I'm a PIMO JW who is starting my exit planning and this is solid advice for us too. I talked to a lawyer just to get prepared in case my family would try to ruin me financially and he said "It sounds like you're living in your own little North Korea." I'd recommend anyone who is worried about adverse consequences for exiting a religion to get legal advice as many lawyers offer free consultations and good advice. As it is, my in-laws literally have it written in their will and testament that we are disinherited unless we are active, practicing JW's. But I don't need their money, or their stuff.
It's best to just start over, than to continue putting your mental and physical health at risk! Sometimes it's best to just cut everyone off, and make new friends and family. RUN!!!! RUN!!!! RUN!!!! DO NOT LOOK BACK!!!!
My husband and I are the human punching bags in the family.they are Catholic and we are Mormons. I love this channel. I let my kids decide for themselves their spiritual journey. Neither of them stayed in the church and I respect that. My path is different than theirs. I am inactive and study at home. I am done with the drama and judging within the church. I have had so many spiritual experiences and I had them way before I joined. I’m on the fence on a lot of things.
I’m glad I found this video when I did. I just read the CES Letter the other day and I’m still privately processing my anger. My family’s ties to the church run all the way back to the Harris family. That’s _several_ generations of my family living in this lie, and I’ve had to turn to the ex-Mormon subreddit and various RUclips channels like yours for some semblance that I’m not alone in this. It’s a long cycle of abuse, and with a deeply devoted family like mine, my shelf breaking is a mere crack on the entire piece.
I really respect that you both give each other room to grow and process your experiences in your own ways - and on your own time. I always love videos with both of you because y’all are so great together - your kids are lucky to have such incredible parents!
My parents just assumed, similar to what you said Lexi, that I just wanted to have fun and "sin" instead of having valid, from-the-heart reasons for leaving, and it's a non-subject with them. It's just not discussed. They don't miss an opportunity to make a comment about returning (as well as getting a visit from the missionaries every couple months), but it's never with an understanding of why I left. It's quite frustrating.
When anyone joins a company, how often do they hand you an employee manual with specific instructions on the ideal procedure for resigning from the company? Essentially never. If a church doesn't make quitting procedures obvious to find, they can't complain that you don't follow them.
I would add that you don't usually need instructions or a handbook for leaving a company. You can quit on the spot or hand in advanced notice, but either way, you just leave. The fact that you can't avoid backlash when leaving, no matter how carefully you try to navigate your way out to minimize it, is another big tell of how unhealthy the organization is.
I'm from Eastern Europe, I have absolutely nothing to do with mormonism (is that a word?! 😅), I'm not religious (but not an atheist either, I don't know what I am - but we won't get into that mess 🤣🤣🤣), but I find this channel fascinating! I could listen to them for hours! Which I actually did over the week-end 😁
Thanks for chiming in! It's very validating for us especially since our believing friends and family so often blame us. And yes, Mormonism is a word, we use it all the time! But the current "prophet" is trying to improve the Church's SEO by insisting on using the full, legal name of the church and avoiding using "Mormon" and "Mormonism." Yeah, its dumb, and it's not working very well.
I've never been truly religious I dipped my toe Into being a Baptist for about two years until my preacher was taking about lbgq and don't hate the sinner hate the sin blah blah blah . I can't imagine how Incredibly hard it must have been and is for people to leave a cult like Mormon. You are both very strong don't forget that and I'm glad you chose to help inlighten other Mormon s
When I left Catholicism (and became an Atheist) many decades ago, I explained nothing to my parents, who continued to be faithful Catholics, and this was my brother’s approach as well. And this was an acceptable approach on both sides. But Mormonism seems to be so seriously cult-like that your approach and current state of mind are likely to be quite different, with parents so invested in their beliefs.
I grew up Mormon but left in my early teens. In my 20’s I dated a guy who was raised Catholic but he no longer went to church. I asked him if he sent in a letter of resignation to the Catholic Church and he burst out laughing at the absurdity. That was a moment when I realized that not every church keeps track of every member, everywhere. The Mormon church does and though I haven’t been to church in decades they still check in with me. Guess that’s why?
Ironically, believing members use examples of people leaving Catholicism as an example to try to shame and hush vocal exmormons. Like, "Catholics leave their religion all the time without any fanfare or announcements the fighting against the church, so why can't you just leave and be quiet about it?" In fact, it's not uncommon to get comments in ex-mormon spaces and forums from believing members pretending to be Catholics and giving this exact argument. (Your first two sentences fall in line with this format, so I initially thought you were one of them until I could read the rest.) They don't realize how obvious they are. "Gee, when I left Catholicism I didn't make a big deal about it like you guys all seem to need to. What's the big deal? Just admit it was too hard for you to live up to the morals you were taught, get a life, and move on. I know a couple of Mormons and from what I can tell, they're all really nice and family-oriented people." They don't realize that even when an ex-Cathlolic like yourself ends up in these spaces, no matter how minimal their knowledge of Mormonism might be, they are perfectly capable of understanding the difference in experience and will say so, as you just did. To them, criticism is actually MORE proof that the church is the "True Church" of God because anyone who leaves it MUST be deceived by the Devil in some way, and because it's his entire identity and duty to continue to fight God and deceive humans away, exmembers are necessarily conscripted to join the cause to actively seek to destroy the church. And it doesn't happen for Catholicism and other religions because Catholicism is not the "True" church. Anytime a believing Mormon comments "they can't leave it alone" or the full phrase, "They can leave the church, but they can't leave it alone" that is code-speak alluding to this idea that they are in Satan's grasp now. Of course, it's obvious to everyone outside of believing Mormons there are obvious logical flaws in that idea. 1. There ARE outspoken ex-members advocating against Catholicism AND every other religion/sect. And it's quite often the people who were victimized most by that organization and are attempting to bring light to those abuses to protect others from experiencing the same harm. 2. The flip side to the previous point is that the majority of exmormons DO leave quietly, and even among those who don't initially, most settle down in a year or two after enough processing time. The longer-lasting critics are people who can't fully leave (usually for financial or familial reasons), are still dealing with past or ongoing trauma from it, and/or are activism-motivated individuals who find meaning in smoothing out the path of freedom to make it even easier for those coming behind them to traverse. 3. It completely ignores the level of control and involvement that the church has over almost every aspect of its believing members' lives compared to those other religions. 4. It completely ignores or invalidates that there could be legitimate criticism against the actual church itself or that it is indeed truly harmful in any way. When faced with abuses or trauma, believing members are forced to either dismiss it by ignoring or flat-out denying them, or they are quick to throw individuals (victim and perpetrator alike) under the bus rather than acknowledging doctrines and systems that support and perpetuate the abuse in the first place.
Also, to your point, leaving Mormonism means I won't be with my family in heaven, and for parents who genuinely believe that, it's truly heartbreaking for them. Many would literally prefer it if their children had died while still faithful than leave the church and lose eternity. The Church also does a very good job of convincing its members that one cannot be moral OR happy OR be good parents after leaving the church. So that is frightening to them as well.
@@BackupChannel329 I hadn’t thought about the fact that Mormons point to ex Catholics being quiet about leaving as “the proper way to behave.” But Mormons are constantly telling you what to do, what not to do, that for me it is just one more bit of judgement heaped on a pile of dung. But I also know how much damage all of that has caused me and others. It’s infuriating.
@@BackupChannel329 Hi Maven - Thank you for your detailed explanation of the difference between leaving a religion of the obsessed and one that’s become so much less controlling over the centuries. By the time I left Catholicism, the Second Vatican Council had already loosened so many of the strictures that bound Catholics to a very particular “identity “ - the rituals in Latin, no meat on Friday, a whole list of “extraneous “ stuff that in fact had bound me inside a strict tradition - that it was as if the borders between me and the non-Catholic world had been eliminated, and leaving became an almost casual walk from one country into the wider world. With Mormonism and other high-control groups the borders you describe remain so fiercely protected that (I’m exaggerating) leaving seems more like a North Korean escaping to the South. I can understand better now the shocked disbelief of those left behind and the continuing trauma of those who’ve escaped. But there’s hope: not so many centuries ago, an open ex-Catholic stood a good chance of being burned at the stake. But changes in society’s values forced the Church to adapt, slowly, slowly abandoning old strictures and more and more coming to be a kind of nonjudgmental social club. That’s why, probably, Mormon leaders feel they must continue to impose a host of constraints on their faithful. Once you allow the borders to open even a little, it’s going to get easier for people to leave, like sheep escaping an enclosure that’s got big holes in it! Thanks again. You’ve given me much food for thought.👍🤗
I’m so proud of you both for escaping a cult… but even more so for being able to express yourselves for who you truly are and what you like while maintaining a strong marriage throughout all the change! I’m married with 2 toddlers and my husband and I find it hard to find other people/ friends that are at the same place as us in terms of maturing and where we are in life and & I can just tell you both would be super fun to sit down, talk about anything, & have a good time with! basically you just seem like the kind of friends we’d love to have! huge fan 🤍🤍🤍
Having heard what so many Mormons have endured, I think my journey from my church was a walk in the park. I've been to weddings, baptisms and funerals and it's fine. Nobody questions. I wonder if your families are worried about what others will say of them, that they failed as parents? That's what saddens me. We all have a freedom to make educated choices, as you did. It doesn't mean that your parents have failed. I'm just so happy that you and your children are content and united. You will help others who take that difficult path. You are part of a growing community which I much admire.
Same. My parents are both very devout. Mom retired from the church's employment system after 24 years. Dad's family goes back to Brigham Young's brother. They're both missionaries in the Home Storage Center, and I've volunteered a few times, especially after my dad got COVID and developed stroke-like symptoms. Basically I just stopped going. They tried to get me to go when I was younger. And a couple years ago they sent the ward missionaries to try and get me back in by inviting me to a game night. Their idea of game night was party games. Mine is TTRPGs like D&D, and tabletop games. 😁 I went to a few nights. Then made a few excuses to miss the next ones, and COVID put a final end to it. My mom did ask once a few years ago. I explained it partly - how I couldn't see, given what the church believes, how they could have held such racist doctrines, especially for so long. They tried to excuse it, but it was pretty pathetic. We dropped it, and that was it. So all in all, a comparatively easy escape to what many endure.
I admire you for following your feelings. I'm a convert to the church and have been slowly feeling myself pull away after the things that have happened to me.. I would love to tell you one day..
When it comes to telling people difficult/sensitive things face-to-face... When someone has a history of being difficult to talk to, they lose the privilege of having such face-to-face conversations. They've earned emails and texts. People who have a history of being calm, reasonable and mature have earned the right of having face-to-face discussions.
When I made the choice to tell my family I was leaving the church, I did it over Marco Polo. I didn’t get into the details just that I found out for myself that the LDS church isn’t true and didn’t want them trying to convert me back. I was scared that they might disown me/cut me out of their lives entirely (especially my dad and brother). I was pleasantly surprised when they said they would respect my wishes and loved me. I’m grateful this experience wasn’t a negative one for me. My regrets about it are that I didn’t share any examples about why I was leaving. No questions were asked about it and I didn’t want to step on toes. I find it odd that no one has asked me why, not even the bishop or stake President when I asked for my records to be removed. However, I’m ultimately grateful it was a smooth transition without harming family connections. I feel lucky in that regard
Thanks I did what you did about 20yrs back and I never looked back with nostalgia never. But my love to a Heavenly Father never left me. Thanks for sharing xxx
It's been really interesting for us that family and friends have not asked any questions about why we left...I'm thinking they may be afraid of what we'll say, that it might cause them to doubt or question their faith. And that is sad to me, that people we love and are close to are afraid of what that conversation might be. Especially since we didn't leave due to any anti-mormon content, but what we read on the church's own website. I guess that might really shake their faith; it certainly sent us over the edge.
I hade my faith transition a few months before you. I made the mistake to investigate it all on my own, biggest mistake ever. When I finally tried to bring it up after I was all out, my wife chooses to not look at any info, has had experiences she can't deny and isn't interested in hearing my view. It's been really, really difficult. We have 5 kids and I have been trying so hard to make things work. Your videos have been so super helpful. Thanks for this.
Excellent video. Your husband's beard should have its own zip code. Your mistakes were mine as well. It's not easy getting into a skillful mindset when your friends and family 1) really don't want to know what you know, 2) view you as under the influence of Satan, 3) couldn't imagine life outside of Mormonism, and 4) believe that any attack on your reputation is a win for God's truth. Yikes! But what a great opportunity to become more skillful in how you live in your own power.
Bravo to you both! Another great video. I’m neither Mormon nor a big fan of organized religions in general. I’d love to see a list of questions you wish you’d asked leadership. Maybe I missed them in a different video? Might be helpful for the many others who are now in the position you were in and hopefully follow your courageous path.
Your videos are always so interesting. :) My wife and I aren't big wine fans either, but if you want to try again, a dessert wine like Quady Electra Red is what we tend to stick to. Much sweeter and better flavor than regular wine.
Two guests: Brendan and his amazing beard! Timely video. I'm coming out to my family next week, but I've made similar mistakes already! I don't think I'm going to tell many of my close relatives in person, either. I think they need time to process the info before talking to me in person, and I sincerely hope they do just that. 🤞
I actually wish I would have made a much bigger deal about it than I did. I wish I would have caused problems and been loud and made a fuss. 12 years down the road and people still don't take me seriously. My parents are convinced I'll come back. 🙄
God I fucking hate that so much. My mom was convinced I would for years until I actually pulled my name from the records. And the extended family is still convinced. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I like you Morgan tried to discuss with my Dad what I found was wrong with the church. He either wouldn’t say anything or we would argue about it. So, I stopped talking to him about the the issues. I figured I’m an adult I don’t need anyones approval to decide if something is right or wrong.
Of course you were bound to have wished you had done things differently, you were completely deconstructing the only life you had known up to that point... knowing who to trust must have been extremely difficult, having your families reject you is unimaginable... Yet, you have perservered because you sought truth. Never let anyone take that away from you!
Brendan had a surprise similar to mine. I mentioned leaving Catholicism to someone I knew to be very lax in his own observance of the religion, assuming he had left too, or was in the process. Wrong assumption! He got very protective of the religion he barely practiced! I too found that my family had little curiosity about my reasons for leaving. I speculate that they were told that one should not listen to such things, because they would constitute a temptation against faith. Most people do not enjoy examining their assumptions and beliefs. I told my parents in a letter. My mother responded, saying basically that she trusted my judgment. Her view was that all religions were pretty good but that one should keep the religion one was born into. Ironically, when I was in my teenaged fervent Catholic phase, I tried to dissuade her from this position. I pitied her for lacking a Catholic education, which would have made clear to her which church was the true one. She never changed her mind, and ironically that made it easier for both of us when I told her I was joining a Unitarian Universalist fellowship. "Oh good, he still has a religion."
If you haven't done so already, I'd love to see a video about learning to say no! Definitely has been something I've had to learn and it's amazing and difficult all at the same time. So hard, but so healthy and rewarding to set healthy boundaries. Learning how to take less shit from people, especially people who are close to me. And just communication in general. The relationship I'm in currently is the healthiest I've had so far, especially with communication. It's like, a big learning curve. But I have less resentment. I'm still practicing not bottling things up, assuming things, and operating from a passive aggressive or even just passive mindset. It would be awesome to hear about someone else's experiences with this in deconstructing the cult mindset.
When I decided to stop going to my church officially I told my accountability partner and she was a older woman and she asked me what my family would think as I live with my mom and sister and I told her that wouldn’t care. My dad has never been really religious and also my family has Islamic and Christian people in it so we are not as dogmatic about religion as some others may be. In the end it’s not a big deal and I know I am super lucky because there are many people out there that lose family. All of my acquaintances and friends are involved in the church but I still can see them and talk to them. My biggest regret over my time as a active member of my church was putting my other interest on the back burner to make time for church stuff, especially in college. I also regret not making more out side friends, I had a few but I’m not a great friend so it’s hard for me to maintain friendships but I wish I didn’t just rely on the church group as my friends because I was able to still be a lazy friend mostly.
Ya, it's amazing how un-christlike family can be about leaving as if 'the church' is Jesus Christ itself. Once you leave you are basically 'celestial kingdom garbage' to member family members.
I live in Eastern Europe, Romania. I met a lot of missionaries in the past year and I can say without a shadow of a doubt: they're decent people. I told them that I'm not necessarily interested in Mormon theology or any other religion's theology for that matter. To my surprise, they didn't object to my approach to religion. I love talking to Mormons because they're wise: they understand what keeps societies stable. Furthermore, I can talk philosophy with them for hours on end. Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius. On the other hand, when I'm trying to talk with regular people about consciousness, philosophy, or the teachings of the Bible, they don't seem interested. Other than that, I've been able to talk freely about my social anxiety issue with the Mormons. They aren't judgmental at all. :) Let me tell you something, Lex. You can still go to the Mormon church without being a Mormon; what matters is being part of a community. Don't attach yourself to any theology.
I like how in the middle of a serious talk about leaving the religon you were each members of that controlls so much of your life your husband goes *jiggle beard*
Thank you for sharing your experiences! 🤘 I talked to my only brother who didn’t go on a mission and explored the reasons why he doesn’t participate. I learned my parents will likely encourage my future children to get baptized since his children are baptized Catholic and Mormon.
your feelings on wine are interesting... i tried sips of wine as a kid and then started drinking a glass of wine with dinner in high school. i wonder if that's why i like it now, or if i had never had it gradually if i wouldn't! then again, i pretty much don't remember it ever being an acquired taste for me. i know this isn't the point of the video, though, i always like listening to your story!
I went to college in BC where the menno community is strong, and even in my dorm we had some that wanted OUT of their staunch rigid community and their parents basically shunned them. It was very difficult as one came from a family of 15 kids, and the other 19.
I've also misinterpreted where people are with the church, incorrectly assuming they know the church is false and were fully out when they weren't, like a gay friend in a homosexual marriage, and a convert from my mission who has been inactive for years.... Another mistake you mentioned that I've already made was to trust a family member who has been out of Mormonism for years, and they broke my trust when I EXPLICITLY asked them not to tell anyone else. I was still dealing with it fresh for one, and two, it wasn't their place to tell. I felt betrayed, vulnerable, and frightened.
Mistakes will be made. It is just inevitable. I spent 15 years as a PIMO. I just endured out of fear. Looking back I wish I would have told my wife a lot sooner than I did. Active, calling taking family of six have left a building. I thought that leaving would cause this big scandal with my multi-generational TBM family. All I heard was crickets. They don't care. They don't want to know. They don't even ask questions at all. That being said there is no right way because no matter what you do this is your first time leaving the church. You guys are a great couple. Lex I love your channel. And Brandon, Sweet beard bro.
oh I've never seen any big wigs or written any letters I wouldn't want the embarrassment of the feeling of being judged. so I will keep my head down and fade into finn air. Brendon you should come on more often.
My biggest mistake is I made a TikTok about leaving before I had a chance to talk to my sister about it. I had planned to talk to her the next day but she say the video that night. I didn’t know she followed me.
Mistake #1-Not running as far away from the cult as possible. Mistake #2-Waiting too long to get your first tattoo. Mistake #3-Not moving to a state where MJ is legal. Mistake #4-Answering the phone from your former bishop who is asking permission for my X to get released from our temple marriage. Mistake #5-Not changing your email address so the Elder's quarom president can not send you emails asking for your help to move people. Mistake #6-Not burning your old garments and instead throwing them in the trash.
GHOST!!!!!! Love that necklace :) I found that alcohol has been way over hyped. Was a total let down when tried it. Total meh. Coffee on the other hand, that is a reason to leave the church alone.
I want to comment on the wine situation 😸 I guess french me wants to help, because, it's an art!! The pallet needs to be educated step by step. I hated it younger, and then I tried different kinds, learned stuff about the different vines etc.... My favourite ones are reds, dry and full. I use to think I hated white wine, but turns out, I love dry whites, especially some particular houses. Just saying :)
Trying to know how to tell family is so weird and hard. Ironically the one family member I've struggled the most with is my sister who is also out. My TBM family is pretty okay with it, but she might resent me for not embodying the reasons she had to hate me anymore because I was pretty judgemental of her when I was still in. The church is just a life ruiner.
I like phrases like, "wow, I'm glad YOU aren't my savior!" and "well, I'll be sure to ask Jesus for myself about that." It's a nice way to tell them too butt the hell out of my relationship with God... whether or not I believe in one... which isn't their business. It also lets them know they're being rude in a nice way. Also, you don't owe them any answers. The end.
Does leaving affect the ability to get a job (if you live in areas where everyone is in the church)? Has anyone noticed or is/was this a fear? I live in Texas and am single so it didn't affect me too much, but I can see this being a MAJOR issue in some jobs/areas?
Nobody has ever asked me why I left and I don't share that stuff without being asked. I hear back from family that my mom thinks I left because my husband is athiest and I just wanted to have sex. Ridiculous. My husband's athiesm is something I wanted in a partner because I am an athiest. I have no interest in having religion as part of my relationship.
. It's impossible to get it all correct when you don't have an instruction book. It's like taking care of your first child in that respect. . And, also... there are some people to whom there simply is no way, no way, no way to tell them. Because there is no way, no way, no way they will hear it the way you want them to. That is not your fault. To be honest, it is theirs.
Mormonism is so different than other “mainstream” religions when it comes to leaving. I grew up Catholic but now I’m an atheist. The Church has never sent me letters or actual PEOPLE to ask me why I’m not going to church or what my current beliefs are. I think the thinking is that once you’re baptized Catholic, you’re Catholic so I could start going to church again and no one would blink an eye. This is one of the biggest things that make Mormonism seem more like a cult than just a regular church.
One of the mistakes I made when I deconverted was assuming that my parents theistic held believes were the same as my ex- theistic held beliefs. In several discussions and debates with them I would set up an argument based on what I was taught in religion, and find out they didn't hold the same beliefs. That really struck me as odd that we all attended the same denomination when I was growing up, but because he grew up in a different denomination he held different beliefs brought over from his religious upbringing. I also found out that his reasoning for belief was based on the fact that his parents believed, and his grandparents believed, and so on.
I tried to go the removal of name route initially, but the stake president decided to hold a church court. During the court they asked me the "Prophet Seer and Revelator" question. I answered that maybe Joseph Smith was, but the current leadership was definitely not. You can guess the result.
@@mylesmarkson1686 Only 3% membership in my country. After reading all this 'cult' business I asked my work colleagues if they thought I was somene who was in a cult. They said no!
Leaving behind the beliefs you grew up with is not easy no matter how you were raised. And having to make a break to be true to yourself is especially difficult when you know it will hurt family and friends. My family was of devout Catholic lineage and we all attended 12 years of parochial schools. One of my brothers and his wife, both in their mid-20's, were converted by Mormon missionaries. It devastated my parents. The couple's biggest mistake was declaring that they wouldn't truly be happy until the whole family (all eight siblings on one side and six on the other) were Mormon. Which made my Catholic siblings who were parents metaphorically draw their children close. I don't have a problem with any religion that helps a person evolve into a better human. Problems start, however, when we find our true path then want to shout it to the world and convert everyone else. I understand this personally not just from observing my brother and his wife but in finding my own truth outside of the Catholic church and at times being ecstatic about it. "Everyone should know what I know!" Wisdom comes when you find the way that is your own and then respect the unique paths of others.
I have one bone to pick. Wine is not disgusting. It doesn't pair with everything, and some wine is better than other wines. It may not ever be your go to or your favorite, but it's really not disgusting. I do enjoy other kinds of alcohol, but I'd usually choose wine or beer over hard liquor if it's just about taste alone lol. Mixed drinks are great, though. Your channel is interesting even though I've never been through the Mormon experience myself. I'm glad you two are happier now that you're both out. I'm also a metal head \m/.
Hmm... I don't know if there would have been any excommunication involved, considering neither of you had intentions of driving people away from Church, encouraging/teaching others to behave or commit actions against Church teachings/principles, or doing something that would put others in harms way. The fact is, you just have your own opinions and concerns, and being honest about them wouldn't or shouldn't have been a problem in the end so long as everyone was mature, constructive and professional about it. I do know one thing: both of you are wonderful people who care about others and want the best for everybody in a respectful manner. You love your families, you believe in healthy relationships of all kinds, you want everyone to strive for their highest potential in life, and you want everybody to be treated fairly and voice their opinion and act constructively. Also, there is A LOT of crazy stuff about the church that shakes me. Neither of you are alone.
When I was going through a civil divorce process, I don't know why I told my ex-in-laws I was leaving the church (not officially - inactive), they were like "we'll get you back", they were so creepy about it.
I think once word got around about their RUclips-channel (and gossip spreads fast in Mormonville), The Church definitely would've taken steps to get them to either stop or face excommunication.
Wine is even more specific than beer when it comes to pairings and taste. Like, I can't drink dark beers like Porters or Stouts by themselves. It's not something that is refreshing to me. But it's great with like a steak or something. Wine is even more like that. Like...mostly only goes good with like pastas and stuff. It's not good on it's own and doesn't pair well with alot of common foods.
Members have to do so much mental gymnastics and go against all human instinct to display no curiosity about why people in their own family would leave
Your husband seems like a really good guy but I think he is wrong about wine being disgusting. 😜 I wouldn't be to hard on yourselves. It isn't easy to be confident and ready to debate a subject while you're going through a transition. Thanks for the video Lex!
Yeah, its 'almost' guaranteed that if you had stayed and 'questioned' in classes, or in the Temple, you would have had to go through the excommunication process; the process is humiliating and very hard on family | friends. The way you did things was best, IMHO. I found that the only way to pass on 'reasons' or even diatribe whatever, what have you--- the best way is in writing... they WILL read it, there won't be a fight, and you'll get the whole thing out without gas-lighting nor interruption. Brendan , like what you have done with the beard. I have a similar beard (more grey) and when I ride my motorcycle I'm thinking that your three way tie is probably better than just the one I've tried. I'll let you know. The older you guys get the more you'll know you didn't know.... it's normal. No regrets on that, don't beat yourselves up over it. You folks actually have navigated this thing better than most. marcus
You got out TOGETHER! That’s an enviable exit. You can now raise your kids free of dogma, then grow old together.
I'm a PIMO JW who is starting my exit planning and this is solid advice for us too. I talked to a lawyer just to get prepared in case my family would try to ruin me financially and he said "It sounds like you're living in your own little North Korea." I'd recommend anyone who is worried about adverse consequences for exiting a religion to get legal advice as many lawyers offer free consultations and good advice. As it is, my in-laws literally have it written in their will and testament that we are disinherited unless we are active, practicing JW's. But I don't need their money, or their stuff.
Please accept my sincere wishes for a peaceful getting out. I have no history with JW, but please make contact if you want some support!
I hope your exit goes as smoothly as possible for you! ❤️
It's best to just start over, than to continue putting your mental and physical health at risk! Sometimes it's best to just cut everyone off, and make new friends and family. RUN!!!! RUN!!!! RUN!!!! DO NOT LOOK BACK!!!!
We got written out of my parents will too, it literally doesn’t mean anything. I’d rather be with ones who truly love me than have their money.
My husband and I are the human punching bags in the family.they are Catholic and we are Mormons. I love this channel. I let my kids decide for themselves their spiritual journey. Neither of them stayed in the church and I respect that. My path is different than theirs. I am inactive and study at home. I am done with the drama and judging within the church. I have had so many spiritual experiences and I had them way before I joined. I’m on the fence on a lot of things.
I’m glad I found this video when I did. I just read the CES Letter the other day and I’m still privately processing my anger. My family’s ties to the church run all the way back to the Harris family. That’s _several_ generations of my family living in this lie, and I’ve had to turn to the ex-Mormon subreddit and various RUclips channels like yours for some semblance that I’m not alone in this. It’s a long cycle of abuse, and with a deeply devoted family like mine, my shelf breaking is a mere crack on the entire piece.
I really respect that you both give each other room to grow and process your experiences in your own ways - and on your own time. I always love videos with both of you because y’all are so great together - your kids are lucky to have such incredible parents!
My parents just assumed, similar to what you said Lexi, that I just wanted to have fun and "sin" instead of having valid, from-the-heart reasons for leaving, and it's a non-subject with them. It's just not discussed. They don't miss an opportunity to make a comment about returning (as well as getting a visit from the missionaries every couple months), but it's never with an understanding of why I left. It's quite frustrating.
When anyone joins a company, how often do they hand you an employee manual with specific instructions on the ideal procedure for resigning from the company? Essentially never.
If a church doesn't make quitting procedures obvious to find, they can't complain that you don't follow them.
I would add that you don't usually need instructions or a handbook for leaving a company. You can quit on the spot or hand in advanced notice, but either way, you just leave.
The fact that you can't avoid backlash when leaving, no matter how carefully you try to navigate your way out to minimize it, is another big tell of how unhealthy the organization is.
I'm from Eastern Europe, I have absolutely nothing to do with mormonism (is that a word?! 😅), I'm not religious (but not an atheist either, I don't know what I am - but we won't get into that mess 🤣🤣🤣), but I find this channel fascinating! I could listen to them for hours! Which I actually did over the week-end 😁
Thanks for chiming in! It's very validating for us especially since our believing friends and family so often blame us.
And yes, Mormonism is a word, we use it all the time!
But the current "prophet" is trying to improve the Church's SEO by insisting on using the full, legal name of the church and avoiding using "Mormon" and "Mormonism." Yeah, its dumb, and it's not working very well.
@@wes2176 Happy for you
@@wes2176 200 billion dollars says its a giant pyramid scheme.
Imagine if you guys were polygamist. You would have resolve this issue or issues really quickly.
Right?? She's so great to listen to. I could also listen for hours. I'm not opposed to longer videos ;) but the short ones are great too 🥰
It’s really important to handle oneself in a way that won’t result in future regrets. Great video!
Everyone makes mistakes. Your mistakes and your husband's mistakes are very minor compared to what the Leadership of the Church is doing.
Agreed! I think I'd have to live a debaucherous lifestyle the rest of my days to even catch up!
I've never been truly religious I dipped my toe Into being a Baptist for about two years until my preacher was taking about lbgq and don't hate the sinner hate the sin blah blah blah . I can't imagine how Incredibly hard it must have been and is for people to leave a cult like Mormon. You are both very strong don't forget that and I'm glad you chose to help inlighten other Mormon s
Thanks. Your ideas are helpful to my deciding exactly how to let me make more people aware of my leaving
When I left Catholicism (and became an Atheist) many decades ago, I explained nothing to my parents, who continued to be faithful Catholics, and this was my brother’s approach as well. And this was an acceptable approach on both sides. But Mormonism seems to be so seriously cult-like that your approach and current state of mind are likely to be quite different, with parents so invested in their beliefs.
I grew up Mormon but left in my early teens. In my 20’s I dated a guy who was raised Catholic but he no longer went to church. I asked him if he sent in a letter of resignation to the Catholic Church and he burst out laughing at the absurdity. That was a moment when I realized that not every church keeps track of every member, everywhere. The Mormon church does and though I haven’t been to church in decades they still check in with me. Guess that’s why?
Ironically, believing members use examples of people leaving Catholicism as an example to try to shame and hush vocal exmormons. Like, "Catholics leave their religion all the time without any fanfare or announcements the fighting against the church, so why can't you just leave and be quiet about it?"
In fact, it's not uncommon to get comments in ex-mormon spaces and forums from believing members pretending to be Catholics and giving this exact argument. (Your first two sentences fall in line with this format, so I initially thought you were one of them until I could read the rest.)
They don't realize how obvious they are. "Gee, when I left Catholicism I didn't make a big deal about it like you guys all seem to need to. What's the big deal? Just admit it was too hard for you to live up to the morals you were taught, get a life, and move on. I know a couple of Mormons and from what I can tell, they're all really nice and family-oriented people."
They don't realize that even when an ex-Cathlolic like yourself ends up in these spaces, no matter how minimal their knowledge of Mormonism might be, they are perfectly capable of understanding the difference in experience and will say so, as you just did.
To them, criticism is actually MORE proof that the church is the "True Church" of God because anyone who leaves it MUST be deceived by the Devil in some way, and because it's his entire identity and duty to continue to fight God and deceive humans away, exmembers are necessarily conscripted to join the cause to actively seek to destroy the church. And it doesn't happen for Catholicism and other religions because Catholicism is not the "True" church.
Anytime a believing Mormon comments "they can't leave it alone" or the full phrase, "They can leave the church, but they can't leave it alone" that is code-speak alluding to this idea that they are in Satan's grasp now.
Of course, it's obvious to everyone outside of believing Mormons there are obvious logical flaws in that idea.
1. There ARE outspoken ex-members advocating against Catholicism AND every other religion/sect. And it's quite often the people who were victimized most by that organization and are attempting to bring light to those abuses to protect others from experiencing the same harm.
2. The flip side to the previous point is that the majority of exmormons DO leave quietly, and even among those who don't initially, most settle down in a year or two after enough processing time. The longer-lasting critics are people who can't fully leave (usually for financial or familial reasons), are still dealing with past or ongoing trauma from it, and/or are activism-motivated individuals who find meaning in smoothing out the path of freedom to make it even easier for those coming behind them to traverse.
3. It completely ignores the level of control and involvement that the church has over almost every aspect of its believing members' lives compared to those other religions.
4. It completely ignores or invalidates that there could be legitimate criticism against the actual church itself or that it is indeed truly harmful in any way. When faced with abuses or trauma, believing members are forced to either dismiss it by ignoring or flat-out denying them, or they are quick to throw individuals (victim and perpetrator alike) under the bus rather than acknowledging doctrines and systems that support and perpetuate the abuse in the first place.
Also, to your point, leaving Mormonism means I won't be with my family in heaven, and for parents who genuinely believe that, it's truly heartbreaking for them. Many would literally prefer it if their children had died while still faithful than leave the church and lose eternity.
The Church also does a very good job of convincing its members that one cannot be moral OR happy OR be good parents after leaving the church. So that is frightening to them as well.
@@BackupChannel329 I hadn’t thought about the fact that Mormons point to ex Catholics being quiet about leaving as “the proper way to behave.” But Mormons are constantly telling you what to do, what not to do, that for me it is just one more bit of judgement heaped on a pile of dung. But I also know how much damage all of that has caused me and others. It’s infuriating.
@@BackupChannel329 Hi Maven - Thank you for your detailed explanation of the difference between leaving a religion of the obsessed and one that’s become so much less controlling over the centuries.
By the time I left Catholicism, the Second Vatican Council had already loosened so many of the strictures that bound Catholics to a very particular “identity “ - the rituals in Latin, no meat on Friday, a whole list of “extraneous “ stuff that in fact had bound me inside a strict tradition - that it was as if the borders between me and the non-Catholic world had been eliminated, and leaving became an almost casual walk from one country into the wider world.
With Mormonism and other high-control groups the borders you describe remain so fiercely protected that (I’m exaggerating) leaving seems more like a North Korean escaping to the South. I can understand better now the shocked disbelief of those left behind and the continuing trauma of those who’ve escaped.
But there’s hope: not so many centuries ago, an open ex-Catholic stood a good chance of being burned at the stake. But changes in society’s values forced the Church to adapt, slowly, slowly abandoning old strictures and more and more coming to be a kind of nonjudgmental social club.
That’s why, probably, Mormon leaders feel they must continue to impose a host of constraints on their faithful. Once you allow the borders to open even a little, it’s going to get easier for people to leave, like sheep escaping an enclosure that’s got big holes in it!
Thanks again. You’ve given me much food for thought.👍🤗
I’m so proud of you both for escaping a cult… but even more so for being able to express yourselves for who you truly are and what you like while maintaining a strong marriage throughout all the change! I’m married with 2 toddlers and my husband and I find it hard to find other people/ friends that are at the same place as us in terms of maturing and where we are in life and & I can just tell you both would be super fun to sit down, talk about anything, & have a good time with! basically you just seem like the kind of friends we’d love to have! huge fan 🤍🤍🤍
Having heard what so many Mormons have endured, I think my journey from my church was a walk in the park. I've been to weddings, baptisms and funerals and it's fine. Nobody questions. I wonder if your families are worried about what others will say of them, that they failed as parents? That's what saddens me. We all have a freedom to make educated choices, as you did. It doesn't mean that your parents have failed. I'm just so happy that you and your children are content and united. You will help others who take that difficult path. You are part of a growing community which I much admire.
Same. My parents are both very devout. Mom retired from the church's employment system after 24 years. Dad's family goes back to Brigham Young's brother. They're both missionaries in the Home Storage Center, and I've volunteered a few times, especially after my dad got COVID and developed stroke-like symptoms.
Basically I just stopped going. They tried to get me to go when I was younger. And a couple years ago they sent the ward missionaries to try and get me back in by inviting me to a game night. Their idea of game night was party games. Mine is TTRPGs like D&D, and tabletop games. 😁 I went to a few nights. Then made a few excuses to miss the next ones, and COVID put a final end to it.
My mom did ask once a few years ago. I explained it partly - how I couldn't see, given what the church believes, how they could have held such racist doctrines, especially for so long. They tried to excuse it, but it was pretty pathetic. We dropped it, and that was it. So all in all, a comparatively easy escape to what many endure.
You two look like you’re having so much fun together, I love it! ❤️
I admire you for following your feelings. I'm a convert to the church and have been slowly feeling myself pull away after the things that have happened to me.. I would love to tell you one day..
That is sad. I don't want you to leave 🥰
When it comes to telling people difficult/sensitive things face-to-face... When someone has a history of being difficult to talk to, they lose the privilege of having such face-to-face conversations. They've earned emails and texts. People who have a history of being calm, reasonable and mature have earned the right of having face-to-face discussions.
When I made the choice to tell my family I was leaving the church, I did it over Marco Polo. I didn’t get into the details just that I found out for myself that the LDS church isn’t true and didn’t want them trying to convert me back. I was scared that they might disown me/cut me out of their lives entirely (especially my dad and brother). I was pleasantly surprised when they said they would respect my wishes and loved me. I’m grateful this experience wasn’t a negative one for me. My regrets about it are that I didn’t share any examples about why I was leaving. No questions were asked about it and I didn’t want to step on toes. I find it odd that no one has asked me why, not even the bishop or stake President when I asked for my records to be removed. However, I’m ultimately grateful it was a smooth transition without harming family connections. I feel lucky in that regard
Thanks I did what you did about 20yrs back and I never looked back with nostalgia never. But my love to a Heavenly Father never left me. Thanks for sharing xxx
It's been really interesting for us that family and friends have not asked any questions about why we left...I'm thinking they may be afraid of what we'll say, that it might cause them to doubt or question their faith. And that is sad to me, that people we love and are close to are afraid of what that conversation might be. Especially since we didn't leave due to any anti-mormon content, but what we read on the church's own website. I guess that might really shake their faith; it certainly sent us over the edge.
I hade my faith transition a few months before you. I made the mistake to investigate it all on my own, biggest mistake ever. When I finally tried to bring it up after I was all out, my wife chooses to not look at any info, has had experiences she can't deny and isn't interested in hearing my view. It's been really, really difficult. We have 5 kids and I have been trying so hard to make things work. Your videos have been so super helpful. Thanks for this.
Thank you for sharing your navigation tips. You're so aware and smart in your considerations! Outstanding.
Excellent video. Your husband's beard should have its own zip code. Your mistakes were mine as well. It's not easy getting into a skillful mindset when your friends and family 1) really don't want to know what you know, 2) view you as under the influence of Satan, 3) couldn't imagine life outside of Mormonism, and 4) believe that any attack on your reputation is a win for God's truth. Yikes! But what a great opportunity to become more skillful in how you live in your own power.
You two are cute together. I am glad that you have been able to stay together, and maybe even more solid, during this journey.
Excellent advice glad you traveled this path together.
Bravo to you both! Another great video. I’m neither Mormon nor a big fan of organized religions in general. I’d love to see a list of questions you wish you’d asked leadership. Maybe I missed them in a different video? Might be helpful for the many others who are now in the position you were in and hopefully follow your courageous path.
Your videos are always so interesting. :) My wife and I aren't big wine fans either, but if you want to try again, a dessert wine like Quady Electra Red is what we tend to stick to. Much sweeter and better flavor than regular wine.
I love the respect you have for each other.
Two guests: Brendan and his amazing beard! Timely video. I'm coming out to my family next week, but I've made similar mistakes already!
I don't think I'm going to tell many of my close relatives in person, either. I think they need time to process the info before talking to me in person, and I sincerely hope they do just that. 🤞
I actually wish I would have made a much bigger deal about it than I did. I wish I would have caused problems and been loud and made a fuss. 12 years down the road and people still don't take me seriously. My parents are convinced I'll come back. 🙄
God I fucking hate that so much. My mom was convinced I would for years until I actually pulled my name from the records. And the extended family is still convinced. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
@@mathnerd97 it's infuriating. And very condescending. Sorry you're dealing with it too.
Thank you for sharing your experiences.
I like you Morgan tried to discuss with my Dad what I found was wrong with the church. He either wouldn’t say anything or we would argue about it. So, I stopped talking to him about the the issues. I figured I’m an adult I don’t need anyones approval to decide if something is right or wrong.
Great video! Bonus points for Brendan's dancing beard! LOL!
Love the look thanks for being strong about what you guys did
Of course you were bound to have wished you had done things differently, you were completely deconstructing the only life you had known up to that point... knowing who to trust must have been extremely difficult, having your families reject you is unimaginable...
Yet, you have perservered because you sought truth. Never let anyone take that away from you!
Brendan had a surprise similar to mine. I mentioned leaving Catholicism to someone I knew to be very lax in his own observance of the religion, assuming he had left too, or was in the process. Wrong assumption! He got very protective of the religion he barely practiced! I too found that my family had little curiosity about my reasons for leaving. I speculate that they were told that one should not listen to such things, because they would constitute a temptation against faith. Most people do not enjoy examining their assumptions and beliefs.
I told my parents in a letter. My mother responded, saying basically that she trusted my judgment. Her view was that all religions were pretty good but that one should keep the religion one was born into. Ironically, when I was in my teenaged fervent Catholic phase, I tried to dissuade her from this position. I pitied her for lacking a Catholic education, which would have made clear to her which church was the true one. She never changed her mind, and ironically that made it easier for both of us when I told her I was joining a Unitarian Universalist fellowship. "Oh good, he still has a religion."
Duuude!! love your battle vest!!
Can i just say that the beard is amazing?
Cheers and thank you! 🍻
If you haven't done so already, I'd love to see a video about learning to say no! Definitely has been something I've had to learn and it's amazing and difficult all at the same time. So hard, but so healthy and rewarding to set healthy boundaries. Learning how to take less shit from people, especially people who are close to me. And just communication in general. The relationship I'm in currently is the healthiest I've had so far, especially with communication. It's like, a big learning curve. But I have less resentment. I'm still practicing not bottling things up, assuming things, and operating from a passive aggressive or even just passive mindset. It would be awesome to hear about someone else's experiences with this in deconstructing the cult mindset.
When I decided to stop going to my church officially I told my accountability partner and she was a older woman and she asked me what my family would think as I live with my mom and sister and I told her that wouldn’t care. My dad has never been really religious and also my family has Islamic and Christian people in it so we are not as dogmatic about religion as some others may be. In the end it’s not a big deal and I know I am super lucky because there are many people out there that lose family. All of my acquaintances and friends are involved in the church but I still can see them and talk to them. My biggest regret over my time as a active member of my church was putting my other interest on the back burner to make time for church stuff, especially in college. I also regret not making more out side friends, I had a few but I’m not a great friend so it’s hard for me to maintain friendships but I wish I didn’t just rely on the church group as my friends because I was able to still be a lazy friend mostly.
Ya, it's amazing how un-christlike family can be about leaving as if 'the church' is Jesus Christ itself. Once you leave you are basically 'celestial kingdom garbage' to member family members.
The wife and I laughed on the beard bouncing. 🤣
Y’all are so cute lol! Your love for each other warms my heart and I’m glad you had each other on this journey.
15:09 how has no one said anything on that 🤣🤣🤣 that’s awesome!
Love you guys. Thank you for this wonderful video. PS: I am jealous of your husband's style.
Thanks man 🙏🏻
dude your beard is mesmerizing how it moves, great video
Hoping it just keep getting longer haha 😂
I live in Eastern Europe, Romania. I met a lot of missionaries in the past year and I can say without a shadow of a doubt: they're decent people. I told them that I'm not necessarily interested in Mormon theology or any other religion's theology for that matter. To my surprise, they didn't object to my approach to religion. I love talking to Mormons because they're wise: they understand what keeps societies stable. Furthermore, I can talk philosophy with them for hours on end. Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius. On the other hand, when I'm trying to talk with regular people about consciousness, philosophy, or the teachings of the Bible, they don't seem interested. Other than that, I've been able to talk freely about my social anxiety issue with the Mormons. They aren't judgmental at all. :) Let me tell you something, Lex. You can still go to the Mormon church without being a Mormon; what matters is being part of a community. Don't attach yourself to any theology.
I like how in the middle of a serious talk about leaving the religon you were each members of that controlls so much of your life your husband goes
*jiggle beard*
🤣
Thank you for sharing your experiences! 🤘
I talked to my only brother who didn’t go on a mission and explored the reasons why he doesn’t participate. I learned my parents will likely encourage my future children to get baptized since his children are baptized Catholic and Mormon.
Cutest couple ever! I love your guys' sense of unique style n creativity.
No mistakes were made on your part. The fact you two escaped from the LDS cult, is what matters!
0:10 I think you meant "... joined by my amazing husband brendan... and his most epic beard." FIFY
Awesome lovely nice video as usual! Thank you for this
I spoke to my bishop about some of my concerns and he was like, *shrug shoulders* have you tried praying about it.
Ask him why Joseph Smith had 40 wives.
@@jeffs4483 And if he has a good explanation, ask him how young is too young. Apparently 14 was plenty old for Joey!
your feelings on wine are interesting... i tried sips of wine as a kid and then started drinking a glass of wine with dinner in high school. i wonder if that's why i like it now, or if i had never had it gradually if i wouldn't! then again, i pretty much don't remember it ever being an acquired taste for me.
i know this isn't the point of the video, though, i always like listening to your story!
Relate so much. Ex-menno here, and the similarities are many.
Ex Mennonite? Is there a RUclips corner about that? Any recommendations? I'd love to hear about it.
@@a-ny9647 not that I know of.
I went to college in BC where the menno community is strong, and even in my dorm we had some that wanted OUT of their staunch rigid community and their parents basically shunned them. It was very difficult as one came from a family of 15 kids, and the other 19.
I would love to see you talk about THAT South Park episode.
I've also misinterpreted where people are with the church, incorrectly assuming they know the church is false and were fully out when they weren't, like a gay friend in a homosexual marriage, and a convert from my mission who has been inactive for years....
Another mistake you mentioned that I've already made was to trust a family member who has been out of Mormonism for years, and they broke my trust when I EXPLICITLY asked them not to tell anyone else. I was still dealing with it fresh for one, and two, it wasn't their place to tell. I felt betrayed, vulnerable, and frightened.
Maybe they still believe but aren't able to live the standards. I was like that. Thankfully I'm back now.
Mistakes will be made. It is just inevitable. I spent 15 years as a PIMO. I just endured out of fear. Looking back I wish I would have told my wife a lot sooner than I did. Active, calling taking family of six have left a building.
I thought that leaving would cause this big scandal with my multi-generational TBM family. All I heard was crickets. They don't care. They don't want to know. They don't even ask questions at all.
That being said there is no right way because no matter what you do this is your first time leaving the church.
You guys are a great couple. Lex I love your channel. And Brandon, Sweet beard bro.
oh I've never seen any big wigs or written any letters I wouldn't want the embarrassment of the feeling of being judged. so I will keep my head down and fade into finn air. Brendon you should come on more often.
My biggest mistake is I made a TikTok about leaving before I had a chance to talk to my sister about it. I had planned to talk to her the next day but she say the video that night. I didn’t know she followed me.
Mistake #1-Not running as far away from the cult as possible.
Mistake #2-Waiting too long to get your first tattoo.
Mistake #3-Not moving to a state where MJ is legal.
Mistake #4-Answering the phone from your former bishop who is asking permission for my X to get released from our temple marriage.
Mistake #5-Not changing your email address so the Elder's quarom president can not send you emails asking for your help to move people.
Mistake #6-Not burning your old garments and instead throwing them in the trash.
GHOST!!!!!! Love that necklace :) I found that alcohol has been way over hyped. Was a total let down when tried it. Total meh. Coffee on the other hand, that is a reason to leave the church alone.
lol
Must watch till end!! Brendan turns his beard into a Muppet. After that, every time he talks…Muppet. Muppet. Muppet.
I want to comment on the wine situation 😸 I guess french me wants to help, because, it's an art!!
The pallet needs to be educated step by step. I hated it younger, and then I tried different kinds, learned stuff about the different vines etc.... My favourite ones are reds, dry and full. I use to think I hated white wine, but turns out, I love dry whites, especially some particular houses.
Just saying :)
Trying to know how to tell family is so weird and hard. Ironically the one family member I've struggled the most with is my sister who is also out. My TBM family is pretty okay with it, but she might resent me for not embodying the reasons she had to hate me anymore because I was pretty judgemental of her when I was still in. The church is just a life ruiner.
I like phrases like, "wow, I'm glad YOU aren't my savior!" and "well, I'll be sure to ask Jesus for myself about that." It's a nice way to tell them too butt the hell out of my relationship with God... whether or not I believe in one... which isn't their business. It also lets them know they're being rude in a nice way. Also, you don't owe them any answers. The end.
The beard just gets better!
Does leaving affect the ability to get a job (if you live in areas where everyone is in the church)? Has anyone noticed or is/was this a fear? I live in Texas and am single so it didn't affect me too much, but I can see this being a MAJOR issue in some jobs/areas?
Nobody has ever asked me why I left and I don't share that stuff without being asked. I hear back from family that my mom thinks I left because my husband is athiest and I just wanted to have sex. Ridiculous. My husband's athiesm is something I wanted in a partner because I am an athiest. I have no interest in having religion as part of my relationship.
The beard it epic
Pretty soon it's going to be "Lexi and The Beanstalk"!
. It's impossible to get it all correct when you don't have an instruction book. It's like taking care of your first child in that respect.
. And, also... there are some people to whom there simply is no way, no way, no way to tell them. Because there is no way, no way, no way they will hear it the way you want them to. That is not your fault. To be honest, it is theirs.
Mormonism is so different than other “mainstream” religions when it comes to leaving. I grew up Catholic but now I’m an atheist. The Church has never sent me letters or actual PEOPLE to ask me why I’m not going to church or what my current beliefs are. I think the thinking is that once you’re baptized Catholic, you’re Catholic so I could start going to church again and no one would blink an eye. This is one of the biggest things that make Mormonism seem more like a cult than just a regular church.
One of the mistakes I made when I deconverted was assuming that my parents theistic held believes were the same as my ex- theistic held beliefs. In several discussions and debates with them I would set up an argument based on what I was taught in religion, and find out they didn't hold the same beliefs. That really struck me as odd that we all attended the same denomination when I was growing up, but because he grew up in a different denomination he held different beliefs brought over from his religious upbringing.
I also found out that his reasoning for belief was based on the fact that his parents believed, and his grandparents believed, and so on.
I think it would be a fun video idea to have you react to mormon comedies like The Singles Ward.
I tried to go the removal of name route initially, but the stake president decided to hold a church court. During the court they asked me the "Prophet Seer and Revelator" question. I answered that maybe Joseph Smith was, but the current leadership was definitely not. You can guess the result.
@@wmdubinhad He sure did...He joined a friggin' cult in the first place!!!
@@mylesmarkson1686 Only 3% membership in my country. After reading all this 'cult' business I asked my work colleagues if they thought I was somene who was in a cult. They said no!
Notification gang!
Damn he married WAY UP
Leaving behind the beliefs you grew up with is not easy no matter how you were raised. And having to make a break to be true to yourself is especially difficult when you know it will hurt family and friends. My family was of devout Catholic lineage and we all attended 12 years of parochial schools. One of my brothers and his wife, both in their mid-20's, were converted by Mormon missionaries. It devastated my parents. The couple's biggest mistake was declaring that they wouldn't truly be happy until the whole family (all eight siblings on one side and six on the other) were Mormon. Which made my Catholic siblings who were parents metaphorically draw their children close. I don't have a problem with any religion that helps a person evolve into a better human. Problems start, however, when we find our true path then want to shout it to the world and convert everyone else. I understand this personally not just from observing my brother and his wife but in finding my own truth outside of the Catholic church and at times being ecstatic about it. "Everyone should know what I know!" Wisdom comes when you find the way that is your own and then respect the unique paths of others.
I hope this is ok but if scripture says there can only be one god how are we supposedly going to become gods of our own world.. this confuses me
I get byu interns and my hope is that they will always know I’m a “safe” person to talk to about anything.
I have one bone to pick. Wine is not disgusting. It doesn't pair with everything, and some wine is better than other wines. It may not ever be your go to or your favorite, but it's really not disgusting. I do enjoy other kinds of alcohol, but I'd usually choose wine or beer over hard liquor if it's just about taste alone lol. Mixed drinks are great, though. Your channel is interesting even though I've never been through the Mormon experience myself. I'm glad you two are happier now that you're both out. I'm also a metal head \m/.
Love the GHOST Grucifix!
I wish thay would ask why I lift the church. There is so many questions that the church never tech.
Hmm... I don't know if there would have been any excommunication involved, considering neither of you had intentions of driving people away from Church, encouraging/teaching others to behave or commit actions against Church teachings/principles, or doing something that would put others in harms way. The fact is, you just have your own opinions and concerns, and being honest about them wouldn't or shouldn't have been a problem in the end so long as everyone was mature, constructive and professional about it.
I do know one thing: both of you are wonderful people who care about others and want the best for everybody in a respectful manner. You love your families, you believe in healthy relationships of all kinds, you want everyone to strive for their highest potential in life, and you want everybody to be treated fairly and voice their opinion and act constructively.
Also, there is A LOT of crazy stuff about the church that shakes me. Neither of you are alone.
Haha I can relate with the wine..
We didn't want to be alcoholics so we just had a wine.. wine is horrible 🤣🤣
When I was going through a civil divorce process, I don't know why I told my ex-in-laws I was leaving the church (not officially - inactive), they were like "we'll get you back", they were so creepy about it.
They wouldn't have answered your questions they would have demanded obedience!
If you stayed and just kept asking question what would have happened? Would they just kick you out eventually?
I think once word got around about their RUclips-channel (and gossip spreads fast in Mormonville), The Church definitely would've taken steps to get them to either stop or face excommunication.
If you think wine is bad, wait till you try beer
Wine is even more specific than beer when it comes to pairings and taste. Like, I can't drink dark beers like Porters or Stouts by themselves. It's not something that is refreshing to me. But it's great with like a steak or something. Wine is even more like that. Like...mostly only goes good with like pastas and stuff. It's not good on it's own and doesn't pair well with alot of common foods.
Champaign is really good. My family would have it on Christmas (not Mormons), I would have a sip because of my medication.
The Black Veil Brides shirt 😍
Members have to do so much mental gymnastics and go against all human instinct to display no curiosity about why people in their own family would leave
"Outer Darkness"? is that the name of your new band? xD
Your husband seems like a really good guy but I think he is wrong about wine being disgusting. 😜 I wouldn't be to hard on yourselves. It isn't easy to be confident and ready to debate a subject while you're going through a transition. Thanks for the video Lex!
To each their own! Wine tastes better the more I’ve had to drink but that goes for anything. I prefer Rum, Vodka, Whiskey.
The truth will set you free.
Is it just me or does it sound like it's raining?
Yeah, its 'almost' guaranteed that if you had stayed and 'questioned' in classes, or in the Temple, you would have had to go through the excommunication process; the process is humiliating and very hard on family | friends. The way you did things was best, IMHO.
I found that the only way to pass on 'reasons' or even diatribe whatever, what have you--- the best way is in writing... they WILL read it, there won't be a fight, and you'll get the whole thing out without gas-lighting nor interruption.
Brendan , like what you have done with the beard. I have a similar beard (more grey) and when I ride my motorcycle I'm thinking that your three way tie is probably better than just the one I've tried. I'll let you know.
The older you guys get the more you'll know you didn't know.... it's normal. No regrets on that, don't beat yourselves up over it. You folks actually have navigated this thing better than most.
marcus
I don’t ride but yes it may work haha all I know is later when I wore a zip-up hoodie it was getting stuck in the zipper like a motherfucker 😂
Some wines are good, some aren't. Depends on your pallet.