not in extreme distress. They don't know or haven't habitualised any better way to interact with the world in just normal daily life, because as children, the nature of either their unhealthy socialisation or long-term mental illness, didn't allow them to learn those skills when most of their peers did. So they have some catching up to do as adults, often requiring professional guidance because rewiring an already developed brain is not like flipping a switch.
Congratulations!!! 💕💕
Thank you so much 😀
GOOSE
Omg I am such a 2 🙈
Rani Køster hehee
Congratulations!!!
Thank you!!
I feel attacked. lol! hahaha. I loved this.
❤️ You got me to tears with the last sentence 👌
i love your videos so much! could you do a video on how to be a healthy enneagram 3 from being unhealthy? or other enneagram types!
(i hope you get what i mean :)) ❤️ love from the Philippines 😆
Shasha Divine thanks Shasta! I will definitely do that video. Great idea!
So funny! Good job!
Glad you enjoyed it Katie!
this.... was too true- thank you for this
Please continue this series!
NAHHHHHHH this is so me 😭🙏 I’m actually SHOCKDDD… I somehow ALWAYS end up crushing on boys who have no friends and seem sad and lonely and misunderstood so I can be there to “fix them” or “save the day” 😭 Also I have to admit I can sometimes passive aggressively guilt trip them a bit to hang out with me or do things for me by making them feel like they r in debut to me😭
Congrats!
thanks Janell!!
So truee !! 🙈
I couldn’t decide if I was a 2 or a 3. This video clarified: Definitely a 2!!
The paper cut though 😂
Thanks!
I have learned more about myself in the last few hours watching your videos than I ever have in my entire life thank you ❤ i’m between a 2 and a 9 somewhere…
Love this!! Can you pleasssseee Make the other #s?!
Okay...I'm starting to think I'm a 2w1 instead of a 1w2 lol
Too funny!
LITERALLLY ALLLL OF them were so fcken accurate LIBWIQBIWW literally all 😭😭
I have 2 shame!!
100% TRUEEEE😂
The first thing I did when I got married was change my email to my husband's nickname's wife. That was 14 years ago. I have never thought about that being my twoness in action until this video! XD
I'm married to a 2w3 and this is so spot on!
if u feel comfortable sharing, what's your enneagram?
@@ninaportoc I’m an 8w7
@@joshprice32000 thank you for sharing :). i'm a 2w3 so i was just curious about the pairing.
Can you make one like this but for 3w4?
good idea!
Very nice
I’m a 2 but i don’t do the whole I do you a favor so you do me a favor. I really get grossed out by people that do that lol like just be helpful!!
I think Twos would do much better if they were more careful about choosing friends/romantic partners who understand reciprocity. Who would get upset if they were the only person giving in a relationship?
I don’t see a video for 3 or 8 of this series? Do they just not fall in love then?
This is hilarious❤
Yap..I have too many relationships 😅as a 2
Will you continue this series? Excited to see Type 7
yes! it got put on the back burner while I moved and got married, but planning on starting it up again!
Folds hands. 2 is hitting a little close to home and that’s probably because of the BPD am I ok
My type is a three but my three was something like a 41% and my two was 40%. I'm going to be able to relate to this. :D hahahaha.
The last one is my wife every single day 😐
Wow, u are great
wow, so are you!
im laughing cause its true
Can someone please help me figure out if I am a enneagram 2. When listening to all of the 2s core desires and fears and everything I relate a lot to the feeling of wanting to be needed and doing things and hoping in return people will appreciate or do something for me back. When it comes to that I think I am a two but I also feel like I don’t overextended myself to help people. Of course if someone ask for help I’ll do it but I feel like I am not a regally really helpful person. It might be becuase I am only in high school but idk. I also feel like I get into conflicts sometimes. I read somewhere that 2s never say no but I feel like with my family I almost always don’t want to do what they ask like empty the dishwasher or clean my room. I read a few books on all the different types and I don’t really feel like I match any of the other core desires and fears but idk. Anything would help. Also maybe I am a 2w3.
I'm just learning about this now too! I would say try to ask yourself, if you didnt do all the lovely things you do for those around you, do you think they would care or love you less? :O That is my fear... that Im only loved because I'm useful
SAME I'm a 2w3 and I feel the same way BUTT I do comprehend with the core fears ,desires and shit ANNND I dont really serve ppl in any way either but like I'm ALWAYYS there for ppl if they need someone to vent, comfort and shit ITTS just whenever i know someone's upset i try comfort them and all LIKEE even if they're not close to me or anything I feel like I should
what if you’re a type 2 and half of these don’t apply to u lol
Its pretty obvious she is Not 2. Stepping on a bug, yeah. Squishy and god damn sad
Hope you enjoyed the video! 💜
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